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Scriptnotes Transcript

Scriptnotes, Ep 408: Rolling Dice, Transcript

July 19, 2019 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2019/rolling-dice).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Episode 408 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the podcast we have far too much to talk about.

**Craig:** Oh no.

**John:** Eight topics, any one of which could be the centerpiece. So I thought Craig we might borrow something we do every time we play D&D which is there’s situations where arrows are shooting into a group of people and you’re not quite sure who the target is. So you as a DM, what kind of thing might you do to figure out which of those random people is the target?

**Craig:** You give them a number. You count how many there are. And you roll that many sided die.

**John:** So luckily in the world there exist eight-sided dice. So here are the topics we will let the dice decide which order they will fall into. The topics are: Aladdin. Chernobyl. John’s new agent. The WGA elections. The status of the agency stuff. Craig’s solo episode. WGA financials. And dots, dashes, and parentheticals.

**Craig:** Ding.

**John:** One small craft topic.

**Craig:** I just wanted to add the Jeopardy noise.

**John:** It’s important.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** We could have Matthew do it in post but really I think that artisanal homemade feel is what this podcast goes for.

**Craig:** Ding!

**John:** Ding. But first, Craig, there was some follow up from Episode 406. Do you want to talk us through this?

**Craig:** Sure, Alice, a longtime listener, first-time commenter writes, “Dear John and Craig. I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your discussion with Rachel Bloom about how sex is portrayed on TV. You asked her to give you a wish list of the kind of scenes she wanted to see but I don’t think she did. So here is my wish list of what I would like to see more of.

“One, discussions of contraception. A humorous and embarrassingly memorable example is in the movie Shop Girl. Two, allowing men to say no to sex instead of implying that they are always ready to go at a moment’s notice. Three, discussion of menstruation as a natural part of a woman’s life and not just as a punchline. Four, verbal discussions of what kind of sex the characters are comfortable with before the act. Although it has been derided by many, one of the good things about 50 Shades of Gray is that they had such a discussion. Many shows imply that not saying no means yes and they skirt dangerously close to date rape, see for instance Blade Runner.

“Five, more laughing during sex because it can be hilarious. Thanks so much for your show. Keep up the good work”

That’s a pretty good list.

**John:** That’s a great list. Alice, thank you very much for that list. I hope that some of these topics make it on to the whiteboards of TV shows that are in the room right now to figure out their seasons because they’re all good things. And there’s ways to do all those topics even on broadcast television. So yes, more of that.

**Craig:** Yep.

**John:** Yep. All right, let’s get to our eight big topics because this could be a marathon episode if we don’t get to it quickly. So I could roll a physical die but I think I’m going to try to have Siri roll the die for us so that everyone can hear and so that Craig knows I’m not cheating and trying to – because we’re doing this on Skype so he can’t see what I’m doing.

**Craig:** True.

**John:** Roll an eight-sided die.

**Siri:** Rolling.

**Craig:** Wow.

**Siri:** Five this time.

**Craig:** Wow. Whoa.

**John:** Siri has picked number five.

**Craig:** God, she started us off with a hot topic.

**John:** Oh, the status of the agency stuff. Oh my gosh. All right, let’s get into this.

**Craig:** Let’s do it.

**John:** So much has happened since we last talked about the agency stuff, but nothing really fundamentally on the ground has changed. Let me recap some of what’s happened since we talked about it on the show last, because there are a lot of little individual things. And we are recording this on a Friday. By Tuesday when this episode comes out, who knows, things could have changed again.

So, the WGA got back into the room with the ATA. The ATA doubled their previous offer on packaging but didn’t change anything on producing. That’s a fair summary I think of what happened in that room. It didn’t go great. In a video response the president of the WGA, David Goodman, explained that revenue sharing was a non-starter and that we weren’t going to negotiate percentages on something we didn’t think addressed the fundamental issues involved.

At the same time the WGA stated they were at an impasse with the ATA and would begin negotiating with the individual agencies instead. Then, WME, CAA, and UTA sued the WGA for antitrust. They were separate lawsuits but they’re basically all saying that the writer firing that happened in April amounted to an illegal boycott. The WGA issued a cease and desist to the ATA claiming antitrust, price fixing, and unlawful collusion.

The WGA sent out a modified proposal allowing a one-year sunset clause on packaging fees. Abrams Agency let the world know that they were willing to give up packaging fees and producing since they were the first of the major ATA agencies to sort of break away from the pact there. But they didn’t want to sign the Verve agreement, so as we’re recording this it’s not clear that anything is actually going to happen with Abrams. So, that’s a summary of I think the highlights of what’s happened since we last talked about this on the show.

**Craig:** Yeah, if we want to call those highlights. So, it seems to me that the kind of missiles, the legal missiles that are firing back and forth is, well, in the short term – and when I say short term I mean probably within a year – I can’t imagine either one of those or any of these kind of cross-suits having a direct impact because it’s going to take forever to wend its way through the system. These are leverage moves.

I am so disappointed. I’m just going to come out and say it. I am so disappointed with the position that our side took which is that revenue sharing was a non-starter. I don’t know how else to get to an agreement myself. And I’m concerned that the agencies make so much money off of packaging fees that they may just look at the numbers and say we make more if we keep packaging directors and actors and never get anything from writers than we would if everybody goes to 10%. In which case this never ends. And the guild sort of unilaterally excludes its own membership from the four biggest agencies on the planet, which I’ve said before is unacceptable to me for so many reasons, not the least of which is I think it will permanently damage our status in television which is well-earned and well-deserved and hard fought for.

So, I’m really disappointed. And I think it’s something that has to change. I don’t think we’re going to get there with a lot of the same people in charge. I don’t think anything is going to happen until an election. And I just feel a little jerked around. I think that the vote that we had, the implication was give us negotiation strength so we can negotiate a deal and we haven’t negotiated anything. We’ve just said, nah, no packaging fees. So, I’m upset. I’m upset. Yeah.

**John:** I hear all that. And so last time as you vented I didn’t sort of respond back. I do want to respond back on some things because I feel like there’s some differences of opinion here that are important to voice.

So I can’t say some things that are sort of stuff that’s ongoing. I do think it’s a little disingenuous to say that, well, you can say that you gave him your vote on moving ahead to give them leverage to make a deal. But I think it’s very clear and there’s good tape to show that the request with the vote is to vote honestly, to vote your conscience, and not to vote to give them leverage. And that’s a thing that was said repeatedly in the run up to it.

So, I can totally understand why you felt you were doing that and that could have been your intention, but that wasn’t a thing that was asked for. Am I communicating that clearly?

**Craig:** Yes. I disagree.

**John:** OK. We can disagree on that point.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** I share your frustration and disappointment at this process. I think I quite naturally direct most of my frustration and disappointment at the agencies for not looking at their clients, or their former clients, and a valuable thing for them to be winning back. And I don’t see them trying very hard to do it. And so I think a difference I’ve noticed with the smaller agencies and we’re going to get to Verve later on, but of the major agencies only Verve was the one who emailed out a survey to all their former clients saying like, hey, what do you actually want. And they took the results of what they heard back from their former clients and realized like, oh crap, we should probably actually take that seriously.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** And I don’t see the agencies, big, and some of the smaller ones, too, taking that seriously.

**Craig:** I agree with you on that.

**John:** That’s a thing I would hope to see more of in this near period.

**Craig:** You won’t. [laughs] You won’t. I don’t foresee that changing on their part. I mean, just so you know, I don’t think that their angels in any way, shape, or form. To me they’re a known quantity in a sense, so I just – I’m so pragmatic. You know, I just think like, OK, they’re not going to stop being leopards, but we need to figure out how to get them to stop taking bites out of our leg and go back to biting other people on the leg. And any kind of hope that they’re going to find their way toward some sort of more moral position is I think ultimately going to be fruitless.

**John:** Oh, no, no, I’m not arguing for a moral position. I’m arguing strictly practical. Strictly sort of like what do the numbers tell us. And what is the opinion of the folks we were trying to represent as clients? And I don’t see them actually doing that.

As I would say in the run up to it they were doing a lot of outreach meetings trying to sway that opinion but didn’t do a lot of actually listening sort of what that opinion would be or what the opinion is right now.

**Craig:** Yeah. They blew that. They blew it. No question.

**John:** I do want to talk a moment about the revenue sharing, the decision not to move ahead with the revenue sharing. And we’ll link to the video which sort of explains why that became a non-starter. You know, as the video explains it wasn’t simply that it was the moral issue of sort of we’re now trying to share this thing we don’t think should exist. It was also the practical matter of how the hell are we supposed to divvy up this pie and divvy up this pie not only necessarily among writers but other folks who would be perhaps entitled to a piece of this packaging fees. It became – it was basically like kick it all at the WGA to figure out how to disentangle this incredible mass of stuff that would be heading our direction. And it wasn’t clear how soon that money would be coming. It became clear that we were negotiating to enter into a percentage negotiation on this thing was to accept a tremendous amount of responsibility for dividing this thing that was probably indivisible.

And that there were other topics. There were other solutions that were not being seriously considered because this had been the anointed decision.

**Craig:** I think it’s our responsibility if we’re going to demand that our membership fire all their agents that they have relationships with and empower our guild to negotiate with the agencies, then yeah, it’s their responsibility to do the difficult thing. Of course it’s difficult. If it were easy, you know, this wouldn’t be a negotiation or at least the potential for a negotiation. It’s not going to be as difficult as the MBA which is 800 pages.

We have models for divvying pooled amounts of money between writers, directors, and actors – residuals for instance is an excellent model. And I do think there’s a way to do revenue sharing that restores the you-make-more-when-we-make-more. The fact that it simply wasn’t explored either somebody – either we don’t have the right people because our people are saying, “Oh golly, the math is too hard.” Or we’re using that and when I say we I mean some people inside the building are using that as an excuse. I don’t know how else to get there. I literally don’t. I’ve thought about it for a while. I don’t know how else to get there and I don’t think we will get there any other way.

And, by the way, we’re leaving money on the table which I think is really bad for writers. Again, we’ve empowered the union to make a deal for us and they’re not. Currently the plan appears to be nothing, because saying we’re going to negotiate with the individual agencies, they’re not doing that. They’re not going to do it.

**John:** Again, things I can say and things I can’t say. I think what you say from Abrams was an attempt to do that. And so we’ll see–

**Craig:** I’m sorry, they don’t count. And no offense to Abrams, and no offense to their clients, but the big four are the ones that we have to figure out how to live with. We have to. Or we’re going to be damaged.

**John:** Yeah. I understand the sense of the necessity of figuring out how we’re going to deal with the giant elephants in the room.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** I totally do hear that and understand. I will say that there are the members of the negotiating committee and the board do understand that and do have – that is a subject of discussion.

**Craig:** I’m praying for all of us. And when I say I’m praying I don’t pray. I just sit and stew really is what I do.

**John:** As an atheist Craig prays. All right, are we ready to roll the die again?

**Craig:** Roll it.

**John:** Roll an eight-sided die.

**Siri:** It’s four this time.

**Craig:** Four.

**John:** Four.

**Craig:** Oh, more WGA stuff.

**John:** Oh, this is a very related thing. So it’s the WGA elections. The announcement came out about the upcoming WGA elections. Every year we have an election. Every year on this podcast we talk about the elections. In certain cycles we’re electing the officers, so the president, the vice president, and the combined secretary/treasurer. In other cycles we are just electing half of the board. So there’s a total of 16 people on the WGA West board. Eight each time are up for reelection or for selection for those spots.

So if you’re looking through the list that came out recently of who those candidates are you will notice Craig Mazin is among the people who is running for the WGA board.

**Craig:** What an idiot. What an idiot.

**John:** I can say that because I’m not a person who is running for election in this cycle.

**Craig:** So smart.

**John:** So Craig and I would not be on the board at the same time if this were to happen. There are eight board seats. There are 17 board candidates. But there could be some more being added because people can also submit their names by petition. Those petitions have to be received at the guild by July 23.

There will be a candidates’ night forum which I suspect this year will actually be fascinating. Where people can ask questions of the candidates and sort of engage in a discussion there. That is happening Wednesday, August 28, at the WGA headquarters, probably in the newly refurbished room that is so much better than it used to be.

**Craig:** So much better.

**John:** So much better. Voting ends on Monday, September 16. So, the candidates’ night forum is probably the start of the election cycle, so the 28th. But all voting is done by September 16. So, we’ve still got a long runway ahead of us here.

**Craig:** Yeah. Thank god. Because I really don’t want to do any of this stuff for a while. Campaigning is inherently demeaning to everyone. I really do believe that. I wish we didn’t have to do any of it. But I understand the point of campaigning. I mean, you need to let voters know what you think.

You and I talked about how we do the podcast. When you were running our basic rule was we could talk about WGA issues the way we always do and we could endorse other people, but you couldn’t campaign for yourself. And I think that’s a perfectly good way we should approach mine.

**John:** And on this podcast I will not be promoting you either, so it will just be a discussion of the general things and the election, encouraging people to vote, but not to vote necessarily for–

**Craig:** Me.

**John:** You, a person who is on this here podcast.

**Craig:** Correct.

**John:** So, Craig, things you get to look forward which may be different from the last time you were on the board because that was 10 years ago? More. It was a long time ago.

**Craig:** Almost 15 years ago.

**John:** 15 years since you’ve been on the board. So a thing you will probably be doing, you will probably go to wix.com because everybody goes to the exact same website for the endorsement stuff. So you put up a little endorsement website with a form that fills out. People fill out their form.

**Craig:** I was the first person to use an online form.

**John:** Craig, you were a trailblazer back in the day.

**Craig:** I was just lazy. It was Wufoo was what I was using back then.

**John:** Wufoo is the other good choice. So Wufoo probably will be the one you’re using. You know what, I said Wix. I bet it was Wufoo that I used this last time. I blocked it out of my memory.

**Craig:** There you go.

**John:** But that will happen and you might have some events. You’ll get some people to endorse you. It will be a thing.

**Craig:** Oh god.

**John:** Craig, it’s important to have screenwriters on the board. Because here’s a general pitch I can make on behalf of sort of interests of the board and just what I’ve seen is there will be really smart, talented people running for everything which is great. I want to make sure that as I leave the board, as Andrea Berloff leaves the board, and Zak Penn leaves the board, that’s three screenwriters we’re going to be down. So please do elect some folks who are primarily feature writers, or at least do write features because some of those issues are different and we need to make sure that screenwriters are well represented on the board.

**Craig:** I feel like I have enough anger for five screenwriters.

**John:** Yes. But you’re only one person.

**Craig:** I’m only one person.

**John:** And you will also be busy doing other things. So I want to make sure that the screen subcommittee that Michelle Maroney and I started and ran these last two years can persist, because there are enough people on it to actually get that work done.

**Craig:** Nevertheless we persisted. We will persist.

**John:** Nevertheless.

**Craig:** We will persist.

**John:** And now we will roll the die again.

**Craig:** Woo-woo.

**John:** Roll an eight-sided die.

**Siri:** Rolling. It’s seven.

**John:** Seven.

**Craig:** All right.

**John:** Oh my god, we’re so WGA focused in the start here. I apologize. This really was random. Every year the WGA has to publish its annual report, its financials. And every year on this podcast we talk about it, so let’s quickly look through the financial report. We’ll put a link to the PDF in the show notes here.

**Craig:** Yeah. Well, some interesting things popped out but no more interesting to me than the very first thing that the guild currently for fiscal year, for this fiscal year, ran an operating surplus of $10 million. And this practically sent me through the roof. Why?

Because, it’s not like surpluses are inherently a bad thing. In a sense you can squirrel away from stuff for a potential cold winter. My problem is that screenwriters pay 1.5% in dues. It used to be 1%. Then it went to 1.5% of every dollar they make in writing income and residuals to the union. Television writers don’t. They pay 1.5% of WGA minimum because there’s this other surplus money they make as producers that the WGA can’t touch. So essentially feature writers have been over-taxed in a way that is hard to describe. And when we’re running a deficit it’s hard to make an argument that you should be reducing one category’s dues rate. But we’re not.

So to add insult to injury we’re running a surplus of $10 million. That’s for an organization that spends about $43 million a year. So that’s like 25%. It’s a lot. So, I think dues reform has to happen. Has to.

**John:** Great. That’s a thing Craig Mazin can do if you were elected. That won’t be controversial at all, Craig. I think that will be smooth sailing, nothing to worry about. Those aren’t live wires sitting in a shallow puddle.

**Craig:** It’s all I’ve ever wanted.

**John:** No worries there. Let’s take a look at some of the little chart things because I always find that interesting. So the number of writers reporting earnings, which is basically the number of working writers really, that dropped 0.6%, but the overall amount earned grew 4.2%. That was slower growth than previous years, but sometimes those numbers in the last year adjust upwards because stuff gets reported late. So I’m not going to take that with too much – I would say it looks more flat than anything else, so we’ll see what happens.

**Craig:** Yeah. That’s my guess, too. But of note we have increased our earnings every single year for five years running now. We’re doing well.

**John:** And easily you can point to the growth of streaming television as why there are more jobs. We’re making more money because there are more writers working. There were 6,057 writers working this last year earning $1.5 billion. That’s great. We cannot count on that always happening. There’s obviously disparities between features and television. What I found interesting is that there was a decline in the number of people working in TV but not in features. Actually the number of people working in features was up a tiny bit.

**Craig:** Yeah. I think that’s Netflix.

**John:** That’s probably Netflix. Movies written for Netflix. I’m sure you’re right.

**Craig:** I think that’s what it is. Also, it’s good to note that even though we are essentially flat in terms of the number of writers reporting earnings, I mean, it’s just like whatever 38 fewer, we still are going up in earnings, meaning we’re earning more per writer which is great to see.

**John:** Yeah. But let’s take a look at sort of why that is is it tracks pretty closely to the increase in scale minimums that happen. Because particularly in TV, as Craig said earlier about dues, is that in television we’re only looking at the writing income and that writing income tends to be scale. It’s producing income that’s above scale. And so as we’re looking at writing income increasing that’s largely because every three years we’re negotiating for increases in those things. So, that’s largely what’s pushing those numbers up.

So, we’ve just got to keep pushing those numbers up.

**Craig:** That’s true. In screen, however, where that doesn’t apply at all, we are again doing better, which is great, because screen, you know, really got hammered for a while. So in feature I think entirely because of Netflix, I really do, we have essentially again holding flat the number of writers between 2017 and 2018, but the income goes up again, I think when everything is rounded up probably around 8% or so, or 9%, which is fantastic. It means, again, we are earning more per writer in features which is a sign of the marketplace.

**John:** Yep. Let’s take a last look at residuals. So TV residuals were up 10.6% to $307 million. That’s good. Theatrical residuals were basically flat line, it was a 1% increase to $154 million. The best part of that chart to look at is the source of where that money comes from, because the actual money coming in is about the same year to year, it’s that it used to be home video and now it’s entirely “new media,” which is streaming, it’s Netflix, once again.

The answer to most of the questions in the annual financial report is Netflix.

**Craig:** Correct. It has made a massive difference in things which is scary. You actually don’t want that to be so concentrated in one area, but while it’s happening let us celebrate it and make hay as the sun shines as they say. The only other thing I noticed, and this just sort of is a general bums me out thing, our legal department every year reports the number of open cases they have. Those are cases that they’re pursuing that have not yet been resolved. And every year roughly that number is around 500 and change.

It’s too much. Either we don’t have enough lawyers or, I don’t know.

**John:** Actually, I’m going to – so I will say that I see the settlements and I see sort of what actually happens. The amount of money that legal brings in in getting stuff done is really impressive. So, the fact that we may have 500, those aren’t the same 500 year to year.

**Craig:** Of course.

**John:** That’s how many they’re actively pursuing. And so you may absolutely be correct that we may need more resources there, but I don’t know that more resources would actually push that number down. It might just mean that we are bringing more cases. I think the better thing to look at is how much money are we collecting for our writers who are not able to collect it for themselves. And I think that is a meaningful statistic to look at.

**Craig:** Yeah. And for that we kind of move in a weird way between about $4.5 million and $16 million, it was a high water mark in 2014. 2017 was $5.6. This year it was $10.8. So, yeah, you know, it’s in that kind of zone. This looks to be more like an off year for us, but it may be cyclical. We may get more stuff done by the end of the year. I don’t know.

But, yeah, you know, I think more lawyers would be a good thing.

**John:** So, and here’s what I’ll stress I that whether it’s $4 million or $10 million that the guild is bringing in overall, if you are one of those writers who is not getting paid or needs that money that is a game changer. So we have to make that for every member we are able to do that work and sort of deliver the checks that they deserve.

**Craig:** Unquestionably.

**John:** So that’s a thing that if you are back on the board this next time you can look at their reports every time and see who we’re getting money for and that to me is one of the best parts of every meeting is seeing what they were actually able to do and solve.

**Craig:** Yep. I will.

**John:** Let us roll the dice again.

**Craig:** Roll it.

**John:** Roll an eight-sided die.

**Siri:** OK. Seven this time.

**Craig:** We already did that one.

**John:** OK, we repeated a seven. So maybe we need to switch to a D6. Let’s renumber and go to D6. Change here. So we’re going to get rid of – number four is gone.

**Craig:** Number five.

**John:** So four will now become your solo. Four is now your solo.

**Craig:** And five is gone, too.

**John:** Roll a six-sided die.

**Siri:** It’s five.

**John:** Number five – dots, dashes, and parentheticals. So, a long time ago I would do these little videos on YouTube where I would record my screen as I was writing through a scene and talking through stuff and people found them really helpful. They were just a huge hassle for me to do and so I sort of stopped doing them. But this last week I was answering a question, I guess coming in through the mailbox through ask@johnaugust.com about when do I use three dots versus when do I use two dashes. And it felt like the kind of thing that like it’s just going to make much more sense for me to just show in a video than try to describe it.

So I’ll put a link in the show notes to it, but it’s a little six-minute video I did that sort of talks through the conventions of when to use three dots versus dashes when dialogue is interrupted or when people don’t finish their thoughts.

Craig, was it consistent with what you do? I go for three dots when someone is trailing off, when it’s like an incomplete thought. I use two dashes for someone who is cut off by either another event or someone else interrupting them. Is that what you tend to do?

**Craig:** Essentially. Yeah. I will also – I will use dashes if I’m cutting them off because I’m putting a parenthetical in or some action takes place. So it’s meant to say there is no real disruption. If I go from you’re saying something dash-dash and then you’re saying something start with two dashes, and then continue. That just means you keep rolling.

So, yeah, that’s pretty much what I do.

**John:** The last little point that I talk about in the video is that when characters are talking over each other you have a couple of choices. And a tempting choice is always to do dual dialogue and it’s rarely the right choice. So there can be cases where you have two people speechifying at the same time. And the point is that they’re not listening to each other. That’s an example where dual dialogue might make a lot of sense.

You also have situations where do you want to go to the park, one character says yes, one character says no, and they say it simultaneously. You can dual dialogue that.

But if someone is just overlapping or you want the sense that people are talking over each other, I find the parenthetical of overlapping or at the same time tends to be more helpful in communicating what I’m trying to convey on the page. Is that your experience, too?

**Craig:** It is. I almost never use it. I used it one time out of all of the five scripts for Chernobyl and it was when Akimov and Dyatlov are having an argument about what the rules state, that you can’t lower it from 50%, when we came down from 80%. And I wanted it to basically be these two guys were essentially talking over each other and not listening to each other and that worked.

But by and large I just think that forcing overlaps like that is very mannered and it’s also uncommon. People don’t really do that with each other. They might overlap each other a little bit naturally at the beginning and end of something, or interrupt each other, but it’s so rare to have people just talking at the same time and not stopping.

**John:** We were rewatching Call Me by Your Name last night and there is a section in that where this Italian couple is at the table and they’re just talking constantly. And so that was a situation where you literally would put the side-by-side dialogue because it’s 30 seconds where they’re talking at the same time and not paying attention to each other at all. So that’s an example where you might want to do that.

But this last week on Twitter, Craig, someone had tweeted at both of us asking how much do you use beat. So there’s a convention which is not maybe a great convention in screenwriting, where as a parenthetical you just say “beat” which means sort of a pause or it’s a moment. It’s an interruption and such. And I said I don’t tend to use beat all that often. That I probably use it less than I used to. But I really liked your answer to it, so talk us through what you often do in that parenthetical.

**Craig:** Well, like you I’ve reduced my usage of beat, mostly because it’s so generic. It really is just saying nothing more than a mechanical instruction to the actor, pause. Right? But a pause is there for a reason. And as I’ve kind of gone on in my career I’ve just become more and more enamored of just informing the actor and director what the subtext is through parenthetical or through action lines. And so instead of just saying beat I might say reconsiders, or questions herself, or realizes. So that the reader and the actor and the director all understand why something there is happening. And it also gives them the choice of how to time it. So you don’t have this rigid pause but rather sometimes that little flash can happen so quickly that we see it happening and they keep talking and that’s way better than a kind of overdone stop, two, three, next line.

**John:** For sure. So I really liked how you phrased that on Twitter. It was a better answer than I gave so I wanted to make sure that you said it aloud because not everybody reads the tweets.

**Craig:** Well, thank you, John.

**John:** Rolling the dice. Roll a four-sided die.

**Craig:** So cute.

**Siri:** It’s three.

**John:** It’s number three.

**Craig:** Oh, it’s your new agent.

**John:** I got a new agent. Yeah, so that was big news of this last week. So for the first time in 20 years I have a new agent, a new agency. I switched to Verve. So I decided I would tweet out that I’d done this just so that I could actually say my whole – present my whole case and not have it sort of misreported in the trades. And that mostly worked. So there was an article in the trades about it, but it actually just said what I said and I didn’t have to answer any reporter questions.

**Craig:** Isn’t it amazing? Like I honestly feel like 95% of the things that are in the sort of web journalism are simply regurgitations of other things. Like they don’t do any – did they even call you? Or did they just reprint what you said?

**John:** They just reprinted what I said. And here’s the thing. The conversation we had earlier about the agency situation, they will recap that as if they are quoting it. So I just want to call out the people who are going to do this in Deadline especially right now. You know what, at least mention the Scriptnotes podcast. Because so often they’re saying like “In a recent podcast” and it’s like what podcast. Oh, my podcast? That’s where I said it, in my own podcast.

**Craig:** Why wouldn’t you call us? If you’re doing an article you should call. I mean, all you’re doing is just, what, writing down something transcribed and it’s not – how is that a thing?

Anyway, so you have a new agent at Verve.

**John:** I have a new agent at Verve. So here are the tweets I sent out and this really is sort of a good recap, but I’ll do a little framing around it afterwards. So, I tweeted, “I’ve signed with Verve. They’re the agency that represents some of my favorite writers, including Michael Arndt, Meg LeFauve and three of my former assistants,” which is true. “I’m excited to join them.”

Tweet two, “Back in April, I tweeted that I’d happily give my UTA agent of 20+ years a kidney. The offer still stands. But my frustration with big agency practices has only grown. I don’t think they’re putting clients first.”

Tweet three, “When I toured Verve, I really liked the vibe and spirit. It felt like a good match. To be clear: I would have met with ANY agency that had signed the agreement. I know a lot of screenwriters who will do the same.”

Four, “My decision to go to Verve is entirely my own. Yes, I’m on the WGA board but that’s not why I’m making the move. I remain committed to reaching an agency agreement that serves all writers. WGA West members can help by filling out the survey coming to inboxes this weekend.”

So those are my four tweets. And it was my decision to move there and that’s not going to be applicable to a lot of other people, but you have actually changed agents more than I have. And so I kind of want to talk through what it’s like to change agents because this was kind of a new thing for me. So I could talk through sort of what I did, but I suspect there’s some useful things for anyone who is considering moving from one agent to another for whatever reason if it’s not sort of this reason.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** Cool. So, in my case I reached out to see who is there and who is there that could vouch for them or just give me some experience on the ground. So I reached out to Jac Schaeffer. She’s the writer who is running the Scarlet Witch show that Megan McDonnell, our former Scriptnotes producer, is writing on. So I reached out to Jac and I said, “Hey, I know you’re at Verve. Are you happy at Verve? And if you are at Verve who is your principal agent there because I’m considering making a switch?”

She wrote back that her agent there was Bill Weinstein, he’s fantastic, and offered to make the email introduction. And that is a very common way things happen here is someone who knows both people makes the email introduction just so it’s not me blinding emailing into somebody at Verve.

**Craig:** Yeah. I think the times that I’ve done this, there was one time where I really did a big I’m going to sit down and meet with all of the major agencies and talk to all of them and then pick one. And with that I used my attorney. I basically had him kind of call and say, “OK, would you like to meet with him? And who would like to meet with him over there?” And those were decided and off we went. It was a week of awkward couches.

**John:** And so used your attorney for that, other writers might use a manager for that. That’s a very classic thing that managers set up agency meetings for a person to go in and sign with an agency.

So in this case it was this writer who had made the introduction. I emailed with Bill Weinstein. We scheduled a phone call. We had a good phone call. Set up a time for me to go in. And before I went in they read some stuff so they’d have some stuff to talk about when I actually came in.

I went in, I met – I shook so many hands. I met kind of everyone at the agency. I sat down with Bill Weinstein and two other agents to talk through specifically what my goals were and what I was looking at for the next year and couple years ahead in my career.

Then I talked to my attorney, an important person to get involved with this.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** And then when the time came to make a decision I called Verve, I called UTA to let them know that I was making the change, and that was it. A thing I need to sort of clarify because the timing looks weird is that the same day I announced that I was moving over to Verve was the day that UTA announced that they were suing the UTA. That was a coincidence. That wasn’t one causing the other. So that was not the reason for why I left.

**Craig:** You know, something you said there just flicked a little switch in my head. And it was about the manager thing. One thing to think about if you are a writer that has an attorney and a manager and you’re trying to figure out which agent you should go to, maybe rely on the lawyer a little bit more. Because managers are already inherently dealing in a kind of conflicted space. I mean, all the problems that we have with agencies, managers have codified from the very beginning of their work. That’s what they do. They want to produce your stuff and then you don’t pay commission.

So similarly a manager may be funneling you to an agent that they can kind of protect each other with, because inevitably down the line if you have an issue with one or the other you’re going to go to one or the other and say what do you think. And sometimes they just protect each other. And that’s not what you want.

What you want is an independent adviser. You don’t want necessarily a sweetheart deal being made behind your back that you don’t even know about.

**John:** Yep. I think that’s really good advice. And attorneys tend to see just a wider scope of things because they’re just dealing with many different clients and many different situations. They know a little bit more about how the sausage is made sometimes. I think it’s a good recommendation to at least enlist your attorney’s opinion if they’re not actually steering the conversation around.

**Craig:** Yep.

**John:** But I also say, I mean, the reason why I reached out to this writer was because I wanted to make sure that she was having a good experience at this agency and with this agent. And so asking for those personal recommendations is an important part of this as well.

**Craig:** No question.

**John:** So right now Verve is the only sort of mid-sized agency that has signed the agreement. So I was really happy at Verve, but that was also sort of my one choice of a place, a midsize agency, that I could sign with. But in a macro sense let’s talk a little bit about the pros and cons of big agencies versus little agencies. Because I think there’s some real things to think through.

So at what other point this all gets resolved and people have a choice of I could go to a giant or I could go to a smaller agency, some pros and cons.

Some cons. In theory a smaller agency has a smaller information network. They have fewer agents who are talking to everyone at all the studios. Their tentacles are in less things in terms of understanding all the jobs that are out there or what’s really happening. Their information network could be smaller.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** They might have less access to certain IP or certain deals. So, they might have – you know, the big agencies would have a big book-lit department that would track all the books that are coming out. And might be able to steer some of those your way early.

They would have less history of making certain kinds of deals, especially big overall deals. Like the mega blockbuster deals.

**Craig:** Right. The monster deals for your J.J. Abrams and your Mike Schurs and those guys.

**John:** So interesting on the patching thing is that I sat down with a director this last week who was at Verve and his point was – it was an interesting pushback against that – is he said that being at a purely literary agency, so Verve only represents writers and directors, he finds it very easy to go after any actor because there’s not an in-house stable. You’re not competing with your own folks inside the agency. So, he’s actually been able to have good relationships with the talent agents at the different agencies when it comes time to go after an actor for a role. So that’s a thing he found coming from a big agency to a smaller agency, he found that helpful.

**Craig:** And I can see that, particularly if you’re talking about features. In television I think things are a little bit trickier. Well, why? Because the agencies are addicted to packaging fees. They are motivated to package. Yeah.

**John:** We’ll list that as a pro. I would say a pro is fewer clients means fewer internal conflicts. So basically we’re not all fighting over the same thing. And we talked about that in our conflict of interest episode a zillion years ago which is that the more folks you have who are going after the same things, there’s naturally going to be some conflicts among clients and that’s just a thing that has to be managed. And the fewer clients the fewer conflicts there are there.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** And it’s probably less positioning which is that sense of they’re not actually putting you even on the list for that job because they have three other people who are clients who they need to be sending that to first.

**Craig:** That’s the danger. I mean, ultimately you are competing against everyone. But you want your advocate advocating. And they can’t really advocate for you fully if there are three people ahead of you on the list that make more money and are more important. I mean, that is an inherent issue at these agencies. And even at a small agency like Verve it could potentially be – somebody on Bill Weinstein’s list just took one step backwards. [laughs]

But you’re right. There are fewer potential conflicts to be had there. I think at a place like CAA it’s always conflicted.

**John:** Oh yeah. The last pro I’ll list is that you as an individual client probably have a bigger impact on that agency’s bottom line at a smaller agency than at a large agency.

**Craig:** Mm-hmm.

**John:** And part of that is just because there’s more clients, but also the bigger agencies are – as we’ve seen – are invested in a lot of other things, too. And so the financial interest in making sure that each of these clients is served to their best capability is different at a small agency than at a bigger agency.

**Craig:** Right. Absolutely true.

**John:** Let’s roll the dice again.

**Craig:** So much fun.

**John:** Roll a four-sided die.

**Siri:** It’s two.

**Craig:** It’s two.

**John:** Oh, Chernobyl!

**Craig:** Chernobyl.

**John:** Craig, so we haven’t gotten to talk about Chernobyl since it resolved and so you’re so sick of talking about Chernobyl. Can I just congratulate you again on–?

**Craig:** Of course.

**John:** –On Chernobyl and on the podcast which I thought were fantastic.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**John:** The Chernobyl podcast is the top rated TV and film podcast in the world.

**Craig:** Wow.

**John:** So, congratulations on that.

**Craig:** That’s awesome.

**John:** Which is great. Questions I had for you, and these are not really spoilers, so if you have not seen all five episodes I don’t think I’m going to spoil anything for you in talking through this.

**Craig:** There are no spoilers. It blew up.

**John:** It did blow up. Episodes one and episodes five cover some of the time periods, particularly in the control room. My question – does anything that was originally intended to be shot for number one or number five drift back and forth in the edit?

**Craig:** Nope. It’s exactly as planned.

**John:** But I suspect you did shoot all of the control room stuff at one time.

**Craig:** Oh yeah.

**John:** You didn’t like send everybody off.

**Craig:** Oh no. We shot it all in one. There was one week. One week in that control room. And, you know, we – when I look back at that week we got a lot of pages done.

**John:** Oh, I’m sure.

**Craig:** Well, that was – there were really only three sets we constructed. We really tried as much as we could to be on location or on an exterior. We built the sort of Kremlin conference room because we couldn’t find one that worked right with its little hallway attachment.

We built Lyudmilla and Vasily’s apartment just again to control this little apartment. And then we built the control room. And the control room was our biggest build. And Johan and Jakob shot the hell out of it. I mean, they found angles that I would have never even thought of and just kept it looking fresh all the time. But, yeah, it was a great week. I loved all those guys in there. They were all fantastic. Just good people. Great actors. Some people don’t know that the guy who plays Stolyarchuk is Billy Postlethwaite, Pete Postlethwaite’s son.

**John:** Oh how nice.

**Craig:** Great guy. They were all just terrific. It was a joy to work with those guys.

**John:** How early in the schedule was the control room shot? Was that quite early on in the months of shooting?

**Craig:** I would say it was sort of – I’m a little fuzzy but I’m going to say it’s maybe like a month in out of four months. April, May, June, July. Maybe a month out of five months. It was about a five-month shoot. So it wasn’t in the middle. It wasn’t right up front. Part of it was that we needed time to get it built.

**John:** I get that. In the library at johnaugust.com we have the scripts to all five episodes, but on the podcast earlier you said that you initially thought of this as six episodes. What would the extra episode have been or was it two things combined? What was the difference between the initial plan of six and what became the five episodes?

**Craig:** So, I was writing episode two, I had laid out a show bible and I had a description of how each episode would work. And the way I described episode one, episode four, and episode five, and six I guess at the time, was all correct. But when I was writing episode two I found that – I noticed, I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but in the new world of limited series where you’re allowed to just set your own episode limit kind of it seems like writers sometimes are a little languid with their pacing. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this. But they sometimes – I’m like I think you might be wasting my time here with this kind of indulgent 20 minutes.

And because the second episode was taking place essentially in the day, the one or two days following the explosion of a nuclear reactor, I really wanted to people have the sensation that they were just falling through an episode, just out of control. So, I just said, you know what, I’m just going to tighten everything up. I think I can tighten this and just make it way more urgent if I combine episode two and episode three into one episode. And that’s what I did.

And so I called up HBO and said, hey, look, I’m thinking about doing this is that OK? And they were like, yeah, that’s great. And then later – because I come out of movies I found out that I get paid by the episode.

**John:** Ha!

**Craig:** So that’s why I think some of these limited series are a little long, you know. I get paid for another episode, yeah, sure.

**John:** What was the episode ender for episode two as you initially had thought about it in your show bible? Or you had not gotten to what individual scene would end an episode at that point?

**Craig:** You know what? I’ll tell you right now. So the original end of episode two happened around the point in episode two where General Pikalov drives his truck in and comes back and reports that it’s not 3.6 roentgen, it’s 15,000. And then the next thing I showed was a scene that we never had in the show, I never even wrote it. It was the moment where the Swedes determine that something was wrong at the Forsmark Nuclear Power Plant which was kind of the beginning of the end of the secrecy.

So that’s where that ended. And I think I made a smart choice to combine.

**John:** Yeah, I would say that the truck driving in there felt like it was a moment that could have ended the show and yet there was still 20 minutes, there was more runway left there and so it made sense. You did the right thing.

**Craig:** Thanks.

**John:** My last question for you. If you could email yourself back three years ago when you were just starting on this project some piece of advice what advice would you give to younger Craig Mazin going into this about the show?

**Craig:** Hmm. I think I would advise myself to stand by my instincts. And generally I did. But I have – this is the first thing that I’ve ever done that was truly mine. It wasn’t an assignment. It wasn’t a sequel. I didn’t have a writing partner. It was mine. There was no source material like a fictional book or something like that.

So, I went in and said this is the product of my instincts and now unlike those other situations where a lot of times I get into people-pleasing mode and want everyone to be happy, in this case I just was like the most important person to be happy is me. Which is a very weird thing for me because I’m not built that way. I just mostly want the puzzle to work.

But I allowed myself a tiny bit of preciousness, precocity.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** One of those. And I think it helped. And I don’t mean to imply that I ever threw any tantrums or anything. It was more like when I felt that out of the five people in the room, four of them thought one thing and I thought the other, I gave my point of view a full fair hearing. I didn’t always. Sometimes you do change your mind because other people are right. But I didn’t default to, OK well, it’s a vote.

**John:** Good. So you advice would be stick with that the whole time through. Because probably earlier on in the process you felt like, oh, I’m going to have to bend a bit here and you learned that bending was not the right solution.

**Craig:** Yeah. Sometimes I would, you know, I would bend and then I would come back and say, no, no, no, no, we’ve got to go back the other way. And that’s, you know, by and large that worked. But, again, I don’t mean to imply that I wasn’t open to things because all sorts of contributions came in from all directions, from our key cast and from Johan of course and from Carolyn and Jane and everybody involved.

It’s just that it’s not really that I said I’m not going to listen to other people. It’s mostly that I said while I’m listening to other people I will also consider what I want equally, which is new for me. So, I would want that to be fresher in my mind before I started.

**John:** Sounds great. All right. We’re down to two things, so I’m going to say flip a coin.

**Craig:** Oh, I like that.

**Siri:** Tails.

**John:** Tails. Tails is Craig’s solo episode. So, Craig, you did a first-ever solo episode. This is back Episode 403 where you taught us how to write a movie.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** It was really good. People loved it. And so, here’s let’s read what Bob wrote. “Immediately upon hearing Hegelian dialectic I shot up from the coach and started taking notes, hitting the pause button frequently and shaking my head as I’d never heard the phrase ‘central dramatic argument’ before. It didn’t stop there. The presentation led me over to my script and allowed me to see it in a whole new way.”

**Craig:** Oh good.

**John:** And I’m going to paste other things in the show notes so you can see and be happy about people’s reaction to it. But I’ve got some questions.

**Craig:** Go for it.

**John:** Here are some questions I have for you. I can very easily imagine someone listening to this or reading the transcript and saying like, “Ah-ha, Craig has found a new formula.”

**Craig:** Oh god. I hope not.

**John:** And I think the reason why they might do that is because the same way that Syd Field took Casablanca and sort of made it fit this sort of paradigm someone could say like, oh, all movies are like Finding Nemo and everything should follow in that thing. So, do you have any sense of how to encourage people to use what’s helpful here but not let this be a straitjacket for them?

**Craig:** Sure. So, Pixar movies in general are formulaic. There is a Pixar formula. And the Pixar formula happens to mesh nicely with my point of view about structure. But that’s – they do it in a very pure way. And animation can do things in story that live action can’t. Animation is almost like pure story. In fact, you will see, I mean, this model of how I’ve described things isn’t just Pixar. It’s across almost every major animated film now, ever since Pixar came on the scene.

But for live action this is meant to just be inspiration for how to think about your characters and how to think about why things happen in a movie at certain times. But your choice of execution should be as unique to you as your own fingerprint. If it’s not, then, you know, you will just have made a very well-structured piece of crap.

So this is not a formula. This is meant to be a kind of philosophical musing on why narrative works the way it does. Why it appeals to us the way it does. And in that sense if I’ve inspired people to stop thinking about plot and start thinking about character first then I will have done my job.

**John:** Great. And I will say having seen Toy Story 4, which I’m guessing you have not seen yet.

**Craig:** Correct.

**John:** It does – it’s completely the Craig Mazin plan. It really does follow the kinds of things that you’re talking about. If you look at Woody’s journey through Toy Story 4 it is a lot of what you’re pitching in your episode.

I want to make it clear that most screenwriters that you encounter in real life are not going to use thesis and antithesis. So Craig is using philosophical terms that are meaningful for his argument, but if you start throwing those around causally people will look at you kind of cross-eyed, or they’ll know that you listened to that episode of Scriptnotes.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** They’re not things that I’m casually using. Like Aline and I aren’t having mussels and talking over these things.

**Craig:** No, no, or having mussels.

**John:** Oh, Aline and I are having mussels on a regular basis.

**Craig:** Really?

**John:** In Larchmont.

**Craig:** That’s your shellfish choice?

**John:** I love mussels.

**Craig:** No, absolutely true. This is not something you want to just trot out when you’re on your water bottle tour of Los Angeles and you’re sitting in a room with a studio executive or a producer. You could easily sound like a pompous jackass if you begin talking about Hegel. Yeah. This is really more of an inside baseball philosophical thing for you to think about when you’re alone quiet with your laptop or desktop.

**John:** Yes. I would caution that Craig’s philosophy if applied without subtlety and artistry could make it seem like the choices are being made by the author rather than the characters. And so just to really be mindful that your characters don’t end up becoming in a weird way plot bots responding to all the terrible things that the author is doing to them.

And so that’s always one of the trickiest things in writing narrative is you’re laying out these roads for your characters to walk down but making it feel like your characters are choosing to walk down those roads and that they actually have free will. That’s not a unique criticism of Craig’s screenwriting philosophy here, but if done poorly I think that’s what the result is going to feel like. It’s just an angry, evil god punishing these characters.

**Craig:** Yeah. If you’re doing that you’ve got it completely backwards. So the idea is that you need to understand this human being fully. And they need to be interesting. And what they feel and think needs to be interesting. And then you have to ask what would be the most fascinating thing to do to that person given what I know about them. The worst thing you could do would be to go this is the point where torture happens and then they just get tortured but it’s not interesting. It’s just torture. That’s, you know, well some people like that. But it’s not my thing.

**John:** Lastly, I think if I were to lay out sort of my philosophical argument for screenwriting and sort of how to write a movie I would approach it a lot differently. A thing that is a huge focus to me which I didn’t hear you talking a lot about is the role of the audience and the role of the audience’s expectation and the social contract you make with the audience and how they are the third party in all of this. And so you have the author intent. You have the character’s intent. But you also have the audience’s intent. And to really be mindful of what does the audience want. And that they are a character in this drama as well. And to be really thinking about their perspective on that.

And that doesn’t fit neatly into the thesis and antithesis, but they are the other party who is engaged with this whole argument to me.

**Craig:** Yeah. Well, I mean, the truth is I’m mostly thinking about them with this because I’m trying to get at why any of us like any story. But understanding, having an innate sense of what the audience is going to want to want is – that’s where talent is, I think. I mean–

**John:** Absolutely.

**Craig:** Yeah, there’s nothing – I can’t really – I mean, we had a clever headline for the episode, but this is not a substitute for talent. This is merely a way to help talented people organize their thoughts if they’re struggling or feeling like they’ve written something that’s plotty or they feel like they’ve run out of runway.

**John:** The last thing is I went through a list of my top movies and the top 100 movies to think of movies where this thesis/antithesis sort of dynamic doesn’t really come into play. And so there are a lot of movies where you don’t really see this. But I think as long as you’re looking at this as not a formula but a useful set of questions to be challenging yourself with as you start to write, it’s only going to benefit, even if the ultimate movie doesn’t fit into the dynamic of this character’s world view keeps getting challenged the way that Craig’s describing.

So, what I don’t want people to do is think like, well, you know, Jurassic Park doesn’t fit this at all and if you’re saying that Jurassic Park is a bad movie, no. We’re not saying that. I’m just saying that the kinds of questions that Craig is challenging you to ask would make even movies like Jurassic Park which don’t fit this overall template stronger.

**Craig:** Completely. Yeah. There’s nothing – I think I said in it, too, that this is really about a kind of movie. It’s about a very classic sort of movie-movie. But even a lot of classic movie-movies stray away from these things and that’s totally fine.

If you’re writing something and you’re loving it and you’re confident in it then you’re in a good space. If you’re writing something and you’re struggling and you’re not sure why, then maybe this will help. That’s about as much as I can–

**John:** Yeah, I would say the movies that it’s going to help most are the ones that feel like they kind of have a classic hero’s journey. A Joseph Campbell kind of thing. Because I think what you’ve done is a really smart way of addressing the stages of the hero’s journey, but what it really feels like on the character’s perspective. Or what they’re watching.

**Craig:** And it’s free. It’s free. You don’t have to pay $2,500 to go see some dude yammer on stage, or buy a book. It’s free.

**John:** Free!

**Craig:** I’m just trying to put these people out of business, obviously. [laughs]

**John:** It’s a noble goal.

**Craig:** This is just spite.

**John:** All right. Lastly, our last of our eight topics is Aladdin.

**Craig:** Aladdin!

**John:** Aladdin! So, Aladdin crossed $300 million domestic, $900 million worldwide so far. So it’s the highest grossing movie of my career, which is–

**Craig:** Congratulations.

**John:** Which is very exciting. And so I wanted to talk through sort of how much money I’ll be getting off of it. And because that’s the thing that people come to me. It’s like, “Man, you must be rolling in dough. Your movie made a ton of money.” And it’s like, no, it’s great that my movie made a ton of money. I think it’s important for people to understand that I don’t get any of that box office money. Like that ticket you bought, I don’t get any of that. But thank you for buying that ticket. It’s still meaningful and valuable that you bought that ticket.

So, screenwriters, I got paid good money to write a script that became a movie. And down the road thanks to the WGA I will also get residuals. And so residuals are for all the things that aren’t showing on a big screen or showing on an airplane, for weird reasons.

So it’s home video. It’s buying it on iTunes. It’s renting it on iTunes. We have a really good rate for renting on iTunes. So rent that movie on iTunes.

It’s for when it sells to a streaming service, when it shows up on ABC television. Those are the things where I get extra payments for it. So I don’t get any money right off the top of the box office. Sometimes some contracts will have a box office bonus. I checked through my contract. I don’t have any box office bonus, because that would have been swell.

**Craig:** That would have been swell.

**John:** I didn’t have one for Aladdin. But in lieu of that I got a credit bonus which is a common thing you’ll also see. For sharing credit I got a bonus for that.

But I was looking through, so if you’re curious about your residuals I know a lot of screenwriters who never check their residuals. And so on the guild website go to mywga.org. When you’re signed on click on the My Residuals tab. It’s actually really good.

**Craig:** Yeah, it is.

**John:** You know, and so full props and credit to the WGA for figuring out how to really show you your residuals. But by movie or by year you can check exactly how much you’ve gotten and from what categories. And so the closest comp I had for Aladdin is probably Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which didn’t do quite as well but did really well.

And so over the 15 years since Charlie and the Chocolate Factory came out I’ve made $2.7 million in residuals. And I say that because it’s a big number. And I think it’s important for people to understand that like residuals really do matter. They really are an incredibly important source of income for writers. So those checks come every quarter. You get the big green envelope that has your check in it. The biggest checks are in the first year that a movie shows up on video. But then they do keep coming. And so for a family film like Aladdin I can expect those checks will keep coming.

**Craig:** Yeah. And if you want to understand the value of our union, and I like to point these things out particularly when I’m grousing about them, the original Aladdin, the animated Aladdin, came out in 1993, 1992. It came out in 1992. That’s 27 years ago. And worldwide it made $500 million. And I would venture to say that 27 years ago that’s probably akin to your $900 million now worldwide.

And Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott, who wrote Aladdin, got zero dollars in residuals. And they don’t even get credit for the story, right, for the new one?

**John:** Yeah, they get an onscreen credit, but it’s not a WGA credit.

**Craig:** It’s a source material credit. So the point is the animation world doesn’t have residuals like WGA does unless you’re talking about primetime animation like The Simpsons and Family Guy. So that difference is millions of dollars.

**John:** Yep.

**Craig:** And we can’t work hard enough to protect that. But these are the things – and it’s really when I look over at animation I go, OK, whenever I’m feeling a little grumpy about the guild I just look at animation and I go we get to determine our own credits. We get residuals. This is really, really important. Because it’s a strange feeling to know that in massive success not one penny is going to trickle down to you. That’s bad.

**John:** It is bad.

A thing I do want to say is that I am assuming that Aladdin will come out on iTunes, it will be available on DVD and all those normal things. And I’ve seen cover art for DVDs, so I think they will exist. I think that’s a thing that’s going to happen. But another thing I know is going to happen is Disney+.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So, Disney+ is Disney’s equivalent to Netflix, it’s a streaming service. Aladdin will of course show up on Disney+ and not on Netflix or someplace else. And the rate that Disney will charge Disney for the movie of Aladdin determines how much residuals I will get. And that is a weird situation. So that is the reason why I’m going to be very mindful of sort of what numbers they are reporting for how much they are licensing Aladdin to itself.

**Craig:** Sure. And we know that Disney+, which I think is going to be an enormous success for Disney, is starting out at a very reduced monthly rate to sign the world up, which I think they will. And so you’re right. That does impact your earnings.

Now, compared to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory which was driven largely by DVD sales, our rate for Internet rentals and streaming and sales I think is a bit better.

**John:** It is.

**Craig:** Than the DVD rate. So it may balance out. But you’re right. There’s a huge difference when someone is buying a DVD that costs $18 or someone is paying – what is the initial Disney+ rate? Like $12 or something?

**John:** It’s surprisingly low.

**Craig:** Yeah, for a month, and your one piece of it. So you carve out your biddy share of the whole thing. I mean, which in Aladdin’s case will be a pretty good share. But, yeah, I’m fascinated to see how that functions.

In the long run I think it will be good for writers. In the short term, while Disney is slowly harvesting humanity it may be slightly negatively impacted.

**John:** Yeah. So I would say all the streaming services on the short run have been good for writers. So we say Netflix, we also mean AppleTV Plus, we mean Amazon.

**Craig:** Amazon.

**John:** Hulu. The folks who are employing writers – that’s awesome. That’s good. More writers employed is really great. The challenge will come when it’s time to figure out residuals for some of these projects which are essentially just made for the services and how we are going to calculate those.

**Craig:** Well, see, it’s hard.

**John:** It’s hard.

**Craig:** It’s hard.

**John:** So somebody on the WGA board in these upcoming years will have to figure out how we’re going to do that.

**Craig:** Somebody is going to have to figure out who to hire to do that.

**John:** Ah-ha. That’s true. It’s not just an elected person’s decision.

**Craig:** Fire fast, hire slow.

**John:** We have come to the end of our eight topics. Man, that was a lot but I think we did well by at least seven of those.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** So good on you and me.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** It’s time for our One Cool Things. My One Cool Thing is the Rodecaster Pro Sound Board. It’s a recording studio for podcasts. So it’s not what I’m using right now to record this because I’m just recording directly into my computer, but when Craig and I are live and in person, or with a guest we’re often doing it at this improvised little studio I have at my house. And it’s been a real challenge. And as we were recording the Rachel Bloom episode like the computer froze up. There were real production issues. And so I ended up buying this new board and it’s really good.

So I would say if you’re thinking about doing a kind of podcast where it’s two or three people in a room talking, this is probably the thing to get. Because you just plug in microphones, you plug in headphones. People can hear themselves in both sides of their headphones. Craig, you’ll like that.

**Craig:** Yeah. Look at this thing. It’s like a little mixing board basically. So it’s got mic pre-amps already in there. Oh yeah. And I assume it’s just USB to your laptop?

**John:** It’s USB to your laptop, but it records onto a little card itself. And it records separate channels. So you want to record separate channels. And originally this didn’t have multi-channel recording. Multi-channel recording means that each mic is being recorded separately. It is a godsend when it comes to actually cutting episodes together.

**Craig:** Yeah, no question.

**John:** So, buy this.

**Craig:** Somebody is always quieter than somebody else and all that. And so, yeah, it’s a huge help. No question.

**John:** And so next time we have you out of the studio and you’re calling in, it can also patch in, Skype through the computer. So it should work much better for these things. So, I recommend the Rodecaster Pro for folks who are considering a podcast.

**Craig:** Brilliant.

**John:** Brilliant.

**Craig:** Brilliant. Well, my One Cool Thing is a lot of people’s One Cool Thing, but you know, I struggle to keep up with television. I do. But I was traveling back and forth last week and I took the opportunity with some extra free time to watch Russian Doll from Natasha Lyonne and Leslye Headland and Amy Poehler. And I loved it. I loved it. I thought it was awesome.

And, you know, OK, one of my least favorite things about peak TV, someone comes, “Have you seen blah-blah-blah?” No, haven’t seen it. “OK, it’s amazing. You have to get through the first 4,000 episodes, but then the next 12,000 episodes are incredible. And I’m like, uh, that sounds like a lot of work man. And in this one, I’m like I enjoyed the first three episodes, clearly. You got to get to the end of episode three or you’re not going to ever get to the absolute joy and shock and dismay of the rest of the show which is at times really funny and at times really beautiful and at times terrifying.

And Natasha is a force of nature. Just remarkable on it. So, yeah, I couldn’t love it more.

**John:** So you realize sort of like your connection to Russian Doll? So we were on the Slate Culture Gabfest and Natasha Lyonne was the other guest.

**Craig:** I remember.

**John:** On the Slate Culture Gabfest. And she had recommended Black Mirror. That was her sort of equivalent of her One Cool Thing. So I feel like there is a synchronicity here because I don’t think you necessarily get to Russian Doll without Black Mirror happening first and sort of like shattering some glass around there, sort of make it possible to make such a weird, great series.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** And so I think it all comes together in a very great way. But I agree. Russian Doll is one of my favorite things of the year. Just geniusly done.

**Craig:** Yeah. Just beautiful work. I just loved it.

**John:** Give them money to do whatever they want to do next because we want more of it.

**Craig:** Well I think they’re doing a second season of Russian Doll. I was like, how? But yes.

**John:** But more please. Cool. And that’s our show for this week. Our show is produced by Megana Rao. It is edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our outro this week is by Arbitrary Jukebox Experiment. And a correction, on a previous episode, Episode 397, we accidentally credited them with Thomas Johnstone’s outro. So fixing that. Sorry Thomas Johnstone. Sorry Arbitrary Jukebox Experiment. But thank you for everyone who sends in outros because they are fantastic.

You can send your outro to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send longer questions. But for short questions, Craig is on Twitter @clmazin. I’m @johnaugust.

You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find transcripts. We get them up the week after the episode airs.

Folks do recaps of our episodes on Reddit. So go there and check out the recap if you want to see what people are talking about with the show. You can find all the back episodes of this show at Scriptnotes.net, or you can download 50-episode seasons at store.johnaugust.com.

And you might want to check out the Listener’s Guide there if you’re new to the show because people have recommended their favorite episodes. So if you want to catch up this will tell you what episodes to prioritize as you’re doing your catchup.

**Craig:** Brilliant. You know, we have 4,000 – you’ve got to get through the first 4,000 podcast episodes.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** But the next 20,000 are great.

**John:** Yeah, I mean, because you have to listen to them all in order because as you know it builds episode by episode.

**Craig:** Builds.

**John:** And there’s no randomness. It’s not like we’re rolling dice to figure out what we’re going to talk about.

**Craig:** No.

**John:** It’s all planned.

**Craig:** You won’t understand why Episode 378 is genius unless you hear the setup in Episode 16. So good.

**John:** It’s really, really elaborate.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Craig, thanks.

**Craig:** Thank you John for a wonderful dice-rolling show.

**John:** Have a good week. Bye.

Links:

* [Scriptnotes Episode 406, Better Sex with Rachel Bloom](https://johnaugust.com/2019/better-sex-with-rachel-bloom)
* [Verve Talent and Literary Agency](https://www.vervetla.com/) and [John’s Tweets](https://twitter.com/johnaugust/status/1144754149763850241).
* Find Chernobyl scripts [here](https://johnaugust.com/library)!
* Watch [Chernobyl](https://www.hbo.com/chernobyl), listen to the podcast [here](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-chernobyl-podcast).
* [WGA Financials](https://www.wga.org/the-guild/about-us/annual-report)
* [Dots, Dashes, and Parentheticals](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7XUNvtNSt8&feature=youtu.be)
* [Scriptnotes Episode 403, How to Write a Movie](https://johnaugust.com/2019/how-to-write-a-movie)
* [Aladdin](https://movies.disney.com/aladdin-2019)
* [Rodecaster Pro Sound Board](https://www.rode.com/rodecasterpro)
* [Russian Doll](https://www.netflix.com/watch/80211627?source=35)
* [John August](https://twitter.com/johnaugust) on Twitter
* [Craig Mazin](https://twitter.com/clmazin) on Twitter
* [John on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by the Arbitrary Jukebox Experiment ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/scriptnotes_ep_408_rolling_dice.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Ep 407: Understanding Your Feature Contract, Transcript

July 11, 2019 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2019/understanding-your-feature-contract).

**John August:** Hey, this is John. Today’s Scriptnotes was recorded live at the Writers Guild West where Craig and I led a panel explaining how contracts work when you’re hired to write a movie.

During the presentation we had slides that showed the legal language we were discussing. You can probably get the gist without the slides, but to really get the most out of this you should download the PDF and read along. To do that follow the link to the show notes, or just go to johnaugust.com and look for this episode. I’ll be back at the end for some housekeeping. Enjoy.

Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** We host a podcast called Scriptnotes, which is about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

I can’t promise you that this is a thing that is interesting to screenwriters but it’s a thing that’s very important to screenwriters, which is your contract.

**Craig:** I’ll make it interesting.

**John:** Craig is going to try to make it interesting.

**Craig:** We’ll give it a little zhoosh.

**John:** So some folks are going to listen to this at home and so I want to give them a sense of the place that we’re in. And we’re in the multipurpose room of the Writers Guild of America West building. And often, this space was offered to us to record a show. And Craig said he wouldn’t come here because this is where dreams come to die.

**Craig:** Yeah. This is a brutal room. It’s a perfect rectangle of doom. The carpet is just pediatrician brown and it just always felt oppressive. It was always three degrees too hot. No air. And I walked in tonight and oh my god it’s so much nicer.

**John:** Yeah. Let’s give applause for this new look. This room has improved greatly. So we have an audience of writers, obviously, a bunch of them are feature writers. And tonight we are going to talk about what to look for in your contract. Because I remember getting my very first writing contract. It was for How to Eat Fried Worms which was an adaptation. And I was so excited to get my contract and I read through it and I could not understand it for the life of me. I was just kind of blindly signing. I had to get it notarized. But that got me paid. And so I loved it for that.

What was the first contract that you signed for writing?

**Craig:** It was for Rocket Man. Not the current movie. Not the good one.

**John:** Ha.

**Craig:** But 1997, Walt Disney. And like you I was – you know, well, I’m a student and I was kind of interested so I flipped through and I read through everything. And I tried to understand it as best I could. It did seem to me that there are a lot of things in here, I mean, we concentrate on how much we get paid, but there are a lot of things in here that actually do impact how we do our job, what happens to us in success, how we’re taken care of, how we’re not taken care of. So, it’s actually good to understand how this all works.

**John:** All right. So over the years we’ve picked up some experience but not nearly as much experience as the actual real lawyers on this panel.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** Firstly welcome up Laurie Espinosa. Laurie Espinosa is the Senior Director of Contracts for the Writers Guild of America West and has nearly 17 years of experience with the WGA. Laurie has extensive experience interpreting and enforcing all aspects of the WGA theatrical and television basic agreement with a particular focus on separated rights issues. Separated rights are important.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** Laurie obtained her JD from the USC School of Law and her undergraduate degree from the University of Wisconsin – Madison. Laurie, thank you for being with us.

**Laurie Espinosa:** Thank you.

**John:** Next and final up we have Ken Richman. Ken Richman coming up. Ken Richman is a Managing Partner at Hanson, Jacobson and a whole bunch of other people’s names where he reps a ton of writers including me. I just found out that he got his degree from Harvard so congratulations Ken Richman. Ken Richman!

Thank you both for being here. I thought the best way for us to actually go through this would be to actually look at a real contract. And so then I was daunted by like this is a 60-page document that we’re going to be copying for 170 people in a room. That wasn’t going to work. So in this room we’re going to be looking at some slides. And so the slides are behind us. We have in front of us a thing that will be a PDF down the road that people can download.

What we did is with Ken’s help tried to find the very basic things you’re going to see in a contract. So, this isn’t one specific contract. It’s sort of an amalgam of different things. But it gives us a jumping off place for talking about the kinds of stuff you will see in your contract. So we’re going to kind of go from page one through it, but just talk about the sections and see what’s there and what are the important things to look out for if you’re a writer.

**Craig:** But before we actually dig into the contract we should probably talk about the things that happen right before the contract, because before you – so this is the long form, the dreaded long form. But before that ever happens there’s usually some sort of agreement and a deal memo. And right off the bat you’re probably, no OK, well how much am I getting paid? How many steps am I guaranteed? How many optional steps are there? What is the price per step? Is there a credit bonus? What’s that going to be? How much time do I have to work on this?

All those basic things are there in that kind of initial.

**John:** And so that initial round or discussion that’s where you’re talking with your reps about like they’re going back and forth and they’re figuring out how to do stuff. And they say like, OK, we’ve got a deal, it’s these points. And, great, and so that’s the thing that I’m scribbling down on my little notebook. And then weeks or months later I see the final contract and it’s Ken Richman who is negotiating those important stuff in the contract.

So when I see the contract I recognize those things that I had written down, but there’s so much more and it’s Ken’s pencil notes over everything. Ken, just in a general sense when there are deal points settled are they done or does stuff vary after that point?

**Ken Richman:** Sure. What Craig summarized is pretty accurate in that we will have negotiated what are the writing steps, how many steps are there. And we’ll see in a contract how it’s reflected. But how many guaranteed steps? Is there one guaranteed step? Are there two guaranteed steps? That’s for sure negotiated. How many optional steps are there?

And then what is the money attributable to each of those steps? Furthermore we absolutely will have negotiated what kind of credit bonus there is. And those are the key points that will have been negotiated.

**Craig:** And they stay essentially firm?

**Ken:** Those are very unlikely to change. You know, in this business for the most even though this contract is going to need to be signed for sure in order for you to get paid, those points really will not have changed. And I will just point out in the entertainment business not all contracts do get signed. Often depending on what studio you’re dealing with–

**Craig:** Can I tell you something? I never signed my contract for Chernobyl. It’s unsigned.

**Ken:** I believe you. And what I was going to say is depending on what studio you’re working at, depending on whether it’s an actor deal or a director deal or a writer deal it may never get signed, depending on whether it’s film or TV. But I will say as a general matter a feature writing contract is going to get signed or you’re not going to get paid. And so it is going to get signed.

**John:** And Laurie at what point are you tending to see feature contracts? Is it usually when there’s a problem, when something has gone wrong? Is that when you’re seeing these contracts?

**Laurie:** We usually see them after they’re signed and sometimes not until credits are done, in which case our credits department will ask people for the contracts so they can confirm that the writing was done under our jurisdiction. Sometimes it helps with determining the order of writing services.

**John:** Great. Well let’s going to get into a contract. And we’re going to have a bunch of stuff to talk through as we hit different slides.

**Craig:** This is going to be so much fun.

**John:** Oh my god. It’s like [crossover] but in audio form.

**Craig:** Here we go. Deep breaths.

**John:** Your contract will start with something called a Memorandum of Agreement. This is the thing. And the stuff that I have redacted here is actually helpful. These are the variables that are going to get plugged in. So the date, who the studio is. In this case it’s Wet Dog Pictures. The writer’s loan-out corporation. The writer’s name. And the project entitled Movie, so the name of what they’re anticipating this being.

Let’s start with the loan-out company. So my first deal was for Go. And it was just me. I signed it as me. I had no loan-out company. What is the common perception of when a writer needs to have a loan-out company today in 2019? When does that happen, Ken? What is the recommendation? Because it was because of you that I got a loan-out company. So what is the advice now?

**Ken:** Yeah, I think different accountants, different business managers might give different advice, but I think generally speaking once people are steadily working, feel confident they’re going to have a steady income it tends to be recommended to form a loan-out. You get better tax treatment. You can take better advantage of deductions. And so I would say that the vast majority of clients with whom I work have formed a loan-out by then.

If it’s your first deal, you’re not sure when the next one is going to come, it may not be time yet. But we would talk about it and we’d have a discussion of what do you think the next year looks like, what do the next few years look like, what’s going on.

**Craig:** The thing about these loan-out companies in terms of these contracts is you will see sometimes if you’re signing a certificate of authorship, I assume you guys have seen those things, which can get your paid prior to the whole thing. A lot of times what they’re asking you to attest to is the essential falsity of the corporation. The corporation is hiring you and the corporation is saying we promise he’s going to do this or she’s going to do this and they’re responsible. So it’s just connecting the company to the person.

**John:** Nice. Next we’re going to see Conditions Precedent. Ken Richman, tell me what’s actually happening on this thing.

**Ken:** OK, so what’s happening here is this provision is basically saying here’s some things that need to happen before you can actually get paid. So generally speaking the first of those is signing your contract. And so that’s there. The next thing that it says here is that the studio approves the chain of title for the picture. So this basically means if there’s any underlying material, if they needed to acquire a book or an article or life rights they’re going to need to have gotten an agreement for that before they will pay you.

And I should point out that’s really important because you know let’s say you’re writing a movie and it’s based on a book, if they’re still arguing with the author of the book or that person’s representatives as to the terms of their contract and that contract is not done yet they’re not going to pay you. And I’ve absolutely seen situations where writers sometimes get impatient, they have a window of opportunity to start working so they want to start working, and then I’ve seen situations where the underlying rights deals never close because the deal between the author and the studio blew up and now the writer has spent a bunch of time working when they shouldn’t have yet and they never get paid. And that’s really problematic.

**Craig:** This is kind of our paragraph one red flag. Right off the bat this is something that you should look really, really carefully at. This is a kind of clause here, 1.2, that you may sometimes say no. I mean, come back when you have the stuff. Or just say you have it now.

**Ken:** And the other thing I would just point out is sometimes also in this conditions provision you would have other people’s agreements. So for example if there are producers on the film, if there’s already a director on the movie, if somehow having you write was conditioned on an actor becoming attached to the project, those will be listed here as well. And so you definitely want to have a discussion with your representatives in terms of what’s the status of those, what’s going on to make sure–

**John:** Because you cannot start writing. You cannot be paid for the writing you’re doing until it’s clear. Next up, Engagement, Assigned Materials, Separate Projects. 2.1 says Loan-Out. So we were talking about loan-outs before. So loan-out they’re not hiring me directly they’re hiring Quote-Unquote Films. Quote-Unquote Films is – they’re cutting a check to that company. But that company is just me.

**Craig:** And if you’re company says something it’s like you saying it. And if you say something it’s like your company is saying it.

**John:** Mostly Quote-Unquote Films is a way for me to shield profits from Craig Mazin on t-shirt sales.

**Craig:** I’ve gotten nothing.

**John:** That’s really what it is. Any red flags with loan-outs, it’s just there because it’s there.

**Ken:** I’m not super worried about that provision.

**John:** Assigned Material. This is a red flag for us. For assigned material a “lender and artist acknowledge and agree that television results of artist’s writing services shall be based and derived from the assignment material including, without limitation, the following.” And there will be a list. Craig, you’ve encountered this.

**Craig:** Well sure. So sometimes you know what the assigned material is. You’re coming in and somebody is saying to you we need you to rewrite something. Well right off the bat one piece of assigned material is all of the scripts prior to your employment. If it is an adaptation, if there’s a novel or it’s a remake of a movie or a song or something that would all be there.

But this is incredibly important because sometimes writers think they’re writing something original and they’re not. Because the studio will occasionally assign material that they didn’t know they were being assigned. And this becomes a huge issue when it’s time for credits because the way the Writers Guild evaluates credits there’s what they call an original project or a non-original project. That has nothing to do with the quality of your writing. It is entirely about this.

If anything is assigned material and it is of a story nature they’re going to move it over into the non-original bucket. It’s a whole different set of rules. You are not entitled to a guaranteed shared story credit. And you will be behind this in line chronologically when it comes time to determine credit.

**John:** Laurie, you must have encountered this.

**Laurie:** Yes, and it can also impact your entitlement to something called Separated Rights which we’ll probably talk about a little bit later. Essentially is a benefit of the guild agreement that goes to the writers of something original. So if there is something of a story nature assigned in the contract it can definitely impact that and it changes the rules for the writer even being able to get separated rights.

**Ken:** Yeah. And I should also just point out sometimes even when you know technically there have been prior writers, the creative executive or someone may have said to you I want you to throw that out. I don’t want you to pay any attention to it. I just want you to start from scratch.

**Craig:** Don’t read it. Yeah.

**Ken:** The reality is it still counts as assigned material. So as the guys were just saying when it comes time to determining credit it’s still considered a rewrite so all of that material that was done prior to you will absolutely come in for the credit determination, even if you never looked at it. And so this is really important even if you think you’re starting from scratch if there have been prior writers.

**John:** One thing to bring up also, Craig and I were talking about this backstage, is the Romeo and Juliet problem. And so let’s say under this, you’re doing a modern adaptation of Romeo and Juliet, if they list Romeo and Juliet here in this place then it’s an adaptation of Romeo and Juliet. It is not an original thing. And that’s frustrating.

**Craig:** Yeah. When you’re dealing with stuff that is in the public domain they cannot possess it, but they can assign it, which is weird. And so you might want to take a look at that especially if you’re the first writer coming in to say if you don’t have to assign me this don’t.

**John:** Don’t. Yeah.

**Craig:** Because just like that it’s now an original project.

**John:** Yep. Let’s move on to the money. We like the money parts. Writing services and compensation. So we have a couple of slides here. We’re starting with First Draft Screenplay. And so you see here in this first paragraph that this writer is being paid $200,000, which is being split into two steps. $100,000 once–

**Ken:** That’s actually for one step right there.

**John:** I’m sorry. It’s one step.

**John:** Commencement and delivery.

**Craig:** Commencement and delivery.

**John:** So it’s one step, two checks. $100,000 to start and $100,000 when you’ve completed that and turned it in.

**Ken:** Correct. So in this agreement and we’ll see between this slide and the next slide in this deal this writer is guaranteed one writing step. OK, so the deal that was made here was $200,000 guaranteed for a first draft. As John was just saying it’s very normal for the compensation for any step to be paid half on commencement, half on delivery. So that’s what you see here.

As you can see in this provision it basically says the conditions had to have been satisfied in order for you to get paid. And then they will pay you half on commencement, half on delivery. If you flip to the next slide what you’re see then is an optional set of revisions, also sometimes referred to as an optional rewrite. So here it was just one step guaranteed and then there were some optional steps. There’s this one, and then on the next slide it will show another optional step. And so that right off the bat is just something that is very important for you to understand when you’re deal is done which is how many steps are guaranteed, how many optional steps are there.

And I will just say that over the many years that I’ve been doing this it’s definitely been more than a trend of moving away from two-step guaranteed deals to one-step guaranteed deals. So a bunch of years ago most feature deals that we did were if you were the first writer you’d be guaranteed a first draft and a rewrite. And there might be two optional steps, an optional rewrite and an optional polish.

Increasingly now almost all studios try to have it be one guaranteed step and then either two or three optional steps thereafter. Once again, when you get to these optional steps like the first step, half the money would be paid on commencement, and half on delivery.

**Craig:** There’s a few other things you want to look out for in these sections. First of all, nomenclature, if you’re being hired to do a rewrite it will say first rewrite. It’s not going to say first draft. I mean, think of in steps they’ll call them rewrites.

The other thing that’s really important on these options is there’s a window. The option doesn’t last forever. So inside all of those things they’re going to tell you exactly how long they have to trigger that option and there’s a couple of things you’re going to need to know. One is how much time do they have before that option goes away. And the other thing is are there any conditions to that time window. For instance pending availability, or not pending availability. In other words, we have the exclusive right within four weeks to decide if we’re going to pay you again or not for another step. So those windows matter because on the very first thing I did they missed the window and because they decided to make the movie we ended up making more on the optional, you know, non-optional rewrite than we did on the original.

**Ken:** The other thing that comes up here too Craig is that it’ll set forth whether these optional steps need to be done in order or whether they can do it in whatever order they choose.

**Craig:** Right. You want in order.

**Ken:** In order is generally considered preferable, more protective of the writer, because in order means hey we’re going to go from a first draft to a rewrite to a polish. Usually that’s in ascending order of how big the step is and also how much money you’re getting paid for them. And so you don’t want to be in a situation where you do the first draft and they say, “We kind of want to save some money here. Let’s go immediately to the polish even though the step is a pretty big step and they’re going to really want you to do rewrite type work, but let’s just call it the polish.” And so it’s something to be wary of. So hopefully these steps would have to be in order. But even if they’re not and even if they are allowed to jump to the polish you do want to make sure that when you’re getting those notes for what they’re calling the polish steps that it really is a polish. And you’ll see the time periods in a couple slides from now, but is it really a three or four week step, or this a six or eight week step, in which case this isn’t a polish and it’s something to pay attention to.

**Laurie:** Right. It becomes even more important if you’re at minimum and these figures are not. But there’s a big difference between the rewrite minimum and a polish minimum. So if you’re asked to do work that rises to the level of a rewrite it’s definitely important to bring that to us so we can enforce the rewrite minimum for that. Basically a rewrite is changes in story, structure, and dialogue.

**John:** So on the issue of one step deals, so this is a one-step deal we’re looking at. This is the thing we’re trying to push back against and fight against. In this case it’s not in the long form agreement that you’re pushing back against that. It’s in the initial deal-making. This is a guaranteed one-step guarantee, two-step optional. That’s being figured out before any of this is drafted. So in the initial conversation what I would scribble down, I would star the ones that are guaranteed and the ones that aren’t. So it’s not in this stage that you get out of the one-step deal problem.

**Ken:** Right. And you can understand why it’s preferable, right? I mean, generally speaking it means not only that you’re guaranteed more money, because you’re guaranteed multiple steps, but also you know that when you’re writing that first draft – you guys can speak to it – but obviously you’re adhering to what you pitched, you’re doing it. At the same time you know you’re going to have another step and you know when they give you notes that you’re going to get a chance to address it as opposed to feeling like, hey, they can replace me immediately, go to somebody else, which I’m sure–

**John:** Which leads to a lot of free work.

**Craig:** That’s just the tip of the shit iceberg that this thing causes.

**Laurie:** The other thing is some other terms of a contract are contingent on fixed compensation. So only the steps that are guaranteed are going to be included when that calculation is done, such as sequel payments.

**Ken:** With that said, I should just emphasize there has been a real strong movement towards the one-step deal, so I don’t want it stated as if–

**Craig:** I think everybody here is well aware of that.

**John:** All right. Let’s move on to 3.5 Fair Compensation. Who can explain fair compensation?

**Craig:** It’s fair.

**John:** It’s fair.

**Ken:** It’s reasonable.

**John:** So basically this means that you’re doing this for money. Is that all that this is telling us?

**Ken:** Yeah, essentially this isn’t the most impactful provision, but basically it’s saying hey look you understand that even if this movie is never made, even if this movie is made and you don’t get credit on it and therefore you don’t get a credit bonus or profit participation, if all you ever receive is that guaranteed money that you were paid for that first draft that was fair. That was it. And you’re not going to come back and complain.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** All right. 3.6 is your bonus. So let’s say the movie gets made, you get a bonus. So in this case the writer is getting a bonus for a sole screenplay by or written by credit upon final credit determination by the Writers Guild of America, the MBA. This writer is going to be getting $500,000 upon final credit determination. For shared screenplay or shared written by this writer is going to get $250,000. So half for this.

**Craig:** This is a slightly odd one. You see this less. So the flat bonus is no matter what you’ve been paid this is what you’re going to get. It’s pretty typical that your shared bonus is about half of what the sole bonus would be. But I think more commonly you will see this against this. So it’s a reducible amount. So then the really important thing is to say, OK, if the bonus is I’m being paid $200,000 against a million dollars, then there’s kind of an implied $800,000 bonus. But you have to make sure you know which of these other steps apply against it. And typically it’s every single thing in here. So, if there’s two optional rewrites and one optional polish, all of that money is going to eat up into that bonus. Which means essentially you’re kind of working for free for a while.

**John:** If the movie gets made.

**Craig:** If the movie gets made and you get credit. It’s just important to be aware what applies against and as you’re going through the process if it’s not working for you and you’re unhappy and you have leverage you can always sort of renegotiate and ask for a new term like an all services deal or a step that’s not applicable. The words not applicable are your friend. You want that. If you’re dealing with a bonus like this it means you’re getting paid and it’s not eating into your bonus.

**John:** Yep. Let’s move onto contingent payment. This will be in your contract. You will never get this money.

**Craig:** The contingency is death.

**John:** So this writer is getting a contingent payment equal to the amount of 5% of 100% of the contingent proceeds of the picture. There’s also the definition of what the contingent proceeds are. You won’t get it.

**Craig:** It’s attached to your contract. It’s a very large – you’ve seen the booklet that they attach on there. Their boiler plate, all of which explains why you’re not going to get it.

**Ken:** A few things here. First of all, this is called different things in different contracts. So here they’re calling it contingent payment or contingent proceeds.

**Craig:** Net profits.

**Ken:** This is also referred to as net profits, net proceeds, defined contingent proceeds. Different studios have different names for them. I mean, as the guys said it is extremely standard for a feature writer agreement to provide for a 5% net profits participation for sole credit, or a 2.5% net profits participation by whatever name for shared credit. As a general matter you’re right, very few movies hit net profits.

It does happen. It absolutely has happened. I absolutely have had a bunch of clients who have net profits as writers on films. Usually it requires – this is not shocking – it usually requires a movie that didn’t cost a ton to make, that didn’t have a bunch of gross players in the movie, and the movie had to perform beyond wildest dreams. Which absolutely happens, but not terribly often at all.

**Craig:** Don’t count on it.

**John:** Don’t count on it.

**Craig:** And also it’s not a negotiable term.

**Laurie:** Have you had to audit companies?

**Ken:** Absolutely. And so in those situations in the context of most movies that either are paying out profits or are close to paying out profits, usually the profit participants, which wouldn’t just be the writer, it would generally be the writer in conjunction with other profit participants, be it actors, director, producers, would jointly hire an auditing firm to look at the books of the movie. And it’s pretty common practice. And keep everybody honest and hopefully turn some stuff up.

**John:** Great. Next, general terms for writing services. So this is actually the page I probably flip to most in my contract to see sort of like, oh, what was I actually guaranteed, what was here. It’s listing first draft screenplay, 12-week writing period, a four-week reading period, first set of revisions which is an option. 10 weeks and four weeks. Then polish is four weeks and four weeks. I will look this up because to remember where am I at in this deal, sort of what step am I on. How long do I have to do these things?

**Ken:** Yeah, and a few things that are important here. You know, once again let’s just be clear. Under first draft it says start of services is upon satisfaction of the conditions. OK, so you’re not technically supposed to be starting until those are satisfied. You’re not going to get paid until they’re satisfied. As John was just saying it specifies the writing period for each step. Obviously it’s in declining number of weeks as the steps get smaller. The reading period there corresponds to what Craig was talking about earlier about option periods. So basically in the situation like this where there are optional steps they have to exercise that optional step within that four-week period of delivery of the previous step, otherwise they lose that option.

As we’re about to talk about in a couple slides now, they have the right to exercise the step but postpone it. And we’ll talk about what happens if they do that, but they do have to exercise their option within four weeks.

**Craig:** And that’s going to roll us right into exclusivity which essentially tells you when you are required to only work for them. Like all of these things, the issue that you deal with is it’s enforceable if there’s a conflict. This comes up all the time obviously. And generally speaking things get sort of worked out.

But by and large when you’re in a writing period you can only write for them, for no one else in features. And in the reading periods, those four-week times, it’s typical that it’s not exclusive. That you can go and do something else while they’re reading there. But then when they exercise their option the question is is it subject to your availability or do you have to come back after those four weeks. Those things get worked out in exclusivity.

Again, this kind of a red flag one. You want to be as not exclusive as you can be.

**Ken:** And generally I will say that when we are negotiating deals up front, so before we’ve ever seen paper, usually we will bring up the issue of carve outs from the exclusivity. So just when we’re negotiating what’s your compensation, what are the bonuses, etc., we would also say by the way John has these preexisting obligations on these other projects. Those need to be carved out so that even during the writing periods when he’d otherwise be exclusive he’s not exclusive. And sometimes it’s, hey look, he’s not exclusive but he’s still going to comply with these delivery periods. Or in other instances when it’s crystal clear that there’s no way you can – you may not be able to comply with this if you get called back to your TV show and you have to spend a bunch of time on it. There may be instances when we have the ability to extend time periods as well.

**John:** All right. Great. Point E, commencement of services. Lender and artist acknowledge that only an authorized business affairs executive of the company has the authority to commence artist services. So when the studio executive says, oh no, go ahead start writing, they are not the person who is authorized to do that. And this is a point in the contract to make that really clear that the creative executive can’t commence you. It really is the studio business affairs has to do this. And you must encounter this a lot.

**Laurie:** The MBA actually requires the name of the person who is authorized to commence services. I notice that this agreement doesn’t have that. It’s not supposed to be generic. Or maybe it has it somewhere else.

**Ken:** I think John may have cut it off, but I think it goes on to say it.

**John:** So there’s one person specifically who you’re supposed to be delivering things to and one person who can say, yes, go ahead and start writing.

**Laurie:** Exactly.

**Craig:** For commencement this is actually pretty easy because they want you to start writing and so you just make sure that your attorney says, OK, you’ve been officially commenced. Once you hear that from your lawyer you’re good to go.

**Ken:** The bigger issue is commencement of subsequent steps because have I been commenced on that second step–

**Craig:** The option.

**Ken:** And optional steps, exactly.

**John:** Oh, so much text on this slide. Deferred services. So this is getting back to that place of they can say start but also start but wait.

**Ken:** And what this is basically saying is they have the right in this provision, in this contract, to postpone any step for up to 18 months. But if they do so what this goes on to say is if they’re postponing a step they have to pay you as if they had timely ordered it and you had timely performed services, OK. And then you will do the step later when they ask you to do it, subject to your availability. So if they don’t have you start within the four-week period they were supposed to they then have to wait in line until you are available. They’ll have to pay you now and you’ll do it at your next availability essentially.

**John:** In my 20 years I’ve never had this happen. Have you Craig?

**Craig:** No. There have been some instances where we do like a suspend and extend where I’ll say I’m supposed to do this but I just got asked to do something else for two weeks. Would you mind suspending and extending? So we hit pause on this contract and we extend the time by two weeks so you don’t suffer. But I’ve never had anybody hire me and then say, “But by the way we don’t want you to work now.”

**Ken:** It’s happened with optional steps for sure though where they may say, hey look, we know we have this optional polish. We absolutely want to preserve the right to have you do it, but we’re going to wait until a director comes along.

**Craig:** So we’ll pay you now, look that rate in. That’s smart.

**Ken:** It definitely happens. It’s not that common but it does happen.

**John:** Great. Next up, first opportunity. So let’s say the movie gets made and let’s say you got credit on this movie, probably sole credit on this movie, yes, sole credit on the movie, within seven years after the initial general theatrical release of the picture they have to come back to you for sequel or prequel remake. Ken, is this a standard thing you’re going to see in a lot of contracts?

**Ken:** Yeah, couple provisions. You will absolutely see, it’s pretty standard that if you get sole credit on a movie then you will get the first opportunity to do certain derivative works, film or TV derivative works. I will say that the exceptions to that become if it’s based on library material. So sometimes you will get this first opportunity if it’s based on significant library material, but often studios will say, look, we’re not giving it in that sort of instance where it’s a big franchise film that you didn’t create and so you may not have it.

But as a general matter you would. There would be a certain circumscribed amount of time. Here it’s if they’re developing it within seven years of the prior film, if you got sole credit you have to be available when they want you to, and often there are certain parameters to the effect of hey look as long as the budget of this film is intended to be similar to the prior one they can’t offer you any less money than you got on the first one. Pretty normal provision here though, yes.

**Craig:** And Laurie in a case where somebody does get separated rights because they write an original screenplay and they have story by credit, separated rights cover a little bit of this too as well?

**Laurie:** It only covers the sequel payments, not the opportunity to write. So this is a key term to negotiate for sure.

**Craig:** Got it. Thank you.

**John:** Great. So just to make sure it’s all clear, if you have separated rights on a thing you’re going to get paid money for that derivative work, but there’s no guarantee that you’re going to be the person writing that derivative work. Is that what you’re saying?

**Laurie:** That’s correct. You get a sequel payment. So essentially that means if they use one of the characters that you created in that original film in a sequel or a prequel or whatever they want to call it, a new and different story, then you’re entitled to a minimum payment. And oftentimes there’s an above scale amount in the contract as well.

**John:** Great.

**Ken:** The same applies to TV. Yeah, there obviously wouldn’t be a floor of the prior deal and often this provision will require the approval of the relevant network as well, but yes you would generally get a first opportunity to do the first TV production as well.

**John:** Fantastic. Next up, this point C has some definitions, and it says solely for the purpose of determining artist’s first opportunity rights under this previous paragraph. It’s defining what a sequel and a prequel means. And it carves out this point D, it’s not an “ensemble production.” Ken, what’s an ensemble production?

**Ken:** Yeah, I mean, I think what I would just say is first of all usually these definitions are not that complicated and usually we know what a sequel is and we know what a remake is. Although I’m sure you can find reasons to argue about it. What is increasingly starting to happen with these franchise type films and particularly superhero type films is you see these mashups of different films.

**Craig:** This is an Avengers problem.

**Ken:** Exactly, Alien vs. Predator. You’ll see Avengers. There may have been multiple different movies. You may have written one of them. But now it’s being combined with another movie. And so–

**Craig:** Nobody gets the first rights because–

**Ken:** Exactly right. Once again, not a super common provision.

**Craig:** Most people here have worked on The Avengers I would imagine. It’s a thing.

**John:** Yeah. Markus and McFeely are both here in the house. This next point is related to this. So a remake shall be defined as a live action, English-language, theatrical motion picture produced for domestic release that is based on a picture and meets the following criteria. Same substantial number of elements. Repeats the principal story line, at least two the principal characters, and is not an ensemble production which is a loosely defined term.

**Ken:** And all that, you know, once again, some of that is fairly normal, but I would just say you do want to pay attention to, particularly as the world starts getting more complicated is, you know, when it says English-language theatrical motion picture – theatrical motion picture. What happens now when it’s done directly for a streaming service?

**John:** Or Disney Plus?

**Ken:** Exactly. And by the way, the same applies not just to this provision but earlier when we were talking about credit bonuses and other provisions, increasingly it’s unclear what a movie is going to be produced for necessarily and so you want to make sure you’re getting your bonuses and your other entitlements regardless of whether they’re releasing the film theatrically or how they’re doing so.

**John:** Great. 5.5 talks about royalties, which is not residuals. It’s its own separate thing. But I don’t understand this piece. So, Ken, why is this here? What are they talking about?

**Ken:** Generally this goes along with the first opportunity provision. So usually in a contract what it will provide is that if you get – as we just said – if you get sole credit you’ll get the first opportunity to write derivative works. Then there will be a corresponding provision which says that, hey, if you get not only sole credit but also generally sole separated rights, so this is really your creation, then if there are subsequent productions, remakes, sequels, or TV productions that you don’t wind up writing, either because you weren’t available, you couldn’t make a deal to do it, or whatever the reason is, they still have to pay you certain money as a result.

So what this goes on to say is if you look at the sequel provision what that says is that if they do a sequel to your film, and you don’t write it, you will get paid half of the compensation that you got paid on the first.

**Craig:** And these are called passive payments, is that right?

**Ken:** Correct.

**Laurie:** And this is an above scale example of a sequel payment where if you have separated rights there is a minimum for that, but this is more than that.

**Ken:** Correct. And generally that’s for a sequel it’s 50%. For a remake it’s less than that. For TV productions it will be certain episodic payments for each time they do an episode that’s essentially derived from your movie.

**John:** Cool.

**Laurie:** And we have minimums for remakes as well in here that aren’t tied to separated rights, just as an aside.

**John:** Nice. Transportation and expenses.

**Craig:** Gotta love transpo.

**John:** Oh, transpo is so good. So now your movie is in production or you’re headed to a premiere, there’s important places where you need to travel to go to—

**Craig:** I’ll flip to this sometimes first. I’m like are you flying me first or business? That’s a big argument. We used to have an MBA term that we would be flown first and that got rolled back to business, across the guilds. So that’s one area where you can sometimes fight, but they’re getting really good at just saying, no, it’s business all the way.

And then how much money am I going to get paid, my walk around money. And am I going to be accountable for my walk around money. You should not have to be. But this is like a fun part of the contract because I’m like, ooh.

Now one thing to note is that they will break it out by kinds of cities. I have had arguments about what kind of city I’m in.

**John:** Yeah, so when you’re doing Chernobyl and you’re in Eastern Europe are they paying you–

**Craig:** The Vilnius would be on the lower end.

**John:** Lower scale.

**Craig:** But it is a capital city location. I mean, so that actually is a decent argument to have. As it happened in that case because we knew where we were shooting they were just like you’ll get this much for being in a city say like Vilnius. But typically they will break it out as these major metropolitan areas like New York, Paris, Tokyo, or London, and then it kind of goes down from there.

And this is where you’re going to find out whether or not you’re sharing a car from the airport. I don’t really care too much about stuff like that but it’s an area where you can fiddle with things and get some perks, improve your life. It’s certainly a place to look and make sure that you’re not in for trouble, especially if you know that you’re going to be on location. I mean, Universal practically makes every movie in Georgia, which is a whole other discussion. But, you know, everybody ends up spending time there. So you want to know how am I going to be taken care of if I’m say in Atlanta.

**John:** Yep. Next up. Pension, health, and welfare contributions. This contract says that the studio will pay directly applicable pension, health, and welfare fund contributions required by the MBA to the WGA. In no event shall the aggregate amount of such payments exceed the total of all similar payments which the studio would have been required to make had the studio employed that writer directly.

**Craig:** They’re getting around the loan-out.

**John:** They’re getting around the loan-out company stuff. You are in a guild. You’re in a guild space right now. This is really good. I mean, they should – I guess the alternative is they could pay the writer and the writer would have to – I don’t understand why this would never be here.

**Laurie:** Yeah, the writer can’t make his or her own contributions by law, so the company has to make those contributions, regardless of whether there’s a loan-out or not.

**Craig:** Yep.

**John:** Nice. Point 8, ownership and distribution. I take this to read that this thing that you’re writing they own it and they–

**Craig:** This is the big one.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** This is how they built Hollywood, on this paragraph, which says you’re not writing it. You’re being commissioned to write it. Even if it was your idea and you brought it to them. Even if you’ve already written it and you’re selling it to them, they – we engage in this.

Look, the upside to this is because it’s a work-for-hire that means you’re an employee. Because you’re an employee you can be in a labor union. So there’s some good upsides to this. But this is the magic paragraph that says – and it’s my favorite paragraph in combination with the paragraph that says you also warrant that you are writing the material you write. So you have to promise us you’re going to write it and also we’re writing it. It’s basically what they’re saying.

**Laurie:** This is the genesis for separated rights because this is the work-for-hire doctrine that means the company is the copyright holder. And so separated rights basically says that certain rights are separated out from that. And effectively licensed to the writer of original material in perpetuity.

**Craig:** Right. They’re kind of giving us back stuff—

**Laurie:** That you should have, yeah. Nice.

**Craig:** Begrudgingly.

**John:** Begrudgingly. But we should acknowledge that it’s good that this paragraph is here because without this paragraph we cannot be employees and there would be no union. This is a foundational thing that we need to have exist.

**Craig:** Yeah. And that’s why we have – I mean, the whole concept of residuals was essentially to simulate the royalties we would get if we maintain copyright. So that’s all of what we do here is this kind of strange dance regarding work-for-hire. It’s fascinating to a small amount of people. But I’m one of them.

**John:** Point number nine.

**Craig:** Oh yes.

**John:** So, these are the bonus materials and other things that could use your material that aren’t the main thing. And Ken are there important negotiations here or are they just protecting themselves?

**Ken:** Not really. And also what this is also saying is, hey look, if they shot some behind the scenes the footage that you happen to appear in you’re giving them the right to – unless there was something particular going on it’s not something we would generally talk too much about.

**John:** Cool. Assignment. The studio may assign, transfer, license, delegate, and/or grant any part of the rights, privileges, and properties here under to any person or entity. So, this thing I made with you, they could give it to somebody else.

**Craig:** They just have to honor – the person that they sell it to has to assume the burden of all of this.

**Ken:** Correct. And if they were to assign it to some non-solvent entity they would remain [liable, the other studio]. Yes.

**John:** Does this ever become a problem where the guild sometimes deals with studios and producers who are not good folks. Where this assignment thing, they’ve assigned it to a person who is terrible or is coming away from a terrible person. Does this kind of paragraph ever come into your work?

**Laurie:** Well, we already have paragraphs that require what we call assumption agreements to be signed by the distributor or whoever is assuming the obligations. And so like Ken said if that distributor doesn’t honor the residuals obligations then we will still go after the original signatory company.

**John:** Great.

**Craig:** And to become a signatory in the first place you have to show that you have the financial solvency to actually take care of your obligations.

**Laurie:** Right. We require a personal guarantee among other things.

**Craig:** So it’s not like any of you can do it. I’m sure some of you could.

**John:** Some of them can. Part 11, there’s no obligation to use. So the studio is not obligated to develop, produce, distribute, and/or exploit the picture–

**Ken:** Or to have you write it.

**John:** Or have you write it.

**Ken:** Essentially this is sometimes also referred to as a pay-or-play type paragraph. So it’s basically saying, hey look, you can never come after us and say, hey, we didn’t have you actually write it, or you didn’t make the movie. But that doesn’t absolve them of their obligation to pay you your guaranteed–

**Craig:** How do I get this deal where I don’t have to write it? That sounds awesome.

**John:** There have been a couple of times in my career where either a step, things just sort of fell apart. And they still needed to pay me out for stuff.

**Craig:** Oh, sweet.

**John:** It’s nice.

**Craig:** What a life you live.

**John:** Point 12, employment eligibility. So you will have to prove that they can hire you legally in the United States to do stuff. And so they’ll ask for identification. It’s really unclear to me sort of like why some studios want everything and other places are just like, “Just sign here.” But sometimes they ask for a lot more documentation at other places.

**Craig:** They keep them on record. So every now and then some studio will say, oh, you’ve got to update your I9 because after some certain amount of time we think maybe you stopped being a citizen or something. I don’t know. But it’s basically just that you can legally work.

**John:** Point 12.12 is services outside the US. Lender and artist acknowledge and agree that artist shall not render services under this agreement outside the US unless and until, and there’s some conditions here. As more things do go overseas this could become a factor for certain people.

**Craig:** Yeah, I was there. And so one of the interesting things about working overseas is the guild – and correct me if I wrong on this Laurie – has jurisdiction over writing that happens here in the United States. It doesn’t technically have jurisdiction over writing that’s done somewhere else. So if I’m hired by a British company, or if I’m hired by Euro Disney to write something, and I’m positioned physically in France.

**Laurie:** Right. So it is complicated but if you are a resident of the US and the company transports you, which this paragraph seems to allude to, it’s still within our geographical jurisdiction. This is article five of the agreement that has different back patterns essentially about what’s inside and what’s outside our geographic jurisdiction. So you do want to be aware of where you’re performing your services. At some point it may become a test of what percentage of your services were performed in the US versus abroad.

**Craig:** Which becomes super annoying in terms of taxation also. Because sometimes you end up having to say, well, a part of my money is paid to Lithuania and part of my money – but you know. Tax people.

**John:** Yeah. Confidentiality. Lender and artist acknowledge that prior to and/or during lender’s and artist’s contact there’s confidential information. Ken, does this become an important negotiating point?

**Ken:** Generally not. But you can imagine, I mean, what it’s really saying is it’s a couple things. One, they don’t want you running around talking about what your compensation is. And two, also, you shouldn’t be out there publicizing the film, sharing pages, giving secrets away, that kind of thing.

**Laurie:** Spoilers.

**Ken:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Spoilers.

**John:** So I didn’t see this thing about compensation, so is it saying that I’m not allowed – would I not be allowed to talk about how much I got on a project? I didn’t see that in this.

**Ken:** In this one it may not say it. Some agreements definitely do, you know, where they want you to keep the terms confidential. Sometimes.

**John:** Cool. Notices. Any notice pertaining hereto shall be in writing. And it’s saying they can send it by mail, cable, or fax, or telecopy.

**Craig:** Usually cable.

**John:** Cable is how I do all my stuff. Telegrams is the best.

**Craig:** You are no longer working. Stop.

**John:** Ha. But where this cuts off would be the address of like who notices should go to. And that’s important to be in there. And they should be in theory still be sending them to the address that is there. And if that’s no longer the person who is representing you or the place it should go, make sure that gets updated.

**Craig:** Yeah. And notices, the biggest problem that we have with notices comes down to credits. Because there have been some very sad cases where the guild has sent the notice of tentative writing credits to the person listed here, that is the representative of the writer, and that person just doesn’t pass it along, or it wasn’t the right person, or that person was terminated during the writing. So you’ve just got to be really aware of that one. The most important thing there is going to be credits I think.

**Laurie:** Because there’s a very quick turnaround in terms of finalizing the credits.

**Craig:** Correct. And if suddenly two weeks later someone calls you up and says, yeah, so it’s over. What’s over? It can happen.

**John:** Insurance. Lender and artist shall be covered as an additional insured on the studios errors and omissions insurance policy. You want that. That is good.

**Laurie:** That is required in here by the way.

**John:** Great.

**Craig:** Indemnification.

**John:** Nice. Indemnification is – what’s indemnification? Help me out. I don’t even know.

**Ken:** Indemnification is basically saying – usually this will go along with another provision called Representation and Warranties. Where essentially – in general you’re saying as you said earlier this is original to me. I’m the person who wrote this. I didn’t steal this from anybody else. And you’re generally saying but if I did, if I stole this or if I’ve breached this representation somehow I’m responsible and I will indemnify you, studio, for any expenses or liability you incur.

But on the flip side, and that’s what’s addressed here, you studio are going to indemnify me and protect me if there are any claims against me in connection with the film that didn’t arise from my breach of my obligation.

**Craig:** And there will be. If there’s a movie that’s a big movie inevitably somebody is going to wriggle out from under a rock and say you stole my… – And then the studio has to bat that away. You are not on the hook for that sort of thing and I don’t know – honestly, I don’t know of any writer that has ever actually committed some kind of plagiarism or fraud and then been exposed because of breach here. We don’t do it.

**John:** No.

**Craig:** And they protect us.

**John:** Crediting. Over scale cash payments for writing services any credit bonus, or any contingent payment paid to lender and picture shall not be credited against residuals which may become payable to lender and artist for the picture. Basically the money they pay – they can’t take the money they’ve already paid you out of your residuals.

**Craig:** They can’t chew into that. That makes sense.

**John:** Residuals are a different thing.

**Craig:** Correct.

**John:** The premiere! Congratulations. You get to go to the premiere. We talked about the Aladdin premiere. In this case if the writer got sole or shared screenplay by credit or written by credit they get to go to the premiere.

**Craig:** This is where you find out what they really think of you.

**John:** Yes. So this writer, let’s see, artist and one non-business related companion–

**Craig:** Two tickets.

**John:** Two tickets.

**Craig:** That’s what you get.

**John:** To the US celebrity premiere.

**Craig:** You’re getting two tickets to the movie you wrote, to be a theater filled with people that have nothing to do with the movie. That’s basically the deal. But it will detail what the transportation and hotel might be if the premiere is at a distant location, because sometimes it’ll be in New York or somewhere else. So, you know, this is an area where somebody like Ken can, if he knows like OK my client would love to take his family or his friends, this is a place where he can grind them a little bit. But, you know, the attitude on these things from the studio is the premiere is not to celebrate your genius. The premiere is to sell tickets. And sorry, this don’t sell nothing so. And so that’s why they’re a bit cheap on it. But they don’t seem to be that stingy when it comes to producers, do they?

**John:** No. Point 19, YOU GET A DVD. You get a DVD of your movie. Congratulations. You made your movie, you get a DVD.

**Laurie:** You don’t have a DVD player anymore.

**John:** No, not at my house.

**Craig:** Also they don’t send them.

**John:** No.

**Craig:** No. They’ve just stopped. They know we don’t want them. They’ve just stopped.

**John:** Point 21, the cure. No, just a cure. On a one-time only basis – I read through this paragraph two or three times and didn’t really get it, so?

**Ken:** I wouldn’t get worked up about it. It’s basically saying if they would otherwise say that you’d done something wrong, you breached something, you didn’t comply, they have to tell you and you get a chance to correct that mistake. I can’t think of a situation in which that’s really come up in this context.

**John:** So you get one whoops.

**Craig:** You get two days to buff that out.

**John:** Point 22, WGA MBA. Artist’s services hereunder shall be subjected to the terms of the MBA. At this point Laurie points to her big purple notebook, spiral bound. This is our MBA, the basic agreement, which has all the rules of how the Writers Guild and the studios do stuff together.

**Laurie:** Right. And this is an agreement between the guild and the studios that’s enforceable in the same way that this agreement is enforceable. So we have two things going on simultaneously. But in no event can an individual writer agree to something that is less favorable than what’s in the minimum basic agreement. And that’s the whole point of it. So even if there were something in the agreement, and oftentimes there is something hidden in the standard terms and conditions or somewhere else that is a violation technically of this agreement. It’s not enforceable by the studio because they have agreed to do this.

**John:** Yes. So you can’t go lower than this. This is the base and everything has to build up above the MBA.

**Craig:** And this is essentially the paragraph that tells you you’re working on a WGA project. You are not allowed to work – if you’re in a covered work area you can’t not have this in your contract.

**Laurie:** Right. And by the way making sure the company that’s listed in the contract is signatory is a critical thing. It’s not always a studio and you might not always be absolutely certain that this particular entity is signatory. So you can always call the signatories department to confirm that.

**John:** Yeah. This wouldn’t be a Scriptnotes podcast if we didn’t rail on Bob Weinstein once.

**Craig:** Let’s go. Here we go. Everybody line up.

**John:** My second project they tried to hire me under the non-signatory thing. And like, no, I am a guild member. You have to hire me under their signatory branch.

**Craig:** That’s weird because their adherence to ethics is notorious. I’m not sure what happened there.

**John:** Mm.

**Craig:** Hmm.

**John:** Now we get to the exhibits. Exhibit A, writer’s certificate. And so this says as of date the undersigned certifies that for valuable consideration, basically there is an agreement here between movie, Wet Dog Pictures–

**Craig:** You’re paying me to write it. You’re paying me to write it and I’m writing it. And this is the thing – the invention of this is the greatest because I don’t know when I started if they had these frequently.

**Ken:** Basically the certificate which will be, they vary at the different studios, but a very short document which basically just says, hey, we own what you’re doing and you represent more that you didn’t steal from anybody else, etc. Because usually what the studio may do is they may take this, they file it in the copyright office, and it’s just a simple document. It doesn’t have any confidential terms. It doesn’t have any money in it. It’s just their way of putting out there publicly that, hey, we own this thing without having to reveal any private details.

**Craig:** Right. And then that in turn gives them the comfort to pay you your commencement even though somebody like Ken is trying to figure out how many dollars you get for a trip to Tokyo, you know. Because that can take a really long time. And every one of these contracts I’ve ever had my lawyers red line through dozens of things. And some of these things are important. But if you really have to wait for this whole thing to be done months will go by, or as we said earlier it never happens.

**John:** Yeah. Exhibit B is a thing I’ve never had to actually do. Procedures for annotating the screenplay.

**Craig:** I had to do this.

**John:** You had to do this for Chernobyl.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** This is marking up sort of the stuff that is in your script. Who are real characters? What are real places? What you changed and where you consulted to get the information in this? So I know you had to do this for Chernobyl, marking up.

**Craig:** Yeah. I was back in 11th grade and I was doing a bibliography and citations and everything. Because, I mean, the company had their own person that goes through it and does his own thing of like, OK, yeah, you didn’t make this up. Because they’re protecting themselves against you defaming people or you just saying things that are wildly incorrect. But you may have to do this. And this is something that I think a lot of people are caught unawares. There are people that will help you do it. There are people that can hired to essentially assemble the annotated screenplay form with you. But, yeah, if you’re working in a space where you are adapting or representing true facts, someone’s life/history, you’re going to be on the hook for this.

**Laurie:** And that ties into the representation and warranty section that you were mentioning earlier. And the company is supposed to notify you upfront if you’re supposed to be annotating.

**Craig:** Yes.

**Ken:** Because usually in those reps and warranties it will say, hey, you are not writing about a real person unless you tell us you are. Exactly.

**John:** So, we made it through the end of the contract.

**Craig:** Let’s do it again!

**John:** Let’s keep in mind this is the contract for them paying you to write something. This wouldn’t be exactly the situation if you wrote a spec script and you were selling it to a place or optioning it to a place. So Ken could you quickly talk us through what other things would we see in a spec sale? Would it be a separate contract completely?

**Ken:** Sure. It depends on the studio. So, if you’re selling a spec it might be one contract or it might be two. So, if it were two you might have one which is essentially called a screenplay purchase agreement. Or it were an option purchase agreement it would be an option purchase agreement. And then separately you might have a writing agreement.

**John:** Great.

**Ken:** And so the writing agreement would look very much like what you just saw. And the purchase agreement, not terribly complicated other than there’s a purchase price for buying the script and then it would have a whole host of assignment type language where you’re assigning all rights over to them, once again featuring representations and warranties and indemnities. But the two together would have you transferring ownership to them and then also discuss the rewriting you’re going to do of your own script.

**John:** Great. Because we’re the guild I’m going to talk a little guild stuff here. The Start Button, just show of hands, who here knows what the Start Button is, feature writers? Oh, that’s better than I would have guessed. Who here has used the Start Button? Shorter number. But let’s talk through like how this ties in with your contract. Because the Start Button is a service that’s on the website right now. With the Start Button when you start writing on your feature project or a pilot it also works well you’re going to go in, you click Start Button, and you say create new project. You’re going to create a new project and you’re going to go into little fields and fill stuff out that says what the title of the movie is, who it’s for, the person authorized to accept delivery per contract, exactly the thing that Laurie stressed. Who the producers are.

Once you have your contract you’ll click that little button there and upload your contract. You’re supposed to be doing that. And actually feature writers are much better than TV writers. So, we’re awesome. We tend to submit our contracts. But then you’ll put in your steps. So, a step, what is a step? Well we talked about that. A step is, you know, first draft, your optional rewrite, your optional polish. You’re going to put that information in and say how long you’re expecting to be working on those things. And it will kick you back an email when that time is about to run up saying like, hey, how’s that going, is everything good? Is there a problem? Do you need the guild to help come in?

Because TV writers, they get paid on time because they are making a show every week. Feature writers, we don’t get paid on time because they just don’t. And so we want to make sure people are getting paid on time. And the way we can do that is by using this and letting the guild be the bad guy at times. You know, your reps should be the bad guys, but sometimes your reps aren’t doing a great job being the bad guys.

**Craig:** Reps. These reps you speak of.

**John:** But let’s let the guild do that, because the guild is really good at collecting money and doing that. And so try using the Start Button on your next project. I’ve used it regularly because we were testing it and it does help. It reminds you also because, you know, the thing like wait how long is my writing period? Look at your contract. Look at the notes you scribbled down. It gives you a sense of just a little bit more control over the process from your perspective.

And then lastly guild wise, I’ll point out that this working rule number three says like you know what you actually are supposed to be sending in your contract. That’s how the guild sort of knows what’s happening out there, what people are working on, and what are the common points. So you see a ton of contracts, but with more contracts you see like how many one-step deals are really getting made. Well, we’d know because we’d see all of the contracts.

**Laurie:** Right. I mean, there’s really a dual purpose for us collecting the agreements. One is enforcement. We tend to be able to guide writers through the process even when they’re making a deal, but especially after they’ve made a deal we can check to make sure the terms comply with the MBA and we can enforce it. And really also another major purpose is just gathering information to support the guild’s strategic goals. Just like you said, what’s happening in the industry, what are the trends, and what are the problems that keep arising.

**John:** Yeah. That is it for our official presentation, but we do have a few minutes to take any questions if people have questions. Craig says he’s going to the bathroom. We’ll see if he returns.

**Male Audience Member:** Yeah, I don’t know if that has to do with favored nations, would that be something that’s in the contract, favored nations? And the other thing with the Start Button, if that would be if – in other words if you’re already in the process of you getting paid, or is Start Button like if you’re writing a spec script but nobody made a deal yet?

**John:** Great. So I can address that first part. The Start Button is more for when you are getting paid because it’s really about sort of this person is paying me, I’ve started working on it, and I’m delivering it. And there’s an expectation that I’m going to be paid for it. So it’s not really a planning thing like that. It’s really more for you’re being hired as a writer for things. But let’s talk about favored nations and most favored nations. Where would you see something like most favored nations show up in a writer’s contract?

**Ken:** It’s not a terribly common term for feature writing contracts because as a general matter, you know, so favored nations or most favored nations is terminology which basically means you’re going to be treated no worse than anybody else. OK. And it comes up all the time for actors where my trailer is going to be no worse than anybody else’s. Or sometimes a profit definition where my definition is going to be no worse than anybody else’s. Or my credit will be no smaller size, or that sort of thing.

In a feature writer agreement it’s much less common just because as a general matter you’re the only writer at that time doing it. So, it wouldn’t come up very often. TV writer contracts sometimes in other ways. But not very common for features.

If you had two or three writers writing at the same time, but usually from a compensation perspective usually they will have each made their own deals. Sometimes when you’re doing like a roundtable deal where there’s multiple writers coming in for the same – to all work for a day on a project, it would be a favored nations deal where everyone is getting the same compensation. So it would come up there. You’re right, if it’s a bunch of people doing the same job at the same time it might.

**John:** Let’s take over here.

**Male Audience Member:** I had a question regarding working outside the US. Saying you get hired to write something in Mexico in a different language. Does that still apply? Are we protected from the guild from something like that?

**Laurie:** So, you’re both bound by working rule eight to make sure that company is signatory and, yes, the protections will still apply if the company is transporting you for the purpose of performing those services elsewhere.

But always call us before that happens just so we can make sure.

**John:** And when you say always call us, what department should they be calling in?

**Laurie:** Call contracts for that. That’s a good starting point.

**Male Audience Member:** Great. Thank you.

**John:** Fantastic. Over this side.

**Male Audience Member:** Option trigger question. If the employer is outside the reading time period, whatever that is, and then they say we want to trigger an option, which is I’m sure fairly common where in one of those, what to do next on a contract level and if you’re willing on political level?

**Craig:** I’ve been in that situation and we just said, well, OK, let’s negotiate a price. I mean, they can say, well, we did. And you can say it doesn’t apply anymore. You wouldn’t be asking me to do this if you didn’t want me to do it. And you definitely wouldn’t be asking me to do it outside of this four-week reading period if you didn’t screw up, so I’ve got a little something here. Let’s just talk about it. There should be some sort of price to pay for that. Even if it’s a little penalty.

But, yeah, I would approach it as just a negotiation for another step. That’s how I would do it. I don’t think there’s a political problem with it.

**John:** I would say I don’t think I’ve ever asked for, you know, we’ve gone past the reading period–

**Craig:** You’re missing out on so much money. Hundreds and hundreds of dollars.

**John:** I think there is a political aspect to it because if it’s a thing that you genuinely believe is going to go to the next thing and they’re not just stringing you along, you may decide to just go for it.

**Male Audience Member:** Shine that they’re outside of it.

**Ken:** It also depends on do you want to do the step or not. Because you absolutely have the right to say I’m not interested in doing it. And particularly if it’s a deal you made a while ago or your price has gone up since then and you feel the compensation is not appropriate you may just not want to do it if the money is not right. And you absolutely have the right to say no.

**Male Audience Member:** Thanks.

**John:** This way.

**Male Audience Member:** Yeah, I have a question on specs. Specifically on P&H, because we’re lucky enough to have a fantastic medical plan and my understanding is that we do not get credit compensation payment for specs. So, where exactly in the contract negotiation do we make sure that we’re getting the rewrite? And my second part of that question is do we get the P&H credits for just the rewrite or for all of that by triggering the rewrite?

**Craig:** They get that first rewrite as a function right?

**Laurie:** As long as its original, meaning the characters in the story in your spec are original and you sell it to a signatory, under the separated rights provisions you’ll have the opportunity to perform the first rewrite. And to answer your second question you get contributions on everything. So you if you just have the sale and no writing services, then no compensation at all. But once you perform a rewrite or other revisions in connection with that project then contributions are due on everything, including the purchase price.

**Male Audience Member:** Awesome. Thanks so much.

**John:** That’s great. Thank you. This way.

**Male Audience Member:** I’ve got a couple questions about assigned material. First, I mean, the examples you gave are usually we’re given documents or previous drafts. But sometimes you’ll go in and meet with an executive and they’ll say, “Hey, I’ve just got this idea.” Could they ever say that assigned material is that executive’s two sentence log line that they told you?

**Laurie:** They can say it. There are different ways that the term is used. I’ll let you—

**Ken:** Yeah, no, I mean, I’ve definitely seen them try to say it. I’ve literally seen contracts say, you know, based on an idea supplied by the studio. And depending upon what you’re concerned about you might either want that out of the contract altogether or you might want to make it very clear that it’s based on an oral idea from the studio because for credit purposes as the guys were discussing earlier if it’s simply an oral idea that someone gave you that still remains an original screenplay. There was no previously exploited material or anything. And so it would just – I’d want to understand better what it is. And then I would talk with my client what were you given, what were you told. But simply an idea shouldn’t be something that impacts you and so I’d either keep it out or specify that it’s oral.

**Laurie:** And that also impacts compensation provisions as well as separated rights. So when we think of what is assigned material that’s a story intangible in fixed form. So some sort of idea, some sort of oral instructions won’t rise to that level.

**Male Audience Member:** The other question is you talked about how sometimes they’ll assign public domain material. Is there any benefit for a studio to do that, or are they just being dicks?

**Craig:** It seems like they’re being dicks. Sometimes, in the one instance where I confronted it it was part of a larger legal strategy they were trying to make about what they did control from an extension of a public domain work. Because, you know, these public domain works kick off derivative works. And then those are property because they’re new. And then those kick off things. And so it seemed like this was more about them than about me. But the problem was that it changed the nature of the work I was doing and so that was worth arguing about.

**John:** Great. Thank you. Our last question.

**Female Audience Member:** Hi, I have a question for those of us who work in TV regularly and are now trying to do features for the first time between seasons, it’s really scary to hear how long it takes for that contract to go. So do I pretty much need to put my contract in place three months before my television series is up?

**Craig:** No.

**Female Audience Member:** So I can have the four months I have free off?

**Craig:** I don’t think so. I mean, generally speaking, and correct me if I’m wrong, they know you have a time window. And you get the points that we discussed that were the deal memo points, how much money, how many steps. Then from that point they can generate that Certificate of Authorship. You can sign that, turn it in, and they can commence you. And while you’re writing your attorney is going back and forth with them to try to shape that—

**Ken:** True and not true. I mean, in fairness—

**Craig:** You say true and true?

**Ken:** True and not true. Most studios will not pay you on a signing certificate.

**Craig:** Really? How have I been getting away with this?

**Laurie:** But they’ll commence you probably right?

**Ken:** Most won’t, once again, with a feature writing deal. With that said I would say a few things.

**Craig:** I did not know that.

**Ken:** As much as they’re saying it takes a super long time, feature writing contracts shouldn’t take that long to get done. They really shouldn’t. And also I would just say unlike – obviously you’ll have a ton on your plate, it may not be easy for you to write your feature during the TV season because you’re super busy, but I would just say that unlike this feature contract which generally provides that during writing periods you’re exclusive to them, you’re not allowed to work on other things unless they’ve been specifically carved out, generally – not always – but generally a TV writing contract wouldn’t make you exclusive in movies, so that you would be allowed to work on the movie while you’re in the season of your TV show.

Some studios try to overreach and say that you’re totally exclusive during the season. Depending upon the studio, depending upon the show, your stature, what have you, that can usually be changed. OK? But I don’t know if that answers the questions to part two.

**Female Audience Member:** Great. So I’ll have time hopefully.

**John:** Yeah. A thing we’ve learned is that most feature writers are also TV writers these days. So, that is the new normal is that most of the folks are working in both. And so you’re entering into a place where many people have gone down this before. And we’ve mentioned they didn’t carve out any specific pre or prior things, but your feature contract would probably acknowledge that you are on a show or that there’s some other commitment that you have that could delay some things.

**Laurie:** And you probably also want to check your series contract, too, regarding the exclusivity provision just to see what it says.

**Female Audience Member:** OK, great. Thanks so much.

**John:** I want to thank Ken Richman and Laurie Espinosa for all their expertise.

**Craig:** Thank you guys.

**Ken:** My pleasure.

**John:** Craig and I often play lawyers on the show but we don’t actually know what we’re talking about–

**Craig:** I feel like I kind of do. I feel like I could get away with it.

**John:** He’s kind of a doctor.

**Craig:** I’m kind of a doctor.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And kind of a lawyer. I am a nuclear physicist.

**John:** He is a nuclear physicist. I want to thank Albert for putting together tonight’s production. Thank you very much for this, for putting this together. And thank you all for coming out. This was a great little session. Thank you very much.

***

OK, I’m back. Some last bits of follow up. Obviously there’s a lot going on in the agency negotiations so we will get back to that soon. We’ve also had a lot of folks writing in about Craig’s master class on thesis and antithesis, so we will be revisiting that topic.

In the meantime, Scriptnotes is produced by Megana Rao. It was edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our outro this week is by Alex Winder. If you have an outro you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send longer questions. For shorter questions on Twitter Craig is @clmazin and I am @johnaugust.

You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find the transcripts. You can find a recap of the show generally on Reddit. You can find all the back episodes of the show at Scriptnotes.net or download 60-episode seasons at store.johnaugust.com. You may want to check out the Scriptnotes Listener’s Guide at johnaugust.com/guide to find out which episodes our listeners recommended most. Thanks and we’ll see you next week.

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Scriptnotes, Ep 406: Better Sex with Rachel Bloom

June 28, 2019 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2019/better-sex-with-rachel-bloom).

**John August:** Hey, this is John. Today’s episode includes a frank discussion of sex, including some words that may not be appropriate for some ears, so head’s up.

Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** Yeah, my name is Sexy Craig.

**John:** And this is Episode 406 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Today on the podcast we’re joined by our longtime friend, Rachel Bloom. In addition to being the co-creator and star of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend she has written and spoken and sung extensively about how sex and sexuality are portrayed on screen. I’m so excited to have her on the show so we can identify and fix all of these issues in less than one hour.

Welcome back, Rachel Bloom.

**Rachel Bloom:** Thank you for having me. I’m so excited to be here.

**John:** I’m excited to see you. Our first conversation about this was while you were still shooting the show, but you had an article that was in Marie Claire that you tweeted out about. And it was like, yes, I just so fully agree with the things that you’re saying here. And so hopefully we can talk through some of those issues here and we’ve got a lot of people listening to this show who write for film and for television. Maybe we can make some changes.

**Rachel:** Yeah. Yeah! God, I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I’ll tell you how I come in great detail. Just like graphic detail because you had that warning at the top so like people know.

No, I mean, what it started was, and Scriptnotes unofficial Co-co host, Aline Brosh McKenna, and I talk about this frequently, but it started in season three of Crazy Ex where it’s generally a character-based show but occasionally we would use the episodic format to tackle issues. And sometimes those kind of issue-based storylines would be with side characters. And really where it was coming from was where the show idea came from which are what are stories that we’ve seen that may or may not just be female centric that we just haven’t seen especially done on network television, because we had this cool way for it to reach not a large audience but a broader audience because we were technically TV-14 as opposed to a really, really dirty show where we could talk about sex and I heard about mothers and their teenage daughters watching our show together which is one of the biggest compliments, or parents and their kids watching the show together.

And so when we were talking about, OK, what’s something that we haven’t seen tackled on television or network television that maybe we could tackle episodically this season. And we were like, oh, the ways women orgasm. It had been inspired by just the barrage of sex scenes throughout the history of film, and to a lesser extent theater, of the kind of male-gaze-y heteronormative sex idea which is sex is man on top of woman, man thrusts, both come simultaneously.

And we wanted to tackle this and we did it in the form of this side character, this recurring character Tim played by Michael McMillian who realizes that he’s been having sex with his wife and that he hears a buzzing coming from the bathroom and assumes it’s her electric toothbrush. And someone goes, no, she’s masturbating with a vibrator.

**John:** Let’s pause for one second and listen to a short clip of this.

**Rachel:** Oh yeah.

[Clip plays]

**Tim:** Such profound humiliation. Such all-consuming shame. The buzzing from the bathroom has finally been explained. That was no electric toothbrush. No facial scrub device. And now I finally know the meaning of the words, “Tim, that was nice.” We use two different positions, every other Sunday night. All her writhing, moaning, sighing, I thought I was doing it right. But as I drifted off to slumber thinking I had brought her joy, she would slink off to that bathroom with that blasted plastic toy. Oh the buzzing cursed buzzing. That damn incessant hum. I used to think I was a hero. Can’t believe she didn’t come to tell me that she needed so much more than I could give. Now the buzzing from the bathroom tells a lie that we both live.

[Clip ends]

**John:** So, there’s an example of this is a character who is having a realization which is a classic thing people do in musicals that his wife has actually not been brushing her teeth with an electric toothbrush but has been using a vibrator.

**Rachel:** Yes. And this song was co-written with two men who, this is kind of their worst nightmare in a way. So that kind of horror that Tim feels is very much from the perspective of Jack Dolgen and Adam Schlesinger. And then some of the specifics about her masturbating came from me.

And what was really important in this episode is we wanted just at some point to clearly state on network television the way most women come is from direct stimulation of the clitoris. That is scientifically correct. That is not a graphic sexual detail. That is literally how a woman’s body works.

**Craig:** And can I thank you for it? I mean, not to cut you, but it’s so great. Because here’s the thing. You know, there are generations of men that had no clue, right. And essentially were relying on or reliant on a very kind woman explaining to them how it worked. Because everything that we were told through porn or movies or television or sex scenes was that women have orgasms through some kind of expertise penetration. You know, in other words you have to penetrate the woman correctly and you have to do it for a long time and your dick has to be a certain size. And then she will come.

But if you don’t have those things then you’re a piece of shit and she won’t. And none of that is correct. And I’m so happy that you were able to just put this out there and let everyone off the hook, including young people who need to know.

**Rachel:** Thank you. And I think that one of the most interesting things was, well, first of all my own father said he learned – my dad went to all boys school until high school and he said no one ever told him about this or talked about it. And he was born in 1945. And so he was just amazed that we could say this on network television and that we did say this. And the irony is we barely got to say the word clitoris. I mean, we really had to–

**Craig:** Ugh, well.

**Rachel:** Well, because the FCC prohibits graphic descriptions of sex. Right? And saying like a woman needs stimulation of the clitoris that produces a – that is frank. That is not network TV cutesy innuendo. That’s not Friends’ episode where they’re going OK here are the erogenous zones, 1, 3, 6, 7. We’re just saying, no, you have to touch the clitoris and in order to do that we made the scene scientific. Maya is showing him a book and she’s saying this science book, science says, science, science, science, clitoris. Because we tried to say the word clitoris in later episodes and they wouldn’t let us. And they said that was a special exception.

**John:** All right. So before we get to the exceptions, let’s talk about the general situation. Sort of how we find ourselves right now in 2019 dealing with sex in film and television. And sort of what the overall problem is. So before we can solve it let’s define what we’re facing. So, I would say as kids and as adults we learn about sex from film and from television. We just always have. Like I learned about it from film and TV. It’s just the natural way to see it. Or from online porn increasingly.

We internalize, we normalize the things we see. We have a baseline expectation like well that’s how it should be. That’s the normal situation. So what I’m seeing there is what’s normal. There’s a lot of stuff we don’t see. We don’t hear the word clitoris. We don’t talk about a lot of other things. The misinformation, the lack of information has an impact on our relationships and our experiences ourselves. And even our health.

And so a song I want to point out from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is I gave you a UTI. So let me play a little snippet.

[Clip plays]

**Male Voice:** What’s the burning feeling every time you pee? Well that’s how it goes after you have so much awesome sex with me. I gave you a UTI. Yeah, I gave you, a UTI. My sweet love injection caused a urinary tract infection. I’m just that good I didn’t even try, try, try. I gave you a UTI.

**Female Voice:** OK, so it’s not really a comment on the quality of the sex as much as a lot of sex has been happening and there’s just a very natural transfer of bacteria—

**Male Voice:** Don’t ruin this for me. That bladder inflammation is my little gift to you. Yeah sometimes chicks need medication after what I’ve put them through. Come on, sing with me.

**Female Voice:** No, I’m not going to do that.

**Male Voice:** I gave you, I gave you, a UTI, a UTI. Yeah, I gave you, I gave you, a UTI. A UTI. I’m so good at sex—

[Clip ends]

**John:** So I was a man in my 40s, I did not know specifically that a UTI – I knew they came from sex but I didn’t know sort of the actual transfer. I didn’t know what the actual issue was. And so you taught me something Rachel Bloom with your song “I Gave You a UTI,” because I’ve never given a woman a UTI.

**Rachel:** Of course. And a lot of times it’s not given by someone. Miss Brosh McKenna was more of the expertise in this particular area. But, yeah, it can come from – I mean, to get graphic, if you don’t wash your sex toys correctly. Because that’s what it is. It’s transfer of bacteria to your urethra. A big thing is that if you have any contact with your butthole and then it goes in your vagina hole it can transfer bacteria. So, if you’re having sex with someone and they put their penis or something in your butt and then they put that directly back into your vagina that can give you a UTI.

**Craig:** I’m guilty. I’m a UTI giver. I’ve done it, it’s pretty rare, but I’ve done it. [laughs] I’ve done it. I don’t know, what would you call that crime, UTI giving?

**Rachel:** I mean, I don’t know. I think it depends what the crime is. But, I mean, chances are you’ve also probably given people HPV, because I think it’s something like an overwhelming amount of people who are sexually active have had HPV at some point in their lives.

I had HPV in college, so someone gave that to me.

**Craig:** Yes. Definitely. You know, I’ve been with my wife now since college. So the two of us have been kind of off the grid sexually for so long, disconnected from the rest of the sexual world, that we’re kind of weirdly a fairly pristine ecosystem. But, you know, over time it just – sex is messy. It’s inevitable, you know, a UTI is going to show up sooner or later. It’s inevitable.

**Rachel:** Genitals are disgusting. And that’s what sexual urge does is it gets us to get over how disgusting genitals are because really it’s a horror show for all genders and all sexes.

**John:** Well, I want to push back a little bit on like genitals being disgusting–

**Craig:** Yeah, me too.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** This may be a gender thing.

**John:** Here’s what I’ll say is that I don’t necessarily need to see genitals portrayed onscreen to understand that they’re there, but a thing I liked about your show is I felt like the characters had genitals. And so often they don’t seem to have genitals.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** You know, I could play a clip from “First Penis I Saw,” but our friend John Gatins is the actor who plays the crush in this situation.

**Rachel:** The first penis.

**John:** And it’s talking about he actually has a penis. And that is a thing which characters are just acknowledged to have in most – certainly most broadcast shows. And that was a groundbreaking thing. So, thank you for that.

**Rachel:** Thank you. And when I say disgusting I mean just on a – we talk about things that we normally see in society and we’re talking about things that are under the clothes and sometimes a little bit stinky and like they’re weird and fleshy and moist.

**Craig:** Sure.

**Rachel:** It’s like things, you know, aren’t necessarily considered conventionally aesthetically or odor-ifically beautiful.

**Craig:** Yeah. I would say that I’m a huge fan of the female genitalia post-shower. I mean, I’m in. I’m in 100%. I love it. That’s a beautiful thing. And we do, well, the attraction there to, right, to whatever your orientation is, your attraction to that set of part is – it’s not even like attraction or appreciation from the point of view of like look at that beautiful statue. It’s way more primal. You don’t even understand why you like it, but you do.

I mean, sex is a chance for otherwise civilized people to roll around the mud a little bit like animals. And I don’t apologize for that. I don’t care. That’s how I feel.

**Rachel:** That’s great.

**John:** On a character level, you can look at it as a way to talk about a character’s kind of lizard brain. Their basic hard-wiring and sort of why they’re driven to do these things, which may not be their overall goals as intelligent, rational people, too. And so that crossover between the two things is a fascinating thing. And I don’t think we’re seeing it enough in our film and television because we’re not willing to talk about that first part.

**Rachel:** You’re right. It’s a primal drive. And I think that you see love as a primal drive and when sex is wrapped up in that conventionally, and I’m also thinking about even musicals which the show drew a lot from, it’s carnal or not true or shallow and the fact is, no, no, no, this is one in the same. And when you get to the lizard brain it is one of our main drives that also when you’re in love or in lust, often which the two are one in the same, it is a drive. It’s not a want. It takes over everything. And it is often counter to what is going to make you happy in the long run. It does not have to do with career ambition. I mean, sometimes they can coincide.

But when you are consumed by this, yes, it’s primal. And you cannot control that. It’s chemicals taking over your body. It’s neurons firing. I mean, they’ve done brain scans on people who are in the throes of love and it’s–

**Craig:** It’s a drug.

**Rachel:** It’s similar to cocaine or obsessive-compulsive disorder.

**Craig:** Yeah. Without question. And then there’s this other aspect of sexuality that’s very casual and pointless. If we were to be accurate about sexuality in every single movie and in every single episode of every single television show at the very least the men would have to jerk off once. Because time would have gone by where they would have just stopped and been like, hold on, got to jerk off. I’ll be right back. Then they would come back.

It doesn’t matter what’s going on. It doesn’t matter what’s going on. It’s off-story in a weird way. Like I get it. Sometimes sex is just off-story. But where we get into trouble is when it’s on-story and we show it and we just lie. There’s like this crazy conspiracy about how sex works.

I mean, first of all, men just stick it in. They just stick it in. Sometimes they’re with a woman and they’re talking and then suddenly it’s like are we doing this, yes, and they stick it in. And I’m like it’s dry. What are you doing?

**John:** There’s no preparation.

**Rachel:** And that gets into like a little bit of standards. I mean, on network television as far as sex you can show pre-sex. You can show a man on top. You can show a woman on top. But you can’t imply that penetration is currently happening. So there is only so much you can do with the general discussions of how sex works for either. It’s not like on network TV you can show thrusting but you can’t show a woman touching her own clit. You can’t really show any of it.

But what that does is it does limit talking about the nuances of sexuality, which is so many storylines on television. Every romantic storyline, it centers essentially around sex.

**Craig:** Which you can’t show.

**Rachel:** The fundamentals of which you can’t show. Exactly.

**John:** But I don’t want to give us all a pass just because of standards. I mean, obviously HBO and streamers, they don’t have the same standards. So they could do a lot more.

**Rachel:** Exactly.

**John:** And so we do see some things on Game of Thrones which we couldn’t see on broadcast television. But I don’t see a lot of examples of really interesting portrayals of reality that’s going beyond what we could see on normal television. Or even just discussion of it. Like the discussion we’re having right now, I’m not even seeing that happening at a lot of the places that could have those discussions.

**Rachel:** I went on a Twitter rant, partially prompted I think the article you’re talking about was – I’m slowly catching up on the television that I’ve missed over the past four years of doing Crazy Ex. And I’ve been watching a show, and I don’t want to throw it under the bus, so I won’t say what show it is. But I was watching a show that actually is created and written by women, so I don’t – look, there are some women who can come vaginally and it’s easy and that’s great for them. That’s just not – statistics show that’s not the majority of us.

Anyway, it was a show where a woman was having bad sex, bad weird sex, and came. Just from the sex. And it’s a show where you could show graphic sex but at no point was she reaching down to touch herself. At no point was he touching her. And you could have actually shown that. And she just came. And it’s just disappointing because I was so frustrated from having a network show for many years that I couldn’t show that. And we couldn’t show sex in a realistic way. And not just realistic sex, but also all of the awkward moments that come with sex.

I mean, god, the sex scene in Booksmart that just came out is so good. That bad teenage sex scene where it’s her first encounter with a woman. What a great representation of, yeah, this is a side of sex. It starts out and it’s awkward and weird and bad. And it is hot, but you have – communication is really key and really essential. So I was frustrated I couldn’t do that.

And so seeing shows that can do that and don’t really bum me out.

**Craig:** Yeah. I’m with you. I think even if you can’t show it, the idea of substituting in something that’s false is not helpful to anybody. It’s as unhelpful as people waking up in the morning and starting to French each other. Which as I always say would lead to vomiting. Would just lead to instant vomiting. You wake up with your morning breath and you immediately start Frenching each other – I want to gag. It’s disgusting.

So, you know, there are things like, OK, when I’m watching sex onscreen, whether it’s limited by the network or it’s even kind of the Full Monty as it were on cable, I’m taught that my job as a man is to make a woman come with my dick only. And then when I’m done whatever I’ve shot up inside her apparently has disintegrated because it doesn’t come back out. No one is saying go get a towel, which every sex scene should end with go get a towel. Every sex scene. I don’t care what combination it is, at some point someone is going to ask for a towel.

**Rachel:** Or she should go pee because that also cleans out your urethra and prevents UTIs.

**Craig:** And you got to pee. Exactly.

**Rachel:** She should go, “Excuse me, this is great.”

**Craig:** “I’ve got to pee.”

**Rachel:** “I’m going to pee.” Or even just like, “Excuse me, I have to go to the powder room.” I’m trying to think of a way you could do it on network television that would be – “I’m going to go relieve myself, sir.” I don’t know.

**Craig:** “So that I can stay fresh.”

**Rachel:** I think any good writer is – it’s almost like an entrepreneur on Shark Tank. Where is there a need? Where is there a gap? What’s something I know to be true that has not been shown yet?

Because at the end of the day that’s what we’re trying to do is we’re trying to show the truth of humanity. We’re trying to show things that are reflective of maybe not real life but what could be, or our wants, or our needs. That’s what good writing should do. And so the fact that there are so many gaps in the truth about how everyone’s sexuality is shown.

And you make a good point. It’s as much a problem for men. And I’ve talked to my husband about this. I told him what I wanted and in some ways I was maybe the first woman to say and do that, because it’s scary and it’s vulnerable. It’s much easier to fake an orgasm from penetrative sex. And it’s much sexier. It’s way – you have to trust someone and you kind of have to stop sex, or stop the idea of what you think sex is to be like, “Hey, no, no, slow down. Or this is how you do it. Or this is how my body works.”

And from what I’ve heard from men who are with women, or anyone who is with a woman, every woman’s body is really different. And so what works with one woman might not even work with the next woman. And so the things that not only women in not being communicative are doing to themselves, but also doing to their partners. Especially a man who is with a woman – men don’t know. They don’t have our plumbing.

Most of them I find are willing and eager to understand and be taught. But it’s not their fault if they can’t – just like in our show we say in the end Tim couldn’t make his wife come and finally Paula says, “If she didn’t tell you that after 15 or so years of marriage you two have major communication issues.” And that’s a really good point. Some of that is on her.

**John:** Yeah. So, let’s talk about how we start to fix this. And so obviously some bravery and some creativity of people going and saying like these are things I actually want to tackle. It’s a person writing a thing by themselves, a screenwriter writing a movie, you have the freedom to do all of this. But how do you bring up these issues in a writers’ room and make it comfortable for everybody in that writers’ room to talk about these things because we’re also in a time when writers’ rooms can become perilous places for conversations about sex and sexuality.

**Rachel:** That is true. I mean, I think the Friends ruling was quite interesting because it did allow for creative freedom in the writers’ room. And, you know, I think that this is where we get into social EQ. I think that a lot of the problems we’ve had with harassment are from people who either don’t care to develop proper social EQ or haven’t been properly taught it. Because I think if you’re talking about sexuality in a writers’ room there’s a way to talk about it.

I mean, for instance you can say there’s a statistic I read, or even if you talk about yourself, to tell those personal stories is not harassment to someone else. It’s much different to say, well, you know, I’m one of those women who needs direct stimulation of my clitoris to come, rather than say, hey, Bob, how do you fuck your wife. You know, it’s just different.

**John:** Yes.

**Rachel:** And then Bob will probably talk about how he fucks his wife.

**Craig:** Oh, no, Bob has no problem with it. We know Bob. But I think if I were running a room and this was part of the creative process I would probably say this is the water we’re about to head into. If you’re not comfortable with a frank discussion of sexuality that’s going to be handled as respectively as we can then I’m happy to excuse you. But, you know, hopefully you are. But fair warning. This is where we’re going and here’s why. And if at any point you get kind of weird or uncomfortable say so and we’ll kind of just handle it. Let’s just be nice to each other I guess would be the kind of philosophy.

**Rachel:** Yeah. That’s a great thing to say. And I think as a showrunner also saying if something makes you uncomfortable you can leave or, you know, please talk to me after if you’re not comfortable. Because it’s scary to be in a room and feel uncomfortable and to stand up and say I don’t feel comfortable with this. You really have to be close.

But if it’s a new writers’ room or maybe a room you don’t feel comfortable in, it’s important for the showrunner to say you can come to me.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**Rachel:** And talk about it. And for the showrunner to be aware of not only social EQ but what is a discussion for creative purposes and what is putting people on the spot in a way that they don’t feel comfortable with. And it’s so contextual. But it’s a fact of life. A sperm fertilizing an egg is how you create the people. I mean, this is also why I’m very upset that maternity and paternity leave aren’t paid in this country. How do you expect us to make the people who are going to watch the TV shows? So, you know, when there’s unpaid maternity or paternity leave on a show, OK, cool, without the new people there won’t be the people to watch the thing that you’re doing.

**Craig:** Yeah. It strikes me that the very same people who are freaking out because the birthrate is lowering and they’re like oh my god what are we going to do are also the same people that refuse to make having a child and raising a child easier, especially in that first couple of months which I know from experience is really hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done easily. I mean, it’s not even close. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And I wasn’t the one who was nursing. I wasn’t the one who had just gone through physical trauma to deliver the baby. And it was still so hard.

**Rachel:** I think that’s the other thing about our room that was interesting is we were majority moms. And so we got into a lot of frank discussions, not only of sexuality but of child birth. And all of the things that come with pushing a baby out of your vagina. And when you get into that it truly is a discussion of it really is a non-sexual discussion of sexuality because you’re talking about your parts used for something other than sex. And so there really is this dovetailing of subject matter that happens.

But I think that, yeah, it’s about being respectful. And I think that people sharing their own experiences, if that’s something you’re comfortable with, how your body works. And I think giving it the talk of, OK, we’re going to wade into this now. If you would like to talk about your experiences, things you’ve read, things you’ve seen. And if you’re respectful I don’t see – it’s tricky – but I don’t think it’s inherently a problem.

**John:** Yeah. Well, let’s put some things on the whiteboard for some of these rooms that are staffing up now. Things we would love to see them try to tackle in their shows.

**Craig:** Good idea.

**John:** So things I would love to see is that moment where you’re not quite sure whether sex is going to happen or not happen. And you’re not quite sure yourself whether you want sex to happen or not happen. You’re still just kind of feeling it out. And we talk about consent but there’s also that sense of like I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with this next thing. And I don’t see honestly that happening a lot in shows.

Just the embarrassment of sort of the nudity in front of a new person. Even if you can’t show the nudity, that sense of like are clothes coming off and what that’s like.

**Rachel:** Well that’s where you get into also body image. Because network shows, any show you can show people taking off their clothes and getting down to their underwear. What you don’t see is people with less than perfect bodies doing that.

**Craig:** There we go.

**Rachel:** And it was really important for our show as much as possible, and the last season poor Rebecca Munch wasn’t having sex as much as I personally think she should have, but it was part of the necessary part of the plot.

**John:** Her healing, yeah.

**Rachel:** But I think showing people with imperfect bodies rolling around together, there is nothing against standards for that. And I don’t know why, and I have to say when I first say Lena Dunham on Girls getting naked, asking a guy to make her come, not having a perfect body, that was awesome. That was so, so cool. And I hadn’t seen anything approaching that. And so on our show it was important for me to – I have just an average curvy body. It was important for me to show that. But I still think we can go further in all shows of showing people with the bodies people have being sexual with each other in the ways people are sexual with each other.

I mean, that’s really what it is is just what’s authentic. And I think that there’s that classic kind of sitcom post-sex scene where the woman has a bra on and they’re both staring at the top of the ceiling. And I think that even little things of like it’s post-sex and she’s coming out of the bathroom, or they’re kissing and she goes, “I have to go pee.” Or they’re kissing and she goes, “Oh, you know what, I haven’t,” and he goes, “Oh, allow me,” and you see him maybe start to dip down and then we cut away. Things like that that are just true because it makes it good television. It makes it interesting.

**Craig:** It makes it interesting.

**Rachel:** Sorry, those weren’t action items. You want action items.

**Craig:** Those were good action items.

**John:** I never see contraception brought up in any of these things. And so that question of like are you on the pill, are we doing this, are we using a condom. What is actually going on here? Because that seems to always happen offstage. We never see that actually addressed. The awkwardness of lube, which was brought up before. How are we doing this thing and exactly what are we doing.

**Craig:** Yeah. What are the ground rules? Are you coming inside me? No, we’ll have sex but you can’t come inside me. There’s 100 different rules and things to negotiate. But I also think that you’ve touched on the last great taboo which is physical appearance. We’re now fine with people of different races having sex onscreen. We’re fine with people of the same gender having sex onscreen. But what we can’t seem to wrap our minds around is that in a country where I think 30% of people are defined as medically obese and in a country that is increasingly aging, what we can’t handle are fat people and we can’t handle old people having sex. Well, I got news for you. I think probably most of the sex that happens in this country are between overweight old people. Old meaning old for like a college kid.

But all we ever show are 20-somethings and 30-somethings and maybe 40, maybe, and they’re all in-shape and they all have perfect facial symmetry and it’s all bullshit. And all it does is kind of – it gets into your brain and it starts to teach you that hot sex is the – that is the purview of hot people. But that’s bullshit. It’s literally bullshit. It’s not.

And I would love to see us starting to acknowledge that people that aren’t “hot” that don’t conform to those standards not only can they have sex, but they do. And they’re good at it. And they enjoy it. They may even enjoy it more than some of the hot people.

**Rachel:** Yes. And I was thinking about it as we’ve been talking, what is that? What is this emphasis on pretty people? If I see a promo for a show with really gorgeous people I truly don’t care.

**Craig:** Yep.

**Rachel:** I am done with shows about young hot people. I truly, for the most part, couldn’t care less. I really don’t care. But why are we drawn to it? Is it the male gaze? But then I think about porn. And you go on Pornhub and it’s busty MILFs. You don’t see busty MILF even nude scenes on HBO or Showtime or Netflix for the most part. But you see it a lot in porn. You see imperfect bodies, especially in amateur porn. And they’re some of the most popular porn videos. So, I don’t have the answer to this, but I think that we can all agree that there is a gap between what is real and what is sex really like and the way it’s still being portrayed and the way that writers still fall into trite, easy, and tired ways to show sexuality.

**Craig:** It’s so old-fashioned to me. I mean, you know, I was the voice of Louis B. Mayer for the You Must Remember This podcast.

**Rachel:** Oh, I heard. It was really good.

**Craig:** Thank you. And one of his quotes, he was yelling at someone, I can’t remember who, about how you can’t show ugly things onscreen. That you have to show beautiful things onscreen. And I think we’ve carried this very old-fashioned thing forward to now, but you’re right. If you do look at online porn, which is a free marketplace of arousal. It’s an Ayn Rand wet-dream of libertarian whatever gets you hard, whatever gets you wet, you’ve got it, here it is. And they have everything. Everything. Meaning people are aroused by every kind of thing. Not every person is aroused by everything, but all things find somebody that they arouse. And so much of it is about imperfection. So much of it is about the different or the other in terms of Hollywood normative standards.

I do agree with you that when I see a show where everybody is all pretty and perfect and eyebrows plucked and when they wake up in the morning they’ve got their makeup on, I’m out. It’s not real and I’ve lost interest.

**John:** I’m going to stand up for beautiful people.

**Rachel:** Please. Please.

**John:** I’m going to defend some beautiful people because I don’t think it’s realistic to get all of them off the screen–

**Craig:** We’re not talking about putting them in camps or anything.

**John:** So, I’m willing to hold onto the beautiful people, but I also think we need to – if we saw the beautiful people having the same issues that all normal people have I think that would go a long way. So that people who are just conventionally look like normal people would see that, oh, even beautiful people have the same issues that I’m having and the same insecurities or the same nervousness about things.

So while it’s not going to be a perfect match I think it will help people have better expectations about sort of what sex should be like and what they should be looking, particularly women. I feel like they often sort of get forced into a set of expectations that’s unfair and unrealistic. Particularly about whether they should enjoy sex. And that we can say that, oh, it’s good, we can try to be positive and say like women should enjoy sex, but in any series or in any story in which we show a character who genuinely enjoys sex and is having sex “like a man” with multiple partners the hammer of judgment still comes down on her. Like she’s not a virtuous character. Or she’s a character who has to learn a lesson and it’s not that what she’s doing is OK.

**Rachel:** Yes. And also oftentimes it’s often a man’s idea of what a woman who likes a lot of sex is. Because I mean I think a big part – so I did the foreword for a book called Moan which is anonymous personal stories about women and their orgasms, put together my friend Emma Koenig, and I think what was interesting is the number of stories in there of women who can’t orgasm and have never had an orgasm. So, it’s a weird contradiction because, yes, women should come but also there are women out there who can’t come and will never come. And that’s not their fault. That is just literally how their body works. But sex is still really enjoyable for them.

**Craig:** Right.

**Rachel:** And so I think that the idea of you have sex, it leads to orgasm, and then you’re done, that’s also really untrue. Because for me, I mean, just to be candid, I cannot come without some direct stimulation to my clitoris, which makes me like I think 70% of women. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t get immense pleasure from penetrative sex. I do. And I’m not talking about just when I’m actively engaging my own clit. I’m talking about I do get pleasure from that. It’s just not the pleasure that leads to an orgasm, which is fine. Pleasure does not have to always be towards this end goal. It’s very American in some ways to be like, “Yeah, you got to get in there. You got to come. And you’ve got to get out. Go to sleep and take a shower.” No, no, it’s a process. Pleasure is a multi-faceted and multi-layered thing.

And so this emphasis on the orgasm, you know, you didn’t make me come, let’s all calm down. Let’s everyone calm down and communicate about their body and what they actually like and want. And it’s OK if you’ve never had an orgasm as long as you’re happy. And, granted, a lot of people aren’t happy they haven’t had an orgasm and that’s a whole other thing. But that emphasis on that kind of binary of you come or you don’t, sex is good if you come and it’s bad if you don’t, which is sometimes women saying well I didn’t come so he’s a bad lay. Well, no, there’s a lot of other stuff to consider.

**Craig:** I wish every boy could hear this. I really do. Because I wish I had known all of this. I had to learn that generally speaking you can’t make women come just with your dick. And I also had to learn that sometimes women just want to have intercourse but then say like, actually no, I’m good. No, I’m good. That’s all I wanted. That was it. That’s what I wanted tonight. And I also wish we could – and this is where porn becomes a real problem – explain to boys as they’re becoming men that the porn their watching which is designed to run for, I don’t know, 20-mintue scenes or 40-minute scenes, is just a battering at some point. Like, yes, there is a line where you go, OK, this is technically premature ejaculation. But if you’ve been having intercourse for, I don’t know, for five or six minutes, or seven minutes, or something like that, and you can’t hold back, you’re not a fucking failure.

You know what I mean? Everybody calm down.

**Rachel:** Yes. Exactly. And I watch a fair amount of porn and I always though, and there are some websites I watch which are porn made by women, and there is a certain difference. There is a certain dog whistle difference. But even in that I fast forward through when positions look uncomfortable.

**Craig:** Right.

**Rachel:** Kind of standard porn position is the man is sitting and the woman is like squatting over him reverse cowgirl style. And I just, I’m so uncomfortable. She’s doing a constant squat. I can feel that.

**John:** You can feel the tension.

**Rachel:** I can feel that in my hammies. I have to fast forward through this. I can’t. I’m not doing that. Like I’m doing that. And I’m in bad shape right now where like sometimes when I’ve been having sex I’m like, oh, this is like doing a crunch. I need to exercise. This is getting to be a problem. A personal health problem for me, which is a different story. But I have to fast forward through uncomfortable positions because I know what they’re feeling and I know – also they’re on a set.

And I talked to someone who did porn one time. And I wish I talked to people more who did porn. And they said it’s actually a big problem when men come too soon. It happens a lot. But they don’t talk about that because it has to be 20-minute porn scenes.

**Craig:** Right. Exactly. The other one that Melissa always comments on, if there are two women and one of them has long nails and they generally do–

**Rachel:** Oh my god.

**Craig:** She’s like, nope, nope, nope.

**Rachel:** Oh my god! You’re so right. I’ve actually never – yes, when they have these long French manis and they start fingering each other. Yeah, ugh. Oh my god, I’m literally wincing right now. You’re totally right. And that’s very male gazey.

**Craig:** So male gazey.

**Rachel:** I mean, something we haven’t talked about is both the porn and cinema space and talking about the scene in Booksmart is when you start to get into more of a lens of LGBTQA – it starts to get more realistic because I think we don’t have thousands of years of well this is how sex between two men should be. And obviously there’s fantasy and there’s idealization, but – someone correct me if I’m wrong – but you don’t have that same kind of baggage of a thousand years of I guess the patriarchy.

**John:** Well, here’s where I’ll speak up as the gay person. Where I do feel the patriarchy is there’s an expectation that penetrative sex is going to be the norm. And so therefore like oh it’s not that, it’s not really sex. And there’s a wide range of things between two guys which would be considered sex and should count. And so that is a frustration I do sometimes find as I watch scenes that are overall trying to be positive but they’re rushing to a thing that is just not realistic.

**Rachel:** Well that’s a really good point because penetrative sex being the norm is also very, very if you have two people with vaginas who are having sex, yes, it is sex if they are just going down on each other or fingering each other. That’s still sex. But this emphasis on another penis has to go in something. You’re totally, yeah, that’s so interesting about it being the patriarchy. And I’ve also just learned, I will say in that LGBTQ space, if you’re doing penetrative sex, and this also goes for men and women too, there’s a lot of prep involved. And you never hear a sex scene where it’s like, “Hey, let’s have sex tonight. I’m going to go to the shower and get my shower douche and I’m going to clean myself out.”

**John:** Never see it.

**Craig:** Right.

**Rachel:** No one told me that. And, in fact, I wish I’d known that as a girl engaging in certain butt things. Like oh no, no, it’s a thing that men who are having sex with men do. It’s a whole thing that you prep all day for and my friend Mano Agapion who is a brilliant comedian, he did a podcast where he was – oh, he did my friend’s podcast Duty Calls which is all about these embarrassing shit stories – where he talked about prep and I think Mano maybe said to me personally, he went, “There’s about 15 minutes when a butt doesn’t smell like a butt.” And that’s so true and great and interesting.

And as a straight cis women I’d never heard about that, but that’s so interesting for me to know about my butt.

**John:** Absolutely. On the show The Other Two, which is a great show from this last year which you can catch up on, that is a whole issue and there’s a whole discussion. These two guys are going on a date and it’s not quite clear who is going to be doing what. And so neither of them have really been eating all day–

**Rachel:** Oh, that’s unbelievable.

**John:** Because they’re trying to be ready.

**Craig:** They’re just trying to clean–

**Rachel:** Well, I’ve exposed myself in not being up on The Other Two which features my friends and is co-created by Chris Kelly who taught me improv 201.

**John:** Very nice.

**Craig:** How about that?

**John:** Can I take this as a handle to talk a little bit about improv, just because we just did our live show with Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone.

**Rachel:** Cool.

**John:** And so I asked them about Groundlings, but you’re from the UCB world. How much – a question I didn’t ask them that I want to ask you. How much would you recommend an aspiring comedy writer go through a program like UCB or Groundlings? How important do you think it is for someone who is learning how to write funny?

**Rachel:** Oh, a lot. I’ve heard that compared to other comedy programs, I’ve really only been a UCB gal, but I know a lot of people who have done Groundlings and Second City. And from what I’ve heard from the stuff that Del Close taught, game, which is what the UCB teaches, which is what is the game of your scene. What is the pattern of what’s funny in your scene and then how do you heighten that? That’s one element of what Del Close taught and that’s a major element of the UCB program which is really conducive to writing. I think it’s why a lot of great writers come out of there.

So, I really, really recommend it. And I think this idea – and in all improv schools they say don’t think, go with your instinct, really connect with someone – comedy coming from inside you and inside your impulses, not what you think should be funny but what you’re actually feeling in the moment is really important for writing.

And it’s very relevant for a writers’ room which is in essence in a way one long improv game where you’re suggesting jokes, you’re building a world, you’re suggesting jokes that are in the realm of this world. That sometimes the best jokes come from trusting the room enough where you don’t think. It just kind of comes out and it makes everyone laugh. I think it’s really great and really relevant. Because even if you’re not an actor getting in touch with your own impulses in a scene where you’re doing an impression of reality really helps you write.

**John:** If a writer doesn’t like it, if a writer takes a class and doesn’t like it, can they bail? How far do you have to get into it before you realize whether it’s for you or it’s not for you?

**Rachel:** Well, are you using it as a writing tool or are you using it because you want to get into improv? They’re kind of two different questions. The hard thing about improv is that to get good at it you have to do it a lot in order to free up those impulses. Because improv classes 101 through 301 often are awful. Because you are so locked in, ugh, I’m trying to muscle the scene into being funny. And that’s something that everybody does.

It’s only when you get into the upper levels that you relax into it, that you have the muscle memory, to actually let your impulses bubble up. So it’s weird and it’s difficult. And now that I’m done with my show a big goal of mine is to get back into improv because I miss – I feel some of those impulses now getting, especially when I try to do improv again, it’s a muscle. And you have to keep it going.

I don’t think it’s necessary for good writing. But I think it’s a really good tool.

**John:** Cool.

**Rachel:** Have you ever done improv?

**John:** I’ve never done improv. Craig, have you done improv?

**Craig:** No, I’ve done improv but I have–

**John:** You’re supposed to say yes Craig.

**Craig:** What? Oh, yes, sorry, yes and—

No, but I have done a lot of the kind of, I guess I would call it unwitnessed improv. I remember spending hours with Jason Bateman where the two of us would just sort of improv scenes that then we would kind of cherry pick from as we were working on Identity Thief. So you just start to play a character and you start to have those discussions and react with each other and just see where it goes.

The part that’s terrifying to me about improv is the audience.

**Rachel:** Yep.

**Craig:** Just by the way the same reasons – the part that’s terrifying with writing is the reader. You know, I wish we could get paid for writing a script and then we didn’t have to show it to anybody. But we do. It’s such a bummer.

**Rachel:** Well, you guys, if you guys want to start an improv practice group that’s just in someone’s house with no audience. There would have to be a coach just to help you along. I mean, I found Aline to be very good at improv.

**John:** Oh, I’m not surprised.

**Rachel:** Because she was a writer. I mean, I’m kind of her stage mom now. I encourage her to perform. But I mean when we write together it’s basically as improvising together.

**Craig:** Right.

**Rachel:** I think you guys would be great at improv. I’d pay a lot to see you guys do a two-man improv show.

**John:** Thank you. We’ll try it one of these days. Rachel, a question, I don’t know, did you meet your husband through UCB, through improv?

**Rachel:** Kind of. We met because he was a graduate of my college sketch comedy group which the graduates of that group went to go on and do UCB. So in short story is no, long story is kind of. Our relationship story is, yeah, we’re both UCB people. Our basement is covered in props and costumes from UCB sketch shows. And that’s what happens when two sketch comedians marry each other. It’s a nightmare.

**John:** I just love that you and Melissa and Ben and Greg have such a similar ways of getting together.

**Rachel:** I know, I really – I’ve only met Melissa once, but I really would like to get a double date with them, because they have a similar sweet dynamic.

**John:** They really do. Rachel, you are now done with your show. But you are doing a ton of concerts. Where can people see you this fall?

**Rachel:** Oh boy. Well, I’ll just say, I’m going to have a residency at Largo in LA once a month where I’m just going to try out a bunch of new shit every month.

**John:** Oh my god, I can’t wait to see that.

**Rachel:** Which is you live right by there. It’s only – Largo only seats about 250 people, but it’s going to be me trying stuff out in preparation for I’m also doing a little mini tour of America, the country America, which is on my website.

**John:** Is this called What Am I Going to do with My Life Now?

**Rachel:** It’s called What Am I Going to do with My Life Now. Because that’s what everyone is asking me. They’re like so what’s next. I’m like get off my fucking back. I just got back from London.

**Craig:** Sleeping.

**Rachel:** I’m tired. I want to nap.

**Craig:** I know.

**Rachel:** So that’s what’s next. And then the other thing is I am now the queen of general meetings. Oh boy, I’ve been going on a lot of generals.

**John:** The water bottle tour of Los Angeles.

**Rachel:** Yes, the water bottle tour. For me the English breakfast tea tour of Los Angeles. And I think it’s interesting. People are hungry for content. There’s a lot of hunger for content now which is cool.

**John:** This is the point in the show where we do our One Cool Things. My One Cool Thing is an article by Emma Hunsinger in The New Yorker called How to Draw a Horse. It’s just terrific. It is an illustrated story of like teenage longing and it was heartbreaking and funny and just delightful. So I’ll recommend that. There’s a link in the show notes to that. Craig, what is your One Cool Thing?

**Craig:** Cool. My One Cool Thing was a gift/curse from Mr. David Benioff who is kind of the king of time wasters. He was the one who told me about – I think he was the one who told me about Alto’s Odyssey.

**John:** Oh yeah.

**Craig:** Anyway, this one is called Dig It. So it’s an app. It’s for the iPhone and as always I don’t care about Androids so I don’t know if it’s available for that. But it’s a very, very simple concept. You’re trying to get these little green balls into a little green cup. And by moving your finger you are erasing dirt. You’re digging through dirt and creating paths. And it just gets more and more complicated.

I’m so frustrated with it and I have to keep going. And I don’t know, $1.99 or something. Dig it.

**John:** Great. Dig It.

**Rachel:** Beautiful.

**John:** Rachel, what would be your One Cool Thing?

**Rachel:** I’ve recently become obsessed with this podcast called Hello from the Magic Tavern. I don’t listen to podcasts where comedians just sit around and talk about their lives because those are the people that I’m friends with. I really like podcasts that are funny, so I’m going to fit a couple One Cool Things into this Cool Thing. I’m a really big fan of there’s a podcast that The Onion put out called A Very Fatal Murder which is–

**John:** Which I loved so much.

**Rachel:** It’s unbelievable. And it stars my friend David Sidorov and it’s the hardest I’ve laughed at any podcast. It’s so good. And—

**Craig:** Is it like a spoof of Serial?

**Rachel:** It’s a spoof of Serial. What is the one where the guy was the murderer of Tara? It’s all of those podcasts.

**John:** Dirty John. All of those things.

**Rachel:** All of those things that are kind of a little bit getting off on these people’s lives who have been ruined. It’s a brilliant podcast. And I finished A Very Fatal Murder. I’m also a big fan of Off Book Podcast which is an improvised musical podcast where every episode it’s a different musical story. But anyway I finished A Very Fatal Murder and I was in the mood for something with narrative thrust. And I found Hello from the Magic Tavern which is an improvised podcast but it’s an ongoing plot. It’s maybe the one time I’ve heard choices made in the midst of improv turning into sci-fi fantasy canon. Because it’s a podcast that takes – this guy Arnie Niekamp who is a real guy – the premise is he fell into a magical portal behind a Burger King and now he’s doing a podcast from the magical land of Foon. And the cohosts are a wizard named Usidore and a shape-shifting badger named Chunt.

**Craig:** Chunt!

**Rachel:** It’s great. It’s fantastic. But the thing is they’ll say something on the podcast and suddenly it becomes canon. So there was this thing that someone said where, oh, you know, wizards have two buttholes and suddenly it’s a major thing of the whole podcast where how many buttholes can you magically get.

It’s a great example of plot and improv intersecting in a really cool way.

**John:** Yeah. In a future episode I’m going to do a dissection of Craig’s theory on how to write a movie and I think that’s actually part of it in that sense of that wasn’t a thing that was planned but it ends up changing the experience and how we encounter story in moments. And I think that’s a great example of that. So, excited to see that.

Last bit of news I have on my side is this past week we launched Highland2.5 which is a major revision of our screenwriting app. We added revision mode that is super nice and simple and it’s for all documents, not just for screenplays. So if you’re curious about that it is on the Mac App Store.

And that’s our show for this week.

**Craig:** Yeah, that was a good one.

**John:** Rachel Bloom, thank you so much for joining us.

**Craig:** Thanks Rachel.

**Rachel:** Thank you.

**John:** Scriptnotes is produced by Megana Rao. It is edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our intro and outro this week is by James Launch and Jim Bond. If you have an outro you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send longer questions.

But for short questions I’m on Twitter @johnaugust. Craig is @clmazin. Rachel, you’re on Twitter as well.

**Rachel:** @racheldoesstuff.

**John:** @racheldoesstuff. And @racheldoesstuff is also where you can find her website which has all the tour dates for things, but we’ll have a link to those in the show notes as well. You can find those show notes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find transcripts. We get them up the week after the episode airs.

Some people do recaps on Reddit, so join us there and tell us what you thought about our sex episode on Reddit.

**Rachel:** Oh my god, do you read your own Reddit?

**John:** I read my own Reddit thread.

**Rachel:** Oh, you are strong like Aline.

**John:** Ha, yeah. It so far has been pretty good. And I’m impressed that they’re actually doing the recaps. It’s nice.

**Rachel:** That’s nice. God.

**John:** You can find all the back episodes of the show at Scriptnotes.net or download 50-episode seasons at store.johnaugust.com. We have an app where you can listen to all of those back episodes including the very first time we met you which was at the holiday live show where you came and you sang When Will I Be Famous.

**Craig:** And look what happened.

**Rachel:** And then I kind of was.

**Craig:** You kind of are.

**John:** And now you’re doing a national tour.

**Craig:** See? You just had to sing that song. We’re like little leprechauns. You just rub us on our heads and gold fires out of our butts.

**Rachel:** That is true. And that’s another realistic sex thing that I think you should portray.

**Craig:** Correct.

**Rachel:** That if you rub a man on his head gold will shoot out of his butt.

**Craig:** Oh god. I wish that were true.

**Rachel:** So do I.

**John:** Thanks Rachel.

**Craig:** Thanks Rachel.

**Rachel:** Thanks.

**John:** Thanks Craig.

**Craig:** Bye.

Links:

* Rachel Bloom’s Realistic Sex [Interview](https://www.marieclaire.com/culture/a26453707/rachel-bloom-realistic-tv-sex-scenes/)
* [Sex Education TV Series](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_Education_(TV_series))
* [Moan: Anonymous Essays on Female Orgasm](https://www.amazon.com/Moan-Essays-Female-Emma-Koenig/dp/1455540552) with foreword by Rachel Bloom
* [How to Draw a Horse](https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/how-to-draw-a-horse)
* [Dig it!](https://apps.apple.com/al/app/dig-it/id1453411110) on the App Store
* [Hello from the Magic Tavern](https://hellofromthemagictavern.com/)
* [A Very Fatal Murder](https://www.theonion.com/c/a-very-fatal-murder)
* [Rachel on Tour](https://racheldoesstuff.com/tour/)
* [John August](https://twitter.com/johnaugust) on Twitter
* [Craig Mazin](https://twitter.com/clmazin) on Twitter
* [Rachel Bloom](https://twitter.com/Racheldoesstuff) on Twitter
* [John on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Jim Bond and James Llonch ([Send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/scriptnotes_ep_406_better_sex_with_rachel_bloom2.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Episode 405: Live at the Ace, Transcript

June 21, 2019 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2019/live-at-the-ace-hotel).

**John August:** Hey, this is John. So today’s episode of Scriptnotes has a few bad words. So if you’re driving in the car with your kids this is the warning.

Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Episode 405 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

We are recording this live at the beautiful Ace Hotel Theater in Downtown Los Angeles. We have a huge crowd that I cannot see at all because there are bright lights shining at us. But I hear them.

**Craig:** And I love this theater. I was here – the last time I was here they were showing The Battle of the Bastards, the big Game of Thrones episode. It was a great place to watch it. Not as much excitement tonight, I don’t think, but we’ll do our best. We’ve got some pretty great guests first of all.

**John:** So I think hopefully a funnier night than the Battle of the Bastards. We have amazing guests. So I just want to give you a teaser of who is on our show tonight. We have Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone. Rob McElhenney. Kourtney Kang and Alec Berg. Craig, we have titans of comedy.

**Craig:** Yeah. I’m out of comedy. I don’t do it anymore. So it’s good that we’re bringing these people on.

**John:** Now, we have our Los Angeles listeners, of course, because this is an industry town so it’s natural that you guys are here. But I’ve really been impressed over the years at our international fan base. And they reach out to us. And so we read questions from people in, you know, different countries in Africa, all throughout Europe. A lot of email recently from Russia coming in to the ask@johnaugust account. And it feels like they’re phishing for some answer Craig.

**Craig:** Hmm.

**John:** I just want to thank you for that.

**Craig:** Sure. I assume many of their names are a name and then six or seven random digits after that?

**John:** Funny how that works.

**Craig:** That’s my fan base.

**John:** So, Craig, I just want to congratulate you on Chernobyl.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**John:** Just to keep things interesting can you please next write about North Korea? Because I feel like we could get more North Korean interest in the show. It would really help.

**Craig:** We have evidence that writing about North Korea is perfectly easy to do. Nothing will go wrong.

**John:** Nothing bad will ever happen. Seth Rogan loves to talk about that.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** We are here as a benefit for an amazing charity called Hollywood Heart. I want to bring John Gatins back out for a second to ask him some question about this amazing charity. John Gatins, could you please step back out on stage so we can ask you a few little questions here?

So, we have done – this is the fourth or fifth – we have done a bunch of shows for Hollywood Heart. It’s an amazing charity that supports kids living with HIV and AIDS. They provide summer camp experiences which is amazing. The camp that you guys have been using is–

**John Gatins:** Oh, I left this out. Thank you John.

**John August:** Yes, it’s pretty amazing.

**John Gatins:** Thank you, John.

**John August:** Tell us about what happened this past year.

**John Gatins:** Well, the Hill fire and the Woolsey fire burned the camp that we’ve been using for 24 years. So, we’ve had to rent a camp in San Juan Capistrano. So it added further financial stress on our small charity.

**John August:** Yes. So, part of the reason we’re here tonight is to raise additional funds because an organization that needs support all the time but especially now with the fires that devastated your camp.

**John Gatins:** Absolutely.

**John August:** So this is the 25th anniversary of this camp.

**John Gatins:** Correct.

**John August:** It’s amazing. John Gatins, thank you for doing this.

**Craig:** Thanks John.

**John Gatins:** Buy t-shirts. Did anybody buy t-shirts? Buy t-shirts.

**John August:** By the way, buy some awesome t-shirts. In the lobby we have amazing t-shirts. They are genuinely limited edition. If we don’t sell out of them tonight we’ll have them at the store at johnaugust.com. They are great. And you will love them.

**Craig:** You know, for once I’m OK with not getting any of the money from those.

**John August:** Fantastic, Craig.

**Craig:** This one time.

**John August:** This one time.

**Craig:** I’m OK with it.

**John August:** It only took a fire and kids who needed help.

**Craig:** And I got to say, it was close. It was sort of marginal for me. But this one time. And thank all of you honestly for coming out tonight. I know that these – we’ve done these events before. We do live podcasts, live shows. And the ticket prices here were a little bit higher because, you know, obviously we’re raising money or this great charity, which is a legal charity. I want to be really clear about this. It’s not like John Gatins just says it and we do it. We’re not dumb. We looked into it. They have a website. But we really appreciate you guys coming out and filling this enormous theater. It means a lot to us and it will definitely mean a lot to those kids.

**John August:** Hooray. We have so many people we should actually get started with our guests.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** Our first guests are writers, actors, directors, and producers who have been nominated for nearly every award that exists. As a team they have made four movies and two children. Please welcome our friends Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone.

**Craig:** Yay. Thank you fine people. Have a seat.

**Melissa McCarthy:** Oh, hi. Hello everyone.

**Craig:** As part of getting them to come tonight they did ask that they not speak and we not ask them questions. So we’re going to bring out–

**John:** Yeah. It’s going to be a mime performance which works really well—

**Melissa** I’ll just mouth breathe into the mic.

**Craig:** I’ve done it. I’ve done it.

**John:** Melissa, I was saying backstage that of all the people who we have wanted to have on Scriptnotes you’re actually the person who we’ve mentioned the most on Scriptnotes. We went back and counted today. You’ve been mentioned 61 times in 400 episodes. Because Craig and I have both made movies with you.

**Melissa:** In a negative way? In a negative way, probably.

**Craig:** Usually I just yell the word out. Melissa McCarthy. No reason whatsoever.

**Melissa:** That’s so weird.

**Craig:** Yeah, we’re weird.

**John:** But understandable because you are a person who we have both made movies with you, you’re doing a ton, you’re writing a ton.

**Melissa:** My first movie, Go.

**John:** First movie, Go. First time on screen.

**Craig:** How about that? How about that?

**John:** But what I was so curious to have both of you guys out here to talk about is I first knew you from Groundlings. So the first time I experienced you was from working in the sketch comedy group Groundlings and we talk so much about writing but we don’t talk about writing and performance and how they inform each other. It’s how you’re building a character from the ground up.

So, how did you first get started with the Groundlings?

**Melissa:** For I was moving out from New York and I was really just doing theater and plays, mostly dramatic stuff. And my sister sent me a little thing ripped out of a magazine. And I also had said, oh, there’s going to be tons of theater in LA.

**John:** Ha-ha.

**Melissa:** Because I didn’t know. I’d never been here. And I went to see a Groundlings show and I couldn’t get my head around how it wasn’t scripted. And it was like Mike McDonald, Kathy Griffin, Patrick Bristow. It was like really incredible people doing it. And everything made sense. The lines were incredible. It wrapped up at the end. And I kept thinking but it’s written, what part is improvised. And, I don’t know, I was so taken with it that I started taking classes there.

**John:** Ben, what was your experience with the Groundlings? How did you get started?

**Ben Falcone:** I looked in LA Weekly. I don’t know if that’s still a thing, but it was a thing then.

**Craig:** It is not.

**Ben:** It is not. Great.

**Craig:** You killed it.

**Ben:** I killed it.

**Craig:** Yep. Just by looking at it.

**Ben:** And so it said it was a place to go and see a show. So I went and saw one and a guy named Jim Wise, I’m musical, I’m throwing that out there. I can be musical from time to time. And a guy named Jim Wise sang a song improv in the style of like a Led Zeppelin song. And it just blew my mind because I couldn’t believe that it wasn’t all rigged and staged.

And I thought I have to learn how to do it and maybe I could do it like Jim Wise, which was never the case. I never could do it.

**Craig:** Never got there.

**Ben:** Never got there.

**Craig:** Never got there.

**Ben:** But that’s how I started there. And then we met there.

**Craig:** It’s interesting that you both were drawn to this notion that there was writing going on but it was through performance. It seemed like a magic trick to you both. And then you start doing it. Talk a little bit – I’m kind of fascinated by the fact that improv is this strange intersection between acting and writing. It’s like you’re doing both at the same time, kind of. How does it impact the way you write when you’re say not improv but you’re just writing-writing?

**Melissa:** I think, at least for me, when I first – we were in a class together. When we first had to like start writing, Ben was the first one that called me out and he’s like – because we’d get ten minutes, go out, write a character, come back, and do the monologue. And I thought, well, I can’t write. I’m not a writer. So I would really lock up and I would just go up with an empty piece of paper. And he was the only one that was like I know your paper is empty.

**Ben:** I wasn’t being creepy about it though. Let me just throw that out there.

**Melissa:** A little creepy. A little creepy. But I could say it all, but I was like well that’s not writing. You have to write it first. So I would say it all and then I would go back and try to remember it and write it down. And it wasn’t until I kept doing that to be like it is still the ideas of how does this character feel, how does she think about things, and how do you make a story out of that. And then finally I was like, oh wait, but it took me a long time to be like oh that is writing and then structure and all the bones of it came later. But it really did start with what would she say and why is it worth anyone’s time to watch this moment in her life.

**Craig:** Which is basically what we’re doing when we’re writing things. Was it a similar thing for you? You’re writing a scene. You just happen to be doing it in front of people staring at you which is terrifying.

**Ben:** I mean, it is. I remember I took more of a – when I was learning to do it I thought well I had better write. And you get these assignments, like what does the color blue mean to you. And I’m like, I don’t know, holy shit. Someone else has got a good color blue thing. And then it wasn’t until I started working with people like Melissa or like Dax Shepard and just these different people who were in the Groundlings at that time and they were just like, no, I just start doing a thing that seems funny to me and it’s based from the character perspective. Which I think so much good writing is. It’s based on what characters are doing and why they’re doing it and what circumstance they’re in. So, it took me a hot second to figure that out. And I’m still probably trying to.

**John:** So it sounds like you’re approaching these things not from thinking like, oh, this is the thing that’s going to be funny, but basically this is the character that’s going to be funny. This is a character that’s going to continue to let this happen for five minutes and actually be an enjoyable thing.

**Melissa:** To this day I still don’t think I could ever write a joke. Like I don’t understand how to do it. And people do it so incredibly well.

**Craig:** When you say joke you mean like three guys walk into a bar? Or a standup routine?

**Melissa:** I couldn’t write a scene based on something funny. But something like she’s ordering a sandwich, well she loves ham. She loves ham too much. Then you’re probably going to talk about I had ham for breakfast and then I have ham for dinner. And I can do it that way because I think well Carol loves ham.

**Craig:** Ham Lady 2022, from Universal Studios.

**Melissa:** I’m going to put that one in my back pocket. I’m not saying no.

**Craig:** Where did you get the idea for Ham Lady? Well…

**Melissa:** Franchise.

**John:** Well you just said I’m not saying no. And the cliché we always hear about improv is that you’re just supposed to say yes. You’re supposed to be alive in the moment and saying yes and playing together. And that’s a very different thing than what writers are usually doing. Because usually we’re by ourselves and we’re just these little islands. And you have to actually hit the ball back over the net doing improv.

**Melissa:** Yeah. Or else the game is over. You’re late for work.

**Ben:** No you’re not.

**Melissa:** Good night! It does, and it makes you – you just have to play along. I mean, it’s kind of the fun of it, even if like it’s not where you want to go. You can’t control every moment of it when you’re improvising. You just have to go with it. And usually it’s kind of a gift because you end up out of your heard and just actually responding to people, as opposed to trying to come up with something funny.

**Craig:** I have a question for you guys. There is a very different kind of comedy for a movie, a comedy feature film, and then there’s the kind of ongoing comedy like Mike & Molly where it’s ongoing. You guys – and I think a lot of comedy has been moving towards the ongoing space, mostly because they make more shows than they do movies.

But you guys are making movies all the time. Is it just that you kind of have that vibe like the stories that you want to tell and the kind of comedy you do fits better in that closed narrative built around one character in kind of a short cycle? Or is it just kind of the way it’s worked out?

**Ben:** I mean, I can just say for me I love TV. I grew up watching Seinfeld, not to date myself, but Cheers and all these shows. And I had VHS tapes and I watched them all. But I just love movies. I just love them. I adore them. I don’t want them to go away. I don’t think they will, but it’s a narrative form that I find so interesting. Because you can make sequels if you ever wanted to. I just love the idea of digging into a story just a little bit longer, which I guess really now some of these shows are doing anyway, you know, the longer form ten-episode thing, 30 minutes a thing.

**Craig:** Right. Just a long movie. Yeah.

**Melissa:** Sometimes I kind of enjoy the heartbreak of a movie ending. It’s like if I love a book so much and when it ends you’re like, no, like I have a whole thing when a book ends if I love it that it’s this weird torture, but I love it. Then I read slower. Then I’m down to like a paragraph a day. I mean, it’s really weird. Something about a movie, because you do have to wrap it up and then you’re left to wonder what’s the next day. I think it kind of lets your imagination roll. I don’t know, there’s just something about that format of like it’s a story. I grew up with a dad that told really great stories around the table. And he’s so funny but he really could tell a story. And I think there’s something about – it’s a story. It’s a segment of someone’s life.

I mean, I love both. But there’s a magic to having to wrap it up.

**Craig:** You know, I never thought of it that way because we talk about this all the time, the difference between ongoing narrative, like an open-ended narrative like the kind our other guests write, and then there’s that closed-end narrative. And I never really thought of it this way, but for me – you know, you’re right. The part of me that loves it is the part that loves an ending. Like you start with an ending almost, right? And then you kind of craft to it.

**Ben:** Yeah. And so many reshoots in movies, you know, all throughout whether it’s a superhero movie or a comedy, so many times people are like did we get the ending right. And I think it’s such a tricky game to play and it’s really satisfying if you can execute it.

**John:** When you guys are making one of your movies how do you know something is funny? And at different stages? As you’re writing it obviously you’re both actors so you can probably play some stuff out and really get a sense like, OK, are you inhabiting this thing. But then as you shoot it and then as you’re going into the editing room how do you know that something is working or not working? And as you’ve done four of these, five of these now, has that evolved?

**Ben:** Melissa is just a really funny person. And so when we’re writing it probably makes me laugh. And then when we’re shooting it it probably makes me laugh. And then in the cutting room it makes me and the editors laugh. So it’s a pretty simple – I mean, the one thing I really like about comedy, and I’m concerned that there’s less comedies out there doing well right now and I certainly hope that they come back in a big way soon, comedy is really truthful.

You know, if you get a roomful of people and you test your movie and nobody laughs then guess what? It’s not funny. Even if you think it’s funny. So, there’s something about the democracy of comedy that I find really interesting and I believe in it. So even if it’s funny to me and I laugh like hell and then I show it to Craig who is really a funny person and he laughs and then we show it to a whole audience and it bombs we don’t go, “Well, that’s funny.”

**Melissa:** I stand behind it.

**Craig:** Yeah. I laughed, right? So we’re good. I don’t really care.

**Ben:** Yeah. We’re done. I don’t care what those 400 people think.

**Craig:** Look, I’ve been there. God, those test screenings are terrifying in that regard, but it is kind of a science experiment at some point. And it is why comedy is so difficult but so rewarding, right? I mean, even the best drama in the world it’s not like people are rolling in the aisles sobbing and puking up their guts. They’re crying silently in their seat. But when you’ve got them going in a movie theater in a comedy they’re rolling. It’s amazing.

But, I’m just kind of curious, both of you have – well, we know from a lot of the roles you play, but even through the writing that you guys do there are these moments. You know, Tammy really sticks out to me as the one where there’s drama that’s coming through that’s drama-drama. And I’m kind of curious do you guys ever see yourselves, I mean, definitely comedy is going to keep coming from you guys, no question. But do you ever see yourselves ever kind of going you know what let’s scoot over and try a drama. It’s going to be way easier. Way easier.

**Ben:** I mean, you know, because in a comedy when we’re shooting, like the thing that Melissa and her acting partners do, let’s say Maya Rudolph who is one of the funniest people in the universe. And they do something and it’s so funny. Well, now I’ve got it. But I have to get another one because it might not work. And I just think that’s insane. And sometimes I’m like Christ if this was a drama I could move the camera around and mess around and we’d all be like what technical things should we do.

**Melissa:** He always comes in and says now do the version that hurts my heart. Don’t do the whole thing that made us laugh. I’m like, what? And he’s like just come in and ask her this and say this. Sometimes we improvise and sometimes we go really like clean with it. But I mean I think there’s just such a weird thing that if you stay truthful in it, sometimes even when the whole audience, not when it’s out in the world, but those test audiences I do sometimes worry about are you in there to critique or are you in there to enjoy? And sometimes, I mean, I get really defensive for me characters. Not for me. I don’t care about me. But I’m like she does like ham! And I end up defending.

And what’s weird is I really do love ham. And I might be a little hungry so I keep bringing it up. But I don’t know, I don’t let it go until we’re still in ADR and I’m like if I turn my head away I’m going to throw in a ham joke. I just keep pushing it.

**Craig:** I like that.

**Ben:** But for sure I would consider doing drama.

**Craig:** I mean, take it from me – seriously – way easier.

**John:** Absolutely. People praise you for it.

**Craig:** They praise me for it. I’ve worked so hard in comedy for so long just being kicked in the fucking balls over and over and over. I mean, done really good work. I mean, work I’m really proud of. Not the one with you. But other ones that I thought were really good. And then you do one drama and everyone is like…

**Melissa:** What I think is weird is I think a comedy always needs drama. I think you have to let your characters fall down hard, because then you get to watch them get back up. And I think it’s necessary.

**Craig:** And the ending is never about the jokes in these comedies. When you get to the ending at some point you’re like the jokes are over. And that’s what I think is amazing about guys like – because you’re both writers and you’re both performers. And you two have this thing, and Maya Rudolph can do this too, where you’re funny, you’re funny, you’re funny, and then – and Kristen Wiig can do this – and then suddenly you’re breaking my heart. Find me the drama-drama people that can flip around and make me crack up. It’s not so common. It’s really not.

I mean, this is why again all the awards should go to comedies. All of them. All Oscars. All of them.

**Melissa:** But I do feel like there’s a strange shift where like Planes, Trains, and Automobiles to me is a perfect movie. I laugh so hard. I cry every single time I see it. It breaks my heart. Tootsie even, there’s moments where you’re just like, oh stop, like you’re killing people but it’s so funny. And breaking someone’s heart, not like killing people.

And I feel like in the last maybe ten years, and we got this a lot when we made Tammy is from so many of the people reviewing it they were like well you’ve done it wrong because of the odd dramatic scenes within a comedy.

**Craig:** [laughs] I know. I know.

**Melissa:** And I was like since when is that a new thing? This isn’t like Ben and I came up with a crazy style.

**Craig:** Blows my mind.

**Melissa:** So it is really odd that it seems to – and I’m like did anyone in the ‘80s and ‘90s ever get lectured about that?

**John:** Well, James L. Brooks was able to make a few movies that had dramatic moments but were genuinely funny.

**Craig:** Yeah. I don’t know how he got away with it. I just feel like – here’s the thing, when you make a comedy, right, you show it to an audience, they laugh. It’s what you said. You can’t fake it, right? You know it’s working or it’s not. They tell you. They even write little numbers down and you know. And then you put it out in the world and people go to see it and you know.

So you have this strange thing where you show it to people and they love it, and you show it to audiences and they love it, but then a bunch of other people are like, nah, it’s not the way comedy should be done, Ham Lady.

**Ben:** Yeah, I mean, it’s tricky. That stuff is tricky. But we just make the movies and just hope that the people like them. Because you can’t worry about that other stuff.

**Craig:** So far so good.

**John:** Let’s come to see the movies. Before we move on and talk to our TV folks who have done a lot of comedy/dramas and sort of that intersection, in a normal podcast this would be the place where we would pause and insert an ad. We would insert an ad for some product.

**Craig:** Not one of our normal podcasts.

**John:** No, but a normal podcast in any other podcast.

**Craig:** Like a regular one. Where people make money and then share it with their cohost.

**John:** Yes. Like one of those kind of podcasts.

**Craig:** Understood.

**John:** Craig and I don’t do this for the money but we’re actually kind of doing it for the money tonight because we’re trying to raise money for Hollywood Heart. So I thought maybe we’d break tradition and do a podcast ad right here live on stage. And since it’s a podcast ad it needs to be for Squarespace. So Squarespace doesn’t know that we’re going to do an ad for them.

**Craig:** Don’t worry.

**John:** The goal is we’re going to guilt them into paying some money to the charity. So we’re going to do the best ever Squarespace ad. Here are some facts about Squarespace. So if you actually go online and see what the template is for a Squarespace ad they’ll include things like beautiful templates created by world class designers. Free and secure hosting. Nothing to patch or upgrade ever.

**Craig:** What if you had a space that was triangular? It’s wrong. Where do you go?

**Melissa:** I just like squares. Hi, I’m Melissa McCarthy for Squarespace. And I’d love if you sent in gobs of money and checks or—

**Ben:** I don’t think people use checks very often anymore.

**Melissa:** I’m 110. Send in checks or rubles or whatever you have. Because if you think about it a dream is just an idea that doesn’t have a website yet. Make it reality with Squarespace. SquarePace.

**Ben:** Are you calling it SquareFace?

**Melissa:** SquareFace. That’s my second movie coming out, SquareFace. Just send money.

**John:** Ben, can you think of any reasons why an upcoming writer might want to build a website to showcase their work?

**Ben:** I certainly can. Well, I’d love to just have the ability to customized look and feel settings, products, and more with just a few clicks. And also I know that the future is coming, so I’d like to make it brighter with Squarespace.

**Craig:** But can I ask you a question? I mean, when you do this you’re going to want to patch or upgrade stuff all the time, right?

**Melissa:** Well, yeah.

**Craig:** No. No.

**Melissa:** No.

**Ben:** Of course we won’t. No.

**Craig:** No, that’s bad.

**Ben:** That would be bad. So we don’t want to do that.

**John:** Now, Melissa, when you’re building your ham-based website.

**Craig:** Oh yeah. Ham.com.org.

**John:** So do you already have your URL reserved? Do you have any thoughts for what you might want to–?

**Melissa:** Oh, I would definitely reserve my Hamspace.

**Craig:** Hamspace.

**Melissa:** Hamspace. And I do it through Squarespace. It was just a square made of ham because the ability to customize the look and feel, settings, products, and more with just a few clicks? Come on.

**John:** So everyone should go to Squarespace.com for a free trial when you’re ready to launch. Use the offer code – what’s the offer code?

**Ben:** Name.

**John:** Name?

**Craig:** It just says name.

**John:** We need to pick what it is.

**Craig:** Hamspace.

**Melissa:** Hamspace.

**Craig:** Hamspace.

**John:** Hamspace. Use the offer code Hamspace and they will know who many people came here from this ad for your first purchase on a website or domain. Thank you very much for playing along. Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone, thank you. Slide on down.

**Craig:** Slide on down, just like a talk show. Do you think that’s going to work? I mean, do you think Squarespace is going to–?

**John:** Is Squarespace going to pay some money? [Audience claps] Yeah.

**Craig:** Squarespace doesn’t care what they think.

**John:** Squarespace really cares what they think.

**Craig:** Oh, I guess that’s true. They love podcasts.

**John:** They love podcasts.

**Craig:** Love them.

**John:** Our next guests are amazing. Kourtney Kang is best known for her work on Fresh Off the Boat where she was a writer/co-executive producer for the first three seasons, and How I Meet Your Mother, where she was an executive producer and worked as a writer on all nine seasons. She has written and executive produced multiple pilots and worked on many features. Kourtney Kang, please come on out.

**Craig:** Thank you so much for being here. I was going to wear that tonight.

Oh and next up, one of the finest men I know, and certainly the finest Irishman second to John Gatins. Rob McElhenney is an actor, director, producer, and screenwriter. He is known for playing Mac on the comedy series It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, a show he co-created and executive produces. And he is currently on a show for Apple. And number 16 on the call sheet is me.

**John:** Nice.

**Craig:** That is a very small part.

**John:** Finally, Alec Berg has written for Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm, but is best known for the two incredible HBO series he runs, Silicon Valley and Barry. Welcome back to the show Alec Berg.

**Craig:** Alec Berg, here he is. It’s Alec Berg. Alec Berg.

**John:** We were just talking about putting dramatic things into comedies is a challenge in movies. And yet I think I see it all the time in the comedies that you guys are making. But there’s dramatic moments that are happening throughout. Alec Berg, I want to start with you because Barry especially has so much drama at its core and yet it’s so funny. And as you’re working through the plans for the seasons, plans for this episode, what is your barometer for like this is funny enough, this is going to work?

**Alec Berg:** We don’t ever really write jokes. There’s no jokes in the show. It’s all just what would happen. What’s real? What’s true? And it all comes from that. There’s no plan. We never sat down and said this is the tone, this is how we’re doing it. We literally just started writing a show and we’re like what if it were this. OK. And what would go with that.

We had this idea for – we had worked on another idea, Bill and I, for a couple months. And we were going to go in and pitch at HBO and we thought, all right, well we’re pitching a TV series. You were talking about closed-ended versus open-ended. We’re like we should probably go in with a few episode ideas so they know what the show would be. And we literally couldn’t think of one episode idea past the pilot.

And we were like this might be a problem. This might not be a TV show. So we threw that away and we decided that the problem with the show idea we had is there’s no stakes. It just was a guy. So Bill said, OK, there should be stakes, like life and death. That’s stakes. What if I was a hitman? And then we just started from there and it was like, OK, well what’s funny or interesting about a hitman? There’s more hitmen in TV and movies than there probably are in real life. It’s like dog catcher or one of these jobs that only exists in Dennis the Menace cartoons.

So then we just started from there. And it was, oh, what would be interesting is if he was a hitman who wanted to be something else. What would he want to be? Oh, what if he wanted to be an actor? And we started finding all of these interesting parallels between light and dark and being anonymous versus being known and having to use your feelings versus having to shut them down.

But never at any point did we think, oh, that would be funny or that’s hilarious. It all just came from truth. Who is this guy? What does he want? Who could he be around and what could they want? And how would that be in conflict? And still we don’t ever really write jokes. We just keep saying this could happen and then, oh, that’s funny if that happened. But it never comes from like what would be a funny thing to happen. It would always come from when we’re writing it what would actually happen or what would this person really want.

**Craig:** But that’s a change. I mean, it wasn’t like that’s how you guys did Seinfeld. I mean, Seinfeld was jokes. I know it’s a show about nothing and all the rest, but there were lines, there were jokes.

**Alec:** Yes. Seinfeld was always about story ideas. What’s the funny story idea? Like somebody dates somebody who is something, or somebody runs into somebody and here’s a funny thing. Or George eats out of the trash.

**Craig:** And Silicon Valley also has that kind of Alec Berg looping thing that happens. It feels closer to that tradition. And Barry feels a little bit more like further down the line.

**Alec:** It’s definitely more of a just follow the story where it goes. Yeah, for sure.

**John:** Kourtney, now you’ve been on writing on more traditional broadcast sitcoms or comedies. So, in those cases there is that expectation that this has to be funny. So How I Met Your Mother is in front of a live studio audience. Fresh Off the Boat you don’t have those same pressures but you still have that sense of like this has to be funny. So at what point in the process are you evaluating like is this actually going to be a funny enough idea? Are these scenes going to work? As a room how do you figure that out?

**Kourtney Kang:** Yeah, I think you sort of have to balance it a little bit more and sort of have your eye on both prizes so to speak. But I will say the most important thing is the story. And all of the best stories that we did at How I Met Your Mother started from someone saying, “Oh, one time this happened, or one time me and my friends, we did this thing.” And those always tend to be the best stories. And once the fun of writing a show like that for so long is you know those characters so well that you just go, oh, we’ll put this guy here and this is going to be great. You know what those jokes are.

Yeah, we did nine seasons. I started as like a baby writer and by the end I was an executive producer. And for me it was such a great boot camp because I was very fortunate. It’s a great staff. There were great guys, Carter and Craig that ran it. And so you just sort of churn it out. Some seasons we did 25 episodes a season.

**Craig:** God, that’s amazing.

**Kourtney:** Yeah. And you’re just constantly balancing keeping it real, keeping it grounded. Yeah, it’s a multi-camera sitcom. If it’s not funny like it’s rough.

**Craig:** And Rob you guys do about 40 episodes a season for 90 seasons now. What are you up to? 14,000 episodes of Sunny?

**Rob McElhenney:** We only do ten episodes a season now.

**John:** You’re so lazy. Kourtney was doing like 24.

**Craig:** But you—

**Kourtney:** Minorities always work harder.

**Craig:** Again, he is Irish. At one time that was a real problem in this country. If this were 1850 Rob would really be aggrieved.

**Rob:** This is the part of the conversation I just keep my mouth shut and I’m good.

**Craig:** So, like Kourtney you’re on a show – I mean, really on a show. Not only do you know those characters because it’s going so long, you are one of the characters. But what’s really interesting to me–

**Rob:** I play one of the characters. OK. I play one of those characters.

**Craig:** Eh, I mean, I know you pretty well. So that show has evolved, too. I’m just fascinated by what’s going on in TV in general with comedy. Because it does seem like there’s this strange evolution and your show, you know, was a way and now suddenly we’ve got this incredible – I mean, it was the season finale last season, correct, with the dance?

**Rob:** Oh yeah.

**Craig:** I mean, [Audience claps] and that was him. They didn’t put his head on someone else. That was actually you.

**Rob:** Dancing?

**Craig:** Is that right?

**Rob:** Yes. That’s correct. That was me. There’s a lot of people who have no idea what you’re talking about because the show has been on for 14 years. Even people who have seen it, they haven’t seen 14 years of it.

**Craig:** Got it. So in this last season Rob’s character Mac comes out of the closet and you’re trying to connect with your father and you attempt to do so, because your father is not approving, and you attempt to do so through an interpretive dance. But, no—

**Rob:** A four-minute long contemporary dance. I expressed myself.

**Craig:** You would think it would be like waka-waka-waka, and it’s actually heartbreakingly gorgeous. This freak who works out 29 hours a day comes out there with 15 abs. You don’t even get 15. He has extra abs. And does this beautiful dance. And then Danny DeVito has this moment at the end which is one of the most incredible things I’ve seen in any half hour sitcom ever where he’s crying and he says, “I get it.” It was an amazing thing.

How active are you in pushing the evolution of that show now that it has gone on all this time?

**Rob:** Very active. I mean, we always try to just do things that we haven’t done before, which gets tricky after 14 years. And one of the things that we very rarely do is delve into the more dramatic. It’s just not the tone of the show. And it’s a very difficult thing to shift tone in comedy. You know, in a show like Barry when you’ve established that in the first episode then obviously it’s easier in the second, third, and fourth and you can get away with a lot more. And we’ve just established 14 years where we’re not doing anything like that.

But we also recognize that we have a tremendous responsibility. If people are going to continue to watch us then we have to take it seriously and we can’t phone it in. And so we work as hard now as we ever have to make the show different and unique and fun and still funny. And one of the ways we do that is to challenge ourselves and say, well, I’ve always wanted to do something. I’ve always wanted to do X, so I’m going to go do that this season. I can’t dance at all. And I’m like, ah, it might be fun to learn how to dance. Maybe I can put that in an episode and I can use that as a tax write-off, get FX to pay for it.

**Craig:** Weird motivation, but OK.

**Rob:** That coupled with, I don’t know, we just wanted to do something a little bit different. So I worked for five months to learn how to dance.

**Craig:** See this reminds me of something. Sometimes Alec will complain – all the time – I’m working so hard. I’m working so hard.

**Alec:** What?

**Craig:** And our friend, Derek Haas, who has Chicago Fire, Chicago Med, Chicago PD, Chicago Library, he’s like, “I have to do 70 episodes a season every season. You guys are doing eight.” And I’m kind of wondering for you, Kourtney, because you’ve got to make a lot of television. Do you ever sit there and go, “God damn, those guys over there in cable, they’re just getting away with murder right.” Is there any kind of envy? Do you feel like you’re being unfairly restricted by the format? Or, are you kind of enjoying the fact that that space is actually becoming special in its own way?

**Kourtney:** Well, I was on How I Met Your Mother for nine years and then I went to Fresh Off the Boat for three years. And then I was like I’ve got to get out of here. So I have since left. And now I’m doing more feature stuff and developing and things like that. It’s a great system and when you’re on a show there’s something nice about – it’s like a home. You know, and I sort of came up doing theater and it’s like your own little traveling band of folks that you’re putting on a show each week. And there’s something really fun and special about it.

But ultimately the sort of formula of it and, you know, you can do 25 episodes because you know this is going to happen. This thing is going to come in. There’s a form that you’re sort of filling in. Which allows you to do that many episodes. And at a certain point there is, at least for me, I hit a point of it just sort of felt constraining and you want to do more. You know, you sort of want to stretch your legs. There’s a limit to the stories you can tell.

I mean, on the shows that you guys are doing there’s so many exciting things. There’s different points of view. And TV has just sort of expanded in such a wonderful way and definitely you know sitting on a network sitcom and, you know, it used to be like when I worked on – even on How I Met Your Mother in a short period of time we had so many viewers.

The first show I worked on was this show called Coupling and it aired after Friends. And we were considered dead on arrival because we got a 27 in the 18-49 demo.

**Craig:** To put that in perspective, if you got that now all of the sphincter tone would relax in a network. People would be just, I don’t know, you’d be celebrated. It’s an impossibly high number now.

**Alec:** You would be the Super Bowl I think if you got that rating.

**Craig:** You would be the Super Bowl.

**Kourtney:** You would be the Super Bowl. And so it was tough. It’s sort of the audience is shrinking and you’re sort of – for me I was feeling sort of like we’re doing the same formula and it was sort of time to break out.

**Craig:** That makes sense. I get it. Look, I do love the traditional sitcom. I do. I love the traditional sitcom format. But it does seem like with every new kind of thing coming in, and so Rob’s show has the ability to kind of morph and change. I’m kind of curious, all of you have television experience in episodic. All of you guys. And now with the movies that you guys – you also have people that you write with. I think Steve Mallory is here.

**John:** Yeah! Steve Mallory.

**Ben:** That’s him.

**Craig:** When you are in that boat with another person and you guys are sailing through the choppy waters of trying to make comedy, who are you looking for to be your partners when you’re writing a movie together? When you’re running a show who do you want kind of working for you? When you’re working on a show who do you want to be working or? Talk a little about what makes a good partner in a room, because a lot of these folks I think would love to be one of the people in those rooms.

**John:** Yeah, so who are you looking to hire and who are you looking to team up with? What is the quality that you’re looking? Is it somebody who matches your comedy or someone who is a contrast to what you can bring?

**Rob:** If someone is funny is almost, it’s not irrelevant but it’s secondary. I want someone who, A, is passionate. Someone who I can spend a lot of time with. Someone who understands story and understands story structure. Understands character/character motivations. I mean, the funny will come. Especially if you have funny actors. You know, so for me that’s of paramount importance.

**Alec:** Yeah, I completely agree. To me it’s just structure and tone. It’s funny, I remember when I was working at Seinfeld the first script I wrote I vividly remember handing it into Larry David. And he put it in his pocket and he walked over to a rehearsal. And I followed him, because I wanted to watch him read it. Because I had slaved over every word and my gems, my jewels.

And he read the script, he took it out of his pocket, and he flipped through it in it must have taken him 90 seconds to read the whole script. And I’m like well he’s not savoring any of that. He’s not savoring my words. How could he – there’s morsels. All the morsels. He’s not…

And I realize now when somebody hands me a script it’s the same thing. I just go, uh-huh, what happens? OK, they do this. Right. I don’t care about jokes. Jokes, those will all happen. But it is so important just structure, structure, structure. So working to me with somebody who understands that and understands like what if this happens, or why this should happen and why that shouldn’t happen.

**Craig:** Right.

**Alec:** You know? That’s all of it to me.

**Craig:** Is that the way it is with network stuff, too? Because my impression is that it’s a little bit more joke heavy and that you would want people that are kind of one-line-y kind of folks.

**Kourtney:** It’s like a football team, right? I don’t know anything about football.

**Craig:** Run with this. I want to see where this goes.

**John:** That’s usually me on this podcast.

**Kourtney:** I don’t know where I’m going, but you have a roster, right?

**Craig:** You pick up a bat.

**Kourtney:** Yeah. Like you kick your field goal and you have an act break.

**Craig:** Act breaks in football, there is. There’s one right in the middle of the game.

**Kourtney:** You know, the thing that I think is really tricky in sitcoms and writing for TV is it all comes down to motivation. Like why are people doing what they’re doing. And I think all you guys have spoken to this. What’s the truth? What’s the situation?

And then after that to me to do a show what you really need on your staff is your need foot soldiers. Like you need people who are in the trenches, who can listen and go, OK, this is the show we are doing. Because with any given show, any given premise, there’s many, many ways you could do it. And all of them could be great. And all of them could be valid. But we need to all run the same way.

And it’s funny because sometimes there’s very talented writers who they want to go this way. And you’re like, OK great, but we’re going to go this way. And it’s difficult to shift. And so you need someone who is sort of flexible and can hear where you want to go and kind of help you get there and like stay in it.

Like there’s nothing worse than when you get to the bottom of act two and you’re like, OK, so like why are they going to this swimming pool at night? So we can have this big funny set piece. And so you need people who have the sort of stamina to help you figure that out who you want to be in the room with till all hours of the night.

**Ben:** They were going there because they were just really tired and one of them just needed to go swimming. I just really want a gig. I want a gig.

**Craig:** This is apparently what Steve Mallory does.

**Alec:** Where have you been all my life?

**Craig:** Because they wanted to.

**Ben:** Because they wanted to. Can we go home?

**Craig:** Let’s get some ham.

**John:** Now Kourtney, you bring up motivation. And we have three actors on stage. So I want to talk about motivation because we talk a lot about it in writing in terms of why is this character doing it. But as actors you guys have to approach how am I actually going to perform this moment. What is getting me to say this line, getting me through this scene? What is a good way for a writer and actor to talk with each other about motivation, motivation in a moment, motivation in a scene?

Melissa, do you have any thoughts for like what works well for you?

**Melissa:** I would have to say, I mean, being on both sides of it, when we write something if an actor comes in and is like I just don’t know why I would say it that way. Then you shouldn’t. The first rule is unless it’s really key to the entire story it’s like you should say it in the way that feels right to your character. If you’re lucky enough to have someone that you’re like they’re going to do it justice, but it has to come out of their mouth.

I mean, I did something once where three – I think we were all in our early 30s – and all of us were saying, um, we’re trying to be nice and said, and I finally said, “Just no woman would say this. I can get the same point across. Can I say this?” And there may have been a 50+ year old white guy that said, “I think I know what a woman in her 30s would say.” And there were three women in their 30s just standing there like, oh my god.

But, I mean, for us – I think part of my job when I’m on the acting side is to figure out how to do it. And also part of my job on that side is when it really feels wrong to go up and talk to the writer. Like Ben, and god, Steve, you’re getting a lot of shout-outs tonight. We meet every morning in the trailer and we go over the scenes. And there’s always things that come up and we’re like it just feels odd. And I always think it’s a chance to improve something. So I think as long as no one is being defensive. We thought it was softer, or we thought it was this. I always want to try something a different way. And I think the writers always have to be open to that as well.

It doesn’t mean you have to – it doesn’t have to make the cut. But sometimes as the actor you have to at least get that out.

**John:** Alec Berg, a question I’ve been meaning to ask you for a long time because you’re a show that is about – Barry is a show that has actors in it. And I watch the show and marvel at it, but I also wonder is it unfair that you have incredibly talented actors sometimes playing really bad actors and who sometimes have moments of breakthrough where they’re really good? And how are you finding that balance of like he’s really good in this moment but is he actually a good actor?

**Alec:** Yeah, it’s really a testament to their skill. I mean, Bill and Sarah Goldberg both are just – it’s really like maybe the hardest thing to do as an actor is to be a bad actor. Like I remember I did a thing years ago where somebody was supposed to sing off key and the person we cast was a really good singer. And she couldn’t do it. We kept saying, no, no, you’ve got to be off key. And she’s like I can’t. I can’t sing off key. It’s really hard.

And so Bill’s ability to play things wooden or left-footed, it’s awesome to watch. Right? And he does it in a way that just feels super real. It’s a really hard thing to do.

**Craig:** You’re like slicing it even more and more narrow now because in the second season it wasn’t like, OK, Bill Hader can’t act. But now he’s talking about something real and he is – but now Sarah is doing things where she’s actually acting pretty well. And then she’s acting really well. She’s now doing what’s even harder than acting bad is mediocre. Like that’s crazy to me that she can do that.

**Ben:** Not for me. Not hard for me at all.

**Craig:** [laughs] That is classic Falcone. Right there. Just straight down that middle.

**Alec:** But, yeah, it’s just a testament. I mean, again, it’s just, you know, and it’s funny you’re talking about seeing it from the actor’s point of view. Like I as a writer I am always, always interested in what the actor has to say about stuff. And I try as hard as I can to never be defensive about any of it because I have to worry about everything. I have to worry about every character. I have to worry about the story. I have to worry about what happens next week. All that actor is charged with is being the curator of that character. And they have so much more insight into that character than I do that to tell them how to do it seems insane to me. You know?

Like if they have a concern or something doesn’t feel right coming out of their mouth, like I always want to hear that. And the worst note, and you have to give it sometimes, is I know – I know you probably wouldn’t, but we need it for the story and just do your best.

**Craig:** Right.

**Alec:** It’s a crappy note to give, but every once and a while you’re stuck and you have to.

**Craig:** Rob, do you find yourself – at any point–

**Rob:** I’m an excellent actor.

**Craig:** Yeah. I know.

**Rob:** They write words and I just do it.

**Craig:** You just do it.

**Rob:** I’ll do whatever.

**Craig:** You write your own stuff. Has anybody ever said to you you’re not doing you right?

**Rob:** Yeah. Today. I mean, Charlie was like, no. I’m like motherfucker I wrote this yesterday. And he’s like, nah, it’s not good. Let’s do it again.

But we have a very simple, like our show is so stupid. At times. So ridiculous, right? And so it would be very easy to look at it and say like, oh well, it’s just ridiculous and you can do whatever you want. I don’t think we would have lasted for 14 years if that was the case. We have a very simple maxim when it comes to any scene. Any one of the characters can say or do anything under the sun. It can be as ridiculous as we want it to be. However, we have to believe that that character believes that what he or she is doing will get them what they want.

**John:** Great.

**Rob:** It’s as simple as that.

**Craig:** That’s the classic acting and writing cue. What do you want?

**Rob:** Yeah. What do you want? And really if you don’t have a scene where somebody wants something very clearly then you don’t really have a scene.

**Craig:** That’s right.

**Rob:** And then if you don’t believe that that actor, that character, is saying or doing something that will get them that thing then you don’t have a show.

**John:** Then it’s not real. It’s actually a very natural segue to our big game tonight. So, I’m going to pass these out to our gang here. So, we have been—

**Rob:** I’m sorry. Have we not talked about Chernobyl? Have we been up here this entire time and not talked about Chernobyl?

**John:** For you, Craig. Take this stack and pass it down.

**Rob:** I guess we’re moving along, but all right. I thought that’s why we were here. I thought this was Craig’s coming out party.

**Craig:** All he does all day long is make fun of me. I just want you to know all day long he makes fun about me.

**Rob:** I’m happy not to talk about it.

**Craig:** He sometimes just texts me and says, “Are you looking at Twitter? Are you looking at people praising you on Twitter?”

**Rob:** I’ve never seen somebody so close to their phone. Like someone will tweet something, five seconds later, he will be responding to it. About how great he is.

**Craig:** I have 25 years of starving for praise. Just give me my week. That’s all I ask. Just give me my week. I’ll be back to self-loathing before you know it.

**John:** All right, so as we’re starting this game segment earlier on we picked Brad, or Brad won this thing. Brad, can you stand up and move over to the aisle. And we’re going to have Katherine who is a wonderful person right there, she is going to be bringing over a microphone so you can play along with us here. Brad, tell us about yourself. Where are you from?

**Brad:** Rochester, New York.

**John:** Rochester, New York. And you must have listened to a few episodes of Scriptnotes because you correctly guessed that the person who had written the second largest number of outros was Rajesh Naroth.

**Brad:** Yes.

**John:** So how many episodes do you think you’ve listened to? There’s 405.

**Brad:** I contributed to the Listener Guide for sure.

**John:** Ooh, so this is a person who wrote in for the Listener Guide, so the people who told us what the best episodes are.

**Craig:** He’s definitely heard more than I have.

**John:** Yeah. You’ve heard so many more episodes than Craig.

**Brad:** That’s for sure, yeah.

**Craig:** I’m on like six right now or seven.

**John:** So, Brad, you probably know me and Craig pretty well, right? You know sort of the things we talk about and you could probably identify us just by the words we have spoken, right?

**Brad:** Maybe, yeah.

**John:** Let’s see how well you can do this.

**Craig:** Confidence, Brad. Confidence.

**John:** So Craig, we have transcripts for all 404 episodes of the show, dating way back to the very beginning. And a couple of years ago we talked about maybe doing a book, a book of all the transcripts.

**Craig:** So that you could make more money?

**John:** Yes. Turned out to be impossible because as of now it would 17,000 pages long. There’s a lot of us talking.

**Craig:** A 40-set volume.

**John:** 40-set volume of Scriptnotes. But with this giant corpus of text we were able to do some cool things in the office and feed it into a computer. You generate what’s called a Markov chain where it predicts what the next thing a person would say. It generates random seeds. And it’s how you train computers to do new things. How you train computer cars to go around little imaginary tracks.

So we fed in everything I said and everything you said into this. And Brad’s challenge–

**Craig:** Now, for the stuff that you said, did the computer notice that it was from a person, or did it think it was just another Markov generator talking to it?

**John:** Craig?

**Craig:** What?

**John:** Aww. We’ll see. We’ll see what Brad says. Maybe Brad can tell a difference. So here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to go down the row and we’re going to start with things that Craig is saying. And so some of these are true, things that Craig actually said, so you would say Not Bot. Or if it is something that was generated by a robot you’d say Bot. So Bot or Not Bot after each one.

So, we’ll start with you, Kourtney. So first round, these are all Craig. So keep in mind this is Craig saying this.

**Kourtney:** There are scenes where they are going to have an ism, like nerdism, and they shove the little small art boards.

**John:** Brad, is that Bot or Not Bot.

**Brad:** Bot.

**John:** That is a Bot. Well done.

**Craig:** That’s a bot. Clearly.

**Rob:** Two last bits of select umbrage.

**Brad:** Not Bot.

**John:** That was a bot. The bot learned about umbrage.

**Rob:** Two last bits of select umbrage? You thought a human being said that?

**Craig:** You don’t listen to the show. That’s all I say. That’s literally all I say. That was a tough one.

**Rob:** Rochester, New York?

**John:** Alec?

**Alec:** I don’t watch the Oscars.

**Brad:** Not a bot.

**John:** Correct.

**Craig:** Not a bot.

**Melissa:** There will be post-Chernobyl.

**John:** What’s your answer?

**Brad:** Bot.

**John:** That is a bot. The bot knows about Chernobyl.

**Alec:** There will never be post-Chernobyl.

**Craig:** Because it even sounded like Ivan Drago was saying it. There will be post-Chernobyl.

**Ben:** It’s amazing how nature creates them to be so lovable and sweet so you almost don’t even mind it as they dig your soul out and your energy with a spoon and just eat it in front of you and slowly choke your life out.

**Brad:** Not a bot.

**Craig:** Not a bot.

**John:** Not a bot.

**Ben:** That was so easy. That one was too easy.

**Craig:** But do you know what I was talking about there? My own children.

**John:** Yes. Craig, you get to take the next round here.

**Craig:** Great. And we’re sticking with Brad. Brad is doing a pretty good job here.

**John:** Brad is doing a pretty good job. I think he’s going to win.

**Craig:** OK, so this next round is all John. This is going to be hard because almost all of this is zeros and ones. So get ready buddy. Next round is all John. Bot or not bot. Kourtney take it away, number one.

**Kourtney:** And I think we actually intercut.

**Craig:** I know, it’s hard, right? It’s hard.

**Brad:** A bot.

**Craig:** It is a bot. But it could also be not bot. I mean, all right, here we go. Rob, number two.

**Rob:** What’s interesting is that you’re trying to break through, because that’s why they’re doing a seminar on structure, on theme, our circle theme, for this person.

**Craig:** I know.

**Brad:** A bot.

**Craig:** You said it’s a bot? It is a bot. That’s right. But, again, really close. OK, Alec Berg, number three.

**Alec:** So, in a recent episode we talk about an Uber kind of, or a self-driving car company comes to town.

**Craig:** I know!

**Brad:** That’s not a bot.

**Craig:** It’s not a bot. You’re right. That one sounded way more like a bot.

**John:** It really did.

**Craig:** You’re the only person when you run that shit through this thing and it sounds more human. OK, Melissa, number four.

**Melissa:** I was like, well, that gun has to sell three million to shoot something new in 2015 or 2014.

**Brad:** That’s got to be a bot.

**Craig:** It’s a bot. It is. Brad is good at this. Maybe Brad’s a bot.

**John:** Maybe he’s too good at this, like a Westworld situation here.

**Craig:** Yeah. I see a turtle flipped over on its back.

**Ben:** And then the Chinese government decides it’s a semi-creative job and they choose, you know, over five years from now.

**Brad:** Bot.

**Craig:** It is a bot. Five for five.

**Ben:** I really tried to personalize that one, too.

**Craig:** I know. That was really good.

**John:** All right. Now we’re in round three. We’re back to Craig. So tell us, this is Craig or a bot. So, Kourtney, start us off.

**Kourtney:** The presence of the tank will definitely be problematic.

**John:** Bot or not bot.

**Brad:** Not bot.

**John:** Correct.

**Craig:** I mean, honestly, you’re freaking me out, dude.

**Rob:** They don’t need to know what I was like. I mean, Alex understands inherently that the woman he loves who he’s put in for real like Eleven. Then it starts with a prop guy about the force in Hollywood.

**John:** Brad?

**Brad:** A bot.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Bot!

**Craig:** That was easy.

**Alec:** I have just been really just brain-bleaching. You wouldn’t say that.

**Brad:** Bot.

**John:** Not bot. Craig said that.

**Craig:** I say that all the time.

**John:** Broke the streak.

**Melissa:** And that ability is in the shower. I’m bummed out.

**Brad:** Not a bot.

**John:** That was a bot.

**Craig:** Tripping up Brad. He gets you. I’m tripping him up. I love it.

**Ben:** We love you Melissa McCarthy.

**Brad:** Not a bot.

**Craig:** Not a bot.

**John:** Not a bot. We love Melissa McCarthy.

**Melissa:** I thought that was a bot for sure.

**Craig:** No.

**John:** No, he says that.

**Craig:** But we also said some other pretty fucked up shit about you, but we cherry picked there.

**John:** All right. OK. Speed round. So these are all things I would have said. Or maybe said.

**Craig:** OK, these are all things that John would have said, Bot or Not Bot. Here we go.

**John:** We’re going around twice now.

**Craig:** Go around twice. And Kourtney.

**Kourtney:** I like to watch the sporting games.

**Brad:** Not a bot.

**Craig:** Not a bot. Number two.

**Rob:** Daddy does bark. Yeah.

**Brad:** Bot.

**Craig:** Not a bot.

**John:** Not a bot. I said that.

**Craig:** He said that.

**Alec:** I think it adds to the joking.

**Brad:** Bot.

**Craig:** Bot.

**Melissa:** Arnold Schwarzenegger is his own refrigerator.

**Brad:** Bot.

**John:** Not a bot.

**Craig:** Not a bot.

**Ben:** I just see these things together and I’m like I have no idea what this is.

**Brad:** Not a bot.

**Craig:** Not a bot. He did say that.

**John:** All right. Back to you, Kourtney.

**Kourtney:** And it’s because my brain could follow people talking.

**Brad:** Bot.

**Craig:** Not a bot.

**John:** I said that.

**Rob:** This was a useful thing about the psychology of the Black List.

**Brad:** A bot.

**Craig:** Yes, that was a bot.

**Alec:** But, so I would say William Goldman, Shane Black, I guess what I’m saying.

**Brad:** A bot.

**Craig:** Yeah. That’s a bot.

**John:** I’m not that bad.

**Melissa:** I hop on my little two-wheeled scooter and I just go.

**Brad:** Please be not a bot.

**Craig:** Not a bot.

**John:** Not a bot. I said that.

**Ben:** Weather happens in parks.

**Brad:** A bot?

**Craig:** It is not a bot.

**John:** I said it, too.

**Melissa:** That’s my favorite.

**Craig:** Thank you, Brad.

**John:** Brad, you have won the game. Congratulations. You are phenomenal at this. If you have a script that you would like us to read, Craig and I will read your script.

**Brad:** Thank you.

**Craig:** Bad news, Brad. Bad news.

**John:** Thank you very much for playing our game. So we have again Katherine there with a microphone and we will be able to answer maybe four or five questions.

**Male Audience Member:** Hello, my name is Adam. Thank you all so much for doing this. This was absolutely phenomenal. I have a question I guess pretty much for everyone about long term planning in your scripts and leaving little Easter eggs as writers. Something that was awesome in Barry that you had, not to give too many spoilers away, but there’s a character, a detective, who we find out in the first season that’s he going through a breakup, his wife has left him. And at first it’s this cool little character piece. And then this turns into a very critical plot point in season two.

And so I was just wondering if you could all just talk about the long term planning of scripts and just adding fun little things either there for you later or just kind of how to expand those big ideas into really critical parts of the story.

**Craig:** You didn’t know what you were doing there, did you Alec?

**Alec:** Well I can speak to that one specifically which is, no, we did not really know what we were doing. We sort of did. I mean, you kind of go forward and then as you go along you get to certain places and you go, oh wait, maybe there’s something that happened before that we can kind of grab a tentacle of and pull forward so that it seems like we knew what we were doing before. Right?

And that’s a lot of kind of as you lay track from season to season, like you know who the characters are and you embrace what they’ve been through. But, no, sometimes you know going ahead like, oh, maybe at some point this will happen. But a lot of times you’re just kind of going, wait, we said this. What if that’s the thing that connects here. And those are always the most satisfying things to me when you’re writing where you’re like, oh my god, we just made it look like we had an idea a while ago that we never had. And now we look like – to someone like you – that we had a clue about what was happening when really we didn’t.

**Craig:** Most of the plot of Hangover 3 is literally pulled from one of those. Because John Goodman’s character plays this uber crime lord and his name is Marshall. And in the first Hangover the character of Black Doug says, “Oh, Marshall is going to be pissed at me on that one.” And it was just some random throwaway thing. Like the joke was who the hell is Marshall. That was enough. And I think, I don’t know, fooled a lot of people into thinking that there was a master plan. No, there’s no master. It’s cheating. It’s cheating.

**Alec:** You cheat.

**John:** It’s all cheating. Katherine, can you find us another question? A person with a question.

**Female Audience Member:** OK, so you guys all pretty much mentioned structure when you were talking about writing. And so I was wondering if you could speak more to what that means for you when you’re putting a script together, especially network versus cable, or feature. Like I know in network you can kind of write to act breaks. Do you use that kind of thinking when you’re conceiving of a script? Or is that more organic? What’s your approach?

**John:** Great. So a question about structure. And I want to get to the bigger longer things, but when we were talking about improv at the start and working at Groundlings, the things you’re doing do have a structure. It seemed like magic but there is a real plan for how you’re going to get through those. Can you quickly talk through what the structure is of an improv moment and sort of what you teach people about how to start and how to reach an ending?

Because it’s not a formula but there’s a way you do it.

**Melissa:** Yeah. It can’t just fade off. And then the other… I mean, that would be incredibly unsatisfying if everybody just walked off the stage. So, I still, I think it’s the same kind of concept even when you’re improvising that there’s still why, what is the big moment, what is the relationship. And there has to be a beginning, middle, and end. Even if it’s in a movie, if it’s on stage and you know you only have three minutes, you still have to work towards why. And kind of what you were talking to before, if you can ever wrap it to the beginning, especially when you’re truly just pulling it out of nowhere, it is really satisfying if you can somehow be like, oh, the first line he said I’m going to come in and that’s the end, or at least it’s related to.

So I think you’re always kind of scanning to have your scales kind of even out. The story, the character, and the humor, none of them are really winning.

**Ben:** And sort of bringing it back to your question, I think in an improv the first thing you have to know really quickly, and it’s the same thing when you’re writing a script, is you really as efficiently, and you guys all do it so well in different ways, but you want to know who the people are, like get a taste of who they are, what they’re up to, and where they are. Like in a film it’s easier because on a stage you’re like, I mean it’s crazy, you’re like doing something, you’re like, “I’ve got some cake batter.” And you’re like, oh Jesus, I hope somebody helps me out with this.

Whereas there’s a production design and you know where you are. Speaking towards structure, in features anyway, I try and get as quickly to the why as I can. And you can’t really do that until you get a sense of who the characters are.

**John:** Craig has an episode just two weeks ago which is basically his plan for how to write a movie and he really is talking about structure but he’s talking about it from a sense of what do characters want, and what is a character’s journey, and what is a character going after. And that’s how you get from this is the idea at the beginning to this is the idea at the end and the journey that goes through it.

He’s a long about a lot of stuff in his episode, so we will have a follow up episode where we talk about that.

**Craig:** Am I? Am I?

**John:** But there’s fascinating stuff in there.

**Craig:** And for you guys at different times I would imagine your structure was dictated by commercials.

**Kourtney:** Yeah, there’s a little bit of a recipe. It’s part of the formula of network TV of you sort of have your setup and then you want to have that uh-oh moment before people sell you vacuum cleaners and chips and juice boxes. And then you’re sort of back in.

There’s been a weird thing that happened. Way back in the day there used to be two acts. So you could sort of go through your story uh-oh moment and then you sort of wrap up. But then networks sort of got greedier and sort of inserted more act breaks. And I think based on nothing it has helped lead to the demise of network TV.

**Craig:** Strange that they would be self-defeating that way when they’ve always been so prudent.

**Kourtney:** Yes. I mean, it’s a 22-minute episode. And so now you have to come up with three moments where something terrible happens, oh no, what are they going to do. But then in another four minutes you’re going to hit another one of those. And so you start to have this feeling of like well that doesn’t feel real.

And then the audience starts to disconnect. And so it’s tricky. It’s a tricky balance of keeping it interesting and keeping with the formula.

**John:** Great. Let’s take one last question. Katherine, can you find us another question out there somewhere?

Female Audience Member: Hi guys. Thank you so much for doing this. I have a question for somebody who is more of a newer writer. I’ve always been writing, but I’m taking it more seriously now. One thing that I noticed about my writing is I tend to do a lot of like talking heads and when I’m trying to get my plot put together the stakes are high enough and then I end up going so far the other way it just becomes more characters talking at each other.

What advice do you have for somebody who is kind of experiencing that and is noticing a pattern of that?

**John:** A couple thoughts off the top of my head is that you may need to challenge yourself to create scenes where no one can talk. And how you would tell the story visually if no one was allowed to talk in your story. And sort of what would it look like. If you had silent characters how would you tell the story of what this character is going through, what they want, how we reveal what they want. How they reveal what their challenges are, who their opponents are. How you would do that without any characters talking. So then when you do start reintroducing dialogue it’s not the only tool that you’re using.

Other thoughts?

**Kourtney:** I think a nice trick if it’s sort of feeling stagnant is to sort of go through your script and say what’s the purpose of this scene. Like what is the state of things at the start and how is it different at the end and who won, who lost, in this scene?

At least for me I’ll find a lot of times it’s just like oh there’s just people being sassy. And you’re like, all right, well that’s great but nothing has happened. And so that sort of forces you to make each scene earn its keep. Like, yeah, there might be really funny jokes there, but if nothing happens or nothing costs someone something, you know, you need to keep that sort of eye on that prize.

**Craig:** Another possible trick is to think of your characters as liars. So sometimes we get caught in that trap of rolling strips of dialogue because people are saying what they think. But people rarely do. So, just say, OK, this is what they think. Write that scene. Write a long stripy dialogue scene. Four pages of yammering. And then go, great, now neither one of them wants to actually say any of this to the other person, so how are they going to get this across and get what they want without saying any of that? They’re just going to think it. And have them lie to each other.

And then you may find in that that all this stuff is going away and you don’t even need it. And it’s just in the eyes or in the spaces in between.

**Melissa:** And those are much better ideas. I want to send you out on a terrible idea. I also sometimes really love the reality of stuff does not come at a convenient time. I love, you know, this is, again, would be a terrible example. But it’s like Christmas morning. Everything is wonderful. And that’s when it’s like just a shit storm. Or you’re making a sandwich, or your teeth is knocked out, and that’s when you’re like, “Hey, I think he’s looking at me.” Things are so not convenient in life and I always think if it’s always like a very convenient place to have this conversation I do like to think like where would it really happen.

Is it like somebody talking over the stall and you’re like not now, not now? I’m going to the bathroom. I need two minutes. Making it less easy sometimes for the actor and for the scene I think that can help.

**Craig:** That’s going to be in the Ham Lady movie. That’s in the Ham Lady movie right there. That’s the trailer. Not now. I need two minutes.

**Melissa:** Not now. I’m eating ham in my stall.

**Craig:** Obviously.

**John:** It has come time for the end of our show.

**Craig:** Oh.

**John:** I feel a little sad.

**Craig:** You mean like the whole thing? Like this is it?

**John:** We can wrap up some stuff. Any last things you want to talk about?

**Craig:** No, I mean, like are we doing 406?

**John:** Oh, no, 406 will still happen. We already recorded. We banked an episode. So 406 is there.

**Craig:** Got it. Cool. This would be a weird number to end on.

**John:** It would be a weird number.

**Craig:** Sad way to end.

**Rob:** He didn’t get what you were joking about. How has this show survived 405 episodes?

**Craig:** Bot. Not Bot.

**Rob:** OK, now we’re getting it.

**John:** We have a lot of people to thank.

**Craig:** See!

**John:** Scriptnotes is produced by Megana Rao and edited by Matthew Chilelli. Thank you. We need to thank John Gatins, Lindsay Cavanaugh, and everyone at Hollywood Heart for putting tonight together. This is an amazing event you threw together.

**Craig:** Incredible guys.

**John:** Thank you very much. Thank you to the Ace Hotel. Thank you to our amazing guests.

**Craig:** Ben Falcone. Melissa McCarthy. Alec Berg. Rob McElhenney. Kourtney Kang. And the great John August.

**John:** Thank you.

**Craig:** And thank all of you. Thank you guys. Have a great night.

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