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Scriptnotes, Episode 528: M is for Minimum, Transcript

January 5, 2022 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2021/m-is-for-minimum).

**John:**
Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig:**
My name Craig Mazin.

**John:**
And this is episode 528 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the show with animation writers fighting to get paid what live action writers get, we’ll look at what minimums and backend really mean, but it’s also a craft episode. We’ll talk about the kind of movie, where the hero is actively trying to find themselves and is the waste paper basket the writer’s most important tool? Plus, in our bonus segment for premium members, is movie dialogue actually harder to understand these days? Craig has opinions.

**Craig:**
Amazing. Absolutely [inaudible 00:00:36].

**John:**
A taste of what’s to come for our premium members. Craig, it’s nice to be back recording with you. It’s been a minute here.

**Craig:**
Yeah. A little bit up and down over here, as we make our way through this insanely large production, still here in Canada, although we’re catching a little bit of a break now, as we head into the holidays. I get to come home for a little bit, looking outside at beautiful Calgary, it is a lovely dusting of snow. Apparently La Nina and El Nino have joined hands to make Il Nino and something enormous is coming apparently. Apparently it’s going to be snowpocalypse up here, which is okay for us. We’ve got an episode, where we need a little bit of snow.

**John:**
Oh, it’ll be great.

**Craig:**
Yeah.

**John:**
Yeah, little bit of snow’s also good for skiing. I would love some more snow for that.

**Craig:**
Yeah. I’m not going to do that.

**John:**
Yeah. I’m going to do that, but while you were gone, we replayed the Die Hard episode. This was a special episode we’d done for premium members. We put it in the main feed and I added in a bonus segment for our premium members, where we talked with Steven E. de Souza about the writing of Die Hard, which is so exciting. We did some follow up on that. Megana, can you help us out with a follow up?

**Megana:**
Great. Jeb writes, “You did a great job in the Die Hard episode, highlighting the various Reagan era elements of the film, bumbling experts, idiotic feds, awful Europeans, et cetera, but one of the key elements in the story, is the fact that Holly works for a Japanese firm. As you of course remember, the 80s featured a fascination with Japanese culture, highlighted perhaps best in Karate Kid, but also fear related to the perceived decline of the US, in relation to Japan. Japanese companies excelling in the auto industry, electronics, and even US real estate. Movies like Gung Ho, highlighted those tensions for comedic gain, but that anxiety was real. Anti-Asian hate crimes were rampant in the era and the fact that Holly is working for a Japanese company, building its own towering foothold on American soil, is just one more thorn in all American John McClane’s side. The fact that he prevails and saves the American employees, is a not too subtle message.”

**John:**
That’s a good point. Let’s talk about that [crosstalk 00:02:45].

**Craig:**
[crosstalk 00:02:45] Jeb.

**John:**
Okay. I would say that a person looking at the movie now, who didn’t grow up in the 80s might not realize the degree to which there was this sense that, “Oh, Japan’s going to take over the world,” because they didn’t. Spoiler and it is interesting, because I do sense that at the start of the movie, the fact that this Japanese company is made a little bit more of a thing, but I like that the movie doesn’t feel racist towards the Japanese owners and the Japanese owners are good people and solid.

**Craig:**
Yeah. That’s where I’ll push back a little bit on Jeb. I do agree that of course his pretext is correct. There was a very famous memo written by the head of Sony, that was circulated around American businesses in the 80s, as a warning that they were going to beat us, but also why aren’t we like this? It wasn’t simply a Japan-a-phobia, it was also Japan-a-phelia. There was an admiration and a desire to raise our standards to theirs. They were doing it better than we were. The Nakatomi building is in a not-80s-way, It’s not played for racism jokes. Nobody makes fun of the Japanese culture. The boss is portrayed as an honorable, decent man, whereas the American employee is the cokehead snake. The fact that John McClane saves the day, that’s not I don’t think, a particularly trenchant point about America versus Japan as just, he’s the movie star, he’s the action hero that came to save the day. If anything to me, the fact that it was a Japanese company, which by the way, disappears in terms of importance almost immediately. It’s just not really a thing, I would say reflects nothing more than what was in vogue at the time, which was, yeah and we should make it a Japanese company, because that feels like an 80s thing right now.

**John:**
I would say that the Japanese company helps set up McClane’s initial fear of losing his wife, because not only has his wife moved to the other side of the country, but she’s really working for a Japanese company and will probably end up moving to Japan at some point. I think I remember that. It said that she may actually need to move to Tokyo at some point and the sense of losing all of the stuff that he’s had, to this company is real and yet that’s not the meat of the film at all. It’s misdirected.

**Craig:**
No. There is a really interesting episode, that I think we could do and we’d want to bring in some friends to discuss I would imagine, about the movie Gung Ho, which Jeb cites here, which is a fascinating 80s attempt, I would call it, an 80s attempt by white people, to make an anti-racism movie and spoiler alert, it doesn’t go great, but it also weirdly wears its goofy heart on its sleeve.

**John:**
I’m trying to remember the premise. Is this Michael Keaton or is this Tom Hanks?

**Craig:**
It’s Michael Keaton, although it could have been Tom Hanks and more importantly, it’s Ron Howard. It’s this kind of very… Ron Howard to me, always represents the sweetest, most innocent American point of view, which doesn’t always mean it’s enlightened, it just means it’s not coming at something out of anger or disgust or contempt, but yeah, Ron Howard directed this movie. Starred Michael Keaton and it was about a Japanese company purchasing an American company and it was a car company, changing the way the auto factory worked and how it suddenly became a culture clash and it was Gedde Watanabe and George Wendt and Michael Keaton and very much white savior stuff, but also weirdly at times, beautifully human. You could see, it was actually a little bit ahead of its time. The problem was the time was really behind where we are now. It was ahead of its time and yet behind where we are now, it’s a fascinating thing to look at and I think maybe one day we can dive in. It won’t necessarily be the most comfortable, deep dive we do, but worth examining.

**John:**
Yeah. Now if we were to make Die Hard today, that Die Hard never existed, but it was just being made today. It would not be a Japanese company. It’d be a Korean company, who inevitably was building that building, which brings us to squid game, not squid games, but we have some follow up on that. Megana can talk to us about what Eliza sent.

**Megana:**
Eliza says, “As an avid Korean-American listener, I want to clarify why the show’s English title is Squid Game singular and not Squid Games, as in the Olympic Games or Hunger Games. The last game in the series of childhood games, is The Squid Game. If the last game had been hopscotch, then perhaps the title would’ve been Hopscotch. If one is unfamiliar with the Squid Game as are most English speakers, there’s a desire to encapsulate the entire experience with an umbrella term. However, you can see it wouldn’t make sense to title it Hopscotches, had the last game been different. Squid Game sounds awkward to a Korean speaker and only sounds right to an English speaker. Furthermore, Korean doesn’t have a plural indicator like the S in English. A single rock is Dol, just as a fist of rocks is Dol. The rest of the sentence communicates the nature of the rock, as it relates to its surroundings and condition.”

**Craig:**
Well, Eliza, thank you for that. We love language here, obviously. I think the thing that I was perhaps primarily ignorant of, wasn’t the fact that plurals work differently in Korean, as much as that, apparently there are more than one game that occurs in Squid Game and Squid Game was the last of those games. I just thought the whole thing was just all Squid Game, because I still haven’t seen it. That said, this interested me. What really grabbed me on this single rock is Dol, a fist full of rocks is Dol and I checked with our intrepid Bo Shim over here, because what I was curious about was the Olympic Games, because Eliza mentions the Olympic Games and Korea has hosted the Olympic Games and I asked her in Korean, what do people call the Olympic Games? And she said, that in Korean people simply call them Olympic like, “We’re hosting the Olympic,” and of course this confirms what Eliza’s saying, but now what I want to do, is not say Squid Games or a Squid Game. I just want to call the show, Squid.

**John:**
Reduce everything down to it’s single elemental route, that the fundamental thing that everything ventures out from. Yes.

**Craig:**
I have not yet seen Squid.

**John:**
Not a bit of it. More follow up on our Thanksgiving movies. Lars from Cologne writes, “I finally got around listening to episode 522 and would like to suggest that another reason Thanksgiving movies are not as common as Christmas movies, could be, that Thanksgiving is an American tradition, which would make it tough overseas. That’s also why they’re often sold as road movies, as John pointed out. The event is really just an excuse to get some people who don’t see each other often, but have a lot of history and unresolved issues, to sit down at a table and fight them out. Yes, I think the universality of Thanksgiving is not in it’s favor for a movie.”

**Craig:**
A little bit of editorializing there from Lars, from Cologne. Sometimes Lars, I know this is hard to believe, people just sit down and have a good time. Typically that’s what we do on Thanksgiving, but yes, it’s true, Thanksgiving is solely American, although Christmas is not particularly universal. I think more people than not, in fact, I know that more people do not celebrate Christmas than do, but also a Thanksgiving movie could be very cheap proposition to make. Yeah. I think honestly we figured it out last time, but thank you Lars for the help. Just there’s no narrative built into it. It’s a meal, that’s it. It’s a meal.

**John:**
Yeah. Now back to Christmas though, two years ago, I celebrated Christmas in Korea. This is going to be the Korean episode. It’s really what I’m getting back to you. It’s all going to be about Korea, this whole entire episode and it was delightful to celebrate Christmas in Korea and they really did a number there. They really celebrated it big.

**Craig:**
Yes. Christianity is very big in Korea. Although, I would imagine it is not at this point, quite as big as Squid.

**John:**
Nothing is as big as Squid.

**Craig:**
I do love there’s a… It’s not Squid, it’s Cuttlefish, but there’s this dried Cuttlefish, Korean snack called Ojingeochae. It’s like-

**John:**
It’s [crosstalk 00:11:04] get that for you and then you actually mark in the bag, how much of the Cuttlefish each of you has eaten?

**Craig:**
No, that would be insane.

**John:**
Yeah. No, nothing like the ketchup doritos?

**Craig:**
No, no, no, no. Here’s the deal. The ketchup Doritos and I’m going to say it again. Something happened and I don’t even want to get into it, but something went wrong there and it’s-

**John:**
And now you don’t like them?

**Craig:**
No, I love them, but it’s driven a wedge between me and Bo. No, I started eating that all the way back in 1992, because I was living with my friend, who’s a Korean American named Chin and he introduced it to me. It’s almost squid jerky, is what it is, but it’s actually, you would think, “Oh squid jerky, this right off the bat didn’t sound great.” It’s delicious. Delicious.

**John:**
Yeah. All right. Another piece. This could be umberage inducing, but let’s see how this goes here. Our podcast that you’re listening to right now, is called Scriptnotes. There’s a feature in final draft called Scriptnotes, which is how you leave little notes for things and several people pointed out this week that they’ve started putting a TM after Scriptnotes. A trademark symbol. I did what a person does and I looked at the trademark registry. They used to have a trademark on it, but they let the trademark lapse in 2018.

**Craig:**
Well, why don’t we trademark it?

**John:**
We could try to trademark it.

**Craig:**
I think we should. Let’s trademark it and then let’s sue them.

**John:**
Here’s what I know about trademarks, because I actually had to get a trademark on this other game that we were doing at one point and trademarks exist in certain spaces. It’s entirely possible they could get their trademark for this feature in a software program, called Scriptnotes and we could get our trademark in the podcast called Scriptnotes, but honestly let’s just stop fighting over a trademark and just not-

**Craig:**
Well, the good news is we haven’t started fighting over the trademark. I think we can just stay right here where we are. Obviously they could have said something about it, prior to the abandonment in 2018, but they didn’t, probably because the thing that you’re worried about when you get a trademark, I have a trademark for instance, for my production company Word Games, is that what I don’t want, is another company that does what I do, calling themselves Word Games and then the question is, “Oh, well who made this?” And without question Final Draft the company, could have said there is a marketplace confusion, if we have Scriptnotes as part of our script running software and these other guys are doing a podcast about screenwriting, people might be confused and think that they represent us, but I have a suspicion that they were happy about that.

**John:**
Yeah. One of the challenges when you have a trademark, is you have to protect and defend your trademarks. You have to look for people who are infringing on it and you have to send them letters saying, “Hey, don’t infringe on our trademark.” I sent actually, a very nice email to Final Draft, reminding them that they don’t actually have the trademark on Scriptnotes. We’ll see if they take the little TMs off their videos and such.

**Craig:**
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look Final Draft, we keep it on a simmer with you guys. Don’t wake the dragon.

**John:**
All right. Back to Korea news. When the agency campaigned, the WGA agency brujaja was settled, one of the points in that, was that the companies who own production entities had to sell down to a 20% stake, basically were limited to a 20% stake. This past week it was announced that Endeavor is selling its content side to CJ Entertainment, which is a Korean firm. I think I may have even predicted that on the show, that that’d be who would buy out this entity, because it makes a lot of sense, because this is a Korean company who wants to do more American production, who has a lot of experience, has a lot of money. It seems like the right outcome for both sides.

**Craig:**
Yeah and yeah, the company’s worth quite a bit of money there. You never know with these things. It’s a little bit like when they make sports deals and then you find out later, “Oh, well it’s not really that much money and the other team paid for half of the money, that they said that they got,” in any case who knows, but it’s impressive regardless either way and yeah, CJ Entertainment’s a real deal.

**John:**
They did Parasite, they did Big Fish in Korea. They’ve done lots of… There’s just two examples of high quality things they’ve done. They are the equivalent of Sony Entertainment for Korea. They are a big production house.

**Craig:**
This is an interesting development. I’m watching it and yeah listen, every time a new company comes into Hollywood, I think there is a reasonable, people get a little bit excited, because they think new buyer-ish person or somebody that will perhaps get and sometimes that’s true. More often than not, the new companies are worse than the old companies and I don’t know exactly what the relationship is with CJ Entertainment and say unions and you always have to wonder, how this is going to go, but as far as I’m concerned, it can’t be worse than Silicon Valley and their attitude towards unions. Let’s see how it goes.

**John:**
All right. Megana, do you want to talk to us more about some bullshitting?

**Craig:**
Ooh.

**Megana:**
Great. Brandon wrote in and said, “The discussion on bullshitting for writers was quite illuminating for me. I feel like there’s this proverbial wisdom out there, that you should fake it till you make it, but the saying has always felt a little toxic to me. Is it really okay to say I’m a writer, if I’m not making a living as a writer or should I be honest and tell people my day job, when they ask me what I do? When meeting someone new in the industry, the question of what do you do, is almost inevitable. Any guidance on how to navigate or bullshit a response to this question, would be greatly appreciated.

**John:**
Craig. I think it is fine to identify yourself as a writer, who is not making a living as a writer. What do you do? “I’m a writer, in the meantime I’m working a day job at someplace,” is absolutely fine and valid to say. I think, especially when you’re newly moved here, speaking aspirationally is good and normal and appropriate, but how are you feeling about that?

**Craig:**
How will I put it? I understand Brandon’s squirminess about this. I would say Brandon, that the saying fake it till you make it, isn’t really, at least for me, it’s never about just straight up lying about stuff that you wish were true, because that’s delusional and that’s dishonest and misleading. I think fake it till you make it is more about, “Hey, I believe I have the capability of doing something intellectually. Right now, I’m terrified. Let me just behave like I’m not terrified and then I won’t be scared, once I get into it.” In terms of describing yourself, if you’re not making a living as a writer, it’s a little weird to stick the word aspiring on, because that sounds weird. What I would say, is I’m working on a screenplay. I think this is perfectly fine. Say, I’m working on a screenplay. I have a day job, but I’m working on a screenplay. It’s going really well. I’ve got some interest from X, Y, or Z. If you have no interest from X, Y, or Z and it’s just, you’re writing a screenplay at night while you’re working during the day, then no, I wouldn’t say I’m a writer, because that’s not really true. I am a writer, does implies certain things and the reason I’m saying don’t say that, is not because I’m feeling like there should be forced humility, it’s more that I’m just concerned about the follow up questions you’re going to get. What are you working on? Who do you work with? And then you’re stuck. I’ll tell you the question I always get. If somebody doesn’t know who I am and they say, what do you do? And I say, I’m a writer. I work in television and movies and the next immediate question, is: what have I seen? Every single god damned time. Have I seen anything of yours? Since all those questions are going to be forthcoming, you might want to just make it more about the process itself. I’m working on a blank.

**John:**
Yeah. I think the “ing” forms are really helpful here. To say that you’re writing is great. When you say that you are a writer, then you’re going to get the follow up question, “Oh, what have you gotten made?” Or if you say, I’m a novelist, it’s like, “Okay, well, where’s your book?” But if you say, I’m writing a book for this or I’m working on stuff. That is true and honest and also basically where you’re at in the process.

**Craig:**
Correct. Totally.

**John:**
Yeah. A bit of news and follow up here. Last year, as we came through the contract negotiations, we added paid parental leave to the deal for writers. For the first time, writers who have new kids have, I think it’s eight weeks of paid parental leave. Effective January 1st, 2022, the health fund will offer coverage for infertility treatment, for those who have a medical diagnosis of infertility, available to all participants with active coverage for them and their spousal dependence, with a lifetime cap of $30,000 with no deductibles or copays.

**Craig:**
No deductibles or copays. Lifetime cap of $30,000. Oftentimes it does cost more than $30,000 and of course, if you want to have more than one child, then you’re going to need that infertility treatment coverage later, you then will have to probably dip into your pocket, but let’s not underplay the fact that, that’s a big amount of money that you used to have to pay for entirely by yourself and while my wife and I, very luckily did not have any infertility issues. I think we’re the exception of so many.

**John:**
My husband and I had infertility issues.

**Craig:**
Well yes. Right there is a big one. John, you guys aren’t having another kid, I would imagine?

**John:**
You know what, with this $30,000 bonus, maybe so. I’m just saying-

**Craig:**
Maybe you and I should have a kid, because if you think about it, who’s going to inherit this podcast one day?

**John:**
Yeah. We’re experienced parents at this point. We really know what we’re doing. Yeah. I have a kid who’s going to be heading off to college in 16 months. The thought of having a brand new child, while I love babies, I think we’ve established on this podcast, I absolutely love babies.

**Craig:**
Love them.

**John:**
Love them.

**Craig:**
Love babies.

**John:**
But I don’t want to have another four year old, for example, or another 10 year old.

**Craig:**
No, no, no. At all. This is great news and I think I always, in these moments, want to tip my hat obviously, to the Writers Guild for, we represent half of the trustees on the health fund and they’re the ones who make these decisions. We don’t actually negotiate these in contracts. This is something that has to be worked out between our trustees and their trustees, but I also tip my hat to the companies, because they have half the trustees too and this doesn’t happen unless the companies agree and there are certain areas where I think everybody starts to find their collective humanity and their shared experiences and there are people on both sides, management and labor, who know the pain of wanting to have a child and struggling and this is a fantastic thing and I tip my hat both to the Writer’s Guild and the companies.

**John:**
Yeah and it’s also important to note the distinction between, there was no more money added to the pot for this. Basically, it’s reprioritizing how you’re spending the money that’s in the pot and that you’re going to start covering fertility treatment, as opposed to paid parental leave, which was part of the contract, because it’s additional money being put in there, to actually pay for that fund. That’s the difference there. That’s why that was a contract thing and this was just a decision made by the folks who run the fund.

**Craig:**
What they cover and what they don’t cover medically, is always going to be part of their decision and they do run the numbers and they generally do have to balance the budget. I hope that they did that by removing nonsense alternative treatments, that don’t do a goddamned thing.

**John:**
Yeah, I imagine so. That’d be great. All right. I was going to lead us into this Netflix topic by talking about Netflix numbers, but I feel like I’ve talked about Netflix numbers so, so much, that I’m just tired of talking about Netflix numbers.

**Craig:**
John, your discussion of Netflix numbers is the most listened to discussion, ever in Scriptnotes history.

**John:**
I would like to congratulate my friends, Rawson Thurber and Ryan Reynolds for the number one movie of all time on Netflix. It’s fantastic. It’s great. Wonderful. I’m so happy that it’s happened. I hope that you guys get the equivalent of backend off that. I hope for every time they send out a press release about how much money or how many viewers it’s had, you get a ca-ching. That would be fantastic. They won’t, but let’s get into how money works and how backends work, because this past week, a bunch of things showed up on my feed and a lot of questions showed up in my feed, about writers getting paid and backends and residuals. I think it’s because animation writers right now are going through negotiations about increasing their pay, because animation writers are generally not covered by the WGA, covered by the Animation Guild and people had natural questions about backends and profits and scales and minimums. I wanted to have a little segment here to talk about the difference between minimums, which is something that’s being handled by the Guild contract and what writers actually bring in, which is handled by their own contracts. We have a lot of terms to define here, but hopefully we can make sense of where money comes from and how it gets to writers.

**Craig:**
Yeah, totally normal thing to happen when you’re looking at one group of writers, like animation writers, who aren’t doing as well as Writers Guild writers and what will happen is, people will point towards Writers Guild writers and say, “Here’s what their experience is. Here’s how they’re treated. Here’s what they get,” and some of the things that they’re pointing to, are things that the Writers Guild has not gotten them at all and more interestingly then by implication, they don’t need the Animation Guild to get them either because we are, the term is an overscale employment base, at least certainly in features and in television, where the overscale occurs most notably, is in the double job description, writer/producer. A lot of things happen under the heading of producer and the Writer’s Guild doesn’t touch or affect any of those.

**John:**
Yeah and it’s especially complicated in TV, because the number of weeks that count against gets wild, but let’s start with some really basic things we can talk through. I want to discuss the difference between the contract, which is the big contract that’s being negotiated every three years, versus individual writer contracts. I want to talk about when writers get scale and when they don’t, profit participation and residuals and the idea of CPI and increases. Basically, how much things ramp up over the years, because that also gets confusing. Craig, can you talk to me about the difference between the contract and what’s in the contract, versus what’s in an individual writer’s contract?

**Craig:**
Sure. For the Writer’s Guild and this holds true as well for Animation Guild, the collective bargaining agreement is also known as a Minimum Basic Agreement. Minimum Basic Agreement, simply means nobody that is in our union can do worse than this. That’s what it is. They could also call it the worst case scenario document.

**John:**
It’s the floor.

**Craig:**
It’s the floor. Now our individual contracts by design, already incorporate everything that’s in that contract. There’s a clause in our individual contracts that say, under no circumstances can anything in this contract be construed as doing something worse than, the terms of the Minimum Basic Agreement. However, obviously in our individual contracts then, there are lots of things that our lawyers, managers, or agents, well, not managers legally, but our lawyers or agents can get us, that are better. A lot of those things are almost boiler plate at this point, because everybody gets them. Some of them have to do with you and your individual status and work history and perceived value to the company, but most contracts I would argue, have at least some aspects that are better than the Minimum Basic Agreement that the Writer’s Guild or the Animation Guild provides.

**John:**
Back in episode 407, we talked through understanding your writing contract and it was you and me at the Guild, along with some Guild lawyers and we literally walked through what an individual writer’s contract looks like and some of the things that are in there, are essential about this is how much you’re getting paid for your first draft, for your rewrite. These are the optional steps, the guaranteed steps, but also carried in there is, this is your net profit definition and this is what your backend looks like and you laugh now, but we laugh every time, because movies are designed to never actually achieve net profits. Only a handful of movies each year, each decade, could be considered net profits. Something like a Blair Witch Project is so successful, that there’s just no way to hide the money that’s coming in there, but they achieve this process for never actually becoming profitable, by continually siphening out for the money that’s coming in and charging fees against things. You could never actually hit those profits. Those things are still in your contract, but they’re not actually meaningful. The confusion I saw from people on Twitter is, “Oh, that means they writers don’t get anything for the movies, they make,” and it’s, “No, we get residuals and residuals don’t have anything to do with profitability,” and I think that’s an important thing to distinguish. Craig, can you talk to us about residuals and how residuals get calculated in a broad sense?

**Craig:**
Residuals are calculated on a gross basis and a number of people in this discussion on Twitter, were saying that residuals needed to happen for the Animation Guild, so that they could participate in the profit of things and then some people said, “Well, the problem with the Writer’s Guild, is the residuals are only there for profits and nothing ever shows profits and they should really be based on the gross,” and the answer is, they are. That’s exactly what they are. Residuals have nothing to do with the profitability of a movie. They have everything to do with how much the movie grosses and by grosses, we mean the amount of money that comes into the studio, regardless of expenses. Now, the residuals are defined in such a way, that the only part of the money coming in that matters, is for movies, not the ticket sales and not exhibition on airplanes, but all the other stuff afterwards. The now dead videotape and DVD market, but online rentals, online sales, the sale of the movie to streamers and cable outlets and networks overseas, all that gross comes in and then there is a formula that is applied to it. Is it a great formula? No, but it’s formula and it generates money.

**John:**
And it’s important to stress that, that formula and the recalculation of that formula, happens every three years in the contract, the MBA and that, that is where the residuals are calculated. Your individual contract might have something like hand waving towards residuals, but that’s not where your residuals are coming from. Your residuals are coming from this Minimum Basic Agreement, that applies to all film and all television that’s done underneath a WGA contract, which is good, which is how you want it and it also means that there can be consistent accounting for it and the WGA can actually collect that money on your behalf.

**Craig:**
Which is why your agents, managers, or lawyers, should never commission that money and if they are, ask them to please stop, because they didn’t negotiate that term, the Writer’s Guild did and while it is true that, I guess I would characterize it as every three years, we have the opportunity to adjust those formulae, when in reality they’re adjusted almost never. Once they’re there, they’re there for a long time.

**John:**
They largely get baked in and the things that, when you get news about what changed in the contract, it could be the thresholds for certain things may have changed a bit, but the actual percentages rarely change or what counts rarely changes. Only when there’s a brand new thing that you have to figure out, how are we going to treat this new thing that’s existing, do you sign a brand new residual and as we said many times on the show, figuring out how we’re going to handle residuals for movies that are made for a streamer and only show on a streamer, a movie like Red Notice is complicated, because if that movie was made by a studio and then sold to a Netflix, the residual will be based on what that sale price was to Netflix, but because there’s no sale price, it’s tougher to figure out what the residual is and it’s going to be a big focus in negotiations.

**Craig:**
It will always be lower. Until something changes, the way that Netflix does things in general, works very much in their favor, surprise, because there isn’t much of an independent and this does tie back to Netflix. You have an article here that you linked to, we’ll throw it into the show notes, from Variety about Netflix’s data expansion being a flex, which is a very nice way of saying the thing that you and I have been saying for a long time.

**Craig:**
Which is, that Netflix just continually manipulates data to make it sound like everyone is watching Netflix every minute of the day and every new thing that comes out, is the biggest thing that Netflix has ever done, because just the data is a big, huge hailing storm of hot air and what’s bizarre is, a lot of people do watch Netflix. It’s incredibly popular. I don’t know why they need to do that, other than to say that they have a total black box control over who watches what and when they report it, meaning how many people have seen this and similarly therefore, how they deal with residuals, which usually is some large buyout, works in their favor, almost always.

**John:**
Yeah. Now, here we’re talking about the back end of what’s happened and everything. The movies come out, but let’s talk about initial compensation, which is also crucial here and one of the things I’ve noticed with the animation writers talking about, is their initial compensation is just dramatically lower than equivalent conversation would be for a live action writer, a WGA writer. They’re trying to raise that initial compensation. This is something that we’re really talking about scale. We’re talking about, this is the minimum that you could be paid to do this job, to write this script, to be working on this show and that’s where we’re trying to increase here. Now again, we’ve got to stress, that is the minimum they can pay you, but certainly for future writers, you want to be working above scale and your goal is to get above scale as quickly and as thoroughly as you can, so you’re not being stuck at the absolute minimum they can pay you for things.

**Craig:**
There are two limits that impact how people are paid in general. One is the floor, which is obviously as you mentioned, something the union sets and the other is whatever the perceived ceiling is. That may be the biggest difference, because there is a difference between the floor, but it is not a massive difference. The massive Delta is in the ceiling, where the most highly paid writers in live action are paid vastly more than the most highly paid writers in animation and I’m talking about with the exception of maybe some Pixar features and things like that, but when we talk about television, when we talk about animation writers for television animation, not WGA television animation, the ceiling is just nowhere near what the ceiling is on the live action side. That is where you can start pulling people up a bit.

**John:**
Also, we should make sure the ceiling is not defined. You’re not going to find some contract that says, this is the most we’ll ever pay. They just have this internal thing. The company will say, “We never pay more than this,” and I’ve been through this in my own experiences. You probably have been too. It’s, this is the most we’ve ever paid for this. This is the most we’re willing to pay. We don’t go above this line.” [crosstalk 00:34:24]

**Craig:**
It’s the market price and that line, they will go over that line. It’s just not today, but that line is a market line and every now and then something seismic occurs and that line changes, because somebody gets paid a whole crazy amount, because somebody really, really wanted that person. That part can change. The issue with more than anything in animation writing, non WGA animation writing, is that they haven’t yet zeroed in on those people, that are worth an enormous amount. That starts to change, because at that point, instead of a factory floor, you have a factory ladder. For animation writers, they have a double problem. The Animation Guild does have low minimums. They don’t have residuals, they don’t have credit protections and in the marketplace, that group of animation writers doesn’t have a cadre of extremely high paid people, that are setting a progression for everybody else.

**John:**
Now, there have been notable animation showrunners who have made fantastic deals at places and that’s awesome for them and they can hopefully use some of that power to get writers paid more, but that’s the exception rather than rule. There are very few big animation showrunners, who could pull that off and it’s not like live action TV showrunners, who do get those 10 figure deals.

**Craig:**
Yeah. Pretty much everyone that’s running a show on television, is getting paid pretty darn well, when I talk about live action. Some people are being paid numbers that require extra digits. You have deals that are approaching a billion dollars at this point. It’s insane, but certainly a number of people being paid in the hundreds of millions of dollars and I don’t think that is happening at all in non WGA televised animation and in the cases sometimes where it is, I think you are dealing largely with the production entity. It’s just a different culture and what it comes down to is and this is where I feel for the people who run the Animation Guild, because they are trying. I have talked to a couple of them over the years and I know, they know and they’re not delusional. They’re not sitting there going, “No, our numbers are great.” They know and what they’re dealing with is a cultural problem that the industry does not value the animation writers, the way that the industry values the Writers Guild writers and that is a cultural problem that also needs to be attacked and in that circumstance, the partners they need unfortunately at the Animation Guild, are the agencies because agencies do this too. They look and see, “Well okay, those people are being paid that, so let’s not really concentrate on that, because 10% of that isn’t that much,” but they can drive that up too. They’re the ones who push the market around.

**John:**
Now, you hit on this early in the discussion, but it’s important to note that in television, someone who’s staffed on a TV show, they’re going to get paid a certain amount for their writing services, but also as a producer. As a staff writer, as a story editor, as a consulting producer, they’re getting a separate paycheck, that’s covering their producing services for a show and their writing services will tend to be listed at scale, but everything else about their producing services, is a part of their individual contract negotiation. It’s important to notice that if you’re a newly staffed writer, you might see in your contract that, “Oh, it looks like I’m being paid scale,” but you also are being paid separately as a producer and that’s just the weird way that we decided to do television, which is frustrating for folks who come from the feature world.

**Craig:**
Yeah. In one aspect, when you do come from the feature world as I did, you look at it and go, “Well, man, I’ve been paying a lot in dues, that these producers and television haven’t been paying at all.” In features, I paid a 1.5% of every dollar I ever made and television, I pay 1.5% of basically minimum, because the companies have used the producer valve, as a way to essentially pay out more, that doesn’t get applied against, for instance, healthcare and pension and the writers who take this money including myself, recognize that there’s less in dues to pay as well and you get more perceived power, because you’re a producer. For the animation writers, I’m not sure that this relief valve is there. I think basically they’re saying, this is scale. That’s what you get and there is nothing else, but there is and part of it is just figuring out how to push that marketplace forward. For me, if I were running the Animation Guild, I’ve got to be honest, I wouldn’t start right today since it’s… Look, they’ve lost over and over and over, okay? It’s quite a losing streak. How do you turn around a losing streak? Maybe you start with something that doesn’t cost money at all, but is about dignity and that would be credits and if you begin to open that door with credits and dignity, then you start to push ahead on how to make something out of those credits, because right now everything seems to be decided by the companies with a reactive position from the Animation Guild, because they don’t have the strength or backing really to get something done. It’s possible that now with the new leadership in IA, which did threaten a strike for the… We almost had an IA strike for the first time in Hollywood history. Maybe they could throw a little muscle behind the Animation Guild, which is part of IATSE. It’s complicated.

**John:**
One of the other challenges with the Animation Guild, is that Writers Guild represents just writers, Animation Guild represents not just animation writers, but also everyone else who works in animation and their interests are similar, because they’re all trying to make great animated projects, but it’s not quite analogous to the WGA, where everyone’s doing the same job.

**Craig:**
Correct and there is a conflict that can occur, because you have story artists who, if you’ve worked in animation you know, they are writing with pictures and they often throw a lot of dialogue in as they’re pitching and there is a blending of how writing functions in animation, that our terms in the Writers Guild don’t really artfully cover and those people have to be taken care of too. I think sometimes part of the problem is, that people who’d have a title and function that is very similar to what we do in the Writers Guild will say, “Wait, they got that and I’m getting this and it’s not fair and also I should be covered by the Writers Guild.” Can we just, once again John, point out that that cannot happen.

**John:**
It cannot happen. Here’s the challenge, is the folks who are represented currently by the Animation Guild, they are represented by a union and the WGA cannot come in and say, “No, no. We are taking these writers out of your unit and putting them into the WGA.” That just cannot happen. That’s just not federal law. That’s just not going to happen. What can happen is on new projects that are not covered by the Animation Guild, they can be covered by the Writers Guild and there’s a push to get more new projects covered by the Writers Guild and I have a show that’s going to be an animated Writer’s Guild project. It is doable. It’s hard to do, but that is the way you are going to get animation writers covered by WGA contract, is by setting up new projects and new places, that do not have already coverage by the Animation Guild. That’s just how it’s going to have to happen.

**Craig:**
New employers is a huge part of it. The problem, is that new employers generally aren’t stupid. They can look and see which one’s going to cost them more and it’s the Writers Guild. That’s definitely going to cost them more.

**John:**
And that’s why there’s a push to get a bunch of animation showrunners to say, “Hey, we will only do new projects at places that can offer WGA contracts,” because there are some folks who are worth it, they’re willing to do a WGA deal at certain places. That’s how I was able to get the one I just did.

**Craig:**
Yeah, years and years and years ago I was hired by Bob Weinstein, to write an animated movie and I said, “I won’t do it if it’s not WGA,” and what they did was, they just made a company.

**John:**
Yeah. They [crosstalk 00:42:39].

**Craig:**
They made a new company and that new company became signatory to the Writers Guild and that new company existed solely to employ me to write this movie and that’s fine, it’s a bunch of paperwork and as you say, it can be done, but if it’s done on an ad hoc basis, because they really want you to write something and they really want me to write something, that is not going to ever really move the needle, because the vast bulk of stuff that’s done, is done at places that are fully married into doing things through the Animation Guild.

**John:**
Yeah, but you get the point of the wedge in there and you can start to make some changes and that’s-

**Craig:**
Tip of the spear.

**John:**
Tip of the Spear. We’ll do it. Around the office this week, we started talking about the kinds of movies where you have the hero, who is undergoing transformation, which is true to all movies hopefully, but where the point of the story, is that the hero is changing and transforming. They’re not going on a quest for something else, but they’re actually struggling to find themselves from the start of the movie and the two things that were making me think about this, this past week, the Kendall Roy character on Succession, especially this season, you see that he’s desperately trying to figure out who he is and he’s trying to organize this publicity and to promote this image of himself. But really, he’s trying to figure out who he actually is. He wants the world to tell him who he is. He wants the press to reflect back what he wants to see and the answer is, you’re an asshole and that’s not a great answer for him to get, but I was also thinking about this article, it’s a letter sent to Blair Braverman, who writes the column for Outside Magazine and it’s about a writer who moved to a cabin off the grid and she figured like, “Oh, here I’ll be able to write every day and it’s going to be great. I have this fantasy version of what my life is like and it was just miserable,” and I wanted to talk about this as a movie construct and also maybe a TV construct as well, but this idea of characters who enter into the story, looking to transform rather than going on a quest, where the transformation happens along the way.

**Craig:**
Yeah. It’s really… Partly what this wonderful essay is talking about, is the over romanticization of writing, which will have another little thing we want to mention about that, but what’s fascinating to me about these movies, is that they aren’t necessarily doing something that any other movie isn’t. In fact, they are necessarily doing something every other movie also necessarily does. Somebody changes, but what I like about movies like this or stories like this on television, is that the character is aware of it. Whereas when they’re not aware, which is probably the majority of the time, we might be aware, but we understand at the end, she is different than she was when she started and in these kinds of stories, the character says, I don’t know who I am or I don’t like who I am. I want to figure out who I’m supposed to be and then they are somebody different at the end and that is simply about a self-awareness. There’s a meta aspect to this character who understands that they need to figure out the nature of themselves, as a protagonist in their own story.

**John:**
Yeah and as we looked at examples of things, The Graduate comes up, where we have a kid at the end of college, who starts trying to figure out who he is and what he wants in life. In Good Company feels like the same kind of movie. There’s a heavily gendered component to this, where you have a lot of women who are going through this transformation. Under the Tuscan Sun, How Stella Got Her Groove Back. Eat Pray love, but even recent examples, like Tick Tick Boom, is that you have a guy who’s trying to stage his show, but really he’s trying to figure out his existential angst, is over turning 30 and this sense of doom. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I want.

**Craig:**
Am I successful? Am I not successful?

**John:**
Yeah. Exactly. Should I take this advertising job? And it’s really about figuring out who he is and being a musical, he can sing through his frustrations there and I think its so important to stress, that every movie’s going to have some hero transformation ideally, but it does feel so different when the character starts wanting to transform.

**Craig:**
Yeah and there’s something that is amusing about the whole thing. When they do this and this is the part of these stories I generally don’t like, what they’re doing is looking at you in the audience and saying, “You know this feeling right? You’re scared too. You don’t know who you are or you’re unhappy with who you are or you think you’re not yet where you’re supposed to be. You’re freaking out, let me show you a fairy tale where I figure it out. It’s going to make you feel good. It’s figure-outable and the fact is, that it’s generally a simplification of how that process goes, because the real process of figuring out who you are in life, is a process that ever ends and then you die. And of course in these stories, there’s a conclusion and I think I find that the conclusion is always amusing, because the last scene is, I did it. I’m happy. I’m self-actualized, I’m pleased and then we never see the next scene, where they have to wake up and then they have diarrhea or something and the next day begins again and they’re like, “Wait, actually, I’m still just… Ah, man. I’m still me.”

**John:**
Yeah. Taking off our movie lenses, because obviously we’re looking for closure in a movie, I think two series that do a very good job of characters trying to find what they actually want, Search Party, which I love, which is ostensibly about trying to figure out what happened to this missing girl, but it’s really the central character trying to figure out who she is and what she wants and her arc in transformation, but of course, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend starts with this woman on an existential quest, I don’t know what I actually want in my life and transforming everything and transforming everyone around her as she does it and because it’s a series and doesn’t have to resolve in movie time logic, it can go through all the ups and downs and the moments of realization and moments of self doubt, that you wouldn’t necessarily be able to fit into a classic two hour movie structure.

**Craig:**
Yeah and those journeys are fascinating, because they are actually dictated or at least they used to be more like this, not necessarily by what the character’s experience was and how they were following a path and arriving in a destination, but rather more how well is the show doing, because when it’s doing really well, they can’t figure their shit out yet. They’re going to have to wait until the show is ready to conclude, at which point they will figure their shit out and that’s why one of my favorite endings for a who am I, what am I supposed to be journey, is the Sopranos, because it begins with a man going to therapy as a villain, but he’s going to therapy to try and figure out who he is and what his problems are and he never gets it. He never figures it out and then he’s murdered and that’s pretty much the way life works, except minus the villain and the murder part, occasionally there’s murder.

**John:**
Occasionally there’s murder. You put a great article in the show notes here about a writer’s advice to other writers and let’s tie this in because I think it harkens back to the article I listed, which was the woman moving to the cabin. Talk to us about what you put into-

**Craig:**
Yeah, it is a wonderful little story here. Somebody has written a… I’ll just talk about the woman that it centers on, is a Polish author name and I apologize, I’m murdering this name, Wislawa Szymborska. If you are Polish please right in and help me. I’m sorry. I’ll just call her Ms. Szymborska. She was a poet. She died in 2012, at which point it was discovered she had destroyed about 90% of her writing, which is amazing. Despite that or perhaps because of it, she won the Nobel prize in 1996 for poetry. Now here’s what I love about this and this ties into this romantic search for self and particularly as writers figuring out, am I a writer, as one of our questioners asked or how do I describe myself as a writer? Or should I go to a cabin and try and write there?

**Craig:**
She wrote an anonymous column for a Polish literary journal, called Zycie Literackie. Again, I screwed that up. I’m sorry. It means literary life. She did this from the 1960s to the 1980s and the column in literary life was called Literary Mailbox and I’m quoting now from this article, “The idea was that aspiring writers would send in their work and receive helpful advice. Mainly, the article says Szymborska advised them to stop writing at once and destroy all their work.” This is like the dark iron curtain version of Scriptnotes.

**Craig:**
“The aspiring writers,” I continue to quote, “imagine that being an author will bring them happiness, fame, and fortunes. Szymborska tells them to get a grip. Writing is a ridiculous profession, she argues persuasively. Failure is inevitable. Success is highly conditional and mostly feels like failure as well,” which I’ve got to tell you is absolutely true. What is her positive advice for poor wretches out there attempting to be writers. I quote from the article, “Her advice is monumentally sensible. Don’t be a narcissist. Work much harder. The best writing utensil is a waste paper basket. Life is short, yet each detail takes time. Don’t be a utopian, but keep away from the void for as long as you can.”

**Craig:**
I’ve got to tell you, I feel like even though Ms. Szymborska and I lived at the same time, somehow I think the two of us may have been scrambled together in the simulation, because man, she’s just putting beautiful Nobel worthy, poetic words to how I feel all the time.

**John:**
Yeah. What she’s saying, also reminds me of the Kendall Roy thing I mentioned at the start of the last segment, which was basically people write into her or they want to be writers, because they have this perception of, “Oh, if I have these things, then I will be happy,” and she’s there to tell you, no, you will not be happy, just as Kendall Roy could get the company and he will not be happy.

**John:**
He just wants someone to tell him what he wants and no one can do that except for himself and in many ways, her saying, “No, you don’t want this. You’re not good at this. Stop doing this. It’ll only going to lead to misery,” is a gift in some ways. We’ve talked on the show, different times, there have been some people who’ve come up to us at live shows over the years like, “Thank you so much for your show. You convinced me that I did not want to be a screenwriter,” and I think that it’s a huge success, because if we’ve driven some people away from it who recognize like, “Oh my time is better spent doing something else.” That’s great.

**Craig:**
Completely and I think I really just want to underscore again, success is highly conditional and mostly feels like failure as well and it must be hard to believe, but-

**John:**
You and I are pretty successful and yet we often feel like failures.

**Craig:**
Well and the success in specific, because when it happens you think, “Okay, the thing is, it’s still just me and my meat suit, moving around and thinking and worrying and all the rest of it and it’s hard to describe.” Success never feels like success. The word itself is promising a mirage that you never get. You have to be just okay with all the stuff in between, because there is no cake.

**John:**
Listen, you’re not going to enjoy every moment of sitting down and actually writing, but if you actually hate writing, if you actually hate the process of doing this, but you’re just doing it because you think it’s going to feel great when you’re successful, you should stop right now, because that’s not likely to happen. You’re not going to feel good being a famous published author, if you don’t feel reasonably good, being an unpublished author.

**Craig:**
No and the cabin won’t help you and being alone won’t help you and the herbal tea won’t help you and for God’s sake, if you ever see a movie where an author suddenly gets a burst of inspiration and then there’s a typing montage and then a novel erupts, just understand that’s the writing equivalent of watching porn. It’s not how it works. It’s fake. Never, ever, never think that, that’s what happens. It has never happened. It will never happen.

**John:**
The worst part of Misery for James Caan, was he had to write a book.

**Craig:**
Exactly.

**John:**
Ah, all right. It’s time for one cool thing. My one cool thing is, one that I know Craig is very excited about, because I tipped him off about it. This is The Game Master’s Book of Non-Player Characters and the resource for really D and D, but there’s this whole weird thing where you can’t say D and D, but you can say fifth edition and it’s designed for Fifth Edition Dungeons and Dragons. It’s not made by the official Dungeons and Dragons people. It’s written by Jeff Ashworth and what I love so much about this, is that the writing is just so good and it’s all these characters you can use for different adventures or different encounters in underground locations or big cities or small towns. Their characters are so specific and let me see if I can get just an example of one character’s description here, because I just love the little box descriptions on people. This is Boo Boo Crawford, a foppish man of middle age, with an overwhelmingly large explorers pack, strapped to his back a few pots and pans hanging from the straps of his chest, holding a guidebook like a mask. That’s your first initial taste of Boo Boo Crawford and they talk through what he’s actually trying to do, what his goals are, what his wants and needs are. It’s so useful and I kept imagining Craig finding voices for all these characters. Craig, does very good voices when we play D and D.

**Craig:**
I try my best. I’m excited to look through this, because I really do believe that fun and interesting NPCs are half of what makes the experience fun. If you don’t have them at least here and there, the conversations become incredibly utilitarian. They’re not really conversations. There’s also not conflict. Part of it’s figuring out how this other person works. In this other game I DM, there’s a council of three people that make decisions for the town and the way that the module presents it, it’s talk to the three people, see if you can convince them and I’m like, “Okay, but who are they?”

**John:**
Yeah, I would say the official adventure books, don’t do a great job describing those characters and this is what I was [crosstalk 00:56:34].

**Craig:**
Yeah, this exactly. One of the things I did, was I decided that there would always be a vote and there’s three of them. The vote would always work one way or the other, except that one of them is just incredibly indecisive. It’s really just about, we’re no longer trying to convince this woman to why your point of view is the best. You really need to help her. You need to give her therapy, so that she can figure out why she can’t make a decision about things and the characters can engage in that way and it’s more fun and what I like about this resource is, sometimes when I’ve got 30 minutes before we’re playing, I’ve got to figure out who these three people are, being able to turn to a book and finding some great ideas would be lovely. This sounds like an amazing resource. I purchased it within seconds of you texting me about it. I’m very excited.

**John:**
I want to give one more character description here, because this is actually useful for all of us as writers. This is about Fresticia and Pillow, a barefoot girl around eight or nine years old with dark skin, a missing front tooth in her innocent smile and her hair tied up in fluffy pigtails atop her head, dressed in a black dress with a scrappy red scarf tied around her neck. She is trailed by a skeletal cat. Two sentences. I got a whole picture there.

**Craig:**
Yeah. Yeah, exactly and what’s the story with the cat and all that is great. Sometimes it’s all you need, is just a little bit of a starter and then off you go. Great recommendation, if you do play Dungeons and Dragons. I know they say game master. It is obviously the dungeon master, but of course there’s Pathfinder and all these other lovely games. John, my one cool thing and this is a 10 year odyssey of trying to find the best email client for Mac. I dumped the mail app a long time ago. Fooled around a few things, landed on Air Mail and I’ve been using Air Mail for many, many years. I think I might have convinced you at some point to use Air Mail, but there’s a new one now that I’m using, that I find much, much superior to that and it is called Canary. Canary works beautifully, far fewer errors or weird buggy techies. It’s also fast, fast, fast, fast, fast and it is for Mac OS and iOS and the two sync between each other flawlessly. I find it to be an excellent email client. I recommend it highly.

**John:**
That’s great. I think I’ve told you this before, but I switched over to Superhuman at Rachel Bloom’s recommendation and.

**Craig:**
Superhuman?

**John:**
Superhuman. I think Craig, you may want to check it out. Superhuman only works with Gmail, sits on top of a Gmail.

**Craig:**
Oh, I got a problem with that.

**John:**
All right. I’m entirely in the Gmail ecosystem, but it is ridiculously fast and it does such a great job of sorting stuff out, so I can get to inbox zero super quickly. I’ve been loving Superhuman, but it’s not to everyone’s taste. Interesting with superhuman. The onboarding process, you basically apply for it and then they make an appointment and then you have a half hour Zoom with the superhuman tech who walks you through everything.

**Craig:**
I’m never going to do that. Ever, ever. I don’t want to talk to somebody.

**John:**
It’s better. It’s better.

**Craig:**
I obviously have some Gmail addresses as everybody does, but I don’t have only Gmail.

**John:**
Yeah and you and I never actually email each other. We’re only texting.

**Craig:**
Yeah. Emails… Megana just email’s for old people, right?

**Megana:**
What? I email a lot.

**Craig:**
Well, you’re old.

**John:**
It’s a sensitive subject there, Craig.

**Craig:**
Yeah. Oh, you thought I was asking you from the young person’s point of view?

**Megana:**
Oh God.

**John:**
You can reach Megana Rao. She’s our producer of Scriptnotes. you can find her at ask@johnaugust.com. Our show is edited by Matthew Chilelli after this week is by Timothy Fajda. If you need an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send longer questions. For short questions on Twitter. Craig is sometimes @Clmazin. I’m always @JohnAugust. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes@johnaugust.com. That’s also where you can find the transcripts and sign up for our weekly-ish newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing.

**John:**
We have t-shirts and hoodies. They’re great. You can find them at Cotton Bureau. It’s dicey, whether you can get one of those t-shirts or hoodies by Christmas, but try. They’re really nice. They’re really soft. You can sign up to become a premium member @scriptnotes.net. You get all the back episodes and bonus segments. Like the one we’re about to record on why movie dialogue is so hard to understand. Craig and Megana, thank you so much for a fun show.

**Craig:**
Thanks guys.

**Megana:**
Thank you.

**John:**
Craig, we are talking about this article that Ben Pearson wrote for Slashfilm. I saw it passed around all over Twitter this past week, looking at whether and why movie dialogue has become harder to understand over the years. We’ll start with the first question. Is the thesis correct? Has movie dialogue become harder to understand over your lifetime?

**Craig:**
I think so. I think so. I am a sound obsessed producer and I struggle all the time, all the time, when I’m watching things. Sometimes I play things back. I struggle with the way they mix things and I wasn’t even aware of how grumpy I was about a lot of it, until I read this article and thought, ah, okay, I’m not nuts. I’m not nuts.

**John:**
Yeah. I approach it from a couple different ways. They talk about Christopher Nolan in here who seems singularly uninterested sometimes in actually, us being able to understand what his characters are saying, but also having worked on enough sets and worked with enough sound people, I know that we have tremendous technology to record sound and mix it properly and I don’t think the problem is technological on any level or that our sound professionals are not extraordinarily good. I think they all are and I want to make sure we are not throwing any of them under the bus, because it’s not their fault.

**Craig:**
No, not at all. In fact, we have more technology now than we ever have, to present excellent sound to people and I don’t mean excellent sound like everything is crisp and clear and quality, but even just beautiful. This is a problem that everybody who works on a mixing sounds stage, is well aware of. They’re fighting against this all the time. Similarly, on stage the sound recording team, which is the sound mixer there and the sound assistant, who’s wiring everybody up and the boom operator, they’re always worried about sound and they always want to make sure that we’re not picking up stuff, we shouldn’t be picking up and that the lines aren’t being muffled or squished by the movement of clothing or anything and I support that tremendously. It’s one of the first things I say early on, on a production is how important sound is to me and I let the first AD know that to me sound, it’s more important the sound is good during a take, than if I don’t know, a light gets a little wonky, but that’s me.

**John:**
Yeah and I think you’re probably also willing to say, for this shot, I don’t really care about sound. I’m not anticipating using the sound for this. You can tell people when it’s the priority. We have to understand everything here clearly or that should be the default, but if there’s some wide shot, where you’re just not going to care about the sound, you know you’re not going to use the sound, you can also tell them that, so that the sound person’s not trying to kill themselves to get sound, that you’re not going to be able to use.

**Craig:**
Which they know.

**John:**
They know.

**Craig:**
They know and the reason why we say in wide shots, the sound and dialogue isn’t particularly as important, is because we’re far enough away, that we can probably put another take in their mouth if we need to.

**John:**
Let’s talk about that, Craig, because I think most listeners probably don’t have a sense, the dialogue they see characters speaking, it may not be the actual take that they are… Editors do magic all the time.

**Craig:**
All the time. Keep in mind that obviously when we’re watching people talk, there are a few shots where we see them both at the same time, like wide shots and then once we get into coverage, meaning, okay, but now I’m over a shoulder to you and I’m over a shoulder to you or I’m clean on you and I’m close up on you, some of the dialogue is off screen. It’s off camera and we can put any take in there. We can also take a word that you might pronounce a little funny and find another take where you said the word correctly and just drop it in there with an audio edit and you’ll never know. Dialogue editors can do incredible things, but only if the dialogue has been recorded cleanly and there wasn’t the sound of a truck going under it and if the producer in the room in television, me the show runner or in features, typically the director, cares to make it sound good.

**John:**
It’s the producer or director saying, “No, no. This has to be good and we are going to either do another take, so we can get this right. We’re going to not do that noisy thing, so we can get one clean thing. We are going to get coverage. We’re going to get wild lines. We were going to spend the time to do this,” because time is probably the biggest reason why some dialogue is not recorded as cleanly as it could be.

**Craig:**
And for me, I just have an ear on it. If I’m watching a take and it’s really good, but there’s one word where, because somebody shifted in their jacket, the lab is all screwed up, then I ask the sound people, do we pick it up on the boom and also, is there another take where I could just stick that line in or is it the kind of thing where I could edit around, but the biggest impact I think the director or show runner can have on dialogue and the clarity of dialogue, is talking to the actors, because there is and this article sites something that I absolutely believe is true, a contagious mumble-core-ism, that has infected everyone and it’s bad.

**John:**
Let’s get into this, because you’re also an actor. You are on sets, where you’re having to make choices about how you were going to-

**Craig:**
I’m a great actor.

**John:**
You’re… I’m sorry, Craig, you’re a great actor., Who’s honest at making choices about how you’re going to play a line.

**Craig:**
Yes.

**John:**
And one of the choices you could make, is to bury the line or mumble the line or just not bring a lot of attention to the line, basically set it internally and you’re choosing not to do this. Talk to us about the decision about realism in delivery of things, versus the heightened thing that you might do, so people can actually understand what you’re saying.

**Craig:**
Well then once again, comedy gets it. Clarity and understanding is essential to appreciation of something, generally speaking. In drama, what can happen sometimes with actors, is in their reasonable desire to avoid indicating, emoting, overdoing, pushing, they get small, they can get really quiet. Sometimes in rehearsals, things that are just a normal conversation, like the one you and I are having, get slow and whispery. Part of it is a little bit of a fear, part of is a little bit of an insecurity. The one thing that I really don’t like doing is table reads, because I find that really good actors recognize that this is unnatural. They don’t want to be judged for their performance in that room, sitting around a table and they get mumbly. They just don’t want to be on the hook for it. Sometimes it’s about comfort. It’s about getting the actors comfortable through a few takes, so that you can start to get volume and clarity and things aren’t too whispery or mumbly.

**Craig:**
Some of the whispery/mumbly stuff is just pretense and some of it is a lack of caring. I’ve got to tell you, the thing that they cite here is Bane and I love doing my Bane impression, but I missed a bunch of Bane stuff, because I just didn’t understand why I would miss it, because it seemed like they were actually taking the audio from him, from the mask and not just re-recording it and then filtering it through the… Because, if you’re going to wear a mask, other people have to at least understand you. By the way, if in Bane, he had been, [inaudible 01:08:47] and then Batman was like, yeah and [inaudible 01:08:51] and then he’s like, “No, seriously, I do not… Say that again slowly.” [inaudible 01:08:56] and it would’ve been awesome, but they didn’t do that. Everybody understood them except for us where we were like, “What?” I do think that it’s important for the show runners and directors, to carefully and respectfully get the actors to place where you know people are going to be able to appreciate the words they’re saying.

**John:**
Yeah. I also wonder whether sometimes actors don’t have appreciation of how much editors and directors and posts and everyone else, can help them get to that quiet place. I think they may think that they have to be super, super quiet to hear, because they would be whispering in real life and don’t understand that, no, no, no, we can actually see the effect you’re trying to achieve. Let us achieve the effect, rather than you thinking you have to do it all yourself. They don’t want to feel stagey and theatrical in that way, but no, we can get you to that volume place appropriately, just give us a little bit more here, so we can record it.

**Craig:**
Yeah and a lot of times what I will do, is make a note that a word or two has been garbled a little bit. The other thing is that enunciation is a big deal for people, who’ve been trained in theater on stage. Enunciation is not necessarily something that has been strictly drilled into people, whose primary experience has been in television or film and some people struggle with enunciation and for me, rather than becoming a speech therapist, I just make notes and I think to myself, “Okay, if I really need that one clear, I’m going to go in there and say, this word got a little bit garbled,” but not, in my mind I think I’ll loop it.

**Craig:**
I can get that later and I can blend it in and it’ll be really good and looping, which is our all encompassing term for recording the line again later in a sound studio and then dropping it into the film, has become better and better and better to the point now where I’m way more comfortable believing that it will blend and that we will not notice a discontinuity in sound between naturally recorded voice and looped voice later.

**John:**
Working on a serious television show now, you’ll also get a sense of, these are actors who I know are just fantastic at ADR and looping and they are people who can say, okay, no, this is going to be fine, we’ll get that in the room, versus there might be other people like, you know what, it’s actually not their greatest skillset, is being able to hear what they did and match it and you might want to get that wild line or get another take, there on the set.

**Craig:**
Yes and one of the nice things about doing episodic television, is while we’re shooting, we’re also editing. I can go and sit down with Bella Ramsey and say, “Oh, we’ve got 20 minutes. Let’s bring our sound team over here. I just need you to say this line, because it’s off camera and it was a little funky on the mic, so let’s get it nice and clean now and then we can drop it in,” because we know it’s easy to do. We can start actually looping before we ever get even to proper post, which is advantageous.

**John:**
But, underlying all of this is you have to care and the fact that you do care, is why you’re going to get some good sound. Basically, the answer to this question about movie dialogue and how to get it better, is just it’s caring and it’s making sure that the caring comes from the very start.

**Craig:**
It’s caring and as much as I love when people have complimented a show I’ve made, about how it looks, when I get a compliment about how it sounds, that’s the thing that just warms my heart the most and I think I’ve seen this interesting look on the face of people in post, when I talk about this and it’s sad, because the look is, finally. Do you know what I mean? They’ve been neglected and it’s not right and look, maybe it’s just me, but sound to me is like smell. It’s a weird one, except that’s where all the memories come from. It’s just a faster root to my weird under brain and that’s what I find sound can do.

**John:**
Love it. Thanks Craig.

**Craig:**
Thank you John.

Links:

* [Endeavor sells its content side CJ Entertainment](https://labusinessjournal.com/news/2021/nov/29/endeavor-sells-content-studio-south-korean-media-c/)
* [WGA Health Fund](https://www.wgaplans.org/health/healthfaqs.html) now eligible for infertility treatments.
* [For tips on understanding your contract, check out episode 407](https://johnaugust.com/2019/scriptnotes-ep-407-understanding-your-feature-contract-transcript)
* [A writer who moved off the grid and hates it](https://www.outsideonline.com/culture/love-humor/remote-cabin-write/) advice by Blair Braverman
* [Have You Considered Accountancy? How to Start Writing (and When to Stop): Advice for Writers By Wisława Szymborska (Edited and translated from Polish by Clare Cavanagh)](https://literaryreview.co.uk/have-you-considered-accountancy) review by Joanna Kavenna
* [The Game Master’s Book of Non-Player Characters](https://www.amazon.com/Game-Masters-Book-Non-Player-Characters/dp/1948174804) by Jeff Ashworth
* [Canary Mail](https://canarymail.io/) email service for MacOS and iOS
* [Why Movie Dialogue is so Hard to Understand](https://www.slashfilm.com/673162/heres-why-movie-dialogue-has-gotten-more-difficult-to-understand-and-three-ways-to-fix-it/?fbclid=IwAR3ClhGA3-F33lfL1MXxML90-rrSH8Tt2vARyijsSFKEsZL-3D5vrJO6i-g#) by Ben Pearson for Slashfilm
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* [Craig Mazin](https://twitter.com/clmazin) on Twitter
* [John August](https://twitter.com/johnaugust) on Twitter
* [John on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Timothy Vajda ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by [Megana Rao](https://twitter.com/MeganaRao) and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/528standard.mp3).

M is for Minimum

Episode - 528

Go to Archive

December 7, 2021 Scriptnotes, Transcribed, WGA

John and Craig define and discuss important terms for writers: backends, profits, scales, floors, ceilings, and minimums. They trace the flow of money from WGA contracts to residuals and the downstream impact on animation writers.

They also take a look at characters ‘finding themselves’ and harsh writing advice. Follow up includes Korean grammar, holiday movies, the phrase ‘fake it till you make it’ and whether you should introduce yourself as a writer.

In our bonus segment for premium members, John and Craig analyze why movie dialogue has become harder to understand.

Links:

* [Endeavor sells its content side CJ Entertainment](https://labusinessjournal.com/news/2021/nov/29/endeavor-sells-content-studio-south-korean-media-c/)
* [WGA Health Fund](https://www.wgaplans.org/health/healthfaqs.html) now eligible for infertility treatments.
* [For tips on understanding your contract, check out episode 407](https://johnaugust.com/2019/scriptnotes-ep-407-understanding-your-feature-contract-transcript)
* [A writer who moved off the grid and hates it](https://www.outsideonline.com/culture/love-humor/remote-cabin-write/) advice by Blair Braverman
* [Have You Considered Accountancy? How to Start Writing (and When to Stop): Advice for Writers By Wisława Szymborska (Edited and translated from Polish by Clare Cavanagh)](https://literaryreview.co.uk/have-you-considered-accountancy) review by Joanna Kavenna
* [The Game Master’s Book of Non-Player Characters](https://www.amazon.com/Game-Masters-Book-Non-Player-Characters/dp/1948174804) by Jeff Ashworth
* [Canary Mail](https://canarymail.io/) email service for MacOS and iOS
* [Why Movie Dialogue is so Hard to Understand](https://www.slashfilm.com/673162/heres-why-movie-dialogue-has-gotten-more-difficult-to-understand-and-three-ways-to-fix-it/?fbclid=IwAR3ClhGA3-F33lfL1MXxML90-rrSH8Tt2vARyijsSFKEsZL-3D5vrJO6i-g#) by Ben Pearson for Slashfilm
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* [Craig Mazin](https://twitter.com/clmazin) on Twitter
* [John August](https://twitter.com/johnaugust) on Twitter
* [John on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Timothy Vajda ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by [Megana Rao](https://twitter.com/MeganaRao) and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/528standard.mp3).

**UPDATE 1-5-21** The transcript for this episode can now be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2022/scriptnotes-episode-528-m-is-for-minimum-transcript).

Scriptnotes, Episode 523: A Screenwriter’s Guide to Bullshitting, Transcript

November 9, 2021 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2021/a-screenwriters-guide-to-bullshitting).

**John August:** Hey, this is John. Today’s episode uses one not particularly bad word that’s already in the title of the show, so you probably know it’s going to come up. But anyway we warned you.

Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Episode 523 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the show we discuss the fundamental skill of bullshitting. Why and when screenwriters need to use it. We’ll also talk about the uses of expertise and answer some listener questions that have been stacked up for far too long. And in our bonus segment for premium members after Craig’s rant last week about college we’ll ask the question what should an American do between the ages of 18 and 22.

**Craig:** That’s a good one.

**John:** Yeah. Do some follow up there. But first some sort of news and follow up. That movie Dune, it made a ton of money.

**Craig:** Yeah. It did really well.

**John:** Good on Dune. So it made $41 million over the weekend. Same weekend it was also free on HBO Max, so that was good. Happy for Dune.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Box office is back, baby.

**Craig:** And I’m happy for Denis. He’s a spectacularly good guy.

**John:** I’m going to put a link in the show notes to this article by Branden Katz doing some of the movie math on it. Because we’ve talked about this on the show before. How do you measure success? We used to always measure success of a feature film based on what that box office was and what that was going to translate to down the road.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And we could sort of calculate all of that stuff. But when a movie opens on streaming and theatrical at the same time and in this case they’ve decided to make a sequel based on how successful it was, well how are they gauging success? And so he sort of walks through this is probably the number of viewers. This is the reception it got. This is the reviews it got. This is the amount of fan buzz it got. It’s tougher than it used to be.

**Craig:** And look it was always difficult in the sense that nobody ever really knew what movies cost, because the reported budgets were always nonsense. Nobody knew how much money was exactly spent on marketing. Everything was very opaque. That’s the way the studios like it. But in the case of Dune I think the best indicator we have that it is at least in a binary sense successful is that they have gone ahead and green lit Dune Part 2, or Dune Part 1.2.

**John:** Yeah. Exactly. More follow up. Man, we just really have forgotten things and sort of messed up things. So we have a couple things to knock out quickly.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** Last week we talked about sex scenes and I said I’d never written a sex scene. And then people wrote in and were like what about Go your first movie has a three-way sex scene it. And I’m like, oh you know what, you’re right. My very first movie had an extensive sex scene that was on plot and was there. So, I have written sex scenes.

**Craig:** That’s how old we are. We forgot the shit we wrote.

**John:** Oh, you know what else you forgot?

**Craig:** What?

**John:** Which one was Mr. Roper and which one was Mr. Furley?

**Craig:** Totally screwed that one up. So Mr. Roper was Norman Fell. And he was the first one. And then he and Mrs. Roper left and they were replaced by swinging bachelor Don Knotts playing Mr. Furley. So that’s absolutely true. And, yeah, sorry.

**John:** We regret the error. Dean who wrote in about this said that “The Mr. Roper character was asexual to the chagrin of his wife.” I’m not sure if he was asexual. He just didn’t want to have sex with his wife.

**Craig:** Bingo.

**John:** And that’s not asexual. It was very much a trope of that time. He was Al Bundy before his time.

**Craig:** Yes. A very sort of Generation Z/Millennial interpretation of what was a classic ‘80s joke about a husband who is so tired of having sex with their wife that they no longer wanted to have sex with their wife at all. Then they were like, oh, clearly this is an asexual person. Nah. They didn’t know about that in 1970. At least not on TV.

**John:** We talked about blind spots last week and we were mentioning that it’s easy to think of our protagonists having blind spots in comedies, but it’s not as common in dramas. And just like when we talked about we can’t think of any examples of female characters making ethical choices, of course people wrote in with a bunch of good examples. So do you want to take Robert’s example here?

**Craig:** Yeah, Robert writes, “In The Remains of the Day, both the film and the novel, the protagonist, James Stevens, played by Anthony Hopkins in the movie, has so repressed his own emotions and needs in service to his employer, Lord Darlington,” best name ever, “he is incapable to recognize that he loves Sarah Kenton, played by Emma Thompson.” Side note from me, Craig. Everybody loves Emma Thompson.

**John:** Oh, how can you not love Emma Thompson?

**Craig:** She’s amazing. “He never breaks through his repression to understand the full depth of the affections. The novel is amazing as it is told from a first-person point of view and it is clear to the reader how Stevens feels, even as it remains hidden from the character.” That’s a pretty good example.

**John:** That’s a really good example and I like that, so thank you for writing in with that. And also good to bring up first-person versus third-person. So, movies are going to be kind of third-person because we’re watching these characters do these things. We don’t have access to their internal monologues, unless there is a voice over, which could also happen or work.

**Craig:** Or the talking to camera.

**John:** Yeah. They could just turn over their shoulder like a Fleabag situation.

**Craig:** Yup.

**John:** Yeah. So, blind spots. They do exist in dramas. So, people keep bringing them up.

We talked a lot about Netflix’s numbers and how Netflix is changing how they’re reporting their numbers. Max wrote in to say, “In my house there are four different adults that watch Netflix shows. We all have different schedules. If each one of us watches the same program at different times then it’s four views, but what if we all watch at the same time, or two and two? The numbers will come out differently. How do you track that? If one of us watches a show for two minutes and turns it off, but later someone else returns to complete it in the same profile does that count as both metrics? And how many accounts are shared outside of the household? How do you track that? Use IP addresses? It will never be the same as ticket sales. Total hours of viewing or how many times it is watched, more than 75%, is probably the best metric.”

So what Max is bringing up here is a classic TV ratings problem. You kind of don’t know how many people are in the room to watch these things. Nielsen boxes over the time have tried to gauge how many folks are in the room, or asking you to punch in how many people are watching. And we always have to remember Nielsen was doing this measurement for a very specific reason which is they needed to be able to demonstrate to advertisers how many people were seeing their ads. That’s not quite what Netflix needs to do. They really want to know for their own purposes and I guess also for public reporting what shows are successful.

It comes back to the same question we had about Dune. What is success for one of these programs?

**Craig:** No one knows. I mean, Nielsen would have people fill out diaries. So Nielsen worked very different than Netflix does. So the streamers, they have the full population of data. Every single person that does anything on Netflix, that data is recorded by Netflix. The way it used to be for you youngsters is that it was done the way that polling was is done. You would pick a sample population that was meant to represent a large population like the United States. That sample population was, I don’t know, a couple of thousand different homes. I mean, it wasn’t a lot. And each one of those homes would not only have a little box that recorded what they watched and what channel it was on and for how long, but people would also be asked to fill out a diary that said I watched this and then I turned it off. Or I was in the room with myself and my daughter. And they understood how old everybody was and what everyone’s gender was and they could sort of break things out that way.

You’re right that Netflix doesn’t need to know necessarily how many people are watching at any given moment, but then you have to ask why are they measuring it then at all and why are they reporting it. And the truth is I don’t even know if they know. I don’t know why anyone is doing any of this. If the point is to get more subscribers, I don’t even know how you could argue that just because some people saw something a lot that’s why they subscribe or keep subscribing. It doesn’t even equate.

I mean, everybody watched Squid Games, except for me so far. I’ll get there. But is that why people – did people subscribe to Netflix to see Squid Games? Or did they subscribe to Netflix for something else that motivated them in a specific way? Was anybody thinking of canceling Netflix but then Squid Games came along? How does this work? I don’t know.

**John:** I just wanted you to say Squid Games a few more times so that our listeners who are shouting, “It’s Squid Game, without an S.”

**Craig:** Squid Games. No, no, I saw Squid Game. I’m talking Squid Games. Oh, you haven’t you seen Squid Games?

**John:** Oh, it’s much better. It’s the sequel.

**Craig:** I think it should have been called Squid Games. It’s funny.

**John:** It’s all about calamari.

**Craig:** Well, I mean, what’s more fun? Squid Game or Squid Games?

**John:** I want to see the Squid Games.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**John:** And sometimes you can’t even talk about the official Squid Games. You just have to say the big games, because the Squid Game is a trademark like the Olympics and you sort of can’t do anything in that space.

**Craig:** Right. The Olympic.

**John:** The Olympic, yeah.

**Craig:** I really enjoyed the Olympic Game.

**John:** I love the Olympic Game.

**Craig:** There’s a point in your life where you cross over some number, I don’t know what it is, but maybe it’s 50, where what used to be embarrassing is now – I’m endearing myself to me by saying Squid Games. I am falling in love with myself as a cute older guy.

**John:** My mother-in-law would always add an apostrophe-S to the end of any business name or restaurant. And so it’s like we’re going down to Chipotle’s to get some food.

**Craig:** That’s a very Boston thing. They would add an S to everything. Dunkin’s. There’s no reason for Dunkin’s. There’s no guy named Dunkin. It’s not even spelled like the name. They don’t care. Dunkin’s. Going down to Dunkin’s. My god.

**John:** Ben Affleck and his Dunkin’s. I miss the Ben Affleck height of Covid pandemic and the deliveries and the paparazzi photos. That was a good time. That was some quality content. I miss that.

**Craig:** I don’t even know what you’re talking about. What happened?

**John:** So when Ben Affleck was dating Ana de Armas.

**Craig:** He was? I didn’t even know that.

**John:** Oh yeah. They were terrific together. And it ended poorly. And then the assistant was throwing out a standee of her in the trash and that was not a good sign.

**Craig:** Oh my god.

**John:** But when they were in their height they were always going to get Dunkin’ Donuts and basically iced coffees from Dunkin’ Donuts and it just felt wholesome and great. And Ana de Armas is fantastic.

**Craig:** We don’t know that. I mean, if you throw a standee of somebody out–

**John:** I don’t know what she’s like to date. I just know that as an actress, she is one of the best things of the Bond movie by far. I love her.

**Craig:** She’s a terrific actor. I just don’t know what it’s like to date her. If somebody is hurling a standee of you into the garbage, I don’t know. She might be great to date. My question is did they have one of those cute portmanteau names like – what was it with J-Lo? It was Benflo or something? I can’t remember–

**John:** Bennifer.

**Craig:** Bennifer, right. So with her was it–?

**John:** I’m going to invite on Megana Rao to see if she has any insight into what the portmanteau, or if there was a portmanteau to Ben and Ana.

**Megana Rao:** I don’t remember there being one. But Craig do you know that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are together again?

**Craig:** You know what? I did see a little bit of something about that. That much made it through my dumbness. My Squid Games obliviousness. Yeah, I got that much. You know, this is not new. When I was a kid I remember – and we would get TV Guide, which Megana was a book that had the list of shows that were across the four channels you got. They loved to go on and on about Elizabeth Taylor and her 19th husband or whatever and you know they would always come back to each other, then leave, and come back, and leave, and on again/off again. This has been going on forever. I like it.

**John:** I like it, too. All right, back to Netflix and the numbers. And so you’re talking about the Nielsen numbers. I was in a Nielsen family for a short time. I should say I wasn’t stolen by a Nielsen family. My family became a Nielsen family for about three months, and so we had to fill out the little diary log. And it was exciting. I felt like I had a job. I watched this show and I’m going to record it in this log. But it was before they even had – I don’t think we had the device to track, so we just had to fill out the log manually. And they paid you something, but it wasn’t a lot. And then eventually they stopped asking us, so I guess they were rotating their samples.

**Craig:** Or maybe they got the sense that you were really into it and they were like this is throwing our numbers off. There’s a human computer doing the log.

**John:** I was staying up extra late to watch the actual thing. Making sure that people could count my Fantasy Island viewing.

**Craig:** That is a problem.

**John:** Michael from LA writes, “Do you think Netflix’s pivot to ‘hours watched’ from ‘numbers of views’ has to do with an anticipated battle with the guilds over how to measure backend streaming compensation in the next round of negotiations? I would imagine an ‘hours watched’ metric would be more favorable to the streamers in calculations pertaining to the success of a movie/show since their entire business model is ‘keep them watching.’ Like Craig, I am suspicious of this and how it will ultimately be used to pay creatives as little as possible.”

**Craig:** Well they don’t need to make that switch to do that. It doesn’t matter how they report things. They have all of the data. So if the Writers Guild or the Directors Guild or SAG/AFTRA were interested in having them show us number of views versus hours watched they have that number, too. None of it matters. Whatever the data is, and again I don’t know how to skin this cat, it’s ridiculous, but whatever that data is they’re going to argue to pay as little per data point as possible.

**John:** Yeah. Here’s what it comes down to be I think the argument is that it’s clear that some shows/movies are incredibly popular and successful. And classically writers, and actors, and directors have been paid residuals when things are tremendously popular and successful. So for theatrical films it’s when it releases on home video and it reaches paid cable and other places, that’s how we get residuals is those successful things do a lot of business in those secondary markets and they therefore generate residuals.

When we don’t have a secondary market, when everything is made for Netflix and is sticking on Netflix or some other streamer, there still is a measure of success for those things. And we need to make sure that the writers, and actors, and directors, and other folks who would normally get residuals are rewarded for that success. And so there’s many ways you can calculate that and figure out what that actually means, but you’re going to have to figure out a way to do that that is fair. And that’s going to be a huge discussion.

So, I do wonder if Netflix is trying to – I don’t think it’s really about this guild negotiation – but I think they’re trying to frame the conversation by putting out this number as being a meaningful number.

**Craig:** I don’t think that’s why they did it. I think they did it because they knew that they had gotten feedback, I suspect, from their debt holders, because Netflix is a debt-burning company, that their numbers were bullshit. Because they are bullshit. And every new Netflix show is the most watched show in the history of mankind. You can’t hit that bell too many times. At some point people are like wait a second. Hold on. No, five billion didn’t watch such-and-such. Squid Games, yes. Squid Game, I don’t know.

But I think that they are making that change because some people asked them to do it, but it doesn’t matter. None of it matters. There is a very complicated math that needs to be figured out. There is a model for it. So in paid television, or I mean now that’s streaming too, but in the old days of HBO – HBO had a little bit of original programming and then it had a lot of movies that it showed. And you would get residuals from the showings of those movies. And how they figured out how many people watched that, I guess maybe it was a Nielsen-y thing because it was all linear.

**John:** I don’t think it was based on how many people were watching. I think it was based on the license fee that HBO paid. And so that’s the thing. There was a license fee paid and that same thing happened with broadcast television or pay cable or free cable.

**Craig:** There you go. So that’s something. Now that just covers the movies but it doesn’t cover the huge landfills full of original content that Netflix puts out there and how they carve that up, since they’re not licensing it. I don’t know.

**John:** Yeah. So there’s a concept called an imputed license fee which basically means how much this would be worth on an open market.

**Craig:** Oh god. But that just sounds like an endless series of lawsuits.

**John:** Yes. Here’s the most extreme example that will never actually come to pass but I’ll pitch it as a way of thinking about it. In the world of really expensive $100 million paintings it becomes this question of like how much is that painting worth. And really the way you can figure out how much that painting is worth is how much it would go for on an open market. If someone owns this thing and you want to put a wealth tax on it, you want to make them pay tax on owning this thing, you have to figure out how much that painting is worth. You say, OK, you tell us how much the painting is worth and we can choose to then put it on auction and see if someone wants to pay more for it.

Basically you can’t underestimate the value of it because if we think you’re underestimating it too much it has to go up to auction.

**Craig:** Assessment is a thing. I mean, we assess real estate in this way. And we assess art. We assess jewelry. But assessing content is not a field. Meaning there is not centuries’ worth of practice assessing these things. And I don’t know how you assess them, particularly when the data involved is almost – how do they assess homes, art, jewelry? They use comps.

**John:** Yeah. And so you’re looking for comps and that’s actually one of the big challenges. Classically we could say, because this has come up at other times, too. You know, someone might sell a package of films, like Sony might sell a package of films to ABC. And so, OK, how much are each of the individual films getting? You can look at the comps for a Charlie’s Angels and say this movie made this much money in the box office and had this on home video. It’s this kind of movie. Here are movies that are like that. This what percentage that should get.

So, that history of comps has been a thing, but when everything is made for streamers and there never is an open market on anything comps sort of go away.

**Craig:** Right. They mean nothing. And the data is all over the place. I don’t know how this is going to work out. All I do know is that Netflix will obviously work very hard to pay out as little as possible. And hopefully the unions work as hard as they can for us to get paid as much as possible.

**John:** Yeah. And we’re saying Netflix but of course we mean all the streamers that are doing the same.

**Craig:** But mostly Netflix, well, and Amazon.

**John:** Well Disney+.

**Craig:** Disney+ and HBO Max.

**John:** Paramount Plus.

**Craig:** Paramount Plus. The streamers that are tied to traditional film studios and networks have been doing this for a long time. And there is a practice of – even though we have had some very hard fought battles and they have not always treated us the way we would like, in fact they rarely do, we at least have gotten to some sort of equilibrium with them where they are used to paying out in a certain fashion for the stuff that we do. And this has always been a union town going back to the ‘40s.

Netflix and Amazon are from Silicon Valley which is the most anti-union industry probably in the world. When you look at the amount of money they make and their ability to handle unionized labor versus how many unions are actually there, I think they are the most anti-union. And they hate paying out money. They like sucking money up. Same even with Apple. So Apple, Netflix, and Amazon come from a very different culture and we’re dealing with that right now and we’re going to deal with that for a long time.

There was a moment in the 2000s where I think the unions were excited that these new entities were coming in because they were going to force the traditional companies to kind of have competition and pay more. And all I can say is LMAO.

**John:** At the high end I think rates probably do go up.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** If you look at the giant deals made for the giant things, yes. And there’s been more work overall, but the actual median pay of a person working as a writer I don’t think has increased because of them.

**Craig:** No. Big shock. Silicon Valley came to Hollywood and created a system whereby there is a dwindling amount of people who are becoming mega rich and everybody else is kind of getting the shaft. Someone get me my fainting couch. How could we have not seen this coming?

**John:** Well Craig but once we’re all writing for Meta, Facebook’s new–

**Craig:** You know, side note…

**John:** Umbrella project, it will be great.

**Craig:** I’m so upset because as you know I love puzzles. And meta puzzles are a thing. I’ve been doing meta puzzles for a long time. Remember the one we did at the – and we’ll bring it back now that Covid is, we have our vaccines to protect us against Covid. David Kwong and I did a puzzle hunt at the Magic Castle. You did one, you participated in one. And that had multiple meta puzzles.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And now fucking Facebook has taken it.

**John:** Taken the word meta.

**Craig:** And ruined it with their garbage company. Oh, god, did you watch that android? You know, I give you shit.

**John:** I’ve tried to watch pieces of it. I watched a supercut of him saying meta and saying world.

**Craig:** He makes you look like Zero Mostel in Fiddler on the Roof. Do you understand what I’m saying?

**John:** [laughs] I do. Yeah.

**Craig:** It is unreal.

**John:** I’m always really sympathetic towards people who come off a little robotic.

**Craig:** Yeah, well, no, he’s unreal. Literally. I think he was synthesized. What have we done? What have we done as a people? We’ve let this fucking weirdo – I mean we did a language warning. Anyway, now I’m going to get assassinated by the Meta police.

**John:** Or is it going to be a Meta assassination? So they’ll change what it means to be alive in a way that it’s like killing you.

**Craig:** Right. Exactly. I will be disconnected from everybody. Exciting.

**John:** One last bit about blind spots. So also on the same episode we talked about our productivity because people were asking how are you so productive. Shauna from Vancouver wrote in a great piece. I’m going to sort of summarize it here, but saying it sounds like one of your blind spots might actually be that you’re acknowledging that you have Megana, for example, to help keep us focused and on tap. We have support staff. We have families. We have the resources to be able to do this stuff. And so the same way that Beyoncé has the same number of hours in the day that we do, yes, and she also has a really good support staff who do stuff.

**Craig:** Sorry, who is Megana?

**John:** Oh, you got Bo.

**Craig:** I’m sorry. We do have a Megana blind spot. I think about Megana all the time. I’m incredibly thankful for Megana.

**Megana:** You don’t have a blind spot.

**Craig:** You sound scared like, oh my god, no, no, no, you don’t—

**Megana:** No, you guys are great, yeah.

**Craig:** You’re like the Peloton lady. Now you’re a hostage. No blind spot. Please. Please sirs.

**Megana:** No, but I put that in there because you guys also have really incredible partners and you have amazing staff around you. And you support them really well. And I meant to bring that up during our discussion, too.

**Craig:** Well thank you. I am definitely very aware of what everyone does for me and with me. And I do think about it a lot. And I try and thank them and be as grateful as I can without being annoying about it, or weird. But, no, I’m extraordinarily aware of it. Though one blind spot that I think I do have in connection with this is sometimes it is easy for me to underestimate how much control I have over other people’s lives.

When you pay someone’s salary you have an enormous amount of control over their life. You can make decisions very casually that mean an enormous amount to them. So, I do try and remind myself of that to make sure that I am not just taking it all for granted. It’s a weird thing to employ a person, it’s an almost uncomfortable amount of influence over the quality of their life.

**John:** Yeah. An example I could think of is I have a personal trainer for many, many years. And so if I say, oh, I’m moving to Paris for the year, he’s like lost a client for a year and that’s a lot. Or if I just say, oh, I’m going on a three-week vacation, that’s three weeks he’s not getting an opportunity to train me. And so that is a kind of thing I do need to be sort of more aware of.

I guess my other blind spot is sometimes I forget people who have young children and having been a parent of a young child just remembering like oh my god that is just so much work and that’s hard for them. There’s periods of the day where they just cannot be doing anything other than parenting and now having a teenager who is sort of largely self-sufficient I can forget that at times.

**Craig:** That’s absolutely true. Children as we have said many times suck your life away.

**John:** They do. Lastly, we need a better term for this, because it’s not follow up. It’s sort of like a flash forward. It’s a set up for a future episode. We want to talk about whether screenwriting competitions are ever worth it. And so we have often on the show talked shit about screenwriting competitions that we feel are worthless, but are even like the big names, even like the Nicholl, is it worth it at all? And so we would love people to write in to Megana with the subject header “screenwriting competitions” so she knows it can go into the proper folder. If you have an experience winning one of these competitions or sort of first-hand experience that’s helpful for this conversation we would love to hear it.

If you are a person who loves to make spreadsheets of things and want to do some work figuring out these are the folks who won these things or were finalists in these competitions and where they are now, that would be also useful if you decide you want to do that. And if you’re deciding to do that and you want to help other people do that Megana might be able to coordinate that a little bit. So, we really want to take a look at whether screenwriting competitions are actually ever worth it for an aspiring screenwriter.

**Craig:** I’m not going to attempt to influence your answer.

**John:** No.

**Craig:** But I’m thinking an answer.

**John:** I know you’re thinking an answer.

**Craig:** I’m screaming it in my brain.

**John:** I want to be driven by data and not anecdotes.

**Craig:** 100%. I would expect nothing less from a lifeform such as yourself.

**John:** Let’s get into our marquee topic which is bullshitting. We have been bullshitting kind of the whole episode.

**Craig:** That’s awesome.

**John:** But I want to be a little more specific and granular and jump off from this article I read in Spy Magazine. So Spy Magazine was this amazing magazine in the ‘80s that I absolutely loved that was a New York magazine that was really fun and gossipy about sort of New York media. It had a really specific point of view and tone that later informed Vanity Fair, but also Gawker and a lot of what we see as the voices of online media I think can trace some of their snark back to Spy Magazine. I absolutely loved it.

But one of the features they did which I saw recapped in this book was they invented this guy who was a show business manager named Jack Fine. And so they would use him as a fake person to try to set up, you know, De Niro really wants to be on Full House. And so he’d call Full House and try to get De Niro booked on Full House and record all that fun.

But they decided, you know what, we’re sick of Jack Fine. Let’s kill him. And so they sent out obituary notices to Variety and to all the other trades, Jack Fine, this amazing, legendary talent manager has died. And all these places ran the obituary with his clients he never represented as if it was truth and fact, which was great.

But they went one step further and went to this party where they were talking with all these comedians like did you hear that Jack Fine died. And oh my god, really? And so they were all responding to the death of this person who never existed and telling all these stories about him even though they’d never met him because he never was a person who existed in the world. And it just got me thinking about, oh yeah, I totally see how that happens because I’ve been in that situation and had to sort of bullshit my way through things. Craig, is it familiar to you?

**Craig:** Yeah, I mean, it’s familiar. I’m sure everyone – you are in a spot where you feel like either because it would be polite for you to know something, or because you would be normally expected to know something and if you admit you don’t you will look like an idiot, that you attempt to sort of glide through. I mean, there isn’t a human being alive who has been asked and never responded in this fashion – hey, you’ve seen such and such? Oh yeah.

**John:** Oh yeah.

**Craig:** Like every human being has lied about seeing a movie or a television show. Every single one. Now, I haven’t seen Squid Games, but I’m saying–

**John:** But you have strong opinions on it regardless, which is great.

**Craig:** Yeah. And sometimes there’s answers you might get. I mean, Megana, you’re the one person who maybe never lied about this.

**Megana:** Yup. I’ve absolutely never lied about any of this. I’ve seen every movie and TV show and read every book that I’ve claimed to.

**Craig:** So you’ve done it.

**Megana:** Of course.

**John:** And just this week as we were making coffee I confessed I had never seen something and she expressed great relief that like, oh, I’ve never seen that, too. I keep having to pretend that I’ve seen that movie.

**Megana:** And in the sentence before he said he didn’t watch it I was pretending I had seen all seasons of this show.

**Craig:** So it’s The Wire. We’re talking about The Wire, obviously.

**John:** Are we talking about The Wire? Maybe we’re talking about The Wire. I don’t even remember – I mean, there’s so many shows I sort of like nod and don’t admit that I haven’t seen.

**Megana:** The Wire was one thing that came up but we can’t talk about this show because we will–

**Craig:** It’s Chernobyl. I get it.

**John:** All the time I’ve ever brought it up I’ve just been, yeah, because there’s a nuclear thing that happens in the show, right?

**Craig:** You can definitely fake your way through it. I mean, just go on YouTube, watch three clips, and you’ve got it. But sometimes you’ll say like of course I’ve seen it, but god, it’s been forever though. And that gets you off the hook of somebody going so that thing at the end where there was the thing. And you’re like, oh yeah, and then they’re like there was no such thing at the end. You’re a liar. And then you’re like, yup, I am a liar.

**John:** You caught me. So let’s talk about lying versus bullshitting because I would argue that bullshitting is not so much lying, it’s just sort of avoiding an uncomfortable truth. So you’re not trying to actively deceive someone. You’re just trying to get out of an uncomfortable situation that telling the truth would create. So that could be about liking someone’s movie that you didn’t really like very much. It could be about I kind of recognize that name but I don’t I actually have ever met that person. That’s a thing I end up sort of having to do a lot. My sort of go to is yeah I know that name but I don’t think I’ve ever met them. That’s a fair way out of it.

**Craig:** I think that a lot of times bullshitting comes down to trying to fit in. White lies are to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. But I’m not going to hurt anyone’s feelings if someone asks me if I’ve seen and then fill in the movie. I’m just trying to fit in. And I don’t want to look like an idiot and then have the conversation be what’s wrong with you. Because every one of us has failed to see something that apparently we are supposed to have seen.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** All of us. It just happens. And we don’t want that conversation to then be like “What, you what?!” So you just fit in to go along, to get along, because ultimately it doesn’t matter. And bullshitting has always been part of the Hollywood currency. People have always overextended the truth, maybe overextended themselves, what they were capable of.

**John:** Mm-hmm.

**Craig:** There’s a whole category of bullshitting called I’m in a meeting, someone just asked me a question about what something in my story means. I don’t know and I’m going to start bullshitting.

**John:** Oh yeah. Craig, ring-ring, ring-ring.

**Craig:** Hello.

**John:** Craig, hey, it’s your executive on this project on this movie that you’re writing. I wanted to see how the writing is going. How’s it going? Are you going to be able to deliver on time?

**Craig:** Absolutely. It’s going great.

**John:** So, I know you had some concerns about those notes. Were you able to implement those notes? Any problems?

**Craig:** You know what? The concerns I had were entirely about whether I just could figure out how to get those things done, because I knew they were right. And it took me a little time but I think just about all of them have worked. A couple of them I want to talk to you about later, because I ran into some issues, but yeah overall it’s going really well.

**John:** And you’ll let me know if you have any concerns, any problems?

**Craig:** Well, I do have one concern. I haven’t written anything since you sent those. I hate you. I hate everything you said. And I also think I’m bad.

**John:** Mm-hmm.

**Craig:** But other than that everything is going great.

**John:** Yeah. Your notes made me question whether I’m even in the right career. Other than that, everything is good.

**Craig:** I thought about walking into traffic yesterday. Yeah. You can’t tell people the truth at all about that stuff. You do bullshit. And god I don’t even know why they make those calls. They got to know they’re getting the shine, aren’t they?

**John:** Yeah. And now it’s an email so it’s a little bit easier. You’re not put on the spot so much. You can sort of calculate your answer back to stuff.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Oy. So Megana actually brought this up this week. Do you want to talk about sort of like you’re in the room pitching and people ask the follow up questions?

**Megana:** Yeah, so Craig kind of covered this, but like say you’re in a pitch meeting and a producer or an executive asks you a question. I don’t think that they actually expect me or someone to know the answer. Is it better to bullshit it? Like is that what they’re testing? Or do they want me to just be honest and say I’m open to figuring that out with you?

**Craig:** I don’t think that they’re ever looking to see if you have bullshit skills, because ultimately those aren’t particularly valuable to them. I think they’re wondering if you have an answer to this. Somebody will probably ask them the question and they’ll need to pass the answer along. Sometimes when they’re asking those specific questions they’re just looking to add to the arsenal of things that they’re going to fire at somebody to get them to pay you to do a thing. Because they like it. And you can bullshit up to an extent. But once they see the fear and the tap dancing then you are in danger of knocking the Jenga tower over. And at that point it is better to say I don’t want to get out of ahead of myself and give you a bullshit answer. I want to think about that carefully. There is an answer. I have seven-eighths of an answer. Let me come up with the last eighth so that when I say it to you it doesn’t look like I’m just talking.

**John:** I agree with Craig and also what they want is confidence. They want confidence in your ability to find the answer. And so whether you have the answer right then or down the road, what they don’t want to see is panic. They don’t want to see you’re scrambling to get an answer out, or that you haven’t even thought about it at all. So they just want to see – they want to believe in you. And so it’s giving them an answer that makes them believe in you, even if you don’t have the exact right solution for that problem at that moment.

**Megana:** Because usually it is something that I have thought about, but I’m not completely tied down to, and I don’t know how to communicate that.

**Craig:** I think that’s a great way of expressing it. And they’ll know that’s true. They are so used to con artists coming through there. I always feel like if you get pulled over by the highway patrol for speeding just be honest right away. When they come up and they say do you know why I pulled you over? Yup, I was speeding. I was doing this speed. You got me. And they are often so startled that you are not doing the thing that every other person did to them that day, which is what, no, why, I was? Yeah, you know you were. All day long they’re listening to people going what? Me? Yeah.

So if you’re the person who comes in and doesn’t totally go down Bullshit Avenue you will enhance your own credibility in their eyes. It’s just that you can’t only do that. You have to have some answers.

**John:** Yeah. Now let’s talk about the flip side of this, when you realize that someone is bullshitting you and when to call them on it and when to sort of just internally acknowledge that that’s bullshit but I kind of get why they’re doing it and it’s OK. They’re just trying to make this all right. And an example I can think of from early in my career is there was an actor we really wanted for this project and she seemed perfect for it, she seemed she was going to do it, and then she said she’s going to pass because she’s working on a project with her husband who was a filmmaker. And we were like why would she do that because this is a much bigger role and he’s not a big director. And then we realized like, oh, she’s pregnant and didn’t want to say that she was pregnant. And it’s like, oh, that was bullshitting that was a good way out of this situation. And I think you have to sort of allow yourself to acknowledge that that’s bullshit but also be OK with it.

**Craig:** Yeah. Certainly if someone is going through the motions to give you something that’s a little bit nicer than, ah, I didn’t like it, then at least they cared enough to do that. But yeah people – this is what people do. People are liars. Human beings lie all the time. It’s why your characters should be liars. We are all liars. But the extent to which we lie and the impact of those lies and the purpose of those lies differ from person to person.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** There is a class of people in Hollywood that I would just call the Lying Class. They don’t make things but they are in the process, they are between the layers of people that make things and the people that pay for things. And a lot of what they do is lie. And sometimes they need to do that because they’re serving two different masters and they have to somehow coordinate between two interests. A company wants to spend as little as possible. The artists want to spend as much as possible. The person in the middle needs to figure out how to get the artist what they need but not a dollar more and they have to sort of bullshit everybody to get to that balanced middle.

I understand it.

**John:** It’s frustrating when you don’t understand why they’re doing what they’re doing. I would say I’m always happier when I feel like someone is bullshitting a little but I can sort of get why they’re doing it. When I see people doing needless lies or just not even malicious lies but just like why would you lie about that. That makes me really nervous when someone has a thing on their resume that’s actually impossible. Then I’m nervous that you might be a bad person and not someone I want in my life.

**Craig:** Well that’s a fraud.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** So bullshit is different than fraud. You must look out for fraud. It’s hard to tell the difference at times. But like I said the nature of the bullshitting is where you can look at somebody and go, OK, so you just can’t be trusted at all. There’s nothing real to you. There’s a sociopathic quality. And at times you’re bullshitting pointlessly.

OK, here’s an awesome story. When I was a young man, younger even than Megana, I know, OK, that’s impossible. I was 23 or 24. And I started working at Disney in their marketing department. This was my first real job as like a studio executive. I wasn’t really – I was a director. That’s the lowest level of executive there is. And there was another guy starting there who was working as a vice president and he was also very young. He was like 28. But older than me. And I had been given a task by our boss to do and I was struggling with it. And I was sitting there with this other guy and at one point I just said I don’t think I know what I’m doing here. And what I meant was on this task, like I’m trying to solve this problem but I’m not sure what I was doing. And he got up, walked to the door, closed it, came back over to me and said, “Never say that out loud.”

And I said never say what? And he said, “Never say I don’t know what I’m doing out loud. Ever. Because then people will know.” And I was like, no, no, no, I know what I’m doing, I just don’t know what I’m doing with this right now. Oh, no, I just learned something about you. And that is the terrifying level of bullshitting, when somebody is literally walking around all day going, fact, I have no idea what I’m doing. Answer, bullshit all day long. And there are people that do it.

**John:** Yeah. And what you’re describing is a great character tell and you can sort of imagine that as a character in one of your stories. I’m also thinking about like Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos because some of what she was doing early on felt like the kind of bullshitting you do when you are new startup and you’re trying to sell people on a vision. And so selling people on a vision is embellishing. It’s hyping. But at a certain point it crosses over to, oh, that you know this is not going to work and this is now fraud. Or do you know this? So I think that makes a compelling character. Do they recognize when they’ve crossed over from bullshitting into outright lies. And in this case being investigated for illegal things.

So, that’s an interesting way to talk about bullshitting as not just a thing that we have to do on a daily basis, to a great character arc, a dramatic character arc can be. It can be honestly a blind spot that they don’t realize that they’ve crossed over from bullshitting to outright lies.

**Craig:** You see it in incredibly successful people I think because they’re surrounded by other people who do nothing all day except bullshit, so they’re all bullshitting each other and they forget that it’s so evidently bullshit. And then what ends up happening is you put yourself in a video walking through a weird creepy office space talking about a meta universe and everyone listens to it and goes every single thing you said is bullshit. It’s all bullshit. You’re talking out of your ass. This is bullshit and they don’t know that it sounds like bullshit because other bullshitters are like, well, that’s quality bullshit right there.

**John:** Yeah. Because everyone has this vision of like Steve Jobs and his reality distortion field. And so if I wear a tight black sweater, too, then I must be Steve Jobs.

**Craig:** “At Facebook we’re not a company about technology. We’re a company about people.” Hey, shut up. You’re not. You’re not. You’re a company about neither. You’re a company about making as much money as possible. That is the most ridiculous bullshit I’ve ever heard in my life. And it just got worse and worse from there. Ruined the word meta.

**John:** Ugh.

**Craig:** So sour about it.

**John:** We have a question that’s sort of in the same space. So, Nick writes in to ask, “I am a military veteran and my brother is the type of veteran you see in movies. I’ll leave it there to keep my clearance. I was curious what is a good path for people with unique life experiences like that to become story consultants like R. Lee Ermey or Dale Dye? Is that a feature or a product? Meaning is there enough there that a military consultant or other specialist could make stories better and earn a living in Hollywood? Is there a market to do so remotely or is this something that writers, directors, producers expect to be on set standing by as needed?”

**Craig:** What a great question. Thank you for that.

**John:** It’s a great question, Nick.

**Craig:** Yeah. This is certainly a thing that people do. I am not sure if the flow of work is steady enough for it to be a full career. It may be something better suited to someone who is transitioning out of career and would like some part time work as an older person. With somebody like R. Lee Ermey what ends up happening is someone is making a movie somewhere and it’s very specific and they reach out and a friend of a friend says oh here’s a guy who used to be a drill sergeant and he can tell you exactly how a drill sergeant would talk, and act, and behave. And he was so good at it that they put him in the movie as the drill sergeant. But there’s so much content right now and people do need experts.

So the Writers Guild has a list of experts who are willing to offer their services gratis to a point, which might be a nice loss leader. And there’s also the Science and Entertainment Consortium that we’ve talked about. And so I’ve talked to scientists and they don’t charge or anything like that. But if I were to say, OK, we need you to now be on call, and yes it could absolutely be done remotely as is everything now, at that point you would arrange for a fee. And that’s reasonable. Is it enough to make a career? I would be thinking probably not.

**John:** Yeah. Maybe a challenge to make a career in it. Obviously thinking of Zoanne Clack who started as a medical consultant on Grey’s Anatomy and then became executive producer and a writer, but she was a writer who happened to be a medical consultant when she started. She’s now making a career as a writer and producer on that show.

Joe Weisberg, CIA agent, was one of the creators of The Americans. But again he knew the stuff but also could write.

I did a Clubhouse Q&A many months back ago with folks from Spy Craft Entertainment and they were CIA agents who were starting a production company. They were offering themselves out as consultants on Spy Craft stuff. And so they were experts who know how to do that.

But could Nick’s brother or Nick himself offer themselves as consultants for productions and would they be able to make a living at it? I think it would be tough. In the coming together of a story phase, yes, they could offer some advice. While they’re on set, yes, there could be consultants who are very good at being on set and saying like, no, those would not be the boots, these would be the boots. That’s possible. But it’s hard to string all those things together. Even Jack Horner who was the consultant for all the dinosaur stuff in Jurassic Park, he had a day job. He’s a person you could call to ask a question about dinosaur stuff, but he’s not there every frame being shot. He doesn’t make his living being the Jurassic Park dinosaur expert.

**Craig:** That would be tough to do. But, you know, if you put yourself out there, there’s social media, and you can make a website, and you can talk about what your experiences are. And see if anybody nibbles or bites. And as you grow a resume of content that you’ve advised on and consulted on then somebody big might come calling and then you may end up kind of installed as a consultant on a long-running series or a series of movies. That’s always possible.

**John:** Absolutely. Or we think back to Queen’s Gambit. Like there’s a chess expert who worked on Queen’s Gambit.

**Craig:** Oh yeah.

**John:** Can that person make a living being a chess expert for movies?

**Craig:** No.

**John:** No. There are not enough of them.

**Craig:** I think Gary Kasparov was one of their chess experts.

**John:** Oh yeah. That’s true. But you know he’s doing fine for himself.

**Craig:** Yeah. He’s Gary Kasparov. I think it’s Kasparov. More questions.

**John:** More questions. Megana, do you want to ask what Erin in North Hollywood wrote?

**Megana:** All right. So Erin asks, “I’m working on a script that involves an unusual animal sound. I’m hoping for some craft guidance on how best to integrate the sound into the script. It’s a specific and evocative sound from the natural world, but one that readers would be unlikely to be familiar with. Or would it be better to simply describe the sound through simile or onomatopoeia? PS the animal in the script is a puffin and puffins sound like this.”

**John:** Would you go for a low pitch siren? Or would you do some onomatopoeia to describe that sound?

**Craig:** In this case just to kind of keep people reading I would describe it as something like listening to an ambulance siren passing by in slow motion. And that might just be enough for them to understand. Oh, that’s weird. Whatever it is it’s weird. The other thing you can do is it sounds like this, and then you can put in parenthesis, or this, and then put a little tiny URL. And then they can copy-paste and listen to it for themselves if they want.

**John:** Yeah. If it was crucial that’s a thing you could do. I’ve done onomatopoeia for weird sounds that are actually really meaningful, and especially if things are going to be recurring. So there was a [makes sound] that was super important for one of my projects. And so I would spell it all out, and it was bold, and it took up the entire line because it was meant to be just so jarring and you couldn’t get away from it. But in this case I don’t think you need it.

**Craig:** No, I mean, I use onomatopoeia all the time. It’s fun. And I try and write sound as much as I can. In this case I think it just wouldn’t do the job. You would want to go with simile is my instinct, Erin. That doesn’t mean to say I’m right.

**John:** Let’s try one more question, Megana.

**Megana:** So Ben from Vancouver asks, “After your discussion about aphantasia and hyperphantasia and how clearly you both see the scenes you’re writing I began to wonder about your personal reactions to seeing scenes you’ve written on screen. Beyond whether they turned out better or worse than you hoped, are you ever distracted by the disconnect between what you imagined and the filmed version?”

**John:** Oh yes. There have been times where I wrote something and I was like wow that was not at all what I intended it to be. And sometimes it’s better and sometimes it’s worse. A specific example that I’ve brought up before on the show is that in Big Fish there is a moment after Edward dies and Will has told him the story. Will has to call home to his mom. And in my head the phone is on one side of the bed and in the movie it’s on the other side of the bed. And the movie completely ruins it for me because I so filmed it in my head with the phone being on one side that it looks completely wrong when I see it in the movie.

So, completely pointless, but it does end up mattering to me.

**Craig:** That doesn’t ruin anything for me because, and I kid you not, I almost always imagine things on the other side from what everybody else shoots them. Almost always. If I think of it on the left, it’ll be on the right. And I’m not kidding, every damn time. Which makes me think there’s something wrong with my brain. Or maybe there’s something right. Either way, I’ve gotten used to the mirror imaging. That’s not a problem for me.

The problem for me, so in movies you have these imaginations, you have these visions. And then you’re dismissed while a director comes and decides they know what all this means without ever talking to you again. And then eventually you see it and you go, oh, this is like a dream I had, but if it had been dreamed by an idiot. [laughs] That’s basically what it’s like. And what I love about television is while it doesn’t always work exactly the same, because I live in the reality of budgets and locations and other things, I can encompass enough and I can essentially create a bridge between the scene I saw and the place I’m in to achieve the same feelings I had. That to me is when it is successful.

And there are moments every now and again where I will stop, working on The Last of Us, I will stop and go this is literally exactly how I saw it.

**John:** Aw.

**Craig:** And that is so wonderful.

**John:** That’s great.

**Craig:** I hope people like those moments.

**John:** Great questions. All right. Let’s get on to our One Cool Things. I have two One Cool Things that are both photo related. The first is a website called Cleanup.pictures. Craig click through this and see what it does. I think you’ll be impressed by it. It’s doing a thing that Photoshop introduced years ago where you can sort of paint over a thing and it will smartly fill in and remove that thing. But here it is doing it in the browser. So if there’s a rando person in the background of your photo you can just paint them out and it just magically fills in the space around them. It feels like some sort of witchcraft and it’s just really impressive.

**Craig:** I’m trying it right – oh, wow. Look at that. So, yeah, what do they call it, the blur tool or something?

**John:** Yeah. Unlike a blur tool where it’s just smudging it, here it’s actually creating new stuff to fill in the void of what’s being missed. So you can just paint out a street sign in the background or whatever you need to do and it’s pretty compelling.

**Craig:** Whoa.

**John:** So for a free tool on the web–

**Craig:** This thing is awesome. Wow. What a great. They should market this as post-divorce picture cleanup dot com. People could just remove their ex from all these photos. I think it would be amazing. You know who would have loved this? You know who would have loved this?

**John:** Tell me.

**Craig:** Stalin.

**John:** Oh, yes.

**Craig:** He would have loved this.

**John:** Change history.

**Craig:** Oh yeah. Just removing people easily from photos. Would have been lovely.

**John:** Love it. Good stuff. My second photo related thing is a Live Text in photos.

**Craig:** Oh yeah.

**John:** From the new iOS. It’s really good. So the article I posted through from Spy Magazine, I just took a photo of it from this book and just live texted it and copied and pasted and put it in the Workflowy. It really is great when you see some text out there in the world, you hold up your camera, see the little icon, tap it, and it’s letting you select all the text.

**Craig:** What is the icon I’m looking for? I’m doing it right now. I’m trying to do it.

**John:** It is generally down on the lower right hand corner and it’s a little box that has the lines inside.

**Craig:** Oh yeah. I just did it. Cool.

**John:** And so then any text you see in a photo is selectable now and it’s really good.

**Craig:** Wow.

**John:** And it’s one of those things that would have been absolutely remarkable and impossible a few years ago, and now they just do it by default. So many good things. Craig, what you have got?

**Craig:** Somebody prompted me to put this as my One Cool Thing and I had actually intended to put as my One Cool Thing. And just to point out how beautifully humble Jack Thorne is he sent me an email after he saw that on Twitter and said, “Just saw on Twitter you are being pressured to say something about me. Please feel no pressure. You are awesome. You don’t need to mention anything.” And that’s just Jack for you. We could all live a thousand years and probably not be as nice as Jack Thorne. And one of the things that he did and this is my One Cool Thing is he delivered a lecture. This is the James Mactaggart lecture, so I believe this is at the Edinburgh TV festival. And the lecture that he delivered is about disability and the representation of disability in film and television and on stage.

And it is in typical Jack Thorne fashion beautifully written and passionately delivered. The entire thing is on YouTube and in keeping with the theme I did select the version that does come with captions and BSL. So, take a look at it or take a listen to it. It’s really well done. Jack himself has suffered from an invisible disability and is quite a call to action. I thought it was really terrific.

**John:** That’s excellent. That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Megana Rao. It is edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our outro is by Henry Adler. If you have an outro you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send longer questions. For short questions on Twitter Craig is sometimes @clmazin. I’m always @johnaugust.

You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you find the transcripts and sign up for our weekly-ish newsletter called Inneresting which has lots of links to things about writing. We have t-shirts and they’re great. You can find them at Cotton Bureau.

You can sign up to become a premium member at Scriptnotes.net where you get all the back episodes and bonus segments like the one we’re about to record on what people should do if they’re not going to college. Craig, Megana, thank you for a fun show.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**Megana:** Thank you.

[Bonus segment]

**John:** We’re back. So, Craig, last week you had a rant about colleges and the cost of colleges, the return on investment on colleges. We had people write in saying like is return on investment even the right way of thinking about it because it’s not just about money, there’s other things. My question to you though is let’s say undergraduate education is not what it’s cracked up to be, what is an alternative? Because I feel like that period between 18 and 22 is really important and vital and I don’t think I would have become the same person if I hadn’t gone away to a four-year school. How do you think about that period of time?

**Craig:** I think that the period between 18 and 22 is a perfectly good time for people to go to college if they are the sort of person who will get something out of it and particularly if they’re the sort of person who doesn’t need incur a massive amount of debt for it. And if we had free continuing education for everybody that would be everybody. We don’t. I think it is also a perfect time for people to start trying to see what they’re good at.

There’s a great video that Professor Scott Galloway has out where he talks about the shittiest advice there is to undergraduates which is follow your passion.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And what he talks about is what you really need to do is figure out what it is that you’re good at and do that. And the more you do it the better you are at it. And the more you will get for it in reward and esteem and encouragement. And that is what makes you passionate about it. I’ve always said a version of that to my own kids which is it doesn’t matter so much what you think you are here to give the world. The world is going to tell you what they want from you. And then you have a choice about what you do next. But listen. Keep your ears open for what the world is telling you.

So, for some people I think the time between 18 and 22 traditionally was a time to apprentice. You had a thought about what you might be able to do well and you would apprentice. Which means you are paid and you learn and if you take to it and show skill you will be encouraged and you will move up. And if you don’t, consider a different path.

**John:** A thing I think is crucial about that period of time, sort of like a wolf who needs to sort of move to a new pack, I think you should move away from home if it’s possible to move away from home.

**Craig:** Yup.

**John:** I think you should try to get outside of your home environment and start to learn about who you are as an individual. So college is a great excuse for doing that. But if college isn’t the right choice for you can you move somewhere else to do this thing, to take an internship, to take a vocational class, to do something else where you can find a new tribe and find new people and sort of discover who you are when you’re not in that same home environment.

If it’s not possible, something like community college or some other thing that’s getting you out of the house for a significant period of time and getting you to meet new people that are not the same peers you’ve had through high school is going to be really helpful because you got to figure out how to do all that stuff because it’s crucial and it’s important.

**Craig:** You’re learning how to become an adult. So that’s the other issue is that college insulates you from adulting to a large extent. You are sent to college and the rosiest most romantic point of view is that college is where you will become a well-rounded human being who is immersed in the great discussions of culture and science and art and religion. And then you will emerge on the other side a better person who will contribute more to society.

The less romantic point of view is it’s sex and drug camp. And you get to go to sex and drug camp and you get to sleep with a lot of people and get drunk or get high all the time. My guess is for more than half of the students who go to college it’s sex and drug camp primarily. You can have sex and drugs but also not be in camp. It’s the camp part that’s the problem. It is preventing people from adulting before they should. And I think learning certain skills like how to live on your own and pay for bills and show up for work are incredibly valuable for younger people. It does teach you that you are enough, that you can make it on your own.

It’s exciting and it’s emboldening to know these things. So, we are fooling ourselves if we think that college doesn’t come with a price. And that price is an increasingly delayed maturity in America. I mean, Megana, you look around at your cohort of graduates from Harvard. Would you say that there are at least a number of them who haven’t quite launched?

**Megana:** That is certainly a way of saying it. I think my friends who have gone to grad school or have been in academia for a longer time than I have definitely have a different way of being in the world and a different sense of what it means to be an adult and how to have a lifestyle. I do agree that it kind of inoculates you from having to understand what it means to be a working professional person.

But another point that I would say is I feel like this idea of leaving home is a very western individualistic idea. And in other countries kids go to college but they’re living at home. And I think that that’s fine because the three of us we’re not living anywhere close to where we grew up and I don’t know that that’s necessarily a good thing.

**Craig:** Well for me it is. I’ll tell you that much. [laughs]

**John:** Megana, I think you’re making a really good point. Obviously we’re approaching this with a Western American bias and we look at the East or we look at even Europe, and Europe which has apprentice programs, and there’s not that culture of moving away from home to do this thing. And you sort of keep your family ties. That can be good too. So we have the bias of our own experiences. Because you went from the Midwest to Harvard and then never went back to the Midwest.

**Megana:** Yeah.

**John:** I want to go back to what Craig was saying about sort of like that college is delaying you from adulting. And to me the best version of college is it’s an onramp to adulting. And you’re out from underneath your parents’ control and protection and in that first year you’re learning how to do some things but there’s a structure around you. The first two years you’re in the dorms and the third year you’re in an apartment. The fourth year you’re finishing school but you’re really kind of working while you’re doing that. And that’s a nice onramp. You’re picking up skills along the way.

I think when I’ve seen folks who didn’t go to college and who suddenly just like I’m going to get a job and I’m get an apartment, they weren’t ready for that. They didn’t have the skills and maturity to sort of do all of that. And so I think that 18 to 22 period ideally there is some ramp to it. It’s the same reason why I think folks who don’t go to college sometimes end up in the military. They need some structure. They need something there to get them organizing principles behind them so they can figure out how to be themselves.

**Craig:** There are plenty of ways to onramp other than spending $100,000 a year. I would say that you’re right that there are a lot of people who do use college, and when I say use I really mean use it, in the way it was intended in its purest form. But there are also people who enter what I would call a permanent childhood. And what I mean by that is even if they get jobs they go to college, they follow the rules for what they feel they need to do to then be hired by a large corporation which will now be their new mommy and daddy. And in that corporation they are taken care of. They know where they sit. They know where they stand. They know what they’re supposed to wear. There’s rules for lunch and there’s rules for travel. And there are memos. And they follow these things as a child of a company now.

And they will do so forever until they retire. They don’t have a sense of being able to be entrepreneurial, on their own, being disconnected from some structure that takes care of you completely. That is scary to me. There is no question that our current system is working beautifully for large corporations looking for compliant employees.

**John:** Yeah. But that of course is not – large corporations and compliant employees was a different time. The idea of working for one company for the next 20 years, 30 years just isn’t even a thing anymore. So we’re sort of training people for a way of working that isn’t going to exist and probably isn’t existing right now.

**Craig:** I don’t know if that’s true. I think that most people do work for large companies or at least midsized companies. And if they don’t work for let’s say Apple their whole lives they may move over to Microsoft. Or they move over to Amazon. Or they may move over to this tech company or that tech company. If they work in the financial business they are absolutely working for a large financial company and they will move from one to one to one. The advertising world, companies, one to one to one. Even people that work for movie studios. When you work at a movie studio as an employee you become taken care of. You are a child and you are given a structure. If you’re good you get to move up to this level. And then you get to move up to this level. And then you get to move up to this level. And this level you get a car. And it’s like your parents taking care of you.

And we’re the people who give you your health insurance. And we’re the people that are there for you. If you need two weeks off you get two weeks off, but you have to fill out these forms and follow these rules. And people are being trained for this. And if you look at the way they’re being trained to get into college you can see it clearly. What do you need to do to get into college? You need to study incredibly hard, work incredibly diligently for very long hours and above all else follow the rules.

It’s brilliant if you’re Goldman Sachs.

**John:** Now, we were talking about this at staff meeting and our friend Dustin brought up one of the best things about college for him, or art school in his case, was the stakes were lower, so it was like work, it was like being out there in the world, but there was the soft consequences of missed deadlines, of messing up. Basically you had permission to make mistakes without getting fired in ways that in the working world you wouldn’t be able to do. Because the training wheels were still on a little bit you could experiment a little bit more. You could enter in as one major and go to a different major and sort of experiment a little bit more. You had some freedom because everything wasn’t going to come crashing down on you.

**Craig:** No question. And again it really does come down to the person. There are people that really understand the purpose of the training wheels and then there are people who get used to the thought of training wheels and can’t bear to not have training wheels on. And that’s fine. Mostly I’m just advocating that if you are going to be that second kind of person don’t pay for the privilege of being that kind of person. Just be that kind of person.

**John:** Craig, what do you think you need to learn – so let’s say you wanted to be a screenwriter for example, what are the things you need to learn and get better at doing between 18 and 22? Because to me all the writing I did in college, even though it wasn’t screenwriting, was hugely helpful in being able to put words together in a way that made sense and were persuasive. But what are the things that you feel like an aspiring screenwriter from 18 to 22 needs to learn to get better at?

**Craig:** If I were running the screenwriting section of a college, like for instance let’s say Princeton hired me to be in charge of their screenwriting department, which they absolutely should not do.

**John:** Because Craig’s first thing would be to shut it down, but, I’m assuming.

**Craig:** Correct. And then the second thing I would do is say, OK, well here’s the good deal. For the next four years of your life here at Princeton in our screenwriting section you are not going to write one screenplay or even one scene. For the next four years you’re just going to learn how to write sentences. Because none of you know how to put a sentence together. None of you know how to translate a thought into words in a way where the words convey your thought. You are going to learn grammar. You’re going to learn punctuation. You are going to learn how to be concise. You are going to learn how to edit. And above all you will learn how to structure your language. And none of it will be what you think of as creative because until you know how to do this none of your creativity is going to matter because you’re not going to be able to get it across on the page. Ever.

And then I would get fired.

**John:** Yeah. I will say that a thing I did learn in college as opposed to high school is in high school we were taught to write these incredibly formulaic essays which were sort of like matched up to the SAT kind of essays. It was so boiler plate-y. And in college I actually had freedom to actually write good new things. And in my journalism program, yes, we had to learn how to write journalistic style, but also write magazine pieces and other things and advertising campaigns. And you learned how to write persuasive words. And so that’s the crucial thing I think you need to learn in that 18 to 22.

And I agree it shouldn’t be about writing scenes. I mean, if you want to write sketches for your sketch group, fantastic. Do that. And learn what’s funny. Learn what works. Take some acting classes, too. But you shouldn’t be coming out of this assuming that you’re going to have three scripts when you come out of undergrad because they’re going to be terrible.

**Craig:** They will absolutely be terrible. And don’t kid yourself that people who are in the other quad taking creative writing for novels, they might actually write a novel that people like. They might write a novel that’s good. You know why? Writing novels is easier than writing screenplays. That’s why there are so many more novelists. There’s a thousand great novelists out there selling tons of books. And there’s about 15 people doing what we do. It’s just harder. It’s so much harder as far as I’m concerned.

And if I were in charge I would be like you. I would be saying let’s all just start reading a lot of nonfiction or even if they are fictionalized essays and talking about what this person was thinking, what makes an interesting thought, what is an argument, how do you look at the world, what is your perspective on things, and now let’s look at how they turned it into words.

**John:** Yup.

**Craig:** All of that is so much more important than here’s what a script, Interior, and then you have a time of day. Oh, give me a break.

**John:** Craig, you have to study Casablanca scene by scene.

**Craig:** Oh god. Yeah, because that’s what people want today.

**John:** People want Casablanca.

**Craig:** If I show my daughter Casablanca she’s going to kick me out of the room. Because it’s not – and Casablanca is objectively a great film, but it is a great film of its time. It is no longer a lesson on how to write a movie now. And anyone who insists it is is just being a reactionary. That’s the other thing. Why you need to teach I’ll call 18 to 20 year olds young adults the nuts and bolts of conveying thoughts into words as opposed to writing screenplays is they are already the vanguard of culture. They don’t need you to tell them how to turn their vanguard of cultureness into Casa-fucking-blanca. They’ve got it already. They’re young and they’re so much cooler than you are, Professor Whatever. But what they don’t know how to do is put a sentence together. And this is how I would run my incredibly bad screenwriting school. [laughs] And it would be called Don’t Come Here Institute.

**John:** Love it. I think the sweatshirts are really what’s going to sell. I mean, that’s the merch.

**Craig:** And the sweatshirts would say Don’t Wear This.

**John:** Thank you Craig. Thank you Megana.

**Craig:** Thanks guys.

**Megana:** Thanks.

Links:

* [Dune already made $41M](https://observer.com/2021/10/dune-is-getting-a-sequel-but-how-did-it-really-perform-lets-check-the-data/)
* [Spy Magzine](https://www.vulture.com/2011/02/spy_magazine_google_books.html)
* [Clean Up Pictures](https://cleanup.pictures)
* [Use Live Text and Visual Look Up on your iPhone](https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT212630)
* [Jack Thorne’s James Mactaggart Lecture](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaxwlpbJbbg)
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* [Craig Mazin](https://twitter.com/clmazin) on Twitter
* [John August](https://twitter.com/johnaugust) on Twitter
* [John on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Henry Adler ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by [Megana Rao](https://twitter.com/MeganaRao) and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/523standard.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Episode 518: Knives Outback, Transcript

October 18, 2021 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2021/knives-outback).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Episode 518 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the show it’s a new round of How Would This Be a Movie where we take a look at real life stories and ask is this something we can sell to a streamer? But, in order to film these potential ideas we need to have a crew which is why we’ll look at the possibility of an IATSE strike and the issues involved. We’ll also talk about money and what you should do when you start earning it.

**Craig:** Spend it. Spend it. [laughs]

**John:** Spend it all. Spend it all.

**Craig:** As fast as you can.

**John:** Wow. We got through that segment really quickly. But we might have a few footnotes.

**Craig:** Oh, OK.

**John:** And in our bonus segment for premium members it’s officially autumn so we’ll talk about all things fall, from pumpkin spice to spooky season.

**Craig:** Pumpkin spice to spooky season. Oh boy.

**John:** Now Craig we’re recording this on Tudum and so I want to make sure that you’re having a good, joyous celebration of Tudum today.

**Craig:** Yup. [laughs]

**John:** Do you know what Tudum is?

**Craig:** Nope.

**John:** So Tudum is Netflix’s hopefully annual celebration of all things Netflix. And so just like Disney has their big Disney conference and we have other fan conferences, this is just the Netflix fan conference that they’re trying to put up.

**Craig:** Why is it called Tudum?

**John:** Because when you start a Netflix show it goes “Tu-dum.”

**Craig:** Oh, I thought it went – oh, OK, yeah. So it’s not Dum-Dum. That’s Law & Order. It goes Doom, like that. Happy Tudum. Right.

**John:** Because Craig you’re making a [makes HBO noise] show.

**Craig:** I’m more of a [makes HBO noise]. Yeah, so I’m a [makes HBO noise]. I’m Happy Schwang. Why? Why do people do this? John, they’re giving these people money. The networks should be supporting–

**John:** Because fandom.

**Craig:** Oh, fandom. I mean, I love fans.

**John:** Fandom.

**Craig:** We need fans. But I want artists to have fans. I don’t want corporations to have fans.

**John:** Now, Craig, I think you should know that I’m going to be featured on Netflix this coming week. So as you’re listening to this episode I think it will have already aired. I am in the documentary Attack of the Hollywood Clichés.

**Craig:** Oh.

**John:** Which breaks down a bunch of movie clichés, everything from she’s pretty when she takes her glasses off, the meet-cute, females running in stilettos. So, this was filmed months and months ago and it was just me filming in this one little place, this one little studio downtown. But a bunch of other actually genuinely famous people are in this thing, too. So if you would like to see me with your eyes and not just listen to me with your ears you can check that out. It debuts September 28th worldwide on Netflix.

**Craig:** That’s an interesting idea.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Do they do kind of montages of various things?

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** I wish that they would just do a mega-cut of all the people who have ever said, “You just don’t get it, do you?” in movies and television.

**John:** I don’t want to spoil anything, but that could actually be in this documentary.

**Craig:** Nice.

**John:** I don’t know what made it to the final floor. It was two hours of me filming and Megana looked through all the clips they sent through and it was exhausting to sort of go through. So I talk about specific things. I try to defend certain tropes as being like, well, that’s actually what kind of happens. I know I had a long bit about the spit take. I’m curious whether my spit take observation made it in.

**Craig:** All right. Very good.

**John:** We’ll see.

**Craig:** Good.

**John:** But we’ve got some follow up. Craig, you’ve been gone for a bit, so this follow up has stacked up.

**Craig:** OK. Let’s go through it.

**John:** All right. First we’ll start with Ketchup Doritos. Bo Shim writes, “Bo would like to clarify I do not steak Craig’s Ketchup Doritos. I purchase them for the trailer. They are communal Doritos. We’re lucky I discovered them.”

**Craig:** That is definitely a recontextualization of what I believe happened. Now I encouraged her to submit this to follow up because I wanted a chance to reclarify they are communal Doritos, but I feel like in a particular day if the Dorito level goes below a certain line then, you know, the problem with communism is what happens when people cheat. And what I’m saying is Bo may be not the best communist I’ve ever met when it comes to Ketchup Doritos. That said, she does purchase them for the trailer. And I am lucky she discovered them. And we haven’t had them in a while and I think she’s just passive-aggressively denying me them because I talked about it.

**John:** Now, I want to propose a solution, because this is not just a program about problems. It’s about solutions at times.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** It’s called the Sharpie. And you write with a Sharpie on the outside of the bag Craig or Bo and those become Craig’s Doritos or Bo’s Doritos.

**Craig:** Couple issues. A, won’t stop theft. In fact, it almost encourages it. So, look, I just keep eating out of Bo’s bag. I still have plenty of Doritos and she wonders what happened. Second, I think what we should do is just put Sharpie lines on the inside of the Dorito bag and initial it this is where I got down to. And then if it goes way below that level then I know that Bo went crazy. That said, I do love her. She is great. And I only said those two things because I’m hoping to get more Ketchup Doritos. [laughs]

**John:** Our next bit of follow up is also big on Craig. Dave writes, “I’ve heard Craig disparage jigsaw puzzles a few times over the years. This week he went on at length about how much he loves Legos. Aren’t Legos basically 3D jigsaw puzzles?”

**Craig:** Boy, I sure would like to slap Dave right off the planet. No they’re not. And here’s why, Dave. If I get a jigsaw puzzle there’s exactly one arrangement that works. The rest of it is just me frustratingly trying to jam one piece into another and ruining it. Legos can lead to anything. That’s the point. Of course you can take the Lego box, build the thing that they’ve suggested you build, and that would be fun if you’d like to do it. But you can also then smash it apart and give it to your children and watch them engage in the joy of imagination.

So, Dave, how dare you?

**John:** Craig, was it called in crossword puzzles where – Sunday puzzles will often have this where it kind of breaks the rules. Is it a rebus when there’s two things in the same box?

**Craig:** Yup. That’s called a rebus. That’s a rebus.

**John:** Mike and I were working on a new jigsaw puzzle, a company called Magic Puzzles, that actually has a rebus quality to it, where like the picture you’re looking at on the box I guess is basically being formed, but there’s more edges than you think there should be edges. It’s weird. It feels like it’s breaking a fundamental tenet in an exciting way of how jigsaw puzzles should work. So I think there is a meta puzzle-solving aspect to this puzzle I’m doing right now. I don’t think you’ll care. I’m not going to win you over. I just want to acknowledge that there’s something that people clearly I think took from crossword puzzles that are being transferred back to jigsaw puzzles.

**Craig:** It’s very well possible that that could be the case. I will look at this jigsaw puzzle. I won’t spurn it. I’ll keep an open mind.

**John:** Listen to that. We may have actually changed Craig’s mind. Megana, please note the time and date.

**Craig:** No. I said I would keep an open mind. The changing has not occurred. But the door is open.

**John:** OK. Well this is recorded in podcast form, so everyone will hear that something may have changed.

**Craig:** I’m still angry at Dave. I can’t get over what he said. I can’t get over how bad his analogy is. I’m losing it. I’m losing it. I want to find you, Dave. I’m going to find you.

**John:** Honestly as you were talking about it on that episode about Lego I was going to bring it up, but it was late in the show and I just didn’t want to have that fight.

**Craig:** Good.

**John:** Do you want to talk about firing writers?

**Craig:** So John in an episode where I was up here doing my thing John and Kelly Marcel discussed the undignified firing of writers, where the writer learns of their sacking from a third party or worse in the trades. Both gave good advice, but John said, and this is obviously not me talking, this is somebody writing in, “John said he couldn’t think of a way of stopping it. I’m a British lawyer so my first thought was add a clause to the contract. ‘All contractual notices whether verbal or written must be given by either party prior to third party publication for the avoidance of doubt. This includes the termination of this written agreement.’ And if you wanted to drive the point home add a financial penalty.”

John, do you think that a studio would agree to that?

**John:** A studio would never agree to this. So I want to both talk to British lawyer and say I get why that seems like a good idea. And it’s also that’s just never, ever going to happen. And later on in the show we’re going to have a discussion about like, oh, couldn’t I be paid this way rather than the other way. And it’s like I get why you think that could happen, but it’s also just never going to happen. So, it can be two things at once.

**Craig:** I think you aren’t even being definitive enough. It will never, ever, ever, ever happen. And also it doesn’t even matter if it did. Because if the studio agreed to that all they have to do is pick up the phone and call somebody at one of the trade publications, Deadline or Variety or something, and anonymously just let them know that you’ve been fired. And they’ll publish it. So it just doesn’t matter. There’s nothing that can be done to stop this other than people not being idiots or assholes, which they often are. When writers are – you know what, I’m going to stop saying fired because in screenwriting it happens so frequently. When there’s a changing of the writing guard everybody should act like gentlewomen and gentlemen and gentle people. But they don’t.

The only solution is if people just started acting nicely.

**John:** Yeah. And the other thing which British lawyer I don’t think is acknowledging is that sometimes it’s really ambiguous where stories are coming from, who is leading the charge. Because it’s not that the studio is saying that someone is fired. It’s just that they start looking for another writer and that gets out as being the person being fired. It’s murky and it’s crappy and people just need to be more upfront about what’s really going on.

**Craig:** Agreed.

**John:** Agreed. Hey, let’s go to a much simpler topic like IATSE. Craig, can you remind us what IATSE is?

**Craig:** Sure. IATSE is the umbrella union of all of the trade unions that work on screen and television crafts. So that union covers grips, electric, cinematographers, costumers, set designers. Basically everybody that you see working on a movie or a television show that isn’t driving a vehicle, acting, writing, or directing.

**John:** Yes. And as we talked about sort of the need for better assistant pay at times we’ve also discussed script coordinators and other folks who work below the line sort of with writers but not as writers are also covered by IATSE.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** So those folks, too. And those are some of the worst paid people on sets or in rooms are the folks who are working there.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** They have union protection but they don’t have the kinds of union protections you’d want to have.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So IATSE is this big umbrella organization. They basically never have gone on strike, but now they’re talking – they’re asking for a strike authorization vote from members because they’ve reached a point in their negotiation where they feel like they need to consider going on strike. Because the AMPTP, the same people that the Writers Guild negotiates with, is trying to form a new contract with IATSE.

**Craig:** Correct. The AMPTP currently as far as I can tell, and the AMPTP negotiating group is led by a woman named Carol Lombardini, I think what Carol is doing is basically seeing how far they’re going to go. Because IATSE has never struck it makes sense I suppose for Carol to see if they really have the will or the way. I think that the IATSE of old that never struck in part never struck because there was a certain amount of corruption involved. I’m not alleging that firmly – please don’t sue me – but that’s been the suggestion that I’ve read. Let’s put it that way.

**John:** I would also say that in my 20 plus years I’ve never felt a groundswell of like oh we should go on strike from IATSE members I’ve spoken with.

**Craig:** I think in part because that door was always closed. So the Writers Guild talks about striking every three years essentially. We don’t strike every three years, happily. But we talk about it all the time. They don’t. A little bit like the Directors Guild. They just don’t talk about it. It’s not really a thing that’s on the table. But now suddenly it is as IATSE leadership has changed somewhat significantly over the last 10 years or so. So I think Carol is just basically seeing what’s going to happen when they have that vote. I think her presumption is that IATSE will not strike the second after that vote. If I were IATSE I would to show her that it’s absolutely real. Because the one union in our town that can absolutely cripple things instantly and devastatingly is IATSE. And yet they don’t keep going.

Now the potential IATSE strike does not cover all production, even not all production in the US. For instance the IATSE contract with HBO is not currently under negotiation. That’s a separate agreement. So some places will still have production going on if there is a strike. And obviously production that’s going on for instance like in Canada where I am will continue because that’s not IATSE. It’s a different country and it’s a different union. But I think IATSE is doing the right thing here. I think they are being incredibly aggressive and I think that they’re showing that they have the ability to do what they’re threatening to do. And I think that this isn’t like sometimes the Writers Guild has said, as you know, hey we have to vote yes just because it’s a bluff basically. I think everybody in IATSE after all these decades is pretty pissed off and with good reason. They are not treated well. They are not paid fairly. The working conditions are bad. And this has to be fixed. 100%.

**John:** Well let’s take a look at the working conditions and sort of what’s happening below the line here. We got a couple letters in but Megana if you could start us off with Cautiously Optimistic.

**Megana Rao:** Cautiously Optimistic writes, “I can’t necessarily complain about what my paycheck looks like, but my days are generally always 12 to 14 hours, or 15 to 17 counting commute. And more often than not we work Fraturdays with an early call on Monday.”

**Craig:** Let me just interrupt there in case people don’t know what Fraturdays are. There’s generally a 12-hour turnaround when we work. Which means you can’t just bring people in without 12 hours of turnaround, especially actors have these things more than anybody. So if days go long early in the week the call times to start the next day go later and later and later to account for the 12-hour time off, which means by the time we get to Friday sometimes you’re starting at 6pm, not because you’re supposed to be shooting all night but because you’ve been running late all week long, which means Friday really is a Fraturday. It’s Friday/Saturday.

**Megana:** Wow. So that means that you end your work day at like 6am on Saturday?

**Craig:** Pretty much. That’s right. By the way, or 9am on Saturday. I mean, Fraturdays are a scourge. And the worst part about a Fraturday is so you finish working on Saturday at let’s say 7am, you go home and you sleep, you wake up Saturday evening. Enjoy your Saturday evening and Sunday sort of because Monday you start at 7 or 8am.

**Megana:** Oof.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**Megana:** OK, well Cautiously Optimistic continues, “And there are many others across departments working those same hours and struggling to get by with their wages. Before joining the industry I’d often heard that this is what a typical week looked like and I chose it anyway. I’m passionate about what I do, as are most people I work with. But the time off during the pandemic opened a lot of our eyes to how poor our mental health is while working and what life could be like if we had time to spend with our families and activities outside of work.

“Many are too exhausted to do anything on their off time except try to catch up on sleep. Do you see a possible future in which we can continue to do what we love without the brutal hours and conditions? Or do you think it’s just the immovable nature of the industry and studios will continue to say ‘Safety First’ without committing to any changes that actually improve health or safety for its workers? And how much weight does a showrunner have when it comes to these types of decisions before a show goes into production?”

**Craig:** Great questions.

**John:** Great questions. All right, one of the things I like about this email is Cautiously Optimistic is pointing out that the pandemic, which we all sort of went through, and the lockdown, these crews were spending time with their families and it’s like, oh wow, what it would be like to actually spend time with my family. And recognizing that there’s a world in which they’re not working 18-hour days all the time.

This framing is so important is that like it is about pay, but it’s also about working conditions. And really making sure that you are recognizing that people need to have true breaks and true time off to sort of live a normal life and actually see their families. And that’s a lot of what they’re asking for in this negotiation is, hey, if you’re going to make us work into crazy overtimes there has to be a real cost to that so that at a certain point you’re just not going to ask us to do that. You actually are going to have to wrap and go an extra day or go two extra days rather than these insane hours.

**Craig:** And there is, you know, overtime. What I think is so poignant about the requests that our crews are making is that they do get paid more for those hours past the 12 hours. And they still are saying it’s not good. It’s not good enough. I don’t think that the answer here, it doesn’t seem like what they’re saying is we don’t mind working 18 hours but you’ve just got to up that overtime pay. What they’re saying is we don’t want to do this anymore. It’s not healthy or good for anybody. And the point about commutes is really important, too.

Most crew, if we’re shooting in let’s say Downtown Los Angeles, most crew are commuting in from some distance. And there is a zone, a production zone where you’re not getting paid for that travel. I think it is 30 miles.

**John:** Yeah. There’s a 30-mile radius around sort of one intersection in Hollywood.

**Craig:** Yeah. That’s where TMZ comes from. Thirty Mile Zone.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** So what they’re asking for is for Hollywood to say, hey, you know what, a 12-hour workday is a lot. That’s a lot. I mean, 12 hours is more than most people work in a day. Most people work eight hours.

**John:** It is.

**Craig:** We work 12 hours when we’re shooting and there are also when I say we there are also groups that have pre-calls and are post-wrap. Transpo, et cetera. Obviously that’s a different union. That’s teamsters. But my point is that I believe firmly that everything that happens after the 12th hour is trouble. It doesn’t feel good for anyone. Everyone is burnt. And it’s a sign that something has gone wrong with the planning or with the execution. And the planning and execution of things that go wrong are rarely because the crews didn’t do something right. It is almost always because the production overscheduled a day or the director is just not competent enough to get the work done during the day, or acts of god. Stuff breaks. Weather. Someone gets sick. Et cetera.

**John:** Yeah. And so a lot of these things can be addressed in preproduction and planning but decisions have to be made on the ground as well. And there are times where it’s like, you know what, we have to wrap. For safety and for the good of everyone we need to wrap. And in some ways I think Covid testing protocols and all these things have sort of forced some of these safety things a little bit higher up in the chain because there’s reasons why we just can’t actually shoot because we’ve lost this cast member. That is a thing that really happens.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** Let’s also listen to what Nate had to say.

**Megana:** Nate writes, “My longest day ever on the clock is 18 hours, which if I were to ask around my peers is the lowest record I would find. I spent the summer working on a feature film that swore beforehand that our days would be kept to ten hours and in service of that expected cap we would just work through lunch. Half of that statement turned out to be much more true than the other, as we only had two days that were even close to ten hours and quite a few more where there was no break for lunch. This is but one example of how in just my eight years in this business I have seen conditions degrade, not improve.”

**Craig:** Yeah. This is not uncommon at all and Nate your longest day ever on the clock being 18 hours doesn’t beat my record. I hit 20 hours one day working for the Weinsteins on a production. And it was unconscionable. I remember very specifically saying to the crew somewhere around hour 16 if any of you feel like there’s a safety concern about the length of this day or just in general you’re burnt go home and you’re still getting paid. And you know what? No one left. And that’s the part about this that’s so heartbreaking is that crews care so much. They want to do a good job. They want to back the production and they want to deliver. And they want to deliver even though they’re not getting paid what the actors are paid or the director is paid. Their names are not being bandied around. Nobody is interviewing them when the movie comes out. Nobody uses their name in conjunction with it. They just care quietly about their jobs that in that regard it is the most noble approach to what we do. And what happens? They get taken advantage of.

And they must put their foot down. And here’s the thing. So like on our production we really tried very hard to stick to that 12-hour day. Sometimes we’re a little bit under, which is nice. You get to go home an hour early. You still get paid for your 12-hour day. Every now and then we’ve hit 13 hours, or I think once we hit 14 I think. And crews are OK with that. They know like, all right, hey every now and again something happens and we’ve got to try and get this done and we get it done. It’s similar to the lunch thing. You can ask for grace. You can say, you know what, we need five more minutes to go into lunch here just to finish this shot. If we can just finish this shot it would be great for us. Then we can go to lunch.

If you ask for grace every day it’s super annoying. If you ask for it once a week it’s OK. And that’s the problem is that studios take advantage. They just keep pushing, and pushing, and pushing, and pushing. And IATSE absolutely must do something dramatic here to wake people up. And IATSE I would argue should not be worried about oh they’re going to send all their production to the state of Georgia where there’s no union. They’re already doing that. If they could send all of it to Georgia they would. They can’t. So they sent everything everywhere. Right? And they still have to make stuff that’s union-covered and it’s time. It’s time to force the AMPTP to deal with this because in a world where we are defending the rights and concerns and inequities that people of color are dealing with, that women are dealing with, we also have to look very, very hard at the unfairnesses and inequities that we visit upon people who are middle class in our business who are dwindling, who are scraping to get by, who are “blue collar.” And in a town run by a whole bunch of liberals it really does seem like that ought to be a good place to start.

That’s where you start making things better, right now. So, hey, Carol Lombardini, AMPTP, let’s go. Step it up.

**John:** I agree. The one thing I want to make sure we’re also acknowledging is that these working conditions so important to address, but we don’t often think about them with the kind of more white collared jobs, like script coordinator and other writer assistants, people who are being paid under IATSE contracts. I’m going to point everyone to an episode of The Business with Kim Masters where she talks to a script coordinator about the hours he’s facing doing his job. And the hours and the pay are not good enough. And so as we’re looking at this contract let’s also make sure that we are addressing some of the lowest paid members like our script coordinators because this show is not sort of all built around them, but they are so vital to the process and they’re being well underpaid.

**Craig:** And generally speaking the more experienced and skilled the crew the faster the day goes.

**John:** Yup.

**Craig:** So if you drive away skilled people because you’re not treating them fairly or paying them well enough you’ll end up with a whole lot more people without that experience and your day goes slower.

**John:** Mm-hmm.

**Craig:** And you lose money. Just, it’s time. My god, is it ever time. I mean, I remember the first time I was on a movie set and I looked around and I’m like this can’t be real. This can’t be the way it’s done. And is the way that it’s done. And it doesn’t have to be this way. And I want to revisit Cautiously Optimistic who asked how much weight does a showrunner have when it comes to these type of decisions. Depends on the showrunner.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** But I can speak for this showrunner, some. Enough that I could say I don’t want a schedule where we are routinely going over overtime. I want 12-hour days. I want the standard day.

**John:** I had no power or control over the kinds of productions I was doing as a baby TV showrunner, like a person who should not have been running a show by myself. But as a director I did have a fair amount of control. And as a director doing an indie film, this is a crew and a work setup that I could actually sort of dictate. This is how I want things to go. And I did have some of that. So I think showrunners in television and directors in features can have a big influence on how their sets work and that’s really what we’re asking.

**Craig:** That’s right. And if you look around as a showrunner and you didn’t have the power but the show is going well, except for the amount of time you’re working, then start complaining. Start complaining. It’s not fair. And we do live in a time where people can’t just bring you behind a closed door and say, “Shut up. This is Evil Co. And we’re going to do the evil thing.” Because I think everybody understands there are options for people who are being told to shut and do the evil thing. So, advocate for your crews where you can, however you can. They want to work hard. They believe in working hard. But, yes, as much as possible let’s try and stick to the good old fashioned already very long 12-hour-day.

**John:** Yeah. So let’s look at what happens next. So there’s a strike authorization vote happening for IATSE members. That will pass. It’s just a question of what percentage of members will vote for that. And then we’ll see whether IATSE needs to go on strike or if they go back to the negotiating room and they reach a deal. Whatever happens I’m excited to see that at this one moment IATSE and all the other unions are sort of together in terms of looking at this is a situation that needs to change and hopefully the Writers Guild and all the other guilds are backing IATSE. Hopefully IATSE will back us when it comes to the next time for negotiations.

**Craig:** That’s the thing. IATSE doesn’t need anybody to back them. That’s the cool part about being in IATSE. You walk and it’s over. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if the actors say oh well we would cross the picket line. Well you just enjoy your empty [unintelligible] because we’re not there. Nothing is happening if there are no cameramen, if there are no people that are doing the sets.

**John:** Craig, can this go back to shooting everything on Zoom again? It’ll be fine.

**Craig:** [laughs] Zooming. Even then because the editors are in IATSE.

**John:** Yeah, the editors, too.

**Craig:** It’s not happening. So, yeah, I think of course the unions should support IATSE, all the unions should stick together in this regard. But if there was ever a union that could just go it alone it’s IATSE.

**John:** Yeah. All right, let’s move on to our marquee topic, How Would This Be a Movie. So this is where we look at stories in the news or the thing that people have sent in and we think about how could these be processed as a movie or a TV show. Often on the show we cover scandals or major crimes, we talked about the FIFA scandal, that old person heist in England. A lot of the things that we’ve talked about have been optioned and some of them actually come out as movies.

A thing that a couple people sent in was in South Carolina there’s this Murdaugh family and there’s just all these murders, just more murders keep happening. We’re not going to talk about that today but obviously that’s the kind of thing that people would be discussing. But the four stories I want to look at today they span the globe and they’re really different opportunities for the kinds of stories – I don’t know if any of them are going to be a movie or a TV series, but I thought they had interesting things to talk about in the sense of place, a sense of story areas. So that’s why we picked these four.

So we’ll start with Knives Outback: A man is presumed murdered. But in this town of 12 everyone is a possible suspect.

**Craig:** Love it.

**John:** This is sent in by Yasuke, a listener. And this story was written up by Mitch Moxley who was writing on Medium, so we’ll have a link in the show notes to this article. Craig, what did you make of this situation and the events in Larrimah, Northern Territory?

**Craig:** Well it was glorious. So, Australia does afford you these things. There are these vast tracks of Australia that are kind of empty. They’re very scrubby, deserty, and here we are out in the middle of nowhere. And there are, what is it 12 people live in this town?

**John:** Yeah. Sometimes there’s 12, sometimes there’s 10. I guess maybe there were 12 and now there’s 10.

**Craig:** I think it says it had started, there was a railroad nearby. The population after the railroad shutdown went from 100, to 50, to 25, and now it’s around 13. And a murder happened. A guy goes missing.

**John:** Well, yeah, a presumed murder.

**Craig:** Presumed murder. He goes missing. His dog goes missing. And what makes it interesting is that in true Murder on the Orient Express style everyone hated him. He was a dick. He was the town jerk, which is spectacular. And he had a way of getting involved in feuds, neighbors, and all sorts of stuff. And the feuds got incredibly Australian. What do I mean by that? I mean that he would throw severed kangaroo penises into their yards. Do you know if you’re throwing a kangaroo penis you’re almost certainly in Australia I would argue. Right?

**John:** Yeah. There’s no many other choices. Unless you were going to a zoo to get a kangaroo that you can cut apart.

**Craig:** He put a kangaroo, he shoved part of a kangaroo butt through a window where there was a stove, so it would heat up and fill another house with kangaroo butt smell. So anyway the point is he’s also taking kangaroos apart. But I think that the kangaroos oftentimes are just like you can find them and repurpose them for bad neighbor purposes.

Anyway, he’s a jerk. And there are very few suspects. And it does in fact feel to me like a movie. It feels like a wonderful blend of Strictly Ballroom and And Then There Were None. You bring in the investigator from outside, and you try and solve this incredibly tiny crime. It’s like a closed room mystery, except the closed room is a town that’s very big.

**John:** The great outback.

**Craig:** Yes. That’s outside.

**John:** Yeah. So our dead guy is a terrific character. So Paddy Moriarty, the article describes him as a Larrikin.

**Craig:** Of course he’s a Larrikin.

**John:** A Larrikin. A shit-stirrer. And he’s a guy who did his morning work and then he would have basically six giant beers at the bar and then he would go home and microwave his dinner.

**Craig:** And then he would get all Larrikin-y.

**John:** Yes. He had a great dog. And so I think the dog is really an essential element. It makes it feel like, oh, there has to be a true crime focus, like he could have just wandered off but where is his dog? And he would never have left his dog. So there’s the question of what happened to this man and his dog is fascinating. The possibilities that it was fed to – there’s a crocodile. So of course there’s a crocodile.

**Craig:** Of course.

**John:** That did that. Or he was ground up and put into the meat pies.

**Craig:** Well, OK, so let’s just take a moment here. How great is this. His main – the object of most of his scorn was a woman named Fran, Fran Hodgetts, who ran a meat pie place and if you are a Broadway fan like myself, if you love Sondheim, then you know–

**John:** It’s Sweeney Todd.

**Craig:** It’s the plot of Sweeney Todd is that Mrs. Lovett. It’s almost the same name. That’s what I love is that it’s Mrs. Lovett and Mrs. Lovett makes meat pies. So Sweeney Todd kills people and she bakes them into meat pies. But the Australian Bureau of Investigation checked the meat in the pies and were clear to say that the meat was not identified as either human or dog mean.

**John:** Or canine.

**Craig:** But they didn’t necessarily say it wasn’t – I think they probably they were like, heh, you know, there was some kangaroo in here.

**John:** She probably should have mentioned the kangaroo of it all.

**Craig:** Should have mentioned the kangaroo.

**John:** So let’s think about this, is it a movie or is it a limited series?

**Craig:** Movie. Movie.

**John:** It’s a movie. So you’re going to go with movie. So what do you think are the beats of the story and is Paddy a character who is alive in the story? Are we flashing back to his moments of life? Tell me what your vision is for the movie.

**Craig:** If I were doing this I would probably have the report of a missing person and then the suggestion that he was murdered. I would be somebody working for the Australian authorities that would go to that town, so I’m the protagonist here. And as I keep digging I find it’s weirder and weirder. And as I do so the character of Paddy would sort of start to kind of talk to me. He would be with me. We would get a sense of just by learning him he would be by my side as a little kind of thought ghost so that we would get the experience of him and the amusement of him. And when I would find things I would be able to turn to him like, “You asshole. Why would you do that?” And then he would be like, “Oh, you know.”

But my job would be to solve the crime. And there would be a solution at the end. There would be an exciting ending. I don’t feel the need to stick to reality here. I’d want it to feel more like a traditional Agatha Christie surprise that’s the person who did it. And in doing so put Paddy to rest. And hopefully along the way feel a little bit for who he was and why he did the things he did. And perhaps, perhaps, a nice theme about loneliness and isolation and how it affects people in the world.

**John:** I can absolutely see that. And so what you’re describing feels like if it were an Agatha Christie or a Knives Out, you have a central investigator character coming there and it kind of feels like the ghost of Paddy is the – not literal ghost, but the vision of Paddy is sort of the Ana de Armas character who is along with that investigator, helping to do the investigation.

**Craig:** Like Watson to Sherlock Holmes.

**John:** Absolutely. That absolutely works. My instinct was that it was a limited series in that the great thing about episodic television is that you have the ability to keep throwing up twists. And so I’m watching Only Murders in the Building right now which does a really good job of feeling like a New Yorker short story, but also a podcast, and having fun as things keep getting revealed. And so it could be that same idea where you have an investigator come to town but it doesn’t limit the storytelling to only one character’s point of view. Because what you’re describing as a movie is we only know what the investigator knows, correct?

**Craig:** Yes, generally speaking that is correct.

**John:** And so I think there might be an opportunity to broaden out so we actually get multiple points of view and we’re not sure who to trust within this but you’re seeing more than one point of view on this whole situation.

**Craig:** That could absolutely work. You know, I’m rooting for movies these days. If I can find one of these stories that feels like it has an ending to it that you could theoretically do in two hours then I’m like pushing for the movie.

**John:** Pushing for the movie. All right. Let’s go to our next story. This is I was a Hamptons Squatter: How I lived in luxury for free. It was written by Anonymous, but Jeb submitted this because it was a New York Post story. And so this is the tale of I think a young woman who would end up like crashing at these various really expensive Hamptons houses. Very east end of Long Island. And she started out basically being a tutor to these kids, and she would live in the basement. She would get kicked out when they were actually renting out the houses. And she started to realize like oh it’s not that hard to live in one of these places. She wasn’t actually breaking down the front door or anything. She would pass herself off as somebody who should be there and sometimes she was staying at houses that had a full staff. And she was just hanging out there.

Craig, you look at this, there’s not a plot to this at all. It’s really just a situation. Does this situation spark to you as a jumping off place for a movie, a series? What does it say to you?

**Craig:** Maybe a character. I mean, there’s such a kind of tone deaf sociopathy to this kind of strange essay. The part where I really got angry was when she said that it was OK because once she kind of got there and insinuated herself into this household through lying that the staff, the maids and chefs and people, were happy because they had somebody to attend to. That’s outrageous. It’s like, I mean, yeah, if the whole point is some guy who is some hedge fund jerk is away and I can steal his stuff, OK, but now she made a point of saying how pretty she and her friends were. How they were pretty and white. And how I guess the support staff who I doubt were as pretty and white as she was felt terrific about waiting on her. It’s just outrageous. So I hated her and I hated this story. And I think it could be an interesting character that somebody could be called out about or maybe it could be like a weird scene. But it just felt gross.

**John:** So I think there’s interesting stuff here to do as a movie. It doesn’t sustain enough to be a series. But that sort of commoditizing white privilege and recognition that like, oh, it’s because I’m pretty and white that I can just pass through here. She is a sociopath, but also reminded me a bit of some of the dynamic in Zola which I loved so much, that Twitter thread, where you’re breaking the social contract of this place but maybe that’s OK because maybe it was a bullshit social contract at the start.

The movie that this reminded me most of was Wedding Crashers where you have these two characters who are showing up at other people’s weddings for their own agendas and sort of coopting them. And I think there’s a way to do that here as well where there’s a character who is coming into this space and recognizing this is all bullshit and I am just going to benefit from it.

**Craig:** Yeah. I think that the changing nature of culture is such that Wedding Crashers probably wouldn’t fly today. There’s just a general question of consent involved in that and it makes people uncomfortable for quite legitimate reasons.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** So it’s just a different vibe. I’m kind of curious, I don’t know, Megana have you kind of detected a general reaction to this story? Is the social media sphere commenting? Or has this kind of gone unnoticed?

**Megana:** I feel like it’s gone relatively unnoticed. I haven’t seen any commentary around it. But I think I had a similar reaction that you did.

**Craig:** Yeah. Maybe it’s better that she gets unnoticed here. [laughs]

**John:** All right, let’s move on to our next story. So this Jerusalem Supernatural: Meet the Palestinian Man Hunting Ghouls, Ghosts, and Jinn. This was sent in by Jalena. It’s this article by Layla Azmi Goushey in Middle East Eye. There’s not one story here, but it’s basically about this guy who writes up stories of supernatural creatures from Muslim tradition but also general Palestinian tradition. And these are various supernatural creatures, Jinn, and ghouls, and other things that we would call spirits or ghosts. Craig, what did you think of this space as a story area?

**Craig:** Loved it. Because only really in the west we only hear about Palestinian culture as it exists in the political context of a struggle between Palestine and Israel. That’s what we hear about. That’s all we ever hear about and there’s nothing else. And what I love about this guy, Ahmad Nabil, who is promoting the preservation of Palestinian folklore and also Palestinian imagination is that what he’s putting forward is the part of Palestinian culture that is universally human. That all cultures have these stories, myths. They all overlap. They all intertwine and yet they all have their own little interesting twists. And putting that forward as something worthy is wonderful. And while there is a somewhat religious connection as is pointed out, the Jinn are mentioned in the Koran, so if you do believe in the infallibility of the word in the Koran then you believe that Jinn are real. But in that regard, what is it, 89% of Americans believe angels are real, which I should mention they are not. I just want to talk to you now directly, 89% of America. They’re not real.

But that’s the nature of believing in these things is also quite universal, unless you’re me. So I love this idea. I would hesitate to turn this into a Palestinian Ghostbusters. I don’t think that’s what it is. I think that there’s a really interesting way of approaching this like – I love the stories about children and the way that they interacted with Jinn and the idea of a child and a Jinn and a friendship that could occur could be amazing. And not to deny in the story the reality of what life in Palestine is like, but rather to use this space in the foreground to accentuate what’s happening in the background. That could be special. There could be a lovely movie here.

**John:** So there’s two filmmakers I worked with up at Sundance Labs who have made films that remind me of what’s unique and special about this. So Ana Lily Amirpour, she did A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night, which is fantastic. Put it on your list if you haven’t seen it.

**Craig:** Awesome. Awesome movie.

**John:** Under the Shadow by Babak Anvari, also loved, which is about a supernatural thing happening during this bombing raid. And both are terrific. And I think a good reminder that I think these two filmmakers could make this movie because they actually had a connection to the culture and the specific environment they were writing about. So, when we say like we would love to see this movie, I would love just to watch this movie set about Jinn and Jerusalem and this stuff. You or I should not be making that.

**Craig:** Oh, I don’t know, John. Shouldn’t a Jew be making this movie? [laughs]

**John:** I think it would be best–

**Craig:** Fine.

**John:** I think it’s a great opportunity for filmmakers who have a connection to this place and this culture.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** To be doing this. Because what it does is it gives you the advantage of making a genre picture that can sort of like play to genre fans and also speak specifically to your experience.

**Craig:** And teach new things. So I think that while everybody can write everything, when there is kind of a first one in should be someone that is close to it. This feels like a movie that should be written by and made by somebody whose grandmother told them these stories. Somebody like Ahmad Nabil. He himself, I don’t think he’s a filmmaker as well, but he would be a great person to be involved. And you would want people of Palestinian heritage to do this because this is the introduction of the Palestinian Jinn to the regular, what do we call it, the regular audience, the global audience. Let’s call them the global audience.

And it doesn’t have to be in English, by the way. I think people are getting much, much better at watching movies with subtitles. Like A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night, by the way, which is spectacular and in Farsi. So, yes, what we need here is a Palestinian filmmaker, Palestinian writer-director, Palestinian writer. Let’s start with a writer as we believe that is the most important part. But there is something beautiful to be done here. It doesn’t have to be about a relationship between a kid and their Jinn friend. It could be anything. But I loved the idea of the Jinn. I loved the way they looked. I loved the way they were described. And I love the fact that they are new to me. And that’s lovely.

So, yes, I think this could and should be a movie. Is it going to be made by Universal or Disney? Nah.

**John:** No. But is it made by A24 or one of those places? Absolutely.

**Craig:** Absolutely.

**John:** Or is it made by – Netflix and all of these places are trying to do local films for local audiences. That could be a great way into it. What I also want to stress is that it’s not the responsibility of this filmmaker to explain all this for a non-Palestinian audience. I think it’s that balance of you’re setting this story within this world and hopefully in telling this story we will all see the universal connections to it, but you don’t need to have the outside westerner who gets explained all this stuff to. I think we’re well beyond that.

**Craig:** You mean like a character in the movie?

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Oh god no. No, that would be terrible.

**John:** But that will be a note that you would get. And hopefully it’s less often than you would have ten years ago.

**Craig:** But tell that note to F off. No. That’s not – no, it should be made within the culture. It should be made from inside the culture. And this is what art does is that then everybody else who is a human being with a heart in their chest can watch it and go I get this.

**John:** Yup.

**Craig:** And that’s the fun part. That’s what makes it great.

**John:** Yeah. And I do feel like this is a movie rather than a series.

**Craig:** Oh, 100%.

**John:** Agreed. All right, our last choice here is the Tin Man and the Lion. This is a blog post by Brian Ferrari that I’m not even quite sure how I found this. It wasn’t a reader who sent this in. I just kind of loved it. So this is a story set in 1991. It’s this guy basically remembering that he got hired on to a regional tour production of The Wizard of Oz, like a thing that would play at schools and just travel around. And it was The Wizard of Oz and he got cast as – I think he was the Lion, and this other really hot guy was cast as the Tin Man. And so it was their relationship as they sort of went from city to city and it never really got anywhere. But I just loved the detail and, again, the specificity and just sort of remembering like, oh, yes, that was 1991. And this sort of weird band of actors traveling around which I think is always a great environment.

Craig, what did you make of this?

**Craig:** I mean, I absolutely would watch a six part limited about the insanity that goes on with a traveling children’s theater troupe doing The Wizard of Oz, because everybody knows The Wizard of Oz. And the weird kind of arguments and alliances and back-stabbings, and lovemaking between Tin Men and Lions and good witches and bad witches is just wonderful. Like you know Don’t Think Twice, our friend Mike Birbiglia’s film was kind of a fun introduction for citizens as it were to the world of improv and improv troupes and the way they form a family. And the road trip is sort of the highlight of it. And I could absolutely see something – you know, Mike Birbiglia can do this?

**John:** Maybe he’d want to.

**Craig:** Maybe he’d want to. Or maybe he would be like, why, what? I’m not doing that. Shut up, Craig. You know, what, Mike, Mike Birbiglia, why don’t you write in and tell us what you think.

**John:** Brian Ferrari who wrote this blog post, I don’t know if he’s a screenwriter at all, I mean, he would actually be able to write this kind of story. But even if it’s not this specific story, I feel like this idea – and I agree that a limited series could work really well. But there’s also a tradition of the Christopher Guest movies where it feels like you have this band of misfits who are trying to do this thing and getting to a place. It’s also a Little Miss Sunshine. I think there’s something here and I could imagine a version of this, really this children’s theater troupe trying to do this thing feels like a good story space.

**Craig:** I mean, it does feel funny. It just feels instantly funny to me. I would be down.

**John:** Great. So let’s review our four How Would This Be a Movies, or series, which of these are you most excited to see?

**Craig:** Jinn.

**John:** Yup.

**Craig:** Most excited to see the Jinn movie. But I would also be down for a nice murder movie in the Outback.

**John:** Yeah. So I think the most literal adaptation that I could see actually happening is Knives Outback. I think the Jinn movie, it may not be one movie. I think we’re going to see some action in that space and I think in the next couple years we’ll see some movies that are dealing with this. But it doesn’t have to be one, because there’s not one story to adapt. It’s like something set in this space.

**Craig:** Yup.

**John:** Cool. Great. All right, let’s move on to our last thing we wanted to talk about which is managing money. So this is all jumping off from a Liz Alper Twitter thread. So Liz has been on the show several times, talked about Pay Up Hollywood. She asked on Twitter sort of what piece of financial advice would you give to somebody who has just got their first payday. And I saw you had jumped in on this thread as well with some advice.

So let’s just quickly review some of the things, you know, we’ve had sort of five-figure advice and six-figure advice before. But what kinds of things do writers need to be thinking about when they start getting paid.

**Craig:** Great. We’ll just go through these and I guess we’ll see if we agree. So first one is once you get staffed in TV look at setting up your loan out. We talked about loan out companies before. This is usually an S-Corp. This used to be something recommended setting up at an executive story editor or co-producer level, but 45* – oh, does that mean Donald Asshole Trump? Donald Asshole tax laws now mean you’re paying taxes on money you never got like the fees that you pay to your agents. That’s, you know, basically if your accountant agrees then this is what you should be doing.

**John:** Absolutely. So we have a related question here. Brian asks, “I just got paid for this thing at Blumhouse. Couldn’t I do an LLC rather than an S-Corp, because an LLC is cheaper for me to set up?” And the answer Brian is just no. And as I sort of said at the head of the show it’s like there’s a reason why it’s an S-Corp and it’s because it’s an S-Corp. It has to do with what can pass through and what can’t pass through on an S-Corp. Structurally you need an S-Corp and it actually costs some money and it’s kind of a hassle. I had to set up both an LLC and an S-Corp because the S-Corp is for my writing income, the podcast and Writer Emergency Pack and all the software I do is the LLC because they just work–

**Craig:** Where all my money goes.

**John:** That’s where I steal all of Craig’s money. All of that has to go through an LLC because an S-Corp can’t have things like inventory. So there’s reasons why structurally it needs to be an S-Corp rather than an LLC.

**Craig:** Basically Brian the answer to the question is because the accountant said so. You know, at some point you’ve got to just trust your doctor, your accountant, etc. And they’re like, no.

**John:** Don’t do your own research. Don’t start taking horse de-wormer.

**Craig:** Don’t go to Google University.

**John:** Liz then says after you get your S-Corp get a payroll company. They will pay you as an employee and set aside the taxes you have to pay out of your quarterly end of year. And this is true, because you actually have to set aside some quarterly stuff because that’s how it works.

**Craig:** Correct. Even if you wanted to just make regular installments, estimated payments, you still are advised to get a payroll company because it essentially legitimizes your company as a company. If you aren’t doing it that way then you are opening yourself up to some unpleasant examination from our friends at the IRS.

**John:** Yeah. So the biggest advice here is save. Put money away for a rainy day, a rainy year, because we are a feast or famine business. Because you cannot necessarily predict when your next paycheck is going to come. And so unlike other folks who are being paid weekly or regularly we just get these chunks and they will disappear at some point. So she’s saying a high yield savings account. Craig, you had some different advice there.

**Craig:** Yeah. So my set advice for anyone as they start earning money at any age, doesn’t matter how old you are, 16 or 50, is that your first move should be investing. If you have money to save save it in what we call a qualified retirement plan. That’s any kind of plan like an IRA, SEP IRA, ROTH IRA, 401(k), any of those things that are for retirement. The nice thing about those is they force you save them. Meaning you could withdraw them but there would be terrible penalties. You save them and you get them back when you hit retirement age, which I think is 65. And while it’s sitting there you don’t pay tax on it. So if you put $2,000 into a qualified retirement plan you get to remove that from the income you’re paying taxes on that year. And it sits there and grows and grows and grows and grows and grows. And then eventually you get it back.

Now, when you take it out you pay taxes, but that’s OK because it’s grown without having to pay taxes in the first place. So the difference between putting in $2,000 or $1,000 in 1950 and then where it would be in 1990, think about that. That’s basically what I’m talking about. So it’s the best possible investment you can make. You can’t do better as far as I’m concerned.

**John:** Yeah. So if you are a writer, you’ll be in the Writers Guild, you’ll have a pension. That pension is not enough. That’s not how you’re really going to make it past retirement age. It’s really you putting aside money yourself is what’s going to get you there. And so you have to be thinking about that.

Just anticipating a natural follow up question, hey John and Craig, at what dollar figure do you need to get an S-Corp or should you just be paid individually? I don’t know. It changes every year. But that’s why you talk to other writers who are sort of just now doing it, but also your accountant or your lawyer, because they’re used to all of this and they will know how to handle it because essentially it’s not just the money it takes to set it up. There is some money every year you’re spending to do this. And so ask them because it does change. It’s going to be more than $100,000.

**Craig:** Yeah. It’ll be some income over $100,000. But because the laws change constantly the advantages change constantly. They’ll let you know. And, yeah, there’s an investment – by the way, the investment that you make to create your S-Corp, which is a few thousand bucks or whatever it is, also tax deductible. Isn’t that fun? There you go.

**John:** Yeah, fun how it all works out.

All right, it’s come time for our One Cool Things.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** My One Cool Thing is an article by Damon Krukowski. I’ll put a link in the show notes. But he’s looking at the way that streaming works on Apple and Spotify and how prone it is to gaming and manipulation. So basically if you are an artist who has a song on Spotify and it gets played X number of times you’re supposed to be making some percentage of X. And yes, sort of, but they do it based on this pro-rata number of streams rather than user-centric number of streams. So the math works out so that Craig you could set up to listen to one track 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, and all of those things would count to the total number of listens that track got. Whereas if 300,000 people were listening to my track just once it wouldn’t come out the same way. So it doesn’t work basically – streaming residuals or royalties don’t work the way you kind of think they should. And it’s always good to look at what’s happening in the music industry because ultimately that’s what happens in film and television.

So just a really good look at sort of how streaming works right now and how it probably could and should change.

**Craig:** Yeah. It’s incredibly complicated stuff. It’s always safe to assume when you’re talking about the music industry, the recording industry, that artists are getting screwed. Just start there. Basic given. It’s almost axiomatic. And streaming and every other method of doing this stuff will continue to screw recording artists in part because they are not employees and et voila no union. And this is where the union matters. This ties in perfectly to our discussion of IATSE and the AMPTP. So instead of having to deal with a very powerful union representing every major songwriter and a desire by union to have a tide rising and lifting all boats, they have to deal with four billion individuals who have no power separately. So this is going to continue this way.

**John:** Yeah. Interestingly though you look at both Apple and Spotify, their business model is based on sort of revealing the number of times each thing was streamed. And so that’s so different than how our streaming television is working right now, because we don’t have any insight into how many times a show on HBO Max or Netflix is currently being seen. So, similar, but not quite the same. And a big focus of discussion as we figure out the future of streaming.

**Craig:** Well that’s Netflix for you. I mean, they basically just looked at the whatever it was 70-year or 80-year tradition of TV ratings and went, nope.

**John:** Not going to do that.

**Craig:** We’re actually not going to tell you who watched it. We’re just going to make announcements. By the way, I don’t know if you noticed this, but every new Netflix show that comes out is the most watched Netflix program of all time.

**John:** Well, Craig, I think you should know that on Monday the most watched Netflix program is going to be Attack of the Hollywood Clichés.

**Craig:** Absolutely. Starring John August.

**John:** Starting at 7am. And you can see me there. And I will get paid nothing more for all your views, but that’s fine. I didn’t write it. I’m just a talking head.

**Craig:** You’re just a talking head. My One Cool Thing, so we have been talking about our crews, and of course as you are working on a show you get to know folks on your crew. We actually have a couple of overlapping teams because we have so many episodes. We have a couple of different AD teams, so the assistant directors work with our directors. But then they need breaks to prep for upcoming, so we sort of have a back and forth overlap system. And so I was getting to know our new second AD, named Ashley Bell, and she told me about her best friend Lucy Guest.

Now Lucy, Ashley said if you were driving you might crash into a pole. So I’d like you to pull over. Lucy is a super fan, John.

**John:** All right.

**Craig:** She is a director. She is a writer. She is also an actor. And she participates in what I understand is a pretty sizable group of women in film and television that operates I believe out of Vancouver. And I guess a lot of them do listen to the show. And Ashley told me that Lucy – I love this – Lucy calls me her second dad.

**John:** Aw.

**Craig:** Now, you know what? That doesn’t make me feel old at all. I actually love – I think because I was born a dad. I think by the time I was four I was basically a dad even though I didn’t have a kid. Worrying about people falling off their–

**John:** Yeah, so she’s never met you, but you’re sort of like that dad who has been in prison and you get the phone call.

**Craig:** I am. I’m her prison dad. Exactly. Yes, every now and then I call her on her birthday and, yeah, that’s about it. So, Lucy, thank you for listening. And I’m glad that I’m your second dad. And you can be my second daughter, because I already have the one. And I love that you and your compatriots are listening to our show and keep on listening. I’ve mentioned on the show many times if you listen, and you do, you know. I forget all the time that anyone listens to this. So, it’s always nice to hear that people are listening. So thank you Lucy to you and all of your friends up there. And thank you to Ashley as well for letting me know.

**John:** Hooray. And that’s our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Megana Rao. It is edited by Matthew Chilelli.

**Craig:** Absolutely.

**John:** Our outro this week is delightful and it’s by Eric Pearson. If you have an outro you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send longer questions. For short questions on Twitter Craig is sometimes there @clmazin, but I’m always there @johnaugust.

**Craig:** I’m in and out like a Jinn. Like a Jinn.

**John:** Appears and disappears. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you find the transcripts and sign up for our weekly-ish newsletter called Inneresting which has lots of links to things about writing. We have t-shirts and they’re great. You can find them at Cotton Bureau. They’re also really comfortable.

You can sign up to become a premium member at Scriptnotes.net where you get all the back episodes and bonus segments like the one we’re about to record on autumn stuff. So, join us for that. Craig, thank you for a fun episode.

**Craig:** Thank you, John.

[Bonus segment]

**John:** Hello and welcome our Scriptnotes premium members. You are here because we want to talk about fall. We want to talk about autumn. We want to talk about the autumn season and sort of the commodification, the commercialization, the celebration of fall that has become I think just a much bigger thing over the last five or ten years. Craig, you feel this, too, right?

**Craig:** Without question. It was just a season and now look at what happened?

**John:** And so we’re going to bring on our producer, Megana Rao, for this part because apparently she loves fall. Is that true? Is that accurate?

**Craig:** Of course she does.

**Megana:** Yes, I am a Fall Head.

**Craig:** A Fall Head. Now they have names.

**John:** So I remember autumn being like OK you’re back to school. And then eventually there’s Halloween, and Halloween happens like the 30th and the 31st. That’s Halloween. And now Halloween starts like September 1. The spooky season. I hear people describing spooky season like it’s the Super Bowl and we’re not allowed to say the word Super Bowl, so we just say the Big Game.

**Craig:** That’s crazy. Spooky season?

**John:** Spooky season. I’ve heard it so much. Spooky season and parasocial have become the new words added to my vocabulary.

**Craig:** Parasocial. That was the one I just heard today. Megana, what is parasocial? Because I was saying it a lot but I realize now I have no idea what I’m saying.

**Megana:** You guys both defined it two episodes. It’s when you have a relationship with someone who is like a public figure but they don’t know who you are.

**Craig:** I see. That’s parasocial – so Lucy Guest has a parasocial relationship with me.

**John:** Yes, she does.

**Megana:** Totally.

**Craig:** Great.

**Megana:** You’re her parasocial dad.

**Craig:** I’m her parasocial dad. Aw, OK.

**Megana:** But we can talk about autumn because I love spooky season. I would argue it starts mid-August.

**John:** All right.

**Craig:** You realize you’re a victim of a CVS marketing plan, right? Like somebody back there was like we’ve got to call it spooky season to sell more of these pumpkin buckets.

**John:** Megana, I want to hear about what you like about it and what is it about the change into this autumn season that is good for you. What do you dig?

**Megana:** I love Halloween so much. It is my favorite holiday. It’s my favorite time of year. And so the lead up to Halloween is very exciting for me. I already have some decorations on my desk in John’s office. Yes, I’m trying to hold myself back as much as I can because John’s husband, Mike, is not a Halloween fan. But I have just cobwebs and cauldrons and pumpkins.

**Craig:** Do it.

**Megana:** Waiting at my apartment, and just like overflowing because I can’t decorate my desk yet.

**John:** So there’s two somewhat conflicting things that happen in fall though. Because there’s Halloween and spooky season, but there’s also pumpkin spice latte season. There’s a pumpkin bridge – a pumpkin spice latte really kind of goes through to Christmas.

**Megana:** Totally.

**John:** That’s really part of the holiday season. So there’s conflicting things here.

**Craig:** By the way, it’s not pumpkin spice, it’s spice that’s put into a pumpkin pie. Pumpkin has no spice. Pumpkin is the least spicy thing in the world. It’s a mush. It’s a squash. It is a flavorless squash. What we’re really saying is cloves, cinnamon, nutmeg. That’s what we’re talking about. We’re talking about cloves, cinnamon, nutmeg. And that’s–

**John:** Honestly, it’s eggnog season but eggnog is considered gross. You probably don’t like eggnog, do you?

**Craig:** Christmas is eggnog season.

**John:** That’s true.

**Craig:** And I have a weird relationship with eggnog.

**John:** Well, I think it falls into your mayonnaise category doesn’t it really? Because it is eggs and cream.

**Craig:** Yeah. No, but it’s not an emulsion. It’s not eggs and oil. And also I think the eggnog that you get in a store, there’s no egg in it. I think they’ve gotten rid of the egg.

**John:** There is egg. True eggnog has egg in it.

**Craig:** Yeah, true eggnog. I’m talking about the stuff at Ralph’s.

**John:** The stuff you get in the carton actually has eggs in it.

**Craig:** It does?

**John:** Pasteurized, yeah.

**Craig:** Oh, OK. Well it’s not whipped into a freaking goo and it’s sweet. And it’s got a nutmeg kind of similar – it’s good for three sips and then I want to barf. But you know what? We’ll talk about that in winter. This is autumn.

**Megana:** Right. Let’s get back to fall.

**Craig:** Let’s get back to fall and the Fall Heads.

**Megana:** So I have my birthday in the fall. I’m a little Scorpio baby. And I also want to talk about Thanksgiving. And the night before–

**Craig:** Sorry, got to roll back to Scorpio baby. Because you said that like it meant something.

**John:** Yup.

**Megana:** It obviously does.

**Craig:** OK, so this is the whole millennial zodiac crap, right? Like that’s what’s happening here? Is that happening?

**Megana:** I mean, I can’t help it. I live in LA. I got my hair cut recently and the woman was like when were you born. And I was like what? And she was like you’re just very open to getting your hair cut so I need to know what sign you are. And I was like oh I’m a Scorpio.

**Craig:** You’re open to getting your hair cut? You went to a hair – the big sign is you’re there. Like I feel like if you walk into a place that cuts hair that’s a huge green light for cutting your hair.

**Megana:** She was like you’re really fearless with your hair. And I was like I am. And that is a classic Scorpio trait.

**Craig:** Classic Scorpio. Because scorpions have beautiful hair. Oh my god. Oh my god.

**John:** But let’s get back to fall. Let’s get back to autumn. And is it a change of wardrobe for you? What else is happening here? Because a thing I do appreciate about this time of year is that it gets dark much earlier and I kind of don’t like that, but I like sometimes being home and it being really dark out. Being dark for dinner is kind of exciting. What are the changes you like about fall?

**Megana:** Oh, I like the food. I love a stew. It’s not funny. Who doesn’t love a nice hearty stew? Like a lamb stew?

**Craig:** [laughs] That’s so great. I was just thinking about Jennifer Coolidge in Best in Show. “We both like soup.”

**John:** Now I want to back you up on the stew quality, because I do remember it was around September/October that the Crockpot would come out and my mom would make a big–

**Megana:** Ooh, chili.

**John:** Yeah, that too.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** So these are foods that you would not eat in the summer because they’re just too damn hot to eat a stew or chili.

**Megana:** In LA? No way. No way. Yeah, you’ve got to wait until the fall.

**Craig:** Do you like to sit on a couch and put a blanket around yourself and have a warm mug of something that you put both of your hands on while you sip it carefully?

**Megana:** Mm-hmm. And I pull my sweater sleeves closer around my–

**Craig:** There we go. Yup. I want to do another podcast. Here’s my idea for a podcast.

**John:** Pitch it.

**Craig:** Megana and I just talk about stuff and we just generation X/millennial. It’s just X-v-Millennial. And we just do it. We just go through it.

**Megana:** Are you telling me you don’t like sitting on a nice cozy couch with your family around and a hot, warm cup of hot chocolate or tea or coffee, just feeling all snug in your sweater? Millennials just have it figured out and we’re not afraid to admit that we understand what the nicer parts of life are.

**Craig:** Counterpoint. It sounds hot and itchy. And because I’m generation X my children are almost adults and so they don’t want to be in a room with me. And thirdly I think you’ve just been suckered by advertising. I think–

**John:** I come back to that, too. I really wonder, what you’re doing is sort of manifest Meg Ryan.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** It’s a Meg Ryan thing you’re trying to do. Or it’s a Nancy Meyers sort of life that you’re trying to create. And I guess it’s fine, but you didn’t invent it.

**Craig:** No, they’re trying to become the stock photo Starbucks ad.

**Megana:** I totally understand where you guys are coming from with that criticism, but let me ask you a question. Have you ever worn a cable knit sweater?

**John:** Like Chris Evans in Knives Out sweater?

**Megana:** Exactly. Like a fisherman’s sweater. And cozied up on the couch.

**Craig:** I wish Bo were here.

**Megana:** To watch a scary movie on TV.

**Craig:** I wish Bo were here so she could look at you with horror at the suggestion that I would be wearing any kind of itchy cable knit, wool, hair shirt. Just heating me up.

**Megana:** But Bo and I have recreated this Nancy Meyers image several times and it has been lovely and enjoyable every single time.

**Craig:** Absolutely. This is why I think Megana and I need to have a show together.

**John:** I definitely don’t want to yuck your yum on that. And I do get that cozy sort of like – there’s also a Scandinavian quality to – what’s it called, hygge, where you snuggle up and it’s cozy and it’s warm?

**Megana:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Ugh. Geez.

**John:** I get that.

**Megana:** I also just like being scared. I get scared very easily. And I kind of enjoy it.

**John:** So Craig a thing you don’t know about Megana is she’s not lying – she’s the most easily startled person I’ve ever met. And so I’ll walk in, I went into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and I’ll walk back in the door and she’ll be like, “Ah!” She’ll jump.

**Megana:** I literally jump out of my seat and sometimes I see him when he comes out of the house and I still jump. I can’t help it.

**Craig:** Well, OK, to be fair in Megana’s defense she might not be particularly easily spooked, it’s just that John you do look like a ghost. [laughs] You do. You have a ghost look about you.

**Megana:** No, I mean I do it when anyone comes in. Like Mike startles me. Nima. Everybody.

**Craig:** All three people you just mentioned look vaguely ghostlike to me. They could be ghosts. They could be spirits. You know, I feel like here’s the problem. If a Jew just sort of ambles in you won’t get scared. If I just sort of shuffle on in you’ll be like, oh, there he is. You won’t be scared.

**John:** Here’s the dichotomy that I think is so fascinating, is that you both want to be snuggly/cozy, and be terrified in the season. And I think that’s a real interesting tension between the two of those. I think that’s worth talking about with a therapist.

**Craig:** Therapist?

**John:** Or Craig. Because you guys are going to have your spinoff podcast.

**Craig:** You can’t pathologize my podcast partner.

**John:** No, so I think your future podcast will be great and I really look forward to you guys scheduling it somehow and finding a time for Craig to be able to record this.

**Craig:** What’s going to be weird is when we’re doing it three times a week and then I’m like, oh, sorry, can’t make Scriptnotes this week. I’m shooting, but I did definitely – we did our third episode this week on which version of teal is the most millennial.

**John:** Thank you both very much and I’ll talk to you next week.

**Craig:** See you next week guys.

**Megana:** OK, bye guys.

Links:

* Happy [Tudum Day](https://about.netflix.com/en/news/netflix-invites-you-to-tudum-global-fan-event)!
* Watch John in [Attack of the Hollywood Cliches](https://www.netflix.com/title/81440982)
* [Episode 513: Writing for Stars with Kelly Marcel](https://johnaugust.com/2021/513-writing-for-stars)
* [IATSE Calls Strike Authorization Vote, as AMPTP Balks at Latest Contract Offer](https://variety.com/2021/film/news/iatse-strike-authorization-vote-1235069694/?fbclid=IwAR05HMNyEtBIlP9hi2JFoQIS1Z1XbBfwiO-lLohXHm7NaGFSzkkJJGtB4Xc)
* [Knives Outback: A man is presumed murdered. In this town of 12, everyone is a possible suspect.](https://medium.com/truly-adventurous/knives-outback-6b872b79f3f6) by Mitch Moxley
* [I was a Hamptons Squatter: How I Lived in Luxury for Free](https://nypost.com/2021/08/16/i-was-a-hamptons-squatter-how-i-lived-in-luxury-for-free/)
* [Jerusalem supernatural: Meet the Palestinian Man Hunting Ghouls, Ghosts and Jinn](https://www.middleeasteye.net/discover/palestine-jinn-ghoul-ghost-islam-legend-heritage) by Layla Azmi Goushey
* [A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Girl_Walks_Home_Alone_at_Night) by Ana Lily Amirpour
* [Under the Shadow](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Under_the_Shadow) by Babak Anvari
* [The Tin Man and the Lion](https://brianferrarinyc.com/2021/09/15/the-tin-man-and-the-lion-unanswered-prayers/) by Brian Ferrari
* [Liz Alper Twitter Thread on First Paychecks](https://twitter.com/LizAlps/status/1431298374146297860?s=20)
* [Tears in Rain: Do Androids Stream Electric Sleep?](https://dadadrummer.substack.com/p/tears-in-rain) by Damon Krukowski
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* Share your parasocial dads with [a Scriptnotes Subscription Gift](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium membership!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* [Craig Mazin](https://twitter.com/clmazin) on Twitter
* [John August](https://twitter.com/johnaugust) on Twitter
* [John on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Eric Pearson ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by [Megana Rao](https://twitter.com/MeganaRao) and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/518standard.mp3).

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