John August

First Person

The Constant Gardener, infant edition

First Person

Constant Gardener
Yesterday, I saw [The Constant Gardener](http://imdb.com/title/tt0387131/).

My quick review: I respected the filmmaking, but I can’t say I loved the movie. Throughout the entire film, I was so far ahead of the Ralph Fiennes character that I found myself thinking more about African theatre, diplomatic passports and shallow-focus lenses than what exactly had happened to poor Ralph’s wife. However, I’ll probably see every movie [Fernando Meirelles](http://imdb.com/name/nm0576987/) makes. He’s terrifically talented.

More interesting than the movie itself was the film-going experience: it was my first outing to a Monday Morning Mommy Movie at [The Grove](http://www.thegrovela.com/).

The whole Mommy Movie concept is pretty basic. Every Monday morning, the theatre shows one of the new releases. Generally, it’s not a kid’s movie — last week, it was [The 40-Year Old Virgin](http://imdb.com/title/tt0405422/). Parents are allowed — encouraged — to bring infants. The theatre lights aren’t turned down all the way, and there’s table set up for changing diapers. There’s also a stroller-parking area outside the theatre.

Depending on whether or not you have a baby, this is either the best thing that ever happened, or a quick descent into Hell. I don’t think anyone accidentally bought a ticket for the Mommy movie, but if they did, I’m sure they quickly got their money back.

At first, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy the movie over the constant din of fussy infants, but it’s amazing how quickly you tune it out. It’s all a matter of expectation. If you expect a quiet movie theatre, one crying baby will ruin it. If you expect noise, it doesn’t bother you a bit.

One phenomenon I hadn’t expected was the seven-minute rule. I don’t know if it’s really seven minutes, but next time you’re at a dinner party, pay attention to the ebb and flow of conversation. About once every seven minutes, it gets really quiet for some reason. Then in starts up again.

It turns out, the same thing happens with babies. One minute, the auditorium will be filled with cries, then it will suddenly get quiet. It’s spooky. And welcome.

The whole think struck me as a particularly ripe arena for a [Wedding Crashers](http://imdb.com/title/tt0396269/)-style comedy about guys looking to pick up MILFs, since it would be so easy to strike up a loaded conversation about onesies, breasts, and [butt paste](http://www.buttpaste.com/).

For the record, “Mommy Movies” is pretty heterosexist, but I’m not getting up on my soapbox. There were only a handful of dads in the audience. Most weeks, I’ll be one of them.

Abolish the states, mate

First Person

Australian John AugustIn an article published today, one of the [other John Augusts](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2004/my-namesake-also-a-screenwriter) argues persuasively that [the states should be abolished](http://www.onlineopinion.com.au/view.asp?article=3705).

Before you take up arms against him, you should know that he’s Australian, and he’s talking about “states” like New South Wales and Queensland. Which sound like made-up [Risk](http://www.thegamesjournal.com/articles/Risk.shtml) territories, if you ask me.

It’s important that you not be confused by the other side’s rhetoric. For instance, listening to them you might think all of the members of [Beyond Federation](http://www.beyondfederation.org.au/)…

* are cheering Howard;
* hail from Whitlam;
* claim a monopoly on wisdom;
* only have advocates in New South Wales and Victoria;
* ignore the need for independent regional initiative;
* refuse to acknowledge population differences within Australia;
* and are “centralists”.

I have no idea what this means.

Ever since I first fired up Netscape lo these many years ago, I’ve been following the career of this other John August like he’s my long-lost brother. (He’s not, incidently.) I’ve seen him posting in scientific Usenet groups. Once, he even acknowledged that there’s an American screenwriter with whom he shares a name.

But what to make of his desire to abolish the Australian states? Is he a Socialist, a conservative, a progressive, a forward-thinker, a wacko? I don’t know, because I have zero understanding of Australian politics.

From the picture, he looks like a friendly sort, capable of telling jokes that a specific subset of friends would find hilarious. (For instance, people who know Monty Python backwards-and-forwards.) Also worth noting: he seems to have more hair than he knows what to do with. I do not.

I guess I’m saying, I want him to be good. I don’t need an evil twin. That’s what my subconscious is for.

[His name is my name, too](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2004/my-namesake-also-a-screenwriter)

Hey look! err..Listen! John’s on NPR. Briefly.

First Person, News

podcastAfter meeting a friend-of-a-friend at a birthday party over the weekend, I ended up getting pressed into service for a story on NPR’s [Day to Day](http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4704709).

Reporter Mike Pesca wanted to talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s challenges converting his action-movie persona into a consensus-building governor, and wanted to talk to a screenwriter about it. So I happily made with the quotes.

Here’s what I learned. Somehow, the experience of talking into a microphone makes constructing a coherent thought 300% more difficult. I sat down ready to talk about things like California’s abysmal [Proposition 13](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_Proposition_13_(1978)), and found myself speaking non-words like “governenceship.” Bah. Fortunately, the snippets that made it in to the report are at least English.

You can hear the results [here](http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4704709).

(For the record, I’m pretty neutral on Schwarzenegger. He’s honestly been a lot better than I was expecting, but that’s sort of damning with faint praise.)

Good advice from agents

Film Industry, First Person

first person
Reader and fellow screenwriter-blogger [David Anaxagoras](http://www.davidanaxagoras.com) is taking a class from the estimable [Mike Werb](http://imdb.com/name/nm0921209/maindetails), who recently brought in David Lubliner and Ken Friemann of the William Morris Agency to talk about agents, managers, and the business of representation.

Mr. Anaxagoras was generous enough to share his [notes](http://www.davidanaxagoras.com/2005/05/24/agent-qa/) from class. Since “How Do I Get an Agent” is my number-one most avoided question to answer on this site, I thought I’d take this chance to comment upon some generally excellent advice:

Ken stressed that you should get as many pair of eyes to look at your script as you can, and that the eyes you want are in LA — so move out to LA. Search out managers, lawyers, assistants, creative execs, young directors — anyone who might have a connection and can pass your script along.

Two good points rolled into one. First, never be afraid of showing your work. Put it in the hands of everyone you meet, no matter what their job in the industry. Even these readers aren’t in a position to help you at the moment, one day they will be. Or they’ll know somebody who knows somebody.

Second, move to L.A. Yes, technically it’s possible to become a working screenwriter while living in Boise, but it isn’t likely. L.A. is film what Nashville is to country-western music. You just can’t avoid that.

Often, a good script will not sell. That’s the norm. New writers will get meetings off their script, and should look at it as an opportunity to open doors and build relationships.

I’d amend that to say “most good scripts will not sell.” Don’t look at screenwriting as a lottery ticket. You’re trying to build a career that will last decades. Building relationships with people who love your writing is much more important than a six-figure sale.

New screenwriters should expect to sign up with junior agents. In fact, Ken says it is imperative to sign up with a junior agent. Find someone who is passionate about you and your work and who has a vested interest in advancing your career — and thus their own. An established agent with high-powered clients has little at stake in your ultimate success or failure. Find someone you can grow with.

Yes. You want to grow up with an agent. An agent in his mid-40’s with top-tier clients isn’t going to hustle for you the same way a junior agent in her early 20’s will. More importantly, that agent won’t be having drinks with all the junior execs around town — the guys who oughta be reading your script.

Writers are often asked “what else do you have” in meetings. Ken recommends writers stick to the same genre or something similar until they are established. It’s just too much for Hollywood people to wrap their head around a romantic comedy, a period drama, and a horror pitch all in a short space of time. Remain relatable and help the agent to help you. Earn the right to write different.

Don’t worry about being pigeon-holed until you actually have a career. My first two paid jobs were adapting kids’ books, so I got sent a lot of other kids’ books. It was annoying. But I was working, which is a lot.

Ken let us know that a screenplay has a short window of opportunity once it goes out, and that if it doesn’t sell, writers need to learn to let go and move on. They can’t live off the hope of that one script forever. Instead, they need to keep producing new material. Keep writing — don’t sit around and wait for the sale or the next assignment.

Amen. This is very hard advice to take, because you’ve no doubt poured your heart and soul into those 120 unsold pages. Hopefully, you’ll get great meetings off that script. But don’t expect that one day someone will say, “Hey, we should really buy this old script that’s been sitting on the shelf.” From experience, I can tell you that it doesn’t happen.

You can read David’s whole recap in [part one](http://www.davidanaxagoras.com/2005/05/24/agent-qa/) and [part two](http://www.davidanaxagoras.com/2005/05/24/agent-qa-part-2-full-throttle/).

[Tom Smith on How I Got My Agent](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2003/tom-smith-on-how-i-got-my-agent)
[David Steinberg on How I Got My Agent](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2003/david-steinberg-on-how-i-got-my-agent)