I choose flight
Let’s face it: there are no bad superpowers. But given the choice of only one, I’d pick flight.
Yes, plain old boring flight, common to so many superheroes that it hardly ranks as special. However, when you look at the so-called alternatives, you find that there’s really no competing with the classic.
Super-strength
Great, fine, love it. Stop a train, move a mountain. You’re strong, we get it. But strength is only useful if you happen to be in the right place at the right time. Consider this: You’re the world’s strongest man in the middle of the Sahara desert. Not so fuggin’ helpful, is it?
Invisibility
My hunch is that after a few weeks of being pervy, you’d realize that invisibility is pretty much exactly like ordinary life. That is, no one really cares if you’re there or not. True story: I used to work in Oliver Stone’s office. The assistant who previously sat at my desk was a hot young woman. Oliver always ogled her when he walked by. Because I am not a hot young woman, Oliver did not ogle me. (And thank god.) The joke was that I was invisible. If need be, I could walk into his office and just grab something off his desk — he’d merely see it floating away. So don’t think of invisibility as a superpower. It’s more of a trait, like having good abs, or leprosy.
Super-speed
Running really fast would be cool. But do you know what would be even cooler? Flying. And it’s hard to run to the moon, hotshot.
Size control
The ability to get really big or really small seems great until you realize that the world is pretty much built for normal-sized people. I’ve had the pleasure of working with both a little person (Deep Roy) and a giant (the late Matthew McGrory). Great folks. Wouldn’t trade places with them. And I have a strong suspicion that as you slide further up or down the logarithmic scale, life doesn’t get better.
Power ring
Don’t insult me. Green Lantern has no superpowers. He has a prop.
Teleportation
Yeah, that would be pretty awesome. But I’ve watched Star Trek. Something always goes wrong, and you end up inside a wall, or a Vulcan. Pass.
Telepathy
I can already read minds, and let me tell you, people are so much sicker than you can imagine. It’s like listening to an internet sex chat room through earphones. Plus, I already know that I’m bald. I don’t really need to go around hearing, “Hey, that guy is bald” all day.
Telekinesis
It would be handy to move things with one’s mind. But I don’t really need this power, because I have production assistants. Witness: “Linde, would you get me a Diet Coke with Splenda, please?” And it arrives, as if by magic. (As a general rule, any superpower that can be closely approximated by paying someone minimum wage is not really a superpower.)
I’m going to leave out the truly lame superpowers like weather control, because you know the so-called heroes who have these abilities are secretly ashamed. They’re the synchronized swimmers of the superhero Olympics: sure, you get to compete, but don’t pretend it’s the same. You’re embarrassing all of us.
Which leaves flight as the only valid superpower choice. And for the record, I’m not talking flying-with-wings like Angel in X3. I want good old-fashioned two-hands-aimed-at-the-sky.
Call me old school, but to me, that’s the only way to fly.
Articles
July 2nd, 2006 at 2:47 pm
Valid arguments, all, but I don’t know if flight is all it’s cracked up to be. I mean, wouldn’t you get bugs smashing against you as you fly? Or birds? That’s gotta be messy. And I would think your eyes would dry out pretty quickly and that’s never comfortable.
Personally, I’ve always kind of dug Wolverine’s healing ability, but I don’t generally do things that put myself into harm’s way, so I probably wouldn’t have much use for it.
I have no idea what power I’d want. This is a big decision. I’ll get back to you.
July 2nd, 2006 at 3:02 pm
I choose flight as well. We both live in Southern California. Of course you’re going to choose flight. That’s all you can think about when you’re stuck behind a MACK truck on the 101 or the 5 with Fast and the Furious wannabes switching lanes over and over again in 2 mph traffic.
Besides, think about how much you’d save on gas.
R
July 2nd, 2006 at 3:14 pm
I’d go with death by thought (hmmm..ok, bin laden’s dead, who’s next?). Or transmutation (turn paper into gold into chocolate). Walking through walls would be kind of like flying real low, only with other perks. Or super intelligence (all of the above would be possible if you’re smart enough).
One question: if flying is your ONLY power, how are you breathing when flying to the moon?
July 2nd, 2006 at 3:25 pm
With Telekinesis, flying becomes a sub-set of your powers. As far as I can see, you can propel yourself into the air with Telekinesis (I call that flying). Plus you can do a lot more.
July 2nd, 2006 at 4:07 pm
Everyone should already know how to fly. All you have to do is throw yourself at the ground and miss. There you go, you’re flying.
July 2nd, 2006 at 4:53 pm
Oliver sez:
Telekinesis/Levitation/Flight do have some overlap, granted, and the distinction created some disagreements during high school D&D sessions. I’ll resolve the issue the way I did as a DM: you can’t telekinet yourself. What’s that? You don’t agree? You get attacked by 40 orcs. And Tiamat.
No, don’t bother rolling.
Several readers have pointed out that flying to the moon would be difficult if you still needed to breathe oxygen.
Look, I don’t have a deathwish. I’d figure out some kind of scuba arrangement. Or, failing that, I’d postpone moon travel until the technology caught up with my godly flying abilities.
July 2nd, 2006 at 5:05 pm
I’d go with being invulnerable, the presumption being that also makes you impervious to disease and aging. Flying without invulnerability like Superman’s sounds like a recipe for a very short life.
July 2nd, 2006 at 5:18 pm
I’ve always, even before i heard of ‘Click’, thought that the absolute best power would be the ability to freeze time. Yeah, it’s more of a universal power than a personal one, which is most likely why it hasn’t been given to any superheroes, but it has infinite benefits. So, if it counts, I’d pick it over anything else. But if not, I guess that flying would just have to do. (X-ray vision would have it’s perks too, if you can control when to use it)
July 2nd, 2006 at 5:54 pm
I think you underestimate the utter coolness of invisibility. Especially if you don’t need to run around nude; i.e. you and everything on you can pass into a state of invisibility. You could access intelligence because you’d be the ultimate spy, you could get into just about anyplace, take out just about any foe due, and engage in some heavy duty voyeurism.
Even if you’re not a super-hero, just a run of the mill hollywood type…think of all you would get out of being a fly on the wall.
July 2nd, 2006 at 7:16 pm
Spidey powers. Swinging by web is darn close to flying, at least in the conrete canyons of the big city–the only place where I’d want to live. Plus I could climb walls and use my web shooters to get the remote when I leave it across the room. Spidey sense could come in handy too.
July 2nd, 2006 at 7:29 pm
I would have to go with telepathy. I mean yeah there is risk with being transported into walls, but think about this… you could work in LA during the day, teleport to Paris for dinner, over to New York for a Broadway show at night and end up back home in Iowa for a goodnight’s sleep. You telling me that wouldn’t be the ultimate? Sure flying can take you to all of those places but with flying you have the inevitable transporation time and with telepathy - BOOM - you’re right there.
July 2nd, 2006 at 7:40 pm
Jason, telepathy is for communication purposes only. Teleportation is what you’re thinking of.
R
July 2nd, 2006 at 8:46 pm
I beg forgiveness from Mike’s friend Leanne, who is in fact a synchronized swimming coach. D’oh!
July 2nd, 2006 at 9:33 pm
I also thinking you’re double dipping with your flight, with the assumption that you can fly at super fast speeds as well. I think its only fair that if you limit to one super power, then flying should be at walking speeds, or at best running speeds.
July 2nd, 2006 at 10:13 pm
Can I trade my superpower for a game cheat? many of my goals in life can be achieved by mere power of perseverance combined with the god mode cheat. and as someone wise once pointed out: you can achieve more with god mode on and unlimited ammo then with just god mode on…
July 2nd, 2006 at 10:39 pm
how about a superpower for the digital age: Ctrl-Z. Undo.
somebody shoots at you? undo while the bullet’s in midair. sets a killer virus loose in the water supply of chula vista? undo, maybe after thinking about the wisdom of undoing that. craps all over your latest writing effort?
UNDO.
think about it. i bet you’ll agree it’s pretty powerful.
July 2nd, 2006 at 11:28 pm
Flight is it, that’s why SUPERMAN is the most iconic superhero of them all. Something in humans that makes us want to take off. Personally, I always wanted the power to turn time back by 5 minutes. 300 seconds is all it takes. Just so you can do the shit you want to do and say the things you want to say without worrying about any repercussions. Imagine this superpower in a pitch meeting… or during sex… or before a car accident. The possibilities are endless. AND it enables you to fly. Well, for 299 seconds at least…
July 3rd, 2006 at 12:12 am
I choose rewind.
July 3rd, 2006 at 3:25 am
“And it’s hard to run to the moon, hotshot.”
Um…it’s also hard to breathe once you’ve flown there. Or does flight come with a ‘no oxygen required/surivive in a vacuum’ loophole?
You also don’t stipulate a speed. Flight’s only a great super-power if it’s fast - being able to fly at human running speed wouldn’t be much use out in that dessert. Too fast and you’ll end up with your eyes buried in the back you your skull.
Life’s full of problems, isn’t it?
I like the ‘5 minutes of time reversal’ idea, though. And how appropriate - it’s just like Prince of Persia!
http://beforemyeyes.blogspot.com/
July 3rd, 2006 at 3:29 am
Man, I should read the previous comments in full before posting.
And thus the need for a ‘five-minute-reversal/undo’ power becomes apparent…
July 3rd, 2006 at 7:21 am
You can’t fly your way to a clean kitchen in 4 seconds. I think of all the time I’d have if I could just get the boring stuff done in a minute or so. Besides, I’d think super-speed would have a wonderful slimming effect.
And I’d think there would be too many people out there willing to take potshots at a flying person. You’d be such a tempting target up there.
There’s one big power you left off, though: invulnerability. In between gigs as the world’s most highly-paid stunt man, you could fight crime.
July 3rd, 2006 at 9:31 am
Though I don’t think it at all stands up to many of the others, another superpower I’d like to hear your comedic take on is stretchiness. You know like the dude in Fantastic Four.
July 3rd, 2006 at 9:32 am
John, if you wanted to write the next Superman movie you could have just said so.
I guess we can count you out of the writing staff for the future Wolverine and possible Magneto movies.
July 3rd, 2006 at 9:32 am
What Harry said.
And this guy: http://mememomi.blogspot.com/2005/01/super-powers.html
July 3rd, 2006 at 10:17 am
How ’bout morhping? Or is it shape changing? I’m not up on my superhero lingo but whatever it is that would allow to you become a pterodactyl, killer whale, or cocker spaniel. That way, not only could you fly, swim, or run wherever you wanted, but you could trample, eat, peck or sniff people without being charged in court.
July 3rd, 2006 at 10:18 am
Rene you are correct. Thats what happens when you type quickly without looking over what you write more thoroughly. Lesson learned.
July 3rd, 2006 at 12:04 pm
I heard what you said . . . I’ve thought about it. I’m still going to have to go with invisibility. I can always hop on someone’s private jet when I need to fly. Granted, flying would change my daily life as it relates to Atlanta traffic, but the spying possibilities are so endless. My curiosity (read: nosiness) has to take precedence.
July 3rd, 2006 at 12:36 pm
Surprised there’s not more support for invulnerability, which I’d say trumps flight, cool as that is (might be). And being invulnerable, you could “fly” off the top of the Empire State Building, dust yourself off, then “fly” off the Chrysler Building. That’s gotta be fun, for a while.
“This American Life” did a piece about the choice between flight and invisibility. The conclusion was that flyers tended to be outgoing folks who wanted to help people and those who chose invisibility were introverts afraid of the world. So, good for you, Mr. August.
July 3rd, 2006 at 2:23 pm
Harry sez:
To me, this fails the paying-someone-minimum-wage test.
July 3rd, 2006 at 3:37 pm
Does your hypothetical telepathy encompass Aquaman’s telepathic powers to communicate and control all the creatures of the deep? If not, might you want to revise your answer?
July 3rd, 2006 at 3:57 pm
Don’t know if this qualifies as a super power, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve messed something up and thought, I’ll just hit the UNDO button, only to remember I’m not at a computer. If only life had an UNDO button!
July 4th, 2006 at 1:06 am
Don’t discount Batman’s super power: prep-time. The guy is prepared for everything all the time.
Also, the ability to manipulate/create/destroy magnetic fields would be really sweet, too, provided you also know what you’re doing.
July 4th, 2006 at 1:09 am
I think I would go with premonition of foresight.
Knowing ahead of time where to be and what to do kinda negates any other super power.
July 4th, 2006 at 2:26 am
I know it’s not “traditional,” but if I had the power to pull an infinite number of $100 bills out of a jacket pocket, you know I’d be the envy of super heroes everywhere.
July 4th, 2006 at 6:01 am
A thought on superspeed. This would be the worst power I think. It’s often been shown that the speedster sees everyone else as going really really slowly (see: Smallville, Flash comics, et al), so when you’re running from Los Angeles to New York to get a pizza or something, to you it just feels like you’re running across the country at normal speed but nothing else is moving.
That would take DAYS in your perspective! DAYS!
Superspeed is committing to a life of long, boring walks.
Have I put too much thought into it? Maybe… or MAYBE I just figured out why people with superspeed are such dicks.
July 4th, 2006 at 7:07 am
Yeah, I think lying would be the coolest superpower too.
However, size-control would make crawling through air ducts SOOO much easier!
July 4th, 2006 at 7:10 am
Sorry, I made a typo. It’s “Flying”. Although the ability to lie without getting caught would be very useful too.
July 4th, 2006 at 10:31 am
The true path to happiness would be super good looks and below average intelligence. Shouldn’t the Hollywood types have gotten this one right off the bat?
But, having said that, I would choose stopping time. No rewind. Just the ability to hold things still for a while. Not only would it meet my selfish need to get a vacation occasionally, but it occurred to me during the September 11 disaster that if I could have stopped time (giving myself and those within my bubble the ability to move while everything else stood still) I could have saved thousands of lives.
July 4th, 2006 at 3:04 pm
Dante, you got it all wrong, my man. You didn’t over think it. You didn’t think it enough. The reason everything looks slowed down when the media shows superspeed is because it is. EVERYTHING is slowed down, including the super-speed guy. That way we can see what’s happening. If it was shown in normal speed, all we’d see was a blur.
You ever drive a car at 50 mph and then gun it to 90? It felt like 90. It didn’t feel like 50 with everything around you suddenly moving slower.
Anyway, I’ll give you an out from your blunder. Post again and tell me that I’ve missed your “joke” completely.
R
July 5th, 2006 at 2:24 am
LMAO!! That’s some funny stuff. You make a good case, John. I concede to your superior debating abilities. lol.
July 5th, 2006 at 5:00 am
I’d go with Mystique’s morphing ability (though I don’t care for being blue most of the time). It’s like invisibility without the danger of being run into, and more. Especially if you can morph into more than just human shapes.
Second choice would be what I’d call Technomancy, i.e. the ability to telepathically control electronic devices. Hack a computer, control a bank machine, listen in to mobile phones, …
July 6th, 2006 at 9:57 am
On sheer looks alone, I gotta go with transforming into fire. Flame on!
July 6th, 2006 at 10:24 am
Flying would be supercool, although MaryAn’s morphing into different creatures would be a close second in my book. I used to be able to fly in my dreams - needed a trampoline to take off but once I was up there I could glide about for ages. OK someone’s going to analyse my dream and prove I’m really pervy or something now, aren’t they?
July 6th, 2006 at 5:39 pm
Wolverine’s super-healing.
Never go to a doctor or be worried about “what’s that lump all about?”
No hernias, no creaky knees, no glasses…
Get in an accident? You’ll be okay by morning.
Ultimate reason? Dentist? What’s a dentist?
July 6th, 2006 at 8:05 pm
I would pick the ability to come up with a clever retort when I’m actually in the middle of a heated confrontation, instead of when I’m in my car driving to work the next day.
July 6th, 2006 at 11:45 pm
I’ve given a lot of thought to your post and I have to disagree with you. Flying would be cool for party tricks, but other than that, it’d be pretty useless and selfish. I mean, where can you fly? It’d be really dangerous to go too high (planes, wires, being shot down, can’t breathe outside the atmosphere, it gets very cold up higher). You also can’t bring anyone with you since you wouldn’t have super strength. Many other super powers would lend the possibility of becoming the best at something. Take invisibility. I personally don’t think the pervy stuff ever gets old. I mean, they keep making men’s magazines don’t they? Anyway…With invisibility, you could easily become the world’s best spy. I think a lot of powers would lend to the greater good. Flight…lame by itself.
July 14th, 2006 at 10:17 am
Geez!! I leave LA for two weeks to a land where internet doesn’t exist (translation my parent’s house in Michigan) and I miss my big johnaugust.com debut!! You know I would get you a Diet Coke with Splenda anyday of the week…well except that time you came and the fridge was empty and I stared blankly at you with absolutely no effort to go in find one. What can I say, I got comfortable. But let’s do it again!
July 14th, 2006 at 5:20 pm
John, you said — I’m going to leave out the truly lame superpowers like weather control, because you know the so-called heroes who have these abilities are secretly ashamed. — I want to see you say that when, for example: You’re breezing through the air, via your flying ability…putting onlookers, friends, etc. in a state of awe as you soar in the heavens…and then “Storm” (X-Men) ZAPS a bolt of lightning through your A**.
July 17th, 2006 at 2:56 pm
John, I like your super-strength scenario in the desert. No matter how hard you try, the sand just keeps slipping through those damn fingers. A little finer for the wear maybe but … It’s like that Buddhist koan. Which is stronger, a blade of grass or an oak tree? Depends. A blade of grass is more likely to survive a howling max-level hurricane.
Too bad omnipotence would be a cheat. It’s really a single word, and not a single power. I’d probably be corrupted by absolute power anyways. Oh well. Flying sounds good enough for me.
Rob.
July 17th, 2006 at 9:06 pm
Hey,
I was just reading through this and I thought “why not reply?” Every power has its own benefit but I think time control is the best. About the every power has its own benefits part, I mean every power can do something cool or make a lot of money. For example, the power to fly: you can become an olympic longer jumper. While jumping in the air, use your flying power to carry yourself several more yards and win the gold medal. If you could run fast: olympic runner. Super strength: olympic weight lifter. Stretching powers: tallest basketball player ever (like 8 feet tall). Time control could undo all your mistakes, get out the way of danger (a bullet coming at you), freeze time and do all your work and then unfreeze time.
July 25th, 2006 at 2:24 am
If you believe Douglas Adams, flight is just the ability to throw yourself at the ground and miss!. Do you realiy want a superpower that’s the by-product of something your no good at? I thought not!
Can I have Rougue from the X-Mens power. She has the ability to steal other superpowers. Sneak up behind Superman and tap him on the shoulder, then you get flight, x-ray vision, super strength, the ability to deflect bullets, if you believe the first Christopher Reeve film, the ability to turn back time. And this all stems from 1 power.
October 31st, 2006 at 4:49 pm
My 9 ideal superpowers- I will tell you why it is good, but also bad because
Telekinesis- Good: I love it! You can pick up anything with your mind! And whoever said you can’t pick yourself up- why not? Bad: I guess the bad things about flying apply here, but assuming that you had absolute control over the thing(s) that you were lifting and the weight of the obect(s) didn’t matter (which I do), then I don’t see any bad things
Invisibility- Good: You can sneak around without anyone knowing you’re there! ‘nough said (and spy on hot chicks) Bad: potential of getting bumped into and being discovered and the cosequences that follow
Invulnerablility/Invincibility- Good: You can’t get hurt or feel pain. Bad: You will still eventually die of old age just like everyone else is the way I see it.
Immortality- Good: You can’t die Bad: You can still be hurt and feel pain (cut, stabbed, shot, have your vital organs taken out, etc.) is the way I see it.
Super strength- You can pick up anything and win all of your fights. I suppose there would be somewhat of an invincilbility factor involved too because if not and you punch a boulder, sure it will go far, but your fist will hurt like hell Bad: Mentioned above
Time Manipulation- Good: Stop time, rewind time, fastforward, slow down, speed up, or anything else you can think of. You would have the absolutely best life possible. If you have 2 or more choices to make, do one, rewind time, then do another thing, rewind time, do another, etc.- which ever is the better decision- keep it that way! Bad: Your life would seem very long to you since you spend it correcting every little flaw in your life. And if you die, you can’t go back and stop it ‘cuz you’re dead.
Teleportation- Good: Be anywhere in the blink an eye- very good for spy work. Theoretically you could fly because you could teleport yourself into the air a million times really fast. And combined with time manipulation- the possibilities are endless! Bad: The classic teleporting into a wall or person
Mind Control- Control peoples’ minds while still staying in your own body Bad: You can’t see things from their point of view, so you can’t as easily accurately control their actions.
Possession- Control peoples’ minds by transporting your “self” into their body Bad: While you’re in someone’s body, someone else can come and kill you’re body.
Some bad things about these super powers are made up for by others. Such as if you teleport into a wall, but you have immortailty, then you can teleport out of the wall. I’m pretty sure that if you had at least time manipulation and immoltality, then you’re lfe would be pretty good. But I would love to have all of these!
December 2nd, 2006 at 3:57 am
I would choose these 3 powers:
1.Omnipotence
2.Omniscient
3.Omnipresence
With these powers, I’m basically God. It would be awesome.
December 14th, 2006 at 11:34 am
if i had a superpower it would be the power to have all the powers i want
February 23rd, 2007 at 1:02 pm
I totally agree! Good old fashion flight is not only the best, its also the only truly useful super power.
February 23rd, 2007 at 4:44 pm
But just in case I couldnt have flight, Id pick telkenises for my power.
May 7th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
i want to be able to heal other people with some glowing blue hands and the angelic light and then of course wolverines self healing ability that way im immortal smoke a ciggarette lungs instantly heal eat a burger arteriol walls bare and healthy stabbed shot run over fall off a building what ev’s im fine and my partner(timmy, his powers are undiscovered, his potential is endless)too because of my angelic blue healing.
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:15 pm
I like the power of electricity control, I don’t know, it could be that if you had the power to send electrical charges through you, you could short-circuit a persons nervous system pretty easily enough, and then, of course, you could also just go around shocking people…it would just be fun. Oh, and flight is cool for that reason too…it’s just fun! It would also be cool to jump-start your car if you brake down by the side of the road, and if you could control something like lightning with this power (yeah, sure, weather control not cool..yeah right) you could kill a whol mess of people! Okay, now I sound pretty darn evil, but I wouldn’t use my powers like that…really, I wouldn’t. Oh, and if our muscles work through electrical charges, and you can supercharge them, you may also get the super-strength and possibly even super-speed with it! But you’d also need some sort of super-stamina with these, b/c your muscles would ware down pretty darn quick (OOO I can run really fast for 10 seconds!) But yeah, electricity! Especially if you can break down your form into some sort of electrical particles and travel through technology! I’m sure someone will bring up a water or rubber debate…lol…but one definite problem with mine is that your heart probably wouldn’t be able to stand the strain of all this… Oh, and as for a couple more problems with other super powers…Rogue’s are only really interesting if there are other people with super powers around you, and if your stopping time to dodge that bullet, you’d have to have EXTREMELY fast reflexes to activate your power before the bullet hit you (which is where the electricity could come in handy, because your brain could probably react faster when it’s supercharged) but I guess we’ll only know how things work out with any of these powers when there’s someone who has them who isn’t being kept undercover by the government!!! Arg, government…just like super powers…there’s always “kinks”. Mwahahahahahahahaha.
October 7th, 2007 at 11:48 am
SUPER SPEED IS BETTER THAN ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean think about it, you can’t steal french fries or a pizza with flying…….Seriously
October 15th, 2007 at 5:36 am
Why bother with superspeed when you cud just have teleportation? I think the best superpower would be mind control.
March 8th, 2008 at 4:13 am
What about the power to erase individuals from history? Sure its dangerous and could lead to you messing up the future but imagine how much evil could be stopped with that power. Adolf Hitler disapears and thus World war 2 disapears along with him (allthough youd propably have to kill some other Nazis too). Osama Binladen is killed at childbirth and 9/11 never happened. By careful aplication of this power you could control mankinds future. Bad points:Accidentaly killing yourself or creating dystopian future world.