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Scriptnotes Transcript

Scriptnotes, Episode 619: Comedy Episode, Transcript

November 30, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2023/comedy-episode).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August, and this is Episode 619 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Today on the show, what is comedy? How do jokes work? And how does the comedy business work? I guarantee we will not definitively answer any of these questions, but we’ll make a valiant stab at it with two terrific guests.

First, Greg Iwinski. Greg is an Emmy-winning writer whose credits include The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, and Game Theory with Bomani Jones. He was a member of this year’s WGA Negotiating Committee. And if you are a writer working in late-night, trust me, you seriously owe him a beer. Welcome to the podcast, Greg.

**Greg Iwinski:** Thank you so much for having me. Happy to be here.

**John:** Next up, Jesse David Fox is a senior editor at Vulture, where he covers comedy and hosts the podcast Good One: A Podcast About Jokes. His new book, Comedy Book: How Comedy Conquered Culture–and the Magic That Makes It Work, is out now. Welcome, Jesse.

**Jesse David Fox:** Hello. Thank you so much for having me. It’s an honor.

**John:** I wanted to talk with you guys about this, because we get so many questions from writers on this podcast. Yes, I guess the name gave us away, Scriptnotes. We’re mostly about scripted stuff. But the general kind of question is like, “I’m a funny person, or I know a very funny person. What is the thing that that funny person should do with their funniness to get them a career?” We can certainly pop through that as a way in.

But also, we don’t talk very much about stand-up. We don’t talk very much about late-night, sketch comedy. Those are not things that are generally in our wheelhouse. You guys are the experts here, so I want to get through all of that stuff, if we could.

In our Bonus Segment for Premium Members, I would love to talk about the source of all comedy for people of a certain age, which is The Simpsons. I would just like to talk about The Simpsons as it influenced us growing up if that’s all right.

**Jesse:** Yes.

**Greg:** Yeah.

**Jesse:** It is with me.

**John:** Hooray. Let’s just start with a broad, general, academic kind of question here. What do we even mean by comedy? Jesse, in your book, you talk about, in a very general sense, comedy is anything two or more people think is funny. But when you were setting out to write Comedy Book, what did you want to define as your parameters for comedy? What were you thinking about when it comes to the term comedy?

**Jesse:** I think I start with something that extends from a performed comedic work, so to delineate from humor writing and stuff like that. To me, the seeds of comedy are something that is performed, and as a result, there is some sort of interplay with an audience. It doesn’t have to be a live audience in the purest sense, insomuch as I still think sitcoms count as comedy, but it’s rooted in performers and the relationship to an audience that hypothetically could laugh. Maybe that’s a good way of describing it.

When I narrowed it down, I think my focus was the last 40 years, just because in those 40 years we saw an ascent of comedy, in terms of just how popular it was and how seriously it was taken. Then it’s just finding examples that felt like it fit the sort of ideas I want to discuss. Largely now with stand-up, just because stand-up is such a distilled version of the sort of comedian-audience relationship, but everything I explore applies to comedic movies and sketch and now TikToks and whatever is the future of trying to make people laugh.

**John:** Now, Greg, you’re a writer working in comedy, but do you have any background in stand-up? What do you think about the relationship between stand-up, performing in front of an audience, and the kind of writing that you’re doing, where you have a host delivering jokes that you’re writing? What is the relationship there?

**Greg:** They say there’s two ways into late-night. One is to go to an Ivy League school, and the other is to be a Chicago dirtbag. I took the second path. I was at Second City and IO, doing stuff five, six nights a week, working in front of audiences, trying to make people laugh, because I think what delineates between humor or dramedy or any of these things and real comedy is that comedy is designed to make someone laugh. Maybe it’s the person actually performing, or maybe it’s the audience, or maybe it’s both, but it’s all about getting that laugh.

That skill, whether you’re doing it at as an improviser, as a sketch performer, doing characters, or as a stand-up, what you’re learning is that I very quickly have to work material into something that can get a laugh, because a laugh, it’s not like, “Oh, I saw this dramatic film, and I’m pondering, and I’m thinking.” A laugh is an involuntary physical response. It is a sound that lets you know you did your job. If you can get a laugh, if you can make them laugh, then you did your job. It’s very on-off in comedy.

Honing those skills in stand-up or on stage somewhere becomes very helpful when you’re doing late-night, because you maybe have one rehearsal an hour and a half before you tape, but in reality you’ve got to put stuff up there that you know has a solid chance of making a big chunk of the audience laugh, and the host as well.

**John:** Now, in your definition of comedy is something that makes you laugh, there’s actually a laugh-out-loud quality to it, that separates off a lot of things that are currently called comedies, that are not necessarily meant to be laugh out loud. There’s a lot of shows like The Bear or other things that are listed as comedies, but they’re not comedies in the way that we’re talking about them, where the goal is to get an actual laugh out of an audience member.

Jesse, when you were putting out the edges for your book and what you want to talk about, what do you do with these other things that are considered comedies broadly but are not necessarily ha-ha funny?

**Jesse:** Sure, yes. I already foresee a point of conflict between Greg and I. I believe those shows as comedies. I came up with this term called post-comedy. It really doesn’t mean anything. It just simply means comedy that follows comedic structures, but without the primary goal necessarily operating around laughter, which doesn’t mean there can’t be laughter. It’s just not operated around that same way.

As I think of comedy, I think of it less as an on-off and more as a state one is in, and jokes are a way of entering that state. It’s rooted in this idea of play theory, which posits essentially we laugh in a way not dissimilar to the way chimpanzees and other animals laugh. It’s a matter of a mix of safety and having fun and blah, blah, with people you trust and like.

My theory is there is a lot of comedies that operate that way, insomuch as they put you in that place, where you are in a more playful state and you’re open certain ways, but they do not offer you the relief or release that you would expect from a comedic work. They elevate your body to be in a playful state, but they do not find places to laugh. They play with tension in certain ways. They play with mood. They play with vibe, to talk as a young person might talk about it. But they’re not giving you the same relief.

I think The Bear’s an interesting example, because there’s a lot of things textually that make it look like a comedy. It’s short. A lot of the cast members are people from background of comedic work. It just did not want to offer relief because of the message they’re trying to send about this nature of working in a restaurant. But there is something, at least to how I view it, that still feels like a comedy does. But I am aware that it doesn’t sound like a comedy does to a lot of people.

The way I think of it is, there are a lot of shows that have… If you just push joke density – let’s say you have 30 Rock on one end and The Bear on the other end – it’s just spreading out the distance between laugh moments. If you spread that long enough, essentially it just stays in the tense moment before a laugh. That’s how I think of those shows. I don’t think of them as dramedies, because I don’t think they operate as dramedies in the same way as some dramatic-y comedy movies do or even some HBO dramedies might.

But I am aware that a lot of comedians resent the success of these shows. I do understand that resentment, because these shows end up getting a disproportionate amount of attention. But I still think of them as comedies.

**John:** Greg, I don’t want to unfairly box you into the it has to get a laugh for comedy. I’ll give you a chance to clarify anything around there. But also maybe talk a little bit about, there’s that expectation that you got to continue to have laughter in a late-night show. Even a John Oliver segment that gets very deep into the weeds on a thing still has to have jokes in it, or else it doesn’t feel like it’s progressing. Any color around that you want to provide?

**Greg:** It’s interesting, because we’re in a situation now where you take comedic premises, you take absurd, surreal situations, and then you work on them dramatically. The situation is strong enough that then we go, “Oh, that’s kind of comedic.”

Really, whether it’s a dramedy, it’s the kind of thing that coastal reviewers are going to say is very gripping and interesting, it’s kind of like going to see Siegfried and Roy, and they never actually do a magic trick. They lead up to it, and they tease it, and they edge that we’re going to get there, but there’s never actually any payoff. The payoff is the hard part. If we’re going to call it a comedy, the joke is the hard part. We can all write setups. I do think that there’s some frustration, because a comedy without jokes is like a restaurant without food. We came here for the jokes.

That’s one of the things that I love about late-night comedy is that it is unrelenting in the demand for jokes, whether you’re at a place like Late Show, where you wake up… When you leave Late Show as a writer at 5:30 or 6:00 p.m., you’re already thinking about the next three to five jokes you have to pitch at 8:30 in the morning. What is in the news? What did we miss? What didn’t we get? What’s going to happen overnight? What are the jokes I’m going to pitch in the morning? It is a machine that needs jokes.

When you’re at Last Week Tonight, and you’re deep into a script on homelessness or child hunger or something like that that is so dark, you are still going, “There have to be jokes.” Why we are here is the jokes. That kind of joke-centered focus, I think with a lot of comedians, it’s so hard, you work so long, and it is so objective it becomes the main thing. Like I said, it’s the food in the restaurant.

**John:** You become joke machines. Let’s talk about how those jokes work. Can you give us a sense of, on a late-night show, so Late Show or Jon Stewart back in the day or John Oliver, are there basic categories and classes of jokes? Once you’ve done this for a few years, do you recognize what the essential patterns of jokes would need to be?

**Greg:** You do in some ways. It’s also going to be different for every show, because Carson did not have the same rhythm as Leno, as Letterman. You know that there are ways they’re not going to say it, things they’re not going to say, celebrities they won’t talk about. You start to learn the rules that way.

In terms of jokes, there’s a lot of times that we put TK. I brought this up on the Negotiating Committee. We made a late-night show. The late-night writers of television made a late-night show during the strike called Contract TK. That’s our journalism stolen placeholder for something will go here at some point. You go, “Mitch McConnell, who looks like TK, TK, TK,” and you’re like, “I’ll come back to it,” and it’ll be like something melty-faced or something old, or he looks really tired, he saw a ghost. I can come back to the joke later, but a lot of times you build the structure first, especially on a long-form piece. You build the argument. You build those pieces. Then you come back in and you go, “Okay, yeah.”

The part that you get faster at is what I call the late-night writers brain machine, which is you take in a news story, you disassemble it, you find the part that is most ridiculous, and then that’s where you’re going to tell jokes. That might not be the saddest or most newsworthy part, but you’re going to find that part to hit. Then you are just going to go to town on it. The ability and the speed at doing that, that’s where you get faster and faster and faster, so that then when it’s 4:30 p.m. and some crazy news story’s happened, you can hit them fast enough, because you’re all sitting in a room going, “Oh wait, this is the part that’s weird. This is the part that’s ridiculous. This is the part we’re going to make fun of.”

**John:** Greg, in those rooms, as you’re trying to sort through what the monologue is going to be, how much of the time is spent figuring out the general, like, these are the areas, this is how we poke at the story, versus, here are four different punchlines or way to tell the joke? What is the split between the concept area and the execution?

**Greg:** That changes so much show to show, but also time to time. When you have the time to refine the argument, refine the information, you can do that two or three times before it goes to air. When you’re doing a live show, like when you’re doing the State of the Union, and you’re all sitting there typing, and you know that as soon as you’re done, the show’s going to start, it’s a lot more, let’s just get the information down, let’s just get the basic information out.

What becomes most important in those setups is, what is the least amount of words we can convey the absolute, essential information happening? “You need to know that the new Speaker of the House believes this and this and this.” They set it here. We’re going to show you a quote. Then we have jokes. How quickly can we do that? How quickly can we talk about, Tim Scott dropped out, what else you need to know about him? It’s just compressing that or the setup to be as short as possible and giving you the only things you need to know for the punchline, not even all the information you need to know for the actual story, just a piece at a time, getting that information out there.

**John:** Now, Jesse, Greg is writing jokes that are going to be told exactly once, and then they disappear. But most of the comics you talk about in this book – and we had Mike Birbiglia on the show, so we know this from his experience too – they are continuously workshopping material. They’re working it, working it, working it in front of audiences to see what actually works. They’re testing their material again and again. It seems like such a vastly different way to figure out what is funny. Can you talk through about that process and what you see and the differences that different comedians approach that part of it?

**Greg:** The basic idea of my podcast… I talk to not just stand-ups. Especially when I was talking to stand-ups… I would always hear, on other podcasts, comedians say something like they write on stage. Then that would be the end of the conversation. They go, “You write on stage?” “Yeah, I write on stage.” Then they move on.

I had a suspicion that what that meant, meant something completely different to everybody. They never said it out loud, because it’s vulnerable to reveal your basic little process. It really is. I’ve interviewed let’s say 200 comedians, and the definition of writing on stage is different.

The most basic is, most comedians after a certain level have an idea of what is a funny area to be in to tell a joke. They might have a sense of the juxtaposition. They might just know that they saw something that triggered something, and they go up somewhere between with nothing at all but the premise of a joke in that area, to, “I’m going to tell a story, and I don’t know what’s funny about the story, but I know there’s something to this story.”

They might go up with just, “I feel like talking about airplane food,” to use a hack example. A comedian might be like, “People haven’t written a new joke about airplane food in a really long time, but I have this different experience about airplane food. But I don’t know what’s funny about it,” because ultimately, funniness is determined by a relationship between the audience and the comedian. They’ll throw out an idea, and they’ll get some sort of response. Based on that response, the comedian will go to like, “Oh, let me keep on going down that road,” or, “Let me go this way.”

The most extreme example is a guy like Chris Rock who, as I write about in the book, will bomb for months before he starts really writing his material. I talk about one time I saw him bomb, I’d say six years ago, where he dropped into a show that he was not announced for. He came on with his coat on. He didn’t make eye contact with the audience. He talked in a monotone, soft-spoken. He just said things out loud, see if there was a response. If there was, he then would talk over the laugh, as to not allow the next thing he said to ride off the momentum of the first thing. All he is doing is really essentially acting like a pollster and polling the audience.

Once they have that sense, they know, okay, there’s something there. Then they keep on talking about it and talking about it. Some tape record their sets and then listen back. Some tape record their sets and then don’t listen back, but something about tape recording helps. Maybe some of them will eventually then go to a computer and type it down, but I’d say that’s maybe 10%.

For the most part, it’s just over the course of months, and then maybe years, it is like the sort of ocean smoothing of a rock. They just end up where it needs to be, ready for a special. It always starts with just a thing that barely even resembles what you think of as a joke.

**John:** This afternoon, I was scrolling through Instagram as I’m wont to do, and the algorithm fed me a reel from this stand-up comic I’d never seen before. The joke was funny. It was well-told. I was like, “Oh, that’s really good.” I clicked through and saw his profile, saw all his other reels. Most of the jokes were really good. I ended up following him.

Deep down in there, I got to him telling the same joke earlier, and it was a worse version of the same joke. It was really fascinating to see, oh, that joke evolved from that bad form to this more optimized form, and so now he’s telling the most optimized form of it, which is great. That feels natural.

At the same time though, some comedians you worry get stuck there, and they never go on and write the next thing. It’s so different from what Greg is doing on a late-night show, where he’s writing a joke to be told once. They are writing these jokes that they are going to theoretically tell 50, 100 times. At a certain point, they need to probably stop telling that joke, because they burned out that joke.

**Jesse:** They’re also burning out the trick. This is the secret of it I think that a lot of comedians realize is what actually gets lost is the comedians themselves interested in the joke. That’s why a lot of comedians will keep on playing with an idea, just because the performance is really the thing most audiences are laughing at. It’s really the presence, that a comedian’s in it, that they actually still believe in the things that they’re saying.

That is why a comedian will keep on iterating on it is less because there’s some magical level it’ll reach to be perfect. It’s more like no joke will ever be fully done. You just eventually have to record it while you still care about it. At least that is how it’s been for let’s say comedians under 45 or 50.

I think there is still some older comedians that have a sort of old-school, “I love doing my act, and because it’s my act, I love doing it.” But most comedians of the last let’s say three generations, especially since we’ve moved into a time where specials are commonplace, it really is a matter of the singer and not the song, a lot of it. I think the song is the way in for people, but really the audience is laughing because of some sort of connection between the comedian. It’s not unlike a sitcom, where a lot of sitcom jokes are not setup punchline jokes, but a thing that is true to that character being funny in the way that character would be. A lot of stand-ups are essentially working towards that as well.

**Greg:** I want to agree with what Jesse said, in that even in the Second City model of being a sketch review, you’ve got a two-hour sketch review, you do it eight times a week, but the way that you build those sketches is that you improvise them on stage in front of an audience every night. Every night, you’re slowly tweaking and tweaking and changing. Then you know this gets a laugh, great, if we say it a little bit differently.

It becomes that kind of refining process, where you want to get something essentially as close to perfect as you can. Then those become these famous archive scenes, when Chris Farley’s doing Matt Foley at Second City, and Brian Stack is there, and Kevin Dorff and Tina Fey, and they’re working on these amazing scenes that you then take out and tour with.

But even then, I think Jesse hits on something, which is that it is such a challenge to walk out in front of a room of strangers and make them laugh. I think that comedians get deranged. I was at a party with comedians once. We’re just in a bar. They have a stage. I just realized that all of us would just walk up there, because that’s where you would feel normal. Then you turn to your regular friend, and they’re like, “No, I don’t want to do that. I’m not interested in going and drawing attention to myself.” We’re like, “If there’s a microphone and a stage, we’ll go do it.”

The challenge of getting people to laugh is thrilling. When it works, it feels so good. But if you already have it figured out, and it’s guaranteed, because the piece is so polished, you get bored with it. That’s why I think both for somebody in my level, where if you just have a joke that you get sick of, you get sick of it because you’re like, “Okay, now I’m going to challenge myself with something else,” but even listening to Jesse’s podcast, the huge guys, like Rock, like Eddie Murphy, you hear them talk about the thrill going away, because all they have to do is walk out and read the phone book, and they’re going to crush. That takes away the excitement and the challenge.

**John:** I want to go back to our hypothetical of, okay, you are a funny person. You’re trying to figure out how to use your funny in your life. You’re starting off in a career potentially. The Second City, the Chicago dirtbag is one way to go. Harvard is a way to go, if you can go to Harvard.

Are there fundamental differences between the kind of writing you’re doing for sketch, for stand-up, for late-night, for sitcoms? Could a person thrive in any one of those things, or is there going to be something that they are probably better suited to?

Greg, let me start with you. What’s been your experience? Do you find that the people who are writing on these late-night shows could write any kind of funny thing, or is there really a specific skillset that they are designed for?

**Greg:** I think there are always those diamonds in the rough, who the process of thinking of a joke and getting it there, there’s those rare late-night writers that, they can just do it so fast. Their first pitch is a finished pitch. That’s amazing. There are late-night writers who have written sitcoms and keep writing sitcoms. There’s ones who do humor writing. There’s people who have been political speech writers, all sorts of things.

I think that when you’re getting into comedy, the real key is are you able to articulate what’s funny to you to another person, where they relate to it, and they laugh at it. I think that late-night writers, sitcom writers, comedy movie writers, all of them, you are really using a very similar skill. The only thing that changes is the time you have.

The thing I’ve seen the most in funny people is there are people who incredibly funny, who would crush at late-night. They don’t want to wake up every day or every week and start over, so they don’t want to do late-night. That’s totally fine, because it is ephemeral, in a way where you’ve written at a place for two, three, four years, and people go, “What did you do?” and you go, “I did the show. I don’t really have anything to show you. I just did the show.”

**John:** Jesse, from your experience, do you feel like the people who are coming on your podcast, who are very funny people, could they do anything in the comedy space, or are they best suited for one area?

**Jesse:** I think it really goes down to the specific individual. There’s so many different temperaments. Some could not thrive in an office, because they’re comedians, and they’ve never had to wake up before 1:00 p.m., or they’re comedians and they are loners, and the idea of being collaborative wouldn’t work for them, or they’re comedians and they want all the attention so they can’t write for somebody else.

There are people who can go all up and down the spectrum in a way that’s really interesting, where there are late-night writers who will go on to become sitcom writers, there are late-night writers who become feature writers, and there are also their colleagues that they have. They then are content and able to just knock out monologue jokes every day, because then there’s almost a zen practice to it.

I think it really is less so a matter of artistic ability as it is a practical, functional ability. What workplace do your creative juices thrive the best in? What are you content with? You want a steady job, like late-night often is, and you want your comedy to be not… You don’t want to have to worry about it making money. You’re like, “I want to make my specific comedy. It’s niche. I don’t want to have to worry about it being more popular. Let me get a job where it’s every day a week,” blah blah blah. It really is just a matter of work-life balance and work-creative life balance than it is necessarily creative leanings.

But that to say, everyone has a thing that they’re going to be better at than worse at. It really is a matter of figuring out what that is and try things. I think most late-night writers have written a pilot, and they know what it feels like to have written a pilot.

One of the best examples is Seth Meyers himself. Seth Meyers was cast on SNL to be a cast member, realized he was more adept at writing for other people than performing himself. Then he was like, “Oh, I can be myself. I can write late. I can write monologue jokes, so I’ll do that and also be a writer.” He was given a feature deal with some studio. He could not sit down and write a movie. The idea of writing a full movie was beyond him. He’s like, “I can’t do that.” When he left, he wasn’t like, “I’m going to write a feature.” “I’m going to do what I can do,” which is do late-night, which is a combination of those things. He could do Documentary Now, because it’s an extension of sketch. It’s an interesting temperament thing. As I said, if comedy is a state, in a way that dramedy isn’t the same way – you have to be able to be playful – then it’s like, where are you comfortable?

**John:** Going back to our hypothetical person who is funny, the funniest person in their office, and thinking about, “I want to do this as a career. What do I do next?” I think the classic advice Craig and I would always give is you need to figure out, are you fundamentally a writer? Are you a person who wants to write stuff for other people to do, or do you want to perform yourself?

That’s why we say if you’re in a place that has the equivalent of Groundlings or Second City, where you can take those classes and can see whether you can actually be funny in front of a crowd, you can do that. You can build up your chops that way and your network around it.

Greg, you’re probably a person who can help me out with this. What is that next step? Let’s say they’ve gone through, and they’ve done Second City stuff. They’ve probably put together a packet to send out to shows. What is the process for getting hired into a show like that?

**Greg:** There’s a couple things. One is that you make connections. I don’t mean networking connections, but the friends that you make, because you find other people obsessed with comedy. I think in the stand-up scene, there’s the guys you came up with, the girls you came up with, the people that you start with when you’re all just taking a big risk. Knowing them helps a lot, because if they’re ahead of you, then you learn tribulations from them and what to avoid and how it’s going. Also, those are people who can help you out and recommend you.

If you are already taking the classes, you’re already learning that, the thing is that you’ve got to make stuff. I’m a little older. I was at Second City in the early 2010s. I think that there’s this belief and this pressure to say, “I’ve got to make comedy. I’ve got to put it online, on social media, and it’s got to be really popular. It’s got to become my thing.” I would actually disagree, because I think that it’s great for you…

You talked about the comic who had the newer version and the older version of his joke on his Instagram. That kills me, because you should be able to get better in relative obscurity. In those beginning years, when you’re just getting better, you don’t have to share that with anyone. The audience that you’re with is enough.

Go try that stuff out. What’s nice is you can try it. Maybe you’re in a storytelling show. Maybe you’re doing stand-up. Maybe you find a sketch team you’re on, whatever you’re doing. Start making things, just so that part becomes normal, the grinding it out and making it and doing it. In the same way that if I say, “We’ve got to write a two-minute monologue, and we’ve got to write it the next couple hours,” that you have written enough stuff that those jokes feel normal to you. Start to get the skills and build that.

It’s not about becoming popular or viral or any of that. It’s starting to learn the skills, most importantly, the skill of actually getting your work out in front of audiences, so you start to feel what’s right and what’s wrong, because I think there are a couple ways.

If you’re starting out in comedy, and you try a joke, and it dies, you will know if it died because it just wasn’t funny, or it died because this audience wasn’t put in the right mental place to laugh at it, or you told it wrong, you paused in the wrong place, a waitress dropped a drink. You start doing it over and over, and you start to learn why things work and they don’t. That’s going to be the most important skill that you learn outside of the school model. There are a lot of ways to do that, but I think they all involve going out and taking your stuff and making it and putting it in front of people.

**John:** The counterpoint to that would be that this generation would say putting it in front of people is actually putting it online. It’s putting it on Instagram. That’s where my audience actually is is that group. By putting stuff out every day, I’m seeing what’s working, what’s not working. It doesn’t have that direct, real, live feedback, but you can find a very specific audience that may not come to that comedy show. There’s a sense of you can find people who are into that niche thing that you are talking about and be able to build off from that.

I’m going to refer back to Ru Paul’s Drag Race. One of the ongoing things that happens on Ru Paul’s Drag Race is that you have these queens who have come up in the actual bars and really know how to perform in front of a live audience. You have Instagram queens, who are incredibly gorgeous on Instagram and funny on Instagram in their own special way, but really flounder in front of a live audience. One may be right or wrong, but they’re just different ways of building out who they think their audience is and how they think they should be able to reach their audience.

**Greg:** That’s very true. I would definitely not say that all of those people are wrong. That may be the way that you find it now. It’s one of those things where the generational shift of going digital happened as I was not looking to do that. I definitely don’t want to say that all of them are wrong for going online. I just think that you’ll look back on your stuff in five years and think about how much better you are, and you have the right to not have that hanging out in the internet, over you.

**John:** The nice thing is on your own Instagram you can delete stuff, but the stuff that’s out there for other people could be posted. Jesse, it occurs to me that a thing you must’ve talked with your guests about is this phenomenon of recording in rooms and how much of the work that’s in progress gets documented, that you don’t have the ability to do things privately. Is that a thing that stand-ups are worried about?

**Jesse:** I think it’s generational. Let’s say Gen X comedians and let’s say young Baby Boomers. Anything older than that, I don’t even think any of this is on their radar. They are really concerned about their material being released, being filmed and put online before it’s done. That was a big concern. Chris Rock et al became obsessed with the idea of his material being leaked early. Then it became this idea, audiences don’t want to hear jokes they’ve heard before was a popular truism.

Then what I’ve noticed – this is extremely recent, I would say within the last four years, this is a radical shift – is that audiences are starting not to care if they heard a joke before. This is just the nature of fandom being built through social media, which is not only do they not care; a lot of times they invited their friends to a show by sending them a clip or being like, “Oh, they have this joke.” It’s almost not fully understanding the rules.

They’re going to hear a joke they’ve heard before, which to me actually feels kind of like how I go to see comedy. I love the process of people writing comedy, so I don’t mind if I’ve seen a joke before. Now you’re having audiences do that. No, they’re not necessarily doing it because they love craft. They’re like, “That’s the comedian that has that joke.”

In general, that dovetails to, I think, a young Millennial and definitely Gen Z trait, which is they don’t necessarily delineate between good and bad posting. It is just you post. If anything, over-curation is… I don’t want to use slangs that they use that are probably already corny, but over-curation of your feed is corny to them. It’s more interesting to have a bad joke and a different joke. I think that will radically change the process.

I think the thing that should be noted – and I think the Drag Race example is really useful – is the problem with Instagram cleans is not that they’re on Instagram. It’s that the show demands them to act and perform stand-up comedy. That’s the thing. That’s not unlike comedy now, which is you can build a huge fan base online, and that will be fine, unless you’re then trying to pivot that into a career where you’re doing something with live entertainment.

I think there is a growing pain that’ll often happen to digital-only comedians when they have to write for a comedian in a live setting. You definitely see it when you see digital-only comedians start performing stand-up for the first time. It’s almost like an Uncanny Valley quality in reverse. That is the testament of doing things live.

I think as we get further away from the pandemic – and a whole generation of comedians didn’t move to Chicago right out of college, but started posting things on TikTok – I think you’ll see a lot of those people start doing live things again, just because they realize most careers are going to be through that. It’s really hard to be an artist in the same way online only, if you don’t want an influencer’s career.

**John:** Greg, talking about the feedback of an audience and performing stuff in front of an audience, during the pandemic all these late-night shows were just in their attic or just on a white room set. It was really strange watching those shows and seeing those jokes happen without the laughter behind them. Has that changed anything you think in how late-night shows are going post-pandemic, or are we back to an earlier way stuff used to work?

**Greg:** I think some shows have changed a lot. I think Seth has been pretty open about… He doesn’t wear a tie now in the show. They write the show a little bit more for themselves than they did before. I think for each show, it seems like it was a different thing.

I was at Last Week Tonight during the pandemic. One of the funniest areas is that if you don’t have an audience, and you’re trying to get as much information into the 30 minutes HBO gives you as possible, you can actually say more stuff if there’s no audience laughing. I don’t know if that’s a good thing for the show, but when the audience comes back, you’re like, “Oh man, we just lost 15 seconds.” I think it was different. It makes it surreal.

You do have to make it for some audience. I think the way you look at corrections that Seth does, I think when you’re working at a late-night show in the pandemic, you’re making it for the crew. You’re making it for the other writers there. You’re trying to make someone laugh. It can’t just be out into emptiness with no reaction. It’s that if you can get somebody out there laughing, if we’re laughing in the writers’ room, if we’re laughing in the background, you feel like you’ve done something, because yeah, that sterile place, it makes it really hard to know if you’re hitting it.

**John:** Now, Greg, one of the things you were so instrumental with in the strike and leading up to the strike, these negotiations, was making it really clear to us what was at stake in late-night, basically that if we did not make serious gains here, the future of comedy variety talk shows was in danger, in part because the move to streaming had really disrupted anything.

The great example you were able to provide us was, The Amber Ruffin Show shoots on the same set as Seth Myers, and yet those writers do not have nearly the same protections, or did not have nearly the same protections, because it was a streaming show rather than a broadcast show. But Amber Ruffin I believe is the only Black comedy variety host on the air right now. Is that right?

**Greg:** Yeah. I’m not sure where the show is at, because I don’t think it’s been on in a while. But Ziwe was canceled. The Sam Jay show hasn’t been on. Bomani got canceled.

**Jesse:** That was canceled. Desus and Mero ended.

**Greg:** Desus and Mero ended Desus and Mero. But most of them, yeah, have been canceled, or at least aren’t on the air now, so no, there’s not a lot of Black hosting.

**John:** I want to talk for a moment about comedy and race, because I feel like one of the breakthrough qualities of comedy is ability to have conversations about things that you otherwise wouldn’t have those conversations, and actually have Black people telling stories authentically in front of an audience. I think back to Richard Pryor or Bill Cosby, even, or Chris Rock, the ground-breakers in that space. Do we have a sense of where this can happen next and what the new opportunities are here? Because if you are a young, Black, funny person and are looking for where to direct your energies, where would you go?

**Greg:** I will say for me – and I think I was open with this to everyone – but as someone who, I want to be a Black late-night host, I’ve talked a lot with other Black comedians, and I think there’s this idea a lot of times when they go, “This is a Black late-night show. We’ve got to reinvent the format.” Then everything changes about the show. It might not work, and then it gets canceled.

My opinion is that if we take young people of color, young people who are not cis, young people who are just outside the norm of the Jimmys and the Stephens, and you give them a traditional show, that has transformed the show, because of what you’re saying, because we have to have a conversation in comedy about what do we laugh at and why do we laugh at it. Because I think what we realize when you get into news comedy – and I’ve experienced this a lot in rooms that are mostly white – is what makes us too sad to talk about, what makes us think we can’t turn it funny, those lines are very different for people of different races, different genders. What outrages us enough that we feel like we have to talk about it? That’s different based on who the people are.

One of the things that frustrates me so much about late-night now is that there are these big, moving political pieces that will talk about something like the death of Black men at the hands of police, and the thesis at the end of the piece is, “There’s a systemic problem with police,” whereas if a Black voice is doing that episode, the first line of the episode is, “We all know there’s a systemic issue with police.” Now we can go 30 minutes past that and laugh and talk about very different things.

Whenever that happens that somebody gets that desk who is different, I think what will be most successful and I think will invite people who are maybe even straight white guys into the conversation is being able to articulate, “This is what hurts me and bugs me and upsets me and my community, and we’re going to laugh at it too, to show that it doesn’t break us, it doesn’t make us too sad, it’s not going to dissuade us.”

I apologize for getting a little soapboxy about late-night. I love it so much. What late-night is meant to provide is catharsis. We watch the news. We intake the news on Twitter. We’re so nervous. We’re so frustrated. We feel powerless and made. Late-night isn’t going to fix it, but it’s going to let you go to sleep, because we’re going to laugh about it a little bit.

The question we have to ask when we’re picking new hosts and moving generationally forward is, who’s going to get to laugh at the bad news? What people in America, what kind of Americans are going to get to turn on the TV, see the news that affects them, and will get to laugh at it? I think the more we expand that circle, the better the shows are going to be.

**Jesse:** A lot of this is also a race maybe against or a race with where content is going generally. The thing about late-night shows is that we are losing late-night shows generally. I think the networks are showing less and less interest in them, especially nightly ones, just because of the cost and blah, blah, blah.

Then I think that feeds into the… Late-night as it exists is such a broadcast concept. It’s very top-down and meant to be big tent. Now, who is in that big tent is still up for debate, obviously. That is not how content is being consumed. It’s definitely not how comedy’s being consumed.

You have now more comedians who are more popular than any time ever. Black comedians, white comedians, female comedians, Hispanic comedians, all these different comedians are playing larger venues than the biggest comedians that you can ever imagine from the ’80s, but their access to what we think of as the mainstream will be less and less. That’s partly because what we think of the mainstream is being diminished further and further. I don’t know if there’s going to be another giant comedic movie star after Kevin Hart. I think he might be the last one. Instead, you will have just distinct groups. You might not even know it.

The 85 South Show, which is an extremely popular comedic podcast that grew out of three people who were on Wild ‘N Out, they’re selling large venues. They’re probably going to be able to create their own ecosystem of content that appeals to Black audiences, if that’s all they’re trying to appeal to.

That idea of crossing over, the necessity of crossing over, whatever that means, again, will also be diminished, because that’s just how people are consuming things. The algorithm is finding things they want. You don’t need the mainstream to essentially be like, “You must watch this,” because if you’re doing a thing that any group of people will like, they’ll probably find it, just because it feeds into whatever these algorithms are doing. Now, I have no sense of the inherent bias of those.

That’s where it’s going to be the future is heading, in terms of, I don’t know how to predict access to things, because I don’t know if there’s going to be another comedic movie released in cinema in my lifetime, to be honest, after this year’s releases.

**John:** By comedic movie, in your book you talk about the Adam Sandler movie, like, this is just a straight-out comedy.

**Jesse:** Yeah. Big joke comedy made for a wide audience, big laugh comedy, I just don’t imagine a major studio releasing that, giving it a summer release in the same way. I think there are a couple they tried this summer. None of them were giant, outside-the-box hits. They seem to be doing better on Netflix. It’s sad. I want to make it clear that I hate that this is the case. Even Kevin Hart makes his movies for the streamers. Unless something radically changes, it’s hard to predict the future in that regard. I do think people will be able to access, to make their own things, and will have large audiences. It’s just the idea of even thinking about it in the same way is hard to imagine.

**John:** On the topic of making their own things, we have three podcast hosts here on this show. Obviously, there’s a lot of comedic podcasts that draw big audiences. There’s YouTube shows that draw big audiences. While we may lose the mainstream seat at a big network for a late-night show, it’s clearly possible to build your audience in other ways and get them out there. In some degrees, that is a win is that you have access to an audience. Just the challenge of that audience finding you.

**Jesse:** Yeah, I think 100%. If I told you the amount of comedians that have played Madison Square Garden in the last few years, I’m sure you would not recognize a lot of these names. It’s like Andrew Schulz. He’s white, but he built his audience through a combination of YouTube and podcasts and Patreon, and he can fill Madison Square Garden, at least one show. That is much, much, much, much, much more common.

The idea of a person becoming big tour successful from just being famous is just not happening anymore. It’s definitely you’re building fan bases bottom-up or you’re building them through TikTok reels. You can make quite a living, really quite a living. Just the idea of making an Adam Sandler type living… I think that’s an industry-wide trend. There’s fewer Adam Sandlers across all types of things. There’s fewer movie stars and that type of thing.

The difference is, comedy, because of the cheapness, I think a lot of times you can really easily put on a comedy show. You can really easy make a comedic podcast, opposed to whatever a dramatic podcast is. You could pivot. Comedians pivot really easily. There is a middle class that is being established of people that are making livings all by themselves without really the need of a major platform, other than maybe YouTube, which is where they’ll put all their specials.

**Greg:** I think part of the issue is so much is up in the air, I think even at a bigger scale than Jesse’s saying. Will there still be vertical integration? Will any of these streamers still exist? Will the streaming model be what they use? What will theaters do to stay relevant? What will happen to the broadcast networks? How will people get them? What will AVOD and FAST do? All of this stuff is so up in the air.

One of the benefits of being a comedian, unless you’re the host, is that you don’t ever really care about ratings. When people talk about late-night shows that are the most popular, like Conan – his show is huge – it was not a ratings smash. It was not blowing Leno out of the water. You got maybe half a percent or 1% of America to watch your show every night. It just turned out that most of that 1% became comedy writers.

It was kind of like the conversations we would have with members, I think, on the picket lines, which is, “We cannot control how the industry moves, how it shapes jobs, how it changes that. What we can do is try to make sure, as the Guild, that those are good jobs and that they pay well.” I think that we’ll do that as things change.

But in my opinion – and maybe I’m just an old, cranky man – there are always going to be screens, and there are always going to be companies who need to pay you to put something on those screens. Throughout most of screenwriting history, the Guild has been there to make sure that those screens had good jobs behind them. I think that that will continue whether it is a social media company or projected into AR or it comes out of some watch you wear or whatever else. I think we will be there. Even us looking at trying again to protect the writers in video games, that when stories are told, when audiences are reached out to, that we’ll try to be there. I don’t know why I’m doing a PSA for the Guild on this podcast. But I do think it will be disrupted. I’m not as worried about the disruption. That’s what I would say.

**John:** Bringing it back to our theoretical person who’s entering the industry right now, I guess our center advice would be here to look for ways that are interesting to get yourself in front of an audience, be that a physical audience in a space or some kind of online audience who can give you continuous feedback on your stuff that you think is funny, to see whether more than just you think it’s funny. We value the ha ha funny, but it’s not the only kind of funny that’s out there. What else should we tell this theoretical listener?

**Jesse:** I just want to say that there’s a person out there who, I can imagine them hearing that and go, “I don’t want to perform. That is scary to me. I’m not charismatic, but I like writing funny things.” I want to make sure that we try to figure out how to help that person, because I do think that is maybe the hardest thing to do is to break into comedy as just a writer, when you did not go to Harvard, NYU, or let’s say Emerson, and you’re not a performer. You just are not, for whatever reason. I have some thoughts. But I want to ask, Greg, if you knew people like that and how they pursued it.

**Greg:** Yeah. I went to Second City only to write and then ended up becoming an improviser as well, just because I got swept up in it. I had friends who remained writers. I think for them, a lot of what you saw was, “I’m always submitting to McSweeney’s. I’m always trying to get into the New Yorker.” They were treating their tweets – this is a different era of Twitter – but they were treating it like a writers’ room, putting up good jokes that they had worked on that night.

Whether it is Instagram or TikTok or whatever, try to use that good writing in these small spaces, even if it’s just words, or maybe you’re not on camera, so there are things around your house or whatever. It’s drilling into the idea of, show us the thing that only you can do. Show us the voice that you have and who you are. That doesn’t require you to necessarily be on camera. Maybe you find a sketch team, or you find friends who want to perform your stuff, who you think are funny.

That’s one of the beautiful things about social media is now we’re in a place where you can find a comedic performer who doesn’t write, and you’re a writer who doesn’t perform, and you could DM and say, “Hey, I like your stuff. You like my stuff. Do you want to make some stuff together?” You could build that community that way.

I would bring it back to, again, doing the thing only you can do. During the 2016 election, I was not writing. I had gotten one NBC fellowship but nothing else. I was in LA. They didn’t like political comedy in LA. They like entertainment comedy. I was very into political comedy. I made a 30-minute monologue podcast every week of the election cycle for the 2016 election. No one asked me to. Nobody wanted me to. But I was like, “This is something I can do. I can write a Last Week Tonight audio episode, pull the clips in, make the clips, make the argument, get the jokes. I can do this.” The first job I got, they mentioned the podcast in the interview.

**John:** Great.

**Greg:** I think that’s the thing is, show us the thing only you can do. I think of these two guys who are on Instagram. They’re probably on TikTok, but I’m old. I’m only on Instagram. These two brothers from Australia. What they do is they incredibly overact a reenactment of sports announcers calls. Half the screen is the sporting event, and half the screen is them, and they’re just going nuts. It’s so good and original and funny. That’s them showing the thing they can do. Now you’re like, “Great. I like these guys. I’ll follow them. I’ll see what else they’re doing.” It draws you in. When you can do that, that’s the key, even if you’re just writing.

**John:** This is some good advice. Thank you both very much for all this. It is time for our One Cool Things, where we recommend something to our audience. Jesse, do you have something to recommend?

**Jesse:** It’s a thing on the TV show Julia, but I don’t know when that episode airs. I’ve watched a screener. Can I talk vaguely about something that happens on the show?

**John:** You can talk vaguely about Julia. Several points of connection. Chris Keyser, WGA negotiator, is one of the people behind that show. Rachel Bloom is on that show. Tell us about Julia.

**Jesse:** The second season of Julia does something, I think in the second episode or the third episode, which is completely boldly makes up things in her life that are not true, that are just interesting to see happen with the characters. It’s a thing that you might see in historical fiction, let’s say in books, but you don’t really see it on TV, where they would not take these huge swings and these conspiracy theory things.

With the first season of Julia, I was confused with where the line was in terms of what they’re making up and which characters they’re inventing. In some ways, the problem was it was this gap between true but not 100% true that makes it kind of fuzzy. Now if you take huge swings, then it’s much more like the fun of fanfiction.

I found this decision that happens with one of the characters that’s not Julia, that is so bold that I DMed all my coworkers, “Have you watched this episode of Julia yet? Isn’t it absurd?” They’re like, “I can’t think of another show that’s done it.”

I think that’s cool, because I find the fact checking of these type of shows to be corny. It’s like, we’re just using it as a jumping-off point. It’s based in a reality. If you want to know what their life is like, read other things. I found this to be a bold step forward in these type of shows, where it’s just like, yeah, it’s going to be about Julia, but we’re going to have fun here, because we’re making a TV show.

**John:** That’s great. It reminds me of every adaptation of a book. Everyone’s like, “How can you change that thing from the book?” It’s like, because we changed the thing from the book, because it’s not a book anymore. That book is still on a shelf. Julia Child’s real life is still out there. As long as we’re not hurting somebody or going to get sued by some living person who’s going to come after us, I say go for it. Greg, what do you have for us?

**Greg:** I’m a big fan of women in aviation. My great-grandmother was in the Women’s Air Corps. Also, my wife is a flight attendant. There is a book that I read this year called The Great Stewardess Rebellion, by Nell McShane Wulfhart. It is a telling of how the almost 100,000 women in America working as flight attendants went from being these objectified, no labor representation, totally taken advantage of workers in this workforce, and then, out of pure self-directed power, created unions, fought back against companies, created working standards, even up until today.

It’s an incredible labor story in a very unique workplace. I think we see so many stories now, and I feel like you think of the SAG and WGA strikes, you think of coal miners and truck drivers. This is such an interesting one because of the incredible entrenched sexism in this labor fight, that even the job itself… You have old American Airlines ads that say, “Do you want coffee, tea, or me?” That’s the flight attendant asking that. Fighting against something that’s so structurally built against them and just about how these regular women that were regular flight attendants believed in labor power and banded together and changed it into an industry where you could have a kid and have a life and have a career and not get pinched by a passenger. It’s a shout-out to my wife as well. But the book is really fantastic.

**John:** That’s great. You should follow Greg on social media, and you’ll also see the ongoing fight and the upcoming bigger fight with American Airlines and their flight attendants there. It’s also the history of flight attendants’ unions. The Alaska battle, which was in the ’80s, I guess, was so fascinating. That was one of the first examples of a chaos means of striking, which was just so fascinating to see what happened there. Suddenly, you had Alaska Airlines management having to learn how to be flight attendants. It’s wild.

**Greg:** It’s an amazing workplace.

**John:** My One Cool Thing is an album, a comedy album, which is very appropriate for this podcast. It’s Matt Rogers’s Have You Heard of Christmas. You’ve heard of Matt Rogers, for sure. Matt Rogers was a guest host on Episode 575 of Scriptnotes. He’s also the cohost of the Las Culturistas podcast, which is terrific. He did a live show called Have You Heard of Christmas that became a comedy special, Have You Heard of Christmas on Showtime last year. It is now an album, which is the progress of how these things work. It is an album you can listen to on all the streaming services. There’s even a vinyl you can buy.

What I love about this… I love all the songs. I was familiar with most of them. There’s some new ones too. The one I want to single out – and we’ll put a link in the show notes to the song and also to the video – is called Everything You Want. What I love about it, it is a really good song. He pushes back the reveal of the joke pretty much as far as you can, to where it gets to like, “Oh, this is why it’s a comedy song.” I just love it. Matt Rogers is so, so talented. Take a listen to that, Have You Heard of Christmas by Matt Rogers.

**Jesse:** Because he has a full album, you’re doing an array of pacing of joke structures. You have some where you know what it is right away. He’s playing a character. You’re like, “Cool, every line he says is as Martha May Who,” or you’ll have one where it’s a big twist at the end, and you don’t actually know what the comedic premise is. It’s just a good song. That’s because he’s a sketch nerd who’s been doing sketch for so long. He uses all these different ways to get at it, so you can listen to a full album and laugh in a lot of different ways.

**John:** We’ll put a link in the show notes to the album, but also to the video for Everything You Want, which is the big new track off of it.

**Jesse:** It doesn’t even have to be about Christmas. I do think he’s like, “Oh, and it happened on Christmas, this story, or maybe it didn’t.” There’s a certain sort of self-awareness to that too. I love Matt. I think it’s one of the funniest things. If you’re in the city, he’s doing this show. I really recommend it.

**John:** Yeah, it’s great. Greg and Jesse, thank you so much for being on the show. Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt. It’s edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our outro this week is by Jonathan Petkau. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions.

You will find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you can find the transcripts and sign up for our weekly newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. We have T-shirts and hoodies. They’re great. You can find them at Cotton Bureau. You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to record on The Simpsons.

Jesse David Fox, thank you again for being on the podcast. It was great to talk through comedy with you. People who want more should check out your book, Comedy Book. It is available in bookstores everywhere. It’s a terrific overview of the last 40 years of comedy and how we got to this place.

Greg Iwinski, you can find you on all the social medias, because you are so good at that, @garyjackson, for some reason. We’ll check that out, @garyjackson.

**Greg:** Thanks.

**Jesse:** Thank you so much. It was a joy.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** I know this because it was in Jesse’s book, but I also suspect this is true for Greg, is The Simpsons was a foundational aspect to your thinking about comedy and what is funny and how does funny work. Is that true for both of you?

**Jesse:** 100%. I think the thing that I realized is, why The Simpsons is so powerful is that it, especially at that moment, was a culmination of especially Western culture up to that point. By watching it, you’re sort of getting a download from the matrix of like, this is what we as a culture have been creating. Both what I find funny but also how I see the world was so shaped by that show.

**John:** Greg, did that have an impact on you?

**Greg:** Yeah. I grew up and I was homeschooled. I had Crunchy Con parents growing up in Arizona. We weren’t allowed to watch The Simpsons, because it was disrespectful to your parents, and they would choke each other. Then we were allowed to watch The Simpsons, because my dad watched it and laughed hard enough that then we just started watching it. That was a transformational thing for me to see. The jokes won. The jokes were good enough, they won. That became a huge show in our house. That was before you could get them on digital and watch them again. You just had to watch it when it was on.

The Simpsons was huge, again, in the idea of those hard jokes that you remember for the rest of your life. I’ve been able to meet some Simpsons writers that I met 20 years later, 25 years later, and I remember a joke they wrote in one episode because it made such an impact. Huge show for me.

**Jesse:** I’ll say there’s a joke from I think Season 5 or 6 that is such a big swing that it made something unlock in my brain, and I realized someone must’ve written that joke. I conceived of what a comedy writer must be from just seeing that joke. Then one day, I was interviewing a few of the showrunners, and he was like, “Oh, I remember who wrote every single joke.” I said that joke, and he goes, “I have no idea who did that.” I was like, “Thanks.”

**John:** My recollection of The Simpsons, of course it was on before I moved to Los Angeles, but in my apartment in Los Angeles, it was on at 5:30 in the afternoon on one of the stations, probably Fox. I would watch it every day at 5:30. A neighbor said, “Oh, I can always hear you laughing.” Basically, I was laughing so loud that people, with my windows closed, could hear me laughing every day. They liked that I was laughing every day. It was genuinely laugh-out-loud funny. I would laugh multiple times in an episode.

Looking back at it now with bigger comedic eyes and seeing what they’re doing, it was out of that Harvard school rather than the Chicago school. It was that Harvard school, where they could tell some really intellectual joke, but was always willing to go lowbrow simultaneously. That highbrow-lowbrow mix was so different than what I was getting from anyplace else, that combination of elements. Simpsons at its best was just remarkable.

**Jesse:** I think Matt Groening… It’s a quote that I found afterwards, because I wrote a story about The Simpsons last spring, about how it’s having this renaissance, which was a fan term. But then I presented that term to all the people involved, and they all agreed, which was a passive acknowledgement of the dark ages. But Matt Groening, there was a quote that was essentially like, “The goal was we wanted to have as many points people latch onto,” and their way was to have as many different types of comedy as possible.

If you liked highbrow jokes, you had that. You’d be like, “I watch this show, and there’s other type of jokes, and I’m fine with it when he strangles Bart or whatever, but that’s what I watch it for.” I’m watching it as a 9-year-old or a 10-year-old. I don’t know who Susan Sontag is. I’m just like, “That person talks funny.” Then I grow up into it. I am fortunate it was so good, because it was just the thing that I was going to watch anyway. That was all a pretty savvy decision.

The thing that really allowed it to mature, especially during its golden age, was it would keep on having new writing staffs and younger writing staffs and eventually more diverse writing staffs, but very eventually. As a result, this palette expanded. Then what are the rules of what counts as a Simpsons joke is now as expansive of a palette as maybe anything in television history.

**John:** I’ve been able to go into a Simpsons room two or three times, at least once in person with the whole crew there, and it’s a giant, giant room, and then once on Zoom where you’re scrolling through multiple screens just to see everybody in that room.

It is crazy to see a whole generation that has basically only done The Simpsons. Matt Selman’s been on the show once or twice, and he’s an executive producer on the show. His only job in Hollywood has been on The Simpsons. His whole life is in there. Yet The Simpsons can hold so much, because every kind of comedy can fit inside The Simpsons.

You talk about a renaissance. I guess this is referring to the more recent seasons. There’s been some really great episodes in there. They’re not all hits and winners, but there’s some really solid achievements in there.

**Jesse:** These last, I think, three or four seasons, since they changed the structure of how the show was made… The main thing that Matt brought when he was given more power as an executive producer was he had this idea of a co-showrunner system, which essentially, a bunch of the senior writers got four episodes a season for them to co-run, which then allowed the show to have as much focus and investment as you saw back in the early days, when they did it by working 150 hours a week or whatever. Now there’s such a wide range. You’ll have episodes co-ran by Carolyn Omine that are so heartbreakingly sensitive, while also formally so inventive. You have more absurd in construction, in different ways, Brian Kelley episodes.

It really is a willingness to push the boundaries of especially the canon. I think Matt is a big anti-canon thing about The Simpsons, like, “We write for The Simpsons because there’s no rules, so let’s have there be no rules again.” That alone, plus hiring a lot of young writers, has resulted in them being like, “Oh, wait, this really is a playground that has so much more we can do with it.”

Look, I can recommend 10, 15 episodes from the last three years that are just as good as what we think of as great episodes. Lisa the Boy Scout is really one of the funniest episodes this show has done. Then there’s this episode where Lisa becomes a fan of a Taylor Swift type person, and it’s a parody of stan culture. It has an ending that is really one of the most touching things in the history of the show.

**John:** Greg, it occurs to me that sometimes the process of coming up with a Simpsons episode is probably not that dissimilar to a Last Week with John Oliver, in the sense of, “Here is the general story area. What are all the pieces in this area that we want to dig into and explore?”

**Greg:** Yeah. I think there’s a big similarity in any show, I think, where you get a bunch of joke-writers and you throw them into one big place and let them go. I think that that’s part of the sensibility of The Simpsons that drew me in as a young person, that also drew me into late-night, is that I think especially in the beginning, you felt like, “Wow, I can’t believe that they got to do this. I can’t believe that this got to be on TV.” That I think drew me and a lot of people into joke-writing, was you thought, “Oh wow, they let you really goof around and say stuff you might not be able to say and just be an idiot.”

I think you feel that when you talk to Simpsons people, that it’s that churn of jokes, so that you’re never seeing a joke in The Simpsons that was the first idea, that was like, “That was it. We’re never going to touch it.” 30 Rock is a very similar show to that, where it’s, “We’ve turned the joke over so many times that we’ve really polished every single joke,” which I love about it, because I think that energy of that writers’ room, comedy is so collaborative, that energy comes through the screen.

**John:** For sure. We could talk about The Simpsons for another 50 hours, but we shall not. Greg and Jesse, thank you so much.

**Jesse:** Thank you again so much.

**Greg:** Thank you, John.

**Jesse:** I’m glad to get a bonus Simpsons conversation in.

Links:

* [Greg Iwinski](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm8660569/) on [Twitter](https://x.com/garyJackson) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/garyjackson/)
* [Jesse David Fox](https://www.vulture.com/author/jesse-david-fox/) on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/jessedavidfox/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JesseDavidFox)
* [Comedy Book: How Comedy Conquered Culture–and the Magic That Makes It Work](https://us.macmillan.com/books/9780374604721/comedybook) by Jesse David Fox
* [Good One: Podcast About Jokes](https://podcasts.voxmedia.com/show/good-one) by Jesse David Fox
* [Julia](https://www.max.com/shows/julia/9fab087a-73f8-4e08-b778-bd502697295e) on MAX
* [The Great Stewardess Rebellion](https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/636297/the-great-stewardess-rebellion-by-nell-mcshane-wulfhart/) by Nell McShane Wulfhart
* [Everything You Want (ft. MUNA)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQvcDLUFaS8) – Matt Rogers, from his album [Have You Heard of Christmas?](https://shop.capitolmusic.com/collections/matt-rogers/products/matt-rogers-have-you-heard-of-christmas-lp)
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Check out the Inneresting Newsletter](https://inneresting.substack.com/)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* Craig Mazin on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@clmazin) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/clmazin/)
* John August on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@johnaugust), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/johnaugust)
* [John on Mastodon](https://mastodon.art/@johnaugust)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Jonathan Petkau ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/619standard.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Episode 618: Clearing out the Mailbag, Transcript

November 30, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2023/clearing-out-the-mailbag).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August, and this is Episode 618 of Scriptnotes. It’s a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Craig Mazin has been buried under an avalanche of work, so today on the show, producer Drew Marquardt and I will power through a stack of mostly career related questions that have been piling up in the mailbag for weeks, months?

**Drew Marquardt:** Weeks, or months, some of them. But I’m excited for all of them.

**John:** Usually what happens is we have on the outline a bunch of the topics of the day and then questions. We get to the questions or we don’t get to the questions. They stack up there.

**Drew:** I usually have about five or so for each episode, and we’ll get to one maybe two sometimes. This is good.

**John:** We’re going to look at everything from disclosing why you were fired from your last job to who pays for coffee. There’s a few craft things in there, but it’s more work stuff in this batch of mailbag. In our Bonus Segment for Premium Members, we will discuss weddings, because Drew Marquardt, you were just married.

**Drew:** I was.

**John:** You are still married, but you just had a wedding I think is the crucial thing. We’ll have some hot takes on what makes a wedding work, because coming off of this wedding, Nima Yousefi was at the wedding. He asked, “How many weddings have you been to?” I said, “I think maybe 15,” and then actually made a list in Notes on it, and I’ve been to 43 weddings.

**Drew:** Oh my god, that’s a lot of weddings. You’re an expert now.

**John:** I’m fully an expert on what to do at a wedding and what not to do. You just went through it recently, so you can tell us the 2023 take on how to stage a wedding.

**Drew:** You’ve thrown your own too.

**John:** Absolutely. I’ve officiated weddings. We can get into all the details there. Let’s just start with some questions. This first one is a doozy, so I don’t know. I’m going to stretch. I think I’m ready for this one.

**Drew:** This first one’s from Anonymous. They write, “I’m a mid-level TV writer. Right before the pandemic, I was fired from the show I was working for for making off-color jokes. They weren’t anything worse than what you’d hear on a show like Friends, and they weren’t aimed at any actual person, but I own up to my guilt and feel bad that I offended someone enough to make them complain to HR. I certainly learned my lesson. I won’t be making any jokes outside of the writers’ room ever again.

“My problem is that I’m currently getting ready to pitch on a show of my own. I have a fairly big production company attached. While they know that I wrote for my former show, they don’t know that I was fired or why. They’ve never asked, and I’ve certainly never volunteered. I’m terrified that they’re going to try and set a pitch with the studio who fired me, who are going to tell the producers that I’m blackballed and why, and then it will snowball into me being fired off this pitch and my reputation ruined. What do I do? I’m scared to try to get out ahead of it, but I’m also scared to stay silent. I’m wildly ashamed about the whole thing but am trying to be professional and figure out how to manage my career going forward.”

**John:** Anonymous, because you wrote in with a question, we have to take you at your word, because we have no other information about this. Let’s talk a little bit about you being fired from your job for these off-color jokes. HR complaints typically aren’t somebody who just said some bad jokes. They’re usually more about behavior. If that behavior was that you are in this room saying these off-color things and making people feel uncomfortable, maybe that’s enough, but maybe it’s not. We don’t know the whole picture here.

You say you feel guilt over it. Okay. Great. You say that not directed at any actual person, but it’s worth thinking about what the person who actually did complain to HR, the people who complained to HR, how did they feel about that, and then what were you doing that really brought them to that situation. Like all these questions, we can only take you at your word that it really wasn’t as big of a deal, but it was big enough that you actually got booted from the show. It sounds like it wasn’t like you weren’t invited back for the second season, but you were let go mid writing room.

**Drew:** I feel like, I don’t know the situation, but one time probably wouldn’t land you in hot water with HR.

**John:** We don’t know this. You reference Friends. Of course, Friends was a pretty famous example of a show that the writers’ room was very bawdy, and there were complaints about what was happening in that writers’ room. It didn’t sound like it was the kind of show like that.

Regardless, what’s tough for us right now is that we’re trying to hold onto two things. First off, that people make mistakes, and they can change after that. That sounds like that’s what you’re trying to do, Anonymous. We love to celebrate those inspiring stories of the ex-con who turns their life around. We believe in restorative justice. We’d like to see people and characters grow and change. So there’s that whole aspect of this.

But then also, we want to see writers and other folks working out there to have a workplace that is free of harassment. Given that there are limited seats in those rooms, there’s a natural concern, like, “Are we going to give one to the guy who was just harassing people or was sort of a dick in that room?”

Those are the things we’re trying to balance, try and make these good, productive writing rooms that feel inclusive and safe, and also believing that people can grow and change. This whole answer, it’s predicated on the idea that you do feel bad about what happened, you want to change these things, and you’re deeply ashamed and embarrassed.

Let’s talk about what you do next here. You’ve got to get out ahead of this. It’s insanity to think that this will never come up and that you’re going to wait around for someone to say something about this. I’m curious what your reps know, your manager, your agents, your lawyer. What are they hearing? What are they feeling? Are you actually blackballed or just perceive that you’re blackballed at that studio, that they would never hire you again? Talk to them about this.

What is your relationship like with the previous showrunner, the one that you were fired from? Is it still somewhat cordial? Do they hate you, despise you? Are they never going to return your calls? You’re a mid-level writer, so you’ve been working on other shows too. What is your relationship like with those other showrunners who can vouch for you not being a jerk in the room?

Then when it comes time for this project and these producers, this production entity, I would say start the conversation in terms of this specific studio that you may be going into with this pitch, and so while you don’t necessarily know what their feeling may be, that you’ve left on bad terms. Then talk about what actually happened in there.

You don’t know what that conversation’s necessarily going to lead to or what the journey’s going to be like, but I think that’s your best bet, because I think you coming to them with this information is much better than you being on your back heels when they come to you and say, “We’ve heard these things.”

**Drew:** Would Anonymous be able to refer them to the other people that they’ve worked with, if they have someone who can vouch for them, basically?

**John:** That’s why I think looking at previous showrunners, previous shows they’ve been on might be helpful for, I think, overall more context. I think Anonymous is going to have to explain for themselves what happened in that room and why they got let go of that show, why they got fired off that show. I do think that having a broader context around that could be helpful, other witnesses on his side.

I’m curious what happened. Again, we always love follow-up, to hear what happened down the road with these things. Anonymous, let us know what’s happening six months to a year from now.

**Drew:** Please. Next comes from MD. They write, “Probably a stupid question, but when you’re meeting someone for coffee, like an agent invited you or an established screenwriter accepted meeting you for a possible mentorship, who picks up the tab?”

**John:** There’s two basic guidelines here. First off, the person who invited the other person is paying the tab, generally. You can split it if it’s a mutual decision. You can split it, but generally the person who asked the other person to come picks up the tab. If you reached out to this established screenwriter and sat down for coffee, you should pick up the tab. The established screenwriter may not let you do that, but you should certainly offer that.

The other general rule here I would say is that the person with the expense account pays. An executive, an agent, those folks are likely going to have an expense account as just part of their business, and so let them pay if they’re offering to pay.

**Drew:** Is that why you make me pay every time [crosstalk 07:42]?

**John:** I’m so sorry, Drew, but yeah, I think you’re learning so much here that it’s good for you to always be asking whether you can pay.

**Drew:** Good to know.

**John:** That’s nice.

**Drew:** Next comes from Judy in Wisconsin. She writes, “It’s hard to be a manager or a boss in a creative field. What have you learned about creating a good work environment? Any advice, tips, or strong feelings? When you have lost your cool, what do you do after?”

**John:** I would say the challenge of being a boss in a creative field is you don’t have real metrics to go back to. You don’t have metrics on productivity, like, “Oh, is this person doing a great job? What are their sales figures?” It’s very hard to do that. In other fields, you can say, “Oh, this person is achieving these things. These are the goals we set for them. This is what they’ve been able to do.” It’s not that. Basically, in a creative field, it’s like, “How much are they making my life better or worse? How much are they helping me do my job, get this project going, get to the next place?”

I think as a boss, as a manager in a creative field, what you’re trying to do is describe where you’re headed, what you want to be there when you get there, what absolutely needs to happen. You’re trying to provide a framework. You’re working with a lot of other professionals and specialists and sometimes other artists, and they’re going to have their process too, so you need to describe what it is you’re trying to achieve, but not tell them how to do their jobs.

That’s a thing I definitely learned on the set for my movie The Nines. Talking with a cinematographer, I could describe the feeling I was going for, but I’m not going to tell her what lenses I want or what film stock I want. That’s not my area of specialty. I can just describe the vibes I’m going for. Same with a composer. Same with an editor. I’m not going to tell them how to do their specific jobs, but I’m going to describe what it is I’m going for, what the things are that work for me.

**Drew:** I think you’ve also been very fortunate to work with people who, when you describe those things, can probably get to that point. What happens when you have someone who’s a little bit newer, a little more green, and they’re not quite getting there yet?

**John:** That is really a challenge. It’s happened with other folks working as a PA or an assistant kind of level too, where they’re not fully getting it. That’s tough. You have to talk them through what your expectations are, what it is they actually need to do to get to the next step, maybe introduce them to folks who are doing their job in other ways, in other places, so they can understand how it all fits together.

The times where I’ve lost my temper a bit is when somebody who, they’re in the right position, they should know how to do this thing, and either they’re not listening or they’re just not catching a brief of what it is we’re trying to do. Those are the folks that I’ve needed to let go at times, on a set or in real life, normal working stuff.

I think those are the challenges in the creative field. You can’t point to like, “This is not working out because you’re not hitting these numbers.” It’s not that at all. It’s just like, “I need a certain thing to feel a certain way. I need this all to work a certain way, and this is not working for me.”

**Drew:** Next comes from Brett. He writes, “I’m working on a secondary character who needs to help tell a story while opposing the lead. In this action comedy, the lead is a tough ass Marine. She’s strong and athletic but a little bit dense. My supporting character, by contrast, needs to come across as smart but soft, dainty, dare I say effeminate. I worry about this word’s context. I’m not a master of lexicon. I’m a redneck boy from Tennessee who learned later in life that I love to tell stories. My secondary character is a child, so his sexuality matters none. Is the word ‘effeminate’ okay when introducing this hilarious 10-year-old intellect?”

**John:** I think “effeminate” has become a code word for gay, so it’s going to read as you’re saying gay no matter what you do. I think I would avoid that word. It’s not that it’s a slur, but the moment you say it, you’re putting that character into a gendered space. You say his sexuality doesn’t matter, but you’re putting him into this gendered space, where he’s not acting like a good boy should act. It just creates a whole host of issues.

I would say think of an equivalent character from something else and words you might use to describe them. If you look at what is Young Sheldon like or Charlie from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Bastian from Neverending Story, what are some words you might use to describe them? Effeminate probably would not be on the top list of things for those characters.

It’s also important to remember that adjectives are not super important. You have that initial character description where you’re giving his age and a little bit, a tiny little sketch, like a sentence. Really, most of what a reader and an audience are going to get about that character are their actions, the things they’re saying, the things they’re doing, how they’re reacting to stuff around them, what their interplay is like with this other Marine character. I don’t think you need to be so hung up about what is the one word I’m going to use to describe that character on first introduction versus what is the personality I’m creating for this character.

If effeminate going for more classically girly stuff is going to be useful or important for that character, find some ways to actually make that happen in your story, but it doesn’t sound like it is. It sounds like he’s mostly there to be bright and hilarious. You might find some other ways that point to the very specific things that this character is doing in this story that make it fit and make him a good, interesting foil for your main character.

**Drew:** Perfect. Borges writes, “Craig’s mentioned time and again how he thinks in the shower. I have the same habit, and it sucks. I have no way of taking a fast note. The same thing happens when I’m swimming. It’s freaking annoying. How do you do it? Any memorization tips?”

**John:** First off, you pronounced this guys name as bor-juhs. It’s B-O-R-G-E-S. Bor-juhs is a good choice. I would’ve said bor-hehs. I guess we don’t know.

**Drew:** I feel like there was a TV show called Borges or something like that. It was Italian.

**John:** The Borgias.

**Drew:** The Borgias?

**John:** That was B-O-R-G-I-A-S, I think, wasn’t it? The Borgias?

**Drew:** [crosstalk 13:40].

**John:** You’re Googling this right now. While you’re Googling that, I would say there’s no great way to take notes in a wet environment. For a while, I had this notepad in the shower that was the kind of stuff that script supervisors use on set. It’s really a plasticky kind of paper that you can write on with a pencil. It was pointless. I never actually wrote a note on that, because I could never really read it afterwards.

Here’s what you do when you have an idea and you’re in an inopportune place. You get out of that place and quickly write it down on a handy note card. I should say keep note cards nearby when you need those things. In my house, on the bathroom counter, there’s a stack of note cards and a pen. If I have an idea in the shower, I get out of the shower, I write it down on the note card so I don’t forget it. The same with bedside table. There’s always note cards there so I can write that stuff down.

What’s important about writing stuff down is it gets it out of your head. It keeps you from wasting brain loops to keep an idea floating in your head. It’s a really unproductive use of your brain to just hold onto ideas like that. Instead, get it out of your head, put it on a piece of paper, set the paper down, and you can come back to it later on.

**Drew:** I’ve also used Siri just in the bathroom.

**John:** Perfect. You can call for that. Are you saying, “Take a note,” or what are you saying?

**Drew:** I say, “Siri, take a note.” Then I’ll say the thing, which will usually just be some stream-of-consciousness thing, but it’ll be enough that there’s enough little cues in there that I know what I’m…

**John:** I don’t do this. If you were to do a note that way, does it show up in the top of your Notes app, or where does it appear?

**Drew:** Yeah, it does. It’s right at the top. Of course, it syncs across all of your devices, which is great. I usually take those off there and put it into a larger document. If it’s something for whatever project, I’ll put it into…

**John:** That’s very smart. We’ve talked a bit about note taking and putting all your stuff together. For me, when I have one of those note cards, those all get stacked up by the bedroom door. I write them down. I stick them by the bedroom door, so that when I’m heading downstairs in the morning, I have those things. They go with my daily agenda thing. Then every day I will go through and take all those note cards and put them in Notion, which is where I’m keeping all my general ideas about projects and things. Whether it’s a snippet of dialogue or something else, I actually have a thing to do with that note card, so it doesn’t have to hang around for forever. I get it into Notion. Then I rip it up and recycle it.

**Drew:** Once it’s in Notion, do you have a time limit that you keep that idea floating around, or do you ever flush those, or do you keep them forever?

**John:** For every project, if it’s a project I’m generally thinking about, I will just keep a page in Notion that’s just a dump of all the stuff. For active projects, I’ll have at the top of that page a open/unprocessed, which is where I throw everything that doesn’t belong into a specific category. If I haven’t broken out the characters to the degree that I have a separate page for each character, I’ll just throw all that stuff in there, little snippets of things. For this TV show, if there’s things related to a specific episode, I’m at the point now where I will put stuff in the episode note for that, because I know Episode 6 is about this character and this situation, so I’ll throw it in there for that.

**Drew:** If you have a loose idea, how far back have you gone to grab some of those?

**John:** We’ve said before on the podcast that I had a list of 35 projects I’ll never get to. This was on the Neil Gaiman episode. Some of those are years and years and years old. I’m not actively going through constantly to sift through, like, “Is that an interesting idea?” But surprisingly, something new will come about those projects every once in a while. It’s nice to have a place where I can just like… It’s a real thing. I can put it there. It has a home. It’s a home that’s not my active brain thinking about it, which I think is important.

**Drew:** You use Notion, but have you used Miro boards at all?

**John:** No. Tell me about it.

**Drew:** Miro boards are what writers’ rooms have been using since the pandemic basically. It’s a note cards app, or it’s online. You can visualize it all. You can have it in all sorts of different colors. It’s been really helpful for me.

**John:** That’s great. Are you using that for holding onto ideas or for organizing thoughts like sequences and scenes?

**Drew:** Organizing thoughts and sequences, not holding onto ideas.

**John:** I’m not using Notion for that so much. I’m using Notion much more for like, these are related documents that are all about a certain thing.

**Drew:** Cool. Next comes from Dahlia. She writes, “I’m a short film writer-director from Paris. While watching the last edition of Project Greenlight, many development producers on the show kept saying this screenplay and the different cuts of a film made the world of story feel small, like a short film. After watching the feature, I shared this impression as well. However, I can’t pinpoint exactly why. More importantly, how do you address this kind of problem when transitioning from short films to features? What are your thoughts?”

**John:** Drew, I’m curious to hear about your thoughts, because you have an award-winning short film.

**Drew:** Thank you.

**John:** We’ll talk about that. When I hear, “It feels like a short film. It feels small,” the ideas that pop to mind for me are that it has low stakes, that it has few characters, that it has a very short journey that’s more like a snapshot than a voyage, and it has a limited visual scope, that we’re in one location, there’s nothing ambitious about the visual storytelling of the film. Those are things that feel like short films to me. Drew, tell me about what think short film versus a feature or something else.

**Drew:** It’s tough, because I think when you’re transitioning from short films to features, usually you’re not going to have a lot of money, so you’re going to be writing to something very contained or something like that. Because of that, you’re either looking at a contained amount of time or a contained amount of space. I think you’re right. We had a teacher who taught us that a short film is either a joke or a poem. I always really liked that. Like you’re saying, one central idea. I am curious how that scope shifts and why something like The Babadook feels like a complete movie in a way that some things do feel a little bit-

**John:** Yeah. The Blumhouse horror films are very classically one location. You’re contained, limited cast, all the things, but they’re not feeling like short films. I think because there’s a beginning, middle, and end, there’s development, there’s a sense of this is the progress that you’ve gone on.

Here’s the thing I notice about a lot of short films, especially the situational short films. You could rearrange the scenes in any order, and it would feel largely the same. You don’t feel like characters are making a lot of forward progress. You don’t feel like the movie is making forward progress. You feel like you’re just stuck in a place. It’s an exploration of a place and a time, which ain’t great.

There’s other movies, like [indiscernible 00:20:15] films, that are a small cast, but they do feel like movie movies rather than short films. You couldn’t make it as a short film because things change over the course of them. The conversations and the issues being explored do progress over the course of them, so they don’t feel like a play or like a short film to me.

**Drew:** I think that’s fair. How about something like Aftersun? I’m not sure if you saw that.

**John:** Aftersun is an example of a film that I’ve only seen on my neighbor’s seat back on the flight back from your wedding. Visually, without the words, I don’t have a sense of why it is progressing. I’m just seeing, oh, it seems to be these same three people having different conversations in slightly different places. Yet based on people’s reaction to it, a lot is actually happening. What’s been your experience with Aftersun?

**Drew:** Aftersun to me seems to be built on reveals. I could be wrong about this. It’s been a year since I’ve seen it. It is more of a character exploration. I think those are very difficult to sustain over 90 minutes or something like that.

**John:** Absolutely. A character exploration does feel like you might get the same complaints about it feels like a short film. It feels like you’re not actually progressing enough.

I didn’t see this last season of Project Greenlight, so I don’t know what the specific movie was or why those complaints were levied there, but if a bunch of people are telling you the same thing, there’s something about that. I think it’s always worth them interrogating what it is specifically about the film that they’re seeing that’s giving them that reaction, because again, always looking for what’s the note behind the note. What are they looking for more of? What are they missing? Why are they not going on a movie ride with this, but they feel like they’re in a short film?

**Drew:** Our next question comes from A Young Producer. They write, “I’m a filmmaker, baby writer, that has produced one low-budget feature. While I’ve been working on my own original material since then, I’ve managed to obtain the IP of a popular book. I know the hard and fast rule regarding unsolicited submissions, but I’m wondering if there’s any difference in approaching production companies as a producer. I’m currently unrepped and therefore don’t have anyone who can make the appropriate introductions on my behalf. Is my only hope a manager-producer hybrid? I know cold emailing is barely a strategy. I’ve received some varied opinions from industry friends. I’d love your thoughts.”

**John:** Great. Let’s define some terms and maybe un-define some terms. First off, “baby writer” can be pejorative. Some people see it as infantilizing to call somebody a baby writer.

**Drew:** I thought it was a very defined term.

**John:** Tell me what you think the definition is of baby writer.

**Drew:** A baby writer is someone who is writing and either has a manager or has a foot in the door, let’s say, but isn’t necessarily staffed yet, doesn’t necessarily have any credits to their name, or professional credits.

**John:** I think that is the common assumption of a baby writer. I think people’s frustration with the term – and I’ve heard this from other folks – is that it’s infantilizing to the degree that it feels like they’re not actually a person or a human being with their own volition and their own things. It can be dismissive in a way. Just saying a pre-WGA writer is a nicer way of saying baby writer.

Just be aware of that. If you’re calling yourself a baby writer, it’s one thing. Obviously, don’t all other people baby writers, because I feel like that may not be really fair to their experience. Also, if they’re a baby writer, but they’re 50 years old, it’s a weird thing too. It assumes that aspiring writers should be in their 20s.

**Drew:** That’s a really good point.

**John:** The other thing which we talk about in this question is unsolicited submissions. That rule about unsolicited submissions is that most agencies, producers, studios, they say, “We will not accept any submission from people that we did not specifically ask for.” Basically, they’re trying to keep you from just cold emailing them a whole script.

What’s important is that a submission could be solicited. It’s possible to approach these people with this property, with this project, with this book which is apparently popular, and say, “Hey, I have the rights to this book. I’ve written the script. I would love to share it with you.” That’s okay. That’s fine. Don’t be afraid of doing that. The fact that you have rights to this book does change the equation, because you’re not just pitching a project. You’re pitching a thing that’s actually based on something they may have heard of.

This feels controversial to me. I’m not sure I agree with this thing I’m about to say. Sometimes on Deadline, I’ll see some producer has optioned the rights to this book, and it’s a whole little, short article. I’m like, “Why is this in Deadline? Who cares about this?” Yet the person who cares about this is the person who got Deadline to print it.

I think there could be an argument for the press release that basically says, hey, you’ve optioned the rights to this book or this property, and you’re now shopping it around town. I would say Google and find the examples of that thing, and just write that same thing. Maybe Deadline or the trades or something else will run it, because then suddenly you might get incoming calls rather than having to reach out there with it. Cold emailing some managers/producers may work. It’s worth a shot. This is all going to be hustle at this point, and so I say don’t be afraid of that.

In terms of who you should approach with it, I would say look for producers who have made films like yours recently, including stuff that you’ve seen at film festivals. There might be some people who are up and coming and hungry. Look who made them, and reach out to them, and see if there’s somebody who feels like the right fit for this.

**Drew:** I also think if it’s a well-known enough book, that publishing company’s not going to give you the rights if they didn’t believe in you or…

**John:** It’s not the publishing company really. It’s the author. Basically, the publishing company might have a little bit of sway, but really, it’s ultimately the author and their agent. You did talk to those folks to convince them that you are the person to get the rights to this and that you are actually a good steward for it. Obviously, you had enough hustle and moxie and other terms like that that you were able to convince this author and their agent that you’re the person for it. Trust yourself in that hustle, and keep going, and find somebody who is the producer who could push it into its next stage.

**Drew:** Continuing on the hustle, Oliver writes, “Last year, I officially sold my first script to a mid-size studio, and it was shot in early 2023. As part of the agreement, there was an optional rewrite clause, although the studio assured me that the script was essentially good to go. On the early Zoom calls, everyone I met was lovely and thrilled about the script. The producers and director were so excited that everyone began sharing ideas, which was super fun, until it wasn’t. Months later, having gone down numerous rabbit holes, the entire process became bleak and disheartening, to the point that days before production, one of the producers was in the script, inserting expedition.

“In hindsight, I feel like a lot of this can be attributed to my naïve approach to filmmaking. I assumed that the studio process would foster a no-bad-ideas atmosphere, where the best ideas can percolate to the top. Next time, assuming I’m lucky enough to have another option converted, I’m tempted to keep my mouth shut, limit my enthusiasm for brainstorming, and focus solely on the necessary edits to move this thing into production. Am I looking at this the wrong way? How might a more experienced writer approach things differently?”

**John:** Let’s pretend we are not a podcast about screenwriting, but we are a relationship show, and so we are a show which people write in with their love questions. Here is Oliver’s question restated for the purposes of that show. “Dear John and Craig, I fell in love with this beautiful woman, but ultimately it did not turn out the way I wanted it to, and so next time I fall in love, I won’t make the same mistake.”

We would point out that that’s absurd, because you can’t help falling in love. You’re going to fall in love. Falling in love is the point, the purpose. That’s a thing you’re going to do. Going into a relationship with all your defenses up is not going to be productive. You have to let yourself be open to the experience, the process, to know that it could end badly, but still believe that it’s going to end great.

Now we come back to the Scriptnotes podcast, where the exact same thing holds true. In you selling your script to these people, you had to go into it with the belief that this is going to be great, and we are going to be able to make a movie here that we’re all going to love. It’s going to be fantastic. It’s going to win awards. It’s going to make a zillion dollars.

You have to go into it with that kind of love and enthusiasm and belief that it’s going to work, because if you’re trying to shield yourself from heartbreak the entire time, it’s just not going to work. You’re not going to have a good experience. They’re going to see it. They’re going to see your reluctance. It’s just going to be a bad situation.

It wasn’t the brainstorming that was the problem. People throw out ideas as part of the chewing over of stuff. What ultimately happened is that they decided to make some choices that weren’t your choices. That’s frustrating to you. You don’t know how the movie is going to be. You’re concerned that it’s going to suck. You’re concerned it’s going to have your name on it. These are all reasonable concerns, but it doesn’t mean you should fundamentally change your approach next time.

This wasn’t your fault per se. There may have been certain moments along the way where you could have done things differently and had a different result. More experience might’ve helped you there too. You’re trying to blame yourself for things that are out of your control.

**Drew:** I think it was Chris McQuarrie who said if there’s no time limit on the script, you’ll have a million notes, and if it goes into production on Monday, you get none.

**John:** Exactly. Listen. You wrote a movie that went into production, so celebrate that. That’s a huge accomplishment, very, very exciting. Let’s hope it turns out well. Let’s talk about how we can help that movie turn out well.

First off, you don’t say whether this was a WGA project or not a WGA project. I’m going to assume that it was, because it sounds like it’s a big enough studio that it was covered under the WGA. If so, the bits of writing the producers did feel kind of hinky, because they really weren’t hired on as a writer. They wouldn’t be a participating writer for purposes of credits. But you might be the only writer who’s credited on this movie, which is great. This movie might have your name on it.

There’s no reason to burn all the bridges and assume that this is going to be a terrible situation. You don’t know that that really was their intention or that’s what’s going to happen. I’d say fake some positivity. Fake that you’re really excited to see what happens, that you’re excited to see early cuts, you’re excited to be part of that process, whatever that entails, so you can make sure that movie’s in its best possible shape. I would say don’t project anger towards them, because that’s not going to help you or help that movie be the best possible movie with your name on it.

**Drew:** Does it help to know whether the production company you just worked with has any animosity towards you afterwards or whether they were like, “Oh, no, we got this made. We’re happy with it,” and that’s going to serve you too?

**John:** 100%. I’m thinking back to a couple weeks ago, I was at a memorial service. I talked to a friend who was also a producer. Afterwards, he called me and said, “Listen, John. I felt really bad about some of the stuff that’s happened over the years. There’s been projects we’ve pursued together, and I feel like I dropped the ball on those things. I wanted to apologize for those situations where I feel like I didn’t do as much as I could have as a friend and as a producer.” I said, “Listen. I totally hear that, but also know that I did not feel that at all. I felt like you’re a producer doing producery things, and most stuff just doesn’t work. It just doesn’t happen. There was zero animosity.” Stuff just falls apart and goes away, and that’s just the business of it all.

I would say, Oliver, don’t assume that they think badly of you just because you feel kind of bad about them. They may think, “Oh, no, this is great. This is fantastic. That kid did a great job for us. We would work with him again.” I’d say definitely don’t assume that it’s a problem on their side.

**Drew:** It got made.

**John:** It got made. Again, I’m asking everybody to write back in with follow-up. I’m really curious from Oliver’s perspective how does the movie turn out, how is he feeling, what’s his relationship with that. He’s saying, “Listen, if I’m lucky enough to get enough option converted,” this is what you should be working on right now. Don’t dwell on this. Make sure you are working on new stuff that can get made.

**Drew:** Back to setting up options, James writes, “I recently finished a feature-length script based on a true story. I became aware of the story when my aunt wrote a book about this woman a decade ago. As far as I can tell, she’s written the only book about her. It’s based on original research that she was the first to uncover and stitch together. It’s also not a widely read book. It was released by a regional publisher with a small footprint.

“I’m a little worried that I might start shopping this around, and a producer will decide that they like the idea for making a film out of the book, but they will want to use a different writer and cut me out all together. Now that I’m ready to introduce my script to managers and producers, should I first have my aunt sign a shopping agreement? My thinking is that it would, A, allow me to put a producer hat on and help ensure that I’m attached to the project as a writer if there’s an interest in making it, and B, it’ll help pique the interest of producers and managers, given that I have IP relationship on paper.”

**John:** Great. I’m going to start this with again defining a term and making sure we’re using the term correctly. A shopping agreement really isn’t the right word for what you’re describing here. A shopping agreement is generally, I’ve written a script, and I’m going to give it to these producers and say, “Okay, we have a shopping agreement.” They can shop around and see if they can find a home for it, without really fully optioning it from me. It’s just a way of representing that stuff. You can also hear it in terms of agents, but I think really any producer has a shopping agreement to take a project around that they don’t really own or control. It’s limited control over things.

That’s not really what you’re talking about with a book. With a book, you’re optioning a book. You’re not optioning a book. You’re buying the rights to a book. It’s your aunt. I think you just option your aunt’s book for a buck or whatever. Have a conversation with her so that she understands.

It really sounds like you did adapt her book, or at least without that book, there really would’ve been no movie. This wasn’t a case where you did a bunch of original research and found your own thing. Without this book, there was no movie. I think it’s a good idea for you to lock that down, so that it’s clear that you really did base this on this, and that this book and your script really are a joint deal.

Then I wouldn’t worry about it. I don’t think you need to actually walk in there with, “Oh, here’s my signed option agreement.” It’s title of the movie, written by James your last name, based on the book by your aunt’s name. Great. People are going to respond to the script or not respond to the script and the story in the script. But they’re not going to be like, “Oh, this is a fascinating story, but we really want to shake this James off of it and take this book.” They’re not going to do that. I think you’re worrying about a thing that’s not really going to be an issue.

**Drew:** I wrote a pilot based on a book once. Going out with that, you would get the question of, “Oh, do you have the rights to it?” You say, “Yep,” and they said, “Great.” That was the end of it.

**John:** No one asks you for that paper.

**Drew:** Trying to find a good way to transition into this.

**John:** I’m looking at these next few questions, and they’re obviously red flag questions. Let’s read them and just talk about why they’re red flags.

**Drew:** First one’s from Anonymous. “I’ve been doing freelance work reading and writing coverage and feedback on scripts for a screenwriting contest website.”

**John:** The alarm is already sounding.

**Drew:** “They promise their winners they’ll pitch to industry contacts, and they’re offering me more responsibility on the pitching side.”

**John:** I don’t believe they’re going to pitch to industry contacts.

**Drew:** “John, do scripts get made this way? Site runners consider the company an agency that’s financially supported by contests.”

**John:** Oh, god. They’re not an agency.

**Drew:** “Does the industry see contest runners as agents?”

**John:** No. There’s so many things wrong with this situation. Nothing wrong with the question, Anonymous. Thank you for the question. A screenwriting contest is not an agency. Agencies are actually defined organizations under state law. This is not any of these things.

Listen. Are they paying you to do this coverage? Is the payment that they’re giving you enough that it’s worthwhile for you? I can’t fault you for working for this company if you need the money to do this thing. If you’re actually getting something out of it, okay. But I don’t believe that they have meaningful industry contacts.

I just don’t believe that anything good is going to happen out of this situation. I feel concern for the writers who’ve submitted these scripts to this contest, that they believe there’s some plus to this. There isn’t.

**Drew:** I’m also worried because Anonymous says, “They’re offering me more responsibility on the pitching side,” which seems to sort of imply that they would be made to seem like it’s a development executive almost, when that’s not really what’s happening.

**John:** I’m concerned for all sorts of levels. I would say, Anonymous, get yourself out of there. You’re probably writing in to this podcast because you are a writer yourself who wants to see their work getting made. This is not a place that’s going to lead to that. Sorry.

**Drew:** The next one comes from John, who writes, “A producer is interested in my feature screenplay and wants to enter into a producer agreement with me, in which they’ll provide packaging services that includes attaching high-value talent, script notes, and equity to be put toward production, etc. The strange part is that all of these services would be performed by the producer’s production company for a fee, a fee that I would be paying to that producer’s company. My gut tells me that this is not correct. Is my gut reaction correct, or is this an actual opportunity?”

**John:** Your gut is correct, John. You should not be paying producers. Producers get their money from making movies and television. They get their money from the people who are hiring them to actually get the stuff made. You are not a studio. You are a screenwriter. Do not pay producers.

Amend this to one thing. I think there are situations where screenwriters, some of whom have written in to this podcast, have gone to people specifically to get notes. There are very smart people who give terrific notes on scripts, but they’re not going to them as producers. If you are choosing to pay somebody for notes, whose job it is to write really good notes for things, I think that is valid. That is useful to you, the same way that a novelist might go to somebody who’s a freelance editor who goes through and helps you tighten up your work. That’s fine and that’s good. But that does not sound at all like what John is describing here. I’d say do not pay these producers.

**Drew:** SR writes, “I made what I thought was a bold move. I’m a non-union screenwriter, and I’ve been stuck in my career writing romantic comedies for a production company out of Canada. When I heard of this Comedy Fantasy Camp being run by icons of comedy, I was excited. It promised to focus on comedic writing for movies and TV as well as writing stand-up. It was quite expensive. It was $3,500 for four days, but I thought it could be worth the risk, especially when there was promised meeting with literary managers and agents with an added price tag of $1,000.”

**John:** We’re now at $4,500.

**Drew:** “It turned out to be nothing that it promised. The camp ended up being filled with nearly 100 people, not 15 is what the email stated. A documentary about camp seemed to be the primary focus, so the only people who got any help whatsoever were the few participants they decided would be featured in the documentary. I was never seen or talked to the entire camp.

“Now for the $1,000 manager meeting, it was a dinner where some managers showed up, but they proceeded to have conversations with each other the entire time. I didn’t get to talk to anyone. They couldn’t have cared less that I or anyone was there.

“Some of the crew who are filming the documentary told me they thought the whole week was a scam. There’s so much more that I could say about this terrible experience, but I’ll stop here. Something that could’ve been great and potentially life-changing turned out to be one of the worst experiences that I’ve ever had, and the most expensive. I took a financial risk during a difficult time due to the strike, and it bit me in the ass.

“Do you have any advice on how I could take anything positive from the experience? I know a handful of people who are calling their credit card companies, claiming the camp was a scam. Could that have any negative impact on my career?”

**John:** The first word here is oof. I’m so sorry for SR. It genuinely sucks, what happened here. I don’t know too many details about this specific camp. There’s a little bit of stuff we cut out of the question. But it was expensive. $3,500, or really $4,500 for four days, I think you went into this assuming it was going to be intensive, really workshopping on your stuff, figuring out all the nuts and bolts of things that could be really helpful from you, and that you were going to meet people in that group who were super smart about comedy, and that you’d really learn stuff from there. That didn’t happen.

We can be generous and say that the big names who are behind this thing or the people who are behind this thing really did have intentions of a certain kind of thing that just didn’t actually end up happening, and that they really felt like this was going to be a game-changer and useful, and they didn’t set out to make a scam perhaps, but it felt like a scam at the end.

Asking for your money back will not hurt you. If you can get your money back, get your money back, because right now it sounds like you were basically an extra who paid to be in the background of a documentary that was filming about this thing. That sucks.

As far as what you can take from this that is meaningful, listen. Sometimes tough experiences do find their ways into other stuff we’re writing down the road. We can think about this experience and reframe it as something that’ll be useful for you down the road, in terms of something you could write. The way you felt about this right now, make sure you’re remembering what this felt like, because you’re going to write characters who have similar feelings somewhere down the road. It’s worth introspecting on that experience.

Were there other people who met during this process, other folks who paid the $3,500, who were at all good, that you can actually at least keep in contact with them, trade your stuff, get a sense of the community around you? Drew and I both went through the Stark program at USC. What I always say about film school is that it’s not nearly as much about the instructors of the class. It’s about everyone who’s in your class together, the fact you’re all trying to do the same things that are so, so helpful. People at your same level are going to be much more useful to you than that one great lecturer. Those are some things you can take from it. Drew, I’m curious what your feelings are.

**Drew:** I am sad that it was such a scam, but at the same time, it was called Comedy Fantasy Camp. There’s Rock and Roll Fantasy Camps. The fantasy camp experience is definitely a thing that’s out there. I think they position themselves as being an industry thing, which undermines it.

**John:** I’m thinking about this in context of Austin Film Festival, specifically the Screenwriters Conference at Austin, which we go to many years – and we often do a Scriptnotes there – and the ambivalence I feel about how Austin is marketed, as a chance for screenwriters to come together and learn from other screenwriters, and there’s some big names and you get exposure to people, and we do a live Scriptnotes. In that case, it’s a nonprofit, so you don’t feel as bad about it.

If I was approaching this as a person who’s going to Austin to hang out to famous screenwriters, the truth is that famous screenwriters are just hanging out by ourselves. We’re ultimately going to dinner ourselves. We’re going to panels, but we’re not actually sitting around the bar and talking with you all that much. We’re happy to say hello, but there’s thousands of people there, and we’re just ourselves. It’s not going to be transformative the way that a person might hope.

In the case of this Comedy Fantasy Camp, I think there was a reasonable expectation that something kind of transformative could happen. There were promises made about the $1,000 extra for the manager meeting. I think you would have a reasonable expectation that something good could come out of that. Doesn’t seem like it was structured in a way that was even remotely possible.

**Drew:** I do feel like if you are a manager or anyone participating in those, you do have a certain duty to the people who’ve paid for that dinner or something like that, to at least talk to them.

**John:** I don’t know the names of the comedy folks who are involved in this, but I’m curious what they think this experience was like. Do they think it was actually meaningful for the people who attended? Do they feel good about this weekend or bad about this weekend? I don’t know. I’m wondering, almost back to the question we asked at the start, what is the experience of the people in the writers’ room, what did they think about it. They may just be two completely different universes of how people felt about how this weekend went.

**Drew:** You want to go back to craft questions for a little bit?

**John:** Sure.

**Drew:** This next one’s from Will. He writes, “In Episode 611, John and Craig discuss the four or six or seven Fs. In my view, the most interesting and compelling protagonists are ones who are driven by moral principles that enable to rise above these base instincts, for example, Frodo in Lord of the Rings. These characters have fears and fights, but their primary drivers are enduringly moraled and principled. I agree that these moral characters are, on the surface, harder to relate to, but clearly a good writer can make it work. I think these are really important types of heroes to write about and to make compelling. I’m curious, what are your tips?”

**John:** I don’t disagree with you. I don’t recall the exact edit of where we got to when Craig and I were talking about the Fs. I hope what we said is that even the most noble characters who are doing things for very highly specific and higher-level human reasons, there’s going to be some underpinnings or some undergirdings of these Fs in there, that there’s going to be some aspect of greed or propagation or some really defensible base instinct that could be behind that pride, that morality.

Look for some of those things too, but not to get away from characters who have a moral agenda or for some higher human purpose behind a thing, for altruism, for something else. Don’t run away from those things, but just recognize that it can’t be just about that.

There’s always going to be aspects on a story level, but also on a scene level, that really are about those more primal needs there. Part of what makes those characters feel relatable is that you’re seeing both their rationality or irrationality at the same time you’re seeing that they are animals doing animal things.

**Drew:** I’m trying to think of a character who is purely altruistic that does feel relatable. I also feel like even Frodo has failings and has all those things too.

**John:** Absolutely. It’s important that we see Frodo originally in the context of his family, the context of his happy shire life, and that he has those real, understandable, primal connections to those people. He’s going on this journey, which is terrifying and arduous, but he’s still connected back to that initial place. His morality is so important, but it’s not necessarily driving him from moment to moment. He’s often running away, or he’s figuring out how to get to the next thing. There’s a lot of survival happening there is what I’m saying.

**Drew:** Would you say it’s important to see the character overcome some of those Fs?

**John:** For sure. Absolutely. I think that’s one of the things we relate to. Sometimes even we’re thinking about, Free Willy’s popping to mind, but other stories involving animals or when they see non-human characters do things like, oh, they’re not just doing one of their Fs. They’re actually doing some sort of higher, more noble purpose.

**Drew:** When you see Lassie going to get someone from the well.

**John:** 100%. That’s why we love Lassie, because Lassie’s acting in a human way that does not meet any of a normal dog’s needs. That’s why we love Lassie.

**Drew:** All my very contemporary references.

**John:** 100%. Who is the new Lassie right now? I don’t know. Is there an equivalent?

**Drew:** Is there a Lassie? I feel like kids and animals don’t really have a thing on TV, but I could be wrong.

**John:** I’m trying to think. There was a Channing Tatum recently which is him and his dog, but I can’t think of anything else. Where are the live-action dog movies that we need?

**Drew:** We need more.

**John:** We need more. We need more.

**Drew:** Nico writes, “Lately I’ve noticed a lot of shows that seem to be judging their characters hard. For example, in Succession, the final episode seemed to be driving home what Roman says in the last episode, that we’re all bullshit. The end of Sopranos, Dr. Melfi decides to stop treating Tony because he’s a sociopath. While these shows’ endings aren’t out of left field and do fit thematically, I often feel somewhat betrayed when these final judgments come down. Weren’t we supposed to be rooting for the Roys even though we know who they were the whole time? Weren’t we cheering for Tony to go to therapy? What are your feelings on judging your characters as a writer? Doesn’t it go against the idea of taking your main character from antithesis to thesis because at the end the characters simply have been terrible all along?”

**John:** I think it comes down to the idea that you’re writing to a point. You’re writing to a conclusion, a consequence. In the examples you bring up here, Sopranos and Succession, really these are antiheroes. They’re not classic heroes. The degree to which every antihero is also kind of a villain and needs some consequence and comeuppance for all the things they’ve done, it does feel natural.

As a writer, you are seeing things from your characters’ point of view, but you are also aware that they are in a universe in which the things they are doing are not necessarily good. I don’t think it’s judgey to say that Tony Soprano killed a bunch of people and is not a good guy. That doesn’t feel judgey to me. The same with the Roys. They are individually incredibly problematic. I think it’s fine for us to say who they are and what they’ve done deserves some judgment. That doesn’t feel bad to me. Drew, what do you think?

**Drew:** I feel like a lot of the examples too are towards the endings of these things. The shows are studying these characters’ behavior. When they do these things over and over and over and over again, to your point, it’s consequences. It adds up.

It does feel like a little bit of a judgment. I guess I feel like there’s a difference between the judgment of fate, like the universe judging, and a creator judging. I might agree that The Sopranos feels like a bit of a creator judgment, because I think that changed a little bit for me. I think Succession is one that feels more of like a universe judgment, that all of their behaviors led to this point.

**John:** What is the difference between the universe and the creator? The creator created that whole universe, or the team behind it created that whole universe. To me, looking at the Roys, because we are so tightly focused on the Roys and what each of them is trying to do at every given moment, it’s easy at times to forget, oh, there’s a whole world around them that is actually being negatively impacted by the choices that they’re making.

In that final season of Succession, where they’re running the news network and making presidential calls that have huge impacts on the entire world, I think it’s right for us to feel incredibly uncomfortable that we feel almost complicit in watching them do this stuff.

**Drew:** Next, Ollie writes, “I’m struggling with how to best format names in my screenplay, which is based on the discovery of the structure of DMing. Two of the characters have incredibly similar names, Watson and Wilkins, so I thought I would use both their first and surnames to avoid confusion. Should I use both names throughout the whole thing or only in scenes they share? It looks really weird having two names when everyone else in the scene only has one, but I also want to make sure it’s crystal clear to readers. Alternatively, should I only use their first names, even if I’m using surnames for anyone else?”

**John:** Ollie, this is the right question to ask, and you’re asking it at the right time, I think, because you’re going to want to make a fundamental choice about how you’re identifying these characters and make sure it’s really clear from the reader’s point of view.

As an audience member watching this film, we’re not going to get them confused, because they’re two different people. Just their names happen to be so similar. They’re both starting with Ws. People will get confused reading your script if they’re both there together. It’s going to happen. Is your story truly a two-hander, where they have equal weight and equal prominence? If it’s not, my instinct would be to give the person whose story is more, use the first name for them, and use the last name for the other character.

**Drew:** I like that.

**John:** That way, it pulls us a little closer in to the character who we just have the first name for. It feels more familiar, more intimate. The other character is a little bit more distant. That may be a choice that works for you. I would also say experiment. Using both first and last names is going to feel weird and kludgy I think on the page. It may not even help you with the confusion between the two names. It’s just going to be more to read. There are two character names in scripts. It’s not that uncommon. It’s not the default.

An important thing to remember about screenplay format is at a certain point, we stop reading character names. We just look at the shapes of them. It’s a weird thing. You don’t notice them. Once you’re in dialogue, it just flows. It’s why you’ll see mistakes in scripts where the wrong character’s given a line of dialogue, because you get in back-and-forth pattern behind them. It is the right moment to be thinking about how you’re going to do this, because Wilkins and Watson are just too close. Your readers are going to get confused.

**Drew:** I’m trying to find right now if the Oppenheimer screenplay is out there and what they used for him.

**John:** Perfect. We will take a look. By the time this episode’s posted, we’ll have an answer for you.

**Drew:** We’ll put something in there.

**John:** The Oppenheimer script, if it’s posted there. We’ll put it in Weekend Read if nothing else.

**Drew:** Absolutely.

**John:** Oppenheimer’s chock full of probably last names for a lot of those characters. I bet they were all last names. I’m curious whether Oppenheimer is Oppenheimer or Robert.

**Drew:** That just feels like a lot of real estate on the page if it was Oppenheimer every time he has a line.

**John:** OPP.

**Drew:** One more question for things based on a true story. Sam writes, “I’m writing a script based on a true story from the past few years. I’m currently taking a pretty conservative amount of artistic license. The script is structured around actual events, and the characters are based on actual people and their characteristics.

“I’m having a problem, however, with providing suitably compelling stakes and motivations for my main character. I invented a backstory that hangs over the character and influences his choices. I think it’s the right narrative decision, but I’m hesitant as to whether I’m cheating the truth too much. I’m especially worried because the events in question are so recent. If I was writing about an event that took place long ago, I would have fewer qualms about shaping the story as I need to. Can you give any guidance as to how you know when you’re going too far in applying artistic license to a true story?”

**John:** Sam, just like Ollie, you’re asking the right question at the right time, because you’re thinking about how much do I need to bend events or invent motivations behind things to have them all make sense. The truth is probably yes, you do need to do some of these things, because their motivations are opaque to you. You aren’t going to know exactly why characters were doing what they were doing. Your story needs to make sense. You’re not telling fact. You’re telling a story. You’re telling a story with characters who go through a change. If there’s not an inherent change in the true life story, you may need to invent some reasons for why you’re creating this perspective on the story, that has a beginning, middle, and end, and a real journey to it.

Listen. It’s not going to be uncontroversial for you to be introducing motivations behind characters and what they’re doing. But if you look back to, we’ve had people come on Scriptnotes and talk about the projects they’re working on, they did that a lot, because that’s the job of the writer is to create motivations and create reasons for why characters do what they do.

**Drew:** If a writer’s writing a script about a true story on spec, should you be cautious if those motivations aren’t necessarily there, because then you maybe just have a scenario?

**John:** I would say honestly, if you’re writing something on spec – so there’s not a studio involved, it’s not based on a book, it’s not based on anything else – I think you actually have quite a bit of latitude in figuring out why your characters are doing what they’re doing and what is it about these characters and the choices they’re making that is a compelling story.

The obvious example you can go back to is The Social Network. That character’s not really Mark Zuckerberg. There are moments that are taken from real life, but the real motivations behind Mark Zuckerberg are not the motivations of the character that’s portrayed in that movie. The movie’s successful, and I like the movie a lot. But if I were Mark Zuckerberg, I would be pissed at the movie, because it’s portraying him doing things for reasons that were probably not the reasons he did those things.

**Drew:** Makes sense. Steve writes, “I’m writing a period war script in which US forces get encircled by the enemy, sort of like the old newsreel footage. I want to show the action of the firefights and positions being overrun, but with a map overlay over it, basically showing all the enemy positions in red moving in and smothering the US positions in white, until all that’s left is one little white dot. Do I just write that, or is there a technical term for this type of post add-on?”

**John:** There is nothing that I know of as a technical term. Just write that. The description of what you just in your question will make sense. We’re used to, in scripts, seeing things that are not strictly what the camera is shooting, but what we’re seeing on screen. Go for it. It’s going to work.

**Drew:** Niroberto writes, “What would make you prefer being a producer instead of a writer on a project?”

**John:** Almost nothing, Niroberto. I would almost never choose to be a producer on a project rather than a writer. I’ve done it once. In that situation, it was incredibly frustrating. It felt like being in the cockpit of a plane and seeing all the controls and not being allowed to touch them. I knew what I thought we needed to do to the script and to the story, and I was not allowed to touch those controls and actually do that work. I found it incredibly frustrating.

**Drew:** Were you giving notes to the writer?

**John:** Yeah, I was giving notes to the writer. Just so I’m not being oblique here, it’s Jordan Mechner, who’s a good friend and a very good writer. This was on Prince of Persia. But there are definitely things where it was like, “If I could just do this myself, it would be faster and better, and I wouldn’t have to figure out how to note this to death.”

Listen. In the end, the movie was not the movie either of us wanted to make, for various reasons, but that part of the process was really frustrating. When it was out of our control, and when other folks were making the movie, my name is on this, but I had really very little control over certain choices and decisions that were made. For me, producing is not that exciting, but you just graduated as a producer. Are you excited to produce things you have not written?

**Drew:** I think so. I more than think so. Yes, I am. But I’m also at a point where I’m just excited to get things made seem exciting to me. I don’t think that’s been… Tainted is the wrong word. But he practical realities of what it takes, I haven’t lived through yet. Right now it’s all just excitement about big ideas and all that.

I’m also at a point in my career where I love writing, but if I don’t get to write the thing, if there’s other people that are going to get this thing across the finish line, and I can be that for that person, that’s what’s most important to me. Just getting things made is the most important thing.

**John:** I’m first and foremost always a writer, so it’s always about how do I write the thing to make it happen. In my non-Hollywood stuff, like the software we make, I am not fundamentally a coder, so I feel fine being a producer on that project, because I’m not a designer, I’m not a coder, I’m not that person, but I am a good leader of people in that situation. If I were a talented coder, I’m sure Nima would hate me, because we’d be arguing about esoteric stuff in the code. That’s I think the difference is that I fundamentally identify as a writer first, and I will produce if it’s helpful for me to be producing. But producing and then I’m not writing, it’s just not a good fit for me.

**Drew:** Fair. Finally, Danny writes, “I have been a professional late-night comedy writer for 13 years now.”

**John:** Great.

**Drew:** “And only during this strike did I learn that I’m part of the Writers Guild known as Appendix A. I realize that we’re a small fraction of the Guild membership, but I find this name to be troubling. An appendix, by definition, is a thing tacked on to a report that no one reads, or an internal organ that can be surgically removed from the human body and not missed whatsoever. I know in three years the Negotiating Committee will have many issues to hammer out, but I feel like getting this changed should be top priority for everyone.”

**John:** Danny, first off, I hear you. I think it’s great that you’ve been a professional late-night comedy writer for 13 years. I’m not surprised you didn’t know that all this was covered under Appendix A. Appendix A is not a term that the WGA invented. It’s not anything pejorative.

Basically, there’s a whole big contract that covers film and television writing. There’s a whole section on screenwriting and feature writing. There’s a whole section on TV writing, which is mostly also what the streaming stuff is. Then there’s everything else. Everything else that could be covered under the WGA, it got all put in a thing called Appendix A, which is just a grab bag for everything else. It covers you as a late-night comedy writer. It covers game shows. It covers talk shows. It covers daytime talk shows. It covers soap operas. Everything else that is not a feature or a normal episodic television show gets put in Appendix A.

It’s an appendix just because it’s an appendix on the end of this big agreement. It’s been there for a long time. It’s not going to change. They’re not going to change the name. It doesn’t matter. It is not worth any capital at all for the Writers Guild to try to push this into a different part of the contract, because it wouldn’t change anything. It’s still just a third category of writers who are protected underneath the Writers Guild.

What I will say is the folks who are writing for Appendix A shows, especially late-night comedy variety writers, have incredible advocates in the Guild. Going into this negotiation, everyone in that negotiating room learned so much about how Appendix A shows work and how we need to protect them, particularly for the changes that are happening as we go into streaming and into AVOD and into other future technologies. Don’t feel like you are some useless appendage that is not part of the main Guild. You are right there in the center of it.

Also, so many writers work in multiple fields. I started as purely a screenwriter, but I’ve also written TV. So many writers we’ve talked to and writers who’ve come on the show started off doing late-night comedy variety shows and are now doing features or are now doing TV. It all blends together. We need to make sure that writers are covered, no matter which work area they’re working under.

**Drew:** That’s great.

**John:** Cool. We answered a lot of questions. I’ve lost count. That was good.

**Drew:** That was a marathon.

**John:** We did skip a question. Jocelyn Lucia in Orlando wrote, “In the Bonus Segment of Episode 582, Craig hinted at being very involved with the Foley work in The Last of Us. He said he would give the podcast an exclusive story regarding this following the completion of its airing. Now that the season is out, is it time for the story?” Listen. I’ll leave it to Craig to tell exactly what his Foley was, but I think those doorknobs, all Craig Mazin.

**Drew:** I could hear it.

**John:** You could too. You hear it.

**Drew:** Those little, yeah.

**John:** Yeah, that’s it, 100%.

**Drew:** 100%.

**John:** He’s all the doorknobs. He’s the doorknobs and hinges. There are a lot of squeaky hinges, and that’s all Craig Mazin. He’s basically a squeaky hinge.

**Drew:** That makes sense.

**John:** Time for One Cool Things. My One Cool Thing was something I saw this week which I thought was terrific. The headline is An Extremely Detailed Map of New York City Neighborhoods. It’s from the New York Times. What they did is they basically surveyed people all throughout New York and greater New York about, “What is this block called? This block that you’re in, what is it called?” Literally, block by block in Manhattan, but also throughout Brooklyn and everywhere else, it’s, “What is the name for this place where you are?” because if you look on Google Maps or other places, they’ll have these categories for what these places are. There’ll be voting districts and things like that. But how people actually identify their block can be very specific.

What I love about how they charted this on this New York Times, again, incredibly detailed infographic with interactive elements, you can see really block by block how people identify. You can see the hazy borders between some places. Other times it’s super crisp, because on this side of a highway, it’s this; on this side of a highway, it’s that. I just thought it was great. There’s historic names. There’s newer names. I remember they were trying to rebrand Hell’s Kitchen as Clinton for a while, and that didn’t work.

**Drew:** Lower Manhattan on this is just a mess. Block by block, it’s [crosstalk 01:04:29].

**John:** Block by block. It’s great. I think it’s one of the reasons why New York is terrific but also really intimidating for outsiders is people will say a name, like, “I don’t know what that is.” “I have a friend who lives in Astoria.” I’m like, “I don’t know what Astoria is.” It’s like, “Oh, it’s that thing.” Surprisingly, that’s actually a very well-defined area.

With the exception of Roosevelt Island – either you’re on Roosevelt Island or you’re not on Roosevelt Island – a lot of other places are very ambiguous about what the boundaries are. In some cases it’s gentrification, or Upper East Side keeps getting pushed further and further north, where there used to be clearer boundaries between things.

**Drew:** Also, it looks like people on the Upper East Side also identify as being in Yorkville, which I’ve never heard before.

**John:** See, yeah. But a New Yorker would know maybe what Yorkville was. Of course, there’s going to be new stuff always coming online. Even driving to LA, we’re at the edge of Koreatown, which originally I was like, “Wait, is that pejorative? Is it bad to call it Koreatown?” No. It’s the largest Korean population outside of Korea in the world. Our Koreatown is really big. There’s also Historic Filipinotown. We have a Chinatown. We have Little Armenia. We have specific neighborhoods that come and go, but our boundaries are really blurry in Los Angeles too.

**Drew:** Do you believe East Hollywood is a thing?

**John:** I do not believe in East Hollywood.

**Drew:** I don’t either. That feels like we really tried, and we’re still trying.

**John:** For folks who don’t know Los Angeles, West Hollywood is actually a separate city. It is literally not part of Los Angeles. Fully surrounded by Los Angeles, but it’s not part of Los Angeles. Hollywood is just Hollywood. I guess it makes sense why you might call something East Hollywood, but where does East Hollywood start in people’s minds?

**Drew:** I think it’s between the Hollywood of the Capitol Records building and Little Armenia, basically.

**John:** To the freeway or past the freeway?

**Drew:** Maybe it’s everything east of the 101, but not quite. I don’t know. It’s so vague.

**John:** The 101 would be a good way to divide that, but I don’t know. A couple years ago, I think Curbed did a thing kind of like this for their site for Los Angeles. But I really want New York Times or LA Times to do the exact same thing, because I’m really curious what people would identify, because I would call this Hancock Park, but Windsor Square is right next door. People in Windsor Square, they just call it Hancock Park. No one really calls it Windsor Square anymore.

**Drew:** That’s very cool. Mine is much more low-tech. Mine is your local photo lab.

**John:** Tell us why.

**Drew:** For my wedding, we had about a dozen disposable cameras on the table. Every time in the last 10, 15 years I’ve gotten pictures printed, I’ve taken it to Target or CVS, and they are terrible. They’re about the same quality as if I had printed them at home. I don’t really know how to print them at home either.

We decided to go to a local place. They are lovely. They are so much cheaper than… We looked online at places that would be able to take the cameras. We were in Massachusetts. We were in Danvers, Massachusetts. This place was about a third of the price. They care about your pictures. They are guys who have been around these chemicals since high school basically and know what they’re doing. They took the cameras. They had us create a little Dropbox folder, or you can do Google Drive. They scan all the negatives, plop it right in there. You can pick what you want, and they print it out for you.

That’s the specific one, but I think most places… Not everyone still has a photo lab in their hometown. If you have them, check them out, because it’s people who care about your pictures, that make way better pictures than just the stuff you can order online.

**John:** Drew, are you old enough to remember one-hour photo labs?

**Drew:** Oh, yeah.

**John:** At the mall, you could actually take them in and get your photos back in an hour. Those all went away, because we all have digital cameras now. That machinery, that stuff still exists somewhere. It’s frustrating that if you go to CVS now – my daughter used a disposable camera for this hiking trip she took – if you send it in, it takes two weeks to come back. How soon are you getting photos back? Have you gotten them back yet?

**Drew:** We haven’t gotten the physical copies back yet. I think they’re going to ship them out this weekend.

**John:** Have you gotten the online ones?

**Drew:** Yes.

**John:** Great. That’s what you want.

**Drew:** It’s helpful too, because you can post them and all that stuff. Also, I don’t know, I get a little sad having my photos just sit on my camera. You don’t revisit them the same way. With those one-hour photo labs, used to, you’d get them and you’d sit down right there on the floor and you’d rip it open and look through them. I miss that a little bit. I think it’s more than just nostalgia. It’s genuinely people who care about the quality of it, which is great.

**John:** Great. Thank you for this One Cool Thing, because my assumption going into this was just you have to go to CVS or Target, because they’re the only places who can do that stuff. Of course there should be labs who can do that. That’s an established technology.

**Drew:** They’ve got all the same stuff.

**John:** Cool. That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt, who’s right here, edited by Matthew Chilelli.

**Drew:** Woo!

**John:** Outro this week is by Nico Mansy, and wow, it’s a really fun one. Thank Nico for this one. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions, which Drew will file and organize, and we’ll eventually get to them in an episode. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find transcripts and sign up for our weekly newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. We have T-shirts and hoodies. They’re great. You can find them at Cotton Bureau. If you’re Stuart Friedel, you can find a few of them left downstairs in the racks.

**Drew:** I think we have two.

**John:** Either one. You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to record on weddings. Drew, thank you for all your hard work on this mailbag episode.

**Drew:** It was fun. Thank you, John.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** Drew, so you got married. Congratulations.

**Drew:** Thank you.

**John:** How does the wedding ring feel? I see it in your hand.

**Drew:** I keep playing with it a little bit. We were talking a little bit after the wedding about getting sleeved, and now I can’t stop worrying about that. It’s a little bit loose, so I’m constantly worried that I’m going to just catch it on something and it’s going to take my skin with it.

**John:** The terrifying thing that I brought up to Drew and ruined his life was the fact that it has happened that people have gotten their rings caught on things and then fallen or it pulled off all the skin on their finger, leaving just bone, which is absolutely terrifying.

**Drew:** It’s a new fear that’s entered my life. It used to just be losing my teeth.

**John:** But you did not lose your teeth or your finger. You got married. Let’s talk through wedding stuff, because weddings are so important. As I said in the setup here, I believed I’d been to a dozen or so weddings, and of course I’ve been to 43 or whatever. I’ve been to so many weddings. Yours was lovely. Yours was really great.

Let’s talk about some of the things that made your wedding great, the plan going into that, and as a person who I’m sure has been to a zillion weddings because of your age cohort, things you were looking for, things you were trying to avoid.

**Drew:** I actually haven’t been to that many weddings. I think people my age, especially in the entertainment industry, seem to be pushing the weddings further and further out.

**John:** Weirdly, your college friends are not married. I met a bunch of your college friends. For whatever reason, they’re not married.

**Drew:** They’ve been dating for decades, some of them, but yeah, they’re not married. This was one of the first in my friends group. We’ve been engaged for two years, which maybe helped. It gave us some time to plan. But I will say it didn’t change that much, because I think there are some things you can’t start doing until certain points. About a year out, that’s when you can start sending certain things, and that you get certain information. I’m not sure that necessarily helped make it good.

**John:** For the folks who weren’t there, which is hopefully most of this audience-

**Drew:** Yeah, could be.

**John:** Let’s start with the venue, because you picked a historic venue, and the whole wedding took place at that venue, including the reception and everything afterwards. There was no go to one place, then hop in your car, drive to another place for the party thereafter. That was a fundamental decision?

**Drew:** That was a fundamental decision. The place we chose was a historic landmark, which you think might be expensive, but actually, because it was government-owned, it was actually pretty cheap, compared to some of the places that you look at where it’s $10,000 for the night or something crazy for a barn. That helped. We also wanted a nondenominational wedding. We picked that place. It was beautiful enough as it was. Sorry, what was your [indiscernible 01:13:06]?

**John:** The venue was great. You picked it early on. You reserved it. Clearly, that venue had been used for weddings a ton. You didn’t have to invent everything, correct?

**Drew:** Correct. The nice part also about picking that venue was that, because it was a historic building, they had certain controls in place. They had their caterers, who knew the building. They were the only caterers we could work with, so we didn’t have to go taste a million things. They had recommendations for everyone. They do weddings all the time, so they had their people, which we were happy to take their recommendations. We used their recommendations. Also, little things like no actual burning candles, nothing like that, so safety was built in. Especially as we were planning during COVID, they were very strict about that, so that was important to us too.

**John:** Great. Let’s talk about guests. We got a save the date and then we got further information. How early on did you have a sense of how many guests there would be?

**Drew:** You go in with the big dream of everyone you’ve ever met is going to be at this wedding. I think I still would have loved for that to be the case. Then the practicalities and money and all that very quickly winnows that down. We knew we were looking about 100 guests maximum.

Then you’re also doing the balance too, where you have your family, and you have to figure that out. You want to make sure it’s balanced between the two people, so that no one feels like it’s one family’s wedding or that it’s the other family’s wedding. All those little politics things start coming into play. We were really lucky. We had two great families who were very understanding and all that stuff. Still, you never want to push anyone into places where they’re going to feel uncomfortable or any of those things.

What was nice was take big swaths out of the equation. I just went through the Stark Program. I was able to say, “That’s 30 people. That’s going to be too much of one block. I don’t want to pick and choose, because I love them all. I’m just going to say no one from grad school. I love you, but it’s not going to happen this time.”

**John:** That was a question, because I was wondering where the Stark friends were there. For our wedding, we were about the same size. What we did was we did a bachelor’s night party the night before the wedding, where we just invited all the folks who we couldn’t invite to the wedding. We had a venue and a bar, and we were all there. We had little photo booths. It was just like an extra little reception-

**Drew:** That’s great.

**John:** … but just the night before, so it wasn’t the wedding. That ended up working out well for us.

**Drew:** Sorry. Was it for your wedding guests too?

**John:** No. Wedding guests were not invited to that. It’s just the folks who we couldn’t invite to the wedding, like our dentist and other friends like that. I guess there may have been a couple people who were at both, but really the expectation was not that you were going to be at both. You were going to be at one or the other. It was fun. It worked out really well. I don’t want to say these were second-tier friends, but this is what we would’ve invited all the Stark friends to. We did invite a lot of my Stark friends to that.

**Drew:** I think we probably need to do that too. We’ve promised people that we would do something like that.

**John:** That’d be great, just an LA reception for this. Now, you were a destination wedding. Neither of you live where the wedding was. This was her hometown. How early in the process did you decide that it was a destination wedding?

**Drew:** Fairly early on. We played around with the idea of it being in LA. But part of it was cost. Part of it was getting her family out here had been tough, and grandparents too.

**John:** Of course.

**Drew:** Especially if you want to make sure certain grandparents are there. I don’t have any grandparents, so my family was very mobile and able to go. That felt like that was the smartest idea at the time. The idea of it being a destination wedding definitely comes into play. You realize that you’re asking a lot more from your guests-

**John:** Absolutely.

**Drew:** … than if you were just doing it even in a backyard or something.

**John:** Absolutely. I have friends who are in their late 20s, early 30s, who are at the really peak age of a zillion weddings. All their college friends are getting married. Megana went through this as well when she was doing this producer job, where she was just constantly going from one to the next. It becomes that cliché of 27 Dresses or Plus One, where your life is just spent going from wedding to wedding to wedding and feeling frustration that you don’t have a life of your own, you’re just a guest at weddings.

**Drew:** The money, especially for Megana, being part of those bridal parties or bachelor party. You want the friendship. You want to be invited. But oh my god. I feel so bad for my best man. How much money he spent on me is humbling. I think that’s been a thing too that’s been really hard to cope with is how much people do for you, and you have to just accept it and not feel guilty about it. It’s overwhelming when you start realizing how much people are doing for you.

**John:** Let’s talk through some of the cliches of weddings and also things we’ve seen in movies and television. The fact that on your wedding day, you’re not going to have a chance to talk to anybody or spend more than two minutes with any person.

**Drew:** Kind of true, especially ours. We had a time limit in the building, basically. You’re just on a train track, and it goes by really fast. You get enough. You get to talk to people if you make the time to do it, but not any meaningful conversations or anything like that.

**John:** One of the things I actually really enjoyed about your wedding, so your wedding was from 6:00 to 10:00 p.m. at this historic building. You were out the door at 10:00 p.m., literally, like, “Lights are on. You gotta leave.” I really enjoyed that about your wedding, because I’ve found so many weddings, I don’t know when it’s time to leave, or the people are hanging on too late, and you feel like you have to stick around. It’s like, “Nope. You gotta go.” You and Heather also provided electrolytes to put in our water bottles as we left. Delicious. I was not hung over the next day.

**Drew:** Those are great.

**John:** Good choices.

**Drew:** Especially with an open bar too, you want to make sure that they’re-

**John:** The open bar is a considerable expense. It wasn’t as much as your catering, but it was not a cheap open bar.

**Drew:** It was part of the catering, but yeah, that was a little bit more. That was important for my parents. I think that was their must-have. It was great. I think food and bar were the most expensive part of the whole thing. I’m very good with that, because it’s kind of like being on a set. Honestly, the whole thing ends up feeling like a production. Especially if everybody’s fed, if there’s food all the time, and there’s drinks, everybody’s happy. If anything falls apart, no one cares.

**John:** I’ve been to 43 weddings or something, and a huge range of how they were staged. The successful weddings for me are definitely the ones where I felt like, “Oh, this couple’s in love. They’re doing it for the right reasons. They’re doing this for themselves. They’re enjoying their day.” It didn’t matter whether it was in someone’s backyard or at a very fancy resort if it felt like they are doing this because they want to have this great experience, and they want to share this great experience with a bunch of people who are really close to them. That’s what your wedding had.

It’s also what makes me happy when I see it is the weddings that really prioritize what is going to be great for this couple as they head off into their next thing, what’s going to create memories that they’re going to be excited about, rather than showcase weddings that are just whatever.

**Drew:** I don’t think we would’ve been good with a showcase one. I think with each decision, as long as it’s personal to you, the cumulative effect ends up being a very personal wedding. At the same time, we didn’t want it to just feel like it’s just for us and no one else, because you’ve definitely been to weddings where it feels that too, where it’s almost like the couple are in their own world. It feels not contempt that you’re there, but there’s like, “It’s you and me against the world.” You’re like, “We’re here too.”

**John:** “We’re on your team. We drove here.”

**Drew:** “We did a lot. I put on a tie.” We didn’t want it to feel that way either. You want the songs to be fun and danceable. Heather and I are nerds for all sorts of music. You start to cut some of those favorites away, just because it’s an odd beat to dance to. It’s all balance. It’s so stressful, but it ends up being fine. You worry about every little choice. I can’t imagine the people who have also other people in their ear telling them about things too. That’s a whole other level that I’m very lucky we didn’t have. Then the day comes, and it’s fine, and everyone’s pitching in to make it the best.

**John:** You had the disposable cameras on the table. Mike and I are of course very good students who make sure that every photo’s taken. We got to make sure we got everything documented. You also had a photographer there to shoot. Obviously, in a wedding you’re going to think about photography. To me, most important for our wedding and other events I’ve been to is you want somebody who’s good at actually filming what’s happening and shooting what’s actually happening and not just about the staged things. Because you didn’t have a wedding party, you didn’t have to do all that other stuff. It’s just like, what did the night feel like? The thing I loved so much about our wedding is we have a good compiled book of just the photos from the wedding that really feel like that night.

**Drew:** I think that was super important for both Heather and I is that it felt like is and it all felt real. We had a fairly journalist photographer. We had those disposable cameras. Even Heather had to really talk her makeup artist back from doing the full bridal makeup, because we didn’t want it to feel like this staged thing. We got pictures with everyone. We made sure that all the boxes were checked, and everyone will have those things, but that you can hopefully feel the energy when you look back on it.

I also didn’t want a videographer. This might be controversial. But there’s something better about looking at pictures and remembering than actually seeing. The few videos I’ve seen of myself dancing on the dance floor, I hate. I can’t do it. The pictures are good. The pictures look very fun. It’s how I want to remember it. You can fill in the blanks as opposed to seeing the stark reality.

**John:** 100%. Congratulations again. First and hopefully last wedding you’ll be through for yourself.

**Drew:** Thank you for being there. It was great.

Links:

* [Oppenheimer: The Official Screenplay](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/125485818) by Christopher Nolan
* [WGA Appendix A](https://www.wga.org/uploadedfiles/credits/Appendix_A.pdf)
* [An Extremely Detailed Map of New York City Neighborhoods](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/upshot/extremely-detailed-nyc-neighborhood-map.html?unlocked_article_code=1.6kw.kcs8.he_hQaxqP5Vb) by Larry Buchanan, Josh Katz, Rumsey Taylor and Eve Washington for the New York Times
* [TFI Photo Lab in Danvers, MA](https://www.tfiphoto.com/index.html)
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Check out the Inneresting Newsletter](https://inneresting.substack.com/)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* Craig Mazin on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@clmazin) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/clmazin/)
* John August on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@johnaugust), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/johnaugust)
* [John on Mastodon](https://mastodon.art/@johnaugust)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Nico Mansy ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/618standard.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Episode 617: Monsters and You, Transcript

November 30, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2023/monsters-and-you).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** This is Episode 617 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Craig, happy Halloween.

**Craig:** Yes, the spookiest day of spooky season has arrived.

**John:** Indeed.

**Craig:** Really, as we were saying earlier, this is the only spooky time you and I recognize, today, Halloween.

**John:** Today.

**Craig:** That’s it.

**John:** Today is the day.

**Craig:** That’s it.

**John:** I think it’s good we have a Halloween. I think we need a day of fear and merriment. I don’t know. I’m glad this has persisted into our increasingly Christian world.

**Craig:** All of our best holidays are pagan, including all the good Christian ones. For instance, Christmas is-

**John:** Christmas.

**Craig:** … definitely the winter solstice celebration, with its tree.

**John:** Indeed.

**Craig:** Easter is obviously the pagan spring fertility holiday with its bunny rabbits and eggs.

**John:** Obviously, it fit so naturally into the story of Christ’s resurrection.

**Craig:** Jesus would talk about rabbits all the time.

**John:** All the time.

**Craig:** Pagans really gave us all of our good stuff. Halloween is purely pagan. The Christians didn’t get around to Christianifying it. That’s why a bunch of, I don’t know, Southern Baptist churches are anti-Halloween. You know what? The only thing, as a language purist, that I would do to improve Halloween is popularizing the correct apostrophe between the two E’s, Hallowe’en.

**John:** We’en.

**Craig:** It’s not going to happen.

**John:** It’s never going to happen. It’d be fun to do it, but also it feels like you’re just one of those too-fancy people. It feels like you’re The New Yorker magazine type. You are The New Yorker when you’re putting the-

**Craig:** It’s a New Yorker thing to do. It is, yeah, to put the umlaut over the second O of corroborate.

**John:** The diaeresis mark, yeah, for sure.

**Craig:** I love it. I love it.

**John:** It’s so good. It’s good.

**Craig:** Oh, New Yorker.

**John:** Today on the show, what are monsters, really? We’ll discuss the functions they perform in film and TV and how they differ from traditional villains. Plus, we’ll talk about how the trappings of narrative, including good and evil, are applied to real life news. In our Bonus Segment for Premium Members, Craig, let’s journey back to the old internet and discuss what was lost and whether it matters. We’ll be going through a new internet archive that traces back to the early days of even before the web.

**Craig:** Oh, wow, pre-web stuff. Okay.

**John:** Pre-web stuff.

**Craig:** In my brain, I was thinking about that little man with the hard hat and the sign that said under “construction,” which every website used to be.

**John:** Yes, but before that we had ARPANET. We had Usenet groups. We had all those little things. We’ll talk a bit about that. It’s a whole little museum that we can click through some slides for.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** Good, fun times. First, we have some follow-up. Back in Episode 615 we talked about aphantasia, which is where people do not have the ability to visualize. We speculated, what is it like to be a writer, specifically a screenwriter, if you don’t have that ability to visualize. Luckily, we have the best listeners in the entire universe, and two of them wrote in with their experiences having aphantasia and writing.

**Drew Marquardt:** Tim says, “Think of it as having a mind’s eye that works as code instead of rendered visuals. If I’m thinking of a room and the objects within it, I’m thinking about the concepts of those things, and with effort, my imagination holds them relative to each other in a virtual space, not just as a list. Spatial awareness of a story world is pretty essential, but from what my experience and what I’ve read, I don’t think this is something that aphantasia rules out. But seeing that world in crisp HD visuals or not having to consciously think of every detail and texture is part of your imaginary process, it probably is. Similarly, lacking an inner monologue doesn’t stop me imagining a conversation. That’s probably why I take pleasure in writing.”

**John:** It sounds like Tim has both aphantasia and the lack of an inner monologue, and he still gets writing done. He still seems to be able to create scenes. I think Tim’s expectation is that you and I, Craig, are seeing everything in full HD videos in our heads. That’s not my experience. I don’t know what it is for you.

**Craig:** No, it’s far more mushy than that. It does strike me that one of the quirks of our brains is that when we’re asked to talk about things our brains can’t do, we don’t really know. It’s kind of like asking somebody who is colorblind to talk about their relative ease or difficulty moving through the world. Sometimes you just don’t know.

There are things where it’s like, okay, it’s not that I can’t do something, but if I don’t see it, I don’t know what I’m missing. I think that that applies to everybody. Everybody’s brain operates under basic D and D point array rules. You get a certain amount of points to put in your six ability categories. We all have things where we have more points than others.

Funny, I was talking about this just yesterday with somebody that on the IQ tests where you would have to fold boxes, I’m terrible. I just really struggle with that. I never think about it as I go through life, because I don’t actually know what I’m missing. I am sure that people who have excellent ability to do things like that simply experience the world in a slightly richer way than I do. Doesn’t mean better. Just richer, meaning fuller, more detail, more information.

The fact is, Tim is absolutely right. You can get by. You can do these things. My guess is that there are probably some areas where his ability stats are higher than mine because points didn’t go into visual awareness or internal visual conception.

**John:** It’s interesting you bring up IQ tests, because I believe that one of the biggest criticisms of the classic IQ tests is that they over-reward certain, very specific pattern-matching and visual abilities, to the detriment of other things, like language or, obviously, emotional intelligence, other ways in which you measure intelligence, because as I do think back to the IQ-like tests that I took as a child, they were a lot of folding boxes or figuring out the next thing in a sequence, that were largely visual. I do wonder if that’s a thing.

I’m also struck by the fact that whenever we’re talking about what our brains are doing, we are talking about them, we are writing about them, we are using our language faculties to do it. That is, of course, an abstraction from what we’re actually really experiencing. The degree to which we use language as a proxy for all other aspects of consciousness is one of the real challenges in our inability to communicate what something is like other than with our words.

**Craig:** Yeah. It may be that language is consciousness, that the thing you’re describing as the conversion process is the process, that all of our consciousness is just a language-ified experience. This now wanders into areas beyond our expertise.

**John:** I think that’s safe to say, and sometimes beyond scientific expertise. I think you sometimes do wander into philosophical areas here, where they’re just not a good place to say here. We do have some more concrete examples from another listener, Matthew, who talks about his writing process with aphantasia.

**Drew:** Matthew says, “I start much as anyone else might, with a log line, then an outline. I will then create a visual outline of the movie, sort of like a lookbook. I’ll source all sorts of images that illustrate almost every scene of the movie. This helps me, pre script face, to really visualize the feeling and vibe I’m going for. I need to lay out all the visuals of the film to really get a sense of the whole thing, because it can be a little daunting starting a project and seeing nothing when you close your eyes.”

**Craig:** I get this, Matthew, completely. I think, first of all, it’s a very smart way of approaching it. What you do find when you get out of the world of just writing and into the world of writing for production, that very soon, everyone around you is going to start pulling these visuals out. Why? Because they’re trying to get in your head. They’ve read your script, they see what you’re describing as best as you could, and now they’re trying to create a common language with you. What you’re doing is you’re creating a common language to start with. It’s very helpful for other people.

I also know what you mean when you say it can be a little daunting starting a project and seeing nothing when you close your eyes, even though I see lots when I close my eyes when I’m starting writing.

What I have noticed – and this is all fresh and current to me now because I’m in prep – when it’s time to, say, storyboard a sequence, it’s very difficult for me to storyboard it in the abstract. But if I can go to where we are shooting it, if it’s a location, or sometimes I’ll have the art department tape it out on the floor of the stage – just tape it out, just so I can have, again, a D and D style overhead map kind of view – it really helps me then go from there into angles and ideas. For me, at least, I find it hard and also sometimes counterproductive, even, to just start pulling stuff out of my butt and putting it into storyboard. I get that feeling. I think this is a very smart way of approaching it.

**John:** We’re talking about the difference between abstract visualizations versus concrete and where you fall on that spectrum. It occurs to me, Craig, that over the time that we’ve played D and D, we’ve played in a whole range of levels in abstraction. We’ve played theater of the mind. We’re just like, okay, we’re all in this space. We’re not going to put figurines down on the tabletop. We know whose turn it is. We know roughly where people are.

You had, at some point, backed a Kickstarter or something with this giant 3D models that you assembled on a tabletop, where we were moving stuff around. It was incredibly tactile. You could see exactly where we were at. You could measure with a ruler to see how close we were. Other times, we’ve done the grid, where we just have erasable markers to show the edges of boundaries of things.

Now, we’re increasingly doing this top-down view in Roll20. Some of the maps you’ve been using, especially in this last campaign, are incredibly detailed, with textures and pools of blood and all that stuff. I don’t know. It feels much more concrete, and it requires less work in all of our brains to imagine where we are in space.

Looking ahead to the upcoming things, it feels much that there are 3D systems coming up there. Baldur’s Gate is a D and D game that is incredibly detailed and 3D. I do wonder how that changes our experience of the game and how it changes how we’re approaching things, when it’s not just a collective improv. We’re all imagining we’re in a space together, but we are literally seeing the space together.

**Craig:** I’m always one to go for that. I like to go toward that, because I do think it fleshes the experience out. It makes it exciting. Of course, what happens is once the novelty wears off, everything turns back into the same thing.

Thinking about video games, they’re so much more detailed and beautiful now, but when you’re playing, it’s not like my dopamine levels are 400% higher than they were back when I was on a Nintendo 64. They’re not. The play ultimately reduces back into the joy of the play and not so much the joy of the enhancement of the visuals, but I do like those things. It’s actually why I don’t get grouchy about, “In my day, we used to have to use our imaginations.” We’re all using our imaginations anyway. It is all imaginative.

It’s just more exciting to see a fireball explode than to just have somebody go, “A fireball goes off,” and then we’re all like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. How much damage did I take?” At least now we get to see something go kaboom, which is fun.

**John:** When I was playing one of these recent games – it could’ve been the most recent Diablo – I was trucking through something, and at some point I felt kind of guilty, because these were gorgeous landscapes that I was running through, and I was not paying any attention to these gorgeous landscapes at all, because I was just tracking the little mini map or my quest.

That’s an experience in real life as well, where you don’t notice what’s outside your window, because you’re focusing on some other thing. There’s a trade-off to be made in terms of how we generalize past this real-world experience to play the game. Whether it’s literally a video game or how we’re getting through life, we don’t stop to appreciate how pretty things are outside.

**Craig:** Smell the roses.

**John:** Yeah. We have one last bit of follow-up here. Laya in Serbia wrote in about Aaron Sorkin.

**Drew:** Laya wrote in to share that, “Aaron Sorkin said on BBC’s This Cultural Life podcast that when he is writing, he can hear a scene perfectly, he can hear the dialog, but, quote, ‘It is at the expense of seeing the scene. I don’t think visually at all.'”

**Craig:** That’s not wildly surprising, given that Aaron Sorkin’s strength, the thing that sets him apart, is his wonderful dialog. If you were to say to me, name a writer that is known for their dialog, I would just say Aaron Sorkin. If you look at the famous courtroom confrontation in A Few Good Men, they’re in a wooden rectangle, and one of them’s standing. One of them’s sitting. The visuals are not relevant.

It’s one of the reasons why Fincher I thought was such a wonderful pairing with Sorkin for Social Network, because Fincher is so brilliantly visual. What I love about him as a director is, his visual sense, his cinematic sense is not showy. It’s not about, “Look at my crazy angles. Look at my cool stuff. Look at all my neato tricks.” It’s composition. It’s composition. It’s depth. It’s knowing where the camera ought to be in connection to relationship. He’s so good at that. The combination of his eye and Sorkin’s language in Social Network just elevated that. It’s such a great film.

**John:** I’m trying to think through Sorkin films or things that were for television where not just silence, but characters in a place, not talking were crucial story elements. Not a lot of them leap to mind. I think these are always characters, the joke is that they’re always walking circles, but they are always talking. I’m having a hard time remembering crucial moments in Sorkin’s stories that weren’t about the talking.

**Craig:** He populates his work with characters who express themselves verbally. If I think about Social Network, and I think about the characters in there, Mark Zuckerberg expresses himself verbally, Andrew Garfield’s character, the lawyers, the Winklvii, everyone. There’s a wonderful scene in Social Network where the Winklevoss twins go to see Larry Summers, the then-president of Harvard. That scene is – I hope you’re sitting down – rat-a-tat, incredibly intelligent dialog. It is two people sitting across from another person. Even Larry Summers’s assistant, who’s sitting at another desk, she seems brilliant.

Everybody is at an IQ of 180, and their verbal scores are 800 on that achievement test. Everyone is just witty and smart and fast. They think fast. They talk fast. Everyone’s sentences are complete. Is it mannered? I guess. But it’s entertaining. His intelligence is entertaining, and he’s witty, so it just works.

**John:** In Social Network, there is a sequence where the Winklevii are at the Regatta, and so the sequence of rowing, and that’s beautifully done. I also wonder how many times it was nearly cut, because it’s actually not especially relevant to the film. That’s a non-dialog sequence I can recall in that film, and it’s one of the very few.

**Craig:** It’s beautiful.

**John:** Beautiful.

**Craig:** I remember when I saw it. It uses that tilt-shift method where it makes things almost look like they’re in a diorama or something. I do remember in the theater thinking, this was certainly not written down like this. The combination of the music and the photographic style and the way it was working, it just felt very visual. That’s not to say that screenplays don’t normally have scenes like that. If I’m writing a movie, and I want a scene like that, I write it.

**John:** My scripts are full of those scenes.

**Craig:** Maybe I’m wrong, but I would be surprised if Aaron Sorkin wrote that in that way, because like he says, he can hear it, but he doesn’t think visually at all. I don’t know how you get to that if you don’t.

**John:** We have two bits of follow-up. We’ve talked about Craig’s diabetes. In Episode 615, we were talking about the degree to which a person who’s diabetic should tick a box for disabled and to what degree you need to bring it up. We had two listeners write in about that.

**Craig:** Great.

**Drew:** First is from Mick, who is a type 1 diabetic. He’s been working in production for over 20 years. He says, “When I first started working in the industry, I mostly didn’t tell anyone. It was just easier not to have to explain the intricacies of managing such a complex medical condition, and my goal was that I was not defined by it.

“Looking back, I can see how much easier it would’ve been if I let my employers know earlier, especially since diabetes management is built around consistent timing for meals and insulin and controlled output of energy and exercise. I eat pretty much the exact opposite of the chaotic nature of life on set. I experienced delayed insulin shots and low blood sugar levels due to production meetings that ran hours longer than scheduled, on-set catering that only included high-sugar foods or soft drinks, and shoot schedules that didn’t accommodate time to check blood glucose levels, or when the mealtimes are completely out of line with my dietary schedule.

“Now, I always let colleagues know in advance, but I also ensure that I have everything I need to self-manage. I found that people are always compassionate and genuinely keen to ensure that I am okay. There’s also the duty of disclosure to consider, should any diabetes-related health and safety situations arise on set.

“Fortunately, the tools available for diabetes management now, such as continuous glucose meters, have made everything easier as a TV professional. Writers’ rooms really shouldn’t be catered exclusively with candy and soda, for everyone’s benefit.”

**Craig:** Here here. Mick has been dealing with, we’ll call it proper, complicated type 1 diabetes for a long time. I’m dealing with non-complicated type 1 diabetes for a bit, and then eventually, it will be complicated. When it does, this will definitely be part of figuring things out. There are certain things that even now I know I have to make sure of. What I have to make sure of is that I do have high-protein, low-carb bars, things like that around. The people that work with me know that when it’s time for lunch, if everybody’s getting pasta, we’re going to have to find something else for me.

He’s right. Look, I’m the boss. I’m going to acknowledge this. Of course everyone’s super compassionate with me. They have to be. But it’s good to hear that when you’re not the boss, they’re also compassionate. I think people in general really do want to help people that have a health requirement like this. It is also important that people do know, because once you do start getting on the insulin train, there are times where your blood sugar can go too low. That is a very dangerous situation.

I don’t know, John. You and I don’t really spend much time in writers’ rooms, but I would be surprised if the modern day writers’ room really is just candy and soda. Everybody seems so health-conscious in LA.

**John:** In the time you were doing the first season of The Last of Us, I had a bunch of other showrunners on, and we were just talking through the writers’ rooms processes. They’re so different from show to show to show. Some of them are largely still virtual. Some are back in person. Some are trying to really limit the hours down. They start at 10:00, and they’re done by 4:00, and it’s really straightforward.

I think a consistent thing I’ve heard is that people are more mindful of what’s happening in that room. I think snacks are part of that, and so making sure that people have the right choices. Also, what Mick is saying, you also bring your own. It’s a combination of making sure that the room is set up properly, but also that people feel free to self-cater as they need to, to make sure they have what they need.

**Craig:** I will say one of the things that Mick is dead-on about is that continuous glucose monitoring really has changed so much, because you don’t have to wonder what’s going on.

**John:** Exactly.

**Craig:** You don’t have to go, “Oh, I don’t feel so good. Maybe I should stick a thing in my finger, put some blood on a thing, put it in the thing.” No. Your phone goes bleep bleep bleep, and it goes, “Hey, FYI, it’s going up. It’s going down.” It really does save you a lot of misery. It’s a great safety net.

**John:** Craig, just because I don’t know the terms properly, is complicated versus non-complicated, does that come down to whether you’re having to inject insulin?

**Craig:** That’s a Craig term. Yes, it really does come down to are you injecting insulin or do you have an insulin pump or not. For people who are diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as adults, there often is a time period where you’re still heading towards that place, but you’re not there yet, but you get there. Once you’re dealing with insulin, it just is more complicated, although even now, there are these closed-loop systems where you have a pump, and the pump and the continuous glucose monitor talk to each other. The pump turns on when it feels like you need some, and it’s not on when you don’t. Now you’ve got a thing that you’re wearing that has a tube that goes into you with a little port. It’s a thing. It’s a thing.

**John:** Also in the episode, we were talking about whether you tick that box or feeling like you’re taking resources away from other people. Teresa wrote in with her opinion on that.

**Craig:** Great.

**Drew:** Teresa says, “To address taking resources away from those who really need it, that’s exactly why one should claim the disabled label regardless of what they personally do or don’t need themselves. It’s like the reason behind a Census. You count certain demographics, so you know what resources need to be allotted in which places. If people don’t count themselves as members of all their communities, those communities might not be allotted enough resources where they are. Inclusion isn’t about waiting for disabled people to show up to tell you what they need before you start thinking about it. It’s about creating environments that allow disabled people to see themselves there in the first place and want to be there. You don’t have to need an accommodation immediately for it to be good to have available. When you need it is usually too late to ask.”

**Craig:** That’s fair. I guess, Teresa, I should be a little more nuanced in my ticking the box thing, because you’re right, when it is a question of taking a Census and feeling out how many people of a certain category a larger group has, no question. For instance, when I apply for, let’s say, a membership into a large group, and there is a… I just did this the other day, and there was a section that just said do you have a disability. I checked yes, because there’s not a specific resource that they’re offering me that I might take. That is very much about census-taking and about establishing a broad base of need.

Where I struggle a bit is when there is specifically something that is being reserved for somebody with a disability. My understanding is there will be plenty of people applying for this, that there will be more applicants than resource. If there are more applicants than resource, and the resource is established, then I’m going to go ahead and not tick the box, because I don’t want to take that resource from somebody that needs it more than I do.

It is nuanced. I recognize your point. I think it’s an excellent point, Teresa. I try and tick the box when I feel like it’s about standing up and being counted, as you say. I try to not tick the box when it’s the equivalent of a scholarship for a disabled person. At that point, I don’t feel good about claiming that scholarship.

**John:** I think it’s worth noting that in many cases you are going to have the opportunity to individually mark what the disability is or what that condition is that is notable, so that if there is a situation where we are looking for… I’m thinking in the case of writers. There are situations where you’re looking specifically for blind writers who have that experience, because you’re working on a show where that could be very, very helpful. If you just had a broad category for disabled, then you’re going to have hard time finding who is the person who has the specific experience that I need to have in that writers’ room and who’s fantastic.

I agree with Craig in that sense of, if there’s a broad census of who in America has a disability, it’s going to be a very large percentage of Americans. That’s not necessarily taking resources away from anything. In many cases, it may just be increasing the awareness that we need to have resources available.

**Craig:** Here’s a question for you, John, and something I’ve been thinking about lately, and even in the census aspect of it. You get a sheet, and it says, hey, what’s your race, what’s this, what’s your sexuality, and you check off gay. Do you ever think to yourself, they’re going to be patting themselves on their back for getting a gay person in, but really, they haven’t actually done anything, that this is about them making themselves feel good? Because I had that feeling when I saw this disabled box. I’m like, you’re getting away with murder here, aren’t you? Do you know what I mean?

**John:** Yes, I do know what you mean. In my specific career, I’ve not felt like it’s ever been a huge asset or liability for me to be openly gay, which is fantastic and wonderful. I’m lucky to have come into the industry when I did.

I’m also acknowledging the fact I present very straight. I don’t present especially queer, in a way that makes it very easy for people to ignore it. I do have to consciously out myself early in working relationships at times, just so people know and so people don’t accidentally say something that feels really awkward for anybody.

**Craig:** Someone may accidentally say a bad thing they shouldn’t be saying.

**John:** Yes, that. Being married is really helpful, because I could say “my husband” and that does a lot of the work. Back to my earlier point that the specificity is really, really helpful, the fact that I’m a gay person doesn’t make me better qualified to tell a story of indigenous trans youth. It doesn’t make me better qualified for a lot of specific story scenarios in which you want to have somebody whose experience better matches what it is you’re trying to tell.

That’s why I like that even the WGA’s surveys and how you fill out your boxes in terms of what you identify as, it does get more granular than that, so people can actually look for characteristics that match what they need.

**Craig:** I guess all this is to say it’s tricky, because when you’re dealing with trying to improve inclusion and representation, when the groups themselves are not particularly native to the inclusion or the reproduction, you can sometimes feel like you’re being farmed. That’s a weird feeling. On the other hand, that needs to happen, or that group isn’t going to change. We all have to make our peace with the queasiness of some of these things, I think, in order to make sure that other people are helped.

The one thing that it’s nice to have this show, is that you and I can talk about these things, and in its own way, we do make people aware of these things. We do confront them, in a nice, passive way, because we’re not in the room with them. They can hear these things. For those people who are doing hiring or surveying or awarding limited resources, I think this is a nice, civil discussion to have. It doesn’t need to be fraught with emotion or drama. It just has to be looked at with open eyes.

There are quite a few programs in our business that are mentorship programs for writers of color, or in some of the development programs that they have at Warner Bros or Universal. I can’t remember quite the name of those. In some point it becomes a catchall for, it’s for not straight white people.

**John:** Under-represented groups is classically how you’d [crosstalk 00:29:25] those.

**Craig:** Not straight, white, able-bodied people. The resource management really does make these things sticky. I like talking about them. I think that we’re all a bit nervous sometimes to talk about these things, because the general tenor of discussion on the internet is a full-on shit show. It just doesn’t matter what you say or what you do. It devolves almost instantly. That’s a shame, but also good to remind each other that most productive conversations about anything do not happen on the internet, do not happen on social media at all. That is the equivalent of, it’s 1:00 a.m. in a crowded bar, and people have been talking about politics, and they’re just screaming drunkenly at each other.

Calmly, in other places, rational people can really open each other’s eyes about these things. It’s one of the reasons I appreciate Teresa writing in, because she’s making a really interesting point. I guess on my own path, I’ll have to figure it out.

**John:** This whole conversation we’ve been having about whether to mark the box for disabled or whether to mark the box for LGBT is really familiar and probably almost passe for… I have friends who were agonizing over, they are Latino, but they would not normally identify as Latino, and so the question of how Latino do you need to be in order to mark that box, as we talked about in my One Cool Thing last week, the whole notion of Hispanic, Latino, or Latinx is a shifting target. The exact same things we brought up, that Teresa brought up, in terms of it’s good to tick the box for census reasons, but also are you taking resources away, these are questions we’re always going to be grappling with.

**Craig:** Grapple we shall together, but good that we are grappling. It’s a positive sign. It used to be when you and I were kids that no one talked about any of this, and you were out of luck. These are good developments, believe it or not.

**John:** I think they are. Let’s move on to our main topic today, which is monsters. I thought about this because three of the projects I’m currently working on have monsters in them to some degree. We’ve talked on the show a lot about antagonists and villains, but I don’t recall us ever really getting into monsters per se, which means we probably need to describe what we mean by monsters.

In my head, I’m thinking basically non-human characters that, while they may have some intelligence, are not villains in the sense that they have classic motivations and who can interact with other characters around them the way that human characters can. I was grouping them into three big buckets. But I’m curious, before we get into that, if you have a definition of monster that might be different than that.

**Craig:** Monster to me is either a non-human or an altered human, a human that has been changed into something that is not human, that has both extraordinary ability compared to a human, and also presents danger to regular humans.

**John:** That feels fair. The kinds of monsters I’m talking about, I have three broad categories, and think we can think of more than that, but they’re primal monsters, which I would say are things that resemble our animals, our beasts, but just taken to a bigger extreme. Your sharks, your bears, your wolves could be monsters, any giant version of a normal animal. They tend to be predators. Werewolves in their werewolf form feel like a primal monster. The aliens in Alien feel like that kind of primal monster.

**Craig:** Dinosaurs.

**John:** Dinosaurs, absolutely. In D and D terms, we’d say that they are generally neutral. You can’t even really call them evil, because they’re just doing what they do. Evil requires some kind of calculation that they don’t have.

**Craig:** They’re instinctive. It’s the aliens in Alien I suppose. We’ll get some angry letters from Alien fans, but those creatures do seem like they are driven by such a pure Darwinism that it is no longer a question of morality. They are simply following their instinct to dominate.

**John:** We have another category I would say are the manmade monsters. These are killers robots, Frankenstein’s monster. Of course, that monster does have some motivation beyond its thing, but any sort of Gollum-y kind of creature. Some zombies I would say are manmade. It depends on what causes them to become those monsters. Craig, would you say that the creatures in The Last of Us, would you call them monsters?

**Craig:** They are altered humans, yes, but they’re monsters. There’s no question. Part of what we try and do is, when we can illicit some at least, if not sympathy, a reminder that they are not to blame. They’re sick. They are no longer in control of their bodies. They’re no longer in control of what they do. The fact is, no matter how hard we try and do that, they’re behaving monstrously. They are monsters. More importantly, when you look at their provenance from the video game, they look like monsters, and we want them to. There are more monsters coming.

**John:** Of course. I know. I’m excited to see more monsters.

**Craig:** More monsters.

**John:** The last bucket I would throw things into would be called the supernatural. There you have all the Lovecraftian creatures. There’s other kinds of zombies that are… It’s not human-made that created them. They’re shambling mounds of things. Your mummies, at least your mummies who are not speaking mummies, but the classic stumble forward mummies.

**Craig:** Muhhh mummy.

**John:** You got your gargoyles. You have some demons or devils, the ones that aren’t talking. It really does come down to, if they have the ability to use language that our characters can understand, I’m not throwing them in the monster bucket.

**Craig:** To me, a vampire is a monster.

**John:** It’s really a question though of agency. It’s so driven by its need to feed that it no longer has the inability to interact with the characters around it, because a lot of vampires are talking, and they are doing things. They can function much more like classic villains rather than monsters, as opposed to a werewolf, who we’re used to being just fully in beast mode.

**Craig:** That’s why vampires are so fascinating, I think, because they present as human. They can absolutely have a conversation with you. All the good ones do. Not only do they have conversations with you, they seduce you and they romance you. Then they also give in to this hunger that is feral and savage. They sometimes turn into bats or fog or a big swarm of rats, which is my favorite. They are certainly supernatural. They are nearly immortal. What I love about vampires is that they are a presentation of the monster within.

Jekyll and Hyde, Dr. Jekyll is a human, and Hyde is a monster, but they are the same person. That is fascinating, because then it starts getting into the whole point of monsters, I think, which is a reflection of our worst selves.

**John:** Absolutely. I think these characters that are on the boundaries between a villain who could choose to stop and a monster who could not choose to stop are sometimes the most fascinating antagonists we can put our characters up against. In some cases, we’re centering the story around them, so they are not the villain. They are actually the main character. Once upon a time I worked on Dark Shadows, and of course that has a vampire at its center who does monstrous things, but I think most people would not identify as being a monster.

**Craig:** There are all different ones. It’s funny, when you look at the traditional Dracula, the Bram Stoker original Dracula, and when you look at Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and Frankenstein’s monster, they’re both literate. In particular, Frankenstein’s monster in the novel, I think he speaks two languages. I think he speaks English and French. He’s remarkably literate and thoughtful.

The reason Dracula is so dangerous is because he’s so smart. He slowly and carefully manages to eat most of the people aboard a ship that’s crossing to England without anybody noticing, because he’s really clever. It’s funny how we kept that with Dracula. We said, okay, Dracula, you’re the or vampire, and all the vampires after you, most of them are going to follow this method of, “My darling, I want to suck your blood.”

Frankenstein, I don’t know, somebody read that novel, like, “You know what? What if this monster doesn’t speak two languages? What if it speaks no languages, is six foot eight, and just groans a lot? That’s better. Let’s do that.”

**John:** “Let’s do that.” When we think about villains, we often talk about villain motivation. It’s worth thinking about monster motivation, because there’s going to be some overlap, but I think a lot of cases, these monsters function more like animals, more like beasts. You have to think about what does an animal want.

We talk about the four Fs, five Fs, in terms of those primal motivating factors: self-preservation, propagation, protection of an important asset – so they’re there to defend a thing – hunger or greed – classic – and revenge to a certain degree. I would say that the alien queen in Aliens, in the end she has a very specific focus and animus towards Ripley because of what Ripley did. It goes beyond just the need to propagate. She’s after her for a very specific reason.

**Craig:** That’s where it sometimes can get stupid. It doesn’t in that movie, but Jaws 3 I think famously, “This time it’s personal.” No, it’s not. It’s a fricking shark. It doesn’t know you. It’s just food. Obviously, the aliens in Aliens are quite clever. They are not merely savage and feral. You don’t expect that they’re sitting there doing math. They’re the forerunners of the way we portrayed velociraptors in Jurassic Park. The idea of the smart monster, maybe not as smart as a human in their general sense, but very smart predatorially, that’s really interesting to see that. But when it starts getting personal with a dumb monster, it can get really silly

**John:** Craig, what is your opinion on human monsters? I could think of Jason Voorhess in a slasher film. Is that a villain? Is that a monster? To what degree can we think of some of these human characters as monsters rather than classic villains?

**Craig:** I think they’re monsters. I think they’re monsters, because they wear masks. Jason Voorhees wears a hockey mask. Michael Myers in Halloween wears, I believe it’s a-

**John:** Captain Kirk mask.

**Craig:** … Captain Kirk mask, a William Shatner death mask, even though William Shatner’s still alive. Those masks are what make the monsters. Their humanity is gone. When you look at how they move… And obviously, look, let’s just say it: Jason Voorhees was just a ripoff of Michael Myers. That’s pretty obvious. They are a large, shambling, seemingly feelingless, numb creature that has way more strength than a normal human ever would. They don’t really run. They don’t need to. They represent your own mortality. It’s coming. There’s nothing you can do. That is a nightmarish feeling. In their way, they are large zombies. They don’t speak. They just kill. We don’t even really understand why they’re killing. Somebody eventually will explain it, but it doesn’t matter, because it’s not like you can have a conversation with Jason Voorhees and say, “With some therapy, I think you’ll stop killing.” No. No no no. Jason will keep killing. I think of them as monsters, for sure.

**John:** One of the projects I’m working on, I’m grappling with the issues of what this monstrous character actually wants, what the endgame is. I keep coming back to the Lovecraftian, there is no answer. There’s only the void. There’s that sense of sometimes the most terrifying thing is actually that there is no answer, that the universe is unfeeling, and they just want to smash it and destroy it. It’s challenging, because without a character who can actually say that, without a way to put that out there, the monster themselves can’t communicate that. As I’m outlining this, I’m recognizing that that’s going to be a thing that we need to be able to expose to the audience in a way that the creature themselves can’t.

**Craig:** That is a challenge. It is certainly easy enough for the pursued characters to ruminate and speculate as to why this thing is doing what it wants to do. That will just remain what it is, which is speculation. The whole point of speculation is we’ll never know. Yes, it is hard to figure out how to get that motivation across when it’s nonverbal and non-planning. The case of Aliens, you can just tell, they’re predators. They are doing what the apex predator’s supposed to do: win. They just want to win.

**John:** Of course, as we look at Predator, the question of whether you call that a monster or a villain, the motivation behind the Predator we learn very early on is they are trophy hunters. Literally, they are just to bag some other creatures, because that’s what they do. It’s not entirely clear whether it’s just rich people of that species doing a thing or if it’s an important rite of passage. Are they on safari?

**Craig:** I love the idea is on Predator planet, they have social media. Everybody has normal jobs. Some people are accountants or whatever. Some people work at the Predator McDonald’s. Jerk Predators go to other planets to bag trophies. They then put a picture up of like, “Look at Jesse Ventura’s head.” Then other people online are like, “You’re sick. You’re sick. There’s something wrong with you that you feel the need to go these places and kill these beautiful animals.”

**John:** Absolutely. For all we know, it’s like Donald Trump Jr.-

**Craig:** Exactly.

**John:** … is the equivalent of a [indiscernible 00:44:20] scene in these Predator movies. Someone who obviously has a familiarity with the whole canon – and I’m not sure how established the canon really is – can maybe tell us what the true answer is here. But my feeling has always been that this wasn’t a necessary cultural function, that they were doing this thing, that they were doing it because they wanted to.

**Craig:** It was hunting.

**John:** It’s hunting.

**Craig:** It was pointless hunting. In that case, they really are villains. That’s like a mute villain, because the Predator is very much calculating, thinking, planning, prioritizing. He doesn’t speak because he doesn’t speak our language, not because he doesn’t speak. If we understood the clicky bits, then we would know that he was saying stuff.

**John:** I’ll wrap this up with, it’s important sometimes to think about how we must seem to other creatures in our world right now. Think if you’re an ant or an ant colony, and an eight-year-old boy comes along. That is a monster. It has no understanding of you. It has no feeling for you. That eight-year-old boy is just a T-rex, and you have to run from it. You’re not looking at that as a villain. That is truly, fully a monster. Sometimes reversing that can get you some insight into what it must feel like to be encountering these kind of creatures.

**Craig:** There’s a certain godlike quality to them when they are that much more powerful than we are. It’s why superhero movies have escalated their own internal arms race to intergalactic proportions, because it’s not enough for people to be beset by godlike monster-humans. At some point, you need them to be fought with by good monster-humans. Then it just goes from there. When you’re creating some sort of grounded thing, you’re absolutely right, the notion that what’s pursuing… And Predator actually did this very well.

**John:** Agreed.

**Craig:** It’s a good movie.

**John:** It’s a good movie. Agreed. I really liked Prey as well, the most recent version of it.

**Craig:** You get the sense that the people in it are impressed. They start to realize that this guy is better than them in every way. The only way you’re going to beat it is if you’re Arnold Schwarzenegger, aka better than all of us. It’s a pretty apt comparison.

**John:** That’s some thinking about monsters. Let’s talk for a few minutes about this question that Boots Riley, he wrote in. Friend of the show Boots Riley wrote in to ask-

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** … “You guys should do a show about how certain screenwriting cliches, good and evil, are used by news media narratives. What details are left out because it takes away from the characterization they want to make? Whose POV? Where do you start the story?” Obviously, we’re recording this in 2023, October.

**Craig:** There seems to be some arguments going online about things.

**John:** Gaza is the most recent phenomenon that we can see this in, but that’s always been the case. Looking back to 9/11 or looking back to any moment at which we’ve had big upheavals in the news, you end up picking heroes and villains. You end up picking good and evil. You end up just having things on two different sides. It’s hard to then see the subtlety in what’s actually happening here.

**Craig:** Boots, we have talked about this quite a bit. It was something that also was running through Chernobyl, the notion of the danger of narrativizing history, even as history’s unfolding. Boots says, “Where do you start the story?” That word’s the problem. The problem is we actually doing know how to convey stories… Sorry, I just did it. We don’t know how to convey information to each other in a way that is compelling and attention-grabbing if it’s not in the form of a story. That is what stories are. Stories are the natural, instinctive, human way to relay information to other people so that the other people pay attention and listen. That’s where it all comes from.

The news media narrative, a lot of times people will be like, “It’s the problem. News media is feeding you a narrative.” They’re not hiding that. What else are they going to feed you? A ticker tape of facts? You can get those if you want. You’re not going to. Nobody is, because our brains don’t function like that. We don’t know how to collect that information and make sense of it in raw formats. Raw data, we cannot process it. We need it in the form of a story.

Then the problem is, yeah, you got a lot of bad screenwriters out there. You can narrativize in a way that I think is done in good faith. You can narrativize in a way that is not. What we see online, it’s fascinating. What used to happen was a narrative was dealt, and people heard it and therefore never knew this entirely different way of looking at it, this other narrative. Then later, there would be revisionist history. There’s an entire term for this, where revisionist, new vision, new movie, new story about the same thing, for us to go, “Oh, we did not think of it from that point of view.”

The entire approach to telling stories of Native Americans in this country is a revisionism of the way we used to do it, where they were savages who stole our kids, and we had to kill them. Now we don’t do that. Now we are telling this other narrative.

Online, what’s happening is, everybody is immediately questioning every narrative. Everything is revised in steady, real time to the point where people are completely fire-hosed with conflicting narratives, and their minds go into a kind of lock. The only people that are blithely going about their day online are people who blindly believe in one narrative. No other narrative is getting in. They’re happy as a clam to push that point of view because they have clarity, which is comforting.

For most of the rest of us, the fact is we are capable of holding two competing narratives in our head at the same time. Even though we’re capable of it, the hard part is sitting with the discomfort that there is no easy story here that makes a good movie. There is just a lot of misery, and there is a disappointment in human behavior, and shock and confusion. It changes on a day-to-day basis. You may find yourself thinking one way, then thinking the other, and thinking this way and thinking that way. That is pretty much normal, given the way we’re being bombarded.

**John:** I went through journalism school. Before I was a screenwriter, I had my training in journalism. Your first journalism class is they’re teaching you the basics of writing a news story, so the who, what, when, where, and how, and the why if you can find a why behind things. That why is often where the moral values kick in at times.

Listen. Those things I’m describing, the whos are the characters, and so you are picking characters for these things. The wheres are the settings. The whens are also the settings. You’re trying to provide context for the story for the person who’s reading it.

Of course, in news stories, you have this thing called a pyramid style, where you can theoretically cut it off at any point. Back in the days, where newspaper articles could only be so long, we would have to jump to other pages. It was a different time. But there’s always going to be limitations of space and how much context you can fill in.

It’s understandable that any journalist who’s writing about a subject is going to have an approach from some POV, some way of explaining this story that makes sense in the moment. If it’s about an explosion at a building, you’re going to need to focus on the people who would actually help you tell that story. Whether you’re trying to tell it in a very flat, newsy style or in a way that focuses on one family who escaped the collapsing building, you’re going to find some way to do that. That is a story. That’s going to create an emotional reaction in people that will hopefully cause them to better understand the purpose of why you’re telling the story. There’s nothing inherently wrong with using some of the techniques of narrative of the kind of storytelling we do in movies and TV to do that. It’s just you’ve got to be aware that you are doing it.

I think one of the things that Boots may be responding to is that we have whole networks that are set up to tell stories, create stories, to market stories that are not actually true or really have the slimmest relationship to truth. That’s why if you are watching CNN and you switch over to Fox News, the cast of characters is completely different. None of the same people are showing up on the same thing. Not the news anchors, but really what the stories are about, who the stories are about is so completely different. They have these ongoing storylines that they’re choosing to market and emphasize.

I think a great example recently is the war in Ukraine and how in those first couple weeks, everyone was like, “Oh shit, this is a real, huge crisis.” It was pretty clear that we were on Ukraine’s side, and we’re not on Russia’s side. Fox and other people are trying to recontextualize this. You can feel the gears grinding and having to find new ways to tell that story.

**Craig:** There is storytelling for the purpose of informing, and then there is storytelling for the purpose of comforting. I guess the meta-purpose would be, “Keep watching, and watch our ads, and put money in our pocket.” Stories for comfort are dangerous, because they are not done in good faith. To comfort people, you need to hit on this deep need for the world to make sense. The universe, existence, this all must make sense, because if it doesn’t, I’m going to panic.

Anybody that can be a certainty merchant is going to do well. Certainty is the orange chicken of rhetoric. People love orange chicken. They just do. They do. In the early days of Panda Express, the orange chicken was in the same size bin as every other food.

**John:** That’s madness, Craig, because most people want orange chicken.

**Craig:** Exactly. One day you went to the mall, and the orange chicken bin was twice as big as the other ones, because Panda Express was finally like, “We get it. You want the orange chicken.” That’s what certainty is. It’s orange chicken. It’s delicious, and it’s comforting, and it’s bad for you. You’re familiar with Godwin’s law. I assume you’re familiar with Godwin’s law.

**John:** Yeah. Oh wait, no, I’m confusing it with Betteridge’s law of headlines. Godwin’s law, tell me.

**Craig:** Godwin’s law says that as an online discussion grows longer, the probability that somebody will mention the Nazis or Hitler goes to one, basically. The reason that this happens is because there are so few things in our history that are unrevisable. The Nazis are one of them. Nobody has managed to successfully do revisionist history of the Nazis and go, “Wait a second, guys. Hold on. Let’s look at it from their point of view. This is the story behind… ” No. Anyone who’s done that is generally just wildly racist, and everybody can smell it coming from a mile away. There’s no legitimate other way to look at that. It was just wrong with a capital W. It is one of the few things everybody can point out and go, “Capital W wrong, we all agree.” Ah, certainty. This is why it gets injected into all of these arguments.

When Boots says screenwriting cliches of good and evil are used by news media narratives, that’s certainty peddling, because the one thing I know in my heart, in my bones, about what’s going on in Israel and Gaza and what has happened is that the vast majority of people living in Israel and Gaza are not deciding political policy for either government, not deciding military policy or operations for either side, not pulling triggers, not stabbing, not cutting, not raping, not killing. That’s the vast majority of people. All of those people are currently being pushed into bins defined by the other ones. It sounds like it would be the opposite of comfort peddling, but unfortunately, this is the sick side and the toxic side of narrativization.

**John:** Splitting into good and evil is really one of the fundamental traps here, because ways you say somebody’s good is like, “Oh, they’re fantastic. They’re wonderful. They are doing the right thing. They are noble.” You have all these characteristics of what a good person is. If there’s one aspect that’s not so good, like, oh no, you’re cracking my image of that, so we will ignore that thing that’s not so good.

Once you label somebody as evil, it’s very hard then to look at the subtlety of why they’re doing the things that they’re doing. This show is about monsters and villains. Once you say that this person is evil, you stop looking for reasons. You stop looking for what their actual motivation and purposes are, and you stop paying attention to them as humans at all.

I think Boots is hitting on one of the real dangers and one of the cliches is that in a movie, it’s okay for our villain to be just a full-on villain. We can enjoy that. We want to see that villain punished, and then we can come to the end of this. In real life, it’s not so simple as just like, we got to kill the villain. That’s not actually how this works in real life.

**Craig:** No, and it ties back to our conversation about monsters, because when we do say this person is evil, we are excusing them from an accountability to humanity. We’re also essentially saying we don’t know how they got there. Evil just is. We can’t unwind it, and we can’t prevent it.

This is what Hannah Arendt talked about when she talked about the banality of evil in analyzing Eichmann on trial and the world attempting to come to grips with what the Nazis had done after World War II. She was one of the first people to say, “Don’t you get it? They’re not monsters. They’re just people. What they did, they did in a very mundane, all-too-human way, meaning it could happen again. People would do this again.” That’s important to resist the monsterization, because it makes it easy at that point. There is no solution. There is no solution to monsters. Nuke it from orbit, I guess. Game over, man. Game over.

**John:** Game over, man. I want to squeeze in one listener question, because it’s been too long since we’ve answered listener questions.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** We have one here from Scott.

**Drew:** Scott writes, “I have a screenplay idea that revolves around cosplay. None of the characters would be presented as actual anime, superheros, or whatever, but I’d like to reference them in the context of regular people dressed as their favorite character at cosplay events. For example, Batman, a regular person, is seen walking by at a cosplay event, and one of my characters says something about Batman. I use the word Batman in the script. Should I avoid any type of presence, either visual or verbal, of copyrighted characters in the screenplay? I’m concerned about legal repercussions.”

**John:** If you have Batman walking by in the background of your shot, and especially if they’re referencing it, you’re going to hear from Warner’s legal. That’s a thing that’s going to happen. You may have some good defense on that, but just know that that’s a thing that’s going to happen. Your producers and other folks who are putting in money may wonder, “Oh crap, is this going to be a problem.” It could be a problem. If you’re setting a story in a world in which a lot of copyrighted characters are going to have to participate, that’s going to influence how you make your movie.

**Craig:** You can parody existing characters, but that doesn’t sound like what you’re talking about. You can do documentary, where people are walking around and wearing intellectual property. They’re in a public place, and that’s fine as well. What you’re talking about here, you would have to take an extra, put them in a Batman costume, and have them walk around. What is that Batman costume? It’s something you’re going to either make, or it’s something you’re going to buy. Either way, it doesn’t work like that. I don’t think you’re going to be on steady ground there. That’s a tricky one.

I think John is right. You can talk about Batman all you want. That’s not a problem. Batman exists in the world. That character is a fact in the world, so you can talk about that character until the cows come home. Showing the bat suit, which has been copyrighted up the wazoo, that’s going to be a much trickier thing to do.

**John:** Scott, a thing that you might consider is creating your own universe of fandom within your space of your film, so that your characters are obsessed with a thing that does not actually exist in the real world but possibly could exist, because I don’t know most anime stuff. If you told me that there was a whole universe of these characters that people were obsessed with, I would believe you if you established that as being true in your world. That may be a good solution for you is that you have characters who are obsessed with a very specific thing, like Galaxy Quest. It has its own very specific fandom. That may be a way to explore the themes you want to explore without having to deal with all the real-world copyright issues.

**Craig:** It sounds like that’s what Scott’s doing. It says, “None of the characters would be presented as actual anime characters, superheros, etc., but I’d like to reference them.” I would say referencing them verbally, fine. Referencing them visually, on shaky ground, and like John says, probably going to get you some letters.

What it comes down to is, if somebody buys the script, one of that company’s lawyers is going to have to look at this and make a decision. If that lawyer says, “I don’t have a problem with this,” guess what? You’re off the hook, dude, because there’s this wonderful thing called indemnification, which says that if the studio says this is fine legally, and it turns out it’s not, and you get sued, the studio is going to cover all of that, because they did it.

**John:** Indemnification doesn’t necessarily mean that your movie gets released into the world. There have been things where those kind of concerns have kept things from being released for a while. That’s its own huge problem.

**Craig:** You don’t want that. By and large, this is not going to be an area where the studio’s going to try and push the boundaries of IP law. They are generally risk-averse, so unlikely that you’re going to be allowed to do something that will put the movie in legal jeopardy.

**John:** Agreed. It’s time for our One Cool Things.

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** My One Cool Thing is another podcast. It is by Josh Barro and Ken White. It’s called Serious Trouble. What they do is every week they talk through the major court cases that are happening around the country, sometimes the world, but really mostly domestic U.S. Ken White, he’s Popehat on Twitter. He’s now on Bluesky. We play D and D with him. He’s a very, very smart defense lawyer. Josh Barro’s a journalist who writes about these kind of issues.

What I love about it is, so much of what’s happening in the news these days does revolve around court cases, like all the cases that are against Trump right now, the weird SBF trial, lots of other just esoteric, strange cases. It’s nice to have just a weekly check-in on what’s actually happening in all these things, and a smart conversation between two people who know what they’re talking about, which is familiar to folks who hopefully are listening to Scriptnotes. Serious Trouble. It’s just serioustrouble.show. You’ll find a link to their Substack, which has all of their episodes you can listen to.

**Craig:** Talking about narratives on both sides of things, Ken White formerly was a federal prosecutor, and he sees it from both sides. It’s really interesting to hear him talk about these things. My One Cool Thing is not new, but it’s been fun and new for me. Lego Titanic.

**John:** Love it.

**Craig:** It is exactly what it sounds like. Normally, when I tackle a Lego project, I’m looking for something that’s going to occupy me for a long time. This one certainly fits the bill. Over 9,000 pieces. Over 9,000! It’s divided up into three sections. I just finished the first section, first third. I think the deal, based on what I’m building – I hope this is the deal – is that the three pieces will be linked together but not snapped together, so you could pull them apart, and people can see inside, because there’s all this cool stuff inside.

**John:** Love it.

**Craig:** It’s a beast. It’s a heavy beast, but it’s quite beautiful. I am enjoying it. It is expensive. I’m not going to lie. It is expensive. Also, Lego, dear Lego, why so many boxes? John, it came in a box, a shipping box. You open the shipping box, and inside is a smaller box. When I say smaller, I mean one millimeter smaller, so really hard to get out of the first box. You get that box out, that’s also a shipping box. You then open that box. Inside there is another box. This is now the box with the Legos. You then open that box, and inside that box, three boxes, each for one third of the set.

**John:** That division I can understand, because they don’t want the little envelopes to get confused.

**Craig:** Just do one box with three boxes in it. That’s a lot of boxes.

**John:** That’s a lot of boxes. Craig, we’ve talked a lot about people’s ability to visualize or to hear things, but I can definitely feel Lego pieces snapping together as you were talking. I can feel the indentations on my fingertips from the Lego as you’re talking about that. It’s such a distinct, tactile thing that happens there.

**Craig:** Yep, or in the bottom of your foot as you step on it.

**John:** Yes. Good lord. It’s going to happen.

**Craig:** Sharp.

**John:** I’m excited to see it. You have done I know Lego Death Star?

**Craig:** Yep, Death Star and Lego Millennium Falcon.

**John:** Now, Craig, you recently moved. Did these giant Legos move with you to your new house?

**Craig:** Oh, no. Those big sets were demolished years ago by my kids, and happily so. I don’t know. There’s something about like, “Look at my Death Star,” that feels really dorky, whereas, “Look at my Titanic,” feels like, oh, someone’s entered the History Channel phase of his life. It’s slightly more dignified, so I think I will be able to display the Lego Titanic.

**John:** Fantastic. I’ll be looking forward to photos once you get it all finished.

**Craig:** Of course.

**John:** That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt-

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** … with help from Chris Csont.

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** It is edited by Matthew Chilelli-

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** … who also did our outro this week. Thank you, Matthew.

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions. You will find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find transcripts and sign up for our weeklyish newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. We have T-shirts and hoodies. They’re great. You’ll find them at Cotton Bureau. You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to record on the old internet. Craig, thank you for a good conversation on monsters, and happy Halloween.

**Craig:** Happy Hallowe’en, John.

**John:** Love it. Get that apostrophe in there.

[Bonus Segment]

**Craig:** You’ve got mail.

**John:** Craig, did it take you back?

**Craig:** Yeah. That is the sound of the early web, I guess. It wasn’t really the web.

**John:** It was the web. It was pre-web. It was early internet. It was how most of us first got a sense of what the internet was going to be. This whole Bonus Segment is inspired by this new website that’s come up at neal.fun. Neal Agarwal put up this Internet Artifacts collection, this museum of the old internet. It’s really nicely done.

**Craig:** It’s beautiful. It does bring me back. This is generational narcissism, but I don’t care. We’re the coolest. Gen X is the coolest. We have all the context. We have all the context, but we also still know how to do stuff, because we’re not grandpa yet. We’re not like, “How does my phone work?” No, we know how the phone works. Also, we were there when it was Usenet. We were there when it was dial-up modems, even the put your phone on a weird rubber cradle modem.

**John:** Oh yeah, went through all that.

**Craig:** We were there when email began. We were there for all of it. We saw it all. Usenet, oh my goodness.

**John:** This site begins at 1977 with ARPANET. My dad was an engineer at Bell Labs, and so he was actually on these very early versions of this.

**Craig:** Wow.

**John:** I remember him talking about he emailed with my cousin Tim, who was I think then going to MIT. The email might take a day or two to get through, which is just so crazy to think about. It did seem just like magic. We had the kind of modem where you had to manually dial the phone and stick in the little cradle. I was on bulletin board systems, BBSs, quite early on. It was so magical just to be talking with other people through text, even though only one or two users could be on at a time. You had to send saved messages, and there were forums. It was just a very early version of everything we have now.

**Craig:** BBS, bulletin board system, that’s how we used to do things, by figuring out how to analogize them to physical objects around us. It was like, “Imagine a bulletin board where you could post a note, and then somebody could come by and post a note next to your note about your note.” “Okay, I get it, it’s a bulletin board system.” That’s how it began. You would dial-up, and you would do this stuff.

I used to get – I can’t even remember what the magazine was – Byte. Maybe it was Byte. In the ads in the back, there would be ads for these things, where you’d be calling up. It was exhilarating. My parents were not engineers. They had no idea what I was doing. It was so early. It was all innocent and very, very, very dorky.

**John:** It was.

**Craig:** Social media is for people that are social. This was for people that were not, and it helped them be social.

**John:** Obviously, you can’t have the internet without computers. We had computers for a long time before there was internet. I think that may be a hard thing for our kids to understand is that we had computers that just sat by themselves and couldn’t talk to anybody else. They were appliances. They were just a thing that could do that stuff. There was no ability to move beyond the walls of your computer.

Now, of course, it’s hard to think about a computer that doesn’t connect to the internet. You could go into airplane mode, but it’s not really the same. Our computers are designed to talk to other computers. Our phones are as well. There’s not a great use for a lot of our machines unless they have the ability to connect to an internet. An internet is not just other people, but it’s sources of information. It is video. It is all these things, which was just unimaginable in those very early days.

**Craig:** Nowadays, I suppose if a computer is completely disconnected from the internet, we view it as some sort of cool spy machine that is off the grid. That was everything.

**John:** Exactly.

**Craig:** Until modems came along, that was it. My friend Eric and I were doing this early programming. We just had to sit together, next to each other to do it. That’s how it was. I had to get on my bike and go to his house to work on something together. This is why so much of what we take for granted of modern internet culture really does come from those early days of nerds. The reason spam is called spam is because of the Monty Python sketch, “Spam spam spam spam spam, wonderful spam.” If there’s one thing nerds love, it’s Monty Python. God, do they love Monty Python.

**John:** They love it so much.

**Craig:** Sorry. God, do we love Monty Python. That’s why it’s called spam. All these wonderfully cool people say spam all the time and don’t know why.

**John:** They have no idea why.

**Craig:** Nerds.

**John:** I’ve not really thought about the fact that when my friend Ethan wanted to show me something new, like a new program he had, I had to literally go to his house to see it. There was no way for him to… You obviously couldn’t share a screen. He couldn’t send me the thing. I was there. If I wanted a copy of it, I would have to bring my floppy disks and put it on. I started college in that same situation, where only by my senior year did we have kind of the ability to go online. That was really just to go onto the main computer. It was not the same. The real internet was not there yet, the real internet that we think about.

**Craig:** That’s right. It wasn’t like I was a hacker, but I was pretty well versed in the early days of networking. When I started working at Disney in 1994, all the Macs were connected in the office through an ethernet cable.

**John:** Was it ethernet or was it Apple Talk? There was a protocol before that.

**Craig:** Sorry. It was Apple Talk. You’re right. It was Apple Talk. The only purpose of that really was to access I think a printer that was on Apple Talk.

**John:** Yeah, a shared laser writer.

**Craig:** Exactly, the good ole shared laser writer. What a lot of people didn’t realize is that they had changed settings on their computer and shared a whole bunch of stuff. I would go on. Okay, I’m looking for the shared laser writer. Suddenly, I’m like, “Why can I see everything in Brenda’s computer? If I want to go read her divorce agreement, I can. This is not good. Somebody needs to tell these… “ But there wasn’t even IT. There wasn’t even anyone telling people, “Oh, by the way, here’s this rudimentary security concept. Don’t share things you don’t want to share.” They didn’t even know they were sharing them. That’s the clunky old beginnings of all this stuff.

**John:** Absolutely. What we think about in terms of the internet probably really begins with the web. The first web browsers we used were Netscape Navigator. There was Internet Explorer early on. In 1996 they show the Apple computer homepage. It’s just so unbelievable to see how ugly it is. It’s like this fake 3D kind of thing, these buttons that stand out, that look like buttons you push. Just the aesthetics, the style of the time were so different from where we’ve gotten to.

**Craig:** The general aesthetic of things has improved dramatically. It was so ugly back then. It was blocky, pixelated. The windows, they made them into windows. Do you know what I mean? They looked like windows instead of just what they are now. You can certainly see that when you look at the early days of the internet. Everything was being designed, of course, for limited resources and low transmission rates. There were the bones of things that exist still. When you are learning html now, and you’re designing things, there are fields. Fields are things where you enter stuff. Yep, that’s been there since the start. A lot of this stuff is just hyperlinks, like the whole concept of hyperlinks. Do you remember HyperDeck?

**John:** I don’t remember HyperDeck. I remember HyperCard.

**Craig:** Oh, sorry, HyperCard. That’s what I’m thinking of, HyperCard.

**John:** I loved HyperCard. Loved it so much.

**Craig:** It was the best. HyperCard was Apple’s… It was this amazing thing. Imagine having a bunch of cards. Each card is an index card. You could write anything you want on it. Then you can link one card to another. If you clicked on this thing, it would send you to this other card. In its own way, it became a little bit of a programming platform. That’s all the internet is is HyperCard. It’s just links, linking back pages or cards. It’s all HyperCard.

**John:** The very original version of my website is like that. It’s a bunch of static, single pages, and you can link between them, and I’m linking to other things out there on the web. Recently, I pulled together a version of… I think I’ll put a link in the show notes to the old version of the site, which we have up someplace, so people can click through it. It is so primitive, and yet it was revolutionary at the time. Coming off of that, we then made it to the Myspace, the Geocities, the sense that you now have a home on the internet. I want to bring in Drew here. Drew, what is your first memory of the internet. Were you in grade school?

**Drew:** I was in grade school. My babysitter in the summer of 1997 got the internet in her house. We just looked at the computer and were like, “Where do we go?” The only thing we could come up with was gap.com. We just went to Gap and looked around that.

**Craig:** gap.com. That’s awesome.

**John:** That’s incredible.

**Drew:** That was it.

**John:** When you say that she had the internet, you have to understand, that meant that she had a special, dedicated, probably phone line, maybe DSL line. What was the predecessor to DSL?

**Drew:** I think it was phone, for sure.

**John:** Then she could do these things. I remember at my apartment off of Melrose was the first time I had a dedicated line that was not actually just a modem line. I didn’t have to dial into a thing. I basically was always connected. It was amazing. It was just so great. Now, this piece would be laughable, but at the time it felt like just magic that things would just show up.

**Craig:** I’m looking at the 1996 Pepsi World page at pepsi.com. I’m having full PTSD here. “If you have the Shockwave plugin, click here.” No! Shockwave, the worst thing ever.

**John:** Shockwave. It’s important to understand that we had to have all these interim protocols for how we were doing things like video and more complicated sound stuff. We had Shockwave. We had RealPlayer. We had all these different ways which you would get video that was really compressed and blocky and low quality, but it did again feel like magic to do that. Now that’s assumed that all that stuff can happen.

**Craig:** All built into the browsers, as opposed to browsers not knowing what to do with that stuff.

**John:** Drew, did you have a Myspace page? What was the order of social media things for you?

**Drew:** LiveJournal was first. That was 2004.

**John:** That’s right.

**Drew:** God, I hope that’s scrubbed from the internet, because that’s bad. Then Myspace, and then quickly, I think I was Facebook in 2005 or 2006. That seemed to come in pretty hot and fast.

**John:** Because I had my own website, I never really did the Myspace as much or the Geocities, any of the online bloggy things that were not my own stuff.

**Drew:** I miss Geocities.

**Craig:** Oh, really? You miss Geocities?

**Drew:** A little bit.

**John:** Tell us about Geocities. Sell us on Geocities.

**Drew:** Geocities, it was just people with passions and the ability to make a website about that passion, but there wasn’t quite the community aspect to it necessarily. It was just shouting passions into the void and hoping you stumbled upon it. A lot of time at sleepovers growing up was spent finding these weird websites. I can’t even think of any off the top of my head. You would just find all these things. There wasn’t necessarily a dialog to it. There was a little bit of comment sections, but for the most part, it was just someone going on and on about how much they love Cloris Leachman or something, just something very strange.

**Craig:** Wow. That is specific.

**John:** Now, looking through this archive, this one stops at the introduction of the iPhone, which I think is a useful demarcation from the original internet to now this internet is in your pocket. I’d also say I don’t perceive the aesthetics having changed nearly as much in the last 10 years. I think you’re looking at a website from five years ago, seven years ago, it’s not going to seem that different to me. Maybe it’s just blindness to the things that I can’t see, and 10 years from now we’ll say, “Oh my god, can you believe what these things looked like at the time?”

**Craig:** What’s happened, and this is probably true across all sorts of modalities for human design, when it began it was garish and tacky. The internet, when you look at the way things were designed, it was just so tacky, because everybody was like, “Oh my god, look. I can design stuff.” What you got was what normal people do when they design things, which is garbage, because most people aren’t artists. Most people aren’t designers. They think, “Cool, I can make the letters spin.” Yeah, but it’s tacky and dumb.

Over time, as the internet became something that could generate massive amounts of money for large corporations, no surprise, the design was professionalized by professionals. Everybody sort of, kind of then copied that. What we have now, and what we’ve had for a while, is a little bit of a homogenized design that is probably over-regulated and too conservative and restrictive, but it’s certainly not tacky.

When you look at some of these things, it’s like when you look at pictures of yourself. John, you probably have some from when you were a kid in the ‘70s and you’re wearing some sort of plaid pants and a mustard-colored turtleneck.

**John:** Some white corduroys.

**Craig:** You’re like, “Mom, why?” You get this cringe of tackiness. That’s the way it used to be, but not so much anymore.

**John:** I do wonder, I’m thinking, what is the next thing to come along that we’re going to have to design for. Obviously, the VR systems are in their infancy. They’ve gone through some iterations. Apple will come out with their headset. If we end up using headsets more and have a UI for those, those are going to evolve and change. I feel like the main players in this are already coming in there with a sense of style and taste that I doubt will be as tacky, but it will still have to iterate.

**Craig:** I agree. We need to go through these convulsions, but the presence of money has changed everything, no question. The internet was built by the equivalent of the people that go to Joann’s Fabrics and make their own clothes. It was just really clunky and goofy but sweet.

**John:** That sort of hacker-y, “we’re going to figure it out ourselves” attitude is lovely and can lead to some great things. Of course, how we learn how to make movies and online video, all of that has progressed so much, but it started with people who were just experimenting. We applaud them for building these things that now look so dated and ugly, but at the time really were exciting. Cool. Craig, Drew, thank you so much.

**Craig:** Thanks, guys.

**Drew:** Thanks.

**Craig:** Bye.

Links:

* [Aaron Sorkin on This Cultural Life](https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00161mc) from BBC Radio 4
* [Serious Trouble podcast](https://www.serioustrouble.show/podcast) from Josh Barro and Ken White
* [LEGO Titanic](https://www.lego.com/en-us/product/lego-titanic-10294)
* [Internet Artifacts](https://neal.fun/internet-artifacts/)
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Check out the Inneresting Newsletter](https://inneresting.substack.com/)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* Craig Mazin on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@clmazin) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/clmazin/)
* John August on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@johnaugust), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/johnaugust)
* [John on Mastodon](https://mastodon.art/@johnaugust)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Matthew Chilelli ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt with help from Chris Csont and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/617standard.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Episode 616: The One with Neil Gaiman, Transcript

November 15, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found here.

John August: Hey, this is John. Heads up that today’s episode has just a little bit of swearing in it.

Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

Craig Mazin: My name is Craig Mazin.

John: This is Episode 616 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Today on the show, we welcome the prolific author of novels and comics including The Sandman, Stardust, American Gods, and Coraline. He’s also a writer and producer of film and television, serving as showrunner for the TV adaptation of his novel Good Omens. He has won countless awards for his work and is one of the creators of modern comics, has even played himself on The Simpsons. Welcome, Neil Gaiman.

Neil Gaiman: Thank you. It’s good to be here.

Craig: Neil Gaiman is on our show. I’m aflutter. We’ve been sort of chasing after this for years. I don’t mean chasing like Neil’s been like, “No, I don’t want to.” It’s just more that he’s a very busy person, but such a hero of mine. Normally, we talk to people that I’m either fully disdainful of, or they’re just contemporaries. You are different. You really are somebody I’ve looked up to as a writer for so long and has been very influential on me and how I think about writing and stories in particular. This is just such a delight. I promise I won’t do fanboy nonsense. This is the end of the fanboy nonsense, and we proceed.

Neil: Oh, good. But thank you. Thank you anyway, because it’s nice when you hear things like that.

Craig: It’s true. It’s all true.

John: We do want to talk about influences, because I think all writers are, to some degree, the sum of their influences. We want to get into what influenced you, and your feeling about how you’ve influenced other creators along the way. I want to talk about prose fiction versus comics versus screenwriting, mythology, adaptation, writing habits, and whatever else we get into.

In our Bonus Segment for Premium Members, let’s talk about the things we never got to write or the things we never will get to write, because I know I have a long list of things that I will never realistically in my lifetime get to, and how we feel about those projects that are always out there floating. Cool?

Craig: Yes, and very dangerous for Neil, because if he mentions anything, then I’m going to say, “Oh, no, no, you have to. You have to, Neil. You must. Please.” It’ll be very annoying. I plan to be as annoying as possible throughout this entire podcast.

John: Let’s get into it. Let’s talk about early Neil Gaiman, who was probably a reader before you were a writer. What was that relationship between what you were reading and what you were fascinated to write? What were those early books you were picking up?

Neil: I guess looking back on it for me, the most interesting thing is what I loved and responded to the most was fantasy. But because authors who I thought of as science fiction authors were the people who showed themself the most in introductions, and they were visible, people like Isaac Asimov… You’d buy an Isaac Asimov short story collection, and he’d talk you through what he was doing and what was happening when all of the stories were written. Harlan Ellison – and Harlan famously hated being described as a science fiction author, but in my head Harlan was a science fiction author – would write about the process of what he did. Samuel R. Delany, again.

I definitely thought that I would probably grow up to be a science fiction writer, because they were the only people telling me how it was done. They were the only people telling me that there was a craft to this thing. Actually, it was raining that day, and the editor said, “Could you do a story about this?” They couldn’t think of a story. But then they were talking to their wife, and their wife said, “But there was that thing you always talk about.” Then they went off, and they sent in a story, and they got this fabulous cover. It just felt like that was the only time I ever felt I could be part of this group.

Craig: Because in a way, it was unromanticized by those guys. You imagine Asimov or Heinlein in an office, smoking and drinking and clacking away at a typewriter, because there were deadlines and bills to pay. It seemed like a job. It seemed attainable. I know exactly what you mean, because I remember going through this phase as a kid, and how Asimov almost seemed half publisher, half writer in that regard. It’s really interesting to hear you say, “Oh, it’s doable. It’s a job.”

Neil: Because I didn’t read Lord of the Rings and go, “I want that job.” I looked at Lord of the Rings and thought, “This is a beautiful thing.” I could no more have aspired to really, in my heart, write Lord of the Rings than I could’ve aspired to be a mountain. It was this amazing thing, and somehow it was written. But I couldn’t see the words. I couldn’t see the craft, whereas the people who just talked about the craft made it feel doable. The idea of Harlan Ellison writing short stories in the windows of bookshops, I love that. That made the craft of writing feel like something that was actually conceivable, that I could get there.

John: It feels like an approachable romanticization. You could imagine yourself doing it. There’s also this idea of a working-class kid could go off and do that kind of thing, whereas I think oftentimes we think of novelists as being a very special breed who went to the fancy schools, who came from a background that allowed them to be novelists, and whereas science fiction at that time feels very approachable, where a normal person could do it. We don’t glamorize the art and craft of science fiction in the same way we do other genres.

Neil: Absolutely. I thought I was going to be a science fiction writer, and then I wasn’t. It took me ages to realize that I was never going to be a… I always felt like, “Okay, I’m probably still a failed science fiction writer, but look, I wrote this story that I love, and it’s not really science fiction.” Furthermore, really at the end of the day, my understanding of science consists of enjoying reading new scientists, but you don’t want to say to me, “Neil, we need to get to the Moon.” That is up to you. You will never get to the Moon.

Craig: There would be a delightful story that would have a brutally sad but also weirdly wistful ending, and I would really enjoy it. I wouldn’t get to the Moon. I would enjoy the story.

I want to talk a little bit more about young Neil Gaiman, because I have this idea in my mind about what it was like. My idea could be wildly wrong. But I imagine this incredibly, intensely intelligent kid, who perhaps maybe is also a little bit lonely, because loneliness is just constantly present in everything you write, I think. An observant kid who also starts to see very early on the similarity between stories in all genres, from all cultures, because of that thing.

And then there’s this other thing. You grew up in a family that was Scientologists. I did not know that. You yourself are not, I don’t believe, currently a Scientologist. I grew up in a religious family, Jewish family. Ethnically, I am Jewish and will forever be so, but I don’t practice. Growing up in a religion also I think impacts our understanding of stories and mythologies and how some are elevated above others. This is my interesting picture of a young Neil Gaiman.

Neil: I think for me, one of the things that, looking back, may have been the biggest blessing, although I didn’t really know or understand it in that way at the time, was the fact that I was attending, as a scholarship kid, a high church, Church of England school, with parents who were Scientologists, but Jewish Scientologists who were determined that I was going to be bar mitzvahed, so who sent me up to North London every weekend and for school holidays, to have the ultra orthodox-

Craig: Oh, god.

Neil: … incredibly frum Reverend Meyer Lev come and take me through my bar mitzvah stuff.

Craig: Sorry, side note for John and most others listening. Frum is a Yiddish term for extremely religious. When you see Hasidic people, not all of them reach the level of frum. That’s what Neil is referring to.

Neil: That for me wound up being this very strange and wonderful thing in its own right, because I wound up getting this… In a lot of ways, he didn’t do what he was hired to do. What he was hired to do was teach me my bar mitzvah portions, so give me enough knowledge of Hebrew and the tunes that went with the bit to get me through it. But he discovered this kid who was incredibly fascinated by myth and by the Jewish stories. He happened to be somebody who was incredibly deeply versed in the midrash, in the commentaries, in all of this stuff. I would be getting this continuous, rather glorious parallel bible. I’m learning all of these weird stories. This is my weekends and my school holidays. Then at school, everybody except me is high church Christian. I’m the one getting the full marks on the religious studies stuff, because I’m loving all of this stuff. Then my parents are Scientologists at home.

I wound up, on the one hand, feeling like an outsider to every kind of belief, which I think is probably a very good thing for a writer to be. On the other hand, I wound up in a huge puddle-like confluence of belief, in which I found myself perfectly capable of believing anything, including the existence of America, which I’d seen on televisions. They have these pizzas and things there. It was this weird kind of place. I could believe anything, but I was just standing in the kitchen, looking at the people at the party.

Craig: Observing.

Neil: Looking back on it, it gave me a love of myth and a love of story. I think it was probably also responsible in some ways for the loneliness. I read a lovely thing about self-insert characters. Somebody had pointed to an interview done with me about Ocean at the End of the Lane, where I talk about how I’d actually basically taken myself at the age of seven. The family in that story is not my family. The sister in that story is not my sister. The house is my house. The place is my place. The viewpoint character is me at that age. I was thinking about that. I thought, I didn’t do the thing of… People were talking in this article about how if you do a self-insert character, you can give yourself superpowers or you could give yourself magic or whatever. I’m like, “No, I didn’t do that.” Then I thought, “I kind of did, in a weird way,” which is I gave myself friends.

Craig: Wow.

Neil: I gave myself a friend, which I really didn’t have when I was seven. I wasn’t that kid.

Craig: That’s fascinating. When you describe this kid who’s in the kitchen, looking out and observing, and then you describe this notion of self-insertion, whether it’s intentional or not or subtextual, I think about, I guess, perhaps your most famous character, who is Dream from Sandman, and how that’s literally his purpose for existing is to observe the stories that people create and always be apart from them and be so powerful as to be not powerful at all, because it’s just endless. He is one of The Endless. It never ends. I don’t know if that felt like self-insertion, but hearing you talk about it, it starts to feel a little bit like that.

Neil: In my head, whenever I was writing him, I never thought of myself as Dream. But I remember a few years ago talking to Karen Berger, my editor, and she was like, “Yeah, that was always you.” I’m like, “No, I was funny. I was this. I was that.” I can point to kid in Ocean at the End of the Lane and go, “That was me,” because that was intentionally me. With something like Dream, you’re into the danger spot.

Craig: I know what you mean.

Neil: You’re into the dangerous place where people say, “Which of your characters are you?” You have to say, “All of them, even the really nasty ones, even the terrible ones.” In order to write a character who feels true, in order to write a character that you recognize, in order to write a character, you have to go and find that bit of you that can be them. Sometimes you’re blowing on an ember to get it red again. There isn’t very much of you here, but you can make that. Sometimes it’s, “If I was, in an alternate universe, a talking pumpkin with a machine gun, what would I be saying?” It’s like an act of puppetry or of ventriloquism. You are talking to your hand. I think that, as part of being a writer, is always true.

Are there bits of Dream, of The Endless that are me? Absolutely. But there are bits of all of the characters in Sandman who are me. Merv Pumpkinhead was absolutely me, because sometimes I just needed to stand there going, “Do you realize how ridiculous the story is? Can we just take a second to take a look at the fact that this is what he’s doing and that he’s an idiot? Now that needs to be said, and it’s been said. Let’s move on.”

Craig: Wonderful.

John: Neil. We were talking about you reading science fiction, and science fiction felt approachable, because those authors were talking about their process in ways that other authors hadn’t been talking about. When were you starting to actually put words together in stories, the first things that you’d say, “Okay, this is a story that actually has a beginning, middle, and end, that has characters that go through a process.” Was that in childhood? Was that later on? I know you studied journalism at a point too. When were you actually telling stories?

Neil: I remember the only thing that I loved in school. There were lots of things that I liked, and there were lots of things I was good at, but the only thing that I loved was English essays where they let you essentially write a short story if you wanted to. That for me was the best thing. I remember stories I wrote when I was 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. In my head, probably they’re a lot better than they actually were when they were written. Then I remember they all got finished, because they were proper school essays, even though they were all short stories. Then there was a period in my late teens when nothing ever got finished. I’d start short stories, and I’d start novels. Sometimes I’d write 30 pages of the novel, whatever. But nothing would get finished.

Craig: What was going on there?

Neil: Probably two things, one of which was I wasn’t very good, and the other thing ,which was probably more important, was that when I’d written those school essays, you just start somewhere and head out for somewhere and get somewhere, then you’re done, and maybe you wrote something that worked, whereas I didn’t have any understanding of the idea of actually planning a story. I think that was important.

I think probably much more important than that was the fact that I had absolutely nothing to say at that point in my life. That is probably the hardest thing for a writer. I don’t give much advice to young writers. I give the same pieces of advice over and over again. You have to write. You have to finish things or whatever.

Brian K. Vaughan came up to me once and said, “You gave me the best advice I’ve ever had.” I said, “What was it?” He said, “I came up to you at a signing, and I said, ‘Want to be a writer. Don’t know how to do it. It’s not working. What do I do? I’ve written journalism. I’ve finished things. I can do this. But nothing’s any good.’ And what you said was, ‘Good. Go and live. Stop trying to write. Go out into the world. Get a job. Get your heart broken. Go and see things. Get stranded a long way from home. Have things go wrong. Have stuff happen. You don’t have anything to write about yet. What you’re saying is you’ve got the chops. You just don’t have anything to say.'”

There’s another truth to that, which is that we are, all of us I think who write, in a lot of ways, probably all of the stuff that made us writers and all of the big important stuff that happened to us probably happened before we were 15 anyway, but we’re much too close to it when we’re 18. We’re much too close to it when we’re 21. We may get back there when we’re 45. On the way, you just need things to happen. You need things to say. You need to figure shit out on your own.

Craig: That’s absolutely true. Particularly in Hollywood, when you arrive here, and your aspiration is to write in television or movies, everyone is put on a clock instantly. If you’re not succeeding rapidly, you’re failing. If you’re not succeeding continuously, you’re failing. Everything is defined in terms of what just happened, never the now, never the present, never learning, and never preparing for anything. I think a lot of people that listen to our show, who are trying to figure out the same questions that you get asked all the time at signings, what am I doing wrong, or how can I do it more correctly, a lot of them are feeling that pressure of, why isn’t this working right now? I think it’s so valuable to hear that from you, that it takes time to figure shit out.

Neil: Let me also throw in here, there is nothing that I’ve ever done and got right and probably got awards for that I haven’t also done first and got badly wrong and got lousy reviews for. You have to do those too. It’s the Chuck Jones line about you have a million lousy drawings in your pencil, so draw them all, so that the good ones can come out. It’s okay to do the thing that doesn’t work. It’s okay to write the story that fails. You go, “That was weird,” because three years later, everything that you learned, but you didn’t know that you were learning when you were writing that story or writing that TV series or whatever, is going to be there for you when you need it, to write the good one.

Craig: I love that.

John: Neil, when do you first think you can identify yourself a consistent voice, where what the stories are about, the words on the page, where you can identify, “This feels like my fingerprints. This feels like my work.” What was an early example of that?

Neil: When I think I was just 22, I wrote my first book, which was a children’s book called My Great Aunt Ermintrude. I wrote it, and I sent it out to a publisher, and they sent it back. Because I didn’t understand if things come back, you keep sending them out, I put it in the attic, and I did other things. About 20 years later, Coraline came out, was incredibly successful. I thought, “I have a children’s book in my attic. I should pull it out, that book I wrote when I was 22. I’ll read it to my daughter and find out if it’s any good.” Went and found the manuscript. Actually, the original manuscript had vanished, but I found a carbon copy.

Craig: Oh, wow.

Neil: You remember those.

Craig: Oh my god, yeah.

John: That’s right.

Neil: I read the carbon copy. What was most interesting is, A, I had nothing to say, but I said it anyway. B, you could look at it on a page-by-page basis and go, “Okay, this is me doing a fairly competent Roald Dahl. This is me doing a fairly competent Hugh Lofting. This is me doing a now-forgotten writer named Noel Langley,” most famous for actually being one of the writers of the Wizard of Oz movie. “Look, I can do a fairly good Noel Langley here.” Then I remember around about page 100, there was a page that was pure Neil Gaiman. Looking at it now, it’s like, “Oh my gosh, look at that. That page, that’s all me. The logic of the thing.” I go back to that. Years later, I come back and I steal from that page. I do things, and I’d completely forgotten about it. “Look, there I sound like me.”

The thing about voice is everybody who starts out wants to start out with a unique voice. It’s absolutely possible that there are people out there who just have a unique voice. When they write, they write in their unique voice and they get there. I think for most of us, what we do is we start out sounding like other people, and we find our voice during the process of writing an awful lot.

There’s a lovely line that I’ve been quoting for decades now, which I was told was said by Jerry Garcia of The Grateful Dead, except that I’ve tried to Google to find the original, and the only thing that I can ever find is me quoting that and attributing it to him. For all I know, I made it up. It’s that style is the stuff you get wrong. If you were a perfect writer, if you were a perfect guitar player, it would be pristine. There would be nothing there. It would just be the sound of a guitar being played perfectly. But it’s the stuff you’re getting a bit wrong that actually gives you the style that makes people go… That’s what people are actually responding to. Again, I think you only get there by… Write 100,000 words. Write 500,000 words. Write a million words. Pretty soon, you’re going to sound like you.

The first comic I wrote, first important one was a thing called Violent Cases. I sound like me in that. Then I go and write Black Orchid. I look at that now, and I go, “It’s pretty good,” but it’s me halfway between Alan Moore, whose work I loved, and me trying to find the voice that isn’t mine, which these days looks more like Quentin Tarantino than it does like anything that’s Neil Gaiman. Quentin wouldn’t be writing for another… I wouldn’t run into his work for another five or six years. It’s a fun sort of voice. Then Sandman starts.

In the beginning of Sandman, I’m just doing all of these genres that I loved as a kid. The first one is Dennis Wheatley-ish, British haunted house horror. Then the second one is EC Comics and DC Comics anthology titles. The third is what Clive Barker and Ramsey Campbell were doing at that time. The fourth is really unknown worlds, back when people like Robert Heinlein in the 1940s were writing fantasy stuff, and doing one of those in the Hell one. Then I go all weird, and I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing.

Then suddenly in eight, the death one, I don’t have a model. I don’t have anything that I can do that anyone else has done, but I think I have a story. I’m not even sure if it’s a story, because stories are meant to have conflict, and in this story, you’ve just got a brother runs into his sister, and they walk around New York a bit until he cheers up, and on the way some people die. Yet that’s the one that I point at and I go, “That’s my voice.” From that point on, I become me, in my own kind of weird way. I’ve written enough, and I’m not trying to try on anybody else’s hat.

Craig: From a reader’s perspective, I don’t know if this is interesting to you or not, but I do remember getting to that issue and thinking – I don’t think in terms of the author; I just think in terms of the story – the story is relaxing. It’s relaxing, because you’re right, the first seven are throwing so many things at you. It’s dense, and it’s, in moments, extreme. Certainly, the John Dee story is extreme. It’s exciting, and it’s wild, and it’s wonderful, and it’s funny, but there’s so much. Then you get to that issue, and it breathes.

Then what I think is really interesting – and I don’t know if you felt this at the time when you were writing it – everything that comes after seems to move at the correct speed. When it wants to be fast, it’s fast. When it wants to be slow, it’s slow. It’s like you gave yourself permission to relax. What ensues is some of the most remarkable writing in any medium, I think.

Neil: I look back on it now, and I’m amazed at the incredible good fortune I had of doing what I was doing at the time that I was doing it. I was doing it at a time when you could do comics and exist under the radar, which was really important. I got to change the way that comics were told, and the idea of comics as a commercial thing changed. Nobody had ever done a comic at the time, in the mainstream, where they would anthologize what you were doing as you did it. That gave me an ability to tell much more complex stories that weren’t reliant on can you remember what you wrote a month ago. I knew that I was going to end the story.

I remember saying to Jenette Kahn, who at that time was the president of DC Comics, I said, “I will need to end Sandman when it’s done.” She said, “Neil, you know that isn’t going to happen. It didn’t happen with Batman. It didn’t happen with Superman. It’s an incredibly successful comics title. When you retire, somebody else will come in, and they will take over Sandman. That’s how it happens.” I thought, “Shall I argue?” Then I thought, “No, I’m not going to argue at all.” What I did from that point on was, every time anybody would ask me in interviews, “What’s going to happen with Sandman when you’re finished?” I would say, “One of two things will happen. Either DC will end the comic, and I will continue to work with DC, or somebody else will take over, and that will be the end of my relationship with DC Comics. One of these two things will happen.”

By the time that Sandman was wrapping up, I just remember getting a phone call, again, from Karen Berger, saying, “We can’t really keep this going after you’re done, can we?” I said, “No, you can’t.” She said, “Could we do something like a comic called The Dreaming, and just spin off some of these characters?” I said, “Sure, we’ll do any of those things. We can do a Lucifer comic or whatever. We can do all that stuff, but Sandman ends.” She’s like, “Okay.”

Craig: I would’ve been terrified to be the person taking over if they had continued it. That would’ve been the most terrifying thing to imagine. One of the reasons I would be terrified, because back to something you just said, which is, okay, this is anthologized, and you don’t have to remember what happened in last month’s issue, but sometimes you have to remember what happened three years ago in the issues, because your grasp of intertextuality is kind of unfathomable to me.

When you read the full length of The Sandman, there are things that happen, and it makes me think, “Either this man’s mind works on levels inaccessible to my own, or this was all preplanned in some insane room, which I doubt, or Neil Gaiman has a very good way of surprising himself with a connection and then making it work.” I’m curious as to which of those or what unmentioned alternative there is to explain how good you are at that.

Neil: Back then in Sandman days, I remember reading some Dickens and getting very excited reading Dickens, because I found myself recognizing what he was doing on a level of, “Oh, you are writing a serialized story.” There are things that you know, there are things that you have planned out, and there are places you’re absolutely going. There are things that you are doing because you have two pages to fill. There are things that you’re doing because you have two pages to fill where you’ve just brought something on that you don’t know is important, but it’s going to be a thing that you will use. Here’s a thing where you’re throwing a ball in the air that you know you will catch. You know the ball is important, but you don’t need to know right now why it’s important. You just need to know that it’s important while you’re writing the rest of the thing. It will be there for you when you need it.

I’m definitely not one of the people who sits down and does what I think of as proper plotting, where you do the architectural diagram of everything before you begin. In George R.R. Martin’s analogy, I’m much more of a gardener. I will plant things. It helped that until I got meningitis in 2003, I had the most amazing memory. I kind of lost that. After meningitis, I went back to having a normal human being memory.

Craig: Welcome back.

Neil: Exactly. It was like, “Okay.”

Craig: It took meningitis literally to make you mortal. All right.

Neil: It took meningitis. Before then, I had an amazing memory. I remember the entirety of Sandman was sitting there in RAM.

Craig: Wow.

Neil: There’s 3,000 pages of it by the end. It’s all there. I’m making all of the connections that I need to while I’m writing. There are things that I’m like, “Okay, I’ll do this, but I’ll put this down here.” I did them, but I also trusted future me, which I think is something that as a writer you have to learn to do sometimes. Future you is there. Future you will sometimes sort this thing out. You just need to know this thing happens.

The only time that future me completely let me down was in American Gods. I’d done this thing early in the book where Chernobog, this big, Slavic guard with a hammer, has said to Shadow, our hero, at some point, “I will do this thing, but you in turn have to come back here, and I’m going to smash your skull with a hammer.” I’m writing the book. Everything else is falling. Balls are tossed into the air, being caught. Everything’s working. I’m so proud of myself. That one, it’s just like, “Hey, future me, have we solved this one yet?” Each morning I’d wake up and go, “I’m still past me, apparently.”

I remember that one, I wound up in Gothenburg book festival. Terry Pratchett and I went over for the Swedish publication of Good Omens. We’re on a train back to Stockholm. I said, “Terry, I cannot work this one out.” I talked it through with him. I just said, “This is what’s happening in the plot.” He thought about it for a minute. He said, “What if he just taps his forehead with the hammer and lets him go? He could’ve done it, but thing happens.” I’m like, “Yeah, [inaudible 00:35:05].”

John: Neil, talking about the difference between American Gods, which was written as a full book, so you could’ve gone back and changed anything – you weren’t locked into decisions you’d made, compared to Dickens or Sandman were serialized and they were coming out every month and there was a responsibility to pay off those things before – all this reminds me so much of what the TV showrunner is doing. The TV showrunner approaches a season with a plan for how things are going to start, and then oftentimes in our favorite shows, it’s a few episodes in where it finally finds its voice, its footing, and it keeps going. That showrunner still has to trust future showrunner to keep things going, keep things running in the air. Can you talk to us about the process of delivering each new installment of something like Sandman? What was your timeline? Do you have, responsible every month for delivering the script for this and then seeing what was going to happen next?

Neil: Yeah. That was how it worked. You start out about six months ahead, but you burn that as you go, over the next year. Pretty soon, you’re only three months ahead. You don’t have that fabulous stash of time and stuff. You have to deliver. Much like TV, if I didn’t deliver Sandman on time, then the artist didn’t have anything to draw. Then the colorist didn’t have anything to color. The letterist wasn’t getting paid for lettering. They all had rent to make. There was an obligation there that I couldn’t really be late. I had to come through. Most of the time, I could do it.

I remember once having to finish a Sandman story before I went to a convention, and just finishing it and sending the script off, going to the convention, spending the entire convention being miserable, going, “I got the end wrong. I got the end completely wrong,” and getting home and just rewriting, doing a completely different last six pages and sending it in.

What I love about that is, on the one hand I had a great memory, and on the other hand, the day after I’d sent in the new script, I had forgotten what the old last six pages was. I’d tell people, “No, that issue had a completely different last six pages.” They were like, “What happened?” I’m like, “I don’t know. Something that wasn’t the story.”

Craig: Your body rejects it. I guess we’ve got some questions from other people that we might want to dig into here. But if there’s one thing that I think is essential for good writers to cultivate, it is that sense of knowing what is wrong, feeling it like a thorn in your skin, to the extent that it bothers you all weekend. If you’re not bothered all weekend at some point by something you’ve written, this might not be for you, and to then reject it like that. You’re absolutely right. When it’s wrong, the RAM flushes that. That’s gone. There’s no space for it. That’s why it was a thorn. It didn’t belong. Fascinating to hear. Look at this. We’ve got a big thing.

John: We’ve got a big thing here. We are a podcast about screenwriting and writing. It’s always so good when we can actually take a look at the words on the page and what they actually look like and what they were. This is from Sandman 24. This is just a look at what your script is like. With your permission, I’d love to be able to put a link in this to the show notes.

Neil: Of course.

John: We’re used to screenplay format. Most of what we talk about on the podcast is a very standard screenplay format. There is not one standard comics format. If you’ll look through, there’s similar things. They’re always talking about pages and panels, but the actual layout of stuff on the page is so different.

Looking at your thing here, it very much feels like kind of an email starting. You’re talking to Kelley, Malcolm, Todd, Steve, Tom, Karen. “Here we are at the third part of Season of Mists. We last saw the Sandman watching Lucifer walking away into the mists, having been given the key to Hell. This episode begins a few hours later.” It’s really chatty. It very much feels like you’re having a conversation with somebody about, this is what’s going to happen.

Then as you get into descriptions of what’s happening in the panels, it’s much more verbose than what we’re used to in screenwriting. There’s not this page-per-minute kind of assumption. It’s very full. You’re really trying to paint the picture for the artists and for everyone reading the script.

Neil: Bear in mind that in TV production terms, I’m the writer, but I’m also the editor. I’m also probably working very closely with people we’d think of like the production designer.

Craig: Going to say, yeah.

Neil: The artist becomes the camera crew.

Craig: Cinematographer, yeah.

Neil: The cinematographer and is also kind of all of the actors. They are also the production designer. You’re working with them, trying to get them every piece of information they need in order to do their job. What does this look like? What does it feel like? What emotions are happening here? What are people thinking? It’s stuff where if you were doing it in script form, you might be having conversations with people. You’re going to spend half a day with your production designer.

John: That’s what we talk about as a tone meeting, where you’re really sitting down, both a production and a tone meeting. You’re talking with all the different people about what you need to have done. But in talking with that director in the tone meeting, you’re really talking about, “This is what the intention is here. Let’s really think through what this is.” It feels like a tone meeting on the page here.

Neil: That’s exactly what it is. It’s an informal letter to the artist and to everybody else who might be involved. I write in order to try and get them complicit. I want to draw them into my madness so that we have a team, and we’re all making the same thing. I remember the first time I ever wrote a TV series. It was a TV series for the BBC called Neverwhere.

John: I loved it.

Neil: Thank you. I was the writer, but I didn’t have control. I didn’t have power. I remember the very first time I felt like the ground beneath my feet was slipping a bit was wandering into costume and talking to the costume designer. I’d specified very specific clothes for the characters in the script. She showed me something that one of the characters was wearing. I said, “Oh, but in the script she’s wearing a giant old-fashioned flying jacket, a big, old, leather flying jacket.” She says, “There’s too much leather already in this.” I said, “There isn’t anybody else that I’ve written any leather for.” I realized, okay, she’s doing her own stuff, and she’s showing it to the director, and the director is signing off on it. Nobody’s showing the costumes to the writer. Nobody’s actually looking at what it says in the script and going, “Oh, this is what we do.” They’re just looking at the script and going, “Okay, the writer is just saying stuff about what these characters are wearing, but we know much better.”

Craig: Welcome to the movie business. That’s what it is. I’ve worked in features. John has worked in features for so many years. You have just summed up precisely what it means to be a feature writer in the United States.

Looking at this and seeing the specificity of what you’re asking, first of all the level of specificity is glorious. You are absolutely doing the job of the showrunner here. This ties into our topic from, I think it was last week. You’re clearly seeing the page visually in your mind. You can see it. You are telling the artists and the layout people, “Left column. This panel above this panel. Right column. Full page.” You can literally see how everything is working, which I think is the hallmark of somebody that can do it all. You have done it all for both television and film but also so beautifully in this medium as well.

John: Neil, question for you, because on last week’s episode, we were talking about the way that Craig and I tend to write scenes is that we visualize the place, we put ourselves in that place, and then we write what we’re seeing, write what we’re experiencing around us. Writing something about this panel that we’re looking at for Sandman, are you placing yourself inside a space, or are you really just thinking about, “This is the page, and this is what I’m seeing on the page.” Because those are not the same things. Talk to us about what you’re seeing.

Neil: They aren’t the same things. When I write a movie script or a TV script, I’m definitely thinking of the experience on the screen, but also I’m there with the actors while I’m writing. I’m both. I’m trying to write, “This is what we’re seeing,” but I’m also trying to write the words and the action in a way that make me feel like I’m there and hopefully will make come alive for the actors.

For comics, the most important thing for me when I would do Sandman would be I would take eight sheets of typing paper, I would fold them over, and I would draw a little cover on the front cover, even though it wouldn’t look anything ever like anything that Dave McKean was actually going to do. Then I would go through and mark where the ads would be, because it was important to me to know where I could have double-page spreads.

John: The equivalent of the commercial breaks in television, basically, the structure.

Neil: Exactly. You’re working out, “Okay, I’m going to have a break here, so structurally it’ll be eight pages, and then there’s four pages, and then the left-hand page is going to be on even-numbered pages here. It’ll be odd-numbered pages for four pages. Then it’s going to go back to even numbers.” I needed to know that to know when people are turning the page, because one of the things that is incredibly important in any form of writing is to know what the unit of communication is and how you’re giving information to people. For me, I rapidly came to the conclusion that in comics you think the unit of information is the panel, but it’s not. It’s the page.

Craig: The page.

Neil: The action of turning the page is a physical action. That allows you to change scenes if you need to. That allows you to surprise the reader. I can surprise the reader. If I’m going to surprise the reader, it has to be on a left-hand page that you’re going to turn a right-hand page to, to go, “Oh my god, I didn’t see that coming.” You don’t want to try and surprise the reader on something that’s going to be on a right-hand page, that they will have turned over to and they may have glanced at, whatever. I think in a novel or a short story, it’s probably the paragraph, but it’s certainly not the page in the same way, because the page is mutable. The pages can change, just depending on how the thing is laid out and the typescript.

For me, the visual feeling of what am I trying to do on this page, what am I trying to do here, in Sandman I probably did, over the course of however many – there were 75 issues of the main comic and then, I don’t know, let’s say another 10 all together of various things – I would always be very aware of when I was going to use a double-page spread. I used them very, very rarely, but every time I did, they were important. You’d turn the page, and now you’ve got something that covers two whole pages. I had to use up two pages on that. I had to be willing to sacrifice two pages. I only had 24 pages to sell my story in. I now have 23, because I gave one up to have a double-page spread.

Craig: Needs to earn that.

Neil: It really has to earn that.

John: I’ve written three books, and I’ve written obviously a zillion screenplays, but I’m doing my first graphic novel right now. I’m loving it, but I’m also finding it strange, because I assumed I knew what it was going to be like, and it’s different than that. Your description that the page is a unit of information is so true.

A scene I was writing yesterday had an earthquake in it, so I had to really think about, “Okay, how am I showing an earthquake? I know how I’d do that in a book. I know how I would do that in a screenplay. But what am I actually showing here? What are the tools I can use that are specific to a drawn format that’s going to carry this off? How is the earthquake affecting the type? What all is happening in there?”

It’s really liberating, but it’s also very different, because so much of it can look like a movie script. There’s characters, there’s dialogue, and there are scenes, and yet you’re always thinking about what is the experience of the reader. That experience is just so different than it would be in a screenplay.

Neil: It’s so interesting when you look at it as control. A novel in a way is like telepathy. At its best, you’re doing something magical. You’re getting something out of your head. You’re putting it into some kind of code. Then somebody at the other end is reading it and decoding it and building something up, building pictures, building people in their head. You don’t really have control over what the people look like. You don’t have control over what the people sound like. There’s a lot of stuff you don’t have. But you do have this weird magic telepathy. With a movie or with TV, you have a awful lot of control over the actual thing that is being experienced. It is happening in real time. If you’re building it right, you know where you can get people to smile. You know where you can get people to cry.

With Season 1 of Good Omens, I would talk to the director. We’d be sitting in the editing room. He would say, “Nobody’s going to get that.” I would say, “No, they won’t get it on the first viewing, but they’ll get it the third or fourth time they watch it.” He’s like, “Neil, people don’t watch TV three or four times.” I’m like, “I think they’ll watch this. I think it’ll work.” He’s like, “You’re being an idiot.” For the second season working together, he’s like, “Okay, so they won’t get this the first time. I figure about time number four or time number five when they go through, they’ll certainly realize that this is also that,” because he’d realized that that was very much how it worked.

You have absolute control. The thing is happening in real time. There are real people in front of you. They are saying things. You can hear it. You can control the music. You can control an awful lot of things happening. In comics, you’re in a mid-zone. You have control over some of this stuff. You rapidly realize that you don’t have a soundtrack, so you start trying to compensate as a writer. You’re like, “I’ve got the picture track. I’ve got this thing.” I can give you information in ways that I wouldn’t want to give you information in a film, because you can’t just stop the film watching the film for the first time and nip back 10 pages and go, “Hang on. Was that the guy who came in?” You have to go, “I think,” whereas in a comic, you’d just go, “Oh yeah, that was the guy. Ah, clever,” and you can keep going.

You can also control things like turning a page. You can control the ways information comes. You can think of ways of doing things, like here with your earthquake, where you go, “Nobody’s ever actually done this before that I’ve seen. I need to come up with a way that’s completely cool and original,” which you don’t have to do in film. You know you’ve got an incredibly experienced crew, and they’ve already all done four or five different earthquakes in four or five different shows anyway, so they all know that you just get this heavy bloke over here to jump up and down while you shake the camera a little bit over here, and somebody back there is going to push the books off the shelves, and yay, we’ve got an earthquake. For a comic, you may be the first person writing this particular earthquake in this particular way, and you’re going to have to make it up.

John: It’s been fun to do.

Neil: That’s so much fun.

John: We could make up things all day here, but we do need to wrap up the show. We wrap up with One Cool Things. Craig, do you want to start with yours?

Craig: Sure. My One Cool Thing this week is the game Starfield. As everyone knows, I pretty much play all the big ones. This is going to be a weird One Cool Thing for me, because mostly, I’m going to complain about it. Normally, One Cool Things are just all positive.

Starfield is the latest game from Bethesda, the team that does the Elder Scrolls series and Fallout. It’s beautiful. It’s a beautiful game. Visually, it’s beautiful. The sound is fantastic. There’s this sound that spaceships make, our own rockets make when they take off. It’s that as they’re really getting up there, there’s this wonderful rippling of the air, this violent rippling of the air, this really specific noise that they just nailed. Every time it happens, I’m so excited to hear it. It really is awesome. They’ve gotten so much right. The planets you visit are beautiful.

But here’s the thing. This formula that they have, that they use for Elder Scrolls in a fantasy setting, and Fallout in a science fiction setting on a nuclear-ravaged earth, and now Starfield investigating, it’s beyond old. It is now fully a rut. There are multiple factions that you join. They all invite you to join. They all give you missions. Eventually, they will all conflict with each other, and you will have to make a choice that is based on some, I call it, quote unquote, morals, because you’re forced to eventually do something bad that just feels terrible. They do this thing where everyone, when they speak to you, they look right into the camera, which is really unnerving. Even when we’re talking to each other, we’re not drilling into each other’s eyes like this. It’s just this clunky method of doing things. It’s addictive.

It is addictive, because the game is built around giving you tasks that you can complete, which I think for writers is just pure crack cocaine, because we are so often just like, “I can do anything. How do I even define success?” This is like, “Great. Go here. Do this. You win. Good.” In ways, beautiful. But Bethesda, it’s enough. You’ve got to stop. You need to do something else. This is getting silly. That’s my One sort of Cool Thing.

John: Craig, you’ve saved Hollywood, because you have perhaps liberated a bunch of screenwriters, including myself, from feeling the need to buy the game and play the game. With the hundreds of hours that we now have, we can make film and television better.

Craig: Sure, or conversely-

John: Or…

Craig: … I’ve doomed legions of us to adapt video games that probably shouldn’t be adapted. Let’s just say that I’ve affected Hollywood. We will withhold all moral judgments until we see how it turns out, but probably poorly.

John: My One Cool Thing is an article I read this week by K.K. Rebecca Lai and Jennifer Medina. It’s the New York Times. It’s about how Census categories for race and ethnicity have shaped how the nation sees itself. It’s charting over the last 230 years how US Census data on race and ethnicity, the labels keep changing. The way the labels keep changing is actually really interesting. The way we group people is often contentious and sometimes transformational, because when you put people in a group together, it’s like, oh, we are this group or we’re not this group.

One of the most recent changes is a new category called Middle Eastern and North African, putting all those people from that area together. Over the years, we’ve kept wrestling with how to deal with Latino and Hispanic, whether it is a characteristic you apply in addition to something else or if it’s its own separate category. I think the bigger issue is really we’ve gone from race being a thing that a Census taker applies, they look at you and they say, “This is what your race is,” to something that people self-identify what their race is. That’s a pretty foundationally different thing.

It’s also interesting how as terms themselves change, things that used to be just descriptors become pejorative. We’ve seen that in other things too, like disabilities for example. Just a really good overview of where we’ve been over the last 230 years, talking about race in America, which of course, a complicated subject, and why we’re at this place now and how this is not the end of the story. We’re going to keep thinking differently about race and ethnicity in the decades to come.

Craig: This is a really well-done… I’m just looking at this. The New York Times has gotten very good at this sort of thing.

John: Really the infographic-y stuff that actually lets you explore.

Craig: It’s quite good.

John: So smartly done.

Craig: I will say this for the person that was filling the ledger for the first Census in 1790, penmanship, outstanding. Neil, I know that you are a big fountain pen guy. This guy I assume is feather. Is it quill? I don’t know what he’s using.

John: Perhaps a quill. Who knows?

Craig: Man, he’s good. He’s good and consistent, and particularly the capital D’s.

Neil: I love my pens.

Craig: Fantastic. Love it.

John: Neil Gaiman, do you have a One Cool Thing to share with us?

Neil: I do. I have One Cool Thing. I thought, “What should my One Cool Thing be? Because this is all about writing.” I thought, “I should pick One Cool Thing that is inspirational, because it’ll get people writing.” I thought, “Who is the writer who for me is the most inspirational who people won’t know about, and I can inspire people with them?” I thought, “Of course, it is Harry Stephen Keeler.”

Craig: Go on.

Neil: Harry Stephen Keeler is, depending on which way you look at it, either the worst good writer that America ever came up with or the greatest bad writer that America ever produced. Wrote from the ’20s until at least the ’50s. By the ’60s, he may have still been writing, but he was only published in Spain, in Spanish, for reasons that nobody ever understands.

Craig: Wow.

Neil: Harry Stephen Keeler plotted worse than any of us. Harry Stephen Keeler did dialogue worse than any of us. Harry Stephen Keeler was terrible in so many ways. This wonderful Chicago writer who you know that whatever he does is going to be awful. He used to write his novels by writing… He had 75,000 words to fill. By the time he’d finished his novels, he’d normally write 80,000 words, so he’d just cut 10,000 to 15,000 words out, and that will be the beginning of the next novel.

Craig: Wow.

Neil: Which often meant that the novels have the same kind of plot-

Craig: Oh, god.

Neil: … very often involving skulls in bags. I thought I’d just read a tiny bit-

Craig: Oh, please.

Neil: … for you.

Craig: We need to know.

Neil: This is from a book called The Riddle of the Traveling Skull.

Craig: Wow.

John: I love that. It sounds like a Three Investigators title. I love it.

Craig: The thought that a skull travels, it’s just wrong already.

Neil: And has a riddle-

Craig: And has a riddle.

Neil: … associated with it. He liked skulls. The Skull of the Traveling Clown is another.

Craig: More traveling.

Neil: Was it Traveling Clown, or was it the Laughing Clown? Anyway, “He irritated me, strangely,” says our narrator. “And in the hope of getting a line on the source of his abnormal interest in me, I began to review the events – such as they were – which followed my exit from the big new Union Passenger Station at Randolph Street and Michigan Avenue. For it must be remembered that at that time I knew quite nothing, naturally, concerning Milo Payne, the mysterious Cockney-talking Englishman with the checkered long-beaked Sherlockholmsian cap; nor of the latter’s ‘Barr-Bag’ which was as like my own bag as one Milwaukee wiener-wurst is like another; nor of Legga, the Human Spider, with her four legs and her six arms; nor of Ichabod Chang, ex-convict, and son of Dong Chang; nor of the elusive poetess, Abigail Sprigge; nor of the Great Simon, with his 2163 pearl buttons; nor of– in short, I then knew quite nothing about anything or anybody involved in the affair of which I had now become a part, unless perchance it were my Nemesis, Sophie Kratzenschneiderwumpel – or Suing Sophie!”

Craig: Wow. Wow. What an amazing list of things-

John: That’s amazing.

Craig: … he didn’t know. That’s awesome. That’s amazing. Here’s a list of things I didn’t know, all of which sound terrible. Now I guess I’m doomed to find to all of them, including Legga.

Neil: You will find out about Legga the Human Spider-

Craig: Legga.

Neil: … and everything else. This is a glorious joy to me.

Craig: Wow.

Neil: It’s very liberating just reading Harry Stephen Keeler, because I’m like, “Oh, everything about this is terrible. You are doing accents and race in the manner of somebody in the 1920s in Chicago in a way that probably would’ve been embarrassing even back then. The ways that you get through a sentence are not ways that normally people who get published get through sentences. It’s okay. I want to read you, because you’re going to leave me going either, ‘Somebody took so much joy in story,’ or you’re just going to leave me going, ‘At least whatever I write next is not going to be as bad as that.'”

Craig: That is valuable.

Neil: It’s so valuable.

Craig: Thank you for that gift, the gift of Harry Stephen Keeler. We’ll put a link in our show notes to make sure that people can read about him and his many skull-related stories. Oh, yeah, look at this list of skull-related stories. God, these are terrible titles. The Case of the Crazy Corpse. I would argue that that adjective cannot apply to a corpse. This is really, really bad. The Case of the Flying Hands.

Neil: The Mystery of the Wooden Spectacles.

Craig: Oh yes, of course. Oh my god, look. Wow. Also, very much about Asians. He’s really into Asians. That much is clear. A lot of Asian stuff. Okay, Harry Stephen Keeler. We see you. Thank you. Thank you, Neil Gaiman, for that. That was a lovely gift.

John: That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our outro this week is by Owen Danoff. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions. You’ll find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find transcripts and sign up for our weekly newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. We have T-shirts and hoodies. They’re great. You can find them at Cotton Bureau. You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to record on the projects we never get around to writing. Neil Gaiman, an absolute pleasure finally having you on the show. Thank you so much.

Neil: That was wonderful, guys. Thank you so much for having me.

Craig: It was a joy, and special. Special. You were a very special guest, at least to me. I don’t know about these other guys, but to me, special.

[Bonus Segment]

John: We’re back in the Bonus Segment. Not a surprise to anybody that I’m very organized. I have this database called Notion, which has lots of links to things that I’m working on, the active projects, but I also have a category called Ruminating Projects. Right now, there are 25 different titles that are in my Ruminating Projects, which is things that are not written but that are occupying some of my brain space. Every once in a while, they’ll take up a brain cycle, and I’ll think about that thing I never got around to writing.

I have a weird relationship with them, because some of them I will probably write, but most of them I will never write at all. They’re in this weird half state. I know enough about them. I know the characters. I know the setting. I know what is interesting to me about them. I also know I’m probably never going to write them. I thought we might spend a few minutes talking about the other stuff that’s in our heads that’s not ever going to be finished. Neil, what’s your take on that?

Neil: For me, there are two different kinds of things. There’s the one where you go, “Okay, it’s an idea, and it has legs. I don’t know how long I’m going to have to live, but if I live long enough, it’s a plane that I will probably eventually bring in to land.” Those ones, there are a few of them I’ve already managed. The Graveyard Book took me 25 years, mostly of not writing it, but going, “I wonder if I’m going to write that book one day. Oh, I think I am. No, I don’t think I am. Yeah, I think I will,” and eventually figuring out the voice of the book and getting there.

Right now, I’m writing – I started during the strike – a children’s book that was one of those projects, a very silly book about frogs in Central Park, that have been in the back of my head for a long time. It’s like, “How much longer can the strike go? I may as well write this, and it’ll be done.” Of course, the moment I seriously committed to it, the strike was over.

Craig: Naturally.

Neil: Then there are the ones that are really good ideas, but you realize you don’t really need to write, because obviously, whoever is in charge of sending ideas out into the world just sent the wrong idea to the wrong person.

I remember somewhere in the late ’90s getting incredibly excited for half a day. I think the movie Independence Day had just come out, and I thought, Presidents Day. You could make a film, and it would be a high-action adventure. It starts out in a futuristic Disney World where they’ve got a hall of presidents. Only all of these presidents are actually… What’s so exciting is that they’ve all clonally been built up from the actual DNA of the president in question. They’re actually all about 26, 27 years old, but to come on and say their bit in the hall of presidents, they’re made up to look like they’re in their 60s. They are wholly owned by Disney World. Because they are clonally built, they aren’t really even humans. This is about how Abraham Lincoln frees the presidents and how they have to get across America, going from Florida to Canada, where they’ll be free.

Craig: Yes, of course.

Neil: Three quarters of the way along, they’re going to be betrayed by Richard Nixon. Harrison, because he died so quickly and could’ve been anyone, he’ll be one of our leads. I remember just plotting this thing. It had explosions. It was big.

John: There’s a Bruckheimer quality to it. There’s a Con Air quality. I like it.

Neil: You get to the end, and you go-

Craig: They made it.

Neil: I’ll never. I have zero interest in ever making this thing. I never want to see it. Somewhere out there, there was a writer who got up that morning going, “God, just give me inspiration. What is the actual adventure movie that I should be writing?” They just sent the idea to the wrong person [crosstalk 01:08:47].

Craig: They sent it through the wrong tube. The other tragic thing that sometimes happens is you have an idea, and it gets you very excited. For me, I have ideas all the time, and if they don’t hit the level of, “I am compelled to do this,” then they’re just flushed. I don’t walk around with a list. Basically, I just keep hitting delete on everything as it comes in, like emails from people you don’t want. If I don’t get excited, I just hit delete, sometimes I suppose too quickly.

There was this idea that I had for a novel in the early 20-teens. I’d never written a novel before, but it seemed like it had to be a novel. It was the story of a man who could see how and when people would die. When his daughter was born and he held her for the first time, he realized at that moment he had seven years, and then she would die. There was nothing. He became obsessed with trying to stop it, and couldn’t, and has become now just basically the most fatalistic human in the world. Then he gets an opportunity maybe to intervene somehow in some other way and save someone. I became very, very obsessed with this.

I can’t remember who I was talking to, but I mentioned that I was doing this. They’re like, “Oh, Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose.” I’m like, “What?” They’re like, “Yeah, there’s an episode of X-Files.” It was an episode of X-Files in 1995, which was about, I don’t know, 20 years before I was thinking about this. It was great. I was like, “Ah, shit.” I didn’t watch X-Files back in the day. I watched it, and it was awesome. It was such a good episode. The late, great Peter Boyle plays Clyde Bruckman. It’s beautiful. The tone of it was beautiful. It was exactly what I was going for, this notion of just regret but also peace and acceptance and the confrontation of death. It was 45 minutes long.

I watched it and went, “All right. Well.” I had four chapters done. I was like, “Well, no,” because there are some things where it’s just too concepty to survive the thought that it’s just going to be out there in the world. People are like, “Have you read this vaguely fancy prose-ish version of Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose?” Alas.

John: I’ve had that experience where I felt liberated that I don’t need to write that anymore, because it’s already out there in the world, which is nice.

Neil: I’ve definitely had the, “What a relief. I don’t have to be the one who writes that.” I’ve also had, a few times now in my life, the feeling of, “Oh shit, that idea is a really good idea, and other people are going to have it too, so I need to get this thing out. I’m on a clock now. Now that I’ve had this idea, it is properly ticking.” The Serial Killers Convention in Sandman was that. I had the idea. I went, “Somebody else is going to be doing this if I don’t. I have to do it. I have to get it out. I can’t get it into Sandman for another 12 months. I don’t get to write it for a year from now.” I had to just hope nobody writes it in that intervening time.

Craig: There is a hundredth monkey syndrome thing that happens, where the moment something occurs to you, you do feel like it’s in the air now, clearly.

Neil: You know that the things that are out there add up to that. Terry Pratchett and I, after Good Omens, the thing that we actually plotted next, that was going to be our next novel, that then we decided we didn’t want to do, and then I was incredibly relieved, had that fabulous feeling of relief when I realized we didn’t need to do it any longer some years later, was the idea of a serial killer who hunts serial killers. We went, “Nobody’s done that. We need to have this kind of background. He has this, but he’s going after this… “ You knew that it was going to happen. You knew somebody was going to write it. Then there was a point where Terry was like, “I want to go and do another Discworld novel.” I’m like, “I’m busy with Sandman. Let’s let that one go.”

Craig: Then Thomas Harris comes along.

Neil: And Dexter.

Craig: Dexter, yeah. I guess that’s the thing.

John: [Crosstalk 01:13:25] that show.

Craig: See, this is actually an important lesson, because prior to Dexter, you have Hannibal Lecter. In my mind, as you’re talking, I’m thinking, oh, Hannibal Lecter’s a serial killer-

John: [Crosstalk 01:13:35]

Craig: … who helps them hunt serial killers. See, we’re probably too hard on ourselves, because the adage there aren’t new ideas is a thing. Maybe it’s possible that if I went back and started writing this novel, it would be so vastly different of an experience than Clyde Bruckman’s that nobody would give a shit.

Neil: Let me just say on that that I had plotted a Sandman story which wound up being called Game of You, and then I read Jonathan Carroll’s novel Bones of the Moon and went, “Fuck. That was my story. It’s the same thing, and you’ve just done that.” I love Jonathan Carroll. This is brilliant. I wrote to Jonathan Carroll, who I knew vaguely. I think we’ve met once. I just said, “I just want you to know I’m not doing this story because Bones of the Moon.” He wrote back, and he said, “Write your story. Write it. Tell it.” He said, “The job of a novelist, the job of a writer is to tell it new. Whatever it is, tell it new.”

Craig: Tell it new.

Neil: I thought, “Okay.” I wrote Game of You. By the end of it, Game of You wasn’t Bones of the Moon. It was its own thing. I was really pleased that Jonathan had said, “Go write it.

Craig: I don’t like where this is going. I don’t like where this is going at all.

John: Now Craig’s going to have to write a book, and we know writing books is terrible.

Craig: You’re sticking me back on some sort of hook for a thing I had merrily let myself free on. How dare all of you. This is very upsetting.

John: Craig, getting back to your notion of, if an idea doesn’t continue to excite me, then you just need to let it go, a thing I have found in my brain is that sometimes ideas will recognize, “Oh, John’s not paying enough attention to us by ourselves, but if we gang up together, we all come together, John will have to pay attention to us.” My movie The Nines is really three ideas that ganged up together like, “No, no, no, we can all be the same movie.” That became the thing. Part of why I actually write down the list and keep my little notes on stuff is so I can get those brain cycles not happening, because if you don’t write stuff down, your brain is responsible for remembering it. If you write stuff down, it gets it out of your head in a way that could be-

Craig: I haven’t had meningitis yet, so I feel like I’m going to be fine. Yet.

Neil: American Gods for me was one of those. American Gods was, I had this thing over here, and I don’t know what it is. I had these two characters, and they meet on a plane, and I don’t know who they are. I’ve got this thing here. Then one day, I just asked myself one weird little question about whether these Scandinavian explorers brought their gods with them when they came to America, and they left them behind when they left. Suddenly, all of these other things lined up behind. It was, “Oh, I have a story. I have a thing. It has legs. It’s moved from being a notion to being an idea to being a story.”

Craig: I love that. I love that at the heart of all of this is something that is common among – I’m not going to say writers, because I think that’s just too broad of a category – people who consistently write. How about this? We’ll call them people who consistently write. That is this constant desire. There’s a wanting, there is a need to tell a story. If you are currently in the middle of telling the wrong story, you may feel like, “I don’t like telling stories.” No, just don’t like telling this one. Go ahead and take a year off and see how that goes. It’s not going to go well. You will start again. We are defined by this hunger to tell a story. Inevitably, our brains do organize around something.

I think as I’ve gotten older, and I am running out of time – we’re all running out of time, rapidly probably – what I try to remember is the feeling of delight when I’m telling the story I’m supposed to be telling. If I don’t quite have that feeling of delight, then go ahead and sit on that egg a bit more. It’s not time.

Neil: The moment where you suddenly feel like you are the first reader, you’re typing even faster so that the words can get out, because you want to read them, and the magic is happening.

John: Maybe wrap this up on, I’m not sure how I feel about this, but this last week it was announced that James Patterson has finished a Michael Crichton novel that was not finished. It was not even clear how much of Michael Crichton’s novel was finished. Now they’re shopping the rights to this new James Patterson, Michael Crichton novel. In some ways, it makes me feel good, like, okay, maybe those things that I don’t actually finished, someone else can pick up and finish. I won’t feel like I’m abandoning these children. At the same time, I’m not going to be around to see it, so does it matter at all?

Neil: Bless him. I think James Patterson is a very sweet man, but I do not want him finishing anything that I’ve left unfinished, please. I go backwards and forwards on the Terry Pratchett thing of I want a steamroller to run over my laptop with everything, crush my hard disk, let everything be done. Then there’s part of me that goes, I don’t know, if I was three quarters of the way through a novel, and I had a heart attack, and it was a good book, there are definitely two or three of my friends I would happily say… I won’t say anything, because I’ll be dead, but I would not actually mind if my agent was to reach out to one of them and say, “Hey, do you want to finish this thing of Neil’s?”

Craig: That’s quite nice. It’s an interesting thing for writers to consider as they update their wills and trusts. Kafka lit quite a few of his manuscripts on fire. This is this self-destructive… It is an extension of some of the narcissistic aspect of what we do, which is, “I am God. I create a world. The world is designed by me, to my specifications. No other gods before me.”

In television or movies, you write something, and then other people are helping. There is a moment where somebody will show you something. “Here, I read what you wrote, and this is what I think it should look like.” It’s wrong, and it hurts. They didn’t try and hurt you. They’re trying to help you. They’re doing their job. They’re probably excellent at their job. But it’s wrong. It’s that thorn in the skin problem. It hurts. One thing that will deliver you from that pain is death, of course. I’d like the idea of maybe, in my will, going, “Okay, this one can go to that one. This one can go to that one.” But maybe also, I’ll try and finish things real fast before I croak. That’s probably the best method.

John: That’s all of our goals. Neil Gaiman, thank you so much for joining us on this Bonus Segment.

Craig: Thank you, Neil.

John: You’re the best.

Neil: Gentlemen, that was enjoyable as all hell. Thank you so much.

Links:

  • Neil Gaiman on Instagram and Twitter
  • Read Neil’s script for The Sandman #24
  • Starfield
  • An American Puzzle: Fitting Race in a Box
  • The Riddle of the Traveling Skull by Harry Stephen Keeler
  • Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!
  • Check out the Inneresting Newsletter
  • Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription or treat yourself to a premium subscription!
  • Craig Mazin on Threads and Instagram
  • John August on Threads, Instagram and Twitter
  • John on Mastodon
  • Outro by Owen Danoff (send us yours!)
  • Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by Matthew Chilelli.

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode here.

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