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Scriptnotes, Episode 688: Writing Jokes with Mike Birbiglia, Transcript

May 28, 2025 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found here.

John August: Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

Craig Mazin: Okay, so. My name is Craig Mazin.

John: You’re listening to episode 688 of Scriptnotes. It’s a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Today on the show, we welcome back a seven-time guest.

Craig: Oh.

John: He is a comedian, filmmaker, and podcaster whose new special, The Good Life, debuted this week on Netflix. It is the legendary Mike Birbiglia. Welcome back.

Mike Birbiglia: Hey, guys. This is my favorite podcast. I, on the flight here, listened to the Taffy Akner Moneyball episode. As a fan of the show, I request-

Craig: More?

Mike: -more breaking apart a movie.

John: Oh, yes. The Deep Dives? Yes.

Mike: Oh my gosh.

Craig: I think he’s right. I think he’s right. We don’t do it enough. I guess what we do do enough, or maybe too much of, is having Mike Birbiglia on the show.

John: No.

Craig: Seven-time host. We should give you the jacket, the robe that SNLers get.

Mike: The Seven Timers Club.

Craig: The Seven Timers Club.

John: Here are the episodes he was on. First was in 2013 for My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend Screenwriter. That’s way back to your first film. Then, Austin Forever in 2014. That was an Austin Live show, which I had forgotten that we actually– that’s where you first–

Mike: My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend Special. Then, what was it? We talked about Sleepwalk with Me, the movie? My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend wasn’t a movie.

John: It was number two. Yes, okay. That was a special, wasn’t it?

Mike: That was a special, yes.

John: That was a special, right. I think I first saw you– Joss Whedon interviewed you at the Writers Guild Theater for Sleepwalk With Me.

Mike: For Sleepwalk With Me. 2012. Woo.

John: 2014, Austin Forever. 2016, Don’t Think Twice. Your movie, which we all loved.

Mike: Thanks.

John: It was so early on the dissection of how comedy groups work and how improv works and all that stuff. It’s held up really well.

Mike: Oh, thanks.

John: We had you on in 2019 for The New One. We had you in 2020. You were part of a big episode with What We’re All Up To during the pandemic. We checked in with you there. I was a guest on your show, which we also aired on this very podcast. Your show called Working It Out, your podcast, is phenomenal. I recommend it to–

Craig: I have seen it. That’s the thing. That’s why I like the idea of maybe putting this on video because I like watching you-

Mike: Oh, wow. Thanks.

Craig: -more than I like listening to you.

Mike: That’s fascinating.

Craig: I actually turn the sound off.

Mike: Oh, you turn the sound off?

Craig: Yes. I just watch you.

Mike: I’m like a silent film podcast star to you?

Craig: I blow it up and I just look at you mouth. Yes, Sexy Craig likes your podcast.

Mike: Oh, I’m so glad that we’re recording this.

John: Recently on your podcast, you had Gary Simons, who works with you on that podcast.

Mike: Yes, true.

John: He’s also a stand-up comic. You were talking through the process. It was so good in terms of answering questions about what it’s like to get a career started as a stand-up comic in the way that I think we’re trying to answer those questions for aspiring screenwriters. It was just so, so smart.

Mike: Thanks a lot. It’s funny. There were two episodes back-to-back that were Scriptnotes-esque but in the comedy space. The Gary Simons episode, which we basically speak to what do you do in the first three to five years of trying to be a comic? Then the week before Ira Glass comes on and decides, “Hey, I want to try to do stand-up comedy.”

Craig: I was impressed by this. I really was.

Mike: It was like, “Well, what happens if you’re not a stand-up comic? You want to try it. I perform 10 minutes. What is your critique of these 10 minutes? It’s not unlike the three-page challenge.

John: What I’d like to do with you on the podcast today is talk about how you write a joke for the stage, for a sketch, or for a scene. We have some scenarios. It’s like how would this be a movie, but how would this be a joke? We have some scenarios we’re going to talk through and figure out what is the comedic premise for each of these types of writing and how different they are. A joke you tell on stage versus a sketch versus a scene, they’re really different needs even though they are all potentially finding comedy in a situation.

Mike: That’s great.

John: Cool. We’re also going to answer listener questions on breaking a story, using an idea, TV remakes. In our bonus segment for premium members, let’s talk about video and social and all the infrastructure behind the scenes and stuff, because you and your team do an amazing job with video for your podcast, the marketing without making it feel like marketing. You must have email lists that are managed. I’d just love to know what all that’s like, because it’s just–

Craig: Because we want to beat you.

Mike: Sure.

Craig: Teach us your ways so that we may overcome you.

John: I just want to know more about that.

Mike: That seems great. I love that.

John: Cool. Drew, we have some news.

Drew Marquardt: We do. We realized that Spotify had comments on the podcast episodes.

Craig: Oh.

Mike: No idea.

Drew: So we turned them off. Oh, we have yours too.

John: The Spotify comments we were getting on Scriptnotes episode, and the reason we turned them off, they’re all about The Last of Us, Craig.

Mike: Oh my gosh.

Craig: Great. I’m sure the people that take time to leave comments on Spotify love the show and all the decisions we’ve made.

Drew: Very measured feedback.

John: Mike, yours are still on. You may not realize this, so we have a sampling of some of the comments on your Ira Glass episode.

Mike: Amazing.

John: Rory wrote in and said, “Maybe the best episode of the show feels like the core of what this podcast should be about.”

Mike: Oh, wow.

John: String of Numbers says, “Props to Ira for being open and vulnerable in his work. It was interesting to see Mike pointing out where the punchline should go and Ira being less sure how to approach that.”

Mike: Sure. All right.

John: Elise says, “Love this show but “Hiking is walking” is a joke made on Sex and the City-

Mike: Oh.

John: -by a character played by David Duchovny 20 years ago. It’s not original.”

Mike: Fair.

John: Then we also looked at the YouTube clip for that and it said, “You don’t know this, but in my brain, you’re my dad.”

Mike: Me or Ira?

John: Yes, to you.

Mike: All right.

Craig: You wanted it to be Ira, didn’t you?

[laughter]

Mike: He is in some ways, I said this on the episode. He in some ways feels like my dad.

Craig: He’s a very paternal.

John: He is, yes.

Craig: Yes, he gives that vibe.

John: Yes, but I think there’s a lot of dad energy in this podcast right now. We’re all very in that dad–

Craig: Even you. Even you, Drew.

John: Yes. He’s a young dad. Young dad. He has a young child.

Mike: Oh, you have a young child?

Drew: I don’t. No.

Mike: Okay. Perfect.

[laughter]

Craig: Because he seems so ambivalent about it?

Mike: Yes, exactly.

Craig: I know I have five kids, but I don’t know if I’m real.

John: Drew looks like he could be pushing a stroller, though.

Craig: Oh, for sure.

Drew: I’m going to take that as a compliment.

Craig: Drew, are we allowed to ask you how old you are by law?

Drew: I don’t think legally, no.

Craig: Okay. I’m not asking you. If you volunteer it, I’m just curious.

Drew: I’m 35.

Craig: I already had a five-year-old and a two-year-old by that point. I would say yes, he’s stroller age.

John: Final comment on your YouTube. Why do I just now realized Mike looks a lot like Matt Damon? Do you get the Matt Damon comparison?

Mike: Yes. Cross between Matt Damon and Bill O’Reilly.

Craig: Oh, wow.

John: Oh, wow. That’s it.

Craig: I would adjust that to just Bill O’Reilly.

John: Now, once it, you can’t unsee it. It’s crazy.

Craig: You are young, kind Bill O’Reilly.

Mike: Every time– so over the years, I get Paul Rudd. The one I got for years was James Van Der Beek.

John: [crosstalk]

Mike: When I was on Late Night with Seth Meyers once, and James Van Der Beek was there, I was like, “People tell me I look like you.” He was just like, “I don’t see it.” Anyway. Now I never say what people compare me [unintelligible 00:07:02]

Craig: The next time you’re on O’Reilly, you should bring it up.

Mike: Oh, God.

John: Where is O’Reilly now? Is it a podcast or is it a video? I don’t know. He’s not on a network anymore.

Mike: I think it’s probably some a self-release thing, right?

Craig: Podcast thing. From his bunker.

John: Yes, it’s wild. Mike, talk to us about this special. I saw versions of this along the way. I saw you had Mike Birbiglia and Friends, where you did some of the material in this. Then I saw the full thing on stage, and I saw it last night in its finished Netflix form. I think we’ve talked on previous episodes about your process, which we can see as a bunch of note cards up on a board.

Mike: Sure.

John: What was the inception of this, and when did you find the pieces fitting together?

Mike: The inception of it was two years ago when I finished The Old Man in the Pool, which was at Lincoln Center, and we filmed it for Netflix. I always talk on my podcast about this concept of obsession. What is the thing you’re obsessed about, can’t stop thinking about? As a writer, it’s like, “Well, just write that. Just free write on that. This Is My Journal, it’s like I’m free writing on that at breakfast this morning.

Two years ago, it was just like, “Oh, this is weird. My daughter is eight years old now, and I don’t know a lot of the answers to the questions, because kids just always ask so many questions. I was knocking it out of the park till age eight. Then all of a sudden, it’s like, “Oh, these are tricky questions.” I just went– my first thing is always like I go to the comedy cellar. I go to small 100, 200 seat comedy rooms, try out a ton of jokes. Those jokes eventually become stories. At a certain point, I start to form the stories into having, similar to how you guys talk about it all the time, of so-then causality versus and-then lateral movement story-wise.

About a year into the process, my dad had a stroke, and so much of my life became about taking care of my dad. I started to think in relation to, “Okay, what if the show was about how do I explain things to my daughter?” and also, “What is my relationship with my own dad?” It becomes this– the title is The Good Life, but it becomes a meditation on the question that my daughter asked me when she looked up at a smoke shop called, The Good Life, “Dad, what’s the good life?” It opens the special with an existential question, “What is the good life?” It makes the audience wonder that. Then I go through a lot of stories with my daughter and with my dad, and then it arrives at a thesis at the end of what is the good life.

John: Yes. Great. When you’re figuring out these pieces, one of these things you get to do as a stand-up comic is just constantly test the material and constantly see what actually resonates with the audience. When we’re writing scenes, we’re writing scenes but they just exist on a page. We don’t hear them. We don’t feel them. We don’t get a reaction. You’re constantly getting the reaction. What was the culling process like of like, “Oh, I think it’s this idea.” How developed are jokes you’re telling in those initial rooms?

Mike: The jokes at the beginning are– they’re developed insofar as I’ve run them by friends who are comics, usually. Our listenerships are similar in the sense of it’s a lot of creative people who are either working as creatives or want to work as creatives. I always say, try to build a community of the people around you. I look around at the people who I started with, and we were all broke and struggling in our 20s. I look around and go, “Oh, they’re doing really well now.” ‘You know what I mean? There is a thing to creating your own community of people who are at your level.

I feel like now it’s like people like Pete Holmes and John Mulaney are people who in my 20s were trying to figure it all out, and we would run jokes by each other. Now everyone has a really good career, but still you run jokes by each other. Then even, I think it was one of those Largo shows that you were at and Mulaney came on and he gave me a joke that ended up in the special. There’s a line where I go, “I’m a comedian. My wife is a poet. Together, we’re a sculptor.” I came off stage and he goes, “What about this?” He goes, “It doesn’t make sense, but what do you think of this?” I was like, “Yes, I’ll try that.” It somehow does make sense in the context of the special.

That’s what it is. It’s like, you start out with, you bounce jokes off friends, which is what my whole podcast is. Then when you figure out something that you think is worth an audience seeing, you put it out there. Then I go on tour, and that’s really instructive bringing it to all different cities because you see like, “Oh, yes, this isn’t just a provincial sense of humor in New York City. This is something that plays everywhere,” or it doesn’t play. I think a huge part of being a comedian is figuring out what doesn’t work.

Craig: Yes, I wish that we had that. Although I suppose what we do– we don’t quite have it on the granular level that you do because I don’t think any of our friends would just go, “Hey, here’s a scene.”

Mike: Yes, sure.

Craig: It starts on page 37. You don’t know what happened before. We will share scripts, and we will look at– maybe even it’s more common to happen deeper into the process where we’ll say, “Okay, here’s a cut of.” You, actually, you had that testing procedure for your movie-

Mike: Don’t Think Twice, yes.

Craig: -Don’t Think Twice, where you would have a reading and people would there and then discuss it, which was really smart.

John: It’s hard to iterate. Long form writing is just hard to iterate overall.

Craig: It is.

John: You can’t watch this whole thing. When I was doing Big Fish, the musical, we could iterate. Every night, we could see the show like, “Oh, this is what’s working. This is what’s not working.” I can swap out jokes. We could move whole scenes around. In film and TV writing, it’s not really possible.

Craig: Yes, it is a little scary to know that you’re chiseling in stone and then sending it out into the world. What I love about what you’re saying, it’s what– we talked about writers’ groups last week, I think. Part of me gets itchy when people write in and they’re like, “I’m part of a writer’s group,” because I think, “Well, what if all the writers in that group aren’t very good?” because the odds are they’re not.

Mike: Sure.

Craig: Then they’re all giving each other advice, and it’s maybe bad. Then I think, “Okay, if you do find yourself hitting a mark, getting a job, entering, to look around for people that are also like you, and what I think has changed, I don’t know if you agree with me, John, when we started in Hollywood, it felt like you were isolated and that, in fact, we were all meant to be in competition with each other. We were like horses in our stall before the gate opens.

I think as the internet brought everybody together, that went away completely and became more like, Okay, I’m going to pick up a phone, “Have you worked with this person?” or, “I have an idea. Do you think this is a good idea?” I love that you can do that with– does it ever hurt?

Mike: Which part of it?

Craig: When you’re like, “Okay, I’m going to try this show. Okay, Mulaney, I’m going to run this by you,” and he just stares at you and he’s like, “No.”

Mike: No, I don’t think that hurts. I don’t say– Look, I think not doing well with a joke with friends, it’s hard in that moment. Not doing well with a joke on stage is hard in that moment. I think you have to, like there’s an imperative to view it as I’m getting feedback for something that will be finished later. It’s like the wisest thing that almost anyone ever taught me is my editor, Jeffrey Richman, who edited this special, he edited both of my movies, he edited Severance, he did Escape at Dannemora, he does a lot of stuff with Ben Stiller. On both movies, I had moments in the edit where I go, “What are we going to do? This is a disaster.”

Craig: Oh, sure.

Mike: He just goes, “Oh, we’re not going to hand it in till it’s done.” It’s so simple of an idea, but I think that that’s– all artistic process, you just don’t hand it in till it’s done.

Craig: What I think people that work in comedy have, that people who have never worked in comedy don’t have, is this, which is, sometimes I describe it as a work ethic, but what I really think it is humility. Comedy humiliates you.

Mike: [laughs] Yes, sure.

Craig: Humiliates you. Then, as part of the process, you must get re-humiliated over and over and over-

Mike: That’s right.

Craig: -to the point where you don’t even see it as humiliation anymore. You see it as part of the process towards turning it in before it’s done.

Mike: That’s right.

Craig: A lot of people who come in drama have this opposite point of view. Their point of view is, “I need to treasure my instincts. That is my voice, and what I have done, therefore, is correct, regardless of what people think.” I think having a little bit of that isn’t such a bad idea, but I’m far more admiring of the humiliation sequence.

Mike: Liz Gilbert has this, who wrote Eat, Pray, Love, and many other great things, has this TED Talk that’s so good about the idea of not being a genius but having a genius, and holding it, and fostering it. That way it doesn’t become about you, or you, or you.

Craig: Oh, yes.

Mike: I think that that’s really key as a comedian. You can never think, “I am funny.” You have to think, “I want to create something that is funny for these people.”

Craig: That’s brilliant. I think that’s absolutely brilliant. Now, also, you probably need to then do the same thing for whatever the opposite of genius is, the self-loathing, the critic, I guess, which is sometimes hard for me. I should imagine like, “Okay, it’s easy for me to imagine there’s genius over there. That’s not me.” Now I have to figure out like, “Okay.” Also, there’s a critic over there not in here. That can be difficult. I like that.

John: I want to talk to you about how you bring yourself to your work. As writers, we’re always putting ourselves in our scripts and in our pages, but it’s all disguised. It’s never really exactly us. We’re never identifying like, “Oh, this is me doing this thing,” versus your stand-up, which is all about what has happened to you. All of your comedy is very centered on your experience of things that happened to you, and the people around you, which is a challenge because your wife, Jenny, your daughter, Una, they’ve been part of all of your specials. We know a lot about them even though we’ve never met them.

Mike: My parents, yes.

John: Your parents, especially in this one, and your dad, who’s unwillingly dragged into this story.

Mike: Oh, yeah. So you’ve been talking to him about it?

John: Oh, yes. Can you talk to me, as you’re developing this material and trying it on stage, how do you find the boundaries of like, “Well, this is me, Mike Birbiglia, as the individual person, versus me, the performer, who is creating this funny thing that’s not me”?

Mike: That is probably the most challenging part of it. I think that’s part of the reason why I’m going to take a few years off from autobiographical storytelling right now, because my daughter is 10, and she’s entering those years where I feel like you don’t want to make someone more self-conscious about all their stuff.

Craig: Yes, and you probably don’t want to be looking too closely at it either-

Mike: No.

Craig: -having gone through it twice.

Mike: Oh, yes.

Craig: It will be a great story for you 15 years from now.

Mike: Sure, yes. That’s what Jenny– My wife is a poet, brilliant poet, but she always says, whenever we’re going through something that’s really hard, she’s like, “Write it down. Just don’t release it now.”

Craig: I like how concise that is, have you ever checked to see if she’s constantly speaking to you in haiku and you just don’t remember?

[laughter]

John: It’s been a long constant this entire time. We’re going to wind back to the table, and I’ll think, “Oh, everything was a haiku.”

Craig: That would be the most brilliant thing ever.

Mike: She’s very wise and poetic person. Yes, that is hard. I’m pivoting over to the thing I’m writing right now. It’s fictional. I’m writing a movie and hopefully shoot next year, in the vein of Don’t Think Twice, a small-budget indie comedy. Yes, I’m going to take a few years off from it because I do think it’s hard. I’m talking about my dad. My dad’s in his final stage of life. He could go tomorrow. He could go in a year or two years, but it’s the final stage of life. It’s so hard. Yes, that side of it, I’m always juggling what am I saying and am I depicting the person well. Am I trying to find myself as the joke of the story-

John: Exactly.

Mike: -as opposed to just taking on people?

John: Absolutely. In this last special, you’re talking about how terrible nine-year-old girls are, which is just true, nine-year-olds are terrible. There’s a reason why you go to the jumpy gym where everyone’s going to get hurt because everybody gets hurt. All that stuff is very relatable, but none of it is directed. Your daughter comes out well in all of it.

Mike: True. I love my daughter, I hate her friends.

[laughter]

John: Yes, absolutely. A class of people is great, but the focus of the humiliation is always you. It’s your hard nipples.

John: That’s right.

Mike: It’s all-

Craig: I get that too.

[laughter]

Mike: The thing that’s funny about that, about the autobiographical side of that, is the hard nipple story is basically, I’ll paraphrase it for the audience, but it’s when I was 12, I had hard nipples. Sometimes something happens during puberty. I was always a hypochondriac, so I thought it was cancer. I went to my dad– he’s a doctor– and go, “Hey, Dad. I have hard nipples.”

John: On your special you say like, “Dad, I have cancer.”

Mike: I have cancer. He goes, “Why do you think that?” “I have hard nipples.”

Craig: I loved how calm he was. Why do you think that?

John: Exactly.

Mike: He’s a neurologist. No emotion.

[laughter]

Mike: I was like, “Well, see for yourself.” I take off my shirt. In the living room, he feels my hard nipples. Then he gives me the briefest medical diagnosis I’ve received to this very day. He goes, “Nope.” That was the end of the conversation.

[laughter]

Craig: What a comforting presence in your life.

Mike: Yes, exactly. This is a great example of when people ask me, “Are these stories true?” Sometimes they’re not true in small ways that you would never guess. When my dad felt my nipples, it was in his bedroom.

Craig: Oh.

Mike: I took it out.

Craig: Yes, that’s smart.

Mike: I relocated it to the living room because the audience–

Craig: You don’t want them going where you don’t want them going. You want them going there a tiny bit, which is, LOL, my dad’s feeling me up.

Mike: LOL, yes.

Craig: If he’s feeling me up in his bedroom, that’s not LOL.

John: What’s also crucial, though, is that you had already set up that your dad would come home from his two jobs and sit in his chair and read his war novels. You’re able pull it back to war novels. He sets down his war novel and puts his hands on your hard nipples.

Mike: That’s right.

John: You already created the image for us, which is why it’s so much better than what it is.

Craig: Apparently we have the same dad.

Mike: Yes, exactly.

Craig: I love dadness. I have to say it’s underappreciated in our society. We make fun of the fact that the dad comes home sits there and reads the war novel or watches the History Channel or plays a very long version of some World War II simulation with a friend. It’s wonderful. Let’s celebrate that.

Mike: Yes, sure.

Craig: Let’s celebrate that guy.

John: The last thing I want to talk to you about before we get to these “how would this be a jokes” is transitions. We talk on the show constantly about transitions and how you move from scene to scene. I’d seen your special on stage, but watching it filmed, I was very aware of when you’re transitioning from one idea to the next idea, from one tone to the next tone, from we’re in this world, now, we’re in this world. I’m sure it’s a thing that you worked out doing the show again and again live. You were able to pivot on such small spaces. Sometimes it’s a gesture, it’s a single word repeated, and pull us along to a completely new thing.

Mike: Sure.

John: Are you writing that? Are you thinking that or is just how it works on stage as you’re feeling it out?

Mike: I would describe that as the final stage of the development in a two-year process. It’s probably the final six months just figuring out how is this story, so then this story, so then this story, so then this story. My director, Seth Barrish, who also directed the special and– it’s a confusing title for people, but he is a dramaturgical person. He works through the script with me and the logic of the script. We’ll spend an extraordinary amount of time. He’ll go, “When you go to the hard nipples story, and then you go to but actually your dad wasn’t physically affectionate, but you are physically affectionate with your daughter. You hug her, you say, I love you. I don’t understand the connection between those two ideas.”

It’s almost like he’s making– what Seth is doing is he’s making his brain blank and — or attempting to — over and over and over again, making, trying to imagine what it would be like as someone who’s never seen the show, getting rid of the curse of knowledge. Getting rid of the curse of knowledge. We have these long, drawn out conversations. I’m sure you guys deal with this in television and films all the time, which is like, you’ll end up taking something that was 150 words, and then at the end of the edit, it’s four words. But those four words are the right four words.

Craig: Absolutely.

Mike: That’s a lot of what we do.

John: Last night, we were also talking about how a thing you do really well, which you see other comics do, but I was really struck by it last night, is we’re on one thread, and then you take a diversion, and we’re on another thread, which is really, really funny. Then you pull us back to the main thread, and we’d forgotten that we were on that thread, and yet we’re like, “Oh, yes.” You get a jolt of energy because you’re back on the main thread. You had forgotten that you’d taken a detour. It’s not a recall. We’re just rejoining the story that we were already on. It’s really well done.

Craig: You get to be a genius, because if you’re talking normally with people, you cannot maintain 12 spinning plates, including a hidden one up your sleeve, that you then go, ah-ha, and ah. You plan your own brilliance so that when you do come back around to things, it’s magician stuff. Right?

Mike: It’s a very strange art form, in the sense that, as a comedian, when you meet people, you are always a letdown because you look like that guy on stage, and your voice is the same as that guy on stage, but there’s less jokes, there’s less causality story to story. The transitions aren’t great.

Craig: No big surprises.

Mike: No big surprises.

Craig: No full circles.

Mike: Yes, nothing comes full circle.

John: No natural segues, no.

Craig: Just a lot of stammering, and then, and sweat.

Mike: Also, what I’ve noticed through the years is, I think comedians are people who are frustrated at parties because when we perform, people laugh or don’t laugh. They don’t interject. They don’t go, “Let me tell you about my sleepwalking story.” ‘You know what I mean?

Craig: “No, no. Sir, sit down.” Heckler.

Mike: This is the best one-

Craig: Yes?

Mike: “I’ve got the best sleepwalking story here. Everyone shut up.”

Craig: You do. You should just bring somebody with you to parties, who can tell other people to shut up.

Mike: Yes, can you imagine if comedians showed up at parties, and we’re like, “All right, everyone step aside.”

John: Yes, we do.

Craig: Yes, all of your stupid stories, wrap them up.

Mike: With your banter.

Craig: We’ve got a good one that’s crowd tested. Yes, that must be really frustrating. That’s like being, I don’t know, you play in the symphony, and then you go to somebody’s backyard where everyone’s like, “Oh, we’re going to do a quick jam. What do you play? Violin?” “Yes.” The guy banging the pot lid is really loud and–

Mike: You guys must have that, though, with movies, because people– everyone has a take on movies and television. Then you come in, and you’re like, “Okay, here’s my take, and mine’s right.”

John: Yes, but also, the movie is not happening in front of you. No one’s expecting, “Craig, make a movie right now.” There’s not that performance.

Craig: If it were that.

Mike: Yes, it’s–

Craig: If it were a party where the idea was to write a short scene, then I suppose that would be really frustrating.

John: Yes, I suppose, beautiful people who are photographed, they’re still beautiful in real life, but they’re not as attractive, they look immortal.

Craig: The wind machine is on and so forth?

John: Yes.

Craig: Yes, but you’re absolutely– you guys are in the worst spot. Congratulations.

Mike: Thank you so much.

[laughter]

John: Let’s take a look at writing some jokes. We have three different stories that I’ve pulled from recent news things. We’re going to start with the Run Club Haters. This is a story in Curved Magazine, a New York magazine, by Melissa Dahl. Drew, can you give us a short summary of the lead here for this story?

Drew: One Saturday morning in April, Amy was running along Kent Avenue in Brooklyn, one of her usual routes. It was a sunny spring day. The sidewalk was crowded with runners, some running alone like her, and others in big groups. At some point, she realized one of those big groups was headed straight towards her. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” says Amy, who’s 31 and has been running in New York since 2015.

It was, in her memory, a group of young women running five to eight abreast. They were completely across the sidewalk, she recalls. This is the most runners she’s ever seen taking up a path, but she’s gone head to head with run clubs before.

Usually she moves aside, even if it means briefly stepping into the street or a bike lane. This time, she wanted to test something. She didn’t change course, and neither did they. It was something of a game of runner’s chicken, which ended when Amy ran straight through the pack, colliding with one of the women. “Neither of us fell, but I think she was definitely shook,” Amy says. The woman started apologizing, but Amy didn’t stick around to.”

John: This article goes on to talk with organizers of run clubs, including some who accidentally started a run club because they just posted on Instagram, “Oh, I’m going for a run if anyone wants to join?” and then 100 people show up. They’re also talking about parks that are now requiring permits, costing $1,000 for people to do this. This is as a story space, and I was wondering, let’s first start talking about, where are the jokes? Where’s the comedy we could find in this-

Mike: If we were Amy.

John: -if we were Amy or if we were anywhere–

Craig: I don’t want to be Amy.

John: If we were anywhere–

Craig: I don’t want to be in the run club.

John: We could be any of the characters in the story, but if this is something that happened to us or around us, where are some of the jokes? Where are the comedic premises there?

Mike: I think, first of all, you’d have to be Amy in the story. If you’re one of the big group of bird people who essentially wallop someone in the street, that’s not going to be very relatable, but we’ve all been the Amy of the story, which is– I would say, if this were my story, if this were something that happened to me, it would be talking about the observation in general of when people take up the whole sidewalk. You can bring up different examples.

One of my examples that drives me nuts is people with dogs where they’re on one side of the sidewalk, the leash goes across. It’s essentially a trip wire created by them and their evil dog, and they don’t act like they’re taking up the whole curb. I would go into observational things about that, and then I would go into, how do you feel about walking? Are you afraid of walking? How do you feel about walking in the city?

Ira Glass, in some ways, taught me how to tell these types of 7 to 10-minute stories. He always thinks of it in terms of a story, non-comedically, is a little bit of plot, how do you feel about the plot, a little bit more plot, how do you feel about the plot? In my case, as a comedian, it’s a little bit of plot, some jokes about the plot. A little bit of plot, the jokes about the plot. In order for us to care about Amy’s story, or “my story” walking down the street and running into a herd of runners, is you have to know that pushes my buttons as a character. Right?

Craig: Not enough to know that anybody would feel particularly annoyed. You really feel.

Mike: That’s right.

Craig: If this were in a very broad movie, there’s the classic escalation technique. It begins with, I’m running, and there’s one guy just staggering, “I got to go run.” All right, and then there’s the guy with the dog, and then there’s two runners, and then there’s just a wall of runners, and then there’s a Zamboni.

Mike: Yes, that’s right.

Craig: You just keep– it just gets stupider and stupider if it’s–

Mike: That’s straight from Naked Gun.

Craig: That’s Naked Gun. I do think there could be a sketch version where you are part of the run-

Mike: Oh, the runners group? Yes.

Craig: -where the run club is the most heinous, horrible group of people. It’s not just runners, it’s people in stretchers, and it’s– I could see that.

John: It’s taking me back to– on safari and you’ll see a bunch of animals stampede, and it’s like, “Oh shit.” One runner by themselves is not threatening at all, but you see a pack moving towards you, they just– all of your instincts kick in. It’s like, “Oh, this is a dangerous situation.” I also want to get back to what you talked about, humiliation and Amy being humiliated or being the source of– the problem is her is also, I think, really important too. What is it about me that I decided like, “Today, I’m going to be the person, I’m not going to move.”

Craig: Today I decided is really good. Maybe the setup is like every day I see the run club, I turn around and flee. Today I’m not going to because a friend told me to stick up for myself and my therapist. I’m going to hold my head high, and I’m not going to move, and she’s killed. That’s all, they kill her, which is a really good lesson.

Mike: I have an analogous story years ago that I do as stand-up sometimes that’s never found its way into the special. It’s a similar city scenario, which is years ago, I’m rushing down subway steps at the West Forest stop. One of the jokes I make is, I’m always in a rush, I have nowhere to be. I’ve never had anywhere to be. I’m always in a rush. I trip on my lace. My dad taught me how to tie my shoes when I was a kid– he was never around. As I’m not good at it, and so I trip fourth step from the bottom, fly in the air, I land on the ball of my shoulder.

Craig: Argh.

Mike: I know. I often tell people growing up, I know. I was that guy writhing on the floor.

Craig: Dirty subway floor.

Mike: Dirty subway floor. People blowing past me-

John: Of course.

Mike: -just like, “Are you okay?” “No.” “Good,” or “Yes, good,” and then they’re gone. Then, what I sometimes say– nobody’s like, “Oh– “ “If you’re laughing, you’ve been one of these pigs. I want you pigs to know, we’re not fooled by your faux generosity.” It is a similar scenario where, essentially what you’re trying to explain is what your point of view is, what your status quo is. It’s not dissimilar to movie writing. Then what happens, and then what happens because of that.

John: Because of that, there’s a chain of events, there’s a causality like this was not the end of the story. It’s moving to the next thing.

Let’s try our next thing. This is a story from Slate’s Care and Feeding. The advice is from Michelle Herman, but the letter writer is anonymous. Drew, help us out.

Drew: My mother and father divorced more than 10 years ago when I was in eighth grade, after my mother learned my dad was cheating on her. Once my parents split, my father married his affair partner, Ruth, and moved out of state. They ended up having two kids who are now eight and five. After my dad moved out of the house, he never paid a penny in child support, and I didn’t hear a word from him again, until now.

My dad told me that my five-year-old half-sister, Amelia, was undergoing chemotherapy for cancer. Her medical team wanted her to undergo a bone marrow transplant, but neither he, his wife, nor my half-brother was a match. He asked if I would be willing to undergo a screening to see if I am. Long story short, I am.

I find myself utterly conflicted. This man, who was supposed to be my dad, to love and provide for me, shattered my family with his selfishness. He abandoned me for the woman he cheated on my mother with. He wasn’t there to teach me to drive or to see me graduate from high school or college.

While I spent a decade dealing with the pain and rage his walking out on me caused, he started a new family and forgot I existed. Had his daughter not needed a donor, I doubt I would have ever heard from him again. Here he is, crawling to me, hat in hand. Part of me wants to tell him and his wife to leave me alone and never contact me again. I’ve never met my half-sister. I feel no connection to her. But then, there’s this stupid part of me that says that my father and Ruth were the ones who hurt me and that Amelia is innocent. That denying her a potentially life-saving treatment as a means of taking revenge against her parents would be wrong.”

Craig: That’s the stupid part? Okay. Because this guy cheated on my mom and left and didn’t pay child support, I now have a golden opportunity to murder a little girl.

John: Oh my God.

[laughter]

Craig: It was pretty awesome, actually. I also like that she said “affair partner,” by the way. There’s a whole side bit on that, like partner, the way that partners become a thing. In our society, it was just husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, and now everyone says partner. I never know if people are gay or not. I have no idea what’s going on. I don’t know if they’re working together or romantic.

Mike: It’s a startup?

Craig: Affair partner.

Mike: It’s an app they’re working on.

Craig: Yes, exactly. An affair partner is incredible. That’s like granting status like cheating– Anyway.

John: There’s lots of things to unpack and potential comedic things to hold on to, even though this is not obviously comedic. There’s some good stuff here.

Her rage to this disappearing dad, that conflict and that my expectation of what this man is versus the reality is great comedic fodder. Obviously, her relationship to whatever this donor, her half-sister is fascinating. The space of bone marrow donations and would you help out a stranger? The trolley problem of it all is also fascinating. Mike, what’s your way in?

Mike: Yes, I think the way in, with anything that dramatic, I always say to people like, “You need to find one joke that works because the one joke that works indicates to the audience, ‘We’re all okay laughing about this.’” The way that Drew read it, and it was beautiful, was a little bit like a eulogy where it’s a sad story. That’s a tough story. If you just told it like Drew told it on stage in the first person, people would not know to laugh. They would go, “Well, what’s the funny part?”

I just think you need to find a joke. It’s like I have a joke in my special where I go, “My dad was a doctor and in his free time, he got his law degree. That’s how much he didn’t want to be a dad.” The audience knows that my point of view is I’m over that part of it. I’m okay with that part of it.

I had bladder cancer when I was 20 and the first joke I figured out was like, I had bladder cancer, but it’s funny because I’m a hypochondriac. I think the funniest thing that can happen to a hypochondriac is you get cancer because it affirms every fear you’ve ever had. “See, I told you. Remember last week when I thought I had rickets? I was probably right about that too. There’s going to be a lot of changes around here.”

Craig: “When I showed you my nipples–“

Mike: Exactly, yes. If someone wanted to do a comedy bit of this, it’s like, “Well, where is the first joke that indicates that this is okay?” That joke has to be really good. Probably nothing I could come up with now, but it’s like, “My dad wasn’t around as a kid, and then he called me because he wanted my bones.” Just something where just you break open how outrageous the scenario is, and then it turns on itself. I think you can do like, “My dad wasn’t around, and then he wanted my bones,” and then try to come up with a joke around that and then say, “But actually, I’m torn on it because this girl deserves this, and she needs this, and I could help.”

I think with a story that inherently has such high stakes, you have the ability to both have jokes and have dramatic moments. In The Good Life, there’s four or five times where it goes to a dramatic moment just because the audience– a lot of it is, the audience doesn’t see it coming at a comedy show. In some ways, it’s the ultimate surprise. I think the back and forth of jokes in comedy, I think jokes and dramas, it is the potential there.

Craig: You could also– I could see occupying a character and the character is a woe-is-me character, who’s like, “Anyway, my dad left, and cheated on my mom, and then married this other lady. They had a great family that was incredible. He never talked to me ever until his daughter was sick and he came for my bone marrow and I thought, ‘He loves me.’”

[laughter]

Mike: That’s good.

Craig: It depends, like occupying– I do enjoy comedians who occupy characters.

Mike: I love that.

Craig: I love that weird space. It’s always interesting meeting them afterwards and going– like Natasha Leggero occupies a character. Then you talk to Natasha offstage and you’re like, “You are the opposite of that person.” It is–

Mike: Then you can heighten that and be like, “Then he asked to borrow $75,000 and I was like, ‘Maybe this isn’t love.”

Craig: “Wait a second. As the marrow’s leaving me, I thought, ‘Wait. Wait.’”

[laughter]

John: Let’s talk about this as a scene. I would say it could be a movie, which is a whole dynamic, but you could also imagine a scene where you’re talking to this girl at a party and it gets to the point where it’s like, “So now I don’t even know if I should donate marrow to this kid.” It’s like, “What are you talking about? You are going to kill a small child.” There’s that, it’s a good build up for like, what kind of monster are you?

Craig: Or you’re like– Obviously, you all know where this went, I didn’t do it.

[laughter]

Mike: Right, exactly.

Craig: She’s been dead like, I don’t know, three or four years now.

John: Oh God. Oh my God.

Craig: I got to go tell you, it feels great. They tell you it won’t, but it does. Revenge is awesome.

John: Yes.

Craig: Got ya.

Mike: A lot of that is– Those are like three different POV takes on the same–

Craig: With different tones.

Mike: Yes, a lot of it’s persona. Anthony Jeselnik gets away with a different type of joke than I get away with.

Craig: I wish we could send him that. Oh my God, Anthony Jeselnik. Can I just–?

John: Again, occupying a character’s place. [unintelligible 00:40:43] area.

Craig: Completely, but I just want to salute–

John: Oh, I assume that. He’s not actually like that, is he?

Craig: Oh God, I hope not.

Mike: Not that I know of.

Craig: Yes, no, that would be insane.

Mike: I’ve never had an interaction with him like that.

Craig: The mathematical precision. He’s the closest thing that comedy has to Agatha Christie. You know there’s going to be a twist and you’re trying to figure it out-

Mike: Yes, that’s right.

Craig: -and you can’t. It just happens over and over and over and over.

Mike: That’s right. Yes, that’s right.

Craig: He’s just, the craft there is pretty remarkable.

John: Great. This last one, we don’t have that part to read, but this is a New York Times article by Heather Knight and Loren Elliott, with great photos and video by Elliott. It’s about the coyotes of San Francisco. Basically, there were no coyotes in San Francisco, but 10 years or so ago, they started coming back in, and now there are more than 100 coyotes in San Francisco, and they’re letting them be, largely.

One case, they were going after a young child and they went after that coyote. Basically, they do keep down rodent populations and other things, so there’s a reason to be there. It’s just so jarring to have coyotes in the city that never had them.

Mike: Wow.

John: Coyotes are cool. Obviously, in Los Angeles, we’re used to coyotes in our neighborhood. We have coyotes all the time. The comedic space of predators in an urban environment and like how a person interacts with them, what the moment is.

Craig: This is in San Francisco?

John: In San Francisco. Hacks this last season has a coyote episode where Jean Smart’s character is hearing the coyotes howl all the time. She’s putting out bear urine to scare them away. She has a showdown with a coyote at the end. Let’s talk about what can we imagine the comedic premises are for talking about coyotes on stage? What are the handles for that?

Mike: For me, it would have to be story-based interacting with a coyote. I’m trying to think if I have– Do you guys have any good animal stories of interacting with animals?

Craig: My mind goes to just right off the bat, but what is–? Isn’t a coyote just an asshole dog?

John: Yes. [crosstalk]

Craig: Why have we put it in this special category? It’s just, I’ve looked at them. They’re hungry dogs. That’s all they are.

John: It’s a sense of like, what’s a dog off leash though. We have a sense of like, “Oh, dogs are wonderful,” but when you see in a dog in a place you don’t expect to see a dog or a dog who doesn’t seem to have an owner, that’s–

Craig: You call it a coyote. Right. They’re like the hobos of dogs.

John: I was just in Egypt, and Egypt is just like, there’s just dogs everywhere. There’s street dogs.

Mike: That’s right.

John: I was like, “Oh, wait, why don’t dogs get hit?” Mike pointed out like, “Oh, we’re seeing that’s the logical fallacy. Basically, we’re seeing the dogs that survived and–

Craig: You see the dogs that aren’t hit.

John: Yes.

Craig: Yes. Coyotes in San Francisco probably, I think the hacky version would just be to start making fun of San Francisco. It’s like, “Oh, now the coyotes keep moving into our neighborhood and the rents are going up.” I wonder where [unintelligible 00:43:29] Coyotes don’t seem funny to me.

Mike: I feel like I would break it–

John: Come on, Wile E. Coyote is an incredible character.

Mike: [laughs]

Craig: The thing is, Wile E. Coyote is, we’re laughing at him, I suppose, but he’s not doing anything irregular. I’ve never seen a coyote use an Acme product.

Mike: If I were going to go into animals, which I ever, if I ever did, it would be the inherent contradiction. So much of comedy is about inherent contradiction. The contradiction is similar to what you’re saying, it’s like, we eat animals, we own animals. We shoo away animals. How are we deciding? Yes.
Who made up the rules on this?

Craig: I think Gaffigan’s got–

Mike: Oh, did he have–? [crosstalk]

Craig: He’s got a pretty good one of like, we eat the animals that aren’t cute.

Mike: That’s right. That’s right. Contradictions would be the thing that would go down, and also the personal story, but I always tell people, one of the probably the smartest things I did artistically was like 25 years ago, I had been doing set up punchline, set up punchline, set up punchline based on things in the news, things happening around town. Then, at a certain point, I was like, “If I wrote about my own experiences, then no one can steal that idea.” Really, no one has that idea. No one’s lived that.

The first thing this makes me think of is like, there’s animals in the walls of my apartment that just run over us. Sometimes Jen will just be like, “Mo,” she calls me Mo. She goes, “Mo, what are we going to do about the animals?” I’m like, “I don’t think you know who you married. I don’t really know. I have no plan for the animals in the ceiling, and I’m not going to have one.” You know what I mean?

Craig: Right, and, “You know that about me.”

Mike: Yes. I don’t know. I do think like finding the what’s your story, the thing about standup comedy and in relation to storytelling, is that the more you have examples of things of your experience of dealing with something, the more people can see themselves in the story. They’re not judging it as, “Oh, this is another guy or lady with a hard take on coyotes,” or this or that or whatever.

I always just try and think, “What’s the personal way in? What’s the personal way in?” Because ultimately, you actually, by telling stories are exhibiting a point of view. Because it’s in the form of a story, the audience isn’t as suspicious of the point of view.

Craig: Yes. Also to give you credit, it’s not a persona. This is actually you. You’re incredibly likable. You’re incredibly likable in no small part because you’re not afraid to be vulnerable. A lot of comedians, their persona is, “I figured it all out. I figured it all out. Let me explain the world to you idiots.” Right? Your persona and your personality is I haven’t– I’m on a journey. I often don’t know what to do. I’m scared a lot. I’m confused. Everyone’s like, “Okay, I’m with you now on this.”

Mike: It’s so funny you should say that because the other day, I did an interview for Time Magazine and she goes– The reporter was great. She goes– It’s a funny question. She goes, “What’s your appeal?”

[Laughter]

John: I love that. That’s so good.

Mike: I’ve never been asked that, “What’s your appeal?”

Craig: Oh my God.

Mike: It forced me to look inward.

Craig: Oh my God.

Mike: She goes, the appeal of Jim Gaffigan is that he’s clean and he’s relatable. The appeal of this person is that she’d go there. I go, “Huh.” It’s so funny what I–

John: It’s amazing.

Mike: What reminded me of it is that my answer is similar to Craig’s.

Craig: There you go.

Mike: If I really had to think about it, I think people think they’re on the journey with me because I’m cataloging these eras of my life as honestly as I can. The audience, I think, trusts that I’m trying my best. I think the people who like me are trying their best. It’s weird to say that that’s my “appeal”, but I think it is probably close to that.

Craig: When she asked the question, was it–? There’s two different meanings to that question. One is, “I’m curious, what do you think your appeal is?” The other one is, “What is your appeal?”

John: Yes, there’s two different reads of that.

Craig: “I’m just so confused why anyone likes you. Can you explain why people like you?”

Mike: It was generous though. I think she’s a good writer. We’ll see how the article comes out.

John: It’s reminding me of when we were doing Big Fish on Broadway, after the Wednesday matinees, sometimes we would do talk-backs, where people could stay in the audience and talk back. It’s always really old people who stick around, who’d go to the Wednesday matinees in the first place.

It’s me and several of the actors at the front of the stage talking to people who stuck around. This one old woman, she asked me a question, she’s like, “Why are you so confident?” I’m like–

Mike: Oh my gosh. Why are you so confident?

John: Yes, and it’s just–

Mike: Wow.

John: It was actually just.

Craig: What a confident-shaking question.

John: Yes, and it sort of put me on my heels, like, “I guess I am con–“ I had to sort of do introspection, like, “I guess I am confident, but why am I confident?” Like, “Who is this person who is speaking right now who is confident doing this thing?” It was a while. It really did shake me a bit.

Craig: Yes, of course. It’s a rattling question. “Why are you so confident?” It’s suspicious.

John: Yes, it’s a challenge to it.

Craig: Yes.

Mike: I think to go back to this point of view and comedy concept, it was like, why is Jeselnik Jeselnik, and me me, and Gaffigan Gaffigan? Is a majority of what you do if you’re trying to be a comedian is you try to figure out who you are on stage in relation to the audience.

Craig: What’s your appeal?

Mike: Yes, it’s what’s your appeal?

Craig: What’s your appeal?

Mike: It’s like, “Oh,” and it takes years. Sometimes it takes a decade or more.

Craig: It is interesting seeing comedians early in their careers as opposed to where they end up. Sometimes it’s sort of unrecognizable.

Mike: Absolutely.

Craig: It is a fascinating thing to watch them evolve into the groove. Sometimes I think like, “Oh, do people get trapped? Because they get very successful, and then suddenly, that fake accent and get ‘er done thing that you’re doing, you can’t stop doing it.

Mike: Are you speaking of someone specifically?

Craig: No.

Mike: Just in general?

Craig: No, just in general, like–

[laughter]

Mike: Hypothetically, if someone was like, said a joke and they’re like, “Get ‘er done,”-

Craig: That would be like–

Mike: -that would be a thing that you’re leaning on a crutch.

Craig: They were like had a job that isn’t really a job anymore, like a cable guy, [crosstalk] or a plumber, or whatever.

Mike: Yes, exactly.

Craig: Yes, like what do you do then, because you’re stuck making all that money?

Mike: What if you never were a cable guy?

Craig: Or had that accent.

[laughter]

John: So good. [crosstalk]

Craig: Then, what do you do? Then what do you do?

John: A crisis of inauthenticity.

Mike: This is like a three-page challenge of personas.

John: What if Mike Birbiglia had a heel turn, where I actually just like, it goes off for a little while, then it comes back, and it’s just like this shock comic, this– I would love to see it.

Mike: It’s funny–

Craig: “Hickory dickory dock.”

John: Yes.

[laughter]

Mike: No, I do think that there is a version of the next few years, where I’m leaning a little bit away from personal stuff, where I do something that takes on the religion, politics, world events, but in an evergreen way. I think what drives me crazy about topical comedy is that you just go, “Okay, this isn’t relevant today, even. It was relevant 24 hours ago,” but I would like to see something that has a wide-spanning, like the last 20 years of living in America.

Craig: It sounds like something that O’Reilly would do.

[laughter]

Mike: Yes, a cross between Matt Damon and Bill O’Reilly would do.

John: As we wrap up our discussion of coyotes, I do want to share one photo, which I think is a great comedic premise. This little white dog is wearing, it’s called a coyote coat, and it’s basically, it looks like a life jacket, but it has all these little plastic spikes on it, so that a coyote can’t bite it and carry it off into the woods. I can just imagine like having to buy the coyote coat for my dog, or just like my dog having to wear the coyote coat. It’s like you’re in a war zone now.

Craig: I think that is, some people might think that that disrupts the Darwinian process, but I think that it is an example of the Darwinian process. You become so cute that a larger, stronger animal dresses you in special things so that you aren’t devoured. It’s a strategy.

John: It’s a strategy.

Craig: That’s a strategy.

John: Yes. Let’s tackle some listener questions. We have one here from Chris.

Drew: Let’s say I heard an idea for a short film expressed on a podcast by a working actor, writer, comedian,-

John: Mike Birbiglia.

Drew: -and wanted to make that film, but was not able to make contact with said person to ask permission. Could that film still be made and shown publicly? Is there credit to be attributed? What if there’s a line spoken by an actor that is nearly identical to what was expressed in the podcast? In this case, this would be 60-second film for social media, just for context.” I can already hear Craig saying you can’t copyright an idea, but maybe the person or podcast details are important.

Craig: Yes, I will say you can’t copyright an idea, but that doesn’t mean you should be doing this.

John: It also feels like stealing a joke. It feels like–

Craig: There’s legal lines and there are moral lines. Legally, could you get away with it? Always remember, legally getting away with it means you were sued, spent money to defend yourself, and won, which is not ideal. In this case also, it’s just, yes, come up with your own idea. That’s my feeling, is if that person wanted to do a 60-second short bit about that, they would. It’s a little odd. I don’t think I would recommend that.

John: The fact that you’re doing this on a podcast with a working actor, writer, comedian, it’s their thing, they may actually do a thing with. If you heard it in a conversation or your brother said something, it’s a different kind of thing. You could also just ask their permission.

Mike: I also think, yes, building on what you were both saying, is as creatives, if you’re pursuing a creative profession, it is so oversaturated. There are so many things being made simultaneously. I actually think the only chance any of us stand is to have our work be so much ours and not something that’s already filmed, recorded, and out there in the universe that you’re actually– It’s a weird case against the argument. The idea is that it’s out there. Even if it’s not a short film already, someone said it, so it’s a little bit less original than you’d want it to be.

John: Going back to what we were just saying about hiking is just walking, that idea, what’s out there, is it’s not an original idea, and so great, do something else that is specifically to you.

Mike: 100%, and by the way, to speak to that person’s note, that’s an oddly helpful piece of feedback, is like, once that person says, “Hey, that’s out there in blah-blah-blah way,” sometimes people, along the tour for two years, people will say to me, “Hey, this line you have is similar to this comic’s thing you have.” Often, I’ll go and I’ll dig it up and I’ll try to find it, and then you have to make a judgment call. Is it too similar? If it is, can I write it in a different direction?

I had one a few specials ago where someone, when it came out as a special, was like, “That’s my joke,” and I was like, “I don’t know what to tell you, I never saw your joke, and it’s filmed right now, so I don’t– It’s parallel thinking, and I feel bad that that’s the case, but there’s nothing I can do.” It’s definitely best efforts to not do that.

John: Dylan in Little Rock has a question.

Drew: “I’m feeling myself getting a little bit paralyzed. I’m feeling that I need to start writing in order to feel accomplished and hold onto some momentum, but I’m not feeling that I have really broken the story in a satisfactory way, and I don’t feel that I know the characters as well as I could or maybe should. I’ve considered that the process of writing may help me to come up with new ideas and fill in some of the gaps, but when do you consider a story broken? How do you know when your characters are developed enough and how much character development work do you do before you write?”

John: Yes, so breaking a story means different things in different contexts. In a TV writer’s room, you break a story, you’re figuring out all the beats on a big whiteboard, you’re doing that stuff. The process of writing a feature film, it could be more experimental and you’re sort of putting things together as you’re doing them. I often won’t have the full thing broken as I start. I’ll just feel it out along my way. There’s probably not a perfect answer for this. You’re writing something right now, is what you’re writing broken? Do you know what all the beats are?

Mike: It’s so funny. Whenever people say this term, breaking a story, I’m always like, it’s not my process. Mine is, I have an idea for a story, I write it out in an outline. At a certain point, I take it as script. At a certain point, this is where I am right now, I take it back to outline because I’m trying to isolate all the individual character arcs, and I can’t do it in a script form. That’s literally what I am right now. My brain can’t do it.

How do you guys deal with that, actually? That’s a question from me to you. How do you deal with managing, like in the case of my movie, it’s like, there’s eight characters. It’s akin to a movie like Four Weddings and a Funeral where not everybody has to have a meaningful arc, but unless they have like a little miniature arc, I do feel like there’s some threads that are unfinished.

Craig: I think I probably wouldn’t start writing until I understood all of that.

Mike: All of it.

Craig: Yes, but that’s me. I think your process clearly works for you, and it’s perfectly fine. Anyone’s process is fine if the outcome is good. I think breaking the story is actually, I agree with you, it’s not a useful term. It comes really from writer’s rooms, from 14 writers eating Mendocino Farms and hashing out, “Okay, this episode, this happens. What’s the A story? What’s the B story? What’s the C story?” It is procedurals, right?

John: Yes.

Craig: There isn’t a mechanism to it, which is important for that process. For a movie, I never use the phrase, “breaking the story” for a movie. Really, I would say, outline. I start with a very broad outline. Who’s the main character? What is the thing that needs to happen at the end? What would be an interesting beginning for that? What is the premise of this thing, and what’s the journey?

Mike: I think one of the best things you can have in terms of breaking a story or to use that term is like figuring out, can I pitch this in 25 words or 50 words? And is that compelling? If I told this to a friend and I said it in the first person, are they interested? I think that if they’re not interested is when you start to go, “Okay, let me figure out where I’m losing their interest.”

John: Yes, I just pitched a project yesterday, and in the early conversations with people, it wasn’t fully broken. I sort of knew what the beats were, but by the time where I was actually pitching it to a buyer, it really had all the beats. You could feel what the entire movie was and that’s, I guess, what I would consider broken. It’s like you really can have a sense of what all the sequences of the story were going to be.

Mike: It’s funny, you hear terms like breaking story or industry terms, and in so many ways, the work I enjoy most is people trying to reinvent what their artistic process is. If you look at Last of Us, for example, I think my favorite thing about it is it’s not like other television shows. That it is, in some ways, weirdly, doesn’t resemble a TV show. That it feels like life, it feels like we are in this apocalyptic scenario and oh my God, what is that? What would I do? What’s she going to do?

Craig: Oh, it’s definitely not like other shows.

[laughter]

Mike: Don’t you think that’s part of it is like making things that don’t feel like other things?

Craig: Yes, I do think so. I think that’s become more and more important because there are 14 million television shows. The trick is to find a way to both be different and also compelling. It is very easy to be different and bad because a lot of difference were considered by our forebears and tossed aside because they were bad. I would say to Dylan, you need to slow down a little bit and ask yourself if maybe the story that you’ve come up with, any of the things that you think of as fixed in position should be fixed in position.

Sometimes we get stuck. We build a column and a load-bearing wall, and then we’re like, “I can’t fit the rooms I want around this.” Maybe the problem is the column and the load-bearing wall. Those things that we think of as immovable, maybe start moving them.

Mike: I also think you look at things that we admire, I was saying like Last of Us, another one would be like the films of David Lynch. It’s like if you try to put Mulholland Drive into the story-

John: No.

Mike: -the story format,-

Craig: You create that story.

Mike: -of McKee or something, it’s like,-

Craig: Or you could-

Mike: “I don’t know what that is.”

Craig: Pitch that in 50 words.

Mike: Yeah, I don’t know.

Craig: That would be the pitch.

Mike: Yes, exactly, that’s the pitch.

Craig: “What’s it about?” “Yeah, I don’t know.”

[laughter]

John: All right, let’s do our one cool things here. I’m going to call an audible, and so I’m going to pivot from what I was going to recommend to in terms of just like breaking the form and spinning a bunch of plates. John Mulaney’s show, Everybody’s Live, it’s just gotten really, really good.

Mike: Oh yes, it’s great.

John: If you’ve not watched it at all, go back and watch the episode, guests are Sarah Silverman and Patton Oswalt, but the show is just nuts, and Mulaney’s blindfolded through the whole episode. 19,000 things are happening, and it all holds together really, really well. It’s postmodern in the sense of like, there’s a theme kind of, but it’s just crazy. it’s just I’m really admiring what they’re able to pull off once a week on Mulaney’s show, Everybody’s Live, on Netflix.

Craig: Amazing. What about you?

Mike: I was thinking of young comedians and newer comedians. There’s this great comic named Chris Fleming who came on my podcast recently, and he just kills me. He’s a Massachusetts guy like me. He — talk about burning it all down — he just has no allegiances to anyone, specifically in culture, and so he’ll say things where I’ll just– I said to him on my podcast, “Do you know that–?” the person he’s referencing? He’s like, “No.” I go, “You don’t know that person you said that crazy joke about?” but he’s great.

Craig: That’s awesome.

Mike: He’s super funny, and to speak to the kind of David Lynch with The Last of Us of it all, of creating a thing that hasn’t existed before, when I look at Chris Fleming, I don’t go, “Oh, that’s like this.” I just go, “Whoa, that’s Chris Fleming. I love that.”

Craig: Yes, who is this?

Mike: Who is this?

Craig: That’s my favorite. I’ve been on a roll for one cool thing for games, so I spoke to Inevitable Foundation, which is run by Richie Siegel, and it was a lovely group of folks. He was kind enough to send along some of the feedback, which was all bad, and [laughs] not really. They were very happy. One person in their feedback said, “Oh, and by the way, since I know Craig likes these sort of things, he really needs to play Blue Prince, if he hasn’t.” Blue Prince is as in blue, the color, and then Prince, P-R-I-N-C-E, but of course, this is a pun on blueprints. The game is so simple and so hard, which I love.

Mike: Oh, wow.

Craig: You have inherited a mansion from your mysterious uncle. Your job is to go through and explore the mansion, which has 45 rooms, find the 46th room, and you will be able to keep the mansion. The mechanics are every day, you start in the foyer, and there are three doors, and when you open a door, it gives you a choice to draft what room goes there, and there are like 40 types of rooms, and you pick it, and you start to move through, and every time, the house is different, and some rooms just stop, and you know if they stop or not.

There are costs, and keys, and methods, and puzzles, and it’s roguelike, because then the next day, you’re like, “Okay, that didn’t work, let me try this.” It’s early on for me, and I’m so beautifully frustrated.

Mike: Wow.

John: Love it.

Craig: Yes, it’s really, it’s like when you come across a fresh idea like that, it’s really cool, yes. Blue Prince, and it’s developed by Dogubomb.

Mike: Great.

Craig: You can get it on PlayStation, Windows, Xbox, your Steam Deck, which is where I play it, and so forth.

Mike: Very nice.

John: That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt, with help this week from Sam Shapson. It is edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our outro this week is by Nick Moore. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That is also the place where you can send questions like the ones we answered today. Don’t leave comments on Spotify because we turn those off, but you can leave comments to our YouTube videos, which we have a Scriptnotes YouTube channel.

Mike: You do?

John: Yes, we just added this week.

Craig: Another place for people to yell at me about Joel. I’m Scriptnotes Premium, by the way.

John: Thank you very much for that.

Mike: I joined recently. I love it.

Craig: Oh– [crosstalk]

John: You get all those back episodes.

Mike: I love it. Two of my faves are Dennis Palumbo of course and the Craig Mazin, Here’s How to-

John: How to Write a Movie.

Mike: -How to write a Movie. It’s so good.

Drew: Those are both available on our YouTube.

Craig: We should probably charge extra for them.

John: We should. Yes, yes, how do we charge extra?

Mike: Yes, supplements.

Craig: Because we got to get these cool new microphones.

John: You’ll find transcripts at johnaugust.com, along with the signup for our weekly newsletter called Interesting, which has lots of links to things about writing. We have t-shirts and hoodies and drinkware. You can find those at Cotton Bureau. You get the show notes with all the links to the things we talked about today in the email you get each week as a premium subscriber. Thank you to all those premium subscribers. You make it possible for us to do this every week. For Craig to dream of new microphone setups in our office studio here.

You can sign up to become a premium member at scriptnotes.net. You get all those back episodes, like episode 99 and How to Write a Movie. Bonus segments like the one we’re about to record on the infrastructure of being a standup comic and doing all the things that you have to do to actually make a living. With that, Mike Birbiglia, thank you so much for being on the show.

Mike: It’s such an honor. I love this show. My favorite podcast.

John: Aww.

Craig: Thank you.

[Bonus Segment]

John: All right, Mike, one of the things that impressed me when I came to record the podcast at your place is that you do video, you’re promoting the podcast, but it’s also part of your bigger machinery because you have to, as a touring comic, you have to plan all that stuff, you have to do marketing, you must have a giant mailing list. I want to talk to you about sort of the infrastructure it takes to be a comic who’s doing the kind of stuff you’re doing.

Mike: It’s funny, I was on The Town podcast the other day, which is really good, and we had this discussion of this thing where Matt says, “Do comedians need Hollywood anymore?” The answer is they don’t.

Craig: Not at all.

Mike: Weirdly, they don’t, and I think that that’s good. I think the things to make comedy and get the comedy to market are less and less expensive and more easy to access. It puts the onus on you to make something that’s great and sets itself apart from all other things, but also, you have to get it to market and market it, really. There’s a lot to that.

John: Getting it to market, there’s Instagram, there’s YouTube, those are crucial channels for comics. What else?

Mike: Weirdly, sometimes I’ll say, because Mabel and Gary and Peter and Joe, that’s my company, and we all produce the podcast together. Mabel and Gary are in their 20s, and so sometimes they’ll point out things to me that I’m just going, “Oh, I wouldn’t have thought of that at all.” For example, at a certain point, like two years ago, Mabel goes, “We have to have the podcast on video. I’ve never listened to a podcast.”

[laughs]

John: Yes, that’s my daughter too.

Mike: I was like, “What do you mean you haven’t listened to a podcast?” She goes, “I’m sorry, I just I put it on. I don’t look at the video, but it’s on. Sometimes I’ll reference it, I’m like, ‘Oh’.” There is a degree of rolling with, so then we did it. Rolling with where culture and media is going. Then the other side of that is, sometimes I’ll say to Mabel and Gary, I’ll go like, “We have to be aware of what are the platforms that are next. Because when I was coming up in the 2000s, it was Myspace. Myspace is gone.”

Craig: It is? I’m spending so much time on that.

[laughter]

Mike: Your premium membership on Myspace is $49 a month?

Craig: Yes.

John: I have a friend request, and you never get nothing.

Craig: It’s the only place people don’t yell at me about The Last of Us.

Mike: Of course, Zuckerberg is spending billions of dollars every year to make sure that Instagram is still relevant, still relevant, still relevant. Cut to, at a certain point, it’s not going to be.

Craig: It’s the opening credit sequence of Silicon Valley, just watch them go up, watch them go down.

John: That’s right.

Craig: Explode, implode, come back, grow. You have to have– Well, really, it sounds like part of your infrastructure is youth.

Mike: It’s youth. Yes, it is. Yes.

John: A mailing list. Is there a mailing list people subscribe to and you send out blasts with all your upcoming tour dates?

Mike: That’s right, and I’ve been doing that oddly since I was in college. I would do shows at the Washington, DC Improv, and I would have comment cards on the tables and say, “If you have your email address, I’ll send out a newsletter once a month.” I think the infrastructure is Maichimp and one of the companies that does it–

John: Mailchimp is so effing expensive.

Mike: I know.

Craig: Mailchimp is expensive?

Mike: It’s on the pricey side.

Craig: Also, then everybody, their podcasts are sponsored by Mailchimp, so Mailchimp is just like rotating the money around.

Mike: Yes.

John: Yes, it’s a money cycle.

Mike: No, it’s true, but I do think the relationship between artists and audiences has just gotten closer and closer through the years, and such that things that are massive, and it’s a comedian who’s playing Madison Square Garden, you might mention that person’s name to someone else, they go, “I’ve never heard of that person.” They’re playing Madison Square Garden, and it’s just them talking into a microphone, you’ve never heard of them.

Craig: That’s right.

Mike: It’s astonishing.

Craig: That’s happened a few times recently to me, where I don’t know, and that’s part of getting old. I actually love the way the world is slowly getting cottony and sealing me off in preparation.

[laughter]

Craig: I don’t mind that, but I do love talking to the people that work for me that are younger because– Riding back and forth from location every day with Ali Cheng, who used to be my assistant, and now she’s a writer on The Last of Us. Ali was able to explain to me in deep detail the whole Kendrick and Drake thing as it was happening, because I was like, “I don’t know– What is going–? First of all, who’s Dot?” She was like, “Oh my God. Okay.” But then, I was so into it.

John: Yes, sure.

Craig: Then I was deep in, and I was– Then the next day, I’ll come in, I’m like, “Oh my God. Did you see?” It keeps you plugged in, but you’ll need somebody to help you.

Mike: Yes, I think the key thing about entertainers in this moment is continuing to be open to where everything is going and nonjudgmental about where it’s going. Because if you become the judgmental person of like, “Oh, back in my day,” blah-blah-blah, I think you’re toast, or you will be toast.

John: Someone like Gary, who’s working for you, or Mabel, they have their own careers, they’re developing their own online presences.

Mike: Absolutely.

John: They have their own analysts. They have to figure out all that.

Mike: Directing things and short films and all kinds of stuff, yes.

John: Yes, so who teaches you? Basically, you just have to learn. You get in the crowd and see what everyone else is doing, because it’s not like you can go to film school, you can theoretically, learn how to write a screenplay. If there’s no comedy school, I guess you could go through-

Mike: UCB-

John: UCB.

Mike: -or improv and stuff like that. Yes, there’s no path to be a comedian, but at the same time, there never was a path, right?

John: Yes, it was always figuring out how early in a career does a person need a manager or an agent who’s doing mostly standup?

Mike: I’ve always thought– People ask me who are starting out all the time, how do I get an agent? When I think back to my agent now, Mike Berkowitz, who I’ve worked with for I think 25 years, he was starting out. I was like one of his first two clients. He started out at a management company, but he was doing the side, booking thing on the side. We’re the same age, and so we came up together. Now, he represents Kevin Hart and John Mulaney, all biggest comics on the place. He’s a huge agent, but I think part of it is surrounding yourself with people who you respect, who are in your roughly age group, and even level.

I think there’s a sense of like, “Oh, I need to sign,” I’ll throw out someone who’s dead, but it’s like, “I need to sign with Bernie Brillstein.” It’s, “No, no, you don’t need to sign with Bernie Brillstein. He doesn’t have time for you. You need to sign for someone who’s three rungs below Bernie Brillstein.”

John: Yes, absolutely. Signing with an agent who was really a peer and who I was grinding with together was incredibly helpful, because he just knew the right people. He knew what was actually happening.

Mike: The people who are young, while you are young will be the stars of tomorrow across the entire field.

John: Absolutely.

Mike: -and so making friends and making bonds and collaborations with people who are in your peer group and investing in those people, and hopefully, they invest in you. That’s, I think, one of the best things you can do.

John: How much of your work time is devoted to writing, figuring out the comedy, figuring out that work versus the career of like setting dates, and doing social media, and doing all the other stuff? What is the split?

Mike: I would say like it’s 2/3 the art, 1/3 marketing, but I would say, there are periods in my career where it is like 70/30 marketing. It’s miserable, but it was because there wasn’t enough work, and so it’s like, “Oh, I have to advertise my work more. I have to market my work more.” It’s like, you’re always rest always, and I think this is true of everyone.
It’s like the next hurdle is like, “We got to figure out the key art.” The next hurdle is, “We got to figure out the trailer.” The next figure, “We got to figure out what the Instagram tile is that conveys the idea of this whole project.” All that kind of stuff. It’s like, it is important. Yes, I try to minimize it, but it’s like, I don’t think anyone gets out of doing that.

John: I think one of the big differences between a pure screenwriter and what you’re doing is that we talk about like a screenwriter has to be entrepreneurial, but it’s like that whole level of magnitude is greater. You literally are responsible for how much the money’s coming in, whether you’re getting that date, whether you’re getting that thing to happen. Your income is so directly tied into how much promotion and everything else you’re doing for yourself.

Mike: Yes, and also, I feel like you have to have an awareness or try to have an awareness of where the business is going, where it’s been, where it could go, where we can’t possibly imagine it’s going. The AI discussion right now is so interesting because it’s like, it’s some people going like, “All right, easy on the AI stuff,” it’s every other conversation, but it’s like “No, no, it literally could change everything.”

John: Oh, absolutely.

Mike: Everything.

John: Yes, next week or a week after, I do once a full episode where we really just look at it because you look at not just the, how it’s impacting writing, but you look at the new video production things that come off, which is like, “That looks completely photorealistic, and the speech lines up,” and I just don’t what we’re going to do.

Mike: It’s astonishing.

John: Because like, maybe you won’t have to tour anymore because you could just press the button and there’s Mike Birbiglia. You’ll be this age forever.

Mike: Yes, we can only hope.

[laughter]

Mike: I got to lock in age 46, because it’s not getting any better.

John: This is the good life. Congratulations to get on the special, and thank you for coming on.

Mike: Thanks for coming to the screening last night, it meant the world to me.

John: Cool.

Links:

  • Mike Birbiglia
  • The Good Life on Netflix
  • Mike’s previous episodes: 121, 168, 261, 427, 443, and Working it Out: Screenwriting Advice You’ll Actually Use
  • Episode 660 – Moneyball
  • Ira Glass on Mike’s podcast Working it Out
  • Elizabeth Gilbert TED Talk
  • The Run Club Haters by Melissa Dahl for Curbed
  • I Hadn’t Heard From My Dad in Over a Decade. Now He’s Returned With a Brazen Request. I’m Actually Considering It. from Slate’s Care and Feeding
  • The Coyotes of San Francisco by Heather Knight and Loren Elliot for NY Times
  • Coyote Vest
  • Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney
  • Chris Fleming
  • Blue Prince
  • Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!
  • Check out the Inneresting Newsletter
  • Become a Scriptnotes Premium member, or gift a subscription!
  • Subscribe to Scriptnotes on YouTube
  • Craig Mazin on Instagram
  • John August on Bluesky and Instagram
  • Outro by Nick Moore (send us yours!)
  • Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt with help from Sam Shapson. It’s edited by Matthew Chilelli.

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode here.

Writing Jokes with Mike Birbiglia

Episode - 688

Go to Archive

May 27, 2025 HWTBAM, Scriptnotes, Transcribed

John and Craig welcome back writer, director, and comedian Mike Birbiglia (Don’t Think Twice, Sleepwalk with Me) to take a look at several true news stories and ask, how would this be a joke? Stories include run-club haters, a conflicted bone marrow donor, and the coyotes roaming San Francisco.

We also look at how Mike developed his new Netflix special, The Good Life, and answer listener questions on taking an idea from a podcast and knowing when you’ve broken a story.

In our bonus segment for premium members, Mike walks us through how he’s able to market his work without it feel like marketing.

Links:

  • Mike Birbiglia
  • The Good Life on Netflix
  • Mike’s previous episodes: 121, 168, 261, 427, 443, and Working it Out: Screenwriting Advice You’ll Actually Use
  • Episode 660 – Moneyball
  • Ira Glass on Mike’s podcast Working it Out
  • Elizabeth Gilbert TED Talk
  • The Run Club Haters by Melissa Dahl for Curbed
  • I Hadn’t Heard From My Dad in Over a Decade. Now He’s Returned With a Brazen Request. I’m Actually Considering It. from Slate’s Care and Feeding
  • The Coyotes of San Francisco by Heather Knight and Loren Elliot for NY Times
  • Coyote Vest
  • Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney
  • Chris Fleming
  • Blue Prince
  • Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!
  • Check out the Inneresting Newsletter
  • Become a Scriptnotes Premium member, or gift a subscription!
  • Subscribe to Scriptnotes on YouTube
  • Craig Mazin on Instagram
  • John August on Bluesky and Instagram
  • Outro by Nick Moore (send us yours!)
  • Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt with help from Sam Shapson. It’s edited by Matthew Chilelli.

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode here.

UPDATE 5-28-25: The transcript for this episode can be found here.

Scriptnotes, Episode 628: The Fandom Menace, Transcript

February 22, 2024 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2024/the-fandom-menace).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** Hello and welcome. My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** This is Episode 628 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Today on the show, Craig and I will discuss how things get cool, then hot, then terrible. We’ll have listener questions and a ton of follow-up, including about secret projects and alternative screenplay formats, something that Craig is always into talking about.

**Craig:** I’m into it.

**John:** In our bonus segment for premium members, we will look at various fandoms and do our best to absolutely enrage them.

**Craig:** Oh, no.

**John:** Oh, no. That’s why we put it behind the paywall. If you want to be angry with you, you gotta pay us some money.

**Craig:** Pay $5 to watch us get beat into a pulp. Fun.

**John:** Craig, we missed you last week. Aline was on, and we discussed How Would This Be a Movie. We had some new topics for How Would This Be a Movies. Also, this week, I was looking through the chapter on picking which movie to write, for the Scriptnotes book. I mentioned, oh, a bunch of our previous How Would This Be a Movies have become movies. I had Drew get on the case to figure out how many of those that we discussed actually did become movies. The number is shocking. Drew’s going to help us out, talking through the things that became movies, the things that became documentaries, and the things that are in development right now. Drew.

**Craig:** Wow.

**John:** Talk us through how many of these projects have actually been made since we discussed them.

**Drew Marquardt:** Twelve of these have actually been made as narrative feature films.

**Craig:** Jeez. Wow.

**Drew:** Or series.

**John:** Also, Craig, you start to realize, man, we’ve been doing this for 10 years, so some of them I knew, like The 15:17 to Paris, which is about those Americans who prevented the terrorist attack. That was a Clint Eastwood movie. I knew that happened. Zola we talked about at the Austin Film Festival. That became a movie. Do you remember The Hatton Garden Job, which was the old men-

**Craig:** The old guys, yeah.

**John:** Yeah, the heist. Two of those happened.

**Craig:** They made two of those?

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** I like that. You’re making the movie, and someone’s like, “We’ve gotta beat the other The Hatton Garden Job movie.” Oh, business.

**John:** Business, business. But Drew, talk us through some of the other things we had in How Would This Be a Movie.

**Drew:** There was also The Act, which was the Dee Dee Blanchard and Gypsy-Rose Blanchard.

**John:** She just got out of prison, right? I didn’t really follow that story closely.

**Craig:** Yeah. Apparently, our daughters’ generation is obsessed with Gypsy-Rose and her impending freedom, or freedom. She’s become a cult hero among the children, because she murdered someone or whatever.

**John:** What else we got, Drew?

**Drew:** There’s also The Mandela Effect, which was just the idea that we had talked about, but they made into a feature. There’s Stolen By My Mother: the Kamiyah Mobley Story, which was the young woman who discovered she was kidnapped as a baby by the woman she thought was her mom.

**Craig:** I don’t even remember that one.

**John:** I don’t remember that one at all.

**Craig:** Wow.

**Drew:** There’s the Danish series The Investigation, which is about Kim Wall’s murder.

**Craig:** Of course.

**John:** It’s a submarine murder. That’s right.

**Drew:** Six Triple Eight, which is in post-production right now, but Tyler Perry directed it. It’s about the 6888th Central Postal Directory Battalion, which was the predominantly Black battalion of women during World War II in the Army Corps.

**John:** I do remember that. I remember thinking, “Is there enough of a story there?” It was a part of history I didn’t know existed. We’ll see if there’s a story there.

**Drew:** We have How to Murder Your Husband, which was about the woman who wrote the book How to Murder Your Husband and then murdered her husband.

**Craig:** Oh, murder lady. Come on.

**John:** It’s a great title, so that’s why it needed to happen.

**Craig:** How to murder your husband, step 1: don’t write a thing about how to murder your husband. Jeez.

**John:** It could actually go on endlessly, because if you make a movie called How to Murder Your Husband, everyone’s going to suspect you of murdering your husband. It’s perfect.

**Craig:** Now I’m rooting for that person to murder their husband. What else did we do?

**Drew:** Death Saved My Life they made into a Lifetime movie, which is the wife who showed up at her own funeral, because her husband had her killed but not well.

**Craig:** Oh, man.

**John:** Death Saved My Life, I guess that’s a good title. It’s a good Lifetime title. It’s a good book title, so sure, I’ll get that.

**Craig:** I’m with them.

**Drew:** There’s Dumb Money, which came out last year.

**John:** We talked about that. It’s about the GameStop situation and story. Not at all surprised that happened.

**Craig:** No, considering that I personally received multiple calls from multiple companies about it.

**John:** As did I.

**Craig:** I was like, “Okay, apparently they’re making this thing.”

**John:** Craig, you and I should’ve both taken the job for different companies and just raced to see which one-

**Craig:** Wow. Just go head to head in the theaters.

**Drew:** Then finally, Holiday Road, which I think might’ve been a TV movie, but that was the 13 stranded strangers who all rent a van together when they can’t get a flight.

**Craig:** Here’s my question. Of all of these, how was our batting average on predicting whether or not they would be made?

**John:** That could be good follow-up for Drew, because I don’t think you went through and looked at that. Drew, maybe for next week, can you take a look at, of those movies, how many did we say, okay, that’s definitely going to happen?

**Drew:** Absolutely.

**Craig:** Similarly, were there any where we were like, “Never in a million years will anyone make this.”

**John:** That’s what I’m excited to see. We’ll put it on the blog so people can see which of these movies happened and which one didn’t. But you also found 10 things that are in development, including-

**Craig:** Jeez.

**John:** … one about Jim Obergefell, the Hulk Hogan Gawker lawsuit, Dr. James Barry, who was a gender-fluid Victorian doctor, which I remember we thought was really interesting, and apparently is Rachel Weisz. Feels like the perfect casting for that.

**Craig:** That’s great.

**John:** There’s the PTA mom for drug dealing. You May Want to Marry My Husband. These Witchsy founders who formed a fake male co-founder.

**Drew:** Brie Larson got that one.

**Craig:** Oh, nice.

**John:** Perfect.

**Craig:** Nice.

**John:** McDonald’s Monopoly.

**Craig:** That one is a great one.

**John:** The Scottish hip-hop hoax. Sam Bankman-Fried and FTX. There’s a bunch of those things. That was also a thing that came to me a couple times. There probably will be a Sam Bankman-Fried movie. I think it’s tough. I think the relative lack of success of Dumb Money is going to very much hurt the Sam Bankman-Fried movie, but we’ll see.

**Craig:** They’re going to make it anyway.

**John:** George Santos, there’s at least one movie. That’s right, we talked about that, the George Santos movie, the one that Frank Rich is doing.

**Craig:** All I need to know is Frank Rich. I’m in. That’s great. This is pretty remarkable. Similarly, I’m interested to see if any of these we thought were not even worthy of development. The conceited question is, hey, are people listening to us and then just rushing out to get this done? But I suspect not. I suspect there is an industry of assistants that are doing nothing but Buzzfeed-style collating whatever buzzy news item of the day is and putting it in front of people, and then there’s just a general race to get rights and make a thing. It is amazing how many of these are getting made.

**John:** I was just surprised at the total numbers here. We’ll also include in the blog post the ones that were made as documentaries, because I think a thing we often talked about is, is the best version of this a fictionalized version, or do we just want to see the documentary series that tracks that, which in some cases may be more compelling.

**Craig:** That’s very interesting. Good to know that we’re not just wildly off, at least with the things we’re considering. I root for all movies.

**John:** Root for movies and TV series. Some more follow-up. We talked two episodes ago about accurate but distracting, so things that, if you put them in your script, they might be actually accurate to what happens in real life, but would be distracting to the viewer or to the reader. We have some follow-up from that.

**Drew:** Richard in Boston writes, “There’s an example of this that historical fiction writers have to deal with called the Tiffany Problem. It was coined by fantasy writer Joe Walton. The Tiffany Problem describes the tension between historical fact and the average, everyday person’s idea of history. If you’re reading a book that takes place in medieval times, you’ll have trouble believing that a character’s name could be Tiffany, even though Tiffany is actually a medieval name that goes back to the 12th century. But in our modern perception of the medieval world, Tiffany just doesn’t fit. Even though authors might research carefully and want to include historically accurate information in their book, like a medieval character named Tiffany, a popular audience likely won’t buy it.”

**Craig:** Wow.

**John:** Totally tracks. I love that as a name for that phenomenon.

**Craig:** That really does track. I would absolutely be stopped in my tracks if there was a scene in a medieval story and Tiffany shows up. That would just seem anachronistic. That’s a great example. I guess in the end, it really doesn’t… There’s no victory in saying afterwards, “No no no, Tiffany was a name,” because people are like, “I guess now that I know, that’s interesting, but in the meantime, it screwed up my enjoyment of this story.” Tiffany. All right. I like that.

**John:** Now, I don’t want to get Drew’s mailbox overflowing with stuff, but if you are a listener who has another example of something that really does match the Tiffany Problem, which is basically something that is historically accurate or accurate to true life but is distracting if you were to encounter it, I’d love more examples of that, because it feels like Tiffany’s great, but I think we can find more ways that this manifests.

A thing I’ve talked about on the show a lot is that when I want a bedtime book, I love a book that is really interesting and completely forgettable, that you can read, and the minute you set the book down, you don’t think about it, so you can fall back asleep. I’ve been reading some books on counterfactual history, basically like, what if this thing happened in a certain way.

**Craig:** Alternative history, yeah.

**John:** Love it. One of the stories I wasn’t familiar with was Arminius, who’s also known as Hermann, who’s the German barbarian chief who drove back the Romans at a certain time. In reading this account of Arminius, “That’s a fascinating movie. I’m surprised no one has made a movie about that. Let me Google and see why no one has made a movie about it.” It turns out there’s two seasons of a Netflix show that is specifically about that. There’s just too much-

**Craig:** Netflix.

**John:** … Netflix.

**Craig:** Come on.

**John:** There’s just too much Netflix.

**Craig:** It’s almost like Netflix has become like Google, but instead of getting a search result, you get a series.

**John:** Yes, exactly.

**Craig:** It’s insane.

**John:** I looked at the trailer. It looked great. I’m like, “Great. Someone has already made the thing I was thinking about making.” Congratulations. I will say I’ve not watched a frame of the actual series. They shot it in Latin and in German, which feels great.

**Craig:** Whoa. That’s impressive.

**John:** Kudos to them. Kudos to everybody involved in making Barbarians, which I may watch at some point, I may not watch at some point. But I know it’s out there, and I know that I, John August, don’t have to write it. That sometimes is the greatest relief.

**Craig:** Apparently, we don’t have to write anything, because Netflix did it.

**John:** Another thing I don’t have to write is the Harry Potter series.

**Craig:** Segue man.

**John:** Episode 623, I talked about a project. This is when we were talking about bake-offs. I talked about a project that had come into my orbit, and they asked, “Hey, would you want to adapt this very popular piece of IP.” I’m sure, Craig, you were guessing it was Harry Potter. We can now reveal it was Harry Potter. They’re doing a Harry Potter series for HBO Max or Max. Deadline posted a story about who the finalists were who are going through the process. I wish them all well. They did find people who have good, proper credits. I do wish them well. I do think it’s just a very hard road ahead for them.

**Craig:** I have no inside information on this. I work at HBO, but no one has ever talked to me about Harry Potter. I don’t know what it is. It seems like it’s about adapting the books. That was what I initially thought. But then they’re saying in this article, “We’ve heard that the group of writers were commissioned by Max.” First of all, that’s cool that they’re paying them.

**John:** Yeah, they’re paying somebody.

**Craig:** “To create pitches for a series reflecting their take on the IP.” Now, I guess my question is – and this is my dum-dum question – what take? I thought that the idea was, we’re going to take each book and adapt it fully over a season, because those books are big. When they were adapted into movies, very successfully, of course they had to do quite a bit of compacting. I guess maybe there’s more to it than that. I don’t know. I’m fascinated by this.

I would be terrified to be one of these people. They’re way braver than I am. There’s something very scary about knowing that there’s somebody somewhere else doing what you were doing, to try and do what you’re doing, and maybe will do what you do instead of you. It’s scary. But I do think on the plus side, they’re being paid, so that’s actually quite good. On the downside, I could also see where this becomes this cottage industry, where you’re paying people to do these pitches, but you’re not paying that much. The thing about pitching a season is you have to do quite a bit of work.

**John:** Oh god, so much.

**Craig:** That’s definitely an imposing prospect. I guess for something that is as huge as Harry Potter is – and it is – it’s almost as close as you can get to a guaranteed success, as far as I can tell. I can see why it is like this, because I assume also that these people will have to meet with JK Rowling and get along with her, because she’s always part of it.

**John:** If you look at the attempts to expand the franchise beyond those books, they’ve not succeeded. They’ve succeeded in physical spaces. I feel like the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, tremendous success, those things, but the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them have had diminishing returns. Hardcore Harry Potter fans are not as enamored with those as with the original books, of course. It looks like, based on this article – and we don’t know the inside truth here – is that some of these takes may be moving outside of the books, some of them may be more faithful adaptations of the books.

**Craig:** I don’t know. Those movies, I guess they did well enough for them to make more. They ran into some trouble, because Johnny Depp suddenly was in a situation. They may have not been the size of the original Harry Potter films, but I think they were doing okay. The Harry Potter play, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, is a phenomenon, our friend Jack Thorne being the primary playwright there. Well, the playwright. I guess, technically, Jack wrote the play Harry Potter and the Cursed Child from an original story by him, JK Rowling, and John Tiffany. Tiffany. Then the Harry Potter video game was an enormous hit.

**John:** Absolutely.

**Craig:** In the world of video games, there are some enormous hits. When they are enormous, they dwarf what we do. That was one of them.

**John:** I guess I should restate that they’ve had a hard time expanding it out as a filmed franchise, but this is maybe possible, going to happen. For folks who are looking at, oh, what is a popular book series that did not get a good treatment, Percy Jackson. The movies were not a big success. The new series on Disney Plus is terrific. For folks who are curious about that, really worth watching. I thought it was just a very smart adaptation, much more faithful to the books. My daughter, who grew up reading those books, loved it. They really are quite enjoyable. It was well cast. So difficult to get great performances from young actors, and this succeeded in it.

**Craig:** It is.

**John:** It’d recommend it for people.

**Craig:** Great. We wish those folks the best of luck. I don’t know if they’ll want to do this, but when it’s all done and the winner of, what is it, the tri-cup wizard, the tri-wizard tournament, whoever wins the big cup that actually turns out to be a Horcrux or, no, a Portkey, it would be great to have them on our show, just to talk about the process, if they’re willing.

**John:** Of course.

**Craig:** It’s fascinating to me. I get it, but also, it makes me nervous.

**John:** It does. Also, I think you have to look at are you going with people who are familiar with the movie series or new folks. That’s a challenging [crosstalk 16:09].

**Craig:** I could be wildly off here, but I suspect that the Harry Potter books are transgenerational, that people who read them as children are now reading them to their children, that they aren’t going anywhere ever.

**John:** I don’t know that to be the case. I feel like there’s been such a backlash against JK Rowling that I wonder if that’s still the case.

**Craig:** There is a backlash against JK Rowling on Twitter and social media, no question. I don’t think that that has translated into the actual audience and how they interact with the stories and the characters. I will cite the video game again, because when the video game came out, that was thick in the middle-

**John:** That’s true.

**Craig:** … of JK Rowling and her controversies. People were really angry about the game and angry at the game, and yet it sold a gazillion copies. There is a disconnect, I think, between… There’s a topic. One day we should probably jump on the third rail, John, and discuss the notion of separating the art from the artist, because this comes up all the time.

**John:** For sure. Noted for future discussion is how we separate those things. We’ll find some other good examples of what do you do with problematic people who also make art.

**Craig:** Roald Dahl.

**John:** Roald Dahl, Joss Whedon. It’s tough. There’s that tendency to retroactively discount the thing that they were able to make and do, because we now believe that they’re terrible people.

**Craig:** There’s also this weird phenomenon of feeling guilty about enjoying something. Roald Dahl said a lot of really antisemitic stuff. Not mildly. Very. I love Roald Dahl books. I do. I love them. I really enjoy the Wes Anderson Henry Sugar adaptation. I feel like I’m a little like, “Should I?” Then I’m like, “I really like the stories.”

**John:** Let’s talk about some UK writing credits. In 625, I think we were answering a listener question about UK credits, and we said we know they work differently. Tom wrote in with some follow-up about that.

**Drew:** Tom is the chair of the Writers Guild of Great Britain Film Committee, which is the WGGB. He writes, “Per the question from the British writer, I thought that you and indeed he would be interested to know that the WGGB and the Producers Alliance of Cinema and Television, or PACT, negotiated the screenwriting credits agreement way back in 1974. This agreement is referenced in the 1992 basic screenwriting agreement between our two organizations. Both these agreements are in the process of being updated, as we seek to bake in some of the gains secured in last year’s WGA strike, so thank you for that. We operate under a different labor framework in the UK, so these agreements are only advisory. Specific clauses can be negotiated out, though obviously we discourage that. Most screen credits are agreed in consultation between the producers and the writers in question. However, the Writers Guild of Great Britain does arbitrate on small number of credit disputes every year, following similar guidance to that used by the WGA.”

**John:** That’s great. It’s good to have some answers there.

**Craig:** Yeah. This is not surprising. The Writers Guild of America has a very legalistic system to arbitrate and assign credits. It is contractually the sole arbiter and sole authority of credit assignation. Other places, there’s that big bus-sized loophole that you can drive through, which is advisory or in consultation between producers and writers. It is not as strong of a system, presuming one agrees that the Writers Guild has the best interest of writers at heart, which I think it does. It’s just that when you are deciding what credits should be, there are sometimes winners and losers, and people that don’t get the credit are upset. But it’s good to know that there’s something. But I’m not surprised to see that it is not the ironclad structure that we have here in the U.S.

**John:** Absolutely. All these things come down to power. In the U.S., the Writers Guild has the power to basically force this system upon the makers of film and television. But the Producers Guild, for example, does not have that degree of power. But they have been able to negotiate and cajole and get people to take their PGA credits seriously, so that now when you see a PGA after a producer’s name, you can recognize, oh, that’s the person who did really more of the producing job, and it’s just not a person whose name showed up for various contractual reasons.

**Craig:** That’s interesting. I am a member of the PGA. I don’t put the PGA thing after my name, only because it just feels a little bit like a odd degree I earned in college or something.

**John:** But if you were producing a feature film, you might be more inclined to use it, I suspect.

**Craig:** Ultimately, I don’t think people at home care, but what the PGA does do is leverage its agreement with the Academies to determine who is eligible to win awards. That is actually quite a bit of interesting power that they’ve garnered for themselves. I think ultimately serves as their most relevant function. When the Oscars are coming, and Best Picture is announced, producers will go up to accept the Best Picture. Those producers have been vetted by the PGA. This works for the Emmys as well. We get a questionnaire, and they ask me, “What did these people do? Just tell us what they did.” And I do, and then they make their decisions.

**John:** More follow-up in Episode 626. We talked about the Nobel Prize and the Ig Nobel Prize, which I knew was a thing, but I didn’t know exactly what it was. Matt wrote in with some more specificity here.

**Drew:** Matt says, “The Ig Nobel Prize already exists, and they celebrated their 33rd First Annual Ceremony in 2023, based on offbeat yet real science. The prizes are often presented by true Nobel laureates.” Matt says, “I personally appreciate their method of preventing long acceptance speeches, where an eight-year-old girl marches on stage to tell the recipients to, ‘Please stop. I’m bored,’ while the audience throws paper airplanes at the stage.”

**Craig:** That is very reminiscent of what happened at this year’s Emmys, where Anthony Anderson, the host, brought his mom. When people talked too long, they put a camera on his mom with a mic, and she just told the people to stop. I gotta tell you, it only really happened once. After that one time, I think everybody was terrified of Anthony Anderson’s mom.

I think she should be at all of these award shows. There’s really no excuse for it. They tell you very clearly you have 45 seconds, which is actually a lot of time. Some people go up there and just don’t seem to… They think, “Oh, but not really.” No, really. We’re in show business. We all understand that there’s timing. It’s remarkable to me that people just don’t do that. In any case, Anthony Anderson’s mom or an eight-year-old girl marching on stage, either way, yes, genius. Much better than the playoff music.

**John:** Craig, I did not watch any of the award shows so far this year. You attended many of them.

**Craig:** You missed it.

**John:** Give us a quick review.

**Craig:** I lost.

**John:** How was it for you?

**Craig:** I lost. I lost.

**John:** You lost and you lost and lost and lost and lost.

**Craig:** I lost. I lost. And then I lost.

**John:** But your show won many awards that were not part of the main telecast, which is great.

**Craig:** Yes, we did. We won eight Emmy Awards, which is one shy, I believe, of the record for most for a first-season show. That was terrific. I would have probably felt a bit more glum about constantly losing all the big awards, had it not been that I was losing to Jesse Armstrong and Succession. He is such a lovely, wonderful guy. Have we not had him on the show?

**John:** No, we’ve never had him on the show. We should get him on the show.

**Craig:** Oh, good lord. Let’s fix that. He’s wonderful and so smart and so deserving. Also, there’s a nice thing about certainty going into these awards shows, where you don’t really have to worry. I didn’t write speeches, for instance. You go and enjoy that, and it’s actually quite nice. I have a few friends there that are also up for other awards. Quinta Brunson, who we love, won an Emmy, which was wonderful to see. You do get to see a lot of people that you’ve come to like and enjoy.

I made a shorter night of all those things, just because the strikes had that weird impact of jamming four awards things into the course of 10 days. Oh, god, man, I walked out of one of those things. I’m like, “This thing was 4 hours long, and I feel more tired than I do shooting for 12 hours.” I didn’t do anything. I just sat there. It’s oddly exhausting.

**John:** Now, everything has got jammed up, tied together, but the alternative is it gets dragged out over the course of weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks, which wouldn’t have been great either.

**Craig:** That would be worse. It was a way, at least, for people to go. Everybody’s schedules, once the strikes ended, everybody accelerated into work. Maybe not so much the actors, because there’s a bit of a lag time for them, but certainly writers and producers are working on things.

There will be awards shows coming up. We were very nicely nominated for the aforementioned PGA award. Going to be difficult for me to get down there and lose again, because I’m going to be shooting. I will have to lose in absentia. It was good to get it all done in this crazy pressure cooker 10 days, because it was Golden Globes, and then it was AFI, and then it was Critics Choice, and then it was Emmys, all boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and the Oscars are right around the corner.

**John:** Yeah, crazy. Last bit of follow-up is another Arlo Finch. Karen Finch wrote in and said, “Would you believe my dog is Arlo Finch? He’s nine, so technically, I named him first.” This dog is gorgeous.

**Craig:** Look at this little boy.

**John:** Oh my god, such a good dog.

**Craig:** What a cutie. He’s got his little toy.

**John:** His toy.

**Craig:** It’s so funny. My younger dog, Bonnie, she loves toys. But my older dog, Cookie, no interest in toys. Bonnie, when you come home, she sees you, and then she immediately runs away from you, gets a toy, and runs and brings it over to you, like, look, I have a toy. It always looks like this, just ripped up and gummy and dirty. Aw, look at this little boy, Arlo Finch.

**John:** It makes sense. Karen Finch, obviously her last name was already Finch. Arlo does feel like one of those names that probably starts in dogs and then goes to kids. Basically, it’s a fun name for an animal, and then you hear that name a lot and you start applying it to kids. It makes sense. Cooper was probably the same situation. I know there are a lot of Cooper dogs, and then you started having Cooper kids.

**Craig:** Cooper kids. Maybe Craig. It’s possible. Used to be a Scottish dog name. Craig!

**John:** You know that dog names tend to be two syllables, so you can yell out for them and they come back. Craig doesn’t work well as a dog name. Arlo does.

**Craig:** There’s Spike, Butch. I’m always thinking of the cartoon dogs. You’re right. Fido. Who names their dog Fido anymore?

**John:** It’s a good name though.

**Craig:** It’s a good one.

**John:** Craig, a thing we’ve talked about a lot on the podcast, probably from the very start, is that the screenplay format is well established. We’ve been used to it since the days of Casablanca. It’s 12-point Courier. The margins are a certain place. The dialog works a certain way. Character names are above stuff. As the Oscar nominations came out, we always try to make sure that we have all of the Oscar-nominated screenplays available on Weekend Read. That’s Drew’s responsibility, so Drew has been a hero to getting this all to make sure they look fantastic in Weekend Read.

We’ve got all of them except for one, which is Anatomy of a Fall, which is a fantastic script, a fantastic movie. It is not going to be possible to format that in Weekend Read, because it is bizarre. We’ll put a link in the show notes to how it looks. But I also pulled out some screenshots here.

It looks to be maybe in Times Roman, I’m guessing. It’s some sort of serif font. There are scene headers. It’s “8 – Chalet, Extérieur,” “Interior plus exterior/day.” We see that kind of stuff. It’s all in French, but you can totally tell what’s happening there. There are letters for A in parentheses, talking through the scene description. It is in the present tense, like the way we’d expect this to be. There are photos. There are photos of what the chalet looks like. Dialog is blocked over to the right in a way, with the character name above it but not centered. It’s just different. Craig, how are you feeling as you look at this?

**Craig:** I love it. I love this. This is going to start happening more and more. For screenplays that are speculative – and I don’t mean just spec screenplays that people are writing without money being paid; I mean even things in development, that are not necessarily automatically going to be produced – perhaps this would be too much or unnecessary.

But if you are writing for production, what I love about this is how many questions it answers for people, because, look, I’m in prep right now. People that work on movies, to produce the movies, all the department heads, they don’t read these scripts the way people that are gatekeeping at festivals or development executives read them. They’re reading them as instruction sets for what they’re supposed to do. The more information they can have, the clearer it becomes, and the fewer questions the filmmakers have to answer, because answering questions becomes the bane of your existence in prep. You have to do it. That’s sort of the point. But the fewer questions that are floating out there, the happier your day is.

This is brilliant looking at this. It answers so many things. It makes so many things clear. You’re going to end up drawing these things anyway. You’re going to end up taking photos of these things anyway. For a movie like Anatomy of a Fall, which is so specific about a space and what occurred in the space and the relative position of the window to the attic to the downstairs to the outside, this makes complete sense. It’s very easy to read. I have no problem with this whatsoever. None.

**John:** It does French things too, where they tend not to put extra blank lines between paragraphs, which is something I would choose to do. Looking on page 15, for example, there’s a sketch of how this attic space works and which windows open and which ones don’t. Just super helpful for anyone reading the script to get a sense of what the actual plan is here. We’ll try to get Justine on the podcast to talk through this, because I’m really curious-

**Craig:** It’s gorgeous.

**John:** … how early in the process did she know this was the house, this is how it’s all going to work. The other thing, which we always talk about, are alt lines and how you handle that. For this tidbit here, Sandra, in parentheses, “taking time to reflect or think about it,” she answers, “Not always, but often, yes, because of the wood dust.” And then, in parentheses beneath it, “Alt: often, yes, because of the wood dust. Alt: I think so, yes, because of the wood dust.” Here, those alts are there, already in the script there as a plan. Great. It feels very useful for production to know this is the situation, this is what we’re getting into, this is how we’re going to be doing it.

**Craig:** It’s a perfectly good thing to do. At some point, very early on, when you enter production, or let’s say you’ve been green-lit and now you’re in prep, as a writer you are confronted with how unromantic everyone is about creating it. You know the parable of the blind men and the elephant. The makeup people see makeup. The hair people see hair. The clothing people see clothing. The production designer sees spaces, materials, construction. They aren’t necessarily plugged into your grand, romantic, artistic dream. They’re just trying to make it happen. It’s so practical. This kind of work is incredibly practical, including listing the alts, because then your actors are aware. You can have that discussion. You can decide on the day, “Do we want that other line? Which of these do you prefer?” It’s all very practical.

I’m in complete support of it. I think the screenplay format that we use is a perfectly fine format for people to read and decide, “Would I want to invest in this? Would I want to see this happen?” It is not a useful document for, “How do we make this happen?” It’s just not. This is very clever, very well done.

**John:** Also, if we do get her on the show, I want to talk about decisions of when to be in French, when to be in English, because if you’re reading this document, you basically have to be able to speak both French and English to parse it and understand what’s happening there. It’s a French script with just really mostly English dialog in it. It’s just such a fascinating hybrid form.

**Craig:** Yeah, which reflects the reality of the film, where it’s taking place in France, and yet one character is often answering questions that are posed in French in English.

**John:** It’s delightful. Here’s the other thing is, we talked about the Tiffany Problem, like it’s realistic, but would you believe it. As an American, you’re watching these courtroom sequences, you’re like, “Wait, there’s no possible way you’re allowed to do that.” Of course, but no, it’s France, and you can do things that way. The way that the prosecutor behaves, it’s like, “How is that possible? Is she always on the witness stand, and she can just stand up and talk whenever?” It’s wild.

**Craig:** It is wild. I think a lot of people have that natural, like, “Did they just invent this to make the courtrooms seem more interesting?” The answer is no. Then following that, there was quite a discourse of, “What is wrong with France?” The way they conduct a trial just feels bad. It feels bad.

**John:** It feels incredibly unfair to the defendant.

**Craig:** It really does. In a country where there is a history of just chopping people’s heads off for political expressions, it does seem a little like, oh, I don’t like this feeling. But then we know in, for instance, the case in Italy with Amanda Knox, the way other countries investigate, prosecute, pursue, charge, and judge is not like we do. It’s interesting.

**John:** I would love to hear from international listeners, because they must see so much of the American courtroom process, because it’s in all our movies, it’s in all of our TV shows. How much does that color their expectation about how stuff should work in their own legal systems? They must have some expectation it’s going to work similarly, and it clearly doesn’t.

**Craig:** The other interesting thing about the constant presentation of the American justice system is that typically, for the purposes of drama, the stories that we tell are of falsely accused people or people who are guilty in the letter of the law but not in the spirit of the law. That’s what’s exciting to us. But there are times where we do tell stories of people who are guilty. The question is are they guilty or not.

The aforementioned Jack Thorne wrote a terrific miniseries that was centered around an actor who was accused of sexually assaulting people. It became a courtroom drama where you were rooting for guilt. That’s an interesting concept we don’t often see. But even though a lot of American lawyers… If we had Ken White on, for instance, he would run down how inaccurate and stupid American courtroom dramas are. It does at least give you a sense of our process and form, which is way more rigorous than apparently France, which is like, this is a free-for-all. This is kind of exciting though.

**John:** For our main topic, I want to talk a little bit about fandom and the dynamics of fandom. The jumping-off point was a blog post I read, which turned out was all from 2015, so it’s a little dated there. But I really liked how he laid out how subcultures become fandoms become these bigger things and tend to ultimately implode or get warped. This is a post by David Chapman. We’ll put a link in the show notes to it. He talks through that generally the dynamic you see is that there is a scene where you have some creators who are doing a new thing. It could be a musical new thing. It could be an artistic new thing. Some sort of cultural product that they’re making which feels new. That then attracts fanatics, who are people who are not making the things themselves, but are so into it and want to follow it and follow those creators. Both these creators and the fandoms are geeks, in the sense that they are deeply, deeply into it. This is more than just a weird hobby. It’s becoming an actual subculture.

Once that gets up to a certain critical mass, you have what he calls MOPs, members of the public, who are attracted to it and start to enjoy it, but they’re not on the inside. They get kind of geeky about it, but they’re not actual hardcore fans. They’re like tourists coming to the thing. Sometimes there’s in-grouping and out-grouping, where these new people you label as posers, because they’re not true believers, they’re not really part of it.

But what I found so fascinating is he also charts it through to generally you get a place where there are sociopaths who become attracted to this movement, this thing that’s more than a scene. It’s become a subculture. They adopt some aspects of it, and ultimately the drive either is for money or to do some other kind of nefarious purpose.

I thought it was just an interesting dynamic. It’s very easy to chart this to the rise of the hippie movement. It feels accurate to a lot of the ways we see things begin, blossom, grow, and fall apart.

**Craig:** This is an interesting dissection of the phenomenon of phenomena and how things catch fire and become a social exercise. There are certain presumptions baked into this that I think are worth questioning.

**John:** Please.

**Craig:** For instance, is it better to be a fanatic than to be a casual enjoyer? One of the things I think about as a person that does create things is what do I want my audience to be. If I had a wish, how would I want them to be reacting and interacting with the work I make.

I don’t think I have a great desire for people to be fanatics, per se. What I want is for people to enjoy. I want them to take from it what I intended to give. The fandom itself is separate from what I want. I just want people to watch it and feel things that I hope they feel and think about things that I want them to consider. I am not doing this so that people tattoo it on themselves or go to every show and get signatures and autographs and things like that, but people do. I understand that, because I’ve tattooed myself, so I get that.

I do question the premise that one kind of fandom, there’s a pure, truer fandom than another. I wonder if most creators are really just trying to appeal to what this author refers to as MOPs, members of the public.

**John:** I think that’s a great distinction. Also, maybe we can talk about it both in the terms of the things we write and make, so Last of Us for you, or Chernobyl, versus what we’re doing right now, which is that we have fans of Scriptnotes, who are listening to this podcast that we’re making, and to what degree do we feel like we need to engage with that community that forms around, because we made a thing that the community is around it, or that we want to distance ourselves or not really think about and worry about that.

The answer is different for different things. I think with Scriptnotes, we do engage our community to a pretty significant degree, not a degree to which a YouTuber or a Vine star back in the day might’ve. But we’re answering their questions. We’re meeting them at live shows. Some of them are paying us $5 a month. There is a sense that we are attempting to service that community to some degree by also doing a thing that we want to do, which is different than what you’re doing with Last of Us, which is you’re trying to make the thing, and you recognize that there is a role to which you need to go out and promote the thing and go to Brazil to do a fan launch of the thing, and yet you’re still trying to maintain some boundaries around your exposure to that community.

**Craig:** Because the goal ultimately is the point. The goal of making things is hopefully for people to see it and appreciate it. When I say people, I mean as many as possible. I don’t think anyone makes a show or writes a book or writes a song so that very few people will listen to it.

There’s this thing that happens when something is new – this author refers to it as the new thing – where the first people to appreciate it feel a kind of ownership. They feel special, because they fought their way to it. They found it when it wasn’t promoted to them, when no one told them about it. They had a pure experience with it. Then other people don’t, in their minds. Other people are promoted to. Their friends tell them.

In reality, I’m not sure it matters, because let’s say I’ve never heard of a thing. I remember somebody… I think it was Shannon Woodward. Yeah, it was Shannon. I was having lunch with her or something. She’s like, “Have you seen Stranger Things?” I said, “No,” because you know me. I don’t watch stuff. She’s like, “There’s this girl who plays this little girl who’s just a phenomenal… She’s just doing this stuff that’s just mind-blowing to me as an actor.” I was like, “That’s a pretty good recommendation. I’ll check it out.” Then I watched it, and I was like, “Wow. Millie Bobby Brown is really good at this. The Duffer brothers are really good at this. This is great.” Is my appreciation less valuable because I was told, as opposed to somebody who’s just flipping through the 4,000 shows on Netflix, lands on something, and goes, “Yes, this. I have unearthed it.” I don’t know.

**John:** I think we often have the experience of being champions of a thing that we want other people to see. Our One Cool Things are like, “Hey, take a look at this thing that you may not have otherwise been aware of.” That signaling thing is important. We’re using some of our cache and our authority, to whatever degree we have it, to say this is a thing that is worth your attention. We sometimes seek out people who can recommend good things to us. A lot of the blogs I follow are basically like, I like that person’s taste, and so if they are recommending something to me, I will click through that link, because they don’t steer me wrong, which is absolutely great and true.

I think what’s different though is that the difference between a recommendation and something that becomes a fandom is a fandom requires some kind of organization. Interesting that a lot of times, fandom, it is self-organizing. It’s not the creator who’s going out there and creating that community and organizing that community. They’re just making their thing. That community is creating its own rules and its own structure around it. The relationship between that fan organization and that creator can be great. It can be toxic. It can be problematic. That’s a real challenge.

**Craig:** Yeah. What this guy is describing is fandom protecting itself, which actually has nothing to do with the art. It’s only about the community that’s built around the art, which I understand. When you find a community, it’s important to you. As we all know, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, belonging is the most important of the non-fundamental needs like food, shelter. You find belonging, especially if you are someone who struggles with belonging. Let’s say you’re on the spectrum. You’re on the autism spectrum. It’s hard for you to find belonging in the real-world space, but you connect with other people who have a similar struggle, over your shared joy of this new thing. You get really deep into it. Then your community is now something different and important from the art itself.

What this is talking about is how to protect that, because what happens as things become more popular is a lot of people enter the community that maybe you don’t think have the same depth of connection to the work that you do, or some people – and in this article they’re described just fully on as sociopaths – enter the community for purely exploitative reasons, to sell things, to get attention for themselves. And then they can, quote unquote, ruin the culture, the subculture.

The truth is all of this analysis does matter to a lot of people, because most people are fans, not creators. But for those of us who make things, I think it’s important to appreciate fans, to appreciate early fans, rabid fans, passionate fans, and the community they build up, while also maintaining that what we do is meant for anyone who enjoys it. Anyone. There is nothing exclusive about what we do. There is, however, apparently something exclusive about the people that begin that first community.

**John:** This is a thing I was holding back for maybe a future How Would This Be a Movie, but I think it’s actually good to bring up right now. There’s an article by Sarah Viren which ran in the New York Times this past week. It’s looking at this woman whose sister was murdered when she was a kid. Fifty years have passed. It’s a cold case. But this woman said, “Listen, I feel a calling from God. I need to figure out who killed my sister in this brutal way 50 years ago.” She goes to a true-crime con thing and meets these podcasters who had done similar kinds of things, and starts working with them about, “How are we going to try to solve this? How are we going to group-source this?” The podcasters have a plan. They’re going to build up a Facebook group. They’re going to get people involved in working through this. They start putting together episodes. They’re making some progress. The police agree to reopen the case. Things are proceeding.

But ultimately, this woman starts to have frustrations with these podcasters, feeling like they violated some confidences that she had shared with them, and doesn’t go on this one Zoom. And essentially, this whole community turns against her, the actual person who is the instigator of all this, the one whose sister actually died. I found that to be fascinating too, because who’s the creator in this situation? Is it the podcasters who did organize this group, or is it her? And who is the victim in this situation?

True crime fandom is a thing. In this case, it’s a community that was formed around this one murder, and the only thing they have in common is that there’s a curiosity about this, but they’re not making the thing. They’re just contributing. The sense of online communities in particular can be incredibly toxic, because you’re not doing it to someone’s face.

**Craig:** It’s also a question of what is it that you are obsessed with. Here’s a woman who’s obsessed with who killed her sister. That is a fact, and that is a crime. That’s somebody that she loved and cared for. The fandom is obsessed with a podcast, so now they are interested in what is an act of creation. It’s a show.

If you care mostly about the show, I always think of this as the Skyler problem. Skyler White on Breaking Bad. Anna Gunn is an incredible actor and portrayed Walter White’s wife beautifully and had to carry the burden of a very difficult part. There was this thing where the Breaking Bad fandom just started to hate her, hate both Anna Gunn and Skyler White. Why? Because Skyler’s character was in direct opposite to Walter and his stuff. If she finds out what he is doing, she’s going to be angry and make him stop. When she does find out what he’s doing, she is upset. She becomes sort of a co-conspirator, and then eventually just no more. But her character was a threat to the existence of the show. If Skyler wins, Walter White stops making meth, and there’s no more show. What the audience cared about was that the show would keep going, and so they started to hate a character. I find that fascinating.

I think in this case, I could definitely see where if the woman whose sister was a victim became uncomfortable with the show and was threatening the continuation of the show, the community gets angry at her, because they don’t care about her and her justice. They care about the show. And that is where fandom gets a little squiggly, when you’re dealing with stuff that isn’t purely fictional, but rather a presentation of truth.

**John:** Absolutely. In our bonus segment for premium members, I want to continue this conversation and talk about different fandoms and the degree to which it feels like the creators have some control over that and the degree to which the creators are being held captive to their fandoms, which I think is a challenging situation, which happens far too often. Let’s answer some listener questions. Drew, what you got for us?

**Drew:** Brent writes, “My understanding is that if a stage musical is adapted into a film, the songwriter retains copyright, and the songs are licensed to the film. But how does ownership and authorship work with original songs written for an original musical film? Are they considered separate from the screenplay? Is the lyricist considered a co-writer of the script by the WGA? And how is that songwriter typically contracted?

**John:** Here’s a question I could actually answer, because I have-

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** … much experience with this. First, Brett’s assumption that a stage musical adapted into a film, yes, and so that the lyricist composer of the original Broadway or stage production, they own the copyright on those songs, and so those are licensed as part of the package to make the movie. The Mean Girls movie, Jeff Richmond, who wrote the songs for that – and I don’t remember who the lyricist was – those songs were licensed for the movie, pretty straightforward.

When you write an original song for a movie, and so if you’re Billie Eilish to do for Barbie, they come to you and they say, “Hey, would you write this song for this movie?” You write it. It’s phenomenal. There’s a separate contract for that. It is licensed to be in the movie. It’s relatively clean. It’s similar to how it would’ve worked the other way around, like if the song had previously existed.

What gets to be complicated is when you are writing stuff that is fundamentally integrated into the movie. For Corpse Bride or for Frankenweenie and for Big Fish, I wrote songs into the script that became part of the movie. Those, I was not contracted separately. They were just part of the script. They were folded into my writing fee for writing the movie. But those songs, which also Danny Elfman then did the music for, also exist separately, and so I am paid separately for those, for royalties and for all the other music-y things that songwriters get paid for. I get separate checks for each of those things. When it plays in Norway, I get 13 cents, and those checks accumulate separately, by different accounting systems, so ASCAP or BMI.

**Craig:** Yep, I’ve done the same. That’s how it works. You do retain authorship of those songs. I have the distinct honor of receiving checks from ASCAP every now and then for a song called Douchebag of the Year in Superhero Movie, which how many people can boast that, John? Very few.

**John:** It’s nice.

**Craig:** I wrote a rap song for Scary Movie 3, and I get royalties for writing the lyrics. Your outline is exactly correct. Authorship of lyrics and authorship of music will always generate royalties through ASCAP and BMI, and not only if they’re played just on their own, but also if they’re played in the movie. It is an interesting hybrid there, but generally speaking, you do retain more rights and more financial interest with songs than you do with, say, a work for hire as a script, because in that case, you’re really relying on the WGA formula for residuals and nothing else.

**John:** One other question embedded in here. Is the lyricist considered a co-writer of the script by the WGA?

**Craig:** No.

**John:** Generally, no. It’s a thing we’ve talked about with Rachel Bloom a couple times is that writing the songs for things like Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, she’s often writing actual story material. She’s writing everything that happens in the song. It’s like she’s not just writing dialog, but she’s writing a whole sequence. You could imagine there could be scenarios in which the songs are so much of what the actual story is that it crosses into situations where it really should be considered literary material that goes into WGA arbitrations. Maybe that’s happened in the past, but classically, no, it’s not considered literary material in that same way.

**Craig:** Generally, no. If you’re dealing with something that is a recitative, where everything is sung, for instance, Les Mis, then certainly, I think the Writers Guild has the ability, through its pre-arbitration structure and participating writer investigations, to say, “Hey, look, even though this is in a lyric format, it is dialog. It is screenplay material. It is literary material.” We have the ability to be flexible on that front and to pose the questions and ask them. It’s another reason why the WGA’s sole authority is important, because it can, as an institution, allow for some flexibility and exclusions and exceptions. There are ways for it to actually account for unique properties like that.

**John:** Next question.

**Drew:** Kaylan in Alaska writes, “Are there best practices to follow as to not break up scenes or dialog in an annoying way? I specifically mean when a scene begins at the bottom of a page, and only one line of scene description fits, or when dialog gets broken between two pages in a way that feels like it might break up the reading of the line. My brain really wants that soothing feeling of a scene starting at the top of a page.”

**Craig:** I’ll tell you what my brain wants, Kaylan. My brain is trying to anagram and Kaylan and Alaska together. There’s so many overlapping letters. I love it. Best practices are what you feel good with, what makes you happy. Most people reading, my opinion, don’t care. For me as a writer, I care so much. I don’t like splitting up dialog across pages. If I can mitigate that, I do, because, I don’t know, I don’t like it. It just feels bad. If you can avoid ending a scene with a single line of action that’s on the subsequent page and then start a new scene, yeah, do it. Avoid it. It’s actually not that hard to do. As long as you don’t get into a situation where you’re actually hurting things to make it look better on the page, you’re fine. My brain wants that soothing feeling as well, and there’s nothing wrong with a little self-soothing there as far as I’m concerned.

**John:** Here’s one situation where screenwriting software, from Final Draft to Fade In to Highland, all the legitimate applications, are going to be doing some of this work for you. What they will all do is they will not let you start a scene at the very bottom of a page. They’ll push that scene header to the next page. If there’s a single line on the next page, they’ll pull stuff across, so that you don’t have a little orphan or a widow there happening. Some of that stuff happens automatically.

What Craig is describing is generally the last looks before you’re printing or turning in a script to somebody, is just going through it one last time and seeing are there any really weird breaks that I want to fix here, and seeing if there’s way you could pull stuff, push it down or pull it across, so you don’t get those weirdos there. I used to be much more of a freak about it. I just don’t let it stress me out too much. I will look for situations where that’s actually confusing because it broke that way.

The other thing you don’t appreciate until you actually have to build the software to do it, most of these apps will also break at the sentence, rather than breaking at the end of the line. If dialog has to break across a page, they will create the break, add a period, rather than just having the line taper off, which is just helpful. It just makes it much easier to read.

**Craig:** Agreed.

**Drew:** Not Too Happy writes, “I wrote a script in 2014 that became my calling card for many years. It performed well on The Black List site, found producers, went to all the agencies, got offered to a bunch of different actresses and directors, and spent years almost getting made. Then a few weeks ago, I saw a Deadline announcement that a very famous actor is set to produce and star in a movie with the exact same plot. Normally, that would be an oh well, what are you going to do? But in this case, that actor was sent my script in 2015, along with an official offer of a million dollars to play the lead. This all went through their reps at the time, from reputable producers on my end, above board, blah blah blah. Now, I’m not accusing anyone of knowingly stealing anything, but I can’t help but feeling like I’m being ripped off. My manager offered a, ‘That sucks,’ and my lawyer advises a wait-and-see approach. I’d rather not. Do I have any recourse, and what would you do?”

**John:** Not Too Happy provided some context here which Craig and I can take a look at, but we’re not going to discuss on the show.

**Craig:** It is quite the context. It is certainly relevant. Not Too Happy, I get why you’re not too happy. Your manager actually here is giving you the proper answer, which is that sucks. Your lawyer advising a wait-and-see approach, that’s the lawyer’s version of, “We’re not doing anything.” Here’s why.

Unfortunately – and we’ve talked about this quite a few times on the show – premises, plots, these are not really intellectual property. They fall under the general heading of ideas. Let’s say I write a script, and it’s about two guys who discover that they’ve grown up separately, but actually, turns out that they’re brothers, and in fact, they’re weirdly twins. They’re fraternal twins. But one of them is really short, and one of them is tall and super strong. They don’t look anything alike. Okay. That’s Twins. That’s cool. What I just described, anyone can write a movie like that.

**John:** [Crosstalk 00:58:50].

**Craig:** I could sit down, I could write another movie today with a different title that is the exact same plot, and it is not legally actionable, because unless you get into unique expression in fixed form, there’s no infringement there. If you get a copy of the script that this star is going to be making, and they have taken chunks of your action description or runs of dialog that are non-generic, okay, that’s just straight up copyright infringement. They won’t.

**John:** They won’t.

**Craig:** Unfortunately, this is one of those things where we can’t even say that the person went, “Oh, you know what? I love this idea, but I just don’t like the script. Can somebody else do this idea?” Maybe that’s what happened, which by the way, that’s not stealing either. Is it ethical? No. But is it criminal? No. You can’t steal something that isn’t property. And unfortunately, concepts and ideas and general plot lines, not property.

**John:** We don’t know the backstory on how this actor came to do this project, which is apparently moving forward. My hunch though is someone else had basically the same idea and wrote it up, and the actor said, “Oh yeah, I’ve always wanted to do something that’s in that space,” and said yes to that thing. I suspect that the second writer really did come up with that idea on their own, because it’s a good idea, but it’s also an idea that a lot of people could have, honestly. They wrote their own thing. This star attached themselves to it. If you cannot show that there is a connection between that second writer having exposure to your script and having decided, “I’m going to do this thing that’s basically the same premise,” there’s no case to be made here.

Your manager and your lawyer are saying the right thing. The lawyer saying, “Let’s wait and see,” is also saying you don’t know this thing’s ever even going to happen. If this thing actually goes in production and it clearly looks like there is an infringement case to be made here, that’s the time when she would raise her hand and do something.

**Craig:** There almost certainly won’t be. Let’s also dig in a little bit on Not Too Happy here. When you said, “That actor,” the one that’s now said to produce and star in the movie, “was sent my script in 2015,” so almost a decade ago, “along with an official offer of a million dollars to play the lead,” now, that sounds impressive. But the fact is, actors of a certain level are constantly getting stuff submitted with an official offer of whatever their quote is, or maybe their quote is less than that. They might not have even read it.

Listen. I get offered things where someone says, “Here’s something. We’ve bought a book, and we want you to write this,” and blah blah blah. I’m like, “No, I’m not interested.” I just tell my agent, “It doesn’t sound for me. No, thank you.” Then four years later, someone that I’m really fascinated by starts talking to me about that book or a different book on the same topic, and now suddenly I am interested, because there’s just a different context to it. Did I do something wrong? No. I changed my mind, or I wasn’t in the same place, or something was more attractive to me about this other version of it.

The point being, what I think you need to do is let yourself off the hook of feeling like you’ve been screwed, because that’s a terrible feeling to walk around with. I don’t think you’ve been legally screwed. If you were somewhat ethically screwed with, let’s look at the bright side. You had an idea that other people thought was worth making. Now, what you need to do for the next step, Not Too Happy, is to write a script of an idea that people like, that is so good they want to make that script. That’s ultimately what separates the steadily working writers from folks who are trying to be steadily working writers. Good idea and undeniable execution, as opposed to good idea, decent execution.

It’s not fun to hear. By the way, your script may have been amazing. But in this case, it sounds like, by your own admission, it went to all the agencies, lots of different actresses and directors, and it just ultimately wasn’t compelling in and of itself to get that next level going.

As John says, in this case, I’m looking at this article that talks about this. There are articles like this every five minutes. “So-and-so is attached to produce some blah da blah such and such,” and then it never happens. Who knows?

**John:** Who knows? Let’s try one more question, Drew. Let’s do Will here.

**Drew:** Will writes, “Before Christmas, I reached out to the representation of a character actor I had in mind for my script. Today they got back to me asking about financing. How do I answer them saying I don’t have financing without scaring them off?”

**John:** That’s going to be the first question you’re going to get back. It’s good we bring this up, because any time you’re reaching out to a specific actor, who’d be the character actor who’s exactly perfect for this, the reps are doing their job. They’re saying, “Okay, is there any money here?” The answer is, “There’s no money here. These are the producers that I want to approach. This is my plan going forward.”

**Craig:** Yeah. Look. Character actors really should be asking about this. Basically, what the reps are saying is, are you offering us a job, or are you asking us to attach a name? Will, you’re referring to an independent film. There’s a long, glorious tradition of independent films trying to get financing using the actor’s name to help them get financing. The financing is like, “Do you have an actor attached?” Everybody’s basically in a catch-22.

But attaching yourself to a script ultimately isn’t much of a commitment. No actor’s going to say, “Yes, I’m attaching myself to your unfinanced project, and also I’m clearing the decks for these months, and I will take no other jobs for those months.” That’s not a thing.

How do I answer them? Honestly. You answer them honestly. You say, “We are looking for financing. We honestly feel that we will have a much better chance of getting financing if we can say that this actor is attached and happy to play this part, should all of the other things that need to happen line up, like schedule, payment, etc.” If they’re like, “Yeah, no, we don’t actually want to attach ourselves to this without financing,” what you just heard is “no.” And that’s just life.

**John:** Yeah. Is there a future situation where somehow you’re able to find financing, and you come back to that actor, and suddenly they’re interested? Yes, that could happen too. Don’t bank on it, but that’s possible too. You’ve burned nothing to do this. Being honest is the right approach.

Whoever the reps are for this character actor, this is a chance for them to be more in a lead role. That’s exciting for them. There may be ways that you can spin this as helpful. They may also know people who are, relationships that that actor has with producers or something. There may be some way that it could be helpful. So be honest and open to what they’re saying next.

**Craig:** These reps, we don’t know, they may have been yelled at by their client two weeks earlier, saying, “Stop sending me stuff that isn’t financed and isn’t, quote unquote, ‘real.'” Because here’s the thing. They gotta read all this stuff. They gotta read all of it. They gotta get excited by it. And then they do, and someone’s like, “Great. We actually have no money. We’ll talk to you in a year.” Then they’re like, “Why did I go through all that?”

**John:** The same thing happens for writers, of course, is that you get approached, like, “There’s this book,” blah blah blah. It’s like, that’s fantastic. Some cases I’m willing to engage, and I’ll at least try to set this up someplace. Other places, no. If there’s actually a home for this, then I’ll talk about this, but I’m not going to spend three months of my life trying to get this thing set up.

**Craig:** Or, god forbid, help you get the rights, by saying, “I’ll adapt it.” Hell no.

**John:** Nope.

**Craig:** Get your own rights. Otherwise, what do I need you for? Do you know what I mean? I’ll just go get the rights then.

**John:** Yoink. Cool. It’s time for One Cool Things. My One Cool Thing is a book that I read over the Christmas holidays. For whatever reason, I plow through books during the holidays. I had three this time. One of them I really enjoyed was Going Zero by Anthony McCarten.

So the premise of this is – it’s fiction – there is a joint program between the CIA and a Facebook kind of organization. What they’re trying to do is to be able to track people who fall off the grid, who disappear, and to see how quickly we can find those people, prevent terrorist attacks and other nefarious things. To test this system, they are going to recruit, I believe it’s 10 people, and basically say, “We’re going to tell you one day that you have to go zero. You have to disappear, fall off the grid. If you can stay hidden for 30 days, we’ll give you $3 million.” It’s a good premise. The story’s alternating between the people who are trying to hide and the people who are looking for them. So that’s that cat-and-mouse game.

**Craig:** That’s cool.

**John:** Naturally, there are complications that ensue. I read this as a pure, clean, looking for a good read, and of course, as a person who makes film and television, I’m like, “I know how to adapt this.” But I deliberately did not look up the credits of the person who wrote the book until I was finished. I looked him up. Anthony McCarten is actually a very successful, very produced screenwriter, who I ended up emailing him, and he has his own plans for the book. So I’m excited to see what’s going to happen next to it. But if you are into a fun, breezy thriller to read, I recommend Going Zero by Anthony McCarten. If you read it now, then you can also see what becomes of it. It’s sort of a how would this become a property down the road.

**Craig:** Fantastic. Good recommendation. My One Cool Thing is full-on nepo baby.

**John:** This is your incredibly successful father who gave you your career. That’s what you’re talking about. You are the nepo baby.

**Craig:** Yeah, I’m the nepo baby. My father was an incredibly successful social studies teacher in the New York City public school system.

**John:** Without him, you would not have been able to find Chernobyl.

**Craig:** He taught American history, so actually, I didn’t even have that. No. I speak of my youngest child, Jessica Mazin, who is currently attending school at Berklee College of Music in Boston. John’s daughter is also there in school in Boston. She is a budding songwriter and has written some really good songs. She’s written stuff that actually got…

There’s a song she wrote – talk about fandom – that was based on a book series on Wattpad, which I know you’re familiar with, because you also have a daughter. Wattpad’s basically a fanfiction conglomeration site, as far as I can tell. There was this incredibly popular series there. She wrote a song based on characters and things from the series, and it actually got, I don’t know, millions of listens on Spotify. It’s pretty remarkable. She got paid money. She got over a million listens to that. In a nepo daddy way, I also had her sing a cover of a Depeche Mode song for The Last of Us. But I did so because I think she’s awesome.

**John:** She’s really good.

**Craig:** I actually think she’s great. It’s an interesting thing of creating a person who creates things, and then I listen to the things they’ve created, and it’s like this weird echo of creation. She’s written a song called The Devil. She wrote the lyrics and the music, and she performs it, and then her friend Henry Dearborn, who’s an also very talented young guy, produced it and helped add instrumentation and mix and all that. I think it’s really good.

**John:** Yeah, I agree. I listened to it.

**Craig:** That is a really good song. It’s super catchy. I think the lyrics are really intriguing. I’m making Jessica and her song The Devil my One Cool Thing. It is on Spotify. I think you’ll enjoy it. I actually think you’ll like it. It goes down easy, and it’s got a good chorus. She’s just very good. I actually think she’s really, really good.

**John:** We’ll start playing the song now. It’ll become our outro for this episode. One thing I think is so interesting about Spotify is there’s obviously so many criticisms with Spotify, but the fact that Jessica is on Spotify the same way that Beyonce and Taylor Swift are on Spotify, or Girl in Red, it equals things out in ways that are really fascinating and unprecedented, so that’s nice. The fact that people could discover her – my daughter discovers music all the time on Spotify – is exciting.

**Craig:** Yeah, it is. I’m very proud of her. I’m proud of how independent she is from me. She doesn’t do what I do. She doesn’t ask me for help. She doesn’t ask my opinion. What happens is it just appears, and then I listen to it like anyone else. I think maybe that’s what I’m most proud of is that she doesn’t give a sweet damn what I think. I like it. I love it, actually, honestly, anyway.

**John:** Cool. That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt.

**Craig:** Woo woo!

**John:** Edited by Matthew Chilelli.

**Craig:** Yeah!

**John:** Our outro this week is by Jessica Mazin. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. Our list of outros is getting a little bit sparse, so we’d love some more outros coming in here. Ask@johnaugust.com is also where you can send questions, like the ones we answered today. You will find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find the transcripts, sign up for our weekly newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. We have T-shirts and hoodies, and they’re great. You’ll find them at Cotton Bureau. You can sign up to become a premium member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and bonus segments, like the one we’re about to record on creators and fandom. Craig, thanks for a fun show.

**Craig:** Thank you, John.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** All right, Craig. Continuing our conversation about fans and creators, I have a list here in the Workflowy of different kinds of fandoms. I want to think about what is the relationship between them and their creators and the people who own the underlying material behind this.

I’ll start with Formula One, because last year I went to my first Formula One race. I just didn’t realize what a giant community that is, just the money they mint doing that. It’s interesting, because I feel like with Formula One, they’d already had fans, but then the Netflix show really drew up a whole bunch of new fans, including my daughter, to it. Where’s the center of fandom for it? Is it the individual teams? Is it the organization that puts on the races? Is it the Netflix show? It feels like it’s one of those in-between things, and it’s hard to say who’s in control of it.

**Craig:** It’s a bit scary, actually, how fandom as a business can get larger than the core business. This satellite business that grows around it. It is remarkable. One thing that I think really big artists have become very good at is getting ahead of it. BTS, for instance, that group is also its own fandom industry. They got ahead of it. They control it. They run it. Yes, there are obviously a lot of independents that grow up around it, but they’ve created so much of it. It was baked in from the jump, whereas some of the boy bands that we remember from the ’90s, for instance, were just selling records and selling tour tickets and merch, which we used to call merchandise. Merch, it’s like IP. That was like backstage talk that was slightly cynical, and now it’s front stage talk for everyone.

The business now, I think, is such that creators are starting to get more of a handle on it. I would imagine Taylor Swift at some point woke up one day and said, “Why are other people making more money off of me than me?” Because that actually probably doesn’t feel great. It feels a little exploitative, and yet it’s all about the energy of people that are in love with what you do.

**John:** I’d be curious what Jessica’s relationship is like with her fans at this point, because she has enough people who are listening to her music, who are curious about her next thing that’s going to be happening, that they feel some investment in her. They’re rooting for her. They discovered her early on. Maybe Berklee School of Music is the perfect place for her to learn some of this. How should she be thinking about that? To what degree does she need to start thinking about her mailing list, how she’s communicating with the people who are her truest fans?

**Craig:** I think in a healthy way, like any young artist, she’s mostly concerned about getting better, about creating work, getting better, learning. She’s got some gigs now. Berklee’s amazing about how they facilitate this. She’s going to start getting paid to perform live. But she definitely does have the Generation Z TikTok conversation with people who like what she does.

I have a feeling that fandom is a hockey stick chart, where there’s a little bit, there’s a little bit, and then something happens, and then boom, it just explodes. Even in the article we were discussing where the guy was talking about the fanatics, the fanatics aren’t the first people in. There’s always other people that are in first, and then there’s that moment that happens where there’s a big upswing, and then it becomes a real thing. I think she’s got her head on in the right place. There are obviously a lot of people for whom the fandom is the point. Those people tend to head more off into the influencer zone as opposed to trying to create things.

Taylor Swift is a wonderful example of somebody that clearly was about creating art, and it became enormously popular, and now there is an industry. But she didn’t start for that. I’ve never read an interview with her or seen her talk and thought to myself, oh, this was all calculated. No, she’s just a really good artist that people love.

**John:** Yes. I will note Taylor Swift has her challenges with her community as well, like the Gaylor Swift, the people who are obsessed that she’s actually lesbian and that all these songs have coded meanings in them.

**Craig:** Gaylor Swift.

**John:** How does she both refute that without driving those people away in a way that makes them feel unseen and unheard? It’s so challenging, because she’s an artist trying to tell stories, and people, false stories, they’re going to derive their own meaning from them, which is exactly the point. And yet when there’s a community that is obsessed with picking everything apart to discover a secret, hidden meaning behind things, it’s tough.

**Craig:** It is. It would be fascinating to talk with her about this, although we never will, because she now exists on Mount Olympus. But when we start out as artists, we are looking for the outliers, the people who will love what we do, because most people are going to ignore new things. We’re looking for somebody – ideally somebody with some influence –to love what we do. That one special person, even if they’re just 1% of the people that have been listening, helped spread the word, and now lots of people listen. But then, once it gets really big – and Taylor Swift operates on a massive scale – then what you’re dealing with are outlier problems.

Let’s say 99.9% of your fans are healthy people who just love your music, which I think is probably the case for Taylor. That .1% is the problem. They’re the people who are driving an enormous amount of discourse online, who are agitated, aggressive, angry, possessive, parasocial. Those are also the people that are showing up at your house, trying to climb over the wall, sending you weird messages, stalking. The outlier becomes the problem. I think sometimes in our culture, we mistake the outlier discussion for the mainstream discussion when it’s not.

Gaylor Swift is a fascinating concept. I suspect the great majority of Taylor Swift fans are just enjoying the music and are not at that level of, “I need you to like who I want you to like,” which is just I think part of an outlier behavior.

**John:** One of the other books I read over the holidays was Taylor Lorenz’s book Extremely Online, which tracks creators and fandoms and the rise of internet creator culture. It goes back from vloggers and mommy bloggers and the rise and fall of those. But one of the most fascinating sections is on Vine, because Vine was never meant to be what Vine became. You had these young men, some women, but mostly young men, who became extremely famous for doing little Vines, but also just became famous for being famous, in the way that Paris Hilton’s famously famous for being famous. People need to figure out, how do we monetize that? How do we exploit that? They would have these mall tours where they’d put together these Vine stars to perform, kind of. There was teenage girls who were their fans. They really weren’t part of the community.

It was a strange fit, particularly because the platform that they were on, Vine, did not like them. It did not want them around. That tension between the space you’re in and what you’re trying to do can be a real factor as well. It’s a thing we see again and again with studios and their stars and filmmakers and the need to do press and publicity but also feel constrained by it. It’s tough.

**Craig:** It is. It is. It is an interesting concept, the notion of a platform that you intend the platform to be used one way, it ends up being used another way. OnlyFans comes to mind.

**John:** For sure.

**Craig:** I don’t know, but I assume that OnlyFans began as a thing of like, hey, this is where people can talk to their fans, because they’re songwriters or they’re visual artists or whatever it is, and this is a way for them to get paid for what they do by the people that love them. From what I understand, John…

**John:** That’s not really where it is right now. I think OnlyFans may have known that sex work was going to be part of it from the start. But there’s wholesome versions of that as well that are just not as successful.

**Craig:** OnlyFans I guess was uncomfortable enough with the fact that it had become a platform for sex work that they said no more sex on OnlyFans, and everyone went, then what the hell are you for? It’s like if McDonald’s was like, “We didn’t mean to sell chicken nuggets. We were hamburgers. No more chicken nuggets,” and everyone lost their minds. Then OnlyFans was like, “Okay, I guess this is what we are now.”

**John:** Credit card processing with anything involving sex work is also incredibly complicated. Let’s wind back to Star Trek. We think of Star Trek was designed to be a delightful show about space travel, wagon to the stars. It did sell toys. It had its own stuff that it was doing, its own merch. But fan culture around Star Trek became its own industry. Suddenly, there’s actors who appeared on one episode now being booked for fan conventions. It’s self-sustained in a way that was important and made it possible ultimately for the renaissance of Star Trek and for the movies and for everything else to have happened after the fact. It was necessary for those fans to exist, and yet they’ve always been in a bit of a strange relationship with the owners and creators of Star Trek.

**Craig:** Yeah. There was a pretty famous sketch on Saturday Night Live. William Shatner was the guest host. The sketch was him at a Star Trek convention where people are asking him questions, and he finally just broke down and told them all to get a life. This was very funny to the people in the audience there in the studio, whatever it is, 8A. But a lot of people in the fan community were upset. They were hurt.

Listen. A lot of people – and we’ve mentioned this before – who join these communities struggle to find other communities. Here was somebody basically making fun of them for that specific struggle. They weren’t just there as part of the Trekker community because of how much they love Star Trek. It’s because of also how much they loved and were loved by people who loved Star Trek, as opposed to everywhere else in their lives, where maybe they were being discounted or put down. For the objects, the center of the wheel to behave towards them the way that the jocks at high school behaved had to have been pretty hurtful.

There are certain genres that do tend to appeal more to people who do struggle with, we’ll call non-virtual communities. I think it’s important for people to be aware of that and to be kind, because I have another daughter, who’s on the autism spectrum, and we talk all the time about her special interests and the things that she’s super into and how she finds community with other people that love it, and it’s important to her.

**John:** A community that’s growing very quickly – I’d really be curious what the subculture’s like two or three years from now – is pickleball.

**Craig:** Pickleball.

**John:** The number of people who tried to recruit me to play pickleball is somewhat astonishing. It’s also interesting to watch the fights that are happening in communities about the conversion of normal tennis courts to pickleball courts and, of course, the noise that pickleball creates.

**Craig:** Fricking noise. Yeah, pickleball really came out of nowhere there. Wow. You’re absolutely right. Now, pickleball is an interesting one, because unlike most fandoms we discuss, which are driven by the young, pickleball is driven by the old. Old people – and I don’t say that with any stink on it, because I’m getting there, man. Let’s call them older people. Older people are tough. They’re organized. They have money. They know how systems work.

**John:** That’s the thing.

**Craig:** Fans of a new rap star who comes on the scene, fans of that rap star generally aren’t going to be also serving on city councils or know how hearings work, but the pickleball fans do. They’re lawyers. They’re doctors. They’re heads of the PTAs. Now it becomes interesting. Watch out for the pickleball people. They’ll get you.

**John:** It’s good stuff. The last thing I want to distinguish between is there’s fandom, and there’s also collectors. Watching what’s happening right now with Stanley cups. Have you been tracking that at all?

**Craig:** I sure have. I live in Canada now.

**John:** Just the obsession with these collectible cups. It’s great that you love them, but no one needs 30 of them. That’s the difference between, are you entering into it because you want to be part of a community that collects these novelty cups, or are you doing it because you see a market for it, and that sense of really what is the angle. Are you seeing this in a capitalist sense, like the crypto bros were? Crypto bros saw this as a way to make a bunch of money, but also they had that missionary zeal, like we’re going to convert the world over to this thing. We all know how Stanley cup collecting will end up. It’s going to end up with a bunch of these things in landfills.

**Craig:** This is the bust and boom of these things. When I was a kid in high school, my friends and I would go down to Point Pleasant in New Jersey, which is on the shore, and it had a big boardwalk. The boardwalk had rides and restaurants and lots of little stands that would sell things. Every summer, there was a stand that was selling the new hot ticket toy. It was different every summer. The rabidity was consistent. It was just the thing that people were obsessed with that changed.

When I was really young, my sister, like many young girls, was pulled into the Cabbage Patch doll craze. I have the distinct memory of being in a Toys R Us in Brooklyn, watching adults fighting, almost physically, as Toys R Us employees pulled out a large shipping box of Cabbage Patch dolls, because of the insanity of it.

Humans are not good at valuing things. We’re notoriously irrational about it. Forced scarcity or this belief that something is valuable will drive our behavior. I think Bill Maher once famously said if you put a velvet rope in front of a toxic waste dump in LA, people will start lining up. There’s just something wrong with our brains.

I will say – and I’m not boasting here, this is just dumb luck of my brain – I don’t understand collecting. I’ve never collected anything. I don’t see the point of it. It just seems like a pointless accruing. I don’t quite know what it means. But I do recognize I’m alone, or, not alone; I’m rare, I guess.

**John:** I have some cool vintage typewriters, but I have them because they’re individually cool. But I don’t know anything about them. I don’t know anything about the community. It’s not part of anything. I guess what I’m trying to distinguish between is there’s people who collect and enter into a community about those collections, and it does enter into a fandom situation, and then there’s people who are just there to make a buck and don’t actually care about it, which I guess does tie into the whole poser issue of fandom is who are the true believers and who are the follow-ons who are trying to exploit it. It is a good moment for me to remind everybody to buy your Scriptnotes T-shirts on Cotton Bureau, especially the limited editions, which will only be sold for periods of time, because-

**Craig:** So rare.

**John:** When those drop, sometimes it’s only 100 of them that were done.

**Craig:** When they drop. If you’re a real Scriptnotes fan, not a poser, if you’re real. The ultimate posers are the people that sell stuff. Those are the posers. Hasbro.

**John:** There were times out on the picket line where I’d see a Scriptnotes shirt that I’d never seen out in the wild. It’s like, “Oh my gosh, I need to photograph that, because that is a true fan who has that,” or has the Courier Prime shirt, which we only made for a short period of time.

**Craig:** Or maybe that was the brother of a true fan who stopped being a true fan and just left that T-shirt behind when they moved.

**John:** No, I don’t believe it.

**Craig:** I’m so much more cynical.

**John:** When I asked that person who was wearing that very distinct shirt, also, “How’d you get that so crisp?” he’s like, “Oh, I never put it in the dryer. I always hand-dry it.”

**Craig:** Wow. It gives me a little bit of anxiety.

**John:** It’s true fandom for me. Craig, I’ll always be a fan of yours.

**Craig:** Aw, John. I’m a fan of yours too. You know what? Let’s just do this podcast until one of us just drops dead on our desk.

**John:** That’s what we’ll do.

**Craig:** And hopefully during a podcast. It’ll make a great bonus segment.

**John:** You have to hear that thump.

**Craig:** Yeah, just a thump. And then like, “Oh, okay. That’s Scriptnotes for you.”

**John:** That’s why we turn the Zoom off, so you can’t see when one of us drops. You have to listen for it. Thanks, Drew.

**Drew:** Thanks, guys.

**John:** Thank you, Craig.

**Craig:** Thanks, guys.

**John:** Bye.

Links:

* [The Tiffany Problem](https://dmnes.wordpress.com/2020/08/05/the-tiffany-problem/)
* [‘Harry Potter’ TV Series Zeroes In On Premise As Selected Writers Pitch Their Ideas To Max](https://deadline.com/2024/01/harry-potter-tv-series-premise-writers-set-max-1235798159/)
* [WGGB Screenwriting Credits Agreement](https://writersguild.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Screenwriting_credits_agreement.pdf)
* [Ig Nobel Prize – “Please stop, I’m Bored”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAnVNXaa5oA)
* [Anatomy of a Fall – Screenplay](https://deadline.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Anatomy-Of-A-Fall-Read-The-Screenplay.pdf)
* [Podcasters Took Up Her Sister’s Murder Investigation. Then They Turned on Her](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/05/magazine/murder-podcast-debbie-williamson.html) by Sarah Viren for the New York Times
* [Geeks, MOPs, and sociopaths in subculture evolution](https://meaningness.com/geeks-mops-sociopaths) by David Chapman
* [Going Zero by Anthony McCarten](https://www.harpercollins.com/products/going-zero-anthony-mccarten?variant=40641169686562)
* [The Devil by Jessica Mazin](https://open.spotify.com/track/6mgwrkmCQMfxRj810BOlvB?si=ed91e62ef4cc43e4) on Spotify
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Check out the Inneresting Newsletter](https://inneresting.substack.com/)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* Craig Mazin on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@clmazin) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/clmazin/)
* John August on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@johnaugust), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/johnaugust)
* [John on Mastodon](https://mastodon.art/@johnaugust)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Jessica Mazin ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/628standardV2.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Episode 618: Clearing out the Mailbag, Transcript

November 30, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2023/clearing-out-the-mailbag).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August, and this is Episode 618 of Scriptnotes. It’s a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Craig Mazin has been buried under an avalanche of work, so today on the show, producer Drew Marquardt and I will power through a stack of mostly career related questions that have been piling up in the mailbag for weeks, months?

**Drew Marquardt:** Weeks, or months, some of them. But I’m excited for all of them.

**John:** Usually what happens is we have on the outline a bunch of the topics of the day and then questions. We get to the questions or we don’t get to the questions. They stack up there.

**Drew:** I usually have about five or so for each episode, and we’ll get to one maybe two sometimes. This is good.

**John:** We’re going to look at everything from disclosing why you were fired from your last job to who pays for coffee. There’s a few craft things in there, but it’s more work stuff in this batch of mailbag. In our Bonus Segment for Premium Members, we will discuss weddings, because Drew Marquardt, you were just married.

**Drew:** I was.

**John:** You are still married, but you just had a wedding I think is the crucial thing. We’ll have some hot takes on what makes a wedding work, because coming off of this wedding, Nima Yousefi was at the wedding. He asked, “How many weddings have you been to?” I said, “I think maybe 15,” and then actually made a list in Notes on it, and I’ve been to 43 weddings.

**Drew:** Oh my god, that’s a lot of weddings. You’re an expert now.

**John:** I’m fully an expert on what to do at a wedding and what not to do. You just went through it recently, so you can tell us the 2023 take on how to stage a wedding.

**Drew:** You’ve thrown your own too.

**John:** Absolutely. I’ve officiated weddings. We can get into all the details there. Let’s just start with some questions. This first one is a doozy, so I don’t know. I’m going to stretch. I think I’m ready for this one.

**Drew:** This first one’s from Anonymous. They write, “I’m a mid-level TV writer. Right before the pandemic, I was fired from the show I was working for for making off-color jokes. They weren’t anything worse than what you’d hear on a show like Friends, and they weren’t aimed at any actual person, but I own up to my guilt and feel bad that I offended someone enough to make them complain to HR. I certainly learned my lesson. I won’t be making any jokes outside of the writers’ room ever again.

“My problem is that I’m currently getting ready to pitch on a show of my own. I have a fairly big production company attached. While they know that I wrote for my former show, they don’t know that I was fired or why. They’ve never asked, and I’ve certainly never volunteered. I’m terrified that they’re going to try and set a pitch with the studio who fired me, who are going to tell the producers that I’m blackballed and why, and then it will snowball into me being fired off this pitch and my reputation ruined. What do I do? I’m scared to try to get out ahead of it, but I’m also scared to stay silent. I’m wildly ashamed about the whole thing but am trying to be professional and figure out how to manage my career going forward.”

**John:** Anonymous, because you wrote in with a question, we have to take you at your word, because we have no other information about this. Let’s talk a little bit about you being fired from your job for these off-color jokes. HR complaints typically aren’t somebody who just said some bad jokes. They’re usually more about behavior. If that behavior was that you are in this room saying these off-color things and making people feel uncomfortable, maybe that’s enough, but maybe it’s not. We don’t know the whole picture here.

You say you feel guilt over it. Okay. Great. You say that not directed at any actual person, but it’s worth thinking about what the person who actually did complain to HR, the people who complained to HR, how did they feel about that, and then what were you doing that really brought them to that situation. Like all these questions, we can only take you at your word that it really wasn’t as big of a deal, but it was big enough that you actually got booted from the show. It sounds like it wasn’t like you weren’t invited back for the second season, but you were let go mid writing room.

**Drew:** I feel like, I don’t know the situation, but one time probably wouldn’t land you in hot water with HR.

**John:** We don’t know this. You reference Friends. Of course, Friends was a pretty famous example of a show that the writers’ room was very bawdy, and there were complaints about what was happening in that writers’ room. It didn’t sound like it was the kind of show like that.

Regardless, what’s tough for us right now is that we’re trying to hold onto two things. First off, that people make mistakes, and they can change after that. That sounds like that’s what you’re trying to do, Anonymous. We love to celebrate those inspiring stories of the ex-con who turns their life around. We believe in restorative justice. We’d like to see people and characters grow and change. So there’s that whole aspect of this.

But then also, we want to see writers and other folks working out there to have a workplace that is free of harassment. Given that there are limited seats in those rooms, there’s a natural concern, like, “Are we going to give one to the guy who was just harassing people or was sort of a dick in that room?”

Those are the things we’re trying to balance, try and make these good, productive writing rooms that feel inclusive and safe, and also believing that people can grow and change. This whole answer, it’s predicated on the idea that you do feel bad about what happened, you want to change these things, and you’re deeply ashamed and embarrassed.

Let’s talk about what you do next here. You’ve got to get out ahead of this. It’s insanity to think that this will never come up and that you’re going to wait around for someone to say something about this. I’m curious what your reps know, your manager, your agents, your lawyer. What are they hearing? What are they feeling? Are you actually blackballed or just perceive that you’re blackballed at that studio, that they would never hire you again? Talk to them about this.

What is your relationship like with the previous showrunner, the one that you were fired from? Is it still somewhat cordial? Do they hate you, despise you? Are they never going to return your calls? You’re a mid-level writer, so you’ve been working on other shows too. What is your relationship like with those other showrunners who can vouch for you not being a jerk in the room?

Then when it comes time for this project and these producers, this production entity, I would say start the conversation in terms of this specific studio that you may be going into with this pitch, and so while you don’t necessarily know what their feeling may be, that you’ve left on bad terms. Then talk about what actually happened in there.

You don’t know what that conversation’s necessarily going to lead to or what the journey’s going to be like, but I think that’s your best bet, because I think you coming to them with this information is much better than you being on your back heels when they come to you and say, “We’ve heard these things.”

**Drew:** Would Anonymous be able to refer them to the other people that they’ve worked with, if they have someone who can vouch for them, basically?

**John:** That’s why I think looking at previous showrunners, previous shows they’ve been on might be helpful for, I think, overall more context. I think Anonymous is going to have to explain for themselves what happened in that room and why they got let go of that show, why they got fired off that show. I do think that having a broader context around that could be helpful, other witnesses on his side.

I’m curious what happened. Again, we always love follow-up, to hear what happened down the road with these things. Anonymous, let us know what’s happening six months to a year from now.

**Drew:** Please. Next comes from MD. They write, “Probably a stupid question, but when you’re meeting someone for coffee, like an agent invited you or an established screenwriter accepted meeting you for a possible mentorship, who picks up the tab?”

**John:** There’s two basic guidelines here. First off, the person who invited the other person is paying the tab, generally. You can split it if it’s a mutual decision. You can split it, but generally the person who asked the other person to come picks up the tab. If you reached out to this established screenwriter and sat down for coffee, you should pick up the tab. The established screenwriter may not let you do that, but you should certainly offer that.

The other general rule here I would say is that the person with the expense account pays. An executive, an agent, those folks are likely going to have an expense account as just part of their business, and so let them pay if they’re offering to pay.

**Drew:** Is that why you make me pay every time [crosstalk 07:42]?

**John:** I’m so sorry, Drew, but yeah, I think you’re learning so much here that it’s good for you to always be asking whether you can pay.

**Drew:** Good to know.

**John:** That’s nice.

**Drew:** Next comes from Judy in Wisconsin. She writes, “It’s hard to be a manager or a boss in a creative field. What have you learned about creating a good work environment? Any advice, tips, or strong feelings? When you have lost your cool, what do you do after?”

**John:** I would say the challenge of being a boss in a creative field is you don’t have real metrics to go back to. You don’t have metrics on productivity, like, “Oh, is this person doing a great job? What are their sales figures?” It’s very hard to do that. In other fields, you can say, “Oh, this person is achieving these things. These are the goals we set for them. This is what they’ve been able to do.” It’s not that. Basically, in a creative field, it’s like, “How much are they making my life better or worse? How much are they helping me do my job, get this project going, get to the next place?”

I think as a boss, as a manager in a creative field, what you’re trying to do is describe where you’re headed, what you want to be there when you get there, what absolutely needs to happen. You’re trying to provide a framework. You’re working with a lot of other professionals and specialists and sometimes other artists, and they’re going to have their process too, so you need to describe what it is you’re trying to achieve, but not tell them how to do their jobs.

That’s a thing I definitely learned on the set for my movie The Nines. Talking with a cinematographer, I could describe the feeling I was going for, but I’m not going to tell her what lenses I want or what film stock I want. That’s not my area of specialty. I can just describe the vibes I’m going for. Same with a composer. Same with an editor. I’m not going to tell them how to do their specific jobs, but I’m going to describe what it is I’m going for, what the things are that work for me.

**Drew:** I think you’ve also been very fortunate to work with people who, when you describe those things, can probably get to that point. What happens when you have someone who’s a little bit newer, a little more green, and they’re not quite getting there yet?

**John:** That is really a challenge. It’s happened with other folks working as a PA or an assistant kind of level too, where they’re not fully getting it. That’s tough. You have to talk them through what your expectations are, what it is they actually need to do to get to the next step, maybe introduce them to folks who are doing their job in other ways, in other places, so they can understand how it all fits together.

The times where I’ve lost my temper a bit is when somebody who, they’re in the right position, they should know how to do this thing, and either they’re not listening or they’re just not catching a brief of what it is we’re trying to do. Those are the folks that I’ve needed to let go at times, on a set or in real life, normal working stuff.

I think those are the challenges in the creative field. You can’t point to like, “This is not working out because you’re not hitting these numbers.” It’s not that at all. It’s just like, “I need a certain thing to feel a certain way. I need this all to work a certain way, and this is not working for me.”

**Drew:** Next comes from Brett. He writes, “I’m working on a secondary character who needs to help tell a story while opposing the lead. In this action comedy, the lead is a tough ass Marine. She’s strong and athletic but a little bit dense. My supporting character, by contrast, needs to come across as smart but soft, dainty, dare I say effeminate. I worry about this word’s context. I’m not a master of lexicon. I’m a redneck boy from Tennessee who learned later in life that I love to tell stories. My secondary character is a child, so his sexuality matters none. Is the word ‘effeminate’ okay when introducing this hilarious 10-year-old intellect?”

**John:** I think “effeminate” has become a code word for gay, so it’s going to read as you’re saying gay no matter what you do. I think I would avoid that word. It’s not that it’s a slur, but the moment you say it, you’re putting that character into a gendered space. You say his sexuality doesn’t matter, but you’re putting him into this gendered space, where he’s not acting like a good boy should act. It just creates a whole host of issues.

I would say think of an equivalent character from something else and words you might use to describe them. If you look at what is Young Sheldon like or Charlie from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Bastian from Neverending Story, what are some words you might use to describe them? Effeminate probably would not be on the top list of things for those characters.

It’s also important to remember that adjectives are not super important. You have that initial character description where you’re giving his age and a little bit, a tiny little sketch, like a sentence. Really, most of what a reader and an audience are going to get about that character are their actions, the things they’re saying, the things they’re doing, how they’re reacting to stuff around them, what their interplay is like with this other Marine character. I don’t think you need to be so hung up about what is the one word I’m going to use to describe that character on first introduction versus what is the personality I’m creating for this character.

If effeminate going for more classically girly stuff is going to be useful or important for that character, find some ways to actually make that happen in your story, but it doesn’t sound like it is. It sounds like he’s mostly there to be bright and hilarious. You might find some other ways that point to the very specific things that this character is doing in this story that make it fit and make him a good, interesting foil for your main character.

**Drew:** Perfect. Borges writes, “Craig’s mentioned time and again how he thinks in the shower. I have the same habit, and it sucks. I have no way of taking a fast note. The same thing happens when I’m swimming. It’s freaking annoying. How do you do it? Any memorization tips?”

**John:** First off, you pronounced this guys name as bor-juhs. It’s B-O-R-G-E-S. Bor-juhs is a good choice. I would’ve said bor-hehs. I guess we don’t know.

**Drew:** I feel like there was a TV show called Borges or something like that. It was Italian.

**John:** The Borgias.

**Drew:** The Borgias?

**John:** That was B-O-R-G-I-A-S, I think, wasn’t it? The Borgias?

**Drew:** [crosstalk 13:40].

**John:** You’re Googling this right now. While you’re Googling that, I would say there’s no great way to take notes in a wet environment. For a while, I had this notepad in the shower that was the kind of stuff that script supervisors use on set. It’s really a plasticky kind of paper that you can write on with a pencil. It was pointless. I never actually wrote a note on that, because I could never really read it afterwards.

Here’s what you do when you have an idea and you’re in an inopportune place. You get out of that place and quickly write it down on a handy note card. I should say keep note cards nearby when you need those things. In my house, on the bathroom counter, there’s a stack of note cards and a pen. If I have an idea in the shower, I get out of the shower, I write it down on the note card so I don’t forget it. The same with bedside table. There’s always note cards there so I can write that stuff down.

What’s important about writing stuff down is it gets it out of your head. It keeps you from wasting brain loops to keep an idea floating in your head. It’s a really unproductive use of your brain to just hold onto ideas like that. Instead, get it out of your head, put it on a piece of paper, set the paper down, and you can come back to it later on.

**Drew:** I’ve also used Siri just in the bathroom.

**John:** Perfect. You can call for that. Are you saying, “Take a note,” or what are you saying?

**Drew:** I say, “Siri, take a note.” Then I’ll say the thing, which will usually just be some stream-of-consciousness thing, but it’ll be enough that there’s enough little cues in there that I know what I’m…

**John:** I don’t do this. If you were to do a note that way, does it show up in the top of your Notes app, or where does it appear?

**Drew:** Yeah, it does. It’s right at the top. Of course, it syncs across all of your devices, which is great. I usually take those off there and put it into a larger document. If it’s something for whatever project, I’ll put it into…

**John:** That’s very smart. We’ve talked a bit about note taking and putting all your stuff together. For me, when I have one of those note cards, those all get stacked up by the bedroom door. I write them down. I stick them by the bedroom door, so that when I’m heading downstairs in the morning, I have those things. They go with my daily agenda thing. Then every day I will go through and take all those note cards and put them in Notion, which is where I’m keeping all my general ideas about projects and things. Whether it’s a snippet of dialogue or something else, I actually have a thing to do with that note card, so it doesn’t have to hang around for forever. I get it into Notion. Then I rip it up and recycle it.

**Drew:** Once it’s in Notion, do you have a time limit that you keep that idea floating around, or do you ever flush those, or do you keep them forever?

**John:** For every project, if it’s a project I’m generally thinking about, I will just keep a page in Notion that’s just a dump of all the stuff. For active projects, I’ll have at the top of that page a open/unprocessed, which is where I throw everything that doesn’t belong into a specific category. If I haven’t broken out the characters to the degree that I have a separate page for each character, I’ll just throw all that stuff in there, little snippets of things. For this TV show, if there’s things related to a specific episode, I’m at the point now where I will put stuff in the episode note for that, because I know Episode 6 is about this character and this situation, so I’ll throw it in there for that.

**Drew:** If you have a loose idea, how far back have you gone to grab some of those?

**John:** We’ve said before on the podcast that I had a list of 35 projects I’ll never get to. This was on the Neil Gaiman episode. Some of those are years and years and years old. I’m not actively going through constantly to sift through, like, “Is that an interesting idea?” But surprisingly, something new will come about those projects every once in a while. It’s nice to have a place where I can just like… It’s a real thing. I can put it there. It has a home. It’s a home that’s not my active brain thinking about it, which I think is important.

**Drew:** You use Notion, but have you used Miro boards at all?

**John:** No. Tell me about it.

**Drew:** Miro boards are what writers’ rooms have been using since the pandemic basically. It’s a note cards app, or it’s online. You can visualize it all. You can have it in all sorts of different colors. It’s been really helpful for me.

**John:** That’s great. Are you using that for holding onto ideas or for organizing thoughts like sequences and scenes?

**Drew:** Organizing thoughts and sequences, not holding onto ideas.

**John:** I’m not using Notion for that so much. I’m using Notion much more for like, these are related documents that are all about a certain thing.

**Drew:** Cool. Next comes from Dahlia. She writes, “I’m a short film writer-director from Paris. While watching the last edition of Project Greenlight, many development producers on the show kept saying this screenplay and the different cuts of a film made the world of story feel small, like a short film. After watching the feature, I shared this impression as well. However, I can’t pinpoint exactly why. More importantly, how do you address this kind of problem when transitioning from short films to features? What are your thoughts?”

**John:** Drew, I’m curious to hear about your thoughts, because you have an award-winning short film.

**Drew:** Thank you.

**John:** We’ll talk about that. When I hear, “It feels like a short film. It feels small,” the ideas that pop to mind for me are that it has low stakes, that it has few characters, that it has a very short journey that’s more like a snapshot than a voyage, and it has a limited visual scope, that we’re in one location, there’s nothing ambitious about the visual storytelling of the film. Those are things that feel like short films to me. Drew, tell me about what think short film versus a feature or something else.

**Drew:** It’s tough, because I think when you’re transitioning from short films to features, usually you’re not going to have a lot of money, so you’re going to be writing to something very contained or something like that. Because of that, you’re either looking at a contained amount of time or a contained amount of space. I think you’re right. We had a teacher who taught us that a short film is either a joke or a poem. I always really liked that. Like you’re saying, one central idea. I am curious how that scope shifts and why something like The Babadook feels like a complete movie in a way that some things do feel a little bit-

**John:** Yeah. The Blumhouse horror films are very classically one location. You’re contained, limited cast, all the things, but they’re not feeling like short films. I think because there’s a beginning, middle, and end, there’s development, there’s a sense of this is the progress that you’ve gone on.

Here’s the thing I notice about a lot of short films, especially the situational short films. You could rearrange the scenes in any order, and it would feel largely the same. You don’t feel like characters are making a lot of forward progress. You don’t feel like the movie is making forward progress. You feel like you’re just stuck in a place. It’s an exploration of a place and a time, which ain’t great.

There’s other movies, like [indiscernible 00:20:15] films, that are a small cast, but they do feel like movie movies rather than short films. You couldn’t make it as a short film because things change over the course of them. The conversations and the issues being explored do progress over the course of them, so they don’t feel like a play or like a short film to me.

**Drew:** I think that’s fair. How about something like Aftersun? I’m not sure if you saw that.

**John:** Aftersun is an example of a film that I’ve only seen on my neighbor’s seat back on the flight back from your wedding. Visually, without the words, I don’t have a sense of why it is progressing. I’m just seeing, oh, it seems to be these same three people having different conversations in slightly different places. Yet based on people’s reaction to it, a lot is actually happening. What’s been your experience with Aftersun?

**Drew:** Aftersun to me seems to be built on reveals. I could be wrong about this. It’s been a year since I’ve seen it. It is more of a character exploration. I think those are very difficult to sustain over 90 minutes or something like that.

**John:** Absolutely. A character exploration does feel like you might get the same complaints about it feels like a short film. It feels like you’re not actually progressing enough.

I didn’t see this last season of Project Greenlight, so I don’t know what the specific movie was or why those complaints were levied there, but if a bunch of people are telling you the same thing, there’s something about that. I think it’s always worth them interrogating what it is specifically about the film that they’re seeing that’s giving them that reaction, because again, always looking for what’s the note behind the note. What are they looking for more of? What are they missing? Why are they not going on a movie ride with this, but they feel like they’re in a short film?

**Drew:** Our next question comes from A Young Producer. They write, “I’m a filmmaker, baby writer, that has produced one low-budget feature. While I’ve been working on my own original material since then, I’ve managed to obtain the IP of a popular book. I know the hard and fast rule regarding unsolicited submissions, but I’m wondering if there’s any difference in approaching production companies as a producer. I’m currently unrepped and therefore don’t have anyone who can make the appropriate introductions on my behalf. Is my only hope a manager-producer hybrid? I know cold emailing is barely a strategy. I’ve received some varied opinions from industry friends. I’d love your thoughts.”

**John:** Great. Let’s define some terms and maybe un-define some terms. First off, “baby writer” can be pejorative. Some people see it as infantilizing to call somebody a baby writer.

**Drew:** I thought it was a very defined term.

**John:** Tell me what you think the definition is of baby writer.

**Drew:** A baby writer is someone who is writing and either has a manager or has a foot in the door, let’s say, but isn’t necessarily staffed yet, doesn’t necessarily have any credits to their name, or professional credits.

**John:** I think that is the common assumption of a baby writer. I think people’s frustration with the term – and I’ve heard this from other folks – is that it’s infantilizing to the degree that it feels like they’re not actually a person or a human being with their own volition and their own things. It can be dismissive in a way. Just saying a pre-WGA writer is a nicer way of saying baby writer.

Just be aware of that. If you’re calling yourself a baby writer, it’s one thing. Obviously, don’t all other people baby writers, because I feel like that may not be really fair to their experience. Also, if they’re a baby writer, but they’re 50 years old, it’s a weird thing too. It assumes that aspiring writers should be in their 20s.

**Drew:** That’s a really good point.

**John:** The other thing which we talk about in this question is unsolicited submissions. That rule about unsolicited submissions is that most agencies, producers, studios, they say, “We will not accept any submission from people that we did not specifically ask for.” Basically, they’re trying to keep you from just cold emailing them a whole script.

What’s important is that a submission could be solicited. It’s possible to approach these people with this property, with this project, with this book which is apparently popular, and say, “Hey, I have the rights to this book. I’ve written the script. I would love to share it with you.” That’s okay. That’s fine. Don’t be afraid of doing that. The fact that you have rights to this book does change the equation, because you’re not just pitching a project. You’re pitching a thing that’s actually based on something they may have heard of.

This feels controversial to me. I’m not sure I agree with this thing I’m about to say. Sometimes on Deadline, I’ll see some producer has optioned the rights to this book, and it’s a whole little, short article. I’m like, “Why is this in Deadline? Who cares about this?” Yet the person who cares about this is the person who got Deadline to print it.

I think there could be an argument for the press release that basically says, hey, you’ve optioned the rights to this book or this property, and you’re now shopping it around town. I would say Google and find the examples of that thing, and just write that same thing. Maybe Deadline or the trades or something else will run it, because then suddenly you might get incoming calls rather than having to reach out there with it. Cold emailing some managers/producers may work. It’s worth a shot. This is all going to be hustle at this point, and so I say don’t be afraid of that.

In terms of who you should approach with it, I would say look for producers who have made films like yours recently, including stuff that you’ve seen at film festivals. There might be some people who are up and coming and hungry. Look who made them, and reach out to them, and see if there’s somebody who feels like the right fit for this.

**Drew:** I also think if it’s a well-known enough book, that publishing company’s not going to give you the rights if they didn’t believe in you or…

**John:** It’s not the publishing company really. It’s the author. Basically, the publishing company might have a little bit of sway, but really, it’s ultimately the author and their agent. You did talk to those folks to convince them that you are the person to get the rights to this and that you are actually a good steward for it. Obviously, you had enough hustle and moxie and other terms like that that you were able to convince this author and their agent that you’re the person for it. Trust yourself in that hustle, and keep going, and find somebody who is the producer who could push it into its next stage.

**Drew:** Continuing on the hustle, Oliver writes, “Last year, I officially sold my first script to a mid-size studio, and it was shot in early 2023. As part of the agreement, there was an optional rewrite clause, although the studio assured me that the script was essentially good to go. On the early Zoom calls, everyone I met was lovely and thrilled about the script. The producers and director were so excited that everyone began sharing ideas, which was super fun, until it wasn’t. Months later, having gone down numerous rabbit holes, the entire process became bleak and disheartening, to the point that days before production, one of the producers was in the script, inserting expedition.

“In hindsight, I feel like a lot of this can be attributed to my naïve approach to filmmaking. I assumed that the studio process would foster a no-bad-ideas atmosphere, where the best ideas can percolate to the top. Next time, assuming I’m lucky enough to have another option converted, I’m tempted to keep my mouth shut, limit my enthusiasm for brainstorming, and focus solely on the necessary edits to move this thing into production. Am I looking at this the wrong way? How might a more experienced writer approach things differently?”

**John:** Let’s pretend we are not a podcast about screenwriting, but we are a relationship show, and so we are a show which people write in with their love questions. Here is Oliver’s question restated for the purposes of that show. “Dear John and Craig, I fell in love with this beautiful woman, but ultimately it did not turn out the way I wanted it to, and so next time I fall in love, I won’t make the same mistake.”

We would point out that that’s absurd, because you can’t help falling in love. You’re going to fall in love. Falling in love is the point, the purpose. That’s a thing you’re going to do. Going into a relationship with all your defenses up is not going to be productive. You have to let yourself be open to the experience, the process, to know that it could end badly, but still believe that it’s going to end great.

Now we come back to the Scriptnotes podcast, where the exact same thing holds true. In you selling your script to these people, you had to go into it with the belief that this is going to be great, and we are going to be able to make a movie here that we’re all going to love. It’s going to be fantastic. It’s going to win awards. It’s going to make a zillion dollars.

You have to go into it with that kind of love and enthusiasm and belief that it’s going to work, because if you’re trying to shield yourself from heartbreak the entire time, it’s just not going to work. You’re not going to have a good experience. They’re going to see it. They’re going to see your reluctance. It’s just going to be a bad situation.

It wasn’t the brainstorming that was the problem. People throw out ideas as part of the chewing over of stuff. What ultimately happened is that they decided to make some choices that weren’t your choices. That’s frustrating to you. You don’t know how the movie is going to be. You’re concerned that it’s going to suck. You’re concerned it’s going to have your name on it. These are all reasonable concerns, but it doesn’t mean you should fundamentally change your approach next time.

This wasn’t your fault per se. There may have been certain moments along the way where you could have done things differently and had a different result. More experience might’ve helped you there too. You’re trying to blame yourself for things that are out of your control.

**Drew:** I think it was Chris McQuarrie who said if there’s no time limit on the script, you’ll have a million notes, and if it goes into production on Monday, you get none.

**John:** Exactly. Listen. You wrote a movie that went into production, so celebrate that. That’s a huge accomplishment, very, very exciting. Let’s hope it turns out well. Let’s talk about how we can help that movie turn out well.

First off, you don’t say whether this was a WGA project or not a WGA project. I’m going to assume that it was, because it sounds like it’s a big enough studio that it was covered under the WGA. If so, the bits of writing the producers did feel kind of hinky, because they really weren’t hired on as a writer. They wouldn’t be a participating writer for purposes of credits. But you might be the only writer who’s credited on this movie, which is great. This movie might have your name on it.

There’s no reason to burn all the bridges and assume that this is going to be a terrible situation. You don’t know that that really was their intention or that’s what’s going to happen. I’d say fake some positivity. Fake that you’re really excited to see what happens, that you’re excited to see early cuts, you’re excited to be part of that process, whatever that entails, so you can make sure that movie’s in its best possible shape. I would say don’t project anger towards them, because that’s not going to help you or help that movie be the best possible movie with your name on it.

**Drew:** Does it help to know whether the production company you just worked with has any animosity towards you afterwards or whether they were like, “Oh, no, we got this made. We’re happy with it,” and that’s going to serve you too?

**John:** 100%. I’m thinking back to a couple weeks ago, I was at a memorial service. I talked to a friend who was also a producer. Afterwards, he called me and said, “Listen, John. I felt really bad about some of the stuff that’s happened over the years. There’s been projects we’ve pursued together, and I feel like I dropped the ball on those things. I wanted to apologize for those situations where I feel like I didn’t do as much as I could have as a friend and as a producer.” I said, “Listen. I totally hear that, but also know that I did not feel that at all. I felt like you’re a producer doing producery things, and most stuff just doesn’t work. It just doesn’t happen. There was zero animosity.” Stuff just falls apart and goes away, and that’s just the business of it all.

I would say, Oliver, don’t assume that they think badly of you just because you feel kind of bad about them. They may think, “Oh, no, this is great. This is fantastic. That kid did a great job for us. We would work with him again.” I’d say definitely don’t assume that it’s a problem on their side.

**Drew:** It got made.

**John:** It got made. Again, I’m asking everybody to write back in with follow-up. I’m really curious from Oliver’s perspective how does the movie turn out, how is he feeling, what’s his relationship with that. He’s saying, “Listen, if I’m lucky enough to get enough option converted,” this is what you should be working on right now. Don’t dwell on this. Make sure you are working on new stuff that can get made.

**Drew:** Back to setting up options, James writes, “I recently finished a feature-length script based on a true story. I became aware of the story when my aunt wrote a book about this woman a decade ago. As far as I can tell, she’s written the only book about her. It’s based on original research that she was the first to uncover and stitch together. It’s also not a widely read book. It was released by a regional publisher with a small footprint.

“I’m a little worried that I might start shopping this around, and a producer will decide that they like the idea for making a film out of the book, but they will want to use a different writer and cut me out all together. Now that I’m ready to introduce my script to managers and producers, should I first have my aunt sign a shopping agreement? My thinking is that it would, A, allow me to put a producer hat on and help ensure that I’m attached to the project as a writer if there’s an interest in making it, and B, it’ll help pique the interest of producers and managers, given that I have IP relationship on paper.”

**John:** Great. I’m going to start this with again defining a term and making sure we’re using the term correctly. A shopping agreement really isn’t the right word for what you’re describing here. A shopping agreement is generally, I’ve written a script, and I’m going to give it to these producers and say, “Okay, we have a shopping agreement.” They can shop around and see if they can find a home for it, without really fully optioning it from me. It’s just a way of representing that stuff. You can also hear it in terms of agents, but I think really any producer has a shopping agreement to take a project around that they don’t really own or control. It’s limited control over things.

That’s not really what you’re talking about with a book. With a book, you’re optioning a book. You’re not optioning a book. You’re buying the rights to a book. It’s your aunt. I think you just option your aunt’s book for a buck or whatever. Have a conversation with her so that she understands.

It really sounds like you did adapt her book, or at least without that book, there really would’ve been no movie. This wasn’t a case where you did a bunch of original research and found your own thing. Without this book, there was no movie. I think it’s a good idea for you to lock that down, so that it’s clear that you really did base this on this, and that this book and your script really are a joint deal.

Then I wouldn’t worry about it. I don’t think you need to actually walk in there with, “Oh, here’s my signed option agreement.” It’s title of the movie, written by James your last name, based on the book by your aunt’s name. Great. People are going to respond to the script or not respond to the script and the story in the script. But they’re not going to be like, “Oh, this is a fascinating story, but we really want to shake this James off of it and take this book.” They’re not going to do that. I think you’re worrying about a thing that’s not really going to be an issue.

**Drew:** I wrote a pilot based on a book once. Going out with that, you would get the question of, “Oh, do you have the rights to it?” You say, “Yep,” and they said, “Great.” That was the end of it.

**John:** No one asks you for that paper.

**Drew:** Trying to find a good way to transition into this.

**John:** I’m looking at these next few questions, and they’re obviously red flag questions. Let’s read them and just talk about why they’re red flags.

**Drew:** First one’s from Anonymous. “I’ve been doing freelance work reading and writing coverage and feedback on scripts for a screenwriting contest website.”

**John:** The alarm is already sounding.

**Drew:** “They promise their winners they’ll pitch to industry contacts, and they’re offering me more responsibility on the pitching side.”

**John:** I don’t believe they’re going to pitch to industry contacts.

**Drew:** “John, do scripts get made this way? Site runners consider the company an agency that’s financially supported by contests.”

**John:** Oh, god. They’re not an agency.

**Drew:** “Does the industry see contest runners as agents?”

**John:** No. There’s so many things wrong with this situation. Nothing wrong with the question, Anonymous. Thank you for the question. A screenwriting contest is not an agency. Agencies are actually defined organizations under state law. This is not any of these things.

Listen. Are they paying you to do this coverage? Is the payment that they’re giving you enough that it’s worthwhile for you? I can’t fault you for working for this company if you need the money to do this thing. If you’re actually getting something out of it, okay. But I don’t believe that they have meaningful industry contacts.

I just don’t believe that anything good is going to happen out of this situation. I feel concern for the writers who’ve submitted these scripts to this contest, that they believe there’s some plus to this. There isn’t.

**Drew:** I’m also worried because Anonymous says, “They’re offering me more responsibility on the pitching side,” which seems to sort of imply that they would be made to seem like it’s a development executive almost, when that’s not really what’s happening.

**John:** I’m concerned for all sorts of levels. I would say, Anonymous, get yourself out of there. You’re probably writing in to this podcast because you are a writer yourself who wants to see their work getting made. This is not a place that’s going to lead to that. Sorry.

**Drew:** The next one comes from John, who writes, “A producer is interested in my feature screenplay and wants to enter into a producer agreement with me, in which they’ll provide packaging services that includes attaching high-value talent, script notes, and equity to be put toward production, etc. The strange part is that all of these services would be performed by the producer’s production company for a fee, a fee that I would be paying to that producer’s company. My gut tells me that this is not correct. Is my gut reaction correct, or is this an actual opportunity?”

**John:** Your gut is correct, John. You should not be paying producers. Producers get their money from making movies and television. They get their money from the people who are hiring them to actually get the stuff made. You are not a studio. You are a screenwriter. Do not pay producers.

Amend this to one thing. I think there are situations where screenwriters, some of whom have written in to this podcast, have gone to people specifically to get notes. There are very smart people who give terrific notes on scripts, but they’re not going to them as producers. If you are choosing to pay somebody for notes, whose job it is to write really good notes for things, I think that is valid. That is useful to you, the same way that a novelist might go to somebody who’s a freelance editor who goes through and helps you tighten up your work. That’s fine and that’s good. But that does not sound at all like what John is describing here. I’d say do not pay these producers.

**Drew:** SR writes, “I made what I thought was a bold move. I’m a non-union screenwriter, and I’ve been stuck in my career writing romantic comedies for a production company out of Canada. When I heard of this Comedy Fantasy Camp being run by icons of comedy, I was excited. It promised to focus on comedic writing for movies and TV as well as writing stand-up. It was quite expensive. It was $3,500 for four days, but I thought it could be worth the risk, especially when there was promised meeting with literary managers and agents with an added price tag of $1,000.”

**John:** We’re now at $4,500.

**Drew:** “It turned out to be nothing that it promised. The camp ended up being filled with nearly 100 people, not 15 is what the email stated. A documentary about camp seemed to be the primary focus, so the only people who got any help whatsoever were the few participants they decided would be featured in the documentary. I was never seen or talked to the entire camp.

“Now for the $1,000 manager meeting, it was a dinner where some managers showed up, but they proceeded to have conversations with each other the entire time. I didn’t get to talk to anyone. They couldn’t have cared less that I or anyone was there.

“Some of the crew who are filming the documentary told me they thought the whole week was a scam. There’s so much more that I could say about this terrible experience, but I’ll stop here. Something that could’ve been great and potentially life-changing turned out to be one of the worst experiences that I’ve ever had, and the most expensive. I took a financial risk during a difficult time due to the strike, and it bit me in the ass.

“Do you have any advice on how I could take anything positive from the experience? I know a handful of people who are calling their credit card companies, claiming the camp was a scam. Could that have any negative impact on my career?”

**John:** The first word here is oof. I’m so sorry for SR. It genuinely sucks, what happened here. I don’t know too many details about this specific camp. There’s a little bit of stuff we cut out of the question. But it was expensive. $3,500, or really $4,500 for four days, I think you went into this assuming it was going to be intensive, really workshopping on your stuff, figuring out all the nuts and bolts of things that could be really helpful from you, and that you were going to meet people in that group who were super smart about comedy, and that you’d really learn stuff from there. That didn’t happen.

We can be generous and say that the big names who are behind this thing or the people who are behind this thing really did have intentions of a certain kind of thing that just didn’t actually end up happening, and that they really felt like this was going to be a game-changer and useful, and they didn’t set out to make a scam perhaps, but it felt like a scam at the end.

Asking for your money back will not hurt you. If you can get your money back, get your money back, because right now it sounds like you were basically an extra who paid to be in the background of a documentary that was filming about this thing. That sucks.

As far as what you can take from this that is meaningful, listen. Sometimes tough experiences do find their ways into other stuff we’re writing down the road. We can think about this experience and reframe it as something that’ll be useful for you down the road, in terms of something you could write. The way you felt about this right now, make sure you’re remembering what this felt like, because you’re going to write characters who have similar feelings somewhere down the road. It’s worth introspecting on that experience.

Were there other people who met during this process, other folks who paid the $3,500, who were at all good, that you can actually at least keep in contact with them, trade your stuff, get a sense of the community around you? Drew and I both went through the Stark program at USC. What I always say about film school is that it’s not nearly as much about the instructors of the class. It’s about everyone who’s in your class together, the fact you’re all trying to do the same things that are so, so helpful. People at your same level are going to be much more useful to you than that one great lecturer. Those are some things you can take from it. Drew, I’m curious what your feelings are.

**Drew:** I am sad that it was such a scam, but at the same time, it was called Comedy Fantasy Camp. There’s Rock and Roll Fantasy Camps. The fantasy camp experience is definitely a thing that’s out there. I think they position themselves as being an industry thing, which undermines it.

**John:** I’m thinking about this in context of Austin Film Festival, specifically the Screenwriters Conference at Austin, which we go to many years – and we often do a Scriptnotes there – and the ambivalence I feel about how Austin is marketed, as a chance for screenwriters to come together and learn from other screenwriters, and there’s some big names and you get exposure to people, and we do a live Scriptnotes. In that case, it’s a nonprofit, so you don’t feel as bad about it.

If I was approaching this as a person who’s going to Austin to hang out to famous screenwriters, the truth is that famous screenwriters are just hanging out by ourselves. We’re ultimately going to dinner ourselves. We’re going to panels, but we’re not actually sitting around the bar and talking with you all that much. We’re happy to say hello, but there’s thousands of people there, and we’re just ourselves. It’s not going to be transformative the way that a person might hope.

In the case of this Comedy Fantasy Camp, I think there was a reasonable expectation that something kind of transformative could happen. There were promises made about the $1,000 extra for the manager meeting. I think you would have a reasonable expectation that something good could come out of that. Doesn’t seem like it was structured in a way that was even remotely possible.

**Drew:** I do feel like if you are a manager or anyone participating in those, you do have a certain duty to the people who’ve paid for that dinner or something like that, to at least talk to them.

**John:** I don’t know the names of the comedy folks who are involved in this, but I’m curious what they think this experience was like. Do they think it was actually meaningful for the people who attended? Do they feel good about this weekend or bad about this weekend? I don’t know. I’m wondering, almost back to the question we asked at the start, what is the experience of the people in the writers’ room, what did they think about it. They may just be two completely different universes of how people felt about how this weekend went.

**Drew:** You want to go back to craft questions for a little bit?

**John:** Sure.

**Drew:** This next one’s from Will. He writes, “In Episode 611, John and Craig discuss the four or six or seven Fs. In my view, the most interesting and compelling protagonists are ones who are driven by moral principles that enable to rise above these base instincts, for example, Frodo in Lord of the Rings. These characters have fears and fights, but their primary drivers are enduringly moraled and principled. I agree that these moral characters are, on the surface, harder to relate to, but clearly a good writer can make it work. I think these are really important types of heroes to write about and to make compelling. I’m curious, what are your tips?”

**John:** I don’t disagree with you. I don’t recall the exact edit of where we got to when Craig and I were talking about the Fs. I hope what we said is that even the most noble characters who are doing things for very highly specific and higher-level human reasons, there’s going to be some underpinnings or some undergirdings of these Fs in there, that there’s going to be some aspect of greed or propagation or some really defensible base instinct that could be behind that pride, that morality.

Look for some of those things too, but not to get away from characters who have a moral agenda or for some higher human purpose behind a thing, for altruism, for something else. Don’t run away from those things, but just recognize that it can’t be just about that.

There’s always going to be aspects on a story level, but also on a scene level, that really are about those more primal needs there. Part of what makes those characters feel relatable is that you’re seeing both their rationality or irrationality at the same time you’re seeing that they are animals doing animal things.

**Drew:** I’m trying to think of a character who is purely altruistic that does feel relatable. I also feel like even Frodo has failings and has all those things too.

**John:** Absolutely. It’s important that we see Frodo originally in the context of his family, the context of his happy shire life, and that he has those real, understandable, primal connections to those people. He’s going on this journey, which is terrifying and arduous, but he’s still connected back to that initial place. His morality is so important, but it’s not necessarily driving him from moment to moment. He’s often running away, or he’s figuring out how to get to the next thing. There’s a lot of survival happening there is what I’m saying.

**Drew:** Would you say it’s important to see the character overcome some of those Fs?

**John:** For sure. Absolutely. I think that’s one of the things we relate to. Sometimes even we’re thinking about, Free Willy’s popping to mind, but other stories involving animals or when they see non-human characters do things like, oh, they’re not just doing one of their Fs. They’re actually doing some sort of higher, more noble purpose.

**Drew:** When you see Lassie going to get someone from the well.

**John:** 100%. That’s why we love Lassie, because Lassie’s acting in a human way that does not meet any of a normal dog’s needs. That’s why we love Lassie.

**Drew:** All my very contemporary references.

**John:** 100%. Who is the new Lassie right now? I don’t know. Is there an equivalent?

**Drew:** Is there a Lassie? I feel like kids and animals don’t really have a thing on TV, but I could be wrong.

**John:** I’m trying to think. There was a Channing Tatum recently which is him and his dog, but I can’t think of anything else. Where are the live-action dog movies that we need?

**Drew:** We need more.

**John:** We need more. We need more.

**Drew:** Nico writes, “Lately I’ve noticed a lot of shows that seem to be judging their characters hard. For example, in Succession, the final episode seemed to be driving home what Roman says in the last episode, that we’re all bullshit. The end of Sopranos, Dr. Melfi decides to stop treating Tony because he’s a sociopath. While these shows’ endings aren’t out of left field and do fit thematically, I often feel somewhat betrayed when these final judgments come down. Weren’t we supposed to be rooting for the Roys even though we know who they were the whole time? Weren’t we cheering for Tony to go to therapy? What are your feelings on judging your characters as a writer? Doesn’t it go against the idea of taking your main character from antithesis to thesis because at the end the characters simply have been terrible all along?”

**John:** I think it comes down to the idea that you’re writing to a point. You’re writing to a conclusion, a consequence. In the examples you bring up here, Sopranos and Succession, really these are antiheroes. They’re not classic heroes. The degree to which every antihero is also kind of a villain and needs some consequence and comeuppance for all the things they’ve done, it does feel natural.

As a writer, you are seeing things from your characters’ point of view, but you are also aware that they are in a universe in which the things they are doing are not necessarily good. I don’t think it’s judgey to say that Tony Soprano killed a bunch of people and is not a good guy. That doesn’t feel judgey to me. The same with the Roys. They are individually incredibly problematic. I think it’s fine for us to say who they are and what they’ve done deserves some judgment. That doesn’t feel bad to me. Drew, what do you think?

**Drew:** I feel like a lot of the examples too are towards the endings of these things. The shows are studying these characters’ behavior. When they do these things over and over and over and over again, to your point, it’s consequences. It adds up.

It does feel like a little bit of a judgment. I guess I feel like there’s a difference between the judgment of fate, like the universe judging, and a creator judging. I might agree that The Sopranos feels like a bit of a creator judgment, because I think that changed a little bit for me. I think Succession is one that feels more of like a universe judgment, that all of their behaviors led to this point.

**John:** What is the difference between the universe and the creator? The creator created that whole universe, or the team behind it created that whole universe. To me, looking at the Roys, because we are so tightly focused on the Roys and what each of them is trying to do at every given moment, it’s easy at times to forget, oh, there’s a whole world around them that is actually being negatively impacted by the choices that they’re making.

In that final season of Succession, where they’re running the news network and making presidential calls that have huge impacts on the entire world, I think it’s right for us to feel incredibly uncomfortable that we feel almost complicit in watching them do this stuff.

**Drew:** Next, Ollie writes, “I’m struggling with how to best format names in my screenplay, which is based on the discovery of the structure of DMing. Two of the characters have incredibly similar names, Watson and Wilkins, so I thought I would use both their first and surnames to avoid confusion. Should I use both names throughout the whole thing or only in scenes they share? It looks really weird having two names when everyone else in the scene only has one, but I also want to make sure it’s crystal clear to readers. Alternatively, should I only use their first names, even if I’m using surnames for anyone else?”

**John:** Ollie, this is the right question to ask, and you’re asking it at the right time, I think, because you’re going to want to make a fundamental choice about how you’re identifying these characters and make sure it’s really clear from the reader’s point of view.

As an audience member watching this film, we’re not going to get them confused, because they’re two different people. Just their names happen to be so similar. They’re both starting with Ws. People will get confused reading your script if they’re both there together. It’s going to happen. Is your story truly a two-hander, where they have equal weight and equal prominence? If it’s not, my instinct would be to give the person whose story is more, use the first name for them, and use the last name for the other character.

**Drew:** I like that.

**John:** That way, it pulls us a little closer in to the character who we just have the first name for. It feels more familiar, more intimate. The other character is a little bit more distant. That may be a choice that works for you. I would also say experiment. Using both first and last names is going to feel weird and kludgy I think on the page. It may not even help you with the confusion between the two names. It’s just going to be more to read. There are two character names in scripts. It’s not that uncommon. It’s not the default.

An important thing to remember about screenplay format is at a certain point, we stop reading character names. We just look at the shapes of them. It’s a weird thing. You don’t notice them. Once you’re in dialogue, it just flows. It’s why you’ll see mistakes in scripts where the wrong character’s given a line of dialogue, because you get in back-and-forth pattern behind them. It is the right moment to be thinking about how you’re going to do this, because Wilkins and Watson are just too close. Your readers are going to get confused.

**Drew:** I’m trying to find right now if the Oppenheimer screenplay is out there and what they used for him.

**John:** Perfect. We will take a look. By the time this episode’s posted, we’ll have an answer for you.

**Drew:** We’ll put something in there.

**John:** The Oppenheimer script, if it’s posted there. We’ll put it in Weekend Read if nothing else.

**Drew:** Absolutely.

**John:** Oppenheimer’s chock full of probably last names for a lot of those characters. I bet they were all last names. I’m curious whether Oppenheimer is Oppenheimer or Robert.

**Drew:** That just feels like a lot of real estate on the page if it was Oppenheimer every time he has a line.

**John:** OPP.

**Drew:** One more question for things based on a true story. Sam writes, “I’m writing a script based on a true story from the past few years. I’m currently taking a pretty conservative amount of artistic license. The script is structured around actual events, and the characters are based on actual people and their characteristics.

“I’m having a problem, however, with providing suitably compelling stakes and motivations for my main character. I invented a backstory that hangs over the character and influences his choices. I think it’s the right narrative decision, but I’m hesitant as to whether I’m cheating the truth too much. I’m especially worried because the events in question are so recent. If I was writing about an event that took place long ago, I would have fewer qualms about shaping the story as I need to. Can you give any guidance as to how you know when you’re going too far in applying artistic license to a true story?”

**John:** Sam, just like Ollie, you’re asking the right question at the right time, because you’re thinking about how much do I need to bend events or invent motivations behind things to have them all make sense. The truth is probably yes, you do need to do some of these things, because their motivations are opaque to you. You aren’t going to know exactly why characters were doing what they were doing. Your story needs to make sense. You’re not telling fact. You’re telling a story. You’re telling a story with characters who go through a change. If there’s not an inherent change in the true life story, you may need to invent some reasons for why you’re creating this perspective on the story, that has a beginning, middle, and end, and a real journey to it.

Listen. It’s not going to be uncontroversial for you to be introducing motivations behind characters and what they’re doing. But if you look back to, we’ve had people come on Scriptnotes and talk about the projects they’re working on, they did that a lot, because that’s the job of the writer is to create motivations and create reasons for why characters do what they do.

**Drew:** If a writer’s writing a script about a true story on spec, should you be cautious if those motivations aren’t necessarily there, because then you maybe just have a scenario?

**John:** I would say honestly, if you’re writing something on spec – so there’s not a studio involved, it’s not based on a book, it’s not based on anything else – I think you actually have quite a bit of latitude in figuring out why your characters are doing what they’re doing and what is it about these characters and the choices they’re making that is a compelling story.

The obvious example you can go back to is The Social Network. That character’s not really Mark Zuckerberg. There are moments that are taken from real life, but the real motivations behind Mark Zuckerberg are not the motivations of the character that’s portrayed in that movie. The movie’s successful, and I like the movie a lot. But if I were Mark Zuckerberg, I would be pissed at the movie, because it’s portraying him doing things for reasons that were probably not the reasons he did those things.

**Drew:** Makes sense. Steve writes, “I’m writing a period war script in which US forces get encircled by the enemy, sort of like the old newsreel footage. I want to show the action of the firefights and positions being overrun, but with a map overlay over it, basically showing all the enemy positions in red moving in and smothering the US positions in white, until all that’s left is one little white dot. Do I just write that, or is there a technical term for this type of post add-on?”

**John:** There is nothing that I know of as a technical term. Just write that. The description of what you just in your question will make sense. We’re used to, in scripts, seeing things that are not strictly what the camera is shooting, but what we’re seeing on screen. Go for it. It’s going to work.

**Drew:** Niroberto writes, “What would make you prefer being a producer instead of a writer on a project?”

**John:** Almost nothing, Niroberto. I would almost never choose to be a producer on a project rather than a writer. I’ve done it once. In that situation, it was incredibly frustrating. It felt like being in the cockpit of a plane and seeing all the controls and not being allowed to touch them. I knew what I thought we needed to do to the script and to the story, and I was not allowed to touch those controls and actually do that work. I found it incredibly frustrating.

**Drew:** Were you giving notes to the writer?

**John:** Yeah, I was giving notes to the writer. Just so I’m not being oblique here, it’s Jordan Mechner, who’s a good friend and a very good writer. This was on Prince of Persia. But there are definitely things where it was like, “If I could just do this myself, it would be faster and better, and I wouldn’t have to figure out how to note this to death.”

Listen. In the end, the movie was not the movie either of us wanted to make, for various reasons, but that part of the process was really frustrating. When it was out of our control, and when other folks were making the movie, my name is on this, but I had really very little control over certain choices and decisions that were made. For me, producing is not that exciting, but you just graduated as a producer. Are you excited to produce things you have not written?

**Drew:** I think so. I more than think so. Yes, I am. But I’m also at a point where I’m just excited to get things made seem exciting to me. I don’t think that’s been… Tainted is the wrong word. But he practical realities of what it takes, I haven’t lived through yet. Right now it’s all just excitement about big ideas and all that.

I’m also at a point in my career where I love writing, but if I don’t get to write the thing, if there’s other people that are going to get this thing across the finish line, and I can be that for that person, that’s what’s most important to me. Just getting things made is the most important thing.

**John:** I’m first and foremost always a writer, so it’s always about how do I write the thing to make it happen. In my non-Hollywood stuff, like the software we make, I am not fundamentally a coder, so I feel fine being a producer on that project, because I’m not a designer, I’m not a coder, I’m not that person, but I am a good leader of people in that situation. If I were a talented coder, I’m sure Nima would hate me, because we’d be arguing about esoteric stuff in the code. That’s I think the difference is that I fundamentally identify as a writer first, and I will produce if it’s helpful for me to be producing. But producing and then I’m not writing, it’s just not a good fit for me.

**Drew:** Fair. Finally, Danny writes, “I have been a professional late-night comedy writer for 13 years now.”

**John:** Great.

**Drew:** “And only during this strike did I learn that I’m part of the Writers Guild known as Appendix A. I realize that we’re a small fraction of the Guild membership, but I find this name to be troubling. An appendix, by definition, is a thing tacked on to a report that no one reads, or an internal organ that can be surgically removed from the human body and not missed whatsoever. I know in three years the Negotiating Committee will have many issues to hammer out, but I feel like getting this changed should be top priority for everyone.”

**John:** Danny, first off, I hear you. I think it’s great that you’ve been a professional late-night comedy writer for 13 years. I’m not surprised you didn’t know that all this was covered under Appendix A. Appendix A is not a term that the WGA invented. It’s not anything pejorative.

Basically, there’s a whole big contract that covers film and television writing. There’s a whole section on screenwriting and feature writing. There’s a whole section on TV writing, which is mostly also what the streaming stuff is. Then there’s everything else. Everything else that could be covered under the WGA, it got all put in a thing called Appendix A, which is just a grab bag for everything else. It covers you as a late-night comedy writer. It covers game shows. It covers talk shows. It covers daytime talk shows. It covers soap operas. Everything else that is not a feature or a normal episodic television show gets put in Appendix A.

It’s an appendix just because it’s an appendix on the end of this big agreement. It’s been there for a long time. It’s not going to change. They’re not going to change the name. It doesn’t matter. It is not worth any capital at all for the Writers Guild to try to push this into a different part of the contract, because it wouldn’t change anything. It’s still just a third category of writers who are protected underneath the Writers Guild.

What I will say is the folks who are writing for Appendix A shows, especially late-night comedy variety writers, have incredible advocates in the Guild. Going into this negotiation, everyone in that negotiating room learned so much about how Appendix A shows work and how we need to protect them, particularly for the changes that are happening as we go into streaming and into AVOD and into other future technologies. Don’t feel like you are some useless appendage that is not part of the main Guild. You are right there in the center of it.

Also, so many writers work in multiple fields. I started as purely a screenwriter, but I’ve also written TV. So many writers we’ve talked to and writers who’ve come on the show started off doing late-night comedy variety shows and are now doing features or are now doing TV. It all blends together. We need to make sure that writers are covered, no matter which work area they’re working under.

**Drew:** That’s great.

**John:** Cool. We answered a lot of questions. I’ve lost count. That was good.

**Drew:** That was a marathon.

**John:** We did skip a question. Jocelyn Lucia in Orlando wrote, “In the Bonus Segment of Episode 582, Craig hinted at being very involved with the Foley work in The Last of Us. He said he would give the podcast an exclusive story regarding this following the completion of its airing. Now that the season is out, is it time for the story?” Listen. I’ll leave it to Craig to tell exactly what his Foley was, but I think those doorknobs, all Craig Mazin.

**Drew:** I could hear it.

**John:** You could too. You hear it.

**Drew:** Those little, yeah.

**John:** Yeah, that’s it, 100%.

**Drew:** 100%.

**John:** He’s all the doorknobs. He’s the doorknobs and hinges. There are a lot of squeaky hinges, and that’s all Craig Mazin. He’s basically a squeaky hinge.

**Drew:** That makes sense.

**John:** Time for One Cool Things. My One Cool Thing was something I saw this week which I thought was terrific. The headline is An Extremely Detailed Map of New York City Neighborhoods. It’s from the New York Times. What they did is they basically surveyed people all throughout New York and greater New York about, “What is this block called? This block that you’re in, what is it called?” Literally, block by block in Manhattan, but also throughout Brooklyn and everywhere else, it’s, “What is the name for this place where you are?” because if you look on Google Maps or other places, they’ll have these categories for what these places are. There’ll be voting districts and things like that. But how people actually identify their block can be very specific.

What I love about how they charted this on this New York Times, again, incredibly detailed infographic with interactive elements, you can see really block by block how people identify. You can see the hazy borders between some places. Other times it’s super crisp, because on this side of a highway, it’s this; on this side of a highway, it’s that. I just thought it was great. There’s historic names. There’s newer names. I remember they were trying to rebrand Hell’s Kitchen as Clinton for a while, and that didn’t work.

**Drew:** Lower Manhattan on this is just a mess. Block by block, it’s [crosstalk 01:04:29].

**John:** Block by block. It’s great. I think it’s one of the reasons why New York is terrific but also really intimidating for outsiders is people will say a name, like, “I don’t know what that is.” “I have a friend who lives in Astoria.” I’m like, “I don’t know what Astoria is.” It’s like, “Oh, it’s that thing.” Surprisingly, that’s actually a very well-defined area.

With the exception of Roosevelt Island – either you’re on Roosevelt Island or you’re not on Roosevelt Island – a lot of other places are very ambiguous about what the boundaries are. In some cases it’s gentrification, or Upper East Side keeps getting pushed further and further north, where there used to be clearer boundaries between things.

**Drew:** Also, it looks like people on the Upper East Side also identify as being in Yorkville, which I’ve never heard before.

**John:** See, yeah. But a New Yorker would know maybe what Yorkville was. Of course, there’s going to be new stuff always coming online. Even driving to LA, we’re at the edge of Koreatown, which originally I was like, “Wait, is that pejorative? Is it bad to call it Koreatown?” No. It’s the largest Korean population outside of Korea in the world. Our Koreatown is really big. There’s also Historic Filipinotown. We have a Chinatown. We have Little Armenia. We have specific neighborhoods that come and go, but our boundaries are really blurry in Los Angeles too.

**Drew:** Do you believe East Hollywood is a thing?

**John:** I do not believe in East Hollywood.

**Drew:** I don’t either. That feels like we really tried, and we’re still trying.

**John:** For folks who don’t know Los Angeles, West Hollywood is actually a separate city. It is literally not part of Los Angeles. Fully surrounded by Los Angeles, but it’s not part of Los Angeles. Hollywood is just Hollywood. I guess it makes sense why you might call something East Hollywood, but where does East Hollywood start in people’s minds?

**Drew:** I think it’s between the Hollywood of the Capitol Records building and Little Armenia, basically.

**John:** To the freeway or past the freeway?

**Drew:** Maybe it’s everything east of the 101, but not quite. I don’t know. It’s so vague.

**John:** The 101 would be a good way to divide that, but I don’t know. A couple years ago, I think Curbed did a thing kind of like this for their site for Los Angeles. But I really want New York Times or LA Times to do the exact same thing, because I’m really curious what people would identify, because I would call this Hancock Park, but Windsor Square is right next door. People in Windsor Square, they just call it Hancock Park. No one really calls it Windsor Square anymore.

**Drew:** That’s very cool. Mine is much more low-tech. Mine is your local photo lab.

**John:** Tell us why.

**Drew:** For my wedding, we had about a dozen disposable cameras on the table. Every time in the last 10, 15 years I’ve gotten pictures printed, I’ve taken it to Target or CVS, and they are terrible. They’re about the same quality as if I had printed them at home. I don’t really know how to print them at home either.

We decided to go to a local place. They are lovely. They are so much cheaper than… We looked online at places that would be able to take the cameras. We were in Massachusetts. We were in Danvers, Massachusetts. This place was about a third of the price. They care about your pictures. They are guys who have been around these chemicals since high school basically and know what they’re doing. They took the cameras. They had us create a little Dropbox folder, or you can do Google Drive. They scan all the negatives, plop it right in there. You can pick what you want, and they print it out for you.

That’s the specific one, but I think most places… Not everyone still has a photo lab in their hometown. If you have them, check them out, because it’s people who care about your pictures, that make way better pictures than just the stuff you can order online.

**John:** Drew, are you old enough to remember one-hour photo labs?

**Drew:** Oh, yeah.

**John:** At the mall, you could actually take them in and get your photos back in an hour. Those all went away, because we all have digital cameras now. That machinery, that stuff still exists somewhere. It’s frustrating that if you go to CVS now – my daughter used a disposable camera for this hiking trip she took – if you send it in, it takes two weeks to come back. How soon are you getting photos back? Have you gotten them back yet?

**Drew:** We haven’t gotten the physical copies back yet. I think they’re going to ship them out this weekend.

**John:** Have you gotten the online ones?

**Drew:** Yes.

**John:** Great. That’s what you want.

**Drew:** It’s helpful too, because you can post them and all that stuff. Also, I don’t know, I get a little sad having my photos just sit on my camera. You don’t revisit them the same way. With those one-hour photo labs, used to, you’d get them and you’d sit down right there on the floor and you’d rip it open and look through them. I miss that a little bit. I think it’s more than just nostalgia. It’s genuinely people who care about the quality of it, which is great.

**John:** Great. Thank you for this One Cool Thing, because my assumption going into this was just you have to go to CVS or Target, because they’re the only places who can do that stuff. Of course there should be labs who can do that. That’s an established technology.

**Drew:** They’ve got all the same stuff.

**John:** Cool. That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt, who’s right here, edited by Matthew Chilelli.

**Drew:** Woo!

**John:** Outro this week is by Nico Mansy, and wow, it’s a really fun one. Thank Nico for this one. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions, which Drew will file and organize, and we’ll eventually get to them in an episode. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find transcripts and sign up for our weekly newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. We have T-shirts and hoodies. They’re great. You can find them at Cotton Bureau. If you’re Stuart Friedel, you can find a few of them left downstairs in the racks.

**Drew:** I think we have two.

**John:** Either one. You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to record on weddings. Drew, thank you for all your hard work on this mailbag episode.

**Drew:** It was fun. Thank you, John.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** Drew, so you got married. Congratulations.

**Drew:** Thank you.

**John:** How does the wedding ring feel? I see it in your hand.

**Drew:** I keep playing with it a little bit. We were talking a little bit after the wedding about getting sleeved, and now I can’t stop worrying about that. It’s a little bit loose, so I’m constantly worried that I’m going to just catch it on something and it’s going to take my skin with it.

**John:** The terrifying thing that I brought up to Drew and ruined his life was the fact that it has happened that people have gotten their rings caught on things and then fallen or it pulled off all the skin on their finger, leaving just bone, which is absolutely terrifying.

**Drew:** It’s a new fear that’s entered my life. It used to just be losing my teeth.

**John:** But you did not lose your teeth or your finger. You got married. Let’s talk through wedding stuff, because weddings are so important. As I said in the setup here, I believed I’d been to a dozen or so weddings, and of course I’ve been to 43 or whatever. I’ve been to so many weddings. Yours was lovely. Yours was really great.

Let’s talk about some of the things that made your wedding great, the plan going into that, and as a person who I’m sure has been to a zillion weddings because of your age cohort, things you were looking for, things you were trying to avoid.

**Drew:** I actually haven’t been to that many weddings. I think people my age, especially in the entertainment industry, seem to be pushing the weddings further and further out.

**John:** Weirdly, your college friends are not married. I met a bunch of your college friends. For whatever reason, they’re not married.

**Drew:** They’ve been dating for decades, some of them, but yeah, they’re not married. This was one of the first in my friends group. We’ve been engaged for two years, which maybe helped. It gave us some time to plan. But I will say it didn’t change that much, because I think there are some things you can’t start doing until certain points. About a year out, that’s when you can start sending certain things, and that you get certain information. I’m not sure that necessarily helped make it good.

**John:** For the folks who weren’t there, which is hopefully most of this audience-

**Drew:** Yeah, could be.

**John:** Let’s start with the venue, because you picked a historic venue, and the whole wedding took place at that venue, including the reception and everything afterwards. There was no go to one place, then hop in your car, drive to another place for the party thereafter. That was a fundamental decision?

**Drew:** That was a fundamental decision. The place we chose was a historic landmark, which you think might be expensive, but actually, because it was government-owned, it was actually pretty cheap, compared to some of the places that you look at where it’s $10,000 for the night or something crazy for a barn. That helped. We also wanted a nondenominational wedding. We picked that place. It was beautiful enough as it was. Sorry, what was your [indiscernible 01:13:06]?

**John:** The venue was great. You picked it early on. You reserved it. Clearly, that venue had been used for weddings a ton. You didn’t have to invent everything, correct?

**Drew:** Correct. The nice part also about picking that venue was that, because it was a historic building, they had certain controls in place. They had their caterers, who knew the building. They were the only caterers we could work with, so we didn’t have to go taste a million things. They had recommendations for everyone. They do weddings all the time, so they had their people, which we were happy to take their recommendations. We used their recommendations. Also, little things like no actual burning candles, nothing like that, so safety was built in. Especially as we were planning during COVID, they were very strict about that, so that was important to us too.

**John:** Great. Let’s talk about guests. We got a save the date and then we got further information. How early on did you have a sense of how many guests there would be?

**Drew:** You go in with the big dream of everyone you’ve ever met is going to be at this wedding. I think I still would have loved for that to be the case. Then the practicalities and money and all that very quickly winnows that down. We knew we were looking about 100 guests maximum.

Then you’re also doing the balance too, where you have your family, and you have to figure that out. You want to make sure it’s balanced between the two people, so that no one feels like it’s one family’s wedding or that it’s the other family’s wedding. All those little politics things start coming into play. We were really lucky. We had two great families who were very understanding and all that stuff. Still, you never want to push anyone into places where they’re going to feel uncomfortable or any of those things.

What was nice was take big swaths out of the equation. I just went through the Stark Program. I was able to say, “That’s 30 people. That’s going to be too much of one block. I don’t want to pick and choose, because I love them all. I’m just going to say no one from grad school. I love you, but it’s not going to happen this time.”

**John:** That was a question, because I was wondering where the Stark friends were there. For our wedding, we were about the same size. What we did was we did a bachelor’s night party the night before the wedding, where we just invited all the folks who we couldn’t invite to the wedding. We had a venue and a bar, and we were all there. We had little photo booths. It was just like an extra little reception-

**Drew:** That’s great.

**John:** … but just the night before, so it wasn’t the wedding. That ended up working out well for us.

**Drew:** Sorry. Was it for your wedding guests too?

**John:** No. Wedding guests were not invited to that. It’s just the folks who we couldn’t invite to the wedding, like our dentist and other friends like that. I guess there may have been a couple people who were at both, but really the expectation was not that you were going to be at both. You were going to be at one or the other. It was fun. It worked out really well. I don’t want to say these were second-tier friends, but this is what we would’ve invited all the Stark friends to. We did invite a lot of my Stark friends to that.

**Drew:** I think we probably need to do that too. We’ve promised people that we would do something like that.

**John:** That’d be great, just an LA reception for this. Now, you were a destination wedding. Neither of you live where the wedding was. This was her hometown. How early in the process did you decide that it was a destination wedding?

**Drew:** Fairly early on. We played around with the idea of it being in LA. But part of it was cost. Part of it was getting her family out here had been tough, and grandparents too.

**John:** Of course.

**Drew:** Especially if you want to make sure certain grandparents are there. I don’t have any grandparents, so my family was very mobile and able to go. That felt like that was the smartest idea at the time. The idea of it being a destination wedding definitely comes into play. You realize that you’re asking a lot more from your guests-

**John:** Absolutely.

**Drew:** … than if you were just doing it even in a backyard or something.

**John:** Absolutely. I have friends who are in their late 20s, early 30s, who are at the really peak age of a zillion weddings. All their college friends are getting married. Megana went through this as well when she was doing this producer job, where she was just constantly going from one to the next. It becomes that cliché of 27 Dresses or Plus One, where your life is just spent going from wedding to wedding to wedding and feeling frustration that you don’t have a life of your own, you’re just a guest at weddings.

**Drew:** The money, especially for Megana, being part of those bridal parties or bachelor party. You want the friendship. You want to be invited. But oh my god. I feel so bad for my best man. How much money he spent on me is humbling. I think that’s been a thing too that’s been really hard to cope with is how much people do for you, and you have to just accept it and not feel guilty about it. It’s overwhelming when you start realizing how much people are doing for you.

**John:** Let’s talk through some of the cliches of weddings and also things we’ve seen in movies and television. The fact that on your wedding day, you’re not going to have a chance to talk to anybody or spend more than two minutes with any person.

**Drew:** Kind of true, especially ours. We had a time limit in the building, basically. You’re just on a train track, and it goes by really fast. You get enough. You get to talk to people if you make the time to do it, but not any meaningful conversations or anything like that.

**John:** One of the things I actually really enjoyed about your wedding, so your wedding was from 6:00 to 10:00 p.m. at this historic building. You were out the door at 10:00 p.m., literally, like, “Lights are on. You gotta leave.” I really enjoyed that about your wedding, because I’ve found so many weddings, I don’t know when it’s time to leave, or the people are hanging on too late, and you feel like you have to stick around. It’s like, “Nope. You gotta go.” You and Heather also provided electrolytes to put in our water bottles as we left. Delicious. I was not hung over the next day.

**Drew:** Those are great.

**John:** Good choices.

**Drew:** Especially with an open bar too, you want to make sure that they’re-

**John:** The open bar is a considerable expense. It wasn’t as much as your catering, but it was not a cheap open bar.

**Drew:** It was part of the catering, but yeah, that was a little bit more. That was important for my parents. I think that was their must-have. It was great. I think food and bar were the most expensive part of the whole thing. I’m very good with that, because it’s kind of like being on a set. Honestly, the whole thing ends up feeling like a production. Especially if everybody’s fed, if there’s food all the time, and there’s drinks, everybody’s happy. If anything falls apart, no one cares.

**John:** I’ve been to 43 weddings or something, and a huge range of how they were staged. The successful weddings for me are definitely the ones where I felt like, “Oh, this couple’s in love. They’re doing it for the right reasons. They’re doing this for themselves. They’re enjoying their day.” It didn’t matter whether it was in someone’s backyard or at a very fancy resort if it felt like they are doing this because they want to have this great experience, and they want to share this great experience with a bunch of people who are really close to them. That’s what your wedding had.

It’s also what makes me happy when I see it is the weddings that really prioritize what is going to be great for this couple as they head off into their next thing, what’s going to create memories that they’re going to be excited about, rather than showcase weddings that are just whatever.

**Drew:** I don’t think we would’ve been good with a showcase one. I think with each decision, as long as it’s personal to you, the cumulative effect ends up being a very personal wedding. At the same time, we didn’t want it to just feel like it’s just for us and no one else, because you’ve definitely been to weddings where it feels that too, where it’s almost like the couple are in their own world. It feels not contempt that you’re there, but there’s like, “It’s you and me against the world.” You’re like, “We’re here too.”

**John:** “We’re on your team. We drove here.”

**Drew:** “We did a lot. I put on a tie.” We didn’t want it to feel that way either. You want the songs to be fun and danceable. Heather and I are nerds for all sorts of music. You start to cut some of those favorites away, just because it’s an odd beat to dance to. It’s all balance. It’s so stressful, but it ends up being fine. You worry about every little choice. I can’t imagine the people who have also other people in their ear telling them about things too. That’s a whole other level that I’m very lucky we didn’t have. Then the day comes, and it’s fine, and everyone’s pitching in to make it the best.

**John:** You had the disposable cameras on the table. Mike and I are of course very good students who make sure that every photo’s taken. We got to make sure we got everything documented. You also had a photographer there to shoot. Obviously, in a wedding you’re going to think about photography. To me, most important for our wedding and other events I’ve been to is you want somebody who’s good at actually filming what’s happening and shooting what’s actually happening and not just about the staged things. Because you didn’t have a wedding party, you didn’t have to do all that other stuff. It’s just like, what did the night feel like? The thing I loved so much about our wedding is we have a good compiled book of just the photos from the wedding that really feel like that night.

**Drew:** I think that was super important for both Heather and I is that it felt like is and it all felt real. We had a fairly journalist photographer. We had those disposable cameras. Even Heather had to really talk her makeup artist back from doing the full bridal makeup, because we didn’t want it to feel like this staged thing. We got pictures with everyone. We made sure that all the boxes were checked, and everyone will have those things, but that you can hopefully feel the energy when you look back on it.

I also didn’t want a videographer. This might be controversial. But there’s something better about looking at pictures and remembering than actually seeing. The few videos I’ve seen of myself dancing on the dance floor, I hate. I can’t do it. The pictures are good. The pictures look very fun. It’s how I want to remember it. You can fill in the blanks as opposed to seeing the stark reality.

**John:** 100%. Congratulations again. First and hopefully last wedding you’ll be through for yourself.

**Drew:** Thank you for being there. It was great.

Links:

* [Oppenheimer: The Official Screenplay](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/125485818) by Christopher Nolan
* [WGA Appendix A](https://www.wga.org/uploadedfiles/credits/Appendix_A.pdf)
* [An Extremely Detailed Map of New York City Neighborhoods](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/upshot/extremely-detailed-nyc-neighborhood-map.html?unlocked_article_code=1.6kw.kcs8.he_hQaxqP5Vb) by Larry Buchanan, Josh Katz, Rumsey Taylor and Eve Washington for the New York Times
* [TFI Photo Lab in Danvers, MA](https://www.tfiphoto.com/index.html)
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Check out the Inneresting Newsletter](https://inneresting.substack.com/)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* Craig Mazin on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@clmazin) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/clmazin/)
* John August on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@johnaugust), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/johnaugust)
* [John on Mastodon](https://mastodon.art/@johnaugust)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Nico Mansy ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/618standard.mp3).

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