John August

Words on the page

INT. BOOKSTORE, or something better?

QandA, Words on the page

questionmarkI am a fifteen year old living just outside of Washington, D.C. I hope to one day be a television producer, but also a film screenwriter. Thanks for your advice about writing the scenes I want to write (not necessarily in order) on paper before typing them on the computer. I felt stupid not thinking about that, but once I used that technique, the first draft of my screenplay came together in about three weeks!

Anyway, I’m not really trying to give a testimonial here, just asking a question and giving my thanks, so here goes: I’m writing the second draft of my screenplay, and I have a slugline situation. For the master, could I write “INT. BARNES AND NOBLE – NIGHT” instead of “INT. BOOKSTORE – NIGHT”. I thought that maybe giving a specific location, even if it wasn’t shot there, would add more of a realism, or connection, with the reader. Even if there’s simply a little bit more of a connection. Is there any con-side of doing this?

— Tim

Your instinct is right: being a little more specific helps the reader immediately understand the location, and saves you from having to throw a line of scene description explaining what kind of bookstore it is.

The only case where the comes back to bite you is when the line producer calls you, frantic: “We can’t get Barnes and Noble! It won’t fit the schedule! You have to rewrite the scene!” And so you end up spitting out colored revision pages that waste everyone’s time.

That’s why I tend to split the difference when I can. Instead of “BOOKSTORE” or “BARNES AND NOBLE,” try “CHAIN BOOKSTORE.” The reader gets what you are trying to say, and the line producer won’t hyperventilate.

For Shazam!, I just wrote a scene that takes place “INT. STARBUCK’S-LIKE COFFEE SHOP.” It should be clear to the line producer, production designer and everyone else that it doesn’t have to be Starbucks. It just needs that vibe.

Changes while directing

Directors, Projects, QandA, The Nines, Words on the page

questionmarkWhen you were directing The Nines, did you find that you wanted to change some of the action and dialogue because it didn’t come across in production the way you thought it would when you wrote it. And, if you changed things, was it because you were maybe hypercritical of your own work and saw problems where nobody else would or did you consider making changes just because you could (being the writer and everything)?

— Dennis Feeney

The action changed somewhat, based on the geography at hand. For instance, there’s a scene in Part Three where a family is coming back to a parked car. As scripted, there was a certain sequence for who would be where for what line of dialogue, but once you have real actors, real dolly movements and real reflections to contend with, that all changes. And that’s after storyboarding, during which some of those things were already decided.

In terms of dialogue, I didn’t find myself changing that many lines. We’d had the luxury of some rehearsal, so if there was a line that an actor really had a difficult time landing, I could change that ahead of time.

Once we started production, I really saw myself as a the director, not the writer. If something wasn’t working, my instinct was to look at changes in the performances or the camera movement rather than the words. Indeed, the few times I did go back in to writer-mode was when I saw unanticipated opportunities. During a confrontation between Hope Davis and Melissa McCarthy, I added this line…

SARAH

He’s an actor. If no one’s watching him, he doesn’t really exist.

…which ends up being fairly important to the scene (and, ultimately, the movie). Yet I added it at six in the morning on the day of shooting, based largely on something I overheard the actors talking about between takes. That kind of serendipity is what made my dual roles rewarding.

Make your introduction

Challenge, Words on the page

Following up on last week’s article about [How to Introduce a Character](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2007/how-to-introduce-character), I think it’s time for the second ever Scene Challenge. [Scene Challenge]

For the first one, [Masturbating to Star Trek](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2007/masturbating-to-star-trek), you had to write an entire scene. This time, you simply have to introduce one character. And trust me, sometimes that’s harder.

Here’s all I’m giving you:

__A man is picking up his clothes at a dry-cleaner.__

The man is a principal character in your script, and this is the first time we’re meeting him. What’s his name? What’s the story? What’s the genre? You decide, to the degree it matters.

You’re welcome to write as much of the dry-cleaner scene as you want, but the focus is on the man’s introduction. The winning entry might be one sentence long. You may wish to [consult the how-to](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2007/how-to-introduce-character) for helpful suggestions.

Here are the rules:

1. Post your entry in the comments thread of this article. Please don’t attempt fancy formatting. It usually just screws up the margins.
2. All entries must be submitted by 8 a.m. PST on Saturday, April 28th, 2007. Remember that comments are sometimes held in moderation. __Don’t submit twice.__ It will show up. Promise.
3. I’ll pick a winner later that day.
4. Winner receives bragging rights, which may be exchanged for a sense of self-worth. [Liz](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2007/blingons-and-despair#comment-53174) used her win to make an appeal for meningitis vaccination.

And…begin.

TV in movies

How-To, Words on the page

I just finished writing a scene where a television news report was playing in the background and it reminded me how hard it is to get these moments right. Unless you’re literally having the characters stare at the TV set, you’re basically dividing the audience’s attention between two planes of information. If you don’t do it carefully, the audience won’t know where to look, and the scene will be a disaster.

Off the top of my head, here are four (hopefully) helpful guidelines:

1. __The TV can only tell you one thing.__ It can say the big snowstorm is coming, but it can’t also say that mobster Carmine DeSomethingorother has escaped from custody.

2. __Use the naturally empty moments of the scene.__ If there’s information that’s important for the audience, but not necessarily the characters, start on the TV and let the characters enter the scene where it’s playing. If a character’s waiting on hold, or is looking for dijon mustard in the fridge, that’s another moment you could cut to the TV.

3. __Get the rhythm right.__ TV news in particular has a cadence, and you can’t just shove your exposition in to make it fit. Always think how the reporter would actually report the story and balance his goals with your goals.

4. __Don’t make it too convenient.__ Don’t have a character flip on the TV, only to find exactly the story about them — unless it really is reasonable that there’s 24-hour coverage about the situation. Perhaps the only thing worse than this cliché is when a character rushes in, saying, “You’ve got to see this!” before grabbing the remote.

On the whole though, it’s amazing how little television people watch in movies as opposed to real life.