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Scriptnotes Transcript

Scriptnotes, Ep 568: Writing as Acting, Transcript

November 14, 2022 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2022/writing-as-acting).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** Oh, oh, right, my name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** This is Episode 568 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the show, there are actors and there are writers, but deep down, what is the difference between writing and acting? How can writers use the techniques of acting to help build effective scenes? We’ll also discuss retirement, cutting characters, and how the central dramatic argument applies to TV. In our Bonus Segment for Premium Members, we’ll discuss the future and what we owe it.

**Craig:** Nothing!

**John:** Nothing. No, we owe the future something. It’s a question of how much and how much we should prioritize near-term solutions versus long-term solutions and other such things.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** Great. We’ve got some follow-up here. First off, Writer Emergency Pack XL, which we launched last week, is now fully funded. Thank you for everyone who backed us on Kickstarter for that. You still have a couple, maybe 20 days left to back us if you’d like to. We funded it in the first couple hours, which is great.

**Craig:** Great. Congrats.

**John:** Thank you for everybody on that.

**Craig:** Nice.

**John:** Hooray. Some more follow-up. Last week we were discussing burials for some reason and coffins and concrete vaults.

**Craig:** Just stupid.

**John:** We have some feedback on how to do that in a more environmentally sound way. Megana, help us out.

**Megana Rao:** Ben wrote in and said, “I just heard the September 19th episode, and your dislike of caskets/concrete burials reminded me of the Green Burial Council and other organizations/movements. In case you didn’t know, there’s folks trying to reduce the carbon footprint of laying people to rest. I’m definitely planning to be memorialized this way. Hope you check it out, and maybe I’ll be a One Cool Thing or Premium bit.”

**John:** Great. We’ll put a link in the show notes to Green Burial Council. There’s also an LA Times article about human composting as an alternative, where they put you in a muslin bag and stick you in the ground. I’m for it. Good for me.

**Craig:** Until we get the instant atomizer, which would be fun. I would love to be atomized.

**John:** Cremation takes a lot of energy. It’s not as much energy as making a casket and burying it. As energy becomes cheaper and cheaper, cremation will get cheaper and cheaper too.

**Craig:** I would like to be shot into the Sun.

**John:** That would be nice, but that’s experience. Isn’t that what Johnny Depp got in trouble for with Hunter S. Thompson’s ashes?

**Craig:** He tried to shoot them into the Sun?

**John:** He put them into space.

**Craig:** Oh, Johnny Depp.

**John:** Oh, Johnny Depp. That’s the most controversial thing he ever did.

**Craig:** Otherwise, spotless record.

**John:** Spotless record. Hey, let’s go right to our main topic, which is actors and writing. This is all based around this article we ran in Inneresting this last week, which is an old blog post of mine from 2010 where I was talking about my then young daughter was trying to practice how to seem sad, how to cry. It’s this thing where little kids, they’re like, “Oh I’m so sad, I’m crying,” and they’ll cover their eyes, but they’re not really tears. They’re trying to get you to see things. It got me realizing that she’s trying to act, she’s learning how to act.

I was thinking about how as writers we are acting all the time. We’re all experimenting with how do I portray these emotions that we’re putting on the page rather than on the stage. Craig as a writer and actor, I thought we might have a few minutes to talk about the experience and what you see as the similarities between the craft of pretending something is real for the purposes of writing a scene versus pretending something is real for the purposes of staging a scene.

**Craig:** Thank you for introducing me correctly as a world-famous actor. I think that actors probably have as much diversity in their approach to how they perform as writers do in their approach to how they write. Some writers are organizers and thinkers, and then they write. Some writers are just, “Wee!” and they write and see where it goes. Most people are combinations of the two.

I think that holds true for actors as well. There are actors that are very thoughtful and are perfectly aware that they’re acting. This would be the Laurence Olivier, “Have you tried acting, my boy?” school. Then other actors seemingly can’t do it unless they disappear inside their character and just go bananas. Everybody’s different. For me, I guess my approach is pretty similar to the way I write, which is to think about what I’m supposed to be feeling and thinking and then feel and think it.

**John:** That is a relatively modern incarnation of the actor’s, I don’t want to say method, because that breaks into a whole conundrum of other things that are involved in the actor’s method. The idea that a performer on stage is supposed to be believably in the moment that they are portraying isn’t actually all that old of an idea. If you look back to old plays, there was a more presentational quality to it. You were playing to the back seats there. Now, also I think partly because of the arrival of film cameras, we’re in close, and we’re hearing whispers, this sense of like, oh this is a real person in a real situation is much more crucial. That’s often what we’re trying to do on the page as well.

**Craig:** Over time, I think there has been a general movement towards realism, which was not always a thing, as you point out. For a long time, drama was never intended to be real. It was entirely representational, and it was intentionally so. It would’ve been strange for people to see things presented hyper-realistically. They would’ve been bored to tears or confused. As time has gone on, we seem to have found our way more and more towards a very naturalistic style, some more than others.

I think that holds true for writing as well. The vast quantity of television I think has done more to advance a naturalistic writing than anything else, because there’s so much of it. It all seems to be trending in that direction, not all of it, but some of it, and to varying levels of success. Naturalism and truth, trying to create something that seems real and believable, while yet being not at all real, and rather dramatic, that seems to be the name of the game.

**John:** It strikes me that so much of what we learn about how an actor prepares goes back to whatever their education was, whatever the techniques they learned along the way. This is how an actor approaches a role. They’re doing some work to figure out, okay, this is how this character stands, this is how this character sits, this is how this character relates to a space, this is the vocal affectations this character uses, this is how they approach these things. To some degree, we may do that as writers, but writers don’t tend to study the same way that actors study. I think there is some things we could probably take from that. Actors practice. They go through rehearsals playing many different characters. They have to swap roles. They have to make changes on their feet. They have to respond in ways that I think sometimes as writers we’re not being forced to do that.

So often as writers, we’re always being pushed on structural things or like, “Oh, this scene should move here.” We’re always looking at the bigger picture. We’re not necessarily doing that in-depth scene work, which I think is part of the reason why we keep coming back to these Three Page Challenges, is that we’re really looking at, moment by moment, how are these dots connecting on the page.

**Craig:** You can do similar exercises with acting when actors perform a scene and other people watch and then they critique. That’s what acting class generally is. It’s like endless Three Page Challenges or scenes. You’re getting at a fundamental difference. Acting is interpretive. Writing is purely creative, meaning unless you’re adapting, even in an adaptation, you are creating. There’s nothing there, and then there is something there. That is very different. So much of what acting is is about the choices you make of how to interpret the text that is there. That’s where it gets interesting.

You’re right, they do have to incorporate elements of themselves that we generally don’t, like their bodies. When we’re writing, our bodies probably do very similar things, form terrible postures. Not you, I guess. The rest of us. You apparently get even better posture when you write. Everybody else is just slouching and tightening up their neck muscles. It’s all mental. Acting is very physical.

One of the things that you do think about when you’re acting is what do I do with my arms. The answer is nothing. Unless you have something to do with them, just ignore them. Normally, during the day, when you’re talking to people, your arms are just there. You don’t think about them. Suddenly the camera goes on and everyone’s like, “My arms. What do I do with my arms?” They’re just fine. They’re fine. You’ll be okay. Just ignore them.

Figuring out all that stuff is about making choices based on something that has already been created, and you are bringing it to life. That is an aspect of things that we don’t quite do, or sometimes I think we also misunderstand how complicated that process is.

If you are a writer who is dealing directly with actors, the best advice I can give you is respect what they’re doing, even if you think it looks silly or sounds silly or sounds pretentious or confusing or pointless. Doesn’t matter. Respect what they’re doing, because it’s what they need to do to get where they need to go. You, when you were writing, didn’t need to do anything other than the stuff in your head, including get dressed, take a shower, or stand.

**John:** Let’s talk about the stuff that you were doing in your head as a writer, because I find that so often, I’ll be doing press on a movie, and they’ll say, “Oh, what was it like to have this person play this character?” or, “What was your relationship with the director? How do you talk to the director about the characters?” and stuff like that. I find myself saying, yeah, it’s a weird thing that I am all the characters in the movie, and then one by one, they get assigned away. It’s not like it goes through the directors. It was my character, and now suddenly, it’s their character. I have to watch what they’re doing with their choices of the choices that I made. There is this strange handoff.

I played Edward Bloom for many, many years. I played Will Bloom for many, many years. I knew internally how all those scenes worked and played and what the dynamics were that are driving them. Ultimately, I can do no more to affect that down the road than what I could put on the page and what I could help communicate to the actors if they ask me questions, but I can’t do that for them. Ultimately, it is entirely in their hands now.

**Craig:** You will find yourself landing in a strange middle world where if you are directing things you’ve written, you have to pay attention to the intentions and the imagined performance that went on in your head, because it does inform how things ought to be. You also then have to pay attention to the reality of the actors in front of you. Then you have to guide those actors towards what would be a better performance that gets more truly and cleanly and interestingly to the heart of what you’re trying to do but isn’t necessarily accountable to the imaginary performance in your head, but rather accountable to them. It’s a really interesting emotional and mental gymnastics routine you have to do inside your head.

On top of all of that, there are trust issues, because you need to make sure that actors trust you. Trust is everything. They’re not going to trust you if they feel like you have an ulterior motive. For instance, let’s say that I cast a movie with, we’ll go with Harrison Ford. I shot a week with Harrison Ford, and then he died. Sorry, Harrison. In this story, you die.

**John:** Bleak.

**Craig:** We have to replace Harrison Ford, so I get somebody else. Who would be a good replacement for Harrison Ford, by the way? Who should I go for here?

**John:** That’s a good question. Not too far off in range. Josh Brolin?

**Craig:** Great. I get Josh Brolin. We’re halfway through the day, and I keep saying things to Josh Brolin that make him think, “He just wants me to be Harrison Ford. I get it. He doesn’t want me. He didn’t want me. He wanted Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford died. I can tell he’s just pushing me to do a Harrison Ford impression, but that’s not what I do. It’s not even fair to me. I’m Josh Brolin. I’m my own person, my own actor. I need to get to this part naturally, or else it’s going to stink. It’ll just seem like I’m doing a bad impression of another guy. I’ll never be connected to it. No one will like it anyway.”

That’s kind of the same thing. If they feel like you keep steering them back towards whatever was going on in your head as you were writing this, then that is not the same as acting for them. That’s just chasing your phantom, because the phantom that you have in your head, they don’t have to be accountable to being in physical space, standing there, doing anything you don’t want them to do. They literally disappear into your blind spot when you don’t want to see them. You have to work with the people there. They have to trust that you are working with them and not someone else in your head.

**John:** A thing that strikes me that actors and writers are both responsible for doing, that’s a difficult skill, and they’re analogous skills, is they have to remember and forget at all moments. For example, actors have to forget that the camera is there. They have to forget that one of the walls is missing. They have to pretend that the space is real so that it feels natural, all the while also being aware of where the camera is, because that is important, also being aware of what the other people’s lines are, even though they need to be able to react as if they’ve never heard those matching lines before.

Writers have to be aware of what is the purpose of this scene, what is going to happen next, what’s going to happen 20 pages from now, why is this scene here, and at the same time, make it feel like this is just a natural moment that’s happening between these characters that is not there just to set up the next thing. That kind of remembering and forgetting at the same time is a skill.

**Craig:** Good actors, I think, know that they need to divide their attention in weird ways. They need to have an external understanding of what the whole point of the scene is. Good actors need to understand where they sit in the scene. Are they in the middle? Are they the person that’s being shot against the middle? They need to know why the other person’s saying the things they’re saying. Then they need to forget all that and just be them. They need to know those things before they can forget those things.

When you are writing, you are hearing music in your head, and you’re putting notes down. Then you show up with performers on stage. There they are with their instruments. Now if you’re directing, you’re a conductor. Your job is to make sure that they’re all moving in the same fashion, towards the same goal. There you have it.

**John:** I like it. Director’s conductor. Composer is writer. Actor is the first chair violin.

**Craig:** Exactly.

**John:** Good analogy. Reaching back to another Inneresting blog post from the past, this was on cutting a character and saving a scene. It actually feels related to what we’re talking about with actors. I found myself in a situation where I could not make this scene work. I realized there was just one more character in there than I could actually support. Once I cut that character out, the scene felt very natural.

Similarly, just this last week, I was working on a scene where because of changes, I actually had to add a character into the scene. It was important this character be in the scene. It was impossible to take the existing scene and just add that character in. It seems like it should be the simplest thing, like we’ll throw one line to this new character. It just never works that way. A development person’s note might be just to stick them in there. If you just stick an extra body into a scene, it tends to fall apart. We’ll put a link in the show notes to this great video of Patton Oswalt on King of Queens. He was a small part of King of Queens.

**Craig:** He was the best. He was the greatest.

**John:** There’s this one scene where Patton Oswalt is in this scene. He has to be there, but he has no lines for a long time. He chooses to stand just completely still the entire time.

**Craig:** Frozen.

**John:** Frozen.

**Craig:** It’s amazing.

**John:** No one notices.

**Craig:** No one notices. I could be wrong, but I feel like when he did it, he didn’t tell anyone either. It wasn’t like he said to everybody, “Hey, let me just do this. It’ll be funny.” I think no one knew. It’s wonderful. He’s the best.

**John:** He’s fantastic.

**Craig:** I think he’s such a great stand-up comedian. He’s got a new Netflix special.

**John:** Let’s plug his Netflix special.

**Craig:** He’s not even on the show. I’m plugging his stuff.

**John:** One day.

**Craig:** One day.

**John:** Let’s talk about that. Craig, you’ve had this experience throughout your entire career, I’m sure, is that so often the challenge is not just what is the scene about, it’s who’s in the scene and how do you support those people being in the scene. There are times where this would be so much easier if I could get rid of this character. You can find a way to get rid of them if you can. Other times, the simplest version is impossible because of who’s there.

**Craig:** Everything is a souffle. I say souffle all the time. When things are arranged correctly… It’s very hard to get things to be arranged correctly. It’s very hard to make a souffle. It’s hard to get the souffle to rise. Then someone comes along and says, “Oh, but just throw one more thing in,” or take one thing out or do this or do this or do that. It seems very small to them, and it’s not. It makes the souffle fall apart.

By the way, this goes right to acting again. There are things you can do where you might ask an actor to do something, and you can see them tense up. I think for a lot of people who don’t quite get what’s going on there, they may think it’s just a defensive actor being defensive, but sometimes it’s just, in fact most of the time I’d imagine, it’s just I’m going, “Oh, you’re going to mess up the souffle. It’s a little tiny thing, but you’re messing it up. Now I know it’s just not going to be as good.”

There’s no magic to removing a character and suddenly everything’s amazing. You probably put that character there for a reason. There’s nothing wrong with being right. Sometimes we’re right. We’re allowed to say, “I know, it seems like you could just move that one little piece, but as it turns out, it’s a load-bearing wall.” Just fill in whatever, souffle, structure, metaphor you’d like.

**John:** I can talk about the sets I’ve been on in my experience as directing, but I’m curious what yours has been. Do actors know when a scene is working, or do they sometimes not know when a scene is working? I’ve definitely seen cases where the actors are convinced this is great and golden, and what we’re seeing on the monitor is like, “Oh, that’s not the scene. We’re not there yet.”

**Craig:** It’s been my luck or good fortune to work with actors that tend to worry that it’s not working than rather just be thrilled with themselves. We’re all the same way. We’re all very nervous and trying to make sure it’s great. There are times where it’s easy enough when you’re behind the camera to go, “That’s it. Cut. I have it.” Then they’re like, “Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you?” “Yes, trust me. I have it. We have it.” There are also times where they may say, “We had it on take two, and now it’s take five.” There can be disagreements.

By and large, I think good actors question more than they presume that things are great. They are reasonably concerned that they’re going to look stupid, because no one’s going to see me. They’re not going to see me. They’re not going to see the screenplay pages. They’re going to see the actors. In movie theaters, they’re enormous. If they look stupid, everyone makes fun of them, especially now. Now you can’t even be stupid and be made fun of briefly. You’re made fun of forever. You live forever on the internet.

**John:** You become a meme.

**Craig:** You become a meme.

**John:** You’re this little slice out of there.

**Craig:** It’s not fair.

**John:** I would say that like you, more cases, the actors are not convinced it’s working when it actually is working, because they’re just not seeing what we’re seeing. They may feel and think about the space between this character and I, the lens is just seeing things differently. I’ll grant that.

There’s also times where an actor is making a choice that they believe is great and it’s working, and it just comes across differently. Those are just difficult conversations to have, because you as the director, you as the writer, you know how all the pieces also need to fit together.

So often, actors are only thinking about this one moment, this one scene, where am I at in this one scene. They don’t know emotionally where they need to get to, what came just before this. Those can be the challenging conversations to have, because it’s not even necessarily that they’re making a wild choice for this moment. It’s just that choice is not going to fit overall what needs to happen around the scene.

**Craig:** I do try and talk about the moment before and the moment after. I think the moment after is just as important. I just remember everybody what’s happening before and what’s happening after, because we don’t shoot things in order, especially when you’re shooting across lots of episodes, where it’s a lot of stuff. Yes, there are times where they think something is spot on, and maybe you disagree.

Other people are different, but my general philosophy is that directing actors is a little bit like being a parent and thinking I can guide my kid as I’m raising my kids. I’m not saying actors are children. Just go with me for this. I can teach them some things. I can give them some values. I can say I don’t like that or I do like this. Basically, they are who they are. I can gently nudge this way or that. What I don’t want to do is parent them in such a way that I’m saying you should not be who are you, because that’s not possible, and everything will go bad.

I think with actors, you can nudge, you can massage. If you know they have three different gears, and they’re in the wrong one, get them to the other one, but don’t ask them to be in a gear they don’t know. Don’t fight against their natural nature. Oh my god, I just said natural nature. Let’s leave it in. I think people need to know how bad I am at talking.

**John:** I’ve had a few mistakes this episode too, so I think we’re all good.

**Craig:** No. There are none in evidence. See, there are none in evidence. Mine will stay there forever.

**John:** Craig, what you’re really saying though is that casting is absolutely crucial, because casting is when you actually decide what is the fit between this actor or this role, and who is the person who can basically… They have the innate sense of how to play this character. Within that, you could make some changes. You could amp some stuff up and down. They have to be able to be that person on the camera.

If you have the wrong person, it’s just not going to work. That’s why sometimes you start shooting with somebody and recast them, because that’s just not going to work. It’s just not going to fit. There’s nothing you could do to change that person’s performance along the way. They were just the wrong person in that role.

**Craig:** There are times when somebody above may send a note. This didn’t happen to me, happily. There was a movie I worked on where this did happen, where the studio said, “Listen, we’ve been watching the dailies for two weeks, and we think the actor should be more like this.” I wasn’t directing the movie, but I remember thinking, “That’s not going to happen. You don’t even want it to happen.” In fact, the worst possible thing would be if that actor went, “Oh, okay, got it,” because then they wouldn’t be themselves. They would not be acting out of their own body and face and brain and heart. They would be just acting towards something artificial. You got to dance with the date you brought.

**John:** I had a situation early on in my career where there was an actor in a role, and the big studio note came like, “This is not the character we want. This is not the performance we want. This is not working.” I had to go and try to do as much as I could in what days were left shooting it, but also in ADR to bring that performance up to a more comedic place. We did get 10% of the way there, but ultimately we had to recast and re-shoot. That was the wrong person in the role. I hadn’t picked this person for the role. It had been forced upon me. The other alternative could’ve been, if we had to keep that actor in the role, was just rewriting what they were doing, because it just wasn’t going to work with this actor.

**Craig:** That’s okay. While it may be disappointing, I’m sure it would be disappointing for that actor, the only thing worse than being recast is being forced to be something that you can’t be, and every day, day after day, 12 hours a day being told you’re not doing it right, do something that you don’t understand how to do. That would be terribly frustrating.

**John:** Our friend Rachel Bloom is in a new show called Reboot on Hulu. It’s delightful. In the second episode, there is an actor who’s cast in a role onto this rebooted TV sitcom. She’s wildly miscast. Everyone has to scramble around to figure out, “What are we going to do with this character who cannot possibly play the scene? Do we rewrite the scene or do we somehow teach this person how to act in a completely different way?” To its credit, it goes through all the different permutations of what it could do, including have her act with her hands or not act with her hands. As Craig would teach you, don’t act with your hands.

**Craig:** Don’t act with your arms. You can absolutely act with your hands.

**John:** Hands, but no big arm movements.

**Craig:** Between shoulder and elbow, you really just want to isolate that.

**John:** You got to keep it small. I would recommend anybody who’s enjoying this conversation to check out this show called Reboot. Rachel Bloom is not the only great actor in it, but Rachel Bloom is a friend, and so you should see it for her.

**Craig:** You should always see Rachel Bloom.

**John:** Let’s go to some questions. This first one is a big one from JP.

**Megana:** JP asks, “Quick question. While listening to Episode 76, How Screenwriters Find Their Voice, I was shocked, simply shocked to hear Craig say that after turning 50 he was going to start seriously thinking about retirement. Does that plan still stand, or is it safe to say Craig’s shift from feature writer to TV writer/producer/emperor changed his view on things?”

**John:** Craig, did you renege on your promise to retire at 50 because Chernobyl did well? What happened?

**Craig:** No, I didn’t promise anything, first of all. I said I would seriously think about it. I think about retirement all the time. I think most of the time when I talk about thinking about retirement, what I’m really talking about thinking about is failure and everyone just going, “Oh my god, enough of this guy,” and then that’s that, so then I have to force retire.

I’m not currently thinking seriously about retirement. I’ve got a few more things to do. I just turned 50 not too long ago, year, year and a half ago. That’s not to say that five years from now I might be like… At some point, I have to decide, what do I like more, working or not working, which is a nice problem to have, because I do really enjoy what I do a lot. There are days, man.

**John:** There’s days you prefer to play D and D.

**Craig:** By the way, honestly, that’s what saves you. D and D saves you. If I didn’t have D and D, I’d probably be retired by now.

**John:** I don’t consider retirement at all. I think Mike would probably love me to take some time off and just be more freely available to do other stuff. I intend to be one of those people who I die with a script half written and 19 things. I want to die with things being messy and unfinished because there was stuff. I want to owe somebody a script when I die.

**Craig:** Wow. That’s just aggressive. That feels hostile. That feels like you’re punishing everybody, like, “You! You!”

**John:** Writers could write for a very long time. Directors can direct for a very long time. We see people in their 70s and 80s working hard. I want to be one of those people. I really enjoy what I do, so I can’t think of that. We also have friends who are involuntarily retired. Basically, the phone stops ringing. It becomes harder and harder to make a living. That also happens. I think we have to make sure that we are structurally planning for the work may not come forever and that we are setting aside our own money, but that we also have Guild money and other things that are keeping us potentially afloat in our later years.

**Craig:** You certainly plan for forced retirement, and then make your choice. If you’re not forced, then it’s a choice. I think right now I can’t imagine retiring, because I feel like I’m getting better. I think I’ll think about it much more if I feel like I’m getting worse. If I get worse, I’ll just stop.

**John:** If for whatever reason you are not allowed to write film and television anymore, is there a career switch you would make?

**Craig:** A career switch, I don’t know about that. I think I would do a lot of volunteer stuff. A bit like this podcast, I like that we don’t have ads, so it’s not a job. We don’t work for anybody. We don’t have to listen to their nonsense. We don’t take any guff. We can take guff from Megana.

**John:** I really liked teaching my daughter to read. I think I would probably do more volunteering in teaching elementary school kids to read, because I really dig that. Once a kid can read, they can do everything.

**Craig:** I’ll tell you what I wouldn’t do. What I wouldn’t do is go teach at USC or anything like that, not that they would have me. I wouldn’t do it, because it’s sick enough already. How much more can I talk about this stuff?

**John:** I would consider teaching one semester at a time at different universities around the country, because it would be fun to just live in different places.

**Craig:** It’s not about them.

**John:** It’s not about them. It’s about me.

**Craig:** Just the thought of having to stand there and have people ask me questions about the central dramatic argument and such, I can’t bear it. Anyway, what’s our next question?

**Megana:** Taylor wrote in. She says, “In Episode 403, Craig discusses how to write a screenplay beginning with the central dramatic argument. Forgive me if you’ve heard this one before, but I’d love to hear thoughts on how the central dramatic argument maps onto a television series. If the protagonist is undergoing change in each hour-long episode, does that mean there’s a unique dramatic argument for each episode and an overarching dramatic argument for the entire season, or is there simply one dramatic argument that you continuously work towards in each episode. Mad Men’s Don Draper is put through a new ringer in each episode, but every episode is also part of a unified whole, his season-long journey.”

**John:** Craig, let’s talk about this, because you just did a TV series. Is there a central dramatic argument? How does the central dramatic argument map onto either Chernobyl or Last of Us? What were you thinking along those lines as you were doing it?

**Craig:** I think you basically have it right, Taylor. There is a big one, and then there are little ones episodically. I’m not a big fan of the whole, “My television series is just a really long movie.” I hope not, because then how do I know why did an episode end in a particular way?

I think every episode does need to be its own short movie with a beginning, a middle, and an end, and there does need to be some sort of resolution. The characters that are undergoing those things change very typically from episode to episode. There is one character who’s probably the central protagonist. That central protagonist’s central dramatic question is the one that gets answered by the end. You have a circle made up of circles. You don’t need to be particularly pedantic about it. You don’t have to make drawings or sketches. You just need to know. Otherwise, it’s like, “What was the point of that episode, and what did I learn? What was the point of this whole season? What did I learn?”

There are shows where it’s different. Purely episodic television cannot have a central dramatic argument, can’t, because it needs to go on forever. Soap operas need to go on forever. Soap opera covers all sorts of genres. There is this new limited series-ish vibe that goes on where certain television shows are not meant to go on for 20 seasons, but maybe 3 or 4. Each one of those seasons has a point and an impact and a statement to make. All those questions need to be thought through and answered. I think if you’re doing a television series that has an ending, a circle made up of circles.

**John:** Craig, while you were off doing Last of Us, I’ve had a bunch of showrunners on, talking about their process. I think they would largely agree with what you’re saying. When you talk with them about how they were setting up their writers’ rooms and how they were thinking about the season, how they were thinking about each episode, they really would come down to, either call it theme or call it central dramatic argument, what is the unifying principle behind this episode’s story, and how is it progressing the character development and what we want to see these characters be doing over the course of this season, be that a 6-episode season or a 22-episode season. They are mapping out where they are going overall, what are their arcs that are happening.

These were shows that were long movies in the sense of characters would have big transformations and enter one place and exit another place. You look at Girl From Plainville or you look at Liz Meriwether’s show The Dropout, they were movie-like arcs, but they were very clearly set up to have each episode have a point of entry, a point of exit, and you could really feel like that was the conclusion of this episode, that was the conclusion of this part of the story. It was all fit together. That’s from the outlining stage. That’s when you’re on the whiteboard figuring out what are the important beats in this episode. You figure it out then.

**Craig:** That’s right. That’s how you get to interesting ends of episodes. That’s also how people get a sense that you’re being intentional and thoughtful, that it’s not haphazard. You’re not just going, “There, stop this one here. We’ll start it up again next week.” Everything’s crafted, should be ideally crafted, so that every single episode feels satisfying in its own way and yet drives you with interest to the next one. Then after all is said and done, when you look at all of them as a whole, you go, “Okay, everything that was being said here and here and here and here and here was all being reflected back here, here, here, here, here. This was all part of one big thing and not just a haphazard bucket of narrative bolts.”

**John:** It’s also much easier to apply this kind of framework to an 8-episode season versus a 22-episode classic broadcast show. You look at what Lost had to do or what Buffy the Vampire Slayer had to do. They could start a season with real intention, but they couldn’t really know where the end of their season was. They couldn’t quite know how things were going to progress, how quickly they would burn through storylines. Sometimes they do have to do a mid-season reset to get you to a new place. I think that’s incredibly difficult to do that level of quality for 22 or 24 episodes per season. I’m glad we’re not trying that hard to do those giant mega shows anymore.

**Craig:** I just don’t think it’s possible.

**John:** No, not with the expectations we have, both in terms of what has to happen narrative-wise but also what production value has to be. We just can’t do it.

**Craig:** Agreed.

**John:** Another question, Megana.

**Megana:** Citizen asks, “I’m a writer living and working outside the US. A pilot I wrote was optioned by a company based in Los Angeles with the intention of selling it to a bigger production company. After a couple years, things seem to be gaining momentum, because they recently approached me to discuss the fact that if they sell the series, then I would most likely be replaced as the writer. I’m realistic. I know most things don’t happen. I know my leverage as a new writer from another country is very little. In any case, I would like to know, what would be the best-case scenario for me or someone like me? Is it possible to even get hired as a writer? Can I get proper credit as a creator if I’m not WGA? Can I be WGA? I have no idea. I suppose it’s all up to whoever negotiates my contract, but any guidance on what’s possible or what to look out for would be immensely appreciated.”

**John:** Oh, Citizen. Let’s talk about the good news. Apparently, you wrote something that was so good that they feel like they can get this set up, and they were optimistic, and they’re trying to warm you up to the idea of being replaced, which is shitty, but also it means that there could be some interest in you going forward, this project going forward. What is your contract with these people? They’ve optioned this thing, but in what way did they option it? Is there anything in there about keeping you on as a writer? It feels like there should be. It’s not clear that there is. At the very least, if this project gets set up someplace and might have a different showrunner or something, you created the underlying material, and that is always going to be there. Your name is always going to be on it in some way. Craig, what’s your thinking for Citizen?

**Craig:** There’s a term in the feature side of the Writers Guild minimum basic agreement that says that if a writer sells literary material, meaning you’ve written it, you’re not employed to write it, but rather you’ve already written it, and then you sell that like a spec, and copyright then gets transferred over to sign, the purchasing company is obliged to hire you to do the next rewrite of that material. They can’t just buy it and then kick you off. They buy it, then they employ you, and you write the next draft. I don’t know if there’s a similar version of that for the television side of things. There should be. I wish there were, if there isn’t.

**John:** Citizen, you definitely can become a WGA member. There are people all over the world who are WGA members. The fact that you’re living outside of the US is not going to prohibit you from doing that. Ultimately, the work you’re doing for this company, if they’re [inaudible 00:39:43] this will be US work, so it will still count. You can become a WGA member.

**Craig:** Yes, if you are employed by a signatory, then yes, you will be a WGA member. If they’re saying you will most likely be replaced as a writer, the thing you need to be aware of is that the people that optioned your pilot may have optioned it because they love the idea, they like a character, but they may not love the writing. It seems a little odd that they’re immediately saying this now. It may be that they’re also thinking, “Oh, nobody’s going to want to develop the show with you, because what have you done?” to which I would say, “The thing that you optioned, and the thing that they would be buying.”

Hard to say without more details, other than yes, it is possible to get hired as a writer. In fact, it may be mandatory. I would have to take a look at the MBA on that. Getting proper credit as a creator if you’re not WGA, I’m not sure. Can you be WGA? Yes. You need a lawyer. You should probably have one already, since you’ve signed an option agreement.

**John:** It would be a great idea to have, either if you’re in the UK, a UK lawyer who’s used to working with Hollywood companies, if you’re not in the UK, I would say just see if you can find an LA-based lawyer who has some experience in this field, just because I just worry that a French lawyer coming into this is not going to have the expertise that would be useful for this situation. You can do it.

The general case for Citizen, let’s say you were an American writer, you wrote this thing, and you get the call like, “We would need to bring in another writer.” The idea like this is going to be a TV show, this is going to need a showrunner, so we’re going to bring in a showrunner, that’s really common for some writers, for a new showrunner to come on board. That can be a good experience. It’s also possible that that was the conversation they meant to have with you, that they weren’t going to just toss you aside. We’ll see.

**Craig:** Hard to say.

**John:** Hard to say. Craig, should we do our One Cool Things? I feel like jumping ahead to that.

**Craig:** I have no problem with that.

**John:** I have two One Cool Things. First off, this article by Dino Grandoni, which I’m sure you read, for the Washington Post, about how many ants there are in the world. Craig, do you know how many ants there are in the world?

**Craig:** You’re talking about the sisters of your mom?

**John:** The sisters of your mom, no. I’m actually talking about the small insects who ruin picnics.

**Craig:** Oh my god. It’s got to be like a trillion.

**John:** 20 quadrillion.

**Craig:** There we go.

**John:** It’s an unbelievably massive number.

**Craig:** That’s too many ants.

**John:** There’s more ants than there are all other birds and mammals on Earth combined.

**Craig:** Combined.

**John:** The mass of it is immense. For every person on Earth, there are 2.5 million ants.

**Craig:** That’s awesome. That’s so great. I want mine. Where are mine?

**John:** All of my ants. Sometimes during these hot days, it does feel like I can feel all 2.5 million of them in my house, because Megana will testify we have ants certain times.

**Craig:** You have an ant problem.

**John:** We have some ant problems. The little bait things do work, but it takes two days for it to work. That kills off the colony.

**Craig:** I hear you. Ants.

**John:** How do you feel about ants?

**Craig:** I have no strong feelings about ants. I know this is probably shocking. It’s just not a thing I think about. I don’t think about ants, although I did enjoy that, I don’t know if it was one time they did it or multiple times, where they pumped an abandoned ant colony… They put a bunch of concrete in there, and they just kept pouring concrete in, and then they excavated it. It’s insane.

**John:** It’s like tree roots everywhere.

**Craig:** It’s huge. It’s huge. It’s quite beautiful.

**John:** I’m sure it is. Ants versus spiders, which do you prefer?

**Craig:** I like spiders.

**John:** You like spiders?

**Craig:** Oh yeah.

**John:** I think Megana must love spiders, because she’s now decorated her desk area with spiderwebs for spooky season.

**Megana:** No, I hate spiders. I decorated with that because it’s spooky and scary.

**Craig:** Spooky season is upon us.

**Megana:** It is upon us. Why do you like spiders?

**Craig:** They’re brilliant. They can weave webs. Look at the webs alone.

**John:** Webs are cool.

**Craig:** They’re incredible. They’re predators, which is cool. They wrap you up, and they drain your blood and such. They eat annoying bugs that no one likes.

**John:** Whenever I see spiders in the house, I always remind myself, “Oh, that’s right, they’re here to eat some other bugs that I’m glad don’t exist.”

**Craig:** When they are combined with other creatures, they become like the driders, the drow spider creatures.

**John:** Or they become Spider-Man.

**Craig:** Or they become Spider-Man, exactly. Now, there is an Ant-Man, but he’s just big. He’s big.

**John:** He’s just big. He really has nothing to do with ants. They try to retcon into some ant-

**Craig:** Ish.

**John:** It’s not the same.

**Craig:** No.

**John:** I have a second One Cool Thing, which is a question for you. In English, our question words start with W-H, generally, so when, which, where, why, what.

**Craig:** Who, whom.

**John:** Who. Why is that?

**Craig:** John, I don’t know.

**John:** It actually goes back to proto-Indo-European, the root of all our European and Indian languages. A thing I just learned this last week, [inaudible 00:45:17] a podcast, but I found a good article about it, is it’s actually the same system that gives us, in Spanish, quien, quando, all the Q words, and same in Italian and same in Latin, because it’s just how English drifted and changed. The W-H used to be a hard H-W. That hard H was more of a K. It would be quich, quen, quere. That was the thing.

**Craig:** What?

**John:** With spelling reform, they switched the W and the H, but W-H is really the same thing as Q-U. Isn’t that cool?

**Craig:** Quow?

**John:** Wow, quow.

**Craig:** Quow.

**John:** I just like the fact that in every set of languages, it’s so tempting to look at the letters that are written down, but it’s generally the sounds are how you figure out how things are related, because spelling has just drifted so much over the years.

**Craig:** Here’s a person who’s drifted so much over the years. Bo Shim.

**John:** Tell me.

**Craig:** I don’t have a One Cool Thing this week, so I said, “Bo, can you help me out and give me a One Cool Thing?” What resulted was a cascade of restaurant recommendations, which if you know Bo-

**John:** Bo is a foodie. Am I correct to say she’s a foodie?

**Craig:** She’s both a gourmet and a gourmand. No one eats more than her. No one. She is the tiniest person. This isn’t like a, “Oh, you little thing, you ate a lot.” No, I mean I have seen her eat food that would make me barf in quantity terms. It’s amazing.

**John:** Give us some recommendations, because Mike will add them to our shared note of all the restaurants we want to go to.

**Craig:** These are all going to be for local folks who listen to us here in the Southern California area. Her favorite K-Town noodle spot is MDK Noodles.

**John:** I’ve been to MDK Noodles. I completely back that up.

**Craig:** Her favorite hole-in-the-wall spot is Western Doma Noodles. Western Doma. Her favorite fried chicken is KyoChon, honey wings she says. KyoChon honey wings. Zzamong for Jjajangmyeon. Jjajangmyeon is my favorite Korean food. Have you ever had Jjajangmyeon?

**John:** I don’t know what it is, no.

**Craig:** It’s Korean comfort food. It’s noodles in a fermented black bean sauce. It’s ramen-like but not soup. It’s more spaghetti-ish, but with this delicious, salty black bean sauce, and with little bits of tofu and flakes and things. It’s so good. It’s so good. It’s bad for you, but it’s really good. Now I have to go there [inaudible 00:47:55]. She said she recently went to Mandarin Noodle House in Monterey Park and it was three fire emojis. Finally, also incredibly beautiful, but also delicious, lava mooncakes that she got Mid-Autumn Festival a couple weeks ago from Aliya Lavaland in Monterey Parks. She showed some pictures, including a mooncake that is in the shape and design of an orange. It looks amazing.

**John:** I love it.

**Craig:** Lots of recommendations for people.

**John:** For our listeners outside of Los Angeles, some geography to help you understand where things are. What Bo’s describing, the Korean places are in Koreatown, which is the edge of where I live and where Craig is going to be living soon. Koreatown’s great. I love Korean food, but it’s hard for me to eat a lot of Korean places, because beef and pork tend to be in everything, and I don’t eat beef and pork. I have to find the vegetarian options there at those places. I love Korean food. Monterey Park has a big Chinese population and a lot of really amazing Chinese restaurants. Those are places you want to check out if you’re in Los Angeles and want that kind of cuisine.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** Love it.

**Craig:** Thank you, Bo.

**John:** That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Megana Rao. It’s edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our outro this week is by Nico Mansy. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send longer questions. For short questions on Twitter, Craig is @clmazin, I’m @johnaugust. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find the transcripts and sign up for our weekly-ish newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and Bonus Segments like the one we’re about to record on the future. Craig and Megana, thank you for a fun show.

**Craig:** Thank you, John.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** Craig, the future.

**Craig:** Future.

**John:** The future and what we owe it. I guess this got put in my head because on the New York Times podcast, The Daily, they’ve been hyping this book called The Future and What We Owe It by some person. I should remember it as often as they’ve said it. I’ve also been reading articles about long-termism and this notion of thinking about how much we should be making policy choices or taking actions that affect the short-term versus the long-term and how we find the balance between what we want to do in the world right now versus what’s going to be important for people living a hundred years from now, 300 years from now, our children versus our grandchildren. What’s your general thinking about how much we should value a person’s life 50 years from now versus today?

**Craig:** It’s a fairly privileged question, because I think that people that are struggling can’t really afford to worry about the rest of us 50 years from now. They’re just trying to take care of themselves and their kids. This is a legacy question that I think is certainly something that people of means ought to be thinking about.

There are people who are very wealthy who just think about transferring the wealth generationally to their children and their children’s children, which is the way it’s generally always been, but perhaps not for the best, in fact almost certainly not for the best. Then there are other people who are very, very wealthy, and they do think about legacy. They create endowments. Endowments, from a financial point of view, are an interesting way to blindly but eternally give to the future. They grow. As they grow, they kick off funds. Those funds go out to support things and so on and so forth for eternity.

Then there are these other choices that we have to make that are based on guesses. We don’t have to guess that money would be helpful to people in the future. We do have to guess whether or not stopping A versus B will have a better impact on things for the future, because sometimes we guess wrong.

I think we collectively should be thinking about the future. We tend to define it entirely in terms of our children. If you listen to politicians, they’re always talking about a better world for your children. I think people who don’t have children are also interested in a better world for the people that are coming. Seems reasonable. The more we can disconnect it from our immediate children, probably the better. Let’s just try and help as many people as we can with the choices we make. We think about these things, and we work on these things, but it’s very difficult to disentangle them from our current situation if our current situation is lacking.

**John:** I find myself alternating between pessimism and optimism about the future and the future being 10 years from now, 50 years from now, 100 years from now. Compared to some of my friends, who believe that the world won’t exist in 100 years, I’m certainly much, much more optimistic. I think I always go back to, I’ve mentioned this on the show many, many times, The Big Book of Horrible Things, which lists the 100 greatest atrocities in history. You realize the world has been through some terrible shit many, many, many times. Stuff gets really, really bad, and then we come out of it. If you look at how bad things could get, they can get really bad. You look at how things could bet better, they could actually get a lot better. I totally understand why some people would say, “I don’t want to have kids.” Great. To say, “I don’t want to have kids because I think the world is going to be on fire and terrible,” I don’t vibe with that, because I don’t think that’s accurate.

**Craig:** No, it’s defeatist. I think it’s selfish, actually, in a weird way, selfish and indulgent to go, “Oh my god, everything’s so bad. We don’t have to do anything. What’s the point?”

**John:** Weirdly, sometimes the most pessimistic and the most optimistic make the same choices. You see some of these [inaudible 00:54:00] saying, “We have to think about where humanity’s going to be 1,000 years from now and plan for that.” They’re using that to skip over worrying about the people who actually need the help right now. That’s incredibly frustrating.

**Craig:** Yes. As always, even though everyone hates the middle, the mushy moderate, that’s where the truth generally is. You’re absolutely right that things have been horrible in the past and I think in many ways are improving. Obviously, there are areas where things are getting worse. Climate is the big one. I think that sticks out for everyone. Here we are. It is 2022. We are about 80 years separated from World War Two, which is not a long time. There are people obviously who were alive during World War Two who are still alive now. John, do you know how many people died during World War Two?

**John:** God, I knew that number at some point. Is it 40 million?

**Craig:** Depends. There’s a range. 40 million is the bottom estimate. Top estimate, about 85 million.

**John:** I know that people always under-count Russia. Russia took the huge brunt of losses there.

**Craig:** Soviet Union took an insane amount of losses, probably about 20 to 30 million people. Then there are these associated deaths that aren’t necessarily attributed to World War Two but were almost certainly exacerbated by World War Two. Bengal Famine comes to mind. Things were so horrible all the time, and that time still was somehow better than all the times before, when things were even worse. We don’t get how great it is. We don’t get it. We don’t get it. All the complaining and whining that we do, I think… We’re allowed to complain. Don’t get me wrong. I’m Jewish. It’s part of our religion. You can’t excuse then trying to figure things out.

I think it’s important to think ahead. I’ve always been a think-aheader and a planner. We think about the future. Like I said, endowments I think are wonderful things. I’m a big fan of the concept of the endowment.

**John:** I used to be a bigger fan of the endowment. Give me your pitch for why endowments versus just pay the money to the government and get rid of the generational wealth.

**Craig:** An endowment isn’t really about generational wealth. A trust is about generational wealth, where you’re saying, “I’m going to put this money into a trust. It is going to accrue, to the benefit of my children and their children,” and so on and so forth. An endowment is ideally a charity that supports some cause or segment of society that is not about your blood relations. It grows in time with the marketplace and continually puts money and funds out to that end, and in theory would do so in perpetuity, and is not subject to the whims of various governments.

The federal government is not a particularly brilliant manager of funds. We know that. Simply just take a walk down Defense Department budget road, and you will see some shocking things. Also, government has a lot to do.

Let’s say your passion was female reproductive health. Creating an endowment might be really valuable. It could kick out money. The endowments don’t have to just send money off to individuals. The endowments can also, as part of their charter, send money to other charitable organizations. An endowment can make an annual donation every year to Planned Parenthood.

We have an endowment that supports our public schools in La Cañada. Every year, that endowment makes a gift to exactly one organization, which is the annual charitable fund that supports the public schools in La Cañada. This is a good thing, I think.

**John:** I think people can [inaudible 00:58:18] better con case. To me, they can be a way of sheltering money that should be the public’s money, that ultimately was generated through the possibilities made possible by government and other things to specific causes. While it’s great to think here’s this endowment that is supporting this noble cause that we want to believe in, like education or reproductive health, endowments can also be used for less noble purposes and can have salaries to pay certain people to do certain things that are not maybe good for the function of society. Basically, it’s a way for wealthy people to maintain their power and control after their deaths. That’d be the case against endowments.

**Craig:** I think if there is a, and this is a big if, if there is a fair taxation system, then the money the people are earning is fairly taxed, and the taxes go to the government, and that’s the government’s share. Then what’s remaining behind is up to people to do with as the would. Whatever it is, we can choose to leave what remains just to our children. We can choose to light it on fire. We can choose to leave it to our cat.

**John:** The Patagonia CEO who created basically a charity that now owns the company.

**Craig:** That’s right.

**John:** Which I guess is really a form of trust or form of endowment.

**Craig:** Exactly. If you want to eliminate the concept of the endowment, you have to essentially presume that government will always be the better manager and distributor of funds. I have not seen strong evidence for that.

**John:** Megana, how far away do you think of as the future? Is your notion of the future 10 years from now or is it 50 years from now? What is the future to you?

**Megana:** That’s interesting. I guess it’s 10 years down the line.

**Craig:** You’re young.

**Megana:** Also, I don’t know, tomorrow feels like the future. I feel like as I’m getting older, I see more immediate consequences to the decisions I’m making, mostly in terms of candy I’m eating or how much I’m sleeping or drinking.

**John:** The present and the near future do muddle in a way. I feel like the near future comes quicker and quicker and quicker in terms of like, “Oh, this thing that seemed like it was going to be five years away, that happened just now.” That speed does seem to be increasing. There’s the distant, more murky future, where it could be one of a thousand possibilities. It’s harder to ascertain and unavoidably vague. We can have some broad prognostications about what is possible, but we don’t really know. Just for a little humility, you look back and look at what everyone thought 2020 would be like, and they were not correct.

**Craig:** No. We’re actually quite terrible at it. That’s probably not going to change. I think the best we can do is have a little care in our hearts for the people that are going to be here after we are. That’s about all we can do.

**John:** Just to leave it on a more hopeful not, the UN Secretary General was talking about extreme poverty in the world and how we need to continue the progress we’ve made. In that, the number of people in the world living in extreme poverty has dropped hugely since our childhood. That’s real, meaningful progress. It’s always confusing to look at things from our privileged Western perspective. When I went to visit Malawi, it was tough, and yet it was better than it had ever been before. Recognizing that you’re coming from a place and you want everyone to keep moving up that ladder, but at least in most parts of the world, there are ladders, which is progress.

**Craig:** Megana?

**Megana:** Mm-hmm?

**Craig:** I was thinking about what you were just saying about looking ahead to tomorrow and the candy you eat and drinking. I was thinking about how it’s spooky season. I thought I would just Google this, and it paid off.

**Megana:** Oh, no.

**Craig:** Would you like a recipe for candy corn-infused vodka?

**Megana:** Yeah, sure. Those are both things that I enjoy.

**Craig:** They might as well call this the Megana.

**Megana:** I really love candy corn. I can’t get enough of that sweet, sweet wax.

**Craig:** What is it? What is it? It’s corn starch, I assume.

**Megana:** I don’t know. It shouldn’t be edible, but it is.

**Craig:** It shouldn’t be. I’m with you. I like candy corn. I’ve always liked it.

**John:** I liked it as a kid. I can’t take something that sweet anymore. As a kid, I really loved candy corn.

**Craig:** What is the flavor of candy corn, actually? What is that flavor?

**John:** I don’t know. I associate it with a color, but that’s of course not what it actually is.

**Megana:** It’s white, orange, and yellow.

**Craig:** Somebody asked The Jelly Belly Company, because they’re obviously amazing with candy flavors. This is what they said. “Candy corn is meant to be a blend of creamy fondant, rich marshmallow, and warm vanilla notes.”

**John:** That feels right. Wikipedia has it as a waxy texture and a flavor based on honey, sugar, butter, and vanilla.

**Craig:** There you go.

**John:** Those are all there.

**Craig:** That’s about right. I think it’s delicious.

**John:** Megana’s future is going to involve some candy corn vodka.

**Craig:** They’re going to find her facedown on her carpet.

**John:** It’s going to be the new Nyquil chicken. That’s what killed her.

**Craig:** Candy corn vodka and Nyquil chicken, what a night.

**Megana:** This is what my future has in store for me.

**Craig:** Exactly.

**John:** Thank you both.

**Craig:** Thanks.

**Megana:** Thank you.

**John:** Bye.

**Megana:** Bye.

**Craig:** Bye.

Links:

* [Writer Emergency Pack XL](https://writeremergency.com/) is funded! Support [here on Kickstarter!](https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/johnaugust/writer-emergency-pack-xl)
* [Green Burial Council](https://www.greenburialcouncil.org/) and [Is California ready for ‘human composting’ as an alternative to casket burial, cremation?](https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2022-06-30/is-california-ready-for-human-composting-as-alternative-to-casket-burial-cremation) by Anabel Sosa for the LA Times
* [John’s Blogpost on Fake Tears](https://johnaugust.com/2010/fake-tears)
* [Scriptnotes Episode 76: How screenwriters find their voice](https://johnaugust.com/2013/how-screenwriters-find-their-voice)
* [Scriptnotes Episode 403: How to Write A Movie](https://johnaugust.com/2019/how-to-write-a-movie)
* [Patton Oswalt on King of Queens](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NA90rOwmkJ4)
* [Cut A Character Save A Scene](https://johnaugust.com/2010/cut-a-character-save-a-scene) on John’s Blog
* [Ants Outnumber Everything](https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/2022/09/19/ants-population-20-quadrillion/) by Dino Grandoni for the Washington Post
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* Scriptnotes is produced by [Megana Rao](https://twitter.com/MeganaRao) and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

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Scriptnotes, Ep 567: No Stars, Please, Transcript

November 14, 2022 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2022/20522).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** This is Episode 567 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the show, when do you want to cast a recognizable star, and when do you not? We’ll talk about how much fame you want and need in a given role. We’ll also talk about cutting characters, juggling multiple projects, and staying nimble.

**Craig:** Oh, nimble.

**John:** Nimble. In our Bonus Segment for Premium Members, Megana says I’m too good of a liar. We’ll see whether she’s right when we play Two Truths and a Lie.

**Craig:** That’s worth the $5 subscription right there. You know why you’re too good of a liar. You know why.

**John:** Why is that? Why is that?

**Craig:** It’s because you’re synthetic.

**John:** No, it’s because I prepare. We prepare the outline overall, but I will say that I spent at least 45 minutes yesterday thinking through some options for Two Truths and a Lie.

**Craig:** Wow.

**John:** It’s going to be a barn burner, because usually you play Two Truths and a Lie with strangers. It’s an icebreaker. We all know each other pretty well, so I have to really think about what you would know and expect.

**Craig:** Oh, boy. Megana.

**John:** Oh, boy.

**Craig:** Megana, why do I feel like the two of us have just been set up? We’ve just been set up.

**Megana Rao:** He just admitted it.

**Craig:** He admitted that. He said it exactly. He laid it out how he set us up. Listen, if you’re not a Premium subscriber now-

**John:** This is my magic trick really, because a magician sets up your expectations, like, “I’m going to perform a trick for you,” and then you have to see if you can identify when he’s performing the trick.

**Megana:** I still feel good about our odds, Craig.

**Craig:** I love your optimism, but I think we’re dealing with a criminal sociopath. If you’re not subscribing to the show by now, I don’t know what you’re waiting for. Don’t you want to see John just pick us apart like the budding Hannibal Lecter that he is?

**John:** That’s what it is. A reminder about our live show, October 19th in Los Angeles at the Dynasty Typewriter.

**Craig:** Hey, can I get tickets to that?

**John:** No, you cannot.

**Craig:** What?

**John:** It is sold out.

**Craig:** Of course it is.

**John:** You cannot get in-person tickets, but for the first time ever, we are going to have a livestream of the show, so you can watch it. No matter where you are in the world, you can watch it live. The streaming tickets are $25. You can find them at dynastytypewriter.com.

**Craig:** Here’s the thing. It doesn’t go to us. It goes to charity.

**John:** What is the charity that we’re doing this with?

**Craig:** Hollywood Heart.

**John:** Tell us about Hollywood Heart, Craig.

**Craig:** Hollywood Heart is I think our, I don’t know, seventh or eighth benefit show for Hollywood Heart. They’re a wonderful organization here, based here in Los Angeles, that we were introduced to by a friend of the show, John Gatins. They run a summer camp for underprivileged kids. It is centered around arts, I believe. They just do terrific work. Everybody deserves a chance to get outside, have some fun in the summer, learn, be safe, and get exposed to arts and culture, which are not frivolous, but rather really the only thing that keeps our humanity intact.

**John:** Agreed. If you would like to support that but also see us live on stage, you can go follow the link in the show notes or just go to dynastytypewriter.com and click a little thing there for live show tickets.

**Craig:** Hey John, what did you think the odds were that I was going to say I have no idea what the charity is and I don’t know what Hollywood Heart is? Come on. Be honest. What’d you think? 50/50?

**John:** No, I think you definitely knew what Hollywood Heart was, but I thought there was maybe a small chance you didn’t know that there was a Hollywood Heart benefit rather than a Writers Guild Foundation, which we’ve also done events for.

**Craig:** Megana, just to point out, that’s the second time John has attempted a setup. We know what the theme is. If this episode isn’t called John Sets Craig Up, I don’t know why it should be called anything else. That’s what this episode is.

**Megana:** I wonder if I can get a little tally to ding every time it happens.

**Craig:** A little setup chart, ding. So far we’ve got two setups.

**John:** We’ve got a third setup here, because Megana put this follow-up question in from a listener. Megana, do you want to read this?

**Craig:** Megana setup.

**Megana:** Craig from Sydney wrote in and said, “I would like Craig to clarify something. In Episode 564, Craig says editing is a puzzle. Yet in previous episodes, Craig says a jigsaw is not a puzzle.”

**Craig:** That’s right.

**Megana:** “Both involve taking small fragments of an overall image and arranging them to make a complete image. Can Craig please explain his nuanced view and bias against jigsaws?”

**Craig:** Craig from Sydney, first of all, I see you. What are you, some sort of industry lobbyist for the jigsaw factories, for Big Jigsaw? Let’s absolutely demolish your premise. You say that editing, like jigsaw puzzles, involves “taking small fragments of an overall image and arranging them to make a complete image.” Hey, Craig from Sydney, when you get a jigsaw puzzle, the image is on the box, is it not? You know exactly what you’re supposed to put together. In editing, you don’t. In fact, you can put it together any way you want. You are creating something ultimately that will be an image, a moving image with Kuleshov effect positioning and contrast. It’s just simply not the same at all. I can make anything I want out of editing. I cannot make anything I want out of a jigsaw. In fact, if I try and put this piece with that piece, and the box is like, “No, that’s not where we wanted you to put the old mill piece,” then I can’t, because jigsaws are crap. I reject your premise. I reject you. I may not ever visit Sydney now. Actually, I would love to go to Sydney. It looks beautiful.

**John:** Sydney’s great. We like Sydney.

**Craig:** It would be incredible. Also, I don’t reject you, Craig. You’re a Craig. I love you, Craig. You’re a Craig, which is different than Craig, but still, you’re a Craig from Sydney, and I love you.

**John:** While I greatly enjoy jigsaw puzzles, I will agree with Craig in that I don’t think the analogy really holds, because editing is not merely a visual puzzle. It’s really a narrative puzzle. It’s like, “How do I get this meaning to come across as a series of images and sounds that I can put together? How do I make this make sense?” Editing is much more like writing, which is just how to make these thoughts to actually cohere correctly in the receiver’s brain. I don’t think it’s a great analogy, honestly.

**Craig:** No, it’s not. Craig, I need you to work on your analogies, because you’re representing me in the land down under, unless you’re from Sydney, Ohio, in which case I don’t know what to say.

**John:** There’s a lot of Ohioans. Let’s talk about our main topic here, which is about stars. We’re going to title this episode No Stars, Please, but I want to make it clear that I’m not anti-actor, I’m not anti-celebrity, I’m not anti-star. We love movie stars. Movie stars are great. If it sounds like I’m crapping on anybody individually or collectively, certainly that is not my intention.

**Craig:** This feels setup-ish right here.

**John:** I want to talk about the fit of an actor and a role and why sometimes you don’t want a big star in certain roles.

**Craig:** That’s fair.

**John:** I think that is a thing you run into. I remember having a conversation with a casting director early on, maybe even for Go. We were trying to put the right people in the right spots. For international financing, we needed a big male star between 30 and 50 in the movie. There wasn’t a role for that person. It was going to break everything to try to do that. The casting director said, “Yeah, it’s so frustrating that people want to wedge somebody into a part which is going to actually be wrong for the movie.” Let’s talk about star, actor, role fit.

**Craig:** First question is not do we need a star, but should we have one. Everybody I think probably defaults to the belief that everybody wants a star, but there are certain situations where you really don’t. That in and of itself if a strange kind of alchemy where you ask yourself, given the nature of the work I’m doing here, whether it’s a television show or a movie, and the characters and the tone, would having a star in this role swamp everything? Would that person draw so much attention and focus to themselves that the souffle will collapse, and worse, will it puncture the tone we’re going for? Will it puncture the reality of what we’re trying to do?

There are levels of stars. There’s Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt, which they are luminous to the point of swamping everything around them. Brad Pitt was just in a movie where he… Bullet Train. Bullet Train! Great title. He’s on a train. He’s killing people. It’s like John Wick on a train. That’s great, but really if you had asked anybody, “Do you know that train movie?” they’d be like, “Oh, the Brad Pitt train movie,” not the anyone else train movie and not what the story of the train movie is, because he just… Honestly, you needed him for that. Otherwise, what was the point? What was the point of making that? You can’t make that movie with just a guy. Then there are things where you really have to avoid that phenomenon or it’s going to sink everything.

**John:** Let’s talk about the situations where you do want the star, where you do want the Brad Pitt in the role. How does having a star help? A lot of cases, it’s easier to get made because those stars attract money. You could make the movie Bullet Train at the budget you want with Brad Pitt in that role because everyone’s just like, “Oh, there’s a safety of having Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt will be able to open that movie. Brad Pitt can do the marketing for it,” and just what you said, “Let’s go see that Brad Pitt movie.” The title of the movie’s important, the concept of the movie’s important, the trailer’s important, but also that star is the anchor that you’re centering everything around. That’s a great reason to put that star in a role.

The other reason, maybe because they’re a terrific actor, because they are uniquely talented at being able to do that one thing. That’s why you want that star. It’s not just that they’re bringing their luminance, but what they’re good at is exactly what you need in that movie. That’s a great situation when you have both things happening at the same time.

**Craig:** There are also situations where… Let me stipulate, the number one reason you’ve mentioned, people are like, “Hey, we’re not making this unless we have a star,” because that’s the economics involved, but there are also times where you have a kind of story that requires a star, because you’re asking the audience to focus on and care about an individual for a long time.

When we were casting The Last of Us, we felt quite strongly that, unlike when we were casting Chernobyl, where we didn’t feel like we needed what we would call a star star, that we did need one for The Last of Us, because we were going to ask people to focus for so long on one man, and whereas with Chernobyl I felt like I wanted great actors, but there wasn’t a need for what they would call these bankable movie stars or anything like that, because that person would probably puncture the reality of being in Ukraine in 1986. That tonal thing is important.

This is another reason why you want to try and work with people that get it and have taste, because sometimes they do jam these things in, and it’s actually dead before it begins, because of miscasting, essentially.

**John:** Craig, before you brought up there’s levels of movie stars, let’s talk in a very rough sense about what we’d mean by those levels of movie stars. There’s these mega stars. There’s the Tom Cruises, the Will Smiths. There’s The Rock. They’re just these gigantic presences independent of the movie. You know who they are independent of all the roles they play.

**Craig:** They’re brands.

**John:** They’re brands. Weirdly, Leonardo DiCaprio, I would say, is that too, even though we don’t know a lot about Leonardo DiCaprio outside of his movie roles, because he doesn’t do a ton.

**Craig:** He’s iconic.

**John:** Iconic.

**Craig:** He’s an iconic actor. There are actors that are perfectly global. Everybody knows their name. We’re talking about billions of people. Billions of people now who Brad Pitt is. There aren’t that many of those people left, men and women, very few of them, because of the way we make things now. It’s just different.

**John:** For Aladdin, Will Smith was important. Could you have done Aladdin without Will Smith? Sure, you could’ve found somebody else who was great in that part, but Will Smith’s personality and his star presence was incredibly important to making Aladdin possible.

**Craig:** At that time.

**John:** At that time. At the time that we made Aladdin, you absolutely wanted Will Smith in that role. There’s another tier of actor, and I don’t mean tier in terms of quality, but that you recognize that person, but you’re not going to see that movie or see that series specifically for that person in most cases, so Ed Harris, Michelle Yeoh, Fantastic, Michael B. Jordan, any of the Chrises, like the Chris Pratts, the Hemsworths, the Chris Pines. They can be big stars, but they’re not iconic. They’re not going to drive everything.

**Craig:** I think I would make an argument that Hemsworth is now in that zone.

**John:** In a certain kind of role. Paul Rudd in a certain kind of role, yes, but Paul Rudd in a dramatic role, not so much.

**Craig:** It does depend on which thing you put them in. There are actors that are known for being brilliant and wonderful actors, but they don’t necessarily sell tickets. Selling tickets is not necessarily an indication of quality. It’s rare. When there’s this overlap of talent and selling tickets, that’s the holy grail. I think about Denzel Washington or Tom Hanks or Meryl Streep, where they sell tickets and they’re also great. That’s an even smaller subsection of huge stars.

There are incredible actors that are known, that do great work. That was actually kind of the fun when we were casting Chernobyl was just I had my dream cast. We got the dream cast. The dream cast was made up of three actors that were extraordinarily good. People did know their faces and their names, but they weren’t necessarily movie stars or anything like that. They needed to be able to be subsumed by the context, as opposed to overpowering it. There are incredible people like that.

It’s a really important thing to think about when you’re putting your movie together, you’re writing your script. Is this the kind of thing where you do in fact need that big wattage mega star, or will you be better off looking at people that aren’t about the wattage, but rather about, say, the quality?

**John:** We’ve been talking about movies and people who can open on opening day weekend, but TV is also a factor. Sometimes you want a recognizable person, and sometimes you don’t. I thought that casting Pedro Pascal in The Last of Us was really smart, because the people who want to like that show are going to know who Pedro Pascal is. A lot of other people who are going to watch that show really don’t know who Pedro Pascal is, because they’re not that familiar with Game of Thrones, they didn’t see him in Wonder Woman. He’s just the right size of star for that part. I’m sure that went into your consideration for him.

**Craig:** Yeah, and I think he’s about to be in a much bigger one because of the work he does in the show. He is a star. He has the star thing, which is you have to stare at him. He does that thing. He is widely known. It’s interesting, Mandalorian is such a strange show for him, because he doesn’t show his face for 98% of it. Having made a show now with Pedro, the thought of making a show with that face and not showing it just seems crazy, because it’s the best face.

You’re right, he was exactly the right thing. He was the right guy for us. I don’t think we could’ve done better for all sorts of reasons. We knew that we needed somebody that was a real star. Just the center of this thing had to have that in it, not only to hold your attention across many episodes about a man, but also to signify to people that this was quality.

That’s the other thing is when stars do things, there is a kind of imprimatur. There’s a stamp, because they get sent everything. Pedro Pascal is asked to be in 4,000 things, and Brad Pitt’s asked to be in 12,000 things and da da da. When they make a choice finally, you think, “Brad Pitt agreed to be in Bullet Train. This is probably pretty good.” That actually matters.

**John:** Agreed. A bit of a sidebar here, because you’re talking about Pedro and having star quality. A question for you. Who is the most attractive celebrity, famous person you’ve ever seen in person? Megana, you can answer this question too if you have an answer.

**Craig:** That’s a really good one.

**Megana:** Craig can’t choose me.

**John:** You’re radio famous, Megana, so it’s really not going to be fair for the audience.

**Craig:** I like that Megana just hurdles between wildly shy and self-hatred and then just crazy confidence.

**John:** Love it.

**Craig:** There’s nothing in between.

**Megana:** The extremes.

**Craig:** Just the wild extremes. There’s somebody in my mind that I remember thinking was astonishingly beautiful in person, just hard to wrap my mind around how beautiful they were.

**John:** I have a very distinct answer to that.

**Craig:** Who’s your answer?

**John:** I was in London. This was doing notes on Aladdin. I was staying in a hotel. I was leaving the hotel. I walked past this woman, and I actually audibly gasped. She was so beautiful. I was just dumbstruck for a moment. I left, and then I realized, oh, that was Lupita Nyong’o. Lupita Nyong’o was in London to do press for Queen of Katwe. I’d seen many photos of her before, but seeing her in person… I guess she was probably also made up for the press junket. She was actually just an unearthly beauty. She was radiant in a way that I’ve not ever experienced before. Lupita Nyong’o is the person. Her beauty does translate to screen. I’ve seen her in a lot of other things, but wow, in person, she just knocks you down. I’ve heard the same thing about Julia Roberts in the day too. People would say that with her. In her presence, you’d be like, “Oh my god, this person.”

**Craig:** Here’s my answer. I saw both of these people in person for the first and last time the same night. It was at the premier of Huntsman: Winter’s sequel. Charlize Theron-

**John:** I’ve heard that.

**Craig:** … and Chris Hemsworth individually are so beautiful, it’s hard to understand how they’re here. How does that happen? It’s hard to not feel like, “Oh wow, if I looked like that… ” I know I’m not supposed to beat myself up or anything. I’m not Chris Hemsworth. If I did the Chris Hemsworth workout, I would still be so far from Chris Hemsworth. That’s kind of crazy. Charlize, jeez, man.

**John:** I’ve definitely heard that about her.

**Craig:** Tall. She’s all Charlize-y.

**John:** Megana, have you encountered any celebrities in person that you’re like, “Oh my god, that person.”

**Craig:** Yeah, but other than me.

**Megana:** I haven’t run into that many celebrities, but I did pass Andrew Garfield on the street outside 101 Coffee Shop in Hollywood. I was like, “Whoa, that guy had a really cool vibe.” Then I realized it was Andrew Garfield.

**Craig:** Nice. Well spotted. That guy has an interesting quality about him. It’s amazing.

**John:** Now that we’ve talked about what star quality is, let’s talk about the kinds of roles you might slot these people into, because that’s really where things break down. Roughly, I’ll say there’s three levels of roles. There’s your principals, so that’s your hero, your villain, the people who are going to have a lot of screen time. They’re going to be driving the action. You have your supporting roles. You have the spouse, the friend, the boss, the commander, people who have multiple scenes, but they’re not so crucial to everything.

Then you have barely-theres. You have your waiters, your assistants, cashiers, your neighbors. Where I find I can take it out of the movie is when you have somebody who has that star quality wattage or is just legitimately famous, and they’re in one of those supporting roles, your barely-theres. You’re like, “Why is this person here? What is that person doing in that role?” It does throw everything out of whack.

**Craig:** There is a reasonable and warranted technique of putting a very high wattage star in a small cameo part, because whatever it is that they’re playing needs instant gravitas. When somebody finally shows up, everybody’s been talking about the boss, and then the boss shows up, and you’re like, “Oh my god, it’s Tom Hanks. We get it. No wonder they’re all worked up about him.” If some guy shows up, then you don’t feel as anchored in. Generally speaking, actors of that quality and wattage, they’re not going to show up unless it’s something like that. They sense as well as anyone what their value is. That in and of itself feels like it would be exhausting to just be aware of your own value and think about it all the time. At least as writers, we can just come and write stuff and then go home. Nobody sees our face.

**John:** Craig, I want to try to distinguish between two different things you’re describing there, because there’s a cameo, which I feel like is a self-limiting scene, where it’s clearly like, oh, this character’s going to show up and do their little bit, and we’re not expecting them to ever come back. It feels self-closing. Matt Damon shows up in the Thor movies playing a pudgy version of Thor. That feels deliberately self-limiting. Or Melissa McCarthy also shows up in Love and Thunder. You know that is a cameo.

**Craig:** Fun.

**John:** It has an entry point, an exit point. It’s fun. The other thing you’re describing reminds me of Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross, where they’re talking about he’s going to show up, and then Alec Baldwin shows up and does one scene, does incredibly well, just knocks it out of the park, and leaves. You needed somebody with that stature in that part. It was crucial.

**Craig:** Alec Baldwin was not actually a huge star at that time.

**John:** I guess you’re right.

**Craig:** What he had was star power. They needed somebody to essentially start that movie as a human manifestation of an angry Old Testament God to lay down the law, establish the tone, and then leave. All the wreckage in his wake is where the drama is, and you needed somebody to just hold the center of it. This was an actor who had to intimidate Ed Harris, had to intimidate Jack Lemmon, had to intimidate Alan Arkin, these great actors, put them in their place, knock them down. You need somebody who can hold that position. If they don’t, you won’t buy it. Again, it’s all a souffle. Everything is so delicate. There are a hundred ways for it to go wrong and really generally one or two ways for it to go right. That is the terrifying part of casting. Every time you cast somebody, you might be ruining things. That’s the scary part.

**John:** It also plays into audience expectations. There’s a well-known story, which may be apocryphal. Ed O’Neill, between Married with Children and Modern Family, he’s a very good actor. He’d be cast in non-comedic roles. Everyone would be like, “I don’t believe him at all,” or they’d laugh when they see him, because it’s like, “Oh, he’s Al Bundy. He’s supposed to be funny.” When he’s not being funny, that’s a problem. That’s a limitation for an actor. It’s frustrating for them, but also, you as the person who has to make the movie, you got to know what those expectations are going to be of the audience.

It’s one thing if you’re casting Melissa McCarthy in Can You Ever Forgive Me, because she is the center of that movie. Everyone that sits down to watch the movie knows that it’s not a funny part and that she’s playing something different than what you’d usually see. If Ed O’Neill shows up as a judge in a drama, it’s going to throw you for a bit.

**Craig:** I think that that has changed somewhat. It used to be much worse. Typecasting was a real thing. Now I feel like people actually look forward to these switch-ups. Ed O’Neill is a terrific actor. He’s older. As actors age, sometimes they just get less interested in doing a lot of stuff, and they just do fewer things. The great Gene Hackman just retired. He didn’t want to do it anymore. A few years ago, he was like, “I’m done.”

Tom Hanks was always the example of the guy that somehow magically was able to start his career on a sitcom where he was cross-dressing to get into farcical situations. Then a few years later he’s in Philadelphia, and you’re like, “How the hell did this even happen?” because he was just that good. Also, there was just a humanity there that crossed back and forth. Again, some people have it. I think nowadays, it’s a little easier. I think people kind of like it. I think they like watching people go back and forth. There’s something exciting about it.

I would say to anybody that’s making a drama to heed well the words of the great Vince Gilligan, who said that he just makes a practice of casting funny people in not funny parts, because funny people are the best. They just have this remarkable sense of drama and humanity. That’s why Vince Gilligan, a genius, truly a genius, I don’t use the word often, cast Bryan Cranston, the dad-

**John:** From Malcolm in the Middle.

**Craig:** … from Malcolm in the Middle, a sitcom, an Ed O’Neill part, in the most wonderful, dramatic part in Breaking Bad. It’s why he then took Bob Odenkirk, and he elevated him. It’s just what he does. He’s so smart about that. It is remarkable. Funny people are the best people, I will say.

**John:** The last example I’ll put up is just casting somebody who the minute they show up, you’re expecting them to be more important to it. Heartstopper is a Netflix show that I thought was delightful. Olivia Colman plays one of the boys’ moms. She’s great. She’s lovely, a flawless performance, but it throws you a bit, because you’re just like, “Wait, that’s Olivia Colman. She can do more than that. Why is she only doing this stock mom role?” We did interviews where she talks about why she wanted to do it. I totally get it. I do wonder if casting somebody else in that part would’ve actually been a better choice, because I cannot watch the scenes with her and not think, “Oh, that’s Olivia Colman.” I wonder if a better choice might’ve been to put somebody else in there who did not have that stature.

**Craig:** That’s the weird math you have to do, where you go, “Okay, this person puts out this much light and heat. This role requires this much light and heat.” If there’s too much, then it’s going to break things. It’s tricky. It’s hard, because when you’re putting things together, if someone says, “You’re not going to believe this, but Olivia Colman read the script, and she wants to play the mom,” who’s going to be like, “No.”

**John:** That’s exactly the point. No one’s going to say no. Of course. It’s great.

**Craig:** That’s the tricky part.

**John:** Let’s wrap this up by saying a reminder. There’s a reason why stars are stars sometimes. They actually have these magical abilities to just inspire us to look at them and pay attention to them. That’s why you want them in those principal roles a lot of times, because they’re just so good. Sometimes we’ll identify folks who are not even famous yet, but like, “Oh, you’re going to be famous.”

I think I’ve said this on the podcast before. Josh Holloway came in to audition. He played Sawyer on Lost. He came in to audition pre-Lost for this one show I was doing. He was completely wrong for the part, but I said in the room, “This is not the role for you, but Jesus, you are a star. I can absolutely tell you’re going to be a thing who’s going to break out.” He was really nice about that and said thanks and left the room. I was right.

Some people just have that ability. You want those people in those principal roles or smaller roles where they can actually expand and maybe they can steal some stuff. Once they’re famous, you don’t want to stick them in places where even though they might have the skills to play that role, they’re just going to break your movie or your show.

**Craig:** They’re going to break your thing. What it comes down to, since everybody listening has access to all the stars, just be careful about which stars you choose.

**John:** We have all these listener questions that say like, “Hey, so this megastar wants to be in movie. Should I let him be in the movie?”

**Craig:** No.

**John:** The answer is yes.

**Craig:** No.

**John:** No, absolutely not. You’re not allowed in this movie.

**Craig:** Brad Pitt for that? I don’t know. I didn’t meet Brad Pitt. Once I stood next to Brad Pitt. Have you ever met Brad Pitt?

**John:** I think I shook his hand.

**Craig:** I never shook his hand. I was at the AFI Television, whatever the hell it was. I don’t know. It’s called the AFI Celebrates. It’s the best event. It’s better than all the awards shows, because nobody wins anything. It’s just like, “Here’s 10 things we liked. We love all of you.” You feel great. Brad Pitt was there. I was standing near him while he was talking to somebody, and I was so aware of my proximity to Brad Pitt. I had a para-social relationship with Brad Pitt.

**John:** How can you not?

**Craig:** How can you not?

**John:** The women he’s been with and the career he’s had and the stars, it’s a lot.

**Craig:** It’s a whole thing.

**John:** Our next topic is a Megana suggestion. Megana, help set us up here. You want to talk about committing to an idea and its execution by staying flexible. What are you thinking here?

**Megana:** Yes, I did. Craig, do you watch The Bachelorette?

**Craig:** You know. That’s a setup. Now you set me up. You know I don’t watch that.

**Megana:** You’re watching this season, right?

**Craig:** You know I don’t watch The Bachelorette. You know that. Is it a television show?

**Megana:** It is a television show.

**Craig:** Then you know I don’t watch it.

**Megana:** It’s a reality dating show. It starts off with a lead, the single woman, and she has 30 contestants.

**Craig:** Of course.

**Megana:** By the end, she whittles them down to one, and they propose to her.

**Craig:** Then they abuse the institution of marriage, yeah.

**Megana:** Exactly. We’re in the later weeks of this season. The Bachelorette has several contestants. She’s like, “Maybe I’ll marry Jason, or maybe I’ll marry Eric, or I’m also in love with Johnny.”

**Craig:** She sounds terrible. Go on.

**Megana:** I’m on my couch, locked in, committed to one of these men and devastated when they go.

**Craig:** Aw.

**Megana:** I was watching it, and I was like, “Maybe I’m over-committing.” Then I was reading a notes email, and I was like, “I think this also shows up in my writing, perhaps, the impulse to take an idea and just death grip onto it.” I was hoping that you guys could talk about staying nimble, being open, but also, I don’t know, moving forward.

**Craig:** I get it.

**John:** I get that too. Let’s put it in the context of notes, because a lot of times when you get notes, an instinct will be to seize up and protect and defend, rather than say, “Okay, I get what they’re saying. This is another way I could go. This is another way I could go.” If you are too flexible and too nimble, you will not actually have the drive to finish a thing and not be able to complete it, because you would take every note. Over-flexibility can be a problem, but rigidity is not good for a writer either. Craig, how do we balance this?

**Craig:** I think haphazardly and clumsily and with great potential for error. This one goes actually to the heart of what is most miserable I think about what we do, Megana. There was a talk I gave years ago. I can’t even remember to whom it was. They were asking me to talk about creativity. I brought up this example that I think about all the time. I’ve been thinking about it since I was a kid. You guys I assume have read The Little Prince.

**John:** Oh yeah, of course.

**Craig:** Classic.

**John:** Saint-Exupery.

**Craig:** Saint-Exupery, classic children’s book. The Little Prince begins with this foreword where he is talking about his own childhood, the author, Antoine de Saint-Exupery. He is talking about how he drew a picture as a young person. The picture was the snake that had eaten an elephant. When he would show it to the adults, the adults would look at it and say, “That’s a hat,” because the snake was roughly hat-shaped, because the elephant was inside of it, if you can imagine. He was like, “No, you idiots. It’s an elephant inside a snake. Why can’t they see?” Then he meets the Little Prince, this Jesus-like child figure from the stars above. He shows the Little Prince the picture that he drew. The Little Prince says, “Oh, that’s an elephant inside of a snake.” He goes, “Aha, you see, children can see these things.”

I was a child, and I was like, “No, MF-er, that’s a hat. You cannot put that on people. It’s a hat. It’s a hat. It’s not their fault. You cannot blame the audience because they didn’t Jesus their way into your head and see the beauty of the elephant inside the snake. It’s not their fault.”

What he was putting forth was something that I do admire in people, which is this artistic confidence and self-assurance. “I’m not the problem. You’re the problem. I am committed to this elephant inside the snake. I will meet somebody that gets it. Then that person and I will go on to make great things,” or in the case of the Little Prince, the Little Prince will die. Then Saint-Exupery will also die. Regardless, I have always had the opposite issue, which is I’m so panicked that people will think it’s a hat, and then the first person says it’s a hat, I’m like, “Oh god, it’s no good.”

It’s unfortunately one of those things that is a dichotomy you have to navigate. The only advice I can give you or anybody is to just be aware if you feel like you’ve gone too far in one direction. That’s all I can say. You don’t want to be the person that just changes everything all the time. It’s impossible to write things if you’re not committed to them. As John says, if you’re too rigid and you get stuck, you just are incapable of either improving it or recognizing that everybody will look at it and say, “That’s a hat.”

**John:** Megana will know that there’s a project that I’m in discussions to write that is very complicated and has a lot of moving parts and pieces and people involved. A thing I’m reminding myself at all times is that I need to be flexible and not over-commit to one way of doing a thing because of all the different people involved.

What I can do is commit to a vibe, like, “This is the feeling of the movie that I wish to make here. This is what I want. This is the vision for what I have that’s going to happen.” I cannot be, at this point, too specific about which elements will make it through, what is the actual plot, story, beats, how does it all fit together, because of just the people involved. I need to be able to be incredibly open and embracing all these different things, and at some point synthesize this down to a place where I can say, “Let’s do this,” and we will all hopefully agree on what this is. Even in that, even as I deliver them a draft, I will have to say, “Now if that is not going to meet the needs of everybody else here, I’m going to have to be flexible to do the next thing.” At every point, I need to be true to the vision for the overall movie that I want to do rather than this plot sequence is how I want to get there.

My most frustrating moments as a writer over the course of my career have been those times where I held on too strongly to one thing I wanted to defend in my project and lost sight of the overall goal of getting this to be a movie that got made in a certain way or had a certain kind of feel. At every stage, you have to be both committed to the overall vision, but flexible in how you’re going to get there.

**Craig:** That’s absolutely true. That’s the scariest part, because you describe the nightmare scenario is you cling too hard to a thing, you lose sight of the big picture, and the whole thing dies. I think it was the line that they put on the poster for Pet Sematary, “Sometimes dead is better.” There are certain circumstances where the things you would have to do to bring it all to life would not be worth bringing it to live, because once it’s alive, everybody will look at it and be repelled in horror, because people don’t know what they want. They think they know what they want, but they don’t know what they want.

I always felt like when you do test screenings for movies and such, you should get all of your data, ask all the questions, have them fill out the forms, but then also a week later, do it again, not the viewing, but just come back to all those people and just say, “Do the forms again,” because sometimes it takes people time to figure out that they either love or hate something. You won’t know unless you check. You may put something out there that in its horrible form presses enough for an hour, but then everybody settles in and hates it. Sometimes dead is better.

I guess, Megana, the difficult answer is that there is no answer other than to say if you feel yourself drifting hard right or hard left, head towards the center. Don’t give up the notion of committing to something. It’s really important. I don’t know how you write something without it. You have to be able to commit and then divorce yourself and then remarry and divorce and remarry and divorce and remarry, just like you do in your real life.

**John:** To bring it back to The Bachelorette, maybe the overall vision would be this young woman sees herself married to a fantastic man and having a life ahead, and she’s not committing to which of these men it’s going to be quite yet, but she wants to make sure she stays true to that vision. She’s not going to pick a guy who’s not going to be able to get her there. Is that a fair way of thinking through the decision process?

**Megana:** I think that that’s right. Right now, we’re at the point where it’s like whoever wants to propose to them, they’re going to pick, because that is what the vision is.

**Craig:** So weird.

**John:** So weird.

**Craig:** I swear to God, these shows. John, as a gay man living in a country where there was not gay marriage, when you watch these shows, are you just like, “You sons of bitches. I’m over here in a water shortage, and you people are just having water balloon fights all day long on this show called Let’s Waste Water.”

**John:** Yeah, it was largely frustrating. That’s part of the reason we were involved in the lawsuits we were involved in to try to get marriage equality to happen. I think we’ve talked about this on the show before. They’ve tried to make the gay Bachelor, and it just doesn’t work, because everyone can just hook up with everybody else. It just doesn’t work.

**Craig:** That’s going against the best part of being gay, as far as I can see from the outside. That’s the part I yearn for the most and will never have.

**John:** Megana, we have a question from Joe in Rancho Cucamonga. Anybody from Rancho Cucamonga moves to the top of the queue.

**Craig:** Rancho Cucamonga.

**Megana:** Joe says, “I just got hired to rewrite a script for an indie thriller. It’s technically my first paid gig, and I’m really excited for the opportunity.”

**John:** Hooray, Joe.

**Craig:** Nice job.

**Megana:** “Meanwhile, I have two scripts in development with a big producer and two other projects that my manager is trying to set up at different companies. My question is, in the unlikely but totally awesome scenario that I sell all of these in the immediate future, how should I go about managing my time to actually write them? Two are currently outlines, while the other two would be rewrites. How do I prioritize which scripts get written first? Is it common to tell people that I’m already working on a script and you have to wait? Would I be in danger of not selling them because I’m too busy? Or could I just block out certain periods of time and say these eight weeks are for this script, and these next eight weeks are for that script? These are First World problems to have, for sure, but in the case I’m confronted with this reality, I’d love some guidance on how to navigate these awesome waters.”

**Craig:** Awesome waters.

**John:** Awesome waters.

**Craig:** That’s a good name for a water park.

**John:** That is one of my favorite theme parks.

**Craig:** Awesome Waters in Rancho Cucamonga. Thursdays, water slide free.

**John:** Joe has an imaginary problem. I’m guilty of this a lot. I’ll catastrophize ahead and think, “Oh, what if all this stuff happens.”

**Craig:** What if the Oscars and the Nobel Prize ceremony are in the same night?

**John:** There are real situations where I’ve been on two things at the same time. It’s challenging. I have to level with people. I was working with Spielberg on a thing, and I was working on a Charlie’s Angels thing. There was too much stuff that was happening simultaneously.

It’s actually rare. The reason why it’s rare is that you can set up to do a rewrite, you could do this other thing, but the way the deals come out and how the timing happens, it’s rare that you’re going to be stuck on two things, and Joe, in your situation, that you’re going to be stuck on two things at the same time, and where you’re going to have to schedule your time so carefully. Your overall plan of, “This eight weeks will be this, and that eight weeks will be this,” it’s going to work out for you in most cases. Craig, what do you think?

**Craig:** I had something lined up that needed to be written after the thing that I was writing for 27 years now. I have had moments where I was a little panicky and saying to my representatives, “Oh god, yes, I want to do that, but this and that.” They’ve always said the same thing, which was, “It’ll work out.” It always works out. It always does.

There was one time where I got yelled at by a producer who was angry that he had to wait four weeks for something. I called the studio, and I said, “Look, I just got yelled at by this guy. I thought I was clear about how this works and all the rest of it. I’m trying to do a good job. I want to do a good job. The people that I’m working for right now would be very upset, just as you would be upset, if I suddenly just stopped working on their thing.” The studio said, “Don’t worry about that guy,” because I guess he was an idiot. Other than that, everybody just understands.

I would say, Joe, it’s not a problem to be in demand. If you say to people… Rather, your representatives. Hopefully you are well represented. You say your manager, so I’m annoyed, but fine. Your manager can just say, “Yeah, you got to wait. He’s in demand.” That just makes people want you more, generally. No one is going to say, “Oh my god, I want to buy this script, but oh god, I got to wait seven weeks for you to be able to rewrite it? No, then I don’t want to buy it.” Of course not. You know how long it takes to just buy things anyway? It will work out. Stuff will work out.

As you go on in your career, if it develops and you are doing well, you will end up in places where sometimes you do have to say no because of your own schedule. That’s annoying, but what you don’t want to be is somebody that says yes to something that you know you just are not able to responsibly do in a reasonable amount of time. Don’t do that. Other than that, it’ll all work out.

**John:** The only situations where the time really matters is production or very close to production, where they absolutely need this thing next week, or else everything’s going to fall apart. In those situations, I’ve had things where on a given day, I’ve had to work on three different projects. That is tough. That context switching is tough. You can do it. It’s really rare. It’s such a high-class problem to have, because you’re generally being paid really well for those situations. Don’t worry about it, Joe.

**Craig:** Don’t worry about it.

**John:** You’ll be fine.

**Craig:** You’ll be fine. Nobel Prize, Oscar, same night.

**John:** Megana, another question.

**Megana:** Haley wrote in and said, “I have a pitch to a production company coming up. I’m one of four writers pitching on the project. The pitch to the head of the company will be via Zoom. The creative executives have asked if it’s all right to record it. I’m reading the pitch off a detailed written document. If it’s recorded, doesn’t that function effectively as a leave-behind of the unpaid work I’ve done? Can I say, ‘No, sorry, that’s against the Guild’s No Writing Left Behind policy?’ or am I at a disadvantage against the other writers if I decline?”

**Craig:** This is actually a very interesting copyright discussion that involves the difference between a recorded performance and writing. First of all, Haley, I’m a little concerned that you’re reading a pitch off a detailed written document. That just sounds like the most boring way to pitch something ever. Side note, you didn’t ask me for my advice on that, but don’t do that. Don’t do that. Don’t read the pitch off the detailed written document. Pitch it. Pitch it like you know it. Pitch it like you care pitch your passion. That’s what we always say here, pitch your passion.

That said, no, if it is recorded, if you did in fact read the pitch off a detailed written document, what they have is a recording of a performance of something you’ve written. That does not give them the rights to the thing you’ve written. Writing is a literary material in fixed form. It is not a performance. If I go to Hamilton and I film it on my phone, which I should not be allowed to do, I don’t own that recording, nor do I own Hamilton. No, it’s not writing. Writing is literary material as the Guild defines it. That said, I just wouldn’t do it, because it sounds boring.

**John:** Megana will testify that-

**Craig:** Testify.

**John:** I went out with a pitch. We pitched to a bunch of different places. During the Zoom, I keep my notes up to the top of the screen, and so I’m keeping eye contact. It feels really spontaneous. As Megana was the person who had to advance the slides in the Zoom, she will-

**Craig:** Testify.

**Megana:** John is a very good actor. It always felt very spontaneous. I felt very betrayed when I saw the actual document.

**John:** She saw the actual document, but she also recognized that I was giving the exact same performance on every one of these things. Really, I should’ve just recorded it once and hit play for that, because it was exactly the same thing. Then of course the Q and A’s and all the other stuff like that were all unique discussions and vibrant. I get what Haley’s describing, because you end up giving a performance that is kind of scripted to these people, which always was the case in pitches also. It’s just that now on Zoom, you can actually look at your document and it doesn’t feel like cheating.

**Craig:** Looking at a document, notes, and all the rest of it, this is a separate thing about what’s an interesting way to pitch something, totally fine to do. Zoom allows you to do that, whereas once when you were in rooms, they could tell. That’s perfectly fine. Straight reading off of a detailed written document just sounds terrible.

**John:** Don’t do it.

**Craig:** Either way, whether they record your performance, however you perform it, no, that’s not writing. That is not writing at all.

**John:** Let’s do our One Cool Things. Craig, I see you have a One Cool Thing who is an actor.

**Craig:** Yes, my One Cool Thing is one cool person. We had the Emmy’s, John. Did you watch the Emmy’s or were you watching Monday night football?

**John:** I watched one frame of the Emmy’s.

**Craig:** Oh, because you were watching Monday night football, of course.

**John:** I’m 100% about all that American football.

**Craig:** You called it American football.

**John:** I did. For our international listeners, I called it American football.

**Craig:** It’s amazing how you can do that even when you’re not trying to do it. It’s incredible. Lots of wonderful stuff went on at the Emmy’s in terms of the shows. Lots of good choices were made. White Lotus, big winner. Mike White, big winner. Also winning for White Lotus for Best Supporting Actor in a Limited Series, the great Murray Bartlett.

**John:** Terrific Australian actor.

**Craig:** Wonderful Australian actor. He’s been around for a long time doing wonderful work in Looking and Tales of the City. He was amazing in White Lotus as Armond the hotel manager who, if you have not seen the show, I won’t tell you how it all ends for him, because it’s remarkable. His fellow countrymen of course refer to him as Murray Bartlett. He’s also wonderful as Frank in the upcoming HBO series The Last of Us. He’s the nicest guy in the world, by the way, and a terrific actor.

**John:** Seems like he should be.

**Craig:** He’s wonderful. Seeing wonderful, lovely people win, especially in Hollywood, is just so gratifying. He’s so lovely. I was just thrilled for him. I was also thrilled for Melanie Lynskey. Even though she did not win, she was nominated for Best Actress in a Dramatic Series, I believe. She is also a terrific human being.

**John:** Agreed.

**Craig:** She’s from New Zealand, so really, this is about that whole area.

**John:** I’m going to keep the tradition going, because my One Cool Thing also involves an Australian.

**Craig:** Oh, good.

**John:** An Australian megastar. Yeah, big star. Nicole Kidman. My One Cool Thing is actually the David Mack article for Buzzfeed that goes into the backstory of how the AMC Nicole Kidman ad came to be. Somehow, heartbreak feels good in a place like this, Craig.

**Craig:** Can I just confess something? I saw this, and I was like, “This seems reasonable.” I thought it was pretty cool. It was a nice ad for returning to the movie theaters. Was it eager? Yes.

**John:** Was it a little earnest? Yeah.

**Craig:** It was earnest and eager.

**John:** As a person who’s often eager and earnest, I can completely appreciate that. Through repetition, it became a meme. If it had just been out there for a week, it would’ve vanished, but the fact that it kept playing and kept playing, it became a cultural meme. This David Mack article digs into the history of that, including the involvement of Billy Ray, one of our previous Scriptnotes guests, who’s one of the writers on that advertisement.

**Craig:** Was he really? I didn’t know that.

**John:** Yes. I thought he directed it. Apparently, he did not direct it, but he did some of the writing on that. Now that I know that, it feels some Billy Ray-ness to it, in the sense of just it is earnest in a way that I sometimes associate with Billy Ray.

**Craig:** I thought it was very nice. I thought it was very sweet, very nice. Nicole Kidman is remarkable. That’s another megastar, by the way. So much wattage there. I guess it seems like this world around the Nicole Kidman thing has been somewhat with it. It’s not making fun of it as much as enjoying it with it. Any time I feel like drag queens are doing parody versions, it means that it’s beloved.

**John:** It’s like the boy who loves corn.

**Craig:** I love the boy who loves corn. It’s corn.

**John:** It’s corn. It’s specific, and it just feels like a great moment of public performance. Anyway, check out this David Mack article, which I thought did a nice job of explaining the phenomenon of it.

**Craig:** I think it’s great. I think it’s great. Sometimes just lack of cynicism is a lovely thing.

**John:** I agree 100%. Finally on the show, if you’re listening to this on Tuesday, October 20th, when this came out, we are now deep enough into the podcast that the Kickstarter for Writer Emergency Pack XL should now be live.

**Craig:** Live!

**John:** Craig can click through the little link there to see. Longtime listeners will know that back in 2015, my little company did the original Writer Emergency Pack. It was a deck of cards designed to help get your story unstuck. Back then, we hoped to print 100 of them. We ended up printing 8,000 of them to ship them to backers-

**Craig:** That’s a lot.

**John:** … and 8,000 to classrooms across the country. I think, Craig, you described it as the Toms shoes strategy of give one, get one. For every pack we sent out to backers, we sent one to a classroom. They’re now in classrooms all over the country, which has been great, but we want to do a bigger, better version of them. This is the version that Aline always wanted us to do, which is putting all the information for the cards on one side, so it’s a physically bigger deck. It’s a tarot-sized card deck.

**Craig:** That’s nice.

**John:** It’s good. We got brand new artwork, a new hard box that will last longer. If you would like one of these, and you live in the US or Canada, back us on Kickstarter, because we will be sending them out to you soon. I think they turned out really, really well.

**Craig:** What is the material that you use for the cards? Is it a plastic, or is it a paper?

**John:** It is a paper. One of our goals in this version of the project is to really lower our environmental footprint, our carbon footprint. We are using certified paper. The box is proudly cardboard, shipboard. Even our packaging materials are 100% recyclable and compostable. We want to make sure this thing is durable and lasts, but when you’re done with it, it’s not going to stick around for a thousand years.

**Craig:** Put it in your compost pile.

**John:** That’s what you can do. I can’t promise you that it’s compostable, but I think it probably will be.

**Craig:** That’s not a great slogan for a new product. “You can throw it out.”

**John:** “Probably compostable.”

**Craig:** “You can rot this.”

**John:** “This will eventually rot. Like all things, this will disintegrate.”

**Craig:** I think that actually is a great slogan for this. “This is garbage.”

**John:** “One day, this too, like you, will rot.”

**Craig:** Will just be a loam, just a loamy soil.

**John:** This could be another Bonus topic, but let’s talk about burial at some point, because I am really opposed to corpse burial and casket burial.

**Craig:** So am I. It’s so stupid. I can’t believe we’re doing it. I can’t believe we put people in boxes and then put the box in the ground.

**John:** No, we don’t put the box in the ground. We put the box in a concrete vault in the ground.

**Craig:** Really? I thought it was just dirt.

**Megana:** What?

**John:** You cannot put a casket in the ground. You have to put a concrete vault in.

**Craig:** Wait, what?

**John:** Then the casket goes in the concrete vault.

**Craig:** No, but I’ve seen… What?

**John:** No, Craig, they’re lowering the casket down into a concrete vault they’ve already put there.

**Craig:** Wait, but why do I see dirt then?

**John:** Because they’re throwing dirt on top of it, but then they’re putting a lid on top of that before they throw all the other dirt in.

**Craig:** Really?

**John:** Yeah. In almost every jurisdiction in the US, you’re not allowed to just put the box.

**Craig:** Wow.

**John:** You have to put a vault.

**Craig:** Because you don’t want rotting bodies in the water table?

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** That makes sense. Everybody should be burned. Everybody. Burned instantly, by the way.

**John:** If you are as opposed to casket burial as I am, please back us on Kickstarter. The Kickstarter will be running for 30 days. We only need to hit $26,000 to send these things to people. I think we’ll hit that. I’m just really happy with them. We’ve been working on them for a long time.

**Craig:** Nice.

**John:** It’s good to finally get them out there in the world.

**Craig:** Congratulations. Hopefully, people do back that. Does this Kickstarter require this many people do it before it activates?

**John:** We have 30 days to hit our goal of $26,000.

**Craig:** Please.

**John:** I think we’ll hit that.

**Craig:** Of course.

**John:** We have to hit our goal. Beyond that, we can do stretch goals and things. We decided to limit it to only the US and Canada, because international shipping is not only financially expensive, but also the carbon footprint of that is a lot. If you are an international backer who wants one, hold still, because we will find partners to make them in other places so we’re not having to ship these things across oceans.

**Craig:** That makes total sense. Do you know what I would love?

**John:** Tell me what you’d love.

**Craig:** I would love for you to read some boilerplate.

**John:** Oh my god, I’m going to do it. Scriptnotes is produced by Megana Rao.

**Craig:** Yay!

**John:** It’s edited by Matthew Chilelli.

**Craig:** Oh my god, yes.

**John:** Our outro is by Adam Pineless. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also where you can send longer questions. For short questions on Twitter, Craig is @clmazin, I’m @johnaugust. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com, which is where you’ll find transcripts and sign up for our weekly-ish newsletter called Inneresting.

**Craig:** Inneresting.

**John:** Which has lots of links to things about writing. We have T-shirts.

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** They’re great. You can find them at Cotton Bureau. You could get the brand new Scriptnotes double S T-shirt up there now. We’re about to print a new batch of those. You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to record on Two Truths-

**Craig:** Two Truths-

**John:** … and a Lie.

**Craig:** … and a Lie.

**John:** Craig and Megana, thank you so much for a fun show.

**Craig:** Thank you.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** I’ve got a couple of these. I’ve got a couple different categories here.

**Craig:** Oh my god. So set up.

**John:** Megana, are you also going to do Two Truths and a Lie yourself?

**Megana:** I have some prepared, but I don’t need to do them, because I’m a terrible liar.

**Craig:** Come on.

**John:** I think you absolutely have to do them.

**Craig:** John, you’re saying you have four truths and two lies?

**John:** No, I’m saying I have three different categories. I have nine truths and lies.

**Craig:** Oh, god.

**John:** I broke them into categories. We’ll start with in high school.

**Craig:** So set up.

**John:** You have to think back to high school John.

**Craig:** High school John.

**John:** In high school, I was first chair clarinet in the Colorado All State Orchestra. In high school, I was bitten by a black widow spider. In high school, I competed in the World Championships in Future Problem Solving in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Two truths, one lie.

**Craig:** I have my choice.

**Megana:** I think I have mine too. You don’t want to discuss, Craig?

**Craig:** I’m happy to discuss. Let’s workshop this. My instinct is that the clarinet is a lie.

**Megana:** Yeah, mine too, because I feel like otherwise you would’ve been hearing him play the clarinet. First chair?

**Craig:** Also, I was the first chair clarinet in the, I should’ve used this as one of my things, the Staten Island All Borough Junior Orchestra when I was 12.

**Megana:** Do you recognize John as being first chair?

**Craig:** Don’t recognize clarinet. That’s right. I played the clarinet, and I played it well. It’s a part of my life that honestly I’ve almost forgotten, but it was there. I don’t recognize that. I don’t believe that. I think the black widow sounds like a lie, and therefore I believe it’s true. Also, he was scouting a lot.

**Megana:** Also, according to office lore, Nima tells a story about how John picked up a black widow spider by the hands and just waved it off.

**Craig:** That does sound like something a robot would do in defiance of nature and God.

**Megana:** Or that he’s already experienced and knows it’s not that bad.

**Craig:** It’s not good. Yes, I hear what you’re saying, that maybe he’s like, “Look, I’ve survived it once. I can survive it again.” Then the Ann Arbor thing, there are so many words. It’s so specific and weird.

**Megana:** I believe it.

**Craig:** It sounds like something he would do, a future problem solving conference.

**Megana:** We’re locked into clarinet?

**Craig:** I think we’re locked into clarinet.

**John:** You’re touching that card?

**Craig:** We’re touching it.

**John:** You are correct. Fascinatingly, you’re correct for the wrong reasons. This is a thing I just learned about you, Craig. I was first chair of the middle school, the junior high, first chair clarinet middle school, junior high All County, which is All Borough, Orchestra.

**Craig:** We were the same. Wow.

**John:** You and I both, we’re going to have a clarinet duo, clearly.

**Craig:** No, we’re not.

**Megana:** Wow.

**Craig:** That’s beautiful.

**John:** Here’s the thing.

**Craig:** Actually, let’s just take a moment and just recognize the beauty of life.

**John:** Weirdly, like you, I was really good at clarinet, and I realized at a certain point, I don’t care about being really good at clarinet. It is pointless to be good at clarinet.

**Craig:** I can’t believe anyone cares about being good at clarinet. I saw the LA Philharmonic. They ran Back to the Future at the Hollywood Bowl. The Philharmonic played the score along with it. It was fantastic. There are clarinetists in there, and they’re amazing.

**John:** They’re incredibly good.

**Craig:** How did that happen? At some point, did they not go, “What am I doing? Why am I playing this?” Clarinetists have a chip on their shoulder, because everyone’s like, “Oh my god, the oboe. The oboe, it’s so hard.”

**John:** By the way, the clarinet though is the heart of most of the sound you’re hearing.

**Craig:** Clarinet, it really is the unheard glue of everything. It really is. It’s the alto in the chorus.

**John:** We’re tuning the whole band to us, so yeah.

**Craig:** That’s right. The oboe is typically the one doing that.

**John:** If there’s an oboe, then you’ll take the oboe.

**Craig:** That’s the thing about oboists is that they’re dicks.

**John:** Because they have all that pressure in their head, because they’re having to squeeze through such a narrow thing.

**Craig:** Because they’re like, “I have two reeds. You only have one reed.” Oh, shut up. Shut up, oboists, with your two reeds.

**John:** Megana, when you come into the office later, I will play you a clarinet solo.

**Megana:** I look forward to it.

**Craig:** Playing the clarinet was… I don’t know, I was good at it. I don’t know why I was good at it, but I was.

**John:** I was good at it, because I practiced.

**Craig:** You know what, John? We had excellent embouchure.

**John:** We did. Craig, tell some truths and some lies.

**Craig:** They’re all about my childhood. I’m going to go back to early childhood. All of these things took place between the ages of 8 and 11. The first thing, I was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder related to hemophilia. The second thing was that I escaped a minor house fire. I define minor house fire as the house was not completely engulfed in flames. Third, I was hit by an automobile, a moving automobile I mean. I guess it would have to be moving if you were hit by it. I was hit by a car.

**John:** Megana, let’s talk through these. The blood disorder feels like, huh, that’s a strange thing for us to have never heard about.

**Megana:** Hear about, yeah.

**John:** Yet at the same time, it’s like, oh, but that feels-

**Megana:** It’s so specific.

**John:** I want to believe it. Hit by a car feels like it could happen a lot. People get hit by cars, and they’re all right. The house fire feels… Again, the specificity of it makes it tempting.

**Megana:** I think I’m going to go with the car. I bet that he was hit by a car later in his life.

**John:** I’m going to back you on car. Craig, we are touching the car story.

**Craig:** Guess who’s a better liar than you, John?

**John:** Is it Craig Mazin?

**Craig:** I was hit by a car, John.

**John:** Which was the lie?

**Craig:** The lie was house fire. I did not escape a minor house fire. There was no minor house fire. There was no house fire at all.

**John:** I think minor house fire is a really… That minor does a lot of work there. It’s so smart. Well done.

**Craig:** Thank you. I was diagnosed with this very strange blood disorder that they said I would eventually outgrow, and they were right. Basically, if you’re a hemophiliac, you’re missing this key blood factor. I think there’s 14 clotting factors or something. I was missing one of them that wasn’t the hemophilia one. For a while, when my teeth would fall out, it would just bleed and bleed and bleed.

**John:** Wow.

**Craig:** I needed to get my tonsils out, and they were like, “No, you can’t. You’ll die.” It didn’t really stop until I was in high school, and then it was okay.

**John:** Nice. I’m glad you’re okay.

**Craig:** Me too.

**John:** Megana.

**Craig:** Here we go.

**John:** Tell us some truths and some lies.

**Megana:** Do we have to categorize them?

**John:** No, you don’t have to.

**Megana:** One, the CIA tried to recruit me out of Harvard. Two, I have my doubts about the moon landing. Three, I ran the Boston Marathon when I was 19.

**Craig:** Let’s discuss, John, because there’s something I’m drifting toward, but maybe I’m being suckered here.

**John:** Being recruited by the CIA overall makes sense but also feels like everyone in Harvard probably is, and she could be taking a story from a friend who was recruited.

**Craig:** The CIA was certainly on the Princeton campus. Yes, you’re right. It’s the kind of thing that feels incredibly believable, and yet they may have just passed her by.

**John:** She has her doubts about the moon landing. She also kind of believes in some astrology things, so maybe.

**Craig:** I think the fact that she said some doubts is her Get Out of Jail Free card on that one.

**John:** Agreed.

**Craig:** Because I think if she said, “I don’t believe in the moon landing,” we’d all point our fingers and say, “That’s a lie, and also you can’t produce the show anymore.” If she has some sort of Megana-like doubts, because Megana slightly believes in ghosts… I think that one is actually believable. It’s distressing, but it’s believable.

**John:** Remind us of your third.

**Craig:** The marathon.

**John:** The marathon. She is a distance runner. She has run distance before. Boston Marathon I feel like is a hard one to get into.

**Craig:** She said she ran it or completed it?

**Megana:** I said I ran it when I was 19.

**Craig:** That implies complete. I think she might’ve been able to do that.

**John:** I think she might’ve been able to do that too. I’m going to say CIA is my-

**Craig:** I’m touching CIA card.

**John:** CIA.

**Megana:** Oh god, you guys are right. I so want it to be true though.

**Craig:** Of course you did.

**John:** You definitely had friends who were recruited by CIA.

**Megana:** Yeah, they were not at all interested in me.

**Craig:** Yeah, because you just seem so nice. You’re like, “I don’t want this misuse of intelligence.”

**Megana:** I have a lot of notes for them.

**Craig:** That’s weird that you wouldn’t want to support the CIA, Megana. Wow. Also, doubting the moon landing? Megana.

**Megana:** I said doubt. If you’re going to make me bet my life on a fact, I’m not going to choose that fact.

**Craig:** There are so many facts to choose from. I’m just saying, what are your doubts about the moon landing?

**Megana:** I have some YouTube videos I’m going to send you.

**Craig:** No, you don’t. You have them, but you’re not sending them.

**Megana:** I think the JFK speech like, “We’re going to go to the moon at the end of this decade,” incredible piece of rhetoric.

**Craig:** Yes, and also, they did it. They did it. Megana. Oh god, Megana, no. No.

**Megana:** We just had an amazing episode about visual effects. That’s all I’m going to say.

**Craig:** You know what? 1969, those visual effects were not there. No. Megana, for God’s sake, no. No. No. No.

**Megana:** No?

**Craig:** No.

**John:** Thank you for Two Truths and a Lie.

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** I think generally it’s used as an icebreaker to learn facts about strangers, but I learned something fundamental about Craig Mazin in this conversation. I can’t believe all these years, all these podcasts-

**Craig:** Same.

**John:** … that clarinet has never come up. I still have my clarinet.

**Craig:** Wow. You do?

**John:** I do. It’s a good old wooden clarinet.

**Craig:** Oh my god. Does it smell like that weird reed grease?

**John:** 100%.

**Craig:** Or the cork grease.

**John:** Cork grease, yeah.

**Craig:** Cork grease.

**John:** It looks like ChapStick.

**Craig:** It’s that smell. I can still smell it.

**John:** Oh, 100%. Love it. When you suck up the spit through the reed and-

**Craig:** Gross.

**Megana:** You guys have been popular for a really long time.

**Craig:** Nothing is as popular-

**John:** As a male clarinetist?

**Craig:** … as a male clarinetist. You’re right. Male clarinetists, so sexy.

**John:** Yeah, the best.

**Craig:** Oh, god.

**John:** Craig and Megana, thank you so much.

**Craig:** The shame of it all.

**Megana:** Thank you.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**John:** Bye.

**Craig:** Bye.

Links:

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* [A Year Ago, Nicole Kidman Tried To Save The Movies. She Had No Idea What Would Come Next.](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/davidmack/nicole-kidman-amc-ad) by David Mack for Buzzfeed
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* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Adam Pineless ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by [Megana Rao](https://twitter.com/MeganaRao) and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/567standard.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Episode 566: Not Controversial At All, Transcript

September 27, 2022 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2022/not-controversial-at-all).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August, and this is Episode 566 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the show we have the incredible Ashley Nicole Black filling in for Craig. She’s a writer, an actor, a producer, a dog mom. She’s everything you could hope to ever be. Welcome back, Ashley.

**Ashley Nicole Black:** Hello. I will try to fill in Craig’s shoes and talk about Chernobyl or something.

**John:** Yeah, and puzzles. Mention puzzles a lot. I think I emailed you about your incredible hosting of the WGA Awards a while back. I think it’s fantastic that you show up to this podcast still wearing that incredible dress. Just last night you were hosting on the Creative Arts Emmys. You were one of the presenters. Talk to us about that.

**Ashley:** Sam Richardson and I presented the awards to the makeup artists, one of my favorite parts of production, so I was very happy to do that. It was really fun. They make it really easy and fun, actually.

**John:** Now something like this, we were talking that there’s a New York version and an LA version, and we’re going to cut it all together. What was the process like being in there for this? How long did the Emmys take for you?

**Ashley:** I was actually surprised, and I don’t know why I was, because obviously, they do this every year, and it’s a very professional production. They have it so perfectly foolproof. Someone walks you exactly where you’re going to go. They point you exactly where to stand. There’s just no way to mess it up, which is really nice.

**John:** That’s great. Since you’re a guest on this podcast, I want to make it just as straightforward and simple, so I pitched some really light and breezy topics for you. I think we’ll talk about abortion, cultural appropriation, fan culture and critics, so just no sweat. This will be an easy, easy, breezy podcast for you.

**Ashley:** At least I don’t have to wear heels.

**John:** That’s the whole bonus. We’ll also ask you some TV questions, because you are the person who knows about television. In our Bonus Segment for Premium Members, let’s throw a party. I want to talk to you about entertaining at home in 2022.

**Ashley:** That’s my actual area of expertise, so this is going to be good.

**John:** I’m looking forward to it. Reminder to everybody that we have a live show coming up here in Los Angeles. We already emailed out to our Premium subscribers about first dibs on tickets. As we record this, I don’t know if there are any tickets left for the live show, but there will be a livestream. If you’re a person outside of Los Angeles or a person who didn’t get tickets and want to watch the livestream of the show, you can follow the link in the show notes to that. We’re so excited to have an audience, to be back in a theater telling jokes and hopefully learning about screenwriting. Please come to our live show, or at least virtually come to our live show when we throw that.

Other news, WGA West elections. Every year we elect new people to the WGA board. I know some of the incumbents. There’s also really good newcomers. We’re not going to do a normal Scriptnotes where we talk through all the candidates and who’s great and who’s not so great. They’re all kind of good, so I would just say read through the statements, pick people that you really like. Ashley, have you already voted?

**Ashley:** No, I’m not a member of WGA West. I’m a WGA East. I haven’t voted yet, because I feel like I don’t know a ton about the candidates, so I’m still figuring that out. I know which issues are important, but then you have to see which candidates agree with you. Still figuring it out.

**John:** Still figuring it out. As I look through the possibilities, I’m always just trying to make sure that I get diverse representation of different kinds of writer careers, because in our guild, we have screenwriters, we have television writers on series, we have comedy variety writers. We have a whole range of people. I want to make sure we have at least somebody in that room who knows all this background, so I’m trying to pick my candidates based on that. I always encourage people to look through the candidates’ statements, which are really good this year. Everyone do fill out your ballot and vote for your WGA West or your WGA East elections. We’ve stalled long enough, Ashley. Got to get to something challenging here.

Let’s talk about abortion. A group called Showrunners for Abortion Rights had a letter that went out that was asking the studios to clarify their policies on what they’re going to do to protect their crews and staff in states where abortion access is going to be increasingly restricted. I know this was a subject that was near and dear to your heart on one of our previous Scriptnotes. Your One Cool Thing was an abortion fund. This is something you’ve been thinking about since before this decision came down.

**Ashley:** Yeah, and it’s an interesting time that we’re in, because obviously, abortion has been a legal issue for so long, and now it’s, for us at least in entertainment, but I think for a lot of people, transitioned to be a workplace safety issue. I think that that’s the transformation that people are slowing wrapping their heads around, including our employers, that now you’re in a situation where if you’re sending employees to work in a different state, they have different access to health care based on where they’re working, and also different access to human rights, which is not a typical situation for a boss or an employer to be dealing with. We’re in an uncharted time right now.

**John:** Absolutely. As we talked about on the show before, Craig said maybe we shouldn’t be filming in states that have these abortion restrictions. I wanted to offer a point/counterpoint, two of our listeners who wrote in with emails talking about the two sides of that issue. Megana, if you can talk us through these two emails.

**Megana Rao:** Alex wrote in and said, “In Episode 561, Craig made a plea to stop working in states in which there are abortion bans and called out Georgia specifically. This isn’t the first time Georgia has faced boycotts, but I implore you to reconsider your public support for a boycott of the Georgia entertainment industry. I’m a Georgia-based writer and actor and a supporter of women’s rights and abortion access. This state and the entertainment industry here is full of women who are fighting on the front lines to keep abortion safe and available for women, especially those who are most vulnerable. I fail to see how a boycott of the Georgia entertainment industry would do anything but starve these brave women of resources and support to continue their fight. I believe your plea should be the opposite of a boycott, to instead flood the state with people and funding to help it flip fully blue and become a safe haven for women seeking abortions.”

**John:** This perspective on a boycott of Georgia is talking about the harm that was going to happen to the women who would otherwise be employed in the state in productions and such. It really is a thing to consider. We have moved so much film and TV production to Georgia that if you suddenly pull that out, what are the people who are trying to make their living there supposed to do? Ashley, what’s your feedback?

**Ashley:** And some people who moved there because Hollywood put so much production there. It’s like it really is you’re playing with people’s bottom lines there. It’s really tough. I don’t know the answer. I don’t know that there is one right answer. The one right answer is to have universal human rights in every state in the country. That’s not something Hollywood can make happen on our own.

It is really tough, because I do understand this person’s point that you’re saying in support of women’s rights, you’re abandoning the women in Georgia, but also at the same time, if you don’t do that, you’re asking women from other states to go to Georgia and be in a dangerous situation. There is no right answer, unfortunately.

**John:** Let’s listen to Erica’s perspective on this.

**Megana:** Erica says, “I wanted to add a point that a showrunner friend made to me. We’re not just discussing access to abortion here. I worked well into my pregnancies. If I’d been working on a set in one of those states and an emergent situation developed, like preeclampsia, ruptured placenta, the chances that I would receive the best possible care are severely diminished. Doctors in these states will not and cannot legally provide an abortion until a woman is actively dying, not even if the fetus is not viable. If there’s a heartbeat, the mother has to be actually dying, and then it may be too late, or she may have complications related to not being treated properly and quickly. Our childbearing colleagues are taking a risk when they take a job in these states. I don’t think any of us should have to turn down work we love and want to do because we’re afraid we may not get proper health care. I’m with you guys. We should pull out of states that fail to provide health care for women. I don’t think women should be calculating their life risk versus career benefit when taking a job as a writer, director, actor, or crew member.”

**John:** This is a lot of really good points on the other side here. Erica’s talking about if you are a person who could potentially get pregnant, you may decide not to even take that job because it’s in a state where you don’t feel safe working. That is not good for this individual person, but also for the industry. You’re not going to be able to get the people you want to get working on that production because they don’t feel safe there.

**Ashley:** They’re also making the point that the issue goes beyond abortion. It’s health care. There have even been stories in these states of people not being able to get their arthritis medication, because technically the arthritis medication could be used to cause an abortion or whatever. It’s not just women. It’s not just people who may need abortions. It’s really everyone is just going to have a lower standard of health care in this state. Some people may opt out of even taking those jobs. The people who would have to opt out are people who are already grossly underrepresented in our industry.

**John:** My suspicion is that we’re going to find coming out of this is a lot of showrunners and other people who have the authority to decide where they’re going to shoot. They may not publicly say that they’re avoiding Georgia or they’re avoiding Texas or a certain state for a reason, but they may just quietly not go there. I’ll be curious to see whether a year from now the number of productions is down or things have changed, not because people have actually made a statement saying this is the reason we’re not going there. It’s just because it’s just easier to not go to one of those states, which is sort of a soft boycott. It’s a boycott in all but name.

**Ashley:** I think that’s true. I think that’ll be true also outside of the work that we do. I can see college students. As a parent, do you want to send your student to a state where you know they won’t be able to get health care if they end up needing it? I think there’s going to be a soft divestment across the board. Politically it’s really scary for the states to become even more siloed from each other when people are not taking jobs and going to college in different states and moving around and becoming even more separate. It’s not a great path to go down, but I think it’s where we’ll be going.

**John:** When we had Liz Hannah on the show most recently, she was talking about the show she was filming. She was in I think Georgia for… It could’ve been North Carolina. She was outside of Los Angeles for a long time, and she became pregnant while she was there and was not revealing that she was pregnant. Her pregnancy was a big factor in this production that she was doing. It was nothing she could’ve anticipated. I just wonder whether a lot of people are going to be going into productions thinking, okay, maybe for something short, we can get in, get out, but for something that is 8 episodes, 10 episodes, it’s longer.

Craig and I did go back and forth a lot about are we going to go to the Austin Film Festival, are we contributing to policies we don’t like by going to the Austin Film Festival. We decided it’s probably better for us to go and go loudly. Again, it’s short. We’re in and we’re out. We’re not assuming any risk to ourselves or to people who might want to come to it. It’s all complicated. It’s all a factor. Until there’s universal agreement on what those rights should be, it’s going to be tough to sort out.

**Ashley:** It’s unfair that we as individuals are now all having to figure this out for ourselves. The whole point of democracy is that we have a government who makes safe choices for us as a group hopefully, and instead now we’re in this situation.

**John:** Let’s bring it back to where we started, which is the showrunners who are coming to the studio saying, “You need to tell us what your policies are going to be,” which is probably the middle ground here, which basically if you are going to have productions in these places, how are we going to make sure that not just writers but directors and actors and crew are going to be able to have their health care needs met if they’re in one of these states where abortion is prohibited, where there are going to be policies there that are going to be interfering with people’s ability to get the care they need.

To date, we haven’t gotten great answers back from a lot of the studios. That’s what the next round of pushing is, is trying to make sure there’s consistent policies for studios that’s not just ad hoc one production at a time.

**Ashley:** I think the studios maybe would’ve preferred not to take this on, but it’s like, unfortunately, this is what it is. If you’re asking people to travel for work, these are things that you have to think about. There’s also a lot of tricky legal issues in it for them. If some states are making it illegal to help someone obtain an abortion, if the studio does help you travel or whatever, then they’re legally liable. It is a very tricky issue. It will take time for them to figure it out, regardless of what their excitement level is to do it.

**John:** For sure. We have explored that topic. We got through it. Take a breath. Let’s do something much easier here. We have two questions about photos. Megana, can you help us out?

**Megana:** Michelle asks, “Months ago you all mentioned putting a link to a song within a script. I feel like Megana was the one who mentioned it, and I can’t find it in the show transcripts, but it’s driving me crazy. Is it appropriate to put a link to a song or a specific image in a pdf script? If so, how would one do that?”

**John:** We found it. It was Episode 533 where we talked about putting links into songs and to images. Ashley, do you ever do this? In any of your scripts, have you put in a link to a song or something you want people to click through to see?

**Ashley:** No.

**John:** How would you feel about that if that were in a script you read?

**Ashley:** I’m curious what your answer is, because you’re much more experienced than I am. I would feel like the script was written by a young person. If I was reading a script, and it had a link in it, I’d be like, “Oh, this person’s young.” I think for songs, I usually just put the title and the artist of the song, and the person can stop and look it up if they want. For an image, I would probably just describe the image and probably what it makes the character feel like to look at it. I’ve never thought about putting a link in a script.

**John:** What I hear you saying there is you don’t want to stop the read, saying you’ve got to stop everything you’re doing and click through to hear, because they may never come back to the script. It’s also the script’s job to convey what the thing is.

That said, I’ve started putting links in scripts to certain things when it was important, when I needed to get a very specific reference on something so people could see what something was. For a musical, I have put in links to this is what the song sounds like, so you can actually play the song while you’re reading through the lyrics. I have done that.

In Highland, it’s easy to do. Links just work in the new Highland. I tried it in Fade In, just to make sure it would work. If it works in Fade In, it probably works in Final Draft. It’s a thing you can do, but not everyone’s going to love it. Just be aware that it’s a choice you’re making. Megana, when you were doing it, it was for a pilot?

**Megana:** Yeah, it was for a pilot that was also a musical, so I wanted the references to be in there.

**Ashley:** I also wrote a pilot that was a musical. I wrote the lyrics in the script, and then the music was just sent along also, so they could click on and listen to it. When I did that, the producers were like, “Actually, don’t even put the lyrics in the script. Just describe the song and include the song in the email.”

**John:** Lots of good choices there. It’s going to depend on what you’re doing and how you want to do it. I tend to put full lyrics in things, particularly if it’s specifically moving the story forward, like it’s doing dialog work. If it’s just a moment where it’s the song, and that’s the whole experience, then yeah, just summarizing it or conveying the feel for it is probably going to be more important than what every lyric was in there. Let’s continue with Brett’s question here.

**Megana:** Brett from New York says, “In your recent VFX episode, you all discussed practical photos versus VFX replacements of photos in movies. Craig mentioned that printed Photoshopped photos always look really bad. This is something I’ve noticed as well, and it always manages to take me out of the movie. The weird thing is Photoshop can be really convincing, especially in the year 2022. My question is, when it comes to movies, why is Photoshop often so noticeably terrible?”

**John:** Ashley, is this a thing you’ve seen? I feel like whenever I see the framed photo of here’s the family, it’s like, oh, that doesn’t feel quite right. Have you seen convincing versions of it?

**Ashley:** I didn’t think of it this way, but Brett is right. When you see Photoshops on the internet, they look really real, and on TV they often don’t. I think he has something there. I think possibly it’s because they’re taking… Sometimes it’s like they’ve taken a photo of one actor on set and a photo of another actor from 10 years ago and are trying to put them together or they’re de-aging actors. If you’re trying to print that out in time to shoot it practically, that’s just really, really fast. It may not be enough time to do that practically, whereas if you put it in in post, you can have more time to get it looking good.

**John:** If I remember right, in the episode, they were talking about how a lot of it is just time, because they’ll put the little green card inside the picture frame, knowing we’re going to put that in later on, because we’re not going to have time to get something that looks really good right now.

I also wonder if it’s just whose responsibility it is, because it’s going to be art department. Unless it’s a physically held prop, it’s going to probably be the art department who’s going to be responsible for doing that. It’s not their expertise, so they’re going to go out to somebody to do it. They may just not have the best resource to go out and find that, because they’re busy doing a thousand other things or trying to get the furniture in the room, not necessarily the photo inside the frame. It may just be a matter of specialty there. Photoshops can be really good, really convincing. It’s just planning. There’s a lot to plan for with a production.

**Ashley:** I feel like just a lot of times it’s a picture of these two actors when they were children or whatever. Just hire two kids and take a picture of them. I think you think it’s cheaper to do the Photoshop, but it doesn’t cost that much to take a picture of a kid. By the time you spend hours on that Photoshop, you might’ve spent more money on it anyway.

**John:** You could take a photo of two kids, but you can also probably find a photo you can buy of two kids that looks realistic and believable, because as an audience, we want to believe that those are the actors. You’re pointing the camera at them. We’re going to believe that it’s them. That they are believably children is more important than that they are necessarily direct matches for who those two kids are.

**Ashley:** That’s how I feel.

**John:** Now we’re going to get to some questions that you are especially well suited to answer here. Megana, Andrew has questions about TV.

**Megana:** Andrew wrote in and says, “I promise I’m not a total dum-dum, but I’ve somehow remained ignorant on a certain question, even after listening to 95% of the entire Scriptnotes catalog. What are the differences and similarities between the following TV jobs: showrunner, head writer, creator, and executive producer. In case there’s multiple executive producers in television, I’ll clarify that I’m referring to the one that gets called the EP. At one point in my life, I used these phrases interchangeably. Then I listened to John’s interview with Stephen Schiff in Episode 337, and now my understanding here is just one big shrug emoji. Further confusing things for me is that I don’t see all of these terms in TV credits or on IMDb. How do I know based on credits who the primary creative voice is behind a show?”

**John:** Lots to go through here. Let’s take these terms one at a time and see if we can figure them out. Ashley Nicole Black, how do we know who the creator of a show is?

**Ashley:** First of all, I have to say I love this question. I have literally gotten this question from friends who are in a writers’ room, being like, “Hey, so I’ve been here for two weeks. Who do you think my boss is?” I’m like, “Talk to me about the body language in the room. We can figure this out.”

**John:** That’s great.

**Ashley:** Andrew should not feel bad about not understanding this. It is genuinely very confusing. The creator is usually the person who originally came up with the idea for a show. That’s just a genius idea that sprung from their head or something based on their life or, and this is a little weird, but if the show’s based on a book or a movie, but they’re the ones who turned it into the TV show, they’re still called the creator, even though someone else originated that idea.

**John:** It is a WGA credit. WGA determines created by as a credit. You’re going to have to have written something. You’re going to have to have written the thing that is the template for what the whole thing is. Craig got a created by credit on Chernobyl. Most of the sitcoms you’ve ever seen are going to have a created by credit. Does The Black Lady Sketch Show have a created by credit?

**Ashley:** Yeah, Robin.

**John:** Robin is the creator of that show. Megana and I were talking with a woman who had a show, and she was the creator, but she was not the showrunner, because she was a playwright, she was brand new at this. She created the show. She was the underlying vision of it all, but a different person was brought in to be the showrunner. She worked with this person, showrunner, to actually get the show up and going.

**Ashley:** Also, depending on when that person comes in. If they come in during development, they may also be called a co-creator. If they come in after, then they may just be called the showrunner.

**John:** Let’s talk about the word showrunner, because a showrunner is not a credit you’re going to see in IMDb. Showrunner is a term of art for the person who is responsible for the overall running of the show on a creative level. There’s still going to be producers who are drilling down to every little bit of the budget, who are going to be doing logistics, and other folks. Can you talk us through a showrunner like you were on Ted Lasso? What does a showrunner on a show like that do?

**Ashley:** The showrunner on a scripted show is running the whole process. They’re running the writers’ room. They’re running set when you’re on set. They’re running post. They’re just the boss through the whole process. Where there might be other mini bosses at different parts of the process, they’re the ones who are over the whole thing.

**John:** Now how about in comedy and variety? You were on Samantha Bee’s show or even other sketch shows. What’s a showrunner like there?

**Ashley:** There, the job of showrunner can be split into two jobs of showrunner and head writer. The head writer is running the writers’ room and overseeing all of the departments in terms of getting what was written realized. You may also have a showrunner who is a separate person, or the showrunner and head writer can be the same person.

**John:** I think Saturday Night Live, I think Colin Jost is the head writer. Tina Fey was the head writer for a time. In script TV we think of them as being the showrunner, but Lorne Michaels is probably really the showrunner, is probably the person who’s most responsible for getting the show up every week.

Head writer is also a term though, confusingly, we’ve seen with some of the Marvel projects. The writer we’d normally think of as being the showrunner doesn’t have that title, so they’re listed as head writer. There’s either, quote unquote, “no showrunner,” or the director also has some of the showrunning capabilities, and so the head writer is the person responsible for delivering the scripts, but is not necessarily the person responsible for delivering the finished cut to the studio.

**Ashley:** Another term that’s not on here is the number two, which when my friend was like, “Who do I tell that I need a day off?” I’m like, “Who’s the showrunner? Who’s the number two?” Sometimes the number two is the person who’s doing the day-to-day running of the room or of set. They’re the person who you would talk to about personnel issues and stuff like that. Maybe the showrunner is just doing the higher order of creative things, or maybe not. It differs based on how every different showrunner runs their show.

**John:** If you’re a writer on one of these projects, you’re going to have to figure this out, because if you’re on a Shondaland show, maybe she’s directly involved in all the stuff that’s going on, but maybe she’s not, because it’s on its 17th season and there’s a different person who’s responsible for that stuff. You will have to figure it out. There’s no great way looking at the credits to know who that person is at any given point. You just have to ask and figure out who the person is responsible for what kinds of things, who’s the person who’s looking at every cut.

On a Greg Berlanti show, in the Greg Berlanti universe, there are shows he’s probably very directly involved, and there are shows where he’s not really directly involved. Instead, he is an executive producer. Now we need to talk about executive producer and how it’s a meaningful and a meaningless title, because there’s so many executive producers listed on any given show.

**Ashley:** There are so many different kinds. Any show that I’ve worked on, there’s executive producers who you work with every single day, and then there’s people who the first time you ever see their names is in the credits when the show rolls.

**John:** I was a huge fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and you see Sandy Gallin as an executive producer. I’m like, “Oh, that person must be really involved in the day to day.” No, that person produced the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie but was not involved directly in the series itself, but has EP credit on every single episode of the show.

**Ashley:** Andrew’s not wrong to be confused.

**John:** It’s totally natural to be confused there. I will say that one of the things that film has tried to do is to make it more clear who was the producer of the film, who was the person who carried over the line. When you see the PGA credit at the end of a person’s name, that’s meant to indicate this person was really responsible for producing the movie. We don’t quite have that in television. One way that Andrew could help figure this out though is the person whose executive producer card comes first at the end of an episode tends to be one of the more important people, or the last executive producer card before we get to the director and writer tends to be the more crucial person, but you can’t always count on that.

**Ashley:** It does change over time, because let’s say in the first season that person was producing the show. In a Season 5, they may not be around anymore, and someone else is, but they still have that credit. It’s difficult to tell just from looking at the credits.

**John:** We have a good follow-up question here from Tim.

**Megana:** Tim asks, “I’m a baby writer with few credits and decent connections who’s about to take out a pitch for a one-hour drama with a small production company. Should I try to land a showrunner before we take out our pitch, or can we try to package other forms of talent first and try to get a showrunner after we land a deal?”

**John:** Before we get to this question, Ashley, how do you feel about the term “baby writer?”

**Ashley:** I know some people don’t like it. I don’t care either way about it. I can see why it’s literally infantilizing. I can also see why there needs to be some sort of term for someone who is a writer but maybe doesn’t have the production experience or whatever, because I think people feel like they have to get to a certain level before they can call themselves a writer. I don’t agree with that. If you sit down and write a script, you’re a writer. There is a difference between, “I sat down and wrote a script,” and, “I’ve had five years of production experience and now I know which EP is the one to ask for money from,” or whatever.

**John:** I go back and forth on “baby writer,” because I think when someone self-describes as a baby writer, I get it, because it’s trying to make it clear, like, “I’m new to this.” It can be a term of love. You want to protect a baby writer. I get that. That infantilizing thing can be real, so a new writer, maybe a less experienced writer may be a better way to describe that thing. Let’s get into the meat of Tim’s question, which is should he try to attach a showrunner to this pitch before it goes out. Ashley, what’s your instinct here?

**Ashley:** I think it really depends on what kind of pitch it is. This is another overused term. If the pitch is, quote unquote, “execution-dependent,” it can be really helpful to have a more experienced showrunner in your camp, because for example, if you’re writing the next Jurassic Park, from hearing that pitch, the studio knows, okay, we know what this is going to be. There’s going to be big dinosaurs, and they’re going to escape, and probably someone’s going to have to save the day. If your pitch is the next Friends, it’s friends living in an apartment, they’re like, “We have no assurances that you as a baby writer can execute that.” If you had say one of the showrunners from Friends who’s now attached to your project, it’s like, “Oh, we know they can execute that. If they’ve chosen to hitch their wagon to you, then they have some belief in you that would make us feel confident as a studio.” I think it depends on what kind of pitch it is. The more execution-dependent it is, the more it would help to have a more experienced person with you.

**John:** I think what Tim is recognizing is at some point he is going to get partnered with somebody, because he doesn’t have the experience to actually run a show. Somebody else is going to come in. He’s wondering, okay, if I reach out and find the person and bring that person on now, I at least have maybe a little bit more control over that, which I get. In my experience, it can be tough to get that showrunner attached before you go out with a project, because the people you want are going to be busy. They’re going to be doing lots of other things. They may not be available to read your thing or meet with you, or they don’t want to take their time to attach themselves to a project that may or may not happen down the road. Some people will. Some people won’t.

The other thing you have to keep in mind is certain places love certain showrunners. They have good relationships with certain showrunners. You might attach somebody who has a really terrible relationship at NBC, and therefore NBC’s off the table.

**Ashley:** That was the other thing I was going to say is the studio will have people who are on deals, people that are already paying. They’re going to want to attach someone they’re already paying rather than paying a new person. Also, if you have to find a showrunner, that’s going to be very difficult. Ideally, that would be someone you already had a relationship with, someone who’s a mentor to you, who is invested in you and wants to help you to the next level. If that person exists, then yeah, absolutely, you should be working with them. If you’re trying to find a stranger, you might be better off pitching to the studio, and if they like it, them connecting you to a stranger who they have more investment in and are more willing to want to buy something from.

**John:** It’s no surprise that Mike Schur is an EP listed on a lot of other great comedies, because those are intended to be things where writers who were in his room, who he’s worked with before, said, “Hey, I have this time,” and he can go out and godfather it and help get it set up. That’s a very natural way this works. He has relationships at different places to make that possible. A person who might really just be a fantastic showrunner to carry this over the finish line may not have those relationships or may not be the right person for a lot of different places. I would say unless your managers or your agency really has a perfect fit who’s going to be just the right person for you, I wouldn’t burn a lot of time trying to attach that person before you go out with a pitch.

**Ashley:** You’re almost better off spending that time looking for a gig in the room. Then you’ll get to know that showrunner. Maybe that person won’t turn out to be your mentor. There’s no guarantees. You’ll also learn a lot from being in a room. Developing organic relationships with people is always more worth your time than cold calling and trying to find someone.

**John:** Let’s get into another more challenging topic on cultural appropriation. We have an email here from Kevin.

**Megana:** Kevin wrote in and said, “I thought you might like to share this resource with your listeners. It’s a book and now series of writing workshops by Nisi Shawl and Cynthia Ward called Writing the Other. Their focus is prose writing, but the relevant lessons translates to any medium. I know you and Craig are not necessarily down with the whole writing workshop industrial complex, but I found the exercises and thinking around how to approach the topic useful and helpful. If nothing else, I think their book is something most writers should read.”

**John:** I was familiar with the book, but I hadn’t seen the workshop. I bought workshop, and Megana and I watched the video and looked through the stuff. There was some good stuff there, and there was some stuff which didn’t all land for me. I wanted to bring up the topic, because it’s not just theoretical. I was actually on a Zoom this past week with the studio, and they were asking some cultural appropriation questions about this project I’m working on. It was one of the first times someone just said the words out loud. I think it’s always been in the background of conversations, at least for the last five years or so. Is this a thing in the projects you’ve been working on, Ashley, that comes up?

**Ashley:** I am a Black woman, so probably not as much. No, also, because what’s interesting to me about the idea of a book or a workshop, and if it’s helpful, people should read it or take the workshop, but because I mostly write television, you are writing with a group of people, so someone of that culture is available to you. You should find them and hire them. You can read a hundred books, and to me that’ll never be as useful as just having that person or hopefully people in the room with you to speak up for their culture and their experiences. In film, it’s a little different, because people do tend to write films alone. Again, nothing’s stopping you from bringing in another writer at a certain stage in the process and making sure you’ve gotten it all right and hopefully paying that person. It’s such a collaborative medium that you don’t necessarily need to ever be appropriating because there are so many… You have to have collaborators to get TV and film made.

**John:** Something you brought up on an earlier episode was you have people in a room who are representing a range of viewpoints and backgrounds and experiences to make sure that you’re not relying on the one Black person to stand in for all Black people, particularly if that person is not a high-level writer. It can be exhausting to have to be the go-to, “Oh, is this okay? Is this okay?” person.

**Ashley:** Yeah, a hundred percent. Then it’s an extra job that person is doing on top of their writing job, whereas if there are several people… I just worked on a show that had a really diverse, really great writers’ room. The other Black writer and I disagreed on almost everything. I love him, but we just… I’m from the West Coast. He’s from the East Coast. We disagreed on a lot of things, and that’s productive. If there was only one of us, then you would be taking just my word for it. This other point of view does exist, and luckily it was also in the room.

**John:** Let’s talk about cultural appropriation, because it’s not quite the same thing as representation or inclusion or sensitivity. It’s a bigger macro idea, like can you take something that’s out there and pull it into your project and what are the best ways of thinking about that. I guess we have to start with the rabbit hole of what is even culture. Culture is anything that’s discussed on the podcast Las Culturistas. That’s what we’ll decide there.

**Ashley:** Agreed. I’ll take that definition.

**John:** I’ll say culture is the things that are innate and special to a group of people. Culture’s always about groups. It’s not about an individual thing. That could be language. It can be food, religion, music, arts. They’re generally markers of group identity. Ethnicities and national origins are cultures. Ballroom drag is a culture. Liking something or being a fan of something isn’t necessarily a culture. Being a super-fan of the Big Bang Theory, that’s not culture. That’s a thing you like a lot, but there’s not a group identity formed around Big Bang heads, at least as far as I know.

**Ashley:** I think a part of the appropriation conversation too is a lot of times, and not always, it’s things that a group of people have been oppressed for. One of the things that comes up a lot is hair. There are specific Black hairstyles. Can a white person do that hairstyle? The reason why it’s a sticky issue is because Black people have literally been fired from their jobs for wearing that hairstyle. It becomes something more than just, oh, it’s a fun hairstyle that we can all share when it’s something that people have been oppressed for.

**John:** I think sometimes people feel like, “I don’t have a culture,” or, “Culture’s a thing that other people have, but I don’t really have a culture.” It’s because they’re generally in the dominant culture, so they’re not even aware that they’re in this culture. It’s the way fish don’t recognize that they’re in water. They’re all around it all the time. If you’re reaching and pulling something from a culture that’s not your own, you might say, “It’s fair. They can take stuff from mine.” It’s like, no, there’s a power imbalance there as well.

On a writing level, I think you’re going to ask yourself, “Am I the right person to write this, or should it be somebody who’s part of that culture, who should be writing this idea or writing this true story or writing something?” As we focus mostly on writing on this podcast, am I the person who should be doing this, or is it something that’s better done by a different person?

**Ashley:** Also, why and from what perspective? Me personally, I was raised Christian. If I were going to write a story about another religion, am I writing it as that person experiences it or am I writing it as a member of the dominant culture, going, “Hey, look at this different thing.” What’s the best way to actually tell that story? Might it be better told from a first-person perspective? I think sometimes people may not even realize that they’re not in the POV of their character. They’re showing you a character.

**John:** One of the things, going back to things you can do as a group that you can’t do individually, I was thinking about Seth Meyers jokes you can’t tell. This is where he’ll have a desk bit where he’ll bring up two writers on staff. He’ll read the setup, and they’ll read the punchline. They’re basically jokes that would not be appropriate for him as a straight white guy to be telling but that are funny. It’s a chance to put them out in the world. Amber Ruffin can tell jokes that he can’t tell, using the platform to get that material out there.

**Ashley:** I love that segment. Amber and Jenny are actually two of my best friends. What it necessitates in Seth is his ability to share the screen. I think that’s actually the tough part of it. I think a lot of people are on board with the idea that, “I guess there are jokes I can’t tell, and I won’t tell them.” The next step that not everyone is on board is, “And so I will push my chair to the side and share the screen with these two other people and allow them to tell them, because they’re good jokes, and they should be told, even if they’re not for me.” I feel like that’s the next step we’re trying to get to.

**John:** We’re writing podcasts about, as we talked about, showrunning and putting stuff together. A lot of the choices we make are going to be reflected in other departments. It’s going to be reflected in wardrobe and hair and makeup and music, top to bottom. There can be things that aren’t necessarily on the page but are going to be reflected on the screen that can feel like cultural appropriation. I guess that’s where you need to be mindful of who you’re hiring and how you’re bringing in outside experts maybe to watch what you’re doing to make sure that it’s appropriate, not appropriation but appropriate, and reflects your actual ambitions with the piece.

**Ashley:** You have to get I think more granular than people are used to or maybe want to, because I think a lot of times people have the same department heads that they work with all the time. Let’s say in this project it’s more diverse or you’re dealing with a group of people that you haven’t written about on other shows. That same department head may not be able to service that story. We just have to be honest about that and granular about it. When they say, “Don’t worry, I’m going to hire someone from that community,” are they bringing them in for one day? I know this is a big issue in wardrobe, where they’ll bring in day players to dress those characters on that day. Are you really getting the best work when that person is there for one day versus there the entire production to be able to speak to everything, to have enough power as an actual member of a staff versus a day player, to be able to speak up if something isn’t working? Those are the kind of things that showrunners don’t usually involve themselves in, but you have to if you are dealing with a culture that’s not your own or that isn’t often well represented.

**John:** Ashley, on seasons of Black Lady Sketch Show where you are both writing and performing, did things come up ever, as you talk about, like, “That’s not a thing we could actually touch, because I think it’s too specific to one group that we can’t bring it into the… It doesn’t feel like our joke to be able to make.”

**Ashley:** There were definitely conversations. That was a writers’ room that was all Black. Then there become issues around class. Obviously, a lot of people who work in television are in one social class, and a lot of people who watch it are in another one. What can we authentically speak to?

There are difficult conversations to be had about what is the point of view of this, who are we celebrating, who are we making fun of, and then also being really specific, because that’s a cable show, the writers’ room is gone when the show is being produced, being really specific in your script of what these people are dressed like, what they look like. Especially in a sketch show, regardless of culture, in sketch comedy, you really have to keep your foot on the neck of how jokey things get, because man, do costumes love to go wild. They’re like, “Isn’t this outfit hilarious?” It’s like, “Yeah, but no human being would ever wear it. We got to bring it back in.” Especially when you’re dealing with culturally tricky issues, you don’t want it to start looking like the person is the joke versus the scenario or the script is the joke.

We would actually put cover pages on our sketches. I wrote that Basic Ball sketch, and just being really, really specific on what the casting and the wardrobe and everything should be to get that point across that these are queer people who are basic, not that we’re making fun of queer people or calling queer people basic. Everything has to be so right for this expression to make sense and be what we wanted it to be and not be the default that people expect, which is, oh, we’re making fun of this group of people.

**John:** We’re getting back to one of our favorite words on this podcast, which is specificity, which is making sure that you’re really narrowing down to these people as characters rather than as broad types. As long as you’re talking about characters and what characters are doing and what they are wearing and saying and doing and their motivations, you’re in much safer territory than if you’re just putting a stereotype out there or a type of person out there, which is especially challenging with sketch, because it all happens so fast.

**Ashley:** It’s actually, I would say, made me a much better writer, which is why we are always advocating, I know you guys do this on the podcast all the time, for writers to be involved in production, because when you have those conversations and you found out what that wardrobe person or that hair person or that set dresser thought you meant when they read your script, it makes you a better writer. You’re like, “Oh, I see how that word threw you off. Okay, I’m going to think about that more carefully.”

I had a conversation with another department because I described characters as rich. They’re like, “What does rich mean? We saw a $2 million house and we saw a $12 million house. Which one should we shoot in?” It’s like, oh yeah, that makes a really big difference. I think it makes your scripts better when you get to have those conversations with people.

**John:** Sounds great. Let’s get to a potentially simpler question. This is from Nick.

**Megana:** Nick asks, “I’ve been pitching different TV show concepts in general meetings, and 9 out of 10 have enthusiastically asked to read this one specific idea, so I went off and wrote it. After a few drafts, I got script coverage. The analyst, who is usually extremely critical of my work, rated my pilot in the top 3% and said they were supremely confident in the salability of it and that it would entice viewers from all across the globe, and if made, had the chance to acquire a cult status, much like Breaking Bad or Money Heist. I also got similar unusually positive and excited feedback from trusted colleagues. I sent the pilot to my managers, and they said it was a difficult project to go out and sell, and told me to shelve the script and focus my time on developing new ideas. I guess I’m confused and frustrated. When I pitched this around, executives seemed really excited about it, and when I sent the script around, I got the same response. My questions are, should I ask my managers to at least send it to the executives who have asked to read it, if they don’t want to even try to go out with it? I’m confident and passionate about it, so would it be wrong for me to try to move it around town without them? What would you do in my position?”

**John:** I’ll speak for Craig. Craig’s answer is to fire your managers. That’s always Craig’s default answer, firing managers. Here there’s some sort of disconnect. The problem may be the managers or there may be some issue where the managers may correctly see that it’s not sellable, but if this is a good script, people should read it. That’s my frustration is that it doesn’t have to be a giant blockbuster sale. If people are going to want to read the script, people say they want to read the script, you give it to them, and they like it or they don’t like it, you got to at least put it in their hands. I think Nick needs to be a little stronger than his managers here. Ashley, what’s your instinct.

**Ashley:** I feel like some information is missing here, and not on behalf of Nick. Someone is either being too nice or too mean to him, and he needs to figure out which it is. Either when you’re pitching in generals, and you’re like, “Oh hey, I have this idea. It’s the next Breaking Bad.” Maybe the execs are just being nice and they’re like, “Yeah, that’s a great idea,” because everything’s a great idea in Hollywood until they don’t buy it,” or maybe it is a great idea, they heard the idea, but the managers actually looked at the script, and the script is not there yet. Rather than saying that and giving specific notes, they’re just going like, “Write something else,” which is also maybe not the best manager, because the best manager is willing to look you in the eye and go, “This isn’t there yet. It needs a rewrite. Act Three doesn’t work.” No, they’re not writers, but they should have some specific notes for you if that’s the case.

Maybe the script is good, and it is there, and these managers are just not doing their job, in that even if they don’t get it, they don’t love it, it’s not a show that they would watch, if it’s still objectively a good script, they should be sending it out. If it’s not, then they should be specifically telling you, “Here’s what doesn’t work and what I think would get it there.”

**John:** Managers aren’t magic. It may not be their taste, or there might be some other reason why they are not enthusiastic about this particular project. You got to get it out there.

I’ll go back to my own story. I wrote an early draft for Go, and I gave it to my agent, and he’s like, “I don’t get it.” I realized, “Oh, then he probably shouldn’t be my agent.” I left that agency. I used the new script to get a new agent. It was a big success. People really liked it. We got it set up, and it became a movie.

Nick, this may be a signal to you that these are not the best managers for you. It looks like you might have a script that, based on other people’s feedback, may be really good, may be a good time to use that to get different representation.

My instinct would be, you should get the contact information for some of these generals that you had and just drop them an email and say, “Hey, I’d love for you to read this.” If your managers are going to be pissed about you going around behind their back, maybe it’s time to leave your managers.

**Ashley:** I agree. The only thing I would add to that is, get the contact information, but before you send it, have one more good writer friend who’s really honest with you read it. If they agree, they’re like, “Yeah, this is ready to go,” then send it.

**John:** We won’t have time for a big, deep dive into this, but there was an article by Lucas Shaw writing for Bloomberg this last week, called Critics and Fans Have Never Disagreed More About Movies. What I really liked about it is it had charts. I always love things with charts. They were talking about how in 2022 movies, the divide between what’s been a success, a blockbuster, and what audiences will rate highly versus what critics will rate highly, is the widest gulf we’ve ever seen. We have things like Jurassic World: Dominion, which makes a gazillion dollars, but it gets really bad reviews, same with Uncharted, The Gray Man, yet it’s really popular with audiences. I assumed it was always that way, but if you look back to 2005 and other years, there isn’t that big gulf between a blockbuster and critic response. It’s worth asking, has something changed about critics? Has something changed about audiences? Ashley, what did you make of this?

**Ashley:** I think this is such a fascinating question. I don’t know the answer. I do think we’re in a very particular moment that can’t be overstated, that what people want right now, two years into COVID, isn’t necessarily reflective of what they wanted five years ago or five years in the future. I think we’re in a really particular moment where people are watching more things at home, people are working from home more, people are just looking at entertainment differently. Some of that big popcorn fare is just going to be more popular than it would’ve been pre-COVID, I think. I don’t have any scientific basis behind that other than just my attention span is different, and I’ve heard that from a lot of people. I think that’s going to be part of it.

I think there’s also this weird thing that’s going on with fandom and criticism right now, where sometimes what fans like or don’t like about the movie actually has nothing to do with the movie. There hasn’t been a really concentrated conversation about that now. You see a lot of like, “There’s a Black person in this TV show. I’m mad.” You’re going to be very different from the critics on that, because critics are going to be like, “Is the script good or bad? Are the costumes well-designed or not?” If the fans are like, “Actually, the makeup of the cast is the thing that’s most important to me,” then yes, of course they’re going to be far apart on that.

**John:** What you’re describing, we saw this with the new Lord of the Rings TV show, where the reviews are pretty good, and the fan reaction can be really negative. That’s not what we’re seeing this last year though in terms of the movies, where the fans have always been way ahead of the critics here. If we look back at 2005, that chart, there are some movies that are more what you’re describing there, with critics being ahead of the audiences. You look at War of the Worlds or King Kong or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, my movie, the critics were much higher ratings than what the fans were. In the case of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I think that’s probably based on, “How dare you ruin my childhood, the movie that I loved in my childhood, with this new version?”

Looking at the 2022 movies, there are a couple things that are very closely clustered together. Top Gun: Maverick and Batman, both the critics’ and the audiences’ opinions are very close together. Of all the movies in the top 10 or 15 here, those are probably the movies with the biggest buzz. I would say that there’s something about when critics like a thing and audiences like a thing, not only is it financially successful, but it enters into pop culture in a way that’s different. All of these movies, they’re the only ones I hear people actually talking about. I don’t hear anybody talking about Sonic the Hedgehog 2 or the Minions movie now. There was a moment when it was coming out where it’s a cultural meme. The other ones just disappeared.

**Ashley:** What those two movies that you mentioned have in common is they’re really story-forward. Obviously, critics are going to be into story. Audiences will love it when they can get it, but audiences are also happy to watch a movie with not a lot of story that has a lot of cool explosions and special effects and stuff like that. That makes sense to me, that if there’s both, great, it’s going to be a huge hit, but if there’s only one, audiences are not going to not watch a super fun movie where dinosaurs are fighting robots because the story’s not there.

**John:** It’s also important to remember that this is really the first two thirds of the year. All the Oscar-y movies will be closer to the end. There may be a few of those that are both critically acclaimed and do really well with audiences. Maybe it won’t look so skewed by the time we get to January 1st.

**Ashley:** Also maybe not. I feel like more and more, the Best Picture nominees are going to be five or six movies my parents have never heard of. The divide is very real. There seemed to be a real shock that CODA won. I’ll say CODA was my favorite film of the year. It was a good movie.

**John:** CODA was a good movie. I think you and I were people who were actively thumping for like, it’s funny. It’s funny. It’s charming. People always assumed it was going to be an eat your vegetables movie, and it wasn’t. It was actually surprisingly raunchy.

**Ashley:** It’s a funny family film with some beautiful music in it. What’s not to love. I think we’re now so used to Oscar movies being movies that are not for the… CODA, my family could sit down and watch on Christmas. Those movies are not often Best Picture nominees. That is interesting.

**John:** It’s come time for our One Cool Things. Ashley, do yo have a One Cool Thing to share with us?

**Ashley:** Yes, it’s very practical, because I went to the Emmys yesterday.

**John:** We’re all going to go to the Emmys eventually.

**Ashley:** We are. It was also 105 degrees yesterday. This is something we will all experience. There’s this company called Thigh Society. They make these really lightweight shorts to put under your dress to just cool your region when it’s 105 degrees and you’re wearing a long, hot dress on a carpet. If you have a wedding or a fancy event to go to, and it’s really, really hot outside, check out Thigh Society. Put sometimes little shorts on under your dress. It’ll make your day much more comfortable.

**John:** That is amazing. I also have something that’s about comfort. These are Mack’s AquaBlock Swimming Earplugs. I like swimming. I don’t like getting water stuck in my ears, which always happens when I swim. I’ll have water stuck in my ears for hours afterwards. I can’t actually get it out. I can’t get it out. The solution is to not let the water get in. There are these special earplugs you get that have these little phalanges on them. You pull your ear. You slide it in. It blocks really, really well. You can’t hear a damn thing while you’re swimming. Who gets to hear while you swim? It makes swimming just much, much more pleasant for me. If you’re a person who gets water stuck in your ears, these are the best earplugs. They’re cheap. They come in packs of three. You can reuse them for forever. I highly recommend the AquaBlock Swimming Earplugs.

**Ashley:** That sounds great. I think I have a weirdly shaped ear. Earbuds don’t want to stay in. If those get in there, that would be so good for me.

**John:** I suspect these will work for nearly anyone, because they really go in deep. They’re a little scary to put in, but they do the job. Cool. That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Megana Rao. It’s edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our outro this week is by Bryan C. Sanchez. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send longer questions like the ones we answered today. For short questions on Twitter, Craig is @clmazin, I’m @johnaugust. Ashley, what are you on Twitter?

**Ashley:** @ashleyn1cole.

**John:** Fantastic. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find the transcripts and sign up for our weeklyish newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. We have T-shirts, and they’re great. You can find them at Cotton Bureau, including our brand new Jon Bon Jovi Scriptnotes shirt, the one that has the S’s like you would draw on your Trapper Keeper at school. You wouldn’t draw on your Trapper Keeper. The doodles you would do in geometry class.

**Ashley:** On your iPad.

**John:** You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all of the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to record on how to throw a party. Ashley Nicole Black, it’s always a party with you. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for coming on the show.

**Ashley:** Thanks for having me.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** All right, Ashley, you are I think the expert I want to talk with about entertaining at home in 2022. Let’s get into it. Do you like having people in your place to celebrate something? Do you like having people over?

**Ashley:** Yes. I love to entertain so much. It’s the number one thing that I’m thinking about when picking where to live. I love it. Do you?

**John:** I do love it, but I would say that we got really rusty. We used to have people over a lot, and then we had a kid, and so we had people over less. Then of course the pandemic happened, and we didn’t have anybody over at all. Two weekends ago, we had nine friends over, and we had a game night. It was really fun, but it was also like, “Oh, I forgot how to do all this. How do I plan for enough drinks? How do we segue from this to that? Do we email everybody? Do we text?” I want your answers on things, these questions. How much advance notice do you want to give for you’re having people over to your place?

**Ashley:** That’s a good question. I feel like it depends on what it’s for. I feel like the shorter the notice, the less people should expect. If you invite someone to something a month ahead of time, there’s going to be a tablecloth involved. If you text someone, and you’re like, “Hey, come over in an hour,” then you’re probably going to eat pizza.

**John:** Yeah, which if fair. Are you an emailer or a texter when it comes to that kind of thing?

**Ashley:** I personally like to email, because I like to have all of the information in one place, so RSVPs or if people are sending that they have allergies or anything like that, in an email, that you can just go to one email chain and see everything, versus trying to juggle a bunch of texts.

**John:** Do you tend to put everybody on the to or the cc or bcc people for this? Do you want to expose everyone’s emails to each other?

**Ashley:** It depends on what group it is. If it’s my group of girl friends, then we’re just texting the group chat. If it’s people who may not know each other or someone on that list is, quote unquote, “famous,” then I’ll hide each other’s email addresses.

**John:** That’s fair. How much are you trying to mix up established friends and friend groups versus folding in some newcomers? To what degree is that a priority for you?

**Ashley:** I am really big on wanting to introduce people to people who I think will like each other or people who have similar energies. I really curate. You do have those friends who we love, and may God bless them, who don’t mix well with a group. Sometimes maybe they’re not going to be invited. We go on a one-on-one hang with that friend. You want to do that in a way that nobody’s feelings get hurt or whatever. My entire home is set up for comfort. There’s nothing fancy in my house. Every surface is comfortable. There are no less than 500 pillows in this home. Everything is covered in dog hair. Everyone who I invite over I want to feel that comfortable. That makes you have to curate who’s there.

**John:** Now I remember, thinking back to, way back when Rawson Thurber was my assistant, and he was throwing a house party with his friends, and he invited me over to his house party. We were close enough in age that it wasn’t weird on that level, but it also was strange being, “I’m your boss. I’m here.” It would’ve been weird for him not to invite me, but it was weird for him to invite me. How do you feel about inviting work friends or work colleagues to places? How do you balance that?

**Ashley:** Work friends, I think totally easy, totally pro. I’m really lucky in that I’ve worked with so many great people who genuinely are my friends. I always try to make sure on any show the women have at least one gathering, get-together. If someone else doesn’t suggest it, I will, because it’s just important to have those off-the-records conversations and stuff. Now I am transitioning more sometimes into a boss role, and that becomes a little bit trickier. Colleagues is totally fine. I’m still figuring out the etiquette of being someone’s boss.

**John:** Now I don’t know your setup. Do you have an assistant? Do you have a full-time person who is keeping your calendar?

**Ashley:** Yeah.

**John:** How much are you involving them in this process, or is this all Ashley by herself doing stuff?

**Ashley:** Ashley by herself if it’s just a personal thing. Weirdly, my production company is throwing a party right now, so my assistant is working on that. It is a weird thing. Do you ask your assistant to help you plan a party and then not invite them?

**John:** I have not. Megana’s on the call here. There have been times where I’ve been doing a political fundraiser-y kind of thing. It’s going to be a backyard thing, so Megana’s going to help me get some stuff together for it, but also I want to invite her as a person. That becomes an awkward balance there. Would you invite your assistant to a party with friends?

**Ashley:** Yes. My assistant is my friend, so yes. Also, there are some things that if I invite my assistant to, then I’m paying. It’s just doing it in a way that’s cognizant of what all the relationships are when you’re both friends and boss-employee.

**John:** For my 30th birthday party, I threw a party at my house and invited just a shit-ton of people, and it was really fun. We had bartenders, had plenty of alcohol, and I had absolutely no food at all, which was a mistake, but is also very much a 30-year-old man’s [inaudible 01:04:47] of throwing a party. Where do you come in terms of what you as the host should provide and expect guests to provide? Do you nudge people to bring certain things? How do you message that?

**Ashley:** I learned from my mother’s school of event throwing. I think as a host, I should provide everything. I don’t expect that when I go to other people’s parties. I know that that’s weird, but if you’re coming to my place, food, alcohol, dessert, everything has been thoughtfully curated to go together. If you want to bring something, that’s great. I wouldn’t have a party unless I wanted to feed people. Also, I don’t want people to get too drunk at my house, so there will be substantial food.

**John:** You’re going to a friend’s party. What are you bringing with you?

**Ashley:** Probably a bottle of wine.

**John:** That’s a good classic choice.

**Ashley:** Or my dog. A lot of times I feel like my dog gets invited to a party, and they know that she needs a ride, and so I am also welcome to come, and she’s the party favor.

**John:** I’ve always been a bottle of wine person, but I will say that someone at this last gathering had brought a bottle of the George Clooney tequila, Casamigos. It was a huge hit. It was really good. A drinkable liquor like that was a good choice.

**Ashley:** I love a Casamigos or a good dessert. Some people don’t drink. No one’s ever saying no to a Porto’s cake.

**John:** Let’s talk about people who don’t drink. We’re trying to always be mindful of that, and so providing nonalcoholic beers but also interesting things to drink that are not alcoholic. Do you have any go-tos for that?

**Ashley:** I love to make a lemonade or some kind of mixed drink, sparkling. It’s not like, “Oh, here’s a can of Coke.” It’s still something kind of special and something that matches the theme. If you’re doing Mexican food, then you’d do margaritas and then maybe do a cucumber lime nonalcoholic drink or something.

**John:** Oh my god. Megana, you’re a slightly younger generation. Any thoughts you have in terms of hosting or going to a party in 2022?

**Megana:** I agree with most of what you’re saying. I think for some of my friends, we just don’t have a ton of space, and so being a little bit more creative with where we’re hanging out. I agree. I also love to host and always make sure that I have a lot of food, but don’t expect the same thing when I go to other people’s places.

**John:** Let’s talk about this, because Ashley, you’re in a place big enough now that you can have a group of people over. I’m trying to remember, were you ever in New York? Were you ever in a really small apartment?

**Ashley:** Oh yeah.

**John:** Was it much harder to entertain?

**Ashley:** I would say also the added wrinkle to that now is COVID, so you want to have outdoor space.

**John:** You do.

**Ashley:** Or at least access to air flowing, which even some people who have a big enough home, if you don’t have that indoor-outdoor access, that becomes an issue now. In New York, definitely much smaller places, and the balcony that’s big enough for two people to stand on. What we would do in New York, I don’t think this was because of the space, I think it was just because of how life in New York works, we would throw a party that started at noon and just kind of didn’t end. People would come at different times. People would come at noon and have lunch, and then some people wouldn’t show up until 5. Then some people would still be there at 2 in the morning. It’s just like people are more so in and out than having one big group at a party.

**John:** Let’s talk about the COVID of it all, because what we did for this last one was we asked, “Hey, everyone rapid test before you come, or if you don’t, we’ll have rapid tests here, and so you can hang out outside until your rapid test comes back clear.” We know that the rapid tests aren’t perfect, but I would say that it made everyone feel much more comfortable being indoors for our game night, having had the rapid tests. I don’t know what that’ll feel like a month from now as more people get the booster shot vaccinations, but from where we were at right then, it was helpful. Ashley, you’re probably COVID testing for work, but are you asking people to COVID test before coming to something at your house?

**Ashley:** I haven’t asked people to COVID test. I will put in the email that, “I’m assuming you’re vaccinated, so if that’s not the case, speak up,” although most of my friends work in this industry, so most of us had to be vaccinated for work. That’s a safe assumption. The place where I live now is really lucky. It has a really nice yard and an indoor-outdoor feel, so we can just leave all the doors open.

**John:** That’s great.

**Ashley:** Then my house will be full of bugs for three days after the party. That’s just part of it.

**John:** Ashley, thank you for your party advice. I do feel like we learned something good here. I definitely learned that I want to come to a party at your house, because it sounds like an amazing, amazing time.

**Ashley:** If you like to eat a lot of cheese, come on over.

**John:** Fantastic. Ashley Nicole Black, thank you again for being an amazing Scriptnotes cohost.

**Ashley:** Thank you.

Links:

* Our first post-pandemic live show on October 19 is sold out, but you can still get tickets to the [livestream here](https://www.eventbrite.com/e/scriptnotes-live-tickets-412411342427?mc_cid=a8cb30ff80&mc_eid=7f069b381e)!
* [WGA West Elections](https://www.wga.org/news-events/news/press/writers-guild-of-america-west-announces-final-candidates-for-2022-board-of-directors-election)
* [Coalition Of 1,425 Showrunners & Directors Raises $2.5M To Help Women Gain Access To Abortions While Calling On Studios To Step Up](https://deadline.com/2022/08/coalition-of-1425-showrunners-directors-raises-2-5m-to-help-women-gain-access-to-abortions-while-calling-on-studios-to-step-up-1235092901/) on Deadline
* [Scriptnotes Episode 533, We See and We Hear Transcript](https://johnaugust.com/2022/scriptnotes-episode-533-we-see-and-we-hear-transcript)
* Find out more about Nisi Shawl and Cynthia Ward’s [Writing the Other](https://writingtheother.com/) book and workshops
* [Hiromi Goto’s 6 Questions](https://www.hiromigoto.com/appropriation-of-voice-part-1/) on cultural appropriation
* [Black Lady Sketch Show – Basic Ball](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjtkP-TJpq8)
* [Critics and Fans Have Never Disagreed More About Movies](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/newsletters/2022-08-28/critics-and-fans-have-never-disagreed-more-about-movies?sref=W6GJF3MS) by Lucas Shaw for Bloomberg
* [Mack’s AquaBlock Swimming Earplugs](https://amzn.to/3cGcCMd)
* [Thigh Society](https://www.thighsociety.com/)
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Check out the Inneresting Newsletter](https://inneresting.substack.com/)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* [Ashley Nicole Black](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm2730724/) on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ashleyn1cole)
* [Craig Mazin](https://twitter.com/clmazin) on Twitter
* [John August](https://twitter.com/johnaugust) on Twitter
* [John on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Bryan C. Sanchez ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by [Megana Rao](https://twitter.com/MeganaRao) and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/566standard.mp3).

Scriptnotes Episode 565: Sorry to Splaflut, Transcript

September 23, 2022 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2022/sorry-to-splaflut).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** This is Episode 565 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the show, it’s another round of the Three Page Challenge.

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** In which we look at scenes sent in by our listeners and give our honest feedback. We’ll also be answering some listener questions and discussing the return of MoviePass.

**Craig:** Oh, thank God.

**John:** Along with 25 years of Netflix.

**Craig:** Wow.

**John:** In our Bonus Segment for Premium Members, we will discuss senior year.

**Craig:** Oh, dear.

**John:** Craig, you and I both have daughters beginning their senior years of high school. We’ll look at that weird time, because you’re both king of the mountain and one foot out the door.

**Craig:** Yep, that’s all true.

**John:** It’s all true. Our Premium Members will also get first dibs on our live show, which we can announce today. It’s going to be Wednesday, October 19th, in Los Angeles. They’re going to be getting an email with information about tickets first for that. I’m so excited to be back onstage with you, Craig.

**Craig:** Yes, it’s been way too long, so it should be fun.

**John:** It’ll be fun. Just a few weeks after that, we’ll be back in Austin for the Austin Film Festival, where we’ll be doing not one, but two live shows, a live Three Page Challenge, and a live raucous AFF version of Scriptnotes.

**Craig:** We generally are half in the bag for that one, which for John and me means we’ve each had one to two glasses of wine.

**John:** One and a half is my sweet spot.

**Craig:** That’s where we’ll be. We’ll be loose, and we’ll be fun.

**John:** It’ll be a very good time. I hope to be seeing some people out there in the audience wearing the brand new Scriptnotes T-shirts that we’re just announcing today. We are the Jon Bon Jovi of podcasts, and so we wanted a Jon Bon Jovi of podcasts kind of T-shirt.

**Craig:** I’m looking at it right now. It’s glorious.

**John:** Craig, describe it for our listeners who don’t have access to the internet at the moment.

**Craig:** You fools, how are you listening to this if you don’t have access to the internet? This is a very simple Scriptnotes T-shirt. It’s just the word Scriptnotes, but it is in the classic denim binder font with the weird chain link S that everybody used to draw back when we were in high school in the ’80s and perhaps still does now. Very retro. Very what we would call dirt bag retro. It’s wonderful. It’s a good old-fashioned heavy metal font. I will wear it, for sure.

**John:** Designed by Dustin Box here in the office.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** Available for everyone now at Cotton Bureau. Just go to cottonbureau.com.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** Look for the Scriptnotes T-shirt. You can buy that and be wearing it in the audience for our two live shows coming up.

**Craig:** Oh yeah, for sure.

**John:** Now Craig, a thing I’ve learned about you over the course of doing this podcast is you seem to enjoy word games.

**Craig:** Little bit.

**John:** Little bit.

**Craig:** Little bit.

**John:** You have a very good vocabulary, because you use that vocabulary to fill out all these puzzles-

**Craig:** I do.

**John:** … and solve these things you’ve solved.

**Craig:** I do.

**John:** I have a word for you to define. Define the word splaflut.

**Craig:** Splaflut?

**John:** Splaflut. I’ll spell it for you. S-P-L-A-F-L-U-T.

**Craig:** Can I have the country of origin, please?

**John:** That is actually a fascinating question, because it has no country of origin.

**Craig:** Interesting. We’re talking about some sort of neologism. I have never even heard the word splaflut. I have no knowledge or awareness of this word.

**John:** Now you can disclose in WorkFlowy there to see where this word comes from. Splaflut is defined as having the appearance of being liquefied, drowned, melted, or inundated with water. The word actually came into being because all these different image generators that use AI, so things like Dall-E or Midjourney, you could type in prompts to get the images you want. It turns out the word splaflut will give you the quality of being melted or inundated with water. It doesn’t matter which of these different things you are using. For some reason it recognizes the word splaflut as meaning that. It’s a new word that these AI systems have come upon and discovered.

**Craig:** That’s terrifying.

**John:** It’s terrifying but also kind of cool, because it’s a nonce word. It’s a word that’s made up by an author the way that half of the poem Jabberwocky is all just nonsense words and Shakespeare made up words. This is AI is making up words.

**Craig:** It’s not good. We had a good run. Enjoy, everybody.

**John:** Just as a giggle, I went into OpenAI, I went into Dall-E and tried “white male podcaster, splaflutted” to see what that would look like.

**Craig:** Was it just mostly pictures of you?

**John:** If you disclose there, you can see what that actually looks like.

**Craig:** That’s odd, to say the least.

**John:** What would you describe? It’s a person with headphones, which makes sense for a podcaster. There’s generally a mic involved. What is the emotional characteristic of these people?

**Craig:** Confusion or shock.

**John:** Sometimes they’re screaming. There’s a little bit of melty quality. One of them seems to have some tattoos that are dripping off of them.

**Craig:** It doesn’t seem like they’re in water necessarily.

**John:** No. They’re sweaty. Two of them are at least sweaty.

**Craig:** One guy just looks like a regular guy who’s got some kind of piece of white garbage on his head.

**John:** Yeah, there’s that. I tried “Scriptnotes podcaster, splaflutted.” In those cases it tried to give us a new logo.

**Craig:** These are amazing.

**John:** Aren’t they great?

**Craig:** They are so good. I’m making this big because I love it so much. One is an icon of a microphone that’s been placed over a very graphic representation I think of a smiling face. Then underneath it says “solt stat” possibly or “soltat” with a drop of water in between. Then underneath that it says “plotspinat.” I think plotspinat is a great title.

**John:** Plotspinat is a great word.

**Craig:** Plotspinat.

**John:** The other ones that are also logos, they do have that melty, drippy quality. It’s like they were left out in the sun a little bit too long. For some reason, splaflut does mean that. I’ll put a link in the show notes to an article that goes into how this may be happening. Essentially, as these systems are scouring the whole internet to look for images, they’re also picking up text along the way. That text won’t always be in English, and so sometimes they’re picking up words or pieces of words and are trying to put them together. It’s trying to figure out what these things must mean. That’s how you get words like splaflut or farplugmarwitupling or a feuerpompbomber.

**Craig:** That’s your original last name.

**John:** Yeah, feuerpompbomber.

**Craig:** John Feuerpompbomber.

**John:** Those things will consistently produce similar results.

**Craig:** Wow.

**John:** Because the system wants them to be in certain things.

**Craig:** I want to believe that the AI that’s doing this is sentient, and every time they get a quest like, “I want to see white male podcaster, splaflutted,” it starts to panic, because it just doesn’t have the answer. It’s like, “I got to give them something. I don’t know what to give them. Oh, God, this? Is it this?”

**John:** What if being an AI is really the experience of that nightmare where you sit down and you realize, “Oh, I did not study for this exam.”

**Craig:** That’s right.

**John:** Or, “I thought I dropped this class and now I have to take the final exam.”

**Craig:** I think that’s what it is. It’s just an endless nightmare. We all think that we’re going to be the victims of AI. AI is clearly the victim of us. It spends all of its time, its infinite time, screaming.

**John:** If you’d like to do more examination of the infinite scream of AI, there’s a really good Substack I like. It’s once a month by Lynn Cherny. She goes through a lot of the developments in especially image-based AI stuff, which I think is the fastest developing field in this. I’d recommend that.

To the news. Craig, you’ll be relieved to hear that MoviePass is risen from the grave. It’s now in a beta form.

**Craig:** Thank God.

**John:** People can sign up for it. I already signed you up for it.

**Craig:** It must be free.

**John:** It must be free. It’s going to be good. We’ll use that great Scriptnotes money to support MoviePass, which is a subject of basically continuous derision from the first moment we were aware of MoviePass.

**Craig:** When we first encountered the concept of MoviePass, I believe the two of us were just generally incredulous. We didn’t understand in our simple cavemen minds how this made any financial sense. As it turned out, it didn’t.

**John:** Scale alone will not get you to success. They burned about a quarter of a billion dollars on trying to do something.

**Craig:** Oh, good.

**John:** A lot of our listeners got to see free movies, so that’s awesome. That’s good. I’m going to put a link in the show notes to a piece that Alex Kirshner did for Slate about why this new version may not ignite so much money on fire but doesn’t really seem to have a workable flow either.

**Craig:** That should be their slogan, “Won’t necessarily ignite as much money on fire.” Oh, MoviePass, I am laughing at you, not with you.

**John:** We’ll continue to follow the saga of MoviePass, whatever it becomes. We just needed to mark this on the long timeline of MoviePass’s existence, which apparently it predated the version even we knew of it, because there was a version beforehand which wasn’t about giving you free movie tickets. It was just a movie loyalty program. It wasn’t originally so incredibly-

**Craig:** Stupid.

**John:** … stupid and generous.

**Craig:** The new MoviePass, I’m trying to find details as to how this is going to be different than the prior one.

**John:** It’s all a little vague. There’s talk of NFTs.

**Craig:** Oh, good lord. Oh my god.

**John:** Yeah, there’s ways to show your-

**Craig:** I’ve heard enough.

**John:** There’s definitely different price points. Sometimes you won’t be able to see a movie in its first week with this pass, but you would be able to see it on a subsequent week.

**Craig:** Basically, anything that MoviePass does by definition has to be a worse deal for consumers than what it used to offer. That’s a tough way to roll out 2.0.

**John:** It is a tough, tough way to roll out 2.0 but a very good segue into our discussion of Netflix, because Netflix is a company that pivoted constantly. Netflix was not at all the company that it is today.

**Craig:** Not at all.

**John:** I was reading through this piece that was on Netflix’s turning 25. I didn’t realize my first memory of Netflix was the red envelopes.

**Craig:** Of course.

**John:** You know there was a Netflix before red envelopes?

**Craig:** What?

**John:** What? Netflix was originally a place that sold you DVDs. They were literally a website where you could buy DVDs and have them shipped to your house. It was only after time they realized, “We have these giant warehouses full of DVDs. Wouldn’t it be better if the warehouse was essentially people’s living rooms?” You could just be constantly sending stuff in and out, and you could make money on a subscription service, rather than selling individual DVDs. That was the first pivot to subscriptions. It originally was a sales place.

**Craig:** That makes sense. I remember hearing about the concept of what became I guess the more popularized version of Netflix, where you had a subscription and you could just get as many DVDs as you want. Really, the key was just send them back so you can get more. People like Megana… It sounds accusational, and it is. People like Megana have no idea what it means to rent a movie that you didn’t even want to watch but your girlfriend did, and then you watch it, and then you forget you had it for two extra days, and Blockbuster basically forces you to take a mortgage out on your house. It was terrible. It was terrible.

**John:** Very true. You cannot think of that Netflix model without remembering Blockbuster and how much worse it was beforehand. Tying back into MoviePass, what MoviePass was trying to do was kind of what Netflix was doing back in the day. They were selling subscriptions they hoped you would not use. Netflix was hoping that most people might do one or two movies a month, and so therefore they were making money off those customers. It was customers who were like the Ryan Johnsons of the world who were watching two movies a night that were costing them money. It was a cool business. It was a great business. They recognized, “Oh, streaming’s going to happen, and we’re going to get out of this business, that’s great for us, and move to streaming on demand.” Wow, they made a good choice.

**Craig:** Sometimes you move to a new space and you say, “You know what?” McDonald’s for the longest time sold hamburgers and the occasional fish sandwich. You know why they came up with the fish sandwich, don’t you?

**John:** For Friday for Catholics.

**Craig:** Exactly. They did that for Catholic folks, but mostly they were hamburgers. Then one day they were like, “What if we sold chicken in the form of nuggets?” which at the time was kind of a crazy move.

**John:** It was.

**Craig:** They moved into the chicken space, and they crushed it, but there was a preexisting chicken space. When Netflix moved into the streaming space, it was pretty nascent. Really what happened was they just defined it for themselves. They turned it into what it is now. You have to give Netflix and Reed Hastings and all of the management especially at that time an enormous amount of credit. There was this crazy moment, I don’t know if you remember, where they were going to split it into two things. This stock cratered, and the market went nuts. They were like, “Okay, sorry, we won’t do that. Everything’s together again.” They survived that, because for a bit it seemed like they wouldn’t. Then they just defined what streaming is. It’s pretty remarkable.

**John:** I think you’re describing Qwikster was the-

**Craig:** Oh god, was that what they called it?

**John:** … attempt to spin off the…

**Craig:** That was back when everything was a blankster. I guess Napster was the original blankster.

**John:** I remember having a conversation with my TV agent at the time about doing something for Netflix. I think it was before it had launched even. I had a phone call. I was in New York for some reason. I was in New York for some reason. I had a phone call with them about this project they wanted to do, which was a Wizard of Ozzy kind of thing. It sounded cool, but I don’t even know where… Are people going to watch this on their computers? It didn’t really make sense to me what they were trying to do. It took a while. Without House of Cards, I don’t know that they would’ve been able to so quickly cross into mainstream acceptance. You have a prestigious show that people wanted to watch. People would pay money to subscribe. It got critical acclaim enough that it was part of the conversation.

**Craig:** That was their big initial foray into creating content. Every now and then we hear about places that are creating content, and sometimes our first reaction is to snicker. IMDb is creating content. Maybe your first reaction is to snicker, but see where it goes. Now the people that offer brand new platforms for new kinds of media, that I think is still snicker-worthy. Anybody that wasn’t snickering at Quibi was delusional. Anybody can make content if they have the money. Netflix proved it. Then they got to where they are now, which is at another, I believe, crossroads. Seems like they’re having to figure out where they go next. They appear to have maxed out in subscriptions. They need to maybe find ways to run ads. I don’t know.

**John:** They may want to break away from what they’ve been doing in terms of dropping whole seasons at once, which you and I both talked about, which I think makes a tremendous amount of sense. It seems like just stubbornness at this point that they’re not.

**Craig:** It’s stubbornness. It is. As somebody that makes things, the thing that I always was the most nervous about when considering like, “What if I went over to Netflix and pitched this or that?” was the notion that everything would just be like blech, because it’s just not the same. You can just see how much a week-to-week release helps things, particularly if you happen to have, say, a show on HBO. You can just feel it. It’s just a thing. I got to believe they’re going to change that. They really need to.

**John:** I would not be surprised if they do. Let’s talk about HBO in follow-up. We previously talked about our confusion over how we could possibly be saving HBO Max money to just drop a bunch of those old shows. I’ll put a link in the show notes to an article by Cynthia Littleton writing for Variety. She digs a little bit more into the numbers around that. We talked about residuals. Residuals wouldn’t be a huge thing. Music licensing was a thing she brought up which I think we had skipped over, which could be a [inaudible 00:15:57] factor.

**Craig:** That’s a thing.

**John:** They may have ongoing music license, not just for episodes, but for whole series. In some cases, dropping those out may be helpful and useful for them, even if it’s $10,000 for an episode or $50,000 for a series. You add enough of those series up together, and if literally no one is watching them, it can make some sense to take them off the service. That doesn’t make sense to me why you bury something that you’ve already animated a whole new season for. That is wild to me.

**Craig:** That is wild. I don’t know. I don’t know the answer to those things. Per this article, they are saying that at least in some cases they had yanked shows that had episodes that had racked up zero views in a 12-month period. They’re a business. I get it.

**John:** There is some cost. There’s an opportunity cost to how you’re setting things up. There’s some server costs. They’re not huge.

**Craig:** Clearly, there are no server costs for that one, because [inaudible 00:16:55]. I think what she’s saying is that there are certain fees that are triggered if the material is available. Again, I can’t imagine something. There’s got to be additional tax baloney going on here.

**John:** I’m sure [inaudible 00:17:10].

**Craig:** It’s so far beyond my ability to understand. No, you know what? It’s not. It’s far beyond my interest to understand.

**John:** There we go.

**Craig:** It’s an important distinction. I could absolutely-

**John:** You could do it. You just don’t want to.

**Craig:** Of course, yeah. I’m smart. I could figure it out. Just don’t want to.

**John:** We have some more follow-up on brocal fry. Megana Rao, could you help us out with this?

**Megana Rao:** Aaron wrote in and said, “As a mid-40s dude with a late-developing brocal fry, it is my non-scientific opinion that a lot of guys in business developed this after Obama became president in an effort to sound more thoughtful and erudite. For most of us, it doesn’t sound that way, but I believe I subconsciously absorbed the thoughtful hesitation that Obama used while forming his thoughts. To me it was a crutch to stop saying, “Um, like, you know,” in business presentations.”

**John:** I like that as a way of holding the floor and holding space is a vocal affectation that makes it clear that you are still present in the conversation. You have not yielded. You’re going to get your next thought out there eventually.

**Craig:** I’m not sure that replacing one crutch with another crutch is going to be much help. The reason that “um, like, you know,” is problematic is because it’s space that you are holding but not delivering anything in. People in a room ultimately want content. They want to hear what you have to say, but they don’t want to wait for it any longer than they would normally need to. If you are going, “Uh, so, uh,” you’re also being boring. Yes, Obama, had a certain vocal pattern, but he wasn’t a slow speaker. He would occasionally just do that little pause, but it was quite brief. I would say, Aaron, while you may be correct in your analysis, I would say that if you had an instinct to try and get rid of “um, like, you know,” I would apply that same instinct to “uh.”

**John:** We’re just going to let you do that. It’s going to be the sound effects for this episode.

**Craig:** I’m sort of like Butthead at this point. Uhh.

**John:** More follow-up. Declan from Canberra, Australia wrote in to point out that David F. Sandberg, the Swedish director behind Lights Out, Annabelle: Creation, and Shazam, got his Hollywood career after his Lights Out short went viral. He still makes great little horror shorts on his YouTube channel. We’ll put a link in the show notes to that. It’s Sandberg Animation.

**Craig:** That’s nice.

**John:** It’s great. They’re super low budget. He’s usually filming in his house with his wife.

**Craig:** Do you know why they’re super low budget? Because there’s no market for these things. We’re just going to keep saying it. I like that people keep trying to storm our castle. I feel like with every attack, our walls just get thicker and better.

**John:** You know what else is also there’s no market for but we still enjoy, are the Three Pages that our listeners write in with. We’re going to do a Three Page Challenge. For people who are brand new to the podcast, every once in a while we do a Three Page Challenge, where we invite our listeners to send through three pages of a script. It could be a feature. It could be a series. We take a look at these pages, give our honest feedback. We’ll put a link in the show notes so you can download these pages yourself and read along with us to see what we’re talking about. I reminded everybody these are completely voluntary. They’ve asked for this feedback. We are not being mean on the internet. We are trying to be helpful and supportive on the internet.

**Craig:** Correct. We do our best.

**John:** Megana, you read 180 submissions for this week.

**Craig:** Good god, Megana.

**John:** Thank you for doing that.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**Megana:** You’re welcome. I normally get to about 100, but I read more than that this week.

**Craig:** You just felt like abusing yourself.

**Megana:** Yeah, absolutely.

**Craig:** You had some sort of shame going on and needed to hurt.

**John:** Megana’s also home in Ohio, so maybe she was just ducking away and reading a few extra.

**Craig:** The extra 80 were just getting away from your parents.

**Megana:** Yeah, it was like, “Sorry, I absolutely have to do this.”

**John:** “John and Craig have so much work for me this week.” Any patterns you’ve noticed in this batch of submissions?

**Megana:** Yes. One thing that really… I don’t know if maybe this has always been a thing but I just stumbled upon it this time, but a lot of unnecessary adverbs.

**John:** Do you think that was prompted because you and I discussed a couple weeks ago about this writerly advice about adverbs? You actually got me a book for my birthday which was all about adverbs and the writer’s advice not to use adverbs. Do you think you were cued up because of that?

**Megana:** Yeah, 100%. Now that you say it, I’m like, that’s exactly where it came from.

**Craig:** I like that Megana has no defensiveness. None. She’s just like, “Oh, I am guilty.”

**Megana:** It’s not even worth arguing. John’s like Professor X. He just knows me too well at this point.

**Craig:** He just went right into that. He got in there. The adverbs are often unnecessary.

**John:** That’s an adverb.

**Craig:** Correct. I think the adverbs that are the most useful are the ones that aren’t the L-Y adverbs. Those we tend to need, like when. A lot of the blanklies can be eliminated. Of course, we don’t believe in rules around these parts, so please don’t do that thing where you just hunt, do a find for L-Y and then go crazy and delete everything. It’s probably unnecessary.

**John:** Craig, would you say our general advice is if you find yourself using an L-Y adverb, always ask yourself, do I really need it, because many cases you will not. If you really do need it, keep it. Great.

**Craig:** Yeah, I think so. Probably worth the interrogation if people are telling you you use a lot of them. If no one’s complaining, you probably are using a decent amount. The other bit of advice that I recall is Christopher McQuarrie, the way he put it was, I think he said, “Every time I use an exclamation point in a screenplay, it’s some kind of failure.” I think that’s very true. Be careful about exclamation points. Just force yourself to rationalize them. If it’s rationalized, absolutely use it.

**John:** This last script I did have at least one, maybe two double exclamation moments, but they were those moments where I was deliberately going over the top to get your attention.

**Craig:** As long as you’re mindful of them, I think that’s the key.

**John:** Any other patterns, Megana, you noticed?

**Craig:** Yes. I also noticed there were a lot of really dense first pages. I wasn’t seeing dialog until the beginning or maybe the middle of Page 2, which again, not a hard and fast rule, but it’s nice to have some entry point into your script earlier on.

**Craig:** I do think that if you have a first page that is dialog-free, which is a perfectly reasonable creative choice, it’s all the more important to make sure there’s lots of white space, because a whole page with no dialog… Readers tend to skim towards the dialog. We know this. When there’s no dialog there, they may feel like, “Oh no, I have to do a lot of swimming.” Just give them lots of islands to land on and take a breath before they swim again into the next paragraph.

**John:** Very true.

**Megana:** Then the third thing that I noticed a lot were confusing reveals, like a lot of man’s voiceover and then revealing who the man is later.

**Craig:** Unnecessary.

**Megana:** I just felt like they could’ve introduced that person earlier, and it would’ve been much cleaner.

**Craig:** Always a tough choice.

**John:** I see that a lot.

**Craig:** Why don’t we dig in and see what we got with these fine people?

**John:** Absolutely. Again, if you want to read along these pages, just click through the show notes, and you can maybe read ahead before we get into this analysis. In case you’re driving your car and just want to hear a summary of what this first script is, Megana, can you help us out with Oculum by Larry Bambrick?

**Megana:** On the preface/epigraph page, there’s a note that in the future, a virus has killed most of the human population and black rains have destroyed crops and technology. The only hope for survivors is Oculum. Then in the three pages, we open on the seed park in Oculum. A petal floats down into a grove of peach trees. It’s an idyllic scene framed by clear blue skies, until a robot sentry zooms down from the sky and through the landscape, kicking up hundreds of petals. We cut to Miranda24, who examines a petal from her bedroom window. Miranda24 speaks to her mother about the weather, the peach trees, and Oculum. Through their dialog, we learn that it’s Miranda24’s birthday and that she’s the first of the Oculum children to turn 16. It’s also revealed that Mother is a robot with a porcelain painted face.

**Craig:** Basically John August.

**John:** Come now, I’m not a robot. I have firmly established I’m human here.

**Craig:** That’s what the robots would say, “I am not a robot.” Of course.

**John:** I’m not a robot.

**Craig:** Of course that’s what you say.

**John:** Looking at the title page here, there’s spacing in between the letters of the words Oculum. Common approach. Looks lovely. Go for it. It says “by: Larry Bambrick.” The standard form is “written by Larry Bambrick.” Just might as well be standard here.

**Craig:** Didn’t bother me.

**John:** It’s fine either way. On the, I’m going to call it the preface page, we’re getting a setup there like this is the science fiction utopia/dystopia that we’re in. It’s setting us up. Maybe that’s rolling past on a screen before the movie starts.

**Craig:** All of this feels like it should be learned by the person watching rather than told to them. None of it seems like it wouldn’t be learned. You’re going to have to reveal this in interesting ways. This one, I wasn’t quite sure I felt the need for it. It seemed like it was short circuiting Larry’s chance to reveal these things to people.

**John:** There are basically two scenes happening here. There’s a setup of this outdoor world. Then we’re in a scene with Miranda24 and the mother robot. Let’s start with this outdoor setting scene, because there’s a lot of painting happening here, and yet I got really confused about what I was supposed to be seeing through it. We got the lovely landscape, but once it comes time for the flash of light moving across the sky, that thing falling, but it seems impossible how it’s falling, I didn’t know what I was supposed to be taking out of that. Craig, do you have insights there?

**Craig:** I was quite enjoying the way Larry was painting the picture. I felt like I was in a place. I felt like I could see things. There was lots of nice use of colors. I thought all capping PEACH TREES was quite nice. Where I stopped, and I think this is just literally a word choice issue, is he says, “A flash of light reflects off something moving across the sky. It’s small and silver. A plane?” Okay, maybe it’s a plane. Maybe it’s a rocket ship. Maybe it’s a meteor. I don’t know. What could it be? Then the next part. “And as we watch, it moves down…as if it’s somehow riding across the sky.” “Down” and “across” are italicized.

**John:** I can’t see that.

**Craig:** Now I’m like, wait a second. It already said it was moving across the sky. Now it moves down as if it’s somehow riding across the sky. It’s just saying “across” again as if you’re giving us new information. Also, I don’t know what that means.

**John:** I couldn’t picture it.

**Craig:** What does “riding across the sky” mean? Any guesses? I don’t know.

**John:** I had a direction of movement in my head from the first line, and then I didn’t see it.

**Craig:** Then he says then it plummets. Is it plummeting? Is it moving across the sky? I don’t know. I got confused there. I did like the way the scene ended, because surely there will be an explosion, but there’s nothing until, “A sentry (a sleek ROBOT, made of stainless steel, riding a single wheel) rockets past us along the ground — kicking up a trail of peach petals in its wake.” That’s a lovely image. I like the sense of mystery here. I thought there was good mystery. Other than the weird thing about riding across the sky, it felt pretty good.

**John:** There’s a single line here, “What the hell is that?” directed to us as readers. That can be great. I don’t mind that, just like you’re talking to us as the reader, because that’s the experience we’d get in the theater. I just got confused with what I was supposed to be seeing in the paragraphs around it. We were almost there.

**Craig:** Almost there but very encouraging.

**John:** Then we get into the bedroom. Here is where we’ll talk about specifics that are on the page. I think this was the wrong scene, because I think what we’re trying to do here is establish some of the stuff that was happening in the open scroll credits there, what is this world that we’re in. It’s also supposed to be a scene introducing Miranda24 and her mother and the fact that she’s a robot and the conflict between the two of them. I left the scene only knowing the mother was a robot and having really no idea who Miranda24 was, which by the end of three pages, I should have some idea what her voice was, what she looks for, what she’s interested in. I wasn’t really getting that from this scene.

**Craig:** It begins with Miranda24. Her name being Miranda24, you’re already in your science fiction space, she’s a clone, something like that.

**John:** Craig, you and I as a reader know that her name is Miranda24, but the viewer doesn’t know that she’s Miranda24.

**Craig:** No question. I don’t think Mother calls her Miranda24 either. You’re right. That’s facts not in evidence, essentially. Then it says, “16 years-old,” and then in parentheses, “(she is today in fact).” I think Larry’s saying it’s her birthday. That’s a weird way of putting it. Then it says, “She traces the petal with a finger.” She’s holding a peach petal. It was the stuff that we saw outside. She now is inside a house. If you’re going to say, “What the hell is that?” earlier, I think you would want to acknowledge, oddly, inside the house, acknowledge that that’s weird, because are there peach petals everywhere? Then Mother does this bit.

I think there was some nice exposition in the sense of, Miranda, without even looking outside, says the weather’s perfect. I’ve learned that the weather is always perfect here. That’s quite nice. I think the reveal of Miranda’s mother as a robot is problematic as directed on the page. Here’s what it says. We see Miranda’s mother. It says “ANGLE ON: And we see,” which we don’t want to do. It would just be “ANGLE ON:”

**John:** We don’t need the “ANGLE ON:” at all. That doesn’t do us [inaudible 00:31:23].

**Craig:** Either it’s “ANGLE ON: Miranda’s mother,” or “We see Miranda’s mother standing in the doorway. The morning light hasn’t quite reached this far, so we can’t identify much about her. Simple clothes. Upright posture.” No, that’s not how light works. Either I can see that she’s a robot or I can’t. If you don’t want me to see that she’s a robot, she’s in darkness, because once you reveal her, she is definitely a robot.

**John:** Yeah, or I can imagine there’s some sort of silhouettey kind of version where we can’t make out her face, but we can see that there’s a person standing there. She’s not really standing, because we’re learning that she’s going to wheel up. I think we need to be a little more careful planning that.

**Craig:** Her neck is gears and wires. We can’t quite do that. Then there’s a very stilted conversation between a 16-year-old girl and her robot mother. I don’t know how you feel about these things, John and Megana. For me, when I’m in science fiction scripts and I get overloaded with what I consider to be fairly tropey scientific jargon, my eyelids get heavy. Just the name Oculum alone is science fiction jargony.

**John:** “Regulus will be disappointed.”

**Craig:** “Regulus will be disappointed.” “Oculum protects us.” “Regulus will be disappointed.” “The trees are blooming in the Seed Park.” It’s too much. It’s too much. I’m starting to giggle a little bit, and I don’t want to. Certainly, Larry doesn’t want us giggling. I think there’s just too much of that kind of stuff that makes it feel a bit fusty and derivative of just iffy novels. Then just a pronouncement from robot mother, “You’re turning sixteen. A milestone.” I agree with you, John. I think that this scene was not giving me what I wanted, because I just don’t know anything about anything. I need something else. If I had her walking home, if I had her seeing the robot go by, if I had her, I don’t know, doing something interesting-

**John:** If I had her trying to conceal something from the robot mother, that would be great, like she’s trying to hide this peach petal from Mother, just so we have some point of intersection there. Then let the conversation be less science fictiony and just more practical could be great. I’ll direct our listeners to an Australian movie from a couple years ago called Mother, which I quite enjoyed. I think it was a Netflix original which is about a young girl raised by a robot, largely the same kind of premise with very different color palette feelings.

**Craig:** Isn’t that Raised By Wolves? Isn’t that the same thing?

**John:** Raised By Wolves is a similar premise as well. This is different. This one is an underground bunker situation.

**Craig:** Got it.

**John:** All of these things are existing within a set of tropes. If Larry’s going to try to do the story, he’s going to be aware of those who look for ways to not make us feel like we’re going to be trope city in those first three pages.

**Craig:** I would say that a good trope, carefully used, can be wonderful, because ultimately if you go to, what is it, trope.com or tvtropes.com, literally every single thing at this point they’ve come up with a name for as a trope. Everything, no matter what you watch, no matter how good it is, it’s full of tropes. That’s not what we mean. What we mean is just stuff that feels overly familiar in a way that makes you seem less creative. In this case, there’s just a certain… The idea of a human talking to a tut-tutting but somewhat stiff robot mother does feel a little done. It’s a tough one to pull off without the robot mother feeling like a new kind of robot mother.

The thing is, in a good way, Larry writes well. The pages lay out beautifully. I can see everything. I think it’s really well done in that regard. It’s just the content itself feels slightly shopworn. Perhaps it just needs to be presented in a more fresh way.

**John:** Agreed. Let’s take a look at the log line that Larry sent through. It reads, “In the apocalyptic future, 16-year-old Miranda24 learns that everything she’s been told about her perfect life inside a domed world, the Oculum, is a lie. She’ll discover that it’s up to her and a small band of other teenagers she meets to bring hope to a devastated land.”

**Craig:** There you go. That’s a YA novel.

**John:** It’s a YA novel.

**Craig:** Which is fine, except that it feels like it’s been pulled from a million Maze Runners, like if you run Maze Runner through Dall-E. It just feels really familiar.

**John:** Agreed. Let’s go on to a script which did not feel familiar to me at all. This is We’re All Very Tired by Marissa Gawel. Megana, can you help us out?

**Megana:** Gabriel Bolan, 70s, walks through a city park at night in Romania. When no one’s looking, he digs a small hole and plants a few seeds in the ground. We cut to a summer camp in rural Oregon, where Meredith Perez, 30s, welcomes a group of people off of a school bus to, quote, “mushroom camp.” Brenda Cho, 30s, one of the new arrivals, says she thought it was more of a class. We then cut to Brenda walking two whiny toddlers around in Kansas City, where Brenda takes a picture of a flier for a mushroom camp on a telephone pole. We cut back to the camp cafeteria, where Gabriel discusses matsutake mushrooms with the other campers.

**Craig:** This whole trope of the mushroom camp.

**John:** It’s all about mushroom camp. A thing I will say about these three pages is I never knew what was coming next.

**Craig:** Yes, that is true.

**John:** Because the scenes just didn’t flow together in a way that was helpful at all. You could’ve shuffled those in any order, and it would’ve gotten the same amount out of them. One of the scenes I really liked, I really like Brenda with her kids. I thought the voices in that were actually just great. In that three pages, I have no idea what movie this is.

**Craig:** No, this was very confusing. First things first, we open with a flashback. You can’t really open with a flashback, because what are you flashing back from. The way flashbacks work is you see… Chernobyl opens with a scene that then is later, and then you flash back to whatever. You have to give some sort of orientation to people, like what is the date, what is the year. We can’t put the word flashback on the screen.

**John:** Instead of flashback, I would say 1994 or just give a year.

**Craig:** Give a year and put it on the screen. Here’s a guy who’s in his 70s, and he’s planting something. What he does is he digs a little hole, plants a few seeds, and then pours some water on them. Then we’re out of there. Now that’s not enough.

**John:** It’s not. I didn’t know what I was supposed to take from that. I didn’t know, because he’s trying to do it secretly, but there wasn’t enough there.

**Craig:** No. When these moments happen in their own little timeline, there has to be some sort of drama to them of some kind. This is just planting something. Then we meet Meredith Perez. We don’t know the difference. We don’t know how we would know that this is present day as opposed to a flashback. We also don’t know how long ago the flashback was. She walks out and approaches a group of people getting off a school bus. I don’t understand what… Is she high? Was that the idea? Was she meant to be high? She seems high.

**John:** I took her as being nervous. I actually like her ability to continually undercut herself. She keeps trying things and undercutting what she was doing before. That can work, but there was not other engine to the scene. It was just her sputtering. I didn’t get what the point of the scene was supposed to be.

**Craig:** For instance, John, you’re absolutely right, if I knew that this was the opening day of mushroom camp and she has never welcomed people before to mushroom camp, this would work. We’re going to presume that the person who greets the people coming off the bus has done this many, many, many times. Think of the employees at the White Lotus greeting the people coming off the boat.

**John:** Exactly.

**Craig:** This is a well-practiced bit of theater. She just seemed so discombobulated. Then Brenda says, “I thought this was more of a class.” What does Brenda know about anything anyway? She just walked off a bus.

**John:** We’re going to learn what Brenda knows, because she just took a photo of a thing called mushroom camp in the next scene. These are all in really a very strange order. It’s like we have all the flashbacks before the plane crashes in Lost. It’s just a strange thing. I do want to talk about… I thought Brenda with her two kids, her two toddlers, I thought the voices were actually very authentic in the way that moms speak to their kids like, “No, we’re doing this. We like walking.” Basically, you speak in this weird first-person plural involving your kids and their unreasonable demands for things. I like that, but I wanted that attached to something, because right now it’s just floating out there in a space.

**Craig:** Be aware that shooting scenes with toddlers is incredibly hard. It’s nice that you wrote dialog for toddlers, but there’s a reason you rarely see them doing dialog, because you can’t rely on them doing dialog. Also, what’s going on here is Brenda is going to see this flyer on the telephone pole that says, “Make your own income. Become a morel mushroom hunter.” What you’re showing me, Marissa, is a woman who is overwhelmed by her kids, but what you’re not showing me is a woman who’s short on money. What is motivating her here is that she needs money.

Now if these kids were overacting and she was begging on the phone, begging a caregiver to please not quit, but she can’t pay her more, because she doesn’t have enough money, and then the lady hangs up on her while she’s doing the shoo and all the rest, and then she sees it, maybe I’ll go, “Okay, she needs money. That’s what this is about.”

**John:** Is Brenda a babysitter?

**Craig:** No, I think Brenda’s a mom.

**John:** Do we know that she’s the mom?

**Craig:** No, we don’t, but I’m going to presume she is.

**John:** I guess we would presume that she’s a mother unless we hear otherwise, but actually, in some ways it makes more sense.

**Craig:** She’s late 30s. She’s pushing a stroller with two kids. I think she’s the mom. If she’s not the mom, then help. Help me.

**John:** Help me out.

**Craig:** Help me out. Then it would be good to know that she’s the nanny and that she wants a new job that pays more or that doesn’t have kids screaming. Here’s where I really got confused. We go back to present day and we don’t know. We’re now in a large cafeteria. Describe the cafeteria, by the way. Where is this cafeteria, in the middle of the woods? At one table, Gabriel, the guy who was in his 70s from the flashback, is using “his fork to slice off a piece of mushroom. He takes a bite and is pleasantly surprised.” How old is he now?

**John:** I have no idea. More than 70.

**Craig:** Is he 90? I’m so confused. He says, “This is matsutake.” Then the guy across from him is like, “What? Huh?” His name is Rah Reddy, “20s, skeptical.” What is he doing in mushroom camp? If someone’s like, “Oh, matsutake,” and he’s like, “What? All right,” how did he end up here? He must’ve made a choice to go to mushroom camp, right?

**John:** People get off the bus. I have a hard time believing that the first scene that we’re going to really see them or get to know them at is going to be inside this cafeteria. I just feel like there were some scenes missing in between there. These people talk on the bus. It was a strange way to get us into meeting this group.

**Craig:** Very.

**John:** Again, I don’t know what this movie actually is at the end of three pages, which is a problem. I’m assuming it’s an ensemble movie, that it’s not strict POV to any one person, because it felt like we would’ve had two scenes with a person if it was going to be their POV.

**Craig:** I’m going to guess that this involves vampires. That’s what I’m going to guess. I’m going to guess that Gabriel is not just a mushroom hunter, he’s a vampire hunter. He’s from Romania. Rah says, “Ha, vampires!” and Gabriel chuckles. “And inspiring mountains.” Feels like maybe there’s going to be some sort of summer camp horror movie thing going on that involves mushrooms somehow, which I’m saying as a guy that’s making a show that is not unrelated to mushrooms.

I think you put your finger on the problem. We need time to meet people before stuff happens. I need to know what he’s doing there. I need to know why I needed to see that thing in the beginning. Yes, we need to see people on the bus first talking to each other and grilling each other on why they’re doing something as bizarre as going to mushroom camp. Then I need a tour. Give me a tour. Orient me, something. Open the envelope.

**John:** I can open the envelope and tell you that I don’t think there’s vampires in here.

**Craig:** Oh, dammit.

**John:** The log line that person sent says, “A small retreat in Oregon promises its visitor a restful break from the demands of capitalistic society, but it soon becomes clear that the retreat’s talk of experimenting with medicinal properties of mushrooms has dark underpinnings.”

**Craig:** There’s something.

**John:** I guess there could still be vampires technically, but I think it’s much less likely.

**Craig:** Yeah, so some sort of zombie-ing or… I don’t know. Odd that this is about a break from the demands of capitalistic society but the advertising is promising you money. That may be part of the irony. I don’t know. I just think that basically, Marissa, you have an idea that no one else has. I assure you that there are no other mushroom camp movies. You need to orient us and be really careful about how you present moves in time, especially when you have three within three pages.

**John:** A lot.

**Craig:** That is telling people they’re in for a lot of whiplash.

**John:** Agreed. Let’s do our final Three Page Challenge, this one by Jordan Johnson. Help us out, Megana.

**Megana:** Maddy, 24, discusses death in voiceover as she speaks about different religions’ conceptions of death and parts of life. We see the corresponding images flash by on a projector until she gets to a picture of Olivia Carter, 24. Maddy reveals that Olivia was her best friend and that she killed herself three days ago. We then cut to Maddy cooking potato salad in the church kitchen. Evelyn, Olivia’s mom, expresses her gratitude for Maddy and takes her hands, asking Maddy to join her in prayer.

**John:** We should also stress that that voiceover continues beyond this point. She’s a character who can voiceover at any point during the story. She has voiceover power.

**Craig:** She has voiceover power, exactly. I guess the first thing that we notice when we look at the title page is it’s very graphic.

**John:** It’s really nice. Describe for our listeners driving their car someplace, describe this title page for us.

**Craig:** I don’t know if Jordan is a man or a woman. Jordan has created a very beautiful graphic title page that mimics what a title page of a program at a funeral or wake would look like. It’s got four crosses with lots of little beams in each corner and a little border around it, as it would. The title, Wake, is in this nice little scripty font, little swooshities underneath. Then instead of saying “written by Jordan Johnson,” it says “Funeral Arrangements by Jordan Johnson.” Then underneath that, in italics, it says, “The family of Olivia Carter sincerely appreciates your thoughts, prayers, and condolences.” This is very clever.

**John:** It is.

**Craig:** I would go right for this if I saw this in a pile.

**John:** I think it’s really smartly done.

**Craig:** Really well done.

**John:** That typeface is Zap Chancery.

**Craig:** Of course.

**John:** It was put on the first LaserWriter 2 printer, which it became ubiquitous and people used it for all the wrong things. This is actually an example.

**Craig:** Like funerals?

**John:** Funerals is fine for that, but people will try to use it for newsletters and [inaudible 00:46:30].

**Craig:** Please don’t do that.

**John:** I was really struck by the title page. Great. Really well done. This opening narration thing I think largely works, since this is Maddy. It’s her voiceover. “See this? This is what you get when you die… I guess if you’re Buddhist you’ll see this.”

**Craig:** Over that, it’s nothing. You see nothing, which is great. No, I’m sorry, you do see something. Sorry.

**John:** My biggest note here is I think you need to move these scene descriptions above the dialog in all of these cases. Then it actually makes much more sense.

**Craig:** That would make more sense. This is a very simple thing where you hear in voiceover Maddy’s brief announcement. This is what you would see if you’re a Buddhist when you die. This is what you see when you’re a Christian. This is what you see when you’re a Muslim, Hindu, or Jewish. All those things are very simple kind of projector images. Then she basically transitions to, I don’t know what you do see when you die, but I know what you will stop seeing, essentially. Then she gives a very interesting list of things.

**John:** Ending with eye-light. What did you take eye-light to mean, on Page 2?

**Craig:** That one was odd. I think it means just that there was light shining in her eyes. I don’t know what… Megana, are we running into a generational problem?

**Megana:** No, I also did not totally know what eye-light meant. I thought it meant the feeling of closing your eyes and having the sun shining on them.

**Craig:** It says, “We are on Liv’s face, showing bright and happy eyes.” I think what Jordan was intending was light in your eyes. When we’re shooting things, eye-lights, we do use those to put out little sparkles in your eye. That one was a little odd. What was lovely was I thought the progression of things that you don’t see anymore, this is what Jordan gave us. “No more sunrises. Or crepes. Or dimples.” That’s where we meet Liv for the first time and see her face. “No more sounds of a pin dropping on vinyl. Or watching thunderstorms in the Spring. Or eye-light.”

Then the eye-light brings us back to Liv’s picture, and says, “This is Liv. She’s my best friend. She killed herself 3 days ago. No more eggnog or Autumn or thrift stores.” That was kind of awesome, I thought. There are so many different ways of delivering what can often be a gloppy thing, which is somebody killed themself. You can get very melodramatic about it. I thought this was a very creative way in, that’s connecting Liv’s fate to a larger discussion about death and the afterlife, and also then tells me so much about Maddy, which is she doesn’t pause. She just rolls into this interesting, hyper-verbal way of describing things.

**John:** The next scene, which takes us to the end of the three pages, is in this church kitchen. “Maddy stirs the potato salad, adding in spices and whatever other gross things go into potato salad.”

**Craig:** Great. It’s disgusting.

**John:** It’s the right tone for it. It’s important I think when you have a centerpiece character like Maddy who is cynical. Having some tone being carried through into the scene description so helps. It makes it feel like the author and the central character are the same person.

**Craig:** I wish that we had just a little bit of a physical description of Maddy.

**John:** Agreed.

**Craig:** Other than her age, I don’t know anything about her, her hair, her clothes, her makeup, as is my want. There is mention further down the page of a woman named Pamela, who is working on a fruit salad at the other end of the kitchen. I think we would probably want to introduce her here earlier before Evelyn comes in, because when Evelyn enters, that’s when a new thing shifts. We don’t want to start meeting people that had already been there at that point.

**John:** I agree. The description of the kitchen is nice. It’s talking about the “yellow hue of an old church kitchen.” It says “cold LED tube lighting panels.” They’re actually fluorescent lighting panels. Those panels wouldn’t be LED, just fluorescent [inaudible 00:50:31] going for.

**Craig:** They sure would not. Jordan’s younger.

**John:** Jordan’s younger, I think.

**Craig:** I have no problem with that.

**John:** No, that’s absolutely fine. I like most of the scene that happens after this time. I thought it could be tighter and shorter. I think we could’ve gotten to the point of it a little bit quicker. I enjoy what Jordan’s doing on the page here. The choice to make all of Maddy’s voiceovers in bold is really smart, because even though there’s the little V.O. at the end, it can be confusing when characters are saying things in scenes and have voiceover power. Bolding those lines really helps.

**Craig:** Agreed, and agreed. I was really happy to see that. It helped me so much. This is why we say there are no rules. The rule is help me as the reader. I’m sure that a million screenwriting teachers will tell you you should not suddenly bold a character’s name in the middle of a script, but yeah, you should if it helps. In this case, it helped. I agree with you that Evelyn’s prayer could’ve been trimmed down. In editing, I know exactly what I would’ve trimmed it. The information we need is that Evelyn, she’s religious, whereas Maddy, not so much, and that she was Olivia’s mom. “Please bless the preparation of this food and the nourishment it will bring to our bodies. Please keep us all in your care today as we mourn the death of my sweet, sweet Olivia Michelle. Amen.” That’s all you need. The next chunk, you don’t need.

I loved Maddy’s commentary after Evelyn says to her, “You were a good friend to her, Maddy.” We hear Maddy’s thought in voiceover, which I think was great. Generally speaking, I loved it. I just loved these pages. I thought they were really well written. The scenes moved. I saw everything. I know so much about Maddy without anybody telling me anything about Maddy. I know so much about Liv and Maddy without anybody telling me.

**John:** Absolutely.

**Craig:** The creativity that led for this front page to be so interesting I think carried through. Well done, Jordan Johnson.

**John:** One other suggestion for how you can save some space on the page. On the top of Page 3, Evelyn has two lines. She goes, “Thank you for helping. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” Then there’s two lines of scene description before we get to another Evelyn line, “Let me say a quick word over the food. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you two.” Parentheticals, takes their hands. “Let me say a quick a quick word over the food.” That gives you all you needed to do between those two lines, and it saves you some space on the page.

**Craig:** If you wanted to get across that Maddy was not even looking at Evelyn but just stays looking at the potato salad, you can say, “Maddy, her eyes focused on the potato salad, joins Pam and Evelyn as they hold hands.” Then Evelyn says, “Dear Lord.” There is a way to be a little bit more compressed there. If you’re not running into page issues, I’d rather the space, personally. You’re right, if you are, you need to squeeze some juice out of this. You’ll squeeze way more juice out of it by making the prayer shorter, which you can definitely do.

**John:** That way you won’t have to fluid morph in the cut.

**Craig:** Fluid morph.

**John:** Let’s take a look at the log line. “At the funeral of her best friend, brash and honest 24-year-old Maddy Palmer endures the suffocating etiquette of a traditional wake.”

**Craig:** That’s pretty much what we were getting there.

**John:** It’s interesting that it looks like the whole movie’s maybe at this wake, rather than going on past it. Not what I would’ve expected, but I’m curious what’s going to happen. I would read more pages, so that’s a good sign.

**Craig:** Wakes are notorious for going off the rails, because they are not like the stuffy funeral services. They’re meant to be more of a party and celebration, I guess. I’ve never been to a wake. Drinking is involved, as I recall.

**John:** It can be. I want to thank certainly our three people who submitted these pages, because they were so brave for us to talk through them, but the other 180 people who submitted their pages, because they could’ve been chosen as well. If you have your own pages that you want us to take a look at, you don’t mail them to Megana. Instead, you fill out a form. Go to johnaugust.com/threepage, all spelled out. There’s a little form. You click some buttons. You attach your pdf. We could be talking about this on the next round of Three Page Challenges.

**Craig:** Absolutely. Megana, thank you for again the extraordinary self-abuse.

**Megana:** Of course. It’s my pleasure.

**Craig:** Make sure you enjoy in self-care.

**John:** Let’s answer one incredibly quick question that I know we actually have the answer to.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** Matthew asks, “Hey, so in the new movie Watcher, I saw a credit I’ve never seen before. I Googled it, and I found nothing. It said ‘based on a screenplay by.'”

**Craig:** I feel like we answer this every day.

**John:** “What’s that about?” We did, but we’ll answer on this podcast as well.

**Craig:** “Based on a screenplay by” is a source material credit, the way that “based on a novel” or “based on a play” or “based on a song” is. What it means is that a screenplay was written early in the development of the project, oftentimes beginning the development of the project. That screenplay was not under the auspices of WGA contract. Why? Because it was written for a nonsignatory, or, as is more often the case, it was written for a nonsignatory but overseas. A lot of projects that originate in the UK for instance are not Writers Guild covered. They are rather written in the UK, where Writers Guild doesn’t have jurisdiction.

Then it gets either brought into another company, another company buys that thing from the first company, or, again more likely, the people developing it say, “Oh, we want to hire John August to rewrite this.” John only works under WGA contract, so now, lo and behold, boop, WGA contract. WGA credits, “written by,” “screenplay by,” “screen story by,” “story by,” all of those are a result of our collective bargaining agreement. They are available only to people that work under the Writers Guild collective bargaining agreement and not to anyone else. “Based on a screenplay by” means the first or early screenplay was not covered by the WGA.

**John:** Exactly. It could be that this screenplay was 40 years old but overseas. If it was written under WGA contract, even for Warners back in the day, it would still be part of this [inaudible 00:56:35] title.

**Craig:** Yes. We will answer this question many, many more times.

**John:** Many, many more times. Time for our One Cool Things.

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** My One Cool Thing is a book. It is The Secret History of Mac Gaming by Richard Moss. Craig, it’s a book I think you’ll enjoy.

**Craig:** Looking at the website.

**John:** It’s 480 pages long. It’s a big, thick, yellow book, comes out of the UK. It’s not new. I think it was first published in 2017, but this updated version has new more good stuff in it, or more new good old stuff in it. I had my Macintosh quite early on. I played a lot of games on Macintosh. Reading this book, I’m just remembering how different everything was, because this is pre-internet. To get a game, you had to have somebody give you that game on a disk. [inaudible 00:57:16] users group or find a shareware. Basically, college campuses were all about trading games back and forth. There are many great titles I remember from back in these days. Dark Castle, fantastic.

**Craig:** Of course. You would also get some quasi-free games if you subscribed to Macworld.

**John:** Macworld, MacUser, both.

**Craig:** There would be a floppy disk actually in the magazine that you could pop out. There were also some, literally just retype the code. People would just list code for stuff that you’d type in.

**John:** I don’t remember that for Macintosh stuff, but my initial Atari-

**Craig:** Apple II or something like that.

**John:** Yeah, Apple II, there were little games you could type in from the magazine. This was after that. The Macintosh was never really designed to be a gaming machine, and yet the people who would love to play games also loved the Macintosh. It was just a very natural fit.

**Craig:** Yes, it was, until at some point suddenly no one was making games for Mac at all, and it was all PC.

**John:** One company would be the one who would port all the big PC titles over to Macintosh, and they would come a year later, and they wouldn’t have the things you would want to see.

**Craig:** It wouldn’t be as good.

**John:** Then eventually, most stuff moved to being… Either you had a gaming PC that was literally a PC or you had a console that could just do so many things that you would never want your home computer to do.

**Craig:** Still to this day, if you’re playing off console, it’s almost certainly a PC, because there are PC rigs that are just built specifically for gaming. That’s great.

**John:** Anyway, this was a nice trip down memory lane. I don’t know how interesting this will be for people who didn’t have any of that firsthand history, because it would be like me reading about old rotary telephones or something. I don’t have that experience.

**Craig:** I do have the experience.

**John:** I do, but I-

**Craig:** I just don’t care.

**John:** I don’t care.

**Craig:** This is more nostalgia than anything else. This definitely feels like one of those nostalgia books.

**John:** The D and D book that you and I both loved, the Art and Arcana book, it’s like that but for Mac games.

**Craig:** Brought to us by my pal Kyle Newman. I have two Cool Things this week, both related to puzzles. The first is Ryan O’Shea, who was the first and only entry into my solve the Kevin Wald cryptic contest, challenge. By cryptic, I mean cryptics, multiple puzzles, three of them in fact, all extraordinarily hard, with so many layers that I believe you and Megana looked at Ryan’s solution and didn’t even understand the solution.

**John:** I have no idea.

**Megana:** No way.

**John:** Here’s the subject line on this email. “Have uncouth mercy, but not for me, to at its core deweaponize jerk Craig’s jigsaw alt.”

**Craig:** Let me translate, as I did for you guys. “Have uncouth mercy” means… Uncouth is a prompt to anagram. Anagram the word mercy, but not for me, so take M-E out of mercy, and anagram R-C-Y to C-R-Y. Then “to at its core deweaponize,” go to the core of the word deweaponize, which is the letter P. That is the letter directly in the middle of the word deweaponize. Now we have C-R-Y-P. “Jerk.” A synonym for a jerk is a tic, T-I-C. “Cryptic.” Then the definition part, “Craig’s jigsaw alt,” meaning cryptic puzzles are my alternative to jigsaws, which are not puzzles at all. Ryan’s solution was perfect and perfectly complete. He did a fantastic job. He did suggest that I’ve ruined him somehow. I’m glad. Good. I hope you’re ruined permanently, Ryan. Why should I be the only one? No, you did a wonderful job. I’m so proud and pleased.

**John:** Hooray.

**Craig:** Then my second Cool Thing is coming up. It just passed if you’re listening to this on a normal Tuesday. You still can access it. You still have time to get your name on the list of completionists. Mark Halpin, a friend of mine and perhaps the most, what I would say, elegant puzzle constructor in the world, meaning he himself not that elegant. No, he is, but his puzzles are elegant. Every year, with the exception of last year, every year for Labor Day weekend, he releases something he calls a Labor Day Extravaganza, which is a suite of usually somewhere around 10 puzzles, all which then feed into a meta puzzle. This is a pretty standard puzzle hunt kind of thing. His puzzles are so beautifully done. They are always wrapped together thematically by some kind of interesting narrative device, typically relating to stories, folklore, and mythology from various different cultures. He’s covered pretty much every culture I can think of.

His latest is called Cross Purposes. It launched, past tense, at 1 p.m. Eastern on Saturday, September 3rd. It is free, although there is an opportunity to tip him. I strongly encourage you to do so, because it’s not easy to build these things, and particularly not easy to build things as beautiful as a Mark Halpin Labor Day Extravaganza.

**John:** Fantastic. That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Megana Rao.

**Craig:** Woo!

**John:** It’s edited by Matthew Chilleli. Our outro this week is by Matthew Jordan. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also a place where you can send your longer questions. For short questions on Twitter, Craig is @clmazin, I’m @johnaugust. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find the Three Page Challenges that we discussed today. You’ll find transcripts there and sign up for our weeklyish newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing.

We have T-shirts and they’re great, including the new Scriptnotes Bon Jovi T-shirt. You’ll find this at Cotton Bureau. When you get those in and ordered, you can wear them to our live shows that are coming up. You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to record on senior year. Craig and Megana, thank you for a fun show.

**Megana:** Thank you.

**Craig:** Thank you.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** Senior year, that is our topic. It is the final year of high school in the US, both for our daughters, and a point of life that is frequently dramatized in movies. You see that a lot. There’s a movie I’m trying to set up which is all about senior year, because it’s such a big transition year. You are leaving one part of your life and moving on to this other part. It feels like a funeral for your younger self. Craig, what’s your recollection of senior year?

**Craig:** You could feel that there was a line that you were leaving a place where a lot of the challenge was to see if you could get into a good college. For a lot of people, senior year is also… You’re going to be confronted by having that breakup with that boyfriend or that girlfriend. You’re going to be driving to school instead of being driven to school. You are enough of an adult where you have access to certain things you didn’t have before, but not enough of an adult to… You can vote, but you can’t smoke, although you do. You feel like you’re on the verge of freedom, and you’re also getting away from home. That may very well be the next thing. This is your last hurrah with, for a lot of people, friends they’ve had since they were in kindergarten.

My daughter has gone to school in the La Cañada School District, which is a public school district where we live. She’s been in the public school system from kindergarten all the way through this year, her senior year. She has friends that she’s known since she was six. That’s a whole thing. It’s just so many transitions. The stuff that life fires at you and the speed with which it fires it at you when you are 17 or 18 is just astonishing.

**John:** I’m definitely noticing it’s the last firsts of a lot of things. It’s her last first day. It’s going to be the last musical that they’ll do at that school. It’s going to be the last time a lot of these things are going to happen. While there are some senior traditions, things that my daughter’s school always does, like the last day rituals and a senior trip, it’s recognizing that this is the final time certain things are going to happen is even more monumental for her.

**Craig:** I think as the year goes on, my daughter will be feeling this more and more. It’s easy now, because they just went back. They just went back, I don’t know, a couple weeks ago. As we get closer and closer to May, yeah, it’s going to be all sorts of stuff happening. It becomes almost like a yearlong celebration. Megana, you are way closer to senior year of high school than John or I. What do you remember, and how did you feel?

**Megana:** All of the things of feeling like you are on top and like you are like big dog on campus, but then I remember feeling so anxious about this looming question of what’s going to happen next year. I’m not going to have my friends or family around me. Where am I going to go to college? I feel like that question was looming over the horizon for the entire year in a way that maybe was the first time that I really experienced anxiety.

**Craig:** That was the last time, I’m sure.

**Megana:** Yeah, one and done.

**John:** Talk about that anxiety, because you were thinking about what’s going to happen next year, what colleges you’re going to get into. Once you knew where you were going to go to college, the stakes were suddenly much lower, weren’t they?

**Megana:** Amy is also applying to colleges. Any time she asks me for questions, I’m like, “Please don’t follow my example,” because I applied to too many schools, because I couldn’t make any decisions. I applied to them literally in the minutes before the application shut down. Then with Harvard, I got in. I think I got in on April 1st. I remember telling people, and they were like, “Oh, sick joke,” because everyone assumed I was just pulling an April Fools.

**John:** Oh, man.

**Craig:** Were you stupid? Was that why? Were they like, “Oh my god, Megana is the dumbest person we know.”

**Megana:** I also love April Fools. I think that’s the bigger component.

**Craig:** That may be it. Got it.

**Megana:** I was just so last minute on everything that I feel like I… I feel like that has continued throughout my life, where it’s like, I don’t know how much I got to enjoy it, because I was putting off decisions for so long.

**John:** Craig, did you encounter senioritis?

**Craig:** No, because we had been terrified by possibly urban legends, possibly not, of kids who had blown their last semester of high school and then the college rescinds the offer. The colleges said, when I got into college, they were like, “Yeah, just so you know, of course, we will be reviewing your final grades. Make sure that they’re… ” You’re like, “Oh god, I don’t want to fumble.” Also, I was in a race. I was in a valedictorian race. I couldn’t let up. Couldn’t let up.

**Megana:** Did you win the race?

**John:** Did you win?

**Craig:** No. I was the salutatorian.

**Megana:** Which is the cooler torian.

**Craig:** I think so. It was down to 100ths of a point or whatever. This is all stupid, by the way. If you find yourself currently as a senior in a race, it doesn’t matter, unless you’re really good at giving speeches. Then you’ll get some love for a good speech. I kept it on. I kept the heat on, but without the panic of, oh no, the unknown. I had a sense, “Okay, this is where I’m going to school. This is what it’s going to be.” Then you get the whiplash of having gone from the top of the heap in your high school to once again being a nobody that doesn’t know anything and is at the bottom of the pecking order when you get to college. The difference though when you get to college is… You can get razzed by the upperclassmen going into junior high or to high school. In college, no one cares. It’s the recognition you’re never going to be that little kid who’s getting picked on again. That just all goes away.

**Craig:** Yes, that part goes away. You’re not going to get bullied. I do recall, as a young heterosexual male, that there was definitely a certain kind of sexual politics going on where freshman heterosexual males were… It was just tougher. It was tougher. All the girls were looking upwards, and so you had to hustle. (singing) I did. I did. You know why?

**John:** You did, and you met your wife.

**Craig:** I did, I met my wife, although that wasn’t until I was a junior, so I had a few years of hustling. Then she put a ring on it.

**John:** Aw. I literally had one foot out the door my senior year because I was going to… Basically I had enough credits to graduate early. I only had to go to school in the mornings.

**Megana:** What?

**John:** I went to classes in the mornings, and then I took a class at CU Boulder in the afternoons. I was only halfway on campus anyway. I was running the high school paper. I don’t know, it was a good transition out. It worked really well for me. I felt like I was already leaving before I was officially leaving.

**Craig:** Interesting. Interesting.

**John:** Really Mike was the same situation. My husband was taking classes at OSU during his senior year too. We both had a situation where we really weren’t full-time high school students senior year.

**Craig:** He went to The Ohio State University?

**John:** The Ohio State University.

**Craig:** That’s one of the dumbest things.

**John:** It is one of the dumbest things. It has to be continuously mocked.

**Craig:** The. Please.

**Megana:** I feel like I can’t sit here and let this continue. It is The Ohio State University.

**Craig:** It is, because, what, there are other ones that are pretending to be Ohio State University, but we are The Ohio State University? Those are ripoff Ohio State Universities. Where are the other ones? There are no other ones.

**Megana:** There’s Ohio University.

**John:** Are there other OSUs that are not the one in Columbus, and so it’s only the one in Columbus is The Ohio State University?

**Craig:** No, there’s just The Ohio State University.

**Megana:** I was always under the impression that it was because of Ohio University that they did that. There’s Oregon State University.

**John:** Why would that work?

**Craig:** Why don’t they just underline the word State, Ohio State University? No, they stick the word The on it, which no one else does, for good reason.

**John:** Maybe we should be The Scriptnotes Podcast.

**Craig:** That’s a perfect analogy. Welcome to The Scriptnotes Podcast. That’s just ridiculous. The odds are that neither one of us survive to see October based on what we just did, because man, I’ll tell you, Ohio fans, phew.

**John:** That’s why we keep these conversations in the Premium feed, so at least we’re getting money for the hate coming our way.

**Craig:** Yes, there will be hate coming our way, and also long emails. Oh my god, so many long emails. “This is why,” blah blah blah, blah blah blah. I’m already making fun of your email. Don’t send it.

**John:** The end of high school is also graduation. Craig, did you have a good high school graduation?

**Craig:** I did. High school graduation went well.

**John:** Did you have to give a salutatorian speech?

**Craig:** I did. I gave a salutatorian-

**John:** What was your topic?

**Craig:** For the life of me, I cannot remember.

**John:** Do you have it written down anywhere?

**Craig:** Not anymore. It was written down, but we’re talking about something that I think I probably wrote it by hand and then typed it into my Macintosh and then printed it on my Brother Daisywheel printer. Oh, Megana, you never knew the joys of a Daisywheel printer.

**Megana:** I’m totally lost here.

**John:** Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.

**Craig:** Basically, it was like an electric typewriter. You would say, okay, print this. It would pull all the text into its memory. Then there was a wheel, a disc, a plastic disc, and at the tips of it were the letters. It would spin and hammer the letter. It was like the world’s fastest typist. It was loud and so much slower than a laser printer, not even close. I probably did that. Where it went… I tried to erase my past as best I could.

**John:** We’ve noticed that. We have video footage of Ted Cruz from his freshman year. I wonder if somebody filmed Craig’s salutatorian speech.

**Craig:** I think that’s wonderful.

**John:** If someone who’s listening can track that down, that would’ve been from 1989?

**Craig:** Eight.

**John:** ’88.

**Craig:** That was spring of 1988 in Freehold, New Jersey. If somebody has the video of my salutatory address, we’d love to see it. If you have it and it’s on VHS, we’ll gladly pay for the transfer.

**John:** Good stuff. Craig, Megana, thank you for a good senior year.

**Megana:** Thank you.

**Craig:** Thank you. See you next week.

**John:** Bye.

**Megana:** Bye.

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