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I’ve been promising readers that I’d do more of these screenwriting scriptcasts. And I will. Today’s is nominally about dialogue, but I ended up switching a lot of stuff around in the scene in order to accommodate new — and reduced — dialogue.

Since this scene is much longer than most of these scriptcasts, I’m including before and after versions after the jump.

INT. WINNEBAGO – NIGHT

A young woman sits on a couch in an old, run down Winnebago. She is only 25, but she seems overly worn and agitated. She clutches her leather purse to her chest and smokes a cigarette. There is a tatoo of a rose on her ring finger.

This is MARLA.

There are a couple of space heaters humming in the corners, providing a faint electric heat.

WALTER comes in from the back bedroom of the Winnebago and sits across from Marla. He wears a black knit beanie and a New England Patriots hooded sweatshirt.

MARLA

It’s fucking freezing in here. Those heaters don’t do shit , you know.

WALTER

You’ll get used to it. I’ve got extension cords running all the way to my Mom’s house. I’ve got like 30 of them strung together. That’s like a quarter mile or something.

Walter opens a yellow lunch box and takes out a small electric scale and envelopes of tin foil.

WALTER

Did I mention today’s special? I’m giving away a free date with yours truly when you buy 2 grams.

Marla looks out the window across the frozen plain.

MARLA

In that case, I’ll just take one, then.

WALTER

Very funny. I’d act offended, but I’m a nice guy. You know that.

Walter takes a couple bags of yellow COCAINE.

WALTER

I’m giving you a couple free Oxys for the come down. I’ve been told this is an especially speedy batch.

Walter looks up at Marla who seems distracted by something.

WALTER

Come on, Marla. When are you going to let me take you dancing? We could drive down to that new club in Bangor.

MARLA

I would never be seen with you in public. It’s embarrassing enough I had to work with you.

WALTER

Well, you don’t no more. You really pissed off the other waitresses, by the way. I think Maggie wants to fight you.

MARLA

Please. Maggie is a cunt.

After a beat.

MARLA

You done over there? I can see my breath in this place.

WALTER

What? So you’re just using me then? Is that it? I thought you liked me.

Marla takes the baggies and stuffs them into her purse. She gets up and walks out the front door of the Winnebago.

Walter shakes his head, smiles and pops a cigarette into the corner of his mouth. The heaters buzz.

Here’s the revised version:

EXT. DIRT ROAD IN THE WOODS – NIGHT

A heavyset man in a New England Patriots sweatshirt works his way down a chain of extension cords, unplugging them and plugging them back in. He’s methodical and unhurried, despite the cold.

This is WALTER. He’s 40, with a Grizzly Adams beard.

The cords connect a broken-down Winnebago to a house a hundred yards away. At least, they’re supposed to.

INT. WINNEBAGO – NIGHT

With a BUZZ, an electric space heater begins to glow, its power restored. Battery lights FLICKER ON.

Seated on a worn-out couch, a young woman pulls her last cigarette from the pack. She YELLS OUT to Walter:

MARLA

That’s it.

WALTER (O.S.)

I get it?

MARLA

(annoyed)

Yes!

This is MARLA. She’s a hard-lived 25.

She tries to light her cigarette, flicking her lighter again and again. It’s dead.

The trailer rocks as Walter climbs in. Spots the cigarette.

WALTER

Wish you wouldn’t smoke.

She puts the cigarette back in the pack, not even looking at him.

WALTER

Just, I got asthma.

TIME CUT TO:

A YELLOW TACKLE BOX

Walter opens it, sorting through the contents.

WALTER

I’m giving you a couple free Oxys for the come down. I’ve been told this is an especially speedy batch.

Marla gets her money ready.

WALTER

Did I mention today’s special? Buy two, you get a free date with yours truly.

MARLA

In that case, I’ll just take one.

WALTER

Come on, Marla. When are you going to let me take you dancing? We could drive down to that new club in Bangor.

MARLA

I don’t really dance.

WALTER

Movie, then.

She doesn’t answer. Walter takes that as a no. He hands her two little baggies .

WALTER

I’m not a bad guy, Marla.

MARLA

Didn’t say you were.

She hands him the money and heads out.

INT. MARLA’S CAR / EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

Marla starts the engine. To her right, she sees WALTER’S MOM (70) watching out the kitchen window, concerned.

Marla backs down the driveway.