John August

Meta

More in the Store

Meta, News

I’ve had the [Store](http://johnaugust.com/store) sitting in the sidebar for a few months now, with Amazon links for DVDs of movies I’ve written. To my surprise, people do actually buy some of these — I made a whopping $16.43 in referrals last quarter. That almost covers, oh, half of the hosting fees for this site. But still, thanks for shopping.

In particular, I’d like to thank the reader who bought [Chemistry: The Central Science (10th Edition)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0131096869/103-3950287-6831863/johnaugustcom-20), which retails at $145.66, netting me $5.83. Sweet.

Amazon recently started a system called aStore, which allows for much slickness in setting up off-site storefronts, complete with shopping carts. So, looking to avoid the actual work for which I get paid, I set one up to replace the pathetic Store here on the site. You can check it out in the sidebar. Basically, everything in the center of the screen is really a page on Amazon’s servers, embedded inside my own. The shopping cart lives at Amazon.

Mostly, the new version is an opportunity for me to make snarky comments about various books and movies, but if it gets one more reader to check out [The God Delusion](http://astore.amazon.com/johnaugustcom-20/detail/0618680004/103-3950287-6831863) or [The Book of Bunny Suicides](http://astore.amazon.com/johnaugustcom-20/detail/0452285186/103-3950287-6831863), I’ll consider it worth it.

Follow-up, please

Meta, QandA

I’ve had this site up and running for about four years,To bring back nostalgia for the Olde Days of HTML, you can check out [early versions](http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://johnaugust.com) of the site at archive.org. and in that time have answered approximately 300 questions from readers who wrote in, either to johnaugust.com or my column on [imdb](http://imdb.com).

What I haven’t done is followed up with any of those questioners to see what they actually did with the information I offered.

In some cases, the answer I gave was simply The Answer — there wasn’t a next step or a decision lurking on the horizon. But many readers write in asking for advice about a specific situation, a career choice or judgment call. These are often my favorite questions to answer, but I have no idea whether my advice is being heeded, or if it’s even helpful.

That’s why for this week I’m urging anyone whose question I’ve answered to [write back in](mailto:ask@johnaugust.com) and me know what you did, and what happened.

I’m thinking about the guy whose friend was directing a movie, and wondered [what job he should beg for](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2006/what-job-should-i-beg-for). The girl who [couldn’t stop writing](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2005/cant-stop-writing). Hell, [Dracula’s son](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2006/can-draculas-son-get-a-book-deal).

Even if I’ve just told you that the [page 17 sex joke is a myth](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2006/turn-to-page-17-for-a-sex-joke), I’m curious to hear what’s up with you.

How will I know if it’s the real person writing in? Well, in most cases I have the original email, or at least an IP address. But my curiosity far outweighs my suspicion. Let me know how it turned out.

The collected works of 17.255.XXX.2

Meta

One of the great qualities of the internet is that it allows unfettered discussion and disagreement. Unlike traditional media, which is largely one-way, a blog like this one benefits from constant reader feedback. That’s why I’ve chosen to leave comments open for the majority of my posts, putting up with the inevitable comment spam and Prince of Persia casting suggestions.

And putting up with 17.255.XXX.2.

That’s not his real name, of course. He goes by Frederick Pina, The Lousy Truth, Jack, Stephen Spielberg (nice typo), Ben Davidson, Under the Blankets, Upper Class Weenie, Idea Man, Hillary Harper, Hiding Happily, Mr. Love Knuckles, Bia Tarpy, and From New York.

Over the last three months, he’s left 25 comments, all of which are dutifully recorded with his IP address. I’ve xxx’d out one section of his IP address to protect his illusion of anonymity, but savvy readers will figure out where he likely works.

“Frederick Pina” frequently complains of censorship, and although he’s using the term incorrectly, I’ll confess that I have at times deleted his less coherent thoughts from the moderation queue, largely because they’re off-topic. (My sexuality and baldness are pretty far from the blog’s stated purpose.)

“Do not feed the trolls” is the standard advice in this situation — eventually they get bored and move along. However, this commenter has been so diligent I feel it’s only fair to offer his un-abridged works, complete with their limited grasp of punctuation and spelling.

I’ll leave it to you, good readers, to decide if I’ve done right. And to possibly re-consider starting a blog of your own.

**July 18, 2006 3:41:55 PM PDT**

Yes ! I can’t wait ’till I get my own $55-million dollar deals. I’ll
finally be able to afford my own personal John August, complete with
bald head and sarcasm !

😉

**July 19, 2006 2:16:24 PM PDT**

Is… Each and everyone of you are JEALOUS of J.J. Abrams. Admit it, you are all JEALOUS !!! A bunch of wanna-be screenwriters who are trying to break into the business, dream of being in J.J. shoes right now !!!

-J.O.S.E.

Jealous Ones Still Envy

**July 19, 2006 4:23:48 PM PDT**

There’s so much CENSORSHIP on this blog. Censorship is illegal John August. I wll have my attorneys look into this. Let freedom roam. You’re an American. If you don’t like something. Let the democracy rule on your blog.

**July 20, 2006 3:38:28 AM PDT**

Yes ! I can’t wait ’till I get my own $55-million dollar deals. I’ll
finally be able to afford my own personal John August, complete with
bald head and sarcasm !

😉

**July 21, 2006 10:05:36 PM PDT**

John August,

Butt out of your own blog. We, the people, own it now !!!

HA ! HA ! HA ! HA ! HA !

p.s. Add live chat feature.

p.s.s. Also inter-national translation services whic all work simultaneoulsy and live !!

**July 21, 2006 10:07:41 PM PDT**

John,

I just had a fantasy. What if you were put a chain around your next, left completely
nude in front of typewriter and whipped daily to produce screenplays !!!

**July 22, 2006 4:34:38 PM PDT**

I have a question. My writing partner and I have an argument. I wrote a comedy. The singer PRINCE has an un-flattering light cameo. My friend says you can’t use the name PRINCE even on a spec script. I feel it’s a 1st Amendment issue.

Your thoughts.

**July 25, 2006 7:49:01 PM PDT**

John,

I think you should make gay-porn with a mask on. Then have a contest
to see who can spot you. The prize would be a film deal for the screenwriter
with a major studio.

**July 25, 2006 8:11:24 PM PDT**

I want my prize John !

**July 26, 2006 3:32:34 PM PDT**

Screenwriters who are MORE talented than John August.

-David Koepp
-M. Night Shyamalan
-Charlie Kaufman
-Eric Roth
-Quentin Tarantino
-Stephen Gaghan

**July 26, 2006 9:40:35 PM PDT**

If a screenwriter kills someone, you can always say your characters made you do it.

**July 26, 2006 11:32:42 PM PDT**

Has anyone seen Lady in the Water. I saw over the weekend in New York City.
Mr. Shyamalan is pure genius ! Two thumbs up !! Anyone care to disagree ??

**July 26, 2006 11:34:02 PM PDT**

I agree. M. Night Shyamalan is an Oscar worthy contender !! Very exciting films he writes & directs !!

**July 27, 2006 7:05:49 PM PDT**

What if celebrities are really just CGI shots shown on television & movies ???
What if we’re all just chasing some fantasy ??

**July 28, 2006 5:26:57 PM PDT**

I have a question about a movie practices which peeves me. In movies, characters have a
tendercy to speak their thoghts. In real life we don’t do this, a movies should try and re-present
reality. It would make it more believable. Once a character starts speaking his toughts, I’ve become aware I’m “watching” a movie, instead of being part of the “real” experience. Does this makes any sense ? Your thoughts ladies & gents !!

**July 28, 2006 5:31:35 PM PDT**

John,

Why don’t you have interviews of Hollywood screenwriters, their beliefs, ideas, etc. It would
be aspecial feature of the month. You could charge to access that information.

**July 30, 2006 6:11:02 PM PDT**

BALD HEADED & GAY: THE MOVIE

Coming Soon

**July 31, 2006 8:52:12 PM PDT**

Why don’t you discuss the business side of Hollywood. We could
use some insight to stories, such as signing with a major talent
agency, politics of the movie studios, what are stars like in private,
do other screenwriters have envy, how do executives treat each other ??

**August 2, 2006 9:05:33 PM PDT**

What happened to screenwriters of the 60’s 70’s or 80’s. Do Hollywood
tells to go to hell or do they keep pumping films ? In other words, do
a screenwriter’s life expires because of age ?

**August 3, 2006 9:24:39 PM PDT**

You’re all a bunch of members of John’s gay mafia !!

**August 7, 2006 11:04:01 PM PDT**

I’m sure your movie will have lead characters which are gay and
bald headed. Thanks for corrupting the moral fiber of America’s youth
John August. Not only gay, but bald headed too ?? Heaven help us !!

😉

**August 23, 2006 2:45:15 PM PDT**

I hope and pray your movie is a bomb, so your Hollywood
careers crashes and burns into a flaming, fiery, burning hell John August.

😉

**August 24, 2006 6:51:28 PM PDT**

John August is weak punk.

**September 14, 2006 5:51:39 PM PDT**

I rarely use it. I always carry my fancy Texas Instruments calculator to relieve me from thinking too much.

**September 20, 2006 7:14:06 PM PDT**

Is it allowed to deliver a screenplay
written on MS Word to agents or producers in Hollywood ??

**September 22, 2006 11:10:31 PM PDT**

Hey John, am I still on the shit list ? I want to come back onto the play-ground !!

-freddie

**September 26, 2006 9:33:07 PM PDT**

Go to hell bald man !!

**October 11, 2006 7:37:59 PM PDT**
You’re such an arrogant screenwriter. We should stone you for that.

😉

Come on fellow wanna-bes, let’s have John have it…

**October 11, 2006 7:40:58 PM PDT**

Let him who is with out sin cast the first word !

MyAmbivalence

First Person, Meta, Rant

I’ve had a MySpace profile for a long time, but never really did anything with it.

At the time I registered, I remember thinking that MySpace felt like a lame Friendster knock-off. But as we all know, MySpace is now the Google of social networking, a billion dollar eye-magnet. The difference is, I like Google, and I kind of despise MySpace. Yet the reasons why I dislike it are largely why it’s been so successful.

Visit any random [profile](http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=52799093&MyToken=b6cb421e-6d29-418f-883a-7eebc1dcbcce) on MySpace, and you’re instantly beamed back to the Bad Old Days of web design, with flashing graphics, unreadable text and — worse — random songs that start playing unbidden. It’s not that the underlying template is ugly. It’s blah but inoffensive. The ugliness comes from how easily an individual user can modify it, cramming it with non-scrolling backgrounds and multiple video streams.

(The fact that MySpace can handle the load is testament to some serious hardware and deep pockets.)

Because most people have terrible design sense, most profiles look pretty terrible — *but they look exactly how the user wants them to look*. This element of self-expression is a large part of why teens and tweens and twentysomethings love their MySpace.

And that’s probably the crux of why I don’t like MySpace: I’m too damn old.

It pains me to admit that, because I’ve always prided myself on being able to understand the social culture of younger generations. I was never part of the rave/club scene, but I could appreciate it in a non-judgmental way. Hell, I wrote a [movie](http://imdb.com/title/tt0139239/) about it. Similarly, I never felt the burning need to pierce anything or text message all my friends, but it was always clear to me why someone would think it was essential.

If I revert to the 15-year old version of myself, it’s easy to imagine why I’d love MySpace. In high school, I remember talking to friends on three-way calling for hours every night. Add typing and graphics, and these phone calls would become a sort of social video game: Popularity Pac-Man.

Or perhaps the better analogy is my other high school mainstay, Dungeons & Dragons. Just like you could equip your character with the perfect mace for smiting kobolds, on MySpace you can fine-tune the virtual you with better photos, better favorites, and better friends. You can try on new identities, and focus on different attributes.

Basically, you can keep rolling for 18’s.

Back in high school, my friend Jason’s dad would often wander in during a marathon D&D session and ask, “Who’s winning?” We’d roll our eyes and groan. He just didn’t get it: You play D&D, but you don’t win it.

While I understand MySpace on a technical, social and cultural level, part of me wonders — worries — if I haven’t already become Jason’s dad. I can appreciate MySpace, but I don’t love it.

Which means I really don’t get it at all.

And maybe that’s okay. There are a great many things in life which I don’t fundamentally “get,” yet wholeheartedly accept as valid: electromagnetism, quantum theory, the GDP, Adam Sandler comedies.

That’s why I still have my little beachfront. You’re welcome to visit. Just be careful not to trip over my ambivalence on the way in.

**Update 2011:** I killed nixed MySpace page several years ago.