Writing better scene openings
Today’s scriptcast focuses on how you start scenes.
The standard advice is always to come into a scene as late as possible, and exit as soon as you can. That’s a lot of what I’m doing in this tutorial. By picking the right opening action (or opening line), you can jump past a lot of boilerplate and get to the meat of the scene. Along the way, you can provide more texture and detail to keep it from feeling so generic.
To save your eyes from the tiny type, you may want to go full-screen. That’s the second button from the right on the bottom of the video.
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April 28th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Not directly related to this post, but – what application(s) do you use for screenwriting?
April 28th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
I quite enjoy these scriptcasts, thanks.
April 28th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
It’s been said before (and better), but thanks a million. This is one area I’ve struggled with mightily. I’m always trying to get the feel for an interesting rhythm of each scene and how the scenes follow each other, and it tends to pull me away from the basics of what important to the viewer (and needed to convey the story). Again, thanks John.
April 28th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
@Paul Hudson:
Either Final Draft or Screenwriter. This was Screenwriter.
April 28th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
That’s made of awesome John, but the original scene has her asking to speak to someone about the factory- Here we’ve left it with her simply denying that she’s a reporter.
Perhaps this is an essential link to the proceeding scenes? Perhaps the Manager knocks on her door later, to give her the inside scoop himself? Does the scene still serve it’s purpose?
April 28th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Uh oh, your HOTEL CLERK speaks as HOTEL MANAGER!
April 28th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
@George:
D’oh!
Mistake flagged at 1:52. (Reload if you still get the original.)
April 28th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Thanks for another Scriptcast. These are very helpful.
April 28th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
I love this little videos. Sorry for the off topic subject but: I’m from Chile and I’ve just came home from Robert McKee’s seminar. I went to it even after reading your thoughts on the seminar and even before reading your opinion I was pretty cynical about it. But the old man is okay. He’s a great teacher, and I didn’t agree with all of what he said but that was what made the seminar great: It forced me to justify my thoughts on certain subjects because he’s got all of his thoughts well justified. And he kept repeating “This is not the only way to do this and if you find your personal approach to it that’s okay” and he gave examples of some exceptions. I finally approved him. You should go to his seminar and give a “professional opinion” on McKee to avoid that “Ain’t it Cool News” approach you hate. Scott McCloud said that you should learn from everyone, but follow no one. I think that’s what McKee’s seminar is about.
April 28th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
John – these videos are great. The Scene Heading seems to read specific to general (Front Desk – Local Hotel); the Hollywood Standard book suggests the opposite. Which is more common?
April 28th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
I always struggle with how much to describe minor characters. It seems bare without some kind of description, and yet any description I give them seems unnecessary.
For example, regarding the Hotel Manager, does this scene change at all if you described him as “lanky, 40s, with a 5′o clock shadow”?
I guess I always wonder what’s the point of including details a casting director would be likely to ignore, but then I’m usually left with nothing but a bland age range and possible ethnicity.
April 28th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
So is it necessary to say that the clerk looks up at some point, or is that dictating action to much. It would seem that he never looks up or is that following to closely? Are you assuming the actor will just do what is natural or what is the cutoff for dictating action? Thanks and kudos again on a great product.
April 28th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Thanks for another great tutorial. I’m glad to see and hear that you use gotta, em, wanna, etc. as colloquialisms and it isn’t poor form.
April 28th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
It truly is beyond awesome that you take the time to do this for us up and comers. If only everyone in this business remembered that they too were a wannabe back in the day and took the time to reach back and lend a helping hand. Very classy.
April 28th, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Another winner. Hey, do you figure out what changes you’re going to make before you record these? Or do you just come up with the better version on the fly? Because improving these scenes on the fly would just be awesome.
On a related note… I smell another Writers Challenge.
RED
April 29th, 2009 at 12:41 am
@DJ – Describing a minor character is an opportunity to allow the casting director miles of rope… and make their job fun… AND rock your style. INSPIRE a vision in their head.
Some of the lines I remember YEARS after reading a script are plot-passive minor character intros.
I remember a certain pawn shop owner:
GIDEON, is a cunt. Fuck him.
GIDEON
Piss off! We’re closed! Go sleep it off someplace else dust-head. -- God damn creatures of the night.
I proofed this last week:
A DINGY BOW-TIE
is straightened. One of its owner’s filthy hands forms a cup and a long disgusting SNORTING SOUND follows just before the hand is SPAT into.
DUDLEY.
running his fingers through his hair as he waddles toward the kissing booth. If people were instruments... Dudley would be a tuba.
In one of John’s early scripts, (read it a while back but I still remember this…) there are these two passive college students and one is described as wearing a quasi-funny Star Trek shirt. And then when that character speaks, his name pops up as:
I GROK SPOCK
Whats up?
Did “I GROK SPOCK” serve the plot? – Could it have just been: DOUG? – Not remotely plot relevant. – But I was a reader, and I laughed out loud. – Did I turn the page? – Damn right I did. – Did it need to be there? – Yes. Yes it did. – He got the agent because of the writing.
April 29th, 2009 at 12:58 am
Found the one I was looking for:
CAPTAIN TWERPMAN: A man who clearly suffered from the haunting suspicion that someone, somewhere might be having fun.
April 29th, 2009 at 1:12 am
Thanks for those, Synthian. Absolutely hilarious.
April 29th, 2009 at 1:49 am
Really interesting, John, but I am wondering, too: Does this scene serve any purpose now? She’s checking into a hotel and denies being a reporter. Okay. But she doesn’t ask about the factory anymore, so isn’t it more likely to be cut now?
April 29th, 2009 at 3:11 am
Shouldn’t an ellipsis have a space preceeding it?
Without looking up …
April 29th, 2009 at 4:54 am
@ Kevin:
No.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:07 am
Thanks John,
I really enjoy these scriptcasts.
They’re very informative and hugely helpful. And I learned two new words today: bolo tie and boilerplate (ok I know that’s three!).
Really looking forward to the next one.
Brian.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:09 am
One more thank you for these, John. Very helpful.
One thing I’m wondering. When the driver’s license gets slid back and it is ‘Indeed, a New York ID’, would it help to specify an insert shot of the ID, so that we know it gets on screen? Or is that best left up to the director?
April 29th, 2009 at 9:51 am
These are pretty nifty… You should do one as you write an ENTIRE script. If you think I kid, I don’t. It would be an amazing extra on a dvd. The idea that movies get written usually conjures up one of two reactions: Ay, a blank stare as the person’s mind was just blown and the neural synapses are slowly trying to reassemble themselves if only to inititate retraction of the jaws muscles to close the person’s gaping mouth; or Bee, a shrug… as in, “so what, everybody can write”. Therein lies one of the main reasons writers get less respect in this town called Earth… it’s not so much because we’re ostensibly replacable, afterall, EVERY position on a movie is, including lead actors once the movie has started shooting (ask Eric Stolz), but the reason people lend little respect to our craft is because we write and everybody thinks they can too. And they can, technically, for most of the these imbec– people own or have access to a computer. What’s the big deal, you sit down and hit them keys! Writers don’t use no fancy equpment like a DP or a composer… think about it… people who walk into a composing studio are in awe of all the flashing lights… “three screens, whoah, he must be a genius!”. And most people are afraid to even touch a lightmeter let alone consider the notion that they too might be able to get an Fstop out of that tricorder. But a home style desktop, eeeeeasy, and as such less intimidating (=respect earing) than a the Red. Back to the point, showing them that real writing doesn’t happen on a computer but in your head might be a way to demonstrate that NO, writing ain’t easy, kids. I once thought of this idea to put a screenwriter on open display, like a shop window on 3rd equipped with a desk, pc and a large screen hovering over him that shows what she types as she types. You know, really show people the process. It would be an interesting marketing campaign for a Charlie Kaufman flick or maybe just a WGA “This is how we do it” scratch that.. “TRY THIS MOTHER%@$#!” promotion. Let me know if you’re up for it…
April 29th, 2009 at 10:08 am
@Johnny — just posted a blog along those lines… “Playwright v Scriptwright”. (Hope it’s okay to post a link…)
http://chipstreet.wordpress.com/2009/04/28/scriptwright-v-playwright/
People who write plays are playwrights. It has a romantic, artistic, craftsmanlike quality to it because it’s not quite literal… not a play “writer” but a play “wright”.
Wright, of course, meaning “a worker, esp. a constructive worker (used chiefly in combination): a wheelwright; a playwright.” So it’s not simply writing… any literate person can do that. But it’s one who constructs, who builds, who creates, which is so much more interesting than merely writing.
There is, however, no entry at dictionary.com for “scriptwright” (or for “screenwright“). We who write scripts (for film, television and video as opposed to the stage) are merely “screen writers”. We are literate, but somehow less creative.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:20 am
@ Chip Street
The word “playwright” is merely an archaic holdover from the days when not even Shakespeare knew how to spell his name “correctly”. The written word used to be much more of a guessing game — with no definitive correct spelling of things — that is why “playwright” has “wright” instead of “write”. It’s nothing to do with us poor screenwriters being OPPRESSED and DEMEANED by the white man. I mean Shakespeare.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:34 am
These screencasts are fantastic, John. But one thing continues to perplex me: When referring to an age range with a single number, should an apostrophe really be used?
For example, I’ve seen “a man in his 30s” as well as “a man in his 30’s”. Are they both correct?
(Obviously, you seem to prefer the apostrophe, but does it ultimately come down to personal preference?)
April 29th, 2009 at 11:03 am
I love it when you do these.
Because you mentioned that this was a horror film — unless the Hotel Manager was going to end up dead shortly and we need establish him beforehand — I’d want to have something else going on during this scene to add some tension.
Maybe Kara is looking out the window while the transaction is taking place, and she sees the guy she came there to meet. She starts getting ancey while still trying to be polite. Grabs her license back. Scribbles her name illegibly. Leaves the Manager while he’s still speaking, to track down the guy outside.
This rewritten version is loads better than the original, but I’d still fear it being cut. Is there a general rule of which “type” of scenes get cut first during rewrites?
April 29th, 2009 at 11:08 am
As everybody said: the screencasts are a brillant idea!
Your website was already one of the best out there, but with this addition, there’s no competition (plus, Wordplayer is only updated every other year).
April 29th, 2009 at 11:16 am
@Donovan. No worries — It’s a tongue in cheek post.
@Synthian — great samples.
John, love these videos, and the discussion they inspire.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:25 am
@Alan re: age style. I was going to mention this error. The possesive apostrophe is incorrect, though a common mistake. The number 30 does not belong to the man; he is around 30- to 39-years-old.
But nitpicking (as copyeditors do). Thanks, John, for these tutorials. And the great comments.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Thanks for the prompt answer.
The thing is, I am planning to purchase screenwriting software sometime this next week, but I am not sure whether to buy Final Draft or Movie Magic Screenwriter – both seem to have serious backing by the industry and their own groups of screenwriters. Do you have any pointers to help me decide (even if they are biased by your preference, no matter, I want the big picture, to know what different people think).
Thanks.
April 29th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Re. 32 Paul:
I’m using Celtx, which is a free, open-source screenwriting software. Maybe you should check it out, and you might save some cash!
April 29th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
@Synthian – Thanks. Those are great examples!
April 29th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Very useful advice…! Thanks for doing this John!! Love these tiny snippets of wisdom
April 29th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
@Paul Hudson:
Honestly, I don’t have big preferences between the two. Download the demos of both (and Celtx) and see which one you prefer. FD has a new version out soonish, but that shouldn’t be a deciding factor.
April 29th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
I really like these video tutorials, I hope they continue.
Quick question: What’s the current wisdom on using “cont’d” when a characters dialogue is interupted by action? I was told to take it out of something I wrote, but I see you’ve used it in this scene.
Is there a strong reason for using/not using, or is just a matter of personal preference?
April 29th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Shouldn’t the shot heading be the other way around? INT. LOCAL HOTEL – FRONT DESK – DAY
and not: INT. FRONT DESK – LOCAL HOTEL – DAY
Does that matter? Or am I wrong? thanks!
April 29th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
A testimonial I’ve prepared which you’re welcome to use extensively for credibility with new readers:
“A professional grace and prestige in his scriptcasts, yet willing to be undermined by petty errors that aspired writers like myself are able to spot for attainable reach towards his own mortality. Through Sir August, I feel like a zero who can transcend to …….. a hero.”
April 30th, 2009 at 7:15 am
@Donovan
I’m pretty sure you do have a space before an ellipsis, unless screenwriting has its own grammar.
April 30th, 2009 at 8:57 am
@Paul Hudson:
I’m a huge fan of CeltX — wrote my last script on it, and will probably use it forever. Even though (or perhaps, because) it’s free and open-source, it’s light years ahead of Final Draft in many ways. It has a Google Docs-like system whereby you can upload your script to a secure server and work on it from any computer. I was editing mine on three different computers — one Windows, one Mac, one Linux — totally seamlessly.
Final Draft is like Bose… came out with a great product, then proceeded to rest on their laurels for a decade or more while everyone else got ahead of them.
April 30th, 2009 at 11:46 am
John, I’m late finding them, but these scriptcasts are awesome.
Yesterday on a break from class, me and some of my fellow SCAers were talking about how some of our alums work so hard to help others succeed…your name came up as the guy who is ‘crazy determined’ to help both the school and the world. We all gushed about how amazing your website is, and the talk turned to scriptcasts, so I had to come check them out.
Across the hall from us was a plaque with your name on it…it’s great to see that you help by not only signing big checks, which we need, but by opening up the wonderful world of filmmaking for everyone.
Just thought I’d share with you, from the perspective of both a student of USC, and a student of yours.
I don’t mean to speak for anyone, but know that we all offer many, many thanks.
April 30th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
This video link seems to have been “Rove Rolled” for me. It’s a link to a Fox News interview. Anyone else?
April 30th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
John,
Absolutely love these. Learn a lot every time.
Related to writing better scene openings, I would love to see one of these, or to just get a general statement on, transitions.
I’ve been asked a couple of times to work on my transitions, but without additional input, so I’m not sure what — if anything — I’ve been doing wrong in those situations (I try to end a scene on new information, a question or something unusual, or at the very least on action; and start a scene on action, a question, or an answer to the previous scene’s end).
April 30th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Thank you so much for doing those YouTube scriptcasts John. They help so much you can’t believe. It also prolly saves you time, instead of having to type stuff out and cut and paste in your blog.
May 1st, 2009 at 8:38 am
A great little lesson! When I watched the video for the second time it struck me that JA has probably identified three or four ‘problem areas’ that are very common in beginners’ scripts (I’m not counting the Main Lesson: enter a scene as late as possible).
1 Instead of doing, characters announce what they intend to do or hope to do. This really works to deflate a scene because it takes the reader/viewer right out of the present. In films things are supposed to be happening now.
2 Writers’ obsession with the time frame of their story in real-world terms. Characters frequently specify time or time periods (tomorrow or the day after, one year ago etc) even though it serves no purpose — except perhaps to indicate to the audience that the writer has thought all this stuff out. Films are dream-like, an emotional state where time and our perception of time is definitely Daliesque. We like it that way. Perhaps there should be a screenwriting rule: Never drop specific time-information unless it’s absolutely essential to the story. If it isn’t we don’t want to know.
3 The psychologically improbable conversation.
KARA: On the way in, I passed a factory. HOTEL MANAGER: It’s been closed for a year. K comes up with a bland statement. Inexplicably HM appears to hear a question and promptly answers it.
May 1st, 2009 at 11:06 am
Schmetterling (thankfully)
May 1st, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Grammar:
Often an apostrophe is used, not to indicate possesion, but to show that something has been omitted. For example, it would be acceptable to use an apostrophe for ’30s, instead of 1930s, the apostrophe indicating that the 1 and the 9 have been left out. However, in the case of age, describing a “man in his 30’s” would be incorrect because nothing has been omitted between the 0 and the s.
And responding to another post, I don’t believe that there is a space between ellipses and the words that surround them.
May 1st, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Hi, James.
According to every single style manual I come across, an ellipsis always has a space before and after an ellipsis.
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:24 am
Ok-ok now– Here… Ellipses are not about a rule… they’re about consistency… watch:
THE POSTMAN
I don’t want any trouble... I bet you don’t either... Let’s just call it a draw, okay?
PULL BACK from Jack’s face. It’s pressed against TWO LARGE BREASTS that belong to...BOB, 45, a moose of a man. Jack is engulfed by Bob in an intense embrace. Bob weeps openly.
JACK (V.O.)
Bob had bitch tits.
JACK (V.O.)
This ... chick ... Marla Singer ... did not have testicular cancer. She was a liar.
Then, as he “recovers” from his very vivid dream, WE GET OUR FIRST LOOK AT HIS ENVIRONMENT...A WINDOWLESS UNDERGROUND WORLD OF ETERNAL NIGHT SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE...AN ALMOST COLORLESS “REALITY” OF BLURRED EDGES AND ECHOEY SOUNDS, MUCH MORE “DREAMLIKE” THAN HIS DREAM.
PROFESSOR
“..the black hole like a door is open... Evil comes ... sowing terror and chaos...” See? The snake, Billy. The Ultimate Evil ... make sure you get the snake!
PRESIDENT
(uneasy)
Staedert? Give me a minute... I have a doubt.
STAEDERT
(cold)
I don’t, Mr. President.
And guess what…… Peter Shaffer… AMADEOUS — 100% consistent. No ellipses.
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:55 am
My point is/was… whatever you do… its ok. Look at those guys. — Worry about your story. If you can write something even remotely within the ballpark of those guys… Trust me. — The last thing anybody’s gonna do is hold a town meeting about your ellipses.
May 2nd, 2009 at 2:54 am
Thanks for all the tips, everyone, I will definitely check out CeltX and compare all three products!
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:20 am
Thanks for the scriptcasts. They’re great.
May 3rd, 2009 at 1:16 am
“30’s” is incorrect everytime, unless you work at the NY Times, whose style-sheet clings to the outdated form. When reading my screenwriting students’ work I whack those apostrophes with a big red “x” every time I see them. I’d mark up John too, but then I’d just have white white out on my screen.
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Love the scriptcasts. Please, please keep ‘em going. And maybe a convenient link on the side of your page?
The masses are now making demands.
May 3rd, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Really good stuff.
May 3rd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Simply brilliant. Thank you for this site and being willing and able to give what you have; it is encouraging as a screenwriter in his infancy.
May 6th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
I loved it. Thank you.
May 6th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Burly man, bolo tie & walrus mustache. “I can sorta picture the actor who they would stick in that role.” Well, Noble Willingham died a few years ago, so that only leaves Wilford Brimley.
May 8th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Thanks John. Keep on Scriptcasting. Very helpful.
May 10th, 2009 at 4:27 am
Awesome stuff John, I am a screenwriter in England and these have really helped me! Cheers dog.
June 11th, 2009 at 6:14 am
Great re-write. Some of this translates to other forms of writing as well.