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Farrah Fawcett on Parade

Every week, I re-answer questions sent to Walter Scott’s Personality Parade®. Today’s column comes from January 7, 2007.

I was shocked by recent photos of Farrah Fawcett. Is she near death?—Carey Roberts, Cleveland, Ohio

Walter Scott cannot predict when or even if Farrah Fawcett will die, because he is not a doctor, and does not actually exist. He can, however, point out how great she was in “The Burning Bed,” and speculate whether the story paralleled any of the drama in her marriage to “Six Million Dollar Man” Lee Majors. (Answer: No.)

Female fashion models get all the attention. But who’s the world’s highest-paid male model?—Nancy A., New York, N.Y.

Sadly, Donald Trump.

Can you bring me up to date on Kaley Cuoco, who played the late John Ritter’s daughter on 8 Simple Rules?—Bethany Page, Rehoboth, Del.

What a coincidence that you asked that question: Kaley’s new Lifetime telefilm, To Be Fat Like Me, debuts tomorrow. Walter Scott will be setting his fictional TiVo to catch it, because he doesn’t want to bother Kaley’s publicist for a screener copy.

My friend says the Reese Witherspoon-Ryan Phillippe split had nothing to do with her jealousy over his fooling around with other women—that it was his jealousy of her. I say, “Jealous of what?�—Lauren Walker, Washington, D.C.

That’s funny: When I say “jealous of what?” over and over again, it sounds like “Jesuit.” Which brings up painful, long-repressed memories. Come to think of it, it’s not funny as much as heartbreaking. Maybe that’s why they split up.

You suggested that The View couldn’t accommodate both Rosie O’Donnell and Joy Behar. Do you think Rosie is hurting the show?—Dennis Woods, Culver City, Calif.

On the contrary, I think the show is hurting Rosie. Sales of her signature fragrance “Obscurity” have plummeted since she joined the harpy gabfest.

Since the medical limitations on the use of silicone have been lifted, will more celebs get implants?—B. Grant, Laguna Beach, Calif.

No. Hollywood celebrates inner beauty. And Walter Scott feels more than a handful is wasted.

One of my favorite Hollywood stars of all time is Sidney Poitier. Did he do his own singing in the 1959 film version of Porgy and Bess?—Gene Lockhart, Naples, Fla.

Google poitier singing porgy. It’s the first hit. Please Gene, don’t waste Walter’s time.

Is it true that Christine Ebersole, star of Broadway’s Grey Gardens, almost quit showbiz?—Beth Bayer, Morristown, N.J.

Yes. But consider this: it’s possible to “almost” decide to do anything. Just moments before she almost quit showbiz, Christine Ebersole almost told her neighbor that his wife was killed by a mountain lion, just to get see his reaction. That’s the kind of cruel woman she almost is.

Please settle a bet. I say that Willie Shoemaker is the winningest jockey ever. My husband says it’s Laffit Pincay Jr. Who buys dinner? —B. Redmile, Augusta, Ga.

Trick question: The man buys dinner. Always.

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