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Scriptnotes, Episode 595: Correctable Crises, Transcript

May 30, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2023/correctable-crises).

**John August:** Hey, this is John. I have a pre-correction to this episode you’re about to listen to. Later on, I refer to Jesse Alexander of Succession. The quote is actually by Lucy Prebble, another executive producer of Succession. That’s it. That’s my mistake. Enjoy the episode.

Hello and welcome. My name is John August, and you’re listening to Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the show, we answer listener questions on the craft and the business of writing from our overflowing mailbag. In our bonus segment for premium members, what do you do when a coworker is nice but incompetent? We’ll discuss one of the trickiest workplace situations.

Craig is traveling this week, but luckily, we have someone extraordinarily qualified to take his place. Danielle Sanchez-Witzel is a writer-producer whose many credits include My Name is Earl, The Carmichael Show. Her latest show is Up Here, streaming now on Hulu. Welcome, Danielle.

**Danielle Sanchez-Witzel:** Hi. Thanks for having me, John. I’m happy to be here.

**John:** Danielle, you and I only know each other because we’re both on the negotiating committee. We’ve been sitting in these giant rooms across tables from each other. It’s so great to talk to you about what you do.

**Danielle:** I am so happy we met that way. I knew of you, just to be clear. I just didn’t know you until I got into that room. Happy to be doing something that’s not negotiating, to be perfectly honest with you, John.

**John:** Absolutely. We had a question last night at the member meeting about what does the negotiating committee actually do, what do you do in the room. I tried to answer that, and I feel like I kind of flubbed it, honestly, because I was trying to segue to talk about something else, but I was trying to quickly get through the negotiating part. Because I have a podcast, I’m going to take a second crack at it here. I’m going to try to explain what happens in the negotiating room.

I think I have this fantasy that it’s going to be like an Aaron Sorkin movie, like The Social Network, where people get these devastating lines and there’s rhetorical traps that are laid, that spring and change everything. It’s not like that.

**Danielle:** It’s not. It’s not like that at all, no.

**John:** No. It’s more like those foreign streaming shows that people tell you to watch, and they’ll say, “It’s really, really slow, but you’ve gotta stick with it, because you’ll think that nothing’s happening, but eventually it all happens.” You’re like, “Oh wow, that was actually really impressive, but it was subtle.” It’s one of those maddening but subtle kind of processes for me. Has that been your experience?

**Danielle:** Absolutely. I was really glad that question was asked at the meeting last night, because I think it’s such a fair question. I don’t know if our members wonder about it, but clearly that member did, so I imagine more perhaps do.

This is going to sound crazy, but something that really surprised me when we first walked into the room is that we’re literally sitting across a table from each other, just the visual. The table is pretty narrow, and we’re just sitting across from it.

This is my first negotiating committee I’ve ever been on. I know that’s not true for you. I’m really giving first impression kind of a take. I don’t know why I was surprised by being so close to the AMPTP members. I think what you’re describing in terms of vibe and pace is pretty accurate.

**John:** We have incredibly smart people on our side. Staff does almost all of the talking in the room when we’re actually in the room with the other people. Then we get back to our caucus room, and that’s the chance where we get to actually say clever things as writers and tell jokes and make important points.

One of the important points I really loved hearing you talk about was your experience making these last two shows. In addition to Up Here, you also have Survival of the Thickest, this Netflix show. You were talking about how challenging it’s been to make shows as a writer-producer these days because of structural changes of the industry, that the experience of doing My Name is Earl is just so vastly different from what’s happening now with these new shows. Could you give us a sense of that, what it’s like to be making a show in 2023 and how challenging it is for you as a showrunner?

**Danielle:** Absolutely. I have spent a majority of my career making broadcast network shows. I have to say I’m really grateful for that experience. I know young writers will understand what I’m saying, because what I had access to… Somehow we separated writing from production, and so this next generation of writers isn’t getting access to what I had access to on every show I worked on, on My Name is Earl, on New Girl, a brilliant staff of writers who were there for the entire time of making the show.

Pre-production, when there’s no production going on, when you’re just in a writers’ room coming up with ideas and stories and writing scripts and rewriting scripts, tabling scripts. I work in comedy, so the table is really important.

Then during production, which overlaps in broadcast network, so now you’re actually shooting the show and you’re making the show and the writers are still there. A writer or two is on set, covering the production, while a writers’ room is continuing to do work, continuing to rewrite, continuing to write stories.

Then in post-production, which I think is the thing that writers are really not getting access to anymore, maybe even in broadcast network, and that’s obviously watching cuts and giving notes. There’s a ton of rewriting that happens in pre-production, especially in comedy, but I think drama too. We’re rewriting jokes. We’re rewriting ADR. There’s so much you can do if you’re on an actor’s back. I’m sure savvy television watchers know, like, “That line was ADR. There’s no way that’s what they said here.” It’s the final phase of storytelling.

I came up in my career being a part of that, all of that, that whole process, and having a whole staff to be able to be there, to work on all phases of the show, including when I ran The Carmichael Show, which was a multi-cam broadcast network. I am so grateful that I had this amazing staff of writers who was there to help me. It’s very hard to run a show. It’s so much work. Writers are a vital part of the entire process. Now I am exclusively making stream. Up Here was, as you said, a show for Hulu that I did with a very talented group of Broadway superstars, Tony winners. They needed one person who had never won a Tony, so somehow I got added to that group. We’ve separated for streaming.

Even though that was a 20th studio show for Hulu, meaning 20th makes shows for broadcast network, so as a studio they understand what this model was, for some reason streaming, because it’s less episodes, somehow the industry companies thought, “You don’t need writers for as long of a time, because it’s less episodes.” Both of the shows I just made were eight-episode orders.

There’s this new model now. Any young writers who have experienced this, who might be listening, you know what it is. You can have writers for somewhere around 12 to 20 weeks, 20 if you’re lucky. That’s it. Then they all go away. Again, if you’re lucky, maybe you get to keep one writer who comes to set with you or continues the process with you, but that’s it.

This machine that has worked so well for so many generations and produced the best shows in the history of TV stopped working that way. All of a sudden, it just got cut off for a reason I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you why, because we’re the ones who make it. We know how to make the product. I don’t know how exactly over the last five, six years this industry practice started.

It became this thing where you’re supposed to try and write all the scripts and get it all right before you hit production. It’s impossible. It’s not how the sausage is made. That’s not how we do it. That’s not how we’ve ever done it. It’s left showrunners to have to do everything, again maybe with one pal, with one super talented pal, do all the rewriting, get all the scripts ready, now handle all the production, and then overlap with post and do all of that while you’re just a crew of one or two people.

On Survival of the Thickest, which is the Netflix show, the last show I made, I was very lucky that my star is also a writer, co-creator of the show. Guess what? She’s acting now. I had one other writer, a really talented woman named Grace Edwards, who thank god was there with me.

The process is the process for a reason. I really got worn down. I know there are a lot of showrunners who are having to do this who are really worn down. Plus a lot of writers who aren’t getting access to what they need know they could be valuable to the process and are being told, “We don’t need you anymore.” I assure you I’m not the one saying we don’t need you anymore. I’ve been screaming, “I need them. I need them,” and I was told no. I was told I couldn’t have them. That’s the state of the industry through my eyes, at least.

**John:** I’ve avoided TV for most of my career, mostly because I was afraid of the doing 19 jobs at once problem. I was hired on to do a show called DC very early on in my career. I had no business being a showrunner on it. I was trying to prep an episode, shoot an episode, write an episode, post an episode, and do all these things at once. I couldn’t do it. I said, “Oh, TV’s not for me, at least not for me at this point in my life.”

I thought, oh, this change to shorter orders, the ability to write all the scripts at once and then just do one thing at a time seems really good, until you surface all these problems you’re describing, which is that by separating these things so completely, you don’t have any support to actually make the show.

Those writers who should be learning about all the other parts of the process, they’re gone. They’re hopefully on other shows. They are just not part of the process anymore. It’s not only hurting the show that you’re making right now. It’s hurting all the future shows that these other writers are going to be making, because they will not have the experience. They’ll be just as clueless as I was when I was trying to make my first show, because they will not have had production experience. We have people who come to these member meetings who say, “I have written on three shows, a full season on three shows. I have never been to set.” That is a crisis in the making.

**Danielle:** Absolutely. I have told the companies I work for that this is going to hurt them. I don’t know that anyone’s believed me. Maybe I’m not talking to the people who really have the power to change it.

The truth is that the business model has worked for a reason. I think there was this misunderstanding of shorter order creating a new world that isn’t truly how to make a thing. I think it would be interesting to see what people think about the quality of TV. I know that’s something we think about creators so much and as writers and the people making these worlds is that we want it to be the best it can be. I know I don’t have the resources to do what I used to have the resources to do. I know that that is going to affect all kinds of things. At the end of the day, we’re making a product to entertain people. You want that to be the best product it can possibly be.

It’s frustrating at every level. I don’t think there’s a writer who isn’t frustrated in episodic television right now, because it is a collaborative process. That’s what it is. We’re taking collaboration away quickly. It’s like you can collaborate for a little bit, but then you’re done collaborating. It’s just not how to do 8 episodes or 10 episodes or 22 episodes.

It’s a big issue in our industry that we’re looking to fix for everybody. I do think it’s a win-win. I think the companies will win if we fix this and we will win if we fix this at the end of the day in terms of how to get it done.

**John:** It’s almost important to point out that what we’re describing is not impossible. I was looking at an interview with Jesse Alexander, who runs Succession. They were asking him, “How do you have so many great lines in every episode?” He said, “We have two to three writers on set at all times.” That’s the great answer.

**Danielle:** That’s the great answer. Jesse’s great answer.

**John:** It is a short season, and so theoretically, you could’ve written all of those ahead of time, sent everybody home, and had Jesse Alexander run the whole thing by himself. This is a person who recognizes, no, we actually need the writers here to do the work of writing in production. I’m sure those writers were involved in every step of post-production too. I know they overshoot stuff. You’re always making decisions about how to shape the episode in post.

This is a very, very successful show that has a sizable writing staff that is involved throughout production in a short-order season scenario. It’s very definitely doable. This is the right solution for Succession. I think it’s the right solution for so many shows. If we can make some changes in our contract that makes it more clear this is how we really need to structure these things, it’s going to be better for television but also for everyone who needs to make shows.

**Danielle:** Absolutely. Absolutely. It’s good to hear that. In success, maybe you’ll get more of what you’re asking for. It’s like, how do I succeed if you’re not giving me the tools I need in the first place? I’m supposed to succeed by the skin of my teeth, and then if there’s any sort of succeeding, then you can have what you need. I’m really happy to hear that. That’s the truth. I think Succession is one of the funniest shows on television-

**John:** Agreed.

**Danielle:** … although it’s not billed that way.

**John:** Technically a drama, but yes, it has comedy bones to it. Let’s tackle some listener questions. I’m sure we’ll be threading in some more of our thoughts about television throughout this. Drew, do you want to start us off with a craft question?

**Drew Marquardt:** Yeah, let’s start with Patrick. Patrick asks, “How much pressure should we be putting on ourselves as writers to make sure something is purely original? I recently saw an obscure international film from the ‘50s, and it sparked an idea that would involve borrowing the initial premise and taking the story in a different direction, one that they wouldn’t have been able to explore in that period of time.

“The idea didn’t leave me, and now I have an outline for what I think could be a great drama. It’s my own story, but it would have a ringing similarity for anyone who has also seen the film that inspired it. I’m torn between whether this is a reason to not move forward with the idea and wondered where you consider the line between taking inspiration and ripping off someone else’s work.

“Part of me wants to justify it by saying writers do this all the time with genre pieces, Die Hard onto something or something in space, so why can’t I with a character drama? Part of me feels icky.”

**John:** Patrick, yeah, I get the sense of feeling icky about these things, but you’re also right to be pointing out that all art is iterative. Everything is inspired by things that happened before. I think you’re worried about like, am I borrowing too directly from this obscure movie that most people haven’t seen? Danielle, what’s your first instinct here for Patrick’s quandary?

**Danielle:** I wish I knew whatever inciting incident it was that he wanted to, because it might matter. I do think a gut feeling of ickiness is trying to tell you something. I think writers are paid for their gut. I say this a lot. I like using your gut as a bar for, “I think the story should go this way, this way.”

I think if there’s something you’re feeling icky about, then maybe there is one piece of this, and again not knowing the specifics, that might need to change a little bit more than what the plan is.

We’re never reinventing a wheel. It’s just through different eyes and different perspectives and interesting characters who maybe haven’t told a story before. If a lot of the story is personal, I would think you’re in okay territory. I would just ask yourself, what is the icky thing, and can whatever that thing is that’s making you feel a little bit icky change enough so you don’t feel that way?

**John:** I also wonder if Patrick needs to do a little bit more research about this premise and maybe familiarize himself with the idea there’s probably other movies that are doing a similar kind of thing.

**Danielle:** That’s a good idea.

**John:** This may be the first time you’ve encountered this dramatic question being asked in a film, but I bet it wasn’t the first time this was asked. If you do research on this film, you might even find out that this was inspired by something else that came before it.

I’m also thinking back to, I don’t know if you ever saw the Todd Haynes film Far From Heaven. It’s a Julianne Moore movie set in the 1950s. It was very much done in the style of the 1950s, but in a way that you couldn’t have done, addressed those questions in the time.

There’s something about recognizing that you are taking a period idea and examining through a lens which is transforming. It definitely could actually have the same beats as an original thing but actually become so different because of the lens you’re looking at it through that you may not be giving yourself enough credit for the amount of transformation you are enacting on this work.

I get it, Patrick, but I think you need to be a little kinder to yourself and really look at why this idea is so compelling for you and just do some more research around it, but probably do it, because those ideas that you can’t shake are the ones that are definitely worth pursuing.

**Danielle:** I would definitely say write it. For myself, I’ll come up with a million reasons why I don’t write something. Don’t let it stop you. Write it. You could always rewrite it too if you ever hit a bump. I think that’s great advice, John. Don’t let it stop you. I think write it. Just write it.

**John:** Write it. Just write it. Let’s try another one, Drew.

**Drew:** Michelle in San Francisco writes, “Over the years, John and Craig have taught us so much about feature structure, but now that I’m trying to write a limited series that’s six to eight episodes, I’m at a loss for what the structure should be. Could you guys talk about how a TV series should be structured, especially a limited series, and not just the pilot, but the following episodes as well?

“Does each episode need to have the four acts that many people talk about, or is that just the pilot? Do characters really need to have their own arc within each episode or is it okay to just write one long story and delineate episode breaks where there’s a nice cliffhanger-y type endpoint and where it makes sense in terms of page count?”

**John:** Danielle, we have you here to answer this question, because this is what you’ve been doing. Talk to us about the process of structuring your eight-episode series and what you’re thinking about in terms of how much story fits into each episode, act breaks. I don’t know, for Hulu you may actually have to plan for act breaks. For Netflix, you don’t. Talk to us about that structuring of episodes within an eight-episode order.

**Danielle:** Interestingly enough, Netflix now has ads. I don’t know if anyone out there is… I don’t think there is any longer a streamer where that isn’t the case. We were not asked at Netflix to structure in acts, but I structure in acts. I am a writer who always structures in acts.

I think you are always in good shape to think of it in terms of acts, to think of each individual episode in terms of acts and then think of the whole piece, if that’s 8 episodes total or 10, also as one long story, the way that she’s suggesting.

I was given advice early in my career. Things were a little bit more straightforward when I was given this advice. Look at a few limited series that you admire and break it down. Just do a breakdown yourself. Write down each little scene. Just bullet point. For you, look, where do act breaks seem to be, are there act breaks, are there not act breaks. The truth is, I’m sure if you did three or four limited series that you really liked, they wouldn’t all follow form so literally, but I think you need to know form to be able to break form.

I would certainly say, especially early in your career, yes to all the questions, even though you want the answer to be no, because wouldn’t it be easier if every character didn’t have to arc and every episode didn’t have to have four acts?

I learned something interesting. The first streaming show I did was a show called Up Here for Hulu, which is a half-hour romantic comedy musical, Broadway musical. I was working with Bobby Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez, who are the most prolific, talented people, let along songwriters, I’ve ever met. They’re two of the most talented people I’ve ever met. Steven Levenson, we co-wrote the first two episodes. He wrote the book for Dear Evan Hanson, as well as he did Fosse/Verdon for FX. Tommy Kail, who directed Hamilton and also did Fosse/Verdon with Steven… Anyway, these are amazing Broadway musical people who I admired, who I was so excited to work with.

Believe it or not, I am answering this question. I’m on topic. John, I haven’t left the topic. I’m on the topic.

**John:** I have full faith in you.

**Danielle:** It was interesting to do a first streaming show, which is kind of like what this person is writing in asking about. What do I do if I have eight episodes? Something that Bobby and Kristen and Steven really taught me was… They’re like, “We’re going to make eight mini musicals. Each episode is going to have to work on its own as a musical,” which is just a way of storytelling. Basically, they’re saying it has to work as a story on its own, with these elements of music. Then they’re all going to have to make one long musical. It’s all going to have to add up to one long musical. Again, same as I think what this person is asking about a limited series, it all has to add up to one long movie, or however you want to think about it.

What that does, and what that did for Up Here, and I certainly used it to make Survival of the Thickest, and I think every streaming show moving forward I’ll really get, but it was interesting to think of it in Broadway musical terms, is four or five is a midpoint. That’s the middle of your movie. That’s the middle of your story, and so you’re looking for something to really change significantly. There is some sort of moment that’s going to shift your world.

However you’ve learned the craft of storytelling, whether that’s save the cat or you have an MFA or whatever, you learned how a movie breaks down or what works, and so I think you look at it those ways. Even though it sounds daunting, and all the questions you asked are like, does it have to do this, this, this, this, and the answers are yes, it really just needs a beginning, a middle, and an end. That’s what it needs. It needs to play that way.

I think no matter which way you approached it, if you thought of it as a long-form eight-episode, which seems daunting to me, but if you just wrote it with no act breaks and no anything, I think you would find that your brain naturally put them in, because you know a story has to turn.

Even if you’re just a watcher of television or movies, you understand story structure. You know what’s happening. You know when you need to feel what you need to feel and when you need to shift things.

The answer is yes, but I think there’s just no other way of doing it, because I’ve always wanted to be that person who can just sit down and not need an outline. I just want to write, man. I just want to let it flow, man. I’m not that person. I believe that maybe there are a handful of those people out there in the world. Structure is storytelling. Even little kids, when you tell them a story, you read them a book, there’s some amount of structure. They understand what a story is.

I would really just think of it as beginning, middle, end, but apply those rules, because they’ll help you. For me, act breaks help me understand balance. Is the story misbalanced? Is there too much at the top and not enough at the end? Is there no middle? For comedy, it’s three-act. We work in more of a three-act structure, although sometimes it’s a four-act structure. You just need to understand, am I turning things, is it interesting. For me, that’s act breaks. That’s how I get it.

**John:** In Episode 584 we had Taffy Brodesser-Akner on to talk about Fleishman Is in Trouble. She was adapting her own book into the limited series. It was fascinating to hear her talk about. The limited series is exactly the book. Everything that happens in them happens in both. Figuring out how you break those into episodes and how there’s growth and change within an episode, and it feels like this episode has really started, this episode has finished, is a thing she had to learn.

She was lucky to have Susannah Grant and Susannah Grant’s producing partner on to really help with that initial stage of figuring out how to structure this into individual episodes and how to make the gross of the characters and gross of the story really make sense over that limited time, which seems like it would be so different than going back to earlier shows you worked on, like My Name is Earl or The Carmichael Show. You might have some sense at the start of the season, like, this is where we’re going to, but you’re really probably thinking much more episode by episode, aren’t you?

**Danielle:** Absolutely, yeah. I think it’s called episodic TV for a reason. I think that in those scenarios, we’re making 22, 24, 26 episodes in a season, and broadcast network is designed… I’ll speak a little bit more for comedy here, because I think there are dramas where this wouldn’t apply. I don’t remember what the numbers were or what they said, but a viewer who loved the show watches every third or fourth episode on broadcast network.

**John:** Wow.

**Danielle:** That may be an antiquated way of thinking, but I know when I was coming up in my career, that’s what we were told. It has to be designed to drop in and see it this week but not see it next week. They really have to be self-contained episodes, even though our favorite shows that we grew up watching, pick your favorite show, had arcs, usually love stories. That’ll take you through Jim and Pam and Sam and Diane for me, for my all-time favorite show, which is Cheers. You could miss some and still get it.

I think that the streaming model is different, and that’s not how people are consuming it, and that’s not how it’s meant to be consumed. You shouldn’t be able to miss the third one, because I think you’re supposed to be told one long story. I think the goal is completion, for people to watch all of your episodes. That’s not necessarily the goal of broadcast network, by and large. I think cable is probably a little bit more of the streaming model than not, storytelling-wise. I think that you’re meant to sit down and watch every one.

**John:** I think in cable you see both kinds of things. You definitely see the ongoing progress of some storylines, but there’s also shows like the USA shows, which were very much, you could catch one, not catch one. There’s not huge growth between the two of them if you missed that one episode. Both things can work.

I loved Star Trek: The Next Generation growing up. It was one of my very favorite shows. Watching the third season of Picard, which is basically just Star Trek: The Next Generation but if it was done as a limited series, you have to watch it in order because there’s very specific builds and revelations and tweaks. It’s just fascinating to watch the difference between how a show works if an episode is all self-contained versus an ongoing limited series. They’re both great, but it feels like Picard is definitely the 2023 version of how you would tell that story.

**Danielle:** What’s amazing for I think us as storytellers is that all of those options are on the table. It really is, what do you want to tell and how do you want to tell it? Okay, then here’s the form for you.

I think we’re spending a lot of time talking about what’s not working and what’s broken in the industry. There’s a lot of exciting, amazing things as storytellers for us out there. We just need to get the ship righted a little bit. It’s amazing that there’s a lot of outlets and a lot of ways to tell stories now, completely different from when I started my career, you tell me, John, but I think in features and in television, both.

**John:** Obviously in features, the writers had traditionally less direct say in this is my vision for how stuff is going to go, whereas TV showrunners often had that sort of initial creator entrepreneurial vision for what a thing is. In features, we also have independent film. We have the ability to make things at incredibly small levels and just really experiment with a form. That’s a thing that is sometimes more challenging in TV, because you have to find a home for that thing versus being able to make it on your own and sell it. Drew, let’s get a new question.

**Drew:** Danielle, you mentioned love stories. We have an email from Marvin in Germany. Marvin writes, “I’m a young screenwriter currently working on my first big project. Without going into too much detail, there’s a love triangle in it. I was wondering, how can I analyze for myself or for the demands of the scene if it’s really necessary to explicitly show the action? Should I go into those intimate scenes or just hint at them without showing too much? Sometimes in romantic films, I like to see the protagonists finally getting together, but on the other hand, intimate scenes are often kind of sexist, and I don’t want to put my actresses and actors in a weird position where they need to flash.”

**John:** Explicitness. There’s a new TV adaptation of Fatal Attraction I’m really excited to see. I’ll be curious both how explicit the show is on screen but also what those scenes look like on the page, because I feel like most of the times when I see something made in 2023, what’s on the screen is also reflected on the page.

Danielle, what do you see? How explicit are you seeing stuff being written in scripts? Obviously, the comedies you’re making, maybe it’s not such a factor, but what are you thinking?

**Danielle:** There was a show called Normal People, which was an adaptation of a book for Hulu. That was really the first time as a creator I started thinking about… Because I spend so much time doing broadcast network too. We were not showing anything on broadcast network. When I watched that show, it was so intimate and beautiful and beautifully acted and beautifully shot and beautifully written and a really true adaptation of the book. That was the first time I had read… There was an article I think that came out after about an intimacy coordinator, which is a crew position now that I think we didn’t always have and now I think we always have.

When I was talking earlier about listening to your gut and that we get paid for our gut, which doesn’t sound elegant but I think is true. You as the writer, this person who’s creating this world, I think will ultimately need to listen to their own instincts about what is necessary to tell the story.

I agree that we have seen so much sexist content for decades in movies and this. In the ’80s, which was my era of growing up, watching movies, there was always boobs. It was just like, oh, here’s boobs. It’s going to be boobs. If it’s a comedy, there’s going to be boobs. Why? Why is that the case? I think that there are so many interesting ways to tell a story and tell an intimate scene.

What I would encourage this writer to do is think of it through a different lens. How have you not seen it? What have you bristled at that you’ve seen? What is the story you’re telling? What is the intimate moment that you might want to tell that maybe isn’t nudity at all, or maybe it is but it’s just in…

I thought Normal People, just to go back to the original point, just did something, made these two characters… The whole series was about connecting and connection and that these two people keep being drawn back to each other. The intimacy was really necessary and I think well done.

I appreciate that this writer is thinking about ultimately putting an actor in front of a camera, because now that I’m making streaming, having shot recently with my partner, co-creator, and muse of Survival of the Thickest, a stand-up named Michelle Buteau… That is based on a book of essays that she wrote. There’s a really funny chunk in there that’s about sexual encounters and when she was single. We’re inspired by a lot of what there was.

You write a certain thing, but then you get there to shoot it, and you’re like, “Oh, my goodness. Now we’re really doing this.” When I’m asking two actors to go be brave… Michelle is the bravest of the brave, and an amazing actress, comedically and dramatically.

One of the things that we were excited about doing with that show, in terms of what I’m suggesting, thinking about it through different lenses or whatever… If you’ve not seen this, Michelle is a plus-sized, beautiful woman, which is where the title Survival of the Thickest comes from. We wanted to show her in intimate scenes. We wanted her to be the star, the one who is in the love triangle and is having sex and is having all of these encounters, because we felt like that wasn’t being shown enough, that that’s just not the person who is always front and center in a show, especially as a woman. We wanted to make sure that character was a very sexual character, not that the show is super R-rated or anything, but it was really important to us, so we had a reason for it.

I guess my best advice would be, have a reason for what you’re doing and know why you’re doing it. If there is no reason, then you’re right, it will be gratuitous and unnecessary.

**John:** If you’re writing a love triangle story, there’s good odds that the sex that you want to put in the story is not going to be gratuitous. Then you have to think about, what is it about this moment that’s going to be interesting? What am I actually going to want to look at and show in this thing?

Ultimately, anything that’s going to show up on screen needs to be on the page. It can be awkward at times to put that stuff down there, but someone has to make those decisions. If you don’t make those decisions, those decisions are going to be made for you by somebody else, by directors or other people, and it may not be what the story actually needs. I think you have to start with what’s on the page.

Then it gets to a process of a director, an intimacy coordinator, and actors, and hopefully you involved as well, about what is the story point of this moment, to make sure it’s really reflecting the goals of the scene.

I would just say, again, follow your gut, but I also say be brave. You’re telling this story for a reason. Make sure all these scenes are really helping to tell the story you’re trying to tell. Let’s do a simpler question, if we can. How about something on intercutting?

**Drew:** Jared writes, “Formatting question. I’m intercutting between two different conversations occurring at the same time, say between Bob and Steve and Sarah and Tina. After I’ve established scene headings once for each conversation, it looks very odd to then just have a string of conversations without anything in between. It might be difficult for the reader to discern who is talking to whom, especially if only one person speaks before jumping to the other conversation. Would it be preferred in this multi-party intercut to just include scene headings every time the conversation switches?”

**John:** Danielle, what’s your instinct here? What do you tend to do when you’re having to intercut between two different conversations or two different scenes?

**Danielle:** It is tricky, and it’s a frustrating as a writer when you’re like, “I just need you to understand what’s in my head. I just need you to understand what’s happening here.” I don’t think that there’s only one way to do it. I think there’s multiple ways to do it.

I just try and make it as easy as possible for the reader. I think a lot of times readers skip action that might be explaining, which sounds crazy, but I just think they skip action that might be explaining it to you. I feel like scene headers probably just really will get the eye and the brain to go, “Now I’m in a different setting. Now I’m in a different setting. Now I’m in a different setting. Now I’m in a different setting.”

I understand that it may hurt the rhythm of the page a little bit, but I think clarity is what’s important. You don’t want someone to have to go back up and go, “What did I just read? I don’t understand. Where is anybody, and what’s going on?” You want your reader and ultimately your audience to be smart, but you also have to prepare for if that’s not the case.

**John:** I agree that you need to make sure that a person who might skip that little notification that we’re intercutting two scenes still gets the point of what’s going on there. You can obviously bold the intercutting there if it’s helpful.

What I find is often most useful is, rather than doing a full INT. BAR, NIGHT and INT. HOUSE, DAY, that you’re cutting between those two spaces, just go like, “Back at the bar,” dash dash, “Back at the house,” because whenever you see an INT., I think you naturally think, oh, it’s a whole brand new scene, we’re in a whole brand new place.

If you’re just intercutting between two places, doing the intermediary slug line, it’s not really a scene header, might be a way just to let the reader understand, okay, that’s right, we’re jumping back and forth between these two conversations.

It’s again one of those things you’re going to feel on the page that you won’t know until you see situationally how it’s going to work. If these are two-page scenes and you’re intercutting between the two of them, that’s more probably a scene header situation for me. If it’s quick rapid fire between two things, then the shortest little things are going to be probably your friend.

Cool. Let’s try two more questions. What do you got for us, Drew?

**Drew:** Carl asks, “How can I warn a reader that I’m not being cliché, but I want the viewer to say in their mind, ‘Ugh, so cliché.’ For example, a boy goes back to their hometown and sees his former hometown love. Their eyes lock, and the viewer thinks it’s the standard love story scene a thousand times, but within a few beats it’s made clear that this isn’t the case. Should I be worried about a reader losing interest and putting the screenplay down upon reading the cliché or am I over-thinking this?”

**John:** Danielle, this must come up all the time in comedies that you’re writing, which is basically you’re playing with a trope. You’re definitely trying to set up the expectation like, oh, it’s this kind of thing, but it’s not this kind of thing. How do you deal with that?

**Danielle:** I think in comedy, I will make the action line funny. I will say, “Sit with me here. It’s not going to do what you think it’s going to do,” in a parenthetical or something, if that feels appropriate to you. I don’t know exactly what this piece is, but if that feels appropriate.

I’ve worked a with lot of stand-ups. Like I said, Michelle Buteau is the last person that I just worked with. She writes the funniest action lines I’ve ever read. It’s almost like you’re having a dialog with her in her voice.

I think that you can be entertaining, and I think you can get your point across by… If you’re trying not to be cliché but you have this tone you’re trying to achieve, if you can achieve that tone in an action line, I think that that can be really helpful for you and might entertain the reader.

I don’t know if it’s pages of cliché until you get to the turn, but I’m assuming it’s not. I’m assuming it’s fairly quickly that you get to the turn. I also wouldn’t be too worried about a reader tuning out because it’s something they’ve seen. Everything is something they’ve seen before to some degree, with twists in there. I wouldn’t be too worried about that, but I would suggest trying to get it across in the action line.

**John:** Totally. Carl says here it’s like a boy goes back to hometown, sees the hometown love, their eyes lock. You’re going to have moments in there where you can really signal to the reader, yes, this is the most cliché moment possible. By setting that up, the punchline for how it’s not going to be that is going to be more rewarding. You’ll be fine. Don’t worry about that.

The ability to communicate tone through scene description is such a crucial craft skill you pick up over time and one of those things which, if this were a show rather than a movie, you’d learn the house style for how you do these things.

It’s fascinating to watch how in a given show, the scripts, they have the same voice. They have the same way of working, and you start to understand how to read those scripts. If you read a Lost script, the Lost scripts, no matter who’s writing them, all sound like they’re from the same person, because their house style develops. Part of that house style will be how ironic you are, what happens in the scene descriptions, how much caps are being used, and teaches you how to read those scripts.

If you were doing this as a feature, you have to do all that work from the start, basically letting the reader understand how to read your style, your script. That’s why those first couple pages are so crucial, to make the reader feel confident that you are going to be leading them on a journey that’s going to be worthwhile.

Drew, I said a craft question, but I see a business question here which I actually have the answer for, so let’s skip ahead to our Australian Sam.

**Drew:** Sam in Australia writes, “I loved your recent episode with Megana and her cluelessness about how to write a check. I feel her pain pretty hard. I’m a writer based in Australia who wrote on my first US show a couple of years ago. I was completely delighted to start receiving those glorious residual checks from the WGA until I learned that there’s absolutely no way in my country to cash them. All the big Australian banks have stopped taking overseas checks, rightly believing that they should become extinct, and so now I’ve got about six residual checks sitting on my desk staring at me. I tried sending them to my US agent, but they got lost in an accounts vortex, and I had to get a lovely man at the WGA to reissue them before they were lost forever. Why can’t residuals be electronically transferred? Surely that would be cheaper than all that postage.”

**John:** Oh, residuals. Danielle, do you love residuals?

**Danielle:** Oh, me. Who doesn’t love residuals? With all my heart I love them.

**John:** You open your mailbox. You see that green envelope. You’re like, “Oh my gosh.” There’s just some money in there. You don’t know what it’s for. You don’t know how big it’s going to be. It can be just wonderful and something you’ve forgot you ever worked on. Suddenly there’s a residual check. It’s a nice thing.

**Danielle:** Absolutely.

**John:** The problem that our Australian friend is having here is that Australia basically doesn’t deal with paper checks anymore. It’s just not a thing that exists there. I asked on Twitter for other international listeners what they’re doing, and actually some Australians wrote back in. The best advice I got was to just get a US account and deposit all of your residual checks there in a US account and then transfer the money out. That’s probably good advice for most situations, but it could be a weird case of tax things, so don’t do that until you actually check with somebody who actually knows about taxes for that.

I also got a recommendation from a guy named Jason Reed, who says, “The only bank I’ve found that’ll process US dollar paper checks is RACQ Bank. Just make sure to do it within 90 days of it being issued.”

I don’t know how much longer we’re going to have paper checks, residual checks. It’s a thing that does come up. Without tipping anything, I think both the studios and the writers would love for this to happen. It’s just a matter of getting it all figured out and how to make sure we do it in a way that has clear accounting. Danielle, what’s your thought? Your weekly checks for working on a show, are those still check checks or are those direct deposited for you right now?

**Danielle:** I know you want me to know the answer to this, John. How is that money collected? I think they’re paper checks.

**John:** I think they’re still paper checks. I think that they’re probably going through one of the payroll services companies, and they’re still paper checks. That’s a thing that, yes, it can and should change. Drew’s checks I know are electronic. Correct, Drew?

**Drew:** Correct.

**John:** We were able to figure that out. We go through a payroll services company that was able to direct deposit into his account. It’s tough because as writers were working on a project or with a company for a short period of time. It’s not like we are a years-long employee of the Disney Corporation, where we can set everything up. There’s only a couple payroll services companies. It feels like it’s a thing that we should be able to figure out, because they know who you are and they know your tax ID number. It should be doable.

**Danielle:** Absolutely. I pay myself digitally, because a lot of writers are their own companies, their own LLCs.

**John:** That’s right.

**Danielle:** I don’t give myself a check. I know that much. That just goes right into the account.

**John:** We love that. Those are a lot of good questions. We still have plenty of good questions left over, so Craig and I will tackle those later on. Before we get to One Cool Things, I have a correction for last week’s episode.

I talked about Jefferson Mays and that I’d seen him in I Am My Own Wife. I said that he’s written I Am My Own Wife, which is crazy, because I know he didn’t. Doug Wright, who I know from Sundance, he wrote I Am My Own Wife. He’s an incredibly talented playwright. He is the person who wrote I Am My Own Wife. Jefferson Mays is a talented star of it, but Doug Wright is the playwright who wrote it. Doug Wright also has Good Night, Oscar, starring Sean Hayes, on Broadway. Doug Wright, not Jefferson Mays.

I was wrong. I just want to make sure that it gets publicly into the record that I was wrong just this once, on an episode that Craig is not a part of and not listening to. It’s time for our One Cool Things. Danielle, what do you got for us?

**Danielle:** I have an Instagram account. Glucose Goddess is her name. She is a French biochemist. She has one book out and another book coming out I think in May. I am always looking for ways to be healthy, because I think this job certainly does its best to challenge that, to challenge staying healthy, especially when you’re in season, making a television show.

Her account is all about keeping your glucose spikes level and not having huge spikes, which sounds like a very small thing. This isn’t about weight loss. This is just about general health. Apparently, your glucose levels have a lot to do with disease predictors and all kinds of things. I don’t know how cool it is, but she’s very cool. It’s a very fun thing.

Her first book is 10 hacks about keeping the spikes level. I’m trying them for fun, because I’m like, what could it hurt? What could it hurt? I’m feeling really good using her hacks. That is my Cool Thing, Glucose Goddess on Instagram.

**John:** Nice. I would say something that is not helpful for glucose spikes would be the candy closet in the negotiating room.

**Danielle:** A hundred percent, but you know what I’ve been doing? I’ve been looking at the nuts. The other thing is… I’ll just keep telling you about her hacks. If this is interesting to no one, I apologize to your listeners. She’s not an anti-dessert, anti-sweet. Again, this is not about weight loss. This is about general health. If there’s something in the candy closet I want, one of the hacks is to have savory snacks but save the sweets for dessert. What she would suggest is I put that candy bar in my purse, and after dinner, with a full meal, I eat the dessert. Even that is like, yeah, that candy closet, there’s a way to do it.

**John:** There’s always a way to do it. My thing is also a food-related One Cool Thing. I think I’ve talked before on the podcast that my favorite pancake recipe is this one that Jason Kottke has up on his blog, which is a buttermilk pancake recipe. It’s really great. It’s really great if you have buttermilk, but so often you just don’t have buttermilk and you want to make pancakes. I found this other recipe, which is also really, really good, that uses just milk, but you also put two tablespoons of white vinegar in it, just to sour the milk, to curdle the milk before you make it, which sounds like it would be disgusting, it would taste vinegary.

**Danielle:** It sure does.

**John:** It doesn’t. It’s really good. Actually, it’s very close to the buttermilk pancake recipe and really simple. The pancakes are crispy on the edges in just the perfect ways. If you’re looking for a pancake recipe, I’m going to recommend this. It’s just on All Recipes. It’s delicious. I’ve made it twice, and I highly recommend it. I think pancakes are probably not good for the glucose of it all.

**Danielle:** Can I tell you what she would say?

**John:** What would she say?

**Danielle:** Then if you’re interested, you’ll look it up and see what this means. She would say put a little clothes on your carbs. Put a little clothes on your carbs.

**John:** Does that mean eat a protein with it?

**Danielle:** Yes. You’ve decoded it immediately. She’s just done a ton of research. I like her because she’s coming from a science background. It’s really cool, the experiments she’s done and the science that she… It would drastically change what happens when you eat those delicious pancakes if you put a little bit of clothes on them.

**John:** Hooray. Danielle, before we wrap up here, remind us where we see your programs. Up Here is currently streaming on Hulu?

**Danielle:** Currently streaming on Hulu. All the episodes are up. Watch the eight mini musicals and the one long musical that they all add up to. Then Survival of the Thickest will be premiering on Netflix later this year, 2023.

**John:** Fantastic. That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt. It’s edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our outro this week is by Alicia Jo Rabins. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find transcripts and sign up for our weeklyish newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. We have T-shirts and hoodies. They’re great. You can find them at Cotton Bureau. You can sign up to become a premium member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and bonus segments, like the one we’re about to record on people who are incompetent but nice. Danielle, you are nice and not even remotely incompetent. You are so, so competent. Thank you so much for joining us here.

**Danielle:** Thank you, John. It’s such a pleasure to be here. I know there are so many writers who are fans of this podcast. I just think it’s incredible, what you guys do, providing this kind of information. It was such a pleasure to hear your advice.

**John:** Hooray.

**Danielle:** Thank you.

**John:** Thank you.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** Okay, our bonus segment. It’s a blog I started reading. I don’t even really quite know why. It’s by Jacob Kaplan-Moss. He’s mostly writing about HR and management stuff and things that happen, hiring and firing of stuff.

This one post I thought was really smart, because he talks about how among coworkers or people you’re hiring, people you’re managing, there are two axes you can look at that factor in here. You can look at how good someone is at their job, are they good at their job, or are they bad at their job, and are they nice to work with, so are they nice or are they a jerk.

He breaks it down into four quadrants, that you have people who are good at their job and nice to work with, and those are superstars. You just love them, because they’re so great to have those people. You want all those people around you. You also have people who are good at their job but are kind of jerks. Those would be the brilliant assholes. You might put up with them, but oh my god, they’re hard to work with. You have people who are bad at their jobs and jerks, and you just fire those people. It’s great to fire them.

The most difficult category for his post here was, what do you with somebody who is really nice to work with but just bad at their job? I thought we might spend a few minutes talking about those folks and times in my life where I’ve been that person and how we think about that, because Danielle, you definitely have more experience managing people than I do. Is this a useful quadrant theory for the kinds of people you encounter working on sets, working in rooms? Does this resonate at all with you?

**Danielle:** A hundred percent, and it made me laugh, which is my favorite thing about a graph. I think it’s very funny. Wait, I have to go back to… Which person have you been? What are you saying?

**John:** I’ve been the incompetent but nice.

**Danielle:** No.

**John:** Here’s an example of me being incompetent but nice, because also, I worked as a temp a lot. I was given an assignment to work at this bank in Colorado, maybe Fort Collins, somewhere, or probably Louisville, close to where I grew up in Boulder. They sat me down at this desk. I was just the person at the front desk who just directed people where to go. Within an hour of sitting at that desk, I had set off the silent alarms and the police came. I had no business doing that, being there. I didn’t last long at that job.

**Danielle:** That’s an amazing visual. I love it.

**John:** That’s example.

**Danielle:** Love it. I love that. I think managing people, it’s the craziest thing about all these crazy things that there are in Hollywood. The fact that we’re just, especially for episodic writers, we’re writing in a room, we’re telling jokes, we’re eating the candy, because there’s candy closets on TV shows too, and then all of a sudden you’re in charge of everybody and you’re supposed to be able to manage writers in the writers’ room, but also like you said, the crew, actors.

Not to bring it back to our original point, but hopefully you have had the training to do all that stuff, because if you hadn’t, what kind of chance do you have? I loved this thought. I loved this graph, because I think we’ve probably all worked with, even if you weren’t in charge of the people, people in all of these quadrants.

My rule of thumb with regard to, not even just managing people… This is how I decided to conduct myself when I got to Hollywood. I think I credit my parents for giving me a wonderful foundation of how to treat people and how to demand to be treated. I have three older sisters who are really great role models. I feel like it’s somehow accredited to the foundation. The way I translate it in my head is, whoever I’m dealing with, whatever the hard situation is, I want to be able to run into them in a restaurant a week from now or six weeks from now or six months from now and not have to hide, and be able to say-

**John:** Oh, wow.

**Danielle:** … hello with my head up and have them say hello back to me. When I was working for people in difficult situations, I always thought, okay, I need to go have an honest conversation, be very respectful, and know if I run into them, I don’t want to have to hide, and I don’t want them to hide from me.

Once that became the reverse and I was managing people, I thought the same thing. I was like, okay, whatever happens, you’re going to want to be able to… This is a small town. Comedy is small. You’re going to want to always have good relationships with people.

I’ve definitely worked with people, not just writers, the crew, worked with people who fall into this category. As a manager, I think my job is to make sure that I’m providing for you everything you need to be your best, and I’m creating an environment where you can be your best.

If I’m doing both of those things, which is not a perfect science, because I think we do the best we can, but those are basic philosophies of mine, if I’m doing both of those things and you’re wonderful and you’re not doing well, then I think the next thing I owe to you as a good manager is to come tell you you’re not meeting expectations, whatever those expectations are.

I need to clearly state, “You’re a wonderful person. Everyone loves being around you,” which I’ve had this conversation before, but fill in the blank. Whatever job it is you’re doing here on my show as part of this crew isn’t hitting the mark and here’s why. You have to be able to state where it is that they aren’t being what you would hope they would be, filling a role you’d hope they would fill.

Then you’d give it time. You give it time and you hope that it improves. Then if it doesn’t, I feel like where does that person go? That person ultimately in my world gets fired, but only if they didn’t improve, and only if I really gave them a chance to understand where something was lacking. I think that that’s where that person goes for me.

**John:** We’re mostly a writing podcast, so let’s talk about, let’s say there’s somebody in your room, hopefully a normal room, not a tiny mini room, but whatever. There’s a writer who’s working under your employ who’s just not cutting it, who’s falling into this incompetent, is nice but incompetent category. What are some things that would make you feel like this person’s not living up to their end of the bargain? Is it how much they’re participating in the room? Is it the actual quality of the drafts they’re turning in? What are some things that might lead you to have that conversation with them?

**Danielle:** It could be both of those things. One thing is they’re just not getting the tone of the show like everyone else. That could be in room participation, like you said, or in drafts, like you also said, that I have seven people in a room, and six of them are really pitching things that are getting in or at least make sense or are landing with me or feel like they’re in the world of the show, and one person is not hitting that target. The target should be fairly generous, certainly in the beginning of something, but their things are just not the same tone.

With comedy, every show has a tone, a very distinct tone. Maybe you’re collaborating to make it, but once everyone’s on the same page, which as a writer I think you would know… Look, all of our pitches get turned down all day long, myself included. I turn my own pitches down all day, like, “That’s not good. That’s not good. That’s not good.” You know when you hit one that’s good.

If you find yourself in that position where you feel like nothing’s getting in, then it shouldn’t necessarily come as a surprise if someone were to tell you, “Let’s talk about what this show is and the direction that it’s moving and why is everything you’re pitching dark or sad,” or I don’t know, I’m just filling in the blank of whatever this is. “This is trying to be light.”

I would say it’s about is it hitting a target, is the script hitting a target, are the story pitches hitting a target. That’s at least the most difficult one to deal with, because it’s the most nuanced.

If you’re just not doing work, if you’re just not spending time on a draft, but you’re nice, but you’re not working hard, that’s a much easier thing to deal with. You’re just not working hard. You’re not working hard enough. Most people are working hard I think in this category and just not hitting the mark.

I think the conversation would be… Give them specifics. “You pitched this, and we were talking about this storyline. You pitched this. We were talking about this storyline. You did this with the B story that you were sent off with, but really that’s outside of what we were trying to send you off to do.” I really think you have to be specific with people if you want them to improve.

Anyone in this little quadrant I would want to improve, because if I like them, that’s a lot. If they’re fun to be around and everyone likes them, that is really valuable, especially in a writers’ room. That’s something that really matters. My first hope would be that I could get this person on course.

I think my advice to someone who might be receiving this information is to try not to be defensive, even though that’s a painful thing to hear. I’ve been told I’ve been off course. There have been jobs I haven’t gotten that I wanted and all those things. There’s so much rejection in our business.

The best thing to do would be to receive it and really think about what is it, what is happening, because I think there are a lot of things that can improve and are correctable. Not everything, but if given an opportunity, I would expect that person would try and listen more and get on track for where the show was headed, because being nice is great, but the quadrant that’s the talented asshole, that person’s working all the time. That’s the truth about Hollywood. That person is working all the time.

**John:** Let’s get back to the things that are correctable and things that aren’t correctable, because this blog post is really talking about some sort of tech management kind of thing. Some of the solutions that he offers are like, okay, maybe this person needs more training or they need to take a break to do a thing.

In the case of a writer who’s in the writers’ room, some of what you’re describing sounds like a person who just doesn’t get it. I worry, I wonder, and maybe you have much more experience about this than I do, if a writer just doesn’t get it, doesn’t get the tone, doesn’t get what it is that you need, is that correctable in your experience? Have you been able to have that conversation and get that writer back on track?

**Danielle:** I think it depends how far off they are. Again, I’m really focusing on the creative, because that’s the hardest, most nuanced part of it, because I think if you’re talking too much, if you’re cutting people off, even if you’re likable and you’re doing those things, which is conversations I’ve had, those are a little bit easier. You know those things are correctable. You choose to do it or you don’t.

I think the sad reality of this is, if someone is way off, they’re not going to get back on. That person in that quadrant is going to be fired from that show. There are a lot of talented people who have been fired from shows because they didn’t fit that, especially if they were nice. They didn’t fit that. They didn’t fit the thing that you were trying to do. It depends on the level too.

I’ve been very lucky to work for showrunners who were really mentors. Greg Garcia, who’s a creator of My Name is Earl and many other shows, really mentored me. Everyone I’ve worked for, from my first job to the last time I was on staff, I’ve been really, really lucky. I know there are a lot of people who are really unlucky, who’ve worked with some people who suck and who aren’t looking at the next generation and aren’t considering how they got to where they got. I’ve been wildly lucky to work for people who have really taken the time to talk to me when I was young, to give me responsibility when I was young, and to let me see things. I think it is especially correctable if it’s a younger writer who just no one stopped and told them.

My parents grew up in East LA, but I always joke, I’m like, “It’s as far away from Hollywood as it could possibly be.” If you have nothing to do with Hollywood, you have nothing to do with Hollywood. I had no role models coming in. I had no nepotism. I wish I did. I have a niece who’s writing now. I’m all for nepotism. Let’s go. Let’s bring the whole family into the business. I had nothing. I had nothing and no one to look to. Luckily, I got my MFA at UCLA, because I’m a nerd, and so school was the road to be like, “I don’t know anything about Hollywood. Let me see.” Unless someone is kind enough to tell you, you might be off in terms of how you’re pitching your tone or whatever because nobody stopped to tell you.

I took a class at UCLA taught by a man named Fred Rubin, who changed my whole world. It was a sitcom writing class. It was actually in the MFA program. I was in the producers program, but they let us in. They let us audition in. Andrew Goldberg was in my class at UCLA taught by this guy, Fred Rubin. It just opened a world for me.

I was always trying to figure out, what is the dream? My parents set a goal for my sisters and I, “Wake up every day and love what you do.” When I took Fred Rubin’s class, everything just clicked. I was like, “Oh, this is it. This is what I’ve always anted to do. This is what I’ve been training to do with my loud, funny family where the best joke won the night.” It was like this, this, this. I was so lucky to find him, to find his class, to have someone tell me. There I had school, and then I had great mentors.

I want the door to be way, way, way, way open. When you way, way open the door, you have to also prep people and make sure that someone is stopping and telling them. I think we have amazing people, especially in the Guild, John, some amazing people who are mentoring young writers and really working for the cause of making sure people understand. It’s all related. We’re talking about eliminating so many things from the process and people not having access to production, writers not having access to production and post, and they only have 12 to 20 weeks, and then they have to go find another job.

I guess what I’m saying is, bringing it all back to this idea and the people who in the quadrant, they just might not know. The way of mentorship is really… We’re at a very dangerous brink here of losing being able to show people how to do that. I do think that there are things that might appear to a showrunner to be like you just don’t get it, when really someone didn’t stop and say, “Here’s what we’re trying to do. Do you even know that that’s… ” I don’t mean in a condescending way. I mean truly in a like, “Here’s what we’re trying to do. Here’s what the mission is. Here’s what TV writing is.”

There was a really cool guy that got up and spoke in the meeting last night and was just talking about what his experience is. He was writing on Zoom from his apartment in Brooklyn with no heat. I hope that was a very nurturing environment. Someone’s got to tell you how to do it. Someone has to tell you what the expectations are.

That’s the version I think in this chart that can really be addressed. I think if we look hard enough, what you might be doing is dismissing as so out of the box something that you could bring in if you could just get them aligned. The fact that they’re not thinking like everyone else is great, would be hugely helpful to your show and to the characters, but you’ve got to understand what’s going on and why they’re missing the mark. I guess that’s what I’m saying. I think a good manager investigates that, versus just being like, “You’re nice, but you suck,” because that might not be the truth.

**John:** Circling back to our initial conversation about these writers being cut out of the production and post-production process, I think you’re going to see a larger group of people who are now suddenly having their own shows, who are nice but incompetent at certain functions of it because they’ve just never been exposed to it.

They don’t know how to cover a set. They don’t know how to do post and how to look at that director’s cut and not vomit, and instead, recognize these are the things that aren’t working. It’s not that the director is incompetent. It’s just that it’s not what you need for the show and how to have that conversation with the director and then the editor to get to the cut that you actually need. There’s going to be a whole generation of these writers who just don’t have the experience.

That’s a case where having a mentor who could say, “Okay, that didn’t work. Let’s talk about why that didn’t work. Here’s what you need to know about this part of the process.” I just worry we’re not going to have people to do that mentoring and the time to do that mentoring. I just don’t know we’re going to have a structure where that makes sense. I just really see a train wreck coming 5, 10 years down the road, probably less than that, if we don’t really address some of these problems right now.

**Danielle:** I know. It’s happening now. I think you talked about it a little bit earlier. We hit it already. There are co-APs that haven’t been on sets before. If they have, they’ve only been on set, which is a great only. At least they’ve been on set, I should say. It’s very hard to teach someone post. You understand post by doing years and years of posts.

**John:** It’s feel.

**Danielle:** There’s so much instinct that is happening in the storytelling. I am so grateful that I could look at something that someone, let’s say an executive, might deem a mess and go, “This cut is terrible. Whatever cut this was, it’s terrible,” and I can just see my way through it and be like, “I know it’s not. I was there when we shot it. It’s not terrible. What you’re not getting, I can fix, I can fix with ADR. I can just zero in on what you’re not getting. I know I can fix it.”

The only reason I can do that is because, just to take one of the many shows I’ve worked on, but New Girl. Just one of the most talented staffs I’ve ever worked on, and I only worked on one season of that show. We watched every cut as a group, and then we did notes as a group, and then we wrote jokes. You had to give Liz Meriwether and Dave Finkel and Brett Baer, who are the amazing people who ran that show… Liz created it, obviously, and Finkel and Baer ran it with her. You had to give them jokes. We were rewriting.

I went to work on it because I was such a huge fan of it. I was like, “I love this show.” I think generations continue to love that show. So much work was put into the craft of that show. Post, it was fun. We watched it together. There was a viewing of a cut. Then whether it was your episode or not, we all pitched jokes and did all of these things.

Those are the things that it’s impossible to teach someone. It’s not impossible to teach someone some things to understand about post, but that is a skill that comes from experience. We did the same thing on My Name is Earl, which was a show that used VoiceOver. So much work was done in post, so we saw so many cuts together and had notes on everybody’s cuts, because that’s just what you did, because writing is still happening. I think that’s the thing that we’re really trying to get across is that writing is happening through this whole process.

**John:** From your description of it, it sounds like the process of making those two shows, you got through it for eight episodes, killing yourself. It was not sustainable to do more episodes, to do a second season. It wouldn’t have worked. It took everything you had to get what was there.

**Danielle:** Yeah. I didn’t run Up Here. Steven Levenson is the one who killed himself. I don’t want to speak for him, but I think I can. I was there. I was there watching. The person who was running the show has everything on their shoulders, all of the rewriting. I was available to him, but he didn’t have another writer. He was doing everything.

Like I said, I had Grace Edwards on Survival of the Thickest, and I had Michelle Buteau, but again, she was supposed to be acting in front of the camera, but she was still doing writing, because there was just so much.

When I hear what you said Jesse Armstrong said about Succession, the idea that I could have three writers on that set… Our staff was amazingly talented. We had stand-ups. We had all these different perspectives. We were tiny but an amazing staff. If I could’ve had all of them, that would’ve been the best version. If I could’ve had three writers on that set, it would’ve changed everything. It would’ve changed everything. There were three very talented writers there every day, but they were being asked to do 27 things.

I’m so used to the system where you can call a writers’ room and go, “This scene isn’t working,” or, “We need this,” or, “You know what? We figured out this actor. We need to write into this for this talented actor who wasn’t even cast, by the way, when we had our room.”

There’s almost so many flaws that we can’t even talk about them all. We’re not really doing table reads in comedy. Some shows have figured out how to do some. I managed to get some done, but I didn’t get all eight done. I didn’t have the cast. There are so many things that are very correctable. We’ve done it before. We know how to do it. I don’t think they’re very costly.

The upside, everything that you’re saying, and the concern you have and you know I share and everyone on our negotiating committee shares, as well as the thousands of members that we have, is these are big concerns. We can’t let his happen, because if this happens, what is the future? The young writer who stood up and worked for The Bear, what does it look like for him? Like he said, this is about his next 10 years, his next 20 years.

I had my last 20 years, and I’m still struggling in this system, but I know I’m going to survive. I know I’m going to survive, because I can make demands that everybody can’t make. Even in that, I can’t make all the demands. Even in that, I’m told no. I know I’m not going to make another show this way, but that’s not going to be true for everybody else.

It’s the reason why I said yes to be on a negotiating committee. I’m so comfortable on my couch doing nothing, including not doing podcasts. I’m just comfortable sitting on my couch watching TV under a blanket, but I’m getting out into the world and doing things because I’m so motivated for change. This can’t be how we move forward. It can’t be how we move forward. I think we can change it, and I think we will, John. I think we will.

**John:** I think we will, you and me and 10,000 members and some good fortune.

**Danielle:** That’s it.

**John:** We’ll change it.

**Danielle:** That’s it.

**John:** Danielle, thanks again.

**Danielle:** Thank you.

Links:

* [Danielle Sanchez-Witzel](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1294678/) on IMDb.
* [Up Here](https://www.hulu.com/series/up-here-3cf5b24c-f13d-4943-8c73-e0e27de4cff5) on Hulu.
* [Succession Podcast, S4E2 with Lucy Prebble and Laura Wasser](https://youtu.be/xvcVqDDceKU) from HBO.
* [Incompetent but Nice](https://jacobian.org/2023/mar/28/incompetent-but-nice/) by Jacob Kaplan-Moss.
* [Glucose Goddess](https://www.instagram.com/glucosegoddess/) on Instagram.
* [Non-Buttermilk Pancake Recipe](https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/162760/fluffy-pancakes/)
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Check out the Inneresting Newsletter](https://inneresting.substack.com/)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* [Craig Mazin](https://www.instagram.com/clmazin/) on Instagram
* [John August](https://twitter.com/johnaugust) on Twitter
* [John on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en)
* [John on Mastodon](https://mastodon.art/@johnaugust)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Alicia Jo Rabins ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/595standard.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Episode 592: Only One of Us Can Be the Hero, Transcript

April 27, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2023/only-one-of-us-can-be-the-hero).

**John August:** Hey, this is John. Heads up that today’s episode has just a little bit of swearing in it.

Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** This is Episode 592 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Today on the show, why are action heroes named John and not Craig? We’ll think into the mystery of the J names and why you see so many Jacksons, Jakes, and Joes, and so few Craigs. I’m sorry.

**Craig:** Aw.

**John:** Can you think of even one action hero Craig?

**Craig:** Literally, not only are there no Craigs, but do you remember when we were kids and you would go to a theme park or something and there would be the big rack of personalized miniature license plates?

**John:** License plates, yeah. You’d find Bort but no Craig?

**Craig:** Right. You could find Bort, yeah, exactly, but Craig was rare. Even back when Craig was a name that some people had, it was rare, whereas you never had a problem.

**John:** Never had that any issue. Was there an H? Was there not an H? Both options were always available.

**Craig:** Exactly. You literally had variations on your name. I had nothing!

**John:** After that discussion, we’ll get into another round of the Three Page Challenge, where we take a look at pages sent in by our listeners and give our honest feedback. We’ll also be answering listener questions on research, options, and work for hire. In our Bonus Segment for Premium members, Craig, let’s talk anesthesia.

**Craig:** Oh, good.

**John:** I recently went under the knife, and wow, Craig, those drugs are good.

**Craig:** Yes, they are. Happily, we don’t have access to them.

**John:** No, and the people who do have access to them, like the Michael Jackson people who have access to them when they shouldn’t be using those, that’s bad.

**Craig:** That’s bad. We’ll get into that. We’ll get into that. I don’t want to give this away to the people that don’t spend the $5 a month. You know what? You don’t get it.

**John:** You don’t get it, but you know what you get? A quality show full of many other things, which we’ll dive into right now, starting with some follow-up. A previous episode about villains, we talked about the tied to the railroad tracks trope, that mustache-twirling villain who ties a damsel in distress to a railroad track.

Chris Csont, who does the Inneresting newsletter, sent through this great article that actually went through the history of the tied to the railroad tracks trope. It’s fascinating, because it’s not what you would expect. I thought it started with silent movies, but when we see them in silent movies, that was already a parody of an existing trope that came from stage plays.

**Craig:** Oh, really? That’s interesting. People were tying damsels to train tracks on stage?

**John:** Yes, and it became such a cliché. It became an early copyright lawsuit, because there’s a famous play that did it. Then other plays started having the villain tie the damsel in distress to a railroad track. Then it became actual copyright lawsuit things happening about that, whether you could copyright that action in a play, which seems crazy.

**Craig:** That’s crazy.

**John:** This article we’ll link to says that at some point there were six plays in London that all had that trope in it at the same time.

**Craig:** What I like is that the folks who did it first, so looks like Augustin Daly’s 1867 play, Under the Gaslight by American, apparently that was first, contained a scene “where a character named Snorkey is tied to the rails by a man named Byke.” What I like is that Augustin Daly wrote this play, probably thought, “This can be cool. That’s a fun idea,” and then everyone went insane. Everyone was like, “Dude, that’s the greatest thing we’ve ever seen.” Everybody went, “People are clamoring for other people being tied to railroad tracks.” Why?

**John:** It’s wild. It happened on stage before it happened in real life. Then after it happened on stage and in movies, there are a couple examples of it happening in real life. I think the other example that this article gives talks about how the idea of cement over shoes, like the mafia casing your feet in concrete, then throwing you into the lake. That was in fiction first, and then there were a couple cases where it happened in real life.

**Craig:** Where they thought, “Oh, that’s a cool idea.” It did always strike me as just very involved, really involved. Concrete is difficult, because the moment you pour it, it starts to set. That’s why concrete mixers are always turning. You gotta get some Quikrete. Then it’s messy. It’s all over the place. They’re thrashing around probably, so that’s annoying. Why didn’t you just shoot him? Just shoot him.

**John:** Just shoot him.

**Craig:** Shoot him. What’s hard about that?

**John:** We’ll put a link in the show notes to this article by Karl Smallwood, which talks through this. I just really enjoyed reading the backstory of how we got to this trope. I was just fascinated to know that it was already a jokey trope by the time we see it in silent films.

**Craig:** No one’s ever taken it seriously.

**John:** No, it’s never been taken seriously. Two other bits of follow-up. Actually, related follow-up. In that same villains episode, we were talking about Annie Wilkes from Misery. I said, “Oh, would Annie Wilkes have even been a villain if this guy had not crossed her doorstep?” Two readers wrote in to remind me that it’s set up in the movie that he discovers that she was actually involved in a series of baby murders when she was a nurse. She was a bad person before James Caan’s character shows up at the house.

**Craig:** What if those babies were jerks?

**John:** What if she knew they were gonna grow up to become future Hitlers?

**Craig:** Exactly. You don’t know what she’s capable of. I totally forgot about that. It did strike me that, look, if you are the sort of person who upon reading a novel that kills off a character you love, goes so crazy as to hit the author’s shins with a hammer, there’s no way that’s your first crazy thing. Nobody just starts there at the age of 53. Something happened.

**John:** It’s a ramp up to that.

**Craig:** Have you seen the movie Pearl?

**John:** I haven’t seen Pearl yet. I’m eager to see Pearl. I haven’t watched it yet though.

**Craig:** It looks to be a fascinating portrayal of just good old-fashioned nuts. I want to see it. It looks intense. Looks terrifying.

**John:** It’s hard for me to see a terrifying, intense movie. I just don’t have a space in my life or a time in my day where like, “Oh, you know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna watch a terrifying, intense movie.” There’s just not a lot of opportunity for me, the way my life is set up right now.

**Craig:** How’s your life set up? You know what? Don’t go into it.

**John:** We watched The Last of Us in an afternoon at 1 p.m., because Mike does not want to watch a scary thing before bed, which I get.

**Craig:** I get that.

**John:** Mike has watched most of your show with his back turned to the TV so he can’t see what’s actually happening on screen.

**Craig:** That’s how we intended it. Boy, we could’ve saved a lot of money if we knew that everyone was watching facing away. Just a really nice, tight radio play.

**John:** Nice radio play.

**Craig:** That’s what we were going… You know what? The show sounds really good, so hopefully he enjoyed the sound.

**John:** It’s good sound mix quality here. We have a last bit of follow-up here. We talked before about European script consultants. Hillevi [ph] wrote in with a really good overview of the Swedish system. Hey Drew, can you talk us through what Hillevi wrote for his involvement with the Swedish system?

**Drew Marquardt:** Hillevi writes, “My day job is as a screen industry strategist for a regional talent development fund in southern Sweden. This is an organization that gets its money from the state and acts under the broad decisions made by the regional and local governments in terms of what their priorities are. A filmmaker will apply to us for money to hire a dramaturge to help them develop their script. We don’t really have development execs here. If we grant them the funds, we are not involved any further in that process.

“The idea is that the public funds will ensure that less commercially viable films will be able to be made and also so that people who have money are not the only people able to make films. In Sweden there is a democratic mission in the way public film funds are distributed. At the same time, any government influence is kept at, quote, ‘arm’s length.’ However, this paradigm is being tested more and more at the moment.

“The Swedish Film Institute was criticized by an independent oversight report for being too politically angled for launching initiatives to increase diversity and green filmmaking in the films being funded by the Institute. While those ideals are good, there is a danger in violating that principle of arm’s length. Since our last election, when the far right party got more power, there’s been a lot of talk about, quote unquote, ‘reviving Swedish culture,’ in a very specific way.

“If the arm’s length distance is no longer the norm, then there is a risk that the public funds for film development and production do become more of a propaganda tool for the state. If European filmmakers are being squeezed by global streamers on one hand and regressive far right governments on the other, color me concerned about what that will mean for the future of independent cinema in Europe.”

**John:** Thank you, Hillevi, for this good overview. I think it brings to light both what we’ve talked about in previous episodes, about how there is meant to be an arm’s length distance between the government funding and the actual filmmaking. They can use the money to hire [inaudible 00:08:56] not deliberately telling the people what they need to write, what their films can be about. That’s all meant to be there. That’s all part of the structure. The minute you try to introduce any kind of ands or qualifications or other things, it could also fall under political influence. That is a genuine worry.

**Craig:** That’s basically I think what we were concerned about. Any time a government is funding the arts, there is always the concern that they will bring some sort of governmental interest to bear, even if it’s done subtly. Hillevi points out something that we probably don’t think about much, and that is that governments change. If you set up a system that is run well or honestly by one administration, that is no guarantee that it will continue that way. Another administration may want to do something else with it.

We do have some public funding of the arts here in the United States, but precious little, not enough compared to how wealthy our country is. It’s limited enough where it never struck me that the government was influencing the content.

This is definitely something to keep our eyes on, because as he says, the paradigm is being tested more and more. Even when they are doing things that progressives might consider to be a positive, other people won’t, and then those people will come along and do things that conservatives think is positive and other people won’t. Suddenly, the arts have become a football, which no one wants.

**John:** The arts are traditionally associated with the left, and that’s why you always see when Republican governments take over, this talk about defunding the National Endowment for the Arts or defunding PBS, which of course mostly hurts educational outreach kinds of things of those institutions.

Just always be mindful that these things can happen, especially when you have any shifts in how government is structured. We tend to see these in the US and in Europe as shifts to the right, but you could also theoretically imagine shifts to the left, where suddenly, what was considered standard is now not considered acceptable for a new leftist government.

**Craig:** It’s odd bedfellows, as they say, government and the arts, especially considering what the mission of the arts is. I continue to be concerned about this method. I think even though our method isn’t perfect, it’s not terrible. That’s my full-throated defense of America.

**John:** We’re talking from the bias of a wealthy country that can spend a lot on the arts because we are a wealthy country, not as a nation, but just because we have the market to be able to drive a lot of things.

I think the goal behind these film funds was to make sure that you had a local arts scene or it is possible to make movies in your country. That’s the concern is that without the governmental funding, it may not be possible to really make a local film industry.

**Craig:** We wish everybody the best with that. Hopefully, it goes better than it goes poorly. What else can we say?

**John:** This is not really follow-up. It’s news, 20 years of follow-up. Andy Baio, who writes a great blog at waxy.org, for the last 20 years has been following the leaks of Oscar screeners. Basically, when movies come out for an award season, we get sent screeners. WGA gets sent screeners. The Academy gets sent screeners. These used to be DVDs. Then they went to Blu-rays for a little while. Now they’re all online.

He was tracking how quickly it’d go from this DVD was sent out to potential voters to it’s now leaked online [inaudible 00:12:32] that actual screener leaked online. It was incredibly quick. A large part of the high-quality movies you could find online were from these linked screeners. He was charting how many of those leaked each season.

This last season, not a single screener linked before Oscar night, for the first time in the 20 years that he’s been tracking it. He looks at why that has changed. It really comes down to the end of physical media, so moving more things to online services, and just the fact that by the time screeners have shipped out, there were already good online versions people could download that didn’t have to use the screeners as their source material.

**Craig:** I have a suspicion that that is one of the larger reasons why. That doesn’t bode well, because I think that the theatrical experience continues to come back, maybe not as quickly as some people want, but it’s coming back. That means that once again, as we head into the next year, that a lot of those movies will not be available on Netflix or any of the streaming services, they will be in theaters only, which means that there will be more of an interest in pirating them. Is Hollywood even trying? Nobody even tries, right?

**John:** Here’s what Hollywood tries to do. I think they are concerned about in-theater rips of things. Literally, the weekend that it debuts in theaters, if it’s available online, they hate that. They will try to do things to stop that. They can watermark the bejesus out of things. I’m sure they actually can do a pretty good job of figuring out what copy of what is the thing that is now on some sharing site, so maybe they can get some of those knocked down.

The huge worry over Academy screeners leaking and that being the way that piracy started I think can be put to bed, because that’s not the source of online leaks these days. The Academy app is great. I think that did a lot to help there. Even if we were still shipping DVDs around, I don’t think it would be the main source of piracy.

**Craig:** Here’s hoping, because while there are a decent amount of Oscar-nominated films that are from big studios and big movies, a lot of them are small. A lot of them are the kinds of movies that actually get damaged and the artists get damaged by this stuff.

I don’t know, it’s just a rough one. There’s so much copy-fightism inherent in what I’ll call the youthful left and not a lot of thought through on it. I think it’s easy to want everything to be free until you make something. Then you realize that you need to make a living. It’s not about defending the rich. It’s honestly about defending the people that are scraping by as artists more than anything else.

**John:** The films they are debuting at South by Southwest this week, some of those will be giant hits. Some of them will become Everything Everywhere All at Once, which was a South by Southwest debut. A lot of those films will have limited theatrical runs or will have to debut on streaming someplace or an exclusive debut on some platform. If you’re not watching it there, but instead you’re watching it through a pirated copy, those filmmakers who you say you want to support are not going to be supported. It’s making it harder for them to make their next film and everything else. All the previous speeches about the horrors of piracy are still true.

Craig, you are destined to be many things in life. You’ve achieved a lot, but you will probably not be defending the White House from attack. You’re not going to be stopping the runaway train. It’s not your fault, Craig. It’s your parents’ fault. They named you Craig. Mazin is a perfectly valid action hero name, but Craig is just not it.

**Craig:** No, it’s not. It’s mild.

**John:** It’s mild. You need to start with a J. You need to be a John, a James, a Jack, a Jake, Joe. This data supports this. We’re going to link to an article by Demetria Glace writing for Slate. She’s taking a look at, it feels like Johns and Jacks and Joes are over-represented. They are actually hugely over-represented among the characters when you have a single action hero in a movie or movie franchise. They’re way over-represented. As soon as you take out the James Bonds and the characters where they have 15 films in their history, the Js just run away with it. Is that surprising to you?

**Craig:** No. I think we’ve all seen this. There’s something that feels punchy and tough about the single-syllable name. These names, John, James, Jack, Jake, Frank, Joe, these are incredibly generic American tough-guy names. They’re also names that are not current. They’re names that have been around forever. They’re names that go back to the Old West. Because America doesn’t really have what the Europeans would call history, we have just have this whatever, short 400 or 500 years, these are the names that we have mythologized, and so it’s not surprising to see them come up over and over and over again.

When you look at the villain names, you notice that even though there are a couple of repeats, like James and Jack, most of the villain names are multiple syllables. Victor, Michael, Robert, Ivan, Simon, Eddie, Gabriel. Then there’s Ernst, which is just a straight up Nazi thing. Eddie in particular has a skeezy vibe to it. Eddie, he just seems like he might be a scumbag. Obviously, Ivan is your generic Russian terrorist.

Victor is one that always gets me. That always makes me laugh. I don’t know what it is about Victor. As a name, it’s a perfectly good name. It signifies victory. I think maybe Victor Frankenstein was it. I think it’s doomed.

Also note that villain names tend to feel a little bit more erudite. Simon feels like he’s a bit learned, and we don’t like bookworms.

**John:** No, none of those. None of those eggheads in our movies. Those eggheads are always plotting things.

**Craig:** They’re scheming, whereas a simple man, John, he’s just John. He’s a man of the earth. John. You know what you never see? You never see any of the what I call new American names, Jaden, Braden, Hayden, Maiden, Saden, Daden, all those. No, they’re not there.

**John:** My theory is they’re probably too new. They’re also, in many cases, ambiguously gendered. They can be used for male or female, so they don’t feel as strongly identifiably this is your male action hero star, so you’re not gonna give them that name.

**Craig:** You may be right. It really just strikes me how old-fashioned these names are. No one’s naming their kid Frank anymore, right? Are there still people naming their babies Frank? I’ve never met a baby that was Frank. That’s hysterical. Actually, now I want to have another baby and name it Frank, because that’s kind of cool. It’s a great name. Bruce.

**John:** Bruce, love it. Now, we’ve talked a lot about naming characters on the show and how I will stop and not continue writing until I can find the right name for a character, because it’s so crucial to just defining how I feel about the character and therefore how the audience hopefully will feel about the character too.

Arlo Finch, I spent a lot of time figuring out Arlo Finch’s name. I knew the rhythm of the name. I knew what it needed to do. Until I found that name, I couldn’t continue to write the story.

It does feel like something about the short, the John, the James, the Jacks, they are short, they’re punchy, for a character who literally will probably be punching some. In many cases, maybe a Joe or a Jack, they are a shortened, more familiar version of a longer name. That’s why you see a Joe. You don’t see a Joseph as a hero. There’s something familiar and next door about them.

These are also largely very white names. I think it’s important to keep in mind, this is looking back over the last 40, 50 years. We had a lot of white male action stars, so they were gonna have these names. If you look at the trends in the last 20 years, the J names have fallen a lot, and I think you’re gonna see a lot more names that are not these classically white names in those action male roles, because you’re not gonna write a character who could only be played by a white male.

**Craig:** Also, some of these names are names that I know Black people have these names. I know Black people who are named John or James or Jake or Jack or Joe. I think honestly, when you see a movie and the trailer says, “Jake Bronson was,” you’re like, “This movie’s gonna probably be bad,” because they didn’t even get past that. It’s pretty cliché. The best argument I think we can give people out there as they’re doing this is probably just avoid these now. They feel weak.

**John:** We’ll put a link in the show notes to this article. What I liked about it is she really did go through and pull the Occam’s razor. Is it just because those are the most common names? Is it because screenwriters are named with J names and then are picking those things? Is it because of Keanu’s hypothesis that when you say a J name, your mouth forms a certain hopeful place? It’s not really that. Probably a little bit all of the above. Each might be nudging a little bit closer there. I think there’s also an inertia in that we had a lot of J names and this became default for what we thought of as that one solo hero in an action movie.

**Craig:** I think also while you’re doing your villains, maybe give your villain one of these names. That’s kind of interesting.

**John:** Love it.

**Craig:** Why not? Flip the script.

**John:** Flip the script. Let’s flip the script on some Three Page Challenges. It’s been a minute since we’ve done this. For folks who are new to the podcast, every once in a while, Craig and I will do a Three Page Challenge, where we take a look at the first three pages from somebody’s script. It could be a feature. It could be a pilot. They sent those in. We give our honest feedback.

If you would like to read these three pages, you can look at the show notes. You can click there, see the pdfs, and read along with us. Drew will read us a quick summary of things, so in case you’re listening in your car, you have some sense of what the heck we’re talking about.

Reminder that everybody volunteered for this. They signed a little form. They went to johnaugust.com/threepage, filled out a little form, and attached their thing. We are not picking on people randomly. These are people who asked for our feedback, and we are happy to give them our feedback. Drew, this is your first time doing this. Are you excited?

**Drew:** I’m really excited. I’ve read these before with Megana, and I haven’t gotten to do this yet.

**Craig:** Here we go.

**John:** Let’s start with your first pick. What is it?

**Drew:** Let’s start with Flotsam by Sam Darcy. A montage of news clips informs us of the death of the neo-Nazi terrorist named Clifton Calwell. He was given a burial at sea to deny his supporters a place to mourn him. The sound of waves brings us to a Maori child, Jai, nine, looking at Clifton’s bloated corpse washed up on a beach. Jai puts the corpse in the basket of his bike and takes it to his backyard, where his two friends investigate and decide it’s the body of a pirate.

**John:** Flotsam. Flotsam starts with an image on the cover of a bottle and a thing on top of it. Cute cover page. Looks great. Just an email address on the front for our writer, Sam.

Then getting on to Page 1, I really liked how we did this montage of getting us up to speed on who this Clifton Calwell was, how we’re finding out about this. They are very short little news hits. We are bolding and uppercasing these little moments, but we’re not going to [inaudible 00:24:18] all this stuff, just a blast of images and video going past, dialog where we need it. Establishing this thing which we’re very clearly meant to be thinking it’s like bin Laden, how they buried bin Laden at sea so there couldn’t be a place to mourn. I get it. You’ve created this alternate universe where there was a neo-Nazi person like this who was a big enough threat that you would’ve done this at sea.

Then we are arrived at Australia on the beach, and here’s where it did not work as well for me. Craig, I want to get your initial opinions on how this first page worked for you.

**Craig:** Pretty well. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before. It’s the montage of lots of different people describing a news event, so multiple anchors. We have a character, Australian Anchor, American Anchor, and Another Anchor. I liked Another Anchor. Aw, what country are they from? There’s a Government Official, and there’s also a Late-Night Host. The Late-Night Host was doing a monologue, so that helped initially to give you a sense of, okay, this is some sort of bin Laden type thing.

Where I got a little nervous was… This is just a hard thing to do. I would say to Sam, when you are writing monologue jokes for fictional late-night hosts, they have to be good. They can’t be bad. Sometimes late-night hosts do have clunky jokes or super generic jokes, but you’re writing it, so people are already like, “You wrote that. It’s not real.” Therefore, it has to be legitimately weird or funny.

This one was very clammy. “Yikes, that’s a face only a Fuhrer could love.” I don’t really think that’s getting a laugh out of an audience. If you’re gonna do it, you gotta do it, for sure. Otherwise, you’re gonna put yourself a little bit in a hole right at the very top.

**John:** Agreed. That did feel like an unearned laugh there. I got nervous coming out of this. Don’t think we really stuck the landing.

“Camera flash. Sound of waves further encroaching.” The Government Official says, “The stench of neo-Fascism has been tempered today,” dash, dash. “Now the crashing of water, propelling us to: Clifton Calwell (30s). Bloated. Discoloured skin. Very much dead.”

The Government Official’s line was not especially helpful, didn’t tell us that we were coming to the end of this montage. Most importantly, I wanted to see the behind-the-scenes footage, the army footage of them dumping the body over, just that video footage. I didn’t want to see just… I needed a stronger image for this guy is dead and now he’s being pushed into sea. I wasn’t getting that in these delivered lines, so it didn’t feel like the end of this montage to me.

**Craig:** I agree with you, although I have a suggestion, because typically when they do this sort of thing, they don’t have footage of it, because they don’t want anyone memorializing it, basically.

What you could do is, one person could say, “There are reports that the body is being taken to so-and-so.” Then you could have another person on a panel saying, “I guarantee you they’re just dumping it at sea. That’s what they do in these cases. That’s what I’m hearing they’re doing. We’ll never know. No, we will never know, but I’m pretty sure.” Then somebody can disagree. “You’re an idiot,” blah blah blah. It’s a talk show. Then boom, the body washes up on shore. Clearly, the one guy was right. There’s a way to do it. It’s unlikely that they would film it and show it.

**John:** This is a probably entirely false memory, but I thought I remembered seeing something of bin Laden’s body being dumped into the water. Maybe that was a re-creation footage I saw. I feel like I saw something there. I definitely saw the equivalent of body cam footage of storming the compound.

**Craig:** Definitely, yeah. I remember that. I’m looking it up, dumping body ocean. Let’s see. There is a video, but it is a video that I don’t believe has been released.

**John:** There is a question of are we breaking the seal by showing this thing that would not be a part of the international news coverage to show that one thing. I don’t know. It’s a choice to make. I think you could go either way. What Craig pitched also works. I think we needed some stronger… Stick the landing here before we’re getting into more normal movie, because we’re changing our time and our tempo a lot.

**Craig:** You sure you want to say normal movie here?

**John:** The choices that are being made here are really fascinating. I don’t think they all work. I’m so happy we have this as an example, because we can talk about what’s working and where we got off the train.

“Exterior beach – early morning – continuous.” It’s not continuous. This is a whole new thing, so not continuous. Scratch that out. “Calwell’s legless corpse slumps in a cracked plastic capsule upon the sand. The tide froths then recedes around him.” You could do this where you could start with his body. I think that’s not gonna be your strongest choice.

I think your stronger choice is to start with Jai, our boy, who’s at the beach for some reason, because he doesn’t know that he’s looking for a body. He comes across this thing. Then we could gradually reveal, oh, it is actually this body and this corpse. I think this could be weirder and funnier, but by starting on the body, it makes it seem like the body is more important than this kid, who is going to be our hero for this story. Give us some moment of Jai before we find the body. That’s my pitch. Craig?

**Craig:** I kind of like this way, if we had stuck the landing on coming out of that montage. I think there’s something shocking about seeing that body. It is a startling cut, which I like, which then makes the reveal that a child is calmly looking at it also shocking and somewhat funny. Like I say, it has to feel like the cut to it is earned. If the cut to it is earned, I think it could be really interesting to see this kid.

Right off the bat, I will say, tonally there’s some nice things here. The fact that Jai [jae] or Jai [jai]… I’m not sure how to pronounce that name. I’ll go with Jai [jae]. Jai is wearing a Wrestlemania beach towel. I like it. There’s something already that feels very darkly comic about all of this.

Especially with what’s about to come, it reminded me of Peter Jackson’s early stuff. I suspect that our author, Sam, is either Australian or from New Zealand because of some of the spelling and the specificity of the location. Peter Jackson, obviously from New Zealand, some of his early stuff was just funny and disgusting. There’s a specific tone.

**John:** The body horror is a big part of this. What we’re seeing in these next two pages, just this disintegrating corpse that these kids are trying to examine, is fun. The way it falls out of his basket and just gets smeared on the road, love it.

**Craig:** People are gonna shriek. I’ve never seen this before in my life. “Calwell,” that’s the body, “draped in Jai’s beach towel, squeezed into the front bike basket like Norman Bates’s homage to ET.” That’s really funny, this nine-year-old kid biking along with a human torso corpse shoved in his bike basket. I’ve just never seen anything like it. It’s really fucked up and funny to me.

Similarly, “Calwell’s insides fall out of his torso.” That’s so gross. Look, I don’t know if I would watch this, but I appreciate that it doesn’t care whether or not I’m gonna watch it. It’s doing its own thing. It’s, woof, yuck.

**John:** Oof. Bottom of Page 2, we have two paragraphs here. I would flip the paragraphs. Right now we’re talking about Calwell’s insides falling out of his torso before we actually get to setting up where we are at. I think it’s gonna be funnier if we’re establishing this place and then coming back to the body keeps falling apart, which is great.

“Weatherboard beach shacks, scattered Norfolk Pines, and scorched lawns permeate our ride through Aussie suburbs.” Great. It’s a really good description. Give us a start there, and then let us get back to the body and the melting of it all, because after it’s falling out of the basket, “Jai’s created a Hansel and Gretel trail of neo-Fascist entrails. We linger low on some organ as he pedals off.” It’s gruesome. The movie knows what it is, which is fine and fun.

On Page 2, there’s also a link out to a song, Rocky Raccoon covered by Charlie Parr. I wouldn’t know what that was. We had a link here. We can play it if we want to play it. I support that as a choice.

**Craig:** No problem whatsoever. Where I was most pleased was with the third page of this, because now we’re getting into this interesting Australian/New Zealand, probably New Zealand is my guess, Stand By Me. It’s like a weird alternate universe version of that. You’ve got these kids, Jai and two of his friends, Toni, who’s 10, and Daley, who’s 8. Toni is Samoan, and she’s reached puberty already, and she’s tall and she’s broad. I love the words, “She’s a broad girl.” I think that’s terrific.

Then Daley is white, and he “is the Donny Kerabatsos of this Lebowski trio. Bug-eyed, feeble, and malnourished.” Malnourished is such a great… I appreciate that the script so far has maintained its tone in such a way that I see that a kid is malnourished and I am laughing. This was really funny.

Now he’s got 3 kids, 10, 9, and 8, are staring at this horrible vision of a dead neo-Nazi’s torso and head. Then Daley says, “I’m telling!” He runs. “Jai and Toni give chase. The camera remains. Rather, we hear the ensuring struggle. The three return, Daley caught in a Toni-induced headlock. Daley: ‘Okay!'” This is a pretty great juxtaposition of childish hijinks with absolute disgustingness.

Then there’s this last little bit here at the end of Page 3 where Toni asks, “Who is he?” which is this nice little bit of innocence. She doesn’t know, even though it’s been all over the news. He says, “A pirate,” which he doesn’t know either. I only can imagine where this is going. Do they think he has buried treasure? Who knows? It made me laugh. It was sick, and sick on its own terms. I thought these were quite successful.

**John:** I thought it worked really well too. The part you mentioned on Page 3 where the camera stays behind as they run off and struggle and then it gets dragged back into the shot, it felt a little… I never want to say directing on the page, but it felt like it was a little much for me, and yet the whole script is a little much, so I’m totally fine to go with it. Also, it establishes that this is going to have a very certain style to it. There were lines that would’ve bumped for me in other examples and didn’t bump for me here.

**Craig:** I didn’t mind it. I saw the moment. It helped me see the moment. I laughed. I laughed.

**John:** Obviously, what I’m looking for on Pages 4 and beyond is really establishing specificity of the characters and their voices and what they’re actually about, rather than just their basic descriptions. I feel like I didn’t know Jai as well as I knew the other two, even in this little brief moment. I’d love a little bit more sense of that.

I’d be curious to read where this goes next. Luckily, now with this innovation we have where people send us the log line, Drew can tell us what actually happens next in the script. Drew, what happens?

**Drew:** “When the body of an international terrorist washes ashore following a botched burial at sea by US forces, an enterprising child fabricates tales of pirate mutineers and buried treasure to his peers in an attempt to monetize his corporeal find. A short film.”

**John:** It’s a short film. Then I’m probably even more intrigued, because I was really wondering how this was gonna stretch into a full feature and where this was going to go. As a short film, I can see the closure it a little bit more easily. Craig, what are you thinking?

**Craig:** Look, short films are tough, but they are at least easy to make, although this one won’t be easy to make. You’ll need a body. A fake body. Please, Sam. God. Stand By Me, even though it was a full feature film, it started life as a novella or a short story, one of four short stories. This one was called The Body by Stephen King. I could absolutely see a short-ish version of that sort of thing, for sure.

**John:** Cool. Drew, help us out with our next one.

**Drew:** Next is Sockfoot by Jesse Allard. Autumn, late 20s, finishes having a one-night stand with a mid-20s punk boy on a mattress on the floor. He criticizes her for wearing socks during sex, so Autumn quickly decides to leave. The two have a drawn-out, awkward goodbye. Autumn drives to her nice, spacious apartment, where her burn-scarred cat greets her. Slumping on the bed, Autumn takes off her socks, only to reveal another sock fused to her foot.

**John:** Great. Craig, what’s your first impression of Sockfoot?

**Craig:** Putting the sock-foot aside, which we don’t really understand quite yet, it just felt very broad and under-baked in terms of characterization, dialog, relationship, action on the page. Multiple issues. A bit clunky. The sentences themselves were a bit clunky.

Let’s just start with the very first couple of paragraphs. “A vinyl spins on a turntable.” No. A vinyl record spins on a turntable. “The sounds of a hard hitting punk song blast through the speakers.” Hard-hitting should get a dash. “The sounds of a” we don’t even need. Just a punk song blasts through speakers.

“Another sound seeps through the music growing ever louder as we follow a path of clothes that litter the floor of the apartment leading to the bedroom.” We’ve got prepositional overload.

Really, there’s just a better way to say all this. We’ve got a punk song blasting through the speakers. What punk song? First of all, what punk song? You can’t just say punk song. Second, there’s moaning. Just say over it or through it, we hear moaning.

Then the clothing continues. We’ve seen the whole thing of the hastily discarded clothing leading up to two people having sex a million times, but to keep it going… It was, “A band shirt, a modest bra, a pair of black jeans. Men’s underwear, a pair of women’s underwear to match,” one pair of socks. “Only one pair of socks — black, holes in the heels and toes.” First of all, we’re not gonna notice that there’s one pair of socks. It’s just gonna be laundry to us.

They were having sex, and then we arrive there and we meet Autumn, and she’s done. She rolls off. Somehow, the camera arrived, but we didn’t even know she finished. It wasn’t like I was hearing people having an orgasm or finishing or anything. It was just moaning and then suddenly rolling off. She “cuddles up to Logan. They play footsie as they catch their breath,” which is not really how it works for me, but that’s fine. Maybe other people do that.

Then this was where I just felt like I was being hurdled off the planet. “After a moment, Logan looks a bit concerned. He looks downs,” so looks and looks. “He looks down at their feet,” and there’s a comma there which shouldn’t be there. “He looks down at their feet pulling back,” there should be a comma there, “pulling back the blanket to reveal their toes. Autumn is wearing socks, he is not.” His line is, “Did you just fuck me with your socks on?” Her response is, parentheses, “(confused,” semicolon, “a frightful air in her breath) uh… yeah… ” “Logan (playful but serious): Don’t ever do that again.” What?

**John:** I don’t understand those lines. I think, “Did you just fuck me with your socks on?” is a great line. I think it’s the outline of that moment. I think that moment I would pitch differently.

I get while the following their trail of clothes to a bed is a tropey, tropey, tropey trope, in this case I would allow it because it is about the fact that she cannot remove this sock which is permanently fused to her foot. I’m going to allow it, but I think we need to get to the bed more quickly.

They may have already been finished and were pulling up the covers or something, and he sees her socks. “Did you just fuck me with your socks on?” is a funny out. I don’t need the reaction from her or from him. Just let that be the thing. Then we get to the awkward going away, getting out of that house moment. There was just too much there. It’s like the moment had passed and we were still talking.

**Craig:** Also, they just met. They’ve just had sex for the first time. Who cares? Honestly, who cares that she fucked him with her socks on? Oh yeah, sorry if I was in the heat of the… We were rushing to have sex, because that’s clearly what happened. It wasn’t like we carefully took our clothes off. We threw our clothes everywhere and started fucking, and so whatever. Fuck, who cares? I don’t even understand. He says “playful but serious.” Excuse me? What does that mean?

**John:** Hard to do.

**Craig:** Hot but cold? Close but far. Then he says, “Don’t ever do that again.” What? That’s what he chooses to say?

**John:** I would love to see a great actor deliver that line in a way that’s playful but serious. Someone could do it, and it would actually completely work, but I’m having a hard time visualizing it, because even internally I’m not the great actor who can make that line work.

**Craig:** I just don’t know what the motivation would be. Again, just who gives a shit? It’s your first time together. It’s almost like she’s anticipating this question. It’s as if he looks down and goes, “Wait, do you not have feet?” Then she’s like, “Sorry, no.” He goes, “Oh, okay.” Then she goes, “Oh, no, he noticed.” Or, “Do you have hooves for feet?” Socks? Is it a crime? I don’t know. It just seems like such a weird thing.

Because it is the way that Jesse is introducing the problem for our main character, it’s just not… Everything that comes after it feels pretty off, because I don’t understand what the problem is. It’s like the script is saying, “Right? This is bad?” I’m going, “No, it’s not. It’s not that bad, not yet.”

**John:** We have a larger problem. After three pages, I don’t know what the tone of this is actually supposed to be. I think it’s supposed to feel bad for her because she has this injury, this sock fused to her foot because of a fire, apparently, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel and what the tone of all this that I’m watching is, because was this kind of sexy and then kind of funny and then she’s getting herself out of there? I just don’t know how I’m supposed to be feeling about this situation.

We’re not hearing the name of the punk song at the start, but then bottom of Page 2, “Everybody Hurts by REM begins playing over the Bluetooth.” Wait, is it playing ironically or is it playing seriously? I just don’t know how to take that song, because that song is so loaded that I am lost.

**Craig:** At the bottom of Page 1, “Autumn breaks a bit inside. This isn’t going to work out.” I don’t know why. I don’t believe that moment. I believe neither what Logan asked, nor do I believe her response.

Then the next scene says, “Living room – moments later. Logan and Autumn stand at the door.” This is what I call a dead start.

**John:** So hard to do.

**Craig:** They’re just standing at the door. It’s not one of them is getting the clothes on while the other one’s waiting. It’s not one of them looking for her keys. It’s not him helping her find her underwear. It’s nothing. It’s just two people just, boom, standing, bah. It’s a dead start.

Then what I also don’t understand is, the scene before, he says, “Okay, I don’t like that you had sex with me with your socks on,” and she’s like, “Uh-oh, this isn’t gonna work out, because he’s noticed the sock thing,” and then the next scene is him really being like, “Hey, I would like to actually keep hanging out with you.” She’s like, “Nope. Nope, gotta go.” I don’t understand what’s happening. I’m so confused. The emotional math is not adding up at all. Then Everybody Hurts happened, and I got very, very concerned.

Then we go to Autumn’s apartment. This, if you were counting along, is the third consecutive interior. Interior, interior, interior. Where are we? I don’t even know if we’re in a city, a town, big city, America. I don’t know where we are. I don’t know where we are. There’s a lot of description of what this building is like, and yet I don’t know what city it’s in.

**John:** There’s too much description of her place. The “apartment is very nice, a one bedroom with an open kitchen/living room area, fairly spacious and trendy with it’s exposed brick wall.” It’s is the wrong its.

**Craig:** Correct. Then another it’s happens.

**John:** “Recently been converted into an apartment, the kind of place most people in their 20s would struggle to afford on their own.” I don’t know ho to take that. Does it mean she has independent money? Maybe. Maybe she got money out of the fire, I guess, but that’s just a lot to be dumping at me in scene description that doesn’t help me understand this character.

**Craig:** I particular because I don’t know where we are. Is this a one-bedroom, nice, spacious, trendy, exposed brick walls apartment in Kansas City or Manhattan? That’s a huge difference.

“Autumn’s greeted by her cat, Luna,” and then quite a bit of description about the cat, and then a little bit of a burn scar there, so okay, we’re getting that there’s been some fire issues. Autumn says, “Sweet baby,” doesn’t say her name, doesn’t say Luna’s name, so we don’t know that it’s Luna, but fine. “Sweet baby. She pets Luna and heads to her room.”

I want to imagine this. She enters her apartment. Everybody Hurts is playing. A cat walks up to her. She says, “Sweet baby,” pets the cat, and then walks out. This is not a scene.

Then even weirder, after she says, “Sweet baby,” she gets to her bedroom and “slumps on the bed in defeat.” What was “sweet baby” about? Is she happy? Does Luna make her feel good? All of these questions are just piling up.

Screenplays are like the Titanic. They have lots of watertight compartments. They’re designed so if you puncture one of them, the rest of the boat can stay afloat, but if you puncture a whole bunch of them, it’s over. You’re sinking. Every single one of these moments of disconnect are creating a flooding of watertight compartments. The script is sinking here. This final line is not strong.

**John:** I can read it. “At least you love me even though I’m a monster.” This is after we’ve seen her fused together foot and the sock-foot, the titular sock-foot.

**Craig:** I don’t know what’s happened here. Drew will tell us. Initially, we’re like, okay, there was a fire. The sock was melted into her foot. They can’t remove the sock. It’s part of her foot now. I think it would be fair for her to say, “I was in a fire, and so I have to cover my foot.” That’s fine. She’s not hiding 666 or a Kuato. Do you know what a Kuato is, John?

**John:** Kuato from… It’s Arnold Schwarzenegger, Total Recall.

**Craig:** Total Recall, yeah. She’s not hiding a Kuato. She doesn’t have a foot Kuato. If the sock-foot fused thing is a Kuato, then that’s different. Even then, I think we need a different vibe. We just need a different opening. I just didn’t understand what was happening here. Help.

**John:** I do think the takeaway is that if you have a character whose central, initial dilemma is the fact that she has this sock-foot, this may be the wrong way to establish it, or you just picked the wrong character, this guy is not the right guy to be exposing that thing, because the scene as we saw, it feels like, why wouldn’t she tell him? We don’t have any understanding of why this is such a big deal to her at this moment. We just don’t believe it.

I do want to go back to one moment. I thought it was the right idea. On Page 2, this familiar moment where, “Logan goes to hug her. (It’s one of those awkward post one-night-stand hugs where there’s this question of do we kiss goodbye? Is that too intimate? Too personal?) His face lingers towards her for a split second while he contemplates what to do. Autumn saves him the trouble, quickly whipping her chin over his shoulder.” Overwritten, yet I got that moment. I was familiar with that moment. It felt like a nice thing to show, if it would’ve been a different scene getting into it.

**Craig:** Right, if I had understood why any of it was happening, because it seemed like in the scene before, she wants to be with him, and he doesn’t want to be with her, and then we cut to she doesn’t want to be with him, and he does want to be with her. I just don’t know why, but yeah, absolutely, it was an evocative moment. I didn’t even mind the overwriting because I understood it.

**John:** Yeah, understand it all. Drew, help us out. What is this about?

**Drew:** The log line is, “Autumn Cassidy is a woman with a secret, a woman with a sock-foot. Autumn is working as a preschool teacher with her best friend Sam, as they and their group of friends navigate the transition into true adulthood. However, Autumn’s secret, if exposed, threatens to destroy her relationships and her life, that is if she doesn’t do it first herself.”

**John:** I don’t believe that premise. I’m sorry. I don’t. I think it’s weirdly regressive. I don’t know. If I were a person who had one foot or something and I’m seeing this story about, oh no, her foot doesn’t look normal, I don’t get that. I’m frustrated by that premise.

**Craig:** I don’t understand it either. It is a challenge for people to have a situation like this, but it’s not something where it threatens to destroy every… I’m with John. I don’t believe it. Even if it’s causing a problem, it doesn’t cause a problem instantly like that. It’s just not that thing.

Look, if this turned supernatural and it did become a Kuato, then I would understand. I just don’t believe it’s a Kuato. I don’t. No, no, no, no, no, no. No. I think there’s something wrong. There’s something just fundamentally flawed here in this bit.

**John:** I want to thank Jesse for sending through these pages, because sometimes the pages that aren’t working give us a lot more to talk about and things people can recognize in their own scripts, like, oh, that thing you’re trying to do can’t work for these reasons. I do want to thank Jesse for sending these through, because I don’t want it to just be this slam on, “Hey, it just didn’t work for us.” Instead, let’s look at what we actually were able to take from this and discuss.

**Craig:** I would also say that it may be that after reflection and listening to this, even though it might hurt, Jesse, that you may find that there is a different story to tell with a similar premise. There was something that drew you to this in the first place. I think you need to dig into what it was and why and then ask how would this actually really, really go and what is it about this that you think could work in a more realistic way.

It may also be that you listen to this and say, “These two guys are out to lunch. This thing does work. They only read three pages. Screw them.” You might be right. You might be right. Either you will take constructive thoughts from this, and meaning you will create your own constructive thoughts, because I’m a big believer in destructive criticism when giving notes, it’s better than us telling you what to do, or you may be more convinced than ever that you’re on the right path. Either way, go forward, young man or woman or nonbinary.

**John:** Young man. We now know the preferred pronouns for all the people.

**Craig:** We do?

**John:** Yeah, because it says on the form now, so people tell us how to refer to them.

**Craig:** Oh, great.

**John:** An innovation which it only took us 10 years to figure out, oh, we should probably ask what people are, so we don’t have to guess based on their names.

**Craig:** Great point. Sir, take this and move forward. I believe in you.

**John:** Drew, give us one more Three Page Challenge, please.

**Drew:** Sure. Last we have Spark by Rachel Thomas. Winnie, 12, wakes up her sister, Lucy, 10, in the middle of the night, excited because it’s October 1st. The two girls jump out of bed and rush downstairs to find their mother, Clara, 40s, reading a book and using magic to bring a plate of cookies to them. Clara makes the girls wait until the neighbors are asleep before using her magic to decorate the house for Halloween. Giant spiders really move. Life-size skeletons dance with them. The girls are thrilled. When Clara takes them back to bed, Winnie makes it clear how badly she wants her witch powers, but her mother warns her that her powers may never come.

**John:** Great. I’m glad we’re talking about this sample, because we haven’t done anything quite like this before. This feels to me like a Disney Channel movie. It feels like a bright, poppy, made for TV kind of thing. I don’t mean that in a pejorative way. I just mean it felt very innocent. I want to approach that with I think the spirit in which it’s written. It’s very wide-eyed through the whole thing. It feels kind of innocent.

That said, my problem started at the very beginning, where I didn’t believe that these two girls were asleep and then waking up and then one is showing them a watch. That all felt really clunky. Either they know what day it’s gonna be or they don’t know what day it’s gonna be, what hour it’s gonna be, what hour it’s not going to be.

If one girl is asleep and her sister wakes her up, the older sister wakes her up, then I believe. Like, “It’s after midnight. We can go down.” It’s like, “Oh my gosh, yes.” Then we’re excited to get started in what is the equivalent of this family’s Christmas. It is finally October 1st and we can do all the Halloween things.

**Craig:** You’re getting at a problem that I think permeates these pages, and that is a lack of familiarity among people that are supposed to be the most familiar with each other. They’re family. This is not the first time this has happened. This happens all the time.

First of all, Winnie has a remarkable ability to wake up at exactly midnight. That’s pretty strange. It would make more sense, I think, to begin with a little girl just staring at this pocket watch, watching the second hand going until it finally turns midnight. Then she turns and she “taps Lucy gently on the nose,” and Lucy opens her eyes and says, “Is it midnight?” “It’s midnight.” Then they’re like, “Yay!” They know what’s going on. When they go outside to join Clara, who’s sitting on the front steps, where are they? Where are people?

**John:** Where are people?

**Craig:** Where are people?

**John:** I think it has to be Salem, Massachusetts, because all things with witches have to take place in Salem, Massachusetts.

**Craig:** That’s fine, but what part of the neighborhood of Salem, Massachusetts? Help us see things. Then Winnie says to her mother, “It’s my favorite day of the year besides Halloween.” Her mother says, “You’re definitely my kid.” Have they met before?

**John:** I think they’ve met before, yeah. I think they should have.

**Craig:** What’s happening? That’s not what happens. It just doesn’t feel like they are all really connected as family. There is a tonal thing here where it’s getting very juvenile, particularly when endlessly patient parents giggle at their children bothering them at midnight. These characters all feel like they’re saying exactly what they’re thinking. Do you know what I mean?

**John:** They do. I’m willing to let them have it a bit, because I placed it in this simpler, made for basic cable kind of universe. I think there’s a place for that kind of thing. There’s an innocence there that works. Yet this is a very pushed version of this. I think we could step back and sophisticate this a little bit and still retain the joy, still retain the innocence.

**Craig:** It doesn’t even require sophistication. “I can’t wait anymore. Let’s get started.” “You know the rules. We need to wait until all the neighbors are asleep.” Nobody feels real. They just feel like information bots at this point. It immediately goes into a lesson. “Can’t you make him go to bed?” “Winnie, using magic on other people has consequences.” It just feels so corny.

**John:** It does feel corny. Again, I’m willing to give it some of the corny because of just genre assumptions, the same way that in a body horror thing I’m willing to go there a little bit more. I definitely hear you, Craig. Let me validate you there. I did feel that too. I was just being more forgiving of it. Let’s talk about some things on the page that are just basic screenwriting things that need to be worked on.

**Craig:** Let’s.

**John:** Parentheticals go on their own line. In US screenplays, British screenplays for that matter too, your parenthetical goes on its own line. In this case, they’re just touching the dialog. That’s not how we do it here.

As we got into the montage on Page 3, where the house is being decorated, there are some fun elements in there. I would encourage you to break some things up a little bit more there and let these moments land separately, because the risk you have with these four paragraphs is people may just start skimming or just start skipping over some things. I would say break those moments out a little bit more. You might even want to do some bolding in there. Just do some things where you get a sense of what it is that we’re establishing and what has changed.

Going back to Craig’s earlier note, I don’t have a sense of what this house is normally, other than it’s a Victorian. I don’t know what neighborhood we’re in. I don’t know what I’m seeing and what I’m looking at. I have no sense of how close the neighbor’s house is. I just need it to be placed and anchored in a space more clearly from the start.

**Craig:** I agree with everything you just said. Rachel, when you have a montage like this, where you’re showing them decorating the yard with Halloween stuff and mom using a little bit of magic to help it go along and make it go faster and fun, and then you follow it up with Lucy asleep and Winnie saying to her mother, without prompting, without any prompting whatsoever, “I’ll definitely have my powers by next Halloween,” I think you’ve missed an opportunity to show that she does not have her powers.

Does Lucy have her powers? If Lucy has powers and Lucy’s using magic and mom’s using magic, then I could see Winnie getting frustrated. If Lucy doesn’t have her powers, but she doesn’t care, but Winnie keeps trying to do it and does care and doesn’t like that her mom has to do it. I want to motivate her character problems.

She literally says, “Winnie looks out over her neighborhood, having the time of her life.” Then the next thing she says is, “I’ll definitely have my powers by next Halloween.” “Win, some witches never get their powers.” You can just see where this is going.

**John:** It is called Spark.

**Craig:** Look, here’s the thing. It’s fine to do a straight up formula movie. Children in particular really enjoy them. They can be done beautifully. Pixar at this point has mastered a kind of formula. It is gorgeous.

This scene right here feels so blatantly setup-ish that it is bordering on somebody reading out loud, “Interior attic bedroom – later. Winnie doesn’t have her powers yet, and she really wants them, and her mother is saying, ‘You might never get your powers and you might need to accept that you are special as you are.'” It is literally that setup-ish here. We gotta do better, just for pure entertainment sake. Otherwise, it will feel perfunctory.

**John:** I would say you would find scripts of this genre that do similar, really clunky things and [inaudible 01:00:31] “I should write a script that is like that.” I think the challenge we’re both arguing for is how do you write the better version of that that gets you the job to write the thing that does get made? I think this as a writing sample needs to be above the minimum level that you see in that kind of genre.

**Craig:** Completely agree.

**John:** Cool. Those are our Three Page Challenges. We want to thank everybody who sent in their Three Page Challenges, especially these writers, for letting us talk about them on the air. If you have three pages you want us to take a look at, go to johnaugust.com/threepage, all spelled out. There’s a form there. You will say that it’s okay for us to talk about them. You will attach your pdf. It’ll go into Drew’s queue for next time. Drew, thank you for reading through all these with us.

**Drew:** Thank you. Thanks, everyone, for sending it in.

**Craig:** Drew’s Queue is a great name for a Blue’s Clues type of show.

**John:** Drew’s Queue.

**Craig:** Drew’s Queue.

**John:** Until this very moment, I hadn’t realized how much Drew Marquardt feels like he could’ve been one of the Blue’s Clues guys, 100%. If he put that sweater on, he absolutely could be a Blue’s Clues… You could have Blue as your cartoon dog.

We have listener questions that we won’t have time to get to this episode, so we’ll save them for next episode. Craig, I do think we have time for some One Cool Things. You got a One Cool Thing for us?

**Craig:** I do. This One Cool Thing actually comes from my assistant Allie, who like my assistant Bo before her, is quite the foodie. She was talking about a place that sounds amazing. I gotta go. She had a very specific recommendation. If you do like Indian food and you happen to find yourself, I believe it’s in the Los Feliz or Silver Lake area, it’s called Pijja Palace. Pijja Palace?

**John:** Pijja Palace.

**Craig:** Have you been?

**John:** I’ve been. Pijja Palace is built into a strip mall that’s connected to a mid-budget hotel. It’s very unpromising from the outside. You go inside, it looks like a sports bar, and yet the cuisine is actually Indian-inspired, non-Indian dishes. You have listed here the Malai Rigatoni. There are just pizzas and other things, but they all have Indian flavors and not Indian traditionally foods.

**Craig:** She got me the description of the Malai Rigatoni, which instead of a typical Bolognese, it’s in more of a masala sauce. It sounds delicious. I’m gonna have to check that place out. I just like the name of it. Pijja Palace.

**John:** Pijja Palace, it’s great. Definitely check that out. My One Cool Thing. We’ve talked before on the show about GeoGuessr, which is this great game where you are plopped somewhere in a Google Maps situation, street view of Google Maps. You have to figure out where the hell you are. You only have a certain number of guesses. Basically, once you make your guess where you are, it’s how close you were to the actual place. My daughter loves to play it.

I want to link to this YouTuber named Rainbolt, who is just really, really good at GeoGuessr. The video we’ll link to shows this meme, this Vine from many, many years ago, where this guy, he’s stepping off this curb, he says, “So no head?” It’s a five-second clip. The clip went viral. In this video, he tries to figure out what curb this guy was stepping off of. The way he can figure this all out is just masterful. It’s very Sherlock Holmes in terms of using the cues of just what the fire hydrants looked like, how many bars are on the telephone poles next to him, what other metadata he can find for this user who has these videos. Really, really smart. It’s no surprise he gets it down to the exact street, within one foot of where this video comes from.

**Craig:** That’s awesome. I love that.

**John:** That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt.

**Craig:** Who?

**John:** Edited by Matthew Chilelli.

**Craig:** Unknown.

**John:** Our outro this week is by Richie Molyneux. If you have an outro this week, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find transcripts and sign up for our weeklyish newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing.

We have T-shirts and hoodies. They’re great. You’ll find them at Cotton Bureau. You can sign up to become a Premium member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to record on anesthesia. Craig and Drew, thank you so much for a fun show.

**Craig:** Thank you, guys.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** Craig, when was the last time you were under anesthesia?

**Craig:** I would say it was probably eight months ago. It was the last time I had a spinal epidural injection.

**John:** That doesn’t sound good at all. I was under anesthesia just last week. I had these weird bones growing underneath my tongue, it’s called mandibular tori, that was making it hard for me to speak. The oral surgeon cut them out. To do that, they had to knock me fully out. There was an anesthesiologist. It wasn’t just a little drug. It was fully knocked out.

I remember talking to this guy about skiing, and then suddenly, much time had passed, two hours in fact, and I was waking up and being moved to this recovery room, and no idea what had happened, didn’t feel a thing. Later in that day, I realized, wait, how did I get home? Mike told me that I had fallen asleep while we were walking to the car. I asked, “Why is there a trashcan here?” Apparently, I had asked for a trashcan to be brought into the room.

At the time, I had felt like I was actually completely fine, but I realized I was not forming memories of that time. It was fun. It was such a different experience than I’ve had in quite a long time.

**Craig:** Yes, amnesia is cool. It is a very strange thing. The history of anesthesia is a remarkable thing and is inextricably linked, as far as I’m concerned, to the kinds of surgical advances we’ve been capable of. Without anesthesia, there just simply is a vast category of surgery that is impossible. It’s just not possible.

**John:** We used to do amputations without anesthesia. They could hold somebody down, but there’s no way someone could’ve sawed these out of my mouth without anesthesia.

**Craig:** There is. It would’ve been very difficult, and you would’ve been in horrible, horrible pain. What we can’t do, for instance, are things like a heart transplant or kidney transplant or anything involving lungs or kidneys, internal organs. Those things are really hard to do because people just keep writhing around. It’s just hard to do. Amputations is just a straight sawing. The trauma of that kind of injury is insane.

The crudest anesthesia was ether, chloroform. Those things were pretty brutal. Prior to that, back in the old, old days, it was just basically alcohol. I don’t think there was much else going on there. Then just holding you down in misery. Anesthesia is magical.

**John:** It is magical. A question for when you see in vintage things or post-apocalyptic things, it’s like, oh, some alcohol as I pull this bullet out or whatever. I don’t fully get that, because I can drink a couple shots of something. It’s not gonna make things hurt less. I guess I could be less combative, I guess, or are you drinking to the point where you’re actually blacking out, and that’s the goal? I’ve never blacked out from alcohol. In the old days of alcohol, how much alcohol were they using?

**Craig:** Quite a bit. Obviously, they would’ve used alcohol as a topical antiseptic as well. Drinking-wise, we do know that alcohol affects the GABA pathway, gamma-aminobutyric acid, I believe, which is connected to our pain pathways. When you are very, very drunk, you don’t experience pain at the same level that you do when you’re not. You’re more confused. It’s harder to tell what the hell’s going on. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, which means that it can in fact knock you out, and if you’re knocked out, you’re knocked out.

Now, knocking you out without killing you is a trick. Alcohol is a toxic substance that we know can kill people in excess, and so is every single anesthetic that we use for surgery, which is why we need anesthesiologists, medical doctors, who very specifically administer this and monitor you and your breathing. Now, for a procedure like yours, my guess is you had an IV and they used propofol.

**John:** They did.

**Craig:** Propofol is wonderful. They used to use Versed.

**Drew:** It’s magic.

**Craig:** Propofol’s magic. They used to use Versed a lot. Propofol is better because it wears off much faster. Propofol actually gets metabolized by your body really quickly, so it’s perfect for these shorter procedures, because you don’t spend an hour or two hours groggily coming to. I believe Versed is more of a benzodiazepine, I believe. That’s the whole Valium family. That stuff is great.

When you’re dealing with serious surgery, where you have to be out for a long time, they can’t just keep hitting you with Propofol. Propofol is actually quite irritating to the veins. That’s when they give you the old mask on the face. Often, you’re intubated, which means that they have to breathe for you or need to be able to breathe for you if it comes to that, because so much of what they do to you is also paralytic.

**John:** Drew, you were saying propofol is great. You’ve had experience with it?

**Drew:** Yeah. I had a procedure last fall. I had a colonoscopy last fall. They injected it into my hand. It was interesting, you saying, Craig, that it’s hard on the veins, because one of the things I remember before I went under-

**Craig:** It burns.

**Drew:** … was that there was a weird pain. It burns.

**Craig:** It burns.

**Drew:** Saying to the anesthesiologist, “Hey, is that normal?” I think he got out the Y-E of yes before I was out.

**Craig:** It does tend to burn. Sometimes they will put a little bit of lidocaine in there with it to reduce the burning sensation, I believe. Yep, colonoscopy is a perfect example of a propofol nap. When I get those injections, propofol nap. Depending on the position you’re in, it’ll go right in the back of your hand. That’s where they have their IV.

Because I’ve had the procedure done a lot, on average once a year now for about, I don’t know, four years, five years, different anesthesiologists do it differently, I’ve noticed. Some of them push it in slowly, and those are my heroes, because you get to feel awesome for about five seconds.

It seems lately the new ones are like, “You know what? We actually don’t want you feeling awesome. We don’t want you coming back to enjoy your five-second propofol holiday. We’re gonna push it in much faster, so you’re gonna be fine, fine, fine. Bye-bye.” There’s not that euphoria. I have experienced the euphoria. It’s almost like your brain is inflating like a balloon with happiness and then you’re gone.

**John:** I’ve had a bunch of colonoscopies in my life, because my whole family gets colon cancer. In those cases, I don’t know what they’re using. Maybe it’s propofol. I’m just in a twilight state, so I actually am aware and conscious during it. It’s not been a problem. They’re giving me enough of something that I just don’t care at all, but I am actually awake for it in ways that were so different than my experience here.

This is much more like… I had to have my nose fixed, have my deviated septum fixed. In that case, you’re just completely out. You wake up completely like, “What just happened?” In this case, I was talking about skiing, and suddenly just a whole bunch of time had passed.

**Craig:** The fact is, when we say we go bye-bye, we don’t actually know what’s going on, because I think with propofol, a lot of times, like you say, you’re in this weird in and out state. They call propofol milk of amnesia, because it looks milky. You just don’t remember. You may have been talking throughout the whole thing. You don’t remember, because you’re just-

**Drew:** Oh, that’s horrifying.

**Craig:** … totally doped up. Yeah, but it’s not like you’re in pain. You’re not shrieking and going, “Oh my god, take this camera out of my ass.” You’re like, “Hey, what’s going on? My nose is weird.” You may be talking, but you don’t remember later.

**John:** When my daughter had the same surgeon take out her wisdom teeth, she was goofy on the drive home in the way that you love. We have video of her asking goofy questions. That wasn’t me at all, at least not to my recollection of it. I seemed perfectly normal. I wasn’t actually forming memories, in ways that were surprising to me and also made me think of, oh, you hear stories of date rape drugs. It feels like, oh, I can see why that is so problematic, because I didn’t have agency over my own memories, which was strange.

**Craig:** I’ve had that experience too, where I even realize, I know I was in the car with Melissa, we drove home. I know we talked about stuff. I don’t remember any of it. Any of it. I was awake, perfectly awake. Propofol definitely messes with the whole memory system.

**John:** It’s not sleep. Every night we have the experience of what it’s like to fall asleep and what it’s like to wake up. It was the suddenness of the change that was so striking to me. Not that I remember falling asleep every night, but I get the sense that you go down the ramp and then you come back up out of the ramp. This was just like lights off, lights on. It was just a very different experience for me.

**Craig:** It’s very fast. One thing that strikes me as really interesting about the propofol nap is I do dream vividly during it every time it happens. When I’m coming out of it, I’m coming out of dreams. Then there’s just that confusion for a moment of like, “Where… Oh, right. Oh, yeah, that. All that happened.”

Here’s an interesting thing. Talk about the amnesia. When you get this epidural injection, I’m on my stomach, and they put a needle all the way into the epidural space in my spine, and they inject stuff into it. Then they take it out. It occurred to me once, I was like, “How do you get me out of there?” because it’s not like I wake up in there. I wake up on my back in another bed in a recovery room. They were like, “Oh, you just wake up, and we help you down, and we get you over onto this other thing and wheel you out, and then we get you onto this thing and you do it.” I’m like, “Okay, so I’m awake. I have zero memory of that.” I have never once formed one memory of any of that.

**John:** That’s wild. Hey, speaking of knocking out, something I’ve been meaning to ask you is, in the last episode of The Last of Us, one of the characters is hit with a back of a rifle and knocked out. Talk to me about your decision to do that and how you feel about that as a thing that is done in movies and TV, because in real life, people shouldn’t do that.

**Craig:** No, you should not do that.

**John:** In movies and TV, it happens a lot. What is the reality of hitting somebody over the head like that? What does it really do? What is your decision making process of showing that or not showing that?

**Craig:** There was a lot of head hitting in the game. People get hit in the head a lot and get knocked out a lot that way. We avoided most of it. That was an area where just story-wise we just needed someone to get knocked out. We had done it earlier, actually, as well, when Joel knocks a guy out, and then he comes to, and Joel’s torturing his friend. I’m not a big fan of it.

I’m gonna try and avoid it if I can next time, because you can absolutely knock people out. You’re giving them a concussion. You can knock them out. You can also just kill them by giving them a subdural hematoma that just swells in their brain and then kills them. You can do all sorts of stuff. You can fracture their skull. It’s a terrible way of knocking somebody out. You shouldn’t do it. Nobody should be knocking anybody out.

If you hit somebody hard in the back of the head, first of all, you may not knock them out at all. You may cause brain damage, and especially if you’re hitting somebody in the back of the head. You could blind them. There’s all sorts of terrible things that can happen. It is not something you should do. I’m gonna try as best I can to avoid people hitting people on the back of the head with the stocks of guns for Season 2, but Season 3 will be nothing but that, just one after another.

**John:** All head injuries. They’ll suffer the consequences of those head injuries. That’s gonna be the real change. That’s gonna be the shocking revelation there. Craig, thank you for your answer there, because I suspect that there was a debate there, because you’re so concerned about portrayals of things in the real world.

As I was looking at the scene, I was thinking, okay, because a thing happens before that, there’s other ways you could’ve gotten that one character knocked out, and yet this made sense for the characters in that world and in that moment. [Crosstalk 01:17:39].

**Craig:** It made sense, but it’s not great. When we play DnD, as you know, if you are attacking someone and you don’t want to kill them, you want to leave them just alive enough to interrogate them, all you have to do is say to the DM, “I want to deliver a non-lethal blow here.” If it takes them to 0 HP, they don’t die, they’re alive, you can interrogate them. In this case, this was not that. The guys that came up, they didn’t know who Joel was. They were like, “We’re gonna knock you out, and if you die, you die. If you don’t, we’ll be able to ask you questions. Either way, it’s fine.”

**John:** Exactly. There was a movie I’ve really liked recently where the central character I think is knocked over the head three times, knocked out over the head three times. I was like, “She’s paralyzed now. I don’t think she’s coming back and fighting for victory here.” I loved the movie, but that was a thing that [crosstalk 01:18:27].

**Craig:** You gotta stop hitting people on the head. I agree. To the extent that we have contributed to the head hitting, I apologize to all of culture.

**John:** Nice.

**Craig:** I’ve got a colonoscopy coming up. I’m gonna try and take notes. I don’t remember. I’m just gone.

**John:** You can ask them. You can ask them. You can tell them, “I’m an absolute pro at this. You can give me less.” Maybe not, because they don’t want you talking.

**Craig:** Oh, no no no, I’m not gonna ever say that. Ever. Ever. I’m a baby. You want to run a garden hose up my butt? Do it. I don’t want to feel it. I don’t want to be awake. I don’t want to know about it. Just do the garden hose. It’s not a garden hose, by the way. It’s incredibly slender.

**John:** It’s slender. It’s fine. People may way, way, way too big a deal of colonoscopies. They’re fine.

**Craig:** All they do is save your life. That’s all they do.

**John:** That’s all they do. Easiest thing you could do to save your life.

**Craig:** Get a colonoscopy, people. Thanks, guys.

**John:** Thanks, Craig. Thanks, Drew.

**Drew:** Bye.

**Craig:** Bye.

**John:** Bye.

Links:

* [Has Anyone Ever Actually Tied a Damsel in Distress to a Railway Track?](https://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2019/01/has-anyone-ever-actually-tied-a-damsel-in-distress-to-a-railway-track/) by Karl Smallwood
* [Pirating the Oscars 2023: The Final Curtain Call](https://waxy.org/2023/03/pirating-the-oscars-2023-the-final-curtain-call/) by Andy Baio
* [Why Are All Action Heroes Named Jack, James, or John?](https://slate.com/culture/2023/03/john-wick-james-bond-action-heroes-j-names.html) by Demetria Glace for Slate
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Scriptnotes, Episode 585: Do Muppets Bleed?, Transcript

February 28, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2023/do-muppets-bleed).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** This is Episode 585 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the show, what are the unique characteristics that allow you to distinguish one writer’s writing from another’s. We’ll talk about writer fingerprints, voice, and situations where you may need to mimic someone else’s style. Plus, we have a lot of listener follow-up.

**Craig:** Good.

**John:** In our Bonus Segment for Premium Members, we often answer writer questions about producers, but here we have one from a producer asking about how to best handle a writer who can’t seem to finish or deliver on a script. If you want to know what advice Craig, Megana, and I have for this producer, you can find out as a Premium Member in about one hour when we get to that segment.

**Craig:** That’s worth the five bucks right there.

**John:** Right there. Right there.

**Craig:** Right there.

**John:** You know what’s worth more than $5?

**Craig:** What, Segue Man?

**John:** A spot on Scriptnotes if you are a writer, because we are the number one podcast for getting Oscar nominees to happen. That’s what I’ve decided.

**Craig:** I think you might be right about this.

**John:** Our track record this year, pretty darn good. Sarah Polley, Oscar nominee. Rian Johnson, Oscar nominee, Daniels, Oscar nominees. You count them as one or two people?

**Craig:** I count them as one bi-person duology.

**John:** Absolutely. Although she wasn’t on the podcast this year, she’s a previous guest, Pamela Ribon, and she was a One Cool Thing, so I think that counts for her animation nomination for My Year of Dicks.

**Craig:** Absolutely. It’s so funny, Year of Dicks triggered something in me.

**John:** The title or the film itself?

**Craig:** The title. I’m so glad I got to say that and it’s preserved eternally. Have you watched Poker Face yet?

**John:** I haven’t watched it yet. I’m excited too.

**Craig:** I saw the first episode of Poker Face last night, which is the new show from Rian Johnson and the great Natasha Lyonne, who by the way, have we had Natasha on the show?

**John:** No, she was never on the show.

**Craig:** We’re going to change that momentarily. It was a delight. There was a line that was said not once, but twice, possibly thrice. “Cloud of dicks.” It made me happy. I think we have entered the dicks phase of language.

**John:** Yeah, 100%. Now, I worry though that the success of these writers who came on the Scriptnotes podcast is only going to make it worse for Megana. I don’t know if you know this, Craig, but publicists are flooding her inbox.

**Craig:** I know.

**John:** We need to stop that.

**Craig:** There’s nothing we can do about that really. They’re going to find whoever they can find, and I don’t blame them. I honestly don’t. The thing about these awards seasons is… You’ve been involved in one. I’ve been involved in one. The publicists are constantly looking for these angles. The ones that they love the most are the inside baseball ones, where they know you can go and talk to people for an hour, it’s actually a fun conversation, it’s not brutal, and it’s going to be over-sampled by the people voting in the Guild Awards and for the Academies.

I get it, but also, dear publicists, we’re not a talk show really. This is my favorite kind of show, me and you alone with Megana. Alone with Megana. That’s a great song title. Didn’t Air Supply do that one?

**John:** I do want to acknowledge that most of the people we’ve had on the show who are writers who get awards were people we just knew independently of publicists. There have been a couple cases where the only place that we could find these people were because of publicists, and some of those have turned out great too. The Greta Gerwig episode is a fantastic episode. I don’t know Greta Gerwig from anybody, but because of publicists, we were able to be connected together. I’m not digging publicists. They serve a great function. I just want to make sure that we are true to our goals of not becoming just a talk show.

**Craig:** I think we really do try and limit it, even among our friends. We have friends that still bug me, like, “Why haven’t I been on your show?” Because that’s not what we do. It’s not our thing. Then every time we do have a guest, I’m like, “I’m going to hear from people.” It’s honestly not our focus. We are not a come on and plug your thing. The reason that we talk to people almost always, not always, but almost always, is because there is a personal connection. Even the Daniels was just down to, I’d had a nice chat with one of the Daniels on Twitter. There was some connection there.

**John:** I met them up on the mountain at Sundance.

**Craig:** There you go. There you go.

**John:** There was some connection. The person we’ve not been able to get on the show, and we’ve kind of tried, we haven’t tried that hard, but James Cameron is a get that we’d love to get, because not only his most recent work, but how incredibly influential his writing style for films like Terminator and Aliens. Action writing is different because of him. It would be great to have him on the show.

**Craig:** I am a huge, huge fan of the script for Titanic. I just love it. I love it. It would be great to talk to him for my own interest. I’m that selfish. If other people want to listen, fine, but I want to talk to him.

**John:** We’ve been trying to make that happen. At some point, maybe we can make that happen. In the meantime, if you want to read any of these scripts that are nominated, you can now, thanks to Megana Rao, read them on the Weekend Read beta. Weekend Read is the app my company makes for reading scripts on your iPhone. We have a beta for the new version. It’s really good. It’s really fun. We now have all the For Your Consideration scripts up in there if you want to read them. The new version has notes. It has a read aloud feature, which is fun.

**Craig:** Nice.

**John:** If you would like to try the beta on that, we’ll put a link in the show notes to that. It’s just a simple test flight. There’s still kinks that we’re working out, so if you want to try it out and tell us what’s working and what’s not working, that would help us out a lot.

**Craig:** Don’t kink-shame.

**John:** No. Kinks are good. Kink-celebrate.

**Craig:** I’m giddy today. I’m clearly giddy.

**John:** You are giddy. Let’s talk about why you’re giddy, because you had a rough start to your day. Do you want to tell us what happened this morning?

**Craig:** It was an up and down sort of day.

**John:** Literally.

**Craig:** Exactly. Upside, The Last of Us has been renewed for another season.

**John:** Hooray!

**Megana Rao:** Congratulations.

**Craig:** Thank you. I was very happy about that. Then on the downside, there’s some businessy, contracty nonsense. Every now and then, you just get a call from your lawyer where you’re like, “Wait, what? What?! What?!” I just got grouchy about that. It’ll all be resolved. Nobody freak out. Then I went and took a shower, and I was moving quickly, because I didn’t want to be late for this show.

**John:** You don’t want to break your perfect streak of being on time.

**Craig:** Exactly, because I’m always so punctual, and I really felt like it’s important to not blow it. That’s obviously really important to me, and so I raced. Coming out of the shower, I slipped and I fell in the bathroom. As I was falling, I did a pretty good job of… Time slows down, and you basically get spidey senses. Your body knows somehow, something terrible is about to happen, so your brain goes into a mega state. Everything got slower. I was able to get my hand out to slow things down. I was also able to turn. I took all of the brunt of the fall on my hip, which as you know, is something that old people break all the time. Now I know why. I did not break my hip. I was on the floor, and for a second I was like, “Did I just… No, I think I’m okay.”

There’s a comedian, Alonzo Bodden, who does this bit about how when you’re in your 20s and you fall, you just pop back up and your only concern is, “Did anybody see me? Because I looked really stupid.” When you’re in your 50s and you fall, people tell you, “Whoa, don’t get up. Stay down.” Then he said when you’re in your 80s and you fall, people fly in from out of state. I decided to stay down for a bit, and then I was like, “Everything’s fine.” Then I got back up, and I was just like, “Oh, for God’s sakes, what a start to the day.”

**John:** I’m so sorry, Craig. I had a fall at the end of last year. We were skiing. Skiing is inherently kind of dangerous. You’re going to fall while you’re skiing.

**Craig:** At least you fall on snow.

**John:** I was going in to change my gloves or something. I’m walking in ski boots, which are perilous anyway. I hit some wet concrete, slip, and start to fall. Yes, again, time starts to go more slowly. In fact, they think what’s actually happening is that time isn’t moving more slowly but your memory of it is moving more slowly. It takes more slices. That’s why it seems like-

**Craig:** Interesting.

**John:** That’s why you remember it happening slowly.

**Craig:** I like that.

**John:** I start to fall. I end up falling and hitting my ribs against this row of seats. I bruise my ribs. They’re still now recovering.

**Craig:** Are you sure you just bruised them?

**John:** If I’d broken them, it would’ve been harder to breathe.

**Craig:** It’s probably true.

**John:** Also, there’s not a lot they can do for broken ribs [crosstalk 00:09:12].

**Craig:** There really isn’t. You can’t cast them. You just basically tell people don’t take deep breaths.

**John:** The rib I bruised the most is one of the ribs in back that’s not actually connected to anything. It free floats, which is kind of great, but also they could just remove it like they removed Cher’s ribs. I was thinking, “Maybe they can just remove the rib.”

**Craig:** Did they really remove Cher’s ribs?

**John:** I think that is not just a Snopesy thing. We’re going to look it up right now, because I don’t want to put false information out. Snopes Cher rib.

**Craig:** I’m doing it too, Snopes Cher rib. “Did Cher have ribs removed to make her waist smaller?” False.

**John:** False.

**Craig:** False. The claim was Cher had her lowest pair of ribs surgically removed to achieve an ultra-small waist. That is apparently false. In fact, it doesn’t seem that really anyone has done that.

**John:** I’m looking up Marilyn Manson too, the other thing I’ve heard.

**Craig:** For a totally different purpose. We could say auto-fellatio on the show. I don’t think that that violates any… Marilyn Manson, who apparently is a horrible person, from everything I’ve read… Am I allowed to say that on the show?

**John:** Yeah. I think we avoid libel by saying you’ve heard people say that he’s not a good person.

**Craig:** I don’t mean to slander anybody. I’m just saying I’ve read things online. It sounds like he’s a horrible person. Some terrible claims have been made against him by people that I have no reason to doubt. The rumor that had been out there is that he had ribs removed so that he could perform auto-fellatio, which it can’t possibly be true.

**John:** No, it doesn’t seem like it’s true. People apparently are asking him, and he’s giving vague non-answers, probably because he wants the story to continue. Anyway, circling back to-

**Craig:** Boy, have we gone off… Wow.

**John:** Craig and I both fell down and hurt ourselves, and we’re older, but we’re okay.

****Megana:**** Aw.

**Craig:** I like that Megana’s like, “Oh, you guys are so cute, falling down.” Megana, you’re the one that’s going to have to take care of us.

**John:** Megana has a sore throat.

**Craig:** Oh, you have a sore throat?

****Megana:**** I have a sore throat, yeah.

**Craig:** Oh, dear. Oh boy.

****Megana:**** It’s normal. It’s a cool thing to have.

**Craig:** Is it?

**John:** It’s a very useful sore throat.

**Craig:** Megana, I gotta push back on that. I don’t think it’s cool at all.

****Megana:**** It’s not cool, but I got it from being social and fun, not from the two stories we just heard.

**John:** At a party.

****Megana:**** I got it at a party.

**Craig:** Not from some pathetic old man lost his balance thing. Cool. Cool cool.

**John:** We actually have a PSA, not really a question or a follow-up, but from James, which is also about medical-related things. Megana, would you help us out with that?

****Megana:**** James says, “This isn’t a question. It’s a reminder for all writers to look after their tools. For the last couple of years, I’ve been struggling to write. I would feel mentally drained whenever I started writing. Depression and writing became synonymous in my mind. I wasn’t looking at things clearly, literally. I got my eyes checked a few weeks ago, and it turns out that I needed reading glasses. That’s all. The effort required to read was causing me stress and fatigue. These glasses have given me a new surge of creativity, and it’s a joy to write again. If we’re sighted, our eyes are a key tool for our job. Please look after them.”

**Craig:** That’s fantastic, James.

**John:** That’s fantastic. I feel very seen by James, because a thing I’ve noticed over the past last few months is some days I wake up and my eyes are just not working quite right. It’s not that I need my reading glasses on or need them off. Just my monitor is hard to read. I actually have an eye appointment to go in and see if I need some sort of medium distance glasses. Right now, as we’re recording, eyes are crystal clear, everything is so sharp, but there’s times where it’s hard just to read, and writing’s tougher.

**Craig:** You don’t wear reading glasses?

**John:** I wear reading glasses only for very close distance things.

**Craig:** I see. John, alas, that is changing. John, your body is going through changes. Have a seat. Let’s talk about what’s happening with your body. Your eye muscles are dying, and so are mine. I will say the more you use reading glasses, the-

**John:** More you depend on them.

**Craig:** Oh my god, because your eye muscles are like, “Thank you. We’re done. Everybody go home. We retire.” I think it’s fun actually. I am enjoying this part of being old. I feel like this is the best old time. What follows this is not good old time. This is fun old time, like, “Oh, I need glasses. Oh, I slipped and fell, but really nothing happened, lol.” The 20-something that I work with on my show laughs about it, and that’s funny. In 10 years it’s going to be sad.

****Megana:**** Also, just because most people on the podcast don’t get to see this, you do have quite a flourish when you put your reading glasses on.

**Craig:** I do?

****Megana:**** Yeah.

**Craig:** I like to snap them open and slap them on. Everybody knows when the reading glasses go on-

****Megana:**** It’s business time.

**Craig:** It’s business time. Decisions are about to be made.

**John:** A trick for people is that if you are starting to use reading glasses, like I am, get on Amazon. You can get packs of 10 that are basically all the same. You just leave them around places in your house, so you don’t have to worry about, “Where are my reading glasses?” Your reading glasses are everywhere, and that’s a really helpful thing you can do, just like pens. Just have a pen everywhere you need a pen.

**Craig:** Try and make as many friends as you can in their 50s and 60s, because they’ll always have reading glasses with them also. I used to look at people 10 years ago in a restaurant with their glasses and their phones with the lights on, looking at menus. I’m like, “What is wrong with these people?” It me.

**John:** You’re the problem.

**Craig:** I’m the problem.

**John:** We have another question that I think we can actually maybe answer, about Apple Podcasts and Siri. Megana, help us out.

****Megana:**** Anthony writes, “I had a weird change in my normal listening habit when I upgraded to a new OS on my phone. I’m using an iPhone 12 Mini and I just upgraded to iOS 16.2. I’m subscribed to the show via Apple Podcasts, and when driving, I used to be able to press a talk button and say, ‘Play Scriptnotes podcast,’ and it just started playing the latest episode or wherever I left off. Now after this update, if I say, ‘Play Scriptnotes podcast,’ it says you have to blah blah blah Apple Music to do that. I tried changing it to say, ‘Play Apple Podcast Scriptnotes,’ and it didn’t work, starts playing Apple Podcasts but other shows. Without boring you to tears, I’ve managed to verbally get it to play a couple of times, but I can’t remember the exact phrasing that worked.”

**John:** This is a form of prompt engineering. It’s almost like what ChatGPT is, like what am I going to say to this device to get them to do what I want. We have the same kind of problem occasionally. In the morning, we ask Siri to play us the news. We say, “Play the news from NPR,” or just, “Tell us the news.” Sometimes it works like that, and sometimes it doesn’t.

What I think Anthony needs to do is be a little bit more specific. I think the real trick here is that the podcast we’re listening to is not Scriptnotes, it is Scriptnotes Podcast. For whatever reason, when we first set it up, we called it Scriptnotes Podcast. If he says, “Play Scriptnotes Podcast in Podcasts,” it should work. I listen to Overcast, and I’d test it, that, “Play Scriptnotes Podcast in Overcast,” will pull up Overcast and it’ll play in there.

**Craig:** Is there a way to change that, so that just saying Scriptnotes would work? Is there somebody we could talk to?

**John:** I think we would probably break… It’s too risky. There’s too many things that could break because of it.

**Craig:** What if I talk to Tim Apple? Would that help?

**John:** Tim Apple could fix all of it.

**Craig:** I’m telling you, this is going to… John, hang on. Just hang on, because this is going to be a show. It’s going to be a show, buddy. It’s going to be a show. We’re going to have a great time.

**John:** Also, what’s important for people to understand is that we think about Apple controlling podcasts, but they really don’t. It’s just an RSS feed, like your old website, Craig. That RSS feed has really nothing to do with Apple. It’s just people tend to use their iPhones to listen to podcasts.

**Craig:** I just wanted to say Tim Apple.

**John:** Tim Apple. Craig, we have talked before about IP-based movies. I think one of the things we got to was there was going to be a Pet Rock movie at some ponit. The moment has come. I was talking with a writer who’s going to pitch on the Pet Rock movie. We had a great conversation about what the Pet Rock movie should be.

**Craig:** I don’t hate it. Did you have a Pet Rock by the way?

**John:** I didn’t have an official Pet Rock bought at the store. I got a rock out of the garden and drew some eyes on it.

**Craig:** Oh my god, that’s the saddest thing in the world.

**John:** I don’t know what to tell you.

**Craig:** You were too poor to have the $4 Pet Rock?

**John:** Yeah, it’s true.

**Craig:** Oh my god.

**John:** Basically, my parents said no.

**Craig:** That is the most Eagle Scout thing I’ve ever heard from you, and you have quite a bit of Eagle Scoutness as an Eagle Scout. I had the actual branded Pet Rock, and I’ve got to tell you, it’s superior to your homemade faux rock.

**John:** Tell me why it was better.

**Craig:** No, it wasn’t.

**John:** What are the characteristics of a real Pet Rock? Are their googly eyes glued to it?

**Craig:** Yes, there are googly eyes glued to it. That is essentially what it was. Megana, have you even heard of Pet Rock?

****Megana:**** I’ve heard of Pet Rock. I’ve never actually seen one. I haven’t held one.

**Craig:** There’s probably a few out there still in the wild. The joke of it was I think it was invented as a novelty to make fun of consumerism. It was like, “Look how stupid everyone is.” People would buy a Pet Rock. It’s a gag gift you’d give to somebody on their birthday, “Ha ha ha, I bought you a Pet Rock.” Then it just became a fad, a real fad. In the ‘70s, fads happened in the weirdest ways. We watch fads happening now live on Twitter or Instagram.

These things would just emerge in these crazy, organic ways until eventually they filtered down to people on Staten Island. Then it subverted the whole point. The whole point was look how ridiculous it is. Then actually people were like, “We want Pet Rocks.”

What we have now are a lot of people running Hollywood who are in their 50s and 60s who are remembering Pet Rock. This to me is the epitome of pointless in that nobody who’s going to… They’re not making the Pet Rock movie for people in their 50s and 60s. They’re making it for kids. Kids don’t know about Pet Rocks. Zero cache for them. It could be good though. It could be.

**John:** It could be good. It could be good, just because there’s literally a blank slate, as the writer said. There’s many rock puns you can get to.

**Craig:** I get it. Slate.

**John:** Here’s what I’ll say. I think the idea of this thing that should be completely inanimate being the central character of a story is interesting in the wake of Marcel the Shell with Shoes On and the moments in Everything Everywhere All At Once which are about two rocks just sitting and watching the end of time. I kind of get it, but they’re going to want it to be a big, four-quadrant movie. They’re going to want it to be Minions, and that’s going to be challenging, but somebody’s up for it.

**Craig:** If you made a movie called Rocks and it was about animated rocks, that would be perfectly… We know that you can make a wonderful animated movie based on almost anything. It’s just the fact that they think Pet Rock has some kind of value.

**John:** I’m curious whether Pet Rock is a trademark, whether they held onto a trademark for that or if it’s just [inaudible 00:20:40].

**Craig:** That’s a great question. I don’t know, although now I’m seeing that apparently there is a Pet Rock that is introduced in Minions: The Rise of Gru. Perhaps this is why. It may be that the Pet Rock has been revived via Minions.

**John:** The other revival of the Pet Rock of course is Elmo’s longstanding beef with Zoe on Sesame Street about her pet rock. Zoe wants to save a piece of pie or a piece of pizza for her pet rock. Elmo’s like, “It’s just a stupid rock.”

****Megana:**** His name’s Rocco.

**John:** His name’s Rocco, the pet rock.

**Craig:** Does Elmo physically fight Zoe? Do they fight? Is there blood? Do muppets bleed?

**John:** Do muppets bleed? We’ve got a title for the episode.

**Craig:** Hey, Siri, do muppets bleed? I just triggered a lot of phones out there.

**John:** We will follow the development of the Pet Rock movie. The other thing, which I don’t know if we talked about on the show before, is I was curious why is there not a General Mills cereal movie. Why is there not a Franken Berry movie? Why is there not a Count Chocula?

**Craig:** Why isn’t there?

**John:** I looked it up, and there was a whole plan to make them, and it all fell apart.

**Craig:** Things do tend to fall apart a lot in Hollywood.

**John:** Things fall apart.

**Craig:** That is true. Hold on a second. I just had a cool idea for a movie.

**John:** Please.

**Craig:** It’s an animated movie. It’s basically a battle royale between all of the cereal mascots.

**John:** The mascots, yeah.

**Craig:** All of them. There’s so many. Right off the top of my head, there’s Cap’n Crunch, there’s the Trix are for kids rabbit, there is the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

**John:** Love it.

**Craig:** Snap, Crackle, and Pop. There’s the Honey Smacks Dig ‘Em Frog. Was it Honey Smacks?

**John:** Dig ‘Em Frog, yeah.

**Craig:** There’s the Dig ‘Em Frog. There’s the wizard from Cookie Crunch or Cookie Crisp. It was a wizard.

**John:** Cookie Crisp wizard. We obviously have Boo Berry.

**Craig:** Franken Berry, Boo Berry, Count Chocula, the bee from Honey Nut Cheerios. What else do we need to say?

**John:** It’s IP-alooza. It feels like it could be Laff-A-Lympics, which is great.

**Craig:** Or Space Jam.

**John:** Space Jam is really the comp for it, although those were all within one studio. Getting them all together would be a little bit tough, but completely doable.

**Craig:** You just have to settle the great Kellogg’s/Post war. That’d be fun. Somebody get to work on that.

**John:** Easy done. Craig, we’ve talked before about the preface page or whatever we want to call that page after the title page, before the script itself starts. Thanks for Adrianne Cespedes who wrote in with this preface page Tár. Craig, would you mind reading the preface page from Tár?

**Craig:** Sure. Here’s what it says. “Based on this script’s page count, it would be reasonable to assume that the total running time for Tár will be well under two hours. However, this will not be a reasonable film. There will be tempo changes and soundscapes that require more time than is represented on the page, and of course a great deal of music performed on screen. All this to say, if you are mad enough to greenlight this film, be prepared for one whose necessary length represents these practical accommodations.” That’s great.

**John:** I really like this. I like it because here we have Todd Field warning the studio distributor that the film is going to be long, but also it feels very Tár-like. It feels like it’s in keeping with the spirit of the film, which is going to be like, “I am going to set impossible standards that are going to make you a little uncomfortable. Let’s get started.”

**Craig:** You can feel the intelligence radiating off of this. The formality of the language is setting you up for Tár. It’s wonderful and I think probably wasn’t necessary, but additive. If Todd hadn’t put this there, the people would’ve read it and said, “Wow, this movie’s great.” Then you would’ve said, “Terrific. Now, if you want to make it, I gotta tell you, blah blah blah blah blah.” I like that he put it in anyway, because it sets the table.

**John:** That’s what a preface page does is gets you ready for the read. We have a question from Lorenz in Vienna here.

**Craig:** Should I read it?

**John:** Megana, do you want to read this?

**Craig:** I don’t want to take Megana’s job.

****Megana:**** I appreciate that, Craig.

**Craig:** You’re welcome.

****Megana:**** Lorenz from Vienna writes, “In Episode 582, Craig briefly mentioned paid script consultants and what he thought about them. I then went back to the transcript of Episode 71 and was surprised to read that essentially you seemed to consider them a waste of money at best and dangerous quacks at worst. I’m an early career writer-director in Europe, and over here, script consultants are an integral part of the industry, with dedicated state funding for them during script development.

“My own experience with consultants has been very positive, and judging from what I’ve learned about writers’ rooms on your show, the relationship feels a bit like a mini room, with the consultant acting as a conversation partner and providing outsider’s perspective on the script. Most of the consultants I know are screenwriters themselves, but the relationship between the quality of their feedback and the measurable success of what they have written is not necessarily linear, similar to how someone might be a successful artist but a terrible arts teacher and vice versa. I’d be curious to hear if this is a completely different kind of consultancy to what you were talking about, what you think about it, and if this kind of relationship exists at all within the Hollywood system.”

**John:** This ties in actually really well to the Bonus Segment we’re going to be talking about, because that is a British writer and producer, and they have a whole thing called a script editor, which is not a thing we have at all here. Craig, let’s open our minds and think about, what if there were a person who came in to sit down with a writer to help them get their script better? What do we think about that person?

**Craig:** It sounds like things work quite a bit differently there. I’m trying to dig under the hood of this comment from Lorenz, because it almost feels like script consultants with state funding are operating the way our development executives operate over here. It’s quite a different thing. We’re talking about people that other people pay, like the government, to help develop screenplay and art in Europe.

Lorenz, here in the United States, these people that I’m talking about, writers pay them directly. They are out there saying, “Hey, hire me on a private basis. You pay me this much per hour or this much per read, and I will give you notes,” and things like that. Writers are essentially paying for the thing that in your country the government is funding. To that extent, there’s the problem. You end up with a lot of… When you drive down a city street and you see, I don’t know, store fronts for psychics, you can go in there and pay them if you want. It’s probably not going to work.

**John:** I agree with you that I think the real corollary here is probably development executives, which is a little bit different than producers, so we should talk about what the difference there is. A producer is a person who’s trying to get your film made.

Craig has talked a lot about working with Lindsay Doran, who is a great producer and has also worked as a development executive in times. She is a person who you can really have very in-depth conversations about your script and what you’re trying to do and how this scene’s working and how that ties into the next. She’s not a writer. She’s a person who works really well with writers. If that is what the script consultant is for someone like Lorenz, that’s great.

Really though, we’re getting back to what is the paid relationship, and is the person really any good. I think so often we’ve just encountered terrible, terrible people who are billing themselves as script consultants, who really have no business doing that at all. That’s I think the reason why we’re so gun-shy about recommending any script consultant is because we’ve had so many bad experiences or people coming in to us with terrible advice, terrible notes. People are just taking their money.

**Craig:** People are just taking their money. Our operating principle here is that there are perfectly good positions in Hollywood where people are paid, and often quite handsomely, to do the job of helping writers develop a screenplay. The executives who work at the studio are paid by the studio to obviously help the studio, but in doing so, try and give the writer advice and feedback. Then there are producers who are more entrepreneurial, but they too are being paid by someone else, certainly not the writer. That’s fine.

If your goal is to give writers notes and shepherd and develop, then you should be trying to be a studio executive or a producer. If you can’t, because say you’re not good enough, then perhaps you decide instead, “Oh, I know what I’ll do. I’ll just go out there on my own and just start making writers pay me for this. In order to convince them, I will talk about how brilliant I am and what wonderful insight I have.” Eugh.

**John:** Thinking back to my time up at the mount in Sundance, the Sundance Institute works a lot like this. The consultants, the advisors they’re called for Sundance, they’re not paid. They’re volunteering their time to come up there to sit and work with these writers about their projects. It is not a governmental thing, but it has an organizational integrity quality to it. People are doing it for the best possible reasons and trying to make the best possible films.

Hopefully, that’s what you’re finding there in Austria, Lorenz, is someone who’s doing that. I want to make sure that when we are talking about script consultants negatively, we’re really talking about our experience of Hollywood hucksters who are taking writers’ money and making things worse.

**Craig:** Hollywood hucksters, that’s a great way of describing them.

**John:** Great. One last bit of follow-up here. Megana, we have Jake from Dallas.

****Megana:**** “I was listening to John and Craig talk to Sarah Polley, and it reminded me of how supportive and nice the three of you are.”

**Craig:** Aw.

****Megana:**** “Each of you are very smart and insightful people, which probably means you could be the ‘actually’ person to always correct others, who always tries to one-up those around you or the one who’s just waiting for their next opportunity to shower the conversation with their magnificent oration instead of listening to the people we’re sharing our time with. The Sarah Polley conversation was another example of you behaving in a supportive, constructive, and nice manner. Have you learned this anti-‘actually’ trait over your careers or do you think you always had the capacity to listen and contribute?”

**John:** It was very nice of Jake to write in with that. I thought it was a great episode too. A lot of people [inaudible 00:31:18] how much they enjoyed the Sarah Polley episode. Craig, what do you think? Actually, what’s going on here?

**Craig:** Actually…

**John:** It’s all Matthew cutting out all of our actuallys. That’s really what it is.

**Craig:** He has a filter now that just automatically strips everything of actually. I think that you and I learned this as we were starting out, because in a way, I think we were forced to, because of the way we were doing the podcast. This was obviously well before Zoom. We generally don’t look at each other when we’re having these things anyway. It’s all audio and certainly was at the start. When you are having a phone conversation with someone, which is what this essentially is, you need to give that person space. Also, I have to say I have occasionally sampled podcasts. I admit it. One of the reasons I struggle with podcasts is because people are constantly talking over each other, and it makes me crazy. What about you?

**John:** There are podcasts where that’s just the nature of how they work. It’s a tacit agreement between the host that that’s how it all works. It’s oneupmanship and who’s louder. That’s just never been us. My One Cool Thing actually ties into this.

**Craig:** Actually.

**John:** Actually. It’s basically how you set affordances so that people can say what they need to say or what they want to say, how do you ask questions that lead to interesting answers and continuing discussion. There’s some prep work there, but it’s also just mostly listening to what the person wants to tell you.

**Craig:** I think being interested in the people you have on your show is probably a good idea. I will also say that in a personal growth sort of way, it’s been made clear over the last few years by a lot of women that men in particular talk over them. You and I, I don’t think we ever talked over anybody when we had them on the air. I am certainly aware of just the general concept of not mowing people down when they’re talking. I like a nice, slow discussion.

The first scene of this season of The Last of Us is basically a Dick Cavett talk show. I am obsessed with Dick Cavett. I watch these videos of old Dick Cavett interviews, and it’s almost like from another planet of people talking and listening. They’re talking at length. It’s not about constantly entertaining the crowd. You can tell that the discussions haven’t been pre-organized and curated the way they are on talk shows now. I miss that, and to the extent that we can contribute to that sort of culture, I think that’s great.

**John:** I think also our guest selection is crucial. Sarah was a great example of that. Taffy Brodesser-Akner could take over Craig’s spot tomorrow.

**Craig:** Good. Please.

**John:** She definitely has that ability to just keep it all going. There have been times where a publicist has been insistent and gotten somebody onto the show, have been more of the frustrating times, where it’s like, I don’t have a thing to get to next. There have been a couple interviews, actually not that have been on Scriptnotes, but some live things, where the person was not interested in hitting the ball back. Man, it’s just tough.

**Craig:** It’s brutal. It is almost worse when people aren’t listening to each other. Turn on any news channel now. It’s just people yelling at each other constantly. Aren’t you amused when… It’s always two guys. Two guys are talking, and they’re angry at each other and they’re arguing, and neither one of them is willing to stop talking to let the other one talk, so they just keep going, like a game of chicken where the cars keep smashing into each other over and over. It’s remarkable.

**John:** They’re encouraged to do it because it generates conflict and it seems exciting. I hate it. A podcast I’ll recommend to everybody, and I think I talked about this on the show before, the Attitudes podcast with Erin Gibson and Bryan Safi is terrific and a great example of people who can talk over each other and yet they’re clearly listening at the same time, because their brains are synced in a way, and they’re improv people, so they can just keep building and building and building in ways that are delightful. I love it when I see people who are doing that really well. Cool.

**Craig:** Agreed.

**John:** Craig, our main topic here, this came from a recent issue of Inneresting. It was a recap of an old post of mine where I was talking about the things you do that make your writing unique, that you aren’t even aware that makes your writing unique. I also include a quote from Dara Resnick, where she was talking about how sometimes on a writing staff, one of your real goals is to lose your style and just mimic the showrunner style.

I thought I would talk for a few minutes about the kinds of things that are unique to one writer, where if a script dropped on your desk, Craig, and it didn’t have a title page on it, you could sometimes tell, “Oh, this was written by this person.”

**Craig:** Some of that stuff is magic and hard to parse out. Sometimes it’s almost scary to parse it out. I certainly don’t want to do that to my own stuff. Have you ever seen the Aaron Sorkin supercut?

**John:** I think I know what you’re talking about, which is basically just the dialog thing that does always happen in Sorkin dialog.

**Craig:** Exactly. There’s this collection that they’ve pulled from, all the years of West Wing and whatever the SNL show was and Sports Night and A Few Good Men and all the movies. There are these phrases and comments and styles and things that just keep coming up over and over and over. It’s not really self-plagiarism as much as it is just the fingerprint. It’s the style. Now, he’s a very stylistic writer. Part of knowing that it’s Aaron Sorkin is the hyper-literacy and the speed and all the rest of it. Everybody I think who’s good has a signature to them. Figuring out what comprises that is really interesting.

**John:** With Sorkin, there are words that you can cut together in a supercut. In other cases, it’s actually a little bit hard to parse. I’ll put a link in the show notes to this story about how they figured out how that Robert Galbraith, the writer, was actually JK Rowling. It was just basically forensic linguistics.

**Craig:** That was her nom de plume.

**John:** Nom de plume, her pen name. It was a secret that she was Robert Galbraith. There had been some rumors that it could be her. What they did is they went through and they compared the texts and they looked for sequences of adjacent words, sequences of characters, and a third test was on the most common words, and a fourth was about the author’s preference for long or short words. Basically, that’s what builds up that fingerprint. It’s like, “Oh, we are 90% certain that this is actually the same person writing these two things.” These were not deliberate choices that Rowling was making. It’s just that that’s just what happens. It’s just like you do things just because that’s how your brain works.

**Craig:** We can hear each other in our rhythm. Sometimes people will do an impression of me. When they do, I go, “Oh yeah, that does sound familiar,” but I’m not sure that if somebody had done that and not told me ahead of time that it was me, that I would’ve known it was me. Can you do an impression of me?

**John:** Not at all. I can’t do impressions of anything. That’s actually one of my biggest frustrations. You’re actually quite good at hearing and being able to do impressions or do accents. It’s just not a thing I’m good at. I can do it in my head. Can you do an impression of me?

**Craig:** Yeah, I can do an impression of you.

**John:** Let’s do it.

**Craig:** There’s a lot of stuff that comes out quickly, but yeah. Okay, moving on. It’s a rhythm thing. My impression of you, it’s not a great impression, because most of what makes you idiosyncratic is the speed of your speech and the rhythm of it. What people always do when they do an impression of me is they’re like, “So. Everything’s huge. Then when you talk you’re big.” I’m like, I guess. Maybe. I don’t know. Megana, can you do an impression of me?

****Megana:**** I think an impression of you would be difficult to do, because you do take these pauses, but then in order to do the impression of you, I’d have to also replicate the eloquence that comes after the pause, and that would be very difficult to do.

**Craig:** You know what? You’ve won my heart.

**John:** Just that was a very Craig, like da da, da da da da. You also pitch up. I think you have a much more tonal range than I do or that a lot of speakers do.

**Craig:** I’m a singer.

**John:** You’re a singer.

**Craig:** I like to sing.

**John:** You’re a natural singer.

**Craig:** I guess my point bringing all this up and having fun with it is I don’t make those choices and you don’t make those choices and Megana doesn’t make those choices, why we talk the way we talk and why we have the patterns we have. All of that then I think is translatable or at least analogous to the weirdness of the way we write, but I don’t think I necessarily write the way I talk. I don’t think you write the way you talk. It’s this whole other thing.

**John:** Honestly, we write more similar than you would guess, because as we were working on the Scriptnotes book, one of the big jobs is to take the Scriptnotes transcripts, as we’re having a conversation about scene length or something, and so you and I are having a back-and-forth conversation. When we try to just turn it into a chapter with just prose, literally our sentences do fit together pretty well. We don’t read that different on the page, which is useful.

**Craig:** We’re like an old married couple that starts looking like each other.

**John:** Let’s talk about things that are different between-

**Craig:** I just want to keep upsetting Megana, like, “Aw. Aw.”

**John:** Let’s talk about some of the things that are different that you can notice on a screenplay page about one writer versus another writer. This is a list I had in my blog post, but we may add to this. How you handle unfinished end-of-line punctuation. Are you two dashes? Are you an ellipses? What are the situations where you’d use an ellipsis versus two dashes. It’s personal style. There’s not one precise right answer.

**Craig:** You want to try and be consistent within your screenplay. What do you do, by the way?

**John:** I have two dashes if it’s literally cut off and ellipsis if it’s trailing off.

**Craig:** Same. I probably use ellipses more than most writers. I know I do. I’m a big fan.

**John:** I use ellipses less than I used to. I used to use ellipses for everything, but I now do a lot of two dashes.

**Craig:** Interesting.

**John:** How much uppercase do you use within scene description? Some people just will uppercase a lot more for emphasis. Some people are really spare with the uppercase.

**Craig:** One of the things I’ve found over time is that my uppercasing tends to increase when I’m writing either… Usually when I’m writing action or something that maybe you wouldn’t define as action but is very physical, like physical humor or something like that.t

**John:** Absolutely. It’s sometimes that uppercasing can be a way to indicate, this is a shot, this is a shot, this is a shot, or there’s other reasons why you’re using it there. Parentheticals. Are you using parentheticals as say to mean a beat, for clarity, like joking, or how to play this in quotes, “Please die in a fire.” Basically, are you using it for all line things? Those are all valid choices, just different ways to use the parenthetical.

**Craig:** Some people never use them.

**John:** Never. Commas and comma usage, very distinctive. You can use them sensibly. You can use them in an Oxford way. You can use them in any way that makes sense.

**Craig:** The Oxford way is sensible.

**John:** Often using commas and whether you use them to break off any kind of phrase. If I’m going through and editing someone else’s script, I will move commas all the time and realize that’s just pointless, because they’re just using commas the way they use commas.

**Craig:** We aren’t writing articles for the New Yorker where there’s a style guide, although I will say that Mrs. Gilligan’s comma lessons in high school have stayed with me. I think about the proper, correct, and orthodox use of commas all the time.

**John:** Profanity. Is it a spaceship or a giant effing spaceship? Just how often are you using the F word and other words in your script is very distinctive. In the JJ Abrams universe, all those Lost scripts, they will use a lot of that. They’re very punchy and loud and take you by the shoulders and shake you. That’s just the style. If you’re writing in one of those shows, you should write in that style, because otherwise, it’s going to feel wrong for the show.

**Craig:** That must be really difficult to do. I’ve never had to do that to write in someone else’s actual on-the-page style. I can see how that would be very tricky to do. Then it also implies one reason why showrunners have to then run everything through their own typewriter, even if it’s minimally about let’s say improving things. Sometimes you just need to conform it.

**John:** That was the point that Dara was making there and what I’ll link to, is that especially that first script you turn in as a staff writer on a show needs to look as much like the showrunner’s script as possible, so they read this and they can actually read it without having to just immediately go, “This is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong.” They can actually read it like it’s their own script. That’s tough, but you gotta do it.

**Craig:** I’m imagining me reading a script for my show that wasn’t at all like my scripts, and I’m starting to sweat. It’s bad.

**John:** How characters see events within a scene. Do they clock them, spot them, notice them, spy them? There’s various choices you can make. Nothing’s wrong.

**Craig:** It’s okay to be repetitive or, I don’t know, self-copying there, because that stuff’s not going to be on screen literally. If it helps you to fall back on some phrases that work for you and help define for the reader what you see, that’s great. Try and avoid repeating them within the same script, but if you have some go-tos, there’s nothing wrong with that.

**John:** Transitions, is it a cut-to for every new scene or do cut-tos mostly go away? Just style. Also, I think cut-tos tend to vanish because we want to get pages shorter, but it’s really whatever you need to do.

Paragraph length. What is the upper limit in terms of numbers of lines? On this podcast, often in our Three Page Challenges, we’re urging people to keep those paragraphs short. Three lines or less is great for a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean they all have to be that way. David Koepp writes giant blocks of text.

**Craig:** He does.

**John:** It happens. It works.

**Craig:** He’s great. He’s great. I think we’ve probably said it so many times that it is maybe finally sinking in, although I doubt it, among all the people out there. All these things, there are I wouldn’t call best practices as much as better practices. Nothing that we do can make bad good, and nothing that we do can make good bad. That’s the deal. If it’s good, it’s okay to have that long paragraph if that’s the way you vibe.

Going back to the paragraph that Todd Field puts on the preface page of Tár, that is how many… It is a brick of text. One, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Ten-line paragraph. That’s not three lines or fewer. I loved reading that paragraph, because it was good.

**John:** Good paragraph. Finally, and this is probably I think a thing I can definitely notice from one writer to another, is how to handle simultaneous or overlapping dialog. Are they doing side-by-sides a lot, or are they doing a parenthetical for overlapping? Are they just making it clear that stuff is overlapping in the scene description around it?

There’s not one precise, right way to do it. Writers can get incredibly granular. When Greta Gerwig was on, she puts a slash in the first character’s dialog where the next character is going to be overlapping them. It’s incredibly precise. A lot of times, I’ll just say “overlapping” and I won’t worry about doing side-by-sides. It’s going to work in the moment.

**Craig:** I use the side-by-side, but I rarely, very rarely do simultaneous dialog. That’s not because I think it’s wrong. It’s basically stylistically, and perhaps this reflects the way you and I have these discussions, I like when people aren’t talking over each other, and other writers love when people are talking over each other. That’s okay. It’s a tonal thing. Similarly, how many words per sentence do characters say?

**John:** Exactly.

**Craig:** Some people really love having characters talk at length. Tarantino will have characters talk at length at times. Other people listen quietly. They do not interrupt. Go to Samuel Beckett and read Waiting for Godot. There are just strips of pages where Vladimir and Estragon are saying two lines two words each, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. That’s part of the fingerprint.

**John:** We had Taffy Brodesser-Akner on the show. The dialog for Fleishman Is in Trouble, those are long lines. It’s not just that people have a lot of lines together. One of their lines could be much, much, much longer of a sentence than I would ever feel comfortable doing. It works because it works and because she has really good actors who can pull it off. There’s no right or wrong. You could recognize Taffy’s writing from someone else’s writing. It’d be hard to write in Taffy’s style.

**Craig:** It should be. That’s part of the sign that your style is unique, and therefore you are expressing your voice, is that other people… You can maybe do a goof version of it, a satire, but you can’t do it. If anyone could do it, then anyone would do it.

**John:** Let’s talk about situations where we have had to rewrite somebody or choose not to rewrite somebody and actually just blend in, because a lot of times, as feature writers, we would get scripts, and sometimes we are doing a massive overhaul on something. I’m like, “Okay, I see these scenes here. I’m the showrunner. Everything’s going through my typewriter. I’m going to put out a new thing that is in my voice. I’m going to clean it up and make things consistent.”

In some cases, I think that was helpful, because I wasn’t the second writer, I was the seventh writer, and there was a bunch of little pace jobs [inaudible 00:49:52] it wasn’t reading like one document. It was sometimes just me running through the whole thing. It just was a much better read for me having done that. In other cases, I’m just doing two scenes here. It’s doing no one any favors for me to try to change things or make this feel different.

I’ve had to adapt to people’s styles. I’ve done more things in caps than I would’ve put in uppercase, because that’s the rest of the script. What’s been your experience?

**Craig:** All over the place.

**John:** Exactly.

**Craig:** Honestly, all over the place. Sometimes, more often than not, when I’m doing the kind of work you’re describing, there’s also some preexisting work. A lot of these things, most movies that come out have either a preexisting film because they’re a sequel or they’re based on something, and so there’s other work that you can look back on and investigate.

I don’t really get too worked up over how I do the things that aren’t spoken or aren’t on screen. The things that are spoken and are on screen, I try and stay consistent within the character. Sometimes, the reason that you’re there is because people aren’t happy with the voice, or you can also come and say…

As you’re saying, there’s this patchwork quilt, and someone has to make it all seem like it was from one mind. That is a challenge. It’s a challenge to do something like that without… The phrase I use is, sometimes you have to pull permits, it’s that kind of work, and sometimes you don’t. When you have to pull permits, that means we’re going to be doing quite a bit here. Then you have to undo a lot. It depends on the situation. The spectrum is rather broad for those jobs.

**John:** I’m thinking of once doing a job where the first half of the script was really great. I really did not want to touch any of it. There were some real significant things that needed to change in the second half. I had to make a choice, like am I going to go back and rewrite all this first half so it’s going to match what I’m doing for the second half, or am I just going to write this new stuff in the style of the first one?

It was a challenge to do, but it actually made sense. Hopefully, the characters’ voices I was able to be consistent, which is great, because we didn’t want to touch those. Even just the scene description making it just feel like it was one thing, that there wasn’t a sudden change in how the whole thing read and felt. Even examples of keeping whatever, their INT period versus INT not period style, sure, I’ll do that. I wanted it to feel like it was the same writer the whole way through.

**Craig:** If there’s a very idiosyncratic, clear style going on, I’m not going to be a jerk and just start doing… I’m not going to go through and be like, “Okay, first things first, all these two spaces after the period have to turn into one space.” That’s just evil, so I try not to do those things.

**John:** Obviously, the last thing is if you’re in a situation where you’re generating changed pages with stars in the margins, you’re going to be much more conservative about making that kind of stuff, because you’re not going to release a new page just because you’ve changed two dashes into a long hyphen. No one wants that.

**Craig:** No one.

**John:** No one wants that. What people do want are One Cool Things.

**Craig:** Segue Man.

**John:** It’s time for that. I referenced this earlier. This is an article by Adam Mastroianni on his Substack, called Good Conversations Have Lots of Doorknobs. He’s really talking about how in a conversation, you tend to have givers and takers. Givers are people who put a lot of stuff out. Takers are people who are just receiving stuff in.

**Craig:** Interesting.

**John:** There’s an improv quality to a conversation, where you’re yes, and-ing and you’re keeping the ball up in the air. When you have two givers, that can be sometimes a little bit frustrating, because it can feel like no one’s actually receiving. If you have two takers, no one is actually throwing a ball out there to get things going.

What I liked about his discussion is, it’s not just diagnosing the problem but offering some solutions, which is basically affordances, which are the big, easily graspable doorknobs of the conversation. His example of an affordance, if you ask the question, “Why do you think you and your brother turned out so differently?” There’s a lot of possible answers to that. You would have to see how it goes on.

No affordance would be, “How many of your grandparents are still alive?” That’s a number. It doesn’t invite a further discussion. You can take that, “How many of your grandparents are still alive?” and do some judo on it to send it back through, to say, “Both my grandparents are still alive, which has really been remarkable because of this, because I can do these things, and I have these insights,” but it’s tougher.

Just always be thinking in a conversation, next time you’re at a party or whatever, Megana, as you’re getting another virus, think about how do you say things in a way that invites the person to build upon that, rather than just letting it drop there.

**Craig:** I love just this drive-by shooting of Megana, like that’s her problem.

**John:** All the parties she goes to.

**Craig:** I really like this a lot. What it’s prompting for me is how useful this concept is for people who are on the autism spectrum, because this is exactly the kind of… We lump these things into so-called social skills. Social skills is such a broad term it’s almost useless. There’s also this weird judgey-ness to that phrase that I don’t love. What I love about this is, if somebody has a hyper-analytical mind, this is a way for them to understand why certain things are more engaging and more interesting for other people, because that’s something that sometimes people on the spectrum have trouble with. I’m definitely giving this to my kid. I think she’ll be really interested in this. I think she’ll like this.

**John:** The other thing I would say is that everything that applies to real-life dialog applies to movie dialog as well. As you’re writing dialog scenes, be thinking about naturally you are doing this as a writer anyway. It may be helpful to think about how you are letting this character get to the next thing out of that character, the next thing out of this character, and by the same token, are they deliberately not doing that, and is that part of the frustration and conflict of the scene.

**Craig:** That’s a great point. This is really useful for thinking about characters, because we don’t want our characters to be fully actualized. All the foibles are what make them interesting. If somebody is trying to chat up a girl at the bar and he asks a dead-end question or as Adam calls it, no affordance, then it’s interesting. You can see the other person struggling with that. I love this. It’s very insightful.

**John:** Craig, in the second episode of your show, there’s a moment early on where Joel is having a conversation. They’re in that-

**Craig:** Salon.

**John:** … salon, and they’re having a conversation. He gives up on the conversation. I really liked that moment, because it felt true to conversations that I don’t see very often, where a person just buries their last line, like, “I guess I’m done talking, but nothing’s really resolved for me.” That felt like a situation that I just hadn’t seen so often on film.

**Craig:** I’m glad you liked it. Joel is a really interesting character to write, because how much he decides to say… He mostly doesn’t talk. It’ll be interesting for people I think if the season goes on, if they’re watching. He’s not going to always not talk. Let’s put it that way. It’s impactful when he does. When he starts talking, it’s impactful.

**John:** What do you have for us?

**Craig:** My One Cool Thing is The Case of the Golden Idol. Now this is a game that normally I wouldn’t be playing, because it’s not on iOS. It is currently on Steam. Neil Druckmann, my partner in crime over at The Last of Us, urged me to get the Steam Deck. Are you familiar with the Steam Deck?

**John:** Tell me what the Steam Deck is.

**Craig:** Steam Deck is a handheld game console, not dissimilar from say the handheld Switch, that is designed to tie into your Steam account and play Steam games. You can play them handheld. It’s got a touchscreen. The touchscreen isn’t iPad quality. It doesn’t need to be. It’s got multiple joysticks and buttons and other buttons and trigger buttons. It can basically cover the control system of any game. It’s very portable.

I bought it and played this game that Neil loves, called The Case of the Golden Idol, and now I love it. It’s fascinating. It’s one of those retro style games that’s very much about the pixel art, which generally I hate, because I’m like, I grew up with that crap.

**John:** We’ve moved on.

**Craig:** I want good graphics. It’s this very strange concept. Each chapter, there are 12 of them, is a murder has taken place. They’re all loosely connected by the story of this golden idol, which is cursed, clearly. Typically, each murder situation has two or three screens of stuff. On each one of them, there are clickable areas where you can just start collecting information. What you have to do is piece together what happened based on all the clues and bits of information that are there. You have to figure out who is this person, what’s his name, what’s her name, and what have they done and what is this and blah blah blah.

It gets increasingly challenging, to the point where sometimes I’m just sitting there just staring at this thing for 40 minutes, going, “What am I missing?” Then when you finally get it, you’re like, “Ah!” It’s a lot of fun. If you have Steam, check out The Case of the Golden Idol. If you have a Steam Deck, certainly do. I think it plays very nicely on that device.

**John:** Cool. Nice. Exciting.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Megana Rao.

**Craig:** Who?

**John:** It’s edited by Matthew Chilelli.

**Craig:** Don’t know him.

**John:** Our outro this week is by Luke Yoquinto, who discovered this in the score to Coming to America by Nile Rodgers. What we’re playing is actually a clip from the score to Coming to America, but it actually has the Scriptnotes theme in it. We have time-traveled back to put it into existing movie scores.

**Craig:** Well done.

**John:** If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions. We have T-shirts and they’re great. You can find them at Cotton Bureau. You’ll find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find transcripts and sign up for our weeklyish newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to record on advice to a producer. Craig, Megana, thank you so much for a fun show.

****Megana:**** Thank you.

**Craig:** Thank you.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** Craig, here’s what I have. A friend of a friend is a producer in the UK and has a project for which he’s brought on a writer. The project is based on a true story. It’s required a lot of research. This is a relatively new writer but a really good writer who’s from the region, been doing the research, and everything’s very promising. The problem is the producer’s just not getting a draft out of this writer. He’s waiting. There’s whole machineries that it really looks like this movie could happen, but he needs a script.

The producer emailed me just to say, “Hey, do you have any advice for how I should not be an asshole but get the writer to deliver this script? The writer has had a lot of personal issues and things going on in their life that’s made it incredibly difficult. How do we do this?” I wrote back with some of my advice. I’m curious what your advice might be for this producer on how to get this draft out of this writer and what you think might be going on.

**Craig:** There could be all sorts of things going on. At the end of the day, is the writer being paid?

**John:** The writer’s being paid.

**Craig:** No matter what’s going on in our lives, if we are being paid, we are professional by definition, which means we have to behave professionally, which means we either hit our deadlines or we sit down with the employer and we say, “Here’s what’s going on in my life. Here’s why I can’t go through that deadline. I’m giving you the choice now of what to do. I would like to continue. I would like extra time so I can do my job. I need to let you know that this is what’s going on, because it changes the arrangement.” That’s how a professional handles things. It doesn’t sound like this writer is necessarily handling these things professionally. That doesn’t mean that I’m not incredibly sympathetic to whatever problems they’re having. I am, but it’s a job.

The question that I would ask the producer is, do you think that this writer is changeable or not, because there are some writers that it doesn’t matter what you do, they have a rhythm and a process that is unaffectable by you, the moon, anything. Nothing will ever change it. They are as they are. The only question that you have to ask yourself as a producer is, is it worth it or not, because that’s nothing I can do about this. It’s like I’m yelling at clouds.

If it seems like they are the kind of writer that would respond to change, then I think it’s fair to say, “Okay, because this is a professional relationship, I have to create boundaries. The boundary is I need a script by this date, which is already beyond the date that we agreed on. If it doesn’t come in by that date, I’m going to have to talk to another writer.”

**John:** I think ultimately you need to get to that ultimatum and to that point where it makes it clear. I think there are some steps before you get to that point that could be useful. That’s what I urged the producer to start at.

First off, to understand from the writer’s perspective, the writer feels shitty. I think the writer is aware that they’re late and that they’re holding things up, and they feel bad about it. Feeling bad about it is not helping them write the scripts. They’re not a writer who it seems that that bad feeling is motivating. It seems maybe it’s the opposite. Being late is not helping them get it written.

I think they may also be having a problem that they’re not willing to tell you about, which is that they may be struggling with a script with a story in ways that they are embarrassed about. They just cannot figure it out. They could probably use someone, either you or somebody else, to just talk to about what’s going on, because they may have lost hope or faith or any joy in writing it. That may be really the issue here.

Going back earlier in the episode, we talked about script consultants or that kind of thing. I think you may need to find some other writer who can sit down with them to talk to them about what it is that they’re writing, what’s exciting about it to them, where the problems are, and see if you can get a little of that shaken out.

There could also just be some actual… You’re saying this writer has some struggles in their life. You may need to help provide some structure for their writing time, which basically is like, “Would it help if I got you an office for a month? That way you could just come in on a daily basis and sit down and do your work, because maybe something’s going on at home that is making it really tough for you to write in your normal space.”

Just be aware that there could be some other way you’re going to be able to get them to do the thing. I would try those things first before bringing out the stick of, “If I don’t have it by this date, I’m going to have to cut you off.”

**Craig:** Certainly, it’s nothing anybody wants, but there are people that just need the structure of consequence. It’s not evil consequence. It’s not unjustified consequence. They just need to know that this is there. There are situations, again, where you may say to yourself, “I have a madman genius on my hands, and I need to just let him go through this insanity, and what’s going to happen on the other end is something great.”

One of the things that I’ve always tried to stress to people I worked with is, if I say I need eight weeks, and you’re telling me you really want it in six weeks, what you’re saying is two weeks of time is more important than you getting it right.

My response is always, those two weeks are going to cost you so much more time than two weeks, because if you get something that’s unworkable, unsellable, unproducable, unshootable, guess what? You’re back to square one. You’re going to have to start all over again anyway. First, you’re going to have to find another writer. That takes time. Then they’re going to have to do it. Then they’re going to run into trouble. You have to do the math in your head. One of the most frustrating parts of being a producer is how you are accountable to the outcome, but you are not in control of the outcome.

**John:** For sure.

**Craig:** That’s tricky.

**John:** Craig, you’re talking about estimating the time it’s going to take you to do a thing. You’re an experienced screenwriter who’s been through this. You’ve written 50 scripts. This writer probably hasn’t and probably has a very limited ability to estimate how long it’s going to take them to do that work. That may be a situation too.

It looks like the producer has actually been able to read some stuff that the writer has done on the project, which is why the producer’s so excited to have the writer finish it, because it’s apparently really good.

I think one of the things that may be important in this conversation is to really stress to the writer how much you love what they’ve delivered so far, because sometimes writing feels hopeless. Just putting that hope back in there can really do it.

I definitely can remember meetings where I’ve been really bummed about a project, I go into it, and then in that discussion something comes up that’s like, “Oh yeah, now I’m actually genuinely excited to write this thing that I was dreading this morning.” That does turn around.

**Craig:** One bit of practical advice that I would suggest is to maybe, since currently most days I suspect the writer is writing zero pages, say to the writer, “Okay, here’s the plan we’re putting you on, and you must do it. Every day, Monday through Friday, you must write one page. That’s it.” You’ve now reduced the burden and the expectation, which can be crushing sometimes, down to something that seems very achievable. One page. One.

What will happen, almost always, is that once the writer starts writing their one page, they will end up three or four pages later. It’s how our minds work. It’s the starting that is so hard. If you can just give them this, because even if they write one page a day, five pages a week, in a couple of months, you’re going to be doing just fine, and certainly better than you’re doing now anyway. Maybe just smallifying things might help.

**John:** Megana, what perspectives are we missing here? Anything that is striking you as you listen to this?

**Craig:** Actually…

****Megana:**** No. I think you’re right. I love the advice that you gave about encouraging this writer, because I just remember when I was in college, I had a roommate who was a real perfectionist and was not sending their thesis advisor the chapters or whatever that they needed to be doing and was just getting herself into such a hole of perfection and misery and doubt. I was like, “You’re smart. I’m sure that the work is fine and good enough.” I think sometimes with a screenplay, it’s this big thing to figure out. I worry that this person is just in a shame spiral. I love the tactics that you offer this producer to help them out of that.

**John:** On the second Arlo Finch book, I fell behind. I was running late to deliver my first draft. Again, as a professional, I did reach out to my editor and say, “Hey, I’m running behind. Let me talk to you about what the problem is.” She’s like, “Okay, I get this. Let’s make a plan for how you’re going to finish it. Basically, why don’t you take two or three days to just outline the rest of this, figure out what those problems are going to be, and how you’re going to be able to deliver this on time. We’ll reset all the rest of the deadlines to make this work.” Starting that conversation was incredibly stressful, but at the end of it, I just felt such a relief, because I didn’t feel so trapped.

It’s possible this screenwriter feels trapped and stuck. They worry they’re not going to be able to deliver anything that’s going to nearly good enough or to do the job whatsoever. Having that conversation, being that editor in that situation, could be the way out.

**Craig:** That’s good advice.

**John:** Cool. Thanks, guys.

**Craig:** Thank you.

****Megana:**** Thank you.

**John:** Bye.

Links:

* Scriptnotes episodes with 2023 Oscar Nominees [Sarah Polley](https://johnaugust.com/2023/the-one-with-sarah-polley), [Rian Johnson](https://johnaugust.com/2022/rian-johnson-returns), [Daniels](https://johnaugust.com/2022/the-daniels), [Pamela Ribon](https://johnaugust.com/2018/holiday-live-show-2018)
* [Weekend Read Beta](https://testflight.apple.com/join/zDf4Fw9c) Try it out — now updated with all FYC scripts!
* [Writing in another writer’s style](https://johnaugust.com/2014/writing-in-another-writers-style) on John’s blog with advice from [Dara Resnick Creasey](https://twitter.com/BadassMomWriter)
* [Algorithms were able to figure out that Robert Galbraith was JK Rowling](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/how-did-computers-uncover-jk-rowlings-pseudonym-180949824/)
* [Good Conversations Have Lots of Doorknobs](https://experimentalhistory.substack.com/p/good-conversations-have-lots-of-doorknobs) by Adam Mastroianni
* [The Case of The Golden Idol](https://www.thegoldenidol.com) game
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Check out the Inneresting Newsletter](https://inneresting.substack.com/)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* [Craig Mazin](https://twitter.com/clmazin) on Twitter
* [John August](https://twitter.com/johnaugust) on Twitter
* [John on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Luke Yoquinto, who discovered it in the score to Coming to America by Nile Rodgers ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by [Megana Rao](https://twitter.com/MeganaRao) and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/585standard.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Episode 573: Three Page Challenge Live in Austin, Transcript

February 24, 2023 News

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2022/three-page-challenge-live-in-austin).

**John August:** Hey, this is John. Today’s episode was recorded live last week at the Austin Film Festival. This was the day after our big, raucous live show. This is a more sedated affair, but still a pretty full house. We have a bunch of the writers who wrote their scenes for the Three Page Challenge in the audience. We’re going to talk to them about what they wrote, why they wrote it, and get some real feedback from them. If you’re a Premium Member, stick around after the credits, because we’ll do some Q and A with the audience. Some really good questions were asked and hopefully answered. Enjoy.

Hello and welcome. My name is John August. This is a sort of version of Scriptnotes, which is a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. We’re here live in Austin, Texas. How many people in this room have submitted a Three Page Challenge to Scriptnotes, either now or at some point? That’s a lot of hands here in the audience, a lot of brave screenwriters here.

For folks who are not aware, the Three Page Challenge is a thing we’ve been doing on the Scriptnotes podcast for 10 years, where we invite people to send in the first three pages of their screenplay, their teleplay, and we give them our honest feedback. It’s criticism, but hopefully really genuinely constructive criticism about what we’re seeing on the page, what’s working great, and what could maybe possibly work a little bit better. Craig Mazin, my cohost and I, we talk through this. We do it every couple of weeks. It’s been really fun and educational for everybody, because it’s great to have a podcast about screenwriting, but it’s really hard to talk about screenwriting without talking about the words on the page.

Today is all about the words on the page. We have some other brave writers here who submitted samples so we can talk through these things. If you’re listening to this at home, later on it’ll be attached to the podcast episode. You just click on those links. A good chance to see what these things look like on the page, what we’re talking about literally, like transitions and the language choices that you’re seeing.

When we ask people to send in these script pages, I don’t read them, Craig doesn’t read them. It’s Megana Rao who reads them. Let’s bring up Megana Rao, our producer. Megana Rao, when we call for Three Page Challenges, we’ll put it on Twitter or we’ll announce it on the podcast. How many submissions do we typically get?

**Megana Rao:** We usually get a couple hundred.

**John:** A couple hundred submissions. These are writers who are writing in, saying, “Please talk about my thing on air.” For Austin, how many people did you get? We had a special little tick box like, “I’m going to be here at Austin.” How many did you read through?

**Megana:** Oh god, I didn’t count this time. I’m sorry.

**John:** It was a lot. It was a good number. These are people who could actually join us up on stage, because that’s what’s fun about the Austin Film Festival is we can actually talk through with these people about what they did and what their intentions were and what we saw versus what they were attempting to do, because so often it’s just a vacuum.

**Megana:** Totally. We’re just assuming, and we don’t get that feedback.

**John:** Talk me through your general selection process, because this isn’t a competition. You’re not looking for the best scripts pages. What’s helpful for you in picking a Three Page Challenge?

**Megana:** I think first of all, I want to make sure that no one ever feels embarrassed and that these are pages that I would be comfortable if I had written being on our website and seen by people. I want to make sure there’s no formatting issues or too many typos or anything like that, that there’s a certain level of professionalism.

Then typically, they are pages where I am surprised or excited. I feel like there’s something new, there’s something I’m rooting for in those pages, but maybe it’s not quite landing on every point. I really feel like I want to champion those writers and those pages to be the best that they can be. I usually put those in a selection pile, and then you and I go through the top five or seven and narrow it down from there.

**John:** Absolutely. It’d be great to be like, “Here’s three perfect pages. Everyone do these three perfect pages.” Then we wouldn’t have a lot to talk about. We could just say, “Oh, these are great. I want to read the next 30 pages of the script.” It’s the ones who have some like, “Oh, there’s something really promising here, but there’s also something we can work on, that we can discuss.” As you’re looking through, why we picked these three samples is because we saw things that were really promising but also things that we could discuss.

**Megana:** Totally.

**John:** We don’t have Craig here with us today, but we do have, luckily, someone who has to read scripts for a living. Can we welcome up Marc Velez? Marc, you are a production executive. You are working at Universal?

**Marc Velez:** Yes. I oversee development for a division at Universal Studio Group. There’s many television studios within the studio, and so I work at one of them.

**John:** Great. What is your experience on a daily basis with scripts? Are you reading submissions from writers you’ve never hear of, or are you reading to help put together staffing for shows? What is your experience working with scripts on a daily basis?

**Marc:** I would say it’s a combination of all three. We have overall deals with a lot of different writers and directors and production companies. They will send us material that they want us to option and work with them and then take to platforms, so there’s that. Then agents will call us and say, “Hey, you should know this writer. They have a really great script,” so there’s that. Then there’s, third, I guess, submissions that are just being considered for pilots.

**John:** Great. What was your background before this? You were working with Lee Daniels’s company.

**Marc:** My first job was at Planet Hollywood.

**John:** Wow. That’s a whole origin story.

**Marc:** That’s a whole story.

**John:** You went from all the props in movies to actually working with the people who make those things.

**Marc:** I didn’t know anybody in Hollywood. I thought the way to get to Hollywood was work at Planet Hollywood.

**John:** Of course. It’s got Hollywood in the name, so you’d figure. You were that close.

**Marc:** Prior to working at UCP, I ran Lee Daniels’s company for the last six years as a producer. We did Empire. We did the new Wonder Years. We did a Sammy Davis limited series on Hulu.

**John:** For something like that, you are helping to staff up those shows. You’re helping to find writers who could be making these things possible. You must get a lot of submissions. You’re probably going through a lot. You may not be stopping at three pages, but what gets you excited to finish a script, and what makes you go like, “Oh, you know what? I think I can set that down and never pick it up again.”

**Marc:** That’s a really good question. I would say it’s just a gut thing that I connect with the material at the core of it, the character, the point of view, the emotion in the script.

**John:** Sometimes you’re reading specifically for staffing on a given show, and so does this fit this thing. Also, I bet you can recognize this is a writer with a voice, this is a writer who feels confident on the page.

**Marc:** Yeah. I would say it’s almost like three buckets. There’s, like you said, the staffing where if I’m staffing a specific show knowing that I need to mimic something in let’s say the spy genre or if it’s an agent who has just sent a script in just for a general meeting and I’m just writing it for their voice. Then there’s the third, which I always think is the hardest. I’m reading the script to see if we want to option it to actually make a show, which just has a different kind of structure to it.

**John:** Yeah, because within a third one, you’re really looking like, “Can I see Episode 2? Does it feel like there’s a thing here to keep going?”

**Marc:** Exactly.

**John:** Which is challenging. Let’s apply some of that structure and thinking to these three pages that we’re looking at from these three samples today.

**Megana:** We’re going to start with Michael Heiligenstein, who wrote The Encyclopedists. The summary, “King Lear the 15th smiles to himself as he seals an order and passes it to his attendant. As we watch the order travel from the palace to the police barracks through the streets of Paris, we hear Denny Diderot in VoiceOver describe the corruption of the monarchy and society. We see scenes of Denny writing in his apartment until the police show up to his home with the royal order and drag him out and throw him in a police carriage.”

**John:** The Encyclopedists. Marc, let’s say this landed on your desk, virtually or physically printed, The Encyclopedists, a pilot for a limited series. Just even on the cover page, we have Michael’s name, written by, copyright. Everything looks good to me. Anything trip you up at all?

**Marc:** No, it looks great.

**John:** Cool. Let’s get on to first instincts after reading these three pages. Did you see what this show was going to be? What was your feeling after the three pages?

**Marc:** I would say a couple things, Michael. I would say the first, actually I didn’t know this story, so then I did a real deep dive after, which was really cool.

**John:** Which is great when you get that.

**Marc:** It’s rare to have somebody educate me on something that I didn’t know. That was really cool. I would say overall, I got what the premise was of the show and this man being persecuted obviously for writing encyclopedia within this world. It was a pretty clean, clear premise within the first three pages.

**John:** I would agree. I had a sense that this is going to be this guy’s story, Diderot’s story. I could see there’s going to be a journey here. I was excited to see what happened. He gets thrown in jail by the end of the three pages. Things were moving quickly. We’re essentially intercutting between Denny Diderot writing this thing about the abuse of power and how kings work, while we see his arrest order come through. The intercutting was nice.

I did have some questions though. We’re in a time period, but I don’t really know the time period. I didn’t know the year. I wasn’t anchored into a moment or a year. I didn’t know King Louis the 15th’s age. I like that the writer was telling us to call him Denny, D-E-N-N-Y, so we would actually pronounce it right in our head, because the French name would be Denis Diderot. It didn’t have a great visual on him. I knew that his hair kept falling in front of his eyes, but I couldn’t quite see him. In these three pages introducing this central character, I need to have a clear visual on who he is and be able to cast him in my head.

**Marc:** If you had the timeframe on there, it would’ve just been more helpful to clarify. I know voiceover’s always really tricky. I felt like in those three pages specifically, what did you want to say in the VoiceOver, because the VoiceOver jumped around a little bit from explaining the king is beholden to the realm to then the king, if he is corrupt, makes bad decisions, and then there was something about the guards basically deciding what they want to do. I was looking for a little bit more consistency in tracking that VoiceOver, because I think that VoiceOver was really key in the first three pages.

**John:** It’s an interesting use of VoiceOver, because it’s not a VoiceOver that’s directed just to us as an audience. We’re supposed to believe that this is what he’s writing, because he’s going to get stopped mid-sentence as he’s writing this thing. Essentially, he has that compulsion to write. What he’s writing is what we’re hearing in our heads.

Other things I noticed as we went through on the page, we’re lacking ages on people. I was lacking some sort of physical details on some people that could’ve been helpful. I didn’t necessarily believe at the bottom of Page 1 that Rene Berryer was eating a steak at his desk. That just felt like a modern thing versus a whatever year this is supposed to be thing, a horse-drawn carriage kind of year thing.

Then on Page 2, midway through, “Over his left shoulder, a window; through it you may notice the police pull up outside.” I had trouble visualizing that, because for some reason I saw us on the second floor, and that was a challenge. The “you may notice,” it’s either we notice or we don’t notice. Are we supposed to notice or are we not supposed to notice? I needed a little bit stronger of a choice there.

**Marc:** Yeah. Then for me a little bit on Page 3, I was curious what happened to the blade and if he put that in his pocket for later and what that reveal was to come. I was curious where it went, because for me it dropped out a little bit. Then I just was curious in terms of his point of view. He seemed so nonchalant about getting whisked off by the police. It was just curious getting in his POV a little bit, as well as, if he knew that they were taking him because he was a writer, would he not hide the stuff he was currently writing in that first scene?

**John:** We approach things with an expectation based on… We see this person writing. We see the police coming. We’re setting this up. For his writing just to be out there felt a little bit of a risk.

**Marc:** Yeah. I will say I did not see the reveal coming at the end. That was great. I thought they were going to apprehend somebody else, and you were just cutting between the two when he was narrating the story. That was a really nice reveal that I didn’t see.

**John:** Great. One of the things we love about doing the live Three Page Challenge is we actually get to talk to the folks who wrote the script. Could we have you come up and talk to us about your pages here, Michael?

**Michael Heiligenstein:** I think I’ve gotten so good at taking feedback in the past couple years, I’m finally ready to do it live on stage.

**John:** Nothing at all nerve-wracking about this. Michael, did we misunderstand anything you were trying to do in these three pages?

**Michael:** No, I think that you pointed out a couple things that were unclear and could be clearer on the page. You get the premise. I’m glad that you understood where it was going, what was going on.

**John:** Great. Talk to us about what’s going to be happening on the next 10 pages. What goes next?

**Michael:** I love the next 10 pages. This is a script where the final 30 pages of this pilot I’m less sure about, but the first 15 are why I wrote it. When he gets thrown in that police carriage, Denny is about to find out he is not being arrested for what he wrote. He is being arrested for who he loves, because France is so restrictive at this time, the union of the clergy and the king are such that even though Denny is 33, he needs his father’s permission to get married, who he’s estranged from.

He writes his father to ask permission, and his father calls in a favor from the king to have Denny arrested. He is hauled 80 miles from Paris and imprisoned in this monastery where the monks hate him, because he scammed them at one point in the past. They beat him. They starve him. After a couple weeks, all he wants to do is get back to Annette, who is the woman he’s in love with.

After a couple of weeks, in the middle of a rainstorm, he jumps out the second floor window and hikes back to Paris 80 miles in the rain, shows up at her doorstep sopping wet and 20 pounds lighter than last she saw him. He says, “Annette, I don’t care what my father says. I don’t care what he does. Come what may, I want to be with you. Will you marry me?” She says no. That’s the next 10 pages.

After that, he gets involved in the Encyclopedia Project. His friend Rousseau pulls him out of his slump and is like, “Look, you need to work. You can’t stay in this apartment. You need to rent someplace else, so you need money. This project pays well.” He gets pulled into this Encyclopedia Project that’s already going on. By the end of the episode, he’ll become the co-editor of the encyclopedia.

**John:** Great. Talk to us about tone then, because what you say, having this romance, he feels like a romantic character who’s drawn to great extremes to get back to this woman he loves. Is that the tone? Is it serious romantic?

**Michael:** My overall impression of it is it’s about his life and it’s about both his relationships as well as this political philosophy bent where he’s somebody who wants to write about the world as it is. There’s two fronts, but you see so much of it is about his personal life and the relationships as well, his relationship with the woman who becomes his wife, as well as with eventually his mistress, this other affair. To me, it’s both sides.

**John:** Marc, let’s say this is a project that crosses your desk. There may be these people, things attached, or there’s nothing attached. What is helpful for you to think about this as a property that you could develop at Universal or with Lee Daniels’s company? What are the things that we’d say, oh, these are the comps, this is the framework in which you can see making this series? What else would he need to bring?

**Marc:** I would just ask you thematically your point of view and why you wanted to tell the story from a thematic principle, because I think that would help.

**Michael:** To me, Denny’s situation is not that different from the situation that any writer is in. Some writers are going to chafe at it more than others, but everybody works under some ruling system. For us, that is capitalism. Look, I’m cool with it on some level. I’m here to make stuff that sells and finds that audience. There are constraints. If you’ve got to pull together $30 million, $50 million to put something together, that’s the constraints that we work with, and that colors the storytelling, and not just the storytelling, but what we write about in the world.

I work in marketing currently. I worked at a website in content stuff. The topics that get covered online, working through that industry, I saw how the stuff that gets covered extensively and written about in detail is all stuff that makes money. There are subjects, for instance, like history, American history. I love history. You can’t find really great information about it online. There’s subjects that are just not covered well. To me, that’s because you don’t make money off of that, so it’s not important, I guess.

**John:** What is the pitch for somebody who doesn’t know anything about the Encyclopedia Project? Is that the Wikipedia of its day? How do you talk about that in a way that resonates with somebody who is just… It’s 2022. Tell me why this matters.

**Michael:** It’s a banned book. He’s not just a philosopher. He’s a fugitive philosopher. He’s a renegade philosopher. The book is not able to be published in France, so he has to go back channel through all this stuff. He’s arrested twice in the course of his life. This is the book that eventually is going to be considered foundational to the French Revolution. This is the precursor to the part that we all know about. There’s other fun stuff in there. You get the salon culture, the intellectual culture in France at the time. To me, the core of the pitch is this contrast. He’s a philosopher and he’s a fugitive.

**John:** Now, Marc, I asked about what else he needs for a series. Talk about a pitch book or a pitch deck. If you were taking this to buyers, what would you need?

**Marc:** I would say the first script, it’s a format. It’s between a bible and a format, and so it’s about 10 to 15 pages where you map out episodically where the show goes. Ideally, we would send the script around, buyers would be interested, then basically you would go and you would pitch how you see the show, and then you could leave behind that format for them to decide.

**John:** Since the pandemic, those going around towns have resulted in a lot of Zooms with slideshows, where Megana’s driving the slides. It’s complicated, but it works, and so it does feel possible to do. Michael, thank you so much for sharing this.

**Michael:** Thank you.

**John:** Thank you for coming up here.

**Marc:** It was really good.

**Michael:** Thanks.

**Marc:** It was really good.

**John:** What script should we talk about next?

**Megana:** Next we are going to talk to Liliana Liu. “Nicole, 22, sleeps in the control of a facility where she monitors conversations. She’s woken up, and we see her travel in a driverless pod through the Mojave Desert on her way to her mobile home. At home, Nicole makes instant ramen and exercises in front of a series of monitors. We cut to baby Sophie’s room and see her parents put her to sleep. In the living room, we see Sophie’s mom accept a call from Sophie dated April 22, 2032. They speak, and we cut to Sophie, age seven, in a pod with her dad. Her dad encourages her to talk on the phone to her mom normally. Sophie refuses until she hears her mom’s lullaby. We cut to the control room where Nicole watches the scene.”

**John:** Great. I’m so excited to talk about this because I love near-future. I love this space. The premise feels like a Black Mirror kind of premise, like there’s something, what if you could do this, and what are the consequences of being able to do this, which is really exciting.

There’s also some challenges on the page I think we could really talk through and clean up, because sometimes you don’t recognize what’s confusing in a bad way on a page. By clearing those up, you can actually really lock your reader in, because we always talk about there’s a difference between confusion and mystery. Mystery’s great, because that makes us want to keep going. Confusion’s like, I don’t know, and I lose some confidence. Let’s figure out ways to make us more confident about what’s happening on these three pages. Marc, what was your first read on this?

**Marc:** I would say I love the tone. I think you really created a beautiful minimalist tone that I thought was really cool. I definitely was leaning in. Then honestly, after the three pages were over, I did have some confusion, to John’s point, but I still was leaning in, curious to see what the show was about that I didn’t quite understand, but I think in a good way too.

**John:** I want to focus on something on Page 2 which I thought worked nicely and just the description of what’s inside Nicole’s home. I’ll just read a little bit here. “She closes the door. Boots off. Black backpack and a pair of red over ear headphones go on a hook next to the door. Small yet not cozy. Only the essentials: a table, one chair. Rustic. Retro. Wood and white dotted with red. No photos. Nothing personal. Nicole (22), maroon tunic over black tights, turns to the kitchenette. She is also unadorned, small, not cozy. She grabs a red kettle, fills it, taps it on. Psst – boils in an instant. Grrl – straight to a Nongshim spicy cup noodle.”

I can see it all. I can see what’s happening here. I can see the order of things, which is really nice. It’s giving me that near-future vibe. I get a sense of who she is and where that is. That moment works really well. I think I want to try to bring that clarity to the rest of this, because I got lost a few other places.

**Marc:** Yeah. I loved your description. I thought it was so beautifully crafted, but I was looking for a little bit more of a POV from Nicole at times, because her description was pretty thin, but maybe that was a choice you chose. You had a full page of the surroundings, and I was looking for a little bit more of her as a character within that page.

**John:** Yeah. Let’s go back to Page 1. We open with, “Over black. Silence. Flat green line. Steady. Then a small ripple.” Really what we’re seeing, we’re going to see the voice pattern go past. There were a lot of words to say that there’s a green line on a black screen. I think we can be a little more minimalist here, so, “Flat green line on a black screen. Steady. Then it ripples.”

“A distinctive voice, deep, smoky.” Then we go into the Older Woman and Younger Woman’s dialog here. It was mysterious. That’s mysterious, and then the next moment’s mysterious, and the next moment’s mysterious, and you’re not telling us people’s names. They’re just figures. I need to be a little more anchored in what I’m actually seeing and who these people are, because there’s apparently Nicole that we’re seeing in this control room. Great. Just tell us her name then and don’t keep the mystery until we finally reveal her at her little mobile home pod, to me.

**Marc:** I agree. I was searching, like I said earlier, just for a little bit more Nicole up top and getting in her POV, because I think you beautifully crafted the world really well and the tone. I was looking for a little bit more of the character up top.

**John:** Then on Page 2, we’re moving between Nicole’s home and Sophie’s home. There’s projections in both places. I got really confused. I didn’t know that we’d gone to a different place and that we were establishing a new location and a new time. Give us a transition line. Just make it clear that this really is a jump to a new place that we’ve not been to before. Also, it took me three times to read it to realize that by mobile you meant a phone. I thought it was actually a mobile, like he was running in with-

**Siri:** I’m not sure I understand.

**John:** Sorry, Siri. Sorry, Siri. I thought he was running in with some sort of mobile to hang over the baby’s crib or something. This is really confusing. It’s a phone. Again, it’s one of those American English versus British English things that I read it the wrong way.

The only other point I’ll make is that the premise of what you seem to be setting up, the Black Mirror of it all, is what if you could set up a call between someone who’s 7.14 years ahead or behind. Intriguing. It’s a little strange that we’re in Nicole’s POV for so much of this rather than Sophie’s POV, that we’re starting with this tech worker rather than the actual family at the heart of it.

**Marc:** Also similar, I think the transitions I had to read a couple times to make sure I was tracking timeline, in addition to then when Nicole was back at work watching Sophie, I was a little confused of the point of view that we were in.

**John:** Luckily, we don’t have to stay confused, because we have the writer herself here. Could you come up here? Liliana, thank you so much for being here with us.

**Liliana Liu:** Hi.

**John:** Hi. Talk to us about this script. What’s the status of it? Is the whole thing written or just these three pages?

**Liliana:** Completely out of my depths here, just to say that. My husband is the only one that has ever read any pages, were those pages.

**Marc:** Wow.

**John:** Wow. Brave choices here. Nicely done, Liliana.

**Liliana:** Just a little background, I’m a full-time mom and a part-time software developer. I literally started writing sometime last year. This is a kick in the ass for me to do something, just to embarrass myself and get it out there.

**John:** You did. You’ve done a great job. Black Mirror, is that right? Is that what you’re going for? Is that the feel?

**Liliana:** Yeah. I discovered that all my ideas were all sort of sci-fi-ish but sort of a little realism, grounded in real life, sci-fi. This is my first feature script. In fact, it’s still in the middle of writing this, as I’m trying to propel myself to actually finish writing it. I would say the genesis is very personal, even though the theory behind it is not. I’m a sensitive person. I think a lot of writers are. I grew up in a home where my mom was ultra-sensitive. A lot of times, there’s this thing about going back. You replay things. You talk to people or make decisions or you didn’t say certain things or even make certain decisions. It plays back in your mind. It haunts you. Then you wish you could go back. It could be something very small. You want really hard to say something or do the thing that you didn’t, stuff like that. That’s the genesis of where this whole thing comes from.

**John:** There’s this phrase, esprit d’escalier, that thing you realize you should’ve said as you left the place. This is with a seven-year time period, a bigger gap. It’s a great premise. You’re saying this is a feature. Who is our central character, and who protagonates over the course of your feature?

**Liliana:** Nicole is the central figure. This is a big company. I think the only other thing I found was some movie with Daniel Quaid about, I think, firefighters calling between dinner times. This is more like there’s a company now, like Amazon or something, that provides this service. She is working behind the scenes. There’s some complications around… People think this is an artificial intelligence provide the service, but in the background, because a lot of times this happens, I work in the background software, that that’s not real, there’s no AI yet. She’s one of the people behind it that’s actually making it happen. People don’t know that it’s her job. I guess another complexity layer is that originally I wanted to do something like Lives of Others where she is just almost in the background.

**John:** An observer, yeah.

**Liliana:** Nobody knows she exists. Then she makes an impact to a particular client. I don’t know if this is the right direction. I wanted to make it more personal for her, where she wasn’t just opaque character who just is an observer, like you say. I’ve found basically an angle where she has something very, very key in her own life.

What you see in the first page, that first conversation, now that I think about it, maybe it’s too mysterious. The Older Woman is her mother, and she is the younger woman. She left home when she was 15 and had basically a broken relationship with her mother. Even though she won’t admit it to herself, that’s what’s been haunting her all this time.

It’ll come to pass in the first 10 pages or so that her mother is going to become a client that comes in, but she works behind the scenes. It’s a voice thing. She overhears another worker there that talks to her mother. She’s been listening to these conversations with her mom day in, day out, but she hasn’t talked to her or seen her for seven years. That’s the inciting incident is that her mom is now a client.

**John:** A pitch, and not necessarily a thing you need to do, but the story you’re describing, it may make sense to have an opening vignette that sets up the premise of what this is and what the service does and if we can establish that she works at this company that’s doing this thing, just so we’re clearly anchored in like, oh, this is what normal life is like before things get upended. Right now, it feels like you’re trying to set up so many mysteries, and we get a little bit lost in that.

Marc, let’s say that the cleaned up version of this script crosses your desk. It’s a feature length thing. Is it something you would say, “Okay, this is great. Let’s think about it as a series.” How much does that happen, where you take something that shows up as a feature, you think, “We could do this as a series.”

**Marc:** I’ve actually done it a couple times. I’m doing it recently, where there was a feature script I read that I loved. You met with the writer. You could easily see how you could open up the world. We’re just breaking it up into episodic now. I’m super impressed that this is your first thing you’ve ever written, because it’s a really clear, concise, high-concept, grounded genre piece. There’s something really fresh and cool about it.

**John:** Absolutely. I’m also thinking the cleaned up version of this could be really good staffing, because it reads well for that. This writer can do near-future sci-fi, grounded sci-fi, which is not easy to do. We’re making a fair number of those shows right now. The Nolans would need to have people like you to do that stuff.

**Marc:** It reminded me of Arrival the movie or Severance, a little bit in that tone.

**John:** Cool. Now she’s excited that you did this. Liliana, thank you so much. Thank you very much for coming up here. Thank you so much for coming up here. We have a third and final Three Page Challenge here to talk through. Megana, I think we have a listener question that is relevant here. Why don’t you start with a listener question?

**Megana:** Carrie asked, “Are there legitimately good reasons for the protestant adherence to the unexpressive screenplay format we all use, as in more than, ‘Well, that’s because that’s the way we’ve always done it.’ Several episodes ago, you read a Three Page Challenge with a title page designed like a wake flier, and everyone was so delighted. As a career graphic designer, it seems obvious to me that typography, layout, color, imagery are evocative storytelling tools, but screenwriters are still debating whether bolding a slug line is showing too much ankle. What are some of the good reasons we’re using our great-grandfather’s typewriter constraints in 2022?”

**John:** Provocative question there. We talk a lot about the formatting on the page on normal episodes. I really want to focus on title pages. Marc, if you see a title page that is designed versus just the 12-point Courier, maybe underlined title, what do you think?

**Marc:** It doesn’t really register.

**John:** It doesn’t register for you?

**Marc:** As long as there’s the title, I’m good.

**John:** Great. It doesn’t help you? It doesn’t scare you?

**Marc:** Me, no.

**John:** Our third Three Page Challenge has a very well-designed or a very graphic cover page. I’m holding it up here. For our listeners at home who can’t see this, it’s The Untimely Demise of That Awful David Schwartzman. The title is very big on the page. It’s single words in probably 72-point font, “Original teleplay by Rudi O’Meara.” The background is a photo that is a gradient from red to blue. It’s stylish. It’s big. It’s not anywhere like a normal title page would be. It’s a very strong, bold choice. Megana, could you give us a synopsis of what we see in these three pages?

**Megana:** Yes. This is The Untimely Demise of That Awful David Schwartzman by Rudi O’Meara. “We open on a middle-aged man floating facedown in a pool, wearing a kimono and covered in blood. In VoiceOver, Clay, early 20s, aspiring screenwriter, tells us he can’t believe that David, the man facedown in the pool, is dead and that he’s one of the ones trying to figure out who did it. Clay warns us that David wasn’t usually this calm. We hard cut to production offices, where we see David Schwartzman, a famous indie producer, storm in and scream at Clay about work, looking for some guy named Phil, and picking him up food from Canter’s.”

**John:** Great. Marc, this producer did not remind you of anybody you’ve ever heard of, right?

**Marc:** Many a producer I worked for back in the day as an assistant.

**John:** Back in the days. This is a story about Hollywood. It’s focused on that. There’s a little bit of PTSD that comes up as I read these things, both from having experienced these people and also having read things about these people and the Swimming with Sharks and all this stuff. As I sit down at this, I’m like, oh, so it’s a Sunset Boulevard opening with someone floating in a pool and a screenwriter talking, the narration that’s going onto this. As you finished these three pages, what was your first thought? What was your first feeling?

**Marc:** I would say I love the title.

**John:** I think the title is fantastic.

**Marc:** Yeah, that definitely brought me in. I would say after that, if I was looking at it for development, it would be a harder point of view, just because Hollywood stories are just really hard to sell. I would then assess more of as a staffing sample.

**John:** The Untimely Demise of That Awful David Schwartzman is a really strong title. We’ve talked on the show before. There’s been periods at which spec scripts with very provocative titles would get a lot of attention. Then they would always be released as something completely different than the actual movie. I’m going to remember that. Saying That Awful David Schwartzman is really great. This is apparently Episode 1: Who the F is Phil.

Some other things I’m noticing on the title page here, we’re given an address, we’re given a phone number, we’re given an email address. Once upon a time, we maybe wanted all those things. Email address is great. We don’t need anything more than that. WGA registration number, you don’t need it. We don’t care. It honestly looks to me a little unprofessional. I just don’t trust that people know what they’re doing if they’re putting that number on there.

**Marc:** I agree.

**John:** As everyone who listens to the podcast knows, I’m the one on the podcast who actually is pro-WGA. I think WGA is a fantastic organization. I don’t think WGA registration is meaningful for almost anything. If you decide to do it, great, if it makes you feel good. It’s not any more protective than copyright is in general. Do it if you feel like it, but you definitely don’t need to put that registration number on here. I haven’t registered anything with the WGA for 20 years. Don’t worry about doing it.

**Megana:** Also, it’s because you email drafts. That’s important.

**John:** Emailing a draft around is also a proof that it existed at a certain point of time. That’s all the WGA registration does is just prove that this thing actually did exist at a certain point in time. There’s other ways to prove that.

**Marc:** Also, if you have an agent manager or a lawyer, they’re going to protect you when you submit things to production companies and studios.

**John:** Our point of view is Clay. Clay is giving us the VoiceOver. He’s the one who’s working for That Awful David Schwartzman. He has a VoiceOver power in the story. Not only does he have VoiceOver power, he has ability to stop time and freeze-frame us and be live in scenes while he’s talking to camera. It’s a lot. Did it work for you?

**Marc:** I think at points it worked for me. I think the thing that was hard for me to track was Clay as a character, because in the VoiceOver he was really brash and confident, but then in the description he was fresh-eyed and young. I was trying to find a way to track him as a character when you’re introducing him in the first three pages.

**John:** Yeah. We have basically two characters we’re setting up here. Let’s talk about David Schwartzman. He’s described as “mid-50s, long, thinning gray hair, wire rim glasses.” Love it. “An infamous independent producer with a checkered past” in the description, no. That’s too much for me. I’m always a fan of being able to cheat a little bit on that first character introduction in terms of a thing that an actor can play but is not necessarily visual or something we’re going to see. “An infamous independent producer with a checkered past,” we don’t know that from just that description. If you can quickly get that out there, we’re going to feel it. That just felt like cheating to stick that in his parenthetical there.

**Marc:** Yeah. I don’t know if this is intended to be a comedic murder mystery, but I thought when Clay says, “We’d be the ones trying to figure out who did it,” it felt like it tipped your hat to the mystery a little bit. I wanted a little bit more intrigue and not laying out all your cards in the first page.

**John:** Yep. We have another character cheating thing here when we finally get to Clay’s actual introduction. He’s been voiceover-ing, but only on Page 2 do we actually meet him in person. “The camera wheels around to reveal our narrator – Clay Wilcox,” parentheses, “early 20s,” comma, “a fresh-faced former English major and aspiring screenwriter then unaccustomed to David’s fury.” That whole last sentence there, “then unaccustomed to David’s fury,” facts not in evidence. Show us that, but you can’t just tell us that in a scene description.

**Marc:** Yeah. Similar to the way he talked in VoiceOver, and then when he was freezing, it felt like he had been doing this for a while, so it was hard to track which kind of, I guess, Clay we were tracking and following.

**John:** Yeah. That’s where I had a hard time buying Clay as a character, which is important, because he’s our POV character. He’s the one we’re going to see going through this. All that said, I’m curious and intrigued about the tone, because like you, I thought it was maybe a comedic murder mystery, sort of Only Murders in the Building. There’s something fun about that and piecing that together, we have a dead body, and figuring out who could’ve done this thing, when it seems like everybody probably did want to kill this person, because I want to kill this person, and I don’t even know him. Luckily, we can ask the question of the writer himself. Can we bring up Rudi O’Meara? Rudi, thank you very much for being here.

**Rudi O’Meara:** Thanks for having me. Great feedback though. Thank you so much.

**John:** Great. Thank you for being here. Talk to us about your experience with David Schwartzman. Was he really that bad?

**Rudi:** Yes. Actually, the title, the “That Awful,” so the person… It’s kind of from my life experience in some ways. It’s the reason I left the industry when I was younger. Later in the script, it’s mentioned that he was actually part of The Factory with Andy Warhol. When I was told that I got the job, I was working at a bookstore. The Warhol Diaries had just come out. I went to the index, and his citations were long in his name. I went to the first one. It was like, “Went to so-and-so’s house, ran into that awful David.” His last name was not Schwartzman. Next citation was exactly the same. Twenty citations later was exactly the same. That’s where the title comes from.

**John:** That’s awesome. I didn’t know that it was based on… I think it’s a sad state of Hollywood that there’s a bunch of other people who I assumed it could’ve been based on.

**Marc:** Exactly.

**John:** A bunch of terrible, terrible people, some of whom we’ve discussed on the Scriptnotes podcast, who we could assume that it was inspired by. Was our guess that it’s a comedic murder mystery at all correct? What is the tone for you?

**Rudi:** Ding ding ding.

**John:** Great. Someone killed him, and it’s Clue, and we have to figure out who could’ve done it.

**Rudi:** Correct. Like you said earlier too, it really could be anyone. That’s part of the both episodic nature, but also… Every single person from the financier, basically every aspect of the production, everyone has a motive. They’re trying to figure out how to solve it.

**John:** Talk to us about the engine of the show though, if it’s an Only Murders in the Building, or it could be The Afterparty. Are we switching POVs episode to episode? How does it work, or do you know?

**Rudi:** Clay is the protagonist. There is a time-swapping element. It jumps forward, jumps back. It’s a little bit like Only Murders but then also like The Big Lebowski meets The Maltese Falcon in some ways, where it jumps around, but it’s also a little trippy. In some ways, the narration is maybe faulted for that a little bit, because it does feel like you’re hearing from him at a different stage of his own understanding. At the same time, when he’s speaking in the first person or interacting with characters live, sometimes it’s a little bit disconnected from his later wisdom. It jumps around in time a little bit, and that can be a problem.

**John:** Making it clear to the audience that there is that gap is really challenging, and on the page, feeling the difference between that too, because we’re just seeing Clay with dialog, and so we’re not necessarily always clocking if it’s a VoiceOver dialog versus what’s happening in the scene. It’s a challenging thing to have characters be able to VoiceOver in a scene and talk in a scene, and yet many great movies do it. Clueless does it, and it works flawlessly when it happens. Maybe we’re actually looking at how those things worked on the page and what you can see and feel and steal from how they’re balancing those two things. You mentioned before, Marc, that movies about Hollywood, shows about Hollywood are really tough. They’re tough to get made, and they don’t tend to work especially well. Why is that? Do you have a sense?

**Marc:** There’s always the Entourages of the world that work. I think it’s hard because for the most part, people don’t want to access behind-the-scenes movies, TV shows about Hollywood. I think that’s been always hard. Can I ask you a question about the script though?

**Rudi:** Yeah, sure.

**Marc:** In terms of Clay, and you might not have this figured out, is there a detective that comes in? If Clay is new to this guy’s world, why does he want to figure out who killed him?

**Rudi:** There is a detective later. I’ve only written the pilot, but I’ve mapped out the first season. That’s very presumptuous, first season. In Season 4… No. There is a detective, but also at the same time, they have the motivation in that just before the murder happens, the film that has been in production is failing, and out of desperation, the producer, David, taps Clay for an idea, like, “Give me a spec script of yours.” He’s like, “Oh here it is. I got one.” It starts moving. Things go into production. David gets murdered. They want to keep that moving. Also, at the same time, they’re under threat, because they’re seen by all these other people who are also suspects as possible suspects themselves. Everyone’s on the table in terms of who could’ve killed David.

**John:** Great. Rudi, thank you so much for these three pages.

**Marc:** Thank you.

**Rudi:** Thank you very much.

**John:** I want to thank everybody who sent through the three pages for us to talk about, especially our brave writers who came up here to talk about the things they wrote, because that’s so intimidating to have us talk about problems and then you come up here and do it. Thank you very much for that. Thank Megana Rao, our producer, for reading all of these pages. Thank you to the Austin Film Festival for having us again. Thank you for a great audience. Thank you. Have a great afternoon.

It’s John back with you kind of live again. I want to thank the Austin Film Festival for having us yet again. Scriptnotes is produced by Megana Rao, edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our outro this week is by Jeff Graham. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send longer questions. For shorter questions on Twitter, Craig is @clmazin, I’m @johnaugust. A reminder that if you want to submit your own three pages for a Three Page Challenge, the place to do that is at johnaugust.com/threepage, all spelled out. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find the transcripts and sign up for our weeklyish newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing.

We have T-shirts, and they’re great. We saw so many of them at the Austin Film Festival. You can find them at Cotton Bureau, and actually only at Cotton Bureau. There’s now knockoff Scriptnotes T-shirts, which is wild. The real ones are at Cotton Bureau. You should get them there, because they’re the only ones that are soft enough to merit the Scriptnotes brand.

You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all of the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to put on the end of this episode, which has questions from the audience after our Three Page Challenge. Thanks.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** At this point in the podcast, I’d love to talk to you guys and get your questions you have in the audience about either the pages that we talked through today or the general thinking about what on the page works for a person who’s trying to get staffed on a show or get a show set up at a company like yours.

Do we have questions in the audience? Right there in the white. Just say your question. I may repeat it back so we have it on the air. The question is about the layout of each particular page and whether, especially in those early pages, are we trying to make sure there’s a cliffhanger at the bottom of the page and what those all are.

The first couple pages are incredibly crucial to make sure that you’re just drawing people down that page, and they want to keep flipping. The goal is just get them to the next page, get them to the next page. That’s not necessarily a cliffhanger. You don’t want to break the actual story to get you to the next thing. You are really thinking about how am I going to get this person to read. A very common cheat you’ll see in a lot of scripts is that putting a few extra blank lines at the top, so that the first page is just a little bit lighter and so that we’re starting about a quarter of a page down, just to get you flipping and just make it less intimidating to get through.

A thing we talk a lot about when we do Three Page Challenges is just the page feel and how dense it is on the page and how light it is. The samples we’ve gone through today are pretty good examples. The longest blocks of scene description are about three lines, four lines. There’s no 15-line things. If you look back at older scripts, sometimes they had really massive things. Those are intimidating. You might start skimming.

As a writer, you never want your reader to skim. You always want the reader to feel like every word, they got it in there and they took it. The only thing you want your reader to be able to skim is character names. At a certain point you can get into a flow where you don’t have to look at the character names anymore. You have a feeling of it’s ping-ponging back and forth between these characters. It’s great. You basically want to make sure that you’re keeping the reader glued to every word and flipping the next page.

Again, one of the things we always say at the end of each of these samples, would I want to read Page 4? Sometimes, yes. In the case of these scripts, yeah, I would keep reading a little bit longer, which is a great sign.

Right here in the first row. Julie, you’re asking a really good question, because classically, we talk about structure, especially for film structure, like, oh, the inciting incident needs to happen at a certain point, or there’s an act break and these changes. I think the thing we kept trying to stress is that even before then, by the end of three pages, we need to have a sense of what this world feels like, what this movie feels like, what ride am I going on. If you’ve done that in three pages, that’s important. If we’re hooked into who you are as a writer and feel confident, that’s greater. I asked you earlier what makes you stop a script. That’s one of the things you said is just that feeling of, “I want to keep going.”

**Marc:** I don’t think it needs to be somebody gets murdered in the first three pages. It could just be a really beautiful tone that’s intriguing, that you are excited to read more.

**John:** Another question. Right here. Great. The question is, how worried do we need to be in the first three pages of being either too irreverent or saying something, doing something on those first three pages that make someone feel like, “I don’t ever want to meet this writer.” Marc, has that ever happened to you?

**Marc:** No.

**John:** Have you ever been like, “Oh my god, this person seems like a jerk.”

**Marc:** No. Be as authentic as you want to be in your writing, I always say.

**John:** On the live show we did last night, we had two great guests, Chuck and Brenda, coming on. One of the things that they made most clear is that what was key to them getting staffed on shows finally was just writing what they uniquely themselves could write, that no one else could do this. When people read their sample, it’s like, “Oh yeah, I want that guy who did that thing.” It wasn’t a generic thing that someone else could’ve written. It was only a thing that Chuck could’ve written or that Brenda could’ve written. Using something that shows your own voice is crucial.

People also come to me and say, “Oh, I’m working through a couple different ideas. I’m not sure what I should be writing next that might be a good sample.” If there’s something you could write that the central character or premise feels like it matches you, that can be really useful, because then the person who’s reading it can have you in their mind, and so when they sit down and meet with you, they’re like, “Oh yeah, that character and her, yeah, I could see them jiving.” That can be really useful.

**Marc:** I will say there’s scripts that I’ve read in my career that are batshit crazy ideas, but I will always remember them. To John’s point, as I’m staffing a show, I might say, “I really loved that script two years ago,” and then I’ll flip it to the showrunners because it stuck with me as something that just felt noisy and different.

**John:** Noisy can be good. Right here. Marc, are you pro-splat?

**Marc:** I’m always open to a splat. Are you?

**John:** Yeah, I think so. On the podcast, we often call this a Stuart Special. Stuart Friedel, who’s one of our previous producers, as he picked Three Page Challenges, sometimes there would be this big dramatic thing happens, and it says then “two weeks earlier,” and then it goes back. We call that a Stuart Special, because it’s got that flashback thing. Those are often splats, where there’s a whole horrible death or a thing happens and then everything can go back to normal life beforehand. Those can totally work. They can be cliches, but if they’re cliches that are done really, really well or have a spin on them, they work and they can be really, really helpful. Don’t be afraid of them.

Right here. The question is about character introductions, character descriptions that have a lot of psychological insight or they really talk through the psychology of characters and how we feel about that. I want to contrast that with some of my criticisms of this last script, where they weren’t psychological insights, they weren’t things that an actor could play. They were just facts that we couldn’t see. I think that is really the distinction for me.

I haven’t read the Mare of Easttown scripts, but I suspect that if I were an actor reading through that script, I’d say, “Oh, that is really useful for me. That is a thing that I can figure out, how to embody what you’re describing there. That is great, whereas I can’t embody being a despised producer. That’s not a thing I can take into my body.” I’m great with it. You always have to recognize that if you’re throwing a lot of scene description at us, we’re going to be tempted to slow down or stop reading or we might skim it. It’s always that balance. If it works, it can be great. How do you feel when you see those things on the page?

**Marc:** I haven’t read Mare of Easttown. I’ll be actually curious to see how it maps out. I would say I agree. If you could be a little concise with your descriptions, I always think that works better just for the read and the flow.

**John:** Great. Another question. Let’s go all the way to the back. I see you, sir. Great. The question is about companion material, so if there’s a deck that comes with a script or there’s some sort of link, would you click that first or look at the deck first before you read the script?

**Marc:** I think it just depends, honestly. I would actually look at the sizzle first, just so I get the visual tone of what they want to do. Then I would read the script.

**John:** Just so we’re sure we’re defining terms, what is a sizzle to you, and how long is a sizzle reel?

**Marc:** A sizzle reel could be anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes. That’s almost like a proof of concept for the tone and the look and the feel of the series, or if it’s a deck, I’ve gotten decks anywhere between 5 and 20 pages of templates for who the characters are, the world. A lot of times with genre stuff in big world-building stuff, they tend to put a deck together so you understand the scope of the world.

**John:** I’m working on a project for the first time that has a deck that goes with it. It’s exciting. Also, it kind of feels like cheating, because I can show you what this all looks like. This is this giant movie star in this role. That’d be great. Of course you want to make that movie or that show. We didn’t used to do them, but they are helpful. Curious what you think about it. We now can embed links in scripts. We can embed links in things. Do you ever click links in a pdf?

**Marc:** The only thing I’ve seen, which I thought was super cool, was there was a Spotify playlist at the top of the title page, because it was a Southern show, and they wanted Southern music bands. It was actually just really nice at the end just to play that playlist, which I thought was cool.

**John:** That was on the title page or at the end?

**Marc:** It was on the title page, on the QR code.

**John:** Great.

**Marc:** It was pretty cool.

**John:** [inaudible 00:51:15]. A question right over here. The question is, beyond just a link, embedding images, putting other stuff in a script, and do we think that the screenplay format will evolve beyond where it is right now? Craig Mazin who’s not here, would say, “Yes, it’s going to. We’re going to break the whole script format.” Me, as the person who actually makes apps that do it, it’s like, eh. I’m maybe a little more conservative on some of it. How do you feel when you see an image in a script?

**Marc:** I would say at the end of the day, at the core, it’s about the actual script. You can jazz it up and put bells and whistles, but at the core, I think I just look at the script and assess the actual script.

**John:** Yeah, because to be the entire cliché here, the script is the plan for making a TV show. The photo is in the plan for making the TV show. The photo can be really helpful for other things. I think those decks and other stuff can be really helpful for showing what stuff is. The script is the plan for what the scenes are and how we’re going to get through this important storytelling moment. If an image is absolutely crucial for doing that or if you could not possibly understand this without that one image… Rian Johnson did it in Looper. If there’s one image that you have to see for it to make sense, great. If you can’t do it with your words, maybe there’s some reason why your words need to be improved.

**Marc:** I also thought for a deck over Zoom, for my writer friends who have to talk for 30 minutes, it’s a nice break to show visuals.

**John:** Yeah, it really is so great. Because of the pandemic, we first started having to do this. It was better, because suddenly, I can have my cheat sheet of what I’m pitching off of right close to the camera line, but the deck’s filling up some space. It does help, because I’m the person who always used to bring in boards. I would art-mount my boards and bring them in. Slides are just better.

Great. Right here. The question is, we talked about some scripts being really good for thinking about making this into production versus staffing and what the split is here. Can you define what is a useful thing to be thinking about, like, “Oh, this is a good sample for staffing,” versus, “This is something we would actually make.”

**Marc:** I would say the first step is I would talk to the creator/showrunner and say, “Ideally, what are you looking for? What are your needs?” because at the end of it, it’s the writer’s, creator’s decision on who he or she wants to hire. Then off of that conversation… Let’s say it’s a cop show. If they want somebody who has a cop procedural, then I’ll look for specific scripts that mimic that, or if it’s a genre piece, but it’s a real character piece, then look for something specific in line with what the showrunner wants. It really depends on what the show is.

**John:** Of course, back in the day, if you wanted to write on a half-hour sitcom, you would write a spec episode of Seinfeld or some existing show that was on the air. It’s like, “Oh, he can write that show.” You wouldn’t write the show that you were staffed on. It was just to show that you can actually do that thing. Mindy Kaling says she really misses those days, because she misses being able to staff off of like, “I know they understand how shows work and how to write in the voice of a given show.” We don’t do that anymore, because you probably read very few specs of existing shows anymore.

**Marc:** When I first started my career, it was a lot of CSIs, Law and Orders. I hadn’t watched CSI a lot, so it was hard for me to track if they were mimicking the show, because ideally when you’re staffing, you’re mimicking what the show and the creator is creating. Now it’s really refreshing, because it’s all about originals. There’s plenty of playwrights that I’ve staffed off just an amazing play sample that just has a really great character that tonally fits what the creator’s doing in the series too.

**John:** Marc, talk to us about reading things that are not scripts, because reading a play, do you feel like you are getting a good sense of whether they could do it?

**Marc:** Yeah, sometimes if there may be a lower-level writer, so a staff writer or story editor, where they’re not an upper-level writer, but they just have a really great, unique voice, and we just need a really unique perspective in the room, that will help. A couple years ago, I got pitched somebody who had a Twitter handle as a way to staff a show.

**John:** Great. Was it a very serious Twitter handle? It wasn’t funny at all.

**Marc:** No, it was funny. It was for a comedy room. They hadn’t written a script yet, but they had really funny tweets.

**John:** Diablo Cody, quite famously, she was funny on Twitter, and sure enough, she could actually write. Who knew? That is a way to show a very specific voice. Great.

Let’s take one more question here. Right there in the back, I see you. Great. Our question is, we were talking about specs, which is so confusing. In TV, a spec is writing an episode of an existing show that’s on the air, or are people just reading originals? For our writer there, would you recommend she spec an existing show or just do originals?

**Marc:** I’d say originals. I did read recently a Golden Girls spec. That was really fun and new. It was interesting how they told the story. I think it was noisy, the way they planned out the story. For the most part, originals. I would say have two, because you never know if there’s a great genre show that you want to get staffed on or a great drama. To have two samples is always really good.

**John:** Some things I took from this conversation today, I’m going to use the word noisy a lot as a describer, because really, a noisy thing you notice. You just notice people who are noisy, and you notice a script that is noisy. It just sticks with you. Things that are just quiet and subtle and disappear and they’re not objectionable but they’re not memorable, that’s not going to help these people.

**Marc:** I think it mimics… There are so many platforms right now. What buyers are saying, they need things that are noisy to break through the immense amount of content that’s on the air right now.

**John:** Great.

Links:

* [Marc Velez](https://deadline.com/2022/10/marc-velez-ucp-head-of-development-naketha-mattocks-universal-tv-svp-drama-1235136115/) on [IMDb](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm5677194/)
* [The Encyclopedists](https://johnaugust.com/index.php?gf-download=2022%2F10%2FThe-Encyclopedists-MXH-3p.pdf&form-id=1&field-id=4&hash=95fb3359c1be84f6888812633600f586b8a38fef8118d40d897a43a07798da53) by Michael X. Heiligenstein
* [Call Me 7.14 Years Ago](https://johnaugust.com/index.php?gf-download=2022%2F10%2FCall_Me_7_14_Years_Ago_Three_Page.pdf&form-id=1&field-id=4&hash=7cbf886b0e5c2ddb0343817294c00fccd7cfd708a397fbafda7e3c426a5b5e30) by Liliana Liu
* [The Untimely Demise of That Awful David Schwartzman](https://johnaugust.com/index.php?gf-download=2022%2F10%2FUntimely_Demise_v04_AFF_3_Page.pdf&form-id=1&field-id=4&hash=398abcf7c2b4adb0526bc8542da5a43be1da1ed4ab3b13dbe0868ceec2d16cf2) by Rudi O’Meara
* Thank you to the [Austin Film Festival!]() and all our participants in the three page challenge.
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
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* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Jeff Graham ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by [Megana Rao](https://twitter.com/MeganaRao) and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/573standard.mp3).

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