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Scriptnotes, Episode 618: Clearing out the Mailbag, Transcript

November 30, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2023/clearing-out-the-mailbag).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August, and this is Episode 618 of Scriptnotes. It’s a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Craig Mazin has been buried under an avalanche of work, so today on the show, producer Drew Marquardt and I will power through a stack of mostly career related questions that have been piling up in the mailbag for weeks, months?

**Drew Marquardt:** Weeks, or months, some of them. But I’m excited for all of them.

**John:** Usually what happens is we have on the outline a bunch of the topics of the day and then questions. We get to the questions or we don’t get to the questions. They stack up there.

**Drew:** I usually have about five or so for each episode, and we’ll get to one maybe two sometimes. This is good.

**John:** We’re going to look at everything from disclosing why you were fired from your last job to who pays for coffee. There’s a few craft things in there, but it’s more work stuff in this batch of mailbag. In our Bonus Segment for Premium Members, we will discuss weddings, because Drew Marquardt, you were just married.

**Drew:** I was.

**John:** You are still married, but you just had a wedding I think is the crucial thing. We’ll have some hot takes on what makes a wedding work, because coming off of this wedding, Nima Yousefi was at the wedding. He asked, “How many weddings have you been to?” I said, “I think maybe 15,” and then actually made a list in Notes on it, and I’ve been to 43 weddings.

**Drew:** Oh my god, that’s a lot of weddings. You’re an expert now.

**John:** I’m fully an expert on what to do at a wedding and what not to do. You just went through it recently, so you can tell us the 2023 take on how to stage a wedding.

**Drew:** You’ve thrown your own too.

**John:** Absolutely. I’ve officiated weddings. We can get into all the details there. Let’s just start with some questions. This first one is a doozy, so I don’t know. I’m going to stretch. I think I’m ready for this one.

**Drew:** This first one’s from Anonymous. They write, “I’m a mid-level TV writer. Right before the pandemic, I was fired from the show I was working for for making off-color jokes. They weren’t anything worse than what you’d hear on a show like Friends, and they weren’t aimed at any actual person, but I own up to my guilt and feel bad that I offended someone enough to make them complain to HR. I certainly learned my lesson. I won’t be making any jokes outside of the writers’ room ever again.

“My problem is that I’m currently getting ready to pitch on a show of my own. I have a fairly big production company attached. While they know that I wrote for my former show, they don’t know that I was fired or why. They’ve never asked, and I’ve certainly never volunteered. I’m terrified that they’re going to try and set a pitch with the studio who fired me, who are going to tell the producers that I’m blackballed and why, and then it will snowball into me being fired off this pitch and my reputation ruined. What do I do? I’m scared to try to get out ahead of it, but I’m also scared to stay silent. I’m wildly ashamed about the whole thing but am trying to be professional and figure out how to manage my career going forward.”

**John:** Anonymous, because you wrote in with a question, we have to take you at your word, because we have no other information about this. Let’s talk a little bit about you being fired from your job for these off-color jokes. HR complaints typically aren’t somebody who just said some bad jokes. They’re usually more about behavior. If that behavior was that you are in this room saying these off-color things and making people feel uncomfortable, maybe that’s enough, but maybe it’s not. We don’t know the whole picture here.

You say you feel guilt over it. Okay. Great. You say that not directed at any actual person, but it’s worth thinking about what the person who actually did complain to HR, the people who complained to HR, how did they feel about that, and then what were you doing that really brought them to that situation. Like all these questions, we can only take you at your word that it really wasn’t as big of a deal, but it was big enough that you actually got booted from the show. It sounds like it wasn’t like you weren’t invited back for the second season, but you were let go mid writing room.

**Drew:** I feel like, I don’t know the situation, but one time probably wouldn’t land you in hot water with HR.

**John:** We don’t know this. You reference Friends. Of course, Friends was a pretty famous example of a show that the writers’ room was very bawdy, and there were complaints about what was happening in that writers’ room. It didn’t sound like it was the kind of show like that.

Regardless, what’s tough for us right now is that we’re trying to hold onto two things. First off, that people make mistakes, and they can change after that. That sounds like that’s what you’re trying to do, Anonymous. We love to celebrate those inspiring stories of the ex-con who turns their life around. We believe in restorative justice. We’d like to see people and characters grow and change. So there’s that whole aspect of this.

But then also, we want to see writers and other folks working out there to have a workplace that is free of harassment. Given that there are limited seats in those rooms, there’s a natural concern, like, “Are we going to give one to the guy who was just harassing people or was sort of a dick in that room?”

Those are the things we’re trying to balance, try and make these good, productive writing rooms that feel inclusive and safe, and also believing that people can grow and change. This whole answer, it’s predicated on the idea that you do feel bad about what happened, you want to change these things, and you’re deeply ashamed and embarrassed.

Let’s talk about what you do next here. You’ve got to get out ahead of this. It’s insanity to think that this will never come up and that you’re going to wait around for someone to say something about this. I’m curious what your reps know, your manager, your agents, your lawyer. What are they hearing? What are they feeling? Are you actually blackballed or just perceive that you’re blackballed at that studio, that they would never hire you again? Talk to them about this.

What is your relationship like with the previous showrunner, the one that you were fired from? Is it still somewhat cordial? Do they hate you, despise you? Are they never going to return your calls? You’re a mid-level writer, so you’ve been working on other shows too. What is your relationship like with those other showrunners who can vouch for you not being a jerk in the room?

Then when it comes time for this project and these producers, this production entity, I would say start the conversation in terms of this specific studio that you may be going into with this pitch, and so while you don’t necessarily know what their feeling may be, that you’ve left on bad terms. Then talk about what actually happened in there.

You don’t know what that conversation’s necessarily going to lead to or what the journey’s going to be like, but I think that’s your best bet, because I think you coming to them with this information is much better than you being on your back heels when they come to you and say, “We’ve heard these things.”

**Drew:** Would Anonymous be able to refer them to the other people that they’ve worked with, if they have someone who can vouch for them, basically?

**John:** That’s why I think looking at previous showrunners, previous shows they’ve been on might be helpful for, I think, overall more context. I think Anonymous is going to have to explain for themselves what happened in that room and why they got let go of that show, why they got fired off that show. I do think that having a broader context around that could be helpful, other witnesses on his side.

I’m curious what happened. Again, we always love follow-up, to hear what happened down the road with these things. Anonymous, let us know what’s happening six months to a year from now.

**Drew:** Please. Next comes from MD. They write, “Probably a stupid question, but when you’re meeting someone for coffee, like an agent invited you or an established screenwriter accepted meeting you for a possible mentorship, who picks up the tab?”

**John:** There’s two basic guidelines here. First off, the person who invited the other person is paying the tab, generally. You can split it if it’s a mutual decision. You can split it, but generally the person who asked the other person to come picks up the tab. If you reached out to this established screenwriter and sat down for coffee, you should pick up the tab. The established screenwriter may not let you do that, but you should certainly offer that.

The other general rule here I would say is that the person with the expense account pays. An executive, an agent, those folks are likely going to have an expense account as just part of their business, and so let them pay if they’re offering to pay.

**Drew:** Is that why you make me pay every time [crosstalk 07:42]?

**John:** I’m so sorry, Drew, but yeah, I think you’re learning so much here that it’s good for you to always be asking whether you can pay.

**Drew:** Good to know.

**John:** That’s nice.

**Drew:** Next comes from Judy in Wisconsin. She writes, “It’s hard to be a manager or a boss in a creative field. What have you learned about creating a good work environment? Any advice, tips, or strong feelings? When you have lost your cool, what do you do after?”

**John:** I would say the challenge of being a boss in a creative field is you don’t have real metrics to go back to. You don’t have metrics on productivity, like, “Oh, is this person doing a great job? What are their sales figures?” It’s very hard to do that. In other fields, you can say, “Oh, this person is achieving these things. These are the goals we set for them. This is what they’ve been able to do.” It’s not that. Basically, in a creative field, it’s like, “How much are they making my life better or worse? How much are they helping me do my job, get this project going, get to the next place?”

I think as a boss, as a manager in a creative field, what you’re trying to do is describe where you’re headed, what you want to be there when you get there, what absolutely needs to happen. You’re trying to provide a framework. You’re working with a lot of other professionals and specialists and sometimes other artists, and they’re going to have their process too, so you need to describe what it is you’re trying to achieve, but not tell them how to do their jobs.

That’s a thing I definitely learned on the set for my movie The Nines. Talking with a cinematographer, I could describe the feeling I was going for, but I’m not going to tell her what lenses I want or what film stock I want. That’s not my area of specialty. I can just describe the vibes I’m going for. Same with a composer. Same with an editor. I’m not going to tell them how to do their specific jobs, but I’m going to describe what it is I’m going for, what the things are that work for me.

**Drew:** I think you’ve also been very fortunate to work with people who, when you describe those things, can probably get to that point. What happens when you have someone who’s a little bit newer, a little more green, and they’re not quite getting there yet?

**John:** That is really a challenge. It’s happened with other folks working as a PA or an assistant kind of level too, where they’re not fully getting it. That’s tough. You have to talk them through what your expectations are, what it is they actually need to do to get to the next step, maybe introduce them to folks who are doing their job in other ways, in other places, so they can understand how it all fits together.

The times where I’ve lost my temper a bit is when somebody who, they’re in the right position, they should know how to do this thing, and either they’re not listening or they’re just not catching a brief of what it is we’re trying to do. Those are the folks that I’ve needed to let go at times, on a set or in real life, normal working stuff.

I think those are the challenges in the creative field. You can’t point to like, “This is not working out because you’re not hitting these numbers.” It’s not that at all. It’s just like, “I need a certain thing to feel a certain way. I need this all to work a certain way, and this is not working for me.”

**Drew:** Next comes from Brett. He writes, “I’m working on a secondary character who needs to help tell a story while opposing the lead. In this action comedy, the lead is a tough ass Marine. She’s strong and athletic but a little bit dense. My supporting character, by contrast, needs to come across as smart but soft, dainty, dare I say effeminate. I worry about this word’s context. I’m not a master of lexicon. I’m a redneck boy from Tennessee who learned later in life that I love to tell stories. My secondary character is a child, so his sexuality matters none. Is the word ‘effeminate’ okay when introducing this hilarious 10-year-old intellect?”

**John:** I think “effeminate” has become a code word for gay, so it’s going to read as you’re saying gay no matter what you do. I think I would avoid that word. It’s not that it’s a slur, but the moment you say it, you’re putting that character into a gendered space. You say his sexuality doesn’t matter, but you’re putting him into this gendered space, where he’s not acting like a good boy should act. It just creates a whole host of issues.

I would say think of an equivalent character from something else and words you might use to describe them. If you look at what is Young Sheldon like or Charlie from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Bastian from Neverending Story, what are some words you might use to describe them? Effeminate probably would not be on the top list of things for those characters.

It’s also important to remember that adjectives are not super important. You have that initial character description where you’re giving his age and a little bit, a tiny little sketch, like a sentence. Really, most of what a reader and an audience are going to get about that character are their actions, the things they’re saying, the things they’re doing, how they’re reacting to stuff around them, what their interplay is like with this other Marine character. I don’t think you need to be so hung up about what is the one word I’m going to use to describe that character on first introduction versus what is the personality I’m creating for this character.

If effeminate going for more classically girly stuff is going to be useful or important for that character, find some ways to actually make that happen in your story, but it doesn’t sound like it is. It sounds like he’s mostly there to be bright and hilarious. You might find some other ways that point to the very specific things that this character is doing in this story that make it fit and make him a good, interesting foil for your main character.

**Drew:** Perfect. Borges writes, “Craig’s mentioned time and again how he thinks in the shower. I have the same habit, and it sucks. I have no way of taking a fast note. The same thing happens when I’m swimming. It’s freaking annoying. How do you do it? Any memorization tips?”

**John:** First off, you pronounced this guys name as bor-juhs. It’s B-O-R-G-E-S. Bor-juhs is a good choice. I would’ve said bor-hehs. I guess we don’t know.

**Drew:** I feel like there was a TV show called Borges or something like that. It was Italian.

**John:** The Borgias.

**Drew:** The Borgias?

**John:** That was B-O-R-G-I-A-S, I think, wasn’t it? The Borgias?

**Drew:** [crosstalk 13:40].

**John:** You’re Googling this right now. While you’re Googling that, I would say there’s no great way to take notes in a wet environment. For a while, I had this notepad in the shower that was the kind of stuff that script supervisors use on set. It’s really a plasticky kind of paper that you can write on with a pencil. It was pointless. I never actually wrote a note on that, because I could never really read it afterwards.

Here’s what you do when you have an idea and you’re in an inopportune place. You get out of that place and quickly write it down on a handy note card. I should say keep note cards nearby when you need those things. In my house, on the bathroom counter, there’s a stack of note cards and a pen. If I have an idea in the shower, I get out of the shower, I write it down on the note card so I don’t forget it. The same with bedside table. There’s always note cards there so I can write that stuff down.

What’s important about writing stuff down is it gets it out of your head. It keeps you from wasting brain loops to keep an idea floating in your head. It’s a really unproductive use of your brain to just hold onto ideas like that. Instead, get it out of your head, put it on a piece of paper, set the paper down, and you can come back to it later on.

**Drew:** I’ve also used Siri just in the bathroom.

**John:** Perfect. You can call for that. Are you saying, “Take a note,” or what are you saying?

**Drew:** I say, “Siri, take a note.” Then I’ll say the thing, which will usually just be some stream-of-consciousness thing, but it’ll be enough that there’s enough little cues in there that I know what I’m…

**John:** I don’t do this. If you were to do a note that way, does it show up in the top of your Notes app, or where does it appear?

**Drew:** Yeah, it does. It’s right at the top. Of course, it syncs across all of your devices, which is great. I usually take those off there and put it into a larger document. If it’s something for whatever project, I’ll put it into…

**John:** That’s very smart. We’ve talked a bit about note taking and putting all your stuff together. For me, when I have one of those note cards, those all get stacked up by the bedroom door. I write them down. I stick them by the bedroom door, so that when I’m heading downstairs in the morning, I have those things. They go with my daily agenda thing. Then every day I will go through and take all those note cards and put them in Notion, which is where I’m keeping all my general ideas about projects and things. Whether it’s a snippet of dialogue or something else, I actually have a thing to do with that note card, so it doesn’t have to hang around for forever. I get it into Notion. Then I rip it up and recycle it.

**Drew:** Once it’s in Notion, do you have a time limit that you keep that idea floating around, or do you ever flush those, or do you keep them forever?

**John:** For every project, if it’s a project I’m generally thinking about, I will just keep a page in Notion that’s just a dump of all the stuff. For active projects, I’ll have at the top of that page a open/unprocessed, which is where I throw everything that doesn’t belong into a specific category. If I haven’t broken out the characters to the degree that I have a separate page for each character, I’ll just throw all that stuff in there, little snippets of things. For this TV show, if there’s things related to a specific episode, I’m at the point now where I will put stuff in the episode note for that, because I know Episode 6 is about this character and this situation, so I’ll throw it in there for that.

**Drew:** If you have a loose idea, how far back have you gone to grab some of those?

**John:** We’ve said before on the podcast that I had a list of 35 projects I’ll never get to. This was on the Neil Gaiman episode. Some of those are years and years and years old. I’m not actively going through constantly to sift through, like, “Is that an interesting idea?” But surprisingly, something new will come about those projects every once in a while. It’s nice to have a place where I can just like… It’s a real thing. I can put it there. It has a home. It’s a home that’s not my active brain thinking about it, which I think is important.

**Drew:** You use Notion, but have you used Miro boards at all?

**John:** No. Tell me about it.

**Drew:** Miro boards are what writers’ rooms have been using since the pandemic basically. It’s a note cards app, or it’s online. You can visualize it all. You can have it in all sorts of different colors. It’s been really helpful for me.

**John:** That’s great. Are you using that for holding onto ideas or for organizing thoughts like sequences and scenes?

**Drew:** Organizing thoughts and sequences, not holding onto ideas.

**John:** I’m not using Notion for that so much. I’m using Notion much more for like, these are related documents that are all about a certain thing.

**Drew:** Cool. Next comes from Dahlia. She writes, “I’m a short film writer-director from Paris. While watching the last edition of Project Greenlight, many development producers on the show kept saying this screenplay and the different cuts of a film made the world of story feel small, like a short film. After watching the feature, I shared this impression as well. However, I can’t pinpoint exactly why. More importantly, how do you address this kind of problem when transitioning from short films to features? What are your thoughts?”

**John:** Drew, I’m curious to hear about your thoughts, because you have an award-winning short film.

**Drew:** Thank you.

**John:** We’ll talk about that. When I hear, “It feels like a short film. It feels small,” the ideas that pop to mind for me are that it has low stakes, that it has few characters, that it has a very short journey that’s more like a snapshot than a voyage, and it has a limited visual scope, that we’re in one location, there’s nothing ambitious about the visual storytelling of the film. Those are things that feel like short films to me. Drew, tell me about what think short film versus a feature or something else.

**Drew:** It’s tough, because I think when you’re transitioning from short films to features, usually you’re not going to have a lot of money, so you’re going to be writing to something very contained or something like that. Because of that, you’re either looking at a contained amount of time or a contained amount of space. I think you’re right. We had a teacher who taught us that a short film is either a joke or a poem. I always really liked that. Like you’re saying, one central idea. I am curious how that scope shifts and why something like The Babadook feels like a complete movie in a way that some things do feel a little bit-

**John:** Yeah. The Blumhouse horror films are very classically one location. You’re contained, limited cast, all the things, but they’re not feeling like short films. I think because there’s a beginning, middle, and end, there’s development, there’s a sense of this is the progress that you’ve gone on.

Here’s the thing I notice about a lot of short films, especially the situational short films. You could rearrange the scenes in any order, and it would feel largely the same. You don’t feel like characters are making a lot of forward progress. You don’t feel like the movie is making forward progress. You feel like you’re just stuck in a place. It’s an exploration of a place and a time, which ain’t great.

There’s other movies, like [indiscernible 00:20:15] films, that are a small cast, but they do feel like movie movies rather than short films. You couldn’t make it as a short film because things change over the course of them. The conversations and the issues being explored do progress over the course of them, so they don’t feel like a play or like a short film to me.

**Drew:** I think that’s fair. How about something like Aftersun? I’m not sure if you saw that.

**John:** Aftersun is an example of a film that I’ve only seen on my neighbor’s seat back on the flight back from your wedding. Visually, without the words, I don’t have a sense of why it is progressing. I’m just seeing, oh, it seems to be these same three people having different conversations in slightly different places. Yet based on people’s reaction to it, a lot is actually happening. What’s been your experience with Aftersun?

**Drew:** Aftersun to me seems to be built on reveals. I could be wrong about this. It’s been a year since I’ve seen it. It is more of a character exploration. I think those are very difficult to sustain over 90 minutes or something like that.

**John:** Absolutely. A character exploration does feel like you might get the same complaints about it feels like a short film. It feels like you’re not actually progressing enough.

I didn’t see this last season of Project Greenlight, so I don’t know what the specific movie was or why those complaints were levied there, but if a bunch of people are telling you the same thing, there’s something about that. I think it’s always worth them interrogating what it is specifically about the film that they’re seeing that’s giving them that reaction, because again, always looking for what’s the note behind the note. What are they looking for more of? What are they missing? Why are they not going on a movie ride with this, but they feel like they’re in a short film?

**Drew:** Our next question comes from A Young Producer. They write, “I’m a filmmaker, baby writer, that has produced one low-budget feature. While I’ve been working on my own original material since then, I’ve managed to obtain the IP of a popular book. I know the hard and fast rule regarding unsolicited submissions, but I’m wondering if there’s any difference in approaching production companies as a producer. I’m currently unrepped and therefore don’t have anyone who can make the appropriate introductions on my behalf. Is my only hope a manager-producer hybrid? I know cold emailing is barely a strategy. I’ve received some varied opinions from industry friends. I’d love your thoughts.”

**John:** Great. Let’s define some terms and maybe un-define some terms. First off, “baby writer” can be pejorative. Some people see it as infantilizing to call somebody a baby writer.

**Drew:** I thought it was a very defined term.

**John:** Tell me what you think the definition is of baby writer.

**Drew:** A baby writer is someone who is writing and either has a manager or has a foot in the door, let’s say, but isn’t necessarily staffed yet, doesn’t necessarily have any credits to their name, or professional credits.

**John:** I think that is the common assumption of a baby writer. I think people’s frustration with the term – and I’ve heard this from other folks – is that it’s infantilizing to the degree that it feels like they’re not actually a person or a human being with their own volition and their own things. It can be dismissive in a way. Just saying a pre-WGA writer is a nicer way of saying baby writer.

Just be aware of that. If you’re calling yourself a baby writer, it’s one thing. Obviously, don’t all other people baby writers, because I feel like that may not be really fair to their experience. Also, if they’re a baby writer, but they’re 50 years old, it’s a weird thing too. It assumes that aspiring writers should be in their 20s.

**Drew:** That’s a really good point.

**John:** The other thing which we talk about in this question is unsolicited submissions. That rule about unsolicited submissions is that most agencies, producers, studios, they say, “We will not accept any submission from people that we did not specifically ask for.” Basically, they’re trying to keep you from just cold emailing them a whole script.

What’s important is that a submission could be solicited. It’s possible to approach these people with this property, with this project, with this book which is apparently popular, and say, “Hey, I have the rights to this book. I’ve written the script. I would love to share it with you.” That’s okay. That’s fine. Don’t be afraid of doing that. The fact that you have rights to this book does change the equation, because you’re not just pitching a project. You’re pitching a thing that’s actually based on something they may have heard of.

This feels controversial to me. I’m not sure I agree with this thing I’m about to say. Sometimes on Deadline, I’ll see some producer has optioned the rights to this book, and it’s a whole little, short article. I’m like, “Why is this in Deadline? Who cares about this?” Yet the person who cares about this is the person who got Deadline to print it.

I think there could be an argument for the press release that basically says, hey, you’ve optioned the rights to this book or this property, and you’re now shopping it around town. I would say Google and find the examples of that thing, and just write that same thing. Maybe Deadline or the trades or something else will run it, because then suddenly you might get incoming calls rather than having to reach out there with it. Cold emailing some managers/producers may work. It’s worth a shot. This is all going to be hustle at this point, and so I say don’t be afraid of that.

In terms of who you should approach with it, I would say look for producers who have made films like yours recently, including stuff that you’ve seen at film festivals. There might be some people who are up and coming and hungry. Look who made them, and reach out to them, and see if there’s somebody who feels like the right fit for this.

**Drew:** I also think if it’s a well-known enough book, that publishing company’s not going to give you the rights if they didn’t believe in you or…

**John:** It’s not the publishing company really. It’s the author. Basically, the publishing company might have a little bit of sway, but really, it’s ultimately the author and their agent. You did talk to those folks to convince them that you are the person to get the rights to this and that you are actually a good steward for it. Obviously, you had enough hustle and moxie and other terms like that that you were able to convince this author and their agent that you’re the person for it. Trust yourself in that hustle, and keep going, and find somebody who is the producer who could push it into its next stage.

**Drew:** Continuing on the hustle, Oliver writes, “Last year, I officially sold my first script to a mid-size studio, and it was shot in early 2023. As part of the agreement, there was an optional rewrite clause, although the studio assured me that the script was essentially good to go. On the early Zoom calls, everyone I met was lovely and thrilled about the script. The producers and director were so excited that everyone began sharing ideas, which was super fun, until it wasn’t. Months later, having gone down numerous rabbit holes, the entire process became bleak and disheartening, to the point that days before production, one of the producers was in the script, inserting expedition.

“In hindsight, I feel like a lot of this can be attributed to my naïve approach to filmmaking. I assumed that the studio process would foster a no-bad-ideas atmosphere, where the best ideas can percolate to the top. Next time, assuming I’m lucky enough to have another option converted, I’m tempted to keep my mouth shut, limit my enthusiasm for brainstorming, and focus solely on the necessary edits to move this thing into production. Am I looking at this the wrong way? How might a more experienced writer approach things differently?”

**John:** Let’s pretend we are not a podcast about screenwriting, but we are a relationship show, and so we are a show which people write in with their love questions. Here is Oliver’s question restated for the purposes of that show. “Dear John and Craig, I fell in love with this beautiful woman, but ultimately it did not turn out the way I wanted it to, and so next time I fall in love, I won’t make the same mistake.”

We would point out that that’s absurd, because you can’t help falling in love. You’re going to fall in love. Falling in love is the point, the purpose. That’s a thing you’re going to do. Going into a relationship with all your defenses up is not going to be productive. You have to let yourself be open to the experience, the process, to know that it could end badly, but still believe that it’s going to end great.

Now we come back to the Scriptnotes podcast, where the exact same thing holds true. In you selling your script to these people, you had to go into it with the belief that this is going to be great, and we are going to be able to make a movie here that we’re all going to love. It’s going to be fantastic. It’s going to win awards. It’s going to make a zillion dollars.

You have to go into it with that kind of love and enthusiasm and belief that it’s going to work, because if you’re trying to shield yourself from heartbreak the entire time, it’s just not going to work. You’re not going to have a good experience. They’re going to see it. They’re going to see your reluctance. It’s just going to be a bad situation.

It wasn’t the brainstorming that was the problem. People throw out ideas as part of the chewing over of stuff. What ultimately happened is that they decided to make some choices that weren’t your choices. That’s frustrating to you. You don’t know how the movie is going to be. You’re concerned that it’s going to suck. You’re concerned it’s going to have your name on it. These are all reasonable concerns, but it doesn’t mean you should fundamentally change your approach next time.

This wasn’t your fault per se. There may have been certain moments along the way where you could have done things differently and had a different result. More experience might’ve helped you there too. You’re trying to blame yourself for things that are out of your control.

**Drew:** I think it was Chris McQuarrie who said if there’s no time limit on the script, you’ll have a million notes, and if it goes into production on Monday, you get none.

**John:** Exactly. Listen. You wrote a movie that went into production, so celebrate that. That’s a huge accomplishment, very, very exciting. Let’s hope it turns out well. Let’s talk about how we can help that movie turn out well.

First off, you don’t say whether this was a WGA project or not a WGA project. I’m going to assume that it was, because it sounds like it’s a big enough studio that it was covered under the WGA. If so, the bits of writing the producers did feel kind of hinky, because they really weren’t hired on as a writer. They wouldn’t be a participating writer for purposes of credits. But you might be the only writer who’s credited on this movie, which is great. This movie might have your name on it.

There’s no reason to burn all the bridges and assume that this is going to be a terrible situation. You don’t know that that really was their intention or that’s what’s going to happen. I’d say fake some positivity. Fake that you’re really excited to see what happens, that you’re excited to see early cuts, you’re excited to be part of that process, whatever that entails, so you can make sure that movie’s in its best possible shape. I would say don’t project anger towards them, because that’s not going to help you or help that movie be the best possible movie with your name on it.

**Drew:** Does it help to know whether the production company you just worked with has any animosity towards you afterwards or whether they were like, “Oh, no, we got this made. We’re happy with it,” and that’s going to serve you too?

**John:** 100%. I’m thinking back to a couple weeks ago, I was at a memorial service. I talked to a friend who was also a producer. Afterwards, he called me and said, “Listen, John. I felt really bad about some of the stuff that’s happened over the years. There’s been projects we’ve pursued together, and I feel like I dropped the ball on those things. I wanted to apologize for those situations where I feel like I didn’t do as much as I could have as a friend and as a producer.” I said, “Listen. I totally hear that, but also know that I did not feel that at all. I felt like you’re a producer doing producery things, and most stuff just doesn’t work. It just doesn’t happen. There was zero animosity.” Stuff just falls apart and goes away, and that’s just the business of it all.

I would say, Oliver, don’t assume that they think badly of you just because you feel kind of bad about them. They may think, “Oh, no, this is great. This is fantastic. That kid did a great job for us. We would work with him again.” I’d say definitely don’t assume that it’s a problem on their side.

**Drew:** It got made.

**John:** It got made. Again, I’m asking everybody to write back in with follow-up. I’m really curious from Oliver’s perspective how does the movie turn out, how is he feeling, what’s his relationship with that. He’s saying, “Listen, if I’m lucky enough to get enough option converted,” this is what you should be working on right now. Don’t dwell on this. Make sure you are working on new stuff that can get made.

**Drew:** Back to setting up options, James writes, “I recently finished a feature-length script based on a true story. I became aware of the story when my aunt wrote a book about this woman a decade ago. As far as I can tell, she’s written the only book about her. It’s based on original research that she was the first to uncover and stitch together. It’s also not a widely read book. It was released by a regional publisher with a small footprint.

“I’m a little worried that I might start shopping this around, and a producer will decide that they like the idea for making a film out of the book, but they will want to use a different writer and cut me out all together. Now that I’m ready to introduce my script to managers and producers, should I first have my aunt sign a shopping agreement? My thinking is that it would, A, allow me to put a producer hat on and help ensure that I’m attached to the project as a writer if there’s an interest in making it, and B, it’ll help pique the interest of producers and managers, given that I have IP relationship on paper.”

**John:** Great. I’m going to start this with again defining a term and making sure we’re using the term correctly. A shopping agreement really isn’t the right word for what you’re describing here. A shopping agreement is generally, I’ve written a script, and I’m going to give it to these producers and say, “Okay, we have a shopping agreement.” They can shop around and see if they can find a home for it, without really fully optioning it from me. It’s just a way of representing that stuff. You can also hear it in terms of agents, but I think really any producer has a shopping agreement to take a project around that they don’t really own or control. It’s limited control over things.

That’s not really what you’re talking about with a book. With a book, you’re optioning a book. You’re not optioning a book. You’re buying the rights to a book. It’s your aunt. I think you just option your aunt’s book for a buck or whatever. Have a conversation with her so that she understands.

It really sounds like you did adapt her book, or at least without that book, there really would’ve been no movie. This wasn’t a case where you did a bunch of original research and found your own thing. Without this book, there was no movie. I think it’s a good idea for you to lock that down, so that it’s clear that you really did base this on this, and that this book and your script really are a joint deal.

Then I wouldn’t worry about it. I don’t think you need to actually walk in there with, “Oh, here’s my signed option agreement.” It’s title of the movie, written by James your last name, based on the book by your aunt’s name. Great. People are going to respond to the script or not respond to the script and the story in the script. But they’re not going to be like, “Oh, this is a fascinating story, but we really want to shake this James off of it and take this book.” They’re not going to do that. I think you’re worrying about a thing that’s not really going to be an issue.

**Drew:** I wrote a pilot based on a book once. Going out with that, you would get the question of, “Oh, do you have the rights to it?” You say, “Yep,” and they said, “Great.” That was the end of it.

**John:** No one asks you for that paper.

**Drew:** Trying to find a good way to transition into this.

**John:** I’m looking at these next few questions, and they’re obviously red flag questions. Let’s read them and just talk about why they’re red flags.

**Drew:** First one’s from Anonymous. “I’ve been doing freelance work reading and writing coverage and feedback on scripts for a screenwriting contest website.”

**John:** The alarm is already sounding.

**Drew:** “They promise their winners they’ll pitch to industry contacts, and they’re offering me more responsibility on the pitching side.”

**John:** I don’t believe they’re going to pitch to industry contacts.

**Drew:** “John, do scripts get made this way? Site runners consider the company an agency that’s financially supported by contests.”

**John:** Oh, god. They’re not an agency.

**Drew:** “Does the industry see contest runners as agents?”

**John:** No. There’s so many things wrong with this situation. Nothing wrong with the question, Anonymous. Thank you for the question. A screenwriting contest is not an agency. Agencies are actually defined organizations under state law. This is not any of these things.

Listen. Are they paying you to do this coverage? Is the payment that they’re giving you enough that it’s worthwhile for you? I can’t fault you for working for this company if you need the money to do this thing. If you’re actually getting something out of it, okay. But I don’t believe that they have meaningful industry contacts.

I just don’t believe that anything good is going to happen out of this situation. I feel concern for the writers who’ve submitted these scripts to this contest, that they believe there’s some plus to this. There isn’t.

**Drew:** I’m also worried because Anonymous says, “They’re offering me more responsibility on the pitching side,” which seems to sort of imply that they would be made to seem like it’s a development executive almost, when that’s not really what’s happening.

**John:** I’m concerned for all sorts of levels. I would say, Anonymous, get yourself out of there. You’re probably writing in to this podcast because you are a writer yourself who wants to see their work getting made. This is not a place that’s going to lead to that. Sorry.

**Drew:** The next one comes from John, who writes, “A producer is interested in my feature screenplay and wants to enter into a producer agreement with me, in which they’ll provide packaging services that includes attaching high-value talent, script notes, and equity to be put toward production, etc. The strange part is that all of these services would be performed by the producer’s production company for a fee, a fee that I would be paying to that producer’s company. My gut tells me that this is not correct. Is my gut reaction correct, or is this an actual opportunity?”

**John:** Your gut is correct, John. You should not be paying producers. Producers get their money from making movies and television. They get their money from the people who are hiring them to actually get the stuff made. You are not a studio. You are a screenwriter. Do not pay producers.

Amend this to one thing. I think there are situations where screenwriters, some of whom have written in to this podcast, have gone to people specifically to get notes. There are very smart people who give terrific notes on scripts, but they’re not going to them as producers. If you are choosing to pay somebody for notes, whose job it is to write really good notes for things, I think that is valid. That is useful to you, the same way that a novelist might go to somebody who’s a freelance editor who goes through and helps you tighten up your work. That’s fine and that’s good. But that does not sound at all like what John is describing here. I’d say do not pay these producers.

**Drew:** SR writes, “I made what I thought was a bold move. I’m a non-union screenwriter, and I’ve been stuck in my career writing romantic comedies for a production company out of Canada. When I heard of this Comedy Fantasy Camp being run by icons of comedy, I was excited. It promised to focus on comedic writing for movies and TV as well as writing stand-up. It was quite expensive. It was $3,500 for four days, but I thought it could be worth the risk, especially when there was promised meeting with literary managers and agents with an added price tag of $1,000.”

**John:** We’re now at $4,500.

**Drew:** “It turned out to be nothing that it promised. The camp ended up being filled with nearly 100 people, not 15 is what the email stated. A documentary about camp seemed to be the primary focus, so the only people who got any help whatsoever were the few participants they decided would be featured in the documentary. I was never seen or talked to the entire camp.

“Now for the $1,000 manager meeting, it was a dinner where some managers showed up, but they proceeded to have conversations with each other the entire time. I didn’t get to talk to anyone. They couldn’t have cared less that I or anyone was there.

“Some of the crew who are filming the documentary told me they thought the whole week was a scam. There’s so much more that I could say about this terrible experience, but I’ll stop here. Something that could’ve been great and potentially life-changing turned out to be one of the worst experiences that I’ve ever had, and the most expensive. I took a financial risk during a difficult time due to the strike, and it bit me in the ass.

“Do you have any advice on how I could take anything positive from the experience? I know a handful of people who are calling their credit card companies, claiming the camp was a scam. Could that have any negative impact on my career?”

**John:** The first word here is oof. I’m so sorry for SR. It genuinely sucks, what happened here. I don’t know too many details about this specific camp. There’s a little bit of stuff we cut out of the question. But it was expensive. $3,500, or really $4,500 for four days, I think you went into this assuming it was going to be intensive, really workshopping on your stuff, figuring out all the nuts and bolts of things that could be really helpful from you, and that you were going to meet people in that group who were super smart about comedy, and that you’d really learn stuff from there. That didn’t happen.

We can be generous and say that the big names who are behind this thing or the people who are behind this thing really did have intentions of a certain kind of thing that just didn’t actually end up happening, and that they really felt like this was going to be a game-changer and useful, and they didn’t set out to make a scam perhaps, but it felt like a scam at the end.

Asking for your money back will not hurt you. If you can get your money back, get your money back, because right now it sounds like you were basically an extra who paid to be in the background of a documentary that was filming about this thing. That sucks.

As far as what you can take from this that is meaningful, listen. Sometimes tough experiences do find their ways into other stuff we’re writing down the road. We can think about this experience and reframe it as something that’ll be useful for you down the road, in terms of something you could write. The way you felt about this right now, make sure you’re remembering what this felt like, because you’re going to write characters who have similar feelings somewhere down the road. It’s worth introspecting on that experience.

Were there other people who met during this process, other folks who paid the $3,500, who were at all good, that you can actually at least keep in contact with them, trade your stuff, get a sense of the community around you? Drew and I both went through the Stark program at USC. What I always say about film school is that it’s not nearly as much about the instructors of the class. It’s about everyone who’s in your class together, the fact you’re all trying to do the same things that are so, so helpful. People at your same level are going to be much more useful to you than that one great lecturer. Those are some things you can take from it. Drew, I’m curious what your feelings are.

**Drew:** I am sad that it was such a scam, but at the same time, it was called Comedy Fantasy Camp. There’s Rock and Roll Fantasy Camps. The fantasy camp experience is definitely a thing that’s out there. I think they position themselves as being an industry thing, which undermines it.

**John:** I’m thinking about this in context of Austin Film Festival, specifically the Screenwriters Conference at Austin, which we go to many years – and we often do a Scriptnotes there – and the ambivalence I feel about how Austin is marketed, as a chance for screenwriters to come together and learn from other screenwriters, and there’s some big names and you get exposure to people, and we do a live Scriptnotes. In that case, it’s a nonprofit, so you don’t feel as bad about it.

If I was approaching this as a person who’s going to Austin to hang out to famous screenwriters, the truth is that famous screenwriters are just hanging out by ourselves. We’re ultimately going to dinner ourselves. We’re going to panels, but we’re not actually sitting around the bar and talking with you all that much. We’re happy to say hello, but there’s thousands of people there, and we’re just ourselves. It’s not going to be transformative the way that a person might hope.

In the case of this Comedy Fantasy Camp, I think there was a reasonable expectation that something kind of transformative could happen. There were promises made about the $1,000 extra for the manager meeting. I think you would have a reasonable expectation that something good could come out of that. Doesn’t seem like it was structured in a way that was even remotely possible.

**Drew:** I do feel like if you are a manager or anyone participating in those, you do have a certain duty to the people who’ve paid for that dinner or something like that, to at least talk to them.

**John:** I don’t know the names of the comedy folks who are involved in this, but I’m curious what they think this experience was like. Do they think it was actually meaningful for the people who attended? Do they feel good about this weekend or bad about this weekend? I don’t know. I’m wondering, almost back to the question we asked at the start, what is the experience of the people in the writers’ room, what did they think about it. They may just be two completely different universes of how people felt about how this weekend went.

**Drew:** You want to go back to craft questions for a little bit?

**John:** Sure.

**Drew:** This next one’s from Will. He writes, “In Episode 611, John and Craig discuss the four or six or seven Fs. In my view, the most interesting and compelling protagonists are ones who are driven by moral principles that enable to rise above these base instincts, for example, Frodo in Lord of the Rings. These characters have fears and fights, but their primary drivers are enduringly moraled and principled. I agree that these moral characters are, on the surface, harder to relate to, but clearly a good writer can make it work. I think these are really important types of heroes to write about and to make compelling. I’m curious, what are your tips?”

**John:** I don’t disagree with you. I don’t recall the exact edit of where we got to when Craig and I were talking about the Fs. I hope what we said is that even the most noble characters who are doing things for very highly specific and higher-level human reasons, there’s going to be some underpinnings or some undergirdings of these Fs in there, that there’s going to be some aspect of greed or propagation or some really defensible base instinct that could be behind that pride, that morality.

Look for some of those things too, but not to get away from characters who have a moral agenda or for some higher human purpose behind a thing, for altruism, for something else. Don’t run away from those things, but just recognize that it can’t be just about that.

There’s always going to be aspects on a story level, but also on a scene level, that really are about those more primal needs there. Part of what makes those characters feel relatable is that you’re seeing both their rationality or irrationality at the same time you’re seeing that they are animals doing animal things.

**Drew:** I’m trying to think of a character who is purely altruistic that does feel relatable. I also feel like even Frodo has failings and has all those things too.

**John:** Absolutely. It’s important that we see Frodo originally in the context of his family, the context of his happy shire life, and that he has those real, understandable, primal connections to those people. He’s going on this journey, which is terrifying and arduous, but he’s still connected back to that initial place. His morality is so important, but it’s not necessarily driving him from moment to moment. He’s often running away, or he’s figuring out how to get to the next thing. There’s a lot of survival happening there is what I’m saying.

**Drew:** Would you say it’s important to see the character overcome some of those Fs?

**John:** For sure. Absolutely. I think that’s one of the things we relate to. Sometimes even we’re thinking about, Free Willy’s popping to mind, but other stories involving animals or when they see non-human characters do things like, oh, they’re not just doing one of their Fs. They’re actually doing some sort of higher, more noble purpose.

**Drew:** When you see Lassie going to get someone from the well.

**John:** 100%. That’s why we love Lassie, because Lassie’s acting in a human way that does not meet any of a normal dog’s needs. That’s why we love Lassie.

**Drew:** All my very contemporary references.

**John:** 100%. Who is the new Lassie right now? I don’t know. Is there an equivalent?

**Drew:** Is there a Lassie? I feel like kids and animals don’t really have a thing on TV, but I could be wrong.

**John:** I’m trying to think. There was a Channing Tatum recently which is him and his dog, but I can’t think of anything else. Where are the live-action dog movies that we need?

**Drew:** We need more.

**John:** We need more. We need more.

**Drew:** Nico writes, “Lately I’ve noticed a lot of shows that seem to be judging their characters hard. For example, in Succession, the final episode seemed to be driving home what Roman says in the last episode, that we’re all bullshit. The end of Sopranos, Dr. Melfi decides to stop treating Tony because he’s a sociopath. While these shows’ endings aren’t out of left field and do fit thematically, I often feel somewhat betrayed when these final judgments come down. Weren’t we supposed to be rooting for the Roys even though we know who they were the whole time? Weren’t we cheering for Tony to go to therapy? What are your feelings on judging your characters as a writer? Doesn’t it go against the idea of taking your main character from antithesis to thesis because at the end the characters simply have been terrible all along?”

**John:** I think it comes down to the idea that you’re writing to a point. You’re writing to a conclusion, a consequence. In the examples you bring up here, Sopranos and Succession, really these are antiheroes. They’re not classic heroes. The degree to which every antihero is also kind of a villain and needs some consequence and comeuppance for all the things they’ve done, it does feel natural.

As a writer, you are seeing things from your characters’ point of view, but you are also aware that they are in a universe in which the things they are doing are not necessarily good. I don’t think it’s judgey to say that Tony Soprano killed a bunch of people and is not a good guy. That doesn’t feel judgey to me. The same with the Roys. They are individually incredibly problematic. I think it’s fine for us to say who they are and what they’ve done deserves some judgment. That doesn’t feel bad to me. Drew, what do you think?

**Drew:** I feel like a lot of the examples too are towards the endings of these things. The shows are studying these characters’ behavior. When they do these things over and over and over and over again, to your point, it’s consequences. It adds up.

It does feel like a little bit of a judgment. I guess I feel like there’s a difference between the judgment of fate, like the universe judging, and a creator judging. I might agree that The Sopranos feels like a bit of a creator judgment, because I think that changed a little bit for me. I think Succession is one that feels more of like a universe judgment, that all of their behaviors led to this point.

**John:** What is the difference between the universe and the creator? The creator created that whole universe, or the team behind it created that whole universe. To me, looking at the Roys, because we are so tightly focused on the Roys and what each of them is trying to do at every given moment, it’s easy at times to forget, oh, there’s a whole world around them that is actually being negatively impacted by the choices that they’re making.

In that final season of Succession, where they’re running the news network and making presidential calls that have huge impacts on the entire world, I think it’s right for us to feel incredibly uncomfortable that we feel almost complicit in watching them do this stuff.

**Drew:** Next, Ollie writes, “I’m struggling with how to best format names in my screenplay, which is based on the discovery of the structure of DMing. Two of the characters have incredibly similar names, Watson and Wilkins, so I thought I would use both their first and surnames to avoid confusion. Should I use both names throughout the whole thing or only in scenes they share? It looks really weird having two names when everyone else in the scene only has one, but I also want to make sure it’s crystal clear to readers. Alternatively, should I only use their first names, even if I’m using surnames for anyone else?”

**John:** Ollie, this is the right question to ask, and you’re asking it at the right time, I think, because you’re going to want to make a fundamental choice about how you’re identifying these characters and make sure it’s really clear from the reader’s point of view.

As an audience member watching this film, we’re not going to get them confused, because they’re two different people. Just their names happen to be so similar. They’re both starting with Ws. People will get confused reading your script if they’re both there together. It’s going to happen. Is your story truly a two-hander, where they have equal weight and equal prominence? If it’s not, my instinct would be to give the person whose story is more, use the first name for them, and use the last name for the other character.

**Drew:** I like that.

**John:** That way, it pulls us a little closer in to the character who we just have the first name for. It feels more familiar, more intimate. The other character is a little bit more distant. That may be a choice that works for you. I would also say experiment. Using both first and last names is going to feel weird and kludgy I think on the page. It may not even help you with the confusion between the two names. It’s just going to be more to read. There are two character names in scripts. It’s not that uncommon. It’s not the default.

An important thing to remember about screenplay format is at a certain point, we stop reading character names. We just look at the shapes of them. It’s a weird thing. You don’t notice them. Once you’re in dialogue, it just flows. It’s why you’ll see mistakes in scripts where the wrong character’s given a line of dialogue, because you get in back-and-forth pattern behind them. It is the right moment to be thinking about how you’re going to do this, because Wilkins and Watson are just too close. Your readers are going to get confused.

**Drew:** I’m trying to find right now if the Oppenheimer screenplay is out there and what they used for him.

**John:** Perfect. We will take a look. By the time this episode’s posted, we’ll have an answer for you.

**Drew:** We’ll put something in there.

**John:** The Oppenheimer script, if it’s posted there. We’ll put it in Weekend Read if nothing else.

**Drew:** Absolutely.

**John:** Oppenheimer’s chock full of probably last names for a lot of those characters. I bet they were all last names. I’m curious whether Oppenheimer is Oppenheimer or Robert.

**Drew:** That just feels like a lot of real estate on the page if it was Oppenheimer every time he has a line.

**John:** OPP.

**Drew:** One more question for things based on a true story. Sam writes, “I’m writing a script based on a true story from the past few years. I’m currently taking a pretty conservative amount of artistic license. The script is structured around actual events, and the characters are based on actual people and their characteristics.

“I’m having a problem, however, with providing suitably compelling stakes and motivations for my main character. I invented a backstory that hangs over the character and influences his choices. I think it’s the right narrative decision, but I’m hesitant as to whether I’m cheating the truth too much. I’m especially worried because the events in question are so recent. If I was writing about an event that took place long ago, I would have fewer qualms about shaping the story as I need to. Can you give any guidance as to how you know when you’re going too far in applying artistic license to a true story?”

**John:** Sam, just like Ollie, you’re asking the right question at the right time, because you’re thinking about how much do I need to bend events or invent motivations behind things to have them all make sense. The truth is probably yes, you do need to do some of these things, because their motivations are opaque to you. You aren’t going to know exactly why characters were doing what they were doing. Your story needs to make sense. You’re not telling fact. You’re telling a story. You’re telling a story with characters who go through a change. If there’s not an inherent change in the true life story, you may need to invent some reasons for why you’re creating this perspective on the story, that has a beginning, middle, and end, and a real journey to it.

Listen. It’s not going to be uncontroversial for you to be introducing motivations behind characters and what they’re doing. But if you look back to, we’ve had people come on Scriptnotes and talk about the projects they’re working on, they did that a lot, because that’s the job of the writer is to create motivations and create reasons for why characters do what they do.

**Drew:** If a writer’s writing a script about a true story on spec, should you be cautious if those motivations aren’t necessarily there, because then you maybe just have a scenario?

**John:** I would say honestly, if you’re writing something on spec – so there’s not a studio involved, it’s not based on a book, it’s not based on anything else – I think you actually have quite a bit of latitude in figuring out why your characters are doing what they’re doing and what is it about these characters and the choices they’re making that is a compelling story.

The obvious example you can go back to is The Social Network. That character’s not really Mark Zuckerberg. There are moments that are taken from real life, but the real motivations behind Mark Zuckerberg are not the motivations of the character that’s portrayed in that movie. The movie’s successful, and I like the movie a lot. But if I were Mark Zuckerberg, I would be pissed at the movie, because it’s portraying him doing things for reasons that were probably not the reasons he did those things.

**Drew:** Makes sense. Steve writes, “I’m writing a period war script in which US forces get encircled by the enemy, sort of like the old newsreel footage. I want to show the action of the firefights and positions being overrun, but with a map overlay over it, basically showing all the enemy positions in red moving in and smothering the US positions in white, until all that’s left is one little white dot. Do I just write that, or is there a technical term for this type of post add-on?”

**John:** There is nothing that I know of as a technical term. Just write that. The description of what you just in your question will make sense. We’re used to, in scripts, seeing things that are not strictly what the camera is shooting, but what we’re seeing on screen. Go for it. It’s going to work.

**Drew:** Niroberto writes, “What would make you prefer being a producer instead of a writer on a project?”

**John:** Almost nothing, Niroberto. I would almost never choose to be a producer on a project rather than a writer. I’ve done it once. In that situation, it was incredibly frustrating. It felt like being in the cockpit of a plane and seeing all the controls and not being allowed to touch them. I knew what I thought we needed to do to the script and to the story, and I was not allowed to touch those controls and actually do that work. I found it incredibly frustrating.

**Drew:** Were you giving notes to the writer?

**John:** Yeah, I was giving notes to the writer. Just so I’m not being oblique here, it’s Jordan Mechner, who’s a good friend and a very good writer. This was on Prince of Persia. But there are definitely things where it was like, “If I could just do this myself, it would be faster and better, and I wouldn’t have to figure out how to note this to death.”

Listen. In the end, the movie was not the movie either of us wanted to make, for various reasons, but that part of the process was really frustrating. When it was out of our control, and when other folks were making the movie, my name is on this, but I had really very little control over certain choices and decisions that were made. For me, producing is not that exciting, but you just graduated as a producer. Are you excited to produce things you have not written?

**Drew:** I think so. I more than think so. Yes, I am. But I’m also at a point where I’m just excited to get things made seem exciting to me. I don’t think that’s been… Tainted is the wrong word. But he practical realities of what it takes, I haven’t lived through yet. Right now it’s all just excitement about big ideas and all that.

I’m also at a point in my career where I love writing, but if I don’t get to write the thing, if there’s other people that are going to get this thing across the finish line, and I can be that for that person, that’s what’s most important to me. Just getting things made is the most important thing.

**John:** I’m first and foremost always a writer, so it’s always about how do I write the thing to make it happen. In my non-Hollywood stuff, like the software we make, I am not fundamentally a coder, so I feel fine being a producer on that project, because I’m not a designer, I’m not a coder, I’m not that person, but I am a good leader of people in that situation. If I were a talented coder, I’m sure Nima would hate me, because we’d be arguing about esoteric stuff in the code. That’s I think the difference is that I fundamentally identify as a writer first, and I will produce if it’s helpful for me to be producing. But producing and then I’m not writing, it’s just not a good fit for me.

**Drew:** Fair. Finally, Danny writes, “I have been a professional late-night comedy writer for 13 years now.”

**John:** Great.

**Drew:** “And only during this strike did I learn that I’m part of the Writers Guild known as Appendix A. I realize that we’re a small fraction of the Guild membership, but I find this name to be troubling. An appendix, by definition, is a thing tacked on to a report that no one reads, or an internal organ that can be surgically removed from the human body and not missed whatsoever. I know in three years the Negotiating Committee will have many issues to hammer out, but I feel like getting this changed should be top priority for everyone.”

**John:** Danny, first off, I hear you. I think it’s great that you’ve been a professional late-night comedy writer for 13 years. I’m not surprised you didn’t know that all this was covered under Appendix A. Appendix A is not a term that the WGA invented. It’s not anything pejorative.

Basically, there’s a whole big contract that covers film and television writing. There’s a whole section on screenwriting and feature writing. There’s a whole section on TV writing, which is mostly also what the streaming stuff is. Then there’s everything else. Everything else that could be covered under the WGA, it got all put in a thing called Appendix A, which is just a grab bag for everything else. It covers you as a late-night comedy writer. It covers game shows. It covers talk shows. It covers daytime talk shows. It covers soap operas. Everything else that is not a feature or a normal episodic television show gets put in Appendix A.

It’s an appendix just because it’s an appendix on the end of this big agreement. It’s been there for a long time. It’s not going to change. They’re not going to change the name. It doesn’t matter. It is not worth any capital at all for the Writers Guild to try to push this into a different part of the contract, because it wouldn’t change anything. It’s still just a third category of writers who are protected underneath the Writers Guild.

What I will say is the folks who are writing for Appendix A shows, especially late-night comedy variety writers, have incredible advocates in the Guild. Going into this negotiation, everyone in that negotiating room learned so much about how Appendix A shows work and how we need to protect them, particularly for the changes that are happening as we go into streaming and into AVOD and into other future technologies. Don’t feel like you are some useless appendage that is not part of the main Guild. You are right there in the center of it.

Also, so many writers work in multiple fields. I started as purely a screenwriter, but I’ve also written TV. So many writers we’ve talked to and writers who’ve come on the show started off doing late-night comedy variety shows and are now doing features or are now doing TV. It all blends together. We need to make sure that writers are covered, no matter which work area they’re working under.

**Drew:** That’s great.

**John:** Cool. We answered a lot of questions. I’ve lost count. That was good.

**Drew:** That was a marathon.

**John:** We did skip a question. Jocelyn Lucia in Orlando wrote, “In the Bonus Segment of Episode 582, Craig hinted at being very involved with the Foley work in The Last of Us. He said he would give the podcast an exclusive story regarding this following the completion of its airing. Now that the season is out, is it time for the story?” Listen. I’ll leave it to Craig to tell exactly what his Foley was, but I think those doorknobs, all Craig Mazin.

**Drew:** I could hear it.

**John:** You could too. You hear it.

**Drew:** Those little, yeah.

**John:** Yeah, that’s it, 100%.

**Drew:** 100%.

**John:** He’s all the doorknobs. He’s the doorknobs and hinges. There are a lot of squeaky hinges, and that’s all Craig Mazin. He’s basically a squeaky hinge.

**Drew:** That makes sense.

**John:** Time for One Cool Things. My One Cool Thing was something I saw this week which I thought was terrific. The headline is An Extremely Detailed Map of New York City Neighborhoods. It’s from the New York Times. What they did is they basically surveyed people all throughout New York and greater New York about, “What is this block called? This block that you’re in, what is it called?” Literally, block by block in Manhattan, but also throughout Brooklyn and everywhere else, it’s, “What is the name for this place where you are?” because if you look on Google Maps or other places, they’ll have these categories for what these places are. There’ll be voting districts and things like that. But how people actually identify their block can be very specific.

What I love about how they charted this on this New York Times, again, incredibly detailed infographic with interactive elements, you can see really block by block how people identify. You can see the hazy borders between some places. Other times it’s super crisp, because on this side of a highway, it’s this; on this side of a highway, it’s that. I just thought it was great. There’s historic names. There’s newer names. I remember they were trying to rebrand Hell’s Kitchen as Clinton for a while, and that didn’t work.

**Drew:** Lower Manhattan on this is just a mess. Block by block, it’s [crosstalk 01:04:29].

**John:** Block by block. It’s great. I think it’s one of the reasons why New York is terrific but also really intimidating for outsiders is people will say a name, like, “I don’t know what that is.” “I have a friend who lives in Astoria.” I’m like, “I don’t know what Astoria is.” It’s like, “Oh, it’s that thing.” Surprisingly, that’s actually a very well-defined area.

With the exception of Roosevelt Island – either you’re on Roosevelt Island or you’re not on Roosevelt Island – a lot of other places are very ambiguous about what the boundaries are. In some cases it’s gentrification, or Upper East Side keeps getting pushed further and further north, where there used to be clearer boundaries between things.

**Drew:** Also, it looks like people on the Upper East Side also identify as being in Yorkville, which I’ve never heard before.

**John:** See, yeah. But a New Yorker would know maybe what Yorkville was. Of course, there’s going to be new stuff always coming online. Even driving to LA, we’re at the edge of Koreatown, which originally I was like, “Wait, is that pejorative? Is it bad to call it Koreatown?” No. It’s the largest Korean population outside of Korea in the world. Our Koreatown is really big. There’s also Historic Filipinotown. We have a Chinatown. We have Little Armenia. We have specific neighborhoods that come and go, but our boundaries are really blurry in Los Angeles too.

**Drew:** Do you believe East Hollywood is a thing?

**John:** I do not believe in East Hollywood.

**Drew:** I don’t either. That feels like we really tried, and we’re still trying.

**John:** For folks who don’t know Los Angeles, West Hollywood is actually a separate city. It is literally not part of Los Angeles. Fully surrounded by Los Angeles, but it’s not part of Los Angeles. Hollywood is just Hollywood. I guess it makes sense why you might call something East Hollywood, but where does East Hollywood start in people’s minds?

**Drew:** I think it’s between the Hollywood of the Capitol Records building and Little Armenia, basically.

**John:** To the freeway or past the freeway?

**Drew:** Maybe it’s everything east of the 101, but not quite. I don’t know. It’s so vague.

**John:** The 101 would be a good way to divide that, but I don’t know. A couple years ago, I think Curbed did a thing kind of like this for their site for Los Angeles. But I really want New York Times or LA Times to do the exact same thing, because I’m really curious what people would identify, because I would call this Hancock Park, but Windsor Square is right next door. People in Windsor Square, they just call it Hancock Park. No one really calls it Windsor Square anymore.

**Drew:** That’s very cool. Mine is much more low-tech. Mine is your local photo lab.

**John:** Tell us why.

**Drew:** For my wedding, we had about a dozen disposable cameras on the table. Every time in the last 10, 15 years I’ve gotten pictures printed, I’ve taken it to Target or CVS, and they are terrible. They’re about the same quality as if I had printed them at home. I don’t really know how to print them at home either.

We decided to go to a local place. They are lovely. They are so much cheaper than… We looked online at places that would be able to take the cameras. We were in Massachusetts. We were in Danvers, Massachusetts. This place was about a third of the price. They care about your pictures. They are guys who have been around these chemicals since high school basically and know what they’re doing. They took the cameras. They had us create a little Dropbox folder, or you can do Google Drive. They scan all the negatives, plop it right in there. You can pick what you want, and they print it out for you.

That’s the specific one, but I think most places… Not everyone still has a photo lab in their hometown. If you have them, check them out, because it’s people who care about your pictures, that make way better pictures than just the stuff you can order online.

**John:** Drew, are you old enough to remember one-hour photo labs?

**Drew:** Oh, yeah.

**John:** At the mall, you could actually take them in and get your photos back in an hour. Those all went away, because we all have digital cameras now. That machinery, that stuff still exists somewhere. It’s frustrating that if you go to CVS now – my daughter used a disposable camera for this hiking trip she took – if you send it in, it takes two weeks to come back. How soon are you getting photos back? Have you gotten them back yet?

**Drew:** We haven’t gotten the physical copies back yet. I think they’re going to ship them out this weekend.

**John:** Have you gotten the online ones?

**Drew:** Yes.

**John:** Great. That’s what you want.

**Drew:** It’s helpful too, because you can post them and all that stuff. Also, I don’t know, I get a little sad having my photos just sit on my camera. You don’t revisit them the same way. With those one-hour photo labs, used to, you’d get them and you’d sit down right there on the floor and you’d rip it open and look through them. I miss that a little bit. I think it’s more than just nostalgia. It’s genuinely people who care about the quality of it, which is great.

**John:** Great. Thank you for this One Cool Thing, because my assumption going into this was just you have to go to CVS or Target, because they’re the only places who can do that stuff. Of course there should be labs who can do that. That’s an established technology.

**Drew:** They’ve got all the same stuff.

**John:** Cool. That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt, who’s right here, edited by Matthew Chilelli.

**Drew:** Woo!

**John:** Outro this week is by Nico Mansy, and wow, it’s a really fun one. Thank Nico for this one. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions, which Drew will file and organize, and we’ll eventually get to them in an episode. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find transcripts and sign up for our weekly newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. We have T-shirts and hoodies. They’re great. You can find them at Cotton Bureau. If you’re Stuart Friedel, you can find a few of them left downstairs in the racks.

**Drew:** I think we have two.

**John:** Either one. You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to record on weddings. Drew, thank you for all your hard work on this mailbag episode.

**Drew:** It was fun. Thank you, John.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** Drew, so you got married. Congratulations.

**Drew:** Thank you.

**John:** How does the wedding ring feel? I see it in your hand.

**Drew:** I keep playing with it a little bit. We were talking a little bit after the wedding about getting sleeved, and now I can’t stop worrying about that. It’s a little bit loose, so I’m constantly worried that I’m going to just catch it on something and it’s going to take my skin with it.

**John:** The terrifying thing that I brought up to Drew and ruined his life was the fact that it has happened that people have gotten their rings caught on things and then fallen or it pulled off all the skin on their finger, leaving just bone, which is absolutely terrifying.

**Drew:** It’s a new fear that’s entered my life. It used to just be losing my teeth.

**John:** But you did not lose your teeth or your finger. You got married. Let’s talk through wedding stuff, because weddings are so important. As I said in the setup here, I believed I’d been to a dozen or so weddings, and of course I’ve been to 43 or whatever. I’ve been to so many weddings. Yours was lovely. Yours was really great.

Let’s talk about some of the things that made your wedding great, the plan going into that, and as a person who I’m sure has been to a zillion weddings because of your age cohort, things you were looking for, things you were trying to avoid.

**Drew:** I actually haven’t been to that many weddings. I think people my age, especially in the entertainment industry, seem to be pushing the weddings further and further out.

**John:** Weirdly, your college friends are not married. I met a bunch of your college friends. For whatever reason, they’re not married.

**Drew:** They’ve been dating for decades, some of them, but yeah, they’re not married. This was one of the first in my friends group. We’ve been engaged for two years, which maybe helped. It gave us some time to plan. But I will say it didn’t change that much, because I think there are some things you can’t start doing until certain points. About a year out, that’s when you can start sending certain things, and that you get certain information. I’m not sure that necessarily helped make it good.

**John:** For the folks who weren’t there, which is hopefully most of this audience-

**Drew:** Yeah, could be.

**John:** Let’s start with the venue, because you picked a historic venue, and the whole wedding took place at that venue, including the reception and everything afterwards. There was no go to one place, then hop in your car, drive to another place for the party thereafter. That was a fundamental decision?

**Drew:** That was a fundamental decision. The place we chose was a historic landmark, which you think might be expensive, but actually, because it was government-owned, it was actually pretty cheap, compared to some of the places that you look at where it’s $10,000 for the night or something crazy for a barn. That helped. We also wanted a nondenominational wedding. We picked that place. It was beautiful enough as it was. Sorry, what was your [indiscernible 01:13:06]?

**John:** The venue was great. You picked it early on. You reserved it. Clearly, that venue had been used for weddings a ton. You didn’t have to invent everything, correct?

**Drew:** Correct. The nice part also about picking that venue was that, because it was a historic building, they had certain controls in place. They had their caterers, who knew the building. They were the only caterers we could work with, so we didn’t have to go taste a million things. They had recommendations for everyone. They do weddings all the time, so they had their people, which we were happy to take their recommendations. We used their recommendations. Also, little things like no actual burning candles, nothing like that, so safety was built in. Especially as we were planning during COVID, they were very strict about that, so that was important to us too.

**John:** Great. Let’s talk about guests. We got a save the date and then we got further information. How early on did you have a sense of how many guests there would be?

**Drew:** You go in with the big dream of everyone you’ve ever met is going to be at this wedding. I think I still would have loved for that to be the case. Then the practicalities and money and all that very quickly winnows that down. We knew we were looking about 100 guests maximum.

Then you’re also doing the balance too, where you have your family, and you have to figure that out. You want to make sure it’s balanced between the two people, so that no one feels like it’s one family’s wedding or that it’s the other family’s wedding. All those little politics things start coming into play. We were really lucky. We had two great families who were very understanding and all that stuff. Still, you never want to push anyone into places where they’re going to feel uncomfortable or any of those things.

What was nice was take big swaths out of the equation. I just went through the Stark Program. I was able to say, “That’s 30 people. That’s going to be too much of one block. I don’t want to pick and choose, because I love them all. I’m just going to say no one from grad school. I love you, but it’s not going to happen this time.”

**John:** That was a question, because I was wondering where the Stark friends were there. For our wedding, we were about the same size. What we did was we did a bachelor’s night party the night before the wedding, where we just invited all the folks who we couldn’t invite to the wedding. We had a venue and a bar, and we were all there. We had little photo booths. It was just like an extra little reception-

**Drew:** That’s great.

**John:** … but just the night before, so it wasn’t the wedding. That ended up working out well for us.

**Drew:** Sorry. Was it for your wedding guests too?

**John:** No. Wedding guests were not invited to that. It’s just the folks who we couldn’t invite to the wedding, like our dentist and other friends like that. I guess there may have been a couple people who were at both, but really the expectation was not that you were going to be at both. You were going to be at one or the other. It was fun. It worked out really well. I don’t want to say these were second-tier friends, but this is what we would’ve invited all the Stark friends to. We did invite a lot of my Stark friends to that.

**Drew:** I think we probably need to do that too. We’ve promised people that we would do something like that.

**John:** That’d be great, just an LA reception for this. Now, you were a destination wedding. Neither of you live where the wedding was. This was her hometown. How early in the process did you decide that it was a destination wedding?

**Drew:** Fairly early on. We played around with the idea of it being in LA. But part of it was cost. Part of it was getting her family out here had been tough, and grandparents too.

**John:** Of course.

**Drew:** Especially if you want to make sure certain grandparents are there. I don’t have any grandparents, so my family was very mobile and able to go. That felt like that was the smartest idea at the time. The idea of it being a destination wedding definitely comes into play. You realize that you’re asking a lot more from your guests-

**John:** Absolutely.

**Drew:** … than if you were just doing it even in a backyard or something.

**John:** Absolutely. I have friends who are in their late 20s, early 30s, who are at the really peak age of a zillion weddings. All their college friends are getting married. Megana went through this as well when she was doing this producer job, where she was just constantly going from one to the next. It becomes that cliché of 27 Dresses or Plus One, where your life is just spent going from wedding to wedding to wedding and feeling frustration that you don’t have a life of your own, you’re just a guest at weddings.

**Drew:** The money, especially for Megana, being part of those bridal parties or bachelor party. You want the friendship. You want to be invited. But oh my god. I feel so bad for my best man. How much money he spent on me is humbling. I think that’s been a thing too that’s been really hard to cope with is how much people do for you, and you have to just accept it and not feel guilty about it. It’s overwhelming when you start realizing how much people are doing for you.

**John:** Let’s talk through some of the cliches of weddings and also things we’ve seen in movies and television. The fact that on your wedding day, you’re not going to have a chance to talk to anybody or spend more than two minutes with any person.

**Drew:** Kind of true, especially ours. We had a time limit in the building, basically. You’re just on a train track, and it goes by really fast. You get enough. You get to talk to people if you make the time to do it, but not any meaningful conversations or anything like that.

**John:** One of the things I actually really enjoyed about your wedding, so your wedding was from 6:00 to 10:00 p.m. at this historic building. You were out the door at 10:00 p.m., literally, like, “Lights are on. You gotta leave.” I really enjoyed that about your wedding, because I’ve found so many weddings, I don’t know when it’s time to leave, or the people are hanging on too late, and you feel like you have to stick around. It’s like, “Nope. You gotta go.” You and Heather also provided electrolytes to put in our water bottles as we left. Delicious. I was not hung over the next day.

**Drew:** Those are great.

**John:** Good choices.

**Drew:** Especially with an open bar too, you want to make sure that they’re-

**John:** The open bar is a considerable expense. It wasn’t as much as your catering, but it was not a cheap open bar.

**Drew:** It was part of the catering, but yeah, that was a little bit more. That was important for my parents. I think that was their must-have. It was great. I think food and bar were the most expensive part of the whole thing. I’m very good with that, because it’s kind of like being on a set. Honestly, the whole thing ends up feeling like a production. Especially if everybody’s fed, if there’s food all the time, and there’s drinks, everybody’s happy. If anything falls apart, no one cares.

**John:** I’ve been to 43 weddings or something, and a huge range of how they were staged. The successful weddings for me are definitely the ones where I felt like, “Oh, this couple’s in love. They’re doing it for the right reasons. They’re doing this for themselves. They’re enjoying their day.” It didn’t matter whether it was in someone’s backyard or at a very fancy resort if it felt like they are doing this because they want to have this great experience, and they want to share this great experience with a bunch of people who are really close to them. That’s what your wedding had.

It’s also what makes me happy when I see it is the weddings that really prioritize what is going to be great for this couple as they head off into their next thing, what’s going to create memories that they’re going to be excited about, rather than showcase weddings that are just whatever.

**Drew:** I don’t think we would’ve been good with a showcase one. I think with each decision, as long as it’s personal to you, the cumulative effect ends up being a very personal wedding. At the same time, we didn’t want it to just feel like it’s just for us and no one else, because you’ve definitely been to weddings where it feels that too, where it’s almost like the couple are in their own world. It feels not contempt that you’re there, but there’s like, “It’s you and me against the world.” You’re like, “We’re here too.”

**John:** “We’re on your team. We drove here.”

**Drew:** “We did a lot. I put on a tie.” We didn’t want it to feel that way either. You want the songs to be fun and danceable. Heather and I are nerds for all sorts of music. You start to cut some of those favorites away, just because it’s an odd beat to dance to. It’s all balance. It’s so stressful, but it ends up being fine. You worry about every little choice. I can’t imagine the people who have also other people in their ear telling them about things too. That’s a whole other level that I’m very lucky we didn’t have. Then the day comes, and it’s fine, and everyone’s pitching in to make it the best.

**John:** You had the disposable cameras on the table. Mike and I are of course very good students who make sure that every photo’s taken. We got to make sure we got everything documented. You also had a photographer there to shoot. Obviously, in a wedding you’re going to think about photography. To me, most important for our wedding and other events I’ve been to is you want somebody who’s good at actually filming what’s happening and shooting what’s actually happening and not just about the staged things. Because you didn’t have a wedding party, you didn’t have to do all that other stuff. It’s just like, what did the night feel like? The thing I loved so much about our wedding is we have a good compiled book of just the photos from the wedding that really feel like that night.

**Drew:** I think that was super important for both Heather and I is that it felt like is and it all felt real. We had a fairly journalist photographer. We had those disposable cameras. Even Heather had to really talk her makeup artist back from doing the full bridal makeup, because we didn’t want it to feel like this staged thing. We got pictures with everyone. We made sure that all the boxes were checked, and everyone will have those things, but that you can hopefully feel the energy when you look back on it.

I also didn’t want a videographer. This might be controversial. But there’s something better about looking at pictures and remembering than actually seeing. The few videos I’ve seen of myself dancing on the dance floor, I hate. I can’t do it. The pictures are good. The pictures look very fun. It’s how I want to remember it. You can fill in the blanks as opposed to seeing the stark reality.

**John:** 100%. Congratulations again. First and hopefully last wedding you’ll be through for yourself.

**Drew:** Thank you for being there. It was great.

Links:

* [Oppenheimer: The Official Screenplay](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/125485818) by Christopher Nolan
* [WGA Appendix A](https://www.wga.org/uploadedfiles/credits/Appendix_A.pdf)
* [An Extremely Detailed Map of New York City Neighborhoods](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/upshot/extremely-detailed-nyc-neighborhood-map.html?unlocked_article_code=1.6kw.kcs8.he_hQaxqP5Vb) by Larry Buchanan, Josh Katz, Rumsey Taylor and Eve Washington for the New York Times
* [TFI Photo Lab in Danvers, MA](https://www.tfiphoto.com/index.html)
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Check out the Inneresting Newsletter](https://inneresting.substack.com/)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* Craig Mazin on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@clmazin) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/clmazin/)
* John August on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@johnaugust), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/johnaugust)
* [John on Mastodon](https://mastodon.art/@johnaugust)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Nico Mansy ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/618standard.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Episode 608: Scriptnotes LIVE! at Dynasty Typewriter in LA, Transcript

September 6, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2023/scriptnotes-live-at-dynasty-typewriter-in-la).

**John August:** Hey, this is John. Heads up that today’s episode has just a little bit of swearing in it.

**Emcee:** All right, now without further ado, the hosts with the most, John August and Craig Mazin.

**Craig Mazin:** Wow. Wow.

**John:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** You are here for Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are…

**Audience:** Interesting to screenwriters.

**John:** Wow. Incredible here.

**Craig:** Incredible.

**John:** First off, we need to thank the LA Philharmonic Orchestra. It is remarkable to be here at the Hollywood Bowl, a dream come true.

**Craig:** It’s gorgeous. Probably the mics that we’re talking into are pretty close to the stage, so we’re probably only picking up maybe the first couple of rows-

**John:** Absolutely.

**Craig:** … in the Garden Boxes.

**John:** I can the energy out here in this-

**Craig:** Wow.

**John:** … iconic location.

**Craig:** What a dream.

**John:** 15,000 people?

**Craig:** Thousand.

**John:** I’d never envision this in our-

**Craig:** And the weather.

**John:** Great. A few sprinkles, but just the best thing.

**Craig:** Lovely.

**John:** Needed a little rain here.

**Craig:** You know what? That felt so good, because everything’s been going so great lately, so it’s nice that we have this going on for ourselves.

**John:** It’s nice that we have a little bit of a moment here. Today I was out on the picket lines, and we were talking about-

(Audience cheers)

**John:** Oh, hey. Phew! I worried we were going to have some anti-writer people here in the crowd. I was out on the picket lines. I talked about, oh, we have a live show tonight. It’s like, oh, did you plan for it to be on the 100th day of the Strike? Today is the 100th day of the Strike. Did we plan this?

**Craig:** We did.

**John:** A hundred percent. Craig said, “John, whatever you do, make sure the Strike goes on for at least-“

**Craig:** Slow walk this thing.

**John:** Yeah, 100 days. Now, it’s smooth sailing from here on forward.

**Craig:** John, to be clear, you do have a little bit of a weird and creepy, and what I honestly think is somewhat a bit of an anti-union secret. I think it’s probably important for you to come clean about it.

**John:** I thought that was green room rules. I thought we didn’t-

**Craig:** No. Fuck that.

**John:** All right. I think people could agree that I’m generally a pro-union, pro-WGA person.

**Craig:** That’s what I thought.

**John:** I would never disparage anything about the WGA. But 100 days in, there’s something I want to get off my chest, is that I believe the iconic blue official WGA Strike T-shirts… I love them as an image. I love wearing it there. I love seeing a field of blue. Fantastic. They are not comfortable shirts.

**Craig:** No.

**John:** They are really uncomfortable shirts.

**Craig:** In fact, they may have been manufactured by the AMPTP.

**John:** The official blue shirts are union-made, and the union is not the probably here. They are 100 percent cotton. We learned from our own Scriptnotes producer, Stuart Friedel, his sense of softness, what do we need for a T-shirt to be comfortable?

**Craig:** You need a tri-blend, John.

**John:** You need a tri-blend.

**Craig:** You need a tri-blend.

**John:** You need a tri-blend.

**Craig:** Tri-blend.

**John:** They are not tri-blend shirts.

**Craig:** No.

**John:** They’re not comfortable to wear.

**Craig:** No. They are hair shirts. I don’t like them at all. They chafe your nipples. Do not wear.

**John:** Here’s what I think about it. I have shirts that I wear because I choose to wear them, and there are shirts where like, you’ve now joined the army, here’s your uniform. They don’t ask soldiers is your camouflage comfortable. That’s not their concern.

**Craig:** They actually might. I got to tell you, I think that we have the worst of it.

**John:** We have a show that’s chockablock full with amazing guests. Quinta Brunson is here.

**Craig:** Someone named Natasha Lyonne is here.

**John:** These are guests who are not only incredibly talented writers, they are also actors. As members of SAG-AFTRA, there are certain specific restrictions on what they should be talking about. They are not going to be talking about their specific shows and programs that you know them for, but instead, we can talk about the craft, the art.

**Craig:** Which we do anyway. We’re not really press junkety question people. As we go through the show, if you’re wondering, hey, why don’t they mention muh or meep, it’s because we just don’t want to get them in trouble with their union. Also, I’m in that union too.

**John:** You are, yeah.

**Craig:** I’m in SAG.

**John:** You’re in SAG.

**Craig:** I’m in SAG. I’m an actor.

**John:** You’re an actor.

**Craig:** I’m a real actor.

**John:** I almost said the word. I said half the word of a show that you were in.

**Craig:** You can say it. That didn’t break the rule. You’re not in SAG.

**John:** Duncan Crabtree-Ireland is sitting right out there. He’s got a sniper rifle, so if we say the wrong thing-

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** We are going to talk about how they got started, how they got to this place they are today, but we are also going to have some fun. We’re going to play some games. We’ll do some audience Q and A.

**Craig:** With slightly stricter rules, because you guys really can’t talk about those shows either. That’s fine. That’s no big deal. I wanted to introduce somebody really quickly who’s going to be with us today. You’re going to be seeing him floating around over there. That’s Elliot Aronson. Elliot is going to be our ASL interpreter tonight. Elliot also was the ASL interpreter… I can say a show that was on the air, right?

**John:** [Crosstalk 00:05:31].

**Craig:** I’m going to do it. He worked for The Last of Us. He was Kevionn Woodard’s ASL interpreter.

**John:** I think he’s a former One Cool Thing.

**Craig:** He is a One Cool Thing. He will always be One Cool Thing. I’m sort of annoyed that he’s not signing right now, because I would force him to have to sign about himself and talk about himself as an incredibly handsome person and a wonderful guy whose name is Elliot. This is me. I am Elliot, and I’m amazing. He’s never going to get a chance to do that again.

**John:** Let’s get started, Craig. Our very first guest is a writer, a producer, an actress, a comedian. Last year, she was listed as one of Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People of the Year. We’ve wanted her on the show forever, Craig, and now we can finally have her. Welcome, Quinta Brunson.

**Quinta Brunson:** Hi, everybody. Hi. How’s it going?

**John:** Quinta.

**Quinta:** Yes?

**John:** Backstage you talked about that you are not a huge podcast listener.

**Quinta:** No.

**Craig:** Me either.

**Quinta:** Or doer.

**John:** Or doer. Thank you for making an exception for us here.

**Quinta:** Of course.

**John:** You actually have some history with Hollywood Heart.

**Quinta:** Yes. I used to do improv at Hollywood Heart. This was probably the summer of, what’s this called, 2023. Then that was probably maybe six, seven years ago. I did improv shows with my troupe, Summercon [ph]. It was four of us. We would just do improv and then have the kids come up and join us at the camp, which is on a really scary… You guys, it’s on this hill.

**John:** Oh, no.

**Craig:** We’re trying to raise money to get them off the hill.

**Quinta:** It is terrifying.

**Craig:** Describe the hill.

**Quinta:** The hill is something of your nightmares. You know when you go in those canyons around here, and you’re like, “Whoa, this is crazy,” but then you get used to them because you’ve been in LA for a while? This shit, it’s like going to Bowser’s castle. It is insane. It’s windy. You feel like you’re going to… Kids, because we just talked about mortality back there, they don’t know that they can die, so they’re not afraid.

**Craig:** You’ve told them.

**Quinta:** Yeah. I think that’s why Hollywood Heart didn’t invite me back, because I put it in my improv. I just was motivated to tell the truth.

**Craig:** I like that most of your bits were just about how shitty that camp was. That’s pretty awesome.

**Quinta:** The camp is beautiful. It’s just the road on the way up there.

**Craig:** I see. It’s getting there.

**Quinta:** It’s in heaven. It’s so high up. This is why I don’t love to talk. I’m not talking correctly, you guys, because I’m not-

**Craig:** You’re out of practice.

**Quinta:** I should be a writers’ room. I’m not doing well with sentences.

**Craig:** We’ll work you through it. It’s going to be all right.

**John:** Quinta, before you were traumatizing children in this improv group, what is your comedy background? How did you get started? What was the spark? How did you actually go from like, “I like comedy,” to, “I’m doing it.”

**Quinta:** It was the connection between my siblings and I. My siblings are all significantly older than me. My closest sibling is eight years older than me. He hated me, because he was the baby for so long, and then I came along. He really didn’t like me. I was like, “I gotta win this guy over,” truly. That was a big motivator for me. He really liked Ace Ventura. He hated me. We had a Jack and Jill door. Do you guys know what that is? Between our bedrooms.

**Craig:** I had one of those.

**John:** Like The Brady Brunch.

**Quinta:** Yeah. He just couldn’t stand that he was sharing his space with this freaking baby. Then I would see him watching Ace Ventura and laughing really loud with his friends. I was like, “I can make my butt talk too. I can do that.” I started mimicking what was happening in the movies, and he would laugh, and he would like me.

I just started liking comedy, because that was a connecting factor between all of my siblings and I. My oldest brother, he loved the Kings of Comedy, so I would do impressions of Steve Harvey on that. Then my sisters, they were great, because they had different tastes. My one sister loved In Living Color, but the other sister loved SNL. One sister loved Martin. The other loved Conan. She was into late-night shows. It just became a way for me to connect with everyone. Same thing with my parents, who are also really old. I watched The Brady Bunch with them. I just like this.

Then high school, when it became taste to me, because I loved it so much, and I knew so much more about comedy than everyone else that I would bring DVDs to school and be like, “This is what you need to be watching. This is the new shit in the streets.” They’re like, “What the fuck is Napoleon Dynamite?” I’m like, “You’ll learn. You’ll learn.” Remember that? Remember when you gave someone a DVD, and it meant something?

**Craig:** I don’t know how young they are. DVDs were these round things.

**Quinta:** You gave it to them. You were like, “Return it.” You trusted them to return your only copy.

**Craig:** Not scratched.

**Quinta:** Not scratched.

**Craig:** Not scratched.

**Quinta:** That meant something to me to bring that. Then college, I was really good. I was a good student all my life, but then I just started fucking around. I was like, I don’t care about what I’m doing. I was an advertising major. Then I was just watching SNL one night and was like, where did these people all go to do this? That’s when I learned about Second City. Then that’s when I actually learned that I could do it for a living, because that was the change, and like, okay, this can be my career.

**Craig:** You mentioned growing up in Philly.

**Audience member:** Woo!

**Craig:** All right.

**Quinta:** Yay!

**Craig:** Philly’s got its own… It’s got an interesting comedy tradition. One of the things I’ve noticed about people that come out of Philly, especially people in comedy, like Kevin Hart or Rob McElhenney, is that it’s not a chip on the shoulder as much as, “You underestimate me at your own peril,” which is a very Philadelphia kind of vibe.

**Quinta:** Yes, absolutely. Love it.

**Craig:** I just want to ask you how you bring a little bit of the place you came from to your voice and how you apply that to writing and what you do.

**Quinta:** That is an excellent question.

**Craig:** Thank you!

**Quinta:** I love this.

**Craig:** Show over.

**Quinta:** I feel like I live my whole life like an underdog. I think my comedic voice, the projects that I have done all deal with underdog, underestimated characters and stories. Philadelphia as a city is the little cousin to New York. No one thinks of us until we…

**Craig:** Until you get stuck there.

**Quinta:** Get stuck there, or when you make it to a Super Bowl, everyone’s like, “Oh.” It’s like, yeah, we have a good fucking team. What are you watching? I was so mad during the Super Bowl last year when people were like, “Oh, the Eagles.” Bitch, the whole fucking season-

**Craig:** They won just a few years earlier.

**Quinta:** … was incredible. What are you talking about?

**Craig:** That’s Philly.

**Quinta:** It’s really frustrating. It’s also a really foolish city. We have that statue of Rocky. That is so foolish. We believe in ourselves so hard that even when you come… Allen Iverson is an honorary Philadelphian. I don’t think of where he’s from. To me, he’s from Philly, because he became a part of the underdog story. I say all that to say it’s just a city that makes you believe in the underdog more than any other city I think in America, but I still want to be the underdog, so maybe not as much as any other city.

**Craig:** You have to be an underdog in the race to be the underdog.

**Quinta:** Yeah. I had a hard time during the last two years of my life, where I was losing my underdog status.

**John:** Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People, yeah.

**Craig:** It’s a little rough.

**Quinta:** My friends started clowning me a little bit. They’re like, “Bitch,” because I’d be saying stuff like, “Oh, man, I don’t know if I can get in this club, but we going to try.”

**Craig:** They’re like, “Bitch.”

**Quinta:** Like, “Yeah, you’re going to get in the club.” Stuff like that. I’m dealing with that.

**Craig:** 100 Most Influential People of the Year.

**John:** This underdog thing of yours, the first thing that broke for you was Girl Who Had Never Been on a Good Date.

**Quinta:** On a Nice Date, yeah.

**John:** On a Nice Date, which Instagram video, not even reels, an early Instagram thing. Talk to us about decision to do those and what happened when those caught.

**Quinta:** Instagram wasn’t Instagram yet. It was 2013. The platform had just gotten video. I was just fucking around. I just wanted to make my friends who followed me… I might’ve had, I don’t know, maybe 1,000 followers, just friends from college and friends from high school and stuff. I just wanted to put up videos to make them laugh. I really was just testing out the platform, I guess. We didn’t even speak like this back then.

**John:** I know.

**Quinta:** We weren’t saying platform. We were just like, “Yeah, my Instagram account.” The first video that I posted had just gone viral, which that wasn’t even a thing besides describing YouTube, virality in that way. I saw an opportunity to capitalize off of it. I was like, “I’ll keep making them. People like it. This is the same as garnering an audience where people come to see you at shows. It’s word of mouth.”

I was a person who was really, really against the internet. I despised YouTubers. I despised just the internet. At the time, I was doing improv at ImprovOlympic, which no longer exists. I was like, “I’m a stage performer. I can’t be doing this.” But I came to accept it. It really helped kick off my career, so I’m very grateful for it.

**Craig:** We have spent a long time, over a decade now, teaching about writing and our business, to people, through this podcast. Your mother was a public schoolteacher?

**Quinta:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Both of my parents were public schoolteachers.

**Quinta:** Oh.

**Craig:** We have that shared experience. I’m curious if coming from a teacher the way you did, what you think about the way writing is taught, because we have an issue with the way writing is taught and the general education of writers, and I guess also the education of how to work in the entertainment business. I’m curious, as somebody who comes from that tradition, what you think about how we are doing things and who we’re bringing in and how we’re helping them or teaching them.

**Quinta:** I think there should be a little bit more focus for writers on, you said it, how to also do business and how to communicate with partners, whether it be other people in a room, a writers’ room or a studio or a network, because you can be really talented and not know how to communicate your idea, not know how to communicate it even on paper. You could have just such an incredible story in your head and write it down. Sure, amazing to you and your two friends. Do you know how to communicate it to other people who don’t come from the same background as you, who don’t speak the same language as you? When I’m writing-

**Craig:** A show. Let’s just stipulate.

**Quinta:** When I’m writing a show-

**Craig:** A show.

**Quinta:** … and I decide that I would like it to be for a broad audience, I think, will a person in Korea understand this? Yes, it’s in a different language, but will they understand it if it’s translated into their language?

I think that’s a huge thing that people miss out on. Even if you’re writing it in English and you’re writing it for Americans, why don’t you test and see if someone in France can understand this story, because I think that’s such a huge part of writing is just clearcut storytelling. It can be done on a wide, complicated scale. We’ve seen huge movies do it very, very well. It can be done on a small scale, like with a TV show. Does the story make sense to other people who aren’t you and aren’t your friends from school? Is that a good answer? I wish that was taught more.

**Craig:** I think it’s a great answer.

**John:** It’s a great answer. Before you started working on official Hollywood things, you were working at Buzzfeed for a time. It seemed like you had a chance to do a lot of stuff. Were you writing, performing, editing, all that, the whole cycle?

**Quinta:** Writing, performing, producing, editing. Producing was the biggest thing I got out of Buzzfeed, because we had a $300 budget to make videos. Man, that made me scrappy. My brain is just forever scrappy in that way. Even if I receive a big budget, it’s just still working on that $300 in a way. I have to be told, “Expand your mind. You have more money.” Those are the things I…

Editing too. I’m so grateful for learning how to edit there. That is another thing that I feel like anyone who is making something, if you can, spend time with an editor. Make sure you take yourself to an editor suite. Just get on the equipment yourself and start fucking around, just to see. It’s another part of it. Is your story communicating to the editor? It’s such a huge-

**Craig:** It’s how you finish. It’s the end of the writing. We think writing ends when we stop typing. If the point is to make, so there’s your production, and then the editing really is, it’s your final draft.

**Quinta:** Yeah, but if people never sit with an editor or-

**Craig:** They don’t know.

**Quinta:** … get on the programs themselves, they don’t know.

**Craig:** I remember the first time I saw the things that I was writing being edited, I wanted to barf, because I realized how far off I was, or also just how impotent my plan was. In my mind, I was like, “I have thought of it, and therefore it will be.”

**Quinta:** I think that I got a real appreciation for editors from Steven Spielberg. I was obsessed with Jurassic Park when I was little. I found everything he ever talked about, wrote, did, any video I could find. When YouTube came around, I just got on… Who’s that guy?

**Craig:** He is our ASL interpreter.

**Quinta:** Oh, hey.

**Craig:** You weren’t here for that part.

**Quinta:** I wasn’t.

**Craig:** Did you think he was-

**Quinta:** I was like, “Everybody’s cool with this?”

**Craig:** You think that we were about to get jumped?

**Quinta:** I did. I carry my purse because my shank’s in here. I was like, do we need to-

**Craig:** Like I said, Philadelphia.

**Quinta:** Seriously.

**Craig:** That’s how it used to be at the old Veterans Stadium.

**Quinta:** Oh my god.

**Craig:** Someone runs out there.

**Quinta:** Hello. Thank you. Where has he been the whole time?

**Craig:** He was down there, but I think the person that he’s interpreting for has arrived is my guess.

**Quinta:** Wow. That’s amazing.

**Craig:** He sprung into action. His name is Elliot. He’s wonderful.

**Quinta:** Hi, Elliot. That’s amazing that you have that. That’s great.

**Craig:** I’m glad that he’s up there, because now I once again-

**Quinta:** It’s really cool.

**Craig:** … have to say that Elliot is a wonderful, handsome person, and once again, he needs to sign it, which is spectacular.

**Quinta:** You should tell people that. I think Natasha’s going to lose her shit.

**Craig:** No, I’m going to going to. I want to see that.

**Quinta:** Wait. I watched Steven Spielberg talk about editing when I was younger. I was like, “Man, the editor’s the final part. He said he couldn’t do this without the editors.” There was a video of him sitting with the editors, working on Jurassic Park. The editor that really blew my mind when I was little, I was like, “Oh my god, he worked on Star Wars too. This is fucking crazy.” It just really painted the picture to me that they were a vital part of the process.

One of my favorite editors, Richie, he and I share a brain. I did one show that I sold to… It doesn’t exist anymore. It was Verizon’s platform. I had an editor who was Argentinian.

**Audience member:** Woo!

**Quinta:** Okay. Yeah. What a diverse audience.

**Craig:** One person from Philly, one person from Argentina.

**Quinta:** Super diverse.

**Craig:** Everyone else from Silver Lake, I presume.

**Quinta:** Some from Echo Park.

**Craig:** Yes, of course. It’s West Echo.

**Quinta:** I made this show. It was poorly written. I’ll say that. I think it’s great to get an opportunity to poorly write something for a digital platform that won’t exist anymore. The editor didn’t get it. I was like, “This rhythmically is missing something then. I’m going to take myself back to the drawing board of writing.”

That show was actually my first attempt at a mockumentary. That taught me another thing, like, okay, the rhythm of a mockumentary is different than the rhythm of another single-cam, which is different from a multi-cam. I have to write with that in mind. I have to make sure I can communicate it to someone who is an editor, who is not from where I’m from and may not pick up the same cues. It needs to be in the script properly, so that they know how to cut and know what they’re doing. That was such a big learning experience for me at Buzzfeed.

**Craig:** Do we have time for one more question?

**John:** One last question just for Craig.

**Craig:** One last question real fast. Speed round. You mentioned failing.

**Quinta:** Failing, yeah.

**Craig:** One of the things that’s interesting about people that work in a room, as you might, on a show, if you’re going to be failing, a lot of times you’re failing in front of a lot of people. I wonder, do you give yourself some space to go fail privately in quiet and then come back-

**Quinta:** Yes.

**Craig:** … into the room to be like-

**Quinta:** Oh, in the room?

**Craig:** I’m saying can you give yourself a place to go dance like no one’s watching and then come back and dance like other people are watching?

**Quinta:** Hm. That’s such a good question. I like to find safe spaces to fail. That used to be stand-up. I don’t feel comfortable failing at that anymore. I recently did a show with Brett Goldstein from (bleeps).

**Craig:** Other shows.

**Quinta:** In (bleeps).

**Craig:** From some shows. From some shows.

**Quinta:** From (bleeps).

**Craig:** She’ll get it. [Indiscernible 00:23:27].

**Quinta:** Oh, shit, I can’t talk. I’m sorry.

**Craig:** It’s okay.

**John:** Duncan, put down the rifle.

**Quinta:** Safe space to fail.

**Craig:** Safe space to fail.

**Quinta:** That helps make my point. This feels like a safe space to fail. The stage feels like a safe space to fail for me. Brett’s show, first I didn’t want to do it. I’m like, I’m not ready. I was like, you know what? I need to go on a stage and fail out loud and fail with an audience. It’s almost never a fail. It’s a good experience. We have a human experience together. I got to do improv for the first time in forever. That felt really good.

I like to play video games that I’m not good at, because that makes me feel like I’m failing. I like to lose, but I’m competitive, so I like to win, so that makes me better. I try to make food. I’m not good at that. Fail every single time in the kitchen, but I keep trying. I just find other spaces to fail in. In my room, I’m A1. I’m not a failure.

**Craig:** Nice.

**John:** Quinta Brunson, thank you for the most [crosstalk 00:24:28].

**Craig:** Thank you, Quinta. Thank you.

**Quinta:** That was really fun.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**John:** Come back at the end. We’ll do some questions.

**Quinta:** I’ll see you in a little bit.

**John:** That was the fun part of the show.

**Craig:** Now it’s going to get weird.

**John:** Craig, this is the 608th episode of Scriptnotes that we’ve done.

**Craig:** It’s a lot.

**John:** It’s a lot.

**Craig:** It’s a lot.

**John:** In addition to the main show, for the last year we’ve had the Scriptnotes Sidecasts that Drew and Megana have been helping out with. Huge props for them.

**Craig:** Let’s give them a hand. Amazing.

**John:** Drew and Megana! I think understandably, we’re always approaching things from the writer’s perspective.

**Craig:** Of course, yes.

**John:** Tonight I was hoping we could hear from the other side, which is why I reached out to the AMPTP to see if we could get their response to some of our concerns. To my surprise, they said yes. Everyone, if you could please welcome AMPTP spokesperson Nancy Sullivan.

**Craig:** Yay-ish. There she is.

**John:** Thank you for being here. Thank you.

**Craig:** Hi.

**John:** Hi.

**Nancy Sullivan:** Wow, this is a theater. I’ve only been to the theater one time. I saw Cats when I was seven. I love that show.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** Nancy, thank you so very much for agreeing to be on the show.

**Craig:** I should warn you, this may not be the friendliest audience for you.

**Nancy:** I have to say, it’s just such an honor to be here. I’m such a fan of your show.

**Craig:** Really?

**Nancy:** Oh, of course, a huge fan, especially those episodes where you sit down with filmmakers and showrunners and really get into the minutiae of the craft. Huge fan. Huge fan.

**Craig:** I have to say, that is legitimately a surprise. I would not have pegged an AMPTP person as a cinephile.

**Nancy:** Oh, no, no, you have me wrong. I’ve always been obsessed with film and TV. I remember, in fact, watching Amadeus with my father. I couldn’t have been more than eight or nine. I was just being blown away by what Miloš Forman accomplished with the cinematography and the mise-en-scène and his reversal of the classic protagonist-antagonist relationship not just in dialog, but in the blocking and the framing of these two candlelit warriors always in a battle that they didn’t know it was about.

**Craig:** You were eight?

**Nancy:** Or nine.

**John:** Nancy, honestly, I was probably watching The Love Boat when I was nine. That blows me away.

**Nancy:** I don’t know what that is.

**Craig:** Is it just me, or is her smile terrifying?

**John:** Yeah. You were watching Amadeus?

**Nancy:** I was watching this masterpiece, Amadeus. His name is Miloš Forman, so it’s actually pronounced Amadeus [ah-mah-DAY-oosh]. I said, “Daddy! I know what I want to do, Daddy! I want to do this. I want to work with the greatest writers and filmmakers in the world and find a way to crush them economically for the benefit of multinational corporations.”

**Craig:** There it is.

**Nancy:** Let me explain. If you look at great artists throughout history, what is the unifying theme? Hardship. Suffering. Emile Zola, I believe it was, wrote, “The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.” If I can help make that work almost unsurvivable, if I can bring filmmakers to the edge of ruin, take away every bit of comfort and safety that they have, then true art is possible.

**Craig:** Wow.

**Nancy:** Thank you.

**John:** That is some Fountainhead shit there.

**Nancy:** Fun fact, my bat mitzvah was themed around the works of Ayn Rand.

**Craig:** Your name is Sullivan, and you had a bat mitzvah. Okay, anyway. Let me get this straight. You’re saying that you joined the AMPTP because you wanted to make great art by punishing the people who make it?

**Nancy:** Oh, no no no. No no no. Craig, Craig, I think you’re misunderstanding me. I’ve dedicated my career to the genius visionaries who make film and television. By that, of course, I’m referring to the studio bosses, because they write the checks. They’re the ones saying, “Let’s make a show based on a zombie video game.”

**Craig:** They’re not zombies.

**Nancy:** They’re not, right. That’s so sweet. You’re so sweet, because here’s the thing. If I’d shown a picture of one of those, whatever you call them, creatures to 100 people and said, “What do you think this is?” do you know what all 100 would say? They’d say they were zombies. They’re zombies.

**Craig:** They’re not zombies.

**Nancy:** They’re zombies with mushroom hats.

**Craig:** They’re not zombies. They’re not zombies.

**Nancy:** They’re zombies with-

**Craig:** They’re not zombies.

**Nancy:** They’re zombies-

**Craig:** They’re not zombies.

**Nancy:** … with mushroom fascinators.

**Craig:** They’re not zombies. They’re not zombies.

**Nancy:** They’re zombies.

**Craig:** They’re not zombies!

**Nancy:** They’re zombies!

**Craig:** They’re not zombies.

**John:** Back to the topic here. I think it sounds like what you’re saying, Nancy, is that you’re okay imposing unnecessary-

**Nancy:** Necessary suffering, go on.

**John:** … suffering on writers and actors, and not in the pursuit of profit, but instead, of some kind of warped vision of artistic integrity?

**Nancy:** I never said actors. As Alfred Hitchcock [hitch-KAAKH] I think once said-

**Craig:** Oh, come on.

**Nancy:** … actors are cattle. Of course they’re cattle. You don’t see them typing with their hooves. For actors, our approach is basically herd management. You want to make sure you have enough, but not too many. That’s why we’re so excited about AI, about scanning actors’ faces and bodies so we can recreate them digitally. It’s like having all the free beef you want.

**John:** That’s horrible, but not surprising. Last month, an anonymous studio source was quoted saying the endgame is to allow things to drag on until union members start losing their apartments and losing their houses.

**Nancy:** I know. Horrible. We would never say anything like that on the record. Off the record, we might float that out there, see what kind of reaction it gets, and then maybe walk it back. Back to Amadeus, Mozart was on the edge of ruin for most of his career. While Salieri is portrayed as complicit, in reality it was systemic under-evaluation of the arts and the misaligned incentives of the patronage system that put Mozart in that situation.

**Craig:** You’re saying that like it’s a good thing.

**Nancy:** I’m saying we have to change the system so that writers and filmmakers, and sure, even actors, are properly oppressed, so that great art can flourish. There was no WGA back when Orson Welles made Citizen Kane.

**John:** Let me guess, Charles Foster Kane-

**Nancy:** Hero.

**Craig:** Okay. Nancy. Jewish Nancy Sullivan, let’s cut to the chase. We’re now 100 days into the Writers Strike. The companies are facing growing pressure, because the pipeline is empty, and the projects that aren’t finished cannot be promoted. When is the AMPTP going to get serious about coming back to the table to resolve this?

**Nancy:** Sorry. No comment on that, guys. Wouldn’t want to leak it to the press. Wink.

**John:** AMPTP spokesperson Nancy Sullivan, everyone.

**Craig:** She does look a whole lot like Rachel Bloom.

**John:** Rachel Bloom, everyone.

**Craig:** That was hard. I almost didn’t like Rachel Bloom.

**John:** It’s tough. That’s tough.

**Craig:** You make it hard. You make it hard, kid.

**Rachel Bloom:** To like me?

**Craig:** To not like you.

**John:** Rachel Bloom, you are often at this theater, because you have been doing your one-woman show, which is here for a little bit longer, then you’ll go to New York. Tell us about your show. You can say this because it’s a stage thing.

**Rachel:** It’s a stage thing. It is not in the union. It’s such a weird time we’re in where theater is the most stable industry you could be in. For the past couple years, I’ve been working on this show that is now called Death, Let Me Do My Show, which is about various experiences, thank you, that I’ve had with death. I’ve been using this theater primarily to workshop it a lot. It is going off-Broadway in September. We will be at the Lucille Lortel Theatre September 6th through the 30th. It’s a very beautiful theater. We just decided to do one more show in LA before we go. That will be here on August 26th. All of the proceeds are going to go, I believe probably to the Entertainment Community Fund.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** Hooray.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**John:** Rachel Bloom, thank you so much.

**Rachel:** Thank you.

**John:** You’re going to come back for questions.

**Craig:** Now shit’s about to get real.

**John:** Oh my god.

**Craig:** Here we go.

**John:** This is the warmup.

**Craig:** Here we go.

**John:** Do you want to do this one?

**Craig:** Sure. Our next guest is an actor, writer, producer, and director. She was also listed as one of Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People of the Year. What the fuck are we doing wrong, by the way?

**John:** I don’t know.

**Craig:** Let us welcome out the great, one and only Natasha Lyonne.

**Natasha Lyonne:** Hello, everyone. I brought a lot of supplies.

**Craig:** You can share my table with me if you want.

**Natasha:** You know what? You’re a real sweetie, cutie, honey-baby.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**Natasha:** So are you, John. So are you.

**John:** Thank you. Natasha kept apologizing to me backstage in the green room like I was offended. I’m not. I’m delighted by you.

**Natasha:** It’s just that Craig and I, we get very riled up when we’re together.

**Craig:** It’s a situation.

**Natasha:** Then I felt apologetic that maybe we’d gone too hard, too fast. We were doing bits about shekels. There was a lot of bits.

**Craig:** There was a lot of stuff going.

**Natasha:** If you don’t know what a shekel is, you don’t need to.

**Craig:** She brings the State Island out of me. I don’t know what to do. It’s just what happens. I get very Staten. Then I start talking like I used to talk. Then it’s a whole fucking thing.

**Natasha:** Then we get into a whole thing. The next thing we know-

**Craig:** Let’s code switch back. We’re code switching.

**Natasha:** We’re code switching.

**Craig:** Here’s my neutral podcast voice.

**Natasha:** The thing is, I don’t know, as the second Time 100 guest, I like to keep it very neutral.

**Craig:** That’s actually creeping me out.

**Natasha:** This is how I talk. I’ve always been this way.

**John:** NPR host voice. I love it.

**Natasha:** I architected a thing, a building. I’m an architect.

**Craig:** We’ve failed to mention that in your intro.

**Natasha:** I do think it was weird that you didn’t bring it up, because I dropped out of architect stuff in order to get into the biz.

**Craig:** Yes, just like most architecture students who refer to it as stuff.

**Natasha:** I was like, “Blueprints, blueprints, a script,” I said. You’re welcome. I was 4, and now I’m 44. That means I’m getting younger every day. This is what it’s like. You just don’t care anymore. It’s day 100 of the Strike, folks. I have not worked since December.

**Craig:** Everyone’s going a little nuts.

**Natasha:** We are heading towards September.

**Craig:** You’re doing great.

**Natasha:** I thought I was going to get a lot done this year. I’ll be honest.

**Craig:** No, nothing’s happening.

**Natasha:** All those years, but really. Anyway. Quit smoking. Endure this. I’m going to be like John Houston with a cigar in an interview, or Sean Penn anywhere I guess.

**Craig:** Keep going.

**Natasha:** I’m just saying people that smoke publicly in interviews.

**Craig:** You can hear it, I think. You can literally hear the vape on the microphone.

**John:** We know this because Craig used to vape in the early episodes.

**Craig:** I still do.

**Natasha:** You know what? It’s the ride of life. Take the ride. Buy the ticket. Take the ride. Anyway.

**Craig:** We’re not going to ask any questions, are we?

**John:** I’m going to try to ask a question.

**Craig:** What’s the point? Why bother?

**Natasha:** What it’s about is community.

**Craig:** Thank god.

**Natasha:** If you look at Bergman’s birthday, Stanley Kubrick writes him a letter and he says, “Great work.” Now we’re seeing it freaking dying. Everybody’s coming out. Coppola’s writing notes. You know what I mean? It’s about community.

**Craig:** I don’t.

**Natasha:** That’s my point. That was the answer to your question. I thought this was a Jeopardy format.

**Craig:** Hang on.

**John:** It is a Jeopardy format.

**Craig:** Just hang on, John. Just hang on, baby. You’re doing great. Amazing. I legitimately have a question.

**Natasha:** I’m from New York.

**Craig:** What?

**Natasha:** Yes, please.

**Craig:** This is a legit question. I looked on IMDb.

**John:** He did research.

**Craig:** I did research for this. They list your writing credits, your directing credits, acting credits. I have 26 credits. Natasha, do you know how many you have?

**Natasha:** 27. It’s like that game where you go one … The Price is right.

**Craig:** Just say one, $1.

**Natasha:** $1. $1.

**Craig:** You have 152 credits.

**Natasha:** Thus the attitude problem. There’s been many, many, many years.

**Craig:** I haven’t gotten to the question yet.

**Natasha:** It’s an endurance test. If you just stick around long enough, it’s like being an old, old turtle. What’s the question, please?

**Craig:** Thank god.

**Natasha:** Yes, Craigy.

**Craig:** It strikes me that after all these years, almost 30 years, I’ve got these 26 credits, I’ve worked on these things. There’s so much that I can learn from experience. Actors, especially somebody that started as a kid, you will, as an actor like yourself, get so much more experience on set and in production, acting. I’m curious, what wisdom have you learned from all of that time, that writers who have maybe only been on a set once or twice might not know? What can you share with us that you’ve learned every?

**Natasha:** I’m not going to look at you I think for the rest of it.

**Craig:** I think that’s a great idea.

**Natasha:** I’m also look out at the distant … Just so you know, I’m nearsighted. Genuinely, it is a Fossie-esque experience. I would say something I learned when I transitioned into the writers’ room, for example, on… I guess I won’t mention any shows. Let’s say on certain shows or certain movies, I would see an ellipses, and I would think, oh my god, I’ve gotta nail this.

I’m somebody who, despite my personality, is actually quite obsessive and a workaholic and perfectionist, obsessive about the work, and in all areas, too much so. I would think that there was something in there that I was missing. I would go to the writer, or I would go to the monitor area.

**Craig:** Video village.

**Natasha:** Video village. I would try to go searching or something. I think then later, as a writer, the great discovery was there was no there, that oftentimes, it was a cheat for any number of reasons, especially when in showrunning or in directing, once you’re doing that, you’re like…

The great gift about acting while you’re doing that is you know why scenes got cut, or why entire storylines or a C-storyline, so that actually, the connection between this moment to this moment, we had to cut that entire deli sequence for budget reasons, that’s why it’s not there.

Weirdly, it was like once I started writing for myself, or even if… First of all, I’m usually collaborating, so I wouldn’t want to take that credit for myself. I would say that as I was working with writers’ rooms and working with other creators and things like this, that was when I really became a good actor, in a way, because I understood the space in between, of the motivation, or even the backstory of how we got there, because I was the guy in the room on the whiteboard or something.

**Craig:** Actually, it’s the other way for you, in a sense, that the writing helped you be a better actor.

**Natasha:** It’s funny, because I’m only so old relative to how young I was-

**Craig:** Great insight.

**Natasha:** … on some level.

**John:** [Crosstalk 00:41:13].

**Natasha:** Which is to say, it would’ve been great if show biz was like, hey, we’re going to give this to you at 24 or 34, but they wanted to really hold out. I think in many ways it’s because of that fallback energy that we respond to so much as actors that are so seasoned, of a Gene Hackman in Night Movies or Jeff Bridges in Lebowski, or Bill Murray has that sort of energy, or Harry Dean Stanton, a sense of like, “I don’t even really want to be here.” Like Peter Falk. Like, “Please, film anything but me.” I think that comes from also that, if you truly understand the motivation.

Then I would say as a writer, additionally what I learned, and as a director, just from loving actors… Sam Rockwell made me start working with his acting coach against my will, because I’d never taken a lesson. I was at film school at Tisch at 15, but I never did anything with it. I dropped out. I was very offended that they wanted me to pay tuition, because the teenagers, they were watching Apocalypse Now. I was like, “If you’re watching Apocalypse Now, why are you in film school? You should’ve already seen this movie. That’s what would make one go to film school, theoretically.”

**Craig:** It’s a little weird.

**Natasha:** I was supposed to be a double major with philosophy, and they were out of classes. Their classes were full up. I just didn’t understand why they wanted my money at that point. I was like, “This is not what I came here for.” I was like, “Are you going to pay?”

**Craig:** They weren’t going to pay you. Elliot, do you need any Gatorade? How are you doing over there?

**Natasha:** Sam introduced me to this guy, Terry Knickerbocker, who’s a great acting coach. What I would do with him is I would actually sit there with the laptop open and go over every other character’s motivation as well and type in real time, to make sure that I wouldn’t be this jag-off on set who was only taking care, let’s say, of… So that way, I had answers for other people. I don’t know that I always succeeded, but I would try to really build out and make sure that everybody was protected in terms of their motives, basically.

**Craig:** Exactly, that you understand that both sides of-

**Natasha:** Yeah.

**John:** What I hear you saying though is, as an actor you’re approaching character from one perspective. You’re approaching what is it that I’m going to do. As a writer, you’re approaching character from a much more macro, whole perspective, because you have to think about-

**Natasha:** I gotta tell you, first of all, what’s most challenging about the Strike I think for all of us is the atrophying of the brain that you’re experiencing here in real time. It kills me to not be at a whiteboard and in a room. I love the excitement of ideas. I love all of it. I love storyboarding. I love this big, holistic thinking about things and making sure that it’s okay. I love the math of it, whenever I’m doing music budgets and trying to calculate it all. I love it so much more in 3D.

Also, weirdly, I think as just an actor, this weird thing happens where you need other people’s approval, and also you need to get hired. It’s incredible to have that autonomy suddenly. It’s such a gift.

Also, I would go to video village, seeking the feedback. Really, what you find out is that if you’re doing a good enough job, nobody talks to you. Once you’re at video village and you’re actually a producer, being a writer, producer, whatever, director, you discover that usually what’s happening in video village is a panic attack about something the next day, like so-and-so did not make their flight, we’ve gotta rearrange the day. What’s happening there is everybody’s talking about tomorrow with the first AD and trying to figure out how to fucking save this fiasco. They’re not talking about your scene. Otherwise, you would know, because you’d fucked up your scene, and they would be talking to you.

It was also a big revelation that I think made it much more fun for when I was just acting in something, because it was no longer a head trip of a curiosity of, did I do okay?

**Craig:** There wasn’t this constant loop of, the director comes over and gives you a thumb up or thumb down.

**Natasha:** Exactly.

**Craig:** You’re absolutely right. If you’re doing a good job on the day, directing, it’s a little bit like being a parent that’s driving a car, and everybody in the car trusts that the parent is a good driver, and so they can fall asleep.

**Natasha:** I would say also other things made me a better actor to work with, for hire. I’m looking for work, obviously. I’m hoping somebody has a job.

**Craig:** Can’t work right now.

**Natasha:** Oh, right, SAG Strike. Anyway, so the other thing I would notice is, it’s so funny now, when I’m directing, and I’m sure it’s the same for you, that when you try to convince somebody of whatever, especially if you have a heavyweight or like an Ellen Burstyn or a Nolte or something, and you’re like, “I was sort of thinking, what if you were here. It’s just an idea. Maybe then we went there,” but really it’s because there’s a fucking window there, and the light’s going to change, and if you sit here, I’m fucked or whatever.

**Craig:** Have you ever tried to just say that?

**Natasha:** Sometimes I do. I think the reason I bring up people that are such giants is because it’s very intimidating to-

**Craig:** Yes, it is.

**Natasha:** … try to explain to somebody that’s a giant. Usually, the way I came up, there was time. I think it was probably because it was film, not digital. There wasn’t a sense of like, let’s just go.

**Craig:** That’s a good point.

**Natasha:** If you think about Raging Bull or something, this final monologue, they probably really had to rehearse, I don’t know, so that they didn’t-

**Craig:** Run out the mag.

**Natasha:** … run out of film, run out of the mag, and make sure that everything, the lighting was perfect and all that stuff. Usually, it was about a private rehearsal, and then everybody else comes in and that kind of thing. I’m sorry, now we’re not getting to the game. I see you’re stressing about time.

**John:** No, no, no, no.

**Natasha:** It’s okay. I’m just trying to tell the kids the truth.

Once upon a time, it used to be that it was this private thing, where the actors would work with the director on figuring out the blocking. As it’s evolved, especially in television, I think, it’s more about things are pre-shot-listed in order to make these impossible fucking days, because Prestige TV especially has become so dense that it’s unmakeable.

You’re doing everything you can to be like, “Hey, I really need you to sit here, because the sun is going to set.” It’s easier, I would say, to do, and it’s easier to understand then. I’m like, “Oh, so you want… Got it. Let me help you. Okay. I’ll just sit right here, and then you have your shot.”

**Craig:** I do love a pro.

**Natasha:** It’s interesting in so many ways, the evolution of that. Sorry for the long answer.

**Craig:** No, it was a great answer.

**John:** A fantastic answer.

**Craig:** That’s why you’re here, my friend.

**Natasha:** I’m here to party, baby.

**Craig:** We did not bring you on for the short little bursts.

**Natasha:** I am sorry.

**Craig:** I like that you assumed this, “I have finished. Now you will entertain me.”

**Natasha:** I just felt like I talked a while.

**Craig:** You did a great job, kid.

**Natasha:** I just felt like the answer needed to be complete.

**Craig:** It was.

**Natasha:** I didn’t want to give you a fake answer.

**John:** Let us welcome back out Rachel Bloom and Quinta Brunson. Hi. You can ask from there. Ask from there, and we’ll say it out loud.

**Audience Member:** This is a question about adapting a book. My question is, how often do you run into problems as far as what characters to pick in the screenplay itself? How much push back do you get from the authors as far as what percentage of essentially characters you’re using from the book itself and what percentage of characters you’re coming up with whatever is best for the story? How does that work?

**Natasha:** Actually, I don’t know if I can say the name of this person, but she’s wonderful. She’s like the lady Thomas Pynchon or something. She’s brilliant. It was so intimidating to write her this letter to ask for this book that I wanted to do since I was a child. I wrote it with two lovely ladies. I’m not even sure if I can say who they are. I’m not sure the rules of the game.

**Craig:** I think you can say people’s names.

**Natasha:** Oh, great. I wrote it with Liz and Carly, who created GLOW, and who I love. I love those ladies. It’s a bunch of short stories. We really had to make those questions. We ultimately went a certain way. I think it’s excellent.

The funny feedback I want to give you is… It is a very high-concept thing, almost magical realism, let’s say, without being too specific. In the first seven pages of the book, she’s a loser lawyer, this character. Then we were told by the studio that really what they responded to, even though they had greenlit and paid for it, that really what they responded to was the lawyer part.

I just want to say that what was weird was it took so much nerve to write this lady Thomas Pynchon this letter to beg her for this book I’ve loved my whole life, and then to have Liz and Carly be down to, all of us write this thing together, and the amount of work we put in to create this lady Cohen brothers meets Guillermo del Toro world, and then be told that really it was …

The oddity of this business is that the thing that you think is going to be the trouble spot, it’s usually some fucking eighth thing over there, inevitably, that’s like, literally, “Oh, we really liked the part that she was a lawyer and that she was dating this guy.” I said, “Do you mean you want The Practice or Abby McBeal or something?” They were like, “That would be great.” It was so weird. The three of us were texting each other like, “What is happening in this moment?”

**Craig:** It sounds like what she’s saying is you’ll never see the person that kills you. That’s comforting advice.

**Natasha:** Do you find that?

**Craig:** Yeah. For sure. There are circumstances where the network or the studio may have strong feelings like there, but there are also circumstances where sometimes everybody’s aligned except the author. That’s not uncommon. Authors can be precious about things, just like we all can. I have been lucky to adapt something with someone that was great and understood the point of the adaptation.

I think our job is probably not to worry too much about the author. If you actually love it, you love that material, you would … I think grown-up, responsible artists will understand that a different medium has different needs, hopefully.

**Natasha:** It is really challenging. I’m thinking actually about another book that I really wanted to adapt, that at first seemed like it was going to be a go, and we were so in sync, and then really it did fall apart.

**John:** I had one of those too, where I went in, I got the book set up at a studio, and then I was in conversation with the author about, okay, as we introduce this character, we have to think about cinematically how we’re going to first encounter this character. She’s like, “Oh, no, no, you can’t change a thing. It has to be exactly the way it was in the book.”

**Natasha:** That’s what was so weird was I thought that we were having the same conversation for so long, and then suddenly, we weren’t. The other thing I think that’s interesting, which is not exactly an answer to your question, but that’s obviously not my bag, is that so much of what I was so in love with in this book was the dialog and how dense it was and just how brilliant of a writer she is, and realized that in script, that dialog felt insane. It just didn’t feel necessarily like people talking, so that we had to actually change so much of … Do you know what I mean?

**Craig:** Oh yeah, for sure.

**Quinta:** Absolutely.

**Craig:** You have to adapt. Smart authors understand.

**Natasha:** I’m like, there’s so much material here, and then you get in there and-

**Craig:** Not as much as you thought.

**Quinta:** I feel like that reminds me of what I was saying earlier about communicating to the audience. Sometimes with a adaptation, you just can’t have that same monologue from the book. Maybe you can. God bless if you can. That’s incredible, or the same amount of dialog. It has to be able to translate on screen in a certain way.

I haven’t adapted yet, but I have been in material that’s been adapted. I’ve had the feeling of wanting to express, this feels like too much for anyone to want to listen to on camera, in a comedy especially. Nobody feels like fucking sitting there and hearing you say something that was written for that long. I have nothing else to add to that, by the way. I haven’t adapted anything, but as an actor, I [00:54:04]-

**Natasha:** The other one is … Sorry. The other one that I think is interesting is when you try to adapt inner monologue. That’s so tricky, that you realize that the book that you fell in love with, it’s like you can see it in your mind. You have the vision of it, so you can see the world you’re going to build. Then you realize that it’s essentially internal.

**Quinta:** That’s exactly what I mean.

**Craig:** There are some great novels that have made some bad movies. Then there have some … The Godfather was pulp. It was just a pulpy novel that made a great movie. It was just awesome plot, big, awesome characters.

**Natasha:** Arguably, Raymond Chandler, why he’s-

**Craig:** Absolutely.

**Natasha:** … so good at … That genre translates well.

**Craig:** It just goes right-

**Quinta:** Have you read the Jurassic Park book?

**Natasha:** No.

**John:** No.

**Rachel:** It’s pretty good.

**Quinta:** Rachel.

**Craig:** That doesn’t seem like what she was going to say.

**Quinta:** Rachel. That is the most boring-

**Rachel:** Yeah, it’s plodding, but it’s not terrible.

**Quinta:** Lord.

**Rachel:** It’s Jurassic Park.

**Quinta:** That’s a book I’m like, they say pterodactyl one more time, I’m going to throw this fucking book out the window.

**Craig:** You had to know they were going to say pterodactyl a few times.

**Quinta:** Too sciencey. I don’t want to see all that science on screen, something that they understood. We don’t want to see that. It’s good.

**Craig:** It was a good adaptation.

**Rachel:** I think also, when this struck, I was in the middle, for the first time of my career, of working on some adaptations. I’m actually working on something right now that’s a podcast/musical, so not in WGA, that I can talk about a little bit.

What I think is interesting about adaptation is … I learned this when I took my first musical theater class. I’m going to relate everything back to musical theater. I apologize. When you’re writing a musical, the first question you’re supposed to ask is, what about making this a musical improves upon the subject matter, or am I just making it a music because IP sells?

I think that that should be the question for any piece of adaptation is, what can I add to this material, what’s my point of view on this that can add to this canon of material, as opposed to being redundant or worse?

**Craig:** Good answer.

**John:** Good answer.

**Craig:** Good answer.

**John:** This is normally the part of the podcast where we’d do One Cool Things.

**Rachel:** Wait. Didn’t someone win the right to ask a question?

**John:** Oh, shit. We completely forgot that. Who won it? Back there. I see the hand waving. Rachel Bloom saving the podcast yet again.

**Quinta:** The right.

**John:** You.

**Craig:** Nice.

**Quinta:** Didn’t someone win the right to ask a question?

**John:** Do you have a question for us?

**Audience Member:** I do.

**John:** Ask your question. Thank you so much, Rachel.

**Audience Member:** Oh, I’ve got a microphone too. I actually have a question about directing. Natasha, you talked about how the schedules are crazy, and there’s this constant push to go, go, go, go. One of the things that I struggle with on set a lot is when producers or first ADs tell me to shoot a rehearsal. I don’t know how to respond to them politely with, no, I absolutely do not want to shoot the rehearsal. I wonder if the people on stage had recommendations for how I can politely say fuck no?

**Natasha:** Is that directed at me? I’m happy to answer.

**Audience Member:** Everybody.

**Natasha:** I would just say, in the first place, there is nothing really to fear in the arts. I guess just an illusion of fear. I think it’s always very useful to remember that we’re all going to die. I think that the stakes-

**Quinta:** True. So true.

**Natasha:** There is a sense of false stakes that get created around-

**Craig:** The stakes couldn’t be lower.

**Natasha:** The truth is that you’re just trying to make art and do the best you can. That’s all you can do. In a weird way, it also becomes a question of path of least resistance is sometimes in your favor of being like, “Great, why don’t we shoot this useless rehearsal so we can see why we shouldn’t shoot the rehearsal,” or alternatively, you can say, “Simply because we’re not ready.” I think that both things are valid in a way.

**Craig:** Is this for television?

**Audience Member:** Yeah. I work in both.

**Craig:** For television, we do have the luxury of doing the thing that you were talking about, that a lot of times you can’t. We do get to have a private rehearsal, and then we bring in the crew for crew show, and then we talk about the shots. By the time we start shooting, we’ve already gone through it, which is nice.

If you say to the showrunner, “Look, I don’t ask for much. The one thing I just want that I like is to have a couple of rehearsals. It just makes me feel better and better,” and say, “If I can do that, the actors know there’s nothing running, so they’re not burning all their rocket fuel.” Hopefully, they would recognize that that just makes you more comfortable.

**Natasha:** Or also, the truth is that sometimes you can tell them, “It’ll actually go quicker if we do this.” Sometimes I get very excited, and I’m like, “Oh, let’s shoot this. Let’s shoot that.” If you’re with the right camera operator, sometimes they’ll have fun doing it. Other times, actually, rehearsal really does save time in a way, because it’s not just for the actors and the director. It’s actually so that everybody has focus marks.

**Craig:** Exactly.

**Natasha:** It’s going to be a mess. You can tell them also, “Hey, it’ll actually save time.” It’s true that the camera department really does not love that game.

**Craig:** Nobody does.

**Natasha:** Even if actors like to be like, “Hey, let’s just fucking try one.”

**Craig:** You gotta do a walkthrough. They gotta put the tape on the floor. They gotta do all this.

**John:** Quinta, on a show like yours, you might have different directors coming through, doing different episodes. Will they have different working styles?

**Quinta:** You.

**John:** You as an actor in that situation, but also a producer, have to adjust. What is that like?

**Quinta:** The main director that I work with, his name is Randall Einhorn, and he’s fantastic. He’s really great at establishing tone and also relationship with every director who comes in. I think that’s a big part of it too. The other directors coming to set the week before get a hold of how we work. The show that I work on currently is weekly. It’s fast. We’re filming while we’re airing. We don’t really have a lot of time. Our first priority is saving time.

I was thinking about that question. Randall is so good at being like, “I don’t want to do that.” That’s it. He’s like, “I don’t want to do that.” It’ll be like, “Yeah. Okay. Guess what? You’re the director. You’re running the show.” Now, in my state though, it’s a different situation. That’s very family. I would never even ask for that.

For another person coming in, if they want to shoot it, they would say, “I think this would make me feel good, just to get it, just to have.” Especially on a mockumentary, it can be beneficial sometimes. It’s like, “All right, cool, we’ll give it … ” I think it’s just about clear communication, like you said. The stakes are very low. We are not saving lives. Clear communication will help us, just, “What do you need? What do I need? What do you need?”

**Natasha:** That is the weirdest part I think about what we do, and in a weird way, life in general, but certainly making movies and making TV and all this shit that we do and writers’ rooms and studios and networks. It feels like the stakes are just so high. Part of me, as an adrenaline junkie, loves that. Really, they’re just not. That’s where you start losing humanity and all these other things. Everybody is a human being that deserves to get what they need. It’s just making art, so it should feel good, but it feels so scary, the time. It’s always time is the enemy. I would say time is a bigger enemy than money.

**Craig:** Which the director is the person worrying about the most, usually, because as the day drips away, when I’m directing, that’s the thing that I’m aware of is that my options are dwindling. Time is scary. Sometimes, also keep in mind that when you are visiting a show, the producers know things about the actors that you don’t.

**Rachel:** That’s a great point.

**Quinta:** Huge.

**Craig:** Some of them really do not like that rehearsal stuff at all.

**Quinta:** Yeah, they don’t.

**Craig:** They’re just like, “I know what I’m doing. Let’s go. Let’s shoot.” Part of it’s cultural too.

**Quinta:** Some people really want it.

**Craig:** Exactly.

**Quinta:** For sure.

**Natasha:** It is also though that thing of knowing, whatever, kill your darlings or whatever. In your shot list, the things that felt like such a dream and being okay, you gotta go through that day, and you’re like, “That’s done, that’s done, and that one’s out, and we’re going to really focus on this.”

It’s so crazy that, also, that’s why preparedness, I just believe in it so much, of being overly prepared so you can be loose, because the more time … Even if I’m a visiting director on a show or something, I always try so hard to spend time with the first AD and the DP, really walking through every single shot we’re going to do, in an effort to be prepared for if the producer, who is really the boss at that point, not the director, if it’s not an auteur special, then really feeling like we’re prepared for the situation.

**Rachel:** On the show I did that I will not name, but it was the show that I did, I have a very small bladder, and I like to drink. I have a steady drip of tea, and I pee a lot. The AD, I found out in Season 4, let every director … My pee breaks were built into the schedule, because they know I needed that, otherwise I’d piss my pants. I thought that was very communicative of him.

**Quinta:** Nice.

**John:** Nice. Don’t know actors would piss themselves.

**Craig:** I think that’s why SAG is on a strike, to get that enshrined in the agreement.

**John:** Build that back in the contract.

**Craig:** Pee breaks.

**John:** Are we doing One Cool Things or not, Craig?

**Craig:** Let’s just roll right to the finish line.

**John:** Let’s roll to the finish line and do some thank yous.

**Natasha:** Not One Cool Thing?

**Craig:** You know what? We’ll catch up on those.

**John:** We’ll catch up on-

**Craig:** We do it literally 608 times.

**John:** I’ll save mine for next week.

**Craig:** We’re good. It’s all good.

**John:** You can email Craig and tell him what you want to recommend if you have a thing.

**Natasha:** All right, I’ll send him some bucks.

**John:** We have some thank yous to get out to people.

**Craig:** We do.

**John:** Scriptnotes is produced, of course, by Drew Marquardt.

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** Drew!

**Rachel:** Woo!

**Quinta:** Drew!

**Craig:** Woo woo!

**John:** Who did a phenomenal job putting together tonight’s show.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**John:** Thank you very much, Drew. It’s edited by Matthew Chilelli, who is here.

**Craig:** Yay. There you are. Hi.

**John:** Who also did our music this week. Thank you so much, Matthew. Thank you to Hollywood Heart and Dynasty Typewriter for hosting us. For folks listening at home, the thing about being at the Hollywood Bowl, that was a joke. We really weren’t.

**Craig:** We really are not at the-

**John:** The Hollywood Bowl.

**Craig:** I know, shock. Of course, thank you to our ASL interpreter, Elliot Aronson.

**Quinta:** Oh, yay.

**John:** Elliot.

**Craig:** Who remains incredibly handsome and really good at his job.

**John:** We of course have to thank our incredible guests, Natasha Lyonne.

**Craig:** Natasha Lyonne.

**John:** Quinta Brunson.

**Craig:** Quinta Brunson.

**John:** Rachel Bloom.

**Craig:** Rachel Bloom.

**John:** Make sure you get tickets to see Rachel Bloom’s show either here or in New York. It’s at rachelbloomshow.com.

**Craig:** Thank you to everybody in the audience here in the room and listening at home and in your car. It is so much fun getting to do this live.

**John:** Thank you all, and have a great night.

**Craig:** Thanks, guys.

**Rachel:** Thanks, everybody.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** All right, Natasha and Craig, our experience has been that the film and television industry is full of people who will tell you what you want to hear, whether it’s true or whether it’s not true. To make sure that we’re keeping our skills sharp during this work stoppage, I thought we might play a little game with our audience members. We have three audience members who volunteered to help out in a segment we’re calling That Sounds Familiar. Jax, if we could bring up the house lights a little bit. Our three guests, I see a Number 1. Number 1, if you could make your way around to this microphone stand over here.

**Natasha:** Wow, three boys. All right. I see it’s a Mae West production.

**Craig:** What the fuck?

**Natasha:** I don’t know.

**Craig:** I don’t know. What happened?

**Natasha:** I’m not here. I don’t exist. I’m a melting clock. Just leave me alone. I don’t know why you invited me here.

**Craig:** Melting clock.

**Natasha:** I could’ve gotten here at 9:00.

**Craig:** For charity.

**Natasha:** I was on the 101.

**Craig:** You did a great job. Let’s play a game.

**Natasha:** I was bumping into cars like it was The Matrix.

**Craig:** Let’s play a game.

**Natasha:** Yes, gentlemen. I’m ready for the game.

**John:** Contestant Number 1, could you introduce yourself and tell us something fascinating about you?

**Contestant 1:** My name is Eric Wandry, and I’m the oldest of 13 kids.

**John:** What? Oh my god. Contestant Number 2, tell us something interesting about you.

**Contestant 2:** My name is Eric Wandry, and I’m the oldest of 13 kids.

**John:** Oh, shit.

**Natasha:** Oh, I see. This is a little tricky. I’m sorry, sir.

**John:** Contestant Number 3-

**Natasha:** Where is your sticker?

**John:** Could you introduce yourself and tell us something interesting about yourself?

**Natasha:** Where is your sticker, sir, the other gentleman? Thank you. A little respect for the game. Thank you.

**John:** It’s a sticker. Get going. Could you tell us about yourself?

****Contestant 3:**** I’m Eric Wandry and I’m eldest of 15 kids, 13 kids.

**Natasha:** Wow. You know what?

**Craig:** We’ve narrowed it down to two.

**John:** Wow.

**Craig:** It’s a 50/50.

**Natasha:** You didn’t even want to be here. Is it against their well?

**Craig:** You rattled him.

**Natasha:** I’m assuming they’re volunteers.

**Craig:** You rattled him.

**Natasha:** I didn’t rattle.

**Craig:** You rattled him.

**Natasha:** They were trying to be the same person. He was missing the sticker.

**John:** He was missing a sticker. You rattled him. [Indiscernible 01:08:11]. I’m not intimidated, but I could see [crosstalk 01:08:13].

**Craig:** Also, John’s rattled.

**John:** I’m not. I’m not.

**Natasha:** When people say that, I feel like it’s because I’m a woman, and then I regret my entire life.

**Craig:** No, no, no, it’s not because you’re a woman.

**Natasha:** How can I help?

**Craig:** What are we going to do?

**John:** One of these people-

**Craig:** How can I help.

**John:** … is lying. One of them is telling exactly the truth.

**Craig:** We can eliminate Number 3.

**John:** One of them is telling the truth, and one of them is lying. We can ask up to five questions of these people. What questions do we want to ask? Craig, how do you help narrow this down?

**Natasha:** I want to ask about religion right away.

**John:** Go for it.

**Craig:** Go. Do it. Go.

**Natasha:** Number 1.

**Craig:** This is to Number 1.

**Natasha:** Excuse me, so what religion are you?

**Contestant 1:** I come from a Catholic background.

**Natasha:** Interesting. Another question. Are your parents still together?

**Contestant 1:** No.

**Natasha:** Interesting that you hesitated. Is that because of trauma? The body keeps the score. Or just because of lying?

**Contestant 1:** One of them passed away.

**Natasha:** Wow.

**Craig:** Welcome to the Natasha Lyonne show.

**Natasha:** Touche, Number 1.

**John:** Oh my god.

**Natasha:** Touche.

**John:** Touche.

**Natasha:** All right, Number 2. Are you guys also asking questions?

**John:** We can ask questions too.

**Craig:** At this point it’s all you.

**Natasha:** Please do it as you … I’ll take a little nap.

**Craig:** I’m thrilled with how this is going right now.

**Natasha:** No, no, no, no, no. I’ll be here. Go off on Number 2.

**John:** I’m curious about geography. Eric Number 2, where did you grow up?

**Contestant 2:** Indiana. Small-town Indiana.

**John:** Contestant Number 3, where did you grow up?

****Contestant 3:**** Waterbury, Connecticut.

**John:** Waterbury, Connecticut.

**Craig:** Can I ask a question of Number 2?

**John:** Sure.

**Craig:** Number 2, you said that you were the oldest of 13, is that right? What is the name of the youngest?

**Contestant 2:** Melissa.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**Natasha:** Melissa Rivers?

**Craig:** Yes, Melissa Rivers.

**Natasha:** I’m just here to help. I’m just here to help. I’m taking a backseat. What?

**Craig:** I want to ask a question of Number 1.

**Natasha:** Mustache, why? No, I like it, but is it a family thing? Do all your siblings have mustaches?

**Contestant 1:** I’m the only one.

**Natasha:** That was not your question.

**Craig:** How many boys and how many girls?

**Contestant 1:** Seven boys, six girls.

**Natasha:** Again, the hesitation is …

**John:** I have a question. I’ll ask for Number 2. You’re the oldest of 13. Is everyone biologically related, from the same parents, or is it a Brady Bunch situation? Talk to us about the relationship to these people.

**Natasha:** Are your parents in an open relationship?

**Contestant 2:** No, everybody’s together. Everyone’s a big happy family. It’s all biological, everyone.

**Natasha:** What religion are you?

**Contestant 2:** Christian.

**Natasha:** A lot of Christians here. You guys [indiscernible 01:11:07] Craig around.

**Craig:** You and I are the Jewish population of this.

**Natasha:** Don’t tell them.

**Craig:** They know. They know. They’ve looked at our faces.

**John:** Eric Number 2, I’m curious, talk to us about a family vacation and the most that your family’s ever been on vacation and how that went.

**Contestant 2:** It was kind of tricky, obviously, because of how big the family was. We would generally go to areas that were adjacent to where I grew up. We would go to the lakes. We would go in the mountains, if we could get that far. It was generally-

**Natasha:** What do you mean if you could get that far?

**Contestant 2:** Because Indiana’s geographically not that close to mountains, but we could-

**Craig:** There was nowhere to go is what he’s saying.

**Contestant 2:** Yeah. We could get there.

**Natasha:** What kind of a car were you guys in?

**Contestant 2:** We had several because of the size of the family.

**Craig:** This guy’s the guy.

**Natasha:** Hold on. I can’t tell.

**Craig:** This guy is the guy. What are we doing? He’s the guy.

**Natasha:** I’m sorry, what kind of cars?

**Contestant 2:** We had two trucks and a station wagon.

**Natasha:** Only two parents?

**Contestant 2:** Only two parents.

**Natasha:** Until the eldest was driving the third car?

**Contestant 2:** Yeah. I was pretty much the babysitter for most of my childhood.

**Craig:** What are we doing? This is the guy.

**John:** I’m not convinced.

**Natasha:** I’m with you, honey.

**Craig:** I’m sold. I’m sold.

**Natasha:** I’m not sure about-

**John:** Should we vote now?

**Craig:** I’m ready to vote.

**John:** I think I’m ready to vote.

**Craig:** I’m ready to vote.

**Natasha:** I’ll do whatever you guys want.

**Craig:** I don’t care. I don’t care if I lose.

**Natasha:** How much money is in it?

**Craig:** [Indiscernible 01:12:27].

**John:** The stakes could not be higher. It is bragging rights for this segment of Scriptnotes. A lot.

**Craig:** I got 200 Canadian in that wallet [crosstalk 01:12:38].

**Natasha:** You brought your wallet onstage.

**Craig:** Always.

**Natasha:** That makes me very concerned about leaving my passport back there.

**John:** Quinta did bring her purse out.

**Natasha:** By the way, always bring your passport, because you never know when you might need to leave the country.

**Craig:** You never know.

**Natasha:** That’s another piece of advice.

**Craig:** Let’s vote.

**John:** Let’s vote.

**Craig:** Let’s vote.

**John:** Who on stage believes it’s Contestant Number 3? Who believes it’s Contestant Number 2?

**Craig:** Yes.

**Natasha:** Yeah.

**John:** The audience too, applause? Who thinks it’s Contestant Number 1? That’s me.

**Natasha:** A little.

**Craig:** A little? You and I think it’s 2. He thinks it’s 1.

**John:** No, I think we voted for … Who’d you vote for, 1?

**Craig:** No, 2.

**Natasha:** I went 50/50 because I wasn’t following.

**Craig:** I thought you said [crosstalk 01:13:22].

**Natasha:** When you involved the audience, I didn’t realize it was only up to us. I thought it was a-

**Craig:** The stakes could not be higher.

**Natasha:** Sure, I’ll go with 2, honey.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**Natasha:** We’re going with two.

**Craig:** Aw. Thank you.

**John:** Contestant Number 2, are you the oldest of 13 kids?

**Contestant 2:** I’m an only child.

**John:** Whoa.

**Craig:** Nicely done. Nicely done! You sick fuck!

**John:** Contestant Number 3, are you the oldest of 13 kids?

**Contestant 1:** When he said that the whole family was in a van, you should’ve known that when you’re the eldest of 13, that the groups of kids don’t all know each other. The younger group-

**Craig:** Is this a yes?

**Contestant 1:** … they were out of the house before I even-

**Natasha:** Is Number 3 the guy?

**Craig:** I think it’s Number 3. You said 15.

****Contestant 3:**** Yeah, I was nervous.

**Craig:** Oh, wow.

**John:** Contestant 3-

**Craig:** You rattled him. You rattled him.

**John:** Are you genuinely the Eric who’s the oldest-

**Craig:** You rattled him.

**John:** … of 13 kids?

**Craig:** You’re the one.

****Contestant 3:**** I’m the oldest.

**Craig:** You’re the one.

**John:** Holy shit!

**Natasha:** Oh my god.

**Craig:** Wow.

**John:** Contestant Number 1-

**Natasha:** Pathological liar.

**John:** How big is your family?

**Contestant 1:** I’m the oldest of 13 kids.

**John:** Oh, you are genuinely the oldest of 13 kids.

**Contestant 1:** Yes.

**Craig:** What the fuck is happening?

**John:** I thought the game was over.

**Natasha:** Now I’m confused.

**Craig:** What the fuck is going on?

**John:** It was Number 1. It was Number 1. Number 3 was still playing. We’re good. We’re good. The game is over.

**Craig:** Oh, Number 3 was still playing. Number 3 was like that soldier who doesn’t know the war is over.

**John:** The war is over.

**Craig:** You can go home now.

**John:** I was so confused there.

**Craig:** That’s outstanding.

**Natasha:** Wow.

**Craig:** I gotta be honest, Number 2 should be in prison. That’s a dangerous man.

**Natasha:** He’s an only child.

**Craig:** That’s a real dangerous man.

**John:** Craig.

**Craig:** The way he said only child, he’s like, “After I killed my siblings, I was an only child.”

**John:** Here’s how we got these people. I emailed out to our Scriptnotes listeners who were going to be in the audience, and I said, “Hey, do you have a really interesting story about your life that we could use on this, or are you really good at playing Mafia/Werewolf?” That’s what you are.

**Natasha:** Have you played the new game, Werewolf?

**John:** Thank the three of you very much for doing this. Let’s give them a [indiscernible 01:15:21].

**Natasha:** I’m just kidding.

**Craig:** Thank you guys. That was outstanding.

**Natasha:** Number 3, I’m sorry.

Links:

* [HollywoodHEART](https://www.hollywoodheart.org/)
* Quinta Brunson on [IMDb](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm6708435/) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/quintab)
* Rachel Bloom on [IMDb](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm3417385/) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/racheldoesstuff/)
* Natasha Lyonne on [IMDb](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005169/) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/nlyonne/)
* Quinta Brunson’s [The Girl Who’s Never Been on a Nice Date](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=op2pK_w8_oY)
* Quinta Brunson on [BuzzFeed](https://www.buzzfeed.com/quintab)
* [Rachel Bloom: Death, Let Me Do My Show](https://www.rachelbloomshow.com/) at the Lucille Lortel Theatre, New York City
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Check out the Inneresting Newsletter](https://inneresting.substack.com/)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* Craig Mazin on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@clmazin) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/clmazin/)
* John August on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@johnaugust), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/johnaugust)
* [John on Mastodon](https://mastodon.art/@johnaugust)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Matthew Chilelli ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Our ASL interpreter was Elliott Aronson
* Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/608standardv2.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Episode 602: Research Isn’t Cheating, Transcript

July 26, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found here.

John August: Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

Craig Mazin: Well, my name is Craig Mazin.

John: This is Episode of 602 of Scriptnotes. It’s a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the show, it’s another round of the Three Page Challenge, where we look at pages written by our listeners and discuss what’s working and what could be working better. We’ll also answer listener questions on verisimilitude in dialog, POV, writing samples, and more. In our bonus segment for Premium members, what can we get away with never having to do or learn?

Craig: Podcasting.

John: Craig and I will discuss the perks of procrastination. An announcement, next week will be some sort of repeating episode, because Craig and I are both going to be off the grid for a little bit, but it’ll be okay. Everyone will be fine. We’ll find a great episode from the vaults to pull up and put into your ear.

Craig: We only have 600 of them.

John: Actually, even more when you consider bonus episodes and other things we’ve done along the way. There’s plenty of good content.

Craig: Guys, spin the big wheel of podcasts and see what you get.

John: Or maybe just listen to this episode extra slow. Give it to yourself in small doses, and then you’ll have more to savor. You do you is what I’m going to.

Craig: You do you.

John: We have a little bit of news. Craig, I texted you last week, because Weekend Read 2, our app for reading scripts on your phone, is now out. It’s in the app store. It’s been in beta for more than a year, but we finally put it out there. It has not only all the For Your Consideration scripts that we always have in there, but it has two old short stories of mine, it has your entire Chernobyl collection, it has all of the Scriptnotes transcripts for 600 episodes, thanks to Drew Marquardt.

Craig: Amazing.

John: It’s there.

Craig: I was looking at this. It’s pretty cool. What font do you guys naturally default to? I’m just curious.

John: The default font for the reader view is Avenir.

Craig: Avenir.

John: Avenir. It’s a good face.

Craig: Is that what you call these things? It’s a good face?

John: A typeface. You call them typefaces. It’s a good face.

Craig: That’s what the kids in the cool font community call it.

John: It really is. That’s my graphic designer background coming back through, because a font is a specific, deliberate. Medium bold would be the font, and the face is the whole family together.

Craig: Nice face, bro.

John: Nice face, bro.

Craig: Somebody walks by your desk. “Sweet serifs. Nice face.”

John: Sweet serifs. The Three Page Challenges that we’re looking at through today will be available in Weekend Read. The point of Weekend Read is that it is so hard to read a normal formatted script on your phone if you need to. You’re pinching into your zoom. It’s not a great experience. This makes it a good experience. It melts it down, and it re-formats it in a way that works really well.

Craig: John, what is the cost of Weekend Read 2?

John: Weekend Read 2 is free to use for all you people.

Craig: $0?

John: $0.

John: It’s a public source we put out there. If you want to have a larger library, if you want to do notes, if you want to have it read stuff aloud to you, then you can subscribe to it. It’s two bucks a month, I want to say.

Craig: What? That’s a pretty good deal.

John: It’s a pretty good deal. That pays for our coding. It also pays for Drew and Halley, our intern, who are formatting stuff and finding stuff to put in there every Friday so we can keep new stuff in that library.

Craig: Nice. We gotta keep Lamberson eating. We can’t let Lamberson starve. Halley, you know I’m going to call you Lamberson, right? Because again, I just want to say, Halley, what a great last name.

Halley Lamberson: Thank you, Craig. I now have people calling me amenably.

Craig: Nice.

John: Aw, the anagram.

Craig: Nice.

John: One thing we added this last round, which is a suggestion from Dana Fox, our mutual friend, is the typeface Open Dyslexic. Craig, have you looked at Open Dyslexic as a typeface?

Craig: You mean is a face?

John: As a typeface. Have you looked at that face?

Craig: I’m confused. It’s face, right?

John: It’s face.

Craig: Wait, it’s called what now?

John: Open Dyslexic. Are you in Weekend Read right now? Are you looking at it right now?

Craig: I’m looking online at Open Dyslexic. Oh, look at that. I can see. Whoa.

John: Some people find it easier to read this.

Craig: Interesting.

John: It has very unusual weights. It’s a little bottom-heavy in a way. Some people find it much easier to read. Our friend Dana finds it much, much easier to read. We put that in there for her.

Craig: This is really interesting. I’m fascinated by the science behind this. I suppose it makes it much easier to understand what the bottom and the top of any particular symbol is. The lower L’s have little uppercase squidgetties coming off them, so they don’t just look like mine.

John: Little feet going the opposite direction.

Craig: It’s also a groovy font. It feels like, hey, man, I’m a little high.

John: You’re just a little bit high. I think the idea behind it is it makes your brain less likely to flip a letter, which is some forms of dyslexia. What I’ve heard about dyslexia more recently, and this is me opining on things I’ve read in one article, is that a lot of it tends to be a brain auditory processing thing much more than a visual thing, but whatever helps a person read and feel more confident and comfortable reading is a good thing.

Craig: Whatever impediment there is between you and what you want, if someone’s helping you get there with technology, then hooray. It’s funny. I never thought about this sort of thing, because I don’t have dyslexia. Nobody in my family or immediate family has dyslexia. It wasn’t anything we had to concentrate on. Once you get there, you go, “Oh yeah, that makes sense, actually.” There has to be at least some difference in fonts. Sorry, faces.

John: Obviously, there’s basic fundamental readability. There’s reasons why you don’t use tiny type sizes. There’s reasons why you want contrast between the letters in the background. There’s a reason why we made Courier Prime the typeface, because it just was a better typeface to read. I guess Open Dyslexic is an attempt to be very aggressive about making sure the letter forms are so distinct that they don’t get flipped in people’s heads. I like people who are trying to solve problems out there in the world.

Craig: Love it.

John: Love it. Love it. Let’s solve some problems out there in the world by tackling some listener questions.

Craig: Segue man.

John: Because we often put these at the end of the episode, and then we run out of time and energy. We’re going to foreground them today. Drew Marquardt, can you help us out with a listener question?

Drew Marquardt: I sure can. Eric writes, “I’m writing a screenplay where the protagonist is an aerospace engineer. I myself am just a humble, lower middle class guy with very little college education. I want my characters to sound real, so I’m asking my older cousin about these topics, since he did go to college and graduated in this field. I sat down with him and recorded us talking about a bunch of subjects and explored the mind of the main character. He gave me these awesome pieces of dialog that the main character could say. I also text him from time to time as I build the script and ask him, ‘Hey, check out this scene. I wanted to talk about blah blah blah. Does this sound?’ He replies in full detail how the character should be saying things. Is this cheating or allowed? Could I use his language verbatim to build this character in this world? Does he get a writing credit, or what type of credit would be given for this, or is it just using a resource like reading a book and pulling out language from it, which I’m also doing?”

John: Eric, I’m sorry. You need to just stop what you’re doing and never, ever try to be a screenwriter again. You’ve broken incredibly important rules about never using any person’s expertise in your script.

Craig: Throw your laptop out, Eric. Throw it out.

John: It’s tainted. Everything’s tainted.

Craig: Set your clothes on fire and leave town. I think you probably have figured out that we’re totally fine with this. It’s actually just a sign that you’re doing your job well, to check with people. No, what they’re doing isn’t writing. No, they shouldn’t be getting a writing credit. It is perfectly reasonable to say to them that you will do your best to advocate for a consulting credit of some sort, like aerospace consultant. You can’t guarantee those sorts of things, because ultimately, somebody’s going to be producing this, and it’ll be up to them. This is totally fine. I do this all the time, call people up like, “Does this sound right?”

John: “Does this sound right?” I think you’re concerned specifically about like, oh my god, I’m using the actual words that he said. In this case, it’s your brother, first off. He’s giving you consent. He knows why you’re asking him these questions. You’re showing him scenes. He’s giving you feedback. He wants you to be able to write the best thing, both because he’s your brother, but he also would love to see aerospace engineering portrayed properly on screen. You’re doing [inaudible 00:08:30] for all these reasons.

Weirdly, it’s only the last sentence of your question that I want to flag here, “Is it just using a resource, like reading a book and pulling out language from that book?” Be more careful about pulling out language from a book there, sir. In reading that book, you might figure out what terms people are using and how people talk about stuff, but just make sure you’re not plagiarizing. Make sure you’re not literally taking the sentences out of that book. Yes, do research. Research is not cheating. It’s never cheating.

Craig: No, it’s essential. When you say language, if you mean nomenclature, terminology, all fine, you want to do that stuff for sure. Yeah, you’ve got a great resource there. It’s your cousin. It’s his cousin. It’s not his brother.

John: It’s one more step removed.

Craig: One more step removed.

John: Less blood in there.

Craig: I feel like people that do jobs that are constantly misrepresented on screen are going to be thrilled if they can see a movie where they’re like, “Oh my god, it’s clear that these people talked to an aerospace engineer.” Have you ever heard, John, the little bit of Ben Affleck’s commentary, the DVD commentary for the movie Armageddon?

John: Yeah, I think you’ve talked about it on the show. It was an amazing thing.

Craig: It’s so wonderful. I’ve talked about it before. Part of what he’s talking about is just this huge gap between what the movie is imagining or presenting and what the reality is, which I’m sure, yes, if a bunch of guys and ladies at NASA were watching, that they would probably just laugh their asses off. You’re avoiding that, which I think is a fantastic thing to do. Eric, I feel like you knew we were going to say, “Eric, you’re okay.”

John: That’s fine too. Sometimes you just want some validation, like, “I’m right here.” Eric, you’re good.

Craig: Eric, you are right.

John: Craig, I have a question for you. Are you close with any of your cousins?

Craig: No, but there’s a reason. There are a couple of reasons. I only have two first cousins. I had three. One of them passed away. My dad was 13 years younger than his sister. My mother is an only child. My dad was a mistake. Therefore, I am the son of a mistake.

John: You’re generationally much farther away from those cousins.

Craig: That’s the point. They were so much older than I was when I was a little kid. There’s Bilya. He doesn’t go by Billy, but we always knew him as cousin Billy. Cousin Billy and cousin Laurie. They were lovely. It’s just that they were just much older. Then also there’s a lot of… My sister and I never quite understood what was going on. In the older generations of my family, there are all sorts of, I don’t know, grievances, things like-

John: [Crosstalk 00:11:13].

Craig: This was in a situation where we saw each other all the time at family reunions. It was pretty rare. I was always excited to see them, because I looked up to them, because they were so much older and exciting. No, I’m not. How about you?

John: I’m not. I’m the youngest of all that branch of cousins. We lived in Colorado. Everyone else was further back east. Growing up, my cousins Tim and Cindy were close enough to my brother’s and my age that we would hang out some. I do have some good, fond memories of that. They all moved to different places. I was never around them. They all got much, much, much more Christian over the years, and so it became harder and harder. We still keep in touch. When my mom died, they were at the Zoom memorial service, and lovely cards and all that, but no, not close.

I always envied people who had cousins in town, because that felt like such a special thing. It’s not so close as a sibling, but a friend plus a blood connection felt like a really cool thing to have.

Craig: I do have that with my cousin Megan Amram.

John: Absolutely, but you didn’t even know she existed until well into the Scriptnotes era.

Craig: I certainly didn’t know she was my cousin until we 23 and Me’ed each other. She’s my cousin. I mean, third, possibly fourth, but yeah, she counts. That’s the cousin I have, Megan Amram.

John: That’s the cousin you want. The cousin of choice.

Craig: Yes, cousin of fact and choice.

John: Love them both. Let’s try a new question. Drew Goddard. Drew Goddard? You’re not Drew Goddard.

Drew: I’m not Drew Goddard.

John: Let’s try a new question. Drew Marquardt.

Craig: Is Drew Goddard here? Is he listening?

John: He’s very tall. We would notice him if he were on the Zoom, because he’s very, very tall.

Craig: Very tall.

Drew: Ricky in Venice Beach writes, “My entire movie is told from the hero’s perspective, and there is never a scene that she’s not in. She also has three family members who have powerful character arcs that I want to resolve by the end of the story.”

John: Are they cousins is my question.

Craig: And how powerful.

Drew: “The problem I’m running into is how to resolve these subplots in the third act when the lead character has traveled far away and is no longer geographically close to them. I would love to cut back to the other characters to see how they changed over the course of the story. Unfortunately, I’ve never cut away from the lead character’s perspective the entire movie. I feel like cutting back to these characters makes sense emotionally and thematically, but it just feels off to me. What advice or thoughts do you have about breaking from your main character’s perspective in order to complete a separate character arc?”

Craig: Ricky, something is wrong. Something is fundamentally wrong, because you are saying that there are three family members who have powerful character arcs. I’m not sure how powerful they can be if they’re never alone and they never are separate from the main character. Do those character arcs connect specifically to your main character? Is there a way for everybody to get together for a little family reunion at the end?

It sounds like you’ve got a problem of, “I want to do this and I want to do that,” and the two things are opposite. It’s what Lindsay Doran refers to as a closeup with feet. You’re trying to do a closeup with feet, and I think you’re going to have to pick one way or the other. That means probably going backwards in your script and looking for where things may have gone slightly awry.

John: In a previous episode, we talked about group dynamics and how important it is for the group as a whole to evolve and for the individual relationships within that group to evolve. It’s possible that I can imagine scenarios where these characters really work together a lot more, and so therefore we did establish arcs that those characters could go through. Just because of the circumstances of Ricky’s story, they’re not going to be around to complete those arcs.

Craig’s solution, basically to go back and really look at do I need these things to happen, that way is entirely possible, or the other solution of just like, we need to get everyone back together at the end to learn and see what has happened and what has changed, because I don’t think you’re going to be satisfied with the first-time cutaway at the end of the story to break POV. I’m sure our listeners can find 10 examples in great movies that do that, but it’s certainly not recommended practice.

Craig: No, I wouldn’t. I’m a little nervous. These character arcs, I just want to know, how are they relevant to my main character? Are they relevant? Do they inform the main character’s experience? Generally speaking, if you have a, like you say, “My entire movie is told from the hero’s perspective,” that means it’s about her. Therefore, all the choices that you make as a storyteller, that put her in the middle of the wheel, and then there are spokes of the wheel, like her family members, all those spokes have to feed back to the hero. They are there for a dramatic purpose that must connect back to the hero.

I have no interest in whether or not Aunt Sally’s marriage falls apart if the story is about Grandpa Joe, and Aunt Sally’s marriage has nothing to do with Grandpa Joe. We just need to connect it. We need to. At that point, that should guide you. If they don’t connect…

John: Let’s imagine a story in which the hero has inspired one of the characters to give up drinking or make a fundamental life change. I can see that being a powerful arc. They went through a whole thing, but they’re not there for the end.

Keep in mind, Ricky, that what’s meaningful to the audience isn’t that that character’s changed. It’s that your hero got to see the results of that character changing. It’s when you’re seeing it from your hero’s eyes, oh, this change happened, and that your hero was proud of this character and feels a connection to this change that has happened. That’s the reward. Cutting away to it without the hero knowing it isn’t going to be satisfying to the audience.

Craig: It’s interesting. I don’t think we’ve ever really talked about this. Storytelling that is built around a character, and that’s the majority of what we do, a central character, is essentially a narcissistic exercise, where that character’s feelings, that character’s experiences, that character’s problems, and that character’s resolutions and actions are what matters to us. We are essentially complicit in their narcissism. Other things happen elsewhere. They don’t matter as much. They just don’t. We don’t mind that. It’s just not a problem.

That’s why it’s so funny in whichever of the Austin Powers it was when the henchman dies and then they go to his family, because it underscores what a bizarre act of narcissism storytelling is.

I think what you’re struggling with is you’re trying to be not narcissistic about it, but here in the audience, all you’ve done is mainline narcissism heroin into my veins. I just care about the hero, because I identify with the hero. The story is for me to feel and appreciate. I want to know who I’m with. I don’t want to ever leave that person. If I do, it’s only because I want to see how it feeds back into the person I care about.

John: Perhaps it was a hundred episodes ago we talked about main character energy and how in real life it can be a dangerous pathological thing. In movies, main character energy, you know what? That’s what you’re here for is the main character energy. That could be, Ricky, what you’re feeling there is that. Don’t run away from it. Drew, what do you got for us?

Drew: Danny writes, “An independent producer and friend came to me with a sitcom idea. I thought it was great, so we developed the characters and plot together. I’m the sole writer of the script, with written by-credit, but he is a co-creator. He supports me submitting it as a writing sample for fellowships, but I list him as a collaborator if I’m submitting that script for incubators. We also have a pitch deck in case we have any opportunities to take it out.

“When I start querying managers after the strike, would it be okay for me to send this pilot as a second sample in addition to my other original pilot? The script definitely shows my voice and writing skills. The concept is not entirely mine, but we’re not a writing team. If I do send the script, should I mention my co-creator? Should I say a producer approached me to write on spec, or should I just focus on writing and polishing another completely original script before querying representation?”

John: Craig, I think where we’re getting confused here with Danny is that a producer approached to say, “Hey, would you write this thing kind of with me, kind of for me, on spec?” This producer person wants to produce this thing, but Danny is the writer. Danny owns everything. Danny can absolutely use this as a sample. There isn’t a problem here. That person is not a co-writer, doesn’t need to have their name anywhere on it, unless the agreement they have is that this person is only producing it, and every script has to say producer attached or something.

Craig: I think this is a problem that isn’t a problem, because what Danny is describing is a producer. A producer says, “Hey, I’ve got an idea for something,” which in and of itself is not, as we know, property. The producer looks for a writer. The writer says, “Oh, I like that. I’ll write it.” What do writers do with producers? Of course, they bounce ideas back and forth. They talk about stuff. Then the writer goes and writes. The producer is attached to produce. That’s it. When it says, “I’m the sole,” quote unquote, “writer of the script with written-by credit, but he is a co-creator,” no, he’s not.

John: Nope.

Craig: No, he’s not. First of all, just so you know, created by is a credit that the Writers Guild assigns as a function of separated writes. It has to do with who wrote the underlying story, and that is writing. What this person is is a producer. That’s great. There’s a whole world of non-writing producers. Danny, when you start talking to managers, you could send them pilot. Why wouldn’t you? You wrote it?

John: You did. It’s your writing. It shows what you can do. Let’s say you sign with these managers, and the managers want to take this thing out. Then it’s maybe a conversation like, “Okay, this producer is attached. Okay, what does it mean? What is the producer actually expecting? Has the producer done other things? Are you going to try to get some more senior experienced producer on board with this? Is the producer going to take it out on their own?” All that stuff has to be figured out. For you, Danny, getting representation, that’s not a barrier in your way.

Craig: Just mention it if you’re talking to a … If a manager’s interested, then you can say, “Oh by the way, just so you know, there is a producer attached to this one.” This one, no, free and clear. It’s not like you can only have one producer. Take a look at the credits for things. Jeez, Louise.

John: Good lord.

Craig: You can have a thousand producers. If a manager’s like, “I wanted to be the producer,” good, you can be the producer. Hey, how about this? Everyone gets to be a producer. Who cares? I’m the writer, and then there are 4 million people that have… That’s why the Producers Guild exists, to basically say, okay, of the thousand of you that have the producing credit, we’ve figured out that you’re a producer and you’re a producer. The rest of you stay in your seats.

John: For folks who are not familiar with the Producers Guild, you’ll see credits at the end of the movie or at the start of the movie that say “produced by,” and you don’t know who those people are. If it says PGA after it, PGA, just those letters, that means the Producers Guild has gone through, looked at who the people are who worked on this, and said these are the people who really produced-produced the movie. It’s a limited subset of the bigger, longer list you see there.

Craig: John, are you in the Producers Guild?

John: I am not in the Producers Guild. Are you in the Producers Guild?

Craig: I am in the Producers Guild.

John: Nice.

Craig: They gave me an award, and I had to join. Here’s the thing. It does make sense to figure out… One of the things that Producers Guild did that was quite wise was… Because they’re not a union. They’re not a labor union, even though they’re called guild. The Writers Guild and the Directors Guild just happen to use the word guild, as do the Screen Actors, but we’re all unions. They’re not.

What they did that was smart was they made themselves essential by I guess contracting with the major awards, to say, “Okay, if you’re giving out best television show or best movie, the people that collect those are producers. Who should get up there? We’ll figure it out. We’re the Producers Guild.”

At the end of each season of television that I do, at some point I get a thing from the Producers Guild, not because I’m a member, everybody gets it, that says, “What’s your title? What’d you do? Check off the boxes if you did these. Don’t check off if you didn’t do these. Then we’ll make our choice.”

John: It’s a thankless task maybe to decide that, but I understand. The producers themselves decided they wanted to do this, because they were tired of having the value of a producer credit devalued by all the people who get those credits for reasons that are not really producing.

Craig: Exactly. They don’t make you join, by the way. You can. It’s nice. It helps them do the work that they do. They do this for everything, because if you want to go up there and get your award, you have to prove that you should.

John: Drew, let’s try another question.

Drew: Gary writes, “In Episode 598, Vince Gilligan discussed today’s over-reliance on IP as the basis for new shows or features. That seems to put even more impediments before fledgling or at least uncredited writers, given the difficulty of being able to option such a property. I have recent experience with this issue. I wanted to develop a script based on a 1956 YA novel, but the literary agency connected to the author’s estate wouldn’t give me, an uncredited writer, an option. What are possible strategies for such writers, or is it hopeless to get an option without somehow acquiring a production company’s backing?”

John: Gary, I feel for you. I think it is going to be hard for you as an uncredited writer to get that, unless you had some special connection with the author or with the material, you were somehow able to break through the, “It doesn’t really make a lot of sense for us,” options to backlog.

I would say hold on to this notion of adapting this book and focus on some other things. At some point you will be signed by a rep, you will be going on the water bottle tour of Los Angeles. That might be an opportunity to say, when they ask, “What else do you want to do?” it’s like, “Oh, I’ve always really wanted to do this book.” Pick which producer you might want to say that to. If it’s really a good fit, then that producer could track down those rights and may get that book for you to adapt. That’s a way that I’ve seen it happen in real life before. Craig, other instincts from on your side?

Craig: I think that’s basically everything I would say, except maybe if this is a fairly obscure novel, you might want to just wing it. Just do it, because they don’t want to give you an option, because they don’t know you, and they also don’t know if the script will be any good. Who knows? They give you an option, and then, oh god, next week, I don’t know, David Koepp comes calling, and they’re like, “Oh, no, we gave it to Gary.” That’s probably not going to happen, is it?

One of the things that Vince was saying is, okay, there’s an over-reliance on IP, and the implication of that is that if something hasn’t been snapped up in terms of rights, then maybe it’s just not really on anyone’s radar at all, or maybe people tried and gave up. It sounds like you’re talking about a screenplay as opposed to a series. Even if it were a series, it would just be a pilot script.

Your job is, you want to write a script based on this novel, maybe write it. Honestly, what you’re really gambling is… Okay, I don’t know how long it’s going to take you to write it. Let’s say it takes you five months. You’re gambling that in the next five months, no one is going to come out with a script for that novel, which I’m going to guess no one has come out with in the last five years. Might be worth it. Then show them the script. Then they might be like, “Oh.”

John: “Oh, this is actually not too bad.”

Craig: “This ain’t too bad.”

John: Is it a long shot? Yeah, it’s a long shot, but it’s not the worst idea, because what you’re going to come out of this with hopefully is at least a good script, a good script people can read and say, “You know what? Gary, he’s a good writer.”

I remember way back when I was in film school, I read a Alien versus Predator script. I have no idea who wrote that. It was just a spec that someone wrote an Alien versus Predator thing. I was like, “That’s a really clever mashup of these two things.” It never got made. Different fork of that whole idea came to be at a certain point. It was a cool idea. I’m sure that person got signed and got some meetings that got stuff started. That could be you, Gary.

Craig: Absolutely.

John: I would also say Craig may be right. If it really is inspiring you to do that more than some other original idea of your own, consider it.

Craig: When you say, “I want to develop a script,” I would love, Gary, if you said, “I want to write a script.” Development is what we do when other people are like, “I don’t know.” A lot of development really starts with a script, whether it’s something you’re rewriting or it’s something you’ve written already.

Maybe write it. Like John says, worst comes to worst, you have a cool sample. Can people make that sample without the rights? No. Do they have other stuff that they would want to do anyway? Yes. Was it likely that they were going to be, “Oh my gosh, there’s a 58-year-old novel that we could do.” Probably not. I wouldn’t worry about it. Go for it.

John: Gary, are you infringing on their copyright to write that script? Yeah.

Craig: No.

John: Are they going to come out to you?

Craig: No, they’re not. You’re not.

John: Here’s the question. You are not doing anything that diminishes the commercial value of the original thing.

Craig: You’re not exploiting it. Look. Here’s the deal. You can sit in your house, and you can write fan fiction about Star Trek or whatever. You can write anything you want. When you sell it or when you distribute it, that’s different. To write a screenplay and not receive money for it and not have it turn into a movie and not put it online and have it distributed around, no, there’s not exploitation.

John: Here’s the infringing part I would say. It’s that if Gary wrote the script, and then he wanted to submit it to the Office of Copyright for copyright protection, no.

Craig: No, you can’t do that.

John: You’ve created a piece of work that you cannot copyright.

Craig: That’s right. That’s right.

John: That’s a risk you take.

Craig: Exactly. It’s a risk you take. Actually, even that is not quite true, because if you write something, somebody else can come along and say, “Oh, Gary wrote this.” For instance, if let’s say the novelist were still alive, which they probably aren’t, the novelist picks up Gary’s script, and they’re like, “Whoa, this is a great script, but Gary can’t copyright this. I think I’ll just rip the cover page off, stick my name on it.” That would be infringing Gary’s… Gary does have protection, but he can’t exploit anything.

John: It’s interesting. That is a fascinating thing.

Craig: He only has protection insofar as this work represents what I did, but it is not exploitable, because I don’t have permission from the original rights-holder.

John: What we’re describing is essentially a chain of titles. Gary doesn’t own the underlying piece of material. No one else owns Gary’s script. In order to make a feature out of this project, you need both underlying material and Gary’s script.

Craig: Yes, I believe that is correct. That said-

John: Not lawyers.

Craig: … if an attorney wants to write in and explain why I am absolutely wrong, I am welcoming of it.

John: We’d love it.

Craig: It is a learning opportunity.

John: Let’s go on to our Three Page Challenge, because we have three entries into this. I want to make sure we spend some good quality time looking through them. If you are new to the podcast and have not listened to an episode where we do a Three Page Challenge, here’s what this is.

Every once in a while we ask our listeners, hey, would you like to send in the first three pages of your script, it could be a feature, it could be a TV series, for us to talk about on the air? Everything we’re going to be talking about is completely voluntary. These people volunteered for this treatment. We are not picking stuff off the internet and poking holes in it. People asked for this feedback.

Those folks went to johnaugust.com/threepage, all spelled out, filled out a little form. They said it’s okay for us to talk about it, they’re not going to sue us. They attached a pdf, and it went into a magical inbox that Drew and our summer intern, Halley Lamberson, read through all of those entries. Halley, this was your first time doing this. Can you talk to us about this process? How many scripts did you and Drew look at this past week?

Halley: I think together we looked at a couple hundred. The process was very fun, reading through the submissions over a couple days and talking to Drew about the ones we thought were standout. It made me think about my own writing to read the entries.

John: I remember when I was a reader at TriStar, you learn a lot by reading other people’s writing. You definitely learn sometimes things you never want to do and stuff you see on the page, like, “Oh, let me make sure I never, ever do that.” The sampling that you guys picked, I liked, because they were both interesting ideas and had some issues that Craig and I could talk about.

Thank you very much for all your hard work. Folks, don’t send in those Three Page Challenges until we ask for them, because, man, they really do stack up quick. You guys are really good about sending stuff in.

Let’s maybe start with Skulduggery. This was from Matthew Davis. Actually, in our last live show, one of the raffle items we had was we guarantee front of the line for a Three Page Challenge when we do our next Three Page Challenge. That was Matt Davis. He sent that through.

If people want to read along with us, it’ll be attached to the show notes for this episode, so you can click through and find the pdf, or they’re in Weekend Read right now if you want to read them. If you’re just listening to this on your drive, Drew, could you give us a summary for Skulduggery by Matthew Davis?

Drew: Madame Louvier, a Haitian Voodoo queen with her face grease painted as a skull, moves through the forest of the Louisiana backwater, illuminated by lamplight. She approaches a small home where Jenny, 40s, gives her son $10 and sends him away on his bike.

Inside the house, Madame Louvier has Jenny drink a mysterious elixir and commands Jenny to exhale a blue vapor, a spirit which Madame Louvier inhales and communes with. Jenny’s vision warps. She sees Madame Louvier with a giant boa constrictor, cutting a strip of fabric from Jenny’s dress and fashioning it to a voodoo doll. Louvier’s dagger erupts in blue fames and turns every candle’s fire blue.

Louvier explains that their journey is entwined with Pirate Jean Laffite and threatens to kill Jenny unless she tells her the location of a map, which Jenny only has a faint memory of.

John: Craig Mazin, talk us through your impressions of Skulduggery and some of the things you noticed as you went into it.

Craig: There were some nice visuals to start with. I’m a little fussy about movement issues.

John: I have a lot of movement issues in this too.

Craig: There was a cool beginning. “Frogs and crickets cry out from the swamp. Lamplight illuminates a SKULL. The skull… MOVES.” Oh. Okay. “We realize the skull is a grease-painted face: She opens her eyes with an emotionless, blank stare: ONE EYE GLAZED-OVER – an injury long ago unaddressed.” Oh. Okay. “Draped in a blood-red cloak,” great, “the ghastly figures murmurs as she trudges along… ”

Wait a second. Now, was she trudging or was she just still? That’s a cheat. This is where we run into trouble all the time. This is where directors start to tear their hair out, because you can’t do both. You can’t start with this fixed skull, play the trick that it’s not really a skull, it’s actually a person, but also have them walking. If you are going to say they just started walking, then what were they doing before? Just standing, waiting for the movie to start? These things, they maybe don’t seem like that big of a deal. They’re actually a really big deal.

Let’s get into the meat of it all. There’s Jenny, who is in a backwater home. I don’t know what that is.

John: I don’t either.

Craig: What is a backwater home? Is it a cabin that’s on the bayou? Is it in the swamp?

John: I have no idea what the size or scale of this is. Also, when we’re getting inside, there’s a hallway, so it’s not just a cabin, but I don’t have a sense of this. There’s a porch. Is this a gothic Southern mansion, a Big Fish-y kind of thing? What is this?

Craig: Also, you can’t start a scene with somebody handing someone a $10 bill and saying, “No need to hurry back.” Was he also just standing, waiting? Some of the issue here is that the way these scenes start, it’s almost like people were waiting for somebody to go, “Action.”

There are so many ways to start a thing like this. We could be outside that house, and we could here, “Mom,” and, “Okay, come here,” whatever it is. There’s always ways to do it. It just seems like the actors are waiting, and then someone goes, “Okay, now do stuff,” and then they start doing things. We lose a little bit of the sense of the moment before, which is a really big deal for actors. It’s something that I think about all the time as a writer.

She sends her kid away. He, “Pedals his ramshackle bike away.” Pedals is capitalized for some reason. I don’t know why. He, “Pedals his ramshackle,” ramshackle is not a great word for a bike, “away. He pauses.” Do you mean he stops? He, “TAKES ONE LAST LOOK BACK AT HIS MOTHER… ” Then the scene ends. Does he just stay stopped? There’s movement issues. I’m struggling with the movement. How about you?

John: I’m having many of the same problems you’re describing here. I love that it’s evocative and atmospheric. That all feels great. I like the skull reveal, but I had the same problem with the movement. We didn’t need to “realize the skull is a grease-painted face,” just, “The skull is a grease-painted face.”

The, “She opens her eyes with an emotionless, blank stare,” you’re saying she, but you haven’t even introduced the character yet, which was a little bit of a bump for me. “MADAME LOUVIER — a Haitian-born Voodoo Queen,” I need some matches dashes there to get us out of that little clause.

Matt is using a lot of colons as a punctuation device. That could totally work if we were consistent, but he does a lot in the first page and then stops, so making some choices about how you’re going to get us down the page.

I read Madame Louvier as… She’s “Haitian-born Voodoo Queen,” so I’m reading her as being a dark-skinned character, but then it felt weird to me that I didn’t have any racial information about Jenny Duralde. I’m maybe pulling it in from her last name. I just got a little nervous suddenly that, oh, no, I’m going to be in a trope-y, voodoo-y kind of thing that is uncomfortable. I think just being a little bit more specific would be a great idea.

I had the same problem with JD, the son. Gives him a dollar bill. She says, “No need to hurry back,” but I don’t even know what that’s in context to. I was thinking if she calls JD, and JD is on his bike, he could be on his bike from the very start, and she says, “No need to hurry back,” or, “Get yourself a soda too.” Then I see, oh, she’s sending him away. Because he wasn’t on the bike to start with, I didn’t know what I was seeing for most of the scene.

Craig: There’s also a little bit of a missed opportunity to understand relationship, because she says, “No need to hurry back. I’ll be fine.” Her hand is shaking. He notices her hand is shaking. He knows she’s scared. Also, clearly, there has been some kind of conversation, because, “I’ll be fine,” even though they were just standing, and she suddenly handed him the money.

“Treat yourself to a soda, okay?” Then he goes, “Thanks, mom.” Now, “Thanks, mom,” is not great. You say, “Thanks, mom,” when it’s like, “Hey, kids, there’s Sunny D in the fridge.” “Thanks, mom.” “Thanks, mom” is really weirdly dull for what is happening here. I don’t quite know what this kid is thinking. Also, man, he gets on that bike fast.

John: That’s why I think you start the scene with him on the bike.

Craig: We continue with some movement issues. We start with fingernails diving into a burlap pouch. “They pluck out a VIAL OF ELIXIR.” She’s walking down a hallway. Man, she got there fast too. It feels to me, like, wouldn’t we want to hear the knock, knock, knock? I don’t know, seems like we missed some interesting opportunity.

John: You’re missing a “transition to.” If there were a “transition to” at the bottom of JD going off on the bike, and then we were jumping forward in time, because we are jumping forward in time, because we’re going to come to her. She’s already in the chair, and there’s candles everywhere. A thing has happened. It’s okay to do that. We can compress some time, but give us the “transition to,” because we need some sense this is not a continuous thing.

Craig: Absolutely. Then we get into the meat, which is this supernatural thing. I don’t know what’s going on. I gotta be honest. I know eventually what is happening is Madame Louvier is abusing some sort of voodoo ritual to get Jenny to tell her where the Pirate Jean Laffite’s map is, which is fine, perfectly fine thing to do, I guess, if you’re an evil voodoo ritual person. Prior to that happening, I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what Jenny wants.

John: Exactly.

Craig: I don’t know why she’s participating in this.

John: Is she terrified of this woman coming, and that’s why she sent the son away? She seemed like a willing participant, at least at the start of this, because she’s already there, and all the candles are lit. It doesn’t seem like she’s a captive, quite, so she may have called for this woman to come, but she’s scared of this woman. I don’t have a clear read on what’s supposed to be happening here. Mystery is great, but I’m just confused.

Craig: Yes. For instance, if I understood that she said, “My son is sick,” in a more interesting way, “My son is sick. He’s going to die. Can you do some voodoo and make him live?” okay, I know what she wants, at least. I just don’t know what she wants. Voodoo, it’s Haitian. I understand that. One of the languages of Haiti is French. Where we do run into tropes, with anyone that speaks-

John: Oh, god.

Craig: … any language is them saying something in one language and then repeating it in English. Why would you do that? Just say it in one or the other. She’s constantly saying something in French and then repeating it in English, which is…

John: Tropey, tropey, tropey.

Craig: It’s really tropey.

John: I scratched out all the English repetitions. In every case, they can say something in French, and the context is clear based on everything else that’s around it. We get it.

Craig: Exactly. There’s good description of all this cool CGI stuff that’s going to happen, but I’m confused about what is happening with… The context is where I’m really tossed, because the scene begins with, Jenny has already encircled her chair by lit candles. She’s ready to go. This lady shows up and says, “Drink.” That’s it. She just hands her a thing, goes, “Drink.” Then Jenny’s like, “Yep, done.” Then Jenny says, “Thank you.” Okay.

Then all this other stuff happens, and I’m not sure why. A lot of cool visuals. It was exciting. I like the way that Madame Louvier was yelling at her. Cranking up the speed of the scene was really interesting, but we’re missing some key information.

John: Madame Louvier also says, “Drink,” before the vial is seen. There was just orders of how you’re telling the audience and the reader what’s going on. Showing the vial, and she says, “Drink,” great. If you say, “Drink,” and then you show the vial-

Craig: She did. Before that-

John: I guess before, she pulled out a vial of elixir, but we wouldn’t have necessarily seen that.

Craig: That was part of the… If she’s walking, then I don’t know how to show that, or at least in the closeup that’s indicated here. It was cool. She “drops her cloak, revealing a FIVE-FOOT BOA CONSTRICTOR draped around her neck,” although-

John: Love it.

Craig: … we’ll have to make sure that that cloak really does cover the neck well, because your costume designer’s going to be like, “Uh.” The snake-covering cloaks are actually hard to find. When she yells at Jenny to tell her about the map, Jenny says, “I saw it once…as a child.” What? Earlier, she goes, “Our journey entwined with Laffite,” and Jenny goes, “Laffite?” Huh? Huh? Then she’s like, “Laffite!” Then Jenny’s like, “Oh, that Laffite. Yes, yes, I did see that once as a child.”

Then there’s a series of shots, which are “fractured scenes flashing in her mind,” Jenny’s mind. Man, that’s a big shift to go from a scene beginning with Madame Louvier, close on her, and now we’re in Jenny’s mind. It’s hard to pull off that bit without being overloaded. I think there’s probably too much going on here, Matthew, just too much, too fast, too abruptly, and motion issues.

John: Agreed. Just going back to the title page here. Set up as a pilot episode, an Episode 1, that’s all great. I would take the MFA off Matthew’s name. You’re not going to see that. I would take that away.

Craig: Master of Fine Arts?

John: It is Master of Fine Arts. Drew and I both have our Masters of Fine Arts-

Craig: You know who doesn’t?

John: … from the Stark Program.

Craig: I don’t.

John: You don’t. Halley will by the end of next year. Also, “fifth draft,” no. Don’t tell us how many drafts this was. The date is perfectly adequate for this.

Craig: Yes. Also, the date here is June 6th, 2023. Now, because Matthew gets to jump to the top of the line, he gets to send in a thing and then right away we show it. Just do be aware, there is this little thing of you don’t want to send people a script that is from 12 years ago. You sometimes don’t want to send them a script from today or yesterday, because it seems like you were just like, “Hot off the presses. I haven’t thought about this. Here you go.” A couple months, that’s pretty good.

John: Thank you, Matthew, for sending this through. Thank you for buying those raffle tickets there. I’m glad you got your script in here. Drew, can you tell us the log line now? The idea is that we only see these two pages, then you tell us the secret about what the actual script is about.

Drew: “An orphaned Cajun boy and his summertime friends search for a legendary pirate treasure but must outwit a merciless Voodoo Queen merely to survive.”

Craig: I guess Jenny died.

John: I think Jenny dies [inaudible 00:46:36].

Craig: Jenny.

John: Jenny.

Craig: Jenny.

John: Great. I would not have predicted that it was going to be a child-focused thing. That could be great. It’s dark for what this is, but dark habits, that’s fine.

Craig: It’s true.

John: It looks like there’s a bonus here. He included the Skulduggery map, which Craig can download, because apparently there’s puzzles involved on the map.

Craig: I’m looking at it. We have two things. We have some sort of letter that’s written in a cipher, which I could absolutely run through a crypto quote analyzer. It’s my least favorite kind of puzzle solving. Then there is a map that contains various pentagrams and rectangles and also a couple of additional things using that symbol, glyph alphabet. I don’t feel strongly about it. The one thing that’s interesting is that the first line of the cipher includes a lot of Roman numerals, which makes me think-

John: A date?

Craig: … these ciphers are only letters and not numbers.

John: Great.

Craig: Who knows?

John: Who knows?

Craig: I have not dedicated the time to it.

John: You have not. We will include that along with the script, if people want to try to solve that.

Craig: Great.

John: Let us get to our next entry in the Three Page Challenge. This is Scrap by Tertius Kapp.

Craig: What a great name. Lamberson, someone’s coming for your crown.

John: Tertius is a pretty damn good one. Drew, could you give us a summary?

Drew: Sure. Two young men, Sam and Knowledge, sit inside a space shuttle wearing colorful space suits emblazoned with ZSA, Zimbabwean Space Agency. Over the radio, Sarah announces the countdown to take-off, but when a cow’s head rips into the shuttle, it becomes clear that the shuttle is homemade. Sam insists that they rebuild their homemade craft, because he is chasing a girl and wants to impress her with a video of the takeoff. Sarah tells Sam not to pretend he’s an astronaut for this girl, but Knowledge insists Sam needs to lie about his job, girls want an entrepreneur, not a scrap metal scavenger. Sam then expertly drives a trolley full of scrap down the local street and into the scrapyard.

John: I enjoyed quite a lot of this. I would say I was concerned and confused when I read that Sam and Knowledge are both in their late 20s. This felt much younger to me based on just the premise. I also want to make sure that I actually am reading this right, because I took this to mean that they were using their phone to create the video as if they were blasting off, that they were in no ways themselves to see that this was all happening, so that it wsa all to impress this girl who was coming in there. There was some sort of fun misdirection, but ultimately, I got frustrated that the dialog got very premise setup-y and didn’t surprise me with details that let me know this is what Sam is like, this is what Knowledge is like. It was just very much like, here’s a premise. Sam loves this girl that he hasn’t seen for a long time, and is trying to impress her. Craig, what were your takeaways?

Craig: I agree with you that the writing was a bit surface-y in that it was very expository. We were talking about the circumstances. We were announcing our intentions and our feelings without any subtleties, just, “This is what I think.” “This is what I think.” “That is what they think.”

I’m more concerned about the premise, because the idea is I haven’t seen a girl in 13 years. I’m going to go to a reunion. I assume it’s a high school reunion or something. When I go there, I’ll be able to show her this video to prove to her that I’m an astronaut, except Zimbabwe does not have a space agency. Zimbabwe has not sent astronauts into space. One would presume that if they are still indeed in Zimbabwe, that his schoolmate would know that Zimbabwe does not have a space program.

John: Basically, do they believe that this girl is so sheltered that she would have no way of actually ascertaining this to be true or not true? I agree with you there. That premise was concerning, especially that it’s meant to take place I believe in present time, because they have phones and stuff. If this were somehow the ’50s or something, I could see impressing a girl who somehow had no idea that such a thing was impossible or had not happened.

Craig: It’s at least in the ’80s, because it’s Zimbabwe and not Rhodesia. Here’s a few things, just simple things, Tertius, that are easy to address. First, we’ve got, “Inside the command pod of a space shuttle.” Now, you’re cheating, because we’re going to reveal it’s not a real space shuttle. In fact, it’s just something that they’ve built, cobbled together, plastic and aluminum wrapped around wooden staves. How do we not see that initially? You might want to talk about it being dark. Maybe there’s emergency lighting or something just to hide what’s going a little bit.

Knowledge is, for at least Americans, a gender-neutral name, so I wasn’t sure if Knowledge was male or female or otherwise. It would be helpful a little bit.

“A countdown in Shona language is heard over the radio.” Then it says, “Sarah (on comms).” Now, we don’t know Sarah. We haven’t met Sarah. That’s not a way to introduce somebody’s name. You can just say female voice.

John: Female voice.

Craig: They hold hands. They look into a phone’s camera with proud smiles. Now, do you mean I see the phone’s camera? Are they looking into the camera of the movie? If I see the phone’s camera, then I know it’s fake already, because astronauts don’t look into phone cameras while they’re launching. “We’re all stardust, brother. Let’s go home.” They’re not leaving the planet, but this is leaving planet stuff, counting down, “Commencing solid rocket… ” Do you know what I mean?

John: I took that as being they were shooting a video, and in that video they were saying to each other, “Stardust. We’re all brothers.” They would send that video through to the girl.

Craig: I understand, but he says, “Let’s go home.” Wait, where are you? Are you on Mars? Are you on the moon? Why is there a countdown because you’re going home?

John: Let’s go home to the stars. We’re going back to the cosmos from which we came.

Craig: That’s weird.

John: I think it’s kind of poetic. I get why [crosstalk 00:53:21].

Craig: It’s a little doomy. If you’re an astronaut and you’re like, “Let us return to the stars,” I’m like, “Oh, you guys aren’t coming back.” That’s a dark thing to say as you’re heading off into space, I think.

Also, Sarah, when she cuts off the countdown, she says, “Holy shit – what’s that? Stop! Stop! Abort launch! Sam!!” Now, obviously, Sarah is reacting to the cow that’s about to hit them. When she says, “Holy shit – what’s that?” it’s a cow. What happens is, even though going forward in time, because we don’t know it’s a cow, you can get away with the confusion. We will subconsciously do the math backwards. When we do it, even, Tertius, if we don’t, in our seats, go, “Wait a second,” something happens. There’s little cracks in the dam of believability that occurs subconsciously, that you want to avoid.

John: Think about what could Sarah be shouting at the cow to get the cow to run away, that we could misinterpret in the moment.

Craig: Yeah, as if she’s going, “Shanu … ina … nhatu … mbiri,” and then, “Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,” and then boom, cow head. That would be fine, because it wouldn’t be enough time for her to be like, “Ah!” Also, if a cow is charging your fake shuttle, why would you keep the premise up? “Stop! Abort launch!” It’s over. There’s a cow.

There’s all these little… You know what? This is a great example, Tertius, first of all, why writing comedy is incredibly hard, harder than drama. The need for constant logic and stress testing of every little thing that happens is so important, because if any of that stuff isn’t really, really solid, you lose credit for the jokes, because people feel like you’re just cheating your way to get to the line you wanted to instead of earning it and surprising them, like magicians. There’s multiple things to think about here. I’ll say this. I’ve never seen that scene before. I’ve never seen a cow bust its head through a space shuttle command thing.

John: I liked the reveal that they were in the field, there was a cow, all that stuff.

Craig: Good invention.

John: It was only when they’d gotten us to the point of, oh, now we’re going to talk about the premise of why we’re doing this thing that I got a little… My enthusiasm flagged. Craig, did it bump for you that the countdown was in Shona, and then everybody else was speaking English the whole time?

Craig: It sure did. It sure did, because again, it’s stressing the logic. Look, obviously, what Tertius is trying to figure out here is, I’ve got people who are Zimbabwean, and they either speak English and Shona or only Shona. We’re making a movie, and we want people that speak English to watch the movie and not worry about subtitles maybe, which is fine. There is a convention where people will speak accented English.

People in Africa do speak with a particular accent. There’s all sorts of accents across the continent. You can zero in on like, okay, specifically, what is the Zimbabwean accent for English, and then maybe just stay there, because if you start in Shona, I’m a little confused, yes, why the person over the radio is speaking in Shona. These two people are speaking to each other in English. It just didn’t make much sense.

John: Agreed. Let’s jump to the very end of this. We have the streets of Harare. “Sam is expertly riding a trolley laden with scrap metal down the street. He has a homemade handbrake to help him steer the heavy load and he whistles to communicate with traffic.” Sure, I get this. I like this.

What I didn’t know though is, I don’t have any visual for what the streets of Harare are like. I don’t know if this is super crowded streets. Should I be picturing Mumbai, or should I be thinking of empty, rural streets? I just don’t have a good visual for this, so I don’t know what I’m seeing around, which really affects what I’m picturing in my head with him steering this cart.

Craig: Look, Harare is certainly not on the scale of Mumbai, but if I were to say the streets of Mumbai, I would also not know what I was looking at, or I said the streets of New York or the streets of Los Angeles. We’ve got a lot of different kinds of streets. Basically, every town has main street, urban center, suburban, sticks, poor, rich-

John: Paint us a picture.

Craig: … commercial, residential. Give us a little bit more a sense of what neighborhood are we actually in. What do I want to know about… All these things will give me information.

Obviously, look, Sam is a blue-collar guy. Even the kids call him Scrapman. He collects scrap metal. This is not a wealthy person. Where’s he collecting it from? Is there a contrast between him and his vehicle and the neighborhood he’s in? Is he riding around in maybe the nicer part of Harare, and even kids are looking down on him, or is this kid really happy and cool? Does he like the kid? Is he glad that the kid… Is the kid like, “Hey Scrapman. Here, I’m helping you,” and he’s like, “Great. Thanks, kid.” I’m not quite sure what to think about that.

John: We were just out in a field with a cow, which felt rural, and now we’re in a city. I don’t have a good sense of what I specifically should be thinking about. This is a situation where I as the screenwriter might throw in a one eighth of a page establishing Harare and giving us a sense of what this looks like and feels like. That may not make it into the movie, that establishing shot, but it helps the reader anchor visually what kind of space I’m in. What is the air like? What does the light feel like? What is this space? Is it noisy? Is it crowded, or is it empty? Tell us in that establishing shot.

Craig: You can also tie it into the end of the space shuttle scene where they’re in the field. He says, “Behind them the shuttle finally falls down.” The camera rises up, and we see in the distance a city, cut to Harare, so I know that the city is far away, but not crazy far away, so I get that there was a journey, or something, because it’s going to be weird to go from cow field to city with no connective tissue.

John: Drew, can you talk us through the log line, the secret rest of the story for these three pages by Tertius Kapp?

Drew: “A janitor’s son discovers an unusual lawnmower part in his father’s store. When he tries to sell it online, offers go into the millions. He’s captured and recaptured by various intelligence agencies but must find his high school sweetheart to solve the riddle. He has unwittingly discovered an extraterrestrial artifact.”

John: That is a fantastic premise. I like it a lot.

Craig: I’m cool.

John: Great.

Craig: You got a good premise. Now execute. Logic. Logic, logic, logic.

John: Logic in comedy. Our final Three Page entry, Drew, can you talk us through Another Life by Sarah Hu?

Drew: A young Taiwanese couple stand in the departures at JFK, the husband, Daniel, says goodbye to his wife, Josie, and their baby, Ava, as Josie and Ava are boarding a plane to travel for a month. He ties a red bracelet on baby Ava, who is wrapped in a red blanket. Meanwhile, at another airport, Anne, a young Taiwanese mother, hurriedly sends her baby girl, Mei, off with a woman in her 60s named Fei, to be delivered to Anne’s parents in Taipei. Mei is wrapped in a blue blanket.

After their first flight, Josie and Ava are at the Narita Airport in Japan, when Josie suddenly collapses waiting outside the gate to Taipei. A gate agent rushes over to help. At the same time, and at the same gate, Fei approaches the gate desk and signals to the agent that she needs to use the bathroom and hands baby Mei over to the agent. The gate agent who had rushed to Josie’s side, now cradling Ava, joins the agent who is holding Mei.

John: Craig, talk us through your first impressions with Another Life.

Craig: It seems like we’re doing a baby switcheroo here. Really, you couldn’t get more of an emphasis on the fact that one baby’s wearing the blue and one baby’s wearing the red.

One is coming from JFK, and one is coming from Philadelphia, at I assume the same time, although it’s weird. It says, “Super: 1985. JFK Airport.” Then we do the scene. Then we go to, “Super: 1985. Philadelphia Airport.” 1985 is really long. I just want to know, is it the same day, same week, same month? Is it not? I think giving us a little more information there is fine. 1985, I think it’s going to be frustrating for people, because it’s so generic. I think genericism is a little bit of the issue here.

Look, let’s just first talk about the most obvious issue, which is that everybody has to figure out how to deal with people speaking not English in movies for English-speaking people. You’ve dealt with it. I’ve dealt with it. We’ve all dealt with it.

Sarah’s choice was to say, right off the bat, “All dialog in brackets indicates Mandarin language.” Fine, except literally all of it, except for a couple lines… Actually, one of the lines is in Japanese. There’s one line, and then the VO of the gate announcement is in Mandarin.

At that point I’m wondering if there’s maybe a better way, because what happens is all the dialog ends up in brackets. I got fatigue. I got punctuation fatigue when every single line was in brackets. Let’s put that aside, because that’s a technical thing.

There’s a slightly generic vibe here. The airport feels generic. The time feels generic. There’s nothing about this that says 1985 to me. I have no feeling for 1985. I don’t know what time of year. The conversation that Josie is having with Daniel, who I assume is her husband-

John: I assume so too.

Craig: … is generic. This is the back and forth. “Stop worrying. It’s only a month.”

John: “She’ll be a brand new baby by then.”

Craig: “You can really focus on work now. I’m sorry I’m just… tired.”

John: Then he hands a roll of film over and puts a red bracelet on the baby’s wrist. “Take a picture every day for me. So you remember how much you are loved, Ava.”

Craig: You’ve had a kid. I’ve had a kid. Nah.

John: That’s not a real moment.

Craig: Nah. It’s not a real moment. It doesn’t feel real. When parenting couples are dealing with stuff like this, you get to a moment of truth or honesty after all the other sweating and stuff. I’m not sure, what is Daniel worrying about exactly? She’s taking the baby. What’s the problem? I get that he’s like, “I’m going to miss my baby.”

Also, she’s like, “You can really focus on work now.” “Josie registers Daniel’s hurt expression. ‘I’m sorry I’m just… tired.'” Why isn’t Josie hurt that Daniel’s like, “You’re leaving for a month, and I don’t give a crap about you. I’m just bummed out that my baby’s going to be gone for a month.” Also, a month isn’t that long, and no, she’s not going to be a brand new baby. It didn’t feel true. It didn’t feel complicated. It didn’t feel sticky and tricky.

Then this is compounded by the fact that when we flip over to the Philadelphia side, we have another generic conversation. I’m not quite sure what was going on. Who’s Fei?

John: God bless Drew and Halley for maybe writing up that summary, because I think the summary actually makes more sense than what I was getting on the page. Mei is the baby. It’s complicated that names are all very similar.

Craig: I get that. Mei’s the baby. Adam’s the two-year-old brother. The mom is Anne.

John: Is Anne.

Craig: Who’s Fei?

John: Fei is the woman who’s carrying the baby to visit family or something.

Craig: Fei’s character is 60s. That’s it. When Fei says, “She’s so sweet. What’s her name?” is Fei a flight attendant that is carrying the unaccompanied minor baby? Who is Fei?

John: It’s not clear who Fei is. I suspect we would learn that maybe on Page 4. It’s frustrating to me, because I read this three times and really had a hard time keeping it all straight. I’m not sure I actually did fully understand.

Craig: Maybe she’s hired her.

John: What the purpose, yeah, hired her to take, to see her family.

Craig: Yeah, because it seems like Anne, the mom, it says, “Severe school marm vibes.” Anne seems like she’s like, “Baby, yuck. Here, you take this baby to my parents. Here’s diapers. Here’s formula. Beat it. I’m not going to call you. I don’t need one last look. Just go.” I’ve learned something about Anne there. It doesn’t sound great. I would still need to understand the context of who Fei is to make sense of this scene. Otherwise, Sarah, the issue is, instead of me thinking the things you want me to think, all I’m going to be thinking is, who’s Fei?

John: What’s up here? Is she stealing the baby? I don’t get what it is.

Craig: Who’s this lady, and what’s her job, and why did she do this? Also, when, “Anne watches closely as the gate agent processes Fei’s boarding documents,” in italics, “Will this work?!” Okay, so there’s intrigue, but again, the intrigue only works if I understand who Fei is, because I don’t, so I don’t know what’s going on.

Then we get to the airport. Josie’s made her way to Narita Airport. “She makes her way slowly, with great effort.” What does that mean? Is she already hurt, winded? We haven’t seen any problems with her.

John: We saw her on the airplane. “She braces herself, wincing.” There was some problem in the scene before that.

Craig: Like a bad hip?

John: I don’t know.

Craig: It doesn’t sound like a heart problem or anything. Wincing is like, “Ow, my leg.” It says her POV blurs and distorts. Now it says, “Josie makes her way slowly, with great effort. From Josie’s POV: The Taipei departure gate in the distance blurs, distorts.” Why would she be looking at the departure gate when she’s arrived and is walking away from the departure gate?

John: She’s arrived in Narita, but then she’s going to Taipei. This was a stopover on her way to Taipei.

Craig: Was that established?

John: Not especially well. That’s a good thing that the couple could talk about at the start is, “Do we have enough time to get from that get to the next gate? It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine.”

Craig: “I’m just nervous because the layover was so tight.”

John: Exactly.

Craig: I think that’s the issue is I got confused there again. More importantly, she collapses. I’m like, whoa. Now I understand what’s going on. Both Fei, mystery 60-year-old, and Josie, mom, are heading probably to the same place. I think they’re going to the same place. They’re both going through Narita. They’re both trying to get to the next leg of their journey when Josie collapses, and then here comes Fei to be like, “Oh, help her.”

John: “Help her. Hold my baby.” Babies get mixed up.

Craig: “Hold my baby.”

John: Craig, before we get to the two-baby problem, which I’m assuming is going to be part of the log line-

Craig: Isn’t that Dan and Dave’s new show, two-baby problem?

John: The two-baby problem, yeah.

Craig: Two-baby problem.

John: From the creators of Game of Thrones is the Two-Baby Problem.

Craig: Comes Two-Baby Problem.

John: On Page 1, we have a two-prop problem. “From his pocket Daniel reveals a roll of Kodak film and a red macrame bracelet, centered by a jade ring.” This actor is how holding two props and will talk about one of them and do something else with the other one. No. You get one prop. Touch the one prop. Forget the roll of film. I think it’s a mistake to have two props that have to do two different things. We can only handle one piece of information at a time.

Craig: If you want to do both, just reach into your pocket after you do the one. Reach into your left pocket after you reach into the right pocket. That should work.

John: Going back to what stuff is in Mandarin, what stuff is going to be in English, brackets are a choice. My guess is that this is set up this way because these babies are ultimately coming back to the US, and so most of the film is going to be in English. With that as a choice, you might want to think about just italics for-

Craig: Completely agree.

John: … whatever the foreign language is, because it’s just easier to read.

Craig: So much easier to read. I completely agree. Italics is your friend here. Just go for that. It will just make the read so much easier. The brackets, it’s weird, even just subconsciously, even though you did a nice job of laying out for us explicitly what you meant by the brackets, what happens is, as you’re reading, everything feels like an aside, because that’s what brackets do in my head. It all feels weirdly un-emphasized, which you don’t want.

I’m curious to see where this goes and is it a two-baby problem. For me, the big issues is I want there to be more specificity and more honesty and truth in the relationship going on between husband and wife. I want to know who the hell Fei is. I don’t need much. I just need to know what is… I’m paying you to do this. Just do it. I get it. She’s paying a lady to go and do this. Okay, but I need something.

John: I haven’t peeked at the log line yet. If this truly about the babies getting mixed up, at some point we’re going to need to actually spend some face time on the babies. I think this script maybe should’ve spent a little more time on that, even just on the plane, or just other people commenting on the cute baby. Some face, some good fat baby face time could be really helpful in terms of setting up the stakes here.

Craig: I love a good fat baby.

John: Drew, tell us what this is actually about.

Drew: “A loner Asian American workaholic befriends a woman with whom she was unknowingly switched with as a baby. After seeing glimpses of a life that could’ve been, the discovery of their switch threatens to destroy the fragile identity she’s safeguarded all her life.”

Craig: It’s a two-baby problem. We were spot on there. I’m a little nervous, Sarah, that it is so telegraphed that we’re just waiting for it to happen, which isn’t great. You might even want to consider just showing one of them. If you were to, say, not show Fei. You just see… It’s Josie, right? Josie?

John: Yeah.

Craig: Josie. Josie’s got her kid, gets on the plane, gets off the plane, collapses. A lady with a kid hands her kid over to somebody else and goes, “Let me help you.” Then the switch happens. We’re like, “What? Oh my god. A switch just happened.” This whole thing with the bracelets, you’re like, “Here comes the switch.” You’re just waiting for it. That’s not what you want, generally, especially not right off the bat.

I’m also a little nervous just based on the lack of specificity of environment and dialog. The log line is describing a fairly sophisticated drama, I think. “Destroy the fragile identity she’s safeguarded all her life,” that’s heavy. That, I would just say as you look at the pages after this, that of course we don’t have, really be on patrol for that, because anything that undermines the realism is going to take away from the drama and can push it towards soap opera in a bad way.

John: I want to thank everybody who sent through Three Page Challenges, and especially the three people who we talked about today. So great and brave of you to do this. I think everyone learns when we can see what you guys did on the page. Reminder if you’d like to do this yourself, you go to johnaugust.com/threepage, all spelled out, and we will put out another call for adventure sometime in the weeks ahead.

It is time for our One Cool Things, Craig. My One Cool Thing is an essay that I think you will enjoy reading. It’s by Adam Mastroianni. Apparently, it’s a full research paper he presented, but you can read the blog post or the Substack-y post that he did, which is simpler and much more easily digested.

It’s called The Illusion of Moral Decline. What he wanted to study is, do Americans or people worldwide believe that things are worse now than they were before, that people are meaner, less kind, that morals are declining. The truth is, the answer is yes, they always do. They always have believed that things are declining and that things are worse now than they were 10 years ago, 20 years ago, until you drill down about their actual personal experiences, and the people around them, and like, oh, actually, not so much for me. It really digs into the studies on why that is and what’s really happening.

It has some interesting framing theories about why we always perceive that stuff is getting worse, and particularly that morals are declining. It’s not simply just that it’s a thing that happens as you get older, because even if you talk to people in their 20s, they think things are getting worse. It’s just a set point thing. It probably ties into the degree to which you tend to forget the negative things from 10 years ago, 20 years ago, and turn up the brightness on past memories. You can’t do that with the present. It’s a really well-designed paper.

Craig: That’s really interesting. I remember I took a sociology course in college. Was it Emile Durkheim? I can’t remember which famous sociologist it was, but wrote about, and I’m probably scrambling this also, but in my mind the concept was called scrupulosity. The idea was that over time, we confront moral crimes, and the ones that are the most offensive to us, the most upsetting, we drive out, we essentially make deviant. What might’ve been acceptable at some point, like, “Oh, yeah, you can go ahead and marry 10-year-olds,” we’d find that repugnant. In fact, we are now announcing that that is deviant and we’re not doing it anymore. It’s wrong.

What happens over time is that our desire to make behavior on the edges deviant never changes. It is simply moving. As we move forward in a closed-off society, we begin to reassign more and more behavior into a deviant category, because we just keep… We can’t stop and go, “Okay, we’re good now. Everything’s fine. We accept everything.” It’s a related concept. Fun stuff for a college discussion. I don’t know how much I agree with it, but it’s a thought.

I do have One Cool Thing that I guess is also this interestingly philosophical discussion that I also don’t know how I feel about it. I’ll share it with you. I don’t even know how I arrived at it. It may have been through Arts and Letters, which is one of my favorite websites. There’s an online publication called Evergreen Review.

It is a very long essay, long, so strap in, written by Yasmin Nair. It is called No, No, Nanette: Hannah Gadsby, Trauma, and Comedy as Emotional Manipulation. If you’re hearing this and going, “Oh god, no, not another article or essay, think piece yelling about Hannah Gadsby,” you might want to skip this, because it definitely does. She is very critical of Nanette.

However, what was interesting was really where she got. It was like Hannah Gadsby was her way in. Where she arrived, and this is the part that I found fascinating, was a discussion about both the costs and necessities of performing trauma in order to be perceived as authentic, which is a phenomenon that is way more salient to me now in this day and age than it was, say, when I was younger. When we were really young, trauma was not performed at all. It was hidden. You just didn’t talk about it.

John: Or maybe you would say you were processing it, but you were never performing it.

Craig: You were never performing it. Furthermore, no one assigned authenticity to people because they performed trauma. This is not to say that performing trauma is wrong or that you shouldn’t incorporate what’s happened to you in your performance as an artist. What it’s really talking about is us, the audience, and saying, what does it say about us that we assign more authenticity, and are we depriving people of authenticity if they don’t. That was a really interesting discussion.

I’m not familiar with Yasmin Nair, other than to say that she is one hell of a writer. I’m looking at her now. She is a writer and activist based in Chicago. She is also a co-founder, with Ryan Conrad, of Against Equality. What is Against Equality?

John: I don’t know.

Craig: It is “an online archive of writings and arts and a series of books by queer and trans writers that critique mainstream LGBT politics.” Whoa, so it’s LGBT inside of LGBT and self-criticism. It’s “an anti-capitalist collective of radical queer and trans writers.” All I can tell you is, I am not queer and I’m not radical, however I am impressed with Yasmin Nair’s ability to put a sentence together.

She is really good, and she made a very… It was just a really well put together thing. It’s worth reading, even just to see what something very cogently written looks like. I put it out there as food for thought and discussion. It is not an endorsement or a lack of endorsement.

John: Fantastic. Last little bits and reminders here. Weekend Read is now on the app store, so download that. It’s on iOS or for iPad as well. You can see all those Three Page Challenges there. Lastly, thank you to Vulture, who gave us a shout-out this week, for the Scriptnotes sidecasts that we’ve been doing with Drew and Megana.

Craig: Nice job.

John: It was really nice. They were just a short, little side project, but it’s nice that people are enjoying them. Thank you, Vulture, for that little shout-out.

Craig: Way to go, Vulture.

John: Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt.

Craig: What?

John: It’s edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our intern is Halley Lamberson.

Craig: Lamberson.

John: Outro this week is by Jon Spurney. Craig, it’s a good one. You’ll enjoy it. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find the transcripts, links to the Three Page Challenges, and sign up for our weeklyish newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing.

We have T-shirts, and they’re great, and hoodies too. You’ll find them at Cotton Bureau. You can sign up to become a Premium member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and bonus segments, like the one we’re about to record on getting away with it.

Craig: Getting away with it.

John: Craig, we got away with it again. Thanks for a fun show.

Craig: Thank you.

[Bonus Segment]

John: Craig, last week we talked about things that our daughters never have to learn how to do, like drive stick shift, or that we never have to do, because we’re at a point in our lives where we can just, “Nope, I’m not going to do that, not going to learn how to do it. I just don’t care anymore.”

Craig: That’s exactly right. We’ve aged out of some things.

John: For me, an example would be calculus. I get calculus as a general concept. I understand it’s about rates of change. I’m never going to learn calculus. I’ve come to terms with that. It’s okay. I don’t need to learn calculus. Calculus is not going to enter into my world.

Craig: First of all, I like the way you pronounce the word, because you say calculus [KAL-kuh-luhs].

John: I said calculus [KAL-kyoo-luhs].

Craig: Oh, you did say calculus. This may be the interesting situation where [crosstalk 01:22:25]. Did you not take calculus in high school then?

John: I did not take it in high school. I took a physics class. I took physics for majors in college, which required calculus. I got the calculus book and read enough ahead so I could get my way through that physics class, which was just complete hubris for me to take. I never really fundamentally understood it. I can’t really do an integral or derivative or all that stuff. I get why they’re important. If I needed to land a rocket, I would use that, but I don’t, so I don’t.

Craig: I did take calculus. I remember none of it. In a sense-

John: We were the same.

Craig: … you got away with it, because we were exactly the same, even though I put in a whole lot of time and energy to get a really good grade in that calculus class.

John: We’re not so different, you and I.

Craig: It turns out, Mr. August, are we that different? This is a great topic, because it reflects our advancing age. When we were younger, like Lamberson, you want to keep up. That’s the point. You’re keeping up. Also, it’s easier to keep up, because you are not just swimming in the current of culture. You and your friends and your cohort are creating it. You are what’s current.

Somebody sent this to me, which is relevant to this topic, and it made me laugh so much. There’s a screenshot of a tweet and then a comment about the tweet. The tweet was from SB Nation. The tweet was, “Is Baby Gronk the new Drip King, or is he just getting rizzed up by Livvy?” Then someone named Damien Owens wrote, “I’m 50. All celebrity news looks like this: Curtains for Zoosha? K-Smog and Batboy caught flipping a grunt.” That is correct. I am 52, and that is in fact that Baby Gronk, Drip King, rizzed up, Livvy looks like to me, although I do know what drip is, I just want to say.

John: Yeah, but Drip King is a specific person.

Craig: I thought a Drip King was any guy that’s all glammed up with his jewelry and awesome clothes.

John: Apparently, the actual backstory on that specific quote is that Drip King is an actual lacrosse player somewhere in Massachusetts. It’s all an inside joke and stuff. You know what rizzed up is referring to?

Craig: No.

John: What is one of the key attributes in Dungeons and Dragons?

Craig: Oh, charisma.

John: Charisma. Rizz comes from charisma. Rizzed up, it means to charm, to seduce, charm, flatter, impress.

Craig: It’s like the glowed up, relative to self-improvement and beautification, [crosstalk 01:25:07].

John: When someone rizzes you up, then they’re charming. It feels like a thing that someone would do on Love Island.

Craig: Is Baby Gronk the new Drip King? What?

John: It’s all very debatable. Here’s the thing. We don’t have to hear it.

Craig: We don’t have to. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.

John: We don’t have to. We don’t have to care. You don’t have to keep up on all the slang. You don’t need to.

Craig: I don’t even care that people are laughing at us right now for how stupidly old and out of it we sound and are. That’s how great it is to finally get out of the current. They’re all laughing at us, like, “Oh my god, look at them. They don’t know. Oh my god, he thought Drip King was… “ Who cares? We don’t care. Go ahead. Make fun of us. We don’t care. We don’t even hear you. We’re too old.

John: My daughter makes fun of me because I don’t remember her phone number, but I’ve never had to call her phone number.

Craig: If you put a gun to my head, I could not tell you what either of my kids’ phone numbers are. I know my wife’s phone number because it was pre contacts consuming phone numbers.

John: I also have to fill in Mike’s phone number on all sorts of forms all the time for emergency contact stuff. Amy’s not my emergency contact.

Craig: No, and for good reason. Looks like you’re dying today.

John: In the office yesterday, Drew, Halley, and I were making a list of things that we don’t need to think about or worry about anymore, and things that we’re done with. How to repair a car, how to repair an engine, how to change the oil. Halley said she doesn’t need to know how to fix a tire. I still think you need to know how to fix a tire, because sometimes you are going to be in the middle of nowhere, and putting on a spare is a good thing. What’s your impression on tires?

Craig: You can get away with not knowing how to fix a tire, and here’s why.

John: Run flats.

Craig: Run flats are a thing. You can at least get yourself to somewhere with cell service, at which point somebody in a tow truck can come by. If you can do it yourself, that’s fine, but you know what’s more dangerous than not knowing how to fix a tire is almost knowing how to fix a tire. You can injure yourself. You can certainly injure your car. I watched a friend of mine jack his car up, and he did not have the jack in the right spot, and right through.

John: [Crosstalk 01:27:13].

Craig: Right through the bottom. Just right through the bottom of the car.

John: Oh, god.

Craig: It was brutal.

John: I’ve changed some tires in my life, and they worked.

Craig: I’ve done it. I didn’t enjoy it, but I’ve done it. I don’t feel a great need to do it anymore. A lot of cars don’t come with spares anymore because [crosstalk 01:27:31].

John: No, they don’t. It’s true. They don’t. My dad was an engineer. He had a slide rule that I remember loving. I would take out his briefcase and play with the slide rule, never understood how to use it. I’ll never need to use a slide rule.

Craig: Slide rules were already a thing that you and I didn’t have to worry about. Once calculators came along, that was it. Slide rules were done.

John: Christmas cards or holiday cards. Craig, your family doesn’t-

Craig: I’ve never worried about those. Melissa loves them. We don’t send them out, but she loves receiving them.

John: We just get them. We love getting the John Gatins family Christmas cards.

Craig: Those are always the best. I’m not joking about this. She will take every single Christmas card and tape it up to one section in the kitchen so that the wall is covered in people’s Christmas cards. I just don’t know. There are some things that are so fundamentally different between me and her as human beings, that I don’t even bother to say, “Why would you do that?” I’m just like, “Oh, okay.” Not in a million years. I get those Christmas cards. I read them, and I’m like, “Great. I’ve consumed the information. Now into the garbage you go.” Not her. She’s like, “I’m putting these… ” They stay up. They stay up until like January 12th.

John: They all go in a basket that we never look at again, and then we throw them all out, recycle them.

Craig: That would be perfectly fine.

John: A thing we did give up on that we used to do, we gave up on, was frequent flier loyalty. We’d only fly United, so we could be the premium tier of United. Then we got stuck. We got trapped taking flights that were less ideal because of that. It would get stuck in Chicago overnight. It was like, you know what? Stop. We’re giving up on loyalty to any one airline.

Craig: You guys, you are exactly what the point was, like, “How do we get these people to take this crappy flight? Let’s lock them into this loyalty program.” If I have a choice and all things being equal, I’ll fly American, because that’s where most of my points and such are. There are a lot of credit cards that are airline-agnostic. American Express, you can collect points that apply to anything, doesn’t matter, any airline, whatever, so I agree with you.

John: Craig, can you whistle?

Craig: I can whistle in a couple different ways. I can whistle by breathing in. I can whistle by breathing out. I can also whistle like (whistles), which is through my front teeth.

John: Can you do the hail a taxi cab whistle with your fingers in your mouth?

Craig: I cannot.

John: I’ve tried to teach myself that several times. I’ve looked at the videos. I’ve done the practice. It’s just not a thing that works for me.

Craig: I just end up blowing spit.

John: I’ve given up on that. It would be nice. I’ve also given up on Antarctica. I always wanted to visit all the continents. I thought at some point I really want to go to Antarctica.

Craig: That’s just you, dude. That’s just you.

John: Do you want to go to Antarctica?

Craig: No. Why?

John: Because it’s the bottom of the world. It’s exciting to me.

Craig: Are the restaurants good?

John: No, the restaurants are terrible.

Craig: Do they have a casino? Let’s put it this way. There are too many places I haven’t been, shamefully, that I will need to go to before I go to Antarctica. It would just be so insulting to the entire subcontinent of India if I go to Antarctica first. That would just be a slap in the face. One does not slap India in the face.

John: That’s a bad idea. Other thoughts from you about stuff you just don’t ever see yourself doing again? I have on the list mow the lawn. We got rid of most of our lawn, but we have gardeners. That’s fine. That’s good. I don’t ever need to own a lawnmower.

Craig: I mowed our lawn as a kid in hot New Jersey summers. It wasn’t the cool lawnmower. It was the bad lawnmower. It was bad. I don’t need to mow lawns anymore. There are some things I suppose that still in my mind I’m like, I’m going to get around to figuring out how to do. There are certain video games that I’ve just been like, “I’m skipping it.” So many people, including you, are like, “You going to play Diablo? You going to play Diablo?”

John: It’s so good, Craig.

Craig: I’m not saying it’s not. I’m sure it is.

John: It’s not for you.

Craig: At some point, I’m like, I can’t play everything. I know that Diablo is going to be crack. I need to save some crack space for Starfield, and I need to save crack space for the new Cyberpunk DLC, and I need to save crack space for some other things. Man, I’m trying to play Legends of the Tears of Zelda. Breath of the Wild did not grab me the way it grabbed everybody else.

John: That’s my Diablo. I’m not even trying. I’m not even going to try.

Craig: You know what? I am trying, but I’m like, “Oh my god. This is so big and so much.” There are certain things like that that I’m starting to let go. I have absolutely given up on keeping up with new music. I’ve given up. I’ve given up. I remember as a kid thinking, “Why do people give up on this? They should just stay with it.” I get it. You just get tired of keeping up, because you start to realize, there’s no reward for it. At some point it’s okay to just be okay.

John: I also feel like the stuff that is actually going to matter will just break through in popular culture, and I’ll know what it is. I’m going to know who Lizzo is just because I’m going to know who Lizzo is.

Craig: Lizzo breaks through. Lizzo absolutely breaks through. No question. The other thing is, there’s a lot of stuff that I think breaks through for let’s say my daughter, the younger one in particular, because the older one is into a lot of stuff that I’m into, and then such weird stuff that nobody’s into it. My younger daughter is into a lot of music where I’m like, I’m hearing it, and I think actually I’m just not going to ever enjoy it the way you do. It’s just because I think chunks of my brain were already given away to a thousand other bands, and I can’t get them back. They’re gone.

John: Does any of the music that Jessica listens to, do you have to stop yourself from saying, “This could’ve been written 20 years ago?” Some of the stuff that Amy listens to, I feel like, “Yeah, that’s just kind of Sonic Youth.”

Craig: Yes. Definitely the K-pop stuff, I just think, “This was written 20 years ago.” There’s certain things where I think the song is pretty familiar, but the style is fairly new. One of the things that Jessie and I love to laugh about is indie singer voice, because we both find it hysterical. Whenever that comes out, she’ll send me something. Who was on Saturday Night Live and did quismois? Oh my god. It was so good. (singing) I’ll be home for quismois. Who was that? Quismois. I’m looking it up now. It was Camila Cabello.

John: Great.

Craig: She was on Saturday Night Live, and she sang I’ll Be Home for Christmas, and she said quismois. That may have been peak indie singer voice moment.

John: Love it.

Craig: We didn’t have that when we were kids. There was no indie singer voice. That’s new. I liked that. That was fun.

John: Sure, fun. One thing we won’t give up on is the Scriptnotes podcast, because it’s still [crosstalk 01:34:50].

Craig: Hold on a second. At some point-

John: It will never end, Craig. It’ll have to go on forever.

Craig: I don’t like what I just heard. That’s terrifying. That’s a little bit like getting into a spaceship and going, “Let us now return to the stars.”

John: Thank you, Craig.

Craig: Thank you, guys. Bye.

John: Bye.

Links:

  • Weekend Read 2
  • SKULDUGGERY by Matthew W. Davis (with bonus puzzle map,) SCRAP by Tertius Kapp, and ANOTHER LIFE by Sarah Hu
  • The illusion of moral decline by Adam Mastroianni
  • No, No, Nanette: Hannah Gadsby, Trauma, and Comedy as Emotional Manipulation by Yasmin Nair
  • The Best Podcasts of 2023 (So Far) by Nicholas Quah for Vulture
  • Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!
  • Check out the Inneresting Newsletter
  • Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription or treat yourself to a premium subscription!
  • Craig Mazin on Instagram
  • John August on Twitter
  • John on Instagram
  • John on Mastodon
  • Outro by Jon Spurney (send us yours!)
  • Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our intern is Halley Lamberson.

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode here.

Scriptnotes, Episode 601: Side Quests, Transcript

July 5, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found here.

John August: Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

Craig Mazin: Hello and welcome. My name is Craig Mazin.

John: This is Episode 601 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Now, in screenwriting we often talk about the hero’s journey, that one-time quest our main character undertakes which transforms them and the world around them. Today on the show, we’re going to think smaller. We’re going to talk about side quests, which in many cases are the lego blocks of our stories. Then we’ll talk about failure and why it’s so important.

Craig: So important.

John: In our bonus segment for Premium members, Craig, let’s talk about virtual reality, because we are recording this days before the announcement of Apple’s new headset, which feels like the perfect time to document our experience of the world before this new Apple headset debuted, or maybe we’ll look incredibly foolish as time passes.

Craig: We appear to be building a Matrix for ourselves. We’ve got AI. Now we’ve got things we can strap onto our eyeballs to send us into a different world. We’re inventing the Matrix on ourselves.

John: I think we need to next really work on some sort of pod of goo that we can slide into and be stored in racks, and then we’re all set.

Craig: Why wouldn’t we? By the way, that goo did look actually fairly comforting. It seems warm.

John: People aren’t talking enough about it wouldn’t be so bad to be in the Matrix.

Craig: Honestly, what is the problem? What’s the problem? It’s fine.

John: Why are we so scared to admit it? The goo is good.

Craig: We are obviously representatives of Machine City. It’s the weirdest beginning of a podcast we’ve ever had. You know what? You know what? I don’t care, because we’re into our 601, John.

John: 601. We’re into our sixth century of podcasting.

Craig: Yeah, so we can do whatever the goddamn sweet hell we want.

John: Let’s start with some follow-up. We were talking in Episode 599 about how screenwriters, TV writers, people who are pitching shows now often have to present pitch decks, which means that, man, do you have to be a graphic designer? We’ve got two follow-ups here. Drew, do you want to help us out?

Drew Marquardt: Sure. Felicia in Los Angeles writes, “A public library card from any of the LA Metro area public libraries and I’m sure many other cities includes a free premium membership to LinkedIn Learning. LinkedIn Learning has some of the most thorough sets of video lessons available for Adobe products and a vast array of other creative software, and they include downloadable work files. As a graphic designer turned writer myself, I highly suggest anyone even remotely interested to check it out. Plus, I mean, free.”

John: It feels like one of those things that I would try and not actually complete. I think it’s cool that that’s out there. There’s a lot of good video out there in the world talking about how to do these things. Templates are nice. Cool. Thank you for that suggestion. What else you got there for us?

Drew: We have another suggestion from Chris. He says, “I want to recommend a web-based design product called Canva. I have a graphic design background, but I will still sometimes use Canva when I’m feeling stuck. I recommend it to anyone who doesn’t know their way around Adobe Creative Suite. Canva provides tons of templates for various projects, including pitch decks, and its drag and drop interface means you only need to bring images and text. There are both free and paid versions. You can’t unlock the features you want most without paying, but it’s still a lot cheaper and faster than learning graphic design and paying for an Adobe subscription.”

John: Great. Another good suggestion there. I will say that for most of the decks I’ve been working, I’ve just been using Keynote, which is the Apple free presentation software stuff, which I know and is good and it works like I expect it to work. People should use whatever tool they like and maybe experiment a little bit.

Craig: I’ve never made a deck. I’m probably at this point never going to. I don’t think a deck is in my future. Basically, at this age, I feel like we can start talking about things we’re going to get away with. I’m going to get away with living my entire life and never making a deck. I’m going to get away with it. I’m getting away with this.

John: I think getting away with things would be another good bonus topic. Drew, let’s note that for our future bonus topic. What are we excited that now we can get away with never learning how to do?

Craig: I’ve got such a list.

John: My daughter, she wants to learn how to drive stick shift, but she could get away with never learning how to drive stick shift. It’s fine.

Craig: Good lord. Of course. There are things I feel like I’m going to get away with, I should’ve done at some point, and I’m just going to get away with it. There’s a movie I’m sure that everyone’s like, “Everyone’s seen that movie,” and I haven’t, and I’m going to get away with it.

John: It’s nice. I’ve faked my way through several meetings pretending that I’ve seen that movie, but I haven’t seen it. I’ve nodded along as people talk about these moments in movies that I’ve never seen.

Craig: The most useful phrase in Hollywood, I will teach it to everybody, is, “I’ve seen it. God, it’s been a long time though. It was so long ago that I don’t remember anything about it. I don’t know who’s in it. I don’t know what it’s about.”

John: Mine is, “I barely remember it, but [crosstalk 00:05:05].”

Craig: “I barely remember it, because you know what? I watch so many movies.” Oh, man. I’ve gotten away with that a lot. I’m getting away with stuff. It’s great.

John: We have more follow-up about spacing out TV episodes. Back in 599 we had our continued discussion about whether it’s best to release all the episodes all at once or space them out one at a time. Luke had some follow-up on this.

Drew: Luke writes about what he calls the spacing effect. He says, “Craig’s observation that TV series released in weekly installments versus all at once tend to feel more memorable is in line with one of the deepest findings in a study of memory, and by deepest I mean not just human memory. We’re talking chimps, bees, sea slugs. Basically, if an animal can remember something, it will remember it longer if it’s been exposed to it according to a spaced-out schedule rather than all at once. This is something that’s been observed in medical residents practicing surgery and also on species of roundworm that has, count them, 302 neurons. We humans have 86 to 100 billion neurons. The spacing effect seems to be emanating from something fundamental happening at the level of individual neurons and how they interact with one another.”

Craig: That’s cool.

John: Craig, you would believe this, because as a person who likes science and medicine, it does make sense that repeatedly training something on something increases the strength of something. It might increase the strength of memory, the ability to recognize a pattern. It makes sense.

Craig: What’s interesting about what Luke is citing here is that it sounds like it’s not even about repetition. It’s simply about spacing it out. If you are going to teach somebody a seven-digit number, what he’s suggesting is that studies say giving the seven digits at once and saying, “Memorize it,” versus giving the seven digits one digit every 30 minutes, that the latter will work better, which makes sense, because the way we convert things to long-term memory is by cycling them over and over in short-term.

There are short-term memories that we, without even realizing it, are processing for long-term memory. Then there are short-term memories that never make it into long-term memory. You can’t think of anything because you don’t know that they happen, which is really weird to think. I’m also completely obsessed with this roundworm with 302 neurons. What a gift to people studying how the brains work. Wow, that’s great.

John: That’s great. I want to bring up a recent example of my exposure to this kind of phenomenon. I watched Jury Duty on Amazon, which I thought was terrific. Everyone loves Jury Duty. If you haven’t seen it, essentially, it’s some of the folks behind The Office. It is supposedly a documentary series following a court case, a jury trial. Everyone else is actors, but one person, he believes he’s on a real jury. It’s just brilliantly done and very, very funny.

The release pattern for that show was there was four episodes at once and then next week they’ll release two more, and then they release the final two episodes, which I thought was a good mix of anticipation, upfront loading so everyone gets to see what the momentum of the show was. I thought it was a smart way to release that show.

Craig: Sometimes it depends on the way your season lays out, because you may think to yourself, “I know that when I get to Episode 4, the ending of Episode 4 is so awesome that people will come back,” but can’t get to that awesome ending without the stuff that happens in 1, 2, and 3, so we need to show everything to everybody. We did a mini version of that with The Last of Us, because we combined what was going to be Episode 1 and 2 into one. We did the, “Here’s two cookies. That second cookie is really good, right? Come back next week. We’ll give you another cookie.”

John: It’s also a luxury of shows that aren’t affixed to having the one-hour length or 30 minutes of length. You can just do what you need them to do. That’s a lovely thing.

Craig: We are a little more affixed at HBO though, because they do still have quite a bit of linear viewing, and so they want us-

John: That supersized first episode, how long was it?

Craig: We were given two allowances. The first one was obviously the main allowance. I think it was 86 minutes or something like that. Then Episode 3, which was the saga of Bill and Frank, we basically were like, “Look, we really love this thing, and it’s 72 minutes, and no one seems to notice.” They were like, “Okay, that’s fine.” Then everything else, 58 minutes 30 seconds maximum.

John: Wow. I didn’t realize you had such restrictions.

Craig: John Oliver probably gets pretty cranky every time his show starts late because some up-his-own-butt auteur like myself is like, “I need another three minutes.” I apologize, John Oliver. You deserve better.

John: Is John Oliver’s show live? It’s not live though.

Craig: No, it’s not live, but because of the linear television 30% of people that watch HBO still get it through cable channel or something, and so there’s a schedule.

John: Wild. This is my favorite bit of follow-up in this episode. This goes all the way back to Episode 536. Craig, I need to refresh your memory about-

Craig: Please.

John: … what happened in this. We had a listener who wrote in, who said she was an actor who was dating a machine learning engineer with a PhD in computer science, “Who fully supports my dream to break into the entertainment industry despite knowing very little about it. He supports me through active listening, making an effort to watch TV and movies together, and paying attention to the industry. He said when we started dating he did not want to watch any of my work until we were further in our relationship. His reasoning is that he didn’t want his opinions, spoken or unspoken, to influence my future career decisions.”

Craig: Yeah, that, I remember that.

John: Now you remember this. You said, “Oh, congratulations, you guys won therapy,” that this sounded amazing, that we were just very happy for her.

Craig: They sounded so well adjusted and thoughtful.

John: Sarah, who wrote in the initial question story here just sent through an update. Drew, can you read the update here?

Drew: Yeah. She says, “A quick update on the story I sent in over a year ago. I’m engaged! It happened on the evening of May 2nd, a familiar date, right? I’m a member of SAG-AFTRA and have followed the writers’ strike closely. When the strike was officially announced, I drove over to Amazon without a second thought and picketed for a few hours. The strike organizers handed out WGA T-shirts to wear while picketing, but I’m not a WGA member, so I didn’t feel comfortable wearing a shirt with the WGA logo on it. However, there was one random box of extra-extra-large We Stand with the WGA T-shirts, so I wore one of those. I’m using an extra-small, so I was essentially wearing a solidarity dress, and I loved it. I wore it all day, to the auto shop, to a friend’s short film premier, and then back home to my boyfriend’s house.

“I started getting ready for bed, but after a few minutes, I realized I hadn’t seen or even heard my boyfriend. I figured he was in his office, but he wasn’t, so I called out for him and started looking around frantically, until I heard a knock at the back window. He was outside in our backyard, and the backyard was lit up with candles and twinkling lights and flowers everywhere. He was smiling bigger than I’ve ever seen him smile. Then it hit me, he was going to propose. I went outside and immediately burst into tears. I mean, dang, he actually really surprised me, and dang, he was all dressed up and looking so handsome. Meanwhile, there I was in my giant solidarity dress and slippers, but I say this with absolute sincerity, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

John: Aw.

Craig: Aw!

John: Aw.

Craig: Aw! That’s lovely. Listen, I’m not surprised, because I remember this question. I remember how I feel like both of us were like, “Good lord, these people are really good, good.” You know when certain people tell you stories or pose a thorny problem, and you listen to them and you’re like, “My god, why aren’t you just good? Why doesn’t your brain work better?” These people, their brains work great. Listen. Two well-brained human beings, I beg the two of you, if you are able to have children together, I beg you to have as many as you can. I’m begging. I’m begging, because we need good. We need good. By the way, if this story happens in Texas, the second he starts knocking at that back window, she just starts shooting.

John: It ends in a tragedy.

Craig: No question. In fact, I’m sure there are at least seven almost-proposals that ended in somebody getting shot.

John: I’m waiting for the headline like, “Promposal ends in tragedy.”

Craig: Of course. When she says, “He actually really surprised me,” that’s what the person who shoots the boyfriend also says. See, this is why America’s terrible. We’re terrible. I’m laughing at something terrible, because I don’t want to cry.

John: Let’s bring it back to the joy of this letter, this moment, this photo she included of her in her strike dress.

Craig: It’s adorable.

John: Adorable.

Craig: It really is adorable.

John: So happy for her, for both of them.

Craig: Sarah, congratulations. We don’t know your boyfriend’s name, I don’t believe, but congratulations to him as well. He’s got a good one. Thank you, by the way, for walking the line and supporting the WGA.

John: That’s really nice.

Craig: Thank you.

John: Let’s get to our main topic today. Off and on the podcast we’re talking about a character’s main quest or a protagonist’s main quest. They go off on a journey. They have a want, but they also have a need. They have this existential and fundamental drive, this hope, this hope, this dream, this wish, this fear that is propelling them through the story. In the case of a feature film, it is a onetime journey they’re taking, which will transform them. It’ll transform the world around them.

We’re not going to talk about that right now. We’re going to talk about this character needs to do X in order to Y. We’re going to talk about side quests, which I think are the smaller building blocks of a lot of our stories.

This was brought home to me by the Dungeons and Dragons movie, Honor Among Thieves, is chockfull of side quests. It’s silly and fun for that reason. If you haven’t seen that movie, it’s streaming on Paramount Plus. I loved it. There’s a main thing that they’re trying to do. In order to do that main thing, they have to achieve a bunch of little things, which feels so true to DnD, but also felt really right for this movie.

It made me recognize that in most movies, you’re going to see some side quests stacking up there, where there are things that the characters need to do in order to get that next thing done. We haven’t really talked that much about that on the podcast. I figured we would dive in on side quests rather than big main overarching thing.

Craig: It sounds to me like the things that you’re describing may be better called sub-quests, because they’re part of the main quest line, but you have these little mini jobs to do to advance yourself on the main quest line. We need to get the helmet of something. We can’t get the helmet of something until we get the blah blah blah. We need the da da da to get the blah blah blah.

John: We need to find someone in the graveyard who remembers where that thing was buried.

Craig: Exactly.

John: Then we’re going to do all these other things.

Craig: In gaming, traditionally side quests are separate things that are completely off the main quest. For instance, in Dungeons and Dragons the movie, Honor Among Thieves, which is excellent, the barbarian has her own love story that she needs to go conclude with her ex to find piece. That is completely separate and apart from the main quest line, which is to rob the thing. We have side quests and sub-quests. Those two things, they both show up, and they’re both useful. Maybe we can dig into both.

John: Absolutely. A lot of the characteristics apply to both of them. Let’s talk about either of these kind of things in just movies that we’ve worked on where you’ll see them.

In Go, Ronna’s trying to pull off this tiny drug deal, but then she has to sell allergy medicine. She’s thwarted in one area and so therefore has to do another thing to get her back onto the main quest line. We have Adam and Zack. They’ve completed their main thing, but now they’re going to look for Jimmy, this guy they’ve both been sleeping with. That is kind of a side quest, because it’s not crucial to the plot of the story, to their overall fundamental goals, but they need to find this guy. At the end, Claire and Ronna are looking for her keys. That’s the classic like, we need to do this thing in order to drive the car home. Those feel like that kind of thing.

I would say about The Last of Us, really you could argue in that first episode, him agreeing to escort the girl is introduced as a sub-quest or a side quest, because it’s not his main objective at all.

Craig: That would definitely be sub-quest. I don’t think we had any true side quests, like off the beaten path quests, unless you were talking about other characters, but they have their own certain main quests. There is this thing where you have some big goal. In The Last of Us, Joel’s big goal really doesn’t change until he gets to Jackson.

John: His brother, yeah.

Craig: Then it gets expanded. We really did try and stick I guess onto the main quest. Everything does get divided down to these things where you think, okay, this is about going to see my brother, which was an addition. It wasn’t in the game. It was actually one of the reasons… We needed a main quest, essentially.

Dividing it down to small things is incredibly helpful. Before we get into how those side things may look or feel, our capacity for understanding what people do is limited by our own capacity to do things. We have to divide stuff down into steps. There’s no other way to progress. The steps sometimes need to be incredibly mundane so that when you provide a twist and the next little chunk comes along, you can tell the difference. The more you can divide things down into … Because otherwise it’s just one thing over and over and over. Marlin wants to find Nemo, but he’s got to go through little moments.

John: He does. It’s figuring out what those moments are that feel meaningful and have stakes within their smaller context but can also be built back to the bigger thing. In terms of side quests and stakes or sub-quests, you want to call them that, my favorite movie of all time, Aliens, is just chockfull of these little smaller quests. An example is he has to get through the pipe to get to the drop ship to lower it so it can be there on time. That’s his whole separate little thing. He’s off and doing that. Nothing else can work together unless that sub-quest, that side quest succeeds.

Craig: Every piece is necessary, which is exciting, because then you realize, okay, we’re building a plot chain. The weakest link will break the whole thing. As a writer, you’re really forced to ask, do I need this link in the chain, what’s the best way to write it, etc.

John: I [inaudible 00:19:55] out some I think characteristics of the kind of quests that we’re talking about. I’ll start with saying they’re not the hero’s primary goal. They didn’t dream of this quest their entire life. It’s not fundamental to them. It’s more like finding the phone you left in a car, that is a side quest. Not a side quest would be winning an Olympic medal. They’re just completely different scales of things that are not fundamental to the character’s sense of who they are as a person.

Craig: Like I said, we have a certain, I don’t know, ability to think big. Once we establish the big thing, yeah, we need to limit the scope of what we’re doing. Otherwise, there’s just no other way to do it. These little, you can call them mini quests, they concretize the plan. They also reinforce the magic trick that we try and pull early on, which is to suggest to the main character this won’t be hard.

John: Yes, for sure.

Craig: It’s no big deal. Let’s all relax. All we have to do is get to this. In The Hangover it’s like, “Guys, don’t worry. We’ll figure it out. Let’s just get in the car and go.” Then a cop car pulls up. Now we have a real problem. Now we have to engage in an actual substantive quest to further this. You want to start with little, simple things like, let’s just get the car.

John: Absolutely. What you’re describing about let’s get the car is it’s specific and it’s well defined. It’s another characteristic of a side quest is that both the characters in the scene and the audience understand what they’re trying to do and what it will look like when it’s achieved. When you’ve done that little thing, you know it’s going to be done. A side quest might be to figure out who really owns that mysterious house. You can envision that’s an achievable thing. We’re going to know an answer to this thing.

What’s not a side quest would be a character coming to terms with their PTSD. That’s not concrete. You can’t define when that journey has ended, has progressed. There’s no end date to that. There’s no closure to it.

Craig: There’s another term that gamers use, and as you know, I am one.

John: You are a gamer.

Craig: I am a gamer. Which is fetch quest. Fetch quests are incredibly common, especially in radiant narrative games. They really boil down to somebody gives you some reason why they really need a thing. I’ll help you and I’ll give you a this, but there’s this one herb that grows in the forest, in the cave, and blah blah blah. Then you go to the forest and the cave. You’re like, “Oh, I’m just going to pick an herb.” You know very damn well there’s going to be something awful in that cave, and you have to kill it. You fetch, fetch fetch fetch.

John: Fetch fetch fetch.

Craig: What’s important about fetch quests is in their errant-like nature, they really do define what we’re talking about in terms of small and concrete and achievable. The most important thing about these little mini quests is that they appear to be incredibly doable, because eventually you realize that all of these things, when we do these sub-quests, they are working to lead the character astray. They are essentially in avoidance. When I say avoidance, I mean in a meta sense.

It’s not like Joel’s avoiding being a father again in the beginning, but he’s concentrating on a battery. That’s a little bit of a denial. At some point you realize you can only concentrate on the battery so much. They don’t even get a battery. By the time he gets to Jackson, his main quest is almost forgotten. It’s like, “Oh yeah, we got there, and Tommy’s fine. Now what do I do?” Now you have to face the real quest. Sometimes the side quests or sub-quests are helping to distract the character.

John: Sure, they’re keeping you busy. You made the point about achievable, and I think that’s incredibly important. They’re achievable in a limited amount of space and time. By time, I mean both real time and screen time, so it’s a beat or a couple beats, but it’s not the whole act.

A side quest would be getting to the convention in time for the speech. It’s whatever the process is that you have to get there and all the obstacles you’re facing, but you make it to the convention center on time. Not a side quest would be getting your college degree.

You can learn something in a side quest. I can totally imagine a side quest where the character has to learn how to canoe, because it’s an important thing for this next phase, but it has to be something you could learn in a limited amount of time or a change you can make in a limited amount of time. It can’t drag on forever, unless the nature of the story you’re telling is like, okay, we’re going to follow this person’s entire life. Then maybe you could have a side quest that takes years. That’s not most movies.

Craig: No. I like the term mini quest.

John: Yeah, mini quest, yeah.

Craig: The mini part is really important.

John: Yeah.

Craig: It just needs to be… Sometimes what you’re doing with these things is watching them actually cycle completely within one scene, where it becomes important for you to do… You’re in a bar, and someone goes, “Oh my god, that’s the person whose keys we need. Go over there and steal their keys.”

John: Perfect.

Craig: Now I’ve got a mini quest. I walk over, and when the guy’s not looking, swipe the keys, come back. I have completed the entire cycle of the mini quest within a scene. You could take a couple of scenes, but by the time you start making a meal of it, it’s more of a thick main quest.

John: It is. I would say that it can’t be trivial. It can’t be like, write your name on this piece of paper. That’s not a mini quest.

Craig: That’s not a quest.

John: It can’t be impossible either. We have to figure out which of these mimes is Albanian, that’s a mini quest. Building a fusion reactor that works, that’s not a mini quest. That’s some epic quest, which is not going to fit in this limited period of time.

Craig: Agreed.

John: Let’s talk about how we use mini quests and how we write them into our stories. To me it’s crucial that it feel necessary and not beamed in. It can’t feel like you’re in a video game. You’ve got to be really careful about that. It can’t feel like it’s just a fetch quest, that there’s a clear problem to solve, but it’s a problem that the characters want to solve.

If possible, try to have your hero state the objective rather than being told the objective or having someone else assign them a thing. If the hero says, “Okay, if I can do X, will you do Y?” then they are assigning themselves the quest, rather than someone else coming in there and telling them what to do.

Craig: In my example of the keys, I just instinctively had somebody say, “Oh my god, look. Go get those keys,” rather than somebody going, “Oh my god, look. I’m going to go get those keys.” You’re right. There is something strange. You need to receive the job. I never thought about that, but yeah, you need to receive the job.

John: Need to receive the job. If your hero can be the person assigning the job, it’s going to feel better in most cases, than having someone else tell them to do it. Obviously, there’s going to be genre conventions where 007 is being told by M what to do, but then of course along the way he’s making his own choices about how to proceed. That’s the genre convention.

Craig: I think it’s important that your hero receives assignments. Of course, once the flywheel begins to turn, then the hero, like you said, has an enormous amount of agency. At the very beginning of Mission Impossible or James Bond, the action hero receives a mission.

John: A mission could come from an ally. It could come from an enemy. It could come from somebody. It’s often, for many genres, a way things start. We’re talking about things that feel like action movies or feel like they are stakes-driven stories in that context, but what I want to stress is that these little mini quests really can apply to a lot of different genres.

Even in a relationship genre or a rom-com or other things, you’re going to find moments where you’re going to want to throw up obstacles in your character’s way, and your character getting around those obstacles is its own mini quest. Just always make sure you’re thinking about, in this block of 10 pages, is there a clear obstacle for my hero to face, and if not, what can I be doing here to give them some challenges? That can be its own little, small story, this own little, small victory or failure that will keep the story propelled forward.

Craig: Absolutely. You can also, as an exercise, contemplate doing the opposite of that, which is to say you know your hero has to do something really big. Maybe they don’t know it’s really big yet. Neither do we in the audience. Maybe what we think is it’s something small. Once they walk in, they’re like, “Oh, this is not at all what I expected.” You can disguise big things as mini quest until surprise.

John: Absolutely. The same filmmakers who made Dungeons and Dragons also made Game Night, which I think is built out of little mini quests that become giant, epic, big things. It’s a way to think of escalation as a fun corollary to this.

Craig: Can I ask, why does anybody pay to go to school when they can just listen to this podcast? Maybe that comes off as arrogant. I’m just saying, even if we’re only right 30% of the time, that’s still 200 episodes, 200 hours of correctness, for free, or whatever it costs, 5 bucks. I’m just saying.

John: I’m just saying. Craig, yesterday I was out at the picket line at Warner’s, and this guy introduced himself. He’s a little bit sheepish. He’s Canadian. He said, “Oh, I just wanted to say that I really love Scriptnotes. It’s taught me everything I know about stuff. I’ve listened to every episode.” He had ridden his motorcycle down from Canada just to join the picket lines and-

Craig: Whoa.

John: … meet some of the writers he’d always heard about. It was great. Colin, thank you for introducing yourself.

Craig: Aw.

John: It’s lovely.

Craig: I’ve had quite a few people, when I’m walking around in an oval in front of Paramount, come up to me and say they love the show, and they’re young.

John: They’re young.

Craig: They’re young. Sometimes I forget that I’m old as eff. I still feel like, oh, you’re 28 and I’m 28, and we’re just saying nice things to each other. Then I realize, oh, I’m like their dad. Nonetheless, it’s very nice. Also, I have to say, the energy on the picket line has been fantastic. I was in front of Universal the other day. I think it was Wednesday. They had a video game themed picket, and so I was up there with Merle Dandridge, who plays Marlene in the show, and Halley Gross, who co-wrote the second game at Naughty Dog. We had a great time. The spirits, everybody’s spirits are quite high, I have to say, because what are we in, four weeks now?

John: It’s the start of our fifth week as we record this now.

Craig: Fifth week, yeah. Positive energy on the picket line. I like to see it.

John: It really is nice. Next topic I wanted to get into was just the importance of failure.

Craig: That’s the worst thing right after we talk about the picket line. We’re like, “Speaking of the WGA strike-”

John: “Speaking of the WGA-”

Craig: “… failure.”

John: Basically, in the show notes I want to put a link to four articles that Chris Csont, who does the Inneresting newsletter, had pulled up in a recent newsletter. I really liked them, because it was different people talking about how important it was to try things that you know you might fail at, and to embrace that as part of the process, because I think so often, we are not willing to think about our work the same way that athletes think about their work or that scientists think about their work. It’s that failure teaches you something.

Part of that may be because the work we do takes so fricking long that it feels like, “Oh my god, I’ve wasted four months working on this script that doesn’t work.” Jesus, that’s terrible. Some of these articles also point to the importance of letting yourself fail faster and learning from that.

Craig: Unfortunately, sometimes our failures do take quite a long time. You could even look at the progress of your own life as decades of failure to get to maybe where you eventually were going to go.

We unfortunately have the burden of being entertainers. We are saying to people, “We deserve your attention,” which is the most obnoxious thing you could ever say. If you walk into a party, and you’re like, “Everyone, shut up. Turn around, face me, and listen to me talk now for 90 minutes,” that better be a good talk. When it’s not, people get really angry, and they’re mean. They write a thousand reviews and comments on Reddit and so on and so forth.

Our failures therefore are not only public but linked with shame. We are essentially being shamed by critics, the audience, for our failure. There’s nothing we can do about it. It’s not like people are going to stop. We do have to at least be aware that that’s part of it, so that when it happens, hopefully people take it better than I’ve taken it.

John: Going back to my athlete analogy, in most sports you are either going to win the game or you’re going to lose the game.

Craig: Find me one sport-

John: I guess soccer you play to a draw.

Craig: I guess that’s true. I guess that’s true.

John: Aha!

Craig: Hockey also has ties, so fair.

John: While you can be a little bit down at your losses, I think every athlete has to acknowledge that, oh, that’s right, I’m going to lose games, and that I should not feel tremendous shame for losing games. What you can feel shame is making mistakes that are playing poorly, not recognizing things you should have seen, and learning from those things. You’re not taking every one of those losses as an abject failure.

That’s a thing that is harder for writers to do, part because we don’t have such clear metrics for success and failure. When we do look for, like, oh, did that movie open or tank, we may apply that to ourselves, which is not really fair, because that’s not our work. It’s the end result of a thousand other decisions.

Craig: You’re right. We don’t have the benefit of, we talked about mini quests, mini work. Athletes in a sense do a lot of mini work because there are so many games. No one goes to a Yankee game, sees them lose one game, loses their mind. It’s not the end of the world. There’s 162 of them. They get to do this a lot. We don’t. We pop our heads up once every year or two or three or four. It’s just one game. We just get the one game. If we lose, we lose.

It’s rough, because this is actually a fascinating topic. We are not ever encouraged by the business to consider failure as part of the process. The business joins in with the shaming process. Failure is not accepted. It is simply a sign to someone else. When things fail, everyone starts pointing fingers. Certainly, everyone points fingers at the writer. They point fingers at each other. They try and disown it. There is no culture in Hollywood as embracing failure as part of learning. It just simply doesn’t exist.

John: I think it’s because of the public nature of it, because you think about development and everything else as being research and development, R and D. Other companies, tech companies, would do R and D. They’re going to try a bunch of things. They’re going to know that most of those things aren’t going to work, but they’re private. They don’t have to be presented to the world, whereas for us, a lot of our stuff is out there in the world. You can see whether it sinks or fails.

I guess our development projects, the things that don’t move forward, sometimes maybe we should be a little bit more sanguine about the fact, like, “Yep, that didn’t work. It didn’t shoot. It didn’t all come together,” and maybe be okay with that. I think especially some newer writers, they’ll go through one or two bad experiences with development and feel like, “Okay, I can’t do this. I’m a failure. I cannot make a thing happen,” whereas Craig or I, who’ve had, god, 20 projects that haven’t moved forward, recognize it’s just the batting average.

Craig: Some of my projects I wish hadn’t moved forward, because sometimes you’re like, “They’re not going to make this, right? There’s no way they’re going to make this.”

John: They do.

Craig: “What?” I completely agree. It can kneecap you when it comes along, because as I said, again, nobody is going to put their arm around you and say, “Listen, pal,” like a coach, “Hey, everybody’s been in a slump, kid. You’ll get out of it. It won’t last forever. It’s going to stink while it’s happening. You’re going to have to relax. Stop beating yourself up, because that’s just going to make it worse and extend it.” Nobody does that here. They don’t put their arm around you. They kick you with their boot. Everyone screams at you and then closes all the doors and windows. Of course you’re going to sit out there going, “This is terrible.”

Don’t let the judgment factor of the business, critics, audience, Twitter, don’t let the judgment factor eliminate the other thing that’s actually real. The real thing is you learned something. It may have been a tough lesson. Who knows? You’re better now than you were. Inevitably, if you fail, that means when you start your next thing, you are better than you were before the failure. We never think of it that way.

John: The crash and burn of my TV show, DC, I definitely learned a lot from. I would say recognizing all the things that I did wrong that contributed to it was painful for a time but also made me resolve to, if I ever decide I want to do television again, I want to know what the hell I’m doing before I ever start going in there. I’m going to set up systems to shore up my weaknesses and really figure out how to both make a great TV show and not destroy my life. I would not have had that insight if I hadn’t gone through the disastrous experience of making that show.

Craig: Sometimes I look back, and a little bit like when you look back at some of the dumb ass things you said to someone when you were a teenager, to try and get someone to kiss you or whatever. You ever just go on a date and blow it completely? Sometimes I think about those things now. They happened when I was 17. It’s weird. It’s these weird shame echoes. Then again, what I also know, as a number of movies have shown, if you can go back in town as yourself as a kid, you’re so much better with the people that you’re, you’re attracted to. You’re so much smoother. You know what to say, what to not say. You’ve learned. All your failures taught you, but they hurt. The lessons are painful.

John: Both of our daughters are graduating or have just graduated from high school. One of the commencement speakers at my daughter’s graduation was a student talking about when they had just started in junior high, they were obsessed with Corgis. Their whole personality was talking about Corgis and facts about Corgis, and everything was Corgis.

Craig: Oh, boy.

John: Interjecting Corgi facts into conversations.

Craig: Oh, no.

John: They think back about it, they just feel so cringe about it. They went through some other mental health crises and came out of it embracing that Corgi-loving 7th grader and recognizing that they needed to have a radical softness for who they were and who they are right now. It makes embracing the parts of your history that are not the happiest easier, just that sense then, like, oh, this is all part of the journey that got me to here, and I’m going to love all those people and not try to banish them to the dark recesses of history. It was a very smart, very good graduation speech.

Craig: That is fantastic and speaks to this weird phenomenon where we are … We both raised children. I’m going to guess that when your daughter was younger, and let’s say there was a party or something, and some kid did something wrong, you were like, “Okay, come on. You’re cool. Just don’t do that.” Your kid does something wrong, you’re like, “Get over here.” You’re harder on your kid than other children, because I don’t know.

Then the same thing is true for ourselves. We’re harder on ourselves. Somebody else does something I’ve done and then is like, “Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed.” I’m immediately like, “Listen, no. It’s over. Forget it. It’s gone. I’ve forgotten it. Nobody cares.”

John: I think that’s entirely true. Also, I think it’s tougher in this age of the internet being forever that the annoying thing you were 10 years ago is still searchable and Google-able, and that’s unfair.

Craig: If it’s a large-scale thing, absolutely. At any point, somebody can Google my life and go, “Ha ha, look, your movie here did blah.” There’s nothing to do about it. They still do it. They’re like, “Don’t feel good about yourself.” Literally, sometimes that’s what … These people are like, “Are you feeling good about yourself today?”

John: “Let me tell you why you shouldn’t.”

Craig: “Here’s some data.”

John: “Let me offer some.” Craig, let’s do our One Cool Things.

Craig: Uh-oh.

John: Uh-oh.

Craig: Go ahead.

John: I have two, so you’ll have some time to think of one.

Craig: Whew.

John: Whew. I have two very closely related ones. I wanted to read this book, For Profit: A History of Corporations, by William Magnuson, because people had talked about it, and it sounded great. It is great. It’s really looking at the history of corporations going all the way back to Ancient Rome and how they were fundamental, important building blocks for Western civilization overall. It’s how you form societies that can do things that one individual can’t do, both because of the ability to pull capital together, but also to go beyond the lifetime of any one person. Just a very smart book.

I wanted to read this book. This is the kind of book I would normally read on my Kindle, but I’m feeling a little bit eh about supporting the Amazon ecosystem, and so for this book, I wanted to read it some other way. I got myself the Kobo Libra 2, which is a different e-ink reader.

Craig: Nice.

John: It’s actually terrific. Click through the little link there, Craig, and see.

Craig: I’m looking at it.

John: It’s really smartly designed. It’s not symmetrical. One edge is a little bit wider. It has a little lip on it so you can hold it easier in one hand. It has physical buttons for flipping pages. The screen is super, super sharp. It’s good for taking notes and highlighting. I just really am enjoying this. It was also nice to be able to buy books outside of the Amazon ecosystem. You can load them in through anywhere. I’m enjoying it. If you are a person who is considering replacing a Kindle, if you like e-ink readers, but you’re thinking, “I want to get a new Kindle,” maybe look at this first and see if it might be a better fit for you.

Craig: It looks great. The product looks great. The website is really stupid. It starts with, here’s the product. It looks terrific. They have lots of images and information. Then as you scroll down, they just start showing people doing yoga and poking at it. These are the weirdest …

John: It’s not a great website. I bought this off the website. It showed up in perfect form. The box itself, all the packaging was flawless.

Craig: I would get this thing. I had one of the early Amazon versions. I ultimately never used it, because I don’t know, there was something about the iPad that just made it simpler, but now I’m wondering.

John: I had never liked reading books on an iPad. iPad for me is for playing Hearthstone and for web browsing, but for actually sitting down with a book … I also like, with a Kindle or e-ink reader, I never read in bed when I’m at home, but if I’m traveling, I will often read in bed and just tuck in there sideways and read a book. It’s nice.

Craig: Early on, you have to just read it like a regular book. You need it to be in light.

John: These are all back-lit now.

Craig: They’re back-lit.

John: They have very gentle back-lighting.

Craig: You can read it in the dark?

John: Oh, yeah.

Craig: You can read it in the dark. I’m going to get one of these things.

John: It’s really good.

Craig: Kobo Libra 2. I’m going to get it, and I’m going to do yoga and eat granola while I’m poking at it.

John: It’s the whole new Craig lifestyle that we’re excited to see.

Craig: My One Cool Thing is a movie. You rarely hear that from me, because most of the time, I’m going to movies that everybody else is going to. I’m not unearthing gems. There’s a movie I saw that I think most people haven’t seen and should. It’s beautiful. It’s called Nine Days. It is written and directed by a man named Edson Oda, fascinating guy who is Japanese but Brazilian, grew up in Brazil. I think Portuguese is his primary language.

It’s a somewhat surreal story. I won’t give away too much about what’s going, other than to say that Winston Duke, who everybody knows from Marvel movies and other things, fantastic actor, just holds down the center of this thing, but also Zazie Beetz just does incredible work. The cast is amazing. Bill Skarsgård is in there, and Tony Hale. Mostly, it’s just so creative and beautifully written and beautifully filmed. It is not too long. It’s entertaining and quite beautiful. Check it out, if you would. I have no idea. I’m sure it’s streaming on a thing. Yes, it’s streaming on a thing. Nine Days by Edson Oda.

John: Fantastic. That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt, edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our intern is Halley Lamberson. Outro this week-

Craig: Lamberson.

John: … comes from Daniel Green.

Craig: Wait, hold on. I got to stop you there, John, in mid boilerplate, because Halley Lamberson is here with us. When I heard that her name was Halley Lamberson, what did I need to do?

John: Anagram.

Craig: Anagram. I had to anagram it. There’s so many anagrams to choose from. I’m going to go real quickly with the anagram that is only two words, which I think is wonderful, which is amenably hollers.

John: Sure. I like amenably hollers, because they’re calling you over.

Craig: In a nice, welcoming way. Amenably hollers.

John: Come on in. That’s Halley Lamberson.

Craig: It’s better than menorah syllable.

John: No, I don’t like that at all.

Craig: Back to boilerplate.

John: Back to boilerplate. Our outro is by Daniel Green, who, Craig, you remember Daniel Green. He accompanied you as-

Craig: Of course.

John: … you were singing on Broadway.

Craig: Daniel is a wonderfully talented man.

John: If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions. You’ll find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find transcripts and sign up for our weekly newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. We have T-shirts, and they’re great. You’ll find them at Cotton Bureau. You can sign up to become a Premium member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and bonus segments, like the one we’re about to record on VR. Craig, thank you for a fun show.

Craig: Thank you, John.

[Bonus Segment]

John: Craig, we’re recording this on a Friday. On Monday, Apple is supposed to be announcing their new headset. We know not that much about it, but it’ll be a headset. It’ll be from Apple. People will be curious about it. I’m curious what your experience has been so far with VR, with goggles, with all this world. How much have you done?

Craig: I’ve done a small but focused amount. I learned things about it and myself, at least in its current implementation. I think I have the Quest 2.

John: Quest 2 is the Facebook product, right?

Craig: Unfortunately, yeah, it is the Facebook product.

John: Meta.

Craig: I’m excited to have a not-Facebook product.

John: What do you use it to do? How often are you actually putting it on your face?

Craig: I haven’t put it on my head in probably two years. When I first got it, I was really interested in playing. They had a Room VR game from the folks that make the Room games. It was wonderful. It was just magical. I love those kinds of games. They implemented it beautifully. The movement system is really smart. Instead of moving and your head bobbing, which as you move through space, notoriously makes people sick, in this version there were some hotspots you can aim at and go, “I want to go there,” and then it would just pop you over. You were always essentially standing and then turning and looking around, but not moving. That was great. There was another game I played. Some of it really was beautiful. Then I didn’t care and stopped using it.

John: Similar experience for me. I don’t own any of the headsets. Ryan Nelson, who used to work for me, and then went on to work for a company that mostly does VR, he’s been over to the office a couple times, and he would set up in the garage, with the proper sensors for blocking out the space, and would demo some of the things that he loved. They are incredibly impressive demos. Things like a Google Earth that you can fly into any place and then fly back out, other games that were Portal-like things. Really smartly done, and yet at the end of the sessions, I didn’t feel like I really want one of these for myself, because I felt like I’m not going to end up using it. It never brought me through to this moment.

I’ve also done some VR things that have been specific to a location or to an exhibit. I did this Banksy VR thing, which was pretty well done. For that one, you’re on stools, but then you have the headsets on. You’re going through this space that is showing Banksy things in situ, really where they would be in the world. That was cool. It was good use of that technology.

I don’t think those are the things that are going to be the future of VR. I’m really curious what Monday’s announcement will be, because it feels like there’s some more practical day-to-day use of this tool that could be what we’re seeing next.

Craig: I’m really curious about the form factor, because one of the things about VR is that any external stimulus that counteracts or disrupts the nature of your experience in this virtual space ultimately diminishes the verisimilitude of it. You get constant feedback from your head. There is this big, chunky thing on your head, and you know it. It has weight. It’s sort of squeezey. It moves around or shifts a little bit. It takes you out of things. Now, if there’s a form factor where you’re wearing it but it disappears on you, in terms of sensation, that will be a game-changer. It seems like not a big deal. I think it is a big deal. I haven’t seen anybody talking about it. I’m sure I’m not the first person to mention it though.

John: I’m curious to what degree this is a you sit in your chair with this on thing versus you move through a space, because I think some of the problems and frustrations and my motion sickness from VR has been I am moving through space now, doing this thing. If I am sitting in a chair, and this is filling in my visual field, and it’s a mega-sized monitor that I can do things on, I can see that being really useful for certain things and there being tasks for which that is especially well suited. I don’t know if that’s going to be the focus of this thing. I’m curious.

Craig: I think there will always be motion sickness issues if your body is not moving but your brain is moving and your eyes are moving.

John: Exactly.

Craig: That’s it. That’s why. That’s where the barfing happens. I don’t know how they’re going to get around that, unless they just tailor the experience to not moving like that. Of course, some people do want to experience the visual and audio sensation of being in a wingsuit. I’m not going to barf all over my floor to be in a wingsuit. Some people I think probably don’t. Some people just naturally can do it. God bless them if they can. VR is going to have to bet over the puke gap, which is a real thing.

John: One thing I do think is fascinating is Apple products and other electronics as well have done a much better job integrating with each other. If you have your iPad set up next to your Mac, you can just move your cursor over onto the iPad and back, which seems like witchcraft. Even last night, my husband, Mike, had his French group over. Everyone was there in person, except for the instructor, who’s on the Mac on Zoom. The sound wasn’t good. He’s looking for, “Oh, should I add an external mic?” It turned out you could actually just use your iPhone as the mic and just put that out there, and so it could be the separate audio device for things, which just worked great. It’s only because these devices know each other.

Craig: They talk to each other. Have you done the thing where you copy something from your iPad and then paste it?

John: Totally.

Craig: I don’t know how that works. That’s great.

John: All behind the scenes. It’s really, really smart and nice.

Craig: Thanks, Apple.

John: That’s my hope is that whatever these goggles are, they’re not trying to be a closed system that doesn’t fit in with the other stuff, because that’s death.

Craig: It will be the opposite. It will be the most integrated thing ever. No question. That’s what Apple does.

John: We’ll hope. Craig, thanks for the chat.

Craig: Thank you, John.

John: Bye.

Links:

  • Do Your Worst, Or You Might Never Do Your Best by Bridget Webber
  • Why You Need to Fail TED Talk by Derek Sivers
  • Artists must be allowed to make bad work by Austin Kleon
  • The Museum of Failure
  • For Profit: A History of Corporations by William Magnuson
  • Kobo Libra 2
  • Nine Days on IMDb
  • Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!
  • Check out the Inneresting Newsletter
  • Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription or treat yourself to a premium subscription!
  • Craig Mazin on Instagram
  • John August on Twitter
  • John on Instagram
  • John on Mastodon
  • Outro by Daniel Green (send us yours!)
  • Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt with help from Chris Csont and edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our intern is Halley Lamberson.

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode here.

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