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The reality of quote-unquote health insurance

March 14, 2017 Rant

Small business owners are often lionized by politicians as job creators. Innovators. *Real* Americans.

I don’t usually think of myself as a small business owner, but that’s what I am. My company (Quote-Unquote Apps) makes software for Mac and iOS. I oversee three full-time employees.

After salaries, health insurance is our single biggest expense. It costs more than the servers. It costs more than the App Store’s 30% cut. It’s a lot.

In fact, most months, the amount we pay for health insurance is the difference between our being borderline profitable and genuinely profitable.

An outside consultant might look at our books and say, “Man, you need to do something about those costs.”

They’d be correct.

The way health insurance works in the U.S. is maddening and unsustainable, both for individuals and small businesses.

## The way it is now

I have two very different experiences with health insurance.

As a screenwriter, I get my insurance through the Writers Guild. It’s considered a “Cadillac” plan, which seems an appropriate moniker: pretty nice, but not something I would necessarily pick out myself. I don’t pay for it directly. When a studio hires me to write something, they are required to kick a percentage of that fee into the health fund.

So while I’m on my union plan, Quote-Unquote’s health insurance covers my three full-time employees: a designer, a coder, and my assistant.

I honestly don’t know the laws about whether a company our size is required to pay for health insurance. But as a practical matter, I can’t imagine having an uninsured full-time employee.

They’re not just co-workers; they’re nearly family. I care about their safety and well-being. If a medical crisis were to befall one of them, I’d feel morally compelled to help them pay the bills, just as I would for a sibling. ((Paul Ryan would probably say that this is paternalistic, which is a way of dismissing guilt when it’s inconvenient.))

So they definitely need health insurance. It’s not a question of whether, but how.

We originally had a small company plan, but with the dawn of the Affordable Care Act, it made more sense for employees to pick their own plans on the exchanges.

This shift came with some pros and cons:

PROS:
– The plans are slightly cheaper, mostly because the employees are fairly young.
– The plans are portable. When they stop working for me, they can keep their plans.

CONS:
– Employees have to research plans every year.
– Reimbursing employees for health insurance counts as taxable income.

Bring-your-own-insurance has given employees more choices and more responsibility, but I’m not convinced it’s a better experience overall. Because here’s the thing:

*You shouldn’t have to think much about health insurance.*

With my Writers Guild plan, I don’t have any choices. There’s no better or worse WGA insurance. It just is. As a union, we can negotiate on coverage and co-pays, but it’s not up to me as an individual to tailor a plan. I can make decisions about whether to see a doctor who is inside or outside the network, but that’s about it.

For my employees buying through the exchange, there’s no limit to the time they can expend comparing plans and choices.

While the ACA requires insurance companies to offer similar plans, there are always factors beyond the checklists. Some companies have better reputations. Others have larger networks. Every choice has trade-offs, and each employee has to decide what makes the most sense.

*But the choice itself has a cost, too.* It’s time you’re not spending doing your job. It’s mental energy burned and frustration and worry. It’s a tax on productivity.

## The way it’s headed

Defending the GOP’s new American Health Care Act, Paul Ryan argues that his plan “is about giving people more choices and better access to a plan they want and can afford.”

For the poor, the gap betwen a plan they *want* and *can afford* seems to be [alarmingly vast](https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/the-gop-health-plan-would-drop-coverage-to-pre-obamacare-levels-the-cbo-says/).

But even for better-off Americans like my employees, Ryan fundamentally misunderstands the reality of getting health insurance.

People don’t want “more choices.” The problem isn’t a lack of choices. It’s a lack of affordable quality health care.

People don’t want “better access to a plan.” They want better access to health care.

“More choices” is the kind of markets-fix-everything logic you hear from people who are already on Congress’s Cadillac plan. Paul Ryan doesn’t have to pick health insurance on the market. Like my WGA insurance, his simply comes with his job.

I don’t know whether the GOP’s plan or something like it will pass. It’s obviously flawed and widely despised, yet that seems to be the hot new trend these days.

As a small business owner, I’m determined to keep my employees covered with health insurance one way or another. Still, I’m convinced that we’re doing it wrong as a nation.

**Health care shouldn’t be tied to your job at all.** Whether you’re a screenwriter, a Congressman or a preschool teacher, your employer should be paying your salary, not determining which doctors you’re allowed to see. Our current system is a relic of an older age. We’re an aberration among world economies.

As both an employer and an American, I don’t want more choices, more freedom, more flexibility in health insurance. I want health care. I want there to be one imperfect plan that simply works, and to hold our elected officials responsible for its continual improvement.

Question Time

Episode - 292

Go to Archive

March 14, 2017 Scriptnotes

John and Craig answer listener questions about credits and casting, pilots and professional experience. Does Tom Ford really need his name on the poster twice? Kinda. It’s complicated.

The live show with Rian Johnson has been postponed, likely to April. We’ll keep you posted.

Links:

* [Scriptnotes Listener Guide](http://johnaugust.com/guide)
* [The Vanity Credit Turns 100](http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2015/03/vanity-credit-a-film-by)
* [“The Cunning “American Bitch” Episode of “Girls””](http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-cunning-american-bitch-episode-of-girls)
* [Stop](http://www.stop-fanatee.com/)
* [John August](https://twitter.com/johnaugust) on Twitter
* [Craig Mazin](https://twitter.com/clmazin) on Twitter
* [John on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en)
* [Find past episodes](http://scriptnotes.net/)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Matthew Chilelli ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/scriptnotes_ep_292.mp3).

**UPDATE 3-16-17:** The transcript of this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2017/scriptnotes-ep-292-question-time-transcript).

Pour one out for “Hold my beer”

March 9, 2017 Hive Mind, Words on the page

Here’s a delightful structure of Twitter joke that is getting awfully clammy:

BRITAIN: Brexit is the stupidest, most self-destructive act a country could undertake.
USA: Hold my beer.

— Brian Pedaci (@bpedaci) November 9, 2016

Me: you can't have a tornado, be 70 degrees and snow all in one week.

Missouri: Hold my beer.

— John Oliver (@John_oliver21) March 8, 2017

https://twitter.com/ashleylynch/status/839323600863678464

GOP: we haven't said anything mind-numbingly stupid in 24 hours

Ben Carson: HOLD. MY. BEER.

— trill (@houstonbred) March 6, 2017

I haven’t done meaningful forensics on “hold my beer,” but my best guess is that the phrase was originally used as setup rather than punchline.

That’s how the Twitter account @HoldThisBeer uses it:

https://twitter.com/HoldThisBeer/status/808926452787937281

Similarly, this [BuzzFeed article](https://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/hold-my-beer?utm_term=.yc53bXlV5#.qvw3a7W9D) from 2014 uses “hold my beer” as context for foolhardy fails. That’s also how you see it used on [r/holdmybeer](https://www.reddit.com/r/holdmybeer/).

In this format, “hold my beer” is the frame, not the art.

But it’s as a punchline that “hold my beer” really comes into its own.

Here’s the generic structure:

> SPEAKER A: There’s no way to top this outrageous thing I said or did.
> SPEAKER B: Hold my beer.

Since it’s destined to die from overuse, let’s look into how it works.

**Speaker A has to be well-known — at least to the target audience.** If we don’t recognize the name, the rest of the joke won’t make sense. In some cases, a headline takes the place of Speaker A.

https://twitter.com/TheSCRLife/status/839606879517036545

**The thing Speaker A did or said needs to be plausible, with bonus points for recent.** There can’t be anything strained about the setup.

**Speaker B needs to be recognizable.** As with Speaker A, the joke only works if you know who Speaker B is. Either the speaker is already famous, or is temporarily famous because of recent events. The speaker can also be the tweeter:

https://twitter.com/IkeDavis10028/status/839295343384723457

**Speaker B either just did something foolish, or can be imagined doing something foolish.** To me, this is one of the most interesting aspects of this structure: it works both speculatively or retroactively. But like all things Twitter, the time horizon is very short. It’s hard to imagine the joke working more than a day or two after the inciting event.

When you encounter failed “hold my beer” tweets — and trust me, I [found a lot of them](https://twitter.com/search?l=&q=%22hold%20my%20beer%22&src=typd) — it’s usually because the writer missed one of these four important aspects.

## Life after beer

The carcass of a dead meme can provide home for other jokes that subvert the expected payoff:

https://twitter.com/TNeenan/status/824708467302752257

Ohio State: we're bad
Rutgers: hold my beer
Ohio State: no
Rutgers: please
Ohio State: no
Rutgers: but we're Rutgers
Ohio State: NOT TONIGHT

— Ramzy Nasrallah (@ramzy) March 9, 2017

And it’s worth paying attention to the variant forms that continue to chug along, such as “hold my drink” and “hold my earrings.”

In the end, I think “hold my beer” has been a great joke structure for a time that feels bonkers. Every day as we scroll through Twitter, we silently ask ourselves, “Wow, could it get any crazier?”

*Hold my beer.*

The Scriptnotes Listener’s Guide

March 8, 2017 Resources

As Scriptnotes approaches its 300th episode, we keep adding new listeners who want to find the best episodes in the [back catalog][archive].

When asked for our recommendations, Craig and I are often stumped. Do we send them to the craft episodes, the live shows, the industry talk, the interviews with other screenwriters? There’s no right answer.

You can already search the transcripts for relevant terms, but to do that, you have to know what you’re looking for. What we’d really like to offer is a standalone guide with synopses and reviews pointing new listeners to the can’t-miss episodes.

A “scriptdex” of sorts, but without such an awkward title.

So we’re enlisting the help of listeners to build it.

We’ve set up [this page][guide] for listeners to leave their review of any episode, indicating who it’s great for, and why it’s notable. In the past week, we’ve had more than 60 reviews come in.

Here are two examples:

**152: The Rocky Shoals (pages 70-90)**
Recommended for: Absolute beginners
Why this episode: There’s some great meat-and-potatoes discussion of craft in this episode. And as a woman, I found both Aline’s presence on the show, and her comments on how women should think of mentor-seeking in this industry, to be encouraging and freeing.
— Bekah Baldwin

**73: Raiders of the Lost Ark**
Recommended for: Absolute beginners, Seasoned vets, Non-screenwriters, Fans of craft episodes
Why this episode: Perfect gateway episode to Scriptnotes! A deep dive into a finely crafted script that became an iconic movie, into which fans can dive even deeper thanks to the link to transcripts of working sessions with Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, and Lawrence Kasdan.
— Delories Dunn

Listeners are encouraged to recommend as many episodes as they wish.

We don’t know what the final product will be. It might be a book, or an ebook, or a searchable index. But whatever form it takes, we think it will be incredibly helpful to new listeners as they dive in.

Thanks to everyone who has already contributed. If you have favorite episodes, please consider [letting us know][guide].

[guide]: http://johnaugust.com/guide
[archive]: http://scriptnotes.net

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