John August

Words on the page

Period Space

Episode - 130

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Apps, Film Industry, Follow Up, Rights and Copyright, Scriptnotes, Transcribed, Words on the page, Writing Process

John and Craig tackle the greatest controversy in screenwriting: how many spaces to put after the period. From there, it’s follow-up on the Final Draft episode, including some behind-the-scene details.

Why is it often better to write in public spaces? How do you keep your hero in the driver’s seat? What do you do if you’re dating an emotional vampire? We have some answers.

We also have annoyances: the $1 billion lawsuit against Tom Cruise, similar hijinks with The New Girl, and Time Tailor.

The Big Fish cast album is available on iTunes and Amazon. A few last Scriptnotes t-shirts are available on the John August Store.

Links:

* [Slate](http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/technology/2011/01/space_invaders.html) on why you should never, ever use two spaces after a period
* John’s [2005 blog post](http://johnaugust.com/2005/fixing-double-spaces-after-periods) on fixing double-spaces after periods
* [Scriptnotes, Episode 65](http://johnaugust.com/2012/the-next-117-pages), in which John and Craig discuss their period-space preferences
* [Courier Prime](http://quoteunquoteapps.com/courierprime/)
* [Scriptnotes, Episode 129: The One with the Guys from Final Draft](http://johnaugust.com/2014/the-one-with-the-guys-from-final-draft)
* Kent Tessman’s [Notes on Scriptnotes](http://www.kenttessman.com/2014/02/notes-on-scriptnotes/) blog post
* [How QuarkXPress became a mere afterthought in publishing](http://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2014/01/quarkxpress-the-demise-of-a-design-desk-darling/)
* Heather Havrilesky’s [Ask Polly: I Moved To A New City To Be With An Emotional Vampire](http://www.theawl.com/2014/01/ask-polly-i-moved-to-a-new-city-to-be-with-an-emotional-vampire) on The Awl
* The AV Club on [Tom Cruise being sued for one billion dollars](http://www.avclub.com/article/tom-cruise-is-being-sued-for-allegedly-stealing-th-107570)
* THR on [The New Girl lawsuit](http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/thr-esq/fox-wme-peter-chernin-sued-671788)
* [Time Tailor](http://www.visualdatainc.com/time_tailor.htm)
* [SuperCook.com](http://supercook.com/) tells you recipes to cook with what you have on hand
* [One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories](http://www.amazon.com/dp/0385351836/?tag=johnaugustcom-20) by B. J. Novak
* B.J. on the [Nerdist Podcast](https://www.nerdist.com/2014/02/nerdist-podcast-b-j-novak/)
* The Big Fish cast album on [iTunes](https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/big-fish-original-broadway/id816289324?ign-mpt=uo%3D2) and [Amazon](http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00H3UKZ6E/?tag=johnaugustcom-20)
* We have a few shirts left in [The John August Store](http://store.johnaugust.com/)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Scriptnotes listener Matthew Chilelli

You can download the episode here: [AAC](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/scriptnotes_ep_130.m4a) | [mp3](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/scriptnotes_ep_130.mp3).

**UPDATE** 2-17-14: The transcript of this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2014/scriptnotes-ep-130-period-space-transcript).

Comparing a scene as written and as shot

Directors, Projects, Television, Words on the page

I recently updated my [Youtube channel](http://www.youtube.com/user/johnaugust), and came across a scene from my 2003 pilot “Alaska.” I thought it would be interesting to compare the written scene to what it looked like in the final version.

Here’s the scene as scripted. (You can read the whole script in the [Library](http://johnaugust.com/library).)

INT. SATCHEL HOUSE – DAY 3

Closing the front door behind her, Valerie follows Mathers into the living room. The house is spartan by any standard: dirty walls, old drapes, sagging furniture. Two rifles hang on the wall.

In all, it’s a shelter, but not a home. No woman has been in this house in a decade.

Venturing into the kitchen, Mathers finds industrial-sized cans of beef stew lined up on the counter. Saltines by the case.

MATHERS

The mother is dead, isn’t she?

VALERIE

Virginia Satchel. She died ten, fifteen years ago.

MATHERS

So who is Connie?

He points out a child’s drawing on the refrigerator, the paper yellowed with time. The illustration shows four stick figures in front of the house, labelled “Daddy,” “Glenn,” “Bobby,” and “Connie.”

Connie is noticeably bigger than the other three. As Mathers steps back,

A GUNSHOT

BLASTS through the kitchen window from outside. As glass begins to rain down, a SECOND SHOT rips into the kitchen cabinets. Mathers and Valerie dive for the floor, unholstering their weapons.

Three more SHOTS blow through the kitchen. Mathers listens to the tone of the shots.

MATHERS

Rifle. One shooter.

VALERIE

You want me to call for backup?

MATHERS

How close is it?

VALERIE

Half hour. Maybe more.

Silence. The shooter has stopped. Mathers very carefully edges up to the shattered window. Valerie takes the far side.

With a quick movement, Mathers leans around the window frame and starts SHOOTING. Behind a distant wood pile, movement. A flash of metal.

Mathers ducks back as two more SHOTS rip into the window and wall.

MATHERS

Keep him shooting.

Before she can ask where he’s going, Mathers runs down the hallway. Valerie presses back against the wall. Steels herself, then pops around to FIRE.

She’s met with another BLAST. Just missed her.

EXT. BACK OF HOUSE – DAY 3

A chair SMASHES through a second story window.

Mathers climbs out after it. He slides down the shingled roof, then jumps down another ten feet to the ground below.

EXT. EDGE OF THE FOREST – DAY 3

We STAY WITH Mathers as he circles behind the woodpile, gun at ready. Up in the house, Valerie continues to FIRE, keeping the shooter’s attention.

Reaching a good distance behind the shooter, Mathers SHOUTS OUT:

MATHERS

State Trooper! Drop your weapon!

The shooter stands. CONRAD “CONNIE” SATCHEL is six-foot-six and weighs in at nearly three hundred pounds.

Severe birth defects have left him physically and mentally malformed. Although 20 years old, he’s like a giant eight-year old.

MATHERS

Put it down! Put it down!

Connie isn’t aiming at Mathers, exactly, but he isn’t inclined to drop the rifle either.

CONNIE

You’re a police man.

MATHERS

I am. I need you to put that rifle down.

Over Connie’s shoulder, we see Valerie approaching. She has her gun on Connie.

MATHERS

Is your name Connie?

CONNIE

How did you know?

MATHERS

Put down the rifle and I’ll tell you.

Intrigued, Connie sets the rifle down. Connie holds his hands up. His fingers are bandaged and bloody. Several are obviously broken, sticking out at strange angles.

MATHERS

What happened to your hands, Connie?

CONNIE

(looking at them)

They had evil in ’em. Daddy had to fix ’em.

Here’s the [finished scene](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVU3A9NjqNU&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PLa3qqbMuNy-rFF9_65cTZNmsgruNXXUOd) after filming and editing:

The biggest changes to the scene were motivated by the location we found. Director Kim Masters wanted plenty of windows, so we ended up enclosing a porch and playing it as a kitchen. We didn’t feature any of the set dressing I wrote in (industrial cans, saltines), but the set decorators followed that vibe.

Once the gunshots started, some dialogue got rearranged.

First, Valerie’s line was shortened to the much better “Call for backup?” Second, we added a line for Mathers — “Alright, let’s see what we got first.” I honestly don’t remember if it happened on set or in looping. (We don’t see his face in the cut, so it would have been an easy line to slip in.)

Because we ended up with a single-story cabin, there was no need to have Mathers sliding down a roof. Otherwise, the rest of the scene plays very much as scripted — and very much how I imagined it.

For me, writing a scene is a process of fully visualizing a scene in my head, then finding the words to describe it. You don’t always get such a good match between intention and finished product, but the better you can evoke the experience of the scene on the page, the more likely you’ll be pleased with the outcome.

Not Just Dialogue

Scriptnotes, Transcribed, Words on the page

John and Craig take an extended look at how sound works in movies, and how screenwriters can take advantage of it on the page.

Also this week, advice on naming characters, and what to do when the first cut of your movie is not at all what you had in mind.

Links:

You can download the episode here: AAC | mp3.

UPDATE 11-16-13: The transcript of this episode can be found here.

Let me give you some advice

Film Industry, Indie, Producers, QandA, Random Advice, Scriptnotes, So-Called Experts, Story and Plot, Transcribed, Words on the page

Craig and John go back to basics with an all advice episode, looking at the Dear J.J. recommendations for Star Wars, Tony Gilroy’s advice to screenwriters and whatever’s up with Max Landis.

From there, they open the listener mailbag to answer questions ranging from mastering characters’ voices to indie financing.

Links:

* [4 Rules to Make Star Wars Great Again](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_joDNOpeWWo&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D_joDNOpeWWo&app=desktop)
* Clerks on [Death Star politics](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGOVbXF7Iog)
* Eddie Izzard on [the Death Star cantina](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJ2yRTRlMFU)
* Tony Gilroy’s [Top 10 tips for writing a Hollywood blockbuster](http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-24348113)
* The New York Times on [Rethinking Gender Bias in Theater](http://theater.nytimes.com/2009/06/24/theater/24play.html?_r=1&)
* [Max Landis](http://shelbysells.com/2013/09/30/interview-series-max-landis/) on the Pillow Talk interview series
* Wikipedia on [Bitcoin mining](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bitcoin_mining#Bitcoin_mining)
* John’s 2011 blog post on [Blue Valentine and adoption](http://johnaugust.com/2011/dear-cindy-in-blue-valentine)
* [WinesTilSoldOut](http://wtso.com/)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Scriptnotes listener The Face of Human Error

You can download the episode here: [AAC](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/scriptnotes_ep_112.m4a) | [mp3](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/scriptnotes_ep_112.mp3).

**UPDATE** 10-10-13: The transcript of this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-ep-112-let-me-give-you-some-advice-transcript).