John August

Los Angeles

Why do LA people suck?

Film Industry, Los Angeles, Psych 101, QandA

questionmarkI’ve noticed no matter how close you are to someone in LA, they seem to stab you in the back. I feel like I give them my all, and never want to ask them for “help,” and they end up screwing you over.

I know some people in the industry… and the lifelong question of when to ask someone to read your work, or help you out comes to mind. I am very shy about when to ask, and never want them to think I am “using them.” But, it seems like if you don’t go out every night, and drink and party with them, they lose sight of who you are. Some [pull the Kevin Williamson](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2009/nice-to-meet-you-again-maybe), and you will be introduced to them 100 times, and they still cannot remember your name…

How do you know when to ask for help, or a reference, or both, or even a foot in the door? If you don’t party with them every night is that going to hurt my chances in the long run? And when should you ask?

I don’t want to come off as a user, but it seems like everyone else is. Do I need to sink down to that level to succeed?

I know there is such thing as a missed opportunity….but..?

Thanks in advance,

— “Anonymous.”

What’s not clear from your question — if it really is a question, rather than an extended harrumph — is exactly how people are using you and/or stabbing you in the back. Let’s look at some scenarios.

* Are you reading their scripts, offering helpful notes, while they can’t be bothered to do the same for you?

* Are they repeating your ideas as their own?

* Are they talking behind your back? Stealing your beer? Making love to your girlfriend?

* Are you helping them move, without receiving reciprocal futon-hauling?

All of these are clear offenses. But my hunch is that nothing so egregious is actually occurring. You’re just finding it difficult to make headway personally or professionally. So you wonder: Is this indicative of the Hollywood culture, or specific to you?

It’s both.

Let’s divide it into more distinct questions.

__Does the entertainment industry, and Los Angeles in general, tend to generate a lot of shallow friendships?__

In my experience, yes. You end up knowing a lot of people, but not knowing them very well. The boundaries between “someone you know” and “friend” are indistinct. People flake out on you more, offering only half-hearted rsvps (“I’ll try to make it.”) or after-the-fact explanations-cum-apologies (“Traffic was insane.”) Keep in mind that you work in an industry in which people genuinely don’t know when they’ll be permitted to go home. An assistant working at a busy agent’s desk might be there until midnight.

Can you form real friendships in the industry? Absolutely. One of my best friends is the woman who was hired to replace me when I left my last assistant job. I got to know her through the hundred follow-up phone calls asking where a certain file was, or how to handle Crazy Person #32. But you don’t form real friendships when you approach people with the worry that they may stab you in the back.

Here’s the thing to remember: Friends are for your personal happiness. Colleagues are part of your career. You may go to drinks with both, but don’t confuse them.

__When do you ask a colleague for help, or a reference, or both, or even a foot in the door?__

At whatever moment you think there’s a pretty good chance they would help you. And a lot of that depends on your level of chutzpah. Some of the most successful people in the industry are the most shameless about asking people for things. Brett Ratner wrote to Spielberg, who sent him a check. Does Spielberg feel “used?” Pretty unlikely.

I was never that ballsy, but I did a good job keeping up with my peers, helping them whenever I could. When it came time to move to a larger agency, I asked their opinions and got them to call on my behalf. I’ll call a writer I’ve met once to ask about a project, or an executive, or director with a questionable reputation. That’s how it works.

And don’t assume you have nothing to offer someone who has more experience in the industry. When I have coffee with younger writers, I’m asking them as many questions as they ask me.

__How do you ask for help?__

By doing so directly, while giving the person an out.

* “I’m applying for a reader job at New Regency. You said you know Ethan Someguy. Would you feel comfortable calling him on my behalf?”

* “I wrote a short that I want to shoot next month, and I’d really like your feedback if you’d be willing to look at it.”

You then follow up nicely.

* “Just wanted to check whether you were able to connect with Ethan Someguy.”

* “I wanted to see if you’d had a chance to read my short.”

__Is it just me?__

No, Anon, it’s not. At many points in my career I’ve wanted to throw someone through a wall. But the situation you’re describing seems at least partly attributable to your attitude.

You’re not in the happiest place right now, which could be situational or could be a bigger deal. Disappointment is not depression. But if your overall mood is consistently needling downward, getting the advice of an actual psychology professional would seem to be in order. All the career advice in the world isn’t going to make you happy if larger obstacles stand in the way.

Los Angeles myths, answered

Follow Up, Los Angeles

In February, I [linked to an article](http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/05/los-angeles-transportation-facts-and-fiction/) by Eric Morris about pervasive Los Angeles transportation myths. He presented six statements, promising that two were (at best) half-truths, while the rest were flat-out myths.

[I made my guesses](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2009/los-angeles-myths), as did many readers. Over the past few weeks, he’s addressed the myths in follow-up articles, so I thought I’d provide some closure as well.

Here are the myths:

Los Angeles’s air is choked with smog.
—

I said false. He said [half-true](http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/10/los-angeles-transportation-facts-and-fiction-driving-and-delay/).

According to the American Lung Association, Los Angeles has the second-worst air quality in the nation, after Pittsburgh. But “choked with smog” is an exaggeration. It’s vastly better than it used to be — and much better than its reputation:

> In 1979, the South Coast Air Basin (of which Los Angeles is a part) experienced 228 days above the state one-hour ozone standard; in 2007, the number of days in violation was down to 96. The change is even more dramatic when looking at individual communities. From 1979 to 2007, Pasadena dropped from 191 days over the limit to 13, Reseda from 138 to 22, Anaheim from 61 to 2, Pomona from 167 to 19, and West Los Angeles from 76 to 2. This story is replicated across the region. It is also broadly true for the other pollutants that comprise smog.

Los Angeles has developed in a low-density, sprawling pattern.
—-

I said half-true. He said [false](http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/09/los-angeles-transportation-facts-and-fiction-sprawl/).

> As of the 2000 census, the Los Angeles region’s urbanized area had the highest population density in the nation. Yes, that was the word “highest,” not a smudge on your monitor. At 7,068 people per square mile, Los Angeles is considerably denser than New York-Newark, which ranks fourth at 5,309 people per square mile (behind San Francisco-Oakland and San Jose as well as Los Angeles).

I was fooled by the comparatively large percentage of single-family homes. But there’s an important distinction I overlooked:

> Los Angeles’s homes sit on very small lots, in part due to the difficulty of providing water infrastructure to new developments. (Other southwestern cities share this trait.)

Angelenos spend more time stuck in traffic than any other drivers in the nation.
—

I said true. He said [true](http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/10/los-angeles-transportation-facts-and-fiction-driving-and-delay/).

> According to the Texas Transportation Institute’s 2005 Mobility Report, Angelenos who traveled in the peak periods suffered 72 annual hours of delay. This was number one in the nation, by a large margin.

Traffic really does suck in Los Angeles, which is why you spend a lot of mental energy figuring out how to avoid it. Live near work. Or work at home.

Thanks to the great distances between far-flung destinations, and perhaps to Angelenos’ famed “love affair” with the car, Angelenos drive considerably more miles than most Americans.
—-

I said false. He said [false](http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/10/los-angeles-transportation-facts-and-fiction-driving-and-delay/).

> According to the Federal Highway Administration, Angelenos drive 23 miles per resident per day. This ranks the Los Angeles metro area 21st highest among the largest 37 cities. The champions (or losers) are probably Houston, followed by Jacksonville and Orlando, all of which are over 30 miles per day.

That doesn’t mean you’re not potentially spending a lot of time in your car, though. You just might not be traveling many miles.

Los Angeles is dominated by an overbuilt freeway system that promotes auto dependence.
—–

I said false. He said [half-true](http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/24/los-angeles-transportation-facts-and-fiction-freeways/).

> Los Angeles boasts an extensive freeway system. Counting Interstates and other expressways, the area ranks second in the nation in lane mileage, after New York.

> But taking into account the area’s vast size, the network is one of the most underdeveloped in the U.S. According to the Federal Highway Administration, of the 36 largest metro areas, Los Angeles ranks dead last in terms of freeway lane miles per resident. (Chicago is second to last, and New York is near the bottom as well. The most freeway-heavy big city by this measure is Kansas City.)

The general solution to LA’s traffic woes isn’t going to be more freeways — although in places, more capacity would make sense. Reducing demand is crucial, and increasing density is, almost paradoxically, a good way to do that.

Los Angeles’s mass transit system is underdeveloped and inadequate.
—–

I said half-true. He said [false](http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/03/los-angeles-transportation-facts-and-fiction-transit/).

> But compared with the majority of U.S. cities, Los Angeles is not a transit wasteland. The region is second in the nation in transit patronage, behind only New York. Even on a market share basis (passenger transit miles traveled as a share of all miles traveled), Los Angeles’s ridership rate is relatively high: 11th among the 50 largest urban areas.

Here’s where I think he’s really stretching. Sure, Los Angeles may have a lot more public transit than other big cities, but that isn’t evidence of adequacy. By the standards he’s held himself on the other questions, I think this should be half-true. And he seems to sense this:

> Despite all of this, I can’t look you in the eye and tell you the car is not king in Los Angeles. It is. Our transit share is quite small: a bit under 2 percent.

Yes, two percent of 13 million is a lot of people. But when 98% of your population isn’t using your mass transit system, there’s a lot of opportunity.

Preschool, NYC edition

Follow Up, Los Angeles

Following up on my post about [getting your kid into preschool](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2009/getting-your-kid-into-preschool), reader bensitzer tipped me off to an upcoming documentary about the equivalent madness in NYC. You can see the trailer [here](http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/nurseryuniversity/).

Getting your kid into preschool

Los Angeles, Random Advice

random adviceIf you live in Los Angeles and have offspring — or if you’re visibly pregnant — most conversations with other parents will probably involve preschool. Even if you don’t have kids, you’ll find yourself on the periphery of these conversations shortly after turning 30. And annoyed.

It’s not just a mom thing here. Most of the screenwriters I know, I know because they have young kids in preschool. The fathers of my daughter’s classmates wrote most of last summer’s blockbusters.

And it’s not just an age thing: I have lunch every month with Dick Zanuck, 74, who has produced 40+ movies and run a studio. What do we talk about? Getting his grandkids into preschool.

At least for LA, preschool is the new college.

Yes, it’s absurd. I poked fun at it in a deleted scene from The Nines (which you can find on the DVD). But it’s the reality. Even if your kids are going to go to public elementary school, you still need to find a private preschool. So here’s my advice.

1. **Buy The Whitney Guide.** It’s a listing of most or all of the preschools in Los Angeles, with standardized criteria and philosophy statements. You won’t pick a school because of this book, but you’ll be able to narrow your choices and decide which criteria are important. And you’ll have a clear idea about the costs, so you can tailor your list appropriately.

2. **Talk to a lot of parents.** Strike up conversations at the playground, the car wash, or any place you find parents with kids. Ask all your neighbors. You want recommendations about good schools, but more importantly, you want parents who can recommend you to a school. Kids don’t have SATs. A preschool is really admitting the parents, not the kid. Most preschools have an interview, but recommendations from current parents help a lot.

3. **Talk to people who talk to parents.** Some of our most helpful advice came from the woman who ran the weekly kids’ gym. Pre-preschool classes like gym, music and swimming are run by people who interface with thousands of kids and parents over the years. They know the scoop.

4. **Visit preschools while they’re running.** If you have a two-year old, you’ll be overwhelmed to see how swarming a bunch of three- and four-year olds can be. But what you’re looking for is some order in this chaos. For each class, the teacher and teacher’s assistant should feel like they’re on top of it. The kids should be having fun.

5. **Different is good.** We’re the only two-dad family at our school. That’s not why we got in, but it didn’t hurt. If there’s something unique about your situation — your wife is an astronaut, your husband is blind — don’t minimize it. Most schools are looking to become less homogenous, and something distinctive will help them remember you.

6. **Have a safety school.** Like college, there’s a chance you may not get into the preschool you want. In many cases, siblings of current students have first priority, so there may not be room for new families. That’s why it’s important to apply to at least one school you feel pretty certain you can get into.

Aren’t all preschools basically the same? I mean, they’re mostly just singing songs about sharing and gluing things to paper. The reason to pick one school versus another is how comfortable you feel letting these people take daily custody of your kid. You want a place that shares your basic values and priorities — and will pick other parents you can stand to be around.

That’s one part of the puzzle I didn’t anticipate when we were first looking at schools. When your kid is in preschool, you see these parents constantly: at birthday parties, at fundraisers, at playdates and parking lots. So you really hope they’re not annoying. It’s another reason you want to spend a lot of time talking to parents when picking a school — to get a sense what kinds of families go there.

And finally, despite everything I’ve said above, you need to remember that where your kid goes to preschool will not make or break her life. In fact, it’s possible to change schools if the first one doesn’t work out.