Before you take up arms against him, you should know that he’s Australian, and he’s talking about “states” like New South Wales and Queensland. Which sound like made-up [Risk](http://www.thegamesjournal.com/articles/Risk.shtml) territories, if you ask me. It’s important that you not be confused by the other side’s rhetoric. For instance, listening to them you might think all of the members of [Beyond Federation](http://www.beyondfederation.org.au/)… * are cheering Howard; I have no idea what this means. Ever since I first fired up Netscape lo these many years ago, I’ve been following the career of this other John August like he’s my long-lost brother. (He’s not, incidently.) I’ve seen him posting in scientific Usenet groups. Once, he even acknowledged that there’s an American screenwriter with whom he shares a name. But what to make of his desire to abolish the Australian states? Is he a Socialist, a conservative, a progressive, a forward-thinker, a wacko? I don’t know, because I have zero understanding of Australian politics. From the picture, he looks like a friendly sort, capable of telling jokes that a specific subset of friends would find hilarious. (For instance, people who know Monty Python backwards-and-forwards.) Also worth noting: he seems to have more hair than he knows what to do with. I do not. I guess I’m saying, I want him to be good. I don’t need an evil twin. That’s what my subconscious is for. The first one doesn’t seem all that interested and seems to just want to have me signed on should lightning strike but the second one seems very enthusiastic about working with me. Both have offered me contracts but the kicker is, neither is in L.A. or New York. Should I sign with either and if so, if you were in my shoes, which one would you prefer? Thanks for the site and thanks for much inspiration. — Brad R. Tell each agent you’d like to speak with two of their clients. Just a phone call. If they’re real, above-board agents, they won’t have a problem with this. I’ve spoken with potential clients on behalf of my agent several times, and it’s no great hardship. When you talk with these writers, here’s what you want to know: 1. How quickly does the agent return phone calls? I suspect Agent #2 will score better on these criteria. The fact that he/she doesn’t live in Los Angeles, and isn’t exclusively a screenwriting agent, are certainly big minuses. However, enthusiasm gets you a lot. If you think Agent #2 passionately believes in your talent, go for it. And now for the standard disclaimer: You are still responsible for your career. Signing with an agent guarantees you nothing. You will need to hunt out work, develop pitches, and generally scramble until you get your first few jobs. Your agent can help point you to the lake; you have to catch the fish yourself. Yesterday, the parking was worse than usual, because the adjacent executive parking lot — in truth, a sunken area designed to be flooded when crews need to shoot outdoor water sequences — was being used for a taping of the [Dr. Phil show](http://www.drphil.com/). Since a significant portion of readers live outside the U.S., I should briefly explain who Dr. Phil is. He’s a bald, oversized Texan who got his start on the Oprah Winfrey show dishing out common-sense advice to people in bad situations. He now has his own show, books, and media empire. After parking the Prius, I noticed a sizable crowd of white women in their 30’s and 40’s waiting patiently for blazer-wearing interns to herd them along. At first, I assumed it was a tour group, but in fact it was the Dr. Phil audience, who’d just spent an hour or three in the hot sun for a taping of the show. They all had blue t-shirts (which is why I assumed they were a tour group). It wasn’t until I got closer that I could read what was printed on them. Some said, “Thunder Thighs.” Others had similar anatomical features, such as “Big Butt” or “Flabby Arms.” These observations were, I’m sad to report, largely accurate. That doesn’t make them any less disturbing. Apparently, the idea of the episode was that you got handed a t-shirt with a self-critical message printed on the back. I keep trying to imagine the exact thought process the women in the audience went through. 1. Wow! I got a Dr. Phil t-shirt! The girls back at Winn-Dixie are gonna be jealous. Dr. Phil apparently is a [real doctor](http://ask.yahoo.com/20040714.html), with a degree in psychology, so I can only assume the t-shirts were part of a “break-em-down, build-em-up” program with clear goals and careful follow-up. Somehow compressed down to 40 minutes. But I think it’s unfair that only these women got t-shirts. The only fair thing would be to force everyone on the Paramount lot to wear blue t-shirts publicly stating their insecurities. Some of the more common t-shirts would be: * “Hack” Mine would read “Pee Shy.” I’m going to publicly come out and say it takes me forever to start peeing in a crowded men’s room. I have to hum TLC’s “Waterfalls” to get the flow started. (If I get to Left Eye’s rap section, I just give up and hold it.) Your turn. What would your t-shirt read? And you might as well be honest, since it’s anonymous and all.  has a long-ish article about [Corpse Bride](http://imdb.com/title/tt0121164/maindetails), interviewing both [Pamela Pettler](http://imdb.com/name/nm1017135/maindetails) and yours truly about the story and process. Pamela, [Caroline Thompson](http://imdb.com/name/nm0003031/) and I share writing credit on the movie, but I was never really clear who wrote what and when. From the article, it appears that Caroline wrote a detailed outline, while Pamela wrote the first real script. I was the in-production guy, who did tweaks and fixes, smoothing out rough spots and writing lyrics for a few new songs.</p>
<p>Since it wasn’t a WGA-covered movie — animation often isn’t, [much to the WGA’s chagrin](http://wga.org.master.com/texis/master/redir/?u=http%3A//www.wga.org/negotiations/juris04_1.html) — there wasn’t a normal arbitration process to figure out who got what writing credit for the movie. Fortunately, the final credits as determined by the studio seem right to me. Again, since it’s not WGA, none of us will get residuals. Which blows. But we knew that going in. </p>
<p>The movie, incidentally, is great. </p>
<p>One of the cool/weird things about working on an animated movie (this is my second, after [Titan A.E.](http://imdb.com/title/tt0120913/maindetails)), is that you get to see the entire movie a lot while it’s in production. Every couple of weeks, I’d get a new tape via FedEx from London, showing the newly animated scenes and the pencil storyboards for what was about to shoot, with a mixture of real and temp voices for all the characters. In all, I’ve probably seen the entire film 20 times in various incarnations.</p>
<p>About a month ago, I finally got to see the finished product at a test screening in the Valley. The movie is flat-out gorgeous on the big screen, with the stop-motion animation having a realer-than-real quality. It’s so sharp that it looks 3D.</p>
<p>But what really surprised me is that all the story tweaking we did along the way feels so seamless. You wouldn’t know that characters got added and dropped along the way, or that significant points of backstory were still in discussion midway through shooting. Or that it wasn’t always so musical.</p>
<p>All films, including live-action, go through major changes during editing, but with this kind of animation, there really is no distinction between production and post-production. Once you shoot a frame, it’s finished, forever. So it’s heartening to see that the nail-biting decisions paid off. It feels like it was shot from a locked, finished script. It wasn’t.</p>
<p>The other great lesson you learn from writing animation is surrendering your monopolistic control over every little word, the cinematic [“Not Invented Here”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Not_Invented_Here) syndrome. Moving from the page to the (miniature) soundstage means going through the storyboard artists, who often find new ways of playing a beat that you never considered. During production, a lot of my job was tweaking dialogue to match new bits of business that the artists had invented. While actors in a live-action movie will improvise, that kind of multiple-voices collaboration doesn’t happen as often. In the case of Corpse Bride, it really helped.</a> </p>
</div><footer class=](http://johnaugust.com/Assets/corpsebride.jpg)
Abolish the states, mate
In an article published today, one of the [other John Augusts](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2004/my-namesake-also-a-screenwriter) argues persuasively that [the states should be abolished](http://www.onlineopinion.com.au/view.asp?article=3705).
* hail from Whitlam;
* claim a monopoly on wisdom;
* only have advocates in New South Wales and Victoria;
* ignore the need for independent regional initiative;
* refuse to acknowledge population differences within Australia;
* and are “centralists”.[His name is my name, too](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2004/my-namesake-also-a-screenwriter) Which agent should I choose?
I have the opportunity to sign with one of two agents: one deals strictly with screenplays and supposively has good connections and the other seems to be more geared towards novel and book authors but has several screenwriter clients.
Orchard Park, NY
2. What meetings has the agent set up for you?
3. Have you sold anything? Been hired on any projects?
4. On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with this agent?A message to Dr. Phil
I ventured over to the Paramount lot yesterday for a meeting. None of the studios have ample parking, but Paramount’s main parking lot is comically over-crowded. Their solution is a crew of pseudo-valets who don’t actually park your car, but rather jockey other cars around when you inevitably find yourself stuck behind three Land Rovers. It’s like a scaled-up version of those sliding-number puzzles, only with a higher probability of fender damage.
2. Huh. It’s got “Thunder Thighs” printed on it.
3. Maybe I can wear it under a baggy shirt, so you can see the Dr. Phil logo, but not what’s printed on the back.
4. I’m glad I didn’t get the “Saggy Tits” shirt.
* “Borderline Psychotic”
* “Five Years Older Than I Admit”
* “$40,000 in Debt”
* “Fender Denter”
* “Fat Lucky Texan”