John August

Search Results for: parenthetical

On the radio

Formatting, QandA, Words on the page

questionmarkI’m working on a script that includes a few scenes where characters talk on police radios, or on megaphones.

So my question is this:

How do you write that? I suppose it’s just a matter of picking a format and sticking to it throughout the script, but I thought I would fire this question across your desk in case you’ve already standardized how it might look. Currently I’m toying with something that might go along the lines of:

INT. POLICE CRUISER – NIGHT

The radio crackles with three call tones. Perry grabs the receiver.

PERRY

Go for Perry.

DISPATCH (ON RADIO)

(filtered)

Your mother’s calling 9-1-1 again, Perr. Says you’re grounded.

PERRY

Tell her I’m working. I’ve got a job, and I’m working. I’m already on patrol, Walter...and I’m 30.

DISPATCH (ON RADIO)

(filtered)

She’s threatening the Playstation.

PERRY

Tell her I’ll be right there.

He tosses the handset, floors it, and cranks up the siren and lights.

The other format I’m trying to crack is when someone picks up a megaphone to address a crowd of people. So far I have something like:

EXT. PERRY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

The squad car screeches up in front of the house. Perry’s mom opens the top floor window and extends the Playstation over the ledge.

Perry jumps out, holds up a megaphone.

PERRY

(filtered)

Don’t do it, mom. Go back inside, and keep the Playstation where I can see it.

PERRY’S MOM

You’re a rotten kid, Perry. Rotten to the core.

PERRY

(filtered)

I mean it. I’ll use force if I have to.

I’m not sure if you need the word “filtered” in parentheticals in both examples, and if I do, should I put it on each line, or just the first? With the radio lines, I’ve put “ON RADIO” next to the name, and on each line. Do I need to include it on more than one, or is the first sufficient?

— Scott Benton
Los Angeles

In both cases, I would drop the “(filtered)” tag on the second line of dialogue. We get it, and reminding us that it’s filtered is just getting in the way of the jokes.

While we’re on the topic, I’m a fan of how you used **DISPATCH (ON RADIO)** in the first example. I find myself doing that a lot in situations where the speaker is not physically present in the scene. In some cases, it indicates a character we’ll never really meet (perhaps your Dispatcher), or a character we do meet who happens to be on a speakerphone or similarly off-screen.

Putting the parenthetical as part of the character name helps reinforce that the person won’t be seen. That’s clarity for the reader and for 1st ADs when it comes time to write the shooting schedule.

Writing unspoken things

QandA, Words on the page

questionmarkIn an effort to be less on-the-nose with my dialog, I sometimes avoid the dialog all together.

My overly dramatic example:

TIM

It’s up to us to fix this.

Sarah’s face: How?

TIM

We go back to where it all began.

I don’t want to make Sarah ask how. I want her face to convey the message. Have you ever put in directions for the actors like this? If so, how do you format it?

— Matt R

You can do this. I’ve seen established screenwriters do essentially the same things in their scripts. But the fact that I’ve never felt the need to do it leads me to suggest alternatives to face-writing.

The first option is the gerundic dot-dot-dot:

TIM

It’s up to us to fix this.

Answering her question before she can ask it...

TIM

We go back to where it all began.

In this case, it reads just as well without the gerund. Some writers do a double-dash:

TIM

It’s up to us to fix this.

Before she can ask --

TIM

We go back to where it all began.

Another choice is to stay in Tim’s dialog block and do it with a parenthetical:

TIM

It’s up to us to fix this.

(off her reaction)

We go back to where it all began.

And don’t discount the option of just omitting it:

TIM

It’s up to us to fix this.

CUT TO:

EXT. BACK WHERE IT ALL BEGAN – DAY

Sarah and Tim sweep the field with metal detectors.

There’s no right way — but that’s not to say it’s unimportant. These little choices are what form your style, and developing a narrative voice is a crucial part of your career as a writer.

When we think of a Tarantino movie, we remember his dialogue. But the experience of reading his scripts is different. They’re incredibly spare but specific. Other writers — David Koepp comes to mind — write in dense blocks packed with detail. And the scripts for Lost are known for their profanity. Every writer would handle the same basic scene differently. Figuring out how you would do it is an important part of becoming a screenwriter, so always challenge yourself to find the way that feels best.

One-sided dialogue

Formatting, QandA

questionmarkI’m writing a script in which a main “character” is invisible and the audience will never see or hear him. The character (Bob) is built from his interactions with the lead character in the story (Jane).

My question is, what is the best way to write dialog between the real and invisible character, when it appears as if the lead character is talking to herself?

Here are a couple examples of what I mean:

  • JANE
  • I’ve gotta get some food in me. You hungry…? You know I’m a vegetarian– Yeah, so…? Pork rinds are not made of real pig… Fine. You buy me a bag and I’ll read the label.

or:

  • JANE
  • I’ve gotta get some food in me. You hungry?
  • (beat)
  • You know I’m a vegetarian–
  • (beat)
  • Yeah, so?
  • (beat)
  • Pork rinds are not made of real pig.
  • (beat)
  • Fine. You buy me a bag and I’ll read the label.

or:

  • JANE
  • I’ve gotta get some food in me. You hungry?
  • (Bob answers)
  • You know I’m a vegetarian–
  • (he cuts her off)
  • Yeah, so?
  • (Bob won’t shut up)
  • Pork rinds are not made of real pig.
  • (he begs to differ)
  • Fine. You buy me a bag and I’ll read the label.

Do you think one of these options is better than the others? Do they all suck? I’d appreciate any suggestions from your own experience.

— Michael
Los Angeles, CA

You’re bumping up against one of the limitations of screenwriting: it’s hard to capture some things on paper that make perfect sense on screen. You’re trying to balance clarity with annoyance, so the reader will understand what’s happening without being aggravated by the technique.

Option one is just too dense. Option two is much easier to read, but you’re beating us to death. And option three provides more detail than we really need.

So my suggestion would be to try a combination of options two and three. Use (beat) or another short, meaningless filler such as (listens) or even (. . .) for most breaks, then provide more details (such as “he begs to differ”) on lines that need the setup.

Also, consider how often you really need to break up the lines, and look for occasions when it makes as much sense to keep them together.

It’s never going to be ideal. But if your dialogue is sharp enough, the reader will ignore the parenthetical awkwardness and enjoy the rhythms you’re setting up. That’s all you need.

Pre-Lap

Formatting, QandA, Words on the page

questionmarkThanks for posting [the script to The Nines](http://johnaugust.com/downloads). In it, you give some dialogue a “(PRE-LAP)” extension. This dialogue begins in V.O., bridges us to the next scene, and continues onscreen. Obviously, it’s a useful and commonly used device.

The term “Pre-Lap” makes obvious technical sense, but is it common enough for us unknowns to use in our scripts? I’ve seen some scripts that use “(BRIDGING)” or “(BRIDGE)” – or even put some explanation in action paragraphs. I’d hate to adopt “PRE-LAP” only to find that low-level readers think I’m making up my own neologisms, or using obsolete technical terms like SFX or M.O.S.

What would you recommend?

–bagadonuts

Pre-lapping is when dialogue begins before we’ve cut to the scene in which it’s spoken. Here’s an example from The Nines:

He turns his back to the foyer, listening to the instructions on the phone.

GARY

Nine leopards run through the jungle.

(listening)

I bought two cakes at the store.

His identity evidently confirmed, he hangs up. He looks back into the foyer.

GARY (PRE-LAP) (CONT’D)

The house is haunted. There’s a zeitgeist, or something.

EXT. UPSTAIRS DECK – DAY

Margaret has brought coffee and pastries from Susina.

MARGARET

Poltergeist, and no. Maybe they were rats. L.A. is teeming with rats. They live in the palm trees.

Often, it’s a choice made editorially, during post-production, but you can also write it in if it helps sell a joke or moment. It’s common enough — and simple enough — that I think most readers will understand it in context, even if they’re unfamiliar with the term.

You should know that some readers despise pre-laps, despite their usefulness. If you use them, you need to have a vigilant script supervisor, because these dangling lines of dialogue can find themselves forgotten in the rush of production.