John August

John

Scribble version, final version

Words on the page, Writing Process

In my post on [How to write a scene](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2007/write-scene), I showed the “scribble version” of a scene as an example of the process. In hindsight, it was a little unfair to show the bones and not show the body. So here’s the scribble version again, followed by the final scene. On real paper, it runs exactly two pages.

Scribble version
===

DUNCAN waiting edge of seat

ITO

I was one of the doctors who worked on your wife accident injuries severe, trauma team, sorry, couldn’t save her.

(sits, reflex)

nature of injuries, concern fetus wouldn’t survive in utero. paramedic able deliver caesarian boy healthy

(nodding not hearing)

nurse can take you to see him, know a lot to handle

what

a lot to handle

take me to see him?

yes

see who?

your son. paramedic was able to

(grabs clipboard)

I know this may seem

My wife wasn’t pregnant

Your wife didn’t tell you...

My wife has never been pregnant. been trying three years. fertility clinic last week

I examined the baby myself. nearly at term.

I don’t know whose baby, not hers.

Full scene
===

INT. ER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

PAUL DUNCAN, 38, sits on the edge of his seat, vigilant. He watches every DOCTOR and NURSE who passes, waiting for the one who will talk to him. Finally, he notices the TRIAGE NURSE speaking with a doctor, GERALD ITO. The coordinator hands him a patient folder, then gestures towards the waiting room. Duncan stands as the doctor approaches.

Ito speaks with a practiced calm, making horrible news sound straightforward:

ITO

Mr. Duncan, I’m Dr. Ito. I was one of the doctors who worked on your wife.

DUNCAN

They said she was in an accident.

ITO

Her injuries were severe. The trauma team did everything they could. I’m sorry. We couldn’t save her.

Duncan nods. He wasn’t expecting to hear she was alive, but he had held out some hope.

Almost by reflex, Duncan sits down. Ito joins him.

ITO (CONT’D)

Because of the nature of the injuries, there was concern the fetus wouldn’t survive in utero. The paramedic was able to deliver the baby by Caesarian section. It’s a boy. Healthy and stable.

Duncan just keeps nodding. It’s not clear how much he’s hearing.

ITO (CONT’D)

If you’d like, in a few minutes, I can have a nurse take you up to see him. Or if you’d like to wait, I understand. This is a lot to handle.

Duncan looks at the doctor strangely.

DUNCAN

What did you say?

ITO

I said, this is a lot to handle all at once.

DUNCAN

(confused)

You would take me to see him?

ITO

Yes.

DUNCAN

See who?

ITO

Your son.

(patiently)

The paramedic was able to deliver the baby your wife was carrying. He’s healthy.

A beat. Duncan suddenly grabs the folder Ito is holding. He checks the name: Pamela Lynn Duncan. What’s more, her driver’s license is clipped to the file.

ITO (CONT’D)

I know this may seem unreal. A dream. That’s very common in a situation like...

DUNCAN

My wife wasn’t pregnant.

Choosing his words carefully...

ITO

Your wife didn’t tell you she was pregnant?

DUNCAN

My wife has never been pregnant. We’ve been trying for three years. We were at the fertility clinic last week.

Trying to remain calm...

ITO

Mr. Duncan, I examined the baby myself. It looked to be nearly at term.

DUNCAN

I don’t know whose baby that was. It wasn’t hers.

Why this scene? Well, I picked it because it’s pretty self-contained, and doesn’t feature any characters who had been set up earlier. It’s also an example of how the purpose of a scene is what you need the audience to learn, not necessarily your protagonist. The hero is not even in the scene, and these two characters never appear again.

MTV News on The Nines

Projects, The Nines

As we get closer to Sundance, I promise not to besiege you with blurbs about The Movie–that’s what [the other site](http://lookforthenines.com) is for. But here’s one. From MTV’s [“Ten Most Anticipated”](http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1549552/timberlake-lohan-bring-heat-sundance.jhtml) list:

6. “The Nines”
Ryan Reynolds and Hope Davis star in this “Magnolia”-like drama, praised by some Hollywood insiders as the best script to make the rounds in years. All indications are that the less an audience knows, the better, so all we’ll say is the plot revolves around a video-game designer, a down-and-out actor and a TV maven whose lives become eerily intertwined.

Why we’re intrigued: Reynolds could be up for a big year, with “Smokin’ Aces” establishing him as a leading man and “Nines” arriving to display his dramatic chops. After memorable work in so many comedies, it’ll be interesting to see if he can pull off a Bill Murray-like transformation.

Why we’re afraid: The title is instantly forgettable, and way too easily confused with “The Ten.”

Your opinions? Rather than double up comments, discuss away in the Forum ((Forum no longer active)).

Josh posted

General

[Josh Friedman](http://hucksblog.blogspot.com) stepped away from his duties at Skynet to shake the dust of his blog.Yes, I meant, “shake the dust off his blog.” But, in its way, his blog has lain fallow long enough that one could argue it’s become dust itself. (Yes, it’s a stretch.) But in that case, the metaphorically correct phrase would be something like “stir the dust of his blog.” Regardless, there’s something dusty happening. Catch him before he goes offline again.

Four for four, or Hooray for Chad

Education, News

Longtime readers will note that my former assistants have done well for themselves. [Rawson](http://imdb.com/name/nm1098493/) has directed two movies, [Dana](http://imdb.com/name/nm1401416/) has become an in-demand screenwriter, and [Sean](http://imdb.com/name/nm1091301/) is a TV staff writer with a pilot in production.

I’m happy to add [Chad](http://imdb.com/name/nm1548657/) to the list of successes. After many delays, his script “Sydney White” is going into production on February 12th, with [Joe Nussbaum](http://imdb.com/name/nm0638271/) directing. Variety has [the story](http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117956518.html?categoryid=13&cs=1) in today’s issue.

“Sydney White” is basically Snow White set in college, with Amanda Bynes playing the titular character, and seven outcasts taking over as the dwarfs. The project is a family affair; Chad’s wife Dara is co-producing. You may recognize her as an occasional poster on the site.

What’s the secret behind my assistants’ success? It’s certainly not me. I rarely read their scripts, never take them to meetings, and only sporadically offer advice. I think one main factor may be that there’s only a limited amount of work to do in any given day, so that leaves lots of time for staring at the computer monitor, wondering what the hell they should write.

Another common factor: except for Sean, they’re all [Starkies](http://cinema.usc.edu/producing/index.cfm). So I’m hiring from a pool of people who are likely to be successful regardless. But that doesn’t make me any less happy for them.