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Scriptnotes, Ep 351: Full Circle — Transcript

May 30, 2018 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2018/full-circle).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Episode 351 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Today on the program we’re going to be talking about the way that movies tend to bring their stories full circle and what that means for writers trying to figure out their story beats. We’ll also be answering questions about YouTube, arbitration, and skipping credits on Netflix.

**Craig:** Yeah. This is going to be pretty great for our second 350 episodes. This is kind of how I think in 700s.

**John:** Absolutely. You’re a Septcentennial.

**Craig:** That’s right. I work in base 700.

**John:** Absolutely. I wonder if there’s any civilization that was a base seven civilization. Because obviously we have the Babylonians who were base six and 12. You know, we’re in a decimal system. But obviously some system somewhere there are going to be creatures with seven fingers and they’re going to be working on a base seven.

**Craig:** I think it comes down to fingers, right?

**John:** Fingers and toes, whatever. Although, I mean, the Babylonians like they didn’t have six or 12, so?

**Craig:** And we still have base 12 for clocks.

**John:** Absolutely. Those Babylonians they helped us out a lot there. Because I think circle math just works better in six and 12. That’s why.

**Craig:** Circle math works better. 360. But again, you could divide a circle into anything. The truth is you could have divided it into 500 segments. And then you’d be back to base 10.

**John:** I’m so happy we’re staying on theme, our circle theme, for this episode.

**Craig:** Yes!

**John:** First we’ll start with a little bit of news. So this is a thing that happened this past week. There was a small theater in Pittsburgh that was going to do Big Fish. They decided to cancel Big Fish because some background actors were established as being a same sex married couple during one number. It was silly and crazy and frustrating. So, on previous episodes we talked about what writers should do when there’s drama, when there’s drama out there in the world, and the degree to which you should participate in the drama or comment on the drama.

In this case Andrew Lippa and I, the authors of Big Fish, did jump in to say like, “Hey, that’s not cool. It’s absolutely fine to stage the sequence with a same sex married couple walking in the background.” And it was interesting to see it play out sort of on Facebook and then become a bigger thing.

So if you want to see the actual statement that Andrew and I wrote it is up on the site at johnaugust.com. But it was just an interesting little moment that happened that I wouldn’t have anticipated because Big Fish has been staged hundreds of times across the country and this is the first time that we had to get involved in any way.

**Craig:** Yeah. I read your and Andrew’s statement and I thought it was really well done. No surprise there. I think that you guys probably have more cover to write something like this because you’re not just writers but you are creators of IP, right? So there’s a certain producorial or entrepreneurial aspect of your co-ownership of that show.

The thing that confused me was why – if you have a problem with same sex marriage why are you licensing a show written by two openly gay men? What’s your theory there? How does your mind work? I don’t get it.

**John:** Yeah, so this theater, and in our statement we were trying to be careful to not kind of just slam the theater entirely because the basis of why we get staged so much across the country is we are a very family-friendly wholesome show, with no swearing or violence. And in some cases we’ll even let theaters ask us to change a certain word because they don’t want to say the word penis or whatever. We’ll let that happen because we sort of want the show seen by as many people who want to be able to see it and stage it. I mean, I think the actual experience of staging a musical is so crucial and that’s why in many ways our audience is not just the folks who are sitting down to buy a ticket but the folks who are spending weeks to put the show on.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So we want to make sure that we keep it out there for the folks who want to make it. But I don’t think there was really anti-gay animus behind any of these decisions. And I don’t want to sort of assume that there was. I think there’s often just a fear of controversy. A fear of making somebody feel uncomfortable. And that’s a thing that we need to get rid of kind of overall, especially on the topic of just like there are gay people in the world. It’s a thing we see on network television all the time. There’s that sense of like can we just soften this a little bit. Can we make sure that we’re not going to ruffle any feathers?

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** You know, Blackish had it with an episode this season which they pulled completely because they were worried about angering communities especially I think around the NFL. So it’s a thing that people face all the time. And so you wouldn’t say that this theater is anti-gay or that ABC is anti-Blackish, but so often they’re so afraid of upsetting anyone that they’re going to upset the people they need to be supporting the most.

**Craig:** I understand that. I side with your argument against that sort of thing. And curiously I should note that when we talk about being a family show, the people that have the least problem seeing same sex couples being represented on screen or on stage are children. Their generation doesn’t give a damn. Well, at least as far as I can tell. And granted we live here in California. Maybe a little bit different in Pittsburgh, but I’m kind of guessing maybe not. Because culture has changed. And it’s a legal institution in our country. And my feeling is “Get over it.” And if you’re uncomfortable with that then don’t come back.

But we have, I think, a responsibility to be consistent in our positions on these things. If you’re uncomfortable with same sex marriage or you’re worried about people being uncomfortable with same sex marriage then, you know, maybe don’t try and profit off of the work of people that are in same sex marriages. That’s my thought.

**John:** All right. I would say the last thing that’s interesting about this scenario is that as screenwriters, as TV showrunners at times, we have control of our product to a certain point but we’re not getting involved with individual productions down the road. Like if a certain TV station is trying to show our show and we don’t like that TV station we’re not going to get involved with that.

But usually the authors of a play, if they do get involved in a production it’s because that production is trying to change something that is against the text of the show. And so you’re trying to not stage it the way it’s actually written on the page. So it was weird for us to come on board and say like “Listen, no, there’s no characters who identify as LGBT in the show, but there’s also no characters who are not – who identify the other way.”

It was weird for us as writers to be jumping to the defense of the director of a show saying like it’s absolutely fine for this person to choose to stage it this way because that is a valid interpretation of this. And so often as people working in Hollywood we are very frustrated by directors and sort of directors changing things. But here this was an opportunity to say like, oh no, it is the director’s job to provide perspective on this and to bring it to new life.

**Craig:** Right. Yeah, I’m fascinated by that job of stage director because you get this pretty remarkable contrast of things. You can see a show and then you can see the same show by a different director, so all the words are the same, the songs are the same, the story is the same, but it’s all different somehow. That’s really interesting. It pulls out for an audience exactly what a director brings.

**John:** And we never get to see that in Hollywood because a thing is made just once. And so therefore that is that vision, so we never see two visions of the same story.

**Craig:** Except The Exorcist. What was it called, The Exorcist Dominion? So there were two Exorcist sequels. It was Exorcist 4 essentially. Paul Schrader wrote and directed an Exorcist sequel. And then when he was done the studio or the financiers, I think maybe Morgan Creek said “We don’t like this, it’s not scary enough. Let’s redo it. Let’s redo it with Renny Harlin. Let’s rewrite it. Let’s bring out Renny Harlin. We’ll keep a few scenes but we’ll redo it. And most of the same cast, so it’s sort of the same story, but it’s sort of not.” And I’ve seen both of them. It’s fascinating.

And Stellan Skarsgård is the star of both of those. I said I got to talk to you about this because I’m fascinated by what happened there and I got a really interesting perspective on it from him. But that’s the one thing I can think of in movie history are two movies of the same thing sort of by two different directors. Very strange.

**John:** Yeah. In film schools you’ll often get an exercise where three different crews will be given the same material and they’ll shoot it and you’ll see how vastly different their approach is to shoot the same material. But agree, in the real world in sort of actually made big things it’s a unique opportunity.

**Craig:** Exceedingly rare.

**John:** All right. More follow up. So, two episodes ago we talked about Highland 2. You and I discussed Highland 2. It’s now out in the world. It worked. It did really well. So I was so terrified as we were launching because it had been beta for three years. I was worried that it would not actually be able to be downloaded and the in-app purchase would work. So, we actually released it in Japan for six hours, so Matthew Chilelli, our editor who lives in Japan, could download it on the Japanese Mac App Store and make sure it worked. And he screen recorded the whole thing. So Matthew who is editing this, thank you very much for doing that. It worked for Matthew and it worked for a bunch of people.

In just the first ten days we’ve almost reached the number of people who had installed Highland 1. Six years it was out there.

**Craig:** Amazing.

**John:** So that’s a remarkable launch. So thank you to everyone. Thank you for people who left reviews. If you haven’t left a review for it, it’s great and it helps because it helps other people find the app and let us know what you’re thinking. Because we’re really happy with this version but there’s a roadmap we’ll put a link to about what’s coming in future versions and you can help us figure out what we should be working on next.

**Craig:** So you guys are going to make some money on this?

**John:** We are making some money. So we’ve made $29,000 so far on it.

**Craig:** Nice!

**John:** Which is good. Which is really good for an app like this. And a couple times we outranked Final Draft in the total grosses, so that’s nice to see too.

**Craig:** God, I love that so much.

**John:** That’s really Craig’s goal behind all this is just to see them suffer a little bit.

**Craig:** Oh, that’s sexy. Oh, you know who loves that?

**John:** Yeah, is he back?

**Craig:** Oh yeah, he’s so back. Tell me about Highland 2. Highland 2.

**John:** Yeah, so he’s really – he’s become a monetary focus person. He’s really about sort of like value and cash flow.

**Craig:** Sexy Craig likes imagining Highland 2 spanking Final Draft. Spank.

**John:** This is not going to go well. In Episode 346 Christina Hodson came on and we talked about race and gender and inclusion and all sorts of things pertaining to Hollywood. It was a really good episode. Following after that the New York Times did a story on her and that and me and there’s a photo of the two of us together. I do not like the photo whatsoever. It looks like I’m giving her instructions on how to fix things. I’m not happy about the photo, but it was a nice story.

**Craig:** Oh my god, you’re right. It looks like you’ve shown up to say, “Hey stupid. Look at what I wrote.”

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Oh that’s terrible. Why did they do that? Why did they do that?

**John:** Because we weren’t thinking and Christina and I were both really uncomfortable being photographed. The photographer was super nice, but he had this set us and like, “OK, we’ll try this.” And that was the photo they ran. And I wasn’t crazy about it.

**Craig:** She’s awesome by the way.

**John:** She’s so cool. So I’ve gotten to hang out with her. We like Christina Hodson. We’ll have her back on the show at some point. But you can read the New York Times story about that. And sort of the ongoing discussion over whether these tools can be helpful for people figuring out what they should be thinking about in their own scripts.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** JT in Philadelphia wrote in. Craig, do you want to take him?

**Craig:** Sure. He says, “Your discussion of the controversy surrounding the pronunciation of Los Angeles reminded me of George R. Stewart’s 1975 book Names on the Globe, a wonderful exploration of the origins of place names. Sadly it’s long out of print but used copies are readily available. Anyway, he spends nearly two pages delving into the controversy and the many variations of the pronunciation that were used by one group or another.

“What I found most interesting, however, was the way politicians and others who wished to sidestep the controversy tended to settle on the abbreviation LA, which is why Los Angeles is practically the only city that is universally known by its abbreviation.” I’m smiling as I read this because that never occurred to me before.

**John:** It hadn’t occurred to me either, but it’s so true.

**Craig:** Holy – I mean, people will occasionally say NYC, but only because it’s a little bit of a cutesy thing and there’s a song from Annie. But nobody in New York goes “Oh yeah, I live in NY or NYC.” No one says that. LA is the only one. No one says STL for St. Louis. Wow.

**John:** And I think part of it is because LA captures the idea of bigger than just Los Angeles. In a weird way Los Angeles feels like the city where LA feels like the city and the surrounding region and sort of the idea of LA. So if you say like where do you live, “Oh, I live in LA,” if you live in Santa Monica you can say like “I live in LA.” It’s a general sense of that. But you wouldn’t say to, if you were visiting somebody in New York like, “Oh, I live in Los Angeles.” You more likely say that you live in LA because it’s a wider sweep that sort of counts as LA. It’s a strange thing. But I had never really considered that we speak of the abbreviation as much or more than Los Angeles.

**Craig:** Yeah. And, look, there are places like people who live in Mendocino, they don’t say, “Oh, I love in SF.” They say, “I live in Mendocino. It’s outside of San Francisco. Or I live near San Francisco.” Nobody says SF. I mean, there’s Nola, but nobody really says Nola.

**John:** No.

**Craig:** Right. For New Orleans, Louisiana. Nobody says that. We’re the only one. It’s fascinating. Thank you, JT. Great reference to a very cool book.

**John:** All right. Larry writes in saying, “I thought you might like this story from the Washington Post. One space between each sentence they said. Science just proved them wrong. Obviously there needs to be a standard, but do we really want to leave it to science?”

So this is a story about whether two spaces or one space are the better choice for readability in text. This article seems to argue that two spaces is better, at least for certain fonts. Craig, you and I are both now one-spacers. What do you take from this?

**Craig:** I didn’t read it. I didn’t read it because you know what I don’t care. Here’s the thing: I was a two-spacer. Then I became a one-spacer. I have no problem reading anything with one space. Frankly, I have a problem reading things with two spaces. I can understand that there’s a point to say that it might be easier this way or that. It’s too late for me and this is the deal. I’ve just decided I get to be cranky and old about things now. And I think I’m going to be cranky and old about that one.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** I’m absolutely fine having switched to one space. I don’t find it easier or harder to read with multiple spaces. That sense that like oh the extra space helps you keep sentences apart, I don’t really buy that. That’s why you have capital letters.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** It’s going to be fine. So I will maintain my one space policy because I can.

**Craig:** Yeah. Because you can. And you will.

**John:** And I will. Craig, you proposed the topic for this week’s episode which is Full Circle. We kind of left it at that, but what I took that to mean was that the way in which our stories, especially movie stories, have an expectation or a natural pattern where characters end up coming full circle at the end of stories. Is that your intention behind the idea?

**Craig:** It is. Exactly right. There is this strange feeling we have about this sense of a return, and generally speaking I think it helps writing. I think it helps us as we go about writing something to think of the ending as the beginning and the beginning as the ending. That they are overlap-able essentially. And that there is a strange echo in the end of the beginning. And you see it very, very clearly as is often the case with structural things in animation, because animation is just pure storytelling.

So when we think about Finding Nemo, and the beginning of Marlin finding this one little egg and then at the end he’s holding his son and he imagines the one little egg we cry. And we cry in part because there is a connection to the beginning. And I’m fascinated by the way the return to a thing is inherently emotional to us.

**John:** Yeah. So as we talked about movie stories and what makes movie stories unique from television stories, a movie story tends to be about a character taking a journey that will be the one time they take this journey in their life. It’s this unique set of circumstances that are occurring to and because of this character. They’re generally leaving their place of safety and comfort and going off into the world. And that we want to see them making forward progress and have obstacles but ultimately getting to a place.

Yet often that place that they physically end up is the same place where they started. So Wizard of Oz, she leaves Kansas, she comes back to Kansas at the end. But they come back to that place changed and that is the crucial narrative the journey the character has been on is that they are not the same person they were at the very start of the story. Other stories, they’re not going to literally come back to the same place, but they will be assembling a new home, a new normal that has echoes of the original normal at this place they’ve gotten to. So that is the full circle. There is a thing that they’ve wanted that has been driving them. They achieved that thing. And in achieving that thing they’ve come back to a place of normalcy that they have created which is echoing the original place.

**Craig:** That’s all absolutely correct. And there is I think layered in there this other magical little thing which is an implication that existence is meaningful. I could make a pretty good argument that it’s not actually meaningful, but one of the things that is wonderful and seductive about good storytelling is that it implies quite the opposite. That there is meaning in life. And that these moments in our lives may indeed be important. And so when we come back around to things and stories we get this little hiccup in our hearts because it means that there’s a sense to all to it. That we’re not just randomly going through moments.

The first person that like really used the word circle with me was Jeanine Tesori who is a Broadway composer and I worked with her on a musical movie. And we were talking about the idea of circle and I want to just point out there’s – you’ve seen Fun Home haven’t you?

**John:** I’ve never seen Fun Home.

**Craig:** Oh, you’ve never seen Fun Home?

**John:** No. It’s a masterpiece by all accounts.

**Craig:** It’s wonderful. So there’s this thing – Fun Home begins with this little girl and she’s demanding that her daddy play with her and she plays this game. She says “I want to play airplane.” This is all in song. “I want to play airplane.” And he sort of does this thing that I used to do with my kids where he gets on his back and he puts his feet up and she sort of gets on his feet and balances and pretends that she’s an airplane.

And then the progression of the show is about how this girl grows up and starts to realize that she’s gay and also starts to realize that her father is gay. And she can handle it and he can’t. And he eventually commits suicide. At the very end of the show you’re kind of broken up, as you might imagine by all of this. He’s committed suicide. She’s in shock. And then they go back to her being a little girl again. And she’s pretending to fly on him again. And the last line of the show is as kind of a grownup version of herself she says, “Every so often there is a rare moment of perfect balance when I soared above him.” And you go, oh my god.

So I thought this show began with a nice moment between a father and a daughter and showing that they were close and that they used to have together. And then all this other stuff happened to kind of pull them apart. And then he died. But really that moment at the end is this much deeper more tragic story of someone who cannot admit to themselves who they are, but because of their love for their daughter she can. And she can go places he never could. That’s profound. And then you cry.

And it wouldn’t work if it wasn’t the repetition of that beginning moment. There is a promise in that repetition that things make sense.

**John:** Yeah. The technique you’re describing is called bookending. So you’re opening with a scene and coming back to the scene. Either the exact same scene or a close echo, a close rhyme of that scene to make it feel like, “OK, there’s intention. That there is a meaning behind things. That these things were put there for a specific reason. That there is a nice clean beginning and end. Weird that we’re talking about circles and we’re talking about beginnings and ends, too, but like that there really is a reason behind all these things being placed out there before us.”

So a bookending is a very classic technique and useful for a lot of situations. But even if you don’t literally have the same scene, you do have I think a natural movie expectation that we are going to come back to a place because movies as we talked about tend to be structured around a central dramatic question. There’s a fundamental question that the movie is trying to – the movie is asking at the start and trying to answer over the course of it and hopefully you’ve gotten that answer by the end. And so when you get that answer that naturally brings you back to the question. Like you’re asking the question again and providing a new answer. That’s what you’re describing in Fun Home and it’s what we see hopefully in movies that are working really well is the thing you’ve set up at the start as the issue you’re going to be tackling, you’ve tackled it and you actually have come to a conclusion about it. And that conclusion by its necessity is referring back to the beginning.

**Craig:** Right. And this helps guide us as we’re putting these things together because first we need to know what’s our actual point. What are we trying to say? And then I think you have an opportunity before you ever worry about anything else like inciting incidents and the middle and the whatever. Pinch points and all the other nonsense they throw at us. You have an opportunity to create a wonderful, terrible, funny, or tragic irony. That the beginning and end have an ironic connection to each other. And it could be an uplifting irony. It could be a touching irony. But irony in juxtaposition like that is giving the audience a thorough satisfaction. That’s almost like dessert, you know. You feel satisfied because the ending is the beginning. You feel as if that is that proper ending.

And when the ending is disconnected from the beginning I think this is sometimes when we will get the note, “There’s a problem with the ending. I’m just not feeling enough at the end.” And if you are getting that note take a careful look and see if there is a – if you have closed the circuit essentially.

**John:** Absolutely. So my first movie Go, that final scene is incredibly important. And it feels like, “Oh, you could lose that little thing.” Like basically all the storylines are wrapped up. But without that final scene where like they’re all back at the car together and Manny asks, “So what are we doing for New Years?” Like, oh, OK, a normalcy has returned. All the questions about like will Ronna have enough money for went. That’s getting paid off there. And then Manny is alive. We didn’t know if we was still alive. And he’s asking what are we doing for New Years. Like, OK, they’re all all right and we’re going to return to a normal space after this wild night and all the stuff that has happened over the course of it.

Without that scene you don’t leave the movie nearly as satisfied, even with all the funny bits along the way, often that final scene is really where you’re sticking the landing and making it feel like, “OK, this was worth your whole time getting through there.”

If you’ve ever been to see a movie and like it breaks halfway through or like there’s a big interruption, you don’t get to see the last bit, even if you enjoyed the movie up to that point it’s not going to be your favorite movie because you just don’t know how all the pieces come together.

**Craig:** And there is the communication of intelligence when you get to the end and you see that the end is an echo of the beginning. Floating above the characters and the things they’re saying, there’s a feeling of comfort. That the storyteller was in control. That everything was carefully done and said to you. I’m a big Guns N’ Roses fan. And one of the things I love about Guns N’ Roses is that every now and again, but not infrequently, they would write a song that was a pretty good song. And then they would just tack on another awesome song as part of it. They didn’t have. They just did.

It was like, you know, November Rain is a pretty fine ballad. That’s a cool ballad. Now here’s an awesome guitar song at the end of it that has nothing to do with the rest of it but it’s amazing.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Or like Rocket Queen. Well, it’s a pretty decent song. And then at the end let’s just do a different song which is awesome. They would do that all the time and what you would feel was this sense of we’re so good at this we can just do it just cause. We can give you extra. That’s how good we are. We have bonus talent.

And I think sometimes when you’re telling a good story and there’s that, well, unexpected return – because see a good completed circle, the beginning does not imply an ending. You know, I show up and I show up to Fun Home and it’s a story about a woman who – I’m going to watch her grow from a 10-year-old girl into a 35-year-old woman. And I’m going to hear about how she grows up and the story of her life. And how her relationship with her father changes and what happens to him.

So, when I watch in the beginning that she’s a little girl and she’s playing I think, “OK, I have no idea that this is going to mean so much more and yet it’s the same thing at the end.” And so when I get it it’s bonus art. And that’s when we feel loved by the storyteller. We feel taken care of. And I love that feeling.

**John:** So mostly we’re talking here a Broadway musical or a movie, it’s a one-time experience. It’s about two hours going through it. But a lot of the same logic applies to television as well. Only there you’re talking about the course of a season, the course of multiple seasons, the course of a whole series. And so recent conversations – obviously I sat down with Aline and Rachel for Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and they talked about how they had mapped out the four seasons. They really knew what the arc of the whole show was going to be. And they were hoping to get the four seasons so they could really complete it out.

And then earlier in the year I sat down with Stephen Schiff to talk through The Americans. He was describing the third season, not spoiling stuff in it, but I have loved this third season and you realize like oh my gosh they have – we talked about Chekhov’s Gun on the wall. Like when you see a gun on the wall that gun has to fire at some point. And you realize like, “Oh man, this is like Chekhov’s 12 Gun Salute.” Like there are just Chekhov’s guns going off all the time because there are so many things they have carefully stacked up along the way. And they’re all just firing and it’s so exciting to see.

Like the things you knew, OK, that’s going to have to happen at some time. Oh no, there’s only three episodes left. All of these things are happening. It’s so exciting to see everything coming. And I have a very strong suspicion that when we get to that last episode it will come full circle. It will answer that question of can you be Russian spies living as Americans here and what does that mean to be sort of a false family within this country? They’ll be able to answer that question because they just so clearly thought through what they’d done and what they could do to answer that question over the course of the season.

**Craig:** Have you ever read The Sandman comics?

**John:** I never read Gaiman’s Sandman. No.

**Craig:** OK. Well, treat yourself. And they have – I think it’s a set of I want to say three or four volumes that have all of them. Neil Gaiman is an absolute master of this. And in Sandman he does this so beautifully and so frequently, circles within circles, that it seems impossible. Like it seems like he must have had some massive spreadsheet because the amount of stories he tells and the nature of them and the way that they roam between sort of regular people to gods of various mythologies, whether it’s European mythologies or African mythologies or Asian mythologies, and then into strange science fiction and then back around. It is mindboggling.

But every time he comes back around, sometimes he would come back around to something that was from like four years earlier. How did you know? This is insane. He’s brilliant at it.

Definitely if you haven’t read Sandman, my god, I’m saying this to everybody not just you. It is such a joy. It’s so literate and smart.

**John:** I will look forward to reading it. So let’s end this segment talking through some advice for how writers can think about this circle as they’re breaking their stories.

You can go to the Dan Harmon sort of – he literally has a circle chart that he goes through as he thinks through his stories which works for Community and for Rick and Morty. And that is his way of doing it. I have never been enamored by that specific approach, but I think the general idea of thinking about like where am I starting, where am I getting to, and to what degree is that ending reflective of where I started? Like does it feel like, OK, it’s answering the dramatic question. Is it getting me either physically back to that first place or emotionally back to that place that that character sought? That is a thing I’m always thinking about right from the beginning.

There’s a project I’m hoping to write next where the nature of it I knew exactly a moment that had to happen and that it was probably the last moment of the story. And so then I had to think like, OK, knowing that it has to be the last moment, what is the first moment that’s going to make it feel like getting there is going to be as rewarding as possible?

**Craig:** Right. And to me that’s the – it’s tough to give practical advice about this beyond “think about it,” but the general guideline is to find something that is in its own way beautiful, and beautiful meaning harmonious and satisfying and delicious, to say you know what the beginning – if I want this remarkable ending, what would be this ironic way to have it as a beginning? And sometimes you don’t know that you’re going to need an ending and so you look back.

I mean, when I was doing the last Hangover movie with Todd Phillips, you know, we could have ended it all sorts of ways, but it just seemed like we should end it where it began, all the way back in that room where Justin Bartha’s character was going to get married and they were having a chat and Alan was trying on a tuxedo. And now Alan is about to get married. And it just felt like that’s – you know, draw your circle.

Now, nobody was planning on that, so that’s not a particularly delicious one. It just felt appropriate. But when you are planning your version of it, think about what would feel so good. Because you know your ending is complicated and insightful and definitive. Your ending is a period at the end of a sentence. So what’s the question version of that to begin with?

**John:** Absolutely. Really establish the question and therefore the answer will have meaning. The other thing I would remind people is that you can’t come to a place unless you left. And so your characters have to leave that place they start, which I think is one of the biggest challenges often screenwriters have is they don’t let their characters move. They don’t sort of force their characters to move and actually take some action.

So, if people are just sitting around not doing anything, there’s no coming back to a place because they never left. You’ve got to get them moving. Most of the time that’s literally leaving their place of safety and comfort, but it can also be, you know, a journey of what they want, what they’re going after, what is normal for them and pushing them into a place that’s not normal.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** So you got to leave before you come back.

**Craig:** Hell yeah. Get out.

**John:** Hell yeah. All right, let’s answer some listener questions. Marco writes, “I have been making a low budget pilot for an animated series for the last few years. It will be finished by the end of this month. My question is whether or not to put it on YouTube for all to see, or keep it a secret and only show it to professionals who could be interested in producing it.” Craig, what are your first thoughts for Marco?

**Craig:** Well, if you have professionals who might be interested in producing it then it seems reasonable to begin by putting it say on Vimeo and putting a password on it. A lot of people do things like that. But I’m going to go out on a limb and say that maybe you don’t. And if you don’t, then just let people see it, because maybe it gets passed around and you get attention for it.

I don’t see why you wouldn’t.

**John:** In general I am a fan of sharing stuff and letting people discover it and trying to let what’s naturally going to happen happen. But I will, a counter example here, so Megan McDonnell, our producer, she directed this really good short earlier this year and I asked like, “Oh, so you’re going to do the festival circuit with it and get some awards for it?” She was like, “Oh no, we’re actually going to put it online.” And that’s totally her choice and people saw it and she got meetings off of it. But I think there’s also a scenario in which they went out, they won some awards, and got some attention that way where people are looking at it on a big screen with professional attention. Like oh holy cow, here’s a good short with some stars I recognize. And some awards behind it could have been helpful.

So, there’s no one perfect way to do that. But if Marco your concern is like someone is going to steal my idea and do their own version of it, don’t. Because showing your work is good, so show your work.

**Craig:** Show your work, Marco. Lex in LA writes, “Is the WGA going to fight Netflix skipping credits? One of my biggest pet peeves with Netflix and other streaming platforms is that they cut away from the end credits and jump into a trailer for something else or another movie, episode of a TV show, etc. A lot of the time I finish the film and think ‘I wonder who the DP was,’ and I’m constantly let down when Netflix cuts away before it gets to the below-the-line credits. Hell, the ABC app on my Apple TV cuts away during the last scene before the closing credits.

“Is there anything the unions can do to combat this? Shouldn’t it be a given that the credits are allowed to roll in their entirety?”

**John:** All right. This is not an official WGA answer. I will say that the WGA is not a great vehicle for addressing this, because WGA deals with the folks who make things, not necessarily the folks who exhibit things. So it would be a challenging thing for the WGA to implement. Where I think you could see some movement on this would just be a lot of public shaming. So I think if you had a big group of high profile filmmakers and TV makers saying, “Hey, Netflix, cut this out. Hey ABC, cut this out. Show the credits,” then I think you could sort of publicly shame them a bit into doing that.

But I don’t think unions are going to be able to do that. Craig, what’s your take?

**Craig:** Well, I think there is some bearing that the union has on the exhibition of credits and I don’t know exactly how the legal mechanism works, whether it’s that if you’re a signatory you have to require any exhibitor to obey the following rules for credits. In other words we’re obliging you to pass the rules along. I do know for instance that CBS cannot air a show, show you who the director is, and not show you who the writer is. And that they have to follow the order of credits.

So the thing with these credits is that the rules are negotiated by the unions. The two most powerful unions when it comes to credits are the DGA and the WGA. The director and the writer credit are married together essentially. Even on posters if you show the director’s name you have to show the writer’s name in any way, shape, or form. That’s just the rule.

Then the below-the-line credits, those are the purview of various IATSE unions that don’t really have the kind of credit protections that the DGA or the WGA have, nor do they have seemingly the interest to promote those things.

I feel like it’s a little bit honestly of a shrug, because the way we consume that information now is so different than what used to be. You just go online and you have the answer. It’s all there. And I generally don’t stick around for the credits. If I want to know who did it I take a look. To me credits are fine, but I don’t make movies so that people can see the credits. You know what I mean? I just want them to see the show.

**John:** Because of the Marvel movies and their after-credit sequences which I’ve railed against before, there is a tradition of sitting around for certain movie’s credits and not other movie’s credits. On Netflix, yes, I notice that as things go by sometimes I have been frustrated and wanted to see those things and have to sort of deliberately hunt them out. But it’s not that hard to hunt them out. I think Craig makes a good point that like you’ve got IMDb at any point and so you can always look up who the person was behind that.

I will say that growing up, sitting through credits did give me a sense of just how many people are involved in making a movie. And that is a lovely thing to see like “Oh my god it took thousands of people for this movie to exist” Was a good education. But I don’t know that the unions are going to be able to make this happen.

**Craig:** No.

**John:** I think public pressure on Netflix is by far the most likely way of getting that to happen, or some setting that Netflix allows you to do to like never skip credits.

**Craig:** There will be no public pressure on Netflix to flood your television screen with endless credits. It’s just not going to happen.

**John:** DT in Los Angeles writes, “I’ve been consulting with a distribution company who has recently started doing their own productions. One of their productions currently in preproduction is a historical drama based on real people. In Episode 325, Craig mentioned how he and his researcher had to create an annotated version of teleplays for Chernobyl. Irene Turner also mentioned having to do this in Episode 293 with her screenplay for The Most Hated Woman in America.

“The attorneys for the production company had never heard of an annotated screenplay until I explained it to them based on my listening to the podcast. Could you give me a bit more detail about how an annotated screenplay is formatted? Are they footnotes or endnotes like a college research paper? Or are notes just inserted into the action line? Also, how specific are the sources? I’d imagine if you are citing a newspaper article you have to list the publication, the author, and the date of the publication?”

**Craig:** OK. Well, first of all, DT, the deal is that there are certain things that are our obligations and responsibilities and then there are certain things that are their obligations and responsibilities. Typically what happens is when the company hires you to write your project one of their obligations to us is to indemnify us. Essentially if someone comes along and sues they cover it. And they cover the legal action in our defense. In exchange we promise that we didn’t do anything wrong, that we haven’t ripped anybody off. Obviously if we have then all bets are off.

But one of the ways that they feel that they’re on solid footing with that indemnification is that we provide them with an annotated screenplay. If they didn’t ask you for one, and they are also indemnifying you, you probably don’t want to bring it up because you’re getting something for free there.

That said, the actual physical document, the annotated screenplay, I didn’t even see. We just had our researcher do it and send it in. So, I will get a hold of it. And I can’t publish it for you guys yet, just because I don’t want to give anything away regarding the show. But I can at least describe it. So, I will get a copy of that and in our next show as part of follow up we’ll talk through what that looks like.

**John:** Absolutely. A thing I would also single to DT is that in the case of Chernobyl, especially in the case of Most Hated Woman in America, there were concerns about libel. Are you saying things about people that could create lawsuit situations? If your historical thing is something that happened in the 1600s that’s not going to be a problem for you.

So, the reason why I imagine you might do an annotated screenplay in that situation is if there are certain facts that are not well known and it’s not clear sort of where you’re drawing these facts. There you might want to have some evidence-based, like “This is where I got this thing from” to make it clear that you’re not drawing on one specific source of material. But I think it’s more for recent history that you’re going to be finding annotated screenplays an important thing.

**Craig:** I agree. I mean, essentially whatever the time is that covers the possibly defamation that might occur. That’s what you’re dealing with. And, by the way, it depends country to country. In the United States I believe the deal is are they are alive or not. If they’re alive you can defame them, if they’re not you can’t. That is not the case in other countries, for instance Russia. So, depending on–

**John:** Can you defame the dead in Russia?

**Craig:** That is what I’ve been led to understand.

**John:** Holy cow.

**Craig:** That you can and then the family could take action against you. And, you know, we don’t do that in our show. We’re careful to not do that. There’s certainly historical figures that we describe what they did, which is not good, but in a couple places it was a thing that we had to kind of work through. Then the question is where is this airing and who is making it and all the rest. There’s a lot of complicated factors.

Because Chernobyl is a joint production between HBO and SKY, it’s a very European-based production, so there’s multiple country laws that are covering this. So, I think that got a little complicated.

**John:** Cool. Do you want to take our last question?

**Craig:** Yeah, Writer A…ooh, I like the mystery. Writer A in LA writes, “I recently…” OK, this is just really rough, Writer A because of what’s about to happen. Writer A in LA writes, “I was recently Writer A,” were you now, “in an arbitration that involved three other writers. And I encountered a dilemma that I haven’t ever heard discussed.

“In addition to Story by credit, I believe I deserved shared Teleplay by credit with whichever of the subsequent writers contributed the most to the shooting script. But when I attempted to suggest Teleplay by Writer A and Writer Whichever I was told by my attorney that I had to determine which of those writers deserve the shared credit. That is to say Teleplay by Writer A and Writer D. That required me to read all the other writer’s drafts and make a judgement which I felt was best left to the arbiters and was ultimately a decision which I think has no impact on me, or am I mistaken in that presumption? Is my lawyer correct?

“As the original writer why do I have to do anything other than defend my original contribution?”

Ooh, John.

**John:** So this is a valid thing and I’ve encountered this in arbitrations before. So the quick arbitration refresher is because we have a Writers Guild, thank god, we have the ability to determine the credits for our movies. And it’s the Writers Guild that determines that. It is a panel of arbiters who are picked per project. They are anonymous. We do not know the names of the writers involved in the project. They are assigned Writer A, Writer B, Writer C.

In this case the person writing in was Writer A. And so what Writer A is really asking is am I allowed to say “The credits should be me and somebody else.” That you basically don’t care who you’re sharing credit with, but you recognize it’s going to be somebody else. And this lawyer said, no, no, you’re not allowed to say that.

But let’s think about in what circumstance is Writer A saying this at all. It’s in the letter that the writer is submitting along with the arbitration, which is generally a short letter that says like I’m Writer A, these were my contributions to the script. Generally it ends with I believe the proper credit is Writer A and whatever you believe the proper credit is. That is really what the writer is talking about. Am I required to list which of the other writers is the appropriate one. The lawyer says yes. I say kind of basically no. I think it’s generally good practice to sort of say what that is, but it’s also fine to say in the letter like this is a tough case. I don’t know who to say is the proper other writer, but I believe it’s going to be either one of these two.

I think you do yourself a disservice if you’re not actually looking at the other scripts. But you’re not actually required to look at the other scripts as a writer in an arbitration. What do you think?

**Craig:** In the case of Writer A’s lawyer versus John August, I rule in favor of…John August.

**John:** Thank you.

**Craig:** You are correct. The lawyer is absolutely wrong. Writer A, your lawyer couldn’t be more wrong. I wish I could see your lawyer right now to look them in the eye and say, “Dear Lawyer, I know you meant well, but you’re wrong.”

Here’s why: when you write this statement you are essentially saying, “Look, I believe I deserve teleplay credit because I believe I have met the threshold for credit.” That’s how credits work. You hit a certain threshold, you earn a credit. In film we use percentages, which is kind of a game, but essentially what we say is, “OK, if it’s an original project if you’re the first writer your threshold is 33% of the final shooting script. If you’re a subsequent writer it’s 50%.” For other movies that are adaptations everybody’s threshold is the same. If you can show that you have written a minimum of 33% of this movie then you have earned credit. At that point you have a choice. You can say I’ve earned all of the credit, because I wrote 90% of this script.

You can say, you know what, I believe I deserve credit and just because I’m a fair-minded person I also think Writer B should get credit, but I leave that up to you. Or you can simply say I’m not here to tell you anything other than this. My contributions meet the test for teleplay credit.

**John:** Yep.

**Craig:** I’m not saying they meet the test for sole teleplay credit. You guys can determine how the rest of that is apportioned. That’s up to you. All I’m saying, and the only argument I’m making is I’ve hit the threshold. That is absolutely fine.

So, your lawyer was super wrong.

**John:** Your lawyer was wrong.

**Craig:** And I got to say, people at home, don’t ask your lawyers these questions. They’re not dumb. Believe me, they’re not dumb. And a lot of lawyers are pretty good with our credit stuff, but why would you ever ask your personal attorney whose job is not say to be a lawyer administrating the credit system of the Writers Guild, which is its own subset of jurisprudence, when you can just call up your union for free, the people you pay dues to, and say “I have a question.” And they will give you the definitive answer, which in this case I assure you would be you’re fine.

So, there you go.

**John:** What people may not understand is that Craig isn’t just talking like he sort of knows this stuff. Craig has actually been involved with sort of the instructions that are going out to arbiters and all of this stuff for years, including new stuff that’s coming out to make this process more clear and transparent for people going through an arbitration. So do trust Craig, don’t trust your lawyer.

I will say Writer A one reason why you may want to read through those other scripts is if there really were like four writers after you. In order for someone else to receive credit that writer would need to hit at least a 33% threshold in the final shooting script. And if in reading those things no other writer actually hits 33%, even if you individually your contribution wasn’t more than 50% or whatever, there could be scenarios in which you end up with sole credit even though you only did a little bit more than a third of it because none of those other people actually hit that thing.

So, it may be worth it for you to see what that is. Or it may be fine for you to say like I believe I deserve credit and I leave it for you fair arbiters to figure out who if anyone else deserves credit.

**Craig:** No question. So you can say “I want to figure out if I deserve sole credit or not.” And by the way the 33% probably doesn’t apply here because this is television, this is a different deal. But regardless I want to read everybody’s stuff to figure out am I asking for shared credit, sole credit. Am I sort of being agnostic about it and saying you guys tell me. All I’m saying is I deserve some credit.

Or, Writer A I think it’s reasonable to say, “You know what? I read the final shooting script. I know I deserve credit. The rest is up to you.” That’s the only argument I’m making is I deserve credit. Should I share it? Should I share it with this person or this person? Should I not share it? That’s on you guys. You decide. You tell me. I don’t care. I’m good either way.

As an arbiter, I will tell you, as the person that’s actually making judgements, I am always happy to see writers arguing for their credit. And I am generally less happy seeing writers arguing against somebody else getting credit. Now, sometimes you have to. But, yeah, there’s nothing requiring you – for instance, Writer A says when I attempted to suggest Teleplay by Writer A and Writer Question Mark I was told by my attorney no. Well, yeah, you can absolutely say I think the credits should be Teleplay by Writer A and whichever other writer you think qualifies. No problem with that whatsoever. You can read all of them. You cannot read all of them. Ultimately it’s up to you.

I generally would advise you to read everything, but you know, it’s up to you.

**John:** And now it is time for our One Cool Things. To bring this full circle is 21 Things to Know Before Losing Your Gay Virginity.

**Craig:** Oh, thank god. I got to cram on this.

**John:** This is by Alexander Cheves. It’s written for The Advocate. And what I liked about this article is that it literally just very clearly sort of lays out here’s what’s really happening here because one of my great frustrations in seeing gay sex portrayed in movies is that the first time is portrayed in a completely unrealistic way about sort of how it all works. And I think they basically just took what you would assume from straight virginity and tried to apply it to this and it just isn’t the same. And it’s different and you got to acknowledge that.

And so this is I think a very practical guide. If it’s something you’re going through or if you have a person in your life who you know is going through this I would steer them in this direction because I feel it is a helpful overview of some of the things that you’re going to be thinking through as you’re–

**Craig:** As you’re losing your gay virginity.

**John:** I think it would be helpful for straight people to know some of this information, but it’s certainly helpful for any person who is going to be encountering this themselves to know this going in.

**Craig:** Wow. Yeah. I think that may be the most John August thing of all time. As you’re losing your virginity to go “Let me now consider. Hold on. I’m just running through the 21 things. I’m at thing 14. Slow down.”

I’m going to read it. I want to know. Fascinating. I know – things to know before losing your straight virginity…that’s a pretty short article. It’s going to be weird. That’s pretty much–

**John:** And certainly there’s a huge overlap between the two.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** It’s going to be weird for sort of everyone and of course porn has distorted our expectation of what those situations should be.

**Craig:** It has.

**John:** But there’s specific stuff, and like most kids are not going to encounter in popular culture the way they will encounter all the straight stuff in popular culture.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So I think that’s the reason why you have to shine a spotlight on some of these things so that people know it’s actually out there and that it’s not what they would assume.

**Craig:** All right. Well, I’ll take a look at that. I don’t know if it’s going to happen, but I’ll be prepared at a minimum. So my One Cool Thing this week is sort of new to me, so I’m just starting it, but I like the concept of it. It’s an app called Moodnotes and essentially you log your mood. And it’s got a lovely interface. This is the part that I love the most. You know that little pain chart in the doctor’s office?

**John:** Oh yeah.

**Craig:** I love that pain chart because number one is super happy and number ten is just freaking out, but it’s just all smiley faces and you rarely see a smiley face just freaking out and dying. So it begins when you log your mood, and you can do it each day if you like. It’s just a simple screen that says how are you and then it shows you a face, just a very stylized face. And then by swiping up or down you create smiley or sad. And you can do it to various degrees. And when you’re done you can add a little detail and then you can save it. And essentially the idea is by monitoring your mood you can see over time patterns. First of all, you become more mindful of your moods. And you can start to see patterns.

And the reason I think this is potentially very useful is I remember years and years and years ago when I had a lot of – I was having a huge migraine problem and I went to a neurologist and he gave me just a chart and he said every day you have a headache write down, put a little check mark here, and just put the severity with a number. And I did it and then I brought it back to him after a month and he goes, “Oh my god, look at this.” I had a headache almost every day. And it was important to see that because essentially what happens to us on a day to day basis is we forget. We forget what happened yesterday and the day before. And I think you can start to not notice that you’re depressed until you’re really depressed.

And I also think you may be missing certain patterns like I tend to get really moody on weekends or I get – maybe for women I get really moody right before my cycle or something like that. So, it’s really useful I think to just monitor your mood. If nothing else it keeps you mindful. But it may also have some predictive or diagnostic value. And I think it’s $4 or something, which my new jam is like I don’t want free apps. I want to pay for them and be done with it. I don’t want the apps that are constantly like a subscription, blah. So I like it.

Give it a shot. It’s called Moodnotes.

**John:** Fantastic. All right. That is our show for this week. Our show is produced by Megan McDonnell. It is edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our outro this week is by Olufemi Sowemimo. If you have an outro you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com.

That is a place where you can send questions like the ones we answered today. On Twitter, I’m @johnaugust. Craig is @clmazin. Short questions are great on Twitter. We’re happy to answer your questions there as well.

We are on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Just search for Scriptnotes. Leave us a review if you’d like. That helps other people find the show.

You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. So it’s links to the things we talked about and other stuff you might want to download or investigate.

We have a few more of the 300-episode USB drives left, but we also have the whole back catalog available at Scriptnotes.net. Every week we check to see how many subscribers we have to the premium feed through Scriptnotes.net and it keeps growing, so it’s very nice that more of you are subscribing to that to hear all those back episodes and bonus episodes. So if you would like to go back and catch up on the early days of Scriptnotes you can at Scriptnotes.net.

And that’s it. Craig, it’s nice to talk with you. I’m going to talk to you next, I guess the day this episode comes out, at our live show.

**Craig:** Oh, I’m excited for that.

**John:** I’m excited for it, too. All right, thanks all.

**Craig:** Bye.

Links:

* Our next live Scriptnotes with Jonah Nolan & Lisa Joy (Westworld) and Stephen McFeely & Christopher Markus (Avengers: Infinity War) is TONIGHT, Tuesday, May 22nd at the ArcLight in Hollywood. Proceeds benefit [Hollywood HEART](http://www.hollywoodheart.org), which runs special programs and summer camps for at-risk youth.
* [John’s statement](http://johnaugust.com/2018/on-big-fish-family-inclusion-family) on one theater’s choice to cancel their performance of Big Fish over the inclusion of same-sex parents.
* [Highland 2](https://quoteunquoteapps.com/highland-2/) is officially out! [This](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/11/movies/is-your-script-gender-balanced-try-this-test.html) is the New York Times article about our Gender Analysis feature.
* [Names on the Globe](http://www.amazon.com/dp/0195018958/?tag=johnaugustcom-20) by George R. Stewart discusses the pronunciation of L.A.
* [One space between each sentence, they said. Science just proved them wrong.](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2018/05/04/one-space-between-each-sentence-they-said-science-just-proved-them-wrong-2/?utm_term=.40216d38feb5) is a Washington Post article by Avi Selk about whether to put one space or two after a period.
* According to Craig, [Fun Home](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fun_Home_(musical)) is a good example of a moving bookending.
* [The Sandman comics](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sandman_(Vertigo)) by Neil Gaiman
* Dan Harmon’s [Story Circle](http://channel101.wikia.com/wiki/Story_Structure_101:_Super_Basic_Shit)
* [21 Things to Know Before Losing Your Gay Virginity](https://www.advocate.com/sexy-beast/2018/5/17/21-things-know-losing-your-gay-virginity#media-gallery-media-13) by Alexander Cheves
* [Moodnotes](http://moodnotes.thriveport.com/) is an app that tracks your mood
* [The Scriptnotes Listeners’ Guide!](http://johnaugust.com/guide)
* [The USB drives!](https://store.johnaugust.com/collections/frontpage/products/scriptnotes-300-episode-usb-flash-drive)
* [John August](https://twitter.com/johnaugust) on Twitter
* [Craig Mazin](https://twitter.com/clmazin) on Twitter
* [John on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en)
* [Find past episodes](http://scriptnotes.net/)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Olufemi Sowemimo ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/scriptnotes_ep_351.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Ep 349: Putting Words on the Page — Transcript

May 15, 2018 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2018/putting-words-on-the-page).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Episode 349 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the show we’ll be talking about the tools we use to get things written. For me that’s Highland 2, the screenwriting app that is finally coming out of beta. But there’s also outlining and treatments and all the other peripheral things that writers write. We’ll be talking about that. We’ll also be answering questions from the huge stack that have piled up over the past few weeks.

But first, Craig, we have guests for our live show finally.

**Craig:** Oh, it’s going to be a good one. Now these live shows, these are the ones we do to benefit Hollywood Heart. These tend to be our kind of biggest live shows. These are the live shows where we’ve had our Rian Johnsons. And we’ve had our David Benioff and Dan Weisses. And we’ve had all sorts of big fancy–

**John:** Our Jason Bateman.

**Craig:** We got our Jason Batemans for these. And this one, no exception. Maybe honestly our best lineup yet.

**John:** So what I love about this lineup is they are people doing very different things but also kind of similar things when you think about it. So our guests are Lisa Joy and Jonah Nolan, they are the co-creators and showrunners of Westworld, an HBO show that is fantastic. It’s one of my favorite shows because I am a robot and therefore I am rooting for the robots.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** But we didn’t stop there. We also invited Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely. They are the co-creators and showrunners of The Avengers franchise. So they are the folks who are writing the Captain America movies. They wrote the most recent Avengers movie, upcoming Avengers movie. So, we are going to be talking with all four of them about writing big cinematic stories that take place over multiple episodes that are hugely complicated that have spoilers and secrets. They’re under intense spotlights. I think it’s going to be a great conversation.

**Craig:** Just to point out that Christopher and Stephen, their movie Avengers: Infinity War I believe had the biggest opening weekend of any movie of all time.

**John:** Yes. So it is superlative in many senses. And I should stress that we are going to spoil things. So you’re buying a ticket that is three weeks from now, or a little less than three weeks from now when the episode comes out, so you’ve got to see the movie. You’ve got to understand what’s happening on Westworld because we are going to spoil things. So this is not going to be one of those like oh cover your ears. No, no. You are buying this knowing that we are going to spoil things.

**Craig:** Well, and if you are familiar with the Avengers movies and you’re familiar with Westworld, I’m going to go out on a limb and guarantee something, OK. Even if we have to cut it out of the actual episode that airs for all the poor saps that don’t show up, if you show up one of these folks is going to give you a piece of juicy info that you can’t get anywhere else.

**John:** Yeah. Right after we finish the show one of these four will pull us aside and say, “Can you please, please, please cut out the part where I said this thing?”

**Craig:** It’s inevitable. Happens every time.

**John:** And we will.

**Craig:** But if you’re there in the audience and remember this benefits kids, and I believe they’re nice children. I don’t think it benefits like jerks.

**John:** We only let the nice children benefit from these shows.

**Craig:** And so if you go to Scriptnotes.brownpapertickets.com, you can help these kids and also help yourself. And honestly even if Markus and McFeely hadn’t written the biggest movie of all time, and even if Joy and Nolan hadn’t written this incredible TV show, you would get to see me. Also John will be there. Yeah, no, John will be there.

**John:** I’ll be there as well. Yes.

**Craig:** But you’ll get to see me.

**John:** The show is May 22nd. It is at the ArcLight in Hollywood at 8pm. You cannot buy tickets through the ArcLight. You have to buy them through Scriptnotes.brownpapertickets.com. There’s also some special VIP tickets we found out about, so there’s going to be a little VIP after-party show thing. So if you want that that is a chance to talk with us and get more information about the things that were spoiled in the course of the episode.

**Craig:** I’m so excited.

**John:** I’m very, very excited about this. All right, next we have some follow up. So Jack wrote in about default white. Do you want to take what Jack wrote in?

**Craig:** Sure. Here we go. So he says, “I’ve worked in casting for more than ten years, both inside the company that releases the majority of the casting breakdowns for the industry, and as a casting director. Right now breakdowns are generally prepared in one of two ways. A casting director either submits a fully prepared breakdown ready for release, or production sends the script to the breakdown company where an in-house writer will read it and create the character breakdown which is then sent back for approval.

“If the character does not have a defined race in the script, the role is listed on the breakdown for all ethnicities.”

**John:** So this is a topic that Christina Hodson and I got into on Episode 346 which is basically how much should the screenwriter be defining who those characters are in the script so that the breakdown comes out the way you want it to. So, let’s continue with what Jack says.

**Craig:** So Jack says, “Once the breakdown is released, agents and actors begin submitting. The casting director will receive an overwhelming number of white submissions for ‘all ethnicity roles.’ Part of the reason is because the database of actors is primarily white. Another part of the reason is that agents will always submit their ‘best’ first. That’s defined as the people who will make them the most money. These actors have historically been white. And, finally, casting directors will reach out to actors they know and trust first, again mostly white.

“So if the role is ‘all ethnicities,’ chances are very good that a white person will be hired. There is no conspiracy here. No effort to deny anybody anything. It’s just people doing what is familiar and easy. I understand that it is uncomfortable to define race. If you select one race you are eliminating all others, including white, and that’s not fair. But the reality is that the odds are stacked against people of color. That’s not an opinion. It’s a numerical fact.

“If, however, a writer defines a character as Asian, agents will submit Asian talent. Casting directors will audition Asian talent. Producers will hire Asian talent. It’s that simple. Those best lists will start to change as more people of color are hired. If you cannot bring yourself to define your lead roles, please consider at least defining your day players. Describing that under-five lines’ Chatty Waitress as Asian will make a difference. And why not throw in Over 40 while you’re at it.

“There’s a Japanese actor who hasn’t had an audition all month who will thank you.”

All right, well that’s a pretty good summary there. What do you think about all that, John?

**John:** I thought it was great. So first off, we have fantastic listeners. So, Jack, thank you for writing in with that because that is a perspective we wouldn’t have known. So, telling us basically how breakdowns are happening and urging us as writers to just be more explicit on race because it does actually make a difference.

Now sometimes I’ll say that if we define a race in a script we can get called out for it. Basically like why are you being so specific? This gives us some ammunition on our side for why it is useful to be so specific for races in scripts because it’s going to help change things a bit.

**Craig:** Yeah. There’s another axis that I want to bring up just because it often gets overshadowed in the discussion about race and gender. We have something like 108 speaking parts in Chernobyl. There’s a lot. And everybody – every character – is a citizen of the Soviet Union from one of the many various republics, but primarily we’re talking about Ukrainians and Russians and Belarusians. And because we’re casting out of the UK and Scandinavia, one of the inherent biases in casting came up immediately. And that was that actors tend to be really good-looking. So when we talk about sort of historical biases, actors – both men and women – tend to be people that are attractive, they have facial symmetry, they have good hair. They don’t have – well, the quirkier facial features that you see in what we’ll call just regular people. And, of course, they are typically in good shape.

And for us we thought a lot of this is about having believable people as part of this cast. And that doesn’t mean that we’re saying we wanted a cast of people that are not attractive. It’s not about that. But it’s rather we want a spectrum of people and we’re not going to allow traditional facial attraction be our definition of what attractive is. Nor are we going to limit ourselves to certain body types. So I think as we’re writing and we’re listening to people like Jack telling us how this actually works, how the food is cooked in the kitchen so to speak, to think about body type as well and facial types. Even things like hair and hair color. All these things – anything to kind of add some flavor and get yourself out of a lot of these default positions.

You know, if we kind of come up with a bunch of defaults, let’s start pushing against them where we think it will help us out and, I don’t know, set us apart a little bit.

**John:** Yeah. Another way to sort of reach beyond sort of the usual people that we’re always seeing for these kind of things might be to early on bring in some folks who are interesting for a project. I’m really more talking for the writer-directors out there. But Mike Birbiglia when he was doing his movies he does these table readings – not even table readings, just like sit around in his apartment reading through the script. And it’s a useful process for him to hear his script and figure it out. But I think it’s also useful for getting a sense of what if we tried to mix things up. What if I tried some different people in these roles? What if I consider this actor who sort of seems like a reach or a stretch for this, but I can see what they can actually bring to that role?

This last week I was at a table reading for Alan Yang’s new script. And he brought in these actors who were fantastic. And it was a chance for them all to sort of hear each other and for everyone in the room to sort of experience these actors. And I made notes of some of these actors who I never would have encountered before. And like, wow, I want to write something for that person because they are great.

So, just reaching out and broadening past the first instinct on casting can be a great thing. And that can start by what you’re specifically saying about that character in the script.

**Craig:** No question. By the way, funny, I went to one of those readings in Mike Birbiglia’s place and one of the roles was being read by this lovely gentleman, he was an older guy, and he seemed familiar to me and his voice seemed familiar. But I don’t think he’s an actor, so I think he might just be a friend. But he did such a good job and I just thought, “Wow, Mike Birbiglia is so lucky that he just has a friend who is like a 65-year-old guy who is just really good at being a guy at a table read.” And then afterwards I found out it was Frank Oz. [laughs]

**John:** [laughs] That’s awesome.

**Craig:** Because I didn’t know exactly what Frank Oz looked like. You know, I know what he sounds like. I know that he’s Miss Piggy and that he’s Yoda and Grover. And obviously he’s a wonderful filmmaker, an amazing filmmaker. And I was just like “This guy is so great. I wonder who he is. Oh, he’s Frank Oz, one of the greatest filmmakers of all time.”

And another interesting story like the one you were just describing with Alan’s table reading was a table reading that we had all the way back in 2003 for Scary Movie 3. And when you are pretty early on and you’re still casting a lot of times casting agents will help you fill your round table by bringing in actors that are just there to read for the roundtable. That’s it. And this young actor that no one had ever heard of named Kevin Hart showed up. And we thought Kevin was just the funniest guy. And I was like let’s just make him – this guy is him. Let’s just keep writing it for him. And so we cast him in Scary Movie 3, and in Scary Movie 4, and in Superhero Movie. He’s just great.

And it was all because he just was sort of a fill in guy in 2003 at a table reading.

**John:** Yeah. I think what’s nice about table readings is the stakes are just lower. Because if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, and the world doesn’t come crashing to an end. And it’s a chance to experiment and play a bit. And so I always wonder about sort of you don’t want actors to be exploited by being brought in for table reads where they’re not actually going to be able to land that part maybe. But what you described with Kevin Hart is a great example of you got to know who he was just because of that table reading. And that’s a great bit of exposure.

**Craig:** And they’re aware of the deal. They are told, listen they’re not offering you this part. This is just a show up for the day, make a few hundred bucks, get some exposure in front of some people that are making movies, and that’s it. No promises beyond that. And it’s not surprising to me that Kevin did that because he is just, I know from my own work with him but also just watching him do everything since, he’s like one of those guys that fits the hardest working man in show business category. He never stops. He’s just amazing that way.

So, that’s all pretty great. Just, you know, as people go through this and they’re writing their scripts if they can just think about – I love what Jack said about day players, too. It’s not just the big parts. That you have these roles where people run into a waiter, or a bus driver, or a delivery person and the default is going to be, oh, that’s an incredibly handsome or beautiful waiter or delivery person. But then it almost weirdly takes you out of things. I mean, Hollywood distorts the way people actually look. People don’t look like they do in movies. At all. They look how they look. You know? So what’s wrong with kind of edging back towards that reality? I like that.

**John:** It’s a nice thing.

Our final little bit of follow up on race and ethnicity is you had talked in a previous episode that you and Megan Amram are distant cousins. You found out through 23andMe. I just got my 23andMe back. So we just checked to see whether we are related and sadly we are not.

**Craig:** Well, I mean, to start with I’m an organic life form.

**John:** That’s true.

**Craig:** It was not likely.

**John:** It was going to be a reach. It would be a surprise.

**Craig:** It would have been a real shock. Also I’m Jew-y as hell. And you are not.

**John:** I’m not. So I’m 100% European and British and Irish and French and German. We are on different Haplogroups coming out of Africa. And I am slightly more Neanderthal than you are. That’s sort of a surprise.

**Craig:** I like that. I like that you’re slightly more Neanderthal. I feel that. I got to be honest with you. I sense sometimes there’s a certain kind of club you on the head rage just lurking behind your eyes. I am also 100% European, like you. I am 98% Ashkenazi Jewish. That is incredibly Jewish. That is almost like a weaponized level of Judaism.

I am 0.6% random Eastern European. So perhaps a Lithuanian in my past. And then I love this 1.1% broadly European, so from everywhere. And then 0.1% Finnish.

**John:** Oh nice.

**Craig:** Oh I like that.

**John:** I love that Finnish is so specific. Yes.

**Craig:** It is. The Finnish language is very specific. Related to the Estonian language, interestingly enough. But I like that I’m just a little bit Finnish.

**John:** Mm-hmm. Nice.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** So I sent through my 23andMe kit a couple weeks ago and in the meantime they caught the Golden State Killer basically using this genetic information, which does give me some pause about like, “Oh, yeah, that’s right. Now my genetic information is in a database someplace and they’ll be able to track me down when I do something horrible.” Or not something horrible. That information could be used in ways that I would not like. So that does give me some pause now.

**Craig:** You know, I realize now at my age, and you and I are basically the same age, that our time for doing terrible things is essentially over. I think we would have been doing them, right?

**John:** I could have been doing them the whole time and just blacked them out.

**Craig:** There’s no maybe about that. That’s for sure.

**John:** People are either going to be nodding along or slightly horrified. Sometimes when you hear about a murder do you ever get that little moment like, “Wait, did I do that?”

**Craig:** Oh no. No, John. I don’t. And nobody does except for murderers. I am one of the people that is just starring in horror right now at my own microphone. [laughs] Because you hear about murders and go, “Oh, was that one of mine? Did I do that one?”

**John:** Yeah. Did I do that one? No.

**Craig:** God.

**John:** For the record I have committed no murders that I’m aware of. But I always do wonder what if I’m that character in a movie who has no idea that they’re actually the villain?

**Craig:** If I am that character my villainy is definitely sort of like petty nonsense. Removing the tags from furniture before it is sold. That kind of thing.

**John:** I have seen you sneaking into bedding stores and cutting off those tags.

**Craig:** Oh, that just sent a frisson down my spine in delight.

**John:** Let’s get back to our Neanderthal things because I am a toolmaker and I have a tool that–

**Craig:** Segue Man.

**John:** Yes. That just came out – well, this week it’s coming out. So it may be out by the time this episode drops. It might be out Thursday of the week this drops. But for the last three years we’ve been working on a sequel to Highland, the screenwriting app my company makes. Highland 2 is still a screenwriting app, but it also does a lot more things. It’s what I wrote both Arlo Finch books in. It’s what I wrote Aladdin in. It’s pretty much the only thing that’s ever open all the time on my computer.

And it’s finally available for people to use and download. And so I want to talk a little bit about that and sort of why I built it and why I love it. But more generally sort of like what stuff we actually use to get things written. Because you’ve talked on the program about Fade In which is your preferred screenwriting app. But I’ve never actually asked you what do you use to write treatments and outlines and the peripheral documents that you’re doing for things like Chernobyl. What are you using for that?

**Craig:** It’s a little embarrassing, but I use Word.

**John:** Oh my.

**Craig:** I know. And the thing is I know I don’t have to. I’ve got Pages for instance which is the Apple version. It’s just become this sort of thing. And especially now, I’m such an idiot because I’m on the stupid Office 365 thing now where now I’m apparently renting software and I can’t even buy it. But when I do treatments and like the show bible for Chernobyl, I did it in Word. Possibly just because I have some sort of blah-de-blah kind of familiarity with it. And unfortunately I do get a ton of stuff in .docx format. I presume that these other applications open .docx files with ease. But, you know, then you’ve got to export it back out I guess for other people. So that part’s annoying.

**John:** Yeah. So I would say Word is sort of the default. I mean, sort of like we talked about casting default white, it’s sort of default Word. So for things that aren’t a screenplay it becomes sort of default Word. And even for Arlo Finch I turn in all my early drafts as PDFs and I get notes back on the PDF. But at a certain point it goes into copy editing and I have to turn in the book in Word. And it’s just so horrifying because a thing I hadn’t really realized until these last two passes on Arlo Finch and having to convert the document is Word is really slow. Word is really slow at long documents. Not even just converting it, but actually opening it and scrolling through it, it lags even on a fast machine.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** I’ll put a link to the video. I did in a speed test I downloaded from Project Gutenberg the text of War and Peace. And I opened them in Word, iaWriter which is a plain text editor, Pages, and in Highland 2. How long do you think it would take to open War and Peace in Word? Just a plain text document.

**Craig:** Um, what’s my benchmark here? A MacBook Pro?

**John:** A recent iMac desktop computer.

**Craig:** That’s a pretty good computer. Well, just knowing the way it is with all the dumb baloney it has that you never use, I’m going to say it takes eight seconds.

**John:** It took six minutes and ten seconds.

**Craig:** Wait, what?

**John:** There’s a link here in the video for it. It took so long that I actually ended up putting a little marker in the video so people can speed through to where it gets done. It’s crazy.

**Craig:** That’s insane.

**John:** So Pages took 47 seconds. iaWriter takes a minute ten. Highland opens in less than eight seconds. And that’s what it should be.

**Craig:** Whoa.

**John:** I mean, it’s just text. It should just be able to speed through it. And that’s – and Arlo Finch is only 80,000 words, but when you deal with big documents you realize like, man, that is just brutally slow.

**Craig:** It is brutally slow.

**John:** It’s just not a good way to work.

**Craig:** I presume it’s because Microsoft Word is bloatware. I mean, it’s the definition of bloatware. It’s essentially offering you every possible freaking thing that you would ever theoretically need and then some. And so it’s got to chug all the text into its own proprietary burdened/over-burdened document format with all of the metadata that it’s generating.

I mean, Microsoft Word is – I find it useful when I’m dealing with tracking.

**John:** That’s the only reason why we have to do the Arlo Finch last changes in it, because it has this track changes and the copy editor will change things and I’ll say yes or I’ll rewrite them or I’ll stet them. And that’s a process, but brutal. Just brutal.

**Craig:** Yeah. Wow. That’s really freaking long. So maybe I should get Highland 2. And how much does that cost, John?

**John:** Highland 2 is a free download.

**Craig:** What?

**John:** And if you like it then it’s a $49 in-app purchase to unlock everything, or $29 for the first week. So it is a much cheaper application. And it’s a one-time purchase. It’s not rental.

**Craig:** So if I buy it today it’s $30.

**John:** If you buy it today it’s $30.

**Craig:** I’m buying it right now. It is on the store?

**John:** It will be on the Mac App Store.

**Craig:** It is on the App Store right now? It is available now?

**John:** Not as we’re recording this, but it will be either by the time the episode comes out or afterwards. But I sent you an unlocked version. So you already have it.

**Craig:** Oh. I should really go through my emails.

**John:** We talked in the episode before on conflict of interest, and this is so clearly I need to disclose a conflict of interest because I’m talking about this thing that I love but also I’m the company that makes it and profits from it. So, full conflict of interest disclaimers here. But I want to talk about why the app is the way it is because it’s just basically I wanted the app a certain way and it’s very particular to sort of my taste in how things should be. But there are also just tools in there that were useful for me.

So, here’s an example. Craig, as you’re working through stuff if you have things you want to cut but you want to hold on to what do you do with those things? Like a scene or a line of dialogue?

**Craig:** Sure. So I used to take that scene or dialogue, open a new file, for instance in Fade In, and then dump it into a new file, retitle that something, some descriptive word, and snip it and keep it in the same folder. But now Fade In, because I asked Kent to do it and he just did it because he’s a cool guy. Now there’s this kind of versioning alt system where I can create an Alt within the document itself, and so it’s holding it there.

**John:** So you’re just doing that for dialogue or you’re doing alts for like a scene?

**Craig:** I can do it for anything. But yeah, if there’s a scene that I’m like oh, you know what, this doesn’t belong in this episode anymore. I’ll just kind of alt it out. So it’s in there but it’s not visible or printable. I have options but that’s kind of what I do.

**John:** So for me I was always frustrated that when you use video editing software you have a bin where you can just throw all the little clips and bits and bobs and stuff. And so we added that for Highland 2.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** So you can take any bit of text and just drag it over to the side and it sticks in a bin. And it holds there. So it’s useful for those things you want to hold onto, but it’s also good when you need to rearrange a lot of stuff. Because I’m sure you’ve been in situations where you have to move this scene and this scene and that scene and the copying and pasting of it all becomes quite ornate, because you have to remember what is going where, where are things.

So this way you can just drag that scene over to the bin, then move it and drag it back out where you want to do it. So it’s useful for sort of the rearranging function as well.

**Craig:** I like that. Here’s the truth. There are times in my life where I suddenly go, “Oh my god, if I don’t break out of this rut of some tool, like Microsoft Word, I’m just going to become the annoying person for my kids when they’re an adult.” Like I had to get my mother-in-law off of AOL. And I failed.

But, yeah, I don’t want Jack and Jessie to be like, “Oh god, Dad still uses Microsoft Word. It’s embarrassing.” So maybe I’m just going to switch over and use Highland for like–

**John:** Yeah, use it for that stuff first. And then if you like it for that stuff you might try writing some scenes in Highland. See if you like how it feels for that. Because it’s just very different underneath your fingers.

**Craig:** Now I’m very dizzy.

**John:** So two other tools which I think you might find useful, even if you’re not using it fulltime. Highland’s sort of big marquee feature when we first launched it, version 1.0, was that you can take a screenplay PDF, drag it onto Highland, and it will basically melt the PDF down and give you an editable script.

And so since we did that, I think Fade In can do that.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** Final Draft still can’t do it. We’re still the best, and I’ll say that pretty confidently, because between Highland and Weekend Read we just do it a lot. So we just have a much bigger database of how to work through those scripts and so our algorithms are just sort of tighter on that.

But a thing we added for this most recent version, which is also fun for people to play with, is gender analysis. And so you can take a script you’re working on, a Final Draft script, a PDF, anything and throw it on Highland and underneath Tools there’s a new tool called Gender Analysis. And so it goes through your script, it takes a look at all the characters. You can flag them whether they are male/female/or undefined. And it will give you a chart showing the breakdown of the dialogue in the script, who has the lines, whether two female characters are interacting with each other in any scenes.

**Craig:** Ah, the Bechdel Test section.

**John:** Yes. And so it gives you a quick look at sort of what that is. So two scripts I looked at recently, first was La La Land. And so where do you think the breakdown is going to be for La La Land? Do you think it’s going to be equal male/female? What are you guessing?

**Craig:** I’m going to say that La La Land edged toward female.

**John:** You are correct. So character wise, La La Land has 20 male characters, 11 female characters. I left ten unspecified. These are people like waiter or things that are just not necessarily clear or it doesn’t have to be one way or the other. But in the actual dialogue spoken it was basically even. Men had 49% of the lines, women had 48% of the lines. When you actually look at words spoken, which Highland can also track, it’s exactly equal. So 49%/49%. That’s a pretty useful thing.

If you take a look at Thor, 2011 Thor, what would you guess the split is there?

**Craig:** It’s going to be weighted quite male.

**John:** Yeah. You are correct. 70% of the lines spoken are by men. So even though there’s two female characters – well, there’s more than two – but there’s two principal female characters in Thor, it’s Thor and he does most of the speaking.

**Craig:** Oh, god, wait until you run Chernobyl through this thing.

**John:** Well, you can.

**Craig:** Well, I could tell you what the answer is. I mean, we’re talking about a situation in a male-dominated society in a power plant full of men and an army full of men. We’ve tried to put women everywhere we can. We really have. We’ve made the best of what we can. We’re also like weirdly by definition the whitest show that’s ever existed because they were all white.

But what I really like about this is in a sense the value that you’re providing with this feature may be in the use of the feature rather than the output of the feature. Just having to do it forces you to think about it and you might even start changing things before you even do it just because you kind of know what you’re in for if you haven’t really, you know, kind of thought it through right.

**John:** Yeah. So I wanted it to be sort of not a scolding kind of thing but actually a tool you can use along the way. So because you can click and change a character from male to female you can say like, “Well, what if I took this character and made it female. Oh, that actually does balance things out a lot more.” Or if you see that the chart is just wildly off and it doesn’t feel like you’re making a Chernobyl where it’s very difficult to adjust those things you might say, “Oh, this is a thing I could do to get you through this.”

This all came from, you know, over the past year there have been these big studies of going back through past scripts and you talk to them about how they actually did it and they were going through and hand-coding all this stuff to figure out whether things are male or female and counting lines individually. That’s something computers should do.

**Craig:** Agreed.

**John:** So we’re doing it.

**Craig:** Excellent.

**John:** Excellent. What are you using for outlining or do you outline?

**Craig:** I do. Oh, yes.

**John:** I started using Workflowy for some outlining stuff, but what are you using for outlines?

**Craig:** Microsoft Word. [laughs] Well, so–

**John:** All right.

**Craig:** Again, one of the things I actually like about Microsoft Word is when I’m doing a proper outline it does have a very simple kind of scheme to roman numeral to number one to letter to little roman numeral. It kind of does that for you. And it does that well with tab and return.

And then sometimes I might make an outline where I just go Act One, and then it’s 1….and then the next 2. And it does lists automatically. And if I go back and stick something between 2 and 3 it knows to bump everything down. So things like that kind of make it easy so that’s what I do for that stuff.

**John:** Yeah. I’ve started using Workflowy which is what we use for our podcast outlines. For some of that stuff and also just making lists of these are the things I need to make sure I fix in this next pass of Arlo Finch.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** I like it. I don’t love it. It’s not my sort of most favorite tool. So I think I’m still looking for an outliner. Inevitably I’ll probably have the company build it for me, but I’m still looking for a thing I really like for that.

**Craig:** Put Nima to work, you know? He’s just sitting around with nothing to do. Let’s go, Nima.

**John:** Absolutely. A thing we haven’t talked about at all so far is Final Draft. So, if you want to hear the history of John and Craig and Final Draft you can go back to the one with the episode, the one with the guys from Final Draft.

I had to use Final Draft this past year for – I did a small little rewrite on a superhero movie that was in production. And so there was no getting out of just dealing with the Final Draft file they sent. And so I could have converted it and like, nope, it was going to make everything much worse if I tried. So, I did it in Final Draft with revisions on. It reminded me of why Final Draft is so maddening.

**Craig:** So bad.

**John:** To try to move stuff around, it was just not a good experience.

**Craig:** Ugh, the worst. I just went through it myself. I was rewriting something. The director had written a draft and was asking me to do a new draft. And I just needed to stay in Final Draft for them. And, first of all, you feel like you’re going back in time.

**John:** Yep.

**Craig:** For sure. There were moments where I would delete something, or I would say, “Oh you know what I’m going to do, I’m going to take this line of dialogue here. It’s the second sentence of this dialogue block and I’m going to actually add it in front of the first sentence of this” and it thinks, “Oh, you’re trying to make a character name that’s 14 words long.” And I’m like, what? Why would you think that’s what I want to do? Why would you think that? Who adds things onto a character’s name with cut and paste? It’s the dumbest – oh god.

**John:** Yeah. So in general I find trying – after working in Highland I get really frustrated sort of going back to that stuff because it is – every line has a definition of like what it is and you’ve had to declare like this is a character name, this is dialogue. And it’s not doing any logic about what could you actually be intending here.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And that just gets really frustrating. And sometimes trying to delete across things gets to be hard because–

**Craig:** The worst.

**John:** Because you’re in different spaces. Or you get stuck in a parenthetical.

**Craig:** Oh, that’s another thing. You delete a bunch of stuff and then it just changes the format of what comes next. Why would it do that? Why would any – oh my god! What’s wrong with you, Final Draft? Why do you do that?

**John:** Yeah. It is maddening. And so these are some of the reasons I made Highland 2. If you want to see it and download it it’s for the Mac. It should be on the Mac App Store this week as we are recording this. So, I hope people enjoy it.

**Craig:** I think that’s fantastic. And I have just downloaded – now I have the beta. But, you know what John? I’m kind of beta. I’m OK with it.

**John:** [laughs] I’ll get you a magic unlock code so you can get the full power version. I will say one last thing about pricing on it is that we were trying to figure out what to price it at. And so the reason why we went from $30 to free because I wanted just a lot of people to be able to use it and try it. And we always had problems where like schools would say, “Oh hey, we want to install it on all of our school computers.” And then it was like, ugh, like we couldn’t find – you had to make a special version for them. It just got to be a whole deal.

So I wanted students to be able to use it for free. It prints a little watermark saying Made in Highland, but otherwise it’s the full app. So I wanted people to be able to try it.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** So we’re going broad.

**Craig:** Well, I’m rooting for you.

**John:** All right. Let’s do some questions. Noah writes, “I’ve just been reading William Goldman’s screenplays lately and it’s hard not to take note of his formatting, in particular how he writes his scene headings. He doesn’t use INT or EXT, nor does he use day or night. Just whomever or whatever he’s directing the camera to focus on. It’s aggravating when I think about the times I’ve been instructed how to properly format while writing and then see Mr. Goldman’s work.

“There’s even a spot in Princess Bride where a scene heading is Something We Hadn’t Expected, on page 64. When I read that I laughed and swore out loud. But honestly what’s an aspiring writer to do when he’s trying to get the form right and yet he reads that?”

**Craig:** Here’s the truth. Noah, if you write like William Goldman then you just write whatever you want. William Goldman, I suspect when he was writing, as we sometimes write as like service people, you know, so you and I will be hired to help on something and then like we were using Final Draft because that’s what the production was using. When you help you stay in their format. I don’t think William Goldman was unaware of the format. But when William Goldman is adapting his own novel, The Princess Bride, into a screenplay The Princess Bride, he can write whatever the hell he wants.

And it’s also a different situation. That’s a situation where it’s sort of like, “Hey, let’s all make a movie together with this incredibly highly accomplished screenwriter adapting his own novel.” It doesn’t matter. And the truth is none of it really matters anyway. Even if you’re not William Goldman, you’re not adapting your own famous novel, and you haven’t written anything, if you write some amazing – if I just pick up your script, I open the first page, and the first three lines are gorgeous, I don’t care. In fact, at that point if you’ve just decided to reinvent the format entirely what do I care? The most important thing is as I’m reading it I have to ask this question: can I shoot this? Right?

And if you can shoot it, then it works. Something we hadn’t expected is shootable. It’s actually really interesting information. You and I say this stuff until we’re blue in the face and it doesn’t really matter. We are essentially just howling at the moon because there are a million people out there who undo the work that we do on a daily basis. Go, John, just wander over to Reddit screenwriting and witness the weekly conversation about how no one should ever write “we see”. It just blows my mind and there’s nothing we can do to stop it except to just say to those of you out there willing to come along in faith and trust us, this stuff is not that important. OK? It’s just not

If you’re writing a screenplay, probably you’re going to want to stay in the format that everybody is comfortable with. But if you want to experiment a little, or if you want to just pick a moment, a sequence in your screenplay where something wild is happening and you want to unmoor yourself from this stuff, go for it. Be creative. Have some fun for god’s sakes. This is a dumb format invented for stupid typewriters in 1920. You know what I mean? Whatever. Go nuts.

**John:** Yeah. So I would say what is important about the standard formatting is there’s just an expectation. And it’s simple and it’s clean and people sort of get it. And so the degree to which you can just stay in the format that everyone already gets, basically it’s free. Like INT and EXT and all that stuff just come for free and people don’t even notice it anymore, which is useful. So as long as you’re just doing the stuff that nobody notices they’ll actually read your words.

If you are doing something that’s really weird and strangely formatted and it doesn’t seem like you know what you’re doing and you don’t seem confident and it doesn’t seem like this is going to be worth their time, that’s when you have a problem if you’re doing strange formatting stuff. So just write brilliantly and then your formatting just won’t matter as much.

**Craig:** Yeah. I mean, look, 99% of people are going to write a bad screenplay and then it doesn’t matter if it’s properly formatted or not. And 1% are going to write to write a great screenplay and it doesn’t matter if it’s properly formatted or not. That’s basically my attitude about this.

**John:** Do you want to take a question from Lee?

**Craig:** Yeah. Sure. Lee writes, “I wrote a dark comedy horror. A guy, someone I know at a management company, liked it and thought it worked as a sample for a director who wants a co-writer on a project he’s already got sketched out. I had a call yesterday. The director is sending a beat sheet my way next week. Question number one: any advice on how to write a draft from someone else’s beat sheet?

“Question number two: they also like the piece I originally sent and seemed like they may be interested putting that together, too, if I can deliver on this one. Any general advice for a person in my situation? I want to take full advantage of this opportunity.

“And, question number three: what should I look out for misstep or danger wise?”

John, we’ve got one, two, three. What’s your answer for Lee?

**John:** My answer for Lee is that the thing that you’re thinking about doing with the director, great. And go with god and try to basically sit down with that person, figure out if there is a common vision for this movie that you’d be writing I guess together. He’s already got this beat sheet. If you agree with the approach of the movie that probably goes beyond just what this beat sheet is, I say go for it. You don’t have a lot to lose from working with somebody who probably already has some stuff happening.

In terms of this management company may want to represent you on this script, that’s great. And so I would just say let that be a separate thread of your relationship with this management company and this manager. They may not be signing you right away as this whole process begins, but get their honest feedback to see if you could work with them as a management company. And let those two things sort of go separately.

A question will naturally come up like if you do decide to write this thing with the director are you guys just working on this together? Is this your joint project? Is that person hiring you? That you’re going to have to figure out. But it’s not quite clear yet how real any of these things are.

**Craig:** Well, yes. So it says that the director wants a cowriter on a project he’s already got sketched out. So, with that in mind I think one thing to look out for, Lee, is you’ve received a beat sheet, but a beat sheet is not tablets from the top of Mount Sinai. It’s a beat sheet. And if you’re going to be a cowriter, you’re a cowriter. That means you’re an equal writer. And that means you don’t have to go down this path if you don’t quite get it.

It’s fair to say, “OK, I’ve read your beat sheet. Let’s just have some conversations. Let’s start talking about this. If we’re going to write together, let’s feel these things out. And let me tell you what I’m loving. And then I have a bunch of questions I want to ask.” That’s the way I always pose, by the way, I don’t talk about problems. I talk about questions. And sort of take that beat sheet and make a new beat sheet that is instead of His, Ours.

And then talk about how the writing is going to work before the writing happens. How does he see that happening? You do ten, I do ten, we swap? Or we sit in a room together? Here’s what you don’t want. “Oh, you’ll write a first draft and I’ll just come and sprinkle some of my magic dust on it.” That’s not actually co-writing.

**John:** That’s not writing, yeah.

**Craig:** That’s something else. So if that’s a situation then it’s story by the two of you, screenplay by you, directed by him. So these are things that are just good to work out. Do not rely on the manager to advocate for you here. If the manager is representing the director then the manager will advocate for the director. You’re going to have to advocate for yourself. Gently, but firmly.

**John:** Yep. And good luck. Again, let us know a year from now what’s happened with this. I’m really curious what happens next.

**Craig:** Perfect.

**John:** Nick writes, “I recently finished the first episode of a TV show I’m writing. When I started the second episode I realized I didn’t know if I needed to re-highlight or capitalize the name of the first appearance of already established characters from the first episode in the second episode. Is this something I need to do or can I just leave them un-highlighted or un-capitalized?”

Craig, what would you do? What are you doing in Chernobyl? In Episode two, the first time we see one of those recurring characters are you upper-casing his name?

**Craig:** No. I uppercase the name just the first time we see them in the first episode. I don’t re-uppercase because it just seems silly. But, you could. I don’t think it would be – I mean, in the end what we’re really talking about is one instance of capitalizing, so do it or don’t do it. Generally speaking, no one is going to read the second episode if they didn’t like the first, which means they’ve seen this character and they read about them. No one is going to pick up the second one without reading the first. So there’s no concern there.

Hey, you know something I didn’t know, John? I’ve learned so many things about television all at once because I had to. So, they asked me to number the scripts. Obviously this is quite some time ago. Put scene numbers on. And so I put scene numbers on each script and we had this for all. And then eventually when we had our first AD on he said, “You know, we generally start like in episode three the first scene is scene 301, not 1.” Well, I didn’t know that.

**John:** That would make sense.

**Craig:** I did not know that. And it’s a very simple thing to do in any normal screenwriting program. But it’s so useful. And like, duh. I didn’t know. Silly me.

**John:** So even if you end up moving a scene from one episode to another episode, like that scene 302 might end up in episode two for some reason in post, but it was 302. That makes a lot of sense.

I have two things I want to address with Nick’s question here. So, first off, I want to distinguish the type [unintelligible] he wants to distinguish between capitalization and uppercase. Capitalization is the first letter of a word being capitalized. So you can say “all caps,” but really uppercase would be the better way to describe when everything is the capital letters.

Uppercase of course comes from typography where in old middle type there were two cases, the case above, the case below. The case above had all the uppercase letters. The case below had all the lowercase letters. The capitals and the lowercase. I just think it’s neat that it was actually a physical case.

In terms of uppercasing the names in that script, I bet different series do different things. And I can imagine some series, their house rules are that the first time a character appears in any given episode you uppercase it so you know that’s the first time we’re seeing that character. I bet other shows don’t do it all, more like what Craig is doing with Chernobyl.

**Craig:** Yeah. In the end – you’ll be fine, Nick. Don’t you worry.

Oh, Colin O’Connor tweets – oh, I like this, he’s tweeting. “Do you have good advice for interesting characters who are onscreen but not important yet? How about intro-ing during a heavy action scene when a character is important but you don’t want to take a break from the urgency of the scene?”

All right, so you get what he’s going for here, John, right?

**John:** Absolutely. So basically you’re trying to plant some sort of flag saying like pay attention but not too much attention to this character because we’re going to come back to this person later. Sometimes you’ll end up saying kind of that. Where it’s just like obviously you’re uppercasing their name because it’s the first time we’re seeing them. I would give the quick description and like, comma, becomes important later. Just because you want to clue into the reader like this is the first appearance of that character and it’s helpful if you remember that he existed there.

The scene in which the character is actually doing something important, you may want to actually then do the bigger description of who that person is if you didn’t want to break the flow of the action beat for example to put in a real character description of that person.

**Craig:** Absolutely. There’s a character at the end of episode four that we meet in the middle of just the final bits of that episode. And there’s no dialogue or anything. We’re just moving around, sort of a montage of different people and different places and we haven’t seen him before. And he’s going to be a big part of episode five. I’m sorry, it’s the end of three, he’s going to be a big part of episode four. And I just write here’s a young man, he’s 21, and then in parentheses “we will see him again.” That’s all.

So, OK.

**John:** Classic.

**Craig:** And then we do. So that’s all. You know, in general, I have to say folks not that – we love all these questions. We love all questions. But you know just general common sense in a weird way. Not that you guys don’t have common sense. I think you do. I think the problem is so many of you are scared of your own common sense because the screenwriting amateur net has freaked you out that you are running through some sort of minefield and your script is going to explode in your face and shrapnel everywhere if you miscapitalize or don’t introduce somebody. It’s not like that at all.

In general, I think you should take some good deep breaths. These things will never kill you. Never.

**John:** Yep. Our final question comes from Josh in Seattle. He says, “I’m reading the script for Logan in Weekend Read and I’m curious if there’s a term for the establishing material that writers insert on page two after the first instance of violence. Here’s the quote, ‘Now might be a good time to talk about the ‘fights’ described in the next 100 or so pages. Basically, if you want a hyper-choreographed gravity-defying, city block destroying CG F-athon, this isn’t your movie. In this flick people will get hurt or killed when shit falls on them. They will get just as hurt or just as killed if they get hit with something big and heavy like say a car. Should anyone in our story have the misfortune to fall off a roof or out a window, they won’t bounce. They will die.’

“I’ve never encountered this type of contextual prose in a script but I really liked it when I read it. Can a first-time screenwriter get away with this type of technique in a screenplay? Are you aware of other examples of this type of creative license?”

**Craig:** No, you can’t. I forgot to mention this is the one mine that if you step on this you will explode. Your family will die. Your pets will drown. Even if they’re not near water. And children all over the world will have nightmares.

You can do whatever – ugh. So, there’s a paragraph that I did like this for Cowboy, Ninja, Viking because it’s a weird concept and you have to explain the cinematic language of what’s going on. When I call the character this, when I call the character this, this is what you’re seeing, this is what you’re feeling. It’s just description. It’s like an aside, essentially.

In journalism sometimes you’ll see a parenthesis and then N.B. for nota bene, meaning here’s a note from the author to you on how to read this. You can do that. I tend to put these things in all italics to discriminate between onscreen action and, oh, I’m talking to you.

Let me rephrase your question, Josh, so I can give you a different answer. Can a first-time screenwriter get away with blank? The answer to you is yes.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** Put anything you want in the blank.

**John:** 100% yes.

**Craig:** That is legal. That does not violate laws. Yes.

**John:** Nice. All right. It’s time for our One Cool Things. My One Cool Thing came out of a sort of YouTube hole I fell down in. I’m doing some research for a period movie I may be working on. My first period movie, actually. I’m not a big period movie person. But this thing that I might be working on takes place in the ‘50s. And so I was looking at a bunch of ‘50s videos and I came across this video called Welcome to Southern California.

It is produced by the Santa Fe Railroad. It is a tourism video about how great Southern California is. And I’m going to play one little clip here because I found it absolutely fascinating.

[Clip plays]

So I find this pronunciation of the city I live in, Los Angeles, I pronounce this Los Angeles. And it’s like who is this person talking? And then as you do more research you realize like, oh, that actually was a very common pronunciation of the city at the time. And so obviously this is a Spanish name. It’s been converted a bunch of different times. We’ve finally come to a consensus that it’s Los Angeles. But at this time there was a real controversy over how to pronounce the city. And the pronunciation in this video, which is Los Angle-ease was really common. And it’s just really strange that a city that I’ve lived in all this time is that way.

I also love that he puts four syllables in California. Cali-for-nee-ah.

**Craig:** I know. I love that.

**John:** Cal-eh-for-nee-ah. Oh, five syllables. I’m sorry. California. It’s just so odd. And so he does it through the entire video. And so it’s just so funny – first off, to see these places that I know so well, but to have them narrated as if it’s some sort of alien landscape. It’s just great. I loved this video.

**Craig:** When Barton Fink shows up to the hotel in Barton Fink, the bellhop who is played by Steve Buscemi says, “Welcome to Los Angle-Ease, Mr. Fink.” And I love that Los Angle-Ease. But we have these now in Los Angeles. And my wife points them out all the time because she is fluent in Spanish, so obviously she knows how to pronounce things properly.

And these phrases grate on her all the time. Like, for instance, Los Feliz, that’s just insane. We all know it’s Feliz. There’s the song Feliz Navidad. Why are we calling it Los Feel-Is. That’s nuts. Why do we call it San Pee-dro? That’s crazy. It’s San Pedro, obviously. It’s San Pedro.

Sepulveda is Supple-Veda. We do this all the time.

**John:** And we’re also not consistent about how we change things. And so two major north/south streets in Los Angeles are La Brea and La Cienega. Both of those are “La”s. They’re both “laws.” But we’ve decided it’s Le Brea but La Cienega. Why? Who knows? But that’s how we’ve done it.

**Craig:** Right. Like why isn’t La Brea?

**John:** Because it sounds crazy to say La Brea. You could totally tell somebody does not know the name of the street if they say La Brea.

**Craig:** Do you know when I first moved to Los Angeles I was driving around looking for an apartment in North Hollywood. And I came across this very large thoroughfare and the street sign said Laurel Cyn. And I thought, oh, is this like a Welsh name? And it’s Canyon.

**John:** It’s just short for Canyon.

**Craig:** It’s just short of Canyon. I’m like, “Oh, Coldwater Cyn? Huh.”

**John:** Yeah. Even in sort of your neighborhood is also Cañada or also Canada? Some things have the Ñ and some things don’t. And I don’t know whether the Ñ got dropped off just because of the sign or if it really isn’t there. And sometimes you’ll see the Y put in there to make the sound for the Ñ. So it’s all frustrating.

**Craig:** It’s really weird. So La Cañada, the official name of La Cañada there is a tilde over the N. And usually people will include it, but when people are typing things, you know, filling out forms and such sometimes the tilde will freak out poorly designed forms. And so you’ll see like when they spit your address back it’s got some crazy ass characters shoved in there.

But my street, they just shoved a Y in because I guess–

**John:** Just because.

**Craig:** Yeah. Like back then somebody was like I don’t understand this tilde thing. Let’s just put the Y in. That’ll make it easy. No. It’s made it really hard. It’s really super annoying, because I’d love to be able to just say Canada and be done with it to the people on the phone that I’m trying to order something from. But, no. So, yeah, no, what can you do.

**John:** Nothing.

**Craig:** Well that’s excellent. My One Cool Thing is a bit – I’d like to read you something.

**John:** Please.

**Craig:** It’s a short little clip. So I’m reading this book called Less. Have you heard of this book, John, Less?

**John:** I have heard of Less, but I don’t know the context of it, so tell me.

**Craig:** It just won the Pulitzer Prize. Well, I’m fairly early on. I’m say about a quarter of the way in. And it’s about a novelist who is suspicious that perhaps he might just be mediocre, but he does write things that have gotten some notice. And he was in this very long relationship with a poet who actually was really, really good, but when that guy dies he’s kind of now – and this guy was much older than him. And now he’s approaching his 50th birthday. He’s starting to panic. His younger boyfriend has gone to marry somebody else. He’s alone.

And, so you know like John we get invited to seminars and these like, “Oh, come to the such-and-such festival and be a judge at the Wichita Best Screenplay.” He decides, “Screw it, I’m going to accept all of these and just go around the world from one of these baloney things to another, whether it’s a symposium or being a judge, or having my book up for an award.” And so that’s where I am in the book.

But there’s this wonderful paragraph that he wrote that I thought was, oh my god, just so beautiful in terms of how it described the torture of writing. And he’s talking about his life living with his former lover who was this brilliant poet who won a Pulitzer Prize in the novel. And this is what he writes. And, by the way, I don’t mean to imply at all that I am saying that I or you are a genius. It’s just that he refers to this notion of a writing genius and I thought there was something fascinating about it. Oh, and the novel is called Less and it is by Andrew Sean Greer. And so here’s this little bit.

“What was it like to live with genius? Like living alone. Like living with a tiger. Everything had to be sacrificed for the work. Plans had to be canceled. Meals had to be delayed. Liquor had to be bought as soon as possible, or else all poured into the sink. Money had to be rationed or spent lavishly, changing daily. The sleep schedule was the poet’s to make, and it was often late nights as it was early mornings. The habit was the demon pet in the house. The habit. The habit. The habit. The morning coffee and books and poetry. The silence until noon. Could he be tempted by a morning stroll? He could. He always could. It was the only addiction where the sufferer longed for anything but the desired.

“But a morning walk meant work undone and suffering, suffering, suffering. Keep the habit. Help the habit. Lay out the coffee and poetry. Keep the silence. Smile when he walks sulkily out of his office to the bathroom. Take nothing personally. And did you sometimes leave an art book around with the thought that it would be the key to his mind? And did you sometimes put on music that might unlock the doubt and fear? Did you love it, the rain dance every day? Only when it rained. Where did the genius come from? Where did it go? Like allowing another lover into the house to live with you. Someone you’d never met, but whom you knew he loved more than you. Poetry every day. A novel every few years. Something happened in that room despite everything. Something beautiful happened. It was the only place in the world where time made things better. Life with doubt. Doubt in the morning with the oil beating on a cup of coffee. Doubt in the pee break, not catching his eye. Doubt in the sound of the front door opening and closing, a restless walk, no goodbye, and in the return doubt in the slow sound of typewriter keys. Doubt at lunch time taken in his room. Doubt vanishing in the afternoon like a fog. Doubt driven away. Doubt forgotten. Four in the morning, feeling him stirring awake, knowing he is staring at the darkness at doubt. Life with doubt, a memoir.”

Isn’t that great?

**John:** That’s great.

**Craig:** I just love that.

**John:** It also reminds me of sort of the worst of my habits and trying to recognize when I’m veering in that direction.

**Craig:** I know. I know. And I think he really just nails something here in terms of, you know, you and I have talked before about what it’s like to live with us. What it’s like for Mike, what it’s like for Melissa. And, again, not that we’re the geniuses of this particular summary, but I think all writers to some extent, all professional writers share these certain things. We do have these – it’s this addiction where we long for anything but the desired. And I love the notion that there’s for the people that live with the writer they are aware that there’s this other lover that this person is always chasing.

And it’s fascinating. And I just thought it was so beautifully written. I mean, I just – I’m just so enamored by this guy. Andrew Sean Greer. He’s so good at sentences. I just love him. So, I’m really enjoying this book. So I guess the larger One Cool Thing is this novel Less by Andrew Sean Greer. But at least individually and in a small component way, I love this little passage.

**John:** Very nice. All right, that is our show for this week. Our show is produced by Megan McDonnell. It is edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our outro this week is by Larry Douziech. If you have an outro you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send longer questions like the ones we answered today. Short questions on Twitter are great. Craig is @clmazin. I am @johnaugust.

You can find us on Apple Podcasts. Just search for Scriptnotes, or wherever you find your podcasts. If you want to leave us a review that is swell.

You’ll find the show notes for this episode and all episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. There will also be transcripts. They go up about four to seven days after the episode posts.

If you want to come to our live show you should. It is May 22nd. You should buy tickets now because they will probably sell out. If you want the VIP tickets, I think those are much more limited so move on those quick if you would like those.

And you can find all the back episodes, including the previous live shows, at Scriptnotes.net. Or on one of the USB drives. So once we sell out of the 300-episode USB drives we will make some 350 episodes so that we can keep them safe for any potential world-ending calamities.

**Craig:** Right. Yeah. Because we’re important.

**John:** Yeah. We are important. And we are European but not related.

**Craig:** Correct.

**John:** If people ask. We know that now. Craig, enjoy your next week of shooting there and I hope it all goes well.

**Craig:** Thank you, sir. We’ll talk soon.

**John:** Bye.

Links:

* Our next live Scriptnotes with Jonah Nolan & Lisa Joy (Westworld) and Stephen McFeely & Christopher Markus (Avengers: Infinity War) will be Tuesday, May 22nd at the ArcLight in Hollywood. [Tickets are on sale now](https://scriptnotes.brownpapertickets.com) — proceeds benefit [Hollywood HEART](http://www.hollywoodheart.org), which runs special programs and summer camps for at-risk youth.
* [Frank Oz](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Oz), in case you’re curious
* Look how fast [Highland 2](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehKDtQ3Dbhw) loads War and Peace compared to other programs!
* [Scriptnotes, Ep 125: The One with the Guys from Final Draft](http://johnaugust.com/2014/the-one-with-the-guys-from-final-draft)
* [Welcome to Southern California](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-l13UMBlkM&app=desktop) includes a 1953 pronunciation of “Los Angeles”
* [Less](https://www.amazon.com/Less-Winner-Pulitzer-Prize-Novel/dp/0316316121) by Andrew Sean Greer
* [The Scriptnotes Listeners’ Guide!](http://johnaugust.com/guide)
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Scriptnotes, Episode 348: All About Family, Transcript

May 8, 2018 News, Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2018/all-about-family).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Episode 348 of Scriptnotes.

**Craig:** Whoa.

**John:** A podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

On today’s program it’s another installment of How Would This Be a Movie in which we take a look at news stories our listeners have sent us and try to figure out how we can stick Michael B. Jordan in them.

Craig, you are shooting your show. You’re shooting Chernobyl. How is it going this week?

**Craig:** It’s going really well. I am very, very pleased. You know, in general I don’t like talking about these things per se. I’ve noticed that the newer generation of screenwriter is very forthcoming with these things. So they’ll send pictures from the set and they’ll talk about their funny experiences that they’re having. I’m not really that guy. I like to sort of go, you know what, I like to deliver a show in a little package, a movie in a little package, and say, “OK, it’s ready to be opened.”

But, that said, it’s been going really, really well. We have this wonderful cast. We’re in some incredible locations. And today, very moving day on set, because as we are recording this it is currently April 26th. So today is the 32nd anniversary of the disaster at Chernobyl. And the explosion which took place at 1:23 in the morning led us to have a moment of silence on set today. Lasted one minute and 23 seconds. It was quite moving and quite beautiful. And just to kind of keep the Chernobyl vibe going, in just about ten days or so I will be at actual Chernobyl, which is sort of a dream come true for me because I’ve been living with it in my mind for years now. So, this is exciting times for young Craig Mazin.

**John:** I’m very excited for you. So, I can’t wait to hear more stories about how it all comes together and to see the real show. You guys don’t know when the show will come out yet, do you?

**Craig:** We do. I’m not sure I’m supposed to – I don’t know if we can say that stuff.

**John:** At some point in the future.

**Craig:** Let’s put it this way: it will be next year.

**John:** It’ll be next year. Cool.

**Craig:** Early next year. Not late next year. Before the middle of next year. How about that?

**John:** Fantastic. We can be much more specific about dates on our live show. So, on May 22nd we are going to have the next Scriptnotes live show. Craig will be back in town. We will have some special guests who we will announce soon. But tickets are already up for sale. So, this is a benefit for Hollywood Heart, a great organization that helps at-risk youth in Los Angeles. And tickets for it are on sale. It’s going to be May 22nd at the ArcLight, 8pm. So, if you would like to come see us, come see us, because it should be a really good show. This is our annual show that we do for them. And it should be another great event.

**Craig:** And we’re kind of saying to people that they should buy a ticket on faith at this point, because we’re still working out who is going to be on it. But we don’t disappoint. And honestly, John, I got to feel like you and I are enough.

**John:** We should be enough of a draw. But, I get why people are curious who the special guests will be. And I’m very eager to announce them once it’s actually official that we can announce who these folks are going to be.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Cool. Last week we answered a question about multicam. Matt wrote in to say, “I used to work in multicam, including a couple of Chuck Lorre shows. And what I always heard from the writers about double spacing was that the wider spacing baked in some of the spread time-wise for laughs in the final broadcast. Scripts were ideally delivered at 45 pages or so, double spaced. Above 50 was considered long for a draft. Single cam drafts usually come in much shorter, around 30 pages by comparison.

“Why action lines are capitalized is an answer I’m less sure of, but I believe it’s a holdover from theatre and vaudeville. An interesting and perhaps intended side effect of all caps is that it encourages less action description overall, which is useful since your show’s actors are usually navigating the home sets and maybe one swing set traditionally.”

**Craig:** That makes sense. There’s less to say because you’re not talking about new places. And there’s only so many things you can do in say the set for – what was the Frasier café? The Café Nervosa? I can’t remember.

**John:** Yes, yes. Or Central Perk in Friends.

**Craig:** Exactly. Central Perk. The world’s largest coffee shop in Manhattan. It’s the world’s least busy and largest coffee shop in Manhattan. So that makes total sense. It just seems a little, I don’t know, readably – is readably a word? I don’t know. Legibility? I guess that’s the word. It’s like a lot. Maybe they’ll stop doing it now because really in the age of texting and online communication sitcom scripts, multicam scripts, look like they’re screaming at you. So, I don’t know, maybe they’ll stop doing all caps.

**John:** Yeah, we’ll see. I think the spacing in terms of giving a sense of overall length and flow, that feels like sort of one of those industry norms that comes up and arises. So we’ve talked about on the show many times that a minute per page as a rule of thumb, it doesn’t really mean that one page of your screenplay is going to be a minute. It just ends up working out to be about that way. So most scripts are between 100 and 120 pages. Most movies are about two hours or less. So, it’s useful. And we can look through a script and see like, OK, this feels long, this feels short. For something like a half hour sitcom, it’s going to have those laughs which are stalling things. Yeah. That could be useful.

**Craig:** I was talking with our excellent script supervisor, Chris Rouse, today and the topic of timings came up because one thing that script supervisors do in film and television I guess – I’m new to television, so everything is new to me in television – is they do timings where they will essentially estimate based on their guess how long would this screenplay be if you kept everything in it. How long would your episode be? And the point of it is to determine essentially ahead of time “Are we automatically heading into a situation where we’re shooting perhaps too much? Are we heading into a situation where we might be a little short?” which as you recall I think we – or Dan and Dave might have told the story about Game of Thrones. The first season they were short on a whole bunch of episodes and had to go and shoot some additional conversations to kind of fill things out.

Have you ever had that encounter where you’ve kind of gotten an actual, “Hey, guess what your pages work out to be blankety-blank minutes?”

**John:** Yeah. So on all the movies I’ve had that have gone into production there’s ultimately been that conversation with the script supervisor. And usually she’s talking with the director as well to get a sense of what the plan is for how things are going to feel. Is this going to be a shot-shot-shot-shot quick cutting, or is this going to be long or slow kind of things. But it’s an estimate of how long the actual running time of the movie would be based on your script. And I’ve got to believe it’s crucial in television as well.

**Craig:** Yeah. For sure. I mean, it’s less crucial in television than it used to be. I mean, television I think was always the one that was most concerned about it because traditionally television had to fit into very severe time blocks because there was a schedule. That’s obviously sort of fallen by the wayside with the exception of the remaining network shows. Movies, you know, it was more like, “Uh, is this a two-hour movie or an hour and a half or what?”

But as it turns out at least for Chernobyl, it seems like I’m kind of in the minute-a-page zone. It just sort of does work out.

**John:** At some point we will have a conversation about A Quiet Place, which I’m guessing you’ve not seen yet Craig because you’ve been busy doing stuff.

**Craig:** Well, no, but I think I’m going to catch it this weekend. The only problem is I may want to wait. So, I saw Ready Player One here in Vilnius. And seeing movies here in Vilnius, American movies, is fine. They’re in English, it’s just that they put Lithuanian subtitles on. So, that’s no big deal.

But I heard for A Quiet Place apparently there is a lot of discussion that takes place with sign language. And I guess–

**John:** Oh, that would be an interesting challenge.

**Craig:** And so there’s English subtitles. But here I think the subtitles are only in Lithuanian. So I don’t think I should see it here.

**John:** That would be an interesting challenge. I bring up A Quiet Place just because at some point we will have a discussion about it. And that screenplay looks different in part because there is so little dialogue in the script. The writers made some different choices about showing stuff on the page and using the page to give a sense of how the movie feels. And so we’ll want to have a deeper discussion about that.

**Craig:** Yes. Yes. But I liked Ready Player One, by the way. I enjoyed it quite a bit.

**John:** I’m eager to see it. Still haven’t seen it.

**Craig:** It was nice. It was fun.

**John:** All right. Our next bit of follow up, so on previous episodes we’ve talked about representation behind the camera. We’ve also talked about how a lot of things seem to be shooting in Atlanta. Jim wrote in. Do you want to take Jim’s email?

**Craig:** Sure. Jim says, “As you know, the last few years Georgia has skyrocketed in US film production.” Jim says, “I believe we currently number three and headed toward number two. Initially that was simply due to the tax credits, but studio space and supporting industries have exploded as well, so I’m hoping we’ll be in the mix for a long time. Plus, the talent seems to enjoy being in a big city like Atlanta versus Michigan or New Mexico. And we can convincingly portray a number of different environments.

“With all the new production there has been a lack of qualified below-the-line talent.” Just side note, below-the-line talent refers to crew folks that are not actors, writers, directors, producers. “And a couple years ago the Georgia State University system created the Georgia Film Academy to help fill that need. It’s both a degree program as well as a continuing ed opportunity for virtually anyone that wants to get into the industry.

“At nearly 40 I decided to give up my IT job and try to make the leap to film production and the program has been very helpful. They do a great job of onset internships and placement. And I know a bunch of people who now making their living in film. Just anecdotally I can say that the percentage of women and people of color going through the program seems well above the industry average. This has the direct benefit of meaning the average crew here is both younger and much more diverse than I would guess the average LA production is. 


“Unfortunately, none of that production has really translated to the writing side. Everything is still done in LA. I’ve heard rumors showrunners would like to establish rooms here locally, but they don’t believe there’s enough local talent yet. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that one way of addressing the diversity problem is in training and placing new qualified talent. And it seems like Georgia is making a serious effort to do that.”

John, what do you think about what Jim has to say here?

**John:** Well, first off I want to thank Jim for writing in because I would have no real perception of what it’s like on the ground in Georgia without that. So, thank you for writing in.

Yeah, I can see how anytime you are bringing new people into an industry that’s an opportunity to bring in new, more diverse people into an industry, both racially and gender wise. So, I can see that being good. I can see that being progress. And I also think he’s right to point out that you have to have a structure for training these people. And so a continuing education program seems great. The ability to let people start in the industry with some background is crucial, because we shot Big Fish in Alabama. There was really no local film industry so we had to recruit from all over the place. There’s enough stuff happening in Atlanta now that I can see why you’d want to have a continuing crop of new folks coming into it. So, yeah, it makes sense to me.

**Craig:** It does. I mean, look, there’s a little bit of an underlying concern, because Jim is right that there are these things other than just the tax incentives. But let’s be honest about why the studios go there. The studios do not go to Georgia because of the wonderful variety of environments, nor do they go to Georgia because, I don’t know, there seems to be lots more people qualified to do below-the-line now than there were before. They go to Georgia for the tax cuts. Period. The end. That’s it.

And the tax credit system is – there are political ramifications for states and in some cases territories like British Columbia, kind of getting into a race to the bottom where they essentially attempt to outdo each other in terms of more and more giveaways to these incredibly successful, well-funded, wealthy companies. And in doing so they are undermining a little bit of their tax base.

Now, there is obviously a commercial value to it. There have been some studies that have kind of delivered mixed conclusions about whether or not this actually helps a state in the long run. But I think for individual people that are getting training, I think it’s great. I do think it’s a bit of a pipe dream to imagine that showrunners are going to be establishing writing rooms in Georgia for mainstream entertainment. I don’t see that occurring.

**John:** I don’t see that occurring either. What I could envision is somebody says like, “OK, we’re going to actually try to shoot some multicam here, or like half hours where we actually want the writer right by the shoots.” Or even like a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend where the showrunners need to be very directly involved with how everything is going. I could see if there was some reason why production really needed to be in Atlanta and you really needed the writing room right by it. I guess. But I don’t envision writing rooms in Georgia soon.

**Craig:** Yeah. And that’s why the great majority of television shows that are bound to stages will end up in Southern California because simply put the showrunners don’t want to move themselves and their families. So you’ll end up either at Warner Bros or at Universal or Disney or in Santa Clarita. There are lots of stages there. There are all sorts of places to shoot. It’s the single camera shows that aren’t stage bound that do – for instance Breaking Bad famously was based out of New Mexico.

**John:** Yeah. If I could wave a magic wand there’s many things I would wish for, but one of the things I would wish for is to get rid of all tax incentives because I do think it creates really, really – we talked about conflicts of interest. It creates really bad incentives overall for choices we make in making movies.

**Craig:** Yeah. And not to be a bummer Jim, because listen, I’m so happy that you’ve kind of taken this leap. I always think it’s exciting when people begin that so-called impossible American thing of the second act, right? Isn’t that right? Americans never have a second act. What was Mark Twain’s saying? Or do we only have second acts? I can’t remember the quote.

Anyway, the point is I’m excited, Jim. I really am. But the transfer of below-the-line employment to states like Georgia has come at a great cost to a lot of good men and women in Southern California who moved there and put down roots to work in the film industry and then suddenly production kind of picked up and left them behind because of these – it’s just simply greed. I mean, I guess you could argue it’s good business, but it’s also just paying people less is what it comes down to.

**John:** Yep. And if we want to have a bigger discussion about below-the-line, I think the other thing we need to talk about is how expensive it is to live in Los Angeles now.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** The housing costs particularly in Los Angeles–

**Craig:** Nuts.

**John:** Have become really prohibitive. And so I feel like there’s probably a lot of below-the-line folks who may end up just moving to Georgia or one of these other states that’s shooting not simply because there’s more work there, but because it’s just so much cheaper to live there.

And in this last week I’ve heard three different stories of folks leaving Los Angeles just because it’s become too expensive.

**Craig:** So sad. Well, so Jim, it’s a mixed bag here. But overall for you personally, thrilled. John, what are we doing next? So far this is going swimmingly.

**John:** The next thing we’re doing is actually simpler and happier. We’ve talked a lot about character descriptions and the importance of a great character description in your script. And Kyle Buchanan and Jordan Crucchiola writing for Vulture put on a list of how different female characters were introduced in their screenplays. And so we’ve seen the bad version of this a lot, where like she’s hot but doesn’t know it. But these are actually some really great descriptions. So I wanted to pick a couple of them.

From the two Terminator movies. So, this is the description in Terminator 1. “SARAH CONNOR is 19, small and delicate-featured. Pretty in a flawed, accessible way. She doesn’t stop the party when she walks in, but you’d like to get to know her. Her vulnerable quality masks a strength even she doesn’t know exists.”

OK. That’s a lot. But I’ll take it. And that’s an iconic character. And she’s your central character, so I can see throwing some extra sentences. It’s a little bit hot and doesn’t know it. But if you look at the actual Linda Hamilton as she is in that movie, it’s a pretty good description of who they ended up putting in that role.

**Craig:** Yeah. And also we’re talking about something that was decades ago. So it’s one thing for us now to snarkly go, “Hot but doesn’t know it,” snark, snark, snark. Yeah, we have the benefit now of 30 years and a certain kind of general progress. To me this is not terrifying in any way. Well, you should not write this now. I don’t think this feels kind of fresh or interesting now in any way, and a bit dim. But yes, for then, I think it was perfectly fine. And I’ll pick a little nit.

I don’t like descriptions that talk about bone structure. I find that so odd. Because to me – you see it all the time like this. Like a man with a wide jaw. A woman who is delicate-featured or small-boned. And I just think like you don’t know who you’re going to get. We’re not hiring people because of the size of their bones.

But, anything that’s wardrobe, hair, and makeup makes me happy. And I thought that “she doesn’t stop the party when she walks in, but you’d like to get to know her” as far as male gaze points of view go it’s not the worst I’ve ever seen. So, it’s not bad.

**John:** Let’s jump forward to Sarah Connor in Terminator 2. So, this is the description. “SARAH CONNOR is not the same woman we remember from last time. Her eyes peer out through a wild tangle of hair like those of a cornered animal. Defiant and intense, but skittering around looking for escape at the same time. Fight or flight. Down one cheek is a long scar, from just below the eye to her upper lip. Her VOICE is a low and chilling monotone.”

**Craig:** Yeah. Now we’re talking. So first of all, wardrobe, hair, and makeup. As you know, these are my favorite things. We’ve got all three working here. Well, no, we don’t have wardrobe, but we do have hair and makeup. And I really like the sense that what I’m seeing here is a feeling that is visible. Sometimes we’ll see descriptions where people talk about somebody’s inner mind but there’s no way for it to be visible. But here her eyes peer out through a wild tangle of hair like those of a cornered animal. That is shootable. Skittering around looking for escape at the same time. Shootable. Fight or flight. Yeah. I get it all. And now you have the scar.

And I love the specificity of the scar. Nothing is worse than, well, no, there are a lot of things worse like say genocide. But regardless, as screenwriter sins go, when a screenwriter says a scar on her face.

So, where? How much? Where is the scar? How long is the scar? From what? You know, specificity in all things. So I love, I love – and then the voice, too, using sound as a way to describe this character. This is great. I love this.

**John:** So I’m going to leave one last one. This is Mo’Nique’s role in Precious. And this is how her character is described. “MARY — INCREDIBLY LARGE, OILY SKIN, UNKEMPT HAIR, AND WEARING A GRIMY HOUSE DRESS sits on the couch with her back turned to Precious. This mass of woman looks as if she is one with the furniture — if not the entire apartment.”

**Craig:** OK. So, all right. Now, you know that I am obsessed with Precious. You know this, right?

**John:** I did not know this. So, I learn new things on this episode.

**Craig:** I am obsessed with Precious. Like beyond. It’s one of my favorite movies of all time. And in particular this character I am obsessed with. Like Precious is very cool and everything, but I’m obsessed with Mo’Nique’s character and how amazing she is. And the performance. And this description is brilliant because, boom, wardrobe, hair, makeup. And the skin. The hair. The grimy house dress. The way that she’s one with the furniture. Oh, it’s so great. I love it so much.

Everything about Precious is just amazing.

**John:** Yeah. I agree. So we’ll have a link in the show notes to this list of descriptions. I thought they were really helpful and great. So, so often we see the bad ones, so it’s important to notice the good ones as well.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** So thank you to the writers for singling those out.

All right, it’s time for our main feature, How Would This Be a Movie. So, we’ve done a couple of these. We take a look at stories in the news, often stories that our listeners have sent us, and try to figure out how you do a movie or a TV series based on this story. Sometimes it’s been the exact actual source material. Just last week we were talking about Chris Morgan and Blumhouse optioned the rights to a piece we talked about. But sometimes it’s just more like, well, this is a story area, so what kind of story would you tell in this area. And we’ve got some good ones and they’re all about family this week. Just like Fast and the Furious, this week it’s all about family.

**Craig:** All about family.

**John:** Family. How many times can we say family in the trailer?

**Craig:** We’re family.

**John:** We’re going to start with every family needs to start with a baby. And this is a story of a baby, a mother and her son. This is the story of Tia Freeman. So she is a young woman, 22 years old. She is in the US Air Force. She is traveling from the US to Germany, a stopover in Istanbul. She goes into labor while she’s on the plane. She goes through customs. She checks into her hotel room in Istanbul and gives birth in the bathtub and then goes back to the airport the next day to fly out with her baby.

So this story really first broke – I first became aware of it because J.K. Rowling had commented on this series of tweets. So Tia Freeman did a whole tweet stream that sort of talks through the whole process of it all. But there’s also other stories written up in the press. We’re going to link to a piece in the Independent. But it was also written up in the Turkish press which is how it sort of first got out there in the world.

This story is nuts and there’s so many ways you could talk through it. Including whether like is the baby the first act, the third act, like how this all works is interesting. So, Craig, what was your first instinct on this?

**Craig:** The details of it are remarkable. The way that she kind of singles herself out as doing this quintessentially millennial thing of going, “Oh, I’m experiencing something. I’m not particularly well prepared for it. Let me just go to a room and YouTube how to handle it and I’ll just go from there.” And that part of it is fascinating.

But a couple of things jumped out at me right away. First, we’ve seen now a number of incidents that people describe telling stories of their own experience in this kind of Twitter format of dear listener, follow me now. They’re really good at telling stories. But there is becoming an emerging style.

**John:** Oh yeah.

**Craig:** It’s an interesting kind of way of telling a story that didn’t used to exist because we didn’t really have this kind of, well, almost like we’re getting telegrams from the front. So it’s a fascinating way of telling narrative. That aside, what emerged for me was this notion that there’s a classic what we call man vs. nature story. So man vs. man, man vs. nature, that kind of thing. And there’s been a number of movies that are essentially man must survive in the elements. A lot of times these stories are stories of people who otherwise are city dwellers or modern and then they are thrown into wild situations and must survive. They generally focus on men, but there have been some really good ones with women as well.

But this to me is a kind of classic survival story but in a way that can only apply to women. It is a story only a woman can experience. Which is “I am about to have a child and I am alone with nothing. And I have to do it on my own and I’ve never done it before.” There’s something really fascinating and, well, survival-y about it. I love that part.

**John:** It’s primal.

**Craig:** Primal. That’s a great word. Primal is what it is. Primal is a much better word than survival-y. Yes.

**John:** To be fair, it’s late where you are. I’m coming in here at noon.

**Craig:** That’s true.

**John:** I’m a little bit fresher. Circling back to what you said in terms of the form that we encounter the story as this tweet stream, so back in Episode 222 at our Austin live show we talked through the story of Zola, the stripper sex worker, and that was an amazing tweet storm that became incredibly popular.

This is a similar thing. Like Zola, she has a really fascinating voice and it’s very peppy even through really kind of potentially scary things. The format of it is really fascinating and the format of it doesn’t necessarily dictate sort of what the movie story of it would be, but it does I think help inform our understanding of who this character is. Because the primal nature of like giving birth and sort of that whole journey, we’ve seen things like that. And it’s no spoiler for me to say that in A Quiet Place you have a pregnant woman who is away from any sort of medical care and has to figure out how to give birth. Her story is specific and real and feels true that this person would choose to trust her phone over any stranger.

But, before we get to that point we have to really look at sort of who is Tia as a character and how is Tia denying her pregnancy up to this point. Because that’s the really fascinating part of the character to me is I think the same reasons why she’s able to give birth by herself in a bathtub is related to how she’s been able to convince herself that she’s not really pregnant for all these months and not to tell anybody. So there’s something fascinating about the character herself that – she’s not telling anybody that she’s pregnant and she’s not even going for help when she’s actually going into labor. That’s the interesting package of this character.

And it’s challenging in a story to figure out how you’re going to externalize whatever that internal thought process is because without a voiceover, without some way to get inside her head, I think it’s going to be challenging to understand why she’s not telling anybody what’s going on.

**Craig:** Yeah. I was a little confused about that just from a journalistic point of view, because it says from the article that we have linked here, “The 22-year-old, who was in ‘denial’, having only been told about her pregnancy six months into her term, assumed she had food poisoning from a meal she had eaten on the plane.” Well, so, she was in denial but, OK, let’s say you’ve gone six months and they’ve told you you’re pregnant, because that’s what it’s saying here. She knew she was pregnant. And I think the idea was that she’s in denial in the sense of like, “No I’m not, but yet I am.” And so that’s a very profound denial. I mean, that’s a really profound denial. And that part does make me kind of feel detached from her. I must say.

Because she’s been told she’s six months pregnant. She can do math. She is a computer technician. Computer specialist. So she can definitely do the simple math here. She’s got essentially three to four months before this baby is going to come out. And she decides 3.5, four months later that she should be traveling to Turkey. And then when she starts to feel terrible abdominal pains her first thought is I’ve had food poisoning. That is a profound denial to the point where I don’t quite connect with her. Something is odd there.

So I don’t think I would make that choice.

**John:** Yeah. I wouldn’t make that choice for myself, but I do think that whatever character you’re sort of creating out of Tia there’s going to be a natural question of like is there some form of – is there some psychological thing happening there? Is there some form of inner blindness? There’s something bigger going on there that is letting her be in this place of denial. And denial is a really powerful thing and there’s other stories of women who were surprised that they were pregnant or were able to sort of not see the realities around them.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** But I think that’s – you’re going to have to grapple with that because you can’t get to the baby without knowing why she was in this situation. Because it’s very easy to imagine – you can easily rewrite the first half of this so she knew she was pregnant but the baby came too quickly. The baby came before she was expected to. That we buy. And that makes it simpler. But the actual character that’s presented in the story right now is challenging for those reasons.

**Craig:** Mm-hmm. Yeah. It is challenging. And very often these kinds of stories of – we’ll call them primal survivalist childbirth tales – take place in period pieces. God, no pun intended. I swear. Because we have an understanding that if you are on the great plains in 1820 that it’s not exactly the same thing as being in New York in 2018 and you just say – or, by the way, Istanbul, which is a world capital, an enormous city – to say, “Oh yeah, what do I do?”

So, frontier, post-apocalypse, these are places where suddenly things like – or isolation. That movie where James Franco gets his arm stuck in a rock. So he’s just far away. And that also counts.

**John:** Or the movie Room where she’s literally locked in a small place.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And so we don’t see that birth, but it would have been a similar kind of situation.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So we’re used to exterior forces causing the woman to have to give by herself. So the fact that it was internal forces basically that are having her do this is interesting. It’s just so different and you’re going to have to set that up well in the course of whatever story you’re telling.

So, let’s do talk about this as a movie. If we’re making this movie, Craig, do you put the birth near the beginning or near the end?

**Craig:** To me the birth is part of a first act and I want to see a second and third act about what happens after. I want to see someone survive. And also protect a child. I don’t really see a movie in the specific story here of this particular woman. I think it’s a bit not-a-movie.

**John:** I agree that this specific story is challenging. I think if you were handed the rights to this story and like, “OK, write a movie,” I would put the birth near the top and see the outcome of it. Sort of like Room, you know, establishes how things are and then transitions to outside the room afterwards. And that format may give you a place to put Michael B. Jordan in the movie. He’s the reason you’re going to make this movie.

**Craig:** [laughs]

**John:** You’ve got to get a male star in there somewhere. But I agree with you. I think what was most interesting to me about this story was her as a character, that millennial sense of “I’m just going to figure out how to do this on my phone rather than talk to somebody” was really fascinating. But I think it’s a movie rather than a TV show. I think if you’re going to do this kind of story it works better as a one-time event because it is so singular, versus an ongoing drama of this woman on this journey.

**Craig:** Yeah. Pregnancy stories kind of demand movie because they are – they encapsulate what it means to have a beginning, middle, and end. There’s just no real room for an ongoing tale of pregnancy I don’t think.

**John:** Yeah. Cool. All right, let’s get to our next story. So this is actually a nonfiction article in Slate. It’s by Tom Bowman and Brigid Schulte. They’re writing up as part of a regular feature where couples describe their big central argument. Basically what is the fight you sort of keep having because you are fundamentally different people and this is the argument at the crux of your relationship.

So in this series are sort of interwoven essays. Brigid talks about her nature as a worrywart. The person who is doing all the worrying for the family. And how frustrated she is that her husband, Tom, basically just doesn’t worry and is just like everything is going to work out fine. And she feels that he can only have that opinion because she’s been doing all the worrying for the family.

So, Craig, reading these two characters, reading these two people, what was your instinct about how they fit into a movie or a television show? What would you do with these characters?

**Craig:** Nothing. I didn’t like these characters. Here’s the thing. I liked the concept a lot. And I think the concept is a movie. The problem I have with this essay just character-wise, these are human beings so they’re not characters, they’re people. And they’re doing this thing that I just don’t believe. I’ll just be totally honest and no offense to Brigid and Tom, but they’re having a husband and wife discussion. So we’re talking about two people who have been married – I think they say for 25 years. This is two people who are in a committed relationship for a long, long time. And they’re having a discussion with each other one at a time in print. And it is intended to play like a really insightful, honest, therapeutic discussion where they’re each airing these things out. And it kind of goes through this, well, very neat little bit where they kind of describe some initial problems. And then in the middle of it they start to get into the meat of some of the things, their fears, and their interest with each other.

And then suddenly at the end they are just professing why they love each other so much. And I just find it all fake. I just don’t believe any of this. This is not how it goes. So, I didn’t really enjoy reading it.

However, however, it starts with this thing before either one of them start talking. There’s this bit in italics that is just stated as if it’s a fact. I don’t know if it is a fact. But I thought, “Oh, if it were it would make a wonderful movie.” And this is what it says, “Every couple has one core fight that replays over and over again, in different disguises, over the course of their relationship.” And I thought that is fascinating. And it sounds kind of true. And more to the point, for what we do here on this segment, it sounds like something you could build a movie around.

I think you could absolutely do a movie that is a kind of – like a long term rom-com or a long term not-com-rom, where two people meet and they fall in love and they fight. And then they get over it and they get married and they fight. And then they get over it and they have children. And they keep having the same fight. And the movie is structured essentially in chapters of this fight that keeps happening, but it keeps happening with different clothing on it. The circumstances change, but the underlying fight never does change until they are old and at the end of their lives when they have the fight one last time and finally realize how to kind of resolve it. And the resolution of it is something that’s kind of beautiful and unexpected and insightful. And then one of them dies and I cry.

And that’s a movie. I mean, someone can go write that movie today as far as I’m concerned.

**John:** Yeah. So it’s the nature of what is that fight and the degree to which that fight, that sort of central argument between the two characters, is a product of those two characters. I mean, it is in some ways a child of those two characters. Each of those characters has relationships with other people who are not their partner. But that thing that they have between them, the chemistry that they have between them also has products. And one of those products is this fight. And maybe if you don’t ever have that fight, if you don’t ever have that sort of central argument between the two of you, is that a real relationship? Maybe that is the nature of a relationship is that you’re going to have conflict and that conflict is probably going to center around one big thing.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** And it also ties into that central truism that there’s a quality of opposites attracting or people look for their missing parts and so they are sort of drawn towards each other because they’re not the same person. And that you don’t want somebody who is exactly matching you because if they exactly match you there’s not going to be anything interesting. There’s not going to be anything to talk about in a way.

**Craig:** Yeah. I mean, look, exactly right. And so let’s call our movie Seven Fights. That’s what the movie is called. And you have these people meeting and falling in love and then having this fight over this thing that’s tiny. Like their first fight, the first real fight I had with Melissa was over spaghetti sauce. It’s always over something that you’re like, I mean, what was your first fight with Mike? Do you remember?

**John:** Probably feeling slighted that he didn’t notice that I was upset.

**Craig:** There you go. Oh my god. You and Melissa should go sit in a room together. [laughs] Mike and I can just continue to not notice when our spouses are upset. So, but this is – I mean, that fight then continues to happen. But in the end, and I believe this, we have those fights not because there’s a problem between the two of us, but rather we have this fight because there’s a problem inside of us, each of us, all of us, from the wounds of being alive and of growing up and of having parents and of being children in a scary world.

And when we meet someone and we fall in love and we form a committed relationship with them we will naturally have fights with them about those things because that’s in us. It was in us before we even met them. And that what you get to at the end of this movie is this understanding that “I kind of loved having that fight with you. I was going to have that fight no matter what. And I had it with you and that’s what mattered was it was OK with you. Because I always knew that I could have that fight because I am scared or I am confused or I am self-loathing, whatever my wound is. And I know that at the end of the fight you’ll make me feel better about it. It was never a fight with you. It was a fight inside of me and I liked having it with you.”

You can get to the end of that in your movie, and then one of them dies, and you cry. I’m telling you, in fact, if anybody does – I’m just saying this right now, because here’s the thing, we got ripped off the other week. We didn’t really get ripped off. I’m just joking. We love Chris. No one can just take this now. That’s a real idea. Now they have to pay us for it.

**John:** All right. So if somebody wants to do the seven arguments over the course of people’s lives that will be it. I want to circle back though to what you said about you have this innate sort of thing that you’re wrestling with and you basically found a wrestling partner to sort of externalize this thing that you were trying to deal with. And it’s true. I think you go through life with these things you’re trying to answer and you need to kind of answer them in a dialectic. You need to find someone else to help you grapple with this thing because otherwise it’s just you by yourself and you can’t actually do it.

It’s been interesting writing the second Arlo Finch. There are some moments in which the Arlo character is not around his friends and it becomes very difficult for him to think through some things because it’s so much easier to think through things with other people around. And when it’s just him by himself you end up just sort of circling. You can never actually make any forward progress. So he has to basically imagine he could talk to his other folks so that he could actually grapple with things. You just basically need extra sets of hands to sort of move the emotional furniture of your house around.

So, I get that. I think it’s an interesting thematic idea at the center of this.

**Craig:** Yeah. If you have the same fight with somebody over and over, one of the implications you can take away that’s the negative implication is you and I have this problem we can never get over so this is no good. There’s something rotten at the core. And I reject that. I think if you have a fight with somebody that you are in a real relationship with and you’ve come around on your fourth version of that fight, what it means is you feel safe enough with that person to have that fight.

What you’re saying is I’m pretty sure that at the end of this argument you’ll still be here. And that’s beautiful, you know. And then one of them dies.

**John:** Yeah. And then who are you going to have that fight with?

**Craig:** Well, that’s the thing. Then your life is over and you don’t know who to have the fight with. I feel like I’m going to cry right now. No one can take this. We should just start a Scriptnotes production company for this and just hire somebody brilliant to do this sort of thing.

**John:** I agree. Done. Before we commit to doing this as a movie though I do want to talk through this as a TV idea. Because I do think there’s an interesting TV series idea that either charts over the course of a relationship these arguments, or look at this kind of discussion between two characters as being part of kind of the show bible of an ongoing drama series, or a comedy series, because I know when I’ve done TV work before one of the things I’ll do early on is this kind of conversation between characters. Like this sort of imagined conversation between characters just to expose their different opinions and how they see the world. And it gave me a sense of these are the kinds of discussions and spaces that the story will take us to.

It’s nice to have these things figured out that aren’t locked into plot that are actually just about the characters and how they perceive the world because that gives you a sense of where you can go independent of specific story points that are going to happen in Episode 3.

**Craig:** Yeah. This is one that could definitely be some sort of ongoing series. Even the movie version I’m talking about is reminiscent of This is Us where you’re talking about multigenerational tales, but also a story of two people over time. And you can absolutely serialize this sort of thing. I can see that. I mean, I personally am interested in the movie version, but I could definitely see a really interesting limited series where you’re watching two people grow older together over the course of ten episodes.

**John:** And it only occurs to me now that Big Fish is essentially the movie version of this kind of argument. It’s a father and a son, but it’s basically they have one argument and they keep having the same argument again and again until the father dies.

**Craig:** See? One of them dies.

**John:** There’s truth in tears that come out of that final revelation of what each of them was actually trying to get out of the other and sort of why the argument was so important for both of them.

**Craig:** I actually think every movie that follows two people over the course of a long period of time is essentially some version of we’re trying to figure out what’s keeping us together and also there’s this kind of, I don’t know, burr. Right? There’s this thing that’s irritating and yet at the end we resolve it.

And what’s interesting about this concept and the way that these two authors sort of phrase the premise. And again phrase it in a kind of weird gaslighting way where it was like, you know, “This fact that we all believe which is not necessarily a fact.” But regardless that – it’s basically shining a light on it and saying this is our concept. We’re not telling a story and then sort of discovering that we’re having this kind of discussion over and over. We’re making it about that. That fight. Sort of the way like Harry Met Sally said, you know, a lot of romantic comedies are about men and women who feel like they want to be together but then aren’t together but then shouldn’t be together and then it all falls. Let’s just make it about that.

So, I like it. And I think no one should steal it from us.

**John:** Sounds good. All right, our final story is actually our longest story. This is Elif Batuman writing for The New Yorker. It’s a piece called Rent-A-Family. It tells a story of a service in Japan that lets you basically rent family members for different events and different reasons. So, at first I thought it was just like, “Oh, this is going to be odd and goofy,” but it ends up being quite poignant in places as well. So, you can rent family members for things like weddings and funerals. But in some of these cases they’re renting family members to basically replace dead loved ones or just people who you’re lacking in your life because you’re lonely. And some of the stories were actually quite touching.

So, Craig, what did you make of this as a general story space and is there a movie in there that you’d like to see?

**Craig:** Well, there’s a movie in there. Would I like to see it? I don’t know. I think that the – there’s a very common shopworn formula that still occasionally you can wring a fun time out of. And it’s quite a high concept comedy where someone suffers some sort of loss or is experiencing some sort of lack in their life and someone enters their life to kind of fix that. Whether they’re hired to do so, or they just sort of show up under some other capacity. And then through your experience with that person you grow and you confront your loss and you accept your loss and you move on. And then they move on. And so on and so forth.

This is Hitch and it’s Mary Poppins. There was a movie, a Kevin Hart film, a few years ago where he has to hire – or he doesn’t, I think it was Josh Gad, had to hire a best man because he didn’t have a best man. So I’m going to hire a friend. I’m going to hire a mom. I’m going to hire a coach. I’m going to hire this. I’m going to hire that. And then you inevitably learn how to have the real thing.

It’s fine. We’ve seen it so many times. I don’t know necessarily – I mean, Her was a brilliant version of that I thought, like the greatest possible version of that. Because the person that kind of crashes into his life and teaches him how to get over loss is a computer. That’s the sort of thing that I found beautiful and wonderful and surprising and fresh.

I don’t know if I find this particularly beautiful, surprising, and fresh at least in concept. It’s hard to imagine at least in western culture this being a thing. So, Lars and the Real Girl. There’s another one. That’s like, wow, that’s spectacular.

**John:** The Wedding Date, a Dana Fox film.

**Craig:** Yep.

**John:** Basically hiring the guy to go to the wedding with you. We’re the Millers is essentially this, where you’re hiring a fake family to help you smuggle drugs in. And over the course of that you end up sort of–

**Craig:** Becoming a real family.

**John:** Real family stuff. Yeah. So here’s what I thought was interesting about it. And trying to figure out the best person to hang the story around is probably for me either the widower whose daughter has left and so he hires an actress to be his wife and his daughter who come and sort of fill that space. And in the process of filling that space end up getting him to think about and talk about what he’s going through and reach out to his daughter.

He’s a good character. But also the guy who runs the company, Ishii, seems like a really interesting character because he’s sort of a Hitch in the sense of like he’s a fixer, he’s the person who is organizing all of these things. But he actually plays a lot of roles himself. And there’s a good argument to be made that he plays the roles in so many different families but has no family of his own. There’s something messed up about that as well. So he’s always playing dads, and he’s always playing dutiful sons, but he’s sort of none of these things apparently.

The degree to which what these actors are doing is sort of like non-sex sex work is also really fascinating. It’s kind of like emotional prostitution in a way.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** And sort of how we feel about that is interesting and potentially cool. So often we see the broad comedy version of this. But I think there’s something fascinating about the non-comedic, or at least the less trailer-momenty comedy version of this that I think could be great.

**Craig:** I agree. And I generally prefer this concept – when you are doing something as overt as hiring someone, because I find that concept generally to be a bit fake. I’m going to hire a best friend. I’m going to hire a family. I’m going to hire a girlfriend. What I generally like is when somebody comes to this honestly and it’s just confusing to other people. Like in Her, he comes to this honestly. It’s just a software update. He’s not hiring anybody.

Lars and the Real Girl, he makes a choice. This is what he wants. Those concepts I tend to like better. I just think this feels a bit – I think we sort of left this one behind in the 2000s, this kind of he’s hired a family. The hiring part I think may be done.

**John:** Yeah. The article points out that in western cultures we sort of do this without calling it out that we’re doing this. So when we hire nannies, when we hire a therapist, when we hire sort of other folks to sort of come into our lives and make our lives better and easier, we’re doing that. And sometimes those relationships cross over and they become sort of more intimate than just professional. And that’s a real thing we do.

But I agree with you that if we were to try to import sort of exactly what’s happening right now in Japan and put it in a western context, I think it would feel forced. I think the movie version of that – we would have a hard time swallowing the premise that somebody is hiring these actors to do this thing. There would be a lot shoe leather to set that up.

**Craig:** And it just feels so predictable. I mean, that’s the biggest problem. It’s predictable. You know, if the concept has a certain fresh aspect to it then you’re not quite sure where it’s going to go. I did not know how Her was going to end up.

Where it ended up was essentially – it fit in the box of what I would think of as being predictable, but it got there in such an unpredictable way. And the problem with the hire the families, it does start to feel a bit predictable. So, yeah, this one I’m going to say, yeah, it totally could be a movie. I wouldn’t want to write it. But yeah, it could be a movie.

**John:** Great. And there’s a role from Michael B. Jordan. I think he plays the Ishii character.

**Craig:** Clearly.

**John:** So you’re set.

**Craig:** Who is he in the – oh, obviously in the Seven Fights he’s the guy.

**John:** Oh, he’s the guy. He’d be great at that. And so obviously I should say for our listeners that the reason we’re sticking Michael B. Jordan in every movie is because if you are setting up a movie in town right now his name has to be on the list for everything.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** 100%. Whether it’s a period movie. Great. A space battle movie. Great. Whatever you got, stick him in there.

**Craig:** Yeah. I was pitching a biopic of Warren G. Harding and his name came up.

**John:** Totally. Why would you not. I mean, come on, Hamilton did it.

**Craig:** It’s cool. Look, nothing – I was not pitching a biopic of Warren G. Harding. By the way, worst biopic ever.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Actually, not the worst. Warren G. Harding was a terrible, terrible president. Often considered to be our worst president, although lately may have adjusted that. But he died in office and there is a theory that he was poisoned by his wife because he was not just a philanderer but an aggressive philanderer who almost certainly fathered a child out of wedlock while he was president in the White House. And also he was incredibly corrupt.

**John:** Well that’s not good.

**Craig:** Yeah. So actually it might be a good biopic.

**John:** Yeah, so bad president, good biopic.

**Craig:** Harding.

**John:** Harding. So to wrap up our segment on How Would This Be a Movie, I think we are interested in the space overall of hotel bath baby, but maybe not necessarily that story. I think Worrywart vs. Zen Master, again, we are interested in the space but not necessarily that specific movie. Rent-A-Family, I would say I think this article sells. I think someone buys this article and tries to make it into something.

**Craig:** No question.

**John:** Yeah. So I think that is going to be our most likely to become a movie.

**Craig:** Bit of a back-handed compliment there isn’t it? Someone buys this.

**John:** I think Chris Morgan’s people are reading that article thinking, hmm, we can buy this.

**Craig:** Chris Morgan scoops us two weeks in a row.

**John:** Oh, that would be great. But it is about family, and he does make the Fast and Furious movies.

**Craig:** He does. He does.

**John:** He does. So, basically like it’s Vin and Michael B. Jordan and the Rock, and it’s all about that.

**Craig:** Love it.

**John:** They’re all mourning the loss of one of their own. Yeah, they’ve got to replace her with somebody. Done.

**Craig:** Her. [laughs]

**John:** Her. The story of our life. It’s time for our One Cool Things. My One Cool Thing is a very cool little One Cool Thing called Choir!Choir!Choir! it is a choir in Toronto that meets once a week and they do sort of drop in singing events, so it seems to be at a bar or something like that. And so basically you show up, they give you some sheet music, they teach you the parts, and as a big giant group you sing the song. And so I’m going to put a link into some of the videos they’ve done.

I first heard about it because Rick Astley showed up at one of their events and sang Never Gonna Give You Up and it’s gorgeous and it’s beautiful. And so it made me really want to sing songs in a bar with a big group of people.

**Craig:** Lovely.

**John:** Choir!Choir!Choir! is my one my One Cool Thing.

**Craig:** Choir!Choir!Choir! You know, they could get Tony! Toni! Toné! to Choir!Choir!Choir! Remember Tony! Toni! Toné!?

**John:** I do.

**Craig:** Yeah. ‘90s.

**John:** I put it in the same sort of like Bell Biv DeVoe.

**Craig:** That’s right.

**John:** That era of music.

**Craig:** That’s right. My One Cool Thing this week is something that we’ve been using on set here in Lithuania. And I assume that this is being used widely back home, I just haven’t been on set in a while. So have you ever used the QTAKE Monitor app, John?

**John:** I have and it is lovely. And so basically it lets you see the shot that’s happening on your iPad or your iPhone.

**Craig:** Yeah. So when we’re shooting, whether it’s film or video, and these days 95% is video, either way there is a video feed that comes from the camera to monitors. That monitor is used by everyone from the people that are pulling focus to producers to directors to DPs, the makeup and hair people have their own monitors to check that whole situation. So everybody is watching. And traditionally on movie sets you’d have this video village and then there would be multiple video villages. And this crowding around. And who is looking at the monitor. And monitor, monitor, monitor. And you’re craning your neck.

And also the placement of video village becomes an enormous pain in the ass, because you have to move it every time you turn a camera around because it’s going to be in the shot. Well, now the video playback guy is basically sending it to this app and if you’re there on set and authorized you can just watch it on your phone or your iPad, which is a better screen frankly than most video monitors. And you can see both cameras, A and B, at the same time. You can zero in on A if you like. It’s perfect. I love it. I never, ever want to be anywhere near video village again. It’s wonderful.

**John:** Yeah. So way back on Go, so this is 20 years ago, we had a broadcast on the video tap. And so you may have encountered this. I had a little portable TV monitor, like a little battery-powered TV monitor, so I could see the shot. So if I wasn’t like right on set I could still see what the camera was seeing. And it was good, but that thing just ate batteries. And I kept waiting for them to come up with a better system. And so QTAKE may have been around eight years or something, but it is just that better thing that you’ve been waiting for.

**Craig:** Yeah. For sure.

**John:** My understanding of it is it is actually generating its own Wi-Fi so you’re signing onto its Wi-Fi rather than any sort of provided Wi-Fi which is handy. So that’s one of the ways that keeps it locked down so that other folks or random passers-by aren’t seeing what you’re shooting.

**Craig:** Exactly. So there’s two things. There’s your access to the Wi-Fi network, which you need a password for, and then your device has to be approved by the video guy before you can see it. I remember years and years ago you’d have a television in your trailer, for instance. So if you had to go back to your trailer to do a quick rewrite or have a meeting or something you could still see what was going on. Which is fine, but it’s usually just one camera. This thing you see both. It’s just so much better. I love it. It’s great. QTAKE Monitor. Super thrilled with it. Hurrah.

**John:** Love it. We have one last bit of follow up. So, last week’s episode we talked about how John Gatins and I are hosting a Q&A with Rachel Bloom and Aline Brosh McKenna about Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. We said that if you would like to come to this we can get you on the list. And the first person who writes in with lyrics to a song that Craig titled “On the Other Side of the Velvet Rope” will be our winner.

So we had a bunch of people write in. Thank you everyone who wrote in. The first person to cross the finish line was Chris Y. So he’s going to get his name plus one on the list. But we had one guy who went way above and beyond and actually recorded the song and sent us a video and it’s terrific. So Nicolas Curcio, we decided to also invite you to come to the Q&A. And his song that Craig proposed is actually our outro this week. So that’s what you’re hearing under all of this.

Our show is produced by Megan McDonnell. It is edited by Matthew Chilelli. If you have questions for us you can write in to ask@johnaugust.com. Short questions are great on Twitter. I am @johnaugust. Craig is @clmazin. You can find us on Apple Podcasts or any place else you get podcasts. Just search for Scriptnotes. If you could leave us a review, that helps people find the show. It is lovely.

You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. We’ll also have the links to all the articles we talked about. Transcripts go up between four and seven days after the episode airs. And you can find all the back episodes of the show at Scriptnotes.net. We also have a few more of the 300-episode USB drives. We’ll probably make some 350-episode USB drives pretty shortly. Yeah.

**Craig:** Nice. Nice!

**John:** Cool. Craig, congratulations on another week of shooting and I hope this next week goes well, too.

**Craig:** Me too. And I’ll see you then.

**John:** All right. Bye.

Links:

* Our next live Scriptnotes will be Tuesday, May 22nd at the ArcLight in Hollywood. [Tickets are on sale now](https://scriptnotes.brownpapertickets.com) — proceeds benefit [Hollywood HEART](http://www.hollywoodheart.org), which runs special programs and summer camps for at-risk youth.
* [How 50 Famous Female Characters Were Described in Their Screenplays](http://www.vulture.com/2018/04/how-50-female-characters-were-described-in-their-screenplays.html) by Kyle Buchanan and Jordan Crucchiola for Vulture
* [Woman tells incredible story of how she used YouTube videos to carry out waterbirth of own baby she doubted she even had, while alone in hotel room](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/youtube-woman-pregnant-birth-istanbul-turkish-airlines-hotel-room-a8321451.html) written by Tom Embury-Dennis for The Independent
* [The Worrywart vs. the Zen Master](https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/04/our-one-fight-the-worrywart-vs-the-zen-master.html?__twitter_impression=true) by Tom Bowman and Brigid Schulte for Slate
* [Japan’s Rent-A-Family Industry](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/04/30/japans-rent-a-family-industry), written by Elif Batuman for The New Yorker
* [Choir!Choir!Choir!](http://choirchoirchoir.com/videos/) is a choir in Toronto that meets once a week for drop-in singing events.
* [QTAKE Monitor](https://qtakehd.com/qtake-monitor/) is an app that lets you watch shots on set from your own device.
* [The Scriptnotes Listeners’ Guide!](http://johnaugust.com/guide)
* [The USB drives!](https://store.johnaugust.com/collections/frontpage/products/scriptnotes-300-episode-usb-flash-drive)
* [John August](https://twitter.com/johnaugust) on Twitter
* [Craig Mazin](https://twitter.com/clmazin) on Twitter
* [John on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en)
* [Find past episodes](http://scriptnotes.net/)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Nicolas Curcio ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/scriptnotes_ep_348.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Ep 344: Comedy Geometry — Transcript

April 11, 2018 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2018/comedy-geometry).

**Craig Mazin:** Hi this is Craig. Today on this podcast there is one F-bomb that gets dropped, so if you do have some small kids around you in the car or at home just be aware that that’s going to happen at some point. You might want to put the ear muffs on.

Hello and welcome. My name is Craig Mazin and this is Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

John August will not be with us today. He is in Japan doing stuff. Later on in this episode we will have a “What is John doing in Japan?” lightning round because I honestly don’t know. But I have some guesses.

I will be your sole podcast host, but not alone as we bring back one of our favorite guests, or at least one of mine. I don’t really know what John thinks about him. But I love him. The writing master of not one but two – count ‘em two – hit comedies on HBO. Mr. Alec Berg. But first, say nothing Alec Berg. Say nothing. There’s some follow up.

We did an episode recently, you know what, go ahead. Say a little something, because you can join in on this part.

**Alec Berg:** Hello. Hello. Can anyone hear me?

**Craig:** You can see why he’s so, so successful. A couple of weeks ago we did a show about money. Money stuff that writers have to deal with. And got into some nitty gritty things about payroll and corporations. It was a laugh-a-minute, Alec. We have a follow up from Anonymous who writes the following.

“I work for an entertainment payroll company.” You know this is going to be good, right? You’re already excited?

**Alec:** My interest is piqued.

**Craig:** “So I finally have a correction for Craig. Loan out corporations generally can’t collect unemployment.” All right, so I had this whole thing. All right, so you get paid, you work at Starbucks, you get a paid a wage. And they take out unemployment insurance. It’s UI. It’s on your paystub. And then when you lose your job, if you should, then you can file for unemployment and you start to collect that money back. That’s how that works.

**Alec:** Yeah.

**Craig:** I believed that when we pay ourselves from our corporation that a corporation does the same thing on our behalf. And then we could reclaim that money back if we stopped working.

**Alec:** And?

**Craig:** This guy basically says, “Shut up, idiot.” I’m not going to read his whole–

**Alec:** That’s a terse summary.

**Craig:** The whole email is much, much nicer than what I just said. But basically what he said is dumb-dumb you’re working for your “company” and you’re still working for them. You don’t stop working for them because they’re paying you a regular salary. So therefore it’s not really happening – you would have to basically fold your company for that to work that way.

He’s right. I’m wrong. Thank you, Anonymous.

We also have another question, Jeff from Seattle following up on the money topic. “I enjoyed the discussion in Episode 342.” That’s how many–

**Alec:** What?

**Craig:** I know. I know. Oh, I should say this is Episode 344. John usually handles that sort of thing. “I enjoyed the discussion in Episode 342 where you touched on the business side of screenwriting including agents, managers, lawyers, corporations, federal taxes, state taxes, etc. At the end of the day, how much is left? Let’s say you sell a screenplay for $100,000 or $1 million. After everyone is paid how much is left? Can you walk us through the math?”

Alec, do you want to take a shot at that? Let’s say you’ve been paid $1 million.

**Alec:** Yeah, I think the last time I did the math my take-home is about $0.47 on the dollar.

**Craig:** That’s not bad actually.

**Alec:** Well, I don’t pay taxes to the government. They’re not listening to this though, right?

**Craig:** You know who is? This guy from the payroll service. Anonymous is certainly going to report you. So you get paid $1 million. Let’s take off $100 for your agent. If you have a manager, I think a lot of writers do.

**Alec:** I do not. I have a lawyer. That’s 5%.

**Craig:** That’s 5%. And I’m going to presume that there is a manager in the mix because I think you and I are actually weirdly the exceptions now. So, we’re going to take off $250,000 of your million right there. Now you’re down to $750,000. And of that $750,000, what we’re saying is between taxes, maybe half of it goes away?

**Alec:** Pretty close.

**Craig:** Pretty close. At that point what you’re talking about is $375,000. $0.37 on the dollar.

**Alec:** Well, but that’s the manager. That’s the difference.

**Craig:** That’s the difference. Exactly. So, I think Jeff from Seattle what you’re looking at is somewhere between let’s call it $0.35 to $0.50 on the dollar, which is a bit sobering. And it’s particularly sobering – and this is a point we’ve made on behalf of the WGA to the companies – when you do sell your screenplay for $100,000, because now you’re talking about $37,000 for the year maybe.

**Alec:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Your big dream of being a huge, wealthy Hollywood screenwriter has suddenly been a bit impinged.

**Alec:** And that’s if you work as a solo act. And I spent the vast majority of my career working with sometimes one and sometimes two other partners. So I was taking home $0.47 on one-third of a check.

**Craig:** Right. You were taking home $0.47 on a one-third dollar.

**Alec:** Yeah.

**Craig:** So my first job, I had a writing partner, and I think we got paid $110,000. That was our deal. So I got $55,000, which meant really at the end of the day $20-something thousand dollars.

**Alec:** $27,000. Yeah.

**Craig:** You know, which was less than I was making at my other job. So, it’s a bit sobering, Jeff. And it kind of works out where to make – well, I guess to have a comfortable living as a screenwriter you need to do more than one thing a year. You need to sell more than one thing a year or you need to get the amount that you get paid up quite a bit.

Anyone who is out there thinking that this is a big lottery, well I guess it kind of is a lottery in that you’re probably not going to win. Well, and this has been Scriptnotes Podcast. OK.

**Alec:** The shortest and least satisfying Scriptnotes Podcast of all time.

**Craig:** Stop doing this job.

Today’s featured guest is the mighty Alec Berg. In his past collaborations with aforementioned partners, Dave Mandel and Jeff Schaffer, Alec wrote for and then ran Seinfeld. Lame. And he also wrote for and then ran Curb Your Enthusiasm. Not at all funny. And also wrote movies such Euro Trip and Bruno and the Dictator. Well, now this joke is getting a little awkward, isn’t it? I’m not going to continue the rub.

**Alec:** It’s no less true.

**Craig:** But lately, lately, he has been most prominent as the showrunner and head writer along with Mike Judge of Silicon Valley on HBO. And now as of literally this week or this past weekend–

**Alec:** Yep.

**Craig:** A new show, and I’m going to go out on a limb and say a new hit show that he is running with Bill Hader. Barry. So, yet another hit from the ha-ha money machine known as Alec whatever-your-middle-name-is Berg. Alec, welcome back to the show.

**Alec:** Well thank you. It’s lovely to be here. And by here I mean my home where we are right now.

**Craig:** It’s kind of weird right? Like you have to feed me. You have to give me a green room. You have to take care of me.

**Alec:** It’s lovely for you to be here.

**Craig:** I think it’s fantastic. So, let’s talk about Barry. I know that you’ve been doing a lot of this – this is what happens when you have a show come out. You have to do a lot of this chitchat.

**Alec:** It will be remarkable how bad I am at it still, having done–

**Craig:** It already is quite remarkable. I think everybody at home has noted that. Well, here’s what I want to know. You have a new creative partner in Bill Hader. How exactly is it that you came to find another creative partner and give birth to another project and then actually make it and produce it and I think probably direct a little bit of it?

**Alec:** Yeah. I directed the last two episodes.

**Craig:** You did all of that while you were running another television show. How did that happen?

**Alec:** Mistakes were made. Poor decisions were made.

**Craig:** Run it down for us.

**Alec:** I mean, the only way that I could really do it is when we do Silicon Valley and now Barry we don’t do that many episodes. You know, when you do a network show it’s 22 or 24 episodes a year. Silicon Valley’s order has always been 10. Well, not always. The first season we did eight. And actually this season we did eight. Part of the reason we’re doing eight is because of the load that Barry put on me that doing 10 was just—

**Craig:** Too much.

**Alec:** Too much. So we did eight Barrys this year and eight Silicon Valleys.

**Craig:** But even then the comparison isn’t quite perfect because you’re talking about 16 episodes of television, but you are serving so much more of a role on those 16 than you would say when you were doing Seinfeld. You had, you know, I would imagine a whole lot more writers.

**Alec:** Well, no, we have a staff on Silicon Valley and we have a staff on Barry.

**Craig:** So you are kind of lazy in a sense?

**Alec:** Yeah, no, I smiled and waved at them.

**Craig:** Why are you complaining? I’m not quite sure then.

**Alec:** Because I complain. That’s what I do.

**Craig:** Oh, OK.

**Alec:** No, it was – both had to be on the same lot because I was going back and forth. And so they were both on the Sony lot and I bought a bike. And I would go – we were writing both shows at the same time, so from 8am to like 1 or 2 I would work on one show.

**Craig:** Wow.

**Alec:** And then I would get on my bike or eat my lunch while I walked from one office to the other. And then I would work at the other office from 1 or 2 until 9 or 10 at night.

**Craig:** Was it just the bike ride and the lunch walk that gave you the opportunity to essentially reset your brain?

**Alec:** Yeah, I mean, oddly doing two different shows, they’re slightly different muscles and the tones are slightly different. So, it’s not – like if I had been doing double the work on one of those shows in a weird way it would have been more arduous than doing the same amount of work but splitting it between two shows, if that makes sense.

**Craig:** It does. But you still – the two shows have more of tonal overlap than for instance I’m able to say, “OK, I’m going to work on this, like Chernobyl, so there’s episodes about period piece/historical drama and then in the evening I’m spending a week on someone’s comedy and so it’s just two totally” – this is not totally different. Did you ever kind of have these moments where Barry popped up in your mind in a Silicon Valley episode?

**Alec:** There were definitely moments where — it was mostly like, “Wait, have we done that? We had a line about this. Wait, was that this show or the other show?”

**Craig:** Oh god.

**Alec:** It’s mostly like back catalog stuff where it’s just like wait a minute, did we already do something like this? Or was that the other thing?

**Craig:** Did you have two writing staffs that were sort of each jealous of your time or–?

**Alec:** You know, I have a running joke with the Silicon Valley cast that they’re wishing me success, but not that much success on Barry. I got a lovely call the other day from Zach Woods, you know, who said like, “Look, as much as I want to hate Barry, I watched it and I enjoyed it.”

**Craig:** I think that’s actually nice. I would be a little more concerned if they were like, “Go Barry! Take up all of your time.”

**Alec:** Yeah, you know, “If you don’t want to come back that’s fine.”

**Craig:** “Geez, we hear the folks at Barry could really use you.”

**Alec:** “Maybe you should do one show. Not this one.”

**Craig:** Right. Yeah. “If you’re here for us, that’s—“

**Alec:** But I also, you know, I have really good partners on both shows. You know, Bill Hader is an immensely capable and creatively prolific guy. And Mike Judge is not a slouch. So, if it were just me on both, sure, that would be trouble.

**Craig:** It would be trouble.

**Alec:** But I have a lot of – and I have a good writing staff on each show. And, you know, Silicon Valley has been on for five years so everybody knows what’s going on. And the production people are great and the crew is great.

**Craig:** So it works?

**Alec:** Yeah. So, you know.

**Craig:** No complaints.

**Alec:** What do I have to complain about?

**Craig:** Well, quite a bit.

**Alec:** Yeah.

**Craig:** I want to talk a little bit about your work ethic because we are sort of joking about what do you have to complain about, but I really do believe that most people, including professional writers who even have a lot of experience, I think most people would have crumbled under the burden that you carried. You have an ability to carry a tremendous burden. And this is a bit of a philosophical question that I think will be applicable to everybody listening, not just people that have two shows on HBO, because obviously there are many people like that. There’s you…

**Alec:** Um…

**Craig:** Yeah.

**Alec:** There’s me. Yeah.

**Craig:** All right. So this has general application for all of the writers listening. There’s a balance that has to happen in your mind between work ethic and then kind of a just a need for rest to be creative. And I’m just kind of curious how you negotiate the difference in your mind between a work ethic, proper work ethic, versus a desire to please or fulfill what you have been told to do. And on the flip side how do you negotiate in your mind whether or not it is that you need a recharge and a rest for your own creativity or you’re just being a bit lazy that day. Can you even parse those out?

**Alec:** Yeah, you know what I’ve gotten much better at is there are days where it’s like, “OK, I have to write this episode or these six scenes.” And I sit down to start writing and immediately I just know my brain is not there. And it’s not going to happen. And what I will end up doing is spending four hours sitting at a computer farting around and not getting anything done. And at the end of four hours I will have nothing to show for it except that I spent four hours that I could have spent resting or thinking about something else.

So, that’s one sort of thing that I’ve gotten much better at is forgiving myself those moments where it’s like “It’s not happening right now. You know, for the next few hours my brain is garbage and I need to just listen to that and take a step away.” That said, you know, that is a luxury to be able to do that because there are a lot of times where it’s, like, I don’t have that time. Like it’s like whether my brain is there or not I need to be productive.

**Craig:** I actually think those are very dangerous times because what I have found when I don’t have it, my brain isn’t there, and I need a rest, I need a break, and then someone says, “Uh, yeah, too bad. You can’t have one.” The dangerous thing is then I say, “OK,” and I do it.

**Alec:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And the lesson you learn from that is you can actually override temporarily at least. It’s like riding your car, you’re on fumes, or you’re riding on a donut, not a real tire. It’ll work for a while. But then it’s not a rest that’s coming, it’s just a collapse.

**Alec:** Yeah. I’ve gotten very close. Season two of Silicon Valley, Mike Judge and I directed all 10 episodes the two of us. So, he did five and I did five. And the combination of doing all of the writing and directing half of them, or supervising the writing and directing, that’s the closest I’ve come to – there were a couple of days where like I was walking to my car and I got so dizzy. I literally had to sit down. And I started laughing because it was just absurd. I was just like I’m honestly about to collapse.

**Craig:** This is the thing I don’t think people quite get. Mostly because their experience of writing is either the experience of watching a finished product, which has been designed to appear effortless. Massive amounts of work have gone into making it look like it took no work at all.

**Alec:** Ideally.

**Craig:** Ideally, correct.

**Alec:** If it works right, it seems like it–

**Craig:** It just squirted out of the sky like this.

**Alec:** It just emerged out of whole cloth.

**Craig:** Or if they’re writing something, they’re writing it on their own terms, in their time, in their own way, without any budgetary issues, meetings, actors calling and grousing, not that you’ve ever had to deal with anything like that.

**Alec:** No. Never.

**Craig:** The remarkable quantity of work at times is overwhelming.

**Alec:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And I wonder sometimes how many people we’ve actually lost that would have done really, really good work if not for the fact that this business runs in a crucible-like fashion.

**Alec:** Yeah. And that’s kind of the complaint that most of the people who do what I do for a living that I talk to are like, “God, I wish there was a way to do it that was financially viable where you could just do it at three-quarters of that pace.

**Craig:** Exactly. Even looking at the shooting day. I mean, the hours that go on here. Interestingly, I was talking with – you know, we’re about to start shooting and so we’ve been having–

**Alec:** Congratulations on that, by the way.

**Craig:** Well, thank you very much. And we’ve been having a lot of sort of production-y meetings, organizational meetings now because we’re getting so close. And this is where they do – there are fascinating differences between the European model, because this is an entirely European production, and the US model. And one of them, at one point we were talking about a little bit of a scheduling issue. And, well, we can’t put that on this day because we have this on this day. So we’ve got a problem. And I and the director, we both said, “Well, maybe we just go long that day.” And they said, “Oh, no, no, we don’t do that.”

They don’t do it.

**Alec:** Really?

**Craig:** They don’t do it.

**Alec:** Wow.

**Craig:** It’s a 12-hour day and then you go home.

**Alec:** Huh.

**Craig:** And in the United States, I mean, yes, I’m sure there are occasionally bits of overtime, but it’s never planned that way.

**Alec:** No, but as much as you would like it to be a complicated and like, “Oh, we don’t do that,” it just becomes about money, right?

**Craig:** Right.

**Alec:** It’s just like, no, whatever you can end up doing – and this is why I think crews get abused, right?

**Craig:** Yes. Yes.

**Alec:** Because it’s just, “Oh, we need to do it and it’s money, so we’ll work a 19-hour day. And we’ll just pay them more.”

**Craig:** That’s right. And that’s the danger.

**Alec:** And knowing that you can do that I think leads to a lot of abuse where it’s like just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

**Craig:** Precisely. And we have an epidemic in the United States of fatigue on sets. I don’t really know how anybody is doing any good work at that point anyway. It’s a bit tragic. So I’ve been sort of fascinated by that aspect, but I do think that there is a certain element of self-care that we ignore as writers because we’re actually not hauling cable, you know, or setting up flags, or driving a truck. We’re just sitting, right? Seems like–

**Alec:** Yeah, how hard could that be?

**Craig:** Turns out pretty f-ing hard.

**Alec:** Yeah. But the flip side of it I guess, and this is where I keep getting deeper into more and more work is like on the one hand, yeah, it’s hard, but on the other hand it’s like, you know, if people want to hire me I still do struggle a little bit with that thing of like but there’s an opportunity here and this could be good. And I want to work with that person. And I don’t want this to go away. You know, and as we all know nobody ever calls you in this business and says like, “OK, you’re done.”

**Craig:** Ever.

**Alec:** Like there’s no pink slips. You’re the last person to know that your career is over.

**Craig:** Yeah. When we go away we go away the way squirrels go away. Where do they go to die?

**Alec:** No idea.

**Craig:** Small pile leaves. Nestle under there. And you’re gone.

**Alec:** Where did that squirrel go with my career?

**Craig:** That’s basically right. One day you wake up and it’s all gone.

**Alec:** A squirrel has buried your career under an oak tree.

**Craig:** Well, that dilemma of when to say no versus a fear of not saying yes, that is a topic for another day, but it’s a good one we should do.

**Alec:** But it’s also – it sounds like such a whiney high class problem to have. “Oh no, I have too much work.”

**Craig:** Yes and no. Because the truth is it’s actually a huge problem I think when you’re starting out. Because when you’re starting out you’re desperate to do work, right? You’re desperate to start your career, to make money. And someone is going to come to you and say, “Do this absolute career-killing pile of crap.”

**Alec:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And you at that point have a choice to make. Actually more likely that is where you’re going to have the hardest of those choices I would imagine at the very beginning.

**Alec:** Yeah. But that also you’re factoring the quality of the offer. Right? I’m talking about just like at a certain point it’s just like you can do what you want to do, right?

**Craig:** Yes.

**Alec:** I find myself fortunately through an enormous series of good breaks to be in a position where–

**Craig:** Oh, is that what it was? Good breaks?

**Alec:** I’ve stood next to a lot of very talented people. But, you know, luckily enough I’m at a point where the issue I have is like, “OK, well what do you want to do?” Look at Barry. That really was, the whole thing was Bill and I sat down and it’s like, oh, “We’re fans of each other and we want to do something together. What do we want to do?”

**Craig:** And it just happened.

**Alec:** And it’s not because I’m in a contract year. And it’s not because I’m a corporate shill. I will tell you HBO is the best in the business, as you know. You’re working with them as well.

**Craig:** I am. They have been wonderful to me.

**Alec:** I’ve had nothing but great interactions with them and they genuinely believe in the quality of the product and they trust you and they leave you alone.

**Craig:** It’s actually quite – like I don’t quite believe it.

**Alec:** No. No, I find myself wondering what the hell is wrong with them. When are they going to wise up?

**Craig:** This is obviously a trap.

**Alec:** Yeah.

**Craig:** But, well. That’s what working for the Weinsteins did to me. I’m now like, it doesn’t matter who I meet. I’m just like, “Where and when does the knife go in?”

**Alec:** Yeah. It’s obviously behind me somewhere.

**Craig:** Well speaking of knives going in, and this is where – John likes to do things like that, these segues.

**Alec:** Oh.

**Craig:** And I make fun of him.

**Alec:** Speaking of ham-fisted segues.

**Craig:** Segue Man. Knives going in. So, I want to talk a little bit about what your experience is now as somebody who is writing not one but two shows that are widely seen that are actually huge – they’re occupying spaces in pop culture. Barry is already doing it. I see it happening. And then there’s that interesting other side of that sword. When you occupy a space in pop culture suddenly people have quite a bit to say to you. You went through some storm clouds over Silicon Valley and gender representation.

**Alec:** Sure.

**Craig:** And then there was the departure of TJ Miller which was fascinating to watch from the outside.

**Alec:** Oh was it?

**Craig:** Probably not so much fun from the inside. [laughs] Just like your show, incredibly enjoyable for me and costing nothing. And for you–

**Alec:** Yeah. It’s lovely to parachute in and watch for half an hour, isn’t it?

**Craig:** For you you’re fainting and laughing. How have you come to deal with all of that? Do you have any advice, strategies, or thoughts on how we as writers should be dealing with pop culture as we occupy it and it starts to occupy us?

**Alec:** I just think you have to – all of that commentary – Bill Hader is friends with the writer George Saunders. And Bill was saying that he talked to George Saunders about critiques and reviews. And George Saunders said something I thought was really interesting which is the vast majority of all criticism is really about the person writing it, not about you or what your thing is.

You know, so I think you just have to take that all with a grain of salt. And it’s like if somebody is angry about something that’s going on on something you’re writing it has as much to do with what they’re going through in their life as it does what you’ve rendered.

**Craig:** I think that there’s truth to that.

**Alec:** And you just have to take that all with a grain of salt. And you just have to believe in what you’re doing, and also every once and a while somebody has something interesting to say and you go, “Oh, that’s actually an interesting point. I hadn’t thought about that.” But this idea of trying to write your way out of criticism is – it’s folly. Like if you don’t believe in it.

**Craig:** What about this other thing that is less I guess criticism and more of a kind of wave of feedback. Twitter in particular has a way of – well, it’s like the wave in a stadium. 12 people can start it.

**Alec:** Yeah.

**Craig:** But within 10 minutes you have 50,000 people moving in unison, explaining to you that you’re terrible. Right?

**Alec:** Yeah.

**Craig:** So it’s like a wave of awfulness. And I don’t think you’ve experienced that.

**Alec:** But that’s fundamentally different than my everyday life, so.

**Craig:** Right. That’s sort of what it’s like when you wake up.

**Alec:** Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I guess I’m used to writing that way.

**Craig:** Well, I also think that – I suspect that, given the way those things work, I believe that no matter what you do, if you were caught tomorrow cutting puppies up with scissors it would obviously be a big news story and people would be very angry at you. Twitter would just be up in arms with scissor emojis and puppies and how could you and you’re the worst person in the world.

And I do believe on that day if you got on a plane and went to Fiji and just waited two weeks when you got back no one would be talking about it anymore because something else would have happened.

**Alec:** Yeah.

**Craig:** I think about two weeks. And then you’re kind of out of the woods on it.

**Alec:** Yeah, I mean, obviously depending on the degree of – I feel like cutting puppies up with scissors may be–

**Craig:** I don’t know. I actually think–

**Alec:** Maybe three weeks? Maybe a month?

**Craig:** The problem is you’d think that. But on Day 13 someone else does something insane. Or people just get bored. They just get bored.

**Alec:** Well, I do think, I mean, that’s the most interesting thing. To me there is this culture now of outrage as a recreational activity, right? Where people are just like, “Oh, what are you going to do for the next hour? You could watch TV or you could just go on the Internet and rage about things. Or I could go outside and shoot some hoops.” You know what I mean? It’s like one thing or another–

**Craig:** It is very satisfying. I understand it in the sense that maybe because I actually am not very good with being part of a group. I’ve never felt comfortable sort of sharing my identity with a group. So I get little snacks, like little tastes of it if I’m online. And everybody is teeing off on, well, let’s just say Ted Cruz just for the funsies of it.

**Alec:** Just for example.

**Craig:** It’s nice to be part of a group all of a sudden. Like, I’m so used to being the one in the corner going, “Wait everyone. Stop. Let’s think about this. You shouldn’t all just necessarily…”

**Alec:** Yeah, sure, it’s fine. But the fundamental problem with that is that as the firehose pans from left to right.

**Craig:** Ah yes.

**Alec:** Slowly. Eventually it pans back to you and you get blasted.

**Craig:** Voila. Yes.

**Alec:** You know what I mean?

**Craig:** Live by the mob, die by the mob. I completely agree with you. I want to ask you one final question, but it’s about what I call the Bergian machine.

**Alec:** Dear god.

**Craig:** Yes, the Bergian machine is a comedy engine by which small decisions in the beginning of a story loom larger and larger as the narrative unfolds and eventually emerge surprisingly in the final motions of a story to either save or completely upend our character. This is the Bergian machine. I have noticed this throughout all of your work, even as tones change and plots change and things change. Maybe it’s at its strongest in Seinfeld. But it is still there in Silicon Valley. And maybe to a lesser extent in Barry, but still there in Barry. I see it.

And it occurs to me that there’s a kind of life philosophy that’s being applied by this a little bit. Because I think funny things are funny for a reason. They reflect our reality. And it’s the idea that the more we try and control the world around us the more likely we are to sow chaos and undo ourselves. And I’m kind of curious like where you kind of instinctively get your hooks into the Bergian machine.

**Alec:** Well, first of all, please stop using that name.

**Craig:** Well, it’s Bergian. And it’s a machine. I’m talking about the Bergian machine now.

**Alec:** I understand. No. You’ve said that already.

**Craig:** So let’s discuss that.

**Alec:** I guess to me it’s just I learned – really I learned to write at Seinfeld. At that was my graduate school of comedy writing. And so much of what I do to this day is, you know, entirely due to what Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld taught me about, you know, that sometimes the satisfying connection between two stories is better than a satisfying beat. You know, if you’re kind of following one thread and it’s like this happens and because of that this happens, and then because of that this happens. But something coming from another story and intersecting one story. The fact that you’re getting this sort of two-for-one where it’s like a beat in two different stories but it’s one beat is sometimes the most satisfying beat of the story. And so – and that I learned entirely from Larry. Where the stories intersect. And when you’re outlining stuff and it’s like, you know, “Oh, our lead character is dating a guy and another one of our characters is buying a bike from a guy.” And you go, wait a minute, what if that’s the same guy? And now it’s like, oh, not only does the story have an economy and efficiency to it, but now you’ve got two of your main characters that have opinions about each other. And you’re always trying to get characters – you know, it’s all about conflict. So you’re always trying to get characters that have opposite opinions of something. And, oh, she likes this guy, but he hates this guy. So now he wants her to do something about this guy.

You know, and now you’ve got all this energy between your characters.

**Craig:** So, in short, there is nothing fancy about the Bergian machine. It’s actually quite practical.

**Alec:** Honestly, we called it Comedy Geometry. You know this from writing. I feel like there’s two fundamentally different types of writing when you’re outlining. One is inspiration where it’s just we need a great reason for this guy to go from here to there. Or a great way that she learns that her father is this guy. And that’s just sometimes you work for days and you don’t have it. And then you get in the car and as soon as you stop thinking about it you go, “Oh my god, this is it.”

**Craig:** You get it. Right.

**Alec:** Or sometimes you just have a weird thought of like an image in your head of like, oh, this is really funny. I just have this visual image of this thing. And then you go, oh wait, that could be that thing.

**Craig:** Right.

**Alec:** And that’s the inspiration part of it. But the honest answer is the vast majority of what we do in series TV is the other type of writing and that’s just elbow grease.

**Craig:** It’s math.

**Alec:** And it’s just working it, and working it, and working it. And what about this, what about this, what about this, what about this. And Bill Hader and I sort of liken it to two idiots standing at a piano going, “What about this note?” Ding. Nope. “What about this one?” Ding. No? “What about this one?” No. “Wait, wait, hold on, hit that one again.” Ding. Ding. Wait, that’s it.

**Craig:** Really, see, in a sense, let’s come full circle here, because it really does come back to work ethic in a sense. There is the talent part to me is knowing that when you do hit the right note that it’s the right note. But I think people without talent sometimes land on these things and they don’t know it.

**Alec:** Yeah. And, by the way, I will say that people always say, “Oh, you’ve been doing this for a while. You must have figured out how to do it. You must have a system. Must have gotten easier.” No. It’s not any easier. In fact, it’s harder because, one, I’ve done way more stories.

**Craig:** Right.

**Alec:** Right? So I have 25 years’ worth of stories I’ve done so that when somebody pitches me something and says, “What about this?” I go, oh yeah, season two. When I was at Seinfeld 20 years ago we did this thing with George so we can’t do that.

And the other thing that makes it harder is I wouldn’t say I’ve gotten any better at coming up with good material. But I’m much, much better at telling you whether something is good or not.

**Craig:** Well, that’s really important.

**Alec:** Whereas it used to take me, you know, whatever. I’d have to come up with five ideas before I’m like, oh, that’s a great one. Now it’s like it’s 50 or 60.

**Craig:** The experience of watching material go from page to screen is vital for you to start to hone that metric. You can’t – I don’t think until you’ve actually gone through production, a lot of production, you really can’t fine tune your sense of whether something is or is not a good idea. Because you actually haven’t seen all of it yet.

**Alec:** That’s right. And a lot of times people will be very excited about something we’re working on and I’m like, you know what, I’ve died on that hill.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**Alec:** I’ve died on that hill twice.

**Craig:** Exactly. I can assure you. And in fact I was you telling another me why I was wrong and that me tried to keep me from the hill.

**Alec:** Yeah. That other me warned me.

**Craig:** Right.

**Alec:** I didn’t listen.

**Craig:** I didn’t listen. And that’s why I only have eight fingers. No, it’s absolutely true. Ted Elliott once said that screenwriting/television writing is one of the few jobs where people can get paid quite a bit to only do half of the job. Because they never get to that second half. And there are people that do – most of the things that they’ve done they’ve been paid for have not been made.

**Alec:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And that’s, well, I think less and less now with the rise of television.

**Alec:** I will say that’s the other thing that I love about TV is that in my years in the movie business the most frustrating thing, as you know, is you write a lot of things and then for whatever reason it’s like movies have this energy about them and they either come together and the wind is blowing in the right direction and for whatever reason they happen. And if they don’t happen in a brief amount of time then they just go into this purgatory. And it’s like, “Oh, well that idea has been kind of sitting around for a while, so–“

**Craig:** Yeah. It’s boring to us. Therefore it’s boring. Right.

**Alec:** Right and they just go away. Whereas TV, the great thing about it is it’s just about making the trains run week in and week out. And the great thing is when you make a deal to do a TV show when you get to a point where it’s on the air it’s like, “Oh, we’re picking you up. You’re making eight of these or 10 of these. And this is when you start shooting. And this is when they air.”

**Craig:** That’s right. It’s fascinating.

**Alec:** As opposed to when you’re pitching a movie where it’s like I have an idea and I want to get it made. This is the opposite. It’s like here’s when we’re putting 30 minutes of something on the air.

**Craig:** Right. Fill it.

**Alec:** Go figure out what the hell that is. But you’re backing into delivery, right? So it’s like–

**Craig:** Well, we do that in movies now, too. Unfortunately there are – some of the bigger movies – the ones that weirdly cost the most money, we are backing into those. It’s terrifying. In part because, well, you get one episode don’t you? I mean, that’s the issue with movies. You get one.

**Alec:** I never got those jobs when I was–

**Craig:** Well–

**Alec:** I don’t know that feeling.

**Craig:** It’s not a good feeling.

**Alec:** But there is something nice. Like it’s part of what I love about doing TV is that, I mean, look, I never thought of myself as an artist. I feel like I’m a craftsman. And there’s art in that, you know, when you make a chair or a table. There’s a tremendous amount of art in there, or there can be. But it also has to serve a function, like a chair has to support the weight of a human sitting on it.

**Craig:** I have to say every time I hear someone, a writer, say I consider myself more of a craftsman than an artist I think to myself that’s a real artist. And every time I hear someone say I’m more of an artist than a craftsman I think, nah, you’re a craftsman. [laughs] It really – like to me there is that aspect of kind of keeping yourself humble and your fingers on the keyboard and doing the work is necessary to actually be the thing that pretentious people pretend to be.

**Alec:** I suppose. I don’t know. I mean, I feel–

**Craig:** There you go again.

**Alec:** I’m hesitant to look inward–

**Craig:** Because you are a genius.

**Alec:** But, look, I make clocks. And sometimes you go “Oh my god this gear fits perfectly in that gear. That’s awesome.” And sometimes it’s like, “Dammit, I have this gear that’s a really cool shape. But I don’t know where to put it.”

**Craig:** That’s the worst feeling.

**Alec:** But ultimately like if the thing doesn’t keep time, doesn’t matter how much art is in it.

**Craig:** Well, absolutely.

**Alec:** You know, your watch is six minutes fast and it stinks.

**Craig:** But this is what comedy – comedy is a cruel task master because unlike drama comedy has accountability built in. When you say it doesn’t work meaning they’re not laughing at it.

**Alec:** Yeah, although, I will say – and I think Barry is I hope a prime example of that, your mileage may vary once you see it – that area is starting to get grey where it’s like, you know, I feel like – Barry I feel like is neither a drama nor a comedy. Like in the best possible way. And a lot of the reaction we’ve gotten to it, which thrills me, is people go, “What? What is this?” Which is awesome.

**Craig:** Well, it’s been received beautifully and I’ve seen quite a few of the episodes. I’m ahead of people just because I know you and it’s great. It’s fantastic. And I think actually the tone of Barry is – well, it’s the kind of tone where you are aware in a great way what the arrangement is between yourself and the show. The show is not saying to you, “Right, huh, yeah, funny?” It’s not doing that.

**Alec:** No.

**Craig:** It will sneak up on you and make you laugh really, really hard when it wants to. And there are a couple of characters that are – you know, they’re there more for laughs than others. Although I always think that those are the ones that are probably going to end up making me cry. But there is that arrangement. And so then really what’s fascinating to me is your understanding of whether or not the clock is working is your understanding of it. You basically are saying this tells time. I know it. Here it is everybody. And you’re not waiting to – like in movies, god, I mean, you have the experience of sitting in the test screening and finding out if you’re funny or not.

**Alec:** Yeah. Yeah. And there’s nothing sweatier than a movie or a TV show that’s like “Is this work?” Do you know what I mean? As opposed to, you know, I mean the comics who always kill are the ones who are like – there’s a confidence, right? I mean, it is just like I’m going to do this.

**Craig:** I don’t care if you–

**Alec:** If you don’t get it–

**Craig:** It’s your problem.

**Alec:** Then fuck you.

**Craig:** Right. Exactly.

**Alec:** And people go, whoa, what’s this guy got? I better figure out what this is as opposed to like somebody, “What about this? Do you like this?”

**Craig:** Precisely. Well, it’s begging. Begging is just–

**Alec:** It’s unseemly.

**Craig:** It’s pathetic. It is unseemly and pathetic. Shall we answer some listener questions?

**Alec:** Oh please.

**Craig:** All right. Emily in Los Angeles writes, “Somebody recently pointed out to me that the American film industry does not make tragedies. Their opinion is based on the theater terms for comedy and tragedy. Tragedy goes from order to chaos, versus comedy which goes from chaos to order. Most movies seem to tie up their stories with a pretty pink bow and don’t explore the cathartic value of tragedy. What are your thoughts and opinions on this idea?”

Alec Berg, Harvard graduate, what are your opinions on this?

**Alec:** Do I get one pass? Because I don’t even understand – my brain hurts. See, this is one of these things where I do feel like this is like cutting open the bird’s throat to see how it sings.

**Craig:** Let’s skip that question. It might not be – do I want to know this?

**Alec:** When I was at Seinfeld we got somebody’s graduate thesis on the storytelling of Seinfeld. And it was like this 100 and something page thing. And we used to joke when people would come in to like pitch ideas we’d be like, “Hold on, let me see here. Go away. Read this. This is really all you need to know.”

**Craig:** Exactly.

**Alec:** “And if you read this and really internalize it.”

**Craig:** But if you had read it, it probably would have ended the show.

**Alec:** Well, no, because it was just utter – it was like there are 11 main archetypical stories on Seinfeld. There’s the this story, and the that. And it’s like, what? No there aren’t.

**Craig:** I think Emily’s question is – there’s an interesting thing about American – I’ve been having this question a lot with Johan Renck, our Swedish director, on Chernobyl. Every now and then he’ll say, “You know, this one thing here, it’s a little American.” And I’ll say, “You mean successful?” [laughs]

**Alec:** [laughs]

**Craig:** And we go back and forth about this all the time. I’m like, “I know, this moment here where we’re given information we need to understand what comes next rather than two old men mumbling over a piece of pickled herring? Yes, this is an American” – but you know what, a lot of times when he says it I’m like, “Oh you know, that is a little American.” I’m starting to understand what it means.

**Alec:** That’s so funny. A friend of mine was making a movie years ago and he had a French cinematographer. And they did a couple of takes of something and the producer came over and said, “Hey, the studio is just going to want to make sure that we get one take where you cover this line a different way or something.” And he was like, “I don’t really like that.” And the producer is like, “Look, just do one more take. Just cover us.” And so he turns to his DP and he goes, “All right, we’re going to do one more take.” And the guy goes, “You are going to do that?” And he goes, “Yeah, they want us.” And he goes, “You are going to listen to that?”

And he goes, “Yeah, I just think we have to. I think it will be easier.” And the cinematographer just says, “This just became a job.”

**Craig:** Oh wow. That’s rather Francais.

**Alec:** Yeah.

**Craig:** “This just became a job.” Well, there is a balance between these things.

**Alec:** What was it before? You’re still getting paid the same. It was a job.

**Craig:** There is – everyone has different thresholds for their integrity.

**Alec:** By the way, I don’t know if you’ve ever worked on the John Ford stage at Fox.

**Craig:** Nope.

**Alec:** But if you’ve ever done a sound mix there, it’s where we did the sound mix for Euro Trip. There is a plaque on the wall of the John Ford sound mixing stage that has one of the quotes that makes me the happiest that I’ve ever seen in show business which is this long thing about, you know, I tried to do good work, I tried to be as artistic as I could and be true to stuff, but at the end of all my days I knew this: it was just a job.

**Craig:** Wow.

**Alec:** And it’s this thing where you’re there at four in the morning, tearing your hair out, trying to get this thing right. And then you pass by this plaque every time you go to the bathroom and you read it and you go, “Oh yeah, what?” Like ultimately this is not – we’re just trying to get this as good as we can.

**Craig:** It’s a job. It’s actually a great place to put it, too. When you’re in the sound mix it really is a job. Well, Emily, we didn’t really answer your question, but we gave it our best shot. Christina has sent in an audio question, so here it is.

**Christina:** I just wrote my first screenplay and I set out to write a comedy. I just read the first draft and realized that I started to write a thriller or a suspense movie. I think it’s really hard to do both of these things well, and I would like to hear your thoughts on how I should make the decision of whether I should just focus on making it a comedy or focus on making it a suspense movie.

**Alec:** I think the question is backwards. Like that implies that you’re trying to force it to be one thing or another thing and you’re pushing it in a direction. The analogy I always use is it’s like pushing a rope. You have to pull a rope. And a rope won’t go a certain direction.

And with Barry, Bill and I didn’t say we’re going to make a thing that’s exactly this. We just went “What’s interesting?”

**Craig:** Right.

**Alec:** And we started working on it. And it’s like, “Oh, it feels more like it should go this way.”

**Craig:** Followed your instincts.

**Alec:** Or it feels more like it should go this way. And ultimately we just felt like as long as what we were doing was interesting and true and was an observation of real human behavior it just was whatever it wanted to be. And, you know, it sounds very pretentious, but I always feel like you have to listen to the material. And it’s like if it starts to want to be one thing and not another thing–

**Craig:** Yeah. Let it be that.

**Alec:** Like, you know, when I was doing Curb, people would come in sometimes – actors would come in – and they’re “improving” a scene, but they clearly had a joke that they wanted to get to.

**Craig:** Yes.

**Alec:** And so in the middle of a scene it’s like, “Larry, do you ever go bowling?” And you just go, “What? Why are you – oh, because you have a joke about bowling you want to get to?” And it’s like this is not organic at all. It just felt like as soon as that happened you just go, no, no, don’t do that. That just doesn’t feel real.

**Craig:** I’m sorry, you’re fired. Yeah.

**Alec:** And let’s not do your joke.

**Craig:** So, I guess what we’re saying, and I completely agree with you. Christina, if you set out to write a comedy but you wrote a suspense movie instead–

**Alec:** Does it work?

**Craig:** You wrote a suspense movie. That’s the thing you wanted to do. I think you should focus probably on the one that you ended up writing. One movie by the way to look at, Christina, if you have not yet seen it is The Last of Sheila. Have you ever seen that one?

**Alec:** I have not.

**Craig:** Last of Sheila. Fascinating movie. 1970s. Murder mystery with some comedy overtones in it. Sort of like a modern whodunit, or a modern Agatha Christie for the ‘70s. Written by Tony Perkins and Stephen Sondheim.

**Alec:** What?

**Craig:** They wrote the screenplay. It’s really good. It’s a really good movie. Last of Sheila.

**Alec:** Wow. I never heard of this.

**Craig:** Yeah, Last of Sheila. Ted Griffin, the great Ted Griffin, he of all ‘70s movies, turned me onto that one.

Let’s do one more here. We’ve got Mike from Boston. Yo, Mike. He writes, “I’m currently working on some half-hour comedy pilots to send around to potential managers. My question is should these pilots feature explicit act breaks where I label act one and end act one and so on. Does it depend partly on the style of show? Neither of the pilots is very networky in the vein of say multicam sitcom, but at the same time I don’t think they’d only work as a streaming show. Does this apply even if the pilots are meant to be writing samples rather than actual pitches?”

Where do you fall on this whole act one da-da-da?

**Alec:** I think if it’s meant to be networky where you’re putting commercials into those breaks then you can write act breaks. If it helps you to organize your thoughts, I think you can think in terms of act breaks. I always did that when I was writing features. But even then you’d get into a discussion about like, “Well, I think the first act ends here.” And somebody else would go, “No, I think the first act ends here.” And it’s like it’s all subjective. And if it works it works.

I will say personally I haven’t written or thought about an act break in 20 years. That’s not how I write.

**Craig:** I mean, after Seinfeld you were kind of out of commercial interrupted television, right?

**Alec:** Yeah. Curb there were no, I mean, it was just – and it was interesting with Curb where we’d get to this point, and it was the same point on the board every time. And we almost joked that you could take a Sharpie and draw a red line on the board right where you get to it where it’s like that’s the barrier that you always have to jump over and we always get stuck right there.

**Craig:** Because that’s where the commercial would go?

**Alec:** Well, it’s because that’s where you’re turning for home, and if you hadn’t set up the stories correctly and if all the stories had sort of played their last beats at the same time, it’s kind of what I was talking about about connections. Like what you need right here is this story is kind of logically done and this story is logically done. What you need is some other story to come in and knock the pins over. So you go, oh my god, now we have to pick them all up again. But we never thought in terms of act breaks.

I think if it helps you to organize, but I don’t – you know, personally I don’t think any single camera show that isn’t for network, I don’t think I’ve ever seen an act break in any of those.

**Craig:** Well then, you know, it sounds like what we’re hearing, Mike, is it’s up to you. It’s totally up to you, buddy. Should we do one more? Should we do one more question?

**Alec:** Sure.

**Craig:** Oh, this is kind of a good psychological question for a tortured Swede like yourself. Christina from Malibu writes, “How can I tell if I’ve just been replaying this movie, a period biopic, in my head for too long and it all seems familiar, or if everything I’ve written is a horrible cliché?”

So this is sort of like the internal version of the studio saying, “Yeah, you know, it’s been sitting around here for a while therefore we’re bored of it, therefore it’s no good.” Or maybe it’s boring and no good. What do you do?

**Alec:** I think the answer a lot of times is you’ve got to show it to somebody.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**Alec:** Like I always felt like – even somebody who has no idea what they’re reading. Like sometimes people who have no “expertise” are the best audience because they can just go, “I don’t know how to read these things, but yeah, that’s just like that thing I saw in this.”

**Craig:** Right. Or it feels very cliché or it feels like I’ve seen all this before.

**Alec:** Yeah, that’s like that thing from this movie, or that’s like that thing. And you go, oh yeah, that is kind of familiar.

**Craig:** Well, I guess in that sense if you’re showing it to people with, I guess with that honestly in mind, that maybe you think it’s cliché that if they say, “Oh, this is cliché,” you won’t fall apart or lash out.

I always worry about people showing things to other people simply to hear applause. That’s a real syndrome. But it sounds like Christina would be the kind of person with a good work ethic.

**Alec:** Sure. Based on what?

**Craig:** We’ve known her for quite some time.

**Alec:** Oh, is that right?

**Craig:** She’s from Malibu.

**Alec:** Ah.

**Craig:** We know that much.

**Alec:** Oh that’s Christina. Oh, sure.

**Craig:** I said Christina. Did you not hear?

**Alec:** No, I guess I didn’t.

**Craig:** Anyway, Christina is pretty great. So, hopefully, Christina, that helps you. I agree with Alec completely. Show it to somebody and get somebody else’s perspective on it because a lot of times it is impossible to tell from your end.

A little bit of a lightning round here before we get to our finish. What is John doing in Japan? What is John August doing in Japan? Thoughts? Go.

**Alec:** You’re asking me?

**Craig:** That’s right. I have no idea what he’s doing. What do you – knowing him as you do – what do you think he’s doing?

**Alec:** I think he’s enjoying some sort of fish-based food substance.

**Craig:** Like a paste?

**Alec:** Perhaps with some noodles of some sort?

**Craig:** A substrate? A slurry?

**Alec:** Yeah. Maybe an Udon.

**Craig:** Oh, OK, an Udon. He went there for an Udon?

**Alec:** Yeah. Well, the Udon.

**Craig:** The Udon. I think he’s possibly getting some sort of parts upgrade.

**Alec:** Could be. Could be. And those parts generally are made in Japan?

**Craig:** I think they’re made in China but installed in Japan by one of their–

**Alec:** Oh, OK, like iPhones.

**Craig:** Precisely. A Xybotsu.

**Alec:** Sure. Either that or he’s inspecting a nuclear facility.

**Craig:** OK.

**Alec:** Just to make sure things are–

**Craig:** He’s impervious to radiation obviously. That’s the point. He can go in.

**Alec:** Yes, that’s correct.

**Craig:** Where humans could not.

**Alec:** No, I mean, even a helicopter would be irradiated immediately and crash into the sea.

**Craig:** Correct. But he can wander in and then wander back out. Just to report.

I think of the three scenarios we just mentioned that one does sound like the most likely. So we’re going to go with John is in Japan–

**Alec:** Inspecting a defective nuclear facility.

**Craig:** What else could it be?

**Alec:** Seems like the most likely.

**Craig:** Of course. So we like to end with One Cool Thing where you just literally toss out One Cool Thing. Do you have anything?

**Alec:** I do. And we just discovered it when we were starting this podcast. You tried to log onto my wifi.

**Craig:** Oh yes! That’s right.

**Alec:** And my phone buzzed and I went what is that? And it said, “Share your wifi password with Craig Mazin?”

**Craig:** Right.

**Alec:** And I clicked yes and you didn’t even have to type the password on your computer.

**Craig:** Freaking magic.

**Alec:** That’s the coolest thing ever.

**Craig:** So I didn’t even know that–

**Alec:** I didn’t know I had it.

**Craig:** No, neither did I. When did this happen?

**Alec:** I don’t know.

**Craig:** Oh, you know who would know? John.

**Alec:** Yes. Well, when he emerges from that defective nuclear facility.

**Craig:** From that glow pile?

**Alec:** Yeah. And his parts aren’t too irradiated to function.

**Craig:** Slowly decaying uranium, then he emerges. He’ll be able to come back–

**Alec:** Maybe he’ll be stronger and smarter.

**Craig:** Well, I don’t know how that’s possible. Well, stronger. I could see him getting stronger.

**Alec:** He’ll recharge.

**Craig:** Smarter, no.

**Alec:** He’ll internalize all of that radiation and emerge stronger and slightly taller.

**Craig:** Yeah. That’s right.

**Alec:** And even more articulate.

**Craig:** Like the Borg? You know the Borg? They assimilate. He’s going to assimilate this new–

**Alec:** Do I know the Borg? I’m Swedish. I know the Borg.

**Craig:** Of course, “Do I know the Borg?” Do I know the Borg?

**Alec:** Hey, I freaking invented the Borg?

**Craig:** It’s like if the Borg had gone through the universe and finally assimilated one Jew and that was all it took. “No, they’re all Gilbert Gottfried.”

All right, my One Cool Thing, I think I’m going to go with The Last of Shelia. I don’t know, maybe I’ve given that before as a One Cool Thing. But The Last of Sheila is a fantastic movie. It’s funny. It is tense. It’s scary. It’s got a great ending. Stephen Sondheim. Stephen Sondheim decided one day, “You know what, I’m going to write a movie.” And then he wrote a great movie. And then he’s like, “Nah, I’m done with that.”

**Alec:** “Too easy.”

**Craig:** “So easy.” You were talking earlier about laziness and it reminded me of one of the great, great, great stories of all time which occurred when you and I, along with our families, were on vacation together in the Bahamas. I would like you to tell this story.

**Alec:** Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.

**Craig:** We’ll finish off with this amazing story.

**Alec:** We were at the lovely Atlantis which one of us enjoyed more than the other one.

**Craig:** I’m the one that hated it. And just to preface, we had been kind of talking a lot when we were there about how many New Yorkers were there. I’m from New York. So, I naturally want to defend New Yorkers, but there were a lot of New Yorkers there. It was oppressive.

**Alec:** By the way, the next time I stopped into the Atlantis for a day I literally saw Joe Girardi walking around at Atlantis. I’m like the King of New York is here.

**Craig:** It’s amazing. Alec and I were at a bar and just talking in Atlantis and a fist fight broke out. It was just a New Yorky fist fight.

**Alec:** It’s like, oh, oh, those guys are going to go.

**Craig:** That’s right. And it reminded me of going to a Yankee game in 1979 and two people just suddenly beating the crap out of each other in the stands. So it was a very New Yorky place.

**Alec:** Super New Yorky. So, there’s a giant outdoor fish tank full of sharks. And this woman covered in – she’s outside in the sun. It’s 90 degrees. And she must be wearing 40 pounds of gold. These giant clip-on earrings and massive gold–

**Craig:** From New York would you say?

**Alec:** Yeah. So she walks by and she looks at this shark pond and she turns to her husband and her two kids and she just says, “What do they do all day? Just swim around? Lazy.”

**Craig:** [laughs]

**Alec:** And I think we said that phrase 50 times.

**Craig:** It’s so great.

**Alec:** And it was one of those things where as soon as I heard it I just went, “Oh my god, I have to find somebody and tell them this.”

**Craig:** This is why we came here. Because this – I’ve gone through this in my mind so many times. And I just love the implications, the layers of implications. These sharks should be starting businesses.

**Alec:** Yeah. What are they doing?

**Craig:** They should be studying.

**Alec:** It’s such a waste. Why aren’t any of them in medical school?

**Craig:** This is what she said, “What do they do all day?” The only thing they do all day. Lazy. That’s what they do.

**Alec:** She was so judgmental about sharks.

**Craig:** About sharks literally doing the thing sharks were designed to do.

**Alec:** And I can only imagine how much she must have ridden her own children to do more with their lives. If a shark isn’t living up to its potential.

**Craig:** That’s all it does is the only thing they have ever done. They’re no good. And neither are you.

**Alec:** Lazy.

**Craig:** Wherever she is, madam we love you.

**Alec:** Thank you. That was a gem.

**Craig:** All right. Well, Alec, that was a fantastic show. This show, Scriptnotes, is produced by Megan McDonnell. And it is edited by the great Matthew Chilelli. Oh yeah. Our outro this week is by Rajesh Naroth.

If you have an outro you can send us a link at ask@johnaugust.com. That is also a place where you can send longer questions. For shorter questions, on Twitter I am @clmazin. John is @johnaugust. And Alec Berg is–

**Alec:** @realalecberg.

**Craig:** @realalecberg.

We are also on Facebook, which I am no longer on because apparently it’s a Russian platform for stealing our lives. You can search for Scriptnotes Podcast – are you still on Facebook?

**Alec:** No, I deleted it.

**Craig:** Yeah, deleted. Oh, felt so good. However, Scriptnotes is still there. You can search for Scriptnotes Podcast. You can also find us on Apple Podcasts under Scriptnotes. Just search for, get it, Scriptnotes. And while you’re there leave us a comment because John August loves comments.

You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you will find transcripts. We try to get them up about four days after the episode airs. You can find all the back episodes of the show at Scriptnotes.net.

Alec Berg, thank you so much for being a guest.

**Alec:** My pleasure. Thank you for having me.

**Craig:** You’re amazing. Folks at home, next week our wonderful John August shall return. Thank you for listening.

Links:

* Thanks for joining us, [Alec Berg](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alec_Berg)! Check out his [credits](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0073688/).
* [Barry](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b09aJdWqVp4) is now on [HBO](https://www.hbo.com/barry?pid=googleadwords_int&c=Google|Search|MKL|IQ_ID_105710467-VQ16-c&camp=Google|Search|MKL|IQ_ID_105710467-VQ16-c)!
* [Silicon Valley](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silicon_Valley_(TV_series)) is in its [5th season](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7pYslGR6GU) on [HBO](https://www.hbo.com/silicon-valley?pid=googleadwords_int&c=Google|Search|MKL|IQ_ID_-VQ16-c&camp=Google|Search|MKL|IQ_ID_-VQ16-c).
* [Sharing your wifi password](https://ios.gadgethacks.com/how-to/instantly-share-wi-fi-passwords-from-your-iphone-other-ios-11-devices-nearby-0177972/)
* [The Last of Sheila](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_of_Sheila) by Anthony Perkins and Stephen Sondheim, directed by Herbert Ross. Here’s the [trailer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPLgmD_RTLU).
* [The Scriptnotes Listeners’ Guide!](http://johnaugust.com/guide)
* [The USB drives!](https://store.johnaugust.com/collections/frontpage/products/scriptnotes-300-episode-usb-flash-drive)
* [Alec Berg](https://twitter.com/realalecberg) on Twitter
* [John August](https://twitter.com/johnaugust) on Twitter
* [Craig Mazin](https://twitter.com/clmazin) on Twitter
* [John on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en)
* [Find past episodes](http://scriptnotes.net/)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Rajesh Naroth ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/scriptnotes_ep_344.mp3).

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