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Scriptnotes Transcript

Scriptnotes, Ep 114: Blockbusters — Transcript

October 23, 2013 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2013/blockbusters).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Episode 114, the Blockbuster episode of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

**Craig:** Ka-boom!

**John:** Craig, the most important question of all is how far are you into Grand Theft Auto V?

**Craig:** I finished the solo story and then I started doing a bunch of little sidey things that we’re left over, like for instance there’s this thing where you can go and find all of these little scattered pieces of a letter that lead you to solve a murder mystery.

**John:** Ah-ha.

**Craig:** And I ended up somewhere around 80%, so the other 20% are things that I, I mean, some of them I can do. Some of them just never, ever, ever are going to happen. And then I was like, eh, I think I’m going to start over. And so I’ve started over playing the solo thing again.

**John:** Nice. Great.

**Craig:** How about you? Where are you?

**John:** I’ve just barely started. So, I’m still with Franklin. I have a dog now that I can take —

**Craig:** Chop. You’ve got Chop.

**John:** So I can take the dog for some walks. But I don’t feel like I’ve really started any serious missions because the truth is it’s hard to say whether I’m worse at shooting or worse at driving. But those are two crucial skills that I have yet to really master in this game.

**Craig:** You’ll get there. You’ll get there. I believe in you.

**John:** Yeah. I’ve never actually finished Grand Theft Auto 4. And I liked it a lot, but I actually just got done with it. And I don’t know that I’ll ever finish this game, but I really am impressed by the version of Los Angeles that it creates.

**Craig:** Well, when we get to One Cool Thing, my One Cool Thing today is Grand Theft Auto V related. And when you watch that you will be even more impressed.

**John:** Well, Grand Theft Auto V is a blockbuster by any definition of the term blockbuster. It made $800 million since opening salvo. Today we’re going to be talking about blockbusters in general and the topics specifically are this new book that came out that talks about Hollywood’s obsession with blockbusters and how it may actually be a reasonable choice for Hollywood.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** We’re going to talk about big name actors who don’t like to be directed.

**Craig:** [laughs] I can’t wait!

**John:** And finally we’re going to answer a reader question about following up after a general meeting which is, I thought, very timely and important for people to talk about.

**Craig:** Lovely.

**John:** Lovely. First off some housekeeping. This is our last Skype episode for awhile because next week you and I are both in Austin for the Austin Film Festival.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Now, you and I are on various panels there, most of which will not be recorded and will not be part of Scriptnotes. So, people have asked, “Hey, that Alien panel you’re going to be on, John, are you going to put that on a podcast?” Nope, that’s an Austin Film Festival thing.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So, I think it will be a great session, but you’ll actually have to be there to see the session.

**Craig:** Yeah. I’m getting the same thing. I’m doing a seminar on structure and character and theme and a lot of people have been asking is it going to be recorded, is there going to be a transcript. Even if we could — I think they actually record everything at Austin, but the whole point is you got to actually support the festival by showing up.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** You know, this is for people who paid for their badge. So, no, you get nothing.

**John:** Yeah, that badge. You get nothing.

**Craig:** Nothing!

**John:** But what you will get is a live episode of Scriptnotes.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** That will be Saturday — we’re recording it live Saturday at 12:45pm at the Intercontinental Stephen F. Austin Ballroom.

Now, Craig, when we first talked to Austin about going back and doing another live Scriptnotes, because that was our first live Scriptnotes last year with Aline Brosh McKenna, it was a very fun time. We said, “Hey, you know what? Last time you stuck us at a really early timeslot. It was hard for people to like wake up and be there.” So, we said, let’s get a really great timeslot.

So, we’re now at 12:45 in the afternoon. But have you actually looked at the schedule, Craig, to see what we’re up against?

**Craig:** No, god. What are we — who is our competition?

**John:** So, our competition is Rob Thomas talking about making the Veronica Mars movie.

**Craig:** All right. Okay.

**John:** And our friend Franklin Leonard talking to Jenji Kohan about Orange is the New Black.

**Craig:** Well, look, those are steep, but it’s not like they put us up against Vince Gilligan.

**John:** Yes, Vince Gilligan is early in the day. So, you can come for Vince Gilligan and then come to see us. I just feel like, you know, when we had these initial conversations we talked in a very general sense like how about we do an early evening so people could maybe drink a little, that kind of thing. That didn’t end up happening. So, I feel like we may need to step up our game a little bit for the live show is really what I’m saying.

So, I would urge people to come to our show because while we will be recording it, I’m going to plan some things that you kind of have to be there in person to experience. I’m not quite entirely sure what those are going to be yet. We’ll discuss them probably on the flight to Austin.

**Craig:** Okay.

**John:** But there will be some special live things there.

**Craig:** Are we on the same flight?

**John:** I don’t know. I think I’m flying in on Thursday.

**Craig:** So am I. Are you flying Thursday on American?

**John:** No, I’m flying on Southwest.

**Craig:** Well, we’re not on the same plane. So, we’ve got real problems.

**John:** You got an upgrade on that whole flight thing. So, that is one of the things we will be doing in Austin. The second thing we’ll be doing is the Three Page Challenge. And like the Writers Guild Foundation Three Page Challenge we did, the people who wrote those three pages will be in the room with us. And so we will be talking with them about their three pages, which is usually great and fun. So, we’ll record that.

People write in saying, “Hey, do my pages.” We’ve actually already picked all the people who we’re going to do in that session. They already know they’re the people that are picked, so you don’t need to send in special things for Austin. It’s awesome you’re going to be in Austin and have three pages, but we will not be covering them there in Austin unless you’ve already heard from us.

**Craig:** Exactly. And I do want to add that there is a consistent thing happening now that makes me super happy. And that is that we do the Three Page Challenges and the people who are featured on it tweet us and are really appreciative, even if we were critical of the pages and kind of got into a deep analysis of some things that maybe we’ve both thought weren’t right. Everybody has been really appreciative and really — it’s a good sign that they’re taking this stuff the right way because the truth is that you and I in our daily lives as writers are getting this kind of feedback constantly. So, it’s a good sign. Very good sign.

**John:** I would agree. And we should stress that the whole Three Page Challenge, the initial step of that is Stuart reading everything, so Stuart really does read everything. And he makes decisions about what things to send on to us based on what he thinks are really good things that he’s read and liked that would be useful for our listeners.

So, if you send something through and Stuart hasn’t picked it, it’s either because Stuart has a bunch of stuff that’s kind of like it, that makes him think that maybe it’s not the right thing for us to talk about right now.

So never feel bad if we don’t talk about your thing. If we do talk about your thing, know we’re talking about it because it was one of the most interesting things that crossed our virtual transom.

**Craig:** Correct. And as always, blame Stuart.

**John:** Yes. Blame Stuart.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** Craig, a couple episodes ago we talked about what’s next, because basically I had finished up Big Fish, I was trying to figure out what the next thing is I was going to write. And so that’s somewhat coalesced over this past week. And this afternoon I was at lunch with the producer of — I can’t remember if it is the first thing or the second thing I described, but the thing that was based on some preexisting IP that was going to be really complicated and you’d talked me out of it to some degree, like this sounds like it’s going to be a mess.

And so we had a really good lunch and we talked through sort of how it could be kind of a mess and I think it’s a good segue into our conversation of blockbusters because this is going to be an expensive movie to make. And so easily half of our conversation was not about the story itself, but about the process of how we would get from this idea to a finished movie and how we would get this idea to this studio that owns the IP through the studio and how you conceive it as a big movie.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And that’s one of the things we don’t — I don’t think we’ve necessarily talked enough about on the show is what does it mean to be a big movie and at what point do you start talking about story and what point do you start talking about the movie. And so this conversation was largely about the movie.

**Craig:** Yeah, and it’s changed, hasn’t it, because when we started it seemed like basically development was really — they were okay with shots in the dark. “All right, well, we like that idea, we like that thought. Go ahead. Write the script. Here’s some money and let’s read the script and then we’ll see.”

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And now I think everybody feels that they kind of have to build the ship while they’re on the ship.

**John:** Yes. Or even before you’re kind of deciding to board the ship, because a lot of my decision process right now is is this actually a movie that the studio will make.

**Craig:** Ah-ha.

**John:** An so are we going to invest a tremendous amount of time coming up with the perfect pitch for this movie if it’s ultimately not a movie that this studio can make.

**Craig:** Correct. So true. Great.

**John:** And so part of this is prefaced on a conversation I had with another producer about another project and said, “Oh, it’s great news. The studio actually already owns the rights to this book. They bought it five years ago. And I don’t think they even know that they have the rights to this book. It’s going to be perfect.” And so I read it and I’m like, “I don’t think they’re going to make this movie.”

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** “But they already own the book!” It’s like I don’t think it was this regime that bought the book. I’m happy to talk about doing this movie, but I first want you to go to President of Production/Studio Head, whoever you want to talk to and ask candidly are they ever going to make this project.

And so they did — came back a week later and said, “Nope, we’re not.”

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** And that was a lot of time saved.

**Craig:** It was. And typically if they have a book that they haven’t done anything with and someone says, “They don’t even know they have the rights,” there’s a reason for that. It’s because they don’t care. [laughs]

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** Yeah. If they wanted to make a movie out of it, they would have made a movie out of it.

**John:** Yeah. So, studios largely want to make blockbusters. And that’s a thing that we’ve talked about on the podcast before. And you had sent me this article by Derek Thompson from The Atlantic. And it was an interview with him and Anita Elberse, who is the author of this new book called Blockbusters. She’s a professor at the Harvard Business School.

And it was an interesting article and I haven’t read the full book, so again we’re doing that thing where we’re basing a discussion on an article about a book rather than the book itself. But some of the points I thought were interesting.

And so the basic theory of blockbusters and sort of spending money on blockbusters is that — it’s a question of is it better to spend more money on fewer titles. And is dollar spent a blockbuster worth more or worth less than a dollar spent on a non- blockbuster.

**Craig:** And what the author, Anita Elberse, has found — and in an academic way, so she’s not a stakeholder in the business. She’s not somebody that’s trying to promote a certain kind of movie or promote writers, or actors, or directors, or anything like that. She’s not a movie critic. She’s I guess an economist or, yeah, something like that, or just a business — yeah, she is actually an economist.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** What she seems to have found is in general from a business strategy what she says is, “A blockbuster strategy means making fewer investments that are larger investments, but that strategy turns out to be economically safer than making more smaller bets.”

**John:** Yes. Now, some of that seems nonsensical at first, because we look at big giant movies that tanked that cost a tremendous amount of money and cost a tremendous amount of money to advertise and we say, “Okay, well that’s an example of why it was foolish to spend that much money on that particular movie.”

What she’s arguing is that there’s essentially silent evidence that we’re ignoring all the smaller movies that didn’t make back their money, and their marketing money, and if you added up all those they would actually cost more than the big movies that are tanking.

**Craig:** Yeah. So, there is a cost, there is a risk involved in everything. And so you have to account for the risk involved in making any movie, including the smaller movies, but she also found that there are these side benefits to the success of large movies that go beyond just the success of that large movie. For instance, the notion is that if you make the large movies, for your next movies you will attract better people. You’ll attract bigger actors, bigger authors, bigger IP, bigger writers and directors.

If you stop doing that, if you sort of go for a Men’s Warehouse model where you’re trying to go lower priced/higher volume, people that make quality entertainment start to stop thinking about you.

**John:** And I see there’s some logic there, but I also see some faults in that logic. So, let’s talk through this point. The idea that creators are attracted to places that are making big things is to some degree true. If you’re a person who wants to make giant movies and you have two places you can go with this giant movie, you’re going to feel more comfortable with a place that actually has experience making and marketing big movies. Likely. That seems reasonable.

But quality and bigness are not necessarily the same thing. And so you look at the HBO model or even A&E to some degree, like the places that are making really quality television shows, they’re not spending more money than other places. They’re just making better stuff. And so to some degree this halo effect that she’s describing, that people want to come there because of the reputation of the brand, it may have more to do with the kinds of movies you’re making, the kinds of movies you’re releasing.

So, there’s a reason why you may want to have this Fox Searchlight be releasing your film rather than MGM because Fox Searchlight has a brand to it.

**Craig:** Absolutely true. And, in fact, when I read this article, it seemed to me that this book and her research seems less valuable in service of an argument that you should make more blockbusters and maybe not make as many medium priced films. It’s more valuable in starting to at least defend and understand why this blockbuster mania happens at all.

**John:** Mm-hmm.

**Craig:** Because the truth is the movie studios will continue to make medium-priced movies and smaller-priced movies. They’ll do it, I mean, every comedy essentially is that.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** They won’t stop. But it was — sometimes when I talk to people I feel like it becomes this lazy intellectual crutch that studios are stupid and that they’re run by kind of Adderall/cracked-out dips who are 40-something 12 year olds. And they don’t care about a damn thing and they just want explosions and noise. And that’s not quite right. There is real success here in a lot of these things. We tend to look at… — It’s funny, this is sort of selection bias. When a movie like The Avengers comes out and a lot of people like it and it’s a huge blockbuster, we’ll say, “Great job, Joss Whedon.”

When a movie like The Lone Ranger comes out and a lot of people don’t like it and it costs a huge amount of money and is a big flop, people will say, “Oh, Hollywood, you’re stupid.”

Well, Hollywood is also The Avengers. [laughs] You know?

**John:** It is.

**Craig:** I mean, it gets credit and it gets punished for all things. So, a lot of these blockbusters — I mean, she points out something that’s so obvious it’s odd that it needs to be pointed out, and yet it does. Blockbusters are blockbusters because they bust blocks. People are showing up. What are we supposed to do? And then you start to run into this weird question of, well, so who should we be angry at? And the interviewer asked the question directly. So, consumers are to blame?

And her response is characteristically blunt. “As consumers we are at fault. These are the choices that we’re making.” [laughs] I thought that was a fair point.

**John:** Yeah. Of course the corollary argument with that is if you essentially have no choice because you’ve stopped making the other kinds of movies, there may be an audience who wants to see that other film and didn’t have a chance to see that other film because it didn’t exist. So, that becomes the supply and demand question is a reasonable question to ask, but audiences are ultimately responsible for I think the kinds of movies we make.

**Craig:** We are.

**John:** I think she didn’t understand some aspects of the film industry that were a little bit frustrating to me. Her point about trailers is like, “Well, if you have a big movie then you get to put five trailers on that and that’s how it works.” Well, that’s not how trailers work at all.

And in a general way, if Warner Bros. has The Hangover III coming out, Warner Bros. can attach one trailer to that. They know they can lock on one trailer to that.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Everything else is horse trading. And it’s trying to get your film’s trailer attached to this next thing that’s going.

**Craig:** That’s correct.

**John:** And you’re negotiating both with the other studios. You’re negotiating with exhibitors. It’s an incredibly complicated thing. So, just having a big hit film doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re going to be able to market your next film more easily because of that.

**Craig:** I agree. That’s something that’s far more functional in television where you’re using big event television to platform promotions for new shows. However, what she didn’t mention that she ought to have, and maybe she does in her book, one great benefit of blockbusters is that they increase our exhibition power. As a studio, if you know you’ve got, all right, so Warner Bros. announced that they have more Harry Potter universe films coming out. Very big deal for them.

Well, when they have a smaller movie that they are pushing, it’s very easy for them to lean on exhibitors and say, “Run this movie or you’re not getting Harry Potter.”

**John:** Yup.

**Craig:** And that’s a big deal. That’s a huge deal.

**John:** I think we’ve talked about on the podcast before is international results and a larger portion of studio’s take. And having more movies coming down the pipeline is very helpful in terms of getting money to come out of those countries. And so you’re able to sort of go to Kraplachia and say like, “Hey, you still owe us for this movie that came out six months ago. You’re not getting this next movie until you pay us that money.” And that is a useful thing, too.

And so any movie is helpful for that coming down the pipe, but a giant blockbuster, like the next Avengers, they really want that. And that will become an important tool for getting that money back out of exhibitors, especially overseas.

**Craig:** Yeah. My take away from this is not to say big, stupid, awful blockbusters are worth defending. They’re not. No big, stupid, awful movie is worth defending, or are small, awful, stupid movies worth defending. I’ve been involved in a couple myself. [laughs]

It’s more that it’s not just willy-nilly stupidity. It is actually a strategy that is economically working, even — we discussed this already — even in a summer where the media narrative seemed to be, “Hollywood is falling apart,” Hollywood made a ton. In fact, I believe this summer is bigger than last summer.

**John:** It is in fact bigger than last summer. Because we’re conveniently forgetting things like Iron Man 3, which made a gazillion dollars.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And the movies that weren’t tiny but were not giant that also did really, really well. You have The Heat. You have We’re the Millers, the things that did great.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And you can say, like those two are original films, but Hangover III, it still brought in a ton of money.

**Craig:** 300-and-some-odd million bucks. I mean, there were plenty of movies that worked really well. I mean, Gravity right now is obviously killing it. And that will continue to happen. It’s more that the chattering class hates sequel-itis, and I understand why.

And they resent the audience for ignoring movies that they love. And I understand. It’s dispiriting to see some movie that’s a beautiful piece of work come out and be totally ignored while a big, huge, crap fest rakes money in, except it’s not a crap fest to a lot of the people going to it. It’s like, so you just have to let that go.

Look, we’ve said it before, and I’ll repeat it: I want movie studios to make more medium-sized and smaller movies. I want it. I want them to make more movies in general. And we’ve often said you can’t get to sequels if you haven’t had the first one.

But, it would be just as much of a mistake to pretend that blockbusters were some kind of weird blink or failure strategy. It’s not.

**John:** It’s not. So, the topic of conversation I suspect happening at every movie studio this week, the past couple weeks, has to be Gravity. And it’s a movie that Craig has not seen yet, which is —

**Craig:** My kids won’t…my kids…it’s my kids.

**John:** Kids! I know, oh, those kids! So, two threads I want to talk about here. Generally as a screenwriter it is important to see the movies that everyone else is talking about so you can have a point of conversation about those.

**Craig:** Oh, yes.

**John:** And so obviously, Craig, it’s on your short list of things you need to see really quickly.

**Craig:** Next movie I see.

**John:** The reason why I think, you know, obviously the year is not finished yet, but I think Gravity will become the most important movie for Hollywood this year for a couple of reasons. It was expensive, but it wasn’t crazy expensive. It wasn’t a sequel. It was a director who everyone knew was incredibly talented and had made some other sort of big hits but hadn’t made the one that was sort of all his. It was risky, even though it had giant stars, it was risky.

But most importantly to me, it’s a movie that’s just entirely a movie. It’s a movie that’s 90 minutes long. It is focused on one person’s survival story. You have a character who doesn’t need to save the world. She needs to save herself. And it’s a thing that exists, that wants to be made for a big screen.

So, I see this movie and I look at some of the other big movies we’re making that are just huge, and sprawling, and 2.5 hours, and involve myriad subplots. I think what was refreshing, I think the conversation a lot of people are going to be having is how to make a movie that’s more like Gravity.

**Craig:** Mm-hmm.

**John:** There’s terrible lessons you can learn from it, like we should make more movies in space. No. That’s not the lesson.

**Craig:** They will! [laughs]

**John:** They will. There will be lot more movies set in space.

**Craig:** No question.

**John:** But the lesson, and what got me excited about it, which I think is going to get other people excited about it, too, is that it was a reminder that you don’t need to save the world. And this is a thing that we talked about before in the Damon Lindelof conversation is do you need to — how big do the stakes need to be?

Well the stakes, it turns out, can be about one person if the story is tightly constructed around that one person’s journey. And that, I think, is the biggest game changer of all.

So, whether it’s in space, or whether it’s taking place on the ocean or anywhere else, the small straightforward story can be a winner.

**Craig:** And it’s putting the lie to these things that we’re constantly hearing that the only movies that are hits are movies with presold audiences, or movies with recognizable IP or titles, and movies that aren’t about adults and adult situations. That’s’ all just not true.

And as many times as it’s happened this year, I would think it has to be sinking in. People have to be looking and going, well, wait a second, what were the profit margins on the Melissa McCarthy movies that came out this year? What was the profit margin on Gravity?

And let’s also remember that in these really big blockbusters, you know, the Titanics, the $200+ million movies, the expense is greater than what it appears because almost inevitably in order to support a structure that large you need the kind of talent that demands first dollar gross, big portions of the profits. That doesn’t necessarily happen when you’re making these smaller movies. The hits are much hittier.

I think that Hollywood certainly, certainly, has had an interesting positive wakeup call. The failure of a couple of blockbusters this summer, there’s no lesson to take from that because we’ve had just as many blockbusters do great. It’s actually a positive lesson this time around, that the success of some of the smaller movies has been really eye opening.

And I hope that that sets a trend.

**John:** A thing we talked about quite early on in the podcast is if we could run Hollywood what would we do differently. And one of the things we both came back to is like look for filmmakers who genuinely have a voice and a vision and make their movies. And Alfonso Cuarón is a great example of a filmmaker who has that. I think Rian Johnson, who’s going to be our guest in Austin, is a filmmaker who has that. And it was very smart money to spend that on Alfonso Cuarón and on that movie.

You have two giant stars in the movie who help make it safe to make the movie, but if you actually look at the film, if you had actors as good as Clooney and Sandra Bullock in your film, they didn’t need to be stars at all.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** You could have made it with anybody who was as good as they are.

**Craig:** Well, yeah, the stars basically get you to show up opening weekend. The movie keeps you in your seat and the movie is what gets you to come back over and over.

**John:** I honestly think you could have made that with somebody who wasn’t Sandra Bullock and it would have turned out just —

**Craig:** You think it would have opened just the same?

**John:** I think it would have because I think you have that vision that —

**Craig:** That trailer was pretty remarkable.

**John:** That trailer is great. I mean, it was incredibly smartly marketed.

**Craig:** And she’s in a mask anyway, right? [laughs]

**John:** Yeah, she is! She’s phenomenal in it, but I honestly think you could have put Noomi Rapace in it and it would have worked.

**Craig:** Look, he made Children of Men with — there were known actors like Clive Owen, but not necessarily what you’d call big movie stars. And people showed up for sure. He’s extraordinarily good at what he does.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** He’s special. He really is.

**John:** I think he’s got a future there.

**Craig:** [laughs] You know, it would be nice if he made more movies. But you know what that’s like? I don’t want the guy making the Cronuts to speed up production. You know, go ahead, make one every five years. If that’s what makes… — It’s like John Lee Hancock. Go ahead, make one every five years. If that’s what keeps the quality up, I’m happy.

**John:** I’m happy, too. Now, two other big actors who were recently doing press for a film are Morgan Freeman and Kevin Kline.

**Craig:** Hmm.

**John:** Mm.

**Craig:** Mm.

**John:** Do you have your copy handy that we can read this together?

**Craig:** You want to be Morgan or you want me to be — ?

**John:** I think I need to be Morgan Freeman.

**Craig:** All right. You be Morgan and I’ll be Kline.

**John:** So, this is an interview about Last Vegas which is a film that they are out promoting. I think this is from Entertainment Weekly. And they’re talking about directors and the challenge of working with directors. So, I am Morgan Freeman.

**Craig:** And I am Kevin Kline.

**John:** [affects an accent] “Too many of them get in the way. You get the title of ‘director’ and you start directing actors rather than directing the movie.”

**Craig:** I’m sorry, why — this is a minstrel show. [laughs]

**John:** [laughs] You think I’m trying to talk too Morgan Freeman?

**Craig:** Yeah. It’s like you’re getting black. Like “too many of them get in the way.”

**John:** I’m trying to do my serious narration voice.

**Craig:** You’re trying to do the Tittie Sprinkles Morgan Freeman.

**John:** Ha!

“I don’t like to be directed. The worst culprits are writers who direct their own material. Oh God.”

**Craig:** “When you arrive on set and the director goes, ‘Here’s my idea for this character,’ I go, ‘I’ll be right back!’ Or — and this was told to me by a really good director — he said, ‘Okay, here’s what I think your character is thinking at this moment.'”

**John:** “Ooh…”

**Craig:** “You tell me what I’m thinking? I’ll tell you what I’m thinking. You figure out where to put the camera and the light.”

**John:** “If you want me to go faster or to go slower, you can say that.”

**Craig:** [sighs]

**John:** Well, thank you Morgan Freeman and Kevin Kline for making it super clear how you feel about the relationship between the writer and the director.

**Craig:** [laughs]

**John:** So I’m reading this and I’m thinking like, I quickly IMDb’d who directed Last Vegas.

**Craig:** I know! I know! Well, I mean —

**John:** It’s Jon Turteltaub. And like if you’re the director of this movie you’re going, “Oh my god!” Or if you’re a person who directed any movie with these people.

**Craig:** Well, let me give you a couple names of people whose jaws must have dropped. Morgan Freeman says, “The worst culprits are writers who direct their own material. Oh God.”

So, here are a couple of movies he’s been in where the writer directed the movie. The Batman movies, Chris Nolan.

**John:** Oh, that’s true.

**Craig:** And The Shawshank Redemption.

**John:** Oh yeah!

**Craig:** Frank Darabont.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** I guess that was the worst.

**John:** That was clearly just the worst. It’s remarkable that that turned out okay considering that Frank Darabont…

**Craig:** It went okay. And then, of course, Kevin Kline makes a great point. “If a director says, ‘Here’s what I think your character is thinking at his moment,'” it is appropriate to just walk away because the director’s job is to figure out where to put the camera and the light. [laughs] What?!

**John:** Yes. How dare that director…

**Craig:** Direct!

**John:** …focus on. Yes. On this.

**Craig:** It’s unbelievable!

**John:** It really is just remarkable. So, I have this tiny little sliver of sympathy is that there are some terrible directors who will try to micromanage actors in ways that is maddening.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** But to generalize it out to this degree is absolute madness. And so I found this just bewildering.

**Craig:** Look, no question that there are bad directors. And I can understand that it must be very frustrating if you are an actor of exceptional talent with enormous amount of experience, far more than say the director directing you. It must be very frustrating to have them interfere with the process in a way that is counterproductive.

However, when Morgan Freeman says, “You get the title of ‘director’ and you start directing actors rather than directing the movie,” all I can say is that’s their job. They’re responsible —

**John:** It is their job.

**Craig:** They’re responsible for your performance. Directing a movie isn’t like directing a documentary. You are creating performances with the actors.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** I mean, why can’t we — just like I’m… — You know, this reminds of those whiny writers, “The director, blah, blah, blah,” yeah, because he changed a thing? Because he had to. It happens sometimes. And it reminds me of those directors who are like, “Stupid writers. Making me shoot what’s on the page!” It’s just — this is clichéd goofy navel-gazing solipsism. I’m shocked by this.

**John:** Yeah. I’m surprised, too. And a little saddened, honestly.

**Craig:** Yeah!

**John:** Because I like both of them and I think they’ve both done really good work. They’ve also done stuff that’s not been so awesome, but now I wonder what that process was like to get to the stuff that wasn’t so awesome.

**Craig:** Well…oh, and by the way, here’s one writer-director that Kevin Kline has worked with a couple times: Lawrence Kasdan.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** What a hack.

**John:** Lawrence Kasdan. God, that guy. Man. It’s remarkable that he’s…yeah.

**Craig:** You know, this is the kind of thing. Here’s my attempt to apologize for Morgan Freeman and Kevin Kline, who are terrific actors, and I assume that aside from this blip are fine gentlemen. Doing press for movies is awful and my guess is they were tired.

And then they started doing this thing that, look, as writers I’ll have conversations in this tone privately with other writers. You know, when you’re bucking yourself up and bitching and moaning. But to do it publicly like this is just bizarre. And certainly this example of here’s what I… — Even Kevin Kline’s example of this egregious behavior sounds like a very polite thing. “Here’s what I think your character is thinking at this moment.”

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** This is what I think. I’m directing the movie. I’m cutting it! When you’re gone, [laughs] I’m cutting it! Right?

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** You’re here for the middle part of this process. I was here before you. And I’ll be here after you. So, isn’t it fair that I express what I think your character is thinking? And if you disagree, let’s have a conversation.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Geez, man. Bummer.

**John:** Yeah, but your job is to put the camera and the light in place.

**Craig:** The light. By the way, it’s not even the director’s job to put the light. It’s like how many movies has Kevin Kline been in? So, the DP puts the lights up. [laughs]

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Oh boy.

**John:** Mm.

**Craig:** Oh boy.

**John:** Yeah. So that was dispiriting. And what’s frustrating is that it’s in a mainstream publication, so here are well respected actors who are quite talented who are saying that this is the way it should be. And so a general population — or god help us — a young aspiring actor thinks like, “That’s how you should be.”

**Craig:** Uh-uh. No.

**John:** No.

**Craig:** No, no, no. And you know what?

**John:** You want to take full responsibility for your performance, but you also need to understand that your performance is part of a greater thing. A greater whole.

**Craig:** Of course. And I actually would bet money that neither Morgan Freeman nor Kevin Kline actually behave that way on sets. I think this is just kind of locker room boasting. I really do. I don’t believe because why? Why would you not be interested in what the director… — Look, if the director thinks that your character is thinking something else, they’re going to edit it that way. I mean, wouldn’t you want to know? I don’t know. It was pretty wild. It was pretty wild.

**John:** Yeah. I’m going to assume also that these guys are probably also largely wonderful to have on the set. But the thing is even if you have a nightmare actor, in a film that nightmare actor is only there for while you’re shooting the film.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And they can be a pain in the ass, but eventually you’ll be done. Where I have the greatest sympathy of all is for TV showrunners who are faced with a nightmare actor.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Because you and I both know people who are in those situations and that is a completely different beast.

**Craig:** Both, by the way, we know the other way, too, where a wonderful actor is jammed with a showrunner that is absolutely nuts. Bad marriages are bad.

**John:** It’s a conversation worth having the next time we have a guest on who does both TV and film, because it’s a completely different relationship when you are making one film versus a potentially five-year marriage on a TV show.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** It’s a very different dynamic and different way of thinking about things. Because you are stuck with these people.

**Craig:** Yup.

**John:** And sometimes that’s great and sometimes it’s just really, really not great.

**Craig:** One thing that stuff like this brings to mind is that when you see a movie and you see things in it that are puzzling to you, it is natural to succumb to the illusion of intentionality, that everything is on screen because it was specifically intended to be that way and not, say, because the actor just had a completely different point of view and kind of just did something crazy. Or not because, say, the director blew it that day or there was a storm, or a set fell down, or they ran out of money, or a hundred things that can go wrong.

And, by the way, the opposite is true. Sometimes there are these wonderful moments in movies that were totally unplanned. They just happened.

**John:** Yes. And it’s lovely when those happen. Maybe a movie will get one of those and everything else will be fighting against the thing that happened that was not so awesome.

And you and I both, you know, not telling tales out of school, like Blade III was a classic example.

**Craig:** Oh boy.

**John:** Wesley Snipes just refused to actually do what was in the script and a lawsuit —

**Craig:** He wouldn’t even talked to Goyer. He would not talk to him.

**John:** Yes. So, that is basically a nightmare situation.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** But there have been other big recent movies where you look at the movies like, whoa, how did that happen? And you talk to the people behind the scenes and they’re like, “He refused to say any words.”

**Craig:** [laughs] Right.

**John:** Not just like he wouldn’t say the words on the page. He didn’t want to talk.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And, well, that makes it completely challenging to cut together a coherent story when that guy won’t talk.

**Craig:** Years ago I was on a set and the actor who was essentially the focus point of the scene, and was just there for a day, a cameo essentially, was drunk.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** Not a little drunk. DRUNK.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And there was nothing you could do. You just sort of did what you could, you know?

**John:** I was at the Sundance Filmmaker’s Lab two years ago. I usually go there for the screenwriter’s portion of it in the summer, but I went for the director’s lab portion of it, which was great, and so much easier because basically as a director’s lab advisor you just show up on these little sets and you sort of see what they’re doing and if you have a good suggestion you say something. If you don’t, you just stand back and watch. As opposed to the screenwriter’s section where you actually had to read the scripts and talk through all the stuff. It’s exhausting.

So, the director’s section, I was up there and it was this little campfire scene. And the director clearly had a good plan for how he was going to shoot it. And there was this conversation. And I got there and I realized, I watched a take and I’m like, huh, that doesn’t really probably seem like what is supposed to be on the page. And then I realized that the older actor was completely drunk. And this was like eleven in the morning. Completely drunk.

And so as the advisor I had to pull the director fellow aside and say, “Look, I know you’re trying to cover this in a one-shot, and all this stuff. It’s just not going to happen. So, you’re going to have to really be smart about what you’re going to do and plan for what it is it going to be like when I’m in the editing room and I have to make sense of this thing and deal with the cards that you’re given.”

**Craig:** [pretending to slur] “You tell me what I’m thinking, I’ll tell you what I’m thinking! You figure out where to put the camera and the light. Action!” [laughs]

**John:** Uh-huh. Action!

**Craig:** Oy, thanks for calling their own action. The best part is at the very end Morgan Freeman says, “If you want me to go faster or to go slower, you can say that.” Thank you!

**John:** Thank you! That’s really nice. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

**Craig:** Slower?

**John:** So, basically whatever Morgan Freeman’s first instinct is is exactly the right instinct.

**Craig:** It’s just the speed.

**John:** It could be just be go a little faster, or a little slower.

**Craig:** Right. Just the speed.

**John:** So, basically he’s a knob and you’re allowed to turn Morgan Freeman’s knob a little bit. Not a lot.

**Craig:** Turning Morgan Freeman up. There’s a story — I assume it’s true — that George Lucas when he was directing the first Star Wars movie, the only direction he would ever give to any of them was either louder or faster. And Harrison Ford, who was a carpenter, made a board, a wooden board, and he put two lights and switch. And one thing said louder and one thing said faster. And so he said, “Here, you can just turn it.” And apparently Lucas didn’t laugh.

**John:** Yeah. And then in the prequels, he just decided to hold up a board and that was the acting style.

**Craig:** Right! The board was bored.

**John:** Oh god.

**Craig:** Geez Louise.

**John:** Geez. Yeah, I felt bad. I know Ewan. Ewan is fantastic. But that, ugh.

**Craig:** Argh. What are you gonna do?

**John:** What are you gonna do? We’re not going to talk about the prequels anymore.

**Craig:** Natalie Portman is a great actor.

**John:** She is.

**Craig:** I mean, I’ve seen Natalie Portman literally blow me away and then it’s like, um, boy, boy, nobody was helping her out.

**John:** No one is fantastic in those.

**Craig:** You can’t be.

**John:** No one is.

**Craig:** Because I got the feeling that they were in empty green rooms and there was no connection to anything. They didn’t understand what they were saying. The dialogue wasn’t particularly good. So, they were just sort of like, “What about this?”

And by the way, Morgan Freeman and Kevin Kline, you know, that’s when you get when the director is not helping you at all. [laughs] They’re like, “Go ahead. Yeah, no, you’re right. Just do it.”

**John:** “Just do that.”

**Craig:** “Nope, you know what? You tell me when you’re done.”

**John:** I think George Lucas —

**Craig:** “Yeah. And then we’ll move on.”

**John:** George Lucas knew where to put the lights. He put the camera. And look: success.

**Craig:** “Yeah, I’m done. I’m going to go have lunch. And somebody just send a PA to my trailer when you guys have decided that you got it.”

**John:** What is fascinating is that the director is in some ways the person who is the least — you could make it without the director to some certain degree. Like the AD could sort of like look at a shot list and tell everyone what to do. And someone could call action. That’s fine. And the actors could do their stuff. And you could do it all without that.

But without the director actually saying like, “Yes, this is what I want, no, this is not what I want, we’re going again, change this thing,” you don’t get anything done. And there’s no progress.

**Craig:** Well, of course. And let me also point out. You wouldn’t even be there at that point without a director anyway, because who has decided what everyone’s wearing, who’s decided what the sets look like, who’s decided that that’s what you’re even shooting that day? Everything is about the vision, the combined vision of the screenwriter and the director, who is oftentimes the same individual, much to Morgan Freeman’s chagrin, working with the actors to create a performance and a moment.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** Anyway. So, you know what? They’re great actors. I’m sure they’re great people. Hopefully this was just a weird moment for them. Maybe not. [laughs] We’ll find out.

**John:** [laughs] All right. We had a reader write in with a question that I thought was interesting. So, he says, “I am a semi-finalist in this year’s Nicholl Fellowship.”

**Craig:** Congratulations.

**John:** “And because of that my name is being circulated around town with other semi-finalists.” Congratulations. “Several managers and production companies have contacted me requesting the Nicholl script,” which is natural.

“One manager read the script right away. Loved it. Requested more scripts. Loved them. And set up a meeting. We met in his office and he did most of the talking, telling me his background, how he works, what he does.

“Of my scripts he liked a TV pilot, but they can’t do anything with it until TV season,” TV pilot season. “He also liked the semi-finalist feature but said it stood a better chance if I cut 15 pages. Both made sense to me. I pitched him the script I’m currently working on as well as log lines for two others on my writing to do list. He offered some feedback like he did for the pilot and the Nicholl feature, feedback about how I can best shave the project to increase its chances with the connections he has.

“At the end of the meeting, which lasted two hours, he asked if any other managers had contacted me. I said yes, but didn’t go into detail. He said, ‘Let’s keep in touch,’ and then we parted ways.”

**Craig:** Okay.

**John:** “This is the first manager I’ve ever met. So my questions are: What happened? Was this a good meeting or bad? He’s a young guy and seems like a good guy, but I don’t have anyone to compare him to. What’s the next step?”

**Craig:** Hmm. That is a good question. Well, you’re approaching this from a natural point of view of the young ingénue in the bar who’s just been hit on by a man. And you’re wondering, well geez, what does all that mean, and so on and so forth. I would argue to you that you flip the situation in your head and think of yourself as in charge and think of what you want as the thing that’s going to drive what happens next.

So, what happens next ideally is what you want to have happen next. If you like this manager and you think that he — is it a he or she?

**John:** I think it’s a he.

**Craig:** If you like this guy and you think that he is a good fit for you and that his position in the industry will help you, then you call up and say, “I want you to be my manager. Let’s sit down and talk about it. Let’s talk about what the arrangement will be and how it works, but I’m interested in you being my manager instead of these other people that want to be my manager.”

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Real simple.

**John:** I agree with you. So, hopefully by the time we’re actually giving him this advice he’s met with some other people so he has a better sense of like who other personalities are and stuff. But it sounded like a good meeting to me.

**Craig:** Yeah!

**John:** Two hours is a long meeting. And if you like what his comments were about your scripts and the things you were talking about for log lines, that’s a good thing.

So, yes, generally that manager guy would follow up more, but if he hasn’t followed up more you can totally take the reins and call him back and say, “Yes.”

The true story is I hired my attorney, Ken Richman, and my agent, Kramer, had sent me out to meet a bunch of attorneys, but Richman was the first person I met. It was like, well, you’re perfect. So done. And I just said yes right there in the room and that was the guy and he’s been my attorney ever since.

So, sometimes it just clicks and it’s just right and that can be good and proper.

**Craig:** Absolutely.

**John:** Now, I would say this guy is young and that’s not a bad thing. And I think sometimes you get nervous about like, “Well, this person is really young and doesn’t know what they’re doing.” Well, but you’re also young and you don’t really know what you’re doing. So, sometimes it’s good to get somebody who is at that same place in life as you are and hopefully you’ll grow up together.

**Craig:** Mm-hmm.

**John:** And if you like his taste, because he obviously has good taste if he likes your script, if you like his notes, if you like his general style, if you don’t think you’re going to dread getting phone calls and emails from him, it might be the right fit.

**Craig:** Absolutely true. And I also kind of like the deal where he said, “Yeah, we had a meeting and I really enjoyed meeting with you,” and he’s not chasing you. He’s not being desperate. Nobody meets with anybody for two hours if it’s a bad meeting.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** No such thing. If you’re in a room with somebody and you’re, “Oh, god, this guy is just a zero, he’s a dud. I can’t sell him, I can’t sell his work. He doesn’t have anything else, he’s strange,” they just end it. And they give you some sort of shine on and off you go. But, no, two hours, obviously he’s interested. But he also knows that you’re out there meeting other managers and he’s sort of properly saying, “Great. All right. Well, let’s keep in touch meaning you tell me if you want to work with me. I’m not going to beg you. But I’m aware that you have to go do your due diligence.”

So, there you go.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Perfect.

**John:** I think that’s simple advice.

Craig, it’s come time for One Cool Things. So, my One Cool Thing is actually in the blockbuster theme. I started wondering like well what happened to all the old Blockbuster stores. Have they all been rebuilt as other things? The truth is, no. And so I found this website that had a great collection of photos of abandoned video stores which I think is such a terrific time capsule of sort of where we are right now.

Because it was a specifically built kind of place to hold a specific thing that we don’t need any more. And so Blockbusters themselves were pretty big and they had all those shelves. And they had a thing — it’s not all that straight forward to convert them to something else. It’s not like those giant Walmarts which are sort of a nightmare to convert to something else, but they’re just this sort of sad thing that exists.

And so I’ll put a link in the show notes for abandoned video stores.

**Craig:** Cool. Eerie. It’s like those photo essays of Detroit. [laughs]

**John:** Yes. [laughs]

**Craig:** Sorry, Detroit listeners, but —

**John:** Blockbuster video is sort of like the city of Detroit.

**Craig:** It’s like Detroit.

So, my One Cool Thing today is, as promised, Grand Theft Auto based. So, lots of fan-made videos because Grand Theft Auto V is such an enormous world. And there’s lots of fun things to do and most of the videos are generally mayhem. There’s some cool videos that a guy has done of five-star police chases. So, in Grand Theft Auto V, if you commit a minor crime like say punching someone or running someone over with a car and killing them, you get one star.

But as you continue to evade the police, or shoot at police, or things like that, your stars escalate. And the more stars you have, the more police are coming after you in helicopters. Five star, to even get five stars you’ve just got to go nuts. It’s hard to even get to it. And then there’s a cop literally every 12 feet. And so people have done these crazy five-star chase videos and videos where they pile up a bunch of cars and blow them all up. It’s fun.

But there’s one series that I think is amazing because it shows just how detailed and brilliant the game is. And it’s called GTA V Mythbusters. And there’s, I think, five of them. And basically they collect these myths that people put out there like, for instance, if you light a car on fire in Grand Theft Auto V, which you can do by pouring gasoline on it and then lighting it on fire, and then drive it into water. The water will extinguish the fire and you can save the car. And then they test it and they say, “Oh, yup, that’s true.”

**John:** Nice. This engine actually does — yeah, that’s great.

**Craig:** It’s amazing. Or like if you lure police helicopters into the turbine wind farms in the Mohave Desert area, the wind turbines will destroy the helicopter. True. [laughs]

**John:** Oh my god.

**Craig:** But there are some amazing ones that like never would have even occurred to me. For instance, I didn’t even realize, okay, so if you take a car and you light it on fire with some gasoline. Pour some gasoline on it, light it on fire, stand back. Eventually it will explode. I did not know that if you shot a car in the hood, then you could see gasoline spurting out of it. And you can actually drive the car until you run out of gas.

I did not know that. Then the question was myth. A car without gas in it will not explode. [laughs] So, they do this. They drive the car. It runs out of gas. It stops. They get out. They pour gasoline on top of the car. Light the car on fire and sit back. It does not explode.

**John:** Now, Craig, the crucial question which every listener is asking right now is are there Teslas in the game?

**Craig:** There are!

**John:** And I’m so happy to hear that.

**Craig:** Okay, now the deal with the Grand Theft Auto universe is that they don’t license real auto manufacturer names. They just fake them. They come up with copies. And I was kind of bummed because I was really hoping for a Tesla in the game and I couldn’t find one.

And then the other day I just randomly yanked some woman out of her car, as I typically do to drive somewhere, [laughs], and I got in —

**John:** You’re going to go home so you can play the game.

**Craig:** Yes, exactly. I was here in Old Town. And what I true and do in the game is if I have to go somewhere and I don’t have a car, I wait until a really cool car comes and then I steal that one, because it’s faster and it’s more fun.

So, this sporty car comes up and it looks like one I’ve maybe been in before. I yank a lady out. I get in. I start driving. I’m going super fast and I realize it’s not making any noise. And I’m like, wait a second. And so I stop the car and adjusted the camera so I could see the back of the car and it was a Coil. That was the brand name. Coil.

**John:** Nice.

**Craig:** And it was clearly a Tesla Roadster. So, when they were developing the game I assume they developed it before the Model S was a big deal, but the Tesla Roadster was still out there. So, the Tesla Roadster is in the game. It’s called a Coil. And it’s my favorite. And so I put it in a garage. It’s nice and safe.

**John:** Of course.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** That’s good.

**Craig:** It’s such a good… — But anyway, GTA V Mythbusters, it’s so entertaining to watch it because some of that stuff is just — some of it, like, oh, there’s a strange glitch. Like if you land a helicopter on top of a jumbo jet you can get inside the jumbo jet and pilot it which is just ridiculous and glitchy. But some of it is just about the detail, the specificity of the details is just remarkable.

**John:** Yeah, it really is a remarkable universe. And so I deliberately — I don’t want my daughter to know that we actually have the game, so I keep it out there, but I do know parents who will like go out deep sea diving with their kids. Like the kid has no idea what the game actually is.

**Craig:** Oh cute.

**John:** You will drive carefully to the beach and then you will go deep sea diving. It’s like, oh, how nice.

**Craig:** Yeah, I won’t let my son anywhere near it. No way. Yeah.

**John:** Good parenting with Craig Mazin.

**Craig:** Yeah. Real easy, obvious parenting with Craig Mazin.

**John:** Great. So, standard boilerplate ending here. If you would like to send a message to me or Craig, Craig is @clmazin on Twitter. I’m @johnaugust on Twitter. Longer questions can be sent to ask@johnaugust.com.

If you would like a USB drive with the first 100 episodes of the show, we have a few more of those left so you can go to store.johnaugust.com and we are selling those there.

Craig and I will both be at the Austin Film Festival next week, so the next episode you hear will be one of our live shows, which will be fun.

**Craig:** Awesome.

**John:** And if you’re listening to us in iTunes or if you’re connected to iTunes, leave us a comment there because that helps other people find us and enjoy our show.

**Craig:** Thanks everybody.

**John:** Thanks everybody. Have a great week, Craig. And I’ll see you in Austin.

**Craig:** See you in Texas. Bye.

**John:** Bye.

Links:

* Come see Scriptnotes live at the 2013 [Austin Film Festival](http://www.austinfilmfestival.com/)
* [The Atlantic](http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2013/10/the-big-business-of-big-hits-how-blockbusters-conquered-movies-tv-and-music/280298/) on Anita Elberse’s new book, Blockbusters, and the book [on Amazon](http://www.amazon.com/dp/0805094334/?tag=johnaugustcom-20)
* [Gravity](http://gravitymovie.warnerbros.com/) is in theaters now
* The relevant [Last Vegas interview excerpt](http://instagram.com/p/faO_XwGZ1W/)
* KnowYourMeme on [Morgan Freeman, Titty sprinkles](http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/people/morgan-freeman)
* IndieWire on [the Blade: Trinity lawsuit](http://blogs.indiewire.com/shadowandact/details-of-chaos-on-the-set-of-blade-trinity-indicate-production-was-troubled-from-the-start)
* Sundance Institute’s [feature film programs](http://www.sundance.org/programs/feature-film/)
* [Internet killed the Video Store: An Abandoned Industry](http://www.messynessychic.com/2012/09/06/internet-killed-the-video-store-an-abandoned-industry/) is John’s [One Cool Thing](http://johnaugust.com/onecoolthings)
* And [GTA V Mythbusters](http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVSZoKmDBr8UdW2MjaDo5uZ8ESO68Bdrk) is Craig’s [One Cool Thing](http://johnaugust.com/onecoolthings)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Scriptnotes listener Ashley Kotzur

Scriptnotes, Ep 113: Not Safe for Children — Transcript

October 17, 2013 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2013/not-safe-for-children).

**Disclaimer:** The following podcast contains explicit language. So, if you’re driving in the car and your kids are in the backseat, it may be a good time to switch over to NPR.

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Episode 113, the Not Safe for Children edition of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

**Craig:** Fuck yeah!

**John:** Yeah. So, we should have prefaced this by saying our Three Page Challenges this week involve so many F-words that there was just no way we could edit this out and have it make any sense. So, while our podcast would usually try to avoid things that you don’t want to be playing in the car while your kids are in the car, this will be not one of those episodes.

**Craig:** Correct. Yes.

**John:** There will be four-letter words a-flying.

**Craig:** Sorry kids, but you got to fuck off now. [laughs]

This is so nice. I wish that every one could be like this. But it’s good that we show some restraint.

**John:** It’s actually very hard for me to swear now. It was a weird thing that happened like literally right as my daughter was born I just stopped swearing.

**Craig:** Huh.

**John:** And I just completely stopped. So, I can totally write it, but it’s really hard for me to say those words now. I just — I became very prudish in a way about all those things.

**Craig:** I am super good about not cursing around my kids. My son is now 12, so I’ve allowed certain words in. Occasionally when I need to impress a point upon him I will use “shit,” as in “Enough with this shit,” but I don’t F-bomb around the kids.

But the rest of my life…geez Louise, man.

**John:** A helpful tip that people taught me quite early on and I did use it a few times early on when I slipped is if you end up saying fuck by accident, you immediately say duck, truck, muck, luck. You say a bunch of words that rhyme with it and then you’re kid can’t remember which was the word that actually was the bad word.

**Craig:** Oh, that’s interesting.

**John:** And that actually did work for awhile. So, I still think my daughter doesn’t quite understand what the bad words are because she’s said like, “A kid in school said the S-word.” And I’m like, really? “He said stupid.”

Oh, yeah, that S-word. It’s a bad word.

**Craig:** Watch how quickly that shit goes away. [laughs] Actually I remember when my son, he was around eight when he started to become fascinated with bad words. And we were on a walk together and I said, “Listen, Jack, you can say anything, if it’s just you and me, you can say any word you want. I don’t care. I’m cool with any word. It’s all about context.”

And he said, “Well, there’s one word that I saw and I want to say it but I’m nervous.” And I’m like, “Go ahead, just say it.”

He goes, “I’ll whisper it in your ear.” I said okay. And he said, “Ash-hole.” And I’m like, “No, you pronounced it…You’re stupid.”

**John:** I was probably in second and or third grade and my mom and dad would watch football. And I don’ t know if that’s Sunday evening or Monday Night Football, anyway, they were watching some evening football game. And I was watching sort of halfway from the kitchen and whenever there would be like a great play my mom would say, “Hot damn!” And whenever something would go horribly wrong she’d go, “Shit!”

And so I saw like some big play happen, and so I go, “Hot shit!”

**Craig:** [laughs] Ah! I still see you today at your current age watching football and just bizarrely blurting out, “Hot shit!”

**John:** It might happen. I can follow football. I actually do understand how football works. I don’t find it tremendously enjoyable, but I will watch a football game.

**Craig:** I’ve got to be totally honest with you and all the people who listen. You know I’m an enormous baseball fan, huge baseball dork.

**John:** Do you enjoy watching the game?

**Craig:** Love watching baseball, whether it’s on TV or at the stadium, and I know enough of the rules where I could responsibly umpire youth baseball if I needed to. I don’t love football. I just don’t. I’m cool, I’ll watch a game, it’s exciting, but I don’t have the football gene that just about everybody else seems to have.

I certainly don’t have the soccer gene. That’s like, uhh, what the hell is that about?

**John:** It’s like a lot of running.

**Craig:** It’s just running.

**John:** So, one of the reasons why today’s episode can have a lot of vulgar language in it is we actually have a list presented to us by Diablo Cody who is a woman who writes a lot of great dialogue that is sometimes vulgar. So, we want to talk about that, but we also have three Three Page Challenges that even the titles are vulgar.

**Craig:** Yeah, it’s fun. I’m excited.

**John:** Let’s get started.

For whatever reason this has become the month of, “Hey, you’re a screenwriter! Make a list!”

**Craig:** Yeah, what’s going on?

**John:** I don’t know what this is. Honestly, so I did a thing for Vulture, which has hosted a lot of these lists — vulture.com. When Frankenweenie was coming out they asked me to do a diary of like the things I was following. So, I think it’s one of those things where like PR people will interface with Vulture and say like, “Hey, we’ve got a screenwriter,” and Vulture says, “Make us a list.”

**Craig:** Right. Make us a list.

**John:** And you give them a list.

**Craig:** But I feel like there was, whatever the first list was, was it Gilroy’s list?

**John:** That was the one that sort of broke this off. I think so.

**Craig:** Then I just think everybody else goes, “Oh, now we need a list from a screenwriter. Get me a screenwriter to do the list because it got a lot of clicks.”

**John:** Yes. Well, that’s the thing about screenwriters is we can write things. And sometimes they’re amusing or helpful. And as opposed to if you wanted to ask a director to make a list, or an actor.

**Craig:** Right. I just feel like all these sites basically copy each other.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Ugh, lists. But this was a decent list I have to say. She did a good job.

**John:** This was her list and this is why I think it was useful. Diablo Cody, “Seven Things No One Tells You About Being a Top Screenwriter.” And this is a useful thing to think about, because we often talk about sort of like breaking in as a screenwriter or sort of what that experience is of going from a screenwriter that no one has ever heard of, to being someone that might be employed.

Well, Diablo Cody is that rare situation where she’s actually a screenwriter people have heard of.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Because of Juno and because, I think, of her —

**Craig:** Her background. Her name.

**John:** Her background. She had a great story. I mean, she was an interesting person to put on a talk show and have talk about her movie. And that was an amazing thing. I think she broke a lot of ground for not just women screenwriters, but screenwriters overall. It’s like, “Oh, people write movies.” So, that was a thing we can definitely credit to Diablo Cody.

She also had to deal with the backlash against that for having a cool name and being known with a certain kind of dialogue and all that stuff. But, I’ve always liked Diablo, I’ve always liked her movies, and I like this list.

**Craig:** She’s a cool person.

**John:** She’s just kind of really cool.

**Craig:** She is. And you know me — I default to hating everyone. And I’m constantly walking around full of anger. She’s actually really cool. I’m not good friends with her or anything, but I met her a couple of times and we emailed and such and I just thought that she was a very thoughtful, smart person and smart and thoughtful take me so far, honestly.

**John:** I had an awkward conversation with Diablo Cody at Dana Fox’s, one of Dana Fox’s birthday parties. Dana Fox is a mutual friend. And I had just seen Young Adult that day and so I wanted to — I saw Diablo across the other side of this pool and it’s like I want to go tell Diablo Cody that I really liked her movie, that I just saw it. But I didn’t realize that she actually had some challenging interactions with the whole making of the movie, the way that you can be happy that a movie exists, but also be sort of frustrated by things.

**Craig:** Uh-uh.

**John:** And so as I tried to tell her that I saw and really liked her movie, she wasn’t in the right space to hear it. So, I ended up sort of feeling like an asshole for bringing up this thing which she didn’t want to have brought up.

**Craig:** You felt like an ash-hole?

**John:** I felt like an ash-hole. But let’s take a look at what Diablo wrote in Vulture. The first point is, “You will be held accountable for your words. Writers drink, and therefore we often exhibit poor judgment. In 2007, when Juno came out, people were wearing rhinestone-embellished trucker caps and I was making bad decisions, too. I said a lot of stupid things in interviews because I figured no one was paying attention — who cares about screenwriters, generally?”

Oh, this brings up a topic from last week…

**Craig:** [laughs]

**John:** …in which I mentioned a screenwriter whose decisions to portray himself on a blog were not maybe the best ones.

**Craig:** No!

**John:** But we’re not even going to say his name because he asked us to never mention his name again. And you know what? I will respect that wish.

**Craig:** Yeah, he’s too busy mentioning his own name. He doesn’t have time for other people mentioning his name. [laughs] So funny.

**John:** Diablo says, “But my big mouth got me into trouble countless times. As a ‘visible’ writer, you have to learn to conduct yourself like an actor.” That’s really good advice. “Say what you’ve been coached to say. Don’t talk shit about anyone. Behind closed doors, I’m still a drunk train wreck, but in interviews, I try to channel Sandra Bullock or someone else the public finds charming.”

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** That’s good advice. Essentially like be a better version of yourself. And when I have to do press, and I had to do a lot of press for Big Fish these last couple weeks, I am just sort of a better version of myself. I’m the version of myself that communicates the ideas that I want to see portrayed in print and not any of the other stuff.

**Craig:** Yeah. What it comes down to is what your priority is when you’re talking about your work with members of the press, is your priority you or is your priority the project? And for adults, the priority is always the project. It doesn’t matter what I’ve experienced or what I think about anybody. When I talk — I became very aware of it when we were doing press for the Hangover Part II because there was just an enormous amount of press interest. And there had also been a bunch of controversy.

The Mel Gibson thing in particular was a big controversy. And I was very aware when I was talking to the press that it wasn’t innocent. That they were looking for something that also anything I said, if I should happened to say something about some actor or something, it was going to be a story. And I don’t want — the point is it’s not about anything other than the project.

Here’s the point of press — sell tickets. That’s it.

**John:** Yes. Done.

**Craig:** Bingo. Period. That’s that. If you’re talking to the press and you honestly think that they care about you, or your life, or any of that baloney, well maybe they do, but that’s not why you’re there talking to them.

So, I think that this is good advice. There is that wonderful scene from Bull Durham where you kind of get the rules of how to talk about your team and how to talk about a game. And you just stay positive and upbeat without being boring. It’s not hard.

**John:** Very true. Her second point, “You will be a big deal for about ten seconds. Since I ‘broke through’ (ugh) six years ago, countless younger, funnier, smarter writers have flocked to Hollywood and TOOK MY JERB.”

**Craig:** Jerb!

**John:** Jerb! “That’s the nature of this business. Just ask any of the actresses who were on the cover of Vanity Fair’s Hollywood Issue in the nineties. Believe me, they all want to murder Emma Stone right now. You will be replaced. Keep your head down and work as much as you can.”

**Craig:** [laughs] Boy, that’s a really…

**John:** That’s a nice specific example.

**Craig:** Well, and it is because I actually had a conversation with an actress a few months ago and that was exactly what she said. She just went on about Emma Stone. I’m like, “You’ve got to calm down.” I mean, listen, you know, it’s like: shit happens.

It’s funny. You’ve had your ten seconds. I remember when Go came out. I remember your name and I remember you having just notoriety. I’ve never had ten seconds. I’m like that guy, [laughs], you know, I’m the overnight success that takes 17 years, you know. So, I’ve been kind of lucky. I’ve ducked that whole thing.

**John:** Yeah. And specifically if you’re known for being a unique iconoclastic writer with a voice, that’s great, and that will still be your voice. The challenge is there will be the next iconoclastic writer with a voice and that spotlight will shift over to them. And that doesn’t mean that what you were doing is wrong, but that will be — the spotlight will go over to that next person.

And in some ways because you’re known has having a specific, distinctive voice, the next time you do something with that specific, distinctive voice, they’re going to be judging you based on that. And some people are going to have their hackles up for that, which certainly happened with Young Adult, or I’m sorry, actually with Jennifer’s Body right after that. Everyone went in looking for, “Oh, it’s the Diablo Cody movie and it’s going to have this feel to it.” And when it did, but it didn’t, that’s going to happen.

**Craig:** That’s exactly right. And, granted, maybe we’re speaking to a very narrow audience at this point of writers who are either on the verge of being big deals or writers who will one day be big deals, but the truth is there is no such thing.

When she says, “You will be a big deal for about ten seconds,” what she really means is you will be dubbed a big deal for about ten seconds.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** But we ourselves aren’t big deals.

**John:** Uh-uh.

**Craig:** Our writing is a big deal. Let the writing, let the work be your diplomat and your ambassador. You don’t have to talk. It’s not that important. You know?

**John:** Well, I think it would actually be great, because most screenwriters won’t have the Diablo Cody experience where they have this giant spotlight on them, it’s worth generalizing sort of overall if you’re actor, or if you’re actress, if you are a musician — whatever you are it is to recognize that if you find yourself in that moment of spotlight is to recognize that you are in a spotlight but that spotlight will not always be there. And that’s going to be okay. But just don’t —

**Craig:** Don’t make it about the spotlight. That’s for sure.

**John:** No. Let that spotlight be the thing that lets you do the next thing that you really want to do rather than just, “Oh my god, I’m in a spotlight.”

**Craig:** Frankly, you should be paranoid and suspicious about any spotlights. That’s my position. [laughs]

**John:** [laughs] Yeah.

**Craig:** I don’t like people looking at me.

**John:** Number three. “You can make money doing things nobody knows about.”

**Craig:** Ah-ha!

**John:** Which is true.

**Craig:** Absolutely.

**John:** We’ve talked about this on the show. A lot of the actual profession of screenwriting is not the things that have your name on them. It’s helping out on other projects that need a writer to do a certain amount of heavy lifting on it. And that’s — most of the money I’ve made probably is on projects that either didn’t get made or if they did get made don’t have my name on them because I was just there doing a little bit of work.

**Craig:** Absolutely.

**John:** And that’s a thing that’s different than any actor. No actor is sort of —

**Craig:** That’s right!

**John:** Well, animated movies, I guess, you sort of don’t have your whole face and personality in those movies.

**Craig:** Yeah, but they promote you though.

**John:** They promote it.

**Craig:** Yeah, I mean, for us there is a lot of that. And you should actually find a way to enjoy your anonymous contribution to things. I recently did some work on a movie that did very well, but nowhere near what would be required for credit. I didn’t ask for credit, or try for it I guess I should say. And I saw a couple of tweets or things where people are like, “This is a funny movie. It’s so much better than that crap that Craig Mazin writes.” [laughs]

I’m like, well, I worked on that too. [laughs]. You know, but you can’t say anything about it! So, you’re like, okay.

**John:** Yeah. A disagreement I had with Aline Brosh McKenna, which I mean, next time she’s on the show we can talk about it more, is the question to what degree do you acknowledge working on another movie.

**Craig:** I’m on Aline’s side on this debate.

**John:** I know you’re on Aline’s side. And we won’t get into the deepest part of that discussion, because I think it’s a better three-way discussion, but just to acknowledge the reality that like other people have worked on movies that have my name on them and I’ve worked on other people’s movies that have their name on them.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And there’s no shame or terribleness in that. That’s actually just the nature of it.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** And so it’s good that Diablo acknowledges this, too. Number four, “You have to say no to people constantly.” Well, that’s a great position to be in is to be able to say no.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** But that is also one of the frustrating things I encountered is that sometimes there will be a project that is really tantalizing, but the opportunity cost of doing that project is something else that I would much rather do. And so a person you might want to be in business with and do work with, but you’re going to have to say no. And sometimes you hurt people’s feelings by saying no.

**Craig:** No question. And this is where you start to feel the existential dread of choosing because it’s so hard. And we’ve all made mistakes. We’ve chosen, or not chosen, the wrong things.

**John:** Mm-hmm.

**Craig:** We have all heard the terrible cautionary tales of people that turned down a thing that became the thing that made $100 million for that person. And they went and shot themselves in a room somewhere. And, of course, as she says, “My 20-year-old self would hit the roof if she knew I turned something down.”

And my middle class Staten Island inner child freaks out every time he says no. I’m so scared. But I have to say no. I have to. And it is a — that’s a skill that takes a lot of time and a lot of balls.

**John:** Mm-hmm. I passed on something that became a very big franchise and I passed on it dismissively, like, “Oh, I don’t want it. That’s not a movie I want to make. I don’t want to do anything like that.” And it became really big. And I did have that moment of sort of, “Oh, I made a huge disastrous choice.” But then actually as I talked to the people who worked it, it was kind of a nightmare. So, I don’t know that I necessarily would have wanted to be involved with it.

If I put myself in the middle of that nightmare situation and how hard it was to get that movie made as a writer, I don’t know that I would be feeling that it was a good outcome. So, maybe I was lucky.

**Craig:** In the end you can’t hang yourself on the noose of your choices. You choose what you choose. We’re not perfect. We’re going to make mistakes. But, it’s more likely in a weird way that you’re going to make a mistake saying yes to something just because it’s in front of you than you will by saying no to something.

**John:** Yeah. You take a project because it’s a dangling paycheck. And you don’t realize that it’s going to eat up three years of your life and be misery.

**Craig:** I’ve been there. [laughs]

**John:** Ooh! I’ve been there. I’ve been there for sure.

The classic sort of fortune cookie advice here is: only a fool trips on what is behind him.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And if you keep regretting the things you didn’t do, well, that’s not going to be helpful.

**Craig:** It’s not going be helpful. You’re absolutely right. And the truth is, you know, people, when we start these things we are starting them with so much optimism and passion and perhaps a huge dollop of self-delusion. Everybody looks at it after the fact and says, “Well, obviously this person took this job to get paid. Why else would you take it?” Well, because when I took it it was going to be good. Yeah.

**John:** It was pretty and great. There were different directors. And different actors.

**Craig:** Right. Stuff happened.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And I grant you it looks bad now…

**John:** Yeah, and if we were allowed to write that full history of like the day after something is released, we could write the real history of what happened, that would be great.

**Craig:** That would be pretty awesome.

**John:** It would be great, but you would burn every bridge doing it.

**Craig:** It would be done. Yeah.

**John:** Her fifth point is that, “Meetings get way better. I have friends who are lesser-known writers, and they get very nervous before a pitch because they feel like they’re in service of the people that they are pitching to. Whereas sometimes when I go in and pitch, it’s like being an honored guest. They actually seem interested in what I have to say. People don’t look out the window. Also, you get to park right in front of the studio instead of having to go way off to P6.”

**Craig:** [laughs] That is…

**John:** Again, so specific and so very true. When they make — at Sony they make you park in the garage and hike all the way in. Or for me, like if I have a meeting at Thalberg but they make me park across the lot in that weird complex…

**Craig:** Oh yeah, no, that’s not cool.

**John:** That’s not cool at all.

**Craig:** You know that you screwed up.

**John:** Yeah. If you’re not in that parking lot…

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Meetings do get so much better. And we’ve talked on the show about how when you first start out it’s like the water bottle tour of Los Angeles and you just go and have general meetings.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And then you go and you have pitches. And some of them are great and a lot of them are just terrible. And it’s honestly kind of not what you’re doing, it’s how interested they are in you as a person. How excited they are to have you in the room. And, god, when they really want you there it just changes everything.

**Craig:** No question. And once you get to a certain level as a screenwriter and you’re earning a certain amount of money, you’re not having meetings haphazardly with people. If they’re sitting down and meeting with you it means somebody somewhere made a decision to spend some money. And it’s business already. It’s already a different kind of meeting. That’s all true and it is a helpful thing.

Unfortunately I’m not sure that it’s, [laughs], I just don’t know if there’s any advice inherent to it other than just keep going and just know that one day it might — I don’t even, when she says meetings get way better, I think she should have rephrased to, “Meetings might get way better.” [laughs]

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Or they may never get way better and you might not get way better, or you might not get more interesting to them. But.

**John:** Well, I think all of this is under the umbrella of, “Hey, you’re now suddenly a hot screenwriter.”

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** That’s under that umbrella. Yes, if you’re a hot screenwriter, meetings do get much, much better.

**Craig:** I will say that when I noticed the syndrome of meetings getting better, I made a conscious decision to not let that change anything about the way I approach the meetings. In other words, don’t skate. Because I talk to these executives and producers all the time and one of their big gripes is that they make huge commitments to big shot screenwriters and they feel like sometimes those big shot screenwriters are kind of taking that money and acting like, “Oh god, this is payback for all the times that I had to sweat and bleed and I got underpaid.”

And my attitude is I do the same job no matter what. I don’t care whether you’re kissing my ass or I’m kissing your ass. I have a job to do. I’m going to prepare. And I’m going to have something to say. Nothing has changed about the way I approach the meeting.

**John:** The only thing I would say that has changed about the way I approach the meeting is when they are steering me on a path that is full of rocks, and danger, and badness, I am much more upfront about explaining in a tactful way why that’s not going to work, because I don’t have to tap dance for you in a way.

**Craig:** Yes. That is true.

**John:** But respectful. Respectful.

**Craig:** Well, respectful. And I think also that they’re more inclined to listen to you because maybe you’re right. [laughs] Whereas when you start out you couldn’t possibly be right.

**John:** You could not possibly be right. You have no idea. And you’re lucky to be in the room.

**Craig:** That’s correct.

**John:** Her sixth point, which is, again, so true. “Everyone you know will suddenly aspire to be a screenwriter.” And that I definitely found was true. And, granted, this is Los Angeles where everyone basically is a screenwriter, whether they’ve written something or not something, everyone is a screenwriter in Los Angeles. But it’s particularly true when you’ve had some measure of success and they can point to and it’s like, “Well, why do you get that success and why don’t I get that success,” in a way that doesn’t hold true for a director, for example, because a director could point to like “this is the work I did” and not everyone thinks they could be a director.

**Craig:** I have to be honest. I haven’t noticed this at all.

**John:** You haven’t?

**Craig:** Maybe because a lot of my friends were writers anyway and a lot of my friends are writers, so they do the job. But I didn’t notice that other people that I knew suddenly… — Maybe I’m just so uninspiring. [laughs]

**John:** [laughs]

**Craig:** Like everybody saw me do it and they’re like, “Well, I don’t want to be like that idiot.”

**John:** Yeah. I think looking at it from Diablo’s point of view, here is a woman who was not known as a screenwriter who suddenly was a screenwriter.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** This was really her first project. So, suddenly all these other people sort of like would, you know, her orthodontist would say, “Oh, I wrote a script.” And I guess because I always was a screenwriter and was always sort of a public screenwriter with johnaugust.com, I sort of always saw that more. So, I was always around those people who aspired to be screenwriters.

But I definitely find that even in normal life, like meeting people’s extending families, suddenly that Uncle Tom says, “I’ve got a script I wrote and what do you think the odds are of this?” I’m like I have no idea what the odds are here in Missouri.

**Craig:** I’ve never been so much more thankful for my family now than I was yesterday. I mean, nobody has bothered me about that. I mean, they’ll do the usual — there’s a script and I have a great idea for a script. That everybody does. But no one has come up to me and said, “I’ve written a script.” I would just…oh boy.

**John:** Oh boy. Her seventh point I have no experience with. “The guy who refused to date you in college comes asking for a job.”

**Craig:** [laughs]

**John:** No, that didn’t happen.

**Craig:** Ah, no. We don’t have jobs. I don’t know who these guys are. What jobs would we have to offer?

**John:** Yeah, that’s true. I guess if you were like a TV — well, actually, she did run a TV show.

**Craig:** Oh, that’s right. The Tara show, right.

**John:** That Tara show. And that is an absolutely true thing. When you shift from being a person who is employed to a person who is an employer, that is…ugh.

**Craig:** No question. I mean, look —

**John:** That’s one of those uncomfortable things about being a TV showrunner.

**Craig:** It is. Even as a guy that just does movies, I get frequent emails from crew that I’ve worked with just sort of check-in emails, like what’s going on. Because everybody is looking for work, I get it. But I’ve never had, well, first of all, no one refused to date me in college. Well, yeah, they might have refused. Just saying no, absolutely no, is that a refusal?

**John:** Well, basically no one who refused to date Craig in college is still alive.

**Craig:** Correct. [laughs] Well, they’re alive in my mind and they’re alive in a certain sense.

**John:** They’re alive in the hearts of the people who miss them. [laughs]

**Craig:** Yeah. That’s right.

**John:** But, no, they’re all dead.

**Craig:** Yeah! Big time. Well, they fucked up.

**John:** Exactly. They had a choice and Ted Cruz is running for President.

**Craig:** Oh, goddamn it! So, you know, we haven’t talked about Ted, have we on the show?

**John:** I think we did talk about Ted Cruz.

**Craig:** Oh okay. I just want to be clear just so people understand —

**John:** That Craig is the reason why the government is shut down.

**Craig:** Yeah. Pretty much.

**John:** If you had been a better friend to Ted Cruz back in Princeton.

**Craig:** Well, no, I made the mistake in the other direction. I wasn’t awful enough. I should have killed him. Hopefully this doesn’t trigger a Secret Service issue here.

**John:** So, let’s clarify that. In no way are you trying to threaten the life of a US senator?

**Craig:** In no way. I’m simply saying that maybe I should have 25 years ago. [laughs] That’s all. You know, in a kind of time travel way. I currently am an incredible peaceful individual who does not wish or inflict violence on anyone. And, you know, I want to be clear, because Ted Cruz is a nightmare of a human being. I have plenty of problems with his politics, but truthfully his personality is so awful that 99% of why I hate him is just his personality.

If he agreed with me on every issue, I would hate him only 1% less.

**John:** Wow. That’s a strong indictment of a man’s character.

**Craig:** He’s an awful, awful, awful person. He’s awful. Anyway…

**John:** Resolved. I’m wondering if you’re going to email Stuart in about 15 minutes to ask him —

**Craig:** No.

**John:** No?

**Craig:** No, because look, everybody knows he’s an awful person now. Everybody.

**John:** That’s true.

**Craig:** And I think I’ve been clear, again, [laughs], for the record, for the government, because I respect and love my United States government. I am not interested in committing violence or inspiring anyone to commit violence against anyone for any reason. Don’t be violent people.

**John:** Agreed.

**Craig:** Vote this dude out of office. How about that, Texas?

**John:** Perfect. What a good idea.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** What’s also a good idea is for us to take a look at some of our Three Page Challenges. So, we have three of them this week. And I love doing Three Page Challenges, and we love doing them so much that we’re actually going to be doing some of them during the Austin Film Festival.

**Craig:** Yeah!

**John:** So, maybe before we get into that, let’s go through our Austin schedule because people may not know all the different things we are doing at Austin.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Do you know your session?

**Craig:** I…oh…I know…

**John:** I’ll look it up while I talk to you.

**Craig:** Yeah. I know of at least two of them. I know I’m doing the live podcast with you.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** And I know I’m doing something that I would love to see people show up for because it’s pretty cool. I’ve done this class at USC a couple of times and it always goes over well. It’s basically a lecture on a different way of approaching structuring a screenplay and structuring it around character and theme and finding your plot as a function of those things rather than the other way around. And I use Pixar a lot as a kind of touchstone.

If you do show up to this, bring a pad and a pen because I’m going to be talking fast and saying a lot, but it’s very specific and it’s very craft-oriented, and it’s very practical. So, hopefully I’ll see people at that.

**John:** Great. So, here is my schedule for the Austin Film Festival. I arrive at Austin October 24. My first session is early in the morning at 8:45 on Friday the 25th. I have a session called “The Unreliable Narrator,” which should be good.

**Craig:** That is good.

**John:** Talking about screenplays that have unreliable narrators. At 11:30 on that Friday I will be doing “Deconstructing Alien,” which is going to be great.

**Craig:** Oh cool.

**John:** Because I originally thought of signing up for “Deconstructing Aliens,” which is my favorite movie of all time, that I know inside out, but I also love Alien, so I’m delighted to go through a conversation on how Alien works.

**Craig:** All right.

**John:** At 1pm you and I are together for a Three Page Challenge. And so this will be a live session with a Three Page Challenge. We will have two of the finalists at the Austin Film Festival presenting their first three pages. And one of our listeners will also be joining us for their three pages.

**Craig:** Excellent.

**John:** So, just like at the Writers Guild Foundation session we will be talking through what we found, but we will be bringing up the writer to talk with the writer, or writers, about what they did and what they think they might do next.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** We love those sessions. If people are interested in reading the samples for that, I think rather than having a handout this time there will be some sort of URL at johnaugust.com that you will be able to just read it on your phone, or your iPad, or whatever else you want to read it in the session or before the session.

**Craig:** And have we talked about our special guest that we’re going to be talking with?

**John:** Yes. But that’s the next day.

**Craig:** Oh, that’s the next day. Okay.

**John:** Our special guest at the live, the big live Scriptnotes is going to be Rian Johnson.

**Craig:** Yeah!

**John:** And it’s on Saturday.

**Craig:** That’s going to be great. And also I believe that I am hosting the Writers Guild “Welcome to Austin” party Thursday night.

**John:** Holy cow! Yeah, I did that last year.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** And you tried to silence the crowd for me and it was not possible.

**Craig:** No, so we’ll see. Maybe I’ll have you try and silence the crowd for me this time. Nobody wants to hear. I mean, the funny this is the Writers Guild puts on these events and they always say, “Can you just say some kind of union-y thing at some point so people know.” And like, of course, absolutely. But you realize everyone here is drunk and they don’t care?

**John:** Yeah. You should just stand up on the bar and shot, “Union! Union! Union!” That’s basically, just Sally Field it.

**Craig:** I’m going to Norma Rae the shit out of this. [laughs]

**John:** [laughs] My final session, god, they have me for five session at Austin.

**Craig:** Come on! Too much.

**John:** Too much.

My last session is with Daniel Wallace, the novelist of Big Fish, and we will be talking about book, to screen, to musical.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** And that journey in Big Fish.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** So, that’s going to be my fun weekend in Austin. So, please join Craig and me for especially that if you’re in Austin or would like to come to Austin. I think there are still tickets available for those sessions.

**Craig:** Yeah. It’s a great event and there is just a ton of amazing screenwriters there. People that do the job, talking about the job, it’s remarkable.

**John:** Yes. And Rian Johnson.

**Craig:** And Rian Johnson!

**John:** Great screenwriters…and Rian Johnson.

**Craig:** And Rian Johnson, exactly.

**John:** Who will be our special guest for the live episode of Scriptnotes.

**Craig:** He’s adorable, by the way. I don’t know if you people know. Rian is just the cutest little Swedish thing.

**John:** Yeah. He’s essentially a giant baby.

**Craig:** He’s a giant baby. There was a time when Derek Haas and I and Rian, I think, the three of us just did an email chain where kept finding pictures on the internet of people that like look Rian Johnson. And it was amazing. You know, like Oliver from The Brady Bunch, all the way to the weird lead dwarf in Freaks. I mean, his face — he is the man of a thousand faces. It’s amazing.

**John:** Yeah. Let us go to our Three Page Challenges.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** The first one let’s talk a look at is by David Liberman. And his script is called Batshit.

**Craig:** Batshit! You want to do this one?

**John:** I’ll happily do Batshit. So, we start with a quote over black. It says, “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.” It’s by William Congreve from 1697.

We fade in. We start at a Midwestern University. We’ll ultimately learn this is Ohio. There are cars in a parking lot outside of a college gymnasium. It’s Greek Week Sock Hop. We’re in Ohio. It’s 1957.

The music comes to a stop. Flames rise along one side of the walls. College students race out of the building. And the one that we’re following most is Jimmy, who gets into his ’53 Plymouth Cranbook convertible and shrieks, or gets out of the parking lot.

We hear this “SHREEE! The shriek of a bat!” He’s shaking with fear. He’s burning rubber trying to get out of this college campus. He’s on the main road. He’s heading into town. And he’s saying, he’s screaming, not really clear to whom, “I said I was sorry baby. I had no idea she was your sorority sister. It’s just that Betty and I are in love. Why can’t you be happy for us, instead of being so damn selfish?!”

But we still hear these “Shree! Shree!” and these sort of bat sounds. And as we get to a residential street he stops the car and suddenly, “Whoosh!” He screams like a girl as he’s lifted out of the driver’s seat by some force we can’t see. And he’s hauled into the night sky. A biting sound. A crunch. And then Jimmy’s body splats down. And that is the end of our three pages.

**Craig:** Mm-hmm.

**John:** Craig Mazin, you start.

**Craig:** Well, so, I mean, this could go a hundred different ways I suppose, although in my mind it was kind of like a quasi-spoofish Little Shop of Horrors-y kind of thing about a bat — woman who is really jealous and some new guy is going to meet her and have to deal with, you know, my girlfriend is batshit, so to speak.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And, you know, I had no real issues with, I mean, the quote at the beginning is one tone and what we see next is a completely different tone. Sometimes you’ll see this where they’ll do a super serious quote and then the next quote will be something like, “That bitch is nuts,” or something like that to kind of say this is the tone. Remember, these first pages are teaching us how to watch the movie. So, I was a little confused by that.

The chase is fine. I like the way we’re using sound to imply that something unseen is chasing him. My biggest issue ultimately is that this is playing a little bit like one of those Saturday Night Live sketches that goes on too long. We get it.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** We get that there is a girl and that he cheated on her. And so the dialogue here just isn’t that funny. You know, it’s a bit sitcom-y. It’s a bit soft. So, it got a little broad and the joke of, “Oh, geez, oh god, I’m saying the wrong thing. Please stop chasing me,” it just wasn’t that funny. But I like that it committed, that the scene committed to her picking him up and eating him and killing him.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** So, the tone of kind of spoof horror here is nicely laid out. I would just maybe either shorten or sharpen up this dialogue. Give Jimmy a little bit more of a character other than just babbling sitcom guy.

**John:** Yeah. So, it’s very much a classic kind of horror or horror-comedy cold open where you establish a character, you establish a monster, and that character is going to get killed. And that’s great and fine. And from page three I felt like we could go almost anywhere. We could stay in the same time period, or we could jump forward to present day and she’s still around. There’s a lot of different ways we could go.

But it’s a classic cold open that doesn’t necessarily have to do much with the rest of the film.

I really agree with you about juxtaposing another quote to give us a better sense of tone, because “Hell hath no fury,” great, but if the second quote was like, “Bitch is a gold-digger…”

**Craig:** Right, exactly.

**John:** Or something like that. Like something else that just completely sets where we’re at would really help us out here.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** I also agree with you in terms this felt long, but to me it felt long not just because the dialogue wasn’t maybe as sharp as it could be, but because I didn’t see Jimmy making any rational choices. He’s just driving away in a convertible. And if he really does see that there’s this woman following him, this bat-woman following him, which he seems to understand that she’s behind him, or she’s around, he’s not making a choice that could possibly save him.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And you want to give him some hope or some chance. So, while I was delighted to see him killed, I just wanted to see him make some rational choice that could possibly save him, like you know, driving into the car wash and like the sound is gone. And then he drives out and the thing gets him, something to sort of maybe defend himself or establish the logic to some degree in this world.

**Craig:** I totally agree. And there’s a problem with this first line. “Oh geez! What did I do?” He knows what he did. He’s about to tell us what he did. I mean, there’s another way of imagining this where this guy is driving away and he’s looking backwards and he’s scared. And there’s a distant sound, but he plays it serious and he’s not talking at all. And he’s trying to get away from something and pulls his car in behind and thinks he’s safe. And then suddenly there’s that noise and a shadow. And he says, “I said I was sorry, baby! I had no idea she was your sorority sister.”

And then he’s yanked up in the air and eaten. So, the reveal and the button to the scene prior to him being eaten is, oh, he knows this bat and he cheated on her.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** You know, something to give that idea a little more push

**John:** Let’s look at the opening image here which is that Sock Hop and then it’s burning and it’s on fire. That doesn’t match very well with the action that’s going to be happening after this point. Like, I don’t think of a bat setting fire to things. And so to me if it is about his infidelity it should be either leaving the girl’s house or some other thing that sort of establishes that he just had sex with some girl and that’s what this thing is coming after him for.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Tat feels like a more direct tie in for where I think this is going in terms of this is a vengeful woman because of this. Burning down a whole gymnasium isn’t specific enough to sort of what the sin was.

**Craig:** Yeah. It feels more Carrie than Vampire Lady, or Bat Lady. Agreed.

**John:** And Carrie is a great thing to bring up, because Carrie classically is that gym fire. So, if you’re going to reference it in a way you’ve got to acknowledge it.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Or do something different.

Let’s talk about the first line of setup for this Midwestern university. “Chevys, Fords, Buicks and an assortment of other cars litter a parking lot in front of a college-sized gymnasium.” Well, that was frustrating to me because you’re just giving us a bunch of brands and saying they litter the parking lot. Uh, a college size gymnasium. But you already said a Midwestern university. I just feel like, you know, I don’t know that that’s helping us out there very much.

**Craig:** You could just go to a banner above the entrance reads Greek Week Sock Hop.

**John:** Exactly. And so then rock ‘n roll music from inside the walls. And then establish the parking lot. If we’re going to start with this image, start with a banner then give us the campus, give us the parking lot. And then give us people running out. So, midway through this first page, “COLLEGE STUDENTS scurry out of the burning gymnasium, screaming and crying. Mass hysteria!”

Eh.

**Craig:** [laughs]

**John:** “Within minutes, the entire gymnasium is engulfed in flames.” Within minutes?

**Craig:** [laughs] Set your watches, folks!

**John:** Indeed. We have three minutes here. We’re going to just sort of watch things start to burn. Oh, it’s burning a little bit more. Now, it’s burning a little bit more.

**Craig:** Actually would be awesome if, you know, like this very commercial movie just took this weird art moment to just watch a building burn for three minutes.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** That might be good.

That whole sentence should just go away.

**Craig:** Correct.

**John:** It’s hurting us here.

**Craig:** Yes. Agreed.

**John:** Bottom of page one. “The engine roars to life.” I would capitalize that roar. Just that sense of sound effect.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** “…which intern powers on the radio.”

**Craig:** [laughs] It’s the weirdest typo. I mean, I was going to say something but I’m like, I don’t know. It’s the weirdest typo in the world. I don’t even know how it happened.

**John:** No, “which in turn powers on the radio.” First off, “powers on” isn’t the right choice. But it’s written here “intern,” like intern, like Apu the intern.

**Craig:** Right. So, how do you think, I mean, there’s a whole Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of the making of this movie where that typo, the story of that typo…

**John:** My thought is that in typing this sentence he just didn’t put a space between “in” and “turn.”

**Craig:** And then he spelled checked.

**John:** And spell checked. Or it auto corrected to —

**Craig:** Okay.

**John:** Yeah. That’s my hunch. But that’s why you need to human proof these things.

**Craig:** Guys, it’s just three pages. I mean, if you can’t read through three pages and pick out one of those…

**John:** On page two, “The Plymouth burns rubber. It kicks up a cloud of dust as it turns onto a…” You can’t burn rubber and click up a cloud of dust. That stopped me because I don’t think you can actually do that. If you’re burning rubber than you’re on pavement. Kicking up a cloud of dust, you’re on a dirt road.

**Craig:** Yeah, that’s correct. And we have some extra spacing here. I mean, I don’t know, maybe he’s using Main Road and Plymouth Cranbook as slug lines.

**John:** But Plymouth Cranbook is a terrible slug line.

**Craig:** It’s really bad. Yeah.

**John:** Because I think like, wait, is that a city? Is that a place?

**Craig:** [laughs] Right.

**John:** Doesn’t Plymouth Cranbook sound like some quaint little village in the Northeast?

**Craig:** Yeah. It does. And I was confused by the corn gag. I’m not real sure how that works where, you know, again, you just have to think like, okay, so on the day there’s going to be some grip somewhere trying to throw corn into the car while… — It just doesn’t work that.

**John:** Yeah. I get what he was trying to go for. Basically, if you’re driving through a corn field really, really fast, like it’s going to —

**Craig:** Scatters.

**John:** Everywhere, scatter, and including some that are going to hit him in the head. Like hitting him in the head is more fun than just landing in the car.

**Craig:** I don’t know how corn hits you in the head if you’re in a car.

**John:** No, he’s in a convertible.

**Craig:** Yeah, but then the hood. I don’t know. I guess maybe the corn hits him in the head. It’s fine. All that was fine. I just think that basically what ended up happening was we kind of were in a slightly boring car chase between a guy and somebody that he was talking to.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And I think ultimately the point that you made earlier is the most important one. And that is he’s not making any choices here that are interesting.

**John:** Yeah. One last idea about visualizing this is right now we’re staying in his POV this whole time. At a certain point it’s probably going to be useful to cut to her POV and just be bearing down upon the car.

**Craig:** That’s a good idea. A little bat vision. Yeah.

**John:** That would probably help. But I would say that I’m intrigued by the idea of this and I definitely would want to read the next couple pages to see what’s going to happen next. That’s the nice thing about a cold open is you can sort of go anywhere after this and I’m curious what would happen next.

**Craig:** Me too. I think it could be a fun John Waters-y kind of deal.

**John:** Cool. You get to pick the next one.

**Craig:** Oh, let’s do, I’m going to go with, well, it could Bass Reeves, Lawman Outlaw, or it could be Bass (pronounced Base) Reeves, Lawman Outlaw.

**John:** Oh, I didn’t’ think about it that way.

**Craig:** Which way did you read it?

**John:** I read it Bass.

**Craig:** All right. Let’s go with Bass. I mean, that’s probably closer to true. Bass Reeves, Lawman Outlaw, written by Billie Jean VK. Based on the true story of Bass Reeves. So, he’s got a real name. Hopefully I’m not mispronouncing it.

So, we open, we’re exterior, Indian Territory Trail. And a couple of men are on horses. One is Bass Reeves, 34, described as a tall Negro wearing a wide brimmed hat. And then his partner, James Mershon, 30 and white. And they’re talking about their hats and about keeping from getting wet. And then it starts to rain on them. They start riding their horses off to escape the rain and they ride towards a clearing with trees and suddenly somebody is shooting at them. Pierces Bass’s hat brim. Whizzes by Mershon, the partner.

Mershon loses sight of both guys. He’s now on the grand. He’s inside the trees. And then, boom, boom, shots are firing from a mysterious shadowy figure. He keeps ducking and firing back. Uh, he actually comes really close to this guy. The two of them are sort of like face to face and right when Mershon is about to be killed, boom, his shadow man attacker falls to the ground dead. And Bass has shot him dead. Picks up his hat. And Bass says to Mershon, “You waste too many bullets.”

And Mershon says, “You need a new hat.”

**John:** Yes.

Craig, I think this is our first western. I don’t recall another western.

**Craig:** No, no, we did. Remember the western where there was the supernatural element in the house that we liked?

**John:** Oh, yeah. Oh god, that was really good. Yeah, I forgot about that.

**Craig:** Yeah, it was a good one.

**John:** I guess because there wasn’t a gun fight in it, so I didn’t —

**Craig:** Right. This is probably the first real like western-y western.

**John:** Yeah. And as a western-y western, I was pretty good with these pages.

**Craig:** Me too.

**John:** A lot here that people could learn from it and look at. So, page two and page three, nearly every line is just a single line of action. And it largely works. There were times I got a little fatigued with the single lines and would have loved, you know, a few more things together. But it really is nicely done. The blams are separate lines by themselves to give you a sense of what that is. And I got a good sense of being in a heavy rainstorm.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Where you can’t really see what’s happening. And there are things firing at you. And I got a very good sense of Mershon’s perspective. And that’s the crucial thing about writing action is that it needs to show what it feels like to be a character in that moment. And I thought Billie Jean did a really nice job getting that across, what it felt like to be in that moment.

**Craig:** I agree. These were really well done pages. I thought it was a smart choice to describe Bass Reeves as a tall Negro. Because actually in my normal — and a lot of people will do this — as they read they kind of skim past these slug lines. I saw Indian Territory Trail and I’m immediately looking at hooves and getting into the imagery which is good imagery, by the way. It’s well written imagery.

But when she calls out “tall Negro” I’m like, okay, we’re in a different time.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And it was smart of her to kind of reinforce it that way. The kind of casual clipped dialogue between these two men tells us a lot about their relationship without telling us anything. You know, they are comfortable with each other. Bass seems to be a little more confident. And he seems to be a little more alpha.

And Mershon refers to him as a “Posseman,” so that’s a little bit of a hint of a mystery. Is Bass escorting this guy as a prisoner or what? We don’t know.

The action is done well. Billie Jean takes her time to spread it out, give us nice, short, punchy things. I saw everything she wanted me to see. Maybe a little too orchestrated in terms of the cat and mouse game between the shadow man and Mershon, but by and large good stuff in there.

Here are my two suggestions. The first is that there’s a little bit of a mixture that is distracting from the beginning between first names and last names. Bass is the first name of Bass Reeves, our hero, I presume. Mershon is the last name of James Mershon, his companion. Generally speaking I try and stick to one or the other, at least in the beginning, unless there is some reason to focus in on a last name as opposed to a first name.

And then the other thing that I wanted to mention were these last two lines of dialogue. They bummed me out a little bit because they were quippy. And I see, this is my new hobby horse is quipping. I see quippiness all the time. Quipping may be the lowest form of comedy underneath puns. [laughs]

The problem with quipping is it undermines all the work you’ve done to make these people real, to make their fear real, to make us fearful for them and concerned for them. To make us think that when this man shoots another person that it matters to him in any way at all.

When we get into this quippiness we fall back into a ninety style, eh, whatevs, it’s a movie, you know? I think it’s old fashioned and I would argue against it in most cases.

**John:** I agree with you. And in a setup of a movie that doesn’t seem like it’s going to have a lot of dialogue, that moment about the hole being shot in the hat might be better with like poking a finger through the hole, sort of showing the other guy like, ah, yeah, like basically let an action show that you’re going to need a new hat rather than saying it out loud.

**Craig:** Right. Or maybe he just takes his hat off, looks at the hole, and you know, tosses hat away. It’s done. Whatever it is, this guy’s got such a cool sense to him. I’ve learned so much about Bass and he’s cool. I just didn’t want to get into quippiness.

**John:** Great. Going back to page one, a few things on the page which I thought could have been better. Right now the Fade In is over on the right hand side. You can do that, but a lot of times Fade In on the first page is over on the left. And a lot of times you just don’t bother fading in, because it’s a sort of assumed fade in.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** The second real paragraph. “Her head bowed against the steadily falling rain, a cloud of warm breath bursts from a sleek brown mare. ”

**Craig:** Yeah. Yoda started writing there. [laughs]

**John:** Exactly. So, the noun — the subject of this sentence is at the very end, so I’m like what’s going on in this sentence. A sleek brown mare? And so then I had to go back and reread the whole sentence.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Let’s move that subject up higher.

So, here’s the real problem I have with the setup here. You say that there’s a steadily falling rain, so then when they start talking about like, “Looks like it might rain,” I’m like, wait, it is raining? I was so confused.

**Craig:** Right. Right.

**John:** And so just get rid of that “Looks like it might rain.”

**Craig:** It’s funny, I wasn’t confused because I just skimmed that and didn’t even see it. So, I got lucky.

**John:** You got lucky.

**Craig:** I got lucky.

**John:** You got lucky that Craig didn’t read carefully.

**Craig:** [laughs] That’s right.

**John:** And then on page two, a “copse of trees.” Totally valid and yet it’s just a weird — because it’s not a common thing to say, to say copse of trees twice in a row isn’t especially helpful. Also, copse feels like you’re trying to be fancy. “And dashes to the trees, or nearby trees.” Nearby may be a better word than “copse.”

**Craig:** I’m okay with copse only because I don’t mind when writers flex a little vocabulary as long as it’s not annoying me. It just didn’t annoy me. I was okay with that.

**John:** My last thing, bottom line of page three. “Both men look at the falling rain, a smirk on their face.”

**Craig:** Well, yeah.

**John:** They only have one face?

**Craig:** Yeah, well, and they shouldn’t be smirking anyway. Someone just died. They almost died. No smirking.

**John:** Yeah. So, we’ve already talked about rewriting that last moment of this scene would probably be a great thing. And so they probably won’t share a smirk.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Great. But, again, delighted to read some really nice pages here from Billie Jean.

**Craig:** Yeah, Billie Jean can do this. She can do this.

**John:** Congratulations.

**Craig:** And we got through that without making a single “Billie Jean is not my lover…”

**John:** Yeah, well, I did. You didn’t.

**Craig:** She’s not my lover.

**John:** No, for sure.

**Craig:** You know what she is? She’s a girl who say’s I am the one.

**John:** She’s a talented writer.

**Craig:** Yeah, she’s a girl that says I’m the one.

**John:** Who the Fuck is Eli Davis?

**Craig:** Who the Fuck is Eli Davis?

**John:** Is the third script that we’re looking at today. It’s by Derek Assaff & Aviv Rubinstien.

**Craig:** Uh-uh, Aviv Rubin-Stien, exactly.

**John:** I’m so sorry.

**Craig:** Do you see what he did? He switched it up on you.

**John:** He did.

**Craig:** So strange, by the way. I’ve never seen that before.

**John:** But he spelled it that way twice. It wasn’t a mistake.

**Craig:** Clearly not.

**John:** He does know his own name.

**Craig:** He knows his name.

**John:** I will summarize this the best I can.

We fade in in a dorm room where Jackie DiGennaro, 19, smiles from ear to ear. And she is, in the voiceover from Eli Davis says, “Jackie DiGennaro. She was the one.” And the super title says: Jackie DiGennaro — The One.

We find she’s actually in a sex swing and a big hunky college senior is having sex with her. And the voiceover says, “But that’s not me,” and the title says, “Not Eli Davis.”

And then a second football player is having sex with her. And then a college professor takes off his suit and tie and starts having sex with her.

And then we realize as we keep pulling back that we’re actually on a porn set. So, a director and a cameramen, so this is “Wyld Entertainment Presents — Freshman Pooniversity 5.” The voice over continues, “I would have given anything to trade places with any one of them at that moment. Not, like, as a career choice, but, you know what? I should start earlier.”

We go back a couple years before where we see Eli Davis and Jackie, a younger version of Jackie, who are high school sweethearts. And they’re in the hall. They kiss in the hallway. They’ve never been happier. In Eli’s bedroom they don’t have sex, they’re sort of heavy petting, but they’re not actually having sex. They’re saving themselves for post-college time.

She goes off to college. We see a suburban street. The RV of the family pulls away. She’s going off to college. We’re going back to watching this porn and seeing that Jackie is in this porn. This high school girl is in porn. And our final scene of these three pages is an airplane in the present day. This is Eli Davis, now at 30, who sits beside Ibrahima Akenfinwa, a Senegalese woman I assume.

**Craig:** Guess so.

**John:** Eli says, “She called me about a month into freshman year and broke things off. Said she met someone, I don’t know. I was crushed. The imagination runs wild after something like that.” And it is our belief that this voiceover has been directed at this person.

And that is where we are at at the end of page three.

**Craig:** Yeah. Yeah.

**John:** All right, Craig Mazin, start talking.

**Craig:** Hey! Hey! Oh boy. Well, look, it’s not, the problems here are not problems of technical or writing problems. The problems here I think are problems of just not — of being weird, and not funny. They’re trying to be funny. I mean, this is a comedy, I presume.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** The biggest issue is we’ve got this — we see the schmo-y guy who has been left behind by this girl. And oh my god, she’s now doing porn. By the way, the presentation of porn of itself is very old fashioned and out of date. This is not the way porn goes anymore.

But that aside, that’s a pretty crazy thing that this girl that he was a high school sweetheart with who wouldn’t let him have sex with her because she was such a good girl is now just an over-the-top porno star. And then what we seem to find out is in fact he’s just made that all up. And that, in fact, like he says, because at one point the porn thing devolves into clear fantasy where a unicorn enters and then Mahatma Gandhi is there. And he takes off his robes and Eli Davis says, “Okay, to be fair, I don’t really know if this happened, but I have my suspicions.”

What have we been watching?

**John:** Yeah. So, I misunderstood this, in fact. So, in my summary I clearly didn’t understand that. I didn’t understand that whole unicorn moment on page three, so I just assumed that it was like the porn got really, really weird, but that it actually did happen and that he was continuing this narration into the airplane traveling sequence.

I think I’m wrong. I think you’re right.

**Craig:** Yeah. I think what he’s suggesting is she broke it off with me and in my mind she ended up being this horrifying porno whore and now what happened and I’m crushed.

And here’s my problem. This is all just force-feeding me plot. I don’t know anything about this guy at all. I don’t care about him. I don’t know who he is. I don’t know why he’s talking to this person next to him. And even if I find out why he’s talking to this person next to him, it seems like such a crazy structured story to tell somebody that they turns out to be bullshit anyway.

I don’t know humans that do this kind of thing, where they make up this lurid tale to describe what happened to somebody after they dump you. [laughs] There are little touches that are just overly broad and clumsy, like when he says, “We knew going to different schools would be difficult, but we planned to talk every day.” The RV pulls away. A “College Bound” sign hangs on the back. I mean…

**John:** Does not exist.

**Craig:** Come on, man! [laughs] What’s going on here?

So, I guess my point to you guys is this. You may have a terrific idea here. And this script may turn into something very funny. And this character may turn into something great. These three pages unfortunately are just cramming a jokey scenario. It’s like you fell in love with this idea that he would imagine her being a porno star, even though she’s not, and you fell so in love with that idea you forgot all the stuff that we care about in the darkened theater which is who is this guy, who is that girl, why does he care, why does he remember her, what really happened. You know?

**John:** So, I want to play what-ifs. And so what if we had essentially the same first page and so we’re talking about like this girl and you see she’s actually in this whole porno thing but then as we sort of pull out you realize that he’s actually showing this to some other girl that he’s like trying to hook up with but he’s like talking about his ex-girlfriend who like made this porno. That’s a really fascinating moment to me is like who is this guy who’s so fucked up that this girl he’s trying to get with, instead he’s showing her this porno that his ex-girlfriend did.

That’s an interesting sort of character reveal moment, rather than just like let’s set up the plot of the whole movie.

**Craig:** If she had, in fact, become a porno star.

**John:** Yeah, so I’m assuming that she actually had, in fact, become that. There’s a fascinating thing to be saying like why he’s showing this other girl this film. If his girlfriend really did become a porn star, that is an interesting way to sort of get to that who is he talking to earlier on. Because my note on page three that I wrote to myself is who is he talking to. And I assumed he was actually really talking to this woman on the plane, but it doesn’t actually make sense.

**Craig:** No.

**John:** He’s saying like, “She was the one. Unfortunately that wasn’t me.” He’s clearly talking in a movie sense because there’s super titles with people.

**Craig:** The voiceover is presented as the kind of voiceover that is for the audience. That is a disembodied voiceover meant for our consumption. But then we turn around and it appears, I think you’re correct, that he’s, in fact, been telling this story and probably to this person next to him who I assume can only look at him and think, “You’re mentally ill.”

First of all, why? Everybody has been dumped. And this is an important thing about comedy. Comedy tends to work when the things that are sad funny that happening are things that we have some personal ability to touch. We don’t have to have had those specific things happen to us, but we have an emotional echo to it so we can touch it and go, yes, I get it and I understand why this is so miserable for this person.

I never had a situation like the one in Meet the Parents. When I met my now wife’s parents they were awesome. But, I know what it’s like. I have touched moments like that.

No one, everyone’s been dumped, and no one has done this. No one has decided in their head that after this girl dumped me and then went away somewhere she became a depraved whore. That’s just gross. I don’t like that.

**John:** It makes you not like the guy.

**Craig:** Yeah. Because it seems weird. I mean, look, I got dumped once and in my mind the opposite happened. This girl met like a guy that was way better than me and had an awesome life. That’s where my mind went, which I think is something that’s relatable. But this is just weird. I don’t know what to say.

I think that you guys — I will say this in your favor, gentlemen. You have the rhythm down. You’re clearly trying to be cinematic. These pages were easy to read.

**John:** Yeah. Agreed.

**Craig:** So, it’s about the content. It’s not about your ability to write. It’s about your ability to present a character that we’re interested in.

**John:** Two very specific little things that could be helpful. First line of action description. “The face of Jackie DiGennaro smiles from ear to ear.” Well, no, she smiles from ear to ear. Her face doesn’t smile from ear to ear.

**Craig:** [laughs] Yes.

**John:** “She’s pretty in a mid-90s bridge and tunnel sort of way.” Bridge and tunnel is just too easy. And so if you’re going to say mid-90s, if you’re really going to establish that we’re in the mid-90s you’ve got to give us more specifics and you should probably tell us that it’s the mid-90s, because that got confusing, too, because we’re going to jump forward in time.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So, even in that slug line of the past, be specific about where we’re at.

On page two, “One of these hands belongs to Jackie, a few years younger, and lifetimes more innocent. The other belongs to ELI DAVIS (16), the kid in high school everyone loves but no one knows.” I cannot parse that. I don’t know what that means.

**Craig:** Well, first of all you shouldn’t have to parse it. You know my feeling about these things. That’s just not fair. Even if you understood what “everyone loves but no one knows” means, and you can’t, because it makes no sense, we still wouldn’t be able to see that from a boy walking with a girl in a hallway. Not portray-able.

**John:** Yeah. So, I want to say to Derek and Aviv is some things that they’re doing very, very right. First off, Who the Fuck is Eli Davis is a great title. And it’s the kind of title that sells a spec script.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** It breaks as a clutter buster spec script title. Well done, guys. I also think they are better writers than these three pages indicate.

**Craig:** I agree. I know what you mean.

**John:** I felt like these people do really know what the form is. This wasn’t the best example of what they can do, but I think they can do really well. And seven years ago, if Diablo Cody wrote her version of this script, I think that would be a noticed thing, to sort of go full back to Diablo Cody. This strikes me as the kind of thing that she could have written and written a great version of. And maybe they can write a great version of it, too.

**Craig:** Yeah. I think that they just need to maybe think — put being cute and clever second, and put being real and interesting first.

**John:** I agree.

**Craig:** Because the thing about cute and clever is, if you’re cute and clever you’ll find the moments that are natural to be cute and clever. I mean, it was funny, they’re doing this kind of, you know, the Horrible Bosses gag of “Total douchebag” or whatever, the super gag. And then the professor walks in. “No idea who that guy is.” Super: “????” That’s cute. And that’s clever.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And if I were interested in what he was saying and what was going on and not repelled by it, and also not let down by the revelation of it, then I would be much more inclined to laugh at the little cute and clever moments. Just don’t let that override the job at hand.

**John:** And honestly if you were to do that exact same scene, but the first things he said were about how wonderful this girl is, then we would be a little bit more on his side. And the joke would actually be funnier if we talk about how incredibly — this very specific lovely thing that she did for him once. Like how she baked him cookies at a very special time, or whatever, and then that’s playing against this great scene.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Funny.

**Craig:** Yeah. I mean, I’m convinced from these pages that she’s not a porn star, so we’re not in the angel in the centerfold genre, so to speak, but that’s why…

**John:** And you totally might be right.

**Craig:** …I’m just so puzzled by why — that choice. These first pages are so important. I mean, so, I’m puzzled by the choices that were made.

**John:** Yes.

Craig, it’s time for One Cool Things. Woo-hoo!

**Craig:** Woo-hoo! Yeah!

**John:** Mine goes very well with this topic of voices and profanity. And so mine is a book by Samantha Irby called Meaty. And Samantha Irby, she runs a blog called Bitch Has Got to Eat, which I think I mentioned on the blog before. And so I randomly followed a link to her blog and just loved it. And so I tweeted her how much I loved her blog. And she’s like, “That’s awesome. I have a book coming out.”

So six months ago I got an advanced copy of this book and I actually blurbed it. If you actually pick up a physical copy of it, I’m like a blurb on the back saying how awesome it is.

**Craig:** Sweet.

**John:** Because I think it’s awesome. But, the book is now out. And so it’s out in physical form and in Kindle form. And I’ll read you one little quote from it that I liked so much. This is Samantha Irby’s voice, not my voice.

She says, “I like farmer’s market white people, the ones who are always dressed like they just finished climbing K2, when all they’ve done all day is eat samples at Whole Foods. The ones who try to convince me that $15 jar of organically-grown, locally-sourced, environmentally sustainable white peach marmalade is worth a fucking purchase.

“I’m black, though. Fuck earth. Black people don’t really believe in recycling, or for that matter, artisanal jam. If you see me put my Coke can in the recycling bin, it’s because, one, someone left that shit within arm’s reach of my desk, and two, a white person is watching me.”

**Craig:** [laughs] I guess I’m black, too. I am 100 percent with her on that. I am so there with her on all those points.

**John:** Yes. So, Samantha Irby, and a point I tweeted when I first read it and I still really believe in reading this book is when you see a person who has a clear voice, you hear their voice through their words, it’s just so engaging. You want to go with them on a journey.

And so most of her book is sort of David Sedaris like and sort of like observational quippy things, or sort of like what the Lena Dunham character in Girls would be writing. But then you get to, there’s like two or three chapters in it that are just sort of nicely tucked in there which are like her childhood which is one of the bleakest, saddest things you’re going to encounter. It’s like Glass Castle kind of sad. And just terrifically well done there, too.

So, I highly recommend Samantha Irby’s book, Meaty.

**Craig:** it sounds great. Sounds terrific. And, yeah, she sounds like somebody who is able to combine honesty with not boring people.

**John:** Yes. Always a good combination.

**Craig:** Some people have a problem with that. [laughs] Not her.

Great. Well, my One Cool Thing, it’s basically de rigueur. I have to do this, because if I don’t I’m going to get buried under a tweet-a-lanche.

Everybody knows I’m a big fan of the Nest thermostats and Nest is coming out now with a carbon monoxide and smoke detector. And it’s really interesting because when I heard about it I’m like, oh, of course. And then I thought about it and I’m like, well wait, no, not of course. Those two things have nothing to do with each other. One thing is a thermostat. The other one is a safety device for your home. But then I thought, but no, of course. Because aside from the form factor being roughly similar — they’re hockey pucks that still on your wall or ceiling — one thing that the people at Nest seem to have a real talent for is finding stuff in our house that we forgot was there that we hate.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And making it better. And I didn’t realize how much I hated those goddamn things until they pointed out how much I hate them. And they zeroed in on exactly why. Never once in my life, thank god, has a smoke detector or carbon monoxide alert thing gone off for just cause. Never once. They’ve gone off about a thousand times because my wife is burning something, or I’m burning something. And, of course, they’ve gone off chirping in the middle of the night because they always run low on batteries at 3am. Always.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And you can’t — at first you’re like, “Where the fuck is that noise coming from?” And you have to hunt around and you realize and then you’ve got to climb a ladder. It’s a horror show. First World problems. So, Nest has come up with this brilliant solution, so like all their devices they are internet connected, but they’re smart. If the alarm goes off because of a false alarm, which is probably I’m going to guess 99 percent of all alarms, you just wave your hand. You wave your hand at it like, “Fuck off.” And a voice will say, “Oh, okay. Sorry.”

It talks! And it’s like, “I’m so sorry.” And it shuts up, which is amazing. The other thing it does is you can monitor battery usage via the phone. It can alert you well before the chirping thing happens that, hey, you’re going to need to replace a battery, which is great. And they also have versions — I guess the second wave of these devices will be versions that tie into home security systems. So, I have to wait because I have a home security system that does hook up to all my alarms, the smoke and carbon monoxide alarms. So, I’m going to wait for that second version to come by.

The other thing I will point out is that if you look at Nest’s site, they’re really good at teaching you how to install your own devices. They make it super easy. They’re just very smart, clever people. And I almost don’t want to — I don’t want to think about what the next thing is that they’re going to fix for me, because I think it’s fun.

I wonder what other thing in my house that I’ve forgotten about that I fucking hate that they’re going to fix. So, great work, Nest People You’re cool.

**John:** I agree.

And this has been our podcast for the week. So, if you have a question for me, or for Craig, you can write to ask@johnaugust.com and we will attempt to answer them as they come in.

One gentleman wrote in five times in the week with the same question, which was excessive. And the strangest thing is I went shopping at Banana Republic at Century City and he was there. And he recognized me and said, “I wrote in five times this week.” I’m like, oh, hi Alan.

So, maybe don’t write in five times in a week.

**Craig:** [laughs] Oh my god. That’s scary.

**John:** I know that you have questions, but, yeah. But, we do like your questions, so if you have a question for us we will try to answer it on the air at some point. If you have a shorter thing, Twitter is great for that. I am @johnaugust. Craig is @clmazin.

We are on iTunes and you’re probably listening to us through some device that connects to iTunes. If you are there, click on Subscribe, and also leave us a comment if you feel like it and let us know what you think of the show.

I think that’s it, Craig.

**Craig:** I think that’s it.

**John:** Awesome.

**Craig:** Good show.

**John:** Fun show. And next week we will back, but we will not be swearing. So, next week you can play us in the car and it will be all be fine.

**Craig:** Squeaky clean.

**John:** Yup.

**Craig:** All right. See you next time.

**John:** Bye.

Links:

* Diablo Cody’s [7 Things No One Tells You About Being a Top Screenwriter](http://www.vulture.com/2013/10/diablo-cody-7-lessons-of-being-a-screenwriter.html), from Vulture
* Join us for Scriptnotes Live at the [2013 Austin Film Festival](http://www.austinfilmfestival.com/)
* Three Pages by [David Liberman](http://johnaugust.com/Assets/DavidLiberman.pdf)
* Three Pages by [Billie Jean VK](http://johnaugust.com/Assets/BillieJeanVK.pdf)
* Three Pages by [Aviv Rubinstien & Derek Assaff](http://johnaugust.com/Assets/AvivRubinstienDerekAssaff.pdf)
* [Meaty: Essays by Samantha Irby](http://www.amazon.com/dp/0988480425/?tag=johnaugustcom-20) on Amazon
* [Nest Protect smoke and carbon monoxide monitor](http://nest.com/smoke-co-alarm/life-with-nest-protect/), and [on Amazon](http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FN4EWAM/?tag=johnaugustcom-20)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Scriptnotes listener Alan Dague-Greene

Scriptnotes, Ep 112: Let me give you some advice — Transcript

October 10, 2013 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2013/let-me-give-you-some-advice).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Episode 112 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Craig, this is our 112th episode. It’s also our “Let me give you some advice” episode, because we have a lot of backed up questions to answer. But also for whatever reason this week a lot of people took it upon themselves to give other people advice. And so I thought we would weigh in on some of that advice that was given this week.

**Craig:** We live in an advice culture.

**John:** We certainly do. Unsolicited advice comes quite frequently. So, our listeners have solicited advice, so we’re happy to provide them, but also want to provide some feedback on some other advice that was offered this week.

And we should start with the big one which is this video that sort of went viral this week called “Dear J.J. Abrams” with these people in Portland made up this really nicely animated video suggesting some things that J.J. Abrams should keep in mind regarding Star Wars.

**Craig:** Yup.

**John:** So, I watched this and I thought the advice seemed well intentioned and actually relatively good advice. I’m just not sure it was quite targeted at the right person, because while J.J. Abrams is directing this movie, it’s Michael Arndt who is writing the movie. And there are many people involved with it.

So, Craig, what did you think of — well, let’s talk about what the four points of advice were. That might be a good place to start.

**Craig:** I mean, sure. So, he was advising things — Let me just start editorializing immediately. He was advising things that people have been talking about for over a decade now since the prequels came out.

There’s no “advice” here for people making a Star Wars movie. So, don’t do things like the Midi-chlorians, you know, keep the force mysterious.

Keep Star Wars a frontier-based movie in the western style in which it was initially done.

Don’t make it cutesy. So, you don’t do jokes where people are stepping on tails and all the rest of it, you know, Jabba’s tail.

And keep it sort of dirty and gritty so it’s not all shiny and new and antiseptic, but it’s sort of broken down like the Millennium Falcon was sort of a hunk of junk.

**John:** Yeah. And those are all good points. And they’ve all been sort of well made points before. I think it was a useful and visually nice encapsulation of those points, but it wasn’t especially new. It was an interesting way for this ad agency in Portland to get attention for themselves by creating a viral video, so good on them I guess.

**Craig:** I guess. [laughs]

**John:** But I would say it actually got me more excited about a Star Wars movie suddenly because it made me remember what it was about the first three movies that I loved so much and what I’m potentially very much looking forward to in a J.J. Abrams directed version of it.

**Craig:** Sure. I guess that’s true. But, look, first of all it’s mistitled. It should be “Advice for George Lucas for 10 years ago,” or 12 years ago, whenever those movies came out, because really what he’s complaining about are the prequels.

George Lucas, let me just say, George Lucas made Star Wars. He made it! This thing that these grown men are so obsessed about that they’re taking time to make these advice videos over and animating them and regurgitating points that other people have made a thousand times, and far better frankly. George Lucas made that thing on his own, with no help from anybody. In fact, everybody was against it and he made it. He invented the whole thing out of cloth.

So, if you want to go ahead and give George Lucas advice about how to not make the prequels that he’s already made after that that weren’t good — go ahead. Go talk into your time machine to George Lucas. J.J. Abrams and Michael Arndt and Simon Kinberg and Larry Kasdan who are writing these sequels now, you don’t think they know this? You don’t think that they know these points that would fall frankly under Star War Criticism not-even-101, it’s like senior year of high school Star Wars criticism. I mean, come on.

Really, it’s a frontier? It’s a western? Eh, I don’t know. The whole thing just annoyed me because it was facile, it’s been done already a billion times. It’s easy. And it’s weirdly taking credit, pre-credit, for decisions other people, [laughs], greater minds than these guys are making. Can’t we just stop talking about Star Wars?

**John:** But my daughter can’t stop talking about Star Wars.

**Craig:** Yeah, well your daughter is seven!

**John:** She’s eight now.

**Craig:** Eight!

**John:** Well, what’s fascinating and sort of frustrating about Star Wars as a parent is she — I think she likes the original movies better than the prequels, but she watches all of them and she doesn’t actually have a — she hasn’t developed taste in a way yet.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** She doesn’t appreciate it the way that I appreciate that the original movies are better than the sequels.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** And so in some ways me showing her this could be a useful way for me to talk about these are the reasons why and she might actually pay a little bit of attention to some of the things I find better about the original movies than the sequels.

**Craig:** No question. But, you know, I have to say that when we were kids and we saw Star Wars that there were plenty of people, who is that critic? John Simon, is that his name?

**John:** I have no idea.

**Craig:** Somebody Simon, the critic, hated Empire Strikes Back. Just hated it. You know, went on and on about how it was an inferior, I don’t know, Ersatz version of old serial movies that were so much better. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You know, and now we’re the old guys yelling at people to get off or lawns and I just feel like, look, maybe — I hated the prequels. Hated them. You know, these guys did their little two minute video. Anybody born in the late ’60s/early ’70s could do a 12-hour monologue about why the prequels were terrible and the original movies are great. And congratulations to us, but the truth is you’re right, our children enjoyed the prequels for what they were.

And, you know, maybe it was for them. And either way, who cares?! This is, I mean, honestly who cares? It just feels like these people just pick over this stuff and the only time I’m ever interested in Star Wars commentary is when it’s funny and it’s revisionist, you know. I mean, Kevin Smith famously had the whole that Luke Skywalker is a war criminal thing.

**John:** [laughs]

**Craig:** And Eddie Izzard does this great thing about Darth Vader just like dealing with employees on the Death Star and the cafeteria, [laughs], you know, having to go to the Death Star cafeteria because there are so many people working there. And things like that are funny, and they’re fresh, and they’re interesting, and they’re respectful, frankly.

And I just don’t feel like that I — I just don’t like it when people invest their time and energy on hit pieces, because let me tell you, this thing is designed as advice to J.J., like he freaking needs this guy’s advice, like he’s not smart enough.

But beyond that, it’s really just a hit piece on the prequels. That’s all it is, just another hit piece tarted up as something else. And, to boot, John, it’s a list of things. Eh, every possible thing to get me angry got me angry.

**John:** Well, here’s another list of things, this one by Tony Gilroy, the screenwriter of Michael Clayton.

**Craig:** Ah, I like this list! [laughs]

**John:** All right, you probably agree with almost everything on this list.

**Craig:** Eight out of ten.

**John:** That’s pretty good for another screenwriter to come up with this. This is a list that Tony Gilroy provided based on an interview with the BBC and so we’ll provide a link to that. Here are the bullet points of his list of advice to screenwriters. Number one, go to the movies.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** Yes. Rather than reading books, got to the movies. Make stuff up but keep it real.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** Start small.

**Craig:** Yes!

**John:** Learn to live by your wits.

**Craig:** Yes!

**John:** Write for TV.

**Craig:** No.

**John:** Ah! Here’s where we disagree.

**Craig:** [laughs] Yeah.

**John:** This is specifically what Tony Gilroy said about writing for TV. “It’s getting harder and harder to make good movies. TV is where the ambiguity and shades of reality live, it’s where stories can be interesting. A lot of writers are very excited about TV right now and it’s a writer-controlled business. When writers are in control, good things happen. They are more rational, they are hardworking, they are more benevolent.” Surprisingly he did not use semi-colons there, but.

“Every time writers have been put in charge of entertainment, things have worked out, so with TV maybe we will see a writer-driven utopia.”

**Craig:** I don’t disagree with the positive aspects of what he’s saying. What I disagree with are the negative aspects. If you want to write movies, if you are supposed to be writing movies, you should be writing movies. Tony Gilroy continues to write movies as far as I know.

**John:** But if Tony Gilroy wanted to make an awesome series for HBO, it would be phenomenal.

**Craig:** Maybe. I mean, you know what, because I liked a bunch of his movies. Some of his movies I don’t like that much. Tony Gilroy is a brilliant guy, he’s an amazing writer, and a great filmmaker, but he’s not infallible. And television is a very different medium than film. And writers have had interesting times crossing back and forth. There are some that seem to do so with ease and others can’t. I guess the only reason I disagree with it is, look, there are still people making really interesting good movies out there.

**John:** Agreed.

**Craig:** It’s occurring. And they may not be so interesting to him. And his kind of movie has become very difficult to make, agreed. But, look, I just saw a very late in the process cut of Scott Frank’s next movie, A Walk Among the Tombstones, and it’s terrific and it’s very much the kind of movie that Tony Gilroy is saying nobody makes anymore. Well, they do.

**John:** They do.

**Craig:** Yeah, so it’s not that I, you know… — And look, also, there’s a ton of terrible television out there. [laughs] A ton. A ton! It’s just that the outliers in television are so great, you know. So, I couldn’t get on board with that totally.

**John:** All right.

Number six, learn to write anywhere, anytime.

**Craig:** Oh my god, yes.

**John:** Oh, wholeheartedly agree with this. And people who fetishize their writing process…

**Craig:** Please.

**John:** No, don’t.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Number seven, get a job.

**Craig:** Yes!

**John:** I agree.

**Craig:** How many times have I said make Plan B Plan A, Plan A Plan B.

**John:** Mm-hmm. Get a life.

**Craig:** Yes!

**John:** Yeah. You have to do other interesting things, because otherwise you’re just going to write about your toes.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And the things that other people have already made into movies. You’re just going to be copying other movies unless you have something new to say.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Number nine is a point I suspect you disagree with. Don’t live in Los Angeles.

**Craig:** Well, duh. [laughs]

**John:** Duh. So, this has been classic advice that we’ve given this whole time through and I will trot out my standard thing I say at this point is that if you want to write country songs you should probably move to Nashville. And if you want to write Hollywood movies, you should probably move to Hollywood. It’s as basic as that.

**Craig:** Yeah. Tony lives in New York and he’s got that New York think. I don’t know if he grew up in New York or not. I did grow up in New York, so maybe that’s why I don’t have the New York thing. There’s nothing special about, I mean, yes, there’s something special about New York. I mean, I love New York, da, da, da. I do. I love it.

But, there’s a New York chauvinism that occurs that’s just stupid. And I love Los Angeles, frankly, and I like it here. That aside, of course it’s easier to break into the business in Los Angeles than it is in New York. And even the television that’s made in New York originates in Los Angeles. It’s just shot there. I think this is terrible advice that is coming from his kind of Tony Gilroy grumpy, “I’m a New Yorker,” kind of guy thing.

**John:** Number ten, develop a thick skin and just keep going.

**Craig:** Heck yeah.

**John:** Yeah. It is ultimately survival. And so it’s one of those things where you see a bunch of twenty-somethings try to start out as screenwriters. And some of them make it and some of them won’t make it. Talent is a lot of that, but perseverance is another huge factor in who is still working ten years later.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** And you just have to be able to roll with it. And if I were to quit all the times where I felt like quitting, none of this would have happened at all.

**Craig:** Yeah. And the other aspect of thick skin is learning where to place pain on the scale of priorities, because you’re going to suffer. And I don’t mean like you’re Van Gogh and you’re suffering for your art. I mean, you’re going to suffer — people are going to be mean to you. People are going to be mean to your face. People are going to be mean anonymously. It’s tough. And they’re going to be mean for all sorts of crazy, weird reasons, and we’re going to get into a few of those I think when we discuss this New York Times article.

But people are unfair and mean in this business. And even when they’re being fair and nice sometimes they cause you pain because they simply don’t understand what you’re doing. They misunderstand you.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** So, you have to be able to survive that constant drip torture because you’re in for it. I mean, this is a great list, honestly. I mean, aside from number nine which I think is just wrong and the other one which I kind of qualified a little bit, there are some really, really good wisdom in this list from somebody that’s been doing it for a long, long time at an extraordinarily high level of achievement. So, I would suggest everybody take a look at it.

It is excellent advice. And lo and behold, it’s excellent advice from somebody who actually does it and not, say, somebody who doesn’t do it.

**John:** Agreed. So, everything we talk about in today’s episode you can find in the show notes at johnaugust.com/scriptnotes or /podcast, both will get you there.

The next thing which you already sort of set up was a New York Times piece that I sent you a link to. This was something that a reader had sent in based on some follow up on something we talked about this last episode. We had talked about how there’s a dearth of female directors and why is that. Is there any way we can sort of study and figure out what that is?

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Well, a listener sent in this link to a New York Times piece which I thought was really fascinating which is looking at why in theater are there fewer female playwrights, or fewer female playwrights who are getting their work produced at the highest level.

And there were some fascinating findings in it. One of the most interesting things really speaks to the question you and I both asked is why do we have — there seems to be a weird discorrelation between how many high powered women execs we have and how few female directors we have, because shouldn’t they be hiring women?

And in theater they found that women artistic directors of theaters were less likely to hire women than men.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Which is fascinating.

**Craig:** It is. Specifically, so this is a Princeton student, so go Tigers, and they did a couple of different experiments, but the one that was the most fascinating was they took one play and for one group, a control group, they sent it out under a male name. And for the experimental group they sent it out under a female name to see what the differences would be and the acceptance. And they found a very significant difference. The same exact play when it was submitted as a play written by a female, it was not received as well. It was significantly downgraded by the people who read it.

But what was fascinating was that when they took a look at who was reading it and who was evaluating it, and then they looked at the gender of those people, what they found was this: men didn’t care at all what the gender was of the author. Whether they got that script as a man or the same script written by a woman, they didn’t care. Their answers were roughly equivalent. It was the women.

The women had a demonstrable bias against female writers. And that was shocking.

**John:** Yes. And so when we say bias we say statistically the numbers were very different for women artistic directors reading women. So, it wasn’t saying that they were emotionally prejudiced or trying to explain why they were doing this. It’s simply that was how the numbers came out.

**Craig:** Yeah, the scientific sense of the word bias.

**John:** Yeah. So that is a really interesting finding that I wonder if it could be replicated in any meaningful way in Hollywood. First instinct flush is to try to do that thing where you switch the names on a given script and see what the results were based on different people reading it and what that is.

Theater is useful in that artistic director is sort of like the one person reading it. And so you can sort of say like that is who did it. Never in Hollywood is it really so clear cut who is the one person reading it and making a decision whether to proceed or not to proceed.

**Craig:** Correct. Yeah. It’s a very difficult experiment to run in Hollywood because also it’s just hard to send out scripts and not have people talking about it and essentially poisoning the research well by calling each other or, you know.

**John:** And our first question was really about female directors. And this doesn’t really speak to female directors. It really speaks to female writers. And we’ve discussed, you know, there’s underrepresentation of women in the writing ranks, but it doesn’t seem as completely out of line as it is with the director ranks. And directors is about a person in front of you in a room convincing you that they are able to direct this movie, so more things get involved. You can’t do a blind study that way.

**Craig:** There is a gender gap among screenwriters and television writers, though. The gender gap seems to occur across writers and directors in every aspect of Hollywood movie and television making. And I am fascinated by this. I mean, a part of me thinks, “Hey man, I don’t have a dog in this fight. I’m a dude.” [laughs] You know? So let’s just go with the most crude reading of the results. Guys are gender blind when they evaluate stuff and women aren’t. Well, I’m on the upside either way, so who cares?

You know, I have a daughter. [laughs]

**John:** Yeah, so do I.

**Craig:** I don’t want her — and she’s funny. And I don’t want her stuck where it’s like… — I guess my question to the world, to the world of women, and I ask questions of the world of women constantly. And either I get answers I don’t understand, or answers I don’t like. But what is that?

**John:** Yeah. I don’t know what that is. And I guess you naturally approach it with the assumption that if women are in places of power that is going to help women who could use that hand up. And this would seem to indicate that it’s not necessarily true.

**Craig:** It seems to indicate that. Now, I mean, my instinct if you had asked me to guess, my guess would have been that in fact women wouldn’t have shown any bias. That their results would have been like the male results, that is to say gender neutral/who cares. “My job is to find great material. That’s what I’m about.” Because that seems like a rational point of view.

But it seems there is something going on. There’s a weird resentment or there’s a thing and, look, it’s feeding into all sorts of creepy stereotypes about women. I have to acknowledge that upfront. Catty. Bitchy. Competitive. And all of that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. So, I don’t want to go down that road and try and ascribe any kind of causality to this.

But I have to say it should be talked about. It’s an important finding, even though it’s limited.

**John:** Agreed. And there’s also the danger of the twice-as-good problem, where basically you end up holding a certain group to a higher standard because of reasons X, Y, or Z, or partly because you are a part of that group. And therefore you hold people of your same group to an unrealistically high standard for what they need to be able to prove in order to say yes.

**Craig:** Yup. That may be part of it. Whatever it is, whatever the motivation — good, bad — it’s wrong. It’s wrong. It’s hard to look at a result like that and make sense of it. I struggle to make sense of it. So, dispiriting to say the least.

**John:** Dispiriting to say the least.

Our last bit of unsolicited advice, I thought we might offer a little unsolicited advice because this is something that you and I separately looked at. This last week Max Landis, who is a screenwriter of the Chronicle franchise, made a choice, which was maybe not the best choice, which is to give an interview to a website in which he was very, very candid about girls, and dating, and sex. And many things you wonder if they were the best choices to divulge.

And I bring it up because on a previous podcast you and I had discussed the whole Ender’s Game fiasco and you had that writer — the novelist I should say — the novelist behind Ender’s Game who became this huge controversial figure and that tainted the movie that he was associated with.

Max Landis I don’t think is in that same category at all. But, in that podcast we did discuss like, well, what happens when you have the screenwriter who suddenly is drawing a lot of attention for things that you may not want the screenwriter drawing attention to himself for?

So, I don’t want to patronizing and sort of offer Max Landis advice, but I do want to discuss that sense of finding that boundary between what you discuss privately and what you discuss publicly, because I feel like it’s a thing.

**Craig:** Well, this is not the first time, [laughs], that this particular gentleman has done this. This is his thing. This is who he is. And he — look, I have trouble. I have trouble here. We’ve laughed before about how at some point somebody accused me of being a trust fund baby, [laughs], even though my parents were public school teachers. But he is the son of a very rich, famous Hollywood director, and he had all the advantages and all the pluses here. And he’s just — his personality is such that this is what occurs.

I don’t even think there’s much in the way of choices here. I just think this is his thing, this is what he does. And I just would prefer that, not he, but people like him… — So, let me spread it beyond the world of writers.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Shut up! Just shut up about yourself. I mean, look, you and I have done — this is 109th podcast?

**John:** 112th.

**Craig:** 112th. Oh, geez. So, 112 podcasts and we talk about other people and we talk about the business. Occasionally we’ll slip into little things, but they’re so mild. I think that this public sharing of the most creepy parts of yourself is lame. It’s just lame.

**John:** I do wonder if some of it is a generational thing and that I need to take a step out of myself and look at the perspective from a person who is in their young 20s, and they just have a different sense of where that line is drawn.

And so Lena Dunham is a friend. And so Lena has, I would say, the advantage of having a fictionalized universe that she can write for herself and talk about things that she wants to talk about within that world and doesn’t have to divulge all of her personal life. But, I would say she draws that boundary between private and public differently than I would now. And that’s just I think partly generational.

**Craig:** Yeah. Maybe and maybe not. You know, I was going to raise Lena as an example, too, but look, Woody Allen has been doing this for 30 years also. Where he, I mean, look, he made a movie about being in love with a 16-year-old girl and then he fell in love with his, [laughs], something was going on there.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And he casts his wives and his girlfriends and his lovers in his movies in succession. This has been going on forever. Artists have been doing this forever. Using your complicated life as fodder for dramatic representation I think is fair game as long as it’s represented, re-presented, and it is done for our entertainment.

Whatever personal growth Lena Dunham gets out of doing the show, Girls, it’s inconsequential frankly to the fact that it entertains a lot of people and that’s what it’s there for. And this is not that. This is not that at all.

**John:** But I wonder if on some level it’s almost the Lady Gaga point of, like, is she creating art or is she art herself? And that sense of — that blurred boundary between the work you are doing and who you are in presenting yourself into the world. And that’s an interesting situation when you’re a screenwriter rather than sort of a pop artist.

**Craig:** [laughs] Right. I totally agree.

**John:** And maybe we’re all pop stars now. Maybe that’s —

**Craig:** No, we’re not. And this is important to point out, because Madonna did this. And, again, people who appear whose faces and bodies, whose physical beings are the product, in part, along with the quality of their minds, can transform themselves into these bigger than life people and their lives become part of the product.

And remember Warren Beatty famously saying…

**John:** Yeah. Kevin Smith. Kevin Smith is, granted, also an actor, but Kevin Smith is really a writer-director who is famous, I think, for his public life.

**Craig:** And it’s our generation, Kevin Smith.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** But also my instinct many times when I’ve read or listened to him is, “Shut up!” Because I don’t — I find at some point that all of the stuff that’s done under the guise of honesty and expression and entertainment is really just a pathetic, endless audition for frustrated actors. That’s all it is.

And I get it because, you know, I mean, we all want to be movie stars. Everybody wants to be a movie star, you know. And so you and I, we had like our tiny little moment where we got to sing on our podcast, you know. [laughs]

And that was fun! But it was just one little moment. And you know what, this guy, I’m sure you saw it on Twitter. One guy wrote in and he’s like, “Well, you know, 109 episodes and this was one self-indulgent dud, but I’ll excuse it,” which I thought was hysterical because, like, all right you took the time to point out that we had a dud even though, whatever, you can argue whether it was a dud or not.

But even that guy was like, “Yeah, that was self-indulgent.” You know what? Yes, it was! [laughs] It was self-indulgent. But it was fun and we did it once, whatever.

But we all have that instinct. It’s when you turn that instinct, when you lie about it, and try and make it something it’s not like interesting self-expression, or, I don’t know, just be honest about what it is. It’s narcissism.

**John:** Yeah. Quite possibly.

**Craig:** Anyway, I think —

**John:** So, I have no specific advice for Max Landis. And in no way I do want to sort of put him on shout and sort of do any sort of — I feel like it’s very patronizing for me to even sort of bring it up. But I also thought it was useful to bring it up just in the sense of what is a screenwriter’s public role and does the screenwriter’s public role have any effect on what they get to do next?

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Because I do feel like there are going to be people and producers in studios who would read this and say like, “You know what? Maybe we’ll pick somebody a little safer in a way. Someone who like I’m not worried about what they’re going to suddenly tweet a week before the movie comes out.”

**Craig:** I think that’s fair to say. Good work tends to trump everything.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And screenwriters will never be as interesting as even the seventh lead in a movie to the public.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** So, I mean, Max’s interview will largely go unnoticed and disappear. And he does this frequently. It’s just what he does. And, you know what? That’s him. [laughs] It’s just Max being Max.

**John:** [laughs] That’s what you get.

**Craig:** Yeah, that’s what you get. And it’s like, I don’t know. All I guess I could say about it is I just find it lame. That’s all.

**John:** Well, let’s us be us and let’s answer some questions from listeners because we have quite a few in the mailbag here, so we’ll start with the simplest question we’ve done in a very long time, a question from Alessandro in Los Angeles. “Where can I find good freelance screenwriters for hire? Is there a trustworthy website for that?”

**Craig:** Well, they just shut it down. It was called the Silk Road. You could get hit men, you could get drugs, you could get screenwriters. [laughs]

**John:** [laughs] You pay with bitcoin. It was great.

**Craig:** Bitcoin. By the way, side note. I got obsessed yesterday for whatever reason because I was reading about Silk Road. I’m like, bitcoin? So, I started reading about bitcoin. And I finally learned what bitcoin mining was. Do you know what bitcoin mining is?

**John:** I do. Absolutely. So, it’s these complicated computer algorithms and your computer does all this work to generate them. And there’s a limited number of bitcoins that could ever be created mathematically and therefore they increase in value in a way that should be useful. And yet it also feels like a giant Ponzi scheme to me.

**Craig:** Well, no, actually, all right, you’re almost right. And, Alessandro, I promise we’ll get to your answer. The deal is that, okay, so banks process transactions and it’s a very complicated thing to do. But in bitcoin there are no banks. It’s just person-to-person. So, who is processing the transactions? The bitcoin miners. That’s what bitcoin mining is. They’re basically doing all the computer processing to make sure that these secure transactions go through properly.

So, the bitcoin world essentially uses the people that are processing the transactions as a way to create more bitcoins. But they keep changing. Like, it used to be that they would give you 25 bitcoins for so many things that you processed and then it became less. I don’t know. Anyway, it’s super complicated and incredibly dorky, but finally I was like, what the hell is that? Why is it mining? Is there really a mine? [laughs] I’m so stupid.

**John:** Well, it is mining in the sense of like it generates — there’s ways you can actually generate coins from scratch, but it deliberately takes a tremendous amount of computing power and it algorithmically escalates in ways that you and I could never understand. It’s big math. But I can totally answer Alessandro’s question.

**Craig:** Yeah, yeah, all right. So, Alessandro’s question, I mean, so where can you find good freelance screenwriters for hire? I’m excited to hear your answer. I have no idea.

**John:** Well, I would say, here’s the thing — you have to take a step back. It’s not like you can just hire them like you’re going to hire a plumber off of Angie’s List, off a recommendation. You’re going to have to read a lot of scripts and you’re going to have to read the scripts and figure out like who is the person who could write this thing. And then you’re going to have to meet with that person and form a relationship. So, it’s much more complicated than a list.

But, the places where you would look for these is the Black List. Those people, I’m saying like blcklst.com, so the people who are submitting their scripts to that and the ones who have ones publicly that you can read, read them. And find the ones that you really like.

Go to film festivals and find people who have made interesting movies and figure out who those writers are, because a lot of those writers don’t have paid work. You’re going to have to find good material and then figure out who wrote that material and start a relationship with them. And that is an incredible amount of long work, but you’re not going to hire somebody off of a list. That doesn’t happen.

**Craig:** No. It doesn’t. And I have to say these questions always make me a little nervous because we are a podcast for screenwriters. And when I hear some guy going, “Hey, where can I find some freelance screenwriters?” You know, like is there a Home Dept where I can pick up guys to do drywall?

Most screenwriters that are worth their salt are in the Writers Guild and they can only work for Writers Guild signatory employers which is a big deal. You have to show that you have the ability to pay residuals and that you have enough assets to cover that and that you have to pay minimums and contribute to pension and healthcare.

And when people are just like, “Hey, where can I find a writer?” I just smell the abuse already. I can smell it.

**John:** Yeah, Alessandro is going to drive up in this pickup truck and say, “Hop on in. I’ve got some writing to do.”

**Craig:** “Anybody here know how to do a third act? Get on. Get in the back.”

**John:** Our next question comes from Bretton in Newton, Massachusetts. And Bretton, who could be a man or a woman, I’m not actually sure.

**Craig:** Bretton. I’m going to say man.

**John:** This person is an eighth grade English teacher. And also a screenwriter. “These two things together are why I have such a hard time when I read things like this snippet below” — that I’ll read — “in a script that seems to have generated some buzz of a writer on a young and hungry list. This guy has representation.” So, basically Bretton has read this represented writer’s script and I will try to tell you what is in this sentence that has been singled out.

“Suddenly; she see’s Smith in the rearview mirror and nearly shit’s herself. She slams on the breaks.”

**Craig:** Misspelled.

**John:** Wrong kind of brakes. “Breaks,” like break a plate. “And she’s out of the cab.” So, those are two spectacularly bad sentences.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And so the question is essentially, like, what gives? How does that person get represented and why do I not kill myself when I read that kind of writing?

**Craig:** You know, [laughs], I don’t like it. I find it atrocious and I think it either indicates laziness and sloppiness or it indicates a certain lack of fundamental education. What it doesn’t indicate is whether or not the script is any good.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And this is where, I mean, our question asker points out Quentin Tarantino seems to be notorious for this, too. Well, that’s sort of your answer there, isn’t it? I love Quentin Tarantino movies. I think they’re amazing. If you were to tell me, “Look you have a choice. You can have more Quentin Tarantino movies but…”

**John:** Or better punctuation.

**Craig:** “…or better punctuation.” I’m going to go with more Quentin Tarantino movies. So, you know.

**John:** But, in that answer you’re not saying that grammar and punctuation and the basic rules of English are unimportant. We’re just saying that really great filmmaking is more important than all of those things. But all of those things are really, really important. And all of these things that are singled out here are reasons why I would throw this script across the room, unless I was deeply intrigued by something else that was incredibly.

**Craig:** A-ha! That’s right.

**John:** But, I would still have that temptation to throw it across the room every time I saw one of those things. And so don’t be the person who has any mistakes on the page.

**Craig:** Right. I’m completely with you. It’s lame. That’s my word of the day. And I also think that when you read a script like this, even if you like the story or you like a lot of the screenplay, in your mind you’re also thinking, “I’m going to have to work with this person and they seem like a big dummy. So, I don’t want to work with a big dummy.” So, maybe I’m going to just hire somebody else to fix this, sort of be with me if I’m directing the movie.

This is a little bit like, hey, yeah, if you go in for a job interview at a bank and you are slovenly dressed, there’s a chance that you’re so impressive that they’re like, “Pfft. Who would have thought slovenly dressed guy? But you know what? He’s great at what he does.” Absolutely true.

Generally speaking, though, put a tie on.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Yeah. This is not —

**John:** It’s not going to hurt you.

**Craig:** It’s not rocket science. Yeah, exactly.

**John:** Our next question comes from Annie who writes, “I was hoping you could give a soon-to-be-college grad some advice. I am primarily interested in writing but I also want to explore other aspects of theater and film, specifically directing, casting, even performing. I know that it sounds scattered, but technically I’m not part of the real world yet. Can you suggest an industry job for someone like me who wants to gain exposure and experience in different areas?”

Craig, what would you suggest Annie do?

**Craig:** The job that you’re offered. That’s the job I suggest. You’re not in a position to pick and choose and craft your perfect job that touches on all 12 aspects of your interests and then dive into it with gusto. You’re going to get the job you get. Now, if you’re interested in directing, casting, performing, you know, maybe being a PA, trying to get a job as a PA on a movie set or on a television set. You certainly will see a lot of things.

But, since Annie is primarily interested in writing, I will remind her she doesn’t need a job to write. She needs a job to pay her bills and her rent. And then she just needs to write to write.

So, that’s kind of my advice is get the job you can get.

**John:** My general advice to Annie, who is going to be graduating from college and hopefully moving out to Los Angeles or New York — but Los Angeles would probably be a better choice for her — is don’t be afraid of getting a job and figuring it out and then leaving that job to go to another job that is in a different area that you’re interested in. And that’s completely cool and acceptable for people in their early 20s to do.

So, they get a job as a PA at a casting agency and they do that for six months, if they can survive six months doing that. Then they work on a set. Then they work for a producer or they do the agency mailroom. That’s fine. And it’s good to hop around those things, because you’re not going to find one job unless you do all those things. It just won’t happen.

If you are lucky enough to become the assistant to a director in film or television, that would give you little bit more exposure in all those different areas, but whatever is going to happen is going to happen.

My second bit of sort of standard advice, but I’ll just trot it out again: Just meet people who are at your same level. And you are going to meet people who are assistants doing various different things all over the town. Make friends with them, and hang out with them, and have drinks with them. And you will learn from exposure what they’re doing, too.

**Craig:** Great. Great answer.

**John:** Cool. Next question comes from Shawn. And Shawn writes, “I recently watched an interview where Craig informed a reporter that a former boss influenced him to pursue screenwriting.” I think that was at the live show you were talking about that boss, right?

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** “At the time you were not confident enough to take the plunge. What is the best way to inspire, encourage, challenge a talented person to take this path? I work with plenty of highly creative assistants in the industry that battle with the same dilemma Craig did, the majority of them being female and/or minorities who come from families that influence them otherwise.”

So, how do you nudge somebody to take that bold step and try?

**Craig:** Well, the person who, I don’t want to say — influence isn’t quite the right word — he said, “You should write a screenplay and then I’ll give it to somebody.” What’s going on with people who are afraid of doing this, taking the plunge, particularly when they feel like they’re disenfranchised for circumstantial reasons to begin with, is that they don’t feel like they have — they’ve looked past the point where they finished a screenplay and then they have no idea what they’re going to do with it.

And the scariest part of writing a screenplay isn’t the writing of the screenplay. It’s the notion that you’re going to write it and you’re going to care about it and love it and it will be unread. Forget unmade. Unread. You don’t even know who to give it to. So, if you are working, this person says that he works with plenty of highly creative assistants. Promise them access.

And you would be amazed. That’s what people want. If you say, look, if you see talent in somebody, you say you write a screenplay, you talk to me about what the idea is. Let’s talk about it. And if it’s something that I think is a good idea, then I can say to you in return, “I’ll give it to somebody to read.” And that’s what’s going to get them to write.

**John:** Agreed. I’m a big fan of if you see something, say something. And that is if you see a person who has talent, let them know that they’re talented. Because maybe no one is actually telling them that they’re actually quite good at this and that you think they could do more there. What you say about sort of promising them access is really important, but also when I have that conversation I make it clear that like I’m not trying to — I have no vested interest in this at all other than I want you to succeed, because I think you will make something good in the world.

And that’s a thing that people don’t hear often enough is that what they’re doing is really good and what they’re doing is sort of important for the world out there and people should see it.

**Craig:** Very good.

**John:** Next question comes from Cole from the USA, just generally somewhere in the USA.

**Craig:** Oh!

**John:** Cole writes, “I am 14 and I have been writing scripts, mostly shorts, for a few years now and people always tell me the most important thing is to know your characters, especially their voices. I can never quite understand what people mean or how to get a feel for the character I’m writing. What are your suggestions for understanding characters better? Thanks.”

**Craig:** Hmm.

**John:** Voice.

**Craig:** Yeah, well, he’s very young, I mean, so when you’re 14 years old, and this is hard, and I was 14 so I’m going to talk to you now remembering fully well what it was like to be 14. You can’t beat yourself up too much for having some gaps here because you’re still very young. And you’re at a time in your life when your brain is still growing. Not to say that you’re somehow limited by neural capacity, but you’re changing.

And a lot of what it means to understand a character is to understand other human beings, to really understand them. And to really understand human beings, and that means all the wonderful things about them but also their lies, their deceptions, their self-deceptions, their delusions, their desires.

These are things that 14 year olds aren’t particularly famous for knowing. These come — they are earned. Your understanding of humans is earned. It is hard to inhabit the mind of another person realistically and hard to speak through the voice, the distinct voice, of another person realistically if you haven’t earned it through experience. And on top of that, also, frankly there is just a talent component that is innate. So.

**John:** I think there are some things that Cole could do right now to work on some of those skills.

First off is just listen, and listen really carefully, and listen to people who aren’t sort of in your immediate social sphere, so like when you’re on the bus, when you’re out at the mall, wherever you are, listen to some people and actually really hear the words they’re using and how they’re expressing themselves.

And try to write that down and try to sort of continue what they would say and how they would say it. Because right now probably everyone sounds like you because you only know what you sound like.

And so I think you can develop an ear for how other people speak and how people express themselves just by listening really carefully and that can be a useful sort of next thing. But what Craig is really hitting which is so important is that you have to develop the empathy to really see something from another person’s perspective. And you can in some ways practice that in your real life.

And so next time your parents frustrate you, and you slam the door and you’re in your room, literally just try to put yourself in their perspective and see the whole situation from their point of view. And that is going to be crucial for you being able to write from that other point of view, write from other people’s point of view is to inhabit their mind.

**Craig:** Yeah, there are some exercises you can do to start flexing this particular muscle. For instance, ask two friends to pick two people that you know at school. They don’t have to be your friends. In fact, it’s better if they’re not your friends. But they’re two people that you know. And so your two friends are going to assign you two other people. You’re not going to have a choice of whom. And then I want you to ask two other people to come up with two things, something and a situation, almost like an improv show. Give me a situation involving two people. And now ask two other people, okay, here’s a situation with two people. Give me something that one person wants. And then ask somebody else, give me something another person wants.

Until, when your exercise is done you have two people that you know that you didn’t choose. You have a situation you didn’t choose. And you have two competing desires you didn’t choose. Now write five pages of a little short movie. And see if you can do it, like them in their voices.

**John:** That sounds great. What it is, at first that sort of sounds like improv, but improv is about being funny, being funny in that moment. This is not about trying to be funny. It’s trying to create a real thing that could happen there.

**Craig:** Yeah. Exactly.

**John:** That’s a great idea.

Next question comes from Austin Millet. “My question is this. I’ve heard your Is 15 the new 30 episode about where the first act break generally goes and what it accomplishes. My question is this, what about the break between the second and third act? Should the break immediately precede the climax or set in motion the events that lead to it? I’m sorry if you have answered this before, but I’ve only been listening for a few months and have only gone back so far.”

We haven’t really talked that much about what’s classically the second act break.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And so the second act break usually in Hollywood parlance is sort of the worst of the worst. It’s like things are at their darkest and then the hero must do one final push towards victory. That’s the broadest, most simplified explanation of what we’ve talk about with a third act. But the third act is that last chunk of the movie. And that act break in some way — sometimes is a very clear thing that happens.

Craig, do you see anything changing about the third act?

**Craig:** No, I mean, the notion that should the break immediately precede the climax or set into motion the events that lead to it, it depends on the movie. There are movies where the third act really is really truncated. And there are others where it’s quite long.

To me it’s not so much a question of placement, although typically if you’re talking about say a 110-page screenplay, in my mind somewhere in the late 80s or early 90s of page count. That’s usually when this happens. And I like to think of it as the moment where our hero no longer — has changed fundamentally.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Has changed so that they can no longer go back to their life that they had in the beginning of the movie, but they are not yet ready to do what is required to be perfected so to speak. So, they’re lost. They’re without a philosophy. And this is the moment where they are starting to realize that they must gain tremendous courage to do whatever needs to be done to prove that they have changed. And that can come out in all sorts of different ways. But sometimes it’s just procedural and plottish, you know.

This whole act thing is overblown.

**John:** Yeah, I agree. It’s overblown. The simplest thing I can tell people is that when we talk about three acts we talk about a beginning, and a middle, and an end. And fundamentally that’s really what it is, is that everything has a beginning, middle, and end. No matter what you do, it’s going to start, it’s going to happen, and then it’s going to over. And if you think about it in those terms you’ll be less paranoid about what page you’re on and all that stuff.

**Craig:** I was talking to somebody after the live show in New York. We were talking about act breaks. And I said, you know, the funny thing is we only talk about act breaks as screenwriters. Nobody else talks about them. I mean, sometimes in development they’ll say it because it’s early on. But when you make the movie and you’re in the editing room, you talk about reels. So, in the old days, film reels had to be balanced because movies were actually on reels and they could only be so many minutes long.

But we still use it just to divide up the work in the Avid — or I’m sorry, the non-linear editing system. And then suddenly the movie is divided into reels. And nobody talks about acts anymore at all.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** It’s just sequences. So, this act thing is… — Don’t worry about it so much.

**John:** It’s a little artificial. This is our last real question.

**Craig:** Okay.

**John:** This is from Rocco in Los Angeles.

**Craig:** Rocco!

**John:** “I’ve been speaking with a producer who’s helping me secure funding for a screenplay I wrote and plan to direct. He tells me that one way to go about it is to pay a casting agent between $2,500 and $5,000 to get the script to actors. He also suggests I have an account containing $10,000 to $20,000 to pay actors a deposit in order to secure a letter of intent from them.

“A few years ago I paid a different producer $5,000 for development for the same purpose. And he ended up hanging himself on the Sunset Gower Studio lot and I lost my money. I’m wondering if this is a legitimate way to raise funds and how common you think this process is for indie films, and if you think it’s a smart way to go about it.”

**Craig:** [laughs]

**John:** Craig?

**Craig:** Well…the last time you followed this course of action it ended up with someone hanging themselves. No. This is not —

**John:** No, it is not —

**Craig:** This is not a smart course of action.

**John:** A screenwriter should not be paying a producer to start to try to make a movie.

**Craig:** Well, first of all, this is not, okay, the producer is helping you secure funding for a screenplay you wrote and plan to direct. “He tells me that one way to go about it is to pay a casting agent to get the script to actors.” No!

Yes, that is one way, but he left out another one way to go about it is to rob a bank. One way to go about it is to sell drugs. Casting agents, so you understand Rocco, are hired by legitimate film productions that already have financing in order to fill out the cast of a movie. Typically they’re filling out lots of parts, but not say the lead role which has already kind of been put together with the financing by a talent agent who has given the script to an actor.

Nobody, as far as I know, pays casting agents, [laughs], weird, like a $2,500 to $5,000 is like a weird Breaking Bad kind of stuffed envelope amount of money to get the script “to actors.” What actor do you think you’re going to get? Just walk with me down this road, Rocco. And actor gets a call from a casting agent and first of all they’re answering the phone to a casting agent and that person is like, “I want you to read a script. I love it.” And they’re like, “Okay?”

Do you think that’s the way it’s going to work, that the $5,000 is going to get a casting agent to call Brad Pitt. No. Okay, so that doesn’t work. Your producer, who I’m starting to think is quite a bit of a problem, now suggests that you have an account containing $10,000 to $20,000 to pay actors a deposit in order to secure a letter of intent from them. This is not how it works.

Actors will say they will sign these letters of intent to help you get financing and they sign them for free. Do you know why? Because they intend to be in the movie. [laughs] Because they want to be in the movie. What is this deposit nonsense? What is that? And how do you get that back?

And then you paid another producer money for development which is such a no-no. And then he hanged himself.

Rocco, I grew up with a lot of Roccos, and you know, Rocco, that name is supposed to go along with street smarts man. Come on! You’ve got to know better than this. You’ve got to know these guys are playing you here. This is terrible. Terrible way of going about it. It’s not legitimate. I feel super bad that you’ve been suckered before.

And I’m reaching out to you as a friend over the wire and saying you’ve got to break ties with all these people that are asking for money. All of these people. And follow — you asked what the legitimate way is and John is going to tell you.

**John:** A legitimate way is sort of all the annoyingly slow ways we’ve talked about on the show before which is people read your script and say, “This is really good. I want to make this movie.”

Or, “I think you’re a really good writer and I want you to write this other thing.”

Or, “I’m watching your directing reel and you’re really talented. Let’s try to make a movie or another short.”

You’re meeting these people at film festivals. You’re meeting these people at coffee shops, wherever. Wherever you’re meeting these people, they’re not hanging themselves in Sunset Gower Studios. And I just feel like you’re hanging out with the wrong people essentially.

**Craig:** Yeah, it’s the wrong crowd. You know what? You can put your script on the Black List website for whatever that is, a couple hundred bucks or something. And people will read it and you’ll get honest feedback. The one thing you can’t do is — if all it took, buddy, was somewhere between $2,500 and $20,000 to get an independent film going, every minute there’s be an independent film coming out in a theater near you. It just doesn’t work.

Believe me, I wish it did, but it doesn’t.

**John:** And the thing is there are a phenomenal number of terrible independent producers out there, but they’re not even charging money for it.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** They’re genuinely trying to get movies made. And they’re ineffective, but they’re not changing you money.

**Craig:** [laughs]

**John:** So, you need to find —

**Craig:** We’re like trying to work them up to just inoffensively ineffective.

**John:** Indeed. So, what you’re looking for is that producer who is above board and effective. That’s not going to be easy.

**Craig:** You know, what an awful world. I feel really bad for Rocco. And I just feel like it just sucks. It sucks that people do this, that they prey on people like this.

You know what we need to do?

**John:** Oh god. What are we going to do?

**Craig:** I know. I know. Whenever I start talking like this you get nervous. But I feel like we need some sort of list of names. We need to just start naming and shaming names of people that ask writers for money for stuff like this. It’s so disgusting and it is so unethical.

**John:** I would say rather than creating a — Black List has already been used — rather than creating a negative list, I will say that something like an Independent Feature Project might be a way to sort of — look at the producers who are making these independent films and are making them legitimately, that’s the way to go. Look for the people who are actually doing the work that’s coming out rather than people who just have a business card.

**Craig:** Just don’t give anyone a dollar. It’s Three-card Monte. Honestly. It’s Three-card Monte. It’s just so depressing. Well, I’m sorry, Rocco. I really am. And believe me, I wasn’t laughing at you. I was just laughing just about the visual of, [laughs], you know, you’ve got this producer and he’s developing your script and you try and reach him and he’s just swinging from the rafters at Sunset Gower.

**John:** At Sunset Gower of all the randomly specific places.

**Craig:** I know. What a great place. Actually, that may be how I finish it up.

**John:** [laughs]

**Craig:** [laughs] I might just get myself a little monthly rental over at Sunset Gower and just string myself up and that’s it.

**John:** I don’t know. Craig, don’t.

**Craig:** I shouldn’t?

**John:** No. I think you’ve got another good ten years in you.

**Craig:** Oh! Do you? [laughs] Great.

**John:** Craig, it’s time for One Cool Things. I can go first or I can go second. What do you want to do?

**Craig:** Well, if you don’t go first then we’ve got nothing. [laughs]

**John:** Ah! So, while Craig thinks of his One Cool Thing, because this was sort of an all advice episode, I’m going to reach back to some advice I had a long time ago which was I had watched the movie Blue Valentine and I liked a lot about Blue Valentine but the thing that drove me crazy about it is the Michelle Williams character who is pregnant and decides not to have an abortion. At no point in the discussion of that did adoption ever come up as an option for her.

And having many friends who have families through adoption, I just want people both as individual people existing in the world and as writers especially to not ever forget about adoption. It’s not at all sort of what it’s been portrayed in movies and TV and literature. This sense that it’s a shame or it’s a secret or it’s that thing you don’t talk about, but no, talk about it, because it’s actually a very great thing that happens in American culture now and sort of worldwide culture now.

And if we don’t portray it honestly and positively in media, no one is going to know that it exists. Because women who find themselves in situations where they may end up going into adoption situations tend to be young women who might not have any other exposure to it except through movies and through television. And so I think we have some responsibility to show that as a thing that exists in the world in an honest light that’s not, you know, unicorns and rainbows, but it’s a thing that is good and real in the world. And there are many families that only exist in the world through adoption.

So, adoption is my One Cool Thing.

**Craig:** Very cool. We know all sorts of people that have… — It’s interesting. A number of families I know who are mixed, so there’s some biological kids, some adopted kids. And we know some families that are all adopted kids. It’s an absolute good.

**John:** One bit of small advice for everyone to sort of keep in mind is whenever you sort of use adopted as like the adjective descriptive of a kid, so if someone is a child in a family don’t say like their “natural son” and their “adopted kid.” So, you were using that because you were explaining sort of how kids got into this situation.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** But in media reports, or talking about kids, never say they’re “adopted daughter” in a sort of pejorative sense. It’s important to bring up, say like kid through adoption or whatever, but adopted as just an adjective by itself —

**Craig:** You mean as kind of a pointless modifier. Like if you’re like, “Oh yeah, I have this new doctor I’m going to. He’s black. And he’s really good.” Like, well, why black? Why did I need to know that? That kind of thing.

**John:** My daughter didn’t through adoption, but there were some reports that “John has an adopted daughter.” It’s like, well, actually, that’s not true. But it doesn’t actually kind of matter. Just like —

**Craig:** She’s my daughter.

**John:** Just like daughter.

**Craig:** Exactly.

**John:** Daughter is enough.

**Craig:** Well, you have the other thing, I’m sure, where people are like, “So, who’s the dad?” Do you get that question?

**John:** Yes. And that’s incredibly frustrating and annoying.

**Craig:** I know. It’s just rude.

**John:** And it’s understandable. And I asked those questions when I first encountered two dad families. It’s just not a reasonable question. You don’t ask about the paternity of any other child out on the playground.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So, don’t ask about us —

**Craig:** I know. It’s kind of just like —

**John:** Or if you see a parent and their child is racially clearly not the same, don’t ask like, “Oh, so what’s the mom?”

**Craig:** Right. It’s not…go away.

**John:** That’s a ridiculous question.

**Craig:** Right. [laughs]

**John:** It’s not your business what the racial makeup of my child is.

**Craig:** And by the way, who cares? Who cares?

**John:** Who cares?!

**Craig:** What’s the mom? Uh, human. Yeah, she’s a human. Yeah. How about that. Yeah, there are so many — people are curious and they are —

**John:** They’re curious. And they don’t mean to say anything wrong. That’s why I’m trying to say it in a very positive way. Just learn the questions that are great to ask and the questions that are not great to ask.

**Craig:** Yeah, it’s just a little prying. It’s a little weird. Well, that is excellent advice.

I do have One Cool Thing that just popped into my head. I don’t know how it popped in but I’ve been using it for months now. So, John, are you a wine drinker?

**John:** I do drink wine. I don’t use the special argon gas that you suggested.

**Craig:** Right, right, the argon gas. So, I’ve been getting into wine a little bit, but I’m very much a dilettante. I don’t think I’ll ever be a fancy wine guy at all. And because I’m not a fancy wine guy, I don’t do these things where I go and buy super crazy bottles of wine. It’s just not me.

But there’s this website and I haven’t talked about this before called WinesTilSoldOut, have I?

**John:** No, it sounds great.

**Craig:** [laughs] I mean, maybe it’s stupid. Maybe I’m being taken advantage of. But it’s a very cool idea for a website. So, this company, WinesTilSoldOut, and it’s wtso.com. They do this thing where basically they get bunches of wine that they’re usually pretty decent and you can do your own investigation. They’ll always put these promotional ratings on there, their nonsense rankings of wine. But you can go and read actual wine drinker reviews of them to double check.

And they put them up at a discount and it’s usually a pretty good discount, sometimes better than others. But what’s interesting about it is it’s just there till they sell out of it. And they never tell you how many they have. They could have 12 bottles. They could have 500 bottles. So, sometimes, and the wines are at different levels of demand, so sometimes they’ll say, okay, here’s a wine, it costs $40, but some until we’re out of it. And it could be gone in five minutes, it could be gone in a day.

Sometimes they have really expensive bottles of wine that have been seriously marked down. If you’re starting to be interested in wine and you don’t feel like spending a crazy amount of money and you like deals, not a bad idea to check out the WinesTilSoldOut people.

And once a month they do this thing where they just blitz through like 100 wines in a day and it’s kind of fun. So, if you’re looking to stock your closet with bottles of wine that you would probably spend $60 on in a store, maybe you’ll get them here for $25. Not a bad idea. Check it out.

**John:** Sounds good.

Craig, thank you for another fun podcast.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**John:** So, standard boilerplate here. If you are curious about anything we talked about on the show, there’s almost always show links in the notes. So, the things for the New York Times thing, the J.J. Abrams advice, they’re all at johnaugust.com/podcast or /scriptnotes. Both work.

If you are listening to us on a device that connects to iTunes in some capacity, which most things do, and you’re in iTunes, subscribe so that we know that you are listening and maybe leave a comment there.

If you want to write an email to us for one of these kind of questions, it’s ask@johnaugust.com.

On Twitter, which is great and handy for short things, I’m @johnaugust. Craig is @clmazin. And that is our show.

**Craig:** Awesome. I could go another hour, but you know what? I don’t want to.

**John:** Save it.

**Craig:** Save it. Save it, man.

**John:** Good advice, Craig.

**Craig:** [laughs] You, too, John. See you next week. Bye.

**John:** Bye.

Links:

* [4 Rules to Make Star Wars Great Again](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_joDNOpeWWo&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D_joDNOpeWWo&app=desktop)
* Clerks on [Death Star politics](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGOVbXF7Iog)
* Eddie Izzard on [the Death Star cantina](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJ2yRTRlMFU)
* Tony Gilroy’s [Top 10 tips for writing a Hollywood blockbuster](http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-24348113)
* The New York Times on [Rethinking Gender Bias in Theater](http://theater.nytimes.com/2009/06/24/theater/24play.html?_r=1&)
* [Max Landis](http://shelbysells.com/2013/09/30/interview-series-max-landis/) on the Pillow Talk interview series
* Wikipedia on [Bitcoin mining](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bitcoin_mining#Bitcoin_mining)
* John’s 2011 blog post on [Blue Valentine and adoption](http://johnaugust.com/2011/dear-cindy-in-blue-valentine)
* [WinesTilSoldOut](http://wtso.com/)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Scriptnotes listener The Face of Human Error

Scriptnotes, Ep 111: What’s Next — Transcript

October 4, 2013 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2013/whats-next).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Scriptnotes, Episode 111, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

So, this is an odd episode because you are right across from me. We are sitting in the same room at the same table.

**Craig:** With no buffer guest.

**John:** Absolutely, which is rare. So, occasionally you and I have been in the same room but there’s always been a third person to sort of break it up, yeah.

**Craig:** Break up a fight.

**John:** But, no, I’m looking directly at you as we record this podcast.

**Craig:** Right. And the other fun thing is because it’s just you and me, [laughs], I wish you people could see this. So, John has the headphones on, you know, just to make sure that the audio is okay, but I don’t need headphones because there’s just the two of us here. And he looks like I believe the guy’s name is Lobot, the guy from Empire Strikes Back. You now, Lando Calrissian’s dude, because you have this like apparatus around your head and ears. You look awesome. You look very Sci-Fi.

**John:** Well, very good, I’ll be sure to take a photo and tweet it.

**Craig:** Please do.

**John:** When the episode comes out.

**Craig:** Please do.

**John:** So, we are in New York City. Your bags are packed. You are flying back to Los Angeles, but we thought we’d cram in one episode before we go. We’re recording this on Friday afternoon at 1:15 in the afternoon. And you’re catching me at a really strange moment because as of today the show is frozen. Big Fish is frozen. So, for the first time in nine years I’m not writing Big Fish, which is weird.

**Craig:** And you can’t anymore.

**John:** No.

**Craig:** You can’t write it ever again.

**John:** Not entirely true. I’ll have to rewrite some stuff for the cast album, sort of to get those pesky talking bits minimized.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And then god-willing we do well and we tour at some point, we’ll have to change some stuff for the tour. But, for all intents and purposes, I’m done. And that feels really strange. That’s a thing I would actually like to talk to Dr. Craig Mazin about is that feeling of post-partum separation and all that.

**Craig:** It’s a very real thing. Before we get into that, a little bit of — what do we call it — what do you call it, business?

**John:** Follow up.

**Craig:** Follow up? Housecleaning.

**John:** Housekeeping.

**Craig:** Housekeeping. I like cleaning, housecleaning.

At one point apparently a few podcasts ago I mentioned that Sony Pictures Classics was, I maybe even used the word “moribund” because I was under the impression that they weren’t really open for business. And it turns out that’s totally wrong. They’re apparently incredibly open for business and put out more movies than a lot of movie studios do, so I’m really sorry about getting that wrong. It happens from time to time. So, here come the cops to take me away.

Sorry Sony Pictures Classic. You are the opposite of moribund. You are full of life. You are vivacious.

**John:** Indeed. And Craig is wrong sometimes.

**Craig:** It actually happens.

**John:** It’s great to acknowledge when you are wrong.

**Craig:** And sometimes spectacularly wrong. So, yes, in this case wildly wrong. Sorry. Sorry. Okay.

**John:** There are two bits of new things that came up, so let’s just sort of crank through those first. First off, people sent me this link to this new fund called Gamechanger. And the idea behind it is — we’ve talked on the podcast several times about how there are a notorious lack of women directors. And so this fund is designed to help make movies in the $1 million to $5 million range with female directors to hopefully balance some things out. The numbers that this article that we’ll link to cited showed that women make up about 50% of film school graduates but women only direct 7% of the top 250 movies in a given year. And that’s sort of wildly out of proportion.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Craig, what’s your thought about this kind of fund? Do you think it will have an impact? What do you think is possible or probable?

**Craig:** Well, certainly its heart is in the right place. The idea is that this group is going to fund, they’re saying up to 10 narrative feature films. And they’re making a distinction between narrative feature films and documentaries, because women seem to be fairly well represented in documentaries.

So, to finance up to ten of these narrative feature films in budgets going from the $1 million to $5 million range in all genres. And the idea is that I guess they want to use it to both employ women to direct movies but also to sort of show off to the business that there are women who can direct movies and essentially use this as almost advertising and maybe a launching pad for some of these women.

I think these things are always at the crossroads of intention and effect. I don’t know why this would work. And I guess the reason I say that is because I don’t know why it is the case that only 7% of these 250 movies are directed by women in the first place. Why are women well represented in documentary but not narrative feature? And, you know, at some point someone here says, let’s see, Impact co-founder Dan Cogan says, “There’s an unconscious prejudice in which people just don’t feel confident giving their money to women filmmakers and getting their money back.”

I don’t know if that’s quite true. It’s very hard to pin down an unconscious prejudice anyway.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Women are very prominent in our business. You know, Amy Pascal runs Sony.

**John:** Yeah. And it’s not like she’s the only — we have Amy Pascal, we have Stacey Snyder —

**Craig:** Emma Watts at Fox.

**John:** Tremendous representation of women in those higher echelon power ranks.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So, it is interesting that we don’t use women to direct these feature films of a certain size. And so maybe this will have impact. But I think in some ways it’s not going to have the same impact as if Marvel stepped up and had a woman direct one of the Marvel movies.

**Craig:** No question. Yeah, it’s a bit like — and I don’t mean to ding these guys, but they’re sort of saying, “Look, we have a problem where women are a little ghettoized in feature films, so let’s give them feature films to direct that are of the sort that kind of define what it means to be ghettoized,” living in the $1 million to $5 million range. I mean, there are episodes of TV that cost more than that. And that’s sort of a struggling space. It’s hard for those movies to find audiences anyway.

And I also have to say I always get worried when they put these things out and say, “Look, this is to back women alone,” because inevitably you also start to get that backlash of, “Oh, well she’s doing a movie there because they need women to do their movies.” But, believe me, if somebody else wanted to do the movie, wouldn’t a woman rather just go with the marketplace and the biggest numbers?

So, I guess my question for you is why do you think this is the case?

**John:** Why do I think there are fewer women directors?

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** I don’t know. And I wish there were a simple thing you could point to, but I don’t know that it’s s systematic structural bias. I think it’s more likely that there’s a chicken and the egg problem. And actually interestingly one of the production companies in here is called Chicken and the Egg. Until you actually have — you don’t get to be Kathryn Bigelow directing these big movies until you’ve directed small movies. And if you don’t get to direct those small movies it doesn’t sort of work its way up.

Although, I will say that I feel like I see male writers getting that shot to direct their movies maybe a little bit more often than I see the equivalent woman getting the chance to direct that movie. And maybe that’s a thing that this kind of fund could help.

**Craig:** Do you perceive that there is any difference in the desire — and when I say desire I mean unfettered fully fueled desire to direct between the genders?

**John:** I don’t know that there is, but I think you can point to the larger question of women in the workforce. And there are lots of books written about sort of is there something that happens at a certain, it’s not even a glass ceiling anymore, but it’s the choice you make whether you’re going to give yourself wholly over to a career or if you’re going to have a family.

And structurally in American society it does seem that women who would reach the certain point in their career where they could be directing a film, or it could be running a company, have to make that choice between a family and a career. And sometimes they will choose a family.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** It’s not only women who face that thing, but women face it with a stronger degree of urgency than men face it. That’s a possibility.

**Craig:** Yeah. I’m kind of with you in the sense that when I see this stuff I throw out my hands and say, “I don’t know why.” Now, that in and of itself can be viewed as somewhat of a radical position. Sometimes just denying that there’s an overt prejudicial bias makes you suspect in some people’s eyes. I just don’t’ know that the evidence is there that it’s the case.

And there are too many strange things like, for instance, the fact that so much of Hollywood is run by women that makes me think it’s probably not the case. But, I can’t say it is. I can’t say it isn’t. I wish these people luck.

Listen, here’s how I look at it as a movie-going fan. If they find a director who otherwise would not have been able to make her movie, and she makes a great movie, and I love her movie, and then she makes more movies because of that, then I think Gamechanger Films has done a great thing.

**John:** Fantastic. I would agree with you. If they make 10 movies and two of those films break out and those directors get a chance to make more movies after that, then we’re in a very good situation.

Catherine Hardwicke is an example of a director who got a chance to make little small movies and then got to make Twilight and got to make bigger movies after that.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** If they can keep doing that, that’s fantastic. So, what I did like about sort of how their approach is, it’s not like it’s an open call for submissions. They’re not sort of doing the Amazon Studios way where like all the people who have been overlooked — they’re definitely targeting agents and managers, tell us these people who are tremendously talented who for whatever reason cannot get their movies made, let’s try to get those movies made.

**Craig:** And in that regard, it’s kind of a brilliant strategy on their part because my guess is that there’s quite a talent pool there that is… — By the way, pick any segment and there is an underserved talent pool.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** 49 year olds. There are some great 49 year olds out there.

So, well, good luck to Gamechanger Films. I hope you change the game. [laughs]

**John:** Ah-ha. Second bit of new business was the new announcement that Gill Garcetti, is it Gill Garcetti?

**Craig:** Gill Garcetti.

**John:** Gill Garcetti, our new Los Angeles Mayor —

**Craig:** Not Eric Garcetti?

**John:** Oh, it’s Eric Garcetti, isn’t it?

**Craig:** Isn’t Gill his dad?

**John:** Yeah, I get confused who’s who.

**Craig:** If he’s listening to this he’s like, “I’m the mayor and they’re still doing it to me! God!”

**John:** Mayor Garcetti..

**Craig:** Well done. Yes.

**John:** …has announced that he has appointed a new Film Czar for Los Angeles. We talked earlier on the podcast about runaway production which is the idea that so many of our movies are written in Los Angeles by LA-based film studios and yet they shoot in other states for tax reasons and for other reasons and don’t film in Los Angeles.

And one of Garcetti’s proposals was we needed to figure out why these movies are going away and try to find ways to keep these movies shooting in Los Angeles. He has appointed a Film Czar by the name of Tom Sherak.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Who’s a very familiar name to oversee this operation, this goal of trying to get more movies shooting in Los Angeles and more film production and television production happening in Los Angeles.

So, Tom Sherak, I thought, was a really interested choice for it, because Tom Sherak is former president of the Motion Picture Academy, former chairman of Fox, and many other titles throughout there. And he really knows the film and TV business. So, it seems like he would be a good person to be able to lobby to his peers who are running these studios to say, “No, no, shoot your movie here and let’s try to find a way to make it make sense to shoot your movie here.”

**Craig:** Yes. He is a great choice. He is exactly the right kind of person for this. The problem is I don’t know what there is to do. You know, he, Tom Sherak, more than anyone understands that you can’t sit down in an office across from somebody who is doing the job he once did and say, “Shoot your movie here even though it costs $8 million more just ’cause.” It’s not going to work.

And in the end I’m not sure what else there is to do. Maybe these guys know of something creative that we don’t know about. All we hear about on our end of things is you can — “Here’s how much money we’re spending. You can shoot it here or you can shoot it here. If you shoot it in LA you get 8 fewer days and you can’t have that cast or that song. And if you shoot it there you can.”

Well, everybody always picks the movie. Everybody. So, I don’t know what he’s going to do. I’m concerned that this is window dressing designed to satisfy political contributors to whom promises were made. But, we’ll see.

**John:** We’ll see. What was promised in the article was Tom Sherak will lead sort of the lobbying effort in California to try to get in Sacramento to try to get funds to do this. As we talked about on the podcast before, it becomes one of these sort of race to the bottoms where everyone is starting to throw tax money at this thing which isn’t really a sustainable goal.

There are certain things about shooting in a city which can make life easier and harder. And one of the things that New York City did was try to make it vastly easier to shoot in this city by cutting away the red tape and trying to make it simpler to permit, and shoot, and sort of get it all working out. And that might be a thing that a Film Czar could really step in and help if it has the mayor’s support to do that.

**Craig:** Yes. And certainly any kind of elimination of red tape, and this is where the other constituencies in LA start to get angry when you shut down commercial streets or things like that and people get angry. And so there’s always interests bumping into each other, but the truth is in the final analysis the reason that productions have left LA isn’t because of the Film Office or red tape. It’s because of tax breaks.

So, they have the lottery system now in California where a number of movies can get tax breaks up to a certain amount. And you’ll see this, also Massachusetts I think is a similar situation, but it is a race to the bottom. That’s the problem. It’s a race to the bottom. And it’s disturbing. I don’t know the answer. It’s one of the, [laughs], this is one of those areas where not just being one state like one country but actually 50 independent municipalities can hurt us.

**John:** Agreed. Although I think if we were one country and we were France, then there’s always the thing of like, “Oh, no, they’re going to shoot in Belgium because Belgium has a tax incentive.”

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** This is the podcast that there are no good answers.

**Craig:** I know. It’s true. Because, in fact, also then if there’s only one state and your France, then they say, “Okay, you know what? We’re taxing you. We’re taxing you. And people can only work 30 hours a week.”

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Yeah, so…

**John:** Challenging.

**Craig:** And then everything, everything dies. [sighs]

**John:** Oh, sigh.

**Craig:** Maybe we can fix your problem today.

**John:** Let’s focus on things that are easily achievable — what’s wrong with John.

**Craig:** Before we talk about wrong with you, let’s talk about what’s right with you.

**John:** All right.

**Craig:** So, I saw the show, Scott Frank and I went to go see Big Fish a couple a nights ago, a few nights ago. You were right there with us, sitting right next to me, and I really enjoyed it. I think the show is terrific. And I think that it’s a hit. I personally do.

I don’t know, it just has that “hit” feel to it. It’s very accessible. I think it’s really great for families. I don’t know how you’re targeting it or marketing it, but I don’t know, if it were me I would just think I’d love to take my kids. It’s a great spectacle.

It’s not overly long. I mean, Broadway shows tend to be long. Musicals tend to be long. The first act I thought really moved great. And there is some terrific stuff that happens in the second act. It’s very emotional. I just have a really good feeling about it. And I’m — I can’t change the world with my predictions. That is even too much for me to believe. But I still feel like I’m right a lot…

**John:** [laughs]

**Craig:** …despite the Sony Pictures Classic thing, so I’ve got a really good feeling. Plus, it seems like you guys are selling the place out in previews anyway.

**John:** Which has been great. So, it definitely has felt like, you know, as you go through life you sort of feel the universe forking and sometimes you end up in the fork where things go really well and sometimes you end at the fork where things go really badly. And I do feel very lucky that I feel like we ended up in the fork where things went really well with the show. And so creatively I’m really happy with it. And we’re selling a lot of tickets, which has been fantastic. So that is really amazing.

It was great to have the two of you guys there at the show to see what this has turned out to be, and, of course, to get a drink afterwards. And to witness me just strangle the woman —

**Craig:** That was great. You know, [laughs], so here’s what happened.

**John:** Because actually I’m fascinated to hear your account of it, because I’ve actually recounted this story to a bunch of people but I feel like I just exaggerated it in my head. So, please tell me your opinion of what actually happened.

**Craig:** I don’t think you’re capable of such things. So, during the show, in the very beginning I noticed this man showed up late as I think the music was beginning. I think it was the same guy. There was a just a problem with these two people that were about three rows ahead of us. So, we were in Row G in the orchestra which is essentially, what, the sixth row? Is that right? A, B, C, D, E, F, G…oh, 7.

So, they’re like in the fifth row. It’s a man in his thirties and his girlfriend who I assume is, you know, a similar age. And they’re just annoying. They get in kind of late. Then he leaves at one point. Plus, you can get drinks delivered to you at your seat, which I think is weird, by the way.

**John:** Not in this theater.

**Craig:** Oh, what was that?

**John:** At Scriptnotes you could. But did someone actually — ?

**Craig:** No, yeah, some lady came by. Oh, no, that’s right. There was like an usher that came by at some point to help him. He was carrying his drinks. That’s right. She was helping him get back into his seat. My feeling is she should help him leave — at that point he’s late.

Then after the intermission he came back again. Now, here’s what I didn’t — and he did it again — here’s what I did not notice. I did not notice that this woman was holding her phone up and taking pictures constantly throughout the show, which is a super big no-no. It’s the very thing that got a man screamed at by Patti Lupone. And we should put a link to that amazing — it’s just such a great. Because, okay, Patti Lupone, she’s in Gypsy. She’s paying Mama, Mama Rose, right?

**John:** Mm-hmm.

**Craig:** And she’s singing, I can’t remember what she’s singing.

**John:** Was it her big song?

**Craig:** I think it might have been Here’s Rose or whatever. And some ding-a-ling is taking pictures and you just hear Patti Lupone go, “Stop! Stop! Stop!” And everyone stops. And she just goes crazy on this guy in such a, like diva, “How dare you! Who do you think you are?!” in like full Broadway voice. And everyone is applauding. It’s great.

Anyway, the guy gets kicked out. Well, this girl is doing the same thing. I don’t notice that. All I notice is that at one point when the usher brings that guy back, you lean across me to the usher and you point at that lady. And you point. And I thought, “Oh, he’s angry because they’re annoying, [laughs], because I didn’t realize. But I was like, aw, but then the usher I think didn’t understand what you were saying and just kind of gave up. Plus, did she even know who you were?

**John:** She did know who I was.

**Craig:** She knew who you were. Okay. So, she just didn’t know what was going on. So, she took the coward’s way out which is just to nod pointlessly and then disappear.

At the end of the show you said, “I’ve got to talk to those people. That woman was taking pictures throughout the entire thing.” And I went, “Oh, that’s not good.” So, Scott and I get out of our seats. We walk up to the stage. And you wait for those two people to come out and when I turn around I just see you heatedly — and I catch little bits like, “You absolutely cannot do that. That is unacceptable. You cannot take photos during a show. It is totally not cool. You can’t do it.”

And then she’s like, “I wasn’t doing…”

“You were! I saw you. I saw you. I saw you do it. Get out your phone. Take out your phone.”

And her boyfriend is like a pretty big dude. And she’s kind of like, “Eh, she’s got that “eh” face. You know? But you made them take out the phone and then you made her go through the photos and you made them — and then the last thing we heard was you saying, “Great, good, fine. I don’t care. Yeah, you too. Don’t care. You too. Whatever. Don’t care.”

And then they left. And then you told us that in fact that exchange was…[laughs]

**John:** And it came — so this guy — basically the girl was so drunk that I kind of couldn’t really deal with her, so I could only deal with idiot boyfriend.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And he was at first sort of like, “How dare you talk to my girl that way.” And then when I said like, “She took photos. She cannot take photos.”

And then he asked, “So, do you work here?”

And I’m like, “I wrote the effing show.”

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** And I was really just rage-filled. It’s one of those things where like almost like Fight Club, like I kind of wanted him to hit me. I kept thinking like just hit me. I would love a black eye right now because I am so incredibly incenses right now.

**Craig:** [laughs]

**John:** But so anyway, he weirdly sort of backed down and he’s like, “Oh, give me your phone.” So, she couldn’t even find her phone. She opened up her purse and all she had in there was like confetti that she stuffed in there from like the end of Red, White, and True.

And it’s like, “Where’s my phone? Oh, it’s in my…”

It was in her bra. So, she pulls out her phone.

**Craig:** Oh boy. Okay.

**John:** Figures out how to unlock it. She already had iOS 7.

**Craig:** Nice.

**John:** So, she’s capable enough to upgrade her phone.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Or maybe Apple has made it too simple to upgrade your phone. [laughs]

**Craig:** It appears so. It appears that they’ve crossed into Idiotville.

**John:** So, he deletes off the photos. And I wanted the photos deleted, but I mostly wanted him to understand that like you cannot do this. You cannot take photos in a Broadway show.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Because not only could all the actors on stage see. I checked later and like they all saw it.

**Craig:** Yeah, the mermaid tweeted that they were all like, “Who the hell is that girl?”

**John:** The worst thing about taking photos in this day and age is you’re holding up a glowing iPhone.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Everyone behind Row E could see that and could not — and they’re attention is being pulled down there rather than what was on the stage.

**Craig:** Obviously it’s a no-no. And they all know it’s a no-no. But let’s back up for a second. You know what else is a no-no? Getting drunk in the middle of a Broadway musical.

**John:** I agree.

**Craig:** Can’t you wait? I mean, it’s not cheap. It’s not like you’re going to see a movie for 12 bucks. It’s a show. And it’s over and it’s gone forever. You can’t catch it again on HBO tomorrow.

**John:** Those were expensive seats. Those were like $150 seats.

**Craig:** Really expensive. They’re dead center fifth row. I don’t know if somebody gave them that or they’re just the kind of people that just don’t care.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** They didn’t look like swells, you know?

**John:** No. I think they were just douchebags. Douchebags with some money.

**Craig:** Douchebags. That’s what he kept brining was beer, I think, so they were drinking beer.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Something, also, don’t drink beer in the middle of a show. They shouldn’t allow that at the theater.

**John:** They should stop the bar during the show.

**Craig:** They should stop the bar during the show.

**John:** I think that will be discussed.

**Craig:** It’s not like a ballgame.

**John:** No.

**Craig:** In fact, and then they stop beer at the ballgame after the seventh inning so that people don’t beat each other up in the parking lot the way they used to when I was a kid.

**John:** Oh, back in the day.

**Craig:** Back in the day.

**John:** So, no blows were thrown at Big Fish, even though I sort of wanted to get hit. What I recognized, and I ended up apologizing to the theater manager because he came over to see what was going on.

**Craig:** I saw that, yeah.

**John:** And so the usher had recognized that she was taking photos but couldn’t figure out which one it was. And because she was in the middle of the row they couldn’t pull her out.

**Craig:** There was no way to get to her, right, without stopping the show. It’s a really tough spot to be in in theater maintenance.

**John:** Yeah. And so then I sort of was putting him in a bad spot because he knew who I was, the theater manager knew who I was, and if it had come to blows then it would have been a terrible situation for him and for everybody involved.

**Craig:** It would have been bad. Plus, also, I find it interesting that your wish was not to beat him up but rather for him to beat you up. [laughs] That was your fervent wish.

**John:** Yeah, I kind of wanted to get hit.

**Craig:** “I was so angry I wanted him to beat me up.”

**John:** It’s odd. It tells a lot about me.

**Craig:** All right. Now let’s get into your real problems.

**John:** My real issue right now at this moment is for the first time in nine years I’m basically done writing Big Fish and it’s been a very long haul. And literally today I’m turning in the last two pages of like small corrections to the show that’s on, because we have to freeze at a certain point so that next week we are running the exact same show the whole week.

**Craig:** One week prior to your official opening.

**John:** Because critics actually come this next week. The critics don’t come to opening night. Critics come the week —

**Craig:** Of course, so they have time to write their nonsense.

**John:** So that… [laughs]

**Craig:** Sorry, don’t take that out on John.

**John:** That was Craig Mazin who said that.

**Craig:** That’s Craig Mazin. I believe that it’s all nonsense. I’ve already decided the show is good. Who needs to know what you think.

**John:** Craig Mazin has rendered his opinion. So, it’s this weird feeling of — it’s like the end of college to a degree, where you’re packing up your room and you’re like, “Oh my god, I’m so sad to leave all these people.” But it’s also weirdly like dropping your kid off at college, because it will still be running there and I will get on a plane the day after opening and fly back to Los Angeles and it will keep going without me.

**Craig:** Right. Night after night without you.

**John:** Which is a strange thing for me to feel.

**Craig:** Very bizarre. But the strangest thing I would imagine is just that feeling that we all get when it’s over.

**John:** So let’s talk about like when it’s over, because when I was first writing scripts my ritual when I would finish a draft and be done with that — I think I’ve told this on the show — I would treat myself and I would let myself go to Panda Express at Century City and spend the $10 to get like the extra — including egg roll.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Which was like a lot of money for me to spend back then. And that was my ritual for the end of a draft. But it’s a different thing when a movie is finished. When like production has stopped, or really this is like picture lock essentially where there’s no more creative changes you can make. You can just tweak lights on things. It’s a strange thing when that huge portion of your life is just in the rearview mirror.

**Craig:** Right. I know. There’s a bunch of sadnesses that occur and a bunch of anxieties that occur along the way. Sometimes when we’re writing in a very childish way we think, “Oh, this is the worst of times.” But it’s certainly not. It’s actually the best of times.

When you’re done writing something and they say, okay, now we’re going to shoot it or we’re going to mount it as a production there is a certain death that occurs. Now, it’s the death of letting go of an enormous amount of control and getting into the world of sharing with everyone. And so whether you have your director and your choreography, or you’re now on set and the director is directing, or you’re the director, and that’s rough.

But I find actually that the period you’re in right now is the roughest of them all. It’s the period where you’ve lost all control because it’s done. You can’t change it anymore. This is picture lock in film. It’s show freeze on Broadway. But the accountability has yet to come.

**John:** Yes!

**Craig:** It’s a very scary time. So, I remember I was talking with Todd Phillips and he said the only thing he thinks about once that happens is how can I jump ahead in time to after the movie has come out, done what’s it done, and then gone. That’s what I want to get to.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Because that’s the time when you go, “Ah…” I’m not talking, because look, here’s what’s coming up. You’ve got a ton of press you’re going to have to do. You’re going to have the hullabaloo and the reporting and the critics and the business. And the this, and the that, and the finance, and the crowds. And all of that is what people dream about when they’re kids and you get there and you realize, that’s the worst, worst of it.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** You just want that to be done. So, really what I guess I should say to you is in four months I think you’ll be there.

**John:** Yeah, I think so. And four months, time will pass. If we’re still running and award stuff is coming up, then I’ll have to sort of reengage with it. I think —

**Craig:** But that will be like dessert. That’s fine.

**John:** It’ll be dessert. It’ll be fine. It should be good stuff.

What is exciting about this time right now is I suddenly have so much free brain space where like I don’t have to keep running the show over and over and over in my head. Because really for the last nine years, sometimes intensely, and sometimes less intensely, I’ve had the Bloom family and the Bloom family house in my head. And I had to keep it running in sort of a continuous loop so that that reality sort of exists.

And I won’t have to do that. And so all of the brain cycles that are taking to keep that alternate reality existing I can free up to do other stuff.

Then comes the sort of paradox of choice. There’s a lot of things I could write. And I have to decide what I want to write.

**Craig:** Mm-hmm.

**John:** And so, Craig, if you would permit me, I’m going to actually talk through some of the things I’m thinking about writing in a general sense.

**Craig:** And then can I say what I think you should do?

**John:** Yes!

**Craig:** All right.

**John:** All right. So, let me talk you through the possibilities of what I’d be writing in the next six months. So, there is a book adaptation of a book that hasn’t come out yet. It’s a YA title that could potentially be huge. It could be like a big breakout title.

**Craig:** Hunger Games-y kind of thing?

**John:** Yes. As I’ve talked before, I’m not sure if I was officially offered the Hunger Games, but I did pass on it because like, “No, I don’t want to see a movie about kids killing each other.”

**Craig:** Uh…

**John:** I was wrong.

**Craig:** Yeah, no, I would have totally done that. I like those books.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** You should ask me about these things on the podcast before you make that decision.

**John:** Well, I should have asked you. This was a good couple years ago. Time machine.

**Craig:** Yeah, time machine.

**John:** And I wrote The Hunger Games. So, there’s this big YA title. And it might happen, it might not happen. So, it’s one of those situations where it could come together or it could not come together. I really like the project. But, it’s another book adaptation, so it’s not wholly mine. There’s a possibility.

There is an adaptation of another existing property that has — it’s hard for me to describe in — it’s an existing IP property that’s not a book that could be adapted and could be a thing. I have less of a clear idea right now what it is as a movie. And I also can already recognize all of the obstacles in its way of getting it to be a movie.

**Craig:** Okay.

**John:** And so it’s people I would love to work with. It’s a question of whether we could get the everything of it to work.

**Craig:** Understood. Got it. Okay. That’s option two.

**John:** That’s option two. Option three is to buckle down and write the thing for myself to direct in 2014.

**Craig:** Got it.

**John:** So, this would be a follow up to The Nines. Not related to The Nines at all, but with many familiar faces of people who I love who I’ve worked with before. So, that is —

**Craig:** That’s option three.

**John:** A third, option three.

**Craig:** Option for?

**John:** Option four — I would say those are the only strong contender writing projects for me. I have a lot of other stuff.

**Craig:** Stuff, right.

**John:** And so there’s a lot of app stuff that’s going on which I’ve been able to keep going on in a better way. There are some physical goods that we’re talking about making late this year which would also be fun and exciting.

**Craig:** Okay.

**John:** But writing wise, those three are the top contenders.

**Craig:** I have my strong feeling —

**John:** Life Coach, Craig Mazin, talk to me.

**Craig:** I have a strong feeling. Let’s get rid of option number two because it sounds like there’s trouble involved in option number two. And the trouble — the one thing you don’t need right now is trouble. You’ve had a lot of trouble. Not bad trouble, but it’s been a war to mount a musical. So, what I’m thinking is I’m always looking to kind of like rotate the fields, rotate the crops, right?

**John:** Mm-hmm.

**Craig:** You plant corn, you plant wheat. Da, da, da. Then you go pot.

**John:** [laughs]

**Craig:** And then do pod peas. Because you’ve just done this, and because this is such an expression of what you wanted to do, and it was really the will to power of John August and Andrew Lippa, my feeling is your thing that you want to direct for you, you can do that, and you’re going to do that, but why not have a nice almost — how should I put it — let yourself be carried along a little bit by something that’s a little easier.

Give yourself a nice easy thing to do. It’s an adaptation. It’s a book. There’s a narrative. There’s stuff there. Maybe take a warm bath of a project for a little bit, you know what I mean?

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Make a little money. Chill out. Don’t feel like your life blood must be squeezed out of you for this thing to work, because that’s what a movie is, right?

**John:** That it is.

**Craig:** And you want to make your own thing. So, you’ve been doing that. You’ve been kind of squeezing your life blood out into something. Maybe you just eat the bag of Funyuns instead of something a little more challenging.

**John:** [laughs]

**Craig:** Then you can have your sushi. So, my advice is option number one just for mental —

**John:** Yeah, okay, you make good points there. Some of those which I’ll parse out. Making some money would be a really good idea.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** Just because I’ve been in this world for so long and have passed on other writing things that would pay me money, which would be a lovely thing to have is a little bit of money.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** It’s something simpler that I can invest all of my words in but not have to invest my heart and soul and self-esteem into would be probably a very useful choice. And something shorter. Something shorter and faster because what makes me nervous about immediately going into the directing project is I know that’s a marathon.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And just finishing, I call this a migration, it’s more than even a marathon. I’ve just been walking for so long that I should probably focus on something small. There’s even like a short film that I was thinking about going off and directing just to sort of stretch those muscles but not, you know.

**Craig:** I think varying things as much as possible helps us stay excited.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** You know, you and are married men. We’re married to one person. So, we don’t have that excitement.

**John:** People are going to be so confused that we’re married to the same girl. [laughs]

**Craig:** We’re married to one, yeah, to one guy and girl. But, you know, we don’t have the excitement of, you know, there’s the new love excitement. We get our new love excitement from what we’re doing, from what we’re working on. And I do feel it all the time. And I find that if I’m doing three of the same kind of things in a row it just gets diminished. If I’m doing three of the same efforts, three of the same lengths. Anything that’s the same, I start to feel… — I mean, listen, I got stuck doing spoof movies for a long time. I loved doing the first one. The second one I was like, “Okay…”

But, you know, and then by the time I got to the third one I was just on fumes.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And I had lost sort of any passion. It’s just samey, samey, samey. And it was also the same length, and it was the same amount of effort, and it was the same people.

So, I go for different every time. So, I say change it up.

**John:** That does sound like a good idea. So, on the writing musicals side, there are two projects that are coming, and some of it I do kind of need to start because this was nine years for Big Fish. I think five years is sort of the minimum I’ve seen that a musical actually really comes together. So, if I wait too long I can’t start on that. But I am choosing things that are — I don’t have to drive everything along which could be a useful thing, too.

**Craig:** Yes. Very much so. It takes a lot out of you. People — this is their lives. You know, musical theater, there are people that just mount these productions and they just do it. And you look at Sondheim and you look at Andrew Lloyd Webber and you think, okay, well that’s all they do. They don’t write movies. They don’t direct things. They don’t do podcasts.

**John:** [laughs]

**Craig:** You know, I’m not even sure they have kids.

**John:** Yeah, most of them don’t.

**Craig:** Yeah. This is it. This is what they do. And you can’t keep that kind of pace with them, nor do you have to. It’s not what it’s about anyway.

**John:** Yeah, it’s not a race.

**Craig:** It’s not a race. I know you keep telling yourself that because it’s true. It’s true. It’s not.

So, anyway, I say option number one. Whoever is producing option number one you may send your check to me. Oh, I’m going to move the thing. Yeah, I want money. The point is I deserve money every time you make money.

**John:** [laughs] As life coach and adviser.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** Let’s wrap this up. That was very helpful.

**Craig:** Great. I’m glad I could help.

**John:** So, I have a One Cool Thing this week which is this very cool video on Vimeo. It’s called Box. And in Big Fish we use projections to sort of change our set around. And the projections were incredibly difficult to get working right, but are incredibly rewarding in the actual presentation we’re doing.

**Craig:** They’re very cool. Yeah.

**John:** This video that I saw called Box uses projections but in a very clever and innovative way. So, projections are happening onto this white surface, but that white surface is mounted on a mechanical arm that is robotically controlled and precisely robotically controlled. And so the projections know exactly where it is in space and time. And because it can match it up it can do some really amazing things.

And there’s a guy who looks like he’s actually pushing the thing around, but of course he’s actually just — he’s a dancer who carefully makes it look.

**Craig:** Got it.

**John:** But it creates the illusion of three dimensions and impossible things through really, really good projections. So, I’ve learned so much about projection in this, in making Big Fish. This has me really excited about the possibilities of what projection can do next to create space. Something that you’re experiencing live and in person in front of you.

So, it’s not post-production. It’s projections that are happening right there in space and time.

**Craig:** That’s interesting. I’d like to — I’m going to see that.

**John:** A movie that did it actually really well this last time was Oblivion. Did you ever see Oblivion?

**Craig:** I didn’t see Oblivion.

**John:** I didn’t love the movie but I did love some of the environments that they created in it. And one of them is this house that the Tom Cruise character is in. It’s sort of this lookout post. And it’s sort of like the Chemosphere, that sort of famous house in Los Angeles that’s round, all glass on all sides. And it’s beautiful every way that you look.

And so I assumed originally that they shot that with the normal green screens and then they just stripped in the sky afterwards. But then I read the American Cinematography article and they actually did it all with projections. And so literally if you were standing on that set it looked like you saw the sky around you at all times.

**Craig:** Wow. Cool.

**John:** And because they could do it that way they had this freedom of being able to look in any direction and have it make sense. And they can essentially light with the sky outside which was brilliant.

**Craig:** It’s kind of a return to the old school way of doing things.

**John:** Absolutely. It was false sun, but it was terrific. It was exactly, I think, the right way to do this movie. And with the prep they were able to sort of, you know, they color the sky in the certain way and they could animate the clouds in a certain way. That was really, really rewarding for that movie.

So, I recommend Box as not only sort of something that’s really cool now but as inspiration for other great filmmaking techniques.

**Craig:** I have to say that I love it. I kind of want projection and rear screen projection and all that stuff to come back. It used to be so clunky, obviously, but now if they’re getting it done and making it awesome. I hate green screen. I hate it. I mean, it’s useful but —

**John:** Everyone hates green screen. There’s not an actor or director. No one on earth other than people who make their living in post-production really like green screen because it’s so hard to know what a moment feels like.

**Craig:** There’s a sequence at the end of Hangover III where John Goodman has met up with the guys on this little cliff overlooking Las Vegas. They’re out in the dessert and it’s basically dawn. And it’s really hard to shoot at dawn, because you get about 10 usable minutes of dawn.

And to shoot this scene with all these characters, I mean, first of all it was a long scene. It was like six pages. And everybody was talking.

**John:** There are like 12 people in that scene, too, so any kind of coverage is going to kill you.

**Craig:** Exactly. It’s crazy, right? But we wanted dawn. Todd and our DP, Larry Sher, came up with this plan and basically it was that we would shoot at dusk for dawn. We would shoot all night. And then we would shoot dawn for dawn. And once the sun got out of the way, the green screens went up. So, we shot plates. So, so much of that stuff is actually green screen. A bunch of it is live and a bunch of it is green screen.

And in the end, the green screen is remarkable. You just don’t know that any of it is green screen. But, shooting at three in the morning with people floating in front of space-less green is so disorienting. It is so hard to believe what you’re seeing because the frame has no context. You know you’re framed correctly because you have your references. It’s just psychologically really difficult.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Everyone, you’re right, everyone hates it. It’s a tough thing to do. The only area where it makes life wonderful is when you’re shooting cars because inside a car is just like — driving the process car up and down the road is the worst.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Can’t talk to — and then it’s easier. You can talk to the actors. You can adjust and all the rest.

Well, that’s very cool. And Big Fish did have some terrific projections. Really cools stuff. I love the way that the sort of wood slats moved up and around. I mean, technically it’s a remarkable production.

**John:** Yes, it was very, very difficult. But one of the goals behind it, and Julian Crouch was our designer. And he brought us these reference photos of this old barn he’d found. And like the sun was blasting through this old barn and he’s like, “Well that’s terrific.” So it makes this really warm thing. But then by projecting onto it we can create the other spaces we need to create.

And the challenge has always been when to do enough and not do too much. And we’ve had to sort of be very careful about, you know, when you have those tool boxes where you can do anything, the expectation to do everything.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** And we had to stop that. An example would be in the second act there’s a moment where we go to visit this woman who has a house. And we illustrate sort of — there’s a very specific plan around how we animate in the other houses and the trees. That was terrific. But, I had to say like the clouds can’t move. Because the clouds were originally moving and they were so beautiful that I could not pay any attention to the scene because the clouds were incredibly beautiful.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So, we had to sort of take it back a step so that you see that. Yet, later in that scene there’s an animation that shows time passing, and so this tree that’s a certain size grows to a full size.

**Craig:** Yes. And everybody goes, “Ooh-ah,” when it happens.

**John:** Yeah. There’s a gasp.

**Craig:** Which is funny because it’s the animation you could see on like a Saturday morning show.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** But there’s something about being in the theater where like, “Oh my god! Look at that!”

**John:** It’s absolutely true.

**Craig:** Yeah. People really liked it.

**John:** That’s been a rewarding scene to see.

**Craig:** Well, you know, I had a One Cool Thing. I’m going to call an audible and change it. Because in a larger sense my One Cool Thing is Big Fish, but really specifically there’s one guy in the show that listens to our podcast, Ryan Andes.

**John:** He’s the best. I gave Ryan Andes a giant hug yesterday because he literally saved — he emotionally saved my life at a very difficult juncture.

**Craig:** He did?

**John:** Yeah. We put in a change yesterday that would not have worked if he had not just been a grounded, amazing person.

**Craig:** Really?

**John:** And he got two big hugs because I wouldn’t be here without him.

**Craig:** Wow, well you’ll have to tell me what the changes are.

**John:** After the show I’ll tell you what the changes were.

**Craig:** So, Ryan Andes plays Karl the Giant.

**John:** Yeah, Karl with a K. You said C in the tweet.

**Craig:** Oh, I did?

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Sorry.

**John:** Because Cs aren’t funny. Ks are funny.

**Craig:** But I didn’t know if he was an American. He seemed American and not a German Karl.

**John:** But a giant should always be a K.

**Craig:** Perhaps a giant should always be, yeah. He’s great in the show. He’s my favorite character in the show, not including the main character, but of all the menagerie of larger than life characters in the show he’s my favorite.

He’s sweet. He’s adorable. And he was the guy who says the thing that finally got me to tear up in the show, that finally squeezed tears out of my miserable dark heart, full of umbrage. Roiling pit of resentment.

**John:** Karl made Craig cry.

**Craig:** Yes, Karl was really good. And it turns out, so I’m walking out I’m like, god, that Karl, I told you , is the one who made me cry. And you’re like, “Well, you know, he listens to the podcast.”

And I’m like no way! So, we walk outside, you know, the little stage exit where all the people are there to get their autographs and so forth and there’s Karl. And Karl seemed more excited to meet me, [laughs], and I just thought it was like you have to stop, it’s freaking me out. It’s weird. All I did was sit there and watch it. Karl I loved. He was such a great guy.

Ryan Andes is such a great guy. And he’s so good in the show. Kids will love him.

**John:** Kids do love him.

**Craig:** Everyone is going to want a Karl doll.

**John:** That’s what we need to sell. We’re still working on our merch, so maybe we’ll get a —

**Craig:** Karl doll obviously in the squirrel fur suit.

**John:** Exactly. Yeah, Karl has a couple different wardrobe changes, but it really is original.

**Craig:** Yeah. You want to go for the long hair, giant face, giant beard, crazy Karl.

**John:** Crazy Karl.

**Craig:** Cave Karl.

**John:** Cave Karl is what you want.

**Craig:** Cave Karl is the toy.

**John:** He actually sort of has a Captain Caveman feel. Captain Caveman, the animated character, and just stretched him to —

**Craig:** Elongated. Correct. He was great and he’s such a good guy. So, Ryan, thank you for listening all this time. You were terrific. I was far more excited to meet you than you were to meet me, I promise you.

**John:** Hooray. Standard housekeeping. Here’s stuff at the end. If you are listening to us on a device, you probably subscribe to us through iTunes, but if you didn’t you should subscribe to us through iTunes. Just search for Scriptnotes and we’re there. And we love comments. So, if you want to leave a comment that’s great.

**Craig:** Yeah!

**John:** On iTunes you will see the most recent 20 episodes. If you wanted to go back into the archives, those are available. So, at johnaugust.com/scriptnotes you will see all 111 episodes are available there. The most recent 20 are free for anybody.

**Craig:** Free.

**John:** Free. The further back episodes you can subscribe. It’s $1.99 a month for all you can eat, all the episodes.

**Craig:** Forever.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** Forever! Two bucks a month.

**John:** Two bucks a month.

**Craig:** Come on!

**John:** You can save a child’s life or you could listen to Craig… [laughs]

**Craig:** You actually can’t save a child’s life on $2 a month.

**John:** No, you really can’t. You can’t do anything

**Craig:** I feel like people lie about that.

**John:** I don’t know. Maybe you could blow a kid’s nose for $2 a month.

**Craig:** For $2 a month you could probably send them $1 month. [laughs]

**John:** [laughs] So, that’s an option if you want to listen to those old episodes.

**Craig:** And when we do our next podcast together will you be back in Los Angeles?

**John:** Wow, I think I might be. This is a Friday. I’m bad at time math. No, I think we’re going to do one more where I’m on Skype.

**Craig:** Okay.

**John:** I should also say if you would like all of those episodes in one handy package…

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** …we are making more of those USB drives that have all 100 of our first episodes.

**Craig:** That’s the way to go.

**John:** That’s a simple way to go.

**Craig:** It’s like buying the first few seasons of Breaking Bad. And then we’ll do another thumb drive for the second 100. Then we’ll do some mega — by the time we get to 500, it’ll just be brain drive.

**John:** Totally. There won’t be USB drives anymore.

**Craig:** You know, brain drive is right up there with flying car. We’re going to keep talking about piping things directly into people’s brains and flying cars, neither will happen.

**John:** I think there will be some sort of embeddable device that lets you reference things.

**Craig:** Not going to happen.

**John:** Because they already have those things where you can see on your tongue. They can map a camera to your tongue. And so like blind people can actually use a video camera to see which is nutso. So, there’s going to be ways to —

**Craig:** Wait a second. You mean they can…?

**John:** So, essentially they put a little sensor on your tongue, this little white square strip.

**Craig:** So, it’s pushing on your tongue.

**John:** No, it’s actually electrically —

**Craig:** Sending an image. To what?

**John:** To the receptors on your tongue. And your tongue is actually sensitive enough that it starts to be able to see, just a black and white image, but like blind people can navigate with these little video cameras and that could be next week’s One Cool Thing. We’ll send you the link.

**Craig:** Does it work with porn? [laughs]

**John:** [laughs] That would be so awesome. The soldier is like, “I can finally watch porn!”

**Craig:** Yeah. Exactly.

**John:** It would be like one of those terrible GIF kind of porn things. But, yeah.

**Craig:** I mean, you know, any technology, within minutes, porn.

**John:** It would seem like magic. Any technology —

**Craig:** Adam Carolla once said, it was so funny, he said, “Just the fact within 15 minutes of something new being invested, some new physical thing being invented, within 15 minutes someone is putting it up their butt.” [laughs]

**John:** [laughs] Very likely.

**Craig:** I think he’s right.

**John:** Yeah. And that is or show this week. So, if you have a question for me or Craig, you can write into ask@johnaugust.com and we occasionally go through those questions and try to answer them on the air. You can talk to Craig @clmazin.

**Craig:** @clmazin.

**John:** On Twitter. I am @johnaugust. And, Craig, thank you for coming to New York.

**Craig:** Thank you for having me. Great show. And I’ll see you on Skype.

**John:** Awesome. Bye.

**Craig:** Bye.

Links:

* [Lobot](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Lobot)
* LA Times on the [Gamechanger Film Fund](http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/envelope/cotown/la-et-ct-film-fund-gamechanger-female-directors-20130926,0,4152777,full.story)
* LA Times on [LA’s new Film Czar](http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/envelope/cotown/la-et-ct-garcetti-appoints-sherak-film-czar-20130926,0,6798783.story)
* [Patti Lupone stops the show to yell at a photographer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WruzPfJ9Rys) on YouTube
* [Box](http://www.botndolly.com/box) by Bot & Dolly
* [Rear projection effect](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rear_projection_effect) on Wikipedia
* Big Fish production designer [Julian Crouch](http://juliancrouch.com/portfolio/Welcome.html)
* Big Fish’s [Ryan Andes](http://ryanandes.com/), and [on Twitter @AndesRyan](https://twitter.com/AndesRyan)
* [Blind soldier uses tongue device to ‘see’](http://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/mar/15/blind-soldier-tongue-sight) at The Guardian
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Scriptnotes listener Matthew Chilelli

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