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Scriptnotes, Ep 120: Let’s talk about coverage — Transcript

December 5, 2013 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2013/lets-talk-about-coverage).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Scriptnotes, Episode 120, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Craig, are you high right now?

**Craig:** No, I’m not at all high right now. Not right now.

**John:** And that’s something we’ll be talking about on today’s episode is writers who get high a lot, or somehow use some other substance in order to allow themselves to write.

**Craig:** Mm-hmm.

**John:** And the pros and cons of doing that.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Today we will also talk about the upcoming WGA negotiations. There may have been a template set by the DGA negotiations, so we will talk about that. But first, we wanted to talk about this infographic that probably everyone on Twitter sent to us this last week.

**Craig:** I mean, there’s got to be some service, someone would make millions, if they could create a service that let people know don’t send this to someone because the rest of the world has already sent it to them.

**John:** Well, let’s think about that. because it wouldn’t be that hard for Twitter to actually build that in. So, essentially if you were trying to @-message somebody this link, when you send it to them Twitter could come back saying they already got that. Are you sure you want to pester them again?

**Craig:** That is a great idea. Twitter, please! Just because you and I have a very specific kind of podcast. Probably more specific than 99% of the podcasts out there. And what that means is when something hits our specific topic, everyone sends it. Everyone.

**John:** I like that Craig knows that our podcast is more specific than every other podcast…

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Considering he listens to exactly one podcast, this podcast.

**Craig:** I’m using the process of — I’m using induction.

**John:** [laughs] Induction.

**Craig:** Induction. I’m inducing this. Because how could you be more specific than what we talk about?

**John:** Oh, there are whole podcasts about grandfather clocks.

**Craig:** What?! That’s crazy. [laughs]

**John:** Well, if you think back to the prototype for our show, something like Car Talk, where they’re just two brothers talking about cars. And that’s a very — seems like a very specific topic. Granted, it’s more general than screenwriting, although we’re talking about screenwriting in movies overall, so movies are not more specific than cars, are they?

**Craig:** Well, screenwriting is. But you’re right. I’ll notch it back. We’re not more specific than 99% of podcasts. We’re more specific than 9% of podcasts.

**John:** We are fairly specific. And so the bigger point being that people do send us things like this infographic a lot. Probably because they like the show. They think this graphic is interesting. And we would probably want to talk about it on the show. And you know what? Let’s do it right now.

**Craig:** Let’s do it.

**John:** So, this was an infographic that was put up on Reddit but a guy named profound_whatever. I think that’s his handle. If his actual name was profound_whatever…

**Craig:** Coolest guy.

**John:** He’d be kind of cool. Also, you wonder about his parents. It just tells you a lot about who the parents could be if they named their child profound_whatever. This person wrote, “I’ve covered 300 spec scripts for five different companies and assembled findings into a snazzy infographic,” which is linked. And it’s a huge infographic.

So, before we get into this I thought we could talk about what coverage is, because for people who are new to our podcast or to screenwriting, they may not be familiar with coverage.

So, Craig, describe coverage for us.

**Craig:** Great question. In fact, there was somebody on Twitter recently who was asking this very question and they seemed a little, they just seemed a little at sea about the notion of it.

Coverage is simply the process by which people who are interested in whether or not they should pursue a script ask somebody else to do the work for them. And the work meaning reading the script, summarizing the plot of the script, offering opinion about the quality of the script — relative quality of the script — and then giving it some sort of grade.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** It sounds a bit awful to say that people whose job is to evaluate screenplays don’t do the reading, they essentially farm out the reading of these scripts. But they have to. They just don’t have a choice. There are so many more screenplays than decision makers. And so the decision makers need some sort of filtering system. And that’s how Hollywood has evolved. There have been readers forever. And they get paid, you know, sometimes they get paid okay. Sometimes they don’t get paid much at all. It’s a classic job for somebody that’s starting out.

You yourself did it.

**John:** I did.

**Craig:** And you kind of — you just hope that you get good coverage. And everyone has it. Agencies have readers, and studios have readers, and producers have readers. They’re everywhere.

**John:** Great. So, let’s define some terms. A reader is somebody who works for a producer, a studio, an agency, and someone plops a script down in front of this person and says, “Please read this and write coverage on it.” Coverage is both the process of covering a script, basically like to write out this report on a script, and it’s also the report itself. So, it’s the object and it’s the process.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So, coverage can best be thought of as sort of like a book report about a script. And so it has a summary page and it sort of lists the very basic things about it like who wrote it, how many pages long it is, so the quantifiable data. Some grades in different categories, like characterization, or setting, or different things.

**Craig:** Plot.

**John:** Plot. Which would be scaled from like poor to excellent. And then usually three possibilities: “consider” or “recommend” are sort of interchangeable terms; “pass with reservations” or “consider with reservations,” sort of like that maybe grade; and then “pass,” which would just be no — you should not consider making this as a film or pursuing this any further.

**Craig:** Right. Recommend, consider, and pass are like green light, yellow light, red light.

**John:** Exactly. So, this person wrote coverage on 300 different scripts. When I was reading at TriStar, by the time I left TriStar, I had read 110 scripts and books and written coverage on them. And it’s very common to sort of keep at least your title pages of this in like some sort of database. And so it’s actually easy-ish to generate some kind of report and that’s what this guy apparently did.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** So, out of 300 total scripts, he recommended eight.

**Craig:** Mm-hmm.

**John:** 89 scripts received a consider. And 203 scripts received a pass. I found the 89 considers really, really high. Did that strike you as high, too?

**Craig:** No, because consider is — you have to put yourself in the shoes of the reader. I’m not sure who he was reading for, but you usually know for whom you’re reading. You will find screenplays sometimes that either have a high quality to them, but you don’t think are something that your employer, the person asking you for coverage, is looking to make.

And sometimes you have the opposite problem where, okay, well this is exactly the kind of move they want to make, it’s just not very well written. So, you kind of have to give it to them and let them know, at least, because it may be something that they want to be rewritten, or maybe a writer that they love that they want to put on something else.

So, that didn’t shock me.

**John:** That’s actually — those are very good points. And consider may also be, depending on the studio or what the venue is that you’re reading for, consider might be consider this is a writing sample. Basically like I don’t think this movie is something you’re going to want to make, but this writer is good, so therefore you should take a look at it.

**Craig:** Yeah. But the number that should give everybody a little pause is eight scripts out of 300. So, we’re talking about roughly, what, 2.5% success rate there.

**John:** I will tell you that when I was a reader for TriStar, I recommended — by the time I was done with 110 scripts I had recommended four.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** And I can tell you on each of the four scripts I recommended I got called to the mat for recommending them. They’d say like, “Why are you wasting our time recommending this script?” And so it’s one of those things where as a reader a lot of times you’re more rewarded for not recommending something, which is a sad thing but a true thing that people should keep in mind.

**Craig:** Yeah. Because the thing is when you recommend something you’re saying, “You are going to spend three hours on your weekend reading this.”

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** And if they hate it, you wasted their precious time.

**John:** Exactly. You took time away from them and their families and their second wife.

**Craig:** [laughs] Second wives!

**John:** Let’s take a look at page count, because I thought you would be very excited by this page count graph. Basically he’s charted from the very shortest script to the very longest script.

**Craig:** I was excited, yeah.

**John:** The average script length was 107 pages. But Craig recognized a very familiar pattern from his psychology days.

**Craig:** The pattern of like the double hump.

**John:** The double hump. At first glance it is a bell curve, but then as you dig in a little deeper, there’s sort of two places where it also pumps up.

**Craig:** Yes. This is not a clean bell curve by any stretch. And the average script length here, I think, is less interesting probably — he’s using the mean. I’m kind of more interested in mode or median perhaps. But, yes, there’s this cluster of, I mean, it’s really small on my screen on this particular — oh, there we go.

So, there’s this cluster that occurs kind of around 95 to 100 pages. There’s a cluster that occur around 106 to 112. Then there’s a cluster that’s 117 to 122. A weird little spike, like in the mid 120s. But I was interested, and I was actually pleased to see this, there’s kind of no real average here. When you look at it you realize that there’s pretty remarkable diversity of page length in the range of 95 to 126 pages.

**John:** Yeah. The highest number of scripts he read had 106 pages rather than 107 pages. Also, I recognize now on the very right end of the chart, it goes up to 147, but it doesn’t fill in all the little steps in between. So, it’s misleading out there on the edges of the chart.

**Craig:** Yeah, he didn’t do the little squiggle to show that the graph was breaking numerically, which makes sense, because the 147 would have just skewed the graph and made it look stupid.

I mean, let’s give — what’s his name, proper_whatever?

**John:** profound_whatever.

**Craig:** profound_whatever has done a quite beautiful job graphically here. I just wanted to give him or her credit for their visual sense. I like the color choices and the fonts and everything.

**John:** Here’s what I would say, a useful thing to take from this. Anywhere between, you know, I’d say 98 pages and 120 pages, you’re going to be in a pretty safe zone. Most of the scripts you’re going to read are going to be in that zone. And so if you’re outside of that zone, you should really think twice.

**Craig:** Yeah. I mean, you still see, I mean one of the more popular page counts in his infographic is 95 pages, which surprised me that there were that many. You know, I’ve never turned in a script that was fewer than 100 pages. I don’t think I’ve ever turned in a script that was more than 120. I’ve always landed somewhere in that 20 page zone depending on what the story called for.

But, I could see, okay, if it was a great 95 pages, no one is going to throw tantrum. If it’s a great 128 pages, no one is going to throw a tantrum. But, you will start to stress people out as you drift away from. I mean, however many standard deviations away from whatever they say — I would just say 110 is a nice number to call middle zone.

**John:** Let’s take a look at heroes and villains. Here he’s charting whether the hero and the villain were male, female, and how it all works. So, by far the bulk of scripts were a male hero and a male villain. That’s not surprising to me at all.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Male hero/indistinct villain is the second highest number. An indistinct villain is a forest fire, zombies, himself/herself, a haunted house, the Nazis, society, etc.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So that man versus something that’s not another man.

Female villain, there’s only 16 scripts. Male versus female villain, 16 scripts. Female villains altogether only accounted for 33 of the —

**Craig:** That’s right.

**John:** That’s a not very high number.

**Craig:** No.

**John:** Female heroes were 33 out of these scripts. Sorry, total of 50 if you count the male and female villains. Not that huge a number.

**Craig:** No, this may be a function of the fact that more men are writing these screenplays than women. It may be a function of society or god knows what. You know, I always hesitate to draw conclusions from these things. But one thing is clear. This is a very statistically significant finding.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** And the 300 scripts is actually a pretty decent population upon which to draw statistical analysis. That stories about men opposing men are wildly more popular than any other kind of story.

**John:** Nearly half of the scripts that he covered was a man versus a man.

**Craig:** Correct.

**John:** Let’s take a look at the writers. So, of these 300 scripts —

**Craig:** Oh, well there you go. [laughs]

**John:** 270 were male writers.

**Craig:** There we go! That probably has is a big part of it. Yeah.

**John:** 22 were female writers. Eight were a male/female duo. Solo writers accounted for more than two-thirds, 223. Writer duos or trios accounted for the rest of them. Only four trios.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** I know very few writing trios. So, if you have three names on a script, that’s usually someone has come in to rewrite it. It’s not that you were a writing team of three people. Do you know any writing teams of three people?

**Craig:** I do. The most famous and longest lasting writing trio probably in Hollywood is Berg, Schaffer, Mandel.

**John:** You’re absolutely right.

**Craig:** But they are an anomaly. No question.

**John:** Let’s take a look at the miscellaneous section. Heroes/villains with macho action movie names, 25.

**Craig:** “Stacker Pentecost.”

**John:** Scripts based on a true story. 18 of those.

Pun titles…

**Craig:** [sighs]

**John:** Yeah. Oh, he didn’t count how many were like a bad word in a title, because that’s always like one of those icebreaker things where you have filthy words in the title.

**Craig:** Where is that?

**John:** It’s not there.

**Craig:** Oh, he didn’t count that.

**John:** It feels like there would be more of those than pun titles.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Because that’s a thing that people do. They throw some word you could never actually use in the movie title —

**Craig:** But so many pun titles. I mean, Last Vegas is out in theaters right now. People love pun titles. I don’t know why.

**John:** They do. Found footage scripts, 11. Zombie scripts, 10. Attempts at the next Sherlock Holmes, like historical revision.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Manic pixie dream girls, only four.

**Craig:** Oh, that’s nice to see.

**John:** But three uses of the scorpion and the frog analogy.

**Craig:** Well, it’s everyone’s favorite analogy.

**John:** It’s the best little analogy.

**Craig:** And look, I like that he puts here, “We get it, some people are born bad.” I know, but you know, like what if it’s in a good script?

**John:** I would take exception to that. I don’t think you can use that anymore. I think it can be a fantastic script, it would only hurt a fantastic script to actually call it out. Even Drive, with his scorpion jacket, it’s like, “Oh, yeah, I get it.”

**Craig:** Well, what if it’s in the script in action and it’s not meant to be seen or heard? Like what if somebody says something like, “Jim shoots Dan. Dan looks at him. Of course, the scorpion and the frog,” but not like dialogue. Is that okay?

**John:** Yeah. It wouldn’t bug me nearly as much. I think it’s still absolutely a valid idea that a character cannot change his basic nature. That’s an absolutely valid idea, thematically resonate now, for the next 100 years.

**Craig:** But you can’t say it.

**John:** You can’t say it aloud.

**Craig:** I totally agree with that. That would be ridiculous at this point.

**John:** So, of the 300 scripts that he covered, he or she, I’m just assuming it’s a he, but that’s not necessarily true, 49 were horror/slasher.

**Craig:** That’s so crazy to me that there’s that many.

**John:** So many.

**Craig:** And you know, interestingly, so that was the most popular genre. And perhaps specs lend themselves to horror/slasher genre. Or perhaps a sort of cottage industry of amateurs love horror. But, horror movies are actually not that — they don’t get made a lot actually.

**John:** See, I think people will see that those scripts are selling. And we’re making at least ten of those a year. So, I think if you’re a first-time writer who is trying to sell a script, it might be the thing you write though.

**Craig:** Sure. But, I mean, look at this —

**John:** It’s not a bad —

**Craig:** There’s comedy, I mean, every month there’s two comedies, no matter what, without fail. And there are only 31 out of 300. 10% of the scripts were comedies.

**John:** That seems crazy to me.

**Craig:** It just seems crazy, right? Whereas almost 50 were horror movies. That was very, I mean, listen, great. Less competition. Please, more horror movies.

**John:** But here’s a thing I’ll say. If you are a funny person why are you not writing a comedy script? Well, maybe you’re writing a comedy TV half-hour. Maybe that’s where they’re actually spending their time. But if you’re a funny person, you have so much less competition on the spec level for those reads.

**Craig:** Yeah, well, maybe there just aren’t that many funny people.

**John:** Now, it could be a reporting bias. Like maybe this guy is known as like not having a sense of humor whatsoever, so he doesn’t get sent those scripts. That’s possible. When I was at TriStar I got sent certain scripts and not other kinds of scripts and I will never know why, but that’s possible.

**Craig:** Oh, all right.

**John:** The other genres are less represented. Drama, only 23. Drama that’s not a thriller or crime and gangster. So, that is sort of an eccentric way of breaking that up. Coming of age is broken out separately, so you never quite know what that —

**Craig:** Right. I mean, 13 science fiction post-apocalyptic. 12 mysteries. I liked “extraordinary romance,” 12 scripts. I’m not sure what that means. I guess, does that mean like — ?

**John:** I think it’s Twilight.

**Craig:** Oh, that means almost like supernatural romance?

**John:** Supernatural romance.

**Craig:** Oh, okay, I thought extraordinary romance meant like, wow, they really love each other. As opposed to those other movies where they kind of love each other.

**John:** I will point out that later on in this chart which I didn’t recognize, action-adventure comedy is listed separately as a category as six scripts, so there’s some of your comedy people.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Black comedy is listed as four. But black comedy is really it’s own thing. Like black comedy is not joke-joke funny-funny usually.

**Craig:** Yeah, black comedy is truly its own thing.

**John:** And there’s seven scripts listed as family, and family is a little bit more likely to be comedy.

**Craig:** You never know. It could be, or it could be sort of mopey.

**John:** Time period, story set in the past, 55 scripts. Story set in the future, 12 scripts. The vast majority of stories were set in the present. That makes sense. As it should be, unless there’s a reason to be somewhere else.

**Craig:** Yup.

**John:** The endings. Good triumphed over evil in 229 of the scripts. Evil triumphed over good in 32 of the scripts. And there were a lot of horror/slasher movies —

**Craig:** Right, setting up the sequel.

**John:** Yes. Open-ended or even-handed. A little of both but not enough of either. 39 scripts.

**Craig:** Okay.

**John:** So, I was thinking of my own movies applying to this and it’s like, well, good triumphs over evil. Well, like Go didn’t really have evil to some degree. I guess it’s a happy ending because no one that you cared about died, so —

**Craig:** Yeah, maybe yours would have been “even-handed.”

**John:** Yes. All right. Settings. How many scripts were set in each of these different locations. Totals will not add up due to scripts with multiple locations.

So, he has a very nice little map here that shows the locations where a lot of things are set. Obviously things tended to be set more on the edges of the country. So, west coast, east coast, some Texas, some New Orleans, very little in — well, there were four scripts in Denver, Colorado, which has been a weird thing I’ve noticed recently. Because both of your last two movies had a Denver connection, didn’t they? Or, no, your movie and Rawson’s movie? Identity Thief did, but also Rawson’s movie had.

**Craig:** The reason why is because studios, particularly when you’re dealing with the, we’ll call it mid-budget studio comedy that’s around $30 million or so, which is where We’re the Millers and Identity Thief both landed, they almost inevitably shoot in Atlanta. And you can’t make every movie actually set in Atlanta. Denver, as it turns out, is a kind of — for the rest of America, it’s considered a generic city. Nobody really knows what it looks like. You can kind of get away with it.

And so I have a — that’s why they did Denver, at least for us, and I suspect it was the same for Rawson because he was shooting in Atlanta, also.

**John:** So, considering that so many movies are shooting in Atlanta right now, not one script was set in Atlanta.

**Craig:** I know. Which is really interesting.

**John:** I would say the south overall is hugely underrepresented in this sample. So, Houston, there’s only two. New Orleans, there’s five. Miami, you really can’t count Miami as the south. Nowhere else in the south.

**Craig:** Yeah. It is odd. When I look at, for instance the original setting for Identity Thief was a road trip from Boston to Portland. So, in this case I would have been in Cambridge, Massachusetts, three scripts, which I assume were Harvard stories, and Portland, Oregon, two scripts. But, when you look at the way people basically write, New York — 43 New York. 32 in LA. 12 in Chicago. And then everybody else is just running behind.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** People love writing movies in New York and LA.

**John:** They do.

This next category, the undisclosed locations, some of our south is made up here. So, there were 11 scripts set in the deep American south. But, not specifically one southern place or another southern place, which as someone who has made Big Fish, I will tell you that you’re going to find great differences between Alabama, and Kentucky, and Tennessee.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** So, it strikes me it might be a lack of specificity to use our commonly used term here.

**Craig:** Or to be fair to these writers, he may have not — when it says “Undisclosed — the deep American South,” there may have been some indication that it was in a state or something like that. But he’s done these by city, so.

**John:** Yeah. We also don’t know — he presumably didn’t go into this planning to do exactly this infographic chart. And so usually in coverage you would not necessarily list every little detail that could help build this kind of chart.

**Craig:** Right. I didn’t like seeing though that 46 scripts were in some anonymous small town and then 40 were in some anonymous big city. That’s unacceptable. And I have read many, many scripts where you are in “a town.” What town? How town? [laughs] Please, give me more than “town.”

**John:** A town in Montana and a town in Arizona are going to be very different towns.

**Craig:** I mean, this is not a stage play. You know what I mean?

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** You can get away with Our Town on stage, but not on film.

**John:** So, this next section is recurring problems. And this is where it’s really his judgment, and so you should take it with a grain of salt. Like this is his opinion. But, the reader is basically giving his opinion in writing this coverage report anyway.

Usually coverage will have a title page which will list all the sort of quantifiable facts. And also give you the pass/recommend/consider. The second page or couple pages of the coverage will be a synopsis which will basically — just like a book report, like summarizing what actually happens in the plot. The last page of coverage is usually comments, which his basically this is what I actually genuinely think of the script. And this is really the meat of it. And this is where you’re pulling these recurring problems. So, these are the problems that he found in scripts and we’ll go from the most common to the least common problem.

The story begins too late in the script.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Yeah. You see that a lot.

**Craig:** Yeah, you know, I don’t know what to — this is a little hard for me because I’m not sure how to evaluate this exactly. Maybe I disagree with him, and you and I have talked about how —

**John:** Because you like long first acts.

**Craig:** Yeah, and you — we both like long first acts. This guy may just be like, “Start,” you know.

**John:** Well, here’s what I will say based on what he’s putting in his little sub heading here. If it’s not even clear what kind of movie it is until like midway through the script, then you really have a problem.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** So, even in these long first acts we’re talking about, they’re setting you up for, like, this is what the world of the movie is. This is what we’re going to follow and see. So, even if the fuse hasn’t been lit so quickly, we know that there’s a bomb.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** We know sort of what the world is.

**Craig:** Yeah. I have a feeling that if we were to talk to the person that did this, he or she would be able to look us in the eye and say, “No, no, no, trust me. This story began way too late.” And so I’m going to say, okay, yeah, I get that.

**John:** Scenes are void of meaningful conflict.

**Craig:** Mm-hmm.

**John:** Yeah. We know this. So, far too often you have scenes where characters are either doing the next thing the story needs them to do, and they’re just doing it, or they’re telling another character something that happened that we already saw happen. Like, you have to look at like what is the conflict within every scene. And if there’s more than one character in the scene, there’s probably some conflict. Hell, if there’s one character in the scene, there’s got to be something that she needs to do that is a source of why there’s an engine in this scene.

**Craig:** You will also see this a lot in screenplays written by people who are attempting to dramatize their own lives, or things that have happened to them that they think are interesting or funny, but they’re not. All they read like is lunch with three people jabbering.

**John:** Yup.

The script has a by-the-numbers execution, 53 scripts. Yeah, so if you can predict exactly what’s going happen the next ten scenes from now, that’s a problem.

**Craig:** Correct.

**John:** The story is too thin. That’s a little bit generic. But he says 20 pages of story spread over 100 script, stuffed with tone but light on plot. Well, yeah, with bad execution, certainly.

**Craig:** Right. Exactly.

**John:** There’s lots of movies I love that are actually kind of light on story, but that’s part of their charm that there’s not that much that happens. The French film with the old couple and she has the stroke.

**Craig:** Amour.

**John:** Amour. Great. That has 20 pages of plot over a two-hour movie. But you would not want more in there.

**Craig:** Right. I mean, there are movies where the joy is the journey. And I have a feeling, again, that perfidious_whatever…

**John:** profound_whatever.

**Craig:** profound_whatever would say to us, “Uh-huh, no, totally. Trust me. None of these were Amour. None of these came close to that. I, in fact, wanted to kill myself with a pillow after reading a number of them.”

**John:** The villains are cartoonish/evil for the sake of evil. Yeah, that’s really tough. We talked about villains in a previous episode. You have to have — every villain is a hero. You have to look at the whole story from the villain’s point of view. And it has to actually really make sense.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** They can’t just be doing it “just because.”

**Craig:** That’s right. Now, there are times when you write a villain and part of their charm is that they are kind of — they’re kind of monologue-y and a little pretentious because that’s who they are. I mean, he writes, “The best villains are those who think they’re the hero of their own story, i.e.,” I think he means e.g., “the Joker, Hans Landa, Anton Chigurh.” Well, the Joker and Hans Landa, in particular, are incredibly snarky, and smirking, and sinister, and have affected dialogue, and pretentious monologues.

**John:** Mm-hmm.

**Craig:** So, you can’t have it both ways, Whatever. You got to pick one. So, I think the answer is if you’re going to go for a villain like that, make them interesting. And make them actual human beings who are understandable.

**John:** Also, let’s look at, you know, so many of the things he covered were horror/slasher things, which is going to be much more likely to have this as a problem.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** We’ve come to accept in certain kinds of genre, slasher movies, that the villain is just a psychopathic villain. And there’s something really terrifying about that, but that is sort of evil for the sake of evil.

**Craig:** And he’s calling out hit men, serial killers, and gangsters. And those three areas are rife with awfulness. No question. The too-cool-for-school hit man. The Hannibal Lector rip-off serial killer. And then gangsters. There’s just, you know, we’ve been doing gangsters since they figured out how to shine light through celluloid.

**John:** Yeah. Character logic is muddy. Yeah. Often lack of character consistency or a logically unsound villain plot.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Every character actually needs a reason. Why is he doing this?

**Craig:** Yes. Your characters don’t behave like human beings.

**John:** That’s where I describe where we should be able to freeze the movie and point at every character in the scene and say, “What are they trying to do? What is their goal? What’s happening here?’

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And if you can’t answer that question you need to stop and actually rewrite your scene.

**Craig:** And do they pass the human test. Would a human react this way to this?

**John:** Absolutely.

The female part is underwritten.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** A common complaint.

The narrative falls into a repetitive pattern.

**Craig:** Mm-hmm.

**John:** Yup. The conflict is inconsequential/flash in the pan.

**Craig:** Right, low stakes.

**John:** And sometimes it’s really just that you can feel the conflict is just being spread on. it’s not inherent to the actual situation. It’s just like people are shouting at each other just because you need them shouting at each other.

**Craig:** Yeah. And then there’s a problem and it just gets done. There are no obstacles. It’s not interesting. You don’t feel like anybody had to struggle or sweat. There is no significance to what the heroes are tasked to do.

**John:** The protagonist is a standard issue hero. So, basically based on the genre or the kind of movie it is, it’s exactly the kind of hero you have in this kind of movie.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** That’s a fair criticism. If it feel generic because it just sort of comes with the territory, that’s not going to be a helpful thing for you.

**Craig:** No question.

**John:** The script favors style over substance. Well, yeah. I don’t know, there’s scripts I really enjoy reading that are written very stylishly and have a lot of flourish to them. That can be great. But if it’s not great, it’s not going to be great.

**Craig:** Yeah, I’m not quite sure I understood the little sub-header here. “The rule of cool for action movies. The rule of funny for comedies. The rule of scary for horror. No depth, just breath and flash.” What are these rules? That they should be those things?

**John:** Yeah. The rule of cool I kind of get, which I think is going back to that sort of Shane Black action style is what I think they’re trying to get to.

**Craig:** Hmm, okay.

**John:** But I don’t know what the rule of funny is. What’s the rule of funny?

**Craig:** That it’s supposed to be funny? I don’t know what this meant. [laughs] I got confused by that one.

**John:** The ending is completely anticlimactic.

**Craig:** Ooh, that’s bad.

**John:** That’s a problem.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Think of your ending before you start writing, folks.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** Characters are all stereotypes. Sure, that’s not going to work well.

Arbitrary complexity. “Cluttered and complex aren’t synonyms.” Well —

**Craig:** I know what that means. Sometimes I read scripts and I think the person who wrote this, you know, like Richard Kelly was talking about scope creep. And sometimes you read a script and you think this script has all the invention that only an autistic writer could have put in there, but then also a level of complexity that is bordering on autistic as well. I’m being asked to work too hard to enjoy it.

And now that obviously changes depending on who’s reading it and who’s watching it. And, listen, people went to go see Primer and were like, a lot of people thought it was amazing and some people were like, “Oh, my head.”

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** But, most of these rules I think all have to fall under the biggest rule of all which is unless it’s good. [laughs]

**John:** Unless it’s good, yeah.

**Craig:** And then it’s Primer and it’s cool.

**John:** The script goes off the rail in the third act. Yes. That happens probably most of the time where you start to read it and it’s like, wow, that’s not just where I wanted to end up with this story.

**Craig:** Yeah. Sometimes writers who have not planned their story in such a way that the ending has relevance for the beginning and vice versa, they just replace — they substitute noise.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** So, everyone is going to run around, stuff is going to blow up, I’m going to flash lasers in your eyes, and then roll credits.

**John:** I honestly believe that most of the problems with scripts’ third acts is because it’s the last thing you wrote. You were just desperate to get it done. And you just didn’t write it with the care that you could have. So, yes, some of it may be plotting. You may not have actually had good ideas for how you were going to wrap stuff up. But, honestly, just the words on the page are much worse than they were in the first 15 pages because you haven’t rewritten it as much as you’ve rewritten those first 15 pages.

**Craig:** Yeah. It was sort of the last in, last out. And you kind of were rushing and you were tired.

**John:** Yeah.

Script’s questions were left unanswered. Sure.

The story is a string of unrelated vignettes. Well, that’s a problem.

**Craig:** Yeah, that’s bad.

**John:** The plot unravels through convenience or contrivance.

**Craig:** Yes. You get one coincidence per movie.

**John:** Agreed. And so Peter Parker can be bitten by a radioactive spider, but that needs to be it. You can’t have a lot more coincidences there. You can have the one that’s sort of without this coincidence the plot wouldn’t have happened. That’s great. That’s starting you off. That’s like why you’re watching this movie, with this character today. But it can’t be happening again and again throughout the course of your story.

**Craig:** I would actually say that Peter Parker getting bitten by the spider isn’t a coincidence. That’s a random act. The coincidence that they got in that movie was that Peter Parker’s best friend is the son of a guy who is going to become a super villain. That’s convenient. That is a coincidence. And I think you get one of those kinds of things.

Then, you know, if it happens again and again, like I just happen to be here, and I happen to be going through here, then people start getting really angry because our feeling as an audience is you’re not doing the work that’s required to entertain us. You’re just cheating.

**John:** Well, we start to disbelieve the world.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Because we know that the real world is not that coincidental. Things don’t happen that way so often.

I would say you can sometimes get an extra coincidence if it’s something that helps the villain. And so if it’s the kind of thing where it’s like out of the blue the villain gets something that actually sort of really helps his side, that’s kind of great, too.

**Craig:** Right. Agreed.

**John:** Luck. Yeah, if it feels like just luck that helps them get there.

**Craig:** If luck hurts your character I think it’s okay. [laughs] It just can’t help them.

**John:** How are you making things worse for your characters? One of those fundamental questions you should be asking with every scene.

**Craig:** Correct.

**John:** The script is tonally confused. Okay.

**Craig:** Sure. See it all the time.

**John:** The script is stoic to a fault. Let’s see what he says by that. “Nothing rattles the characters or the script. Characters don’t react to moments of drama. The script can’t deliver emotional/dramatic beats successfully. Dramatic beats fall flat, even when characters are dying.”

**Craig:** See this all the time. That’s a great one.

**John:** That’s actually a really good observation. It’s not something I’ve ever singled out, but I think it is a real problem where it’s another way of saying the character is not responding in a way to these events as real human beings would.

**Craig:** That’s why when I say to somebody, “How would a human being respond?” We had that Three Page Challenge a few weeks ago, the really good well written three pages, but there was a moment where somebody after murdering somebody kind of quips. And that was a stoic moment that shouldn’t have been there. It was too stoic for what had just occurred.

**John:** That was the western.

**Craig:** Yes. Exactly.

**John:** The protagonist is not as strong as need to be. Ooh, that’s a bad sentence.

**Craig:** The protagonist is not as strong as need be.

**John:** As need be, oh yeah, sorry.

**Craig:** Yeah, I mean, it’s still not a good sentence. The protagonist is not strong enough is the proper way to write that. We’re now doing coverage of the coverage of the coverage.

**John:** [laughs] It got very meta here for a second.

The premise is a transparent excuse for action. Well, yes, but that’s not all together bad. There’s a whole genre of movies that are a transparent cause for action. And it’s really the same way we have musicals which are just an excuse for musical production numbers. There can be something lovely and delightful about that in the right kind of movie.

**Craig:** Agreed.

**John:** So, yes.

Character back stories are irrelevant or useless.

**Craig:** Well, irrelevant and useless is bad in all circumstances. [laughs]

**John:** So, a thing is where it’s just like the obligatory “here’s my character backstory” but it doesn’t actually matter at all, don’t do that.

**Craig:** Yes. That would be bad.

**John:** Supernatural element is too undefined.

**Craig:** Uh….well. I don’t know. I mean, sometimes I kind of like it when the supernatural element is appropriately undefined because it’s supernatural, you know. Like when it’s like a very clear, well drawn ghost that explains what his problem is. That’s the one way of doing things. But the idea of some cloud, some evil, some presence, some thing actually matches a child’s understanding of what the dark is, so I kind of like that.

**John:** I do like that, too. I go back to The Ring, and it’s never really quite clear what’s going on with The Ring, but you are freaked out. And I love that.

**Craig:** Yeah. Totally.

**John:** The plot is dragged down by disruptive lulls.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** Breaks in story where nothing happens. Momentum is lost. Well, momentum is lost is really the key thing here. How are you going from one scene to the next scene and really propelling your story forward? And if you have this little chunk where nothing is happening, that’s going to hurt you.

**Craig:** That’s got to go.

**John:** The ending is a case of deus ex machina. Oh, am I pronouncing that right?

**Craig:** Machina.

**John:** Machina. It’s a hard “Ch.”

**Craig:** Deus ex machina. Yes. People have been complaining about this since Aristotle. No question.

**John:** The gods come in an rescue you.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** Or something like the gods.

**Craig:** And, by the way, they’re not even right about — Lord of the Flies doesn’t have a deus ex machina because there is no rescuing. They are lost and broken permanently. Forever. [laughs] But, so I don’t even think of that — to me a deus ex machina is, well, we’ve seen them. We know. We know it when we see it.

**John:** Characters are indistinguishable from each other. We’ve talked about this a lot.

**Craig:** Yes we have.

**John:** Simple things, like your character’s names, will help you out a lot, but every character needs to be more than a name. They need to have defining characteristics so that one character’s dialogue couldn’t be said by another character.

**Craig:** Correct. If you give somebody an accent, nobody else gets that accent. If you give somebody a clipped way of speaking, nobody else speaks that way. Everybody must speak very, very differently.

**John:** Yeah. The story is one big shrug.

**Craig:** Well that would be bad.

**John:** That would be bad. I think that’s actually a fair comment. When you get to the end and you’re just like, “Yeah, okay.”

**Craig:** Right like, “Well, that was perfectly well done. I wouldn’t watch it. I don’t feel anything from it. It ticked off all the boxes. It just doesn’t ultimately deserve to be seen.”

**John:** Yeah.

Let’s power through the rest of these. Cheesy dialogue. Potboiler script. I don’t even know what potboiler means.

**Craig:** Me neither.

**John:** Oh, the airport novel of scripts. Yeah, okay, that’s fair. I guess, but it also just means not well done.

**Craig:** Sometimes those are cool, yeah.

**John:** Drama conflict is told but not shown. Yes, show don’t tell. Great setting isn’t utilized. Well, that’s an interesting complaint. Yes. A great setting is worth making the most out of. Emotional element is exaggerated. Well, okay, but maybe sometimes that’s great.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Dialogue is stilted and unnecessarily verbose. Sure.

**Craig:** Hurts the flow. Okay. [laughs] I don’t know, unless you’re watching a Tarantino movie, and then it’s amazing. I don’t know.

**John:** Then it’s fantastic. Emotional element is neglected. Well, so, this reader has some perfect little zone of emotion where it’s not too much, not too little. The Goldilocks zone is not achieved.

**Craig:** [laughs] Yeah, and we’re getting angry at this guy. Screw you, man! [laughs]

**John:** The script is a writer ego trip —

**Craig:** Well, this one actually did piss me off: includes excessive camera directions, soundtrack choices, actor suggestions, credit sequences. How dare you writer that has invented an entire world, and narrative, and characters, and place, and theme, and purpose, how dare you have an idea of where the camera should be looking, or what music should be playing, or who should be playing the person. Or what could even go in the credits. How dare you! That’s the job of the director.

No, dude, that’s old school. Listen, when you say excessive, all I hear is “too much for me” and I don’t know what that is. Now, finally, at this point in the podcast I’m getting a bit shirty. All right, listen, here’s the situation. I don’t believe there are any scripts that have excessive camera direction or any of this other stuff, unless it’s so excessive that it’s stopping you from reading the script. But in and of itself, this notion that writers aren’t allowed to touch this stuff needs to die.

**John:** I’m going to stick up for this guy halfway. So, I think “writer ego trip” is a terrible headline for what he’s talking about here. But things like actor suggestions is — actor suggestions don’t belong in a script. That’s breaking the script to say like, “It’s a Will Smith character.” No, don’t do that.

**Craig:** Not in the script.

**John:** But everything else, not in the script. So, he’s talking about a script. So, if that’s in the script, that’s crazy.

**Craig:** Okay, that one, fine.

**John:** And too many music choices. I think you can get away with like one music choice in your thing. More than that and it’s like you’re reading liner notes. Stop doing that.

But camera direction we’ve talked about on the show. When you do camera direction correctly it feels like you are helping — you’re creating the experience of being an audience member watching it. And that can be fantastic.

Credit sequences are fine. They’re good. I think they’re a useful thing to script if they help tell your story.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So, don’t stop.

**Craig:** And let me just stick up for soundtrack choices for a second. No, you don’t put in soundtrack choices if it’s just background music while a car is driving. But, if you’re building a sequence that is married to music, and there’s a song that you feel will impart what your intention is for this section, then yes, I’m okay with it. And if you need to do it four times, do it four times.

If the music specifically important to what your trying to say, if in fact you’re using the music to say something you would otherwise have to say with words, then it’s okay.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Anyway, I got a bit shirty. Okay.

**John:** The script makes a reference but not a joke. A pop culture reference still needs a punch line.

**Craig:** Uh…

**John:** Uh…I don’t really quite get that. I mean, I’m sure that he was noting situations where that was annoying, but as a general rule I can’t say that I agree with that general rule.

**Craig:** It’s about the characters. I mean, there are characters that speak that way. If the idea is that you’re trying to make people laugh just by citing it, then no, I agree, that’s annoying.

**John:** But I could imagine things where you’re making like a cosmopolitan joke, sort of like very Sex and the City, and so like if someone now orders a cosmo thinking that it’s really cool, I can see you having them do that and that be a pop culture reference, but making the joke about it would just be a hat on a hat. So, in some ways I think there’s times where you make the reference and you don’t try to make a joke out of it.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Or you don’t acknowledge the joke.

**Craig:** Exactly. The point is it’s just a reference which gets made.

**John:** Last one is the message overshadows the story. Well, yeah. I can think of movies that are…yeah, earnest, where you are left with a message but you don’t really care about the plot.

**Craig:** Yeah. Some people like those. I mean, if you’re making a message movie and there’s, I don’t know, I don’t write movies like that so I can’t judge.

I did want to say, have you ever seen that thing from Essanay Studios?

**John:** I don’t know what that is.

**Craig:** So Essanay was an old movie studio. I think it was an old movie studio from the silent film days. And someone found this thing on the internet that has been passed around. It is authentic. And it is a rejection slip from Essanay studios for your screenplay. And so we’ve just gone through all of these things written by some man or woman in 2013. Now let me read you, very quickly, this.

So, they list 17 things and they put a check mark next to the ones that apply.

**John:** That’s so wonderful.

**Craig:** So, Essanay: Your manuscript is returned for the reason checked below.
1. Overstocked
2. No strong dramatic situations.
3. Weak plot.
4. Not our style of story.
5. Idea has been done before.
6. Would not pass the censor board.
7. Too difficult to produce.
8. Too conventional.
9. Not interesting.
10. Not humorous.
11. Not original.
12. Not enough action.
13. No adaptations desired.
14. Improbable.
15. No costume plays or story with foreign settings desired. Illegible.

And last but not least:

16. Robbery, kidnapping, murder, suicide, harrowing death-bed, and all scenes of an unpleasant nature should be eliminated.

Yours very truly, Essanay Film Manufacturing Company, Chicago, Illinois.

**John:** That’s pretty fantastic. So, Craig, when I was in grade school, maybe early junior high I, well, it probably was junior high, I wrote a short story which I hoped to have published in Dragon Magazine.

**Craig:** Hmmm.

**John:** Dragon Magazine being the official monthly magazine of Dungeons & Dragons.

**Craig:** I remember it well.

**John:** And so they published some short fiction. Not every month, but every couple months they published some short fiction. So, I wrote this short story which was sort of hopefully, appropriately sort of sorcery-ish. And so I sent it in and I was so hopeful. And I got back that kind of letter. It was a one-page thing with like a checkmark.

**Craig:** Ooh.

**John:** If I remember properly, though, I think it was just like, “Does not meet our needs at this time.”

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So, it was at least a useful thing on that since it was like, well, they liked it, it just didn’t meet their needs at this time.

**Craig:** [laughs] I like that you thought that. You were like, “Hey, dad, great news. They loved it. It doesn’t meet their needs at this time, but that’s sort of like saying it will meet their needs at another time.”

**John:** And what’s amazing is I think they actually did send it back to me, because that was a time where I was sending them a physical object and they sent me the physical object back because they did that at that time. Just the idea of somebody mailing something back to you at this point is crazy.

**Craig:** I know. I know. Well, just the idea of departments of people that are getting these things. Although, you know, it still happens. You ask anybody that works somewhere where things are submitted and packages still show up. There are people out there sending cassette tapes out.

**John:** Yup.

**Craig:** It’s a wild world.

**John:** Even at the Austin Film Festival, some young musician was like, “I want you to hear my demo thing,” so gave me like a CD. I’m like I have nothing to play this in. A CD? I haven’t touched a CD in a long time.

**Craig:** Did you make a cool CD-shaped USB drive? Is that was this is? [laughs]

**John:** [laughs] Because that would be really useful. Ooh, you say you actually printed a URL on a business card. That would be vastly more useful to me.

**Craig:** Oh, yeah. I’m not going to listen to this.

**John:** Or like this is my Sound Cloud account. Oh, I know what that is.

**Craig:** Somebody should go make CD-shaped of things that aren’t CDs. I like it.

**John:** [laughs] Done.

**Craig:** Done.

**John:** Our next topic is this WGA negotiation that’s coming up. So, essentially this past week the DGA make their deal, or they — so, I don’t want to overstate what they did. The DGA goes into negotiations with the AMPTP which were the people who run all the major studios. And generally the DGA goes in and is the first group to talk with them about the things they would like for the next three-year contract.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** And they came back with some decisions and now the membership will vote on the deal that they have reached.

**Craig:** Yeah. Actually historically they haven’t been the first ones to go in. Historically they’ve gone in very early, but the way that the union contracts were staggered the Writers Guild often went first. Sometimes the actors went first. One of the biggest losses that came out of our strike with the companies in 2007/2008 was that we fell out of cycle and the DGA officially did become the first to negotiate.

Technically we are still — we still expire before they do, but it’s so close that, you know, the DGA will literally go in eight or nine months early. So, they are now in the driver’s seat firmly which is where they’ve always wanted to be and that’s where the companies want them to be. The companies know that the DGA is the most likely union to make a deal. They don’t strike.

**John:** So, next up will be the Writers Guild and the actors will have to go in and negotiate their deals. And the whole idea of being on one of these committees that negotiates these deals is horrifying to me, because why would any sane person ever want to be involved in these negotiations. But, of course, this year I actually am on the negotiating committee, so I was asked to be on this.

It’s weird. I can’t talk in any official capacity about these negotiations, but what I can do is listen to Craig Mazin describe what happened in this last deal and what the things are that we in the negotiating committee might be having our ears open to as we go into this next round of negotiations.

**Craig:** Sure. Well, the deal is that when a union arrives at one of these agreements, what they’re basically arriving at is a memorandum of basic deal points. It’s a little bit like when you and I get hired to do something. There’s something called a deal memo. And the deal memo basically says this is how many drafts we’re hiring you to do guaranteed and this is what we’re paying you for each draft.

Then there’s this long form contract that the lawyers have to write up that goes into all the nitty gritty like how much do I get paid a week if I have to travel with the production to Paris and so forth. That will still happen. The DGA still has to do that long form. But the deal memo is the important part.

We’re still kind of picking out the details from this, but here are sort of the big ones. They got some wage increases for one-hour programs on basic cable, what they call “out of pattern.” Basic cable is a big, big issue for the writers because we know that the explosion of employment on basic cable dwarfs what is currently available on network, which is where our bread and butter was back in the day of three channels or four channels.

We have a ton of people that are working in cable. And, frankly, cable is a little bit of the wild west. Some of the cable shows aren’t even union at all, which I don’t understand. I don’t understand how we let WGA writers work on those shows. That’s another topic. But they got some sort of little increase. We’re not exactly sure what.

They are continuing to work on new media in small ways. They’re coming up with residuals for things like shows on Netflix, or shows that run on Amazon. So, they’re starting to get into that business.

**John:** We should clarify, this is original programming for Netflix or for Amazon.

**Craig:** Correct.

**John:** So, things like House of Cards or any of those, or Betas, or any of those things.

**Craig:** Correct. And this is one of those areas where no one seems to know how much money there really is. And they’re trying to figure out how to create a formula that doesn’t turn around and bite you in the butt later. The Writers Guild has, in the past, vehemently argued for formulas that then turned around later were not great for us. So, we have to basically get the details on what’s been done there.

Similarly, they’re covering things in ad-supported streaming and cable video on-demand stuff. Set top box streaming. And these things were uncovered before.

**John:** Yeah, can you explain cable set top box streaming in a way that might make sense? Because I think that’s video on-demand. That’s what I think of as video on-demand. Isn’t it? Or is it a special case of video on-demand?

**Craig:** I think it may be that it is that, that it is basically, but it’s not pay-per-view, it’s different. It’s streaming through, you know what I mean?

**John:** Oh, yeah.

**Craig:** So if you’re streaming directly from maybe, I don’t know.

**John:** Here’s what, so once I get into this negation I’ll —

**Craig:** You’ll find out. You’ll tell us.

**John:** I’ll find out what these terms really mean. Here’s what I think it might mean. And there are some movies which are free to watch through cable. Like they’re basically video on-demand, but they’re free.

**Craig:** Oh, they’re ad-supported. That’s what it is.

**John:** Yeah, they’re either ad-supported or it’s part of a subscription. Basically you get that as part of a subscription. So, those things are free to watch because they’re buying a block of movies that you can watch when you want to watch. So, you’re not paying individually for each movie. My guess is that is the kind of thing which needs to be figured out.

**Craig:** Right. That we get some residuals based on the ad revenue. And they also, a lot of this stuff, the company is building these free windows where they’re allowed to show things without paying residuals for a little bit just to get people’s interest up and then — and apparently the window for free streaming there was reduced.

To me, the big, I guess this is the big one. The big one really is that traditionally there would be a 3% increase in our scale pay rate. Most screenwriters aren’t dealing with scale. And the 3% increase there isn’t that much anyway. The reason that was always important is because television residuals are in fact tied to minimums, to scale. So, when we would get a 3% increase over the life of the contract, that meant that residuals in perpetuity we’re going to paying out at a higher rate for television.

In the last negotiation the companies successfully worked that number back down to two. And it looks like the directors have gotten them to now over the course of three years work it back up to three again. It’s sort of like, okay, everybody recognized that the marketplace went crazy but that crisis is over and we need to get back to three again.

So, it looks like that happened. I’ll tell you that all this stuff is done. In other words, when the companies come to the Writers Guild, the terms that they negotiate with the directors will be the terms that you guys get and they will not be altered in any important way. There are some areas where things are unique and can be massaged. And for this next negotiation a lot of that has to do with the relative state of health of the pension and health funds at the different unions.

The actors have a whole bunch of issues over there. And we all have our own issues. The writers traditionally have had very strong health and pension funds. I don’t know how Obamacare is going to affect us. I have suspicion that it’s going to. And so I think part of the negotiation is going to be about protecting health and pension from perhaps an increase in taxation or penalties or something like that.

**John:** Yeah. I think not knowing any specifics about our pension plan and negotiations, the general discussion I’ve heard about Obamacare is that the Writers Guild health plan is considered like one of those luxury plans.

**Craig:** No question.

**John:** It covers a whole bunch of things. And because it covers a whole bunch of things it may have different tax ramifications.

**Craig:** There’s no question. And the thing is what you start to find when you go through a negotiation process is that the companies really look at these contracts bottom line as a number. And it all gets divided up in various different ways. But when they say, okay, well we gave the directors this amount. We’re going to give you this amount. And it’s going to come in terms of an increase in residuals and this and that. And also you can move things around for health and pension.

So, I think this is going to be a fairly boring negotiation. I think it’s basically been negotiated with little areas here and there that we can fiddle with. But this is life in the world of the directors going first and I think we are going to have to get used to it.

**John:** Let’s go to our third topic for our show this week which is something you suggested which is something you suggested which is, I think was a conversation you had with a fellow writer?

**Craig:** Yeah. So, I met with a writer, he was a younger writer and he just wanted to get some advice. And obviously no names here. Terrific, terrific person. But he mentioned to me that — he was describing the various struggles that he faced as he was learning his craft and practicing his craft. And a lot of them were very familiar: finding the right amount of time, and self doubt, maybe partnerships that didn’t work out.

And then he brought up this other thing which was getting high. And, you know, you and I, we’re the old guys now. People just get high a lot. [laughs] They get high a lot.

**John:** You’re saying the younger generation gets high a lot, or our generation gets high a lot?

**Craig:** I think twenty-somethings just get way higher than we ever did. They just —

**John:** That may be true.

**Craig:** They just get high all the time. Our generation obviously got high and still gets high. And drinks. And drank and still drinks. But weed in and of itself, when we were in our twenties you could get arrested, you know? [laughs] Like I had to hide it. You really can’t now. There’s not a — and I actually like that. I believe that marijuana should be legalized.

However, I also believe that if you want to be — and this is what I told this person — stop getting high. If you want to write a screenplay, stop it. You want to get high Friday night through Sunday afternoon? Go for it. But this is a job that to me at least requires an enormous amount of sobriety. Even the famous writers who were notoriously drunk —

There was an interesting article recently. A lot of them found that they were most productive when they were writing through hangovers. It was in the aftermath of the drinking and the abuse. But, it’s romantic to think that you can get high and write the best stuff of your life.

I don’t think it works at all.

**John:** Well, in a general sense let’s talk about writers and drugs, because I think it’s actually a fascinating topic. The writers who get high because getting high reduces their inhibitions and makes the words flow or whatever, that was never me, and it’s not the experience I’ve noticed from any of my writer colleagues who sort of of my cohort. So, it’s entirely possible that this next generation that’s rising up to replace us, they are tremendously successful at writing while high and I’m just completely missing it. That same way that like I kind of didn’t understand why anyone would have a manager, then Justin Marks explaining why writers have managers.

So, it’s entirely possible that I’m wrong. But I kind of don’t think I’m wrong. Because my experience of being around people who get high a lot is that either you can do two things. You can use it as a crutch. Basically like, well, I can’t write because I’m not high, and I’m always high when I write. That’s tremendously challenging when you’re in any situation where you can’t get high. Where you’re actually in a room working on something and that becomes your thing. It’s like having this weird thing where you can only write when the sun is streaming through the window one certain way and any other way it won’t work. That’s bad. That’s not going to be useful to you.

The other thing I would say is that most of the people I know who get high a lot, their ambition just sort of dissipates a bit. And without ambition, I don’t think you’re going to be able to generate the quantity and quality of work it’s going to take to really make a screenwriting career.

**Craig:** I agree. I think that it’s important for me to point out that my experience of my cohorts is exactly the same as yours. I don’t know one single successful writer who has maintained a career who continues to abuse drugs or alcohol. I know some that have, and gotten over it, but I don’t know any that continue to do it as a matter of practice and can still function through it. I also think that the problem with writing while you’re high is that you’re not writing. The whole point of getting high is to alter your consciousness, which is fun.

It’s totally fun. Drinking is fun. And getting high is fun. I get it. But it’s about expanding your consciousness, and letting go of who you are for awhile, and when you come back from it, perhaps you can come back with something that you’ve learned about yourself. But then you’re not writing. There’s a you and it’s the sober you. I don’t know how else to put it.

**John:** I would agree with you. Writing is really hard. And so I think some of the instinct behind using something like pot or people who are using Provigil or Ritalin or other sort of stimulant things, helps them sort of focus in on what they’re doing, it’s an attempt to make something that’s inherently hard feel easier. But in making it feel easier, it’s unlikely that you’re going to find great success in that solution.

If you’re on one of these, if you take Ritalin or whatever, you may pile through more pages. The odds that they’re going to be awesome pages are very, very small.

**Craig:** Yeah. Yeah.

**John:** And I would also say the same with pot. You may write a few good sentences, but it’s unlikely you’re going to get the work done that needs to get done.

**Craig:** No, screenwriting is rigorous. It requires enormous attention. To me, writing while altered is right up there with directing while altered. Or driving. And I’m taking away even the aspect of how dangerous that would be for other people, yourself physically. I mean to say your just not very good at it.

It’s something that requires focus, and attention, and intention, and thought. And the whole point of getting high is to make some of that stuff go away. You know, beyond caffeine and, you know, cigarette, you know, if you feel like hurting your lungs.

But, yeah, just no. Don’t. I think culturally speaking I was a little taken aback, not in a judgmental way, but more in a, huh, I think this is probably going on more than you and I realize.

**John:** I would agree.

**Craig:** So, advice here is stop. I don’t think it’s going to help you.

**John:** Yeah. And so I want to phrase it as this is not a moral judgment about sort of whatever substances you want to consume. Just in my experience looking at sort of historical record of people I know who have succeeded and got stuff done, none of the people I know who have succeeded and really gotten a lot of stuff done have been using stuff frequently to do it.

**Craig:** Totally.

**John:** Beyond the exact examples that you list, which are caffeine, which is getting you up and getting your focused through that next bit. And some people do smoke. But not that many people smoke now. Even Craig Mazin doesn’t smoke now.

**Craig:** Yeah, it’s an occasional, you know. The guy that needs to smoke a cigar every day while you’re writing. Great. Worked for Mark Twain. And really caffeine and nicotine or sort of two peas in a pod. But, you know, totally agree with you. This is not judgmental. I believe all drugs should be legal. I’m very libertarian about that. And I don’t care what you do when you you’re not writing. But, I do want you to be writing, not high or drunk you.

**John:** Yeah. That’s very important. And I will also say that I’m not discounting the fact that some people have special challenges and their brains are not working right, and so this is really talking about an otherwise healthy person who is trying to write a screenplay.

If you are a person who is sort of not overall healthy in life and needs some other antidepressant or whatever else, go do that and take care of yourself first. So, that’s not like a blanket statement against all drugs or any medication that could help a person.

But specifically taking something in order to get yourself to start writing is not my advice to you.

**Craig:** Agreed.

**John:** Cool. Craig, I have a One Cool Thing. Do you have a One Cool Thing this week?

**Craig:** I do.

**John:** Great. You go first.

**Craig:** This flows out of this last discussion. When I was thinking about it I realized that it would probably be a good idea if people who were out there who maybe were struggling with this as writers, is there something for writers who are struggling with substance abuse. And I found this. I can’t necessarily vouch for it, because I don’t have a substance abuse problem. And so I don’t have any personal experience. But there is an organization called Writers in Treatment. And they even have scholarships and things. And they’re an independent California non-profit company that basically was started by writers, for writers, here in Los Angeles, to help people recover from alcohol, or drug, or substance abuse, or self-harming probably, or any of these other things that writers get stuck in.

So, I don’t know if you are somebody out there who is struggling and you feel like, well, I would like to recover but I’d like to do it with people that are doing the same thing I’m doing. Then there are some resources for you. This is one. But like I said, I can’t vouch for them. Look around.

I guess the point is they’re out there.

**John:** Agreed. So, we’ll have a link to that.

My One Cool Thing is called Screenflow. And this last week I’ve been recording some different screencasts on Fountain and Highland and why I like to write in Fountain mostly. And Screenflow is the app I use to record my screen for doing those screencasts. And it’s actually just a terrific application.

In the way that we’re all probably used to taking screenshots of things so we can show like what’s going on on our screen, this is recording the video of your screen and the app is very smart at being able to let you zoom in on parts of the screen. And it very much works like Final Cut Pro in the sense that you’re able to cut between different scenes to get your point across. But it’s a terrifically well designed app that has been a pleasure to use. I’ve probably spent 25 hours in it this last week. And it’s great. So, I highly recommend Screenflow. It’s on the Mac App Store.

**Craig:** Excellent.

**John:** So, Craig, if people wanted to tweet to you or to me, I am @johnaugust. You are @clmazin.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** If you want to subscribe to us, go to iTunes and click subscribe for Scriptnotes. Just search for us and click subscribe. If you are there you can leave us a comment. We like those comments.

Next week we should really read those comments. We should go through those because it’s been awhile since we’ve responded. That’s great when people leave comments.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** And I think that’s it. Oh, if you have questions about stuff that we talked about today at johnaugust.com/podcast you will see a list of all the episodes we’ve done and links to the things we talked about on the show.

**Craig:** This was a packed podcast. Dense. The dense fruitcake of a podcast.

**John:** It was a long episode. It started with that dense infographic and I think it really sort of took its tone from there.

**Craig:** We’re saving lives, John. We’re saving lives. [laughs]

**John:** Perhaps.

**Craig:** I want to believe that we’re saving lives.

**John:** I do want to believe. Craig, thank you so much. Have a great week.

**Craig:** Thank you, John. Bye.

LINKS:

* profound_whatever’s [post on r/screenwriting](http://www.reddit.com/r/Screenwriting/comments/1r5y6l/ive_covered_300_spec_scripts_for_5_different/) and its [accompanying infographic](http://i.imgur.com/T22gGBO.png)
* Deus ex machina [on Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deus_ex_machina)
* [Directors Guild of America Board OKs New Contract, Triggering Member Vote](http://variety.com/2013/film/news/directors-guild-of-america-board-oks-new-contract-triggering-member-vote-1200874949/) from Variety
* [WGA Announces Contract Negotiating Committee](http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/wga-announces-contract-negotiating-committee-655750) from The Hollywood Reporter
* [Writers in Treatment](http://www.writersintreatment.org/)
* [Screenflow](http://www.telestream.net/screenflow/) for Mac, and John’s video and post on [why he likes writing in Fountain](http://johnaugust.com/2013/why-i-like-writing-in-fountain)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Scriptnotes listener Matthew Chilelli

Scriptnotes, Ep 116: Damsels in distress — Transcript

November 9, 2013 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2013/damsels-in-distress).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Episode 116, the damsels in distress episode of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. How are you, Craig?

**Craig:** I’m okay.

**John:** Oh, just okay? What’s going on?

**Craig:** You know what, we were in Austin, and we had a great time. It was exhausting and, yeah, I’m fine. You know, the weekend, these weekends are intense. And this one for whatever reason — Ooh, did you hear that?

**John:** I did.

**Craig:** It was like a truck…

**John:** So now we know we’re back in our environment.

**Craig:** Yeah. We’re clearly back. Anyway, yeah, so anyway I’m just a little, I’m fine.

**John:** Austin was intense.

**Craig:** It was.

**John:** And it was intense for a lot of reasons. First of all, I got to hang out with people I really liked, and that was really fun. I got to drink on weekdays, which is not a usual thing for me. Also, we’ve talked about this phenomenon, within a two-block radius of the Driskill Hotel during the Austin Film Festival, I’m kind of famous. I’m like recognizably famous, which is not my daily life at all. And so I had a sudden sympathy for actual famous people who can never escape that. Whereas I can walk an extra two blocks and then no one in Austin knew who I was.

**Craig:** Yeah, and you know, you’ve probably had a little more practice with that sort of thing because you’ve been doing the IMDb thing for a long time. And your website. When I first started going to Austin, nobody knew who I was. And then if they knew who I was, they just didn’t care. It is true that the podcast has… — Well, first of all, people would come up to me and they would be emotional. And then I would get emotional. And also there’s this strange thing that happens when you are walking through a room and as you’re walking by people you can hear one of them whispering your name to another person.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And this is not humble bragging. It’s actually very — it’s not something you want. It’s actually distressing. I’m not saying to people don’t, I mean, of course, it was wonderful talking to people, and I loved every minute of that. And it really is incredible to meet all the people that listen to us. But, you know, I’m not, [laughs], anyway, look, I’m a big mess anyway this week. So, I’m a big mess. But, that was — it was emotional. And it was weird at times and intense.

And, you know what, wouldn’t trade it for the world. Wouldn’t trade it for the world. No regret.

**John:** It was a great, great time.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Today on the show we’re going to talk about a bunch of things including this article you just sent me from T-Bone Burnet who was at the Austin Film Festival, who I actually met at the Austin Film Festival. Did you meet him there?

**Craig:** I have met T-Bone in Nashville actually.

**John:** Very nice. So, he was there with Callie Khouri, his wife, who is also the creator of Nashville, so he was there. And he wrote this thing that you wanted to talk about, so we’ll talk about that.

**Craig:** Yup.

**John:** I want to talk about damsels in distress, and that meme and that trope and sort of what we can do about that.

We have a bunch of reader questions — listener questions. A question about synonyms. A question about breaking the back of a script. We have a question about speccing a pilot. The end of the second act. And that uncomfortable middle in a screenwriting career. So, we have a big show day. A lot on our plate and our agenda, so we should probably get started.

**Craig:** Yeah, I’m going to get my head straight, man. Let’s do this.

**John:** Let’s do this.

So, small bits of housekeeping. First off, t-shirts. We saw so many t-shirts in Austin, which was great, the Scriptnotes t-shirts in blue and in orange.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Well, the big news is that starting today we are selling another batch of t-shirts. They’re black and they look really, really good. Just like the last time, we are going to do two weeks of preorders, and that’s it. We basically take the preorders, we count up how many shirts we have to make in each size, and we just make those shirts. And so that way we don’t have to stock shirts. We don’t have to do this all the time. It’s sort of a once or twice a year thing we’re going to do.

So, starting today, we are taking orders. We are closing orders on Friday, November 15. We will start shipping these t-shirts out on December 2. So, if you are interested in buying a Scriptnotes t-shirt, they’re at store.johnaugust.com. And they’re available starting today.

**Craig:** Uh, can I get one?

**John:** You can get one. You’re guaranteed. As a host of a show, you’re guaranteed exactly one t-shirt.

**Craig:** Oh, this is why I do this show.

**John:** Yeah, for the t-shirts.

**Craig:** Yeah!

**John:** Just like going to the Austin Film Festival for like the little goodie bag, which has like the most impractical things to have.

**Craig:** They didn’t even give me one. What was in it?

**John:** So, there’s like a Stella Artois glass.

**Craig:** Okay.

**John:** Like a small, miniature version, so it wouldn’t even enough to hold like a whole Stella Artois, but there’s a glass for it. Which is like, we all traveled here, so we’re going to have to pack this? No, so of course that just got left in the hotel room.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Although other years they’ve had like Tito’s Vodka, which is lovely, but you can’t take that on a plane, either.

**Craig:** No.

**John:** The gift bags, I understand why they exist. You’re trying to reward your sponsors. You’re trying to do nice things for your panelists. But they’re frustrating at times.

**Craig:** Yeah. I think given the nature of what’s going on over there, just some aspirin. Some aspirin. [laughs] Some Tylenol. Xanax.

**John:** All of these would be really good, helpful things.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Yeah. So, t-shirts. On sale now. If you want a t-shirt, go to store.johnaugust.com.

Next up, I’m going back to New York for Big Fish on Saturday November 23. I’m doing at talk back after the matinee show. And so a talk back is basically you bought a ticket, you came to see the show. After the show you have a chance to talk with the creators, the actors, various people involved in the show.

We will answer your questions. We will talk about the things that you just saw. Those are a fun thing to do that I love about Broadway shows. And so we try to do a talk back every week. Saturday, November 23 will be my talk back. And so if you are interested in coming to that show, get yourself a ticket. Use the SCRIPT discount code by all means. But then email ask@johnaugust.com to let me know that you’re planning on coming.

Space is going to be limited. I think we can only take 60 people. So, if that fills up, we may be emailing back saying sorry, or we’ll do something to change the venue or make it work.

**Craig:** Exciting. I wish I could be there for that.

**John:** The last bit of housekeeping is a lot of people have asked how you and I record the show. And so obviously in Austin we were together in a room, but that’s the exception rather than the rule.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Most times we’re doing what we’re doing right now, we’re talking on Skype. So, there’s a post up on johnaugust.com right now to explain how we actually do the show, including our microphones, and our headphones, and what Stuart does, and how it all fits together.

**Craig:** Oh, I can’t wait to find out what Stuart does. This is exciting.

**John:** Yeah. So, Stuart, the magical elf, stitches our audio together. It works, and we’re happy to share our way of doing things, which is not the only way to do things, but it’s the way we do our podcast.

**Craig:** It is our way.

**John:** It is our way.

So, let’s get to our new business which is let’s start with the thing you emailed me today which is this Hollywood Reporter article about T-Bone Burnet.

**Craig:** Right. And, you know, so, this was something that Glen Mazzara of Walking Dead fame — among other things — put on Facebook. And it was about music and the music business. But Glen always posts interesting articles. I tend to read the stuff that he curates. And also I met T-Bone. He’s a really cool guy. I mean, honestly, first of all his name is T-Bone, right? And then he’s married to Callie and he’s awesome. So, I thought, okay, I’ll check this out.

I was so pleasantly surprised to find this umbrage screed in it that spoke to my inner angry, angry man. And taught me something about the attitude of Silicon Valley toward content that I didn’t realize. He had such a good insight. So, basically, I don’t have to read the whole thing. I’m going to summarize.

Basically what he says is, look, there was this cultural thing of what happened in Northern California. Northern California, those guys up there were, what do you call, the Grateful Dead, right? They love the Grateful Dead. The culture of Northern California is very Grateful Dead of the seventies. And the Grateful Dead as a band was all about live performance, improvisation, and bootlegging. They were never about one version.

No one cares about the one album version of a Grateful Dead song. The whole point of the Grateful Dead is that they didn’t care either. They were high out of their minds and it was entirely about the experience of the moment, and freedom, and just sharing stuff. And as he points out, the actual business that is connected to the Grateful Dead is “a complete travesty now.”

And then on the other side, you had Metallica which is a decidedly not hippie dippy Northern California band. And Metallica very famously took a stand against Napster and really said, “Look, we control the music we make and we make definitive versions. Obviously we tour and we make live albums, but this is the version that we are putting out there that we own and we frankly don’t want to be circulated around for free because we care for it and it matters to us.”

And his point is that the attitude of, “Oh, la, da, da, music, it’s free!” permeated Silicon Valley in a way that eventually led to the great reduction of the music industry through technology. That there’s a philosophical undercurrent to Silicon Valley, that content should be free. And interestingly, as he points out, these people who promote this technology and say, “Look, we just basically want to spread content around for free,” they also, while they’re doing that, are you making you pay for the conduits through which they spread it.

That there is an underlying hypocrisy to the whole thing, and as he points out, if we talked about tearing down the car industry in the way that we tore down the music industry, people would go nuts. He says, “People in Hollywood, we should go up there with pitchforks and torches to Silicon Valley now. Unfortunately that’s how sophisticated our response would be — pitchforks and torches.”

What a great, great essay.

**John:** So, what I find compelling about this last part about the car industry versus the music industry, or you can carry that through to the Hollywood filmmaking industry, is I think we have this mental model of what it is like to be working at a car plant. We have like what a worker there does. But we don’t have a mental model of what a grip does, what a gaffer does, what these people do, and sort of what the middle class life is like to make movies, or in this case what the middle class life is to be the artist behind things, the screenwriter, director, the creative producer behind a project. So, since we don’t have a model of what it’s like to lose those jobs, because they’re not going to one place, and there’s not a factory closing down, you can’t see that loss the same way.

But, just like in the music industry, there’s a middle class of film people that are sort of disappearing. TV has taken up some of that slack. God bless television.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** But it has been a real factor.

**Craig:** No question. No question.

**John:** One of the things I also found interesting with his point, this was his quote: “And what’s happened in reality is the power has been consolidated into very, very few companies, and the middle class musician has just been wiped out.” And this con, as he describes it, is that we talk about this sort of freedom and liberation and anyone can get to music and its democratizing things, but the same companies that were sort of fighting to shoot down Napster and file sharing and sort of all the ways that music became free, they paradoxically became more powerful, because they’re the last people standing.

**Craig:** Yes!

**John:** So, all of the middle group of businesses that couldn’t withstand that onslaught disappeared. And that’s how a lot of people made their living was through those kind of things. And so you can say, “Tough. You got to tour more. You got to do other things.” That’s not true if you’re with the people who are making those albums, and if your life was responsible for making those albums, you’re life has gone away.

**Craig:** Right. And the apparatus they use to support the tours is gone. He says the internet has been an “honest to god con.” And I really want people to think about this, because T-Bone is exactly right. They have fed us the opposite of what they have done. They have appealed to the artistic spirit of freedom. They have appealed to the artistic spirit of freedom. They have appealed to the artistic spirit of wanting to share what you create. And in doing so, they have devalued it and taken all of the money out of it. Or a lot of it.

They’ve done it in music. They want to do it in movies for sure. And I think that, frankly, the only thing that saved us in movies other than the slightly longer path towards quick downloads of movies has been that the movie industry saw what happened to the music industry and they were the canary in the coal mine and they’ve tried everything. And they are trying everything to avoid this.

But when you hear that Google and Amazon want information to be free, what you’re actually hearing is that they want to make all of the money off of your work, and you get none. And I’ve noticed that one of the weaknesses of our union is that in their hatred of our direct employers, they often look to the wrong places for salvation. And our — I sense the Writers Guild constantly looking at Google and Amazon, like they’ll come save us.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, they will bury us. They will bury us. They want to bury us. Of course they do.

Oh god, that felt good.

**John:** [sighs] A sobering bit of umbrage to get us started here.

**Craig:** Mm-hmm. Thank you, T-Bone. That was great.

**John:** We don’t have to provide answers, we just have to point out problems.

**Craig:** [laughs] And make ourselves feel better momentarily.

**John:** So, for our next topic, I think we can provide if not answers at least some context for better ways that writers can involve themselves in helping the situations. This is damseling, the idea of damsels in distress, which is not only what’s still in film, or sort of a classic trope. It’s a thing that you see not just in movies or television shows, but also in video games. And the best way I sort of got introduced to this idea and sort of the pervasiveness of this idea is this great three-part series that Anita Sarkeesian did called Tropes versus Women in Videogames.

And so videogames, because they tend to be so linear, the goal is often to save the princess. And so in save the princess you have Donkey Kong, you have Mario trying to save Princess Peach. We all get that. We sort of know what that is.

And on some level we know like, oh, god, women characters don’t do very well in videogames because they are just something to be saved. They are the goal. Either you have to rescue the princess or you have to avenge the death of your wife, or some girl who has been killed.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** And that’s a classic trope in those thing. And even as videogames have become more technically and narratively complex, the underlying story behind the women characters tends not to be more complex.

You can even point to this new Grand Theft Auto. There are female characters, but they’re not…

**Craig:** Barely. Barely.

**John:** Yeah, there’s not playable in the ways that other things can be played.

**Craig:** No. Well, let’s extend back a little bit. Damseling is something that has gone on forever. Videogames are obsessed with it in the way that super hero movies are obsessed with it. Even when super hero movies attempt to make female super heroes, they seem to end up in a damseling situation. And that’s not surprising in a sense. There is a certain kind of very male story that appeals to a very male fantasy to essentially be the all powerful man who rescues and provides for a woman who needs rescuing and providing for. That fits into the heterosexual, hetero-normal male perception, particularly for adolescent males and males with Aspergers. It seems like it gets right in there.

And I get it. I get that.

**John:** But we constantly reinforce this idea. So, you can say like it’s a primal innate idea. Great. But there’s lot of ideas that are primal and innate and we are able to sometimes acknowledge them, lampshade them, and move on.

So, one of the first articles I found when I searched for “damsels in distress” was this complex.com article about the 15 hottest damsels in distress in movies.

**Craig:** [laughs]

**John:** I thought it was exactly perfect. So, I want to read you…

**Craig:** It’s stupid.

**John:** It does two things at once. So, Rachel Nichols in Conan the Barbarian.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** Sure. Live Tyler in The Incredible Hulk.

**Craig:** Hot always.

**John:** Yeah, I forget. Is she supposed to be the scientist, or is she just like the scientist’s daughter?

**Craig:** I believe she is the general’s daughter.

**John:** The general’s daughter.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Michelle Monaghan in Mission: Impossible 3.

**Craig:** Okay, yeah.

**John:** Maggie Grace in Taken.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** She’s literally, she’s the MacGuffin. She is the thing that is taken.

**Craig:** Right. She basically is the briefcase from Pulp Fiction. [laughs]

**John:** Yes. Kirsten Dunst in Spider-Man.

**Craig:** Well, of course.

**John:** Pretty much any girl in a super hero movie tends to become a damsel in distress.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** This is debatable. Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia.

**Craig:** Eh, I mean, you know, she’s tough. She comes out fighting and she is in distress because she’s a princess and they’ve captured her. But they rescue her in the middle.

**John:** They do rescue her in the middle. And also you sense that the classic image you see is like her in chains next to Jabba the Hutt, but it’s a setup. And so when you realize that this is all part of a plan kind of.

**Craig:** Right, I mean, but look: here’s the truth. For instance in Empire, she comes back real tough to save Han Solo and immediately gets all kissy face and then gets chained up in a bikini. It’s damseling.

**John:** It’s damseling.

**Craig:** It’s damsel.

**John:** You have a competent woman who is then reduced to being an object for the men to rescue.

**Craig:** To rescue and save. Exactly.

**John:** Blake Lively is classically the damsel in Savages, a movie that I talked about at Austin because I actually kind of really dig Savages for the weird things it did, but she is just the thing you have to rescue.

**Craig:** Yeah. I didn’t see it, so, but I’ll take your word for it.

**John:** Robin Wright as the princess in The Princess Bride.

**Craig:** Wonderful movie. Great character.

**John:** Wonderful movie.

**Craig:** I don’t believe she makes a choice in the film.

**John:** Nope. Keira Knightley in Pirates of the Caribbean.

**Craig:** Um…

**John:** Now, in later films they tried to sort of swashbuckler her more.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** But she ultimately is the pretty thing you have to save.

**Craig:** She is beautiful. And one of the characters has to save her. I actually disagree with this one to some extent. I think that this one was an interesting — an interesting post-modern take on the damsel.

**John:** Naomi Watts in King Kong.

**Craig:** Well, sure.

**John:** The girl in King Kong is the damsel. Yes. Cameron Diaz in The Mask. And I had to think back to The Mask, but my recollection of it was it was a character who seemed to have her own thing and then just becomes a plot device.

**Craig:** She was a chanteuse.

**John:** She was a chanteuse.

**Craig:** And then she got damselled.

**John:** Jessica Alba in Machete. I never saw Machete.

**Craig:** It’s accurate.

**John:** Yes. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Transformers: Dark of the Moon. The fact that I have no idea who she is and that she’s really pretty and she’s in a Michael Bay movie are signs that she’s probably going to be a damsel in distress.

**Craig:** I mean, honestly, I don’t even know how the guy that made the list picked these 15, because there’s 15 damsels in distress every week.

**John:** These are the hottest ones, though.

**Craig:** Oh, these are the hottest ones. Oh, I see. Oh.

**John:** And, I have to give him props for Ursula Andress as Dr. Honey Ryder — as Honey Ryder in Dr. No.

**Craig:** Yeah. She was not a doctor.

**John:** She was not a doctor. Although, Dr. Christmas Snow from one of the Bond movies.

**Craig:** Christmas Jones.

**John:** Christmas Jones. You’re absolutely right.

**Craig:** Yes, you know me. I’m a Bond scientist.

**John:** Christmas Snow is actually Chrissy Snow from Three’s Company. Her name is Chrissy Snow.

**Craig:** Oh, really?

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** I did not know that.

**John:** I actually have quite a bit of knowledge of Three’s Company. It’s very deeply ingrained in my soul.

**Craig:** [hums Threes Company theme]

**John:** You can knock on my door any time.

**Craig:** Here’s the thing. Well, first of all, I don’t know how familiar you are with Anita Sarkeesian, but she was sort of involved in this very disturbing episode in videogame culture, where she really is as far as I can tell the only person that is very verbal about feminist concerns. I don’t know how else you can point and say — I mean, you can call them humanist concerns about the way videogames portray women, and the vitriol that was piled on her was horrifying. And, obviously, confirmed everything she said and then some. She’s very smart.

And I want her to be listened to. I play videogames. I like videogames. I don’t mind saving the damsel every now and again, but videogames are trailing so far behind movies and film, which are all also damseling, so that’s how bad videogames are. They’re infantile. Their portrayal of women is infantile to the point where it’s how much bigger can the boobs get. It’s just stupid. It’s stupid!

**John:** I was looking through the TV Tropes article on Damsels in Distress. So, if you ever have a question about themes in movies, TV Tropes is a great place to go to. So, these are some of the themes that TV Tropes pointed out about Damsels in Distress. And then you hear them you think like, oh yeah, I get what that is.

Chained to a rock.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** It’s a Prometheus classic.

The Girl in the Tower. So, she’s isolated up there and you have to go save her in this tower.

Hypnotize the Princess, basically the bad guy has not only taken the princess, but has corrupted the princess so that the princess is going to do his will, sometimes even after you rescue her she’s dangerous.

**Craig:** Jafar.

**John:** Jafar.

The Living MacGuffin.

**Craig:** [laughs]

**John:** MacGuffin classically is that plot device the hero is going after, but it doesn’t even really matter what they’re going after. It’s just the reason why the plot is there.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** I have your wife.

The president’s daughter, which if you really stop and think about it, like oh god, how often does the president’s daughter become a thing?

**Craig:** I mean, it just gets…

**John:** And the best topic for me I think is Faux Action Girl, which they define as it sort of seems like she’s a badass action chick, and everyone sort of treats her like that, but if you actually look at what she does in the movie, she’s not an action chick at all. She’s sort of dressed like an action chick, but she actually is kind of useless and doesn’t do anything for herself.

**Craig:** I think someone saw The Avengers, huh?

**John:** Uh-huh.

**Craig:** I mean, look, I can’t say that it’s wrong to tell a very simple traditional narrative where you’re saving a princess in a castle. There’s something almost sweet about it. I mean, you guys did it with your videogame. With Karateka.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** But where it gets sick, I think, is when it’s not a choice. When it’s just — there are these things that happen called sub-choices, where you never get to the area of choice. You don’t make a — you know what, we’re going to do a traditional simple sweet story where Mario finds the Princess in a castle. It doesn’t even occur to you that there would be another thing to do.

And this is an area where I actually am very proud of my particular genre, because I think comedies have often been ahead of the curve on this one. Not to say that female driven comedies haven’t really exploded in the last four or five years, because they have. Even in romantic comedies, where women are the protagonists.

So, let’s go all the way back to a super, super down the middle romantic comedy like While You Were Sleeping. She is not a damsel in distress in that movie.

**John:** No. She is driving the story.

**Craig:** She’s driving the story. And, to me, comedies — so, that’s why, when I look at damsel in distress movies, I kind of shrug and I just think, really, that’s, I mean, I don’t know. There’s just so much more…

**John:** They’re not the things you’re writing, but even sometimes if the girl is the central character, she ends up being in damsel. So, you look at Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. She ultimately gets trapped there with the witch and it’s not until everyone else shows up that she’s able to do anything. It’s sort of like dumb luck that she throws the bucket of water.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** But she gets trapped there.

Bella in Twilight. She’s theoretically the lead character in Twilight, but she’s just there to be rescued most of the time.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** We talked about Indiana Jones and what a great character Marion is, except this incredibly competent woman ultimately becomes a captive.

**Craig:** Right. And by the way, the screenplay I’m writing right now has a very competent woman who ends up captive. [laughs] And I think possibly chained to a rock. And you know what? I made that choice because the truth is the male character, who is the lead of the movie, must save her. But that’s what I needed.

**John:** So, I’m actually writing something at the same time too which in outline form one of the main guys needs to save his girlfriend, or believes he needs to save his girlfriend. And I looked at it again and I looked at it from the perspective of damsel and it’s like, oh, god, I’m trying to find a way to not do that, because…

**Craig:** Yeah, but you do it.

**John:** …it’s simple and simple is lovely, but it may not be the right choice.

**Craig:** Well, listen, then the point is we’re making the choice. And I guess that’s what I would say to people out there. I’m not here to tell you that you can’t write a damsel story anymore, because damsels don’t — women that I know aren’t damsels, but men aren’t heroes either. Okay? And, by the way, women aren’t heroes. Nobody is a hero or a damsel.

In Identity Thief, it’s clear who the damsel in distress is for the entire movie and it’s Jason Bateman. And basically Melissa is torturing the man. But at no point is she, I mean, there’s a point where they get thrown into the back of a cop car and she’s the one rescuing them.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** But that was a choice for that, and this needs the other way. But make the choice.

**John:** Make the choice. And sometimes there are, I want to point out a few movies that have made the choice and sort of found ways to address the damseling that could be useful if you’re facing that situation yourself.

Pepper Potts in the first Iron Man. So, she is the girl in the film, and there’s the expectation like, oh, she’s going to be in danger, she’s going to be at risk. But she’s never actually damselled. She’s trying to do something and she ends up getting shot rather than being held as a captive. And she was being a hero. And she’s being a hero through that situation, so she’s an integral part of the story, but she’s not the object of what he needs to save.

**Craig:** Yeah, I mean, I can’t say that not capturing the damsel, but shooting the secretary instead is necessary a huge step forward for female kind, but…

**John:** Absolutely. I bring it up because she is not the primary focus of these people going after each other. And she’s not being used as bait or as a chick at the end it, which I think is at least useful. So, a female hero being shot is not the worst thing to happen.

**Craig:** [laughs] — Says John August in service to advancing the cause of feminism. Go ahead and just shoot them.

**John:** Shoot them. So, Daphne in Scooby Doo. And so I had the pleasure of being involved in Scooby Doo. One of the things I enjoy about Scooby Doo is that Daphne, that character, she is always being held hostage, she’s always getting tied up, and she’s always in trouble. And so in James Gunn’s version of it, he hangs a lantern on it and he says that character, like they bring up the fact that she always gets held captive and she actually now will train herself and so she’s a stronger, tougher fighter because of that.

So, that’s a choice sometimes, too, is to acknowledge the fact that this is expectation of what’s going to happen to her, and hang a lantern on it, and then subvert the expectation.

**Craig:** Mm-hmm.

**John:** And so everyone will approach every movie with a set of expectations. They will approach the expectation in an action movie that this girl could become captive, so address it, and subvert it if that works in your story.

**Craig:** If that, yeah.

**John:** Shrek does the same thing. Where you see she’s a beautiful princess, she’s going to be in trouble. No, she’s going to call that idea out and say, “Nope, that’s not going to happen to me.”

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Finally, Sansa in Game of Thrones. And TV is a little bit different because it goes on for so long, but without any spoilers, Sansa, even as we leave this current batch of the series, she is sort of the Princess in the Tower. She’s stuck there and yet while in a general sense there’s a quest to try to get her out of her situation, she’s doing other stuff herself. And so she’s not the sole goal of male characters going to try to save her.

And so she’s part of a very elaborate web of intrigue and decisions and plots, but it’s not just about her being a princess.

**Craig:** Well that’s an interesting concept for me at least. I like the idea that you can present a damsel in distress. And I do think of the character of Sansa as a damsel in distress. And then watch her evolve naturally as a character out of it. Even in movies you can do this.

So, like everybody, I worship The Godfather, and The Godfather Part II. And even though The Godfather Part III has parts that don’t match, obviously, to the quality of the first two, there is one thing about it that I think is extraordinary, and that’s the evolution of Connie.

Because in the first movie she is truly a damsel in distress. She’s being beaten by her husband, and Sonny goes and rescues her. I mean, she gets beaten up by her husband. And in the second movie she is a mess and she blames Michael for ruining her life. And she’s just a heap.

In the third movie she becomes this dragon woman, this amazing force who is holding the family together. Is the spine in Michael’s back. And who is the one that essentially creates the continuity of the line so that the Corleones will forever reign. And that is an amazing thing to watch.

I love that about the third Godfather movie. And I don’t know where the Game of Thrones will take us, because I haven’t read the books ahead. I don’t want to. I like watching them on the show now. But I hope that Sansa evolves. It’s fun.

**John:** Absolutely. So, none of this should be taken as a plea to sort of keep female characters out of danger. Danger is good. Danger is great. The issue comes when you take a character who is in danger just to propel the plot along, especially if you are taking a woman who is previously portrayed as being competent and deliberately making her incompetent at some moment in the third act, or kidnapping her in some moment of the third act so that the male character can go rescue her.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** It’s just such a trope and I think it diminishes what stories can do and I think it sends a really weird message for people watching movies that this is how life should be. And that no matter how competent you are as a woman, eventually you’re going to have to have a man come rescue you.

**Craig:** Right. And I would also ask/suggest that in the spirit of changing language to change the way we think or approach things, that we stop referring to grown women in movies as girls.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** It’s just lame. And I occasionally have to catch myself, because it’s common parlance, you know, “He meets the girl.”

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Oh who’s going to be the girl in the movie, you know, it just — but it’s like why is that the one thing we’ve kept from 1930s Hollywood lingo?

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** You know? Because while we’ll say “boy meets girl,” he plays a guy, we’ll say that, “a guy.” So, this man, but she’s the girl. She’s always the girl. So, I say maybe adults deserve woman at this point.

**John:** I agree.

Let’s go to our first question. This first one comes from Joe in Brooklyn, New York.

**Craig:** Hey, Joe, what’s up?

**John:** “I had a question about credits. If a writer gets a script made into a film, but is unhappy with the final product, can he get his name removed from it? Directors have the Alan Smithee pseudonym to follow back. Do writers have something similar?”

**Craig:** Yeah, we do. If the movie is not a Writers Guild covered film, then I think frankly it’s a matter of your individual contract, and if it’s not mentioned in the contract than you’d have to negotiate for a pseudonym. Your right of attribution, that’s a moral right, a Droit Moral, that we don’t have here in the United States. And overseas it’s entirely up to you. Here in the United States where we have work for hire, the Writers Guild and the contract that we have with the companies states that under movies that are created through Writers Guild contracts, we are allowed to use pseudonyms unless I believe we’re paid more than $250,000. It’s somewhere between $200,000 and $250,000.

At that point if they paid us that much, we don’t have the inalienable right to take our name off the movie. Their argument being you must be somebody that was worth something to us. Now we have the right to say no to your request to take your name off the movie. Let’s say we really want to say that John August wrote this movie, or “From the writer of the movie Go,” or whatever they want to promote, they’re not going to just let you on your own decide to take your name off.

You have to ask. In all cases, the pseudonym that you use needs to be registered with the Writers Guild so that it doesn’t duplicate the actual name of another person or the pseudonym that has been used by another person.

We don’t use Alan Smithee. Alan Smithee — it’s remarkable to me that frankly the Directors Guild allows that to perpetuate. I actually think it makes them look terrible.

**John:** Yeah. It’s petulant to me.

**Craig:** It’s petulant and it also is obvious. There are some very famous pseudonyms, Cordwainer Bird I think is the one that Harlan Ellison has used before that people in the know understand mean a certain person, which to me it sort of defeats the purpose of a pseudonym. It’s not longer pseudo.

Alan Smithee defeats the purpose of a pseudonym. For writers, we get to choose our own, and I know writers that have chosen to use pseudonyms. Easier to just not see credit, although if you use a pseudonym you will get the associated residuals and production bonuses and so forth.

**John:** Yeah, which can be very useful.

**Craig:** Yup.

**John:** So, this $250,000 cap, I always take that to mean that at a certain threshold the studio believes that your publicity value is actually useful, and so therefore they want the ability to promote that. And I have seen movies where I don’t think they necessarily care about the writer’s name, but they’d love to be able to say, “From the writer of…something.”

**Craig:** That’s exactly right.

**John:** And that’s why they want to be able to do that.

**Craig:** And they picked that number, basically, and that’s how these negotiations work, because the contract covers everyone. So, obviously they wanted that number to be as low as possible, whereas the Writers Guild will want it to be as high as possible. I think $200,000 to $250,000 is unreasonably low, frankly, but it was set many, many years ago and we have other fish to fry when we deal with those guys.

**John:** Agreed.

Next question comes from Tucker. He writes, “You mentioned on a podcast a long while back that you often have to go away from your family on a retreat of some kind to ‘break the back’ of the script. I ask because I’m working on my first studio job at home, with a family around me, and they don’t understand why I’m acting like an insane person when ‘little things pop up that need to be done.’ Can you call Wells Fargo and chat with customer service for an hour? Can you handle the AT&T repair guy who needs to be chaperoned? Can you, can you, can you?”

**Craig:** Mm-hmm.

**John:** “I wish I was at some desert hotel somewhere.”

**Craig:** [laughs] Well, you know, I do think at some point we should do — there’s an entire podcast to be done about the spouses, the poor, poor spouses of writers. I think that Tucker has got a false dichotomy here. So, retreating and going into the desert is not the same as not being in your house with your family around you.

You can be around the corner. You can be at a Starbucks if you need to. I do believe that you must separate from your family and your children for certain hours of the day in order to get your work done. That’s not selfish. Everybody else gets to do it, so why don’t we?!

And you know they don’t understand what it means to be yanked out of your own head when you’re in it, either because you’re suffering in your head, or you’re succeeding in your head. The last thing you want is to be pulled out of it. And you can be irritable and it’s not good for them and it’s not good for you. And, you’re right, they don’t understand.

What they do understand is daddy is working. And daddy goes around the corner to work. Or daddy goes into the backyard. Or daddy goes down the street. You don’t have to go to the desert.

**John:** I think you’re right about the sense of a writer needs to take responsibility for how he or she is both being a writer and both being a member of a family. And so that daily work balance is going to be an ongoing negotiation between the writer and the family.

Tucker, I think, is sort of asking two questions. He’s asking that daily life question. That first paragraph, though, was about breaking the back of something. And that’s something I actually do. And even before I had a family, I would go away to barricade myself in a room to get started on a script, and I still do it to this day.

To me what’s so helpful about going someplace else to start is that I’m out of my normal environment, and so I’ve shown up someplace to do nothing other than work on this thing. And every waking moment can be about that thing.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And I’ll often go to the place where the movie is going to be set so I can sort of live in that environment and sort of see what that’s like, although I’ve often gone to Vegas to do it, too, because Vegas midweek is really cheap. And when you get completely stir crazy in your room in Vegas you can just wander and go someplace else. And you can be alone around a lot of people very easily in Vegas, especially I’m not drinking, I’m not gambling, so I’m a weirdo in Vegas, but it’s kind of great. And there’s food, and all that stuff is lovely.

**Craig:** You’re right. Aside from the context of your relationship with your family, you may be the kind of writer that needs to separate from reality itself and enter a bubble world in order to enter your bubble world. I get that. I can enter bubble world wherever. You can put me on my roof and I can do it. But there are a lot of people that really benefit from that.

I know Rian Johnson just spent quite a long time in Paris because he was breaking the back of his next movie and he needed to essentially go separate from everything and, you know, we don’t give ourselves enough credit for the relationship between the way we’re feeling in the moment around us and how we’re feeling when we’re writing. This is why writers drink. This is why they do all sorts of self-destructive things because, frankly, it makes the writing easier.

It doesn’t make your life easier. So, if you can find safe ways to do it, like sitting in a room in Vegas and not killing prostitutes, then I say absolutely.

**John:** So, my breaking the back process is I will generally hop on a plane, be someplace, and every waking moment is about that script or about one boring book that I’m allowed to go to. So, I don’t turn on the TV. I don’t turn on the iPad. I don’t turn on my phone. And it’s only about that. And what’s useful is I’ll wake up in the morning and I will force myself to hand write a scene before I’m allowed to get out of bed.

I will have breakfast, and I will force myself to hand write a new scene before I can do the next thing I want to do. And so in that process I can write 17 or 20 pages by hand in a day. If I do that for three or four days, I’ve got 45, 50 pages of my script started. And that’s usually breaking the back for me. Once I feel like I have — I’m writing out of sequence, so I’m not necessarily just writing the first act. But I really know who those characters are. I know what the world is. I know what the voices are. And I’m back into sort of full writing mode.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** Because a lot of times between big writing assignments, I’m not writing that much. And so sometimes I just need to actually sort of build up some steam and sort of get those muscles back working.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** Then it’s much easier for me to get started doing stuff. I try also not to put all those pages together right away. I want to get up to like 60 or 65 pages of sort of knowing that I have that much material before I start pasting all those things together and seeing the whole script. If I do that too early, if I start looking at the whole script too early I will start editing and moving commas around and I will never get the full thing bit.

**Craig:** You know, and for me, that is part of it. Part of the work that I do. What’s interesting is that while we can agree that separating from people while you’re in that space is a good thing, even if you just are going around the corner, or if you’re going somewhere else, what we also know is that we’re very different. All of us are very different.

I’ve heard so many different — everybody it seems has their own unique approach to tricking themselves into writing and part of the struggle of being a new writer is you’re figuring out what works for you. And so, unfortunately, you’re just going to have to figure it out.

**John:** Yes. You are the guinea pig and the scientist.

**Craig:** All at the same time.

**John:** Next question is — I didn’t write down the person’s name, but it’s about speccing a pilot. He writes, or she writes, I think it’s a he: “I’ve been trying to start a career as a screenwriter for the last 18 months. And though I’ve gotten some positive feedback, I have not yet secured representation from a manager or an agent. A producer approached me recently about writing an outline for a spec TV pilot, which I did.

“He liked the outline, and now wants me to write the full script for the pilot.”

**Craig:** Oh, does he?

**John:** “And is asking what I expect in terms of compensation.”

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** “I looked at the scheduled minimums in the WGA basic agreement.”

**Craig:** Rational.

**John:** “But I have gotten the distinct impression that the producer is not willing to pay me the amount that document stipulates.”

**Craig:** What?! [laughs]

**John:** “His company is not a WGA signatory. And I’m not a WGA member, so I feel like I have no leverage here. I want to do the job because it would be my first paid writing gig, but I don’t want to undervalue myself. I feel clueless about what I should do next.” Craig Mazin…

**Craig:** Mm-hmm.

**John:** …help this person out.

**Craig:** [stifling a scream] Okay. So, look, everything that has happened is as I have foreseen. [laughs] Of course you want to be a paid writer. Of course. And of course. You don’t want to undervalue yourself. And of course you feel clueless about what’s going on. And of course the producer has presented himself as somebody who knows exactly what’s going on. And of course he wants you to write this for free. Of course.

You know why? Because all that makes sense for him. The one thing that he has over you is he’s not an artist who is — I don’t want to use the word desperate. He is not an artist who craves approval for the art. He is a businessman who is going to make money off of you. Okay?

So, he is in a great space because he can ask for these things with no problem, knowing full well that you have an emotion involved that he doesn’t have to deal with. Please resist this emotion.

Here’s the deal: in your letter you say “I feel like I have no leverage.” Incorrect. You have all of the leverage. Let me repeat. You have all of the leverage. Not 99%. 100%. And the leverage is that you own the writing. It is yours. The copyright is yours.

Everything that is attached to it, and every decision that will be made, up until the point where you assign copyright to somebody else, all of that is yours. And his game is to convince you that you have nothing. [laughs] Do you see how this works? Pretty amazing. So, friend, here’s the deal. You can do whatever you want. What you can’t do is work for hire.

Work for hire means I don’t have the copyright anymore. Somebody else has the copyright and they’re commissioning the work for me. That’s what you do when you run into a studio. You dig? And that is a Writers Guild job, and there are minimums, and credit protections, and health, and pension, and all sorts of great things, residuals and so on.

Until that moment, you do not sell it. You can option it. Haven’t sold it yet. Okay? Or, you can write it and shop it around. And then is somebody is in love with it, they can take it into a studio. But you do not sell it. A financier may come along and say we want to do it independently, non-union. Great. Here’s my lawyer. Work out what I get when this movie — and now I’ve got a backend on this thing. Whatever you do, just remember you have all the leverage.

**John:** Yeah. So, what Craig is making the strong distinction between is a work for hire, which is what writers do when they work for a studio. They are a work for hire and you are assigning copyright to that person and they are paying you to write.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** That is a very different thing from here’s writing something. This producer may ultimately option that thing you write and try to set it up at a studio, or you may just honestly have a handshake, like a shopping agreement essentially. “I’m allowing you to take it to these places and that person may be able to set it up.”

So, you value their interaction. You value their notes. But don’t value their money because it’s not going to be that much money. So, write the thing so you own it. And once it’s written, if that person still wants to do something with it, you can have that conversation about an option agreement, some sort of shopping agreement. But do not write for this person for less than this amount of money.

**Craig:** And as always, please seek the advice of an attorney.

**John:** So, this is a related question. Toby writes, “I’m writing because I have achieved a level of success that is not quite amateur, but not quite big time pro. I have been paid and I am patterned with a bestselling novelist to adapt his next release. However, I have found the biggest problem a writer of my level has is the pressure to work for free is unrelenting.”

**Craig:** Hmm.

**John:** “I would say that almost 100% of my non-general meetings have been with producers who have property they want to turn into a screenplay. These producers are people who have had at least one producer credit to their name and seem to have credible projects with life right, novel rights, etc. They’re just unwilling to pay any money for a draft.”

**Craig:** Oh, imagine that.

**John:** “To illustrate my point, I’ve included an mail exchange with my former manager in which he is asking me to extend an option on a spec script of mine that he originally optioned for free. He clearly wants the script but is unwilling to pay for it.”

This is a quote from this manager. “Reality is that it will be unrealistic for you to think that anyone will pay an option for this script. It is simply not done anymore. I also have spent an undo amount of time on all of our projects…”

**Craig:** Undue amount. Undue amount!

**John:** Oh yeah. An undue amount.

**Craig:** Undue. It wasn’t due.

**John:** Yes. Oh, it’s actually the wrong kind of due, that’s true. “Not to mention the notes I give to make your script better early on. I offered my services on this one as a gesture of good faith for all the time you’ve spent.”

**Craig:** Argh. Argh.

**John:** “But I don’t think you’ve ever really accepted the fact that there is no monetizing the time we spend in this entertainment game unless the projects go.”

**Craig:** Ugh.

**John:** Craig Mazin, do you find any part of that quote to be true?

**Craig:** It’s actually amazing how it’s all the opposite of true! Every word is the opposite of true. What a con artist! What a con artist.

First of all, let’s go backwards. “I don’t think you have ever really accepted the fact that there is no monetizing the time we spend in this entertainment game unless the projects go.” Wrong! There is no monetizing it for you, the not writer who doesn’t write stuff, unless the projects go. This is just me, me, me, me, me, but it’s not about the writer because we get paid all the time for movies that aren’t made.

You know why? Because there’s a value to what we do that is so important that they’re willing to give us money for stuff that they don’t even know they want to make. But, go back a little further. He has “spent an undo” — misspelled — “amount of time on all of our projects Not to mention the notes I gave to make your script better early on.”

Dude, screw off. We don’t need you. Okay?

**John:** Yeah. By the way, those notes you were giving, that was to build this relationship that you are now throwing under the bus so you can get a free extension on this offer.

**Craig:** Right. You joined with me in partnership. And the partnership was this: You’re going to help me. I’m going to write a script. I’m going to get paid, and you’re going to get 10%. Isn’t that wonderful? And now you’re complaining that I’m making choices that might keep you from your belief of how we’re going to get your 10%. And suddenly all these things I did for you were favors.

No they’re not. And this is why managers make me sick sometimes, because they do this nonsense. They play these nonsense games. And because their business is crunched, crunched, they psychologically abuse the people they are supposed to be protecting. This is an abusive email.

And I’m so glad. The only thing that keeps me from not driving to Toby’s house and killing him is that it says “former manager.” Thank god.

But, listen, guys, this is tied into the same email before. I don’t care. And I have never met a writer, a successful writer, who cares about what these people need. I’ve got my own problems over here. I’m trying to write screenplays. And it’s hard. I don’t care what the producer needs. I don’t care what the manager needs. They’re supposed to be helping me! That’s the point.

Is that selfish? Eh, I guess I’m selfish. All I know is that if I write a hit movie, they end up getting so much more money than I do that I guess I can feel okay about it. [laughs] So, that’s the story. I get paid now. They get paid later. I get paid a pretty good amount now. They get paid crazy amounts later if the movie works. And I’m cool with that, but then please don’t play games with me.

**John:** Let’s go back to an earlier part of Toby’s letter where he writes that he is in these rooms with producers who have rights to things and would like him to write a script, but they don’t want to pay him to right that script.

And this is a thing that you and I all have friends who are in similar situations. Even Kelly Marcel, who was on our last podcast together, the Saving Mr. Banks was kind of that situation where she wasn’t really paid to write this script originally.

**Craig:** I don’t know if that’s true.

**John:** Well, she said in the podcast. I asked was this essentially a spec script you were writing for this producer. And she said, “Yes, there’s no money in British film.”

**Craig:** Oh, okay, yes, that’s true. And by the way, in England, yes, I remember that now. You’re absolutely right. And in England, there is such a different deal going on, because there is no work for hire and it’s a whole crazy thing. And I don’t understand how British law works, but here…

**John:** So, I would say in general, I’ve been in these kind of situations, even sort of at this point in my career. When that comes up, what they really need to be expressing this to you as is like, “Let us partner on this thing.” And I think if you’re considering coming in to write thing, it can’t be a work for hire because they’re not hiring you.

**Craig:** Correct.

**John:** They’re not paying you.

**Craig:** Correct.

**John:** So, it’s essentially like you are partnering up with them to try to develop this property into a thing that is a thing.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And it’s a negation on both sides, because if they have some bundle of rights, well that bundle of rights is important for you to be able to write your essential spec script. And so that’s complicated. That doesn’t mean it can’t happen, but it’s going to be complicated. And that’s why you’re lucky to be, Toby, at a point in your life where you do have an agent and a manger and you have producer credits and you can figure this out.

**Craig:** That’s right.

**John:** And you are essentially becoming their partner, not just the writer that they’re hiring, because they’re not hiring.

**Craig:** And that’s the kind of push and pull of this. They have rights that they need turned into a screenplay and they can’t do it on their own. You have the ability to turn books into screenplays, but you don’t have the rights. Well, that sounds like a negotiation to me. And the product of that negotiation is an option. Right?

Now, the option could be for a dollar. It could be for zero dollars. It could be for $10,000. It depends, frankly, on where everybody is. And are there other writers they want for this? Or are you absolutely perfect? And is this a book that you absolutely love, or this is a book that you would do anything to write? Either way, when this idiot says that options simply aren’t done anymore, he’s lying.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Lying! He’s a liar. I know that this is crazy that there are liars in Hollywood, but there are liars in Hollywood.

**John:** Let’s end on a craft question. Matt writes, “I’ve read and seen two schools of thoughts and wanted to get your opinions on both. One states that the end of the second act should be the ultimate low point, the all-is-lost moment. The other states that it’s the time when the protagonist makes his decision to go forward with his new life, or fall back on his old ways. Which one is better? Which one gets shot down more by agents or producers?” What a bad way to end the question.

**Craig:** [laughs]

**John:** What is the end of the second act to you, Craig Mazin?

**Craig:** To me, it’s neither of the things that are put here. The way that these are described are typical for books and things written by people who essentially analyze. They’re after the fact thinkers. They watch movies. They read scripts. And then they try and find patterns in them and then present those patterns. But they’re not before the fact advice. We writers, we live before the fact. We must build it, right? So what’s before the fact advice?

For me, what’s roughly going on at that point in the movie is this: the character used to believe something. They believed it, maybe for bad reasons or good reasons, but it was the thing that helped them survive. It was a thing that they would have believed for the rest of their life on some deep fundamental level had the movie not occurred.

There is another thing they should be believing, and they will believe it by the end of the story. In fact, they will believe it so strongly that they will behave in accordance with it, even at risk to their own life. However, at this point in the movie, they have become aware that what they used to believe in is not true. And what they ought to believe in is simply too scary to comprehend. They are caught. And they are adrift emotionally and they are adrift almost intellectually and they don’t know what to do. They realize they can’t go back and they don’t know how to go forward.

**John:** I don’t disagree with you, Craig, but what I will say is that what you just described does feel kind of screenwriting book theory. I think it’s Craig Mazin’s screenwriting book theory, but it does feel sort of general framework-y in terms of like the generic sort of movie protagonist hero, this is where he or she is at in their situation. So, I’m in no ways diminishing sort of what I think that is largely true, I would just point out that did sound like it could be from a screenwriting book.

**Craig:** Well, I will say that that is a portion of a thing that there’s a bunch of stuff leading up to it, in fact, this was the thing that I did in Austin that is…

**John:** I was going to ask if that was…

**Craig:** It’s sort of not, at least as far as I know, not screenwriting book-y, but look at some point all these answers I suppose will sort of — I will say there doesn’t even have to be this in the script. You know what I mean? There’s no trap where you have to do this kind of thing. But to me when it happens, this is why. It’s not — I’m more concerned about why things happen and less concerned about that they should happen.

**John:** I would challenge you to take a look at the end of the second act from the audience’s perspective, which is we’ve watched this journey, we’ve watched this movie. Whatever has been happening, that thing has just ended. And now we’re into one last push. And to me, the end of the second act/start of the third act means that we as an audience are aware that we are on the final part of this journey. And that the movie is getting ready to reach it’s big conclusion.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** And so it’s a thing that as an audience, even if you’re not really aware of like character motivations and stories and how thematically things are working, you have a sense that like that thing is done and now we’re in this last stretch of the movie. And that can apply to almost any genre of movie you think about. You get that sense like this is going to be the last push.

And when it’s not the last push you feel like it’s jarring. And so it has to be setup just right that you can sense like that’s done, and now we’re in this last thing.

**Craig:** Well, you know, here. You and I are kind of like the proverbial blind men describing an elephant, because we’re feeling different parts of this thing. I always think about a movie working on three essential axes at any given point. There is internally what’s going on in the protagonist’s mind. There’s what’s happening between the protagonist and the people around him. And then there’s what’s happening externally in the world around all of them. So, I was kind of sort of talking about a very internal thing. You’re talking about a very external thing, too.

And both of those must be serviced. And, similarly, the interpersonal as well. But the question of how to create that moment, I think, oftentimes I find thinking internally gets you to what you need to make happen externally. But that’s me. You know, that’s just my…

**John:** Cool. And I think we’re at the point for some One Cool Things.

**Craig:** Ooh, I’m so excited.

**John:** Mine is really simple. So, it’s a podcast. Craig doesn’t listen to any podcasts other than our own podcast.

**Craig:** What’s a podcast?

**John:** But I listen to some other ones, and one of them that I like a lot is called Planet Money. It’s an NPR podcast. And they talk about financial issues, economic issues. It’s a good, chatty, really well produced podcast about those topics.

The reason why I bring it up this week is they’re doing a whole series of podcasts about they’re making the Planet Money t-shirts and they’re sort of going all the way back to like the growing of the cotton and sort of how the whole thing works, and how the whole supply chain comes together, which I find fascinating and in our very connected world, how this all works.

So, that series is just starting, but they’ve had little blips of episodes where they talk about even the process of like getting the money from, they Kickstarted it. So, like transferring the money from the Kickstarter PayPal to their own bank account took like four days. And why did it take so long? So, there’s a special episode where they just talk about the clearinghouse for checks and how that all works.

And it’s this incredibly bizarre, antiquated system that we have in the US that needs to be overhauled, and yet it would be very difficult to overhaul. So, I endorse the Planet Money podcast. That particular episode and especially the upcoming series on t-shirts.

**Craig:** And this is called a podcast?

**John:** It’s called a podcast. People listen to it on their mobile devices sometimes.

**Craig:** Hmm.

**John:** It’s actually the thing you’re doing right now, but you kind of just think we’re having a conversation.

**Craig:** I’m sorry. People are listening to this?

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** Oh wow. Oh god.

**John:** There’s actually not an audience in front of Craig. He thinks it’s just a conversation between us.

**Craig:** I am mortified. [laughs] I have said things…

**John:** I’ve been recording this whole thing, Craig.

**Craig:** You’re supposed to tell me that. That’s against the law. And I am mortified. Some of the things I’ve said. Oh my god!

**John:** I know. Terrible, terrible shocking things.

**Craig:** Terrible, terrible shocking things. Well, my One Cool Thing this week is by far my one favorite, my most favorite Cool Thing of all the Cool Things I’ve done, which I think is 12 at this point.

And, John, do you know what my One Cool Thing is this week?

**John:** I don’t.

**Craig:** It’s you.

**John:** Come on. That’s too…

**Craig:** No, no. No, no, no, you’ve got to her me out.

**John:** Rawson Thurber already used, oh, he used both of us I guess.

**Craig:** Yeah, I know, and it’s totally different anyway. Listen, here’s the thing. So, I don’t know what people know of our story, but you and I have really gotten to know each other over the course of the podcast. We knew each other before the podcast, but we just sort of knew each other. It wasn’t like we hung out or anything. We just kind of knew each other.

And so we’re in Austin and I don’t know what it was, whether it was alcohol, or just whatever is going on in your life, but it was the best John August ever. It was such a great John August time. And at one point, and hopefully you remember, you came up to me, you saw me, you came up to me, and you hugged me.

**John:** I came up and hugged you from behind on the little Driskill balcony downstairs because I was saying good night to everybody and I felt like I need to hug…

**Craig:** Oh, sure, walk it back. Walk it back all you want.

**John:** I’m not walking it back at all.

**Craig:** Listen…

**John:** I would say that I was the bounciest, Tiggeriest form of myself at Austin.

**Craig:** Yes. You were great. It was so much fun hanging out with you. I had such a great time. And because we spend actually a lot of time together but not together, it’s such a strange friendship that we have because it’s a podcast friendship, but we were really — I mean, look, you may still hate me, but you were such a great friend over the course of that weekend. So, my One Cool Thing is John…

**John:** Aw…

**Craig:** No, my One Cool Thing is Austin John August. [laughs]

**John:** Thank you. Why can’t John be like Austin John all the time?

**Craig:** Well, that’s exactly right. And, you know, we were talking about doing our next, one of our next podcasts with Aline Brosh McKenna, the Joan Rivers of Scriptnotes, and she had this great suggestion that we should just drink through the whole thing. I really think we should. I think it’s going to be fun.

**John:** I suspect that may end up happening.

**Craig:** Yeah!

**John:** Yes. But first we’re going to have to go through our standard boilerplate. If you have a question for me or for Craig that is short, the best way to get to us is on Twitter. I’m @johnaugust. He is @clmazin.

If you have a longer question, like some of the ones we read today, ask@johnaugust.com is the best place to send those questions.

If you would like a t-shirt, they’re going to be at store.johnaugust.com, right now, hopefully, up and running. They’re black and they’re cool. So, we take preorders for two weeks, and then we make all the t-shirts, and we send them out. So, that way we don’t have to keep making t-shirts all the time. It’s just a one-time thing.

If you are listening to this podcast, this is a podcast we’re making, they are available on iTunes.

**Craig:** A what?! [laughs]

**John:** iTunes is this magical portal through which you can subscribe to things. So, subscribe to us in iTunes and while you’re there you can give us a comment. That actually weirdly affects sort of how we rank in the whole ratings of the iTunes universe. And that’s kind of useful because that way more people can find us. So, if you’d like to do that, we welcome those.

And we should actually probably read some of those aloud on the air, because those are kind of fun.

**Craig:** Oh, it’s embarrassing to me. Do you know I want to, down the line, could we do an Austin John August t-shirt. Because that is a great professional wrestling name, by the way. Austin John August!

**John:** That would be good.

**Craig:** This really feels good to me. I’m really digging this right now.

**John:** It’s very nice. One of the other sort of memes of the Austin Film Festival is that everyone with a shaved head sort of looks like me, or I look like everyone with a shaved head. So, there were a lot of false spotting of John August. Like John Hamburg sort of looks like me. And there was one guy who on Twitter kept saying, “I thought I saw John August, but it was actually a random person.” Then like right as I was getting in the van to go back to the airport, he spotted me and I shook his hand. So, it was nice that we finally connected.

**Craig:** I look like no one.

**John:** You look like Craig Mazin. That’s just what you should look like.

**Craig:** No, I’m visual noise.

**John:** You’re a special snowflake.

**Craig:** I’m just visual noise. [laughs]

**John:** [laughs] All right, thank you so much, Craig, and we’ll talk next week.

**Craig:** You got it.

**John:** All right, bye.

Links:

* The [John August Store](http://store.johnaugust.com/) is open for business!
* [Get your Big Fish tickets now](http://www.bigfishthemusical.com/), and use discount code SCRIPT (for November 23rd or otherwise)
* John’s post on [how we record Scriptnotes](http://johnaugust.com/2013/how-we-record-scriptnotes)
* T-Bone Burnett [in the Hollywood Reporter](http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/earshot/t-bone-burnett-silicon-valley-652114)
* [Anita Sarkeesian](http://www.feministfrequency.com/) and her Tropes vs Women in Video Games project
* Complex’s [The 15 Hottest Damsels In Distress In Movies](http://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2012/07/the-15-hottest-damsels-in-distress-in-movies)
* TV Tropes on [damsels in distress](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DamselInDistress?from=Main.DistressedDamsel)
* MacGuffins on [TV Tropes](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MacGuffin) and [Screenwriting.io](http://screenwriting.io/what-is-a-mcguffin/)
* [Planet Money podcast](https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/npr-planet-money-podcast/id290783428?mt=2)
* Planet Money on the [American check system](http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2013/10/04/229224964/episode-489-the-invisible-plumbing-of-our-economy)
* Craig’s [One Cool Thing](http://johnaugust.com/onecoolthings) is [John August](http://johnaugust.com/)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Scriptnotes listener Matthew Chielli

Scriptnotes, Ep 110: Putting your pain second — Transcript

October 2, 2013 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2013/putting-your-pain-second).

**John:** So, I see a microphone stand. If you have a question that you would like to ask me, or Craig, or Andrew Lippa, come down this aisle and come to this thing and we’re going to —

**Craig:** There is no microphone there at all.

**John:** But we’ll make the microphone happen. You can just put up one of ours.

**First Questioner:** Hello.

**Craig:** Hello!

**First Questioner:** Longtime listener, first time live attendee. I guess I was wondering, you know, we’re here on Broadway and you’ve been working on this for 15 years, this path. Other than just sort of raw, human grit and tenacity — and I guess this obviously applies to screenplays as well, maybe less so to TV — do you have any specific creative strategies that you employ to see the forest through the trees, just to get, you know, spiritually excited about something again that’s so close to you when it begins?

**John:** Quite early on when I read Daniel Wallace’s novel, as I was flipping pages I was sort of building out sort of the Bloom family and the world, because Will Bloom is just the narrator in the book, so I had to sort of create him. And I just literally put myself in it. And so I made Will Bloom my age, and Edward Bloom my dad’s age so I could keep the timelines straight. I made him a journalist because I was a journalism major. I gave him a French wife because I’m gay and that’s the closest I could get.

[Audience laughs]

And so I literally put myself so deeply into it, which was very helpful, so it was very easy to stay invested in it, but it was also very emotionally not necessarily the smartest choice or person in my life, because when it came time to kill Edward Bloom and do all that stuff, I got really method and I would drive myself to tears and write those scenes.

So, every time I have to touch any part of it, it’s just like it’s incredibly live wires which is dangerous. But, in my head, I have the whole Bloom house and the whole Bloom family. And so I can do anything. I can write Edward Bloom and Will Bloom in space. And I can make that all work because I know them really, really well.

And so every word of the show has changed over time, yet it still feels like the real — the same thing — because it’s coming through me and through those same patterns I set up. So, it’s investing deeply and it sounds weird to say sort of never give up, but I just never gave up. And there was a long time where we couldn’t get the studio to make the movie and I found the right people to get it to the right director to be able to make it. This wasn’t happening for a long time and there were many moments I didn’t think it was going to happen.

And yet every time Andrew and I would get together to work again, we’d make something cool that I really wanted to see on stage. And so that’s been the process.

Thank you so much.

**Ramona:** Hola. I just wanted to say thank you so much, gentlemen, for coming out and showing New York some love. We really, really appreciate it.

**Craig:** You’re welcome. You know, I grew up on Staten Island.

**Ramona:** Staten Island.

**Craig:** Yo, what’s up? Shelly, come on!

**Ramona:** John August, thank you for sharing a part of your baby with us tonight. We can really feel the love and everything that you’ve poured into it. And just really looking forward to seeing you on the Broadway stage. Craig Mazin, I didn’t think I would ever say this. I’ve officially fallen in love with you tonight. Your voice is melodious, sir.

**Craig:** I knew you would say it.

**Ramona:** I know. I couldn’t help it. And Andrew Lippa, you are a phenomenon. Thank you so much for sharing your talent with us tonight. And if you and Hugh Jackman ever had a sing-off, I’d be there in a heartbeat. Thank you again. Thank you so much.

**Craig:** That’s so nice. Thank you so much. You’re super nice. What’s your name?

**Ramona:** My name is Ramona, sir.

**Craig:** You’re the best.

**Ramona:** Thank you, Craig Mazin.

**Craig:** Thank you. Thank you for coming.

**Rob:** Hey guys, I’m Rob. I had a question for each of you. It was interesting to me to hear about a film that was almost kind of I guess reverse engineered into a musical. It usually maybe goes the other direction, the musical that gets made into a movie. I was wondering if each of you might — if you could think about a film that you would, another film, that you would think, maybe one of yours, or maybe somebody else’s that this process would work for, too, turning it into a musical and kind of why that particular film might work.

**John:** There’s one that neither Andrew Lippa or I will mention, but there’s another thing which we think is a great idea, so we’re not going to mention that one. But I will say that the movies that will work well is if the characters have a rich emotional inner life that wants to be sung. And some things want to be sung and some things don’t want to be sun.

Charlie’s Angels does not want to be sung. But an example, like Corpse Bride, when I came out with Corpse Bride it wasn’t a musical. And I was like, “Tim, let me have one song, so I can at least set up the world.” I wanted a sort of “welcome to the world” song that became according to plan. And then once I broke the seal we were able to get those characters singing more.

You know, we just were talking about Michael Clayton, which seems like the weirdest thing to do. Craig is shaking his head. Here’s why it’s a terrible idea is that it’s incredibly plot-driven. And if there’s plot, or if plot or detail is going to be driving the story that’s not going to work.

**Andrew Lippa:** I’ve got one.

**John:** Go.

**Andrew:** Do you remember the movie 21 Grams?

**John:** Yes.

**Andrew:** The Alejandro González Iñárritu film. That film is like so crazy. It plays with time. But at its heart it’s really about four people and this crazy sense of coincidence/fate universal, spiritual thing bringing people together. One dies, one lives, and I think it’s an opera. And I’m just so fascinated with that film as something to sing about because I think what goes on in it is so human and so it’s like in the back of my head. It’s a crazy idea that I’m sure nobody would want to pay for. So, I probably will never get it done.

**John:** I actually thought of one. The Spectacular Now, the recent movie, would be a great musical because those characters — you have a character who is aware that he’s actually the source of the problem and that’s fantastic. Craig?

**Craig:** Well, I mean, The Wizard of Oz. That’s one. Totally. It’s never been done. [laughs]

[Pianist beings playing Somewhere Over the Rainbow]

This guy is the best.

The movies that I do really can’t — they shouldn’t be musicals. I mean, for so many reasons. Women with dicks, you know, they’re just — film comedies are meant to be laughed at and laughed with. And musicals, you’re supposed to be quiet when people are singing, you know. The movies that I make are really about not being quiet. So, I don’t think I’ve ever written anything that I would want to see as a musical.

I know that, you know, I did a bunch of movies with David Zucker and Jim Abrahams of ZAZ fame and people have been after them to do an Airplane! musical forever. And they keep saying, “No, no, no. It would just be really…” It’s just the whole point of Airplane! is to make fun of what’s serious, you know?

**Andrew:** There’s also the idea of what’s perfect in the medium. You know, like Airplane! is perfect in its medium.

**Craig:** Right. Right.

**Andrew:** It is a perfect comedy. It is absolutely spectacularly wonderful. And so I don’t know how you make it any better when you make it a musical. And so there are lots of projects out there, and I won’t name them, but there are lots of projects like that where there are films that are being turned into musicals where I ask myself the question, well, I try not to because I try not to worry about what everybody else is doing. I just worry about what I’m doing. That’s hard enough.

And especially when I’m falling in bathtubs. But, if the thing was super perfect in that medium, then it’s really hard to change mediums, I think.

**Craig:** Producers worked.

**Andrew:** Big Fish is a beautiful film.

**Craig:** Producers.

**Andrew:** The movie Producers was one of the biggest flops ever.

**Craig:** No, no, the original movie.

**Andrew:** Oh, the original movie.

**Craig:** And then the musical I thought was, I mean, I enjoyed the musical. You don’t think so?

**Andrew:** Oh, okay, so there’s — oh, great, he’s that guy.

**Craig:** [sings] “I used to be the king, the king of old Broadway.”

**Andrew:** There’s always one example. Okay, that one.

**Craig:** Thank you. I’m just saying.

**Andrew:** 10 Commandments the Musical, try that. They did. They did! They did. Lord of the Rings, The Musical.

**Craig:** Oh, that would be awesome!

**Andrew:** They did it! And it failed, unfortunately. Like King Kong is supposed to be amazing. So, go figure.

**Craig:** All right. Okay. Yeah.

**Andrew:** But for the most part I find that to be true.

**Craig:** Agreed.

**Rob:** Thank you.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**Andrew:** Thanks.

**Jaime:** Hey there. My name is Jaime, and I’m a screenwriter, of course. He asked exactly the same question I was about to ask, so I’m going to ask a different one.

**Craig:** Oh, good, we’re going to hear a B question here.

**Jaime:** Right, this is the B question.

**Craig:** Yeah, you’re getting the one that you made up in a panic while he was asking your question.

**Jaime:** Absolutely.

**Craig:** Very good.

**Jaime:** The last ten seconds. Movie musicals is different than stage musicals, is different than movies. So, in my opinion from — in a movie…

**Craig:** We’re starting to see the improvisation occur.

Male Audience Member: Exactly. In a movie theater you don’t applaud at the end of a song. And I’ve seen many Hollywood movie musicals that end on a ta-da! And silence, whereas on stage there’s applause.

**Craig:** That’s a tough one.

**Jaime:** Is that something — when you write something like Corpse Bride or a movie musical, how does that affect the writing process?

**John:** Absolutely. What you’re describing as that ta-da is the button, where it’s like, “Pang” and then everyone applause and that doesn’t happen in a movie and it shouldn’t happen in a movie.

**Jaime:** It shouldn’t.

**John:** It just feels weird when it happens in a movie. Making a movie musical, like a lot of what we’ve talked about, sort of like setting up the world and the “I want” song, all of that stuff plays through. But you also have all the power you have of a movie, which you have close-ups, you have all these things where not only you have the song providing an x-ray into their soul, but you also have that nice tight close-up which is helping you do that as well.

So, in some ways you get all that luxury but you lose that where there’s a live person singing on stage in front of you. And so while a stage musical, yes, the whole thing is in a wide shot, but it’s happening there right in front of you. Magic is occurring right there. And so things like how the set is transitioning from one thing to another thing can be beautiful and that can be an applaudable moment in and of itself.

You have to recognize that you’re making something for a live space versus making it for a movie.

**Andrew:** It’s also the thing that John as taught me about is how literal movies are. They are what they are when you see them. And that musicals, the suspension of disbelief is high because people are singing and they’re not supposed to be. And they do. And so the most successful movie musicals of late are the ones where the characters are singing and they know they’re singing. Or that they have reasons — they have good reason to be singing. Oftentimes that helps us bridge that gap between believability and the literalness of seeing people singing on a film.

**Jaime:** Thank you.

**John:** Thank you very much.

**Source Materialistic:** Hi guys. My question is about adaptations and source material. Is it ever worth it in your view to adapt something that you can’t get the rights to? Is it useful as a calling card or as just a fun exercise for yourself to prove that you can do it?

**Craig:** We get this a lot. Part of the answer depends on the nature of the source material. If you’re going to adapt source material that’s particularly popular, or source material that you know is already being adapted, it is probably a waste of time and maybe even — if it’s not being adapted somebody activity but it’s really popular and clearly IP that it has value, intellectual property that has value, you might even come off as bit of a ding-a-ling.

But, if there is something that you believe in that’s interesting to you that you’re kind of in love with that isn’t really obvious, I actually think it’s okay because it is a calling card. And it may just so happen that if somebody falls in love with it then they’ll go and get the rights.

To me, so much about becoming a professional screenwriter is about writing something that rises above the enormous ocean of crap that’s out there and getting attention and being viewed as a writer. And so I always tell people, it used to be in the ’90s that you would write a spec screenplay to sell it. And now I always say write a spec screenplay to promote yourself as somebody who can write a screenplay.

Of course, you can also do what John did which is to actively go after the rights to something. And sometimes they’re available for very little. But, I don’t think it’s always such a… — You know, I would avoid the fan fiction syndrome. Don’t write your Star Trek movie. That’s cuckoo territory. You know, don’t be a weirdo.

**Source Materialistic:** Yeah, great. Thanks very much.

**Craig:** You’re welcome.

**Work Lover:** Hi, first I just want to say thanks for doing the podcast. It gives me a reason to wake up on Tuesday mornings.

**Audience:** Aw…

**Craig:** That’s so depressing! [laughs]

[Audience laughs]

**Andrew:** Yeah. I want to know why he wakes up on Friday mornings. That’s what I want to know.

**Work Lover:** Drugs. I’m kidding.

**Craig:** [laughs] He’s the coolest guy.

**Work Lover:** I’m kidding. I love to work.

**Craig:** Of course.

**Work Lover:** So, I’ve actually gotten involved with a Broadway project, so listening to the podcast has been slowly shepherding me towards gearing up for this. And I’m writing the book with my partner. And so this actually is a perfect question. The form is something I’m not familiar with. I’m not well versed in musicals per se. But I was just wondering if there’s like — this is going to sound ignorant — but like a Syd Field for the libretto.

**John:** If there is, I don’t know what it is. And I’ve written exactly one book. And so far no one has come up to me and said like, “You did it all wrong,” so I guess it’s worked out okay. The form is a little bit weird. And so you think about it, it kind of looks like a screenplay but there’s a little bit less. There’s all the song bits which are over on the left and they’re all in caps. You get used to that though and it becomes pretty natural after awhile, sort of seeing how it flows.

And you’re always — you’re never cut into anything. Everything has to just transition. You always have to figure out how you’re moving from one thing to the next.

It’s not awful. In terms of the Syd Field of it all and sort of like how it all works, I wouldn’t look — [to Andrew] Syd Field is this guy who wrote this famous screenwriting book. I just love that Andrew has no idea who Syd Field is. It’s just fantastic. He’s a guy who wrote this classic book about how to write a screenplay and no one should — you should sort of read it and then forget it.

I don’t know what the equivalent of that is for this, but Andrew you were actually talking about a book you just recently started reading about book writing.

**Andrew:** Oh, it’s about, no, it’s about mythic structure.

**John:** So, all that stuff applies. Hero’s journey, whatever. We have challenges. Unconquerable mountains.

**Andrew:** Chris Vogler. That’s right.

**Craig:** You started reading that?

**Andrew:** A friend recommending it to me and I’m like, “Yeah, I’m probably too old for that.” But, you know, I could learn — maybe I could learn something. You know, it never hurts to read something.

**John:** But what I will say, the same advice I always give towards just normal screenwriting is like read the movies that you love most. Read the books you love most. And then figure out how they actually looked on the page and how they worked on the page. It’s not that hard to track down.

**Andrew:** Yeah, that is the advice. Go read other musicals — read 10 other musicals and you’ll see how it’s formatted and see how they do it.

**John:** Yeah. And you’ll see that the formatting isn’t nearly as consistent as it is — they don’t look the same way that all screenplays look the same. But you’ll see like how it actually worked on the page.

**Andrew:** And you know what I’ve learned more than on any show I’ve done, on this one, is that actually the writers should be the director as much as possible when you’re writing. And that means think — you can’t write, “And then there’s a car chase,” or what the stage equivalent of that would be. The more you think about what the dance — if you say, “And then there’s a dance,” if there’s a dance, what is it trying to accomplish, what is it trying to get from A, to B, to C? Write out every detail you can of the physical life of the play. Any director who reads it will just say, “I’m going to do some of these ideas and I’m not going to do some of these ideas,” but directors love when you give them things. Give them things to think about and to talk about.

It’s much better than just leaving it open I find.

**John:** An example is in Big Fish there’s a dance sequence where Will and Josephine, right at their wedding, they start their dance, and then Edward cuts in and dances with Josephine and sort of shows off how much better a dancer he is. And it’s actually a very important story point, and so it’s written out that way and it’s written out to sort of be very specific about what it is.

So, Susan Stroman comes on board and she has it on an eight count. She has this whole master plan for it. But if it hadn’t of been on that page, it never would have happened. So, it’s important to really think about how you’re filling that stage and how things are moving across that stage just so the director has an idea of what you can start with.

**Work Lover:** Okay. Great. Thanks so much.

**John:** Thank you very much. And just so we have a sense of time. The last person in line who’s like hidden in shadows will be the last question. So you’re the — you — you’re the last person. But you’re the first person, so ask your question.

**Loud Mic:** Okay, my question is — it’s [the microphone] kind of loud — my question is thinking back to when you were talking about having to rewrite the beginning of Big Fish. You kind of had that “oh shit” moment of this doesn’t work and we need to figure out what will work. It would be interesting to hear other examples that you had in your career of where either midway through your project you realized something didn’t work and it seemed like it was unsolvable.

Or, going into a project that you thought was going to be one thing and by the end it completely changed.

**Craig:** Yeah, it’s everything. I mean, that is a common thread throughout everything. If you’re doing your job right, at some point you will realize, “Oh shit.” In fact, it happens so regularly that at some point you stop saying, “Oh shit,” and you go, “Oh, well here we are at the ‘oh shit’ moment. Okay. Let me have a drink. I’m going to take a walk. And now let’s recover from it.”

Because the truth is the best laid plans, okay, you create the best plan you can. And you go into it because so much about what we do is about intention. In fact, what you were just talking about, the idea of, okay, tell the director what’s going to happen here, how they’re going to dance. It’s about intention. What do you want the audience to feel, right? We’re constantly making our plans.

Where we run ashore is when we get to a place and we realize, “My intentions either aren’t coming out right or they’re not the right intentions or I have better intentions and it’s not working.” That’s okay. The difference, I think, between the professional and the amateur is that the amateur panics and either digs in and doubles down or quits. The professional says, “Eh, I’ve been here before. Call an audible. Let’s fix it.”

It’s fixable. Everything is fixable. The only thing between you and the solution is figuring out the solution, which you can do, and work, which you can do. So, once you defang the dragon, you just do it. And that’s as simple as that.

**John:** Hello.

**Interested in Assistants:** Hey, how are you? Longtime listener. I just want to thank you guys for losing money to do this. My question is actually for Craig. I love learning and hearing about process and you kind of said something on a one-off on a podcast about how you work with someone in the room nowadays. And I started to think about that. I’m like, well, who is that person? How much do they get paid? Is it a different person for every project? Is it your assistant? How is the interaction? Is there no interaction?

I’m just really interested to hear more about that.

**Craig:** Well, this is something I started doing somewhat recently. It’s been two different people actually. I started doing it right before Identity Thief and now I’m doing it still, the project I’m doing now. I do a lot of work with Todd Phillips. And when I’m working with Todd Phillips it’s just me and him. — Yes, it is me, it is I, no, it is he and I. Thank you.

**Andrew:** You’re welcome.

**Craig:** Thank you for understanding my conundrum there. So, it’s just he and I together. And that’s all — I need somebody across from me sometimes just to talk things out. But a lot of things that I write on my own I don’t need somebody to write it with me. I just need somebody there to listen. I need to talk.

I find that sometimes when I start talking all the sort of, you know, sometimes I feel like my brain is like Jacob Marley dragging all these chains around, you know. And just by talking they all go away. And you start to see what should happen.

So, basically, it’s like a therapist. I’ve hired a therapist basically and someone to listen to me. So, for instance I have a woman who works with me now. Her name is Jacqueline Lesko. And she’s actually a producer in her own right. And she’s produced this documentary called Spinning Plates that’s out now. It’s a really cool documentary.

But she listens to me. And then she writes down what I say. And then I look at it and then I go “yes,” “no,” “okay,” “let’s not do that.” “Let’s do this — let’s not do that.” And then I write. And she also reads for me, so she reads and she’ll say things like, “I don’t think you need to say that. You could probably delete that line,” or, “I got it,” or, “I was confused.” It’s basically just feedback and listening.

I find it incredibly helpful. I’m not going to say what I pay her. That would be gauche. But I do pay her. It’s an odd job. I don’t think a lot of writers employ people like this just to… — Frankly, it’s a bit of a luxury to hire somebody to listen to you. It’s also a sad commentary on where I am in my life.

But it works for me. And I basically justify it by saying if this helps me write a script better and it gets made, then it’s well worth it. So, it makes me happier.

**Interested in Assistants:** Thank you.

**Craig:** You’re welcome.

**Asking by Example:** Hey, how are you guys doing? Thanks for coming to New York. I hope you guys come back again soon.

I guess this is question by example really. I really enjoy screenplays by Billy Wilder. And I love Neil Simon’s The Odd Couple, the musical, the screenplay to the movie. And I’d like to hear from all of you about how what I find missing in contemporary scripts, take for example your Focus Feature kind of movie, is the stage direction and how the character just does not at all interact with their environment.

In the Billy Wilder script, like let’s say The Apartment, he goes on for lines about touching this, and opening the door, and you know. And it’s great. And it all goes to the story. Like, they don’t do it for no reason.

**John:** Yeah, what Craig was whispering in my ear is that it speaks to Billy Wilder as a writer-director. And he’s writing these scripts as the person who knows how he’s going to shoot these films. And with that, he has a sense of what he’s — you know, the screenwriter is always the first person who sees the movie. The writer sees this movie in his head. And Billy Wilder is seeing these movies, he’s seeing these movies as the writer and as the director and has the good sense of like what it’s going to be like to have a person in that space and how that space is going to interact with somebody.

It’s a great lesson to learn. And it’s kind of a lesson that a good screenwriter can apply, even if they’re not going to be directing their own thing. Just looking at sort of how this person, this character interacts not just with the other characters but with the environments that they’re in.

So, are you actually reading the scripts or you’re just watching the films?

**Asking by Example:** Reading the scripts. Loving the words. Reading the scripts. And he’s got four or five lines that you can just breeze through it and they’re brilliantly written. And the movements have to do with the story. And they reveal the story.

**John:** So, what I think is great is you’re pointing out something that we try to say a lot. Look at the films you love the most and then find the scripts and see how those films looked before they were shot and what they looked like on the page. Try to take those lessons and apply them. I can’t tell you that it’s going to work for other people and that we’re going to suddenly going to be able to make better movies by having characters interact with their environments more. But you can hopefully write those movies better for having read those scripts.

**Asking by Example:** You don’t think contemporary scripts are really broad and they just leave it out? Like they’ll say in the script, “Somebody gets up a from a chair,” but they never put them in a chair. Or like you said, there’s all this dialogue and they never mention, you know, it’s just a page full of dialogue which I think Craig mentioned on the show. And it’s like a visual medium because everybody is afraid to go four lines. No?

**Craig:** No. I don’t think this is a problem. No. I mean, for instance, if somebody gets up from a chair in a movie, they were in the chair. You know, in the screenplay if they get up from the chair but it wasn’t mentioned prior that they were in the chair, it’s probably a little odd. I probably would have mentioned that they were sitting. But it’s not the end of the world. No, I think that movies are just as visual now as they were before.

There’s a slightly less ornate writing style to some of the action descriptions now just as a matter of course. But, personally, I don’t perceive this as an issue. Yeah.

**Asking by Example:** Okay. Great.

**Craig:** Sure.

**John:** Thanks.

**Pitch Tips:** I want to thank you guys for the lovely singing tonight. John and Craig, nice job.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**Pitch Tips:** Andrew, beautiful song. So powerful. The father is a stranger. I think it’s a beautiful line that was written and to see the music that was placed to it, it’s amazing. You know, I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like in the show.

One thing that really struck me was when you were talking about the nine years when you were pitching this to investors and people and executives and trying to get this thing made. I want to know if you have any tips that you learned over the years. You know, once we have that great idea and we’re in front of that very important person, is there something, you know, a couple little tips that you picked up in the last nine years?

**John:** Well, it’s a different process than pitching a movie. So, pitching a movie, you usually go in, you have the five minutes of bullshit chitchat talking about other movies, just the boilerplate sort of stuff. And then you eventually start pitching the movie.

What has been so different about doing this is that rather than pitching anything, Andrew sits at the piano, I sit close to the piano, and we just perform the whole thing, or at least as much of the show as is written to a point. And what was good about us doing that is clearly we’re deeply invested in this because Edward Bloom sounds like Andrew Lippa because Andrew Lippa was singing all those songs for the first six years, just himself, and I feel like Will Bloom because I was always sort of playing Will Bloom. And so it was very clear that this was sort of what the experience was going to be like.

And we loved it. And I think it was also clear to anyone who was listening that we really loved this thing we loved what we were doing.

**Andrew:** Whenever we went in and pitched it and sang it, the first thing I would do is make sure that John didn’t smell.

[Audience laughs]

Yeah, a big sniff.

No, you know, one of the special things for us about Big Fish is that it is about us. And we are those characters. And for me it’s more than anything I’ve ever written. So, there are all kinds of writing assignments and one of them is to write something where you see yourself really deeply in it. And I see myself and my family very deeply in Big Fish.

And so I never worried about it. I was like, you know, it’s like going through the world. If I worried about people liking me all the time I would be in the crazy asylum. So, I would not be able to function so I just don’t worry about everybody liking it. And I hope that I gather enough people who like it. And we had great leadership with Dan Jinks and Bruce Cohen. They were always great champions and helped make it happen from the beginning. So, that was also [crosstalk].

**John:** I would also say not everyone liked it. And there were people who just really didn’t like it. There was one executive who specifically just hated it. And it’s just like, “Well fuck him.” I mean, seriously. At a certain point if they’re not onboard with what it is we’re trying to do, fuck ’em.

**Craig:** Great advice. Fuck ’em.

From a general sense, no matter what you do, if you’re trying to go get a musical put together, you’re talking to investors, or you’re talking to employers, people that maybe could hire you to write a screenplay or buy a screenplay or anything, the two things that I always keep in the forefront of my mind is what these guys just talked about, sharing your passion, make them feel your passion, therefore you must actually be passionate.

And then remember that in the end everyone is afraid, particularly people who are giving you money. If you’ve ever given somebody a lot of money that you might not see again, it’s scary. So, share your passion, but remember that it’s a good thing to be comforting. And one way to be comforting is to be competent and to be passionate. But another way to become comforting is to consider who you’re talking to and ask yourself, “I wonder what would comfort this person?”

It seems obvious. [laughs] It’s amazing how few people do it.

**Andrew:** Well, it’s a really spiritual concept. It’s the idea that you go into pitch something and you want someone to do something for you. But the idea is you’re actually there to do something for them. I’m here to love you and to share my passion with you and to give you something beautiful. And you may not be ready to accept it and that’s okay. But if I got in always wanting something from somebody else, you can see that hunger and that fear and the fangs. And it drives people away. So, I think it is a really great concept.

**Craig:** This works for picking up women, too, by the way.

[Audience laughs]

**John:** Thank you very much.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**Bad with First Names:** Hello. John, Craig, Andrew, Mr. Green, thank you.

**Craig:** Oh! Mr. Green. Okay.

**Bad with First Names:** I’m not good with first names.

Recently I got a little job to make a small short film as a promotion for a haunted house. Good news is that I got paid to write something. Now, onto the bad news. Every step of the way was a fight uphill and after the director, the producers, the owners of the haunted house had their say, none of themes made it across, none of the jokes made it across. It was overall a very arduous and tortuous process. And I like to describe it as “ego death” for lack of a better term.

My questions, have you experienced this?

**Craig:** No!

[Audience laughs]

**Andrew:** In Hollywood, no!

**Craig:** But, please, continue.

**Bad with First Names:** I guess I really am alone.

[Audience laughs]

**Craig:** [laughs] That’s a good joke! You should have gotten that one in there.

**Bad with First Names:** How would you go about preventing it and how do you just deal with it?

**Craig:** Ah-ha. Well, of course, we experienced — anybody who works with, [laughs], anybody creative that is touching the life of somebody that isn’t will experience this. That’s it. Right? Everyone.

So, then the question is how can I maybe ameliorate the… — First thing, understand sometimes you can’t. I did a number of movies for two gentlemen who live here in New York City. They may be brothers.

**Andrew:** The Koch brothers make movies?

[Audience laughs]

**Craig:** [laughs] That was — there are some battles you can’t win. Okay? There are some situations that are just, that’s it, charge the light brigade. It is not yours to ask why it is yours, just to die. But I think that when you’re dealing in a situation where there are a lot of different people, some practical things you can do.

One, respectfully ask that they all — if they all have something to say, ask that, so that you can do your job and make them happy, that they agree on one list of things. This is amazing how many problems it solves. And it’s very hard for them to say, “No!’ It’s such an incredibly on its face very rational request, right?

So, ask them to give you a united set of notes. And then the other thing that I recommend is, as much as possible, to not think about your script, to not talk about your script. Talk about the show. Movie. Haunted house. Musical. Always talk about the show. Always talk about the show, because that’s what they’re thinking about. Sometimes as writers we’re concentrating on our jobs as we should, and suddenly everybody is going, “Well, they’re talking about paper. We’re talking about what we actually are going to be exposed for and on the hook for.”

So, try and keep that on the level. And the last bit of advice I’ll give you is this: the biggest enemy we have in this process is unfortunately the one that’s always there. And it’s not them, it’s our emotional pain. And when our emotional pain starts to rise, as it inevitably does, we have two choices. We can put that first, or we can put the goal first. The goal is make a haunted house movie. Make a haunted house film, right?

It’s hard to put your pain second. The pain is real and it’s earned. But it’s hard to put it second. Try. Try basically not letting the pain and then your sense of protection drive you in those moments with them. Just cry in your car on the way home. [laughs]

[Audience laughs]

**Bad with First Names:** I do.

**Andrew:** Do you offer private therapy sessions?

**Craig:** Yes.

**Andrew:** This is better than my therapist for eight years.

**Craig:** Absolutely.

**Andrew:** Fantastic advice.

**Craig:** Thank you.

**John:** Well done, Craig. Thank you very much. It’s our final question of the night. What is your name?

**Liz:** Liz.

**John:** Hi Liz. Thank you for coming to our show tonight.

**Liz:** Thanks for having it. I’ve been looking forward to this for a month.

So, you talked a lot about putting yourself in characters and I think my question is sort of the opposite. They say write what you know and how do you move past your protagonist being a version of you and the other people being friends and family and all that?

**John:** Liz, that’s a great question. We do say, “Oh, write what you know.” And therefore people always write about college, or the little thing that they just experienced. And so what I would say is don’t… — There’s more to you than you know that there is to you. And so when they say write what you know, write about the things that terrify you. Write about the things that you’re afraid of. Write about the things that inspire you. Write about the things you wish you — the things you would never tell anybody else.

And you probably have a much more conflicted, interesting, darker, but magical inner life than you sort of realize. And writing feels true when it can go to fantastical places and it feels grounded because you recognize the inner life of that character is consistent, and real, and interesting, and you recognize like I’ve never gone to Botswana, but I feel what it feels like to be that person outside of themselves.

It’s to do that introspection to find those moments that are really meaningful to you and how could those translate to a story. How could those translate to someone else in another kind of experience, in another kind of life and universe?

**Andrew:** Anybody can do research. We all did research papers in high school. And so anybody can go and learn about neuroscience if you went and read some books about neuroscience. But I’ve always found write what you know to mean write what is emotionally true for you, what is really how you feel about the thing.

So, whether it’s — write what you feel. So, if it’s in outer space, or it’s neuroscience, or it’s the African animals or things you don’t know anything about, it’s not about that stuff. That stuff you can find out about. But you have to write from that emotional centered place. And that’s you. And you’re the only one who can write like you. So, that’s what’s going to make it unique and special.

**John:** I’ll leave in one last little joke which is throughout your whole life you’ve been recording, even if you just didn’t realize were recording, you have this breadth of experience. And so there was a joke I needed for Big Fish. And so there’s a moment where young Will is in bed and Edward is there. And it’s like, “Did you really meet a witch?”

“Yeah, I did, but your mom says I can’t tell you that story because you’ll get nightmares.” But then he comes back and he starts to tell the story. “It’s a well established fact that most southern towns of a certain size have a witch.”

**Andrew:** “Do we have a witch?”

**John:** “No, but we’ve got two Dairy Queens, so we’re still coming out ahead.” And the Dairy Queens joke was because being in the Midwest, like two Dairy Queens in a town was a certain size. So, it was that experience of that.

And so I didn’t know that that was useful. But you got to a place where like, oh, that feels real and that feels true. And it gets a good laugh because people recognize that as an honest moment.

Guys, thank you so much. And thank you for your great questions!

Scriptnotes, Ep 109: Scriptnotes Live from New York — Transcript

September 27, 2013 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-live-from-new-york).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Scriptnotes Live in New York City.

**Craig:** Live! In my hometown!

**John:** Oh, yeah, so, [sings] welcome back.

**Craig:** [laughs] It’s going to be a night of music.

**John:** It’s going to be a night of singing. So, Craig, why are you in town?

**Craig:** Well, my sister had her third kid.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** So, I’m going to go visit my newest niece. And I’m also, let’s see, tomorrow I’m going to be on Seth Rudetsky’s show, On Broadway, SiriusXM. And then tomorrow night I’m seeing this show. It’s a struggling show…

**John:** Yeah. It’s a struggling little art house/black box thing.

**Craig:** It’s about marine life.

**John:** It is.

**Craig:** Big Fish.

**John:** Uh-huh.

**Craig:** Big Fish. And a bunch of other fun things here and there.

**John:** Cool. Good. Show of hands — who here in the audience has already seen Big Fish. Has anyone seen —

**Craig:** All right.

**John:** Oh my god! You people are just the best. And so I have a special discount code for Big Fish and thank you all for using that because that’s awesome and it gives me lots of cred among the producer types.

Tonight, we are going to look at the things that are on my little folded sheet of paper. This is all the notes I ever do for any show. But we’re going to talk about a couple different topics. We’re going to talk about this article that came out which was proposing that we should shoot pilots for movies, and whether that’s a good idea or a bad idea.

**Craig:** All right.

**John:** We are going to talk about Kickstarter and how much Craig loves Kickstarter. And we have special guest, because our show is much better when we have special guests. And if we can’t have Aline Brosh McKenna, another awesome choice is my very good friend, Andrew Lippa, the composer/lyricist of Big Fish. Yay!

**Craig:** Awesome.

**John:** But long time listeners will also know that there is always a little bit of housekeeping at the top of a show. So, we should go through our housekeeping.

**Craig:** All right. Let’s do it.

**John:** First off, if you are a person in this audience or a person listening at home in the audience who ordered one of the little USB drives with all of the backup episodes of Scriptnotes, that should be in your possession now. They all shipped out. So, if you didn’t get one, you need to email Stuart at orders@johnaugust.com and tell him, “Stuart, where’s my drive?” And he will take care of that.

Other people have asked, “You know, I didn’t get one of those little drives. I want one of those drives so bad.” Next week we’re going to start selling them again, so people can get those.

People also ask, “You know, I like that the most recent episodes of the podcast are on iTunes, but it’s only the last 20 are there.” So, now we’ve made them all available. The back 20 episodes are free on johnaugust.com or on iTunes. And then if you go to johnaugust.com/scriptnotes, you’ll see links to all of the back episodes.

So, the old archived episodes, it’s sort of like a Netflix model where for $1.99 a month you can listen to as many episodes as you would like to listen to.

**Craig:** Two dollars a month. I mean, come on.

**John:** Two dollars a month. For two dollars a month you can listen to all of them.

**Craig:** I mean, I don’t want to judge anybody for not spending the two dollars a month, but…

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And, I mean, we’re still in debt. I just want to make sure that people know that no matter what we sell —

**John:** Yes. This is a money-losing proposition.

**Craig:** Always. That’s our credo and our promise to you. We’ll always lose money.

**John:** Yes. So, thank you for that. And so if you want to hear those back episodes you’ll either be able to buy the USB drive or go to johnaugust.com/scriptnotes and listen to those back episodes, because people need to catch up. And people like to binge listen to shows. And, why not?

**Craig:** Why not?

**John:** Why not? Now, Craig, one of your favorite things on earth, I know, is to support Kickstarter campaigns for projects. And where this first came up, it was one of the movies that was trying to —

**Craig:** All of them. [laughs]

**John:** All of the moves. Well, Spike Lee’s Kickstarter was not great.

**Craig:** I was okay with the Veronica Mars one, because that was such a specific circumstance. Warner Bros. has the rights to Veronica Mars. They weren’t going to let it out of right’s jail essentially and allow the filmmakers to do it unless Kickstarters proved that there was enough of an audience. That was the first and last reasonable one of these. Then along came…

**John:** Zach Braff.

**Craig:** Zach Braff. Which was just, “Hey, I’m a rich guy. Please give me money.”

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And then Spike Lee, because I guess he blew it all on Knicks tickets, and his $6 million apartment. So, I’m not a big fan of…

**John:** No, you’re not a big fan.

**Craig:** …of people giving money to non-charitable organizations and getting no ownership in return.

**John:** So, I did something that I’m not actually so happy that I did. So, I want to sort of apologize to you and sort of try to find what the right word is for it. In a blog post I said that there was this musical from a couple years ago called The Yank! that was looking to raise money to do a cast album, because they were never able to actually to a cast album. They were an Off-Broadway Show that never transferred so it never got that cast album that they wanted.

And so I said, “Well, Craig Mazin loves cast albums.”

**Craig:** I do.

**John:** “Maybe it’s a Kickstarter.”

**Craig:** Correct.

**John:** And so where will he end up on this whole thing? And so in this blog post I sort of — I used you as — and we can’t quite find the right term for it, because it’s not a stocking horse. That’s not the right thing.

**Craig:** No.

**John:** But, I used you in a way that was maybe that appropriate. I dragged you in on something that was maybe not appropriate.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** And so I apologize on that.

**Craig:** I like “Shanghaied.” I think you Shanghaied me.

**John:** I did. I Shanghaied you. I did. I basically clubbed you and took you on a boat to Shanghai.

**Craig:** Right. And as it turns out, in the internal war between my love of cast albums, and my hatred of Kickstarter, as always my hatred won.

**John:** Yes. So, here’s the backstory on this cast album. So, this show written by David Zellnik and Joseph Zellnik, who are brothers. And it was this sort of gay World War II love story thing. And Bobby Steggert —

**Craig:** You know, the usual.

**John:** The usual, you know, the mass market.

**Craig:** You’ve seen it, but whatever.

**John:** So, two of the actors who were in Big Fish are actually from that show. And they were going to be part of the cast album. And so they tweeted about the money they needed to raise. The two actors are Bobby Steggert, who plays Will in Big Fish, and Tally Sessions, who plays the mayor in Big Fish. They’re both lovely and wonderful. So, they tweeted saying like, “Hey, we’re trying to raise this money,” and they were like a couple thousand dollars short of their $35,000 goal for making this cast album.

And I said, well, you know what? I will tweet about it and I will promise that if they can hit their threshold that I will sing a song from Yank! on the live show of Scriptnotes here in New York City. That’s this.

**Craig:** And did they hit their threshold?

**John:** They hit their threshold. They exceeded their threshold. They have $36,000 they raised. So, there will be a cast album where somebody will sing this song so much better than I’m about to. But, there’s going to be singing tonight, so I figured I would just get it out of the way.

**Craig:** Oh good.

**John:** And just do it.

**Craig:** I’m going to get offstage.

**John:** All right. Fine.

**Craig:** I’m going to leave you alone.

**John:** So, the other reason why I thought it was actually kind of useful for us to do this is for the past nine years Andrew Lippa and I have been having to sing Big Fish at a piano for investors, for directors, for producers, for everybody. And so we’ve probably done the whole Big Fish probably 150 times. Yeah. So, Andrew Lippa is a brilliant singer and really, really good. I’m not, but I’ve actually gotten much better just being sort of in his presence over time.

The way you present a show with just at a piano is kind of like this in that it doesn’t have to great. It just has to sort of approximate what a song might sound like. And that’s what I’m going to do is approximate what a good song might sound like. So, Dan Green, if you can get started.

[John sings I Keep Remembering You from Yank!]

So, buy the cast album at some point and listen to how it’s supposed to sound.

**Craig:** Can I just say…?

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** That that was really nice. It may be a reflection on my own sociopathy, but I just imagined you were singing it to me. About me. You know, if something should happen and you’d be alone on the podcast with no one to get angry at. No? [laughs]

**John:** It’s a random song. And what’s weird is like Craig you are sort of my podcast husband.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** And Andrew Lippa is sort of my Big Fish husband. And Mike is my actual husband. So, there are men in my life. So, yeah, I’m visualizing all of that to some degree. The men in my life.

**Craig:** This is kind of a big moment for us.

**John:** It’s kind of nice. Well, wait till you hear what Craig is singing at the end of the show.

**Craig:** Oh yeah, let me tell you. If you think that was gay, wow.

**John:** This gets much gayer.

**Craig:** I’ll show you gay.

**John:** This is the biggest, gayest episode ever and you are here for it.

**Craig:** The gayest episode of this podcast. It has to be.

**John:** It has to be.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** Done.

**Craig:** When I’m the least gay guy on stage, phew.

**John:** Oh, boy. No, Dan Green is actually much straighter than you are.

**Craig:** Oh yeah. Good point.

**John:** Dan Green is getting married in a week!

**Craig:** That’s right.

**John:** Congratulations Dan Green!

All right, our next topic. So, this was an article that someone had tweeted us this week and it was an article by Aaron Cooley arguing that we should really be shooting pilots for movies, because if you look at sort of all the terrible movies we make, we probably wouldn’t have made some of those movies or wouldn’t have made them the same way if we’d gone through the process that television goes through which is shooting a pilot. And you shoot a pilot and it’s like, yeah, that didn’t work. And so then you don’t shoot a series.

His argument being that you could actually shoot quite a few more pilots of these moves and realize what it is that you actually have in front of you and save the $250 million it costs to make The Lone Ranger. Craig, what do you think of that argument?

**Craig:** There are multiple ways in which it’s stupid, so I’m struggling to start with which one. I mean, so, just to clarify, his suggestion is that for what is a pilot of a movie, I think he’s suggesting you shoot 20 minutes or 25 minutes of the film, watch it, and then decide what to do. Which, to be fair to him, is in fact very much what they do in animation. They do animatics, pencil drawings, and just very crude. And the animators themselves will provide voice and they can watch reels, chunks of the film. And then at some point they make the decision — should we go forward and spend the big money to actually animate this?

Obviously when you’re making a movie, it doesn’t work like that. So, there’s the procedural reasons why this is never going to happen. And there is the actual reasons why it shouldn’t happen anyway, even if the procedural reasons went away. So, let’s talk about some procedural problems with making pilots for movies. [laughs]

There are sunken costs to making a movie that are not by the minute. It’s not a cab ride. You have to pay somebody to write it and you have to pay somebody to direct it and you have to pay, most importantly, people to act in it. They tend to not do like, “Yeah, I’m acting by the act.” They don’t do that. You need to pay them or they’re not showing up.

So, the great bulk of costs is actually built in before you ever roll a single thing. You need to build sets. You need to go on location. You need to crew up. There is just an enormous amount that happens. So, from a financial point of view there is that problem. There is also the problem that actors in particular, but directors also, because of the length of time they commit to a movie, they block out time in their lives to do these things. They can’t commit to anything if they don’t know if they’re actually going to be doing it or not. If I’m just making — am I making a movie for three weeks or am I making a movie for four months overseas and locations around. They have families and they have other offers on the table.

But let’s say all that went away. The author’s argument is that we could watch these 25 minutes and just like in television, which is experiencing this wonderful renaissance, studio executives would be able in their wisdom to help and make good choices. Now, I like a lot of studio executives, but no, that’s not in fact what’s going to happen. What’s going to happen is that they’re going to use the opportunity to meddle tremendously.

And when it comes down to this fundamental difference between television and film, in TV they make a pilot and they meddle with it. Sometimes for the best. Sometimes for the worst. But, no matter what they do to the pilot, if they decide to make the series they’re only committing maybe six, nine episodes, maybe 22. But you get episodes. You get multiple bites of the apple.

A movie is nothing but a pilot. That’s what it is. It’s one episode. So, they’re going to meddle as much as they possibly can because you only get one shot.

**John:** I will take the counter argument and say that we’ve actually already been doing this process, it’s just not called pilots. And I think we’ve actually done much more of it and I think this guy was just not aware of how much we do this.

So, for a director to land almost any movie, unless the director is actually really well established movie, now that director, he or she is shooting and cutting together a demo reel essentially for what this movie is. And so they are going out and they’re shooting stuff. Maybe not with the real actors. Maybe not with the real things, but even, you know, look at 300. That guy, he went out and had a shoot with his assistant like, “This is what it’s going to look like. This is what it looks like climbing the cliff with the capes and all this stuff.”

They actually sort of are doing that, it’s just not a formalized process. It’s in order to land the job the director is doing all this work to try to try to make this happen. So, I think we’re doing that. The development process overall, on a script level, we are essentially shooting a pilot just by continually rewriting the script and asking for all these changes.

What I’ve learned about in Big Fish, because Big Fish has been a nine year process getting up the stage, we did these staged readings which would actually be kind of amazing if we could somehow make them happen in features. Because what we ended up doing is we’d bring in actors, and hopefully actors we’d love to have, but sometimes actors who just were available. And for 29 hours, it’s a union rule, 29 hours, four days basically, you can teach them the script and they can perform the script at music stands.

So, it’s like a table read, but like a much better table read, like a rehearsed table read. And you get a chance to like hear what it sounds like. And you get to see what it s actually that you’re working on. And from there we could go off and do a lot more work and get things a lot better.

For Big Fish we did two of these 29 hour readings. We did a four week workshop in a rehearsal studio which probably wouldn’t make sense for a movie.

**Craig:** No.

**John:** If you were doing a drama, it would be great, but for this it wouldn’t make sense. And then we were able to make the real production which we did in Chicago. But, I look at stories like The Social Network where David Fincher would have the actors do like 100 takes and really drill them down. And he would say things like, “Well, in theater this is what you do. You’re going to rehearse.” And it sounds like the worst of everything. And if you actually were to just do a real rehearsal and test stuff, it would be a better option.

**Craig:** Well, his process is…

**John:** His process is to kill people.

**Craig:** …is maddening and [crosstalk]. But, to the extent that whatever, I mean, I think that the author is arguing that things should change from what they are now. I agree that there are certain elements that are pilot like in the system as it has always been.

And it is true that some directors will go out and sort of try and lobby to get a job, but they’re not making that movie. And more interestingly I should say that the movies that this guy seems concerned about are directed by people that don’t do that because they don’t have to. The truth is that he is — his heart is in the right place. He’s trying to mitigate risk. Everybody is trying to mitigate risk. What he doesn’t understand is that risk mitigation is the problem. It’s not the solutions. The studios are obsessed with risk mitigation. That’s why they make the movies they make.

So, I understand where he’s coming from, but to me , I actually feel that the answer is to go the other way, which is to accept a little more risk in the process and to let filmmakers just make their movies. Trust them a little bit more. Because it seems like the movies that are catching fire are the ones that are kind of surprising people a little bit, and not necessarily the ones —

**John:** It’s The Chronicles. It’s the things Rian Johnson makes. And if we were to just trust the talented people, life would be happier.

**Craig:** Well, yeah, I mean, and we see a lot of it. For instance, there’s this producer Jason Blum who makes all the little horror movies that cost like $3 million, like Insidious 2 just came out. So, it’s not just the art movies. It’s also popular fare. And they’re incredibly profitable. So, that movie made like $100 million or something. I mean, it cost $2 or $3 million. The Paranormal Activity movies. And what’s interesting about those movies is there’s no studio involvement at all. They just make them. And then they sell them and they’re fine.

So, maybe less.

**John:** Maybe less.

**Craig:** Maybe less.

**John:** Let us get to our special guest tonight who has been with me through this process of workshops and readings. The one and only, very talented lyricist and composer of Big Fish, Mr. Andrew Lippa.

He’s a hugger.

**Craig:** I like it.

**Andrew Lippa:** I’m gay. I don’t shake hands. Hello everybody!

**John:** Yay!

**Andrew:** It’s so exciting. You know that thing, the [sings Scriptnotes theme], that was the runner up for the theme from ET.

**John:** I know. And, so —

**Andrew:** [sings a Spielberg theme] It’s almost —

**Craig:** No, that was Close Encounters.

**Andrew:** I mean Close Encounters. Yeah, that’s it.

**Craig:** ET was [sings ET theme].

**Andrew:** Right. ET. [sings ET theme]. That’s right, Close Encounters.

**John:** It’s a John Williams [crosstalk].

**Andrew:** That’s the kind of day I’m having. Should we talk about the day I had?

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** You can tell them a little bit. Andrew had an injury today.

**Andrew:** I had an accident, like an old man accident. I’m 48, which is not old —

**Craig:** It’s not young.

**Andrew:** And I fell in the bathtub —

**John:** [laughs]

**Craig:** I’m just trying to make it okay that you did this.

**Andrew:** No, it’s okay. Now I know the rules of the evening.

**Craig:** [laughs] Yeah, exactly.

**Andrew:** I feel in the bathtub reaching, trying to get a towel from above the door. And I fell and slammed down on the tub and I got a — I split my hip open. And I had to go get four — yes, the gentleman, thank you. That gentleman knows how serious this is. I had four stitches. Here, let me show you.

**Craig:** Wait, you said four or 40?

**Andrew:** Four stitches. And, you know, what’s amazing about — what’s amazing — and the best thing about the whole experience, and it was a good experience, was that — and I’m not kidding . Like I learned a lot about gratitude today. And I actually, like, there was a cab when I needed it and there was a place to go that isn’t an emergency room like those urgent care places. And thank god I have insurance, and I went, and I saw a doctor in 30 minutes. They cleaned me up and sutured me and I went off to meet with John August about Big Fish.

So, I’m really lucky.

**John:** Yay!

**Andrew:** So, it’s a lucky day. And it worked out.

**John:** We’re happy that you’re good. And so Andrew texted me sort of with the news, or did you call me? I guess you called me, yeah.

So, we have level of hierarchy of needs. It’s an email if it’s not too urgent. It’s a text if it’s a little more urgent. And if it’s a call then, oh my god, something is deeply wrong, to say like, “This is what happened,” and to tell the rest of the team because we had a meeting.

But Andrew and I over the course of the years have developed this sort of like — we have to be so ruthlessly honest with each other that I will like, “Andrew, do I smell?” And Andrew will sniff me and tell me if I smell before important meetings. That happens.

**Andrew:** There is a whole hierarchy of smell, too, that one could talk about. “Do I smell right now?” “Do I smell as a result of what I ate?” “Do I generally smell?” “Is my writing smell?”

**John:** Yes. But we have to be sort of truthful.

Now, Craig Mazin, when did I first tell you about Big Fish? Because we kept it a secret for a long time. Did I tell you before we started the podcast?

**Craig:** No, I don’t think before. But I remember it was pretty early on. And I remember that you were talking about it and I thought, oh, in my stupid mind I’m like, “Oh, this is great. I’ll be able to go see a musical in like a month or two.” [laughs]

**John:** [laughs]

**Craig:** And then you’re like, “Oh no, it will be out in like 20 years.” I’m like, oh, how long am I going to have to wait? But here it is. It’s here. I’ve been following it, I feel like I’ve been kind of like a proud uncle basically following along.

**John:** The strangest thing as sort of how Andrew and I got hooked up to work together is that it was not like — it was sort of a shotgun marriage. And so I had wanted to do a Big Fish musical. At the first test screening of Big Fish the movie I said I really think there is a stage musical here because these characters want to sing. So, let’s figure out how to do that. I told it to the producers, “Let’s figure out how to do that.”

And we sort of started and we sort of started talking about composers and what might be a good situation. And then Andrew completely independently had the same idea.

**Andrew:** I met Bruce Cohen who is one of the producers of the film and who’s also a producer, one of the producers of the musical, at a party in New York City. And I really hit it off with him and he’s a wonderful man. And it dawned on me that he had produced Big Fish. And I said to my husband, David, “This would be a really good idea for a musical. Should call I Bruce Cohen?” And he said, “Call Bruce Cohen.”

So, I called Bruce Cohen a couple of days later and I said have you guys thought about turning Big Fish into a musical? He says, “In fact, we have. And John August is going to write the book and let me — you’re at the top of our list of composers and lyricists,” which I didn’t believe. But, you know, he said, “Call John.” And I did. And I flew to LA and we went together for four days to write the first two scenes, neither of which are in the play anymore, but we did do that. And we played it for Bruce and for Dan Jinks. And they turned and looked at us and said, “Let’s make a musical.”

**John:** And then it only took nine years after that point.

**Craig:** Just a short nine years.

I have a question. I don’t know if you have like a path you’re following here.

**John:** Oh, no, go.

**Craig:** I mean, this is the question that — I’m standing in for the audience tonight as the guy who doesn’t really understand how musicals are put together specifically, although I’m a big fan of musicals.

**Andrew:** I don’t understand either.

**Craig:** Well, we’ll get to the bottom of that.

**Andrew:** Don’t have any preconceptions.

**Craig:** The question that I have from a writer’s point of view is we’ve got story to tell and we have two ways of doing it. We have conventional dialogue with some characters and then we have song. And the song can — sometimes the song is telling an emotional story and sometimes it’s telling plot. How do you guys negotiate who tells what part of the story?

**Andrew:** Well, let me modify the question for a second, because there are more than two ways of doing it.

So, there are the obvious two ways of doing it which is either in speech or in song. But, inside that, in the song itself there are two things going on. There is lyric and there’s music. And inside that, they can either work as partners, the music and lyric can work together to tell one emotional thing at the same time, or the music and lyric can tell two different stories at the same time depending on what you’re trying to get across.

And every song has a different purpose. You want to stay true to the theme of your show or the overall arc of what your show is about. Every song should relate to it. But, you’ve also got direction and choreography which tell the story very, very further deeply inside the thing that you’ve already made. So, sometimes you’ve made the thing and the director and the choreographer have a real profound impact on getting to the deeper level of what it’s about. And sometimes they come up with an idea that surpasses the original idea. And that’s why in some ways — and we’ve had that experience, too, in developing the show.

So, there are twenty songs that aren’t in the show that are available for purchase after the podcast.

**John:** [laughs]

**Craig:** [laughs] But again, running in debt.

**Andrew:** So, that’s just to start. There is much more than just the speech and the song going on.

**John:** I think it’s actually great to rewind time to our first time talking through the show which was the drive from LAX out to Palm Springs where we rented this house. We rented a house with like a pool and a piano so we could just work.

**Andrew:** That was my prerequisite. A piano and a pool.

**John:** Yes. He’s pretty hardcore about that.

**Andrew:** And John’s a terrific swimmer.

**John:** Yeah, okay. And we tried to play tennis and I’m just the worst at Tennis. I remember that.

We needed to talk through what the show was on like really fundamental questions like is Edward Bloom going to be one actor or two actors. In the movie it’s two actors, but we thought it’s probably one actor. Right? That’s probably one actor.

What is the act break? Broadway shows have an act break and it has to be at this incredibly crucial moment where you’ve achieved this great thing and yet there’s a big question. So, what would be that moment?

**Andrew:** What’s the tone? What’ s the tone now that you’ve added music as a component and poetry as a component. What’s the tone, the overall tone, of the piece. And how country do we get? And fantastic do we get? And what story did we really want to tell together first because as you know from Big Fish there’s the emotional family story, which is at the heart of what the whole play is about, but there’s also the fantasy sequences which have to fulfill a real grand sense of who Edward Bloom is.

**John:** Yeah. So, it ultimately came down to answering two questions that are at the heart of sort of every musical adaptation, which sort of they exist in a way in movies but are very specific in a music, which is the “welcome to the world of it all,” which is sort of the “welcome to the world” song. And then the I Want song, which is the character in a musical will boldly state what he or she is going for either as a direct goal or sort of that inner need. What is driving that character in a way that you never really see in a movie stated so clearly.

And so some of the first things we had to do was figure out, well, what does the world sound like? And how do we introduce the audience to what this world sounds like? So, let’s talk about the welcome to the world song.

Craig, from your experience, the examples of, what do you think about how a world begins?

**Craig:** In terms of Broadway musicals?

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** I mean, I always think of Tradition from Fiddler on the Roof.

**John:** Absolutely.

[Pianist starts playing the song]

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Yeah. Tradition sort of really introduces the mama, the papa, the daughter, the sons. It also introduces the theme of the movie which is that we stick to traditions or else we get hurt. So, obviously, you know, you saw the movie, the play, so you know that the musical is going to be about, in fact, moving away from traditions. We meet characters. By name he introduces Yente the Matchmaker and so I think of that. I think of Hello from Book of Mormon. No? Nothing?

**John:** Oh, no I was —

[Pianist starts playing the song. John, Craig, and Andrew sing along briefly]

**Craig:** It’s an amazing book.

**Andrew:** It made enough money. Let’s stick to my songs. I want to go back to Fiddler.

**Craig:** Very good.

**John:** Let’s talk about Alan Menken, though. Let’s talk about Circle of Life. Remember Elton John’s Circle of Life.

**Andrew:** No, that’s Elton John. “Ingonyama nengw’ enamabala” to you, too.

**John:** Yes. So it’s —

**Andrew:** [sings a bit from Lion King]

**John:** The welcome to the world song will establish the musical vocabulary and what it is you’re in for in this show tonight, hopefully.

**Andrew:** Well, yeah, we need to go back to Fiddler for one second, because it’s the question of like who are we, what do we do, what do we believe, right? As opposed to here’s the story you’re going to see tonight.

**Craig:** Right.

**Andrew:** And in Fiddler on the Roof, the craziest thing about Fiddler on the Roof, and everybody talks about that as one of the great examples of opening numbers. A, it wasn’t their first opening. And it was the thing that Jerome Robbins said to them later in the process. He said, “Well, what’s this play about?” And they had to go really, really, really, really think about it.

**John:** I want to make sure you’re on your mic.

**Andrew:** I’m on. Can you hear me? Thank you. Oh, yeah, we’re recording this, right? This is for posterity. It’s a time capsule. Sorry. And for people who really study musicals and study the making of musicals, that’s like a seminal moment is that conversation about what’s your play about and what is the opening number. How is the opening number presented.

But the other thing that’s kind of nutty about Fiddler on the Roof, if anybody is really paying attention, Tevye comes out and who is he talking to?

**Craig:** Right.

**Andrew:** Who is he talking to? He goes, “A fiddler on the roof sounds crazy, no?” And he’s talking to us. He’s not talking to a character. He’s the narrator at the beginning of the play. And then later he talks to God. It’s really, if I were directing a production of Fiddler, it would be hard to keep that from being the thing that the actor believes he’s doing. Because you don’t really want to believe that he’s talking to an audience full of people because the rest of the play, that doesn’t really happen. He talks to God and he has various conversations with God.

And so it’s like voiceover in a sense. It’s somebody talking about something that I need to know in order to get into the story. And somehow we buy it.

**Craig:** Right.

**Andrew:** We just watch it. And John and I — oh, sorry, go ahead.

**Craig:** I was going to say, it sets tone also because what’s so great about Tradition is that there are serious parts. It ends with a very serious, you know, this is what keeps us from breaking our neck, but there are jokes. So, it’s teaching you how to watch the musical. It’s teaching that there’s going to be jokes but there is also going to be serious stuff, too.

**Andrew:** That’s right. And it also introduces you to the world. So, the world of Big Fish, we wanted everybody to meet Edward Bloom. And we thought the best way to do it was for Edward Bloom to tell a story, because that’s what he does.

And so we thought we could do the route of him talking to the audience, or we could do the route of him talking to somebody. And then we’re in a scene from the very beginning. In the original opening, it’s this piece where, John, do you want to come in on this.

[pianist begins playing]

**John:** So, he and his son, he’s talking to his kid, and he’s missed the kid’s baseball games. And he’s going to tell him a great big story about — “Let me tell you a real story. The story of the day you were born.”

**Andrew:** And eventually he sang. “By the time you were born, you were already a legend. You’d taken more hundred dollar lures than any fish in Alabama. For sure. Some said, that fish was the ghost of a man named Henry Wall, a thief who drowned in that river 60 years before. ”

**John:** “There are ghosts in the river?”

**Andrew:** “The rivers in Alabama are choked with ghosts. [Ghost howls.]” Crazy ghosts. We thought that would be fun. And then eventually, “Now I’ve been trying to catch that fish since I was a boy no bigger than you. And on the day that you were born, that’s what I do. This is the God’s honest truth. I happened there on that morn. It was just that way on the day that you were born.”

Now, we ended up cutting that number.

**John:** Yes.

**Craig:** [laughs]

**John:** That number went with us to Chicago. And it wasn’t the right way to start the show as it turned out. And so we got to Chicago and this was — so Norbert Leo Butz is Edward Bloom and he’s fantastic and truly charismatic. And so it was Norbert and the boy. And then this giant fish swallows them all. And so you sort of see the jaws swallow them in. There’s all this story stuff happening inside.

**Andrew:** With projections. And we saw it demonstrated to us. Everybody gasped. Remember that day when they showed it to the cast? It was so cool.

**John:** It was fantastic. And so we’re like, “Oh, this is going to be amazing. This is so great.” And so it was just a father and son through the whole thing. And then it’s like, oh, it felt really empty and weird and it just did not work. And so Andrew Lippa and I went to the basement of the Oriental Theater in Chicago and it’s, “Fuck! What do we do?”

And so it was like, well, maybe we make it a whole company number. And so then we had to figure out like a way to sort of get everybody in there. So, essentially everybody is swallowed up at once.

**Craig:** Ah, the Ragtime method.

**John:** Yes.

**Andrew:** Yes. Exactly. “The Ragtime method. For three easy payments of $29.95, you can get the Ragtime method!”

**John:** So, we did that.

**Craig:** [laughs] He’s funny.

**John:** It’s funny.

**Craig:** He’s funny.

**Andrew:** Don’t get pregnant. Use the Ragtime method. Play this music, she’ll stay away from you for years.

[Pianist begins playing a Ragtime number]

**John:** Ooh!

**Craig:** Ragtime!

**John:** [Crosstalk].

**Craig:** [to Andrew] This is great. Do you want to do a podcast, me and you?

**Andrew:** Frankly, I’ve been waiting for Peter Sagal to show up.

**John:** So, we went down to the basement of the Oriental Theater and it’s like, “What do we do?” And so we just hit our head on some walls. So, we built this whole new thing, would still use the “God’s honest truth” as the underlying idea, but we’re bringing the whole company into it so everyone can have more to do, so it wouldn’t just be Norbert and son on stage the whole time.

**Andrew:** Now, this is what is known in theater parlance as a Band-Aid.

**John:** It is a Band-Aid. And the one thing we did introduce which became a very important idea was the idea that to get out of this fish you would — Edward would teach a dance that would cause the fish to spit them up and that’s how we got them out. That dance was called the Alabama Stomp, which was useful. So, that was a useful thing that came out of it.

And so we had to teach this to the cast while we were actually putting on the show every night, which was terrifying, making such a big change in a number, but it was useful.

**Andrew:** And they did it. And, you know, to use a baseball metaphor, they got tagged out by the shortstop. But that’s how far the number got. We got much further than the original number, but we didn’t quite get the whole point of what the play was about.

So, we went to work after Chicago to talk about what really is the opening. And John and I went through lots of different conversations and permutations of what the opening could be. And we kept going back to the idea that Edward Bloom needs to tell his son’s story. But the one thing that we realized was that if you talk about an idea, that’s one thing, but if you talk about a person, if you give something to somebody and say something to them, you can do this, or you are this, or here’s this thing for you, it suddenly made it much more personal than it did before. If he gave something to his son, we realize, oh, this could be better.

And what came out was this really long day. I had a meeting with Susan Stroman, our director and choreographer, the next morning in New York. And John was still in LA at that time in early June. And we — oh, it was a very long day and a very long night. And I got really frustrated on the phone and sometimes John has to play sort of therapist with me and he’s like, “Well, how could we look at this from a different angle?”

**John:** [laughs] And I talk Andrew off of ledges.

**Craig:** Wait, can I just say it’s okay now to do impressions of you on the podcast.

**John:** It’s fine. When they’re quality impressions, then it’s fine.

**Andrew:** [laughs] Oh, wow.

**Craig:** I think I get to your spirit…okay, never mind.

**Andrew:** Do I need, to should I leave?

**Craig:** Slap the back of my head.

**Andrew:** And so finally John said, and this is sometimes how it works. John spit out the very name of the song. He said, “Well, he wants to say this, and this, and this.” I said, okay, and I’m writing it down, I’m writing it down, and I said, “Keep talking.”

And he would say more stuff. And I could see like sort of the juices happening, making stuff up. And I’m like, “Keep talking!” And then he’d say more and I’d be like, okay, goodbye. I’ve got to go. I’m going to call you back.

And then I wrote this.

[Pianist begins playing]

He’s there talking to his kid. And he sings this to his child. “What if I told you you could change the world with just one thought? What if I told you you could be a king? Anything you desire, boy, anything on a plate, all within your power to create. I know somewhere I the darkness there’s a story meant for me, where I always know exactly what to say. I know somewhere some surprising ending waits for me to tell it, my own way.

“Be the hero of your story if you can. Be the champion in the fight, not just the man. Don’t depend on other people to put paper next to pen. You’re the hero of your story, boy, and then. You can rise to be the hero once again.

“Now part of an adventure is the people you meet. What if I said I met a witch,” and then the witch comes out and suddenly we’re introducing all the people in the stories that we’re going to meet the rest of the night. The witch. The giant. The mermaid. All of these people who have come out and then become part of Edward Bloom’s story and they all sing his idea to his kid, “Be the hero of your story and then you’re life is going to be better.”

And Susan Stroman in her miraculous way does this thing with fish in the pit. And I’m not going to give you anymore. And it’s so joyful and at the very end of the number, on our first night on September 5th, no one had heard this number except people making the show. And on September 5th, 1,400 people screamed at the end of the number with joy. And one Jew in the back wept, because I was so happy that it worked.

**John:** So, I think part of the lesson behind talking about the Welcome to the World song is that the original song wasn’t introducing us to the world especially well at all. It was sort of telling about this one guy and that there’s a kid, but it wasn’t introducing you to the world. Like it didn’t tell you this is the night you’re going to see. Our example was A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.

**Craig:** Right.

**Andrew:** Comedy Tonight.

**Craig:** Comedy Tonight is perfect. Yeah.

**John:** Which is like these are the characters. Nothing up our sleeve. This is everybody you’re going to see.

**Craig:** “For those of you that don’t like pirates,” one of the great lines in the whole movie.

**John:** [laughs] So, you see the whole company and like they’re really good. And you get the big vocal moment, but it’s not trying to tell a specific story. It’s more just like this is the world of how it goes.

**Andrew:** And it turns out that if you look at all of the — if you look at a lot of opening numbers, the majority of them are like that. And what I’m very proud of is actually our play starts with a scene between Edward and Will.

**John:** Yeah, well what Andrew calls a “pesky talking bit.” Yeah, the pesky talking bit.

**Andrew:** Yeah, the pesky talking bit.

**John:** It opens on a small simple scene between the grown son and Edward Bloom. So, you establish who those physical people are so you know like it’s most about them.

**Andrew:** And there are four or five really solid laughs in that scene. And it’s very — it’s a perfect scene, John. It is. I’ve never said that to you before. And I’ll never say it again.

And then we go back in time and we teach the audience that that’s what we’re going to do, because one of the things Big Fish does is it really plays with time, unlike most musicals I’ve ever seen. And if you look at the classics, you look at the musicals with great opening numbers, or great openings, the ones I love the most are the ones that are scenes, that are people engaged in some activity, they’re I the middle of something, as opposed to the musicals where someone comes forward and says, “Hey, this is what we’re doing and this is what we’re about.”

That can be a very successful musical opening number, like Comedy Tonight, or Fiddler on the Roof, Tradition. But there are also numbers like Oh What a Beautiful Morning at the beginning of Oklahoma.

**Craig:** Life Is from Zorba. I always like that they’re having an argument about what life is. And you just find them having this argument and this one lady —

**Andrew:** The beginning of Phantom of the Opera is a four minute scene in an auction house and you have no idea who anybody is or what anything is. And someone — and there’s no music — and Phantom of the Opera, this really long-running show all about the music, supposedly, and it’s called Phantom of the OPERA, and it starts with no music. And there’s something so audacious if you think about the creators in the middle ’80s writing a new musical. And the successful composer like Andrew Lloyd Webber and the idea in the room is, “Let’s start the musical without music.” [British accent] “That’s a great idea. I love that idea.”

You know, it’s like, I think a lot of people would look at you and think you’re crazy. And that’s pretty audacious when you think about it.

**John:** Great. So, the other thing which is very unique to, I think, musicals is that I Want song. And so when Craig and I did our episode about The Little Mermaid, we talked about Part of Your World and what a perfect I Want song that is. You understand exactly what Ariel is going for, what’ she’s hoping for in life.

And so the I Want song is a fundamental part of pretty much ever movie musical and every stage musical you’ve seen where usually your lead character has come forward and said, “this is what I’m going for. This is my — we talk about want and need — it’s sort of both. This is where I see my life headed.

And so in Big Fish, we can talk about other examples.

**Craig:** Well, there’s so many.

**John:** What are great I Want songs? What are your favorite I Want songs?

**Andrew:** The Wizard and I from Wicked.

[Pianist begins playing]

**Andrew:** Very good. Thank you, Dan.

**Craig:** There you go.

**Andrew:** Did that really just happen?

**John:** Dan Green actually plays on Wicked.

**Andrew:** Ah. There’s Something’s Coming in West Side Story. That’s an I Want song. There are two I Want songs in Fiddler on the Roof. Matchmaker, which is really the I Want song, because it’s about the three girls are saying they want. And then the whole rest of the play is actually about them getting what they want. They get husbands, but they get them in different ways. The first one gets them by the traditional matchmaking. And he second one gets it by finding her own Jewish boyfriend. And the third one goes off with the non-Jewish guy, the Russian guy.

And then If I Were a Rich Man is the next one. And what’s curious about that I Want song as it were is that that is never fulfilled in the play. The thing that he says he wants, he wants to be respected, and admired, and sit in the Synagogue all the time and have money. The guy never gets that. He never gets it.

So, I Want songs don’t have to fulfill the want, you just have to express the want, because we need to know what the character is going after. And musicals, gosh, there are few examples — I don’t know, we might be able to think of one like maybe Next to Normal, what’s the I Want song? And I Miss the Mountains, is that the I Want song?

**John:** Probably.

**Andrew:** I don’t know. Early on, what do they sing at the beginning? I don’t know the show that well.

**John:** And if you think about musicals, the I Want song is generally the second or third song. So, usually we establish the world and then the character comes forward and says what he or she wants. Second or third song. If it’s the fourth song, there’s probably a problem. And that was a problem for us. Our I Want song was coming kind of late.

**Andrew:** Yeah. And we originally wrote — I wrote a song called A Story of my Own, which was Edward as a child singing to the witch, but it was a grown man singing as a child singing to a witch. So, already you’ve got a problem. And he sang about all these things he wants to do and places he wants to go. And it was a list song. He sang about going to Japan and riding kangaroos and meeting all kinds of people. And it turned out that it was just that. It was just a bunch of information that slowed us down from figuring out what the play was really about. Because the play wasn’t about that.

The play is about this guy wants to reconcile with — wants to be understood by his son. His son wants to understand his father. So, in the opening number, in “Be the Hero,” as that number goes on what we learn is that Edward wants his son to get on board his stories and get on board these ideas.

And then when we get to the son a couple songs later, the son who finds out — John, do you want to set it up actually? You’ll be good.

**John:** So, what we realized sort of post-Chicago is that we’re a two-hander. We almost function like a romantic drama except that it’s the father and son who want to — you want a relationship to happen between these two people. It’s a father and son who don’t get along and you’re trying to find a way for them to get along.

So, they both are kind of protagonists over the course of the story, but it was really Will who needed to have that X-ray vision and see what was inside his soul. And he had no song. He had no solo song where he could express what it was he was going for.

There was already a scene that happened in the play where it’s almost like a split screen where on stage left and stage right we have the doctor’s offices where Edward is getting his ultrasound and he’s finding out that his cancer has spread. And the other side of the stage, Josephine and Will are finding out that they are going to have a son, so she’s pregnant and they’re going to have a son.

And so that was a moment that was already in the play. But I was like, well, that feels like a singable moment. And this is honestly a thing that happened over the course of my life, since the time I — it’s been fifteen years I’ve been working on Big Fish. I had a kid. And so I know what that ultrasound was like. And I remember when I saw the ultrasound and I saw that I was having a girl, my brain raced forward. I could sort of see all these things about like what my daughter was going to be and what my relationship with my daughter was going to be. And the things I would teach her and how excited I was.

[Pianist begins playing]

And so I talked to Andrew about what that felt like. And, so I also said like Andrew I have words in other parts of the play, take these and work with them. So, I dictated a bunch of stuff and this became the song.

**Andrew:** [sings] “Stranger. I’m feeling stranger than I ever felt before. So much more. Different. Like something old is joined with something new. It still feels true. I’m passing through a right than every parent does. I’m walking on shared familiar ground. Yet every step I take is not a step that was. And lifelong, I like the sound, of stranger, a child I’ve yet to meet becomes my everything. My song to sing. Father. And suddenly the weight of it is real. What do I feel? I feel connected in a way I’ve never known. Line from dad to me to newborn song. So, from today I’ll never make a choice along. One for all. All for one. And when he’s born I’ll teach him to use his common sense. He’ll listen and he’ll learn he’ll excel. I’ll tell my son that life is lived in clear and present tense, not only in the stories we can tell. My father told me stories I could never comprehend. And every tale he claimed to be the hero. I’ve tried to understand him. But I wonder if I can. Because after almost 30 years, I still don’t know the man. I wish I knew the man. But he’s a stranger. My father is a stranger I know very well. A puzzling shell. Hopeful. What’s on its way may help us both to grow. But I don’t know. I don’t know when I’ll understand what made him wild. I don’t know why he has the urge to fly. I want to face him like a man and not a child, so I’ll try, I’ll really try. And in time my boy is sure to see brighter days for dad and me. We can do things better than before. So that strangers will be no more!”

**Craig:** That was good. That was good.

**John:** So, I got to hear that for the first time in the basement of the Oriental Theater. So, the last week that were there, we weren’t going to put any more changes into the show, but like we knew we had a lot of work to do ahead. And so Andrew was terrified to show the latest song, but I was like, you know, he had the first half of it. And so we were in the basement, just the two of us, and he plays the first half of it. And it was like, just give him a big giant hug.

And he burst out sobbing. Sobbing.

**Craig:** It’s a running theme here, isn’t it?

**Andrew:** Well, this is crazy, but the show itself is emotional. But there was this — we had opened, we had gotten really positive, really encouraging reviews. We knew there was a lot more work that we needed to do and that we wanted to do. And we were so grateful we had the time to do it. And so we didn’t stop. We didn’t take a break. We just were there. We were like, “Let’s work.”

And I worked and this is also like how the art is transmitted. John had a line at the very end of the play that this character said to a doctor in the hospital when Edward Bloom is in his final hours. And he said, “My father is a stranger I know very well.” And this idea emerged as a really cool idea. And so I as the lyricist went and I thought, well, what other meanings of the word are there? like what other relationships do we have or would this character have to the word stranger? And so initially — I wrote the first third of the song that I played for John that morning.

And I knew what I wanted to do was go from how I’ve never felt this way, you know, he sings, “Stranger, I’m feeling stranger than I’ve ever felt before.” And then he says, “My child is this stranger I’m going to just build my world around.” And I knew I wanted to somehow get to my father and get to my father is a stranger and he’s a stranger I know very well. And then the conclusion of the song is that we don’t even have to use that word anymore. The stranger — we don’t have to be strangers anymore.

And I knew I was heading down that road. And once I wrote that beginning it had the right — that’s the other thing is that not only do you have to write a song that’s appropriate to the story and the character, but there’s also a tone and feel issue. And lots of things get replaced in the show, like what Kate Baldwin sings right after this, she plays Sandra, and that moment went through several rewrites. A different feel because the energy of the show was getting — somehow got sad for too long.

And so she needed to sing something a little more positive, a little more up, and in fact we just made a cut in it last week. One section that when it was slow it was beautiful, when it was fast it sounded silly. And so we got rid of that fast bit and suddenly everything else around it emerged as terrific. And so that’s the great news about — we’ve talked about the difference between film and musicals for a long time, but in the editing room, you’ve got the opportunity to take at least, to find something that was done that’s the right thing and you edit it in the right way and you can get the right thing across.

Our version of editing is rewrites. So, we constantly are rewriting the show because that’s how we edit it. That’s how we get it to be better.

**John:** Yeah. This is one of our last weeks to work on it, but I put in 12 pages of changes today because it’s way of sort of refinements. It’s the things that you would usually do at in the editing bay if it were a movie, but it’s on pages here because it has to be what’s going in tonight. Like literally the show that’s playing there tonight has things in it that I’ve never seen before because it’s going in there tonight.

And any change you make has to go in the script. And so that’s been the strange part as a writer is that you just never stop writing.

**Craig:** Well, it’s kind of true for all of us, I guess. We only stop when they take it away, unless you’re lazy.

**Andrew:** [laughs]

**Craig:** But, I mean, it’s funny listening to you guys. Even though the medium requires so many different things, a different approach, in the end it seems like the struggles, the synthesis, the collaboration, it’s all common to what we all do. I mean, novelists, no, because they’re alone, weirdos. But, you know, for movies and for shows, putting on a show, whether it’s TV or film or Broadway, it seems like there’s a lot of the same stuff going on, a lot of the same challenges, and a lot of the same agita.

**John:** I agree.

**Craig:** All right.

**John:** So, we do this thing on our podcast called One Cool Thing where we each talk about one cool thing that we want to share and tell our audience here and our audience who is listening to the podcast about. Andrew, do you want to kick us off? Do you have a cool think you’d like to share, something you’d like to talk about?

**Andrew:** Last year I was in Basel, Switzerland visiting friends and we went to this restaurant that you didn’t get to order food. You ordered the phylum, so it was like meat, fish, vegetable for your appetizer and your main course. And I just thought that was the coolest thing ever. And I just found out about one like that here called Recette in New York City, in the Village. And you do that — you go and you don’t get to pick what you eat. You just tell them meat, fish, or vegetable and then they bring it to you.

**John:** I respect that because I think too often choices — you have that paradox of choice where it’s like I’m less happy now because I have those choices. If you just give me the prix fixe and I’m happy.

**Andrew:** I’m like that in the cereal aisle. I’m overwhelmed. That’s why I just stick to Honey Nut Cheerios.

**Craig:** I don’t have any of these problems. A menu is fine. I generally can pick, I’ll have this, the soup.

**John:** Soup.

**Craig:** Soup. I like that.

**John:** So, Recette, like rice but “ette” at the end.

**Andrew:** Says you.

**John:** All right. My One Cool Thing is actually a thing that people here or people who are listening at home can actually join us for is that there is this great site called Charity Buzz, which if you’ve never gone to Charity Buzz you should, because basically charitable organizations anywhere in the US, maybe outside the US, but really inside the US can put things up for auction. And so it’s the kind of things you would normally go to like a silent auction for, you know, a museum, or for some kid’s fundraiser thing.

But they’re really good things usually, like really good things, like special things. Like Tim Cook did this, like, you get to meet with Tim Cook and spend 30 minutes and pitch him ideas and stuff like that, which went for like half a million dollars or whatever. We’re not Tim Cook, but Andrew Lippa and I have agreed to do a fundraiser on Charity Buzz for my daughter’s school actually it’s a public school fundraiser, where you can get a backstage tour of Big Fish and we’ll sit with you and have a drink with you and talk you through things.

So, if you would like that opportunity, you go to charitybuzz.com. The links will be in the show notes at johnaugust.com. And click there and you can bid on that if you would like to see backstage at Big Fish.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** Craig, you had a question about travel plans?

**Craig:** Yeah, so it’s a One Cool Ask/One Cool Favor. I’m going to be —

**Andrew:** [laughs]

**John:** [laughs]

**Craig:** I mean, this is not like, you know, spend $50 to be here. I’ve done a lot for you people! I’m asking for a little something. It’s not — you guys can’t help me at all, you here. So, relax.

**John:** What if somebody in this audience actually had your answer?

**Craig:** I’m going to be traveling to Vienna with my family soon and I thought for any listeners who are in — because we have a lot of international listeners. Any listeners in Vienna, why don’t you write in and, but no weirdos, thank you, so that may eliminate everyone. I don’t know. Write into ask@johnaugust.com and maybe we could do a little Viennese Scriptnotes meet up.

**John:** That would be kind of great.

**Craig:** Yeah. That would be fun.

**John:** But there’s something that’s missing, Craig.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** There’s one thing missing.

**Craig:** The gayest thing of all!

**John:** The gayest thing of all. So, a promise quite early on in the podcast that if we did a live podcast at some point Craig would sing.

**Craig:** Yes.

**John:** And you sang with a guitar once.

Craig; I did sing once with a guitar, but it wasn’t live. It wasn’t in front of 300 people. It wasn’t on Broadway. It wasn’t in front of Andrew Lippa!

**John:** You’re not really on Broadway. This is considered Off-Broadway.

**Craig:** To me, this is Broadway. I’m from Pasadena.

**John:** [laughs] So, you’re —

**Andrew:** Yeah, this is Broadway, that’s for sure.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** I’m on Broadway.

**John:** Yes. But there’s no fire trucks, so where are the fire trucks, Craig?

**Craig:** I know, I know.

**John:** You’re going to sing us a song.

**Craig:** Yes. So, this song is from Falsettoland or Falsettos. Falsettoland. Falsettoland? Falsettoland.

**John:** It’s from a musical.

**Craig:** Yeah. William Finn, a wonderful composer/lyricist wrote this song called What More Can I Say. And it’s a very interesting one because it’s a man who, he’s married, he has a kid, and then he realizes “I’m gay,” which I guess happens occasionally. And he’s met this man and he’s in love. And he’s really truly in love for the first time. And it’s an interesting song because he’s singing it about his boyfriend while his boyfriend is asleep, so it’s actually very annoying — it’s hard to sing because he’s really quiet. But then he gets loud, which always makes me laugh because I think, “Ooh, he’s gonna wake up.”

But I guess he doesn’t. He’s a super heavy sleeper. So, anyway, I’m not professional. I’m no Andrew Lippa.

[Craig sings]

Thank you.

**John:** Oh Craig.

**Craig:** I know. I totally did like the American Idol thing where Simon is like, “You forgot the lyric.”

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** But, you know, it was hard for me to remember all those words.

**Andrew:** The lyric forgot was right where it said, “It’s been more than words can say.” Do you realize that?

**John:** Oh my god.

**Andrew:** You lived the song.

**Craig:** You’re good. You’re good. See, he makes me feel bad, and you always make me feel good. I want to hang out with you .

**John:** [laughs] We’ve learned some secrets tonight. Ah!

**Craig:** Apparently the song works.

**John:** I need to thank some people who made this whole night possible. First off, I need to thank New World Stages for giving us this space, which is remarkable. Thank you so much.

**Craig:** Thank you New World.

**John:** This is normally the home of the Gazillion Bubble Show. And so usually there are bubbles all over this place, which is great. That’s why the floors are a little bit sticky, so if you’re wondering.

**Craig:** That’s why.

**John:** That’s why!

**Craig:** Got in there just ahead of you.

**Andrew:** If I had a nickel…

**Craig:** [laughs] He’s the best setup man ever, by the way. And he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. It’s so great. Can he be on with us all the time, please?

**John:** Yeah. I think we need — I also need to thank Dan Green, who we need to have Dan Green on this show all the time.

**Craig:** I know, yeah.

**John:** If we had a piano we could cut to. We’d be set. I need to thank Whitney Brit and Stage Entertainment who sort of organized this whole thing. Because literally it was just — it would be great to do a live show if someone wanted to make a live show happen, and she did. And Stage Entertainment and Michelle Groaner, thank you so much for making this all possible. God bless you.

And I want to thank our New York audience because Craig and I, seriously, we had no idea if anyone would show up.

**Craig:** This is so cool that you guys came. Thank you.

**John:** Because LA is like, oh, screenwriters, and it’s lousy with screenwriters. It’s not too hard. But you guys came out tonight which was just —

**Craig:** In your shirts. I mean, awesome. I saw so many shirts. Umbrage Orange. Very cool. Umbrage orange.

**John:** Thank you guys so much. I get a little verklempt sort of seeing that people actually would show up for something like this.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** That’s really kind of amazing and wonderful.

**Craig:** Yay!

Links:

* See [Big Fish on Broadway](http://www.bigfishthemusical.com/)
* If you don’t have your Scriptnotes USB drive yet, [email Stuart and let him know](mailto:orders@johnaugust.com)
* [Back episodes](http://johnaugust.com/scriptnotes) are available now
* The Yank! Original Cast Album [has been funded](http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1046922831/yank-original-cast-album)
* Aaron Cooley asks: [Why don’t movie studios make pilots?](http://hollywoodjournal.com/industry-impressions/why-dont-movie-studios-make-pilots/20130920/)
* [Andrew Lippa](http://andrewlippa.com/), and [on Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_Lippa)
* [Recette](http://recettenyc.com/) restaurant
* [Bid now](https://www.charitybuzz.com/catalog_items/371106) for a Big Fish backstage tour with John and Andrew (and support a Los Angeles public school)
* [Let us know](mailto:ask@johnaugust.com) if you’re in Vienna and willing to meet up with Craig
* The [Falsettoland cast album](http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000V9WJ68/?tag=johnaugustcom-20), and [on Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Falsettoland)
* Thank you and congrats to pianist and soon-to-be husband [Daniel Green](http://www.danielgreenmusic.com)

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