Getting your kid into preschool
If you live in Los Angeles and have offspring — or if you’re visibly pregnant — most conversations with other parents will probably involve preschool. Even if you don’t have kids, you’ll find yourself on the periphery of these conversations shortly after turning 30. And annoyed.
It’s not just a mom thing here. Most of the screenwriters I know, I know because they have young kids in preschool. The fathers of my daughter’s classmates wrote most of last summer’s blockbusters.
And it’s not just an age thing: I have lunch every month with Dick Zanuck, 74, who has produced 40+ movies and run a studio. What do we talk about? Getting his grandkids into preschool.
At least for LA, preschool is the new college.
Yes, it’s absurd. I poked fun at it in a deleted scene from The Nines (which you can find on the DVD). But it’s the reality. Even if your kids are going to go to public elementary school, you still need to find a private preschool. So here’s my advice.
Buy The Whitney Guide
. It’s a listing of most or all of the preschools in Los Angeles, with standardized criteria and philosophy statements. You won’t pick a school because of this book, but you’ll be able to narrow your choices and decide which criteria are important. And you’ll have a clear idea about the costs, so you can tailor your list appropriately.
Talk to a lot of parents. Strike up conversations at the playground, the car wash, or any place you find parents with kids. Ask all your neighbors. You want recommendations about good schools, but more importantly, you want parents who can recommend you to a school. Kids don’t have SATs. A preschool is really admitting the parents, not the kid. Most preschools have an interview, but recommendations from current parents help a lot.
Talk to people who talk to parents. Some of our most helpful advice came from the woman who ran the weekly kids’ gym. Pre-preschool classes like gym, music and swimming are run by people who interface with thousands of kids and parents over the years. They know the scoop.
Visit preschools while they’re running. If you have a two-year old, you’ll be overwhelmed to see how swarming a bunch of three- and four-year olds can be. But what you’re looking for is some order in this chaos. For each class, the teacher and teacher’s assistant should feel like they’re on top of it. The kids should be having fun.
Different is good. We’re the only two-dad family at our school. That’s not why we got in, but it didn’t hurt. If there’s something unique about your situation — your wife is an astronaut, your husband is blind — don’t minimize it. Most schools are looking to become less homogenous, and something distinctive will help them remember you.
Have a safety school. Like college, there’s a chance you may not get into the preschool you want. In many cases, siblings of current students have first priority, so there may not be room for new families. That’s why it’s important to apply to at least one school you feel pretty certain you can get into.
Aren’t all preschools basically the same? I mean, they’re mostly just singing songs about sharing and gluing things to paper. The reason to pick one school versus another is how comfortable you feel letting these people take daily custody of your kid. You want a place that shares your basic values and priorities — and will pick other parents you can stand to be around.
That’s one part of the puzzle I didn’t anticipate when we were first looking at schools. When your kid is in preschool, you see these parents constantly: at birthday parties, at fundraisers, at playdates and parking lots. So you really hope they’re not annoying. It’s another reason you want to spend a lot of time talking to parents when picking a school — to get a sense what kinds of families go there.
And finally, despite everything I’ve said above, you need to remember that where your kid goes to preschool will not make or break her life. In fact, it’s possible to change schools if the first one doesn’t work out.
Articles
March 10th, 2009 at 6:43 am
Here’s me naive: What’s wrong with the LA Public Schools?
Also, the last paragraph is absolutely correct. The preschool doesn’t “make or break her life,” I think I went to a pre school at a synagogue and all I gained was an appreciation for bread on Fridays.
March 10th, 2009 at 6:50 am
Another tip:
Check out schools that go all the way. I just enrolled my 4-year-old in a school that goes from pre-K to 12, and my younger son will enjoy a sibling preference. Who knows if we’ll stay at this school, or stay in the private system, or even stay in LA that long, but now I know there’s at least a decent chance I will never have to go through this rigamarole again.
March 10th, 2009 at 6:57 am
@Danny,
John posted about preschools.
LA has one of the most dysfunctional public school systems in the country. That’s not to say there aren’t some great schools in it. But they can be hard to get into (the magnets), or their neighborhoods can be expensive, etc. Plus there’s an instability to it – the whole system depends on the Legislature’s largesse – and there is a shortage of largesse these days. A friend of mine is a counselor at one of the best public schools in SoCal, and she and half the school have been told they’re getting laid off. Plus class sizes are crazy. Nobody would tell you there aren’t problems – just like nobody with any perspective will tell you they’re all bad.
Man, it is a complicated issue, where to send your kids in this town.
March 10th, 2009 at 7:07 am
On moving preschools: It definitely happens. We got steamrolled by a friend into putting our son into a school with his best friend. It was close, and cheap, and it was a glorified day care. Utter chaos. We switched to another school after 6 months (one from the Whitney Guide) and have been much happier.
March 10th, 2009 at 7:33 am
“Aren’t all preschools basically the same? I mean, they’re mostly just singing songs about sharing and gluing things to paper.”
Lol so true…
I’m enjoying the random advice week. Thanks!
March 10th, 2009 at 7:48 am
You left out the option to move to a place with, you know, sanity.
Although I guess if you’re a screenwriter, that’s not really an option…
March 10th, 2009 at 8:16 am
Pre-schools are not all the same, even though John is exaggerating to make a point. A pre-school at Culver Military Academy will look a lot different than a pre-school at Friends (Quaker) Western School. Pre-schools do share a lot of similarities–all the resources are found in one room, and there is equal access to those resources and unlimited potential. All the young learners can sing, dance, paint, act, draw, and write (scribble). They haven’t yet received the beat-down that occurs as kids grow older, and the inevitable narrowing of resources and expectations. But how, precisely, is the pre-school room and the school set up to accommodate and ferment students’ budding interests? What else is going on (or not going on) in the room? Are the kids all (or mostly) white and upper class? What about the teachers? Does this matter? What is the school’s philosophy about pre-school education–specifically, what do they think a quality education ought to look like in lower school (K-5)? Pre-school children only spend about 8 months there. Soon it’s the badlands of Kindergarten and then the Great Climb Up. Don’t divorce pre-school from the rest of the school and life. I spent most of my kindergarten in a corner, and I’m still paying for it.
March 10th, 2009 at 8:16 am
To Danny@1:Public schools don’t cover preschool. That’s why it’s called ‘pre’ school. As for Kindergarten, there are good public schools in Los Angeles, you just have to live in the right district. Mostly though, they are overcrowded, 35 to 40 students to a class. There is a lot of snobbery and classism in Los Angeles about private schools that I think borders on the ridiculous. My daughter is in public school Kindergarten in La Crescenta and loves her school and teacher, and we couldn’t be happier that our tax dollars are being put to good use.
March 10th, 2009 at 8:18 am
I live outside of Chicago in NW Indiana and have a five year old daughter, Helen, who has been in daycare/preschool since she was three months old. I am an academic librarian, my husband is a doctor. Some of the other parents are professionals (our city’s attorney, a local photojournalist), but since the daycare is an United Way agency, many of the families receive state aid. Helen is a bright child, but there are other gifted children as well. It would have been nice if Helen had learned a foreign language or Suzuki violin while in preschool, but we also have come to value the social skills and insights she has picked up from being around children who have very different backgrounds than us. She is learning compassion and tolerance, which are also important.
Our daughter has been in daycare with another little boy since they were babies. She calls him her brother; he says she is my sister. Now that they are older, other children say, “you can’t be brother and sister–your skin is a different color,” but they both insist they are related. One of her little friends–a sweet boy but he has issues with potty training and his emotions–is being raised by his grandmother since his mother died of a drug overdose. Helen came home and said, “Don’t play with drugs; you could die.” This lead to some rather sophisticated discussions about life, family, and taking care of your body. Most of the other daycare parents are not the fellow academics and medical professionals with whom we usually socialize, which is actually a good thing. It keeps our family a bit more grounded than to be always in our own social milieu.
So, maybe is not so important to agonize over preschool, as long as the teachers are caring, the facility is safe, and there is enough room for the children to play outside. It does drive my husband crazy when Helen picks up poor grammar or the Hoosier dialect at daycare, but we can always correct her speech at home. At this point, I also do not think we have jeopardized Helen’s academic and career future. We grew up in integrated public schools and my brother was accepted to five Ivy League colleges and chose Yale. My brother has been highly successful not just for his intelligence and work ethic, but also his ability to think outside the box and to understand other people.
March 10th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Thanks for the great advice john. I do find in la no matter where one is the conversation(if kids around) is pre school. It’s like when I was in my twenties in NYC every party Convo was about how much you’re paying for rent and what restaurant you ate at last. Now it’sall about pre school and comparing local trader joes.
March 10th, 2009 at 8:21 am
Unbelievable! I picked a preschool cause it was a 3 minute walk away. No interviews, if you’ve got a deposit, you’ve got a spot. I don’t know if it’s just Canada, but I don’t know anyone who worries about preschool. LIke a mom-friend of mine said, their 1-2 years of preschool really aren’t going to affect their acceptance into Harvard. Maybe in the States it does… Are coloring skills a factor in admission?
March 10th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Now here’s the real question: How much do these preschools cost?
You don’t have to say how much you pay specifically, you could simply say “really expensive”, but I would assume with the type of people who are attending these preschools, and as selective as they are, they are quite expensive.
As someone who is moving to LA soon, only 4 more months, and looking to start a family, I wonder if I won’t be eligible for these types of preschools because I don’t have a Beverly Hills address or because I’m not in a Beverly Hills tax bracket. I understand you aren’t from Beverly Hills, I just use it to make a point. In other words, what do us poor folks do for our kids?
Is there a way for people with less income to be able to afford the same quality schools as those “who wrote most of last summer’s blockbusters”.
Thanks for the great advice.
March 10th, 2009 at 8:31 am
Wait – are you implying that the kind of people who write summer blockbusters are not virginal geeks who spend all their time playing with expensive vintage Transformer toys? It’s very mean of you to shatter my assumptions, John. I felt I could have been part of that club. Alright, back to my voltrons and porno. :(
March 10th, 2009 at 8:52 am
@Andy: Some preschools are $1,000 a month. Some are a lot less. Some have scholarships. That’s why you need to do some research.
If you’re moving to LA and anticipate having kids in the next few years, it really is worth checking out which are the best/highest-scoring public schools and trying to move into their district. For charter and magnet schools, where you live is a little less important, but still a factor.
Actress Sandra Tsing Loh has a must-read website about navigating LA public schools:
http://www.sandratsingloh.com/index.php?pr=Guide_to_Schools
@Gideon:
All virginal geeks, who eventually got married. They still have expensive toys.
March 10th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Local tip: the preschool at plummer park (w. hollywood). it’s situated inside the park and at that less pricey than many others.
March 10th, 2009 at 9:38 am
It’s a little less crazy up in Burbank. We just moved our little one to a new preschool because the teachers at the last one seemed to yell a lot and were insensitive about food allergies. Love the new school and looking forward to meeting more parents/writers.
March 10th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Thanks for this. This, and all things baby, are terrifying to me. I’m one of those writers who has been “on the brink” for what feels like ever– I make enough money to live on writing, but I’m always one step away from comfort and comfort never quite comes. I’m pushing 36, and my far-more-sane wife insisted that I can’t live waiting for tomorrow, and so we had a baby, before the financial ease came. Just this past Christmas eve, actually. So now I’m frantically going in every direction, praying for the project I’m working on to go to the next stage, and terrified of the (rapidly encroaching) time when the baby is more expensive than diapers.
Best part about this: My agent, who hasn’t helped my career one iota (I’ve gotten all of my jobs through my own connections), told me that he’ll “work harder” for me now that I’m a father.
Dude, where ya been the last 10 years??
March 10th, 2009 at 10:13 am
If you’re considering the possibility of going whole-hog private for K-12 (or if you’re thinking of doing anything funky, like moving for a particular public school, or going magnet), there is another facet to consider when choosing a preschool.
To Illustrate:
We’ve been at 2 preschools now (they’re both preschool-only). The first (as described above) was a zoo, and the administrators seemed barely capable of getting through a school day; whenever I picked up my kid the principal looked like she was about to tear off to the nearest tavern, just to calm down. I asked her opinion of where I should send my kid for elementary school; she might as well have finger-babbled, buh buh buh buh buh.
The place we’re at now: Huge contrast. It has very energetic administrators, people who know all the private schools in town and actually personally know the headmasters at a lot of them. The manager put together an information session on where to send your kid next, and Fiona Whitney (of the Whitney guide) was the speaker. These are the kind of people can guide you, who can say, “I know your kid pretty well, and I think X, Y, and Z are places you should look at.” People who can make recommendations for you, who can bring you to the attention of admissions people at the schools you’re applying to next. People who can help you manage the convoluted process of applying to magnet schools, recommend not just the most prestigious private schools but also ones you might not have thought of, and who are actually vocal boosters for certain non-magnet public schools.
They helped us pick and apply, and we got into a great pre-K-12 that we’re excited about. I’m not from LA originally, I didn’t know shit about the schools here; it was great having the help of professional and passionate school administrators. (Anyone who’s interested give me a shout and I’ll email you the preschool’s info. In addition to having great people running it, it’s a great little school – fun, warm, laid-back, well-organized, unsnooty.)
So, my point is: think about that.
March 10th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Adding to what bagadonuts said: not only are some preschools better prepared than others to help you navigate the LA private school world, preschools tend to “feed” into a handful of specific elementary schools, who feel comfortable admitting kids from that preschool because they know the school, know the administrator of the school, know former students and families of the school. If you’re looking at preschools and think you’ll go the private school route, make sure you ask where their students tend to go to elementary school and see how you feel about the answer.
Also: distance from home/work is crucial with preschool because you’re going to make the drive twice a day –so if it’s 5 miles away, you’re going to drive 20 miles a day and spend prob over an hour a day in dropoff and pickup, and you’re going to do that most likely within a 3 hour period (unless you’re lucky enough to have a nanny to do it for you).
March 10th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Speaking as a former preschool teacher, John (and the many other commenters) are right – preschools can be dramatically different in philosophy and varying in quality.
Unfortunately because early childhood education has (up to this point) been regarded in America as a market and not a matter of public service, parents really have to be on their toes about where to put their kids. The majority of preschools and child care centers are utter disasters, so you might want to side-step those.
When looking for preschools, consider your own world view first. How do you view your child? What are your aspirations for him or her, and what are the things you and your family value? Preschools should reflect the broader culture and values of the community – you definitely want yours to reflect who you are.
Visit preschools and ask about their philosophy – ask about their image of young children. Are they instructivist or constructivist (teacher-led or child-driven) in their approach with children? Are children empowered, curious individuals, or vessels to be filled with teacher-chosen knowledge? Is their curriculum predetermined months in advance (out of a box), or does it emerge with the children’s own interests? Do they emphasis process or product? All of these are pretty important continuums that you have to figure out where you, and your desired preschool, fit on.
How do teachers and school administrators view the environment – as a calming home-like environment or a regimented school-like one? Are the children’s lives represented in the classroom, is their artwork on display, are children’s conversations and thoughts documented and reflected back to them through the environment? How do they regard and handle transitions during the day?
Also, how do they view Play? How much free play time are the children given? Are teachers able and trained to sustain, facilitate, and scaffold this play into deeper experiences for children?
Preschools aren’t always about sniffing glue and cutting apple shapes out of construction paper during the Fall time… in fact, the good ones almost never are about that sort of thing. (Especially the glue sniffing.) Ultimately, I think the biggest determinant of the quality of a preschool may just be how much thought the school, teachers, and staff give to the Big Question of “What is this all about?”
March 10th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
I, too, am sure John was exaggerating, but it’s worth mentioning again — all pre-schools are not the same.
You have to check each school’s stated philosophy, but they probably can be divided into two simplistic categories: teacher-guided or student-guided instruction. Do they (basically) sit the kids in a room with a bunch of options and let the kid decide what he wants to focus on and then they help him with it, or do they give a structured, scheduled learning experience.
Rather than decide which one of those is better or worse, the key is to know your child. My three yr old daughter craves structure, idolizes teachers and loves to be the teacher’s pet. She can survive in a Montessori-style free learning situation, but she does much better when following the teacher.
We recently got accepted at our preschool of choice, and there is nothing more stress-relieving that realizing we don’t have to go through this again for another 8 years.
Except if the school went to the 12th grade. That would be awesome.
RED
March 10th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
We’ve just started looking in Burbank for a preschool for our 3 year old. So far, it looks like it might be a tough job balancing quality and cost.
John, does the Whitney guide cover Burbank as well?
Ben, do you mind if I ask which school you chose and/or which ones you think we should avoid? Thanks.
March 10th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
“Aren’t all preschools basically the same? I mean, they’re mostly just singing songs about sharing and gluing things to paper.”
No, my friend. No. You just took everything I’ve worked for for the last 20 years and threw it in the garbage.
That’s okay, I wanted to be a screenwriter anyway, not a preschool teacher.
March 11th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Megamoze, we can talk offline about your questions. I’m at bslee@post.harvard.edu.
March 12th, 2009 at 4:30 am
I can vouch for different pre schools offering different things. I don’t have kids but my sister lives in Italy and has two kids in pre school. The school does a lot of art and games and the food is really healthy and really good. They also lock the building once the kids are inside, so if you’re late dropping off little precious, you won’t get in! the plus side is that it makes the place feel more secure (such are the times….) My sister was telling me the other day that some of the Moms were moving their kids because they thought the classes were too airy fairy. They do things like make black and white photo copies of the kids faces and get them to re interpret themselves in the style of a Warhol screen print one week and a Picasso the next. Her kids love it and are learning incredible stuff. My sister (who’s an architect) thinks this is AMAZING whereas some other Moms would prefer they do math…different strokes I guess.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
I don’t have kids so maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about, but whatever happened to daydreaming, playing in the dirt, and discovering your own anatomy? I know this is a whole different topic, but I’m surprised to hear creative types buy so wholly into this trend of over-structuring their children. Or am I misunderstanding?