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Scriptnotes, Episode 618: Clearing out the Mailbag, Transcript

November 30, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2023/clearing-out-the-mailbag).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August, and this is Episode 618 of Scriptnotes. It’s a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Craig Mazin has been buried under an avalanche of work, so today on the show, producer Drew Marquardt and I will power through a stack of mostly career related questions that have been piling up in the mailbag for weeks, months?

**Drew Marquardt:** Weeks, or months, some of them. But I’m excited for all of them.

**John:** Usually what happens is we have on the outline a bunch of the topics of the day and then questions. We get to the questions or we don’t get to the questions. They stack up there.

**Drew:** I usually have about five or so for each episode, and we’ll get to one maybe two sometimes. This is good.

**John:** We’re going to look at everything from disclosing why you were fired from your last job to who pays for coffee. There’s a few craft things in there, but it’s more work stuff in this batch of mailbag. In our Bonus Segment for Premium Members, we will discuss weddings, because Drew Marquardt, you were just married.

**Drew:** I was.

**John:** You are still married, but you just had a wedding I think is the crucial thing. We’ll have some hot takes on what makes a wedding work, because coming off of this wedding, Nima Yousefi was at the wedding. He asked, “How many weddings have you been to?” I said, “I think maybe 15,” and then actually made a list in Notes on it, and I’ve been to 43 weddings.

**Drew:** Oh my god, that’s a lot of weddings. You’re an expert now.

**John:** I’m fully an expert on what to do at a wedding and what not to do. You just went through it recently, so you can tell us the 2023 take on how to stage a wedding.

**Drew:** You’ve thrown your own too.

**John:** Absolutely. I’ve officiated weddings. We can get into all the details there. Let’s just start with some questions. This first one is a doozy, so I don’t know. I’m going to stretch. I think I’m ready for this one.

**Drew:** This first one’s from Anonymous. They write, “I’m a mid-level TV writer. Right before the pandemic, I was fired from the show I was working for for making off-color jokes. They weren’t anything worse than what you’d hear on a show like Friends, and they weren’t aimed at any actual person, but I own up to my guilt and feel bad that I offended someone enough to make them complain to HR. I certainly learned my lesson. I won’t be making any jokes outside of the writers’ room ever again.

“My problem is that I’m currently getting ready to pitch on a show of my own. I have a fairly big production company attached. While they know that I wrote for my former show, they don’t know that I was fired or why. They’ve never asked, and I’ve certainly never volunteered. I’m terrified that they’re going to try and set a pitch with the studio who fired me, who are going to tell the producers that I’m blackballed and why, and then it will snowball into me being fired off this pitch and my reputation ruined. What do I do? I’m scared to try to get out ahead of it, but I’m also scared to stay silent. I’m wildly ashamed about the whole thing but am trying to be professional and figure out how to manage my career going forward.”

**John:** Anonymous, because you wrote in with a question, we have to take you at your word, because we have no other information about this. Let’s talk a little bit about you being fired from your job for these off-color jokes. HR complaints typically aren’t somebody who just said some bad jokes. They’re usually more about behavior. If that behavior was that you are in this room saying these off-color things and making people feel uncomfortable, maybe that’s enough, but maybe it’s not. We don’t know the whole picture here.

You say you feel guilt over it. Okay. Great. You say that not directed at any actual person, but it’s worth thinking about what the person who actually did complain to HR, the people who complained to HR, how did they feel about that, and then what were you doing that really brought them to that situation. Like all these questions, we can only take you at your word that it really wasn’t as big of a deal, but it was big enough that you actually got booted from the show. It sounds like it wasn’t like you weren’t invited back for the second season, but you were let go mid writing room.

**Drew:** I feel like, I don’t know the situation, but one time probably wouldn’t land you in hot water with HR.

**John:** We don’t know this. You reference Friends. Of course, Friends was a pretty famous example of a show that the writers’ room was very bawdy, and there were complaints about what was happening in that writers’ room. It didn’t sound like it was the kind of show like that.

Regardless, what’s tough for us right now is that we’re trying to hold onto two things. First off, that people make mistakes, and they can change after that. That sounds like that’s what you’re trying to do, Anonymous. We love to celebrate those inspiring stories of the ex-con who turns their life around. We believe in restorative justice. We’d like to see people and characters grow and change. So there’s that whole aspect of this.

But then also, we want to see writers and other folks working out there to have a workplace that is free of harassment. Given that there are limited seats in those rooms, there’s a natural concern, like, “Are we going to give one to the guy who was just harassing people or was sort of a dick in that room?”

Those are the things we’re trying to balance, try and make these good, productive writing rooms that feel inclusive and safe, and also believing that people can grow and change. This whole answer, it’s predicated on the idea that you do feel bad about what happened, you want to change these things, and you’re deeply ashamed and embarrassed.

Let’s talk about what you do next here. You’ve got to get out ahead of this. It’s insanity to think that this will never come up and that you’re going to wait around for someone to say something about this. I’m curious what your reps know, your manager, your agents, your lawyer. What are they hearing? What are they feeling? Are you actually blackballed or just perceive that you’re blackballed at that studio, that they would never hire you again? Talk to them about this.

What is your relationship like with the previous showrunner, the one that you were fired from? Is it still somewhat cordial? Do they hate you, despise you? Are they never going to return your calls? You’re a mid-level writer, so you’ve been working on other shows too. What is your relationship like with those other showrunners who can vouch for you not being a jerk in the room?

Then when it comes time for this project and these producers, this production entity, I would say start the conversation in terms of this specific studio that you may be going into with this pitch, and so while you don’t necessarily know what their feeling may be, that you’ve left on bad terms. Then talk about what actually happened in there.

You don’t know what that conversation’s necessarily going to lead to or what the journey’s going to be like, but I think that’s your best bet, because I think you coming to them with this information is much better than you being on your back heels when they come to you and say, “We’ve heard these things.”

**Drew:** Would Anonymous be able to refer them to the other people that they’ve worked with, if they have someone who can vouch for them, basically?

**John:** That’s why I think looking at previous showrunners, previous shows they’ve been on might be helpful for, I think, overall more context. I think Anonymous is going to have to explain for themselves what happened in that room and why they got let go of that show, why they got fired off that show. I do think that having a broader context around that could be helpful, other witnesses on his side.

I’m curious what happened. Again, we always love follow-up, to hear what happened down the road with these things. Anonymous, let us know what’s happening six months to a year from now.

**Drew:** Please. Next comes from MD. They write, “Probably a stupid question, but when you’re meeting someone for coffee, like an agent invited you or an established screenwriter accepted meeting you for a possible mentorship, who picks up the tab?”

**John:** There’s two basic guidelines here. First off, the person who invited the other person is paying the tab, generally. You can split it if it’s a mutual decision. You can split it, but generally the person who asked the other person to come picks up the tab. If you reached out to this established screenwriter and sat down for coffee, you should pick up the tab. The established screenwriter may not let you do that, but you should certainly offer that.

The other general rule here I would say is that the person with the expense account pays. An executive, an agent, those folks are likely going to have an expense account as just part of their business, and so let them pay if they’re offering to pay.

**Drew:** Is that why you make me pay every time [crosstalk 07:42]?

**John:** I’m so sorry, Drew, but yeah, I think you’re learning so much here that it’s good for you to always be asking whether you can pay.

**Drew:** Good to know.

**John:** That’s nice.

**Drew:** Next comes from Judy in Wisconsin. She writes, “It’s hard to be a manager or a boss in a creative field. What have you learned about creating a good work environment? Any advice, tips, or strong feelings? When you have lost your cool, what do you do after?”

**John:** I would say the challenge of being a boss in a creative field is you don’t have real metrics to go back to. You don’t have metrics on productivity, like, “Oh, is this person doing a great job? What are their sales figures?” It’s very hard to do that. In other fields, you can say, “Oh, this person is achieving these things. These are the goals we set for them. This is what they’ve been able to do.” It’s not that. Basically, in a creative field, it’s like, “How much are they making my life better or worse? How much are they helping me do my job, get this project going, get to the next place?”

I think as a boss, as a manager in a creative field, what you’re trying to do is describe where you’re headed, what you want to be there when you get there, what absolutely needs to happen. You’re trying to provide a framework. You’re working with a lot of other professionals and specialists and sometimes other artists, and they’re going to have their process too, so you need to describe what it is you’re trying to achieve, but not tell them how to do their jobs.

That’s a thing I definitely learned on the set for my movie The Nines. Talking with a cinematographer, I could describe the feeling I was going for, but I’m not going to tell her what lenses I want or what film stock I want. That’s not my area of specialty. I can just describe the vibes I’m going for. Same with a composer. Same with an editor. I’m not going to tell them how to do their specific jobs, but I’m going to describe what it is I’m going for, what the things are that work for me.

**Drew:** I think you’ve also been very fortunate to work with people who, when you describe those things, can probably get to that point. What happens when you have someone who’s a little bit newer, a little more green, and they’re not quite getting there yet?

**John:** That is really a challenge. It’s happened with other folks working as a PA or an assistant kind of level too, where they’re not fully getting it. That’s tough. You have to talk them through what your expectations are, what it is they actually need to do to get to the next step, maybe introduce them to folks who are doing their job in other ways, in other places, so they can understand how it all fits together.

The times where I’ve lost my temper a bit is when somebody who, they’re in the right position, they should know how to do this thing, and either they’re not listening or they’re just not catching a brief of what it is we’re trying to do. Those are the folks that I’ve needed to let go at times, on a set or in real life, normal working stuff.

I think those are the challenges in the creative field. You can’t point to like, “This is not working out because you’re not hitting these numbers.” It’s not that at all. It’s just like, “I need a certain thing to feel a certain way. I need this all to work a certain way, and this is not working for me.”

**Drew:** Next comes from Brett. He writes, “I’m working on a secondary character who needs to help tell a story while opposing the lead. In this action comedy, the lead is a tough ass Marine. She’s strong and athletic but a little bit dense. My supporting character, by contrast, needs to come across as smart but soft, dainty, dare I say effeminate. I worry about this word’s context. I’m not a master of lexicon. I’m a redneck boy from Tennessee who learned later in life that I love to tell stories. My secondary character is a child, so his sexuality matters none. Is the word ‘effeminate’ okay when introducing this hilarious 10-year-old intellect?”

**John:** I think “effeminate” has become a code word for gay, so it’s going to read as you’re saying gay no matter what you do. I think I would avoid that word. It’s not that it’s a slur, but the moment you say it, you’re putting that character into a gendered space. You say his sexuality doesn’t matter, but you’re putting him into this gendered space, where he’s not acting like a good boy should act. It just creates a whole host of issues.

I would say think of an equivalent character from something else and words you might use to describe them. If you look at what is Young Sheldon like or Charlie from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Bastian from Neverending Story, what are some words you might use to describe them? Effeminate probably would not be on the top list of things for those characters.

It’s also important to remember that adjectives are not super important. You have that initial character description where you’re giving his age and a little bit, a tiny little sketch, like a sentence. Really, most of what a reader and an audience are going to get about that character are their actions, the things they’re saying, the things they’re doing, how they’re reacting to stuff around them, what their interplay is like with this other Marine character. I don’t think you need to be so hung up about what is the one word I’m going to use to describe that character on first introduction versus what is the personality I’m creating for this character.

If effeminate going for more classically girly stuff is going to be useful or important for that character, find some ways to actually make that happen in your story, but it doesn’t sound like it is. It sounds like he’s mostly there to be bright and hilarious. You might find some other ways that point to the very specific things that this character is doing in this story that make it fit and make him a good, interesting foil for your main character.

**Drew:** Perfect. Borges writes, “Craig’s mentioned time and again how he thinks in the shower. I have the same habit, and it sucks. I have no way of taking a fast note. The same thing happens when I’m swimming. It’s freaking annoying. How do you do it? Any memorization tips?”

**John:** First off, you pronounced this guys name as bor-juhs. It’s B-O-R-G-E-S. Bor-juhs is a good choice. I would’ve said bor-hehs. I guess we don’t know.

**Drew:** I feel like there was a TV show called Borges or something like that. It was Italian.

**John:** The Borgias.

**Drew:** The Borgias?

**John:** That was B-O-R-G-I-A-S, I think, wasn’t it? The Borgias?

**Drew:** [crosstalk 13:40].

**John:** You’re Googling this right now. While you’re Googling that, I would say there’s no great way to take notes in a wet environment. For a while, I had this notepad in the shower that was the kind of stuff that script supervisors use on set. It’s really a plasticky kind of paper that you can write on with a pencil. It was pointless. I never actually wrote a note on that, because I could never really read it afterwards.

Here’s what you do when you have an idea and you’re in an inopportune place. You get out of that place and quickly write it down on a handy note card. I should say keep note cards nearby when you need those things. In my house, on the bathroom counter, there’s a stack of note cards and a pen. If I have an idea in the shower, I get out of the shower, I write it down on the note card so I don’t forget it. The same with bedside table. There’s always note cards there so I can write that stuff down.

What’s important about writing stuff down is it gets it out of your head. It keeps you from wasting brain loops to keep an idea floating in your head. It’s a really unproductive use of your brain to just hold onto ideas like that. Instead, get it out of your head, put it on a piece of paper, set the paper down, and you can come back to it later on.

**Drew:** I’ve also used Siri just in the bathroom.

**John:** Perfect. You can call for that. Are you saying, “Take a note,” or what are you saying?

**Drew:** I say, “Siri, take a note.” Then I’ll say the thing, which will usually just be some stream-of-consciousness thing, but it’ll be enough that there’s enough little cues in there that I know what I’m…

**John:** I don’t do this. If you were to do a note that way, does it show up in the top of your Notes app, or where does it appear?

**Drew:** Yeah, it does. It’s right at the top. Of course, it syncs across all of your devices, which is great. I usually take those off there and put it into a larger document. If it’s something for whatever project, I’ll put it into…

**John:** That’s very smart. We’ve talked a bit about note taking and putting all your stuff together. For me, when I have one of those note cards, those all get stacked up by the bedroom door. I write them down. I stick them by the bedroom door, so that when I’m heading downstairs in the morning, I have those things. They go with my daily agenda thing. Then every day I will go through and take all those note cards and put them in Notion, which is where I’m keeping all my general ideas about projects and things. Whether it’s a snippet of dialogue or something else, I actually have a thing to do with that note card, so it doesn’t have to hang around for forever. I get it into Notion. Then I rip it up and recycle it.

**Drew:** Once it’s in Notion, do you have a time limit that you keep that idea floating around, or do you ever flush those, or do you keep them forever?

**John:** For every project, if it’s a project I’m generally thinking about, I will just keep a page in Notion that’s just a dump of all the stuff. For active projects, I’ll have at the top of that page a open/unprocessed, which is where I throw everything that doesn’t belong into a specific category. If I haven’t broken out the characters to the degree that I have a separate page for each character, I’ll just throw all that stuff in there, little snippets of things. For this TV show, if there’s things related to a specific episode, I’m at the point now where I will put stuff in the episode note for that, because I know Episode 6 is about this character and this situation, so I’ll throw it in there for that.

**Drew:** If you have a loose idea, how far back have you gone to grab some of those?

**John:** We’ve said before on the podcast that I had a list of 35 projects I’ll never get to. This was on the Neil Gaiman episode. Some of those are years and years and years old. I’m not actively going through constantly to sift through, like, “Is that an interesting idea?” But surprisingly, something new will come about those projects every once in a while. It’s nice to have a place where I can just like… It’s a real thing. I can put it there. It has a home. It’s a home that’s not my active brain thinking about it, which I think is important.

**Drew:** You use Notion, but have you used Miro boards at all?

**John:** No. Tell me about it.

**Drew:** Miro boards are what writers’ rooms have been using since the pandemic basically. It’s a note cards app, or it’s online. You can visualize it all. You can have it in all sorts of different colors. It’s been really helpful for me.

**John:** That’s great. Are you using that for holding onto ideas or for organizing thoughts like sequences and scenes?

**Drew:** Organizing thoughts and sequences, not holding onto ideas.

**John:** I’m not using Notion for that so much. I’m using Notion much more for like, these are related documents that are all about a certain thing.

**Drew:** Cool. Next comes from Dahlia. She writes, “I’m a short film writer-director from Paris. While watching the last edition of Project Greenlight, many development producers on the show kept saying this screenplay and the different cuts of a film made the world of story feel small, like a short film. After watching the feature, I shared this impression as well. However, I can’t pinpoint exactly why. More importantly, how do you address this kind of problem when transitioning from short films to features? What are your thoughts?”

**John:** Drew, I’m curious to hear about your thoughts, because you have an award-winning short film.

**Drew:** Thank you.

**John:** We’ll talk about that. When I hear, “It feels like a short film. It feels small,” the ideas that pop to mind for me are that it has low stakes, that it has few characters, that it has a very short journey that’s more like a snapshot than a voyage, and it has a limited visual scope, that we’re in one location, there’s nothing ambitious about the visual storytelling of the film. Those are things that feel like short films to me. Drew, tell me about what think short film versus a feature or something else.

**Drew:** It’s tough, because I think when you’re transitioning from short films to features, usually you’re not going to have a lot of money, so you’re going to be writing to something very contained or something like that. Because of that, you’re either looking at a contained amount of time or a contained amount of space. I think you’re right. We had a teacher who taught us that a short film is either a joke or a poem. I always really liked that. Like you’re saying, one central idea. I am curious how that scope shifts and why something like The Babadook feels like a complete movie in a way that some things do feel a little bit-

**John:** Yeah. The Blumhouse horror films are very classically one location. You’re contained, limited cast, all the things, but they’re not feeling like short films. I think because there’s a beginning, middle, and end, there’s development, there’s a sense of this is the progress that you’ve gone on.

Here’s the thing I notice about a lot of short films, especially the situational short films. You could rearrange the scenes in any order, and it would feel largely the same. You don’t feel like characters are making a lot of forward progress. You don’t feel like the movie is making forward progress. You feel like you’re just stuck in a place. It’s an exploration of a place and a time, which ain’t great.

There’s other movies, like [indiscernible 00:20:15] films, that are a small cast, but they do feel like movie movies rather than short films. You couldn’t make it as a short film because things change over the course of them. The conversations and the issues being explored do progress over the course of them, so they don’t feel like a play or like a short film to me.

**Drew:** I think that’s fair. How about something like Aftersun? I’m not sure if you saw that.

**John:** Aftersun is an example of a film that I’ve only seen on my neighbor’s seat back on the flight back from your wedding. Visually, without the words, I don’t have a sense of why it is progressing. I’m just seeing, oh, it seems to be these same three people having different conversations in slightly different places. Yet based on people’s reaction to it, a lot is actually happening. What’s been your experience with Aftersun?

**Drew:** Aftersun to me seems to be built on reveals. I could be wrong about this. It’s been a year since I’ve seen it. It is more of a character exploration. I think those are very difficult to sustain over 90 minutes or something like that.

**John:** Absolutely. A character exploration does feel like you might get the same complaints about it feels like a short film. It feels like you’re not actually progressing enough.

I didn’t see this last season of Project Greenlight, so I don’t know what the specific movie was or why those complaints were levied there, but if a bunch of people are telling you the same thing, there’s something about that. I think it’s always worth them interrogating what it is specifically about the film that they’re seeing that’s giving them that reaction, because again, always looking for what’s the note behind the note. What are they looking for more of? What are they missing? Why are they not going on a movie ride with this, but they feel like they’re in a short film?

**Drew:** Our next question comes from A Young Producer. They write, “I’m a filmmaker, baby writer, that has produced one low-budget feature. While I’ve been working on my own original material since then, I’ve managed to obtain the IP of a popular book. I know the hard and fast rule regarding unsolicited submissions, but I’m wondering if there’s any difference in approaching production companies as a producer. I’m currently unrepped and therefore don’t have anyone who can make the appropriate introductions on my behalf. Is my only hope a manager-producer hybrid? I know cold emailing is barely a strategy. I’ve received some varied opinions from industry friends. I’d love your thoughts.”

**John:** Great. Let’s define some terms and maybe un-define some terms. First off, “baby writer” can be pejorative. Some people see it as infantilizing to call somebody a baby writer.

**Drew:** I thought it was a very defined term.

**John:** Tell me what you think the definition is of baby writer.

**Drew:** A baby writer is someone who is writing and either has a manager or has a foot in the door, let’s say, but isn’t necessarily staffed yet, doesn’t necessarily have any credits to their name, or professional credits.

**John:** I think that is the common assumption of a baby writer. I think people’s frustration with the term – and I’ve heard this from other folks – is that it’s infantilizing to the degree that it feels like they’re not actually a person or a human being with their own volition and their own things. It can be dismissive in a way. Just saying a pre-WGA writer is a nicer way of saying baby writer.

Just be aware of that. If you’re calling yourself a baby writer, it’s one thing. Obviously, don’t all other people baby writers, because I feel like that may not be really fair to their experience. Also, if they’re a baby writer, but they’re 50 years old, it’s a weird thing too. It assumes that aspiring writers should be in their 20s.

**Drew:** That’s a really good point.

**John:** The other thing which we talk about in this question is unsolicited submissions. That rule about unsolicited submissions is that most agencies, producers, studios, they say, “We will not accept any submission from people that we did not specifically ask for.” Basically, they’re trying to keep you from just cold emailing them a whole script.

What’s important is that a submission could be solicited. It’s possible to approach these people with this property, with this project, with this book which is apparently popular, and say, “Hey, I have the rights to this book. I’ve written the script. I would love to share it with you.” That’s okay. That’s fine. Don’t be afraid of doing that. The fact that you have rights to this book does change the equation, because you’re not just pitching a project. You’re pitching a thing that’s actually based on something they may have heard of.

This feels controversial to me. I’m not sure I agree with this thing I’m about to say. Sometimes on Deadline, I’ll see some producer has optioned the rights to this book, and it’s a whole little, short article. I’m like, “Why is this in Deadline? Who cares about this?” Yet the person who cares about this is the person who got Deadline to print it.

I think there could be an argument for the press release that basically says, hey, you’ve optioned the rights to this book or this property, and you’re now shopping it around town. I would say Google and find the examples of that thing, and just write that same thing. Maybe Deadline or the trades or something else will run it, because then suddenly you might get incoming calls rather than having to reach out there with it. Cold emailing some managers/producers may work. It’s worth a shot. This is all going to be hustle at this point, and so I say don’t be afraid of that.

In terms of who you should approach with it, I would say look for producers who have made films like yours recently, including stuff that you’ve seen at film festivals. There might be some people who are up and coming and hungry. Look who made them, and reach out to them, and see if there’s somebody who feels like the right fit for this.

**Drew:** I also think if it’s a well-known enough book, that publishing company’s not going to give you the rights if they didn’t believe in you or…

**John:** It’s not the publishing company really. It’s the author. Basically, the publishing company might have a little bit of sway, but really, it’s ultimately the author and their agent. You did talk to those folks to convince them that you are the person to get the rights to this and that you are actually a good steward for it. Obviously, you had enough hustle and moxie and other terms like that that you were able to convince this author and their agent that you’re the person for it. Trust yourself in that hustle, and keep going, and find somebody who is the producer who could push it into its next stage.

**Drew:** Continuing on the hustle, Oliver writes, “Last year, I officially sold my first script to a mid-size studio, and it was shot in early 2023. As part of the agreement, there was an optional rewrite clause, although the studio assured me that the script was essentially good to go. On the early Zoom calls, everyone I met was lovely and thrilled about the script. The producers and director were so excited that everyone began sharing ideas, which was super fun, until it wasn’t. Months later, having gone down numerous rabbit holes, the entire process became bleak and disheartening, to the point that days before production, one of the producers was in the script, inserting expedition.

“In hindsight, I feel like a lot of this can be attributed to my naïve approach to filmmaking. I assumed that the studio process would foster a no-bad-ideas atmosphere, where the best ideas can percolate to the top. Next time, assuming I’m lucky enough to have another option converted, I’m tempted to keep my mouth shut, limit my enthusiasm for brainstorming, and focus solely on the necessary edits to move this thing into production. Am I looking at this the wrong way? How might a more experienced writer approach things differently?”

**John:** Let’s pretend we are not a podcast about screenwriting, but we are a relationship show, and so we are a show which people write in with their love questions. Here is Oliver’s question restated for the purposes of that show. “Dear John and Craig, I fell in love with this beautiful woman, but ultimately it did not turn out the way I wanted it to, and so next time I fall in love, I won’t make the same mistake.”

We would point out that that’s absurd, because you can’t help falling in love. You’re going to fall in love. Falling in love is the point, the purpose. That’s a thing you’re going to do. Going into a relationship with all your defenses up is not going to be productive. You have to let yourself be open to the experience, the process, to know that it could end badly, but still believe that it’s going to end great.

Now we come back to the Scriptnotes podcast, where the exact same thing holds true. In you selling your script to these people, you had to go into it with the belief that this is going to be great, and we are going to be able to make a movie here that we’re all going to love. It’s going to be fantastic. It’s going to win awards. It’s going to make a zillion dollars.

You have to go into it with that kind of love and enthusiasm and belief that it’s going to work, because if you’re trying to shield yourself from heartbreak the entire time, it’s just not going to work. You’re not going to have a good experience. They’re going to see it. They’re going to see your reluctance. It’s just going to be a bad situation.

It wasn’t the brainstorming that was the problem. People throw out ideas as part of the chewing over of stuff. What ultimately happened is that they decided to make some choices that weren’t your choices. That’s frustrating to you. You don’t know how the movie is going to be. You’re concerned that it’s going to suck. You’re concerned it’s going to have your name on it. These are all reasonable concerns, but it doesn’t mean you should fundamentally change your approach next time.

This wasn’t your fault per se. There may have been certain moments along the way where you could have done things differently and had a different result. More experience might’ve helped you there too. You’re trying to blame yourself for things that are out of your control.

**Drew:** I think it was Chris McQuarrie who said if there’s no time limit on the script, you’ll have a million notes, and if it goes into production on Monday, you get none.

**John:** Exactly. Listen. You wrote a movie that went into production, so celebrate that. That’s a huge accomplishment, very, very exciting. Let’s hope it turns out well. Let’s talk about how we can help that movie turn out well.

First off, you don’t say whether this was a WGA project or not a WGA project. I’m going to assume that it was, because it sounds like it’s a big enough studio that it was covered under the WGA. If so, the bits of writing the producers did feel kind of hinky, because they really weren’t hired on as a writer. They wouldn’t be a participating writer for purposes of credits. But you might be the only writer who’s credited on this movie, which is great. This movie might have your name on it.

There’s no reason to burn all the bridges and assume that this is going to be a terrible situation. You don’t know that that really was their intention or that’s what’s going to happen. I’d say fake some positivity. Fake that you’re really excited to see what happens, that you’re excited to see early cuts, you’re excited to be part of that process, whatever that entails, so you can make sure that movie’s in its best possible shape. I would say don’t project anger towards them, because that’s not going to help you or help that movie be the best possible movie with your name on it.

**Drew:** Does it help to know whether the production company you just worked with has any animosity towards you afterwards or whether they were like, “Oh, no, we got this made. We’re happy with it,” and that’s going to serve you too?

**John:** 100%. I’m thinking back to a couple weeks ago, I was at a memorial service. I talked to a friend who was also a producer. Afterwards, he called me and said, “Listen, John. I felt really bad about some of the stuff that’s happened over the years. There’s been projects we’ve pursued together, and I feel like I dropped the ball on those things. I wanted to apologize for those situations where I feel like I didn’t do as much as I could have as a friend and as a producer.” I said, “Listen. I totally hear that, but also know that I did not feel that at all. I felt like you’re a producer doing producery things, and most stuff just doesn’t work. It just doesn’t happen. There was zero animosity.” Stuff just falls apart and goes away, and that’s just the business of it all.

I would say, Oliver, don’t assume that they think badly of you just because you feel kind of bad about them. They may think, “Oh, no, this is great. This is fantastic. That kid did a great job for us. We would work with him again.” I’d say definitely don’t assume that it’s a problem on their side.

**Drew:** It got made.

**John:** It got made. Again, I’m asking everybody to write back in with follow-up. I’m really curious from Oliver’s perspective how does the movie turn out, how is he feeling, what’s his relationship with that. He’s saying, “Listen, if I’m lucky enough to get enough option converted,” this is what you should be working on right now. Don’t dwell on this. Make sure you are working on new stuff that can get made.

**Drew:** Back to setting up options, James writes, “I recently finished a feature-length script based on a true story. I became aware of the story when my aunt wrote a book about this woman a decade ago. As far as I can tell, she’s written the only book about her. It’s based on original research that she was the first to uncover and stitch together. It’s also not a widely read book. It was released by a regional publisher with a small footprint.

“I’m a little worried that I might start shopping this around, and a producer will decide that they like the idea for making a film out of the book, but they will want to use a different writer and cut me out all together. Now that I’m ready to introduce my script to managers and producers, should I first have my aunt sign a shopping agreement? My thinking is that it would, A, allow me to put a producer hat on and help ensure that I’m attached to the project as a writer if there’s an interest in making it, and B, it’ll help pique the interest of producers and managers, given that I have IP relationship on paper.”

**John:** Great. I’m going to start this with again defining a term and making sure we’re using the term correctly. A shopping agreement really isn’t the right word for what you’re describing here. A shopping agreement is generally, I’ve written a script, and I’m going to give it to these producers and say, “Okay, we have a shopping agreement.” They can shop around and see if they can find a home for it, without really fully optioning it from me. It’s just a way of representing that stuff. You can also hear it in terms of agents, but I think really any producer has a shopping agreement to take a project around that they don’t really own or control. It’s limited control over things.

That’s not really what you’re talking about with a book. With a book, you’re optioning a book. You’re not optioning a book. You’re buying the rights to a book. It’s your aunt. I think you just option your aunt’s book for a buck or whatever. Have a conversation with her so that she understands.

It really sounds like you did adapt her book, or at least without that book, there really would’ve been no movie. This wasn’t a case where you did a bunch of original research and found your own thing. Without this book, there was no movie. I think it’s a good idea for you to lock that down, so that it’s clear that you really did base this on this, and that this book and your script really are a joint deal.

Then I wouldn’t worry about it. I don’t think you need to actually walk in there with, “Oh, here’s my signed option agreement.” It’s title of the movie, written by James your last name, based on the book by your aunt’s name. Great. People are going to respond to the script or not respond to the script and the story in the script. But they’re not going to be like, “Oh, this is a fascinating story, but we really want to shake this James off of it and take this book.” They’re not going to do that. I think you’re worrying about a thing that’s not really going to be an issue.

**Drew:** I wrote a pilot based on a book once. Going out with that, you would get the question of, “Oh, do you have the rights to it?” You say, “Yep,” and they said, “Great.” That was the end of it.

**John:** No one asks you for that paper.

**Drew:** Trying to find a good way to transition into this.

**John:** I’m looking at these next few questions, and they’re obviously red flag questions. Let’s read them and just talk about why they’re red flags.

**Drew:** First one’s from Anonymous. “I’ve been doing freelance work reading and writing coverage and feedback on scripts for a screenwriting contest website.”

**John:** The alarm is already sounding.

**Drew:** “They promise their winners they’ll pitch to industry contacts, and they’re offering me more responsibility on the pitching side.”

**John:** I don’t believe they’re going to pitch to industry contacts.

**Drew:** “John, do scripts get made this way? Site runners consider the company an agency that’s financially supported by contests.”

**John:** Oh, god. They’re not an agency.

**Drew:** “Does the industry see contest runners as agents?”

**John:** No. There’s so many things wrong with this situation. Nothing wrong with the question, Anonymous. Thank you for the question. A screenwriting contest is not an agency. Agencies are actually defined organizations under state law. This is not any of these things.

Listen. Are they paying you to do this coverage? Is the payment that they’re giving you enough that it’s worthwhile for you? I can’t fault you for working for this company if you need the money to do this thing. If you’re actually getting something out of it, okay. But I don’t believe that they have meaningful industry contacts.

I just don’t believe that anything good is going to happen out of this situation. I feel concern for the writers who’ve submitted these scripts to this contest, that they believe there’s some plus to this. There isn’t.

**Drew:** I’m also worried because Anonymous says, “They’re offering me more responsibility on the pitching side,” which seems to sort of imply that they would be made to seem like it’s a development executive almost, when that’s not really what’s happening.

**John:** I’m concerned for all sorts of levels. I would say, Anonymous, get yourself out of there. You’re probably writing in to this podcast because you are a writer yourself who wants to see their work getting made. This is not a place that’s going to lead to that. Sorry.

**Drew:** The next one comes from John, who writes, “A producer is interested in my feature screenplay and wants to enter into a producer agreement with me, in which they’ll provide packaging services that includes attaching high-value talent, script notes, and equity to be put toward production, etc. The strange part is that all of these services would be performed by the producer’s production company for a fee, a fee that I would be paying to that producer’s company. My gut tells me that this is not correct. Is my gut reaction correct, or is this an actual opportunity?”

**John:** Your gut is correct, John. You should not be paying producers. Producers get their money from making movies and television. They get their money from the people who are hiring them to actually get the stuff made. You are not a studio. You are a screenwriter. Do not pay producers.

Amend this to one thing. I think there are situations where screenwriters, some of whom have written in to this podcast, have gone to people specifically to get notes. There are very smart people who give terrific notes on scripts, but they’re not going to them as producers. If you are choosing to pay somebody for notes, whose job it is to write really good notes for things, I think that is valid. That is useful to you, the same way that a novelist might go to somebody who’s a freelance editor who goes through and helps you tighten up your work. That’s fine and that’s good. But that does not sound at all like what John is describing here. I’d say do not pay these producers.

**Drew:** SR writes, “I made what I thought was a bold move. I’m a non-union screenwriter, and I’ve been stuck in my career writing romantic comedies for a production company out of Canada. When I heard of this Comedy Fantasy Camp being run by icons of comedy, I was excited. It promised to focus on comedic writing for movies and TV as well as writing stand-up. It was quite expensive. It was $3,500 for four days, but I thought it could be worth the risk, especially when there was promised meeting with literary managers and agents with an added price tag of $1,000.”

**John:** We’re now at $4,500.

**Drew:** “It turned out to be nothing that it promised. The camp ended up being filled with nearly 100 people, not 15 is what the email stated. A documentary about camp seemed to be the primary focus, so the only people who got any help whatsoever were the few participants they decided would be featured in the documentary. I was never seen or talked to the entire camp.

“Now for the $1,000 manager meeting, it was a dinner where some managers showed up, but they proceeded to have conversations with each other the entire time. I didn’t get to talk to anyone. They couldn’t have cared less that I or anyone was there.

“Some of the crew who are filming the documentary told me they thought the whole week was a scam. There’s so much more that I could say about this terrible experience, but I’ll stop here. Something that could’ve been great and potentially life-changing turned out to be one of the worst experiences that I’ve ever had, and the most expensive. I took a financial risk during a difficult time due to the strike, and it bit me in the ass.

“Do you have any advice on how I could take anything positive from the experience? I know a handful of people who are calling their credit card companies, claiming the camp was a scam. Could that have any negative impact on my career?”

**John:** The first word here is oof. I’m so sorry for SR. It genuinely sucks, what happened here. I don’t know too many details about this specific camp. There’s a little bit of stuff we cut out of the question. But it was expensive. $3,500, or really $4,500 for four days, I think you went into this assuming it was going to be intensive, really workshopping on your stuff, figuring out all the nuts and bolts of things that could be really helpful from you, and that you were going to meet people in that group who were super smart about comedy, and that you’d really learn stuff from there. That didn’t happen.

We can be generous and say that the big names who are behind this thing or the people who are behind this thing really did have intentions of a certain kind of thing that just didn’t actually end up happening, and that they really felt like this was going to be a game-changer and useful, and they didn’t set out to make a scam perhaps, but it felt like a scam at the end.

Asking for your money back will not hurt you. If you can get your money back, get your money back, because right now it sounds like you were basically an extra who paid to be in the background of a documentary that was filming about this thing. That sucks.

As far as what you can take from this that is meaningful, listen. Sometimes tough experiences do find their ways into other stuff we’re writing down the road. We can think about this experience and reframe it as something that’ll be useful for you down the road, in terms of something you could write. The way you felt about this right now, make sure you’re remembering what this felt like, because you’re going to write characters who have similar feelings somewhere down the road. It’s worth introspecting on that experience.

Were there other people who met during this process, other folks who paid the $3,500, who were at all good, that you can actually at least keep in contact with them, trade your stuff, get a sense of the community around you? Drew and I both went through the Stark program at USC. What I always say about film school is that it’s not nearly as much about the instructors of the class. It’s about everyone who’s in your class together, the fact you’re all trying to do the same things that are so, so helpful. People at your same level are going to be much more useful to you than that one great lecturer. Those are some things you can take from it. Drew, I’m curious what your feelings are.

**Drew:** I am sad that it was such a scam, but at the same time, it was called Comedy Fantasy Camp. There’s Rock and Roll Fantasy Camps. The fantasy camp experience is definitely a thing that’s out there. I think they position themselves as being an industry thing, which undermines it.

**John:** I’m thinking about this in context of Austin Film Festival, specifically the Screenwriters Conference at Austin, which we go to many years – and we often do a Scriptnotes there – and the ambivalence I feel about how Austin is marketed, as a chance for screenwriters to come together and learn from other screenwriters, and there’s some big names and you get exposure to people, and we do a live Scriptnotes. In that case, it’s a nonprofit, so you don’t feel as bad about it.

If I was approaching this as a person who’s going to Austin to hang out to famous screenwriters, the truth is that famous screenwriters are just hanging out by ourselves. We’re ultimately going to dinner ourselves. We’re going to panels, but we’re not actually sitting around the bar and talking with you all that much. We’re happy to say hello, but there’s thousands of people there, and we’re just ourselves. It’s not going to be transformative the way that a person might hope.

In the case of this Comedy Fantasy Camp, I think there was a reasonable expectation that something kind of transformative could happen. There were promises made about the $1,000 extra for the manager meeting. I think you would have a reasonable expectation that something good could come out of that. Doesn’t seem like it was structured in a way that was even remotely possible.

**Drew:** I do feel like if you are a manager or anyone participating in those, you do have a certain duty to the people who’ve paid for that dinner or something like that, to at least talk to them.

**John:** I don’t know the names of the comedy folks who are involved in this, but I’m curious what they think this experience was like. Do they think it was actually meaningful for the people who attended? Do they feel good about this weekend or bad about this weekend? I don’t know. I’m wondering, almost back to the question we asked at the start, what is the experience of the people in the writers’ room, what did they think about it. They may just be two completely different universes of how people felt about how this weekend went.

**Drew:** You want to go back to craft questions for a little bit?

**John:** Sure.

**Drew:** This next one’s from Will. He writes, “In Episode 611, John and Craig discuss the four or six or seven Fs. In my view, the most interesting and compelling protagonists are ones who are driven by moral principles that enable to rise above these base instincts, for example, Frodo in Lord of the Rings. These characters have fears and fights, but their primary drivers are enduringly moraled and principled. I agree that these moral characters are, on the surface, harder to relate to, but clearly a good writer can make it work. I think these are really important types of heroes to write about and to make compelling. I’m curious, what are your tips?”

**John:** I don’t disagree with you. I don’t recall the exact edit of where we got to when Craig and I were talking about the Fs. I hope what we said is that even the most noble characters who are doing things for very highly specific and higher-level human reasons, there’s going to be some underpinnings or some undergirdings of these Fs in there, that there’s going to be some aspect of greed or propagation or some really defensible base instinct that could be behind that pride, that morality.

Look for some of those things too, but not to get away from characters who have a moral agenda or for some higher human purpose behind a thing, for altruism, for something else. Don’t run away from those things, but just recognize that it can’t be just about that.

There’s always going to be aspects on a story level, but also on a scene level, that really are about those more primal needs there. Part of what makes those characters feel relatable is that you’re seeing both their rationality or irrationality at the same time you’re seeing that they are animals doing animal things.

**Drew:** I’m trying to think of a character who is purely altruistic that does feel relatable. I also feel like even Frodo has failings and has all those things too.

**John:** Absolutely. It’s important that we see Frodo originally in the context of his family, the context of his happy shire life, and that he has those real, understandable, primal connections to those people. He’s going on this journey, which is terrifying and arduous, but he’s still connected back to that initial place. His morality is so important, but it’s not necessarily driving him from moment to moment. He’s often running away, or he’s figuring out how to get to the next thing. There’s a lot of survival happening there is what I’m saying.

**Drew:** Would you say it’s important to see the character overcome some of those Fs?

**John:** For sure. Absolutely. I think that’s one of the things we relate to. Sometimes even we’re thinking about, Free Willy’s popping to mind, but other stories involving animals or when they see non-human characters do things like, oh, they’re not just doing one of their Fs. They’re actually doing some sort of higher, more noble purpose.

**Drew:** When you see Lassie going to get someone from the well.

**John:** 100%. That’s why we love Lassie, because Lassie’s acting in a human way that does not meet any of a normal dog’s needs. That’s why we love Lassie.

**Drew:** All my very contemporary references.

**John:** 100%. Who is the new Lassie right now? I don’t know. Is there an equivalent?

**Drew:** Is there a Lassie? I feel like kids and animals don’t really have a thing on TV, but I could be wrong.

**John:** I’m trying to think. There was a Channing Tatum recently which is him and his dog, but I can’t think of anything else. Where are the live-action dog movies that we need?

**Drew:** We need more.

**John:** We need more. We need more.

**Drew:** Nico writes, “Lately I’ve noticed a lot of shows that seem to be judging their characters hard. For example, in Succession, the final episode seemed to be driving home what Roman says in the last episode, that we’re all bullshit. The end of Sopranos, Dr. Melfi decides to stop treating Tony because he’s a sociopath. While these shows’ endings aren’t out of left field and do fit thematically, I often feel somewhat betrayed when these final judgments come down. Weren’t we supposed to be rooting for the Roys even though we know who they were the whole time? Weren’t we cheering for Tony to go to therapy? What are your feelings on judging your characters as a writer? Doesn’t it go against the idea of taking your main character from antithesis to thesis because at the end the characters simply have been terrible all along?”

**John:** I think it comes down to the idea that you’re writing to a point. You’re writing to a conclusion, a consequence. In the examples you bring up here, Sopranos and Succession, really these are antiheroes. They’re not classic heroes. The degree to which every antihero is also kind of a villain and needs some consequence and comeuppance for all the things they’ve done, it does feel natural.

As a writer, you are seeing things from your characters’ point of view, but you are also aware that they are in a universe in which the things they are doing are not necessarily good. I don’t think it’s judgey to say that Tony Soprano killed a bunch of people and is not a good guy. That doesn’t feel judgey to me. The same with the Roys. They are individually incredibly problematic. I think it’s fine for us to say who they are and what they’ve done deserves some judgment. That doesn’t feel bad to me. Drew, what do you think?

**Drew:** I feel like a lot of the examples too are towards the endings of these things. The shows are studying these characters’ behavior. When they do these things over and over and over and over again, to your point, it’s consequences. It adds up.

It does feel like a little bit of a judgment. I guess I feel like there’s a difference between the judgment of fate, like the universe judging, and a creator judging. I might agree that The Sopranos feels like a bit of a creator judgment, because I think that changed a little bit for me. I think Succession is one that feels more of like a universe judgment, that all of their behaviors led to this point.

**John:** What is the difference between the universe and the creator? The creator created that whole universe, or the team behind it created that whole universe. To me, looking at the Roys, because we are so tightly focused on the Roys and what each of them is trying to do at every given moment, it’s easy at times to forget, oh, there’s a whole world around them that is actually being negatively impacted by the choices that they’re making.

In that final season of Succession, where they’re running the news network and making presidential calls that have huge impacts on the entire world, I think it’s right for us to feel incredibly uncomfortable that we feel almost complicit in watching them do this stuff.

**Drew:** Next, Ollie writes, “I’m struggling with how to best format names in my screenplay, which is based on the discovery of the structure of DMing. Two of the characters have incredibly similar names, Watson and Wilkins, so I thought I would use both their first and surnames to avoid confusion. Should I use both names throughout the whole thing or only in scenes they share? It looks really weird having two names when everyone else in the scene only has one, but I also want to make sure it’s crystal clear to readers. Alternatively, should I only use their first names, even if I’m using surnames for anyone else?”

**John:** Ollie, this is the right question to ask, and you’re asking it at the right time, I think, because you’re going to want to make a fundamental choice about how you’re identifying these characters and make sure it’s really clear from the reader’s point of view.

As an audience member watching this film, we’re not going to get them confused, because they’re two different people. Just their names happen to be so similar. They’re both starting with Ws. People will get confused reading your script if they’re both there together. It’s going to happen. Is your story truly a two-hander, where they have equal weight and equal prominence? If it’s not, my instinct would be to give the person whose story is more, use the first name for them, and use the last name for the other character.

**Drew:** I like that.

**John:** That way, it pulls us a little closer in to the character who we just have the first name for. It feels more familiar, more intimate. The other character is a little bit more distant. That may be a choice that works for you. I would also say experiment. Using both first and last names is going to feel weird and kludgy I think on the page. It may not even help you with the confusion between the two names. It’s just going to be more to read. There are two character names in scripts. It’s not that uncommon. It’s not the default.

An important thing to remember about screenplay format is at a certain point, we stop reading character names. We just look at the shapes of them. It’s a weird thing. You don’t notice them. Once you’re in dialogue, it just flows. It’s why you’ll see mistakes in scripts where the wrong character’s given a line of dialogue, because you get in back-and-forth pattern behind them. It is the right moment to be thinking about how you’re going to do this, because Wilkins and Watson are just too close. Your readers are going to get confused.

**Drew:** I’m trying to find right now if the Oppenheimer screenplay is out there and what they used for him.

**John:** Perfect. We will take a look. By the time this episode’s posted, we’ll have an answer for you.

**Drew:** We’ll put something in there.

**John:** The Oppenheimer script, if it’s posted there. We’ll put it in Weekend Read if nothing else.

**Drew:** Absolutely.

**John:** Oppenheimer’s chock full of probably last names for a lot of those characters. I bet they were all last names. I’m curious whether Oppenheimer is Oppenheimer or Robert.

**Drew:** That just feels like a lot of real estate on the page if it was Oppenheimer every time he has a line.

**John:** OPP.

**Drew:** One more question for things based on a true story. Sam writes, “I’m writing a script based on a true story from the past few years. I’m currently taking a pretty conservative amount of artistic license. The script is structured around actual events, and the characters are based on actual people and their characteristics.

“I’m having a problem, however, with providing suitably compelling stakes and motivations for my main character. I invented a backstory that hangs over the character and influences his choices. I think it’s the right narrative decision, but I’m hesitant as to whether I’m cheating the truth too much. I’m especially worried because the events in question are so recent. If I was writing about an event that took place long ago, I would have fewer qualms about shaping the story as I need to. Can you give any guidance as to how you know when you’re going too far in applying artistic license to a true story?”

**John:** Sam, just like Ollie, you’re asking the right question at the right time, because you’re thinking about how much do I need to bend events or invent motivations behind things to have them all make sense. The truth is probably yes, you do need to do some of these things, because their motivations are opaque to you. You aren’t going to know exactly why characters were doing what they were doing. Your story needs to make sense. You’re not telling fact. You’re telling a story. You’re telling a story with characters who go through a change. If there’s not an inherent change in the true life story, you may need to invent some reasons for why you’re creating this perspective on the story, that has a beginning, middle, and end, and a real journey to it.

Listen. It’s not going to be uncontroversial for you to be introducing motivations behind characters and what they’re doing. But if you look back to, we’ve had people come on Scriptnotes and talk about the projects they’re working on, they did that a lot, because that’s the job of the writer is to create motivations and create reasons for why characters do what they do.

**Drew:** If a writer’s writing a script about a true story on spec, should you be cautious if those motivations aren’t necessarily there, because then you maybe just have a scenario?

**John:** I would say honestly, if you’re writing something on spec – so there’s not a studio involved, it’s not based on a book, it’s not based on anything else – I think you actually have quite a bit of latitude in figuring out why your characters are doing what they’re doing and what is it about these characters and the choices they’re making that is a compelling story.

The obvious example you can go back to is The Social Network. That character’s not really Mark Zuckerberg. There are moments that are taken from real life, but the real motivations behind Mark Zuckerberg are not the motivations of the character that’s portrayed in that movie. The movie’s successful, and I like the movie a lot. But if I were Mark Zuckerberg, I would be pissed at the movie, because it’s portraying him doing things for reasons that were probably not the reasons he did those things.

**Drew:** Makes sense. Steve writes, “I’m writing a period war script in which US forces get encircled by the enemy, sort of like the old newsreel footage. I want to show the action of the firefights and positions being overrun, but with a map overlay over it, basically showing all the enemy positions in red moving in and smothering the US positions in white, until all that’s left is one little white dot. Do I just write that, or is there a technical term for this type of post add-on?”

**John:** There is nothing that I know of as a technical term. Just write that. The description of what you just in your question will make sense. We’re used to, in scripts, seeing things that are not strictly what the camera is shooting, but what we’re seeing on screen. Go for it. It’s going to work.

**Drew:** Niroberto writes, “What would make you prefer being a producer instead of a writer on a project?”

**John:** Almost nothing, Niroberto. I would almost never choose to be a producer on a project rather than a writer. I’ve done it once. In that situation, it was incredibly frustrating. It felt like being in the cockpit of a plane and seeing all the controls and not being allowed to touch them. I knew what I thought we needed to do to the script and to the story, and I was not allowed to touch those controls and actually do that work. I found it incredibly frustrating.

**Drew:** Were you giving notes to the writer?

**John:** Yeah, I was giving notes to the writer. Just so I’m not being oblique here, it’s Jordan Mechner, who’s a good friend and a very good writer. This was on Prince of Persia. But there are definitely things where it was like, “If I could just do this myself, it would be faster and better, and I wouldn’t have to figure out how to note this to death.”

Listen. In the end, the movie was not the movie either of us wanted to make, for various reasons, but that part of the process was really frustrating. When it was out of our control, and when other folks were making the movie, my name is on this, but I had really very little control over certain choices and decisions that were made. For me, producing is not that exciting, but you just graduated as a producer. Are you excited to produce things you have not written?

**Drew:** I think so. I more than think so. Yes, I am. But I’m also at a point where I’m just excited to get things made seem exciting to me. I don’t think that’s been… Tainted is the wrong word. But he practical realities of what it takes, I haven’t lived through yet. Right now it’s all just excitement about big ideas and all that.

I’m also at a point in my career where I love writing, but if I don’t get to write the thing, if there’s other people that are going to get this thing across the finish line, and I can be that for that person, that’s what’s most important to me. Just getting things made is the most important thing.

**John:** I’m first and foremost always a writer, so it’s always about how do I write the thing to make it happen. In my non-Hollywood stuff, like the software we make, I am not fundamentally a coder, so I feel fine being a producer on that project, because I’m not a designer, I’m not a coder, I’m not that person, but I am a good leader of people in that situation. If I were a talented coder, I’m sure Nima would hate me, because we’d be arguing about esoteric stuff in the code. That’s I think the difference is that I fundamentally identify as a writer first, and I will produce if it’s helpful for me to be producing. But producing and then I’m not writing, it’s just not a good fit for me.

**Drew:** Fair. Finally, Danny writes, “I have been a professional late-night comedy writer for 13 years now.”

**John:** Great.

**Drew:** “And only during this strike did I learn that I’m part of the Writers Guild known as Appendix A. I realize that we’re a small fraction of the Guild membership, but I find this name to be troubling. An appendix, by definition, is a thing tacked on to a report that no one reads, or an internal organ that can be surgically removed from the human body and not missed whatsoever. I know in three years the Negotiating Committee will have many issues to hammer out, but I feel like getting this changed should be top priority for everyone.”

**John:** Danny, first off, I hear you. I think it’s great that you’ve been a professional late-night comedy writer for 13 years. I’m not surprised you didn’t know that all this was covered under Appendix A. Appendix A is not a term that the WGA invented. It’s not anything pejorative.

Basically, there’s a whole big contract that covers film and television writing. There’s a whole section on screenwriting and feature writing. There’s a whole section on TV writing, which is mostly also what the streaming stuff is. Then there’s everything else. Everything else that could be covered under the WGA, it got all put in a thing called Appendix A, which is just a grab bag for everything else. It covers you as a late-night comedy writer. It covers game shows. It covers talk shows. It covers daytime talk shows. It covers soap operas. Everything else that is not a feature or a normal episodic television show gets put in Appendix A.

It’s an appendix just because it’s an appendix on the end of this big agreement. It’s been there for a long time. It’s not going to change. They’re not going to change the name. It doesn’t matter. It is not worth any capital at all for the Writers Guild to try to push this into a different part of the contract, because it wouldn’t change anything. It’s still just a third category of writers who are protected underneath the Writers Guild.

What I will say is the folks who are writing for Appendix A shows, especially late-night comedy variety writers, have incredible advocates in the Guild. Going into this negotiation, everyone in that negotiating room learned so much about how Appendix A shows work and how we need to protect them, particularly for the changes that are happening as we go into streaming and into AVOD and into other future technologies. Don’t feel like you are some useless appendage that is not part of the main Guild. You are right there in the center of it.

Also, so many writers work in multiple fields. I started as purely a screenwriter, but I’ve also written TV. So many writers we’ve talked to and writers who’ve come on the show started off doing late-night comedy variety shows and are now doing features or are now doing TV. It all blends together. We need to make sure that writers are covered, no matter which work area they’re working under.

**Drew:** That’s great.

**John:** Cool. We answered a lot of questions. I’ve lost count. That was good.

**Drew:** That was a marathon.

**John:** We did skip a question. Jocelyn Lucia in Orlando wrote, “In the Bonus Segment of Episode 582, Craig hinted at being very involved with the Foley work in The Last of Us. He said he would give the podcast an exclusive story regarding this following the completion of its airing. Now that the season is out, is it time for the story?” Listen. I’ll leave it to Craig to tell exactly what his Foley was, but I think those doorknobs, all Craig Mazin.

**Drew:** I could hear it.

**John:** You could too. You hear it.

**Drew:** Those little, yeah.

**John:** Yeah, that’s it, 100%.

**Drew:** 100%.

**John:** He’s all the doorknobs. He’s the doorknobs and hinges. There are a lot of squeaky hinges, and that’s all Craig Mazin. He’s basically a squeaky hinge.

**Drew:** That makes sense.

**John:** Time for One Cool Things. My One Cool Thing was something I saw this week which I thought was terrific. The headline is An Extremely Detailed Map of New York City Neighborhoods. It’s from the New York Times. What they did is they basically surveyed people all throughout New York and greater New York about, “What is this block called? This block that you’re in, what is it called?” Literally, block by block in Manhattan, but also throughout Brooklyn and everywhere else, it’s, “What is the name for this place where you are?” because if you look on Google Maps or other places, they’ll have these categories for what these places are. There’ll be voting districts and things like that. But how people actually identify their block can be very specific.

What I love about how they charted this on this New York Times, again, incredibly detailed infographic with interactive elements, you can see really block by block how people identify. You can see the hazy borders between some places. Other times it’s super crisp, because on this side of a highway, it’s this; on this side of a highway, it’s that. I just thought it was great. There’s historic names. There’s newer names. I remember they were trying to rebrand Hell’s Kitchen as Clinton for a while, and that didn’t work.

**Drew:** Lower Manhattan on this is just a mess. Block by block, it’s [crosstalk 01:04:29].

**John:** Block by block. It’s great. I think it’s one of the reasons why New York is terrific but also really intimidating for outsiders is people will say a name, like, “I don’t know what that is.” “I have a friend who lives in Astoria.” I’m like, “I don’t know what Astoria is.” It’s like, “Oh, it’s that thing.” Surprisingly, that’s actually a very well-defined area.

With the exception of Roosevelt Island – either you’re on Roosevelt Island or you’re not on Roosevelt Island – a lot of other places are very ambiguous about what the boundaries are. In some cases it’s gentrification, or Upper East Side keeps getting pushed further and further north, where there used to be clearer boundaries between things.

**Drew:** Also, it looks like people on the Upper East Side also identify as being in Yorkville, which I’ve never heard before.

**John:** See, yeah. But a New Yorker would know maybe what Yorkville was. Of course, there’s going to be new stuff always coming online. Even driving to LA, we’re at the edge of Koreatown, which originally I was like, “Wait, is that pejorative? Is it bad to call it Koreatown?” No. It’s the largest Korean population outside of Korea in the world. Our Koreatown is really big. There’s also Historic Filipinotown. We have a Chinatown. We have Little Armenia. We have specific neighborhoods that come and go, but our boundaries are really blurry in Los Angeles too.

**Drew:** Do you believe East Hollywood is a thing?

**John:** I do not believe in East Hollywood.

**Drew:** I don’t either. That feels like we really tried, and we’re still trying.

**John:** For folks who don’t know Los Angeles, West Hollywood is actually a separate city. It is literally not part of Los Angeles. Fully surrounded by Los Angeles, but it’s not part of Los Angeles. Hollywood is just Hollywood. I guess it makes sense why you might call something East Hollywood, but where does East Hollywood start in people’s minds?

**Drew:** I think it’s between the Hollywood of the Capitol Records building and Little Armenia, basically.

**John:** To the freeway or past the freeway?

**Drew:** Maybe it’s everything east of the 101, but not quite. I don’t know. It’s so vague.

**John:** The 101 would be a good way to divide that, but I don’t know. A couple years ago, I think Curbed did a thing kind of like this for their site for Los Angeles. But I really want New York Times or LA Times to do the exact same thing, because I’m really curious what people would identify, because I would call this Hancock Park, but Windsor Square is right next door. People in Windsor Square, they just call it Hancock Park. No one really calls it Windsor Square anymore.

**Drew:** That’s very cool. Mine is much more low-tech. Mine is your local photo lab.

**John:** Tell us why.

**Drew:** For my wedding, we had about a dozen disposable cameras on the table. Every time in the last 10, 15 years I’ve gotten pictures printed, I’ve taken it to Target or CVS, and they are terrible. They’re about the same quality as if I had printed them at home. I don’t really know how to print them at home either.

We decided to go to a local place. They are lovely. They are so much cheaper than… We looked online at places that would be able to take the cameras. We were in Massachusetts. We were in Danvers, Massachusetts. This place was about a third of the price. They care about your pictures. They are guys who have been around these chemicals since high school basically and know what they’re doing. They took the cameras. They had us create a little Dropbox folder, or you can do Google Drive. They scan all the negatives, plop it right in there. You can pick what you want, and they print it out for you.

That’s the specific one, but I think most places… Not everyone still has a photo lab in their hometown. If you have them, check them out, because it’s people who care about your pictures, that make way better pictures than just the stuff you can order online.

**John:** Drew, are you old enough to remember one-hour photo labs?

**Drew:** Oh, yeah.

**John:** At the mall, you could actually take them in and get your photos back in an hour. Those all went away, because we all have digital cameras now. That machinery, that stuff still exists somewhere. It’s frustrating that if you go to CVS now – my daughter used a disposable camera for this hiking trip she took – if you send it in, it takes two weeks to come back. How soon are you getting photos back? Have you gotten them back yet?

**Drew:** We haven’t gotten the physical copies back yet. I think they’re going to ship them out this weekend.

**John:** Have you gotten the online ones?

**Drew:** Yes.

**John:** Great. That’s what you want.

**Drew:** It’s helpful too, because you can post them and all that stuff. Also, I don’t know, I get a little sad having my photos just sit on my camera. You don’t revisit them the same way. With those one-hour photo labs, used to, you’d get them and you’d sit down right there on the floor and you’d rip it open and look through them. I miss that a little bit. I think it’s more than just nostalgia. It’s genuinely people who care about the quality of it, which is great.

**John:** Great. Thank you for this One Cool Thing, because my assumption going into this was just you have to go to CVS or Target, because they’re the only places who can do that stuff. Of course there should be labs who can do that. That’s an established technology.

**Drew:** They’ve got all the same stuff.

**John:** Cool. That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt, who’s right here, edited by Matthew Chilelli.

**Drew:** Woo!

**John:** Outro this week is by Nico Mansy, and wow, it’s a really fun one. Thank Nico for this one. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions, which Drew will file and organize, and we’ll eventually get to them in an episode. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find transcripts and sign up for our weekly newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. We have T-shirts and hoodies. They’re great. You can find them at Cotton Bureau. If you’re Stuart Friedel, you can find a few of them left downstairs in the racks.

**Drew:** I think we have two.

**John:** Either one. You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to record on weddings. Drew, thank you for all your hard work on this mailbag episode.

**Drew:** It was fun. Thank you, John.

[Bonus Segment]

**John:** Drew, so you got married. Congratulations.

**Drew:** Thank you.

**John:** How does the wedding ring feel? I see it in your hand.

**Drew:** I keep playing with it a little bit. We were talking a little bit after the wedding about getting sleeved, and now I can’t stop worrying about that. It’s a little bit loose, so I’m constantly worried that I’m going to just catch it on something and it’s going to take my skin with it.

**John:** The terrifying thing that I brought up to Drew and ruined his life was the fact that it has happened that people have gotten their rings caught on things and then fallen or it pulled off all the skin on their finger, leaving just bone, which is absolutely terrifying.

**Drew:** It’s a new fear that’s entered my life. It used to just be losing my teeth.

**John:** But you did not lose your teeth or your finger. You got married. Let’s talk through wedding stuff, because weddings are so important. As I said in the setup here, I believed I’d been to a dozen or so weddings, and of course I’ve been to 43 or whatever. I’ve been to so many weddings. Yours was lovely. Yours was really great.

Let’s talk about some of the things that made your wedding great, the plan going into that, and as a person who I’m sure has been to a zillion weddings because of your age cohort, things you were looking for, things you were trying to avoid.

**Drew:** I actually haven’t been to that many weddings. I think people my age, especially in the entertainment industry, seem to be pushing the weddings further and further out.

**John:** Weirdly, your college friends are not married. I met a bunch of your college friends. For whatever reason, they’re not married.

**Drew:** They’ve been dating for decades, some of them, but yeah, they’re not married. This was one of the first in my friends group. We’ve been engaged for two years, which maybe helped. It gave us some time to plan. But I will say it didn’t change that much, because I think there are some things you can’t start doing until certain points. About a year out, that’s when you can start sending certain things, and that you get certain information. I’m not sure that necessarily helped make it good.

**John:** For the folks who weren’t there, which is hopefully most of this audience-

**Drew:** Yeah, could be.

**John:** Let’s start with the venue, because you picked a historic venue, and the whole wedding took place at that venue, including the reception and everything afterwards. There was no go to one place, then hop in your car, drive to another place for the party thereafter. That was a fundamental decision?

**Drew:** That was a fundamental decision. The place we chose was a historic landmark, which you think might be expensive, but actually, because it was government-owned, it was actually pretty cheap, compared to some of the places that you look at where it’s $10,000 for the night or something crazy for a barn. That helped. We also wanted a nondenominational wedding. We picked that place. It was beautiful enough as it was. Sorry, what was your [indiscernible 01:13:06]?

**John:** The venue was great. You picked it early on. You reserved it. Clearly, that venue had been used for weddings a ton. You didn’t have to invent everything, correct?

**Drew:** Correct. The nice part also about picking that venue was that, because it was a historic building, they had certain controls in place. They had their caterers, who knew the building. They were the only caterers we could work with, so we didn’t have to go taste a million things. They had recommendations for everyone. They do weddings all the time, so they had their people, which we were happy to take their recommendations. We used their recommendations. Also, little things like no actual burning candles, nothing like that, so safety was built in. Especially as we were planning during COVID, they were very strict about that, so that was important to us too.

**John:** Great. Let’s talk about guests. We got a save the date and then we got further information. How early on did you have a sense of how many guests there would be?

**Drew:** You go in with the big dream of everyone you’ve ever met is going to be at this wedding. I think I still would have loved for that to be the case. Then the practicalities and money and all that very quickly winnows that down. We knew we were looking about 100 guests maximum.

Then you’re also doing the balance too, where you have your family, and you have to figure that out. You want to make sure it’s balanced between the two people, so that no one feels like it’s one family’s wedding or that it’s the other family’s wedding. All those little politics things start coming into play. We were really lucky. We had two great families who were very understanding and all that stuff. Still, you never want to push anyone into places where they’re going to feel uncomfortable or any of those things.

What was nice was take big swaths out of the equation. I just went through the Stark Program. I was able to say, “That’s 30 people. That’s going to be too much of one block. I don’t want to pick and choose, because I love them all. I’m just going to say no one from grad school. I love you, but it’s not going to happen this time.”

**John:** That was a question, because I was wondering where the Stark friends were there. For our wedding, we were about the same size. What we did was we did a bachelor’s night party the night before the wedding, where we just invited all the folks who we couldn’t invite to the wedding. We had a venue and a bar, and we were all there. We had little photo booths. It was just like an extra little reception-

**Drew:** That’s great.

**John:** … but just the night before, so it wasn’t the wedding. That ended up working out well for us.

**Drew:** Sorry. Was it for your wedding guests too?

**John:** No. Wedding guests were not invited to that. It’s just the folks who we couldn’t invite to the wedding, like our dentist and other friends like that. I guess there may have been a couple people who were at both, but really the expectation was not that you were going to be at both. You were going to be at one or the other. It was fun. It worked out really well. I don’t want to say these were second-tier friends, but this is what we would’ve invited all the Stark friends to. We did invite a lot of my Stark friends to that.

**Drew:** I think we probably need to do that too. We’ve promised people that we would do something like that.

**John:** That’d be great, just an LA reception for this. Now, you were a destination wedding. Neither of you live where the wedding was. This was her hometown. How early in the process did you decide that it was a destination wedding?

**Drew:** Fairly early on. We played around with the idea of it being in LA. But part of it was cost. Part of it was getting her family out here had been tough, and grandparents too.

**John:** Of course.

**Drew:** Especially if you want to make sure certain grandparents are there. I don’t have any grandparents, so my family was very mobile and able to go. That felt like that was the smartest idea at the time. The idea of it being a destination wedding definitely comes into play. You realize that you’re asking a lot more from your guests-

**John:** Absolutely.

**Drew:** … than if you were just doing it even in a backyard or something.

**John:** Absolutely. I have friends who are in their late 20s, early 30s, who are at the really peak age of a zillion weddings. All their college friends are getting married. Megana went through this as well when she was doing this producer job, where she was just constantly going from one to the next. It becomes that cliché of 27 Dresses or Plus One, where your life is just spent going from wedding to wedding to wedding and feeling frustration that you don’t have a life of your own, you’re just a guest at weddings.

**Drew:** The money, especially for Megana, being part of those bridal parties or bachelor party. You want the friendship. You want to be invited. But oh my god. I feel so bad for my best man. How much money he spent on me is humbling. I think that’s been a thing too that’s been really hard to cope with is how much people do for you, and you have to just accept it and not feel guilty about it. It’s overwhelming when you start realizing how much people are doing for you.

**John:** Let’s talk through some of the cliches of weddings and also things we’ve seen in movies and television. The fact that on your wedding day, you’re not going to have a chance to talk to anybody or spend more than two minutes with any person.

**Drew:** Kind of true, especially ours. We had a time limit in the building, basically. You’re just on a train track, and it goes by really fast. You get enough. You get to talk to people if you make the time to do it, but not any meaningful conversations or anything like that.

**John:** One of the things I actually really enjoyed about your wedding, so your wedding was from 6:00 to 10:00 p.m. at this historic building. You were out the door at 10:00 p.m., literally, like, “Lights are on. You gotta leave.” I really enjoyed that about your wedding, because I’ve found so many weddings, I don’t know when it’s time to leave, or the people are hanging on too late, and you feel like you have to stick around. It’s like, “Nope. You gotta go.” You and Heather also provided electrolytes to put in our water bottles as we left. Delicious. I was not hung over the next day.

**Drew:** Those are great.

**John:** Good choices.

**Drew:** Especially with an open bar too, you want to make sure that they’re-

**John:** The open bar is a considerable expense. It wasn’t as much as your catering, but it was not a cheap open bar.

**Drew:** It was part of the catering, but yeah, that was a little bit more. That was important for my parents. I think that was their must-have. It was great. I think food and bar were the most expensive part of the whole thing. I’m very good with that, because it’s kind of like being on a set. Honestly, the whole thing ends up feeling like a production. Especially if everybody’s fed, if there’s food all the time, and there’s drinks, everybody’s happy. If anything falls apart, no one cares.

**John:** I’ve been to 43 weddings or something, and a huge range of how they were staged. The successful weddings for me are definitely the ones where I felt like, “Oh, this couple’s in love. They’re doing it for the right reasons. They’re doing this for themselves. They’re enjoying their day.” It didn’t matter whether it was in someone’s backyard or at a very fancy resort if it felt like they are doing this because they want to have this great experience, and they want to share this great experience with a bunch of people who are really close to them. That’s what your wedding had.

It’s also what makes me happy when I see it is the weddings that really prioritize what is going to be great for this couple as they head off into their next thing, what’s going to create memories that they’re going to be excited about, rather than showcase weddings that are just whatever.

**Drew:** I don’t think we would’ve been good with a showcase one. I think with each decision, as long as it’s personal to you, the cumulative effect ends up being a very personal wedding. At the same time, we didn’t want it to just feel like it’s just for us and no one else, because you’ve definitely been to weddings where it feels that too, where it’s almost like the couple are in their own world. It feels not contempt that you’re there, but there’s like, “It’s you and me against the world.” You’re like, “We’re here too.”

**John:** “We’re on your team. We drove here.”

**Drew:** “We did a lot. I put on a tie.” We didn’t want it to feel that way either. You want the songs to be fun and danceable. Heather and I are nerds for all sorts of music. You start to cut some of those favorites away, just because it’s an odd beat to dance to. It’s all balance. It’s so stressful, but it ends up being fine. You worry about every little choice. I can’t imagine the people who have also other people in their ear telling them about things too. That’s a whole other level that I’m very lucky we didn’t have. Then the day comes, and it’s fine, and everyone’s pitching in to make it the best.

**John:** You had the disposable cameras on the table. Mike and I are of course very good students who make sure that every photo’s taken. We got to make sure we got everything documented. You also had a photographer there to shoot. Obviously, in a wedding you’re going to think about photography. To me, most important for our wedding and other events I’ve been to is you want somebody who’s good at actually filming what’s happening and shooting what’s actually happening and not just about the staged things. Because you didn’t have a wedding party, you didn’t have to do all that other stuff. It’s just like, what did the night feel like? The thing I loved so much about our wedding is we have a good compiled book of just the photos from the wedding that really feel like that night.

**Drew:** I think that was super important for both Heather and I is that it felt like is and it all felt real. We had a fairly journalist photographer. We had those disposable cameras. Even Heather had to really talk her makeup artist back from doing the full bridal makeup, because we didn’t want it to feel like this staged thing. We got pictures with everyone. We made sure that all the boxes were checked, and everyone will have those things, but that you can hopefully feel the energy when you look back on it.

I also didn’t want a videographer. This might be controversial. But there’s something better about looking at pictures and remembering than actually seeing. The few videos I’ve seen of myself dancing on the dance floor, I hate. I can’t do it. The pictures are good. The pictures look very fun. It’s how I want to remember it. You can fill in the blanks as opposed to seeing the stark reality.

**John:** 100%. Congratulations again. First and hopefully last wedding you’ll be through for yourself.

**Drew:** Thank you for being there. It was great.

Links:

* [Oppenheimer: The Official Screenplay](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/125485818) by Christopher Nolan
* [WGA Appendix A](https://www.wga.org/uploadedfiles/credits/Appendix_A.pdf)
* [An Extremely Detailed Map of New York City Neighborhoods](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/upshot/extremely-detailed-nyc-neighborhood-map.html?unlocked_article_code=1.6kw.kcs8.he_hQaxqP5Vb) by Larry Buchanan, Josh Katz, Rumsey Taylor and Eve Washington for the New York Times
* [TFI Photo Lab in Danvers, MA](https://www.tfiphoto.com/index.html)
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Check out the Inneresting Newsletter](https://inneresting.substack.com/)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* Craig Mazin on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@clmazin) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/clmazin/)
* John August on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@johnaugust), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/johnaugust)
* [John on Mastodon](https://mastodon.art/@johnaugust)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Nico Mansy ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/618standard.mp3).

Scriptnotes, Episode 617: Monsters and You, Transcript

November 30, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](https://johnaugust.com/2023/monsters-and-you).

**John August:** Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** This is Episode 617 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Craig, happy Halloween.

**Craig:** Yes, the spookiest day of spooky season has arrived.

**John:** Indeed.

**Craig:** Really, as we were saying earlier, this is the only spooky time you and I recognize, today, Halloween.

**John:** Today.

**Craig:** That’s it.

**John:** Today is the day.

**Craig:** That’s it.

**John:** I think it’s good we have a Halloween. I think we need a day of fear and merriment. I don’t know. I’m glad this has persisted into our increasingly Christian world.

**Craig:** All of our best holidays are pagan, including all the good Christian ones. For instance, Christmas is-

**John:** Christmas.

**Craig:** … definitely the winter solstice celebration, with its tree.

**John:** Indeed.

**Craig:** Easter is obviously the pagan spring fertility holiday with its bunny rabbits and eggs.

**John:** Obviously, it fit so naturally into the story of Christ’s resurrection.

**Craig:** Jesus would talk about rabbits all the time.

**John:** All the time.

**Craig:** Pagans really gave us all of our good stuff. Halloween is purely pagan. The Christians didn’t get around to Christianifying it. That’s why a bunch of, I don’t know, Southern Baptist churches are anti-Halloween. You know what? The only thing, as a language purist, that I would do to improve Halloween is popularizing the correct apostrophe between the two E’s, Hallowe’en.

**John:** We’en.

**Craig:** It’s not going to happen.

**John:** It’s never going to happen. It’d be fun to do it, but also it feels like you’re just one of those too-fancy people. It feels like you’re The New Yorker magazine type. You are The New Yorker when you’re putting the-

**Craig:** It’s a New Yorker thing to do. It is, yeah, to put the umlaut over the second O of corroborate.

**John:** The diaeresis mark, yeah, for sure.

**Craig:** I love it. I love it.

**John:** It’s so good. It’s good.

**Craig:** Oh, New Yorker.

**John:** Today on the show, what are monsters, really? We’ll discuss the functions they perform in film and TV and how they differ from traditional villains. Plus, we’ll talk about how the trappings of narrative, including good and evil, are applied to real life news. In our Bonus Segment for Premium Members, Craig, let’s journey back to the old internet and discuss what was lost and whether it matters. We’ll be going through a new internet archive that traces back to the early days of even before the web.

**Craig:** Oh, wow, pre-web stuff. Okay.

**John:** Pre-web stuff.

**Craig:** In my brain, I was thinking about that little man with the hard hat and the sign that said under “construction,” which every website used to be.

**John:** Yes, but before that we had ARPANET. We had Usenet groups. We had all those little things. We’ll talk a bit about that. It’s a whole little museum that we can click through some slides for.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** Good, fun times. First, we have some follow-up. Back in Episode 615 we talked about aphantasia, which is where people do not have the ability to visualize. We speculated, what is it like to be a writer, specifically a screenwriter, if you don’t have that ability to visualize. Luckily, we have the best listeners in the entire universe, and two of them wrote in with their experiences having aphantasia and writing.

**Drew Marquardt:** Tim says, “Think of it as having a mind’s eye that works as code instead of rendered visuals. If I’m thinking of a room and the objects within it, I’m thinking about the concepts of those things, and with effort, my imagination holds them relative to each other in a virtual space, not just as a list. Spatial awareness of a story world is pretty essential, but from what my experience and what I’ve read, I don’t think this is something that aphantasia rules out. But seeing that world in crisp HD visuals or not having to consciously think of every detail and texture is part of your imaginary process, it probably is. Similarly, lacking an inner monologue doesn’t stop me imagining a conversation. That’s probably why I take pleasure in writing.”

**John:** It sounds like Tim has both aphantasia and the lack of an inner monologue, and he still gets writing done. He still seems to be able to create scenes. I think Tim’s expectation is that you and I, Craig, are seeing everything in full HD videos in our heads. That’s not my experience. I don’t know what it is for you.

**Craig:** No, it’s far more mushy than that. It does strike me that one of the quirks of our brains is that when we’re asked to talk about things our brains can’t do, we don’t really know. It’s kind of like asking somebody who is colorblind to talk about their relative ease or difficulty moving through the world. Sometimes you just don’t know.

There are things where it’s like, okay, it’s not that I can’t do something, but if I don’t see it, I don’t know what I’m missing. I think that that applies to everybody. Everybody’s brain operates under basic D and D point array rules. You get a certain amount of points to put in your six ability categories. We all have things where we have more points than others.

Funny, I was talking about this just yesterday with somebody that on the IQ tests where you would have to fold boxes, I’m terrible. I just really struggle with that. I never think about it as I go through life, because I don’t actually know what I’m missing. I am sure that people who have excellent ability to do things like that simply experience the world in a slightly richer way than I do. Doesn’t mean better. Just richer, meaning fuller, more detail, more information.

The fact is, Tim is absolutely right. You can get by. You can do these things. My guess is that there are probably some areas where his ability stats are higher than mine because points didn’t go into visual awareness or internal visual conception.

**John:** It’s interesting you bring up IQ tests, because I believe that one of the biggest criticisms of the classic IQ tests is that they over-reward certain, very specific pattern-matching and visual abilities, to the detriment of other things, like language or, obviously, emotional intelligence, other ways in which you measure intelligence, because as I do think back to the IQ-like tests that I took as a child, they were a lot of folding boxes or figuring out the next thing in a sequence, that were largely visual. I do wonder if that’s a thing.

I’m also struck by the fact that whenever we’re talking about what our brains are doing, we are talking about them, we are writing about them, we are using our language faculties to do it. That is, of course, an abstraction from what we’re actually really experiencing. The degree to which we use language as a proxy for all other aspects of consciousness is one of the real challenges in our inability to communicate what something is like other than with our words.

**Craig:** Yeah. It may be that language is consciousness, that the thing you’re describing as the conversion process is the process, that all of our consciousness is just a language-ified experience. This now wanders into areas beyond our expertise.

**John:** I think that’s safe to say, and sometimes beyond scientific expertise. I think you sometimes do wander into philosophical areas here, where they’re just not a good place to say here. We do have some more concrete examples from another listener, Matthew, who talks about his writing process with aphantasia.

**Drew:** Matthew says, “I start much as anyone else might, with a log line, then an outline. I will then create a visual outline of the movie, sort of like a lookbook. I’ll source all sorts of images that illustrate almost every scene of the movie. This helps me, pre script face, to really visualize the feeling and vibe I’m going for. I need to lay out all the visuals of the film to really get a sense of the whole thing, because it can be a little daunting starting a project and seeing nothing when you close your eyes.”

**Craig:** I get this, Matthew, completely. I think, first of all, it’s a very smart way of approaching it. What you do find when you get out of the world of just writing and into the world of writing for production, that very soon, everyone around you is going to start pulling these visuals out. Why? Because they’re trying to get in your head. They’ve read your script, they see what you’re describing as best as you could, and now they’re trying to create a common language with you. What you’re doing is you’re creating a common language to start with. It’s very helpful for other people.

I also know what you mean when you say it can be a little daunting starting a project and seeing nothing when you close your eyes, even though I see lots when I close my eyes when I’m starting writing.

What I have noticed – and this is all fresh and current to me now because I’m in prep – when it’s time to, say, storyboard a sequence, it’s very difficult for me to storyboard it in the abstract. But if I can go to where we are shooting it, if it’s a location, or sometimes I’ll have the art department tape it out on the floor of the stage – just tape it out, just so I can have, again, a D and D style overhead map kind of view – it really helps me then go from there into angles and ideas. For me, at least, I find it hard and also sometimes counterproductive, even, to just start pulling stuff out of my butt and putting it into storyboard. I get that feeling. I think this is a very smart way of approaching it.

**John:** We’re talking about the difference between abstract visualizations versus concrete and where you fall on that spectrum. It occurs to me, Craig, that over the time that we’ve played D and D, we’ve played in a whole range of levels in abstraction. We’ve played theater of the mind. We’re just like, okay, we’re all in this space. We’re not going to put figurines down on the tabletop. We know whose turn it is. We know roughly where people are.

You had, at some point, backed a Kickstarter or something with this giant 3D models that you assembled on a tabletop, where we were moving stuff around. It was incredibly tactile. You could see exactly where we were at. You could measure with a ruler to see how close we were. Other times, we’ve done the grid, where we just have erasable markers to show the edges of boundaries of things.

Now, we’re increasingly doing this top-down view in Roll20. Some of the maps you’ve been using, especially in this last campaign, are incredibly detailed, with textures and pools of blood and all that stuff. I don’t know. It feels much more concrete, and it requires less work in all of our brains to imagine where we are in space.

Looking ahead to the upcoming things, it feels much that there are 3D systems coming up there. Baldur’s Gate is a D and D game that is incredibly detailed and 3D. I do wonder how that changes our experience of the game and how it changes how we’re approaching things, when it’s not just a collective improv. We’re all imagining we’re in a space together, but we are literally seeing the space together.

**Craig:** I’m always one to go for that. I like to go toward that, because I do think it fleshes the experience out. It makes it exciting. Of course, what happens is once the novelty wears off, everything turns back into the same thing.

Thinking about video games, they’re so much more detailed and beautiful now, but when you’re playing, it’s not like my dopamine levels are 400% higher than they were back when I was on a Nintendo 64. They’re not. The play ultimately reduces back into the joy of the play and not so much the joy of the enhancement of the visuals, but I do like those things. It’s actually why I don’t get grouchy about, “In my day, we used to have to use our imaginations.” We’re all using our imaginations anyway. It is all imaginative.

It’s just more exciting to see a fireball explode than to just have somebody go, “A fireball goes off,” and then we’re all like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. How much damage did I take?” At least now we get to see something go kaboom, which is fun.

**John:** When I was playing one of these recent games – it could’ve been the most recent Diablo – I was trucking through something, and at some point I felt kind of guilty, because these were gorgeous landscapes that I was running through, and I was not paying any attention to these gorgeous landscapes at all, because I was just tracking the little mini map or my quest.

That’s an experience in real life as well, where you don’t notice what’s outside your window, because you’re focusing on some other thing. There’s a trade-off to be made in terms of how we generalize past this real-world experience to play the game. Whether it’s literally a video game or how we’re getting through life, we don’t stop to appreciate how pretty things are outside.

**Craig:** Smell the roses.

**John:** Yeah. We have one last bit of follow-up here. Laya in Serbia wrote in about Aaron Sorkin.

**Drew:** Laya wrote in to share that, “Aaron Sorkin said on BBC’s This Cultural Life podcast that when he is writing, he can hear a scene perfectly, he can hear the dialog, but, quote, ‘It is at the expense of seeing the scene. I don’t think visually at all.'”

**Craig:** That’s not wildly surprising, given that Aaron Sorkin’s strength, the thing that sets him apart, is his wonderful dialog. If you were to say to me, name a writer that is known for their dialog, I would just say Aaron Sorkin. If you look at the famous courtroom confrontation in A Few Good Men, they’re in a wooden rectangle, and one of them’s standing. One of them’s sitting. The visuals are not relevant.

It’s one of the reasons why Fincher I thought was such a wonderful pairing with Sorkin for Social Network, because Fincher is so brilliantly visual. What I love about him as a director is, his visual sense, his cinematic sense is not showy. It’s not about, “Look at my crazy angles. Look at my cool stuff. Look at all my neato tricks.” It’s composition. It’s composition. It’s depth. It’s knowing where the camera ought to be in connection to relationship. He’s so good at that. The combination of his eye and Sorkin’s language in Social Network just elevated that. It’s such a great film.

**John:** I’m trying to think through Sorkin films or things that were for television where not just silence, but characters in a place, not talking were crucial story elements. Not a lot of them leap to mind. I think these are always characters, the joke is that they’re always walking circles, but they are always talking. I’m having a hard time remembering crucial moments in Sorkin’s stories that weren’t about the talking.

**Craig:** He populates his work with characters who express themselves verbally. If I think about Social Network, and I think about the characters in there, Mark Zuckerberg expresses himself verbally, Andrew Garfield’s character, the lawyers, the Winklvii, everyone. There’s a wonderful scene in Social Network where the Winklevoss twins go to see Larry Summers, the then-president of Harvard. That scene is – I hope you’re sitting down – rat-a-tat, incredibly intelligent dialog. It is two people sitting across from another person. Even Larry Summers’s assistant, who’s sitting at another desk, she seems brilliant.

Everybody is at an IQ of 180, and their verbal scores are 800 on that achievement test. Everyone is just witty and smart and fast. They think fast. They talk fast. Everyone’s sentences are complete. Is it mannered? I guess. But it’s entertaining. His intelligence is entertaining, and he’s witty, so it just works.

**John:** In Social Network, there is a sequence where the Winklevii are at the Regatta, and so the sequence of rowing, and that’s beautifully done. I also wonder how many times it was nearly cut, because it’s actually not especially relevant to the film. That’s a non-dialog sequence I can recall in that film, and it’s one of the very few.

**Craig:** It’s beautiful.

**John:** Beautiful.

**Craig:** I remember when I saw it. It uses that tilt-shift method where it makes things almost look like they’re in a diorama or something. I do remember in the theater thinking, this was certainly not written down like this. The combination of the music and the photographic style and the way it was working, it just felt very visual. That’s not to say that screenplays don’t normally have scenes like that. If I’m writing a movie, and I want a scene like that, I write it.

**John:** My scripts are full of those scenes.

**Craig:** Maybe I’m wrong, but I would be surprised if Aaron Sorkin wrote that in that way, because like he says, he can hear it, but he doesn’t think visually at all. I don’t know how you get to that if you don’t.

**John:** We have two bits of follow-up. We’ve talked about Craig’s diabetes. In Episode 615, we were talking about the degree to which a person who’s diabetic should tick a box for disabled and to what degree you need to bring it up. We had two listeners write in about that.

**Craig:** Great.

**Drew:** First is from Mick, who is a type 1 diabetic. He’s been working in production for over 20 years. He says, “When I first started working in the industry, I mostly didn’t tell anyone. It was just easier not to have to explain the intricacies of managing such a complex medical condition, and my goal was that I was not defined by it.

“Looking back, I can see how much easier it would’ve been if I let my employers know earlier, especially since diabetes management is built around consistent timing for meals and insulin and controlled output of energy and exercise. I eat pretty much the exact opposite of the chaotic nature of life on set. I experienced delayed insulin shots and low blood sugar levels due to production meetings that ran hours longer than scheduled, on-set catering that only included high-sugar foods or soft drinks, and shoot schedules that didn’t accommodate time to check blood glucose levels, or when the mealtimes are completely out of line with my dietary schedule.

“Now, I always let colleagues know in advance, but I also ensure that I have everything I need to self-manage. I found that people are always compassionate and genuinely keen to ensure that I am okay. There’s also the duty of disclosure to consider, should any diabetes-related health and safety situations arise on set.

“Fortunately, the tools available for diabetes management now, such as continuous glucose meters, have made everything easier as a TV professional. Writers’ rooms really shouldn’t be catered exclusively with candy and soda, for everyone’s benefit.”

**Craig:** Here here. Mick has been dealing with, we’ll call it proper, complicated type 1 diabetes for a long time. I’m dealing with non-complicated type 1 diabetes for a bit, and then eventually, it will be complicated. When it does, this will definitely be part of figuring things out. There are certain things that even now I know I have to make sure of. What I have to make sure of is that I do have high-protein, low-carb bars, things like that around. The people that work with me know that when it’s time for lunch, if everybody’s getting pasta, we’re going to have to find something else for me.

He’s right. Look, I’m the boss. I’m going to acknowledge this. Of course everyone’s super compassionate with me. They have to be. But it’s good to hear that when you’re not the boss, they’re also compassionate. I think people in general really do want to help people that have a health requirement like this. It is also important that people do know, because once you do start getting on the insulin train, there are times where your blood sugar can go too low. That is a very dangerous situation.

I don’t know, John. You and I don’t really spend much time in writers’ rooms, but I would be surprised if the modern day writers’ room really is just candy and soda. Everybody seems so health-conscious in LA.

**John:** In the time you were doing the first season of The Last of Us, I had a bunch of other showrunners on, and we were just talking through the writers’ rooms processes. They’re so different from show to show to show. Some of them are largely still virtual. Some are back in person. Some are trying to really limit the hours down. They start at 10:00, and they’re done by 4:00, and it’s really straightforward.

I think a consistent thing I’ve heard is that people are more mindful of what’s happening in that room. I think snacks are part of that, and so making sure that people have the right choices. Also, what Mick is saying, you also bring your own. It’s a combination of making sure that the room is set up properly, but also that people feel free to self-cater as they need to, to make sure they have what they need.

**Craig:** I will say one of the things that Mick is dead-on about is that continuous glucose monitoring really has changed so much, because you don’t have to wonder what’s going on.

**John:** Exactly.

**Craig:** You don’t have to go, “Oh, I don’t feel so good. Maybe I should stick a thing in my finger, put some blood on a thing, put it in the thing.” No. Your phone goes bleep bleep bleep, and it goes, “Hey, FYI, it’s going up. It’s going down.” It really does save you a lot of misery. It’s a great safety net.

**John:** Craig, just because I don’t know the terms properly, is complicated versus non-complicated, does that come down to whether you’re having to inject insulin?

**Craig:** That’s a Craig term. Yes, it really does come down to are you injecting insulin or do you have an insulin pump or not. For people who are diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as adults, there often is a time period where you’re still heading towards that place, but you’re not there yet, but you get there. Once you’re dealing with insulin, it just is more complicated, although even now, there are these closed-loop systems where you have a pump, and the pump and the continuous glucose monitor talk to each other. The pump turns on when it feels like you need some, and it’s not on when you don’t. Now you’ve got a thing that you’re wearing that has a tube that goes into you with a little port. It’s a thing. It’s a thing.

**John:** Also in the episode, we were talking about whether you tick that box or feeling like you’re taking resources away from other people. Teresa wrote in with her opinion on that.

**Craig:** Great.

**Drew:** Teresa says, “To address taking resources away from those who really need it, that’s exactly why one should claim the disabled label regardless of what they personally do or don’t need themselves. It’s like the reason behind a Census. You count certain demographics, so you know what resources need to be allotted in which places. If people don’t count themselves as members of all their communities, those communities might not be allotted enough resources where they are. Inclusion isn’t about waiting for disabled people to show up to tell you what they need before you start thinking about it. It’s about creating environments that allow disabled people to see themselves there in the first place and want to be there. You don’t have to need an accommodation immediately for it to be good to have available. When you need it is usually too late to ask.”

**Craig:** That’s fair. I guess, Teresa, I should be a little more nuanced in my ticking the box thing, because you’re right, when it is a question of taking a Census and feeling out how many people of a certain category a larger group has, no question. For instance, when I apply for, let’s say, a membership into a large group, and there is a… I just did this the other day, and there was a section that just said do you have a disability. I checked yes, because there’s not a specific resource that they’re offering me that I might take. That is very much about census-taking and about establishing a broad base of need.

Where I struggle a bit is when there is specifically something that is being reserved for somebody with a disability. My understanding is there will be plenty of people applying for this, that there will be more applicants than resource. If there are more applicants than resource, and the resource is established, then I’m going to go ahead and not tick the box, because I don’t want to take that resource from somebody that needs it more than I do.

It is nuanced. I recognize your point. I think it’s an excellent point, Teresa. I try and tick the box when I feel like it’s about standing up and being counted, as you say. I try to not tick the box when it’s the equivalent of a scholarship for a disabled person. At that point, I don’t feel good about claiming that scholarship.

**John:** I think it’s worth noting that in many cases you are going to have the opportunity to individually mark what the disability is or what that condition is that is notable, so that if there is a situation where we are looking for… I’m thinking in the case of writers. There are situations where you’re looking specifically for blind writers who have that experience, because you’re working on a show where that could be very, very helpful. If you just had a broad category for disabled, then you’re going to have hard time finding who is the person who has the specific experience that I need to have in that writers’ room and who’s fantastic.

I agree with Craig in that sense of, if there’s a broad census of who in America has a disability, it’s going to be a very large percentage of Americans. That’s not necessarily taking resources away from anything. In many cases, it may just be increasing the awareness that we need to have resources available.

**Craig:** Here’s a question for you, John, and something I’ve been thinking about lately, and even in the census aspect of it. You get a sheet, and it says, hey, what’s your race, what’s this, what’s your sexuality, and you check off gay. Do you ever think to yourself, they’re going to be patting themselves on their back for getting a gay person in, but really, they haven’t actually done anything, that this is about them making themselves feel good? Because I had that feeling when I saw this disabled box. I’m like, you’re getting away with murder here, aren’t you? Do you know what I mean?

**John:** Yes, I do know what you mean. In my specific career, I’ve not felt like it’s ever been a huge asset or liability for me to be openly gay, which is fantastic and wonderful. I’m lucky to have come into the industry when I did.

I’m also acknowledging the fact I present very straight. I don’t present especially queer, in a way that makes it very easy for people to ignore it. I do have to consciously out myself early in working relationships at times, just so people know and so people don’t accidentally say something that feels really awkward for anybody.

**Craig:** Someone may accidentally say a bad thing they shouldn’t be saying.

**John:** Yes, that. Being married is really helpful, because I could say “my husband” and that does a lot of the work. Back to my earlier point that the specificity is really, really helpful, the fact that I’m a gay person doesn’t make me better qualified to tell a story of indigenous trans youth. It doesn’t make me better qualified for a lot of specific story scenarios in which you want to have somebody whose experience better matches what it is you’re trying to tell.

That’s why I like that even the WGA’s surveys and how you fill out your boxes in terms of what you identify as, it does get more granular than that, so people can actually look for characteristics that match what they need.

**Craig:** I guess all this is to say it’s tricky, because when you’re dealing with trying to improve inclusion and representation, when the groups themselves are not particularly native to the inclusion or the reproduction, you can sometimes feel like you’re being farmed. That’s a weird feeling. On the other hand, that needs to happen, or that group isn’t going to change. We all have to make our peace with the queasiness of some of these things, I think, in order to make sure that other people are helped.

The one thing that it’s nice to have this show, is that you and I can talk about these things, and in its own way, we do make people aware of these things. We do confront them, in a nice, passive way, because we’re not in the room with them. They can hear these things. For those people who are doing hiring or surveying or awarding limited resources, I think this is a nice, civil discussion to have. It doesn’t need to be fraught with emotion or drama. It just has to be looked at with open eyes.

There are quite a few programs in our business that are mentorship programs for writers of color, or in some of the development programs that they have at Warner Bros or Universal. I can’t remember quite the name of those. In some point it becomes a catchall for, it’s for not straight white people.

**John:** Under-represented groups is classically how you’d [crosstalk 00:29:25] those.

**Craig:** Not straight, white, able-bodied people. The resource management really does make these things sticky. I like talking about them. I think that we’re all a bit nervous sometimes to talk about these things, because the general tenor of discussion on the internet is a full-on shit show. It just doesn’t matter what you say or what you do. It devolves almost instantly. That’s a shame, but also good to remind each other that most productive conversations about anything do not happen on the internet, do not happen on social media at all. That is the equivalent of, it’s 1:00 a.m. in a crowded bar, and people have been talking about politics, and they’re just screaming drunkenly at each other.

Calmly, in other places, rational people can really open each other’s eyes about these things. It’s one of the reasons I appreciate Teresa writing in, because she’s making a really interesting point. I guess on my own path, I’ll have to figure it out.

**John:** This whole conversation we’ve been having about whether to mark the box for disabled or whether to mark the box for LGBT is really familiar and probably almost passe for… I have friends who were agonizing over, they are Latino, but they would not normally identify as Latino, and so the question of how Latino do you need to be in order to mark that box, as we talked about in my One Cool Thing last week, the whole notion of Hispanic, Latino, or Latinx is a shifting target. The exact same things we brought up, that Teresa brought up, in terms of it’s good to tick the box for census reasons, but also are you taking resources away, these are questions we’re always going to be grappling with.

**Craig:** Grapple we shall together, but good that we are grappling. It’s a positive sign. It used to be when you and I were kids that no one talked about any of this, and you were out of luck. These are good developments, believe it or not.

**John:** I think they are. Let’s move on to our main topic today, which is monsters. I thought about this because three of the projects I’m currently working on have monsters in them to some degree. We’ve talked on the show a lot about antagonists and villains, but I don’t recall us ever really getting into monsters per se, which means we probably need to describe what we mean by monsters.

In my head, I’m thinking basically non-human characters that, while they may have some intelligence, are not villains in the sense that they have classic motivations and who can interact with other characters around them the way that human characters can. I was grouping them into three big buckets. But I’m curious, before we get into that, if you have a definition of monster that might be different than that.

**Craig:** Monster to me is either a non-human or an altered human, a human that has been changed into something that is not human, that has both extraordinary ability compared to a human, and also presents danger to regular humans.

**John:** That feels fair. The kinds of monsters I’m talking about, I have three broad categories, and think we can think of more than that, but they’re primal monsters, which I would say are things that resemble our animals, our beasts, but just taken to a bigger extreme. Your sharks, your bears, your wolves could be monsters, any giant version of a normal animal. They tend to be predators. Werewolves in their werewolf form feel like a primal monster. The aliens in Alien feel like that kind of primal monster.

**Craig:** Dinosaurs.

**John:** Dinosaurs, absolutely. In D and D terms, we’d say that they are generally neutral. You can’t even really call them evil, because they’re just doing what they do. Evil requires some kind of calculation that they don’t have.

**Craig:** They’re instinctive. It’s the aliens in Alien I suppose. We’ll get some angry letters from Alien fans, but those creatures do seem like they are driven by such a pure Darwinism that it is no longer a question of morality. They are simply following their instinct to dominate.

**John:** We have another category I would say are the manmade monsters. These are killers robots, Frankenstein’s monster. Of course, that monster does have some motivation beyond its thing, but any sort of Gollum-y kind of creature. Some zombies I would say are manmade. It depends on what causes them to become those monsters. Craig, would you say that the creatures in The Last of Us, would you call them monsters?

**Craig:** They are altered humans, yes, but they’re monsters. There’s no question. Part of what we try and do is, when we can illicit some at least, if not sympathy, a reminder that they are not to blame. They’re sick. They are no longer in control of their bodies. They’re no longer in control of what they do. The fact is, no matter how hard we try and do that, they’re behaving monstrously. They are monsters. More importantly, when you look at their provenance from the video game, they look like monsters, and we want them to. There are more monsters coming.

**John:** Of course. I know. I’m excited to see more monsters.

**Craig:** More monsters.

**John:** The last bucket I would throw things into would be called the supernatural. There you have all the Lovecraftian creatures. There’s other kinds of zombies that are… It’s not human-made that created them. They’re shambling mounds of things. Your mummies, at least your mummies who are not speaking mummies, but the classic stumble forward mummies.

**Craig:** Muhhh mummy.

**John:** You got your gargoyles. You have some demons or devils, the ones that aren’t talking. It really does come down to, if they have the ability to use language that our characters can understand, I’m not throwing them in the monster bucket.

**Craig:** To me, a vampire is a monster.

**John:** It’s really a question though of agency. It’s so driven by its need to feed that it no longer has the inability to interact with the characters around it, because a lot of vampires are talking, and they are doing things. They can function much more like classic villains rather than monsters, as opposed to a werewolf, who we’re used to being just fully in beast mode.

**Craig:** That’s why vampires are so fascinating, I think, because they present as human. They can absolutely have a conversation with you. All the good ones do. Not only do they have conversations with you, they seduce you and they romance you. Then they also give in to this hunger that is feral and savage. They sometimes turn into bats or fog or a big swarm of rats, which is my favorite. They are certainly supernatural. They are nearly immortal. What I love about vampires is that they are a presentation of the monster within.

Jekyll and Hyde, Dr. Jekyll is a human, and Hyde is a monster, but they are the same person. That is fascinating, because then it starts getting into the whole point of monsters, I think, which is a reflection of our worst selves.

**John:** Absolutely. I think these characters that are on the boundaries between a villain who could choose to stop and a monster who could not choose to stop are sometimes the most fascinating antagonists we can put our characters up against. In some cases, we’re centering the story around them, so they are not the villain. They are actually the main character. Once upon a time I worked on Dark Shadows, and of course that has a vampire at its center who does monstrous things, but I think most people would not identify as being a monster.

**Craig:** There are all different ones. It’s funny, when you look at the traditional Dracula, the Bram Stoker original Dracula, and when you look at Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and Frankenstein’s monster, they’re both literate. In particular, Frankenstein’s monster in the novel, I think he speaks two languages. I think he speaks English and French. He’s remarkably literate and thoughtful.

The reason Dracula is so dangerous is because he’s so smart. He slowly and carefully manages to eat most of the people aboard a ship that’s crossing to England without anybody noticing, because he’s really clever. It’s funny how we kept that with Dracula. We said, okay, Dracula, you’re the or vampire, and all the vampires after you, most of them are going to follow this method of, “My darling, I want to suck your blood.”

Frankenstein, I don’t know, somebody read that novel, like, “You know what? What if this monster doesn’t speak two languages? What if it speaks no languages, is six foot eight, and just groans a lot? That’s better. Let’s do that.”

**John:** “Let’s do that.” When we think about villains, we often talk about villain motivation. It’s worth thinking about monster motivation, because there’s going to be some overlap, but I think a lot of cases, these monsters function more like animals, more like beasts. You have to think about what does an animal want.

We talk about the four Fs, five Fs, in terms of those primal motivating factors: self-preservation, propagation, protection of an important asset – so they’re there to defend a thing – hunger or greed – classic – and revenge to a certain degree. I would say that the alien queen in Aliens, in the end she has a very specific focus and animus towards Ripley because of what Ripley did. It goes beyond just the need to propagate. She’s after her for a very specific reason.

**Craig:** That’s where it sometimes can get stupid. It doesn’t in that movie, but Jaws 3 I think famously, “This time it’s personal.” No, it’s not. It’s a fricking shark. It doesn’t know you. It’s just food. Obviously, the aliens in Aliens are quite clever. They are not merely savage and feral. You don’t expect that they’re sitting there doing math. They’re the forerunners of the way we portrayed velociraptors in Jurassic Park. The idea of the smart monster, maybe not as smart as a human in their general sense, but very smart predatorially, that’s really interesting to see that. But when it starts getting personal with a dumb monster, it can get really silly

**John:** Craig, what is your opinion on human monsters? I could think of Jason Voorhess in a slasher film. Is that a villain? Is that a monster? To what degree can we think of some of these human characters as monsters rather than classic villains?

**Craig:** I think they’re monsters. I think they’re monsters, because they wear masks. Jason Voorhees wears a hockey mask. Michael Myers in Halloween wears, I believe it’s a-

**John:** Captain Kirk mask.

**Craig:** … Captain Kirk mask, a William Shatner death mask, even though William Shatner’s still alive. Those masks are what make the monsters. Their humanity is gone. When you look at how they move… And obviously, look, let’s just say it: Jason Voorhees was just a ripoff of Michael Myers. That’s pretty obvious. They are a large, shambling, seemingly feelingless, numb creature that has way more strength than a normal human ever would. They don’t really run. They don’t need to. They represent your own mortality. It’s coming. There’s nothing you can do. That is a nightmarish feeling. In their way, they are large zombies. They don’t speak. They just kill. We don’t even really understand why they’re killing. Somebody eventually will explain it, but it doesn’t matter, because it’s not like you can have a conversation with Jason Voorhees and say, “With some therapy, I think you’ll stop killing.” No. No no no. Jason will keep killing. I think of them as monsters, for sure.

**John:** One of the projects I’m working on, I’m grappling with the issues of what this monstrous character actually wants, what the endgame is. I keep coming back to the Lovecraftian, there is no answer. There’s only the void. There’s that sense of sometimes the most terrifying thing is actually that there is no answer, that the universe is unfeeling, and they just want to smash it and destroy it. It’s challenging, because without a character who can actually say that, without a way to put that out there, the monster themselves can’t communicate that. As I’m outlining this, I’m recognizing that that’s going to be a thing that we need to be able to expose to the audience in a way that the creature themselves can’t.

**Craig:** That is a challenge. It is certainly easy enough for the pursued characters to ruminate and speculate as to why this thing is doing what it wants to do. That will just remain what it is, which is speculation. The whole point of speculation is we’ll never know. Yes, it is hard to figure out how to get that motivation across when it’s nonverbal and non-planning. The case of Aliens, you can just tell, they’re predators. They are doing what the apex predator’s supposed to do: win. They just want to win.

**John:** Of course, as we look at Predator, the question of whether you call that a monster or a villain, the motivation behind the Predator we learn very early on is they are trophy hunters. Literally, they are just to bag some other creatures, because that’s what they do. It’s not entirely clear whether it’s just rich people of that species doing a thing or if it’s an important rite of passage. Are they on safari?

**Craig:** I love the idea is on Predator planet, they have social media. Everybody has normal jobs. Some people are accountants or whatever. Some people work at the Predator McDonald’s. Jerk Predators go to other planets to bag trophies. They then put a picture up of like, “Look at Jesse Ventura’s head.” Then other people online are like, “You’re sick. You’re sick. There’s something wrong with you that you feel the need to go these places and kill these beautiful animals.”

**John:** Absolutely. For all we know, it’s like Donald Trump Jr.-

**Craig:** Exactly.

**John:** … is the equivalent of a [indiscernible 00:44:20] scene in these Predator movies. Someone who obviously has a familiarity with the whole canon – and I’m not sure how established the canon really is – can maybe tell us what the true answer is here. But my feeling has always been that this wasn’t a necessary cultural function, that they were doing this thing, that they were doing it because they wanted to.

**Craig:** It was hunting.

**John:** It’s hunting.

**Craig:** It was pointless hunting. In that case, they really are villains. That’s like a mute villain, because the Predator is very much calculating, thinking, planning, prioritizing. He doesn’t speak because he doesn’t speak our language, not because he doesn’t speak. If we understood the clicky bits, then we would know that he was saying stuff.

**John:** I’ll wrap this up with, it’s important sometimes to think about how we must seem to other creatures in our world right now. Think if you’re an ant or an ant colony, and an eight-year-old boy comes along. That is a monster. It has no understanding of you. It has no feeling for you. That eight-year-old boy is just a T-rex, and you have to run from it. You’re not looking at that as a villain. That is truly, fully a monster. Sometimes reversing that can get you some insight into what it must feel like to be encountering these kind of creatures.

**Craig:** There’s a certain godlike quality to them when they are that much more powerful than we are. It’s why superhero movies have escalated their own internal arms race to intergalactic proportions, because it’s not enough for people to be beset by godlike monster-humans. At some point, you need them to be fought with by good monster-humans. Then it just goes from there. When you’re creating some sort of grounded thing, you’re absolutely right, the notion that what’s pursuing… And Predator actually did this very well.

**John:** Agreed.

**Craig:** It’s a good movie.

**John:** It’s a good movie. Agreed. I really liked Prey as well, the most recent version of it.

**Craig:** You get the sense that the people in it are impressed. They start to realize that this guy is better than them in every way. The only way you’re going to beat it is if you’re Arnold Schwarzenegger, aka better than all of us. It’s a pretty apt comparison.

**John:** That’s some thinking about monsters. Let’s talk for a few minutes about this question that Boots Riley, he wrote in. Friend of the show Boots Riley wrote in to ask-

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** … “You guys should do a show about how certain screenwriting cliches, good and evil, are used by news media narratives. What details are left out because it takes away from the characterization they want to make? Whose POV? Where do you start the story?” Obviously, we’re recording this in 2023, October.

**Craig:** There seems to be some arguments going online about things.

**John:** Gaza is the most recent phenomenon that we can see this in, but that’s always been the case. Looking back to 9/11 or looking back to any moment at which we’ve had big upheavals in the news, you end up picking heroes and villains. You end up picking good and evil. You end up just having things on two different sides. It’s hard to then see the subtlety in what’s actually happening here.

**Craig:** Boots, we have talked about this quite a bit. It was something that also was running through Chernobyl, the notion of the danger of narrativizing history, even as history’s unfolding. Boots says, “Where do you start the story?” That word’s the problem. The problem is we actually doing know how to convey stories… Sorry, I just did it. We don’t know how to convey information to each other in a way that is compelling and attention-grabbing if it’s not in the form of a story. That is what stories are. Stories are the natural, instinctive, human way to relay information to other people so that the other people pay attention and listen. That’s where it all comes from.

The news media narrative, a lot of times people will be like, “It’s the problem. News media is feeding you a narrative.” They’re not hiding that. What else are they going to feed you? A ticker tape of facts? You can get those if you want. You’re not going to. Nobody is, because our brains don’t function like that. We don’t know how to collect that information and make sense of it in raw formats. Raw data, we cannot process it. We need it in the form of a story.

Then the problem is, yeah, you got a lot of bad screenwriters out there. You can narrativize in a way that I think is done in good faith. You can narrativize in a way that is not. What we see online, it’s fascinating. What used to happen was a narrative was dealt, and people heard it and therefore never knew this entirely different way of looking at it, this other narrative. Then later, there would be revisionist history. There’s an entire term for this, where revisionist, new vision, new movie, new story about the same thing, for us to go, “Oh, we did not think of it from that point of view.”

The entire approach to telling stories of Native Americans in this country is a revisionism of the way we used to do it, where they were savages who stole our kids, and we had to kill them. Now we don’t do that. Now we are telling this other narrative.

Online, what’s happening is, everybody is immediately questioning every narrative. Everything is revised in steady, real time to the point where people are completely fire-hosed with conflicting narratives, and their minds go into a kind of lock. The only people that are blithely going about their day online are people who blindly believe in one narrative. No other narrative is getting in. They’re happy as a clam to push that point of view because they have clarity, which is comforting.

For most of the rest of us, the fact is we are capable of holding two competing narratives in our head at the same time. Even though we’re capable of it, the hard part is sitting with the discomfort that there is no easy story here that makes a good movie. There is just a lot of misery, and there is a disappointment in human behavior, and shock and confusion. It changes on a day-to-day basis. You may find yourself thinking one way, then thinking the other, and thinking this way and thinking that way. That is pretty much normal, given the way we’re being bombarded.

**John:** I went through journalism school. Before I was a screenwriter, I had my training in journalism. Your first journalism class is they’re teaching you the basics of writing a news story, so the who, what, when, where, and how, and the why if you can find a why behind things. That why is often where the moral values kick in at times.

Listen. Those things I’m describing, the whos are the characters, and so you are picking characters for these things. The wheres are the settings. The whens are also the settings. You’re trying to provide context for the story for the person who’s reading it.

Of course, in news stories, you have this thing called a pyramid style, where you can theoretically cut it off at any point. Back in the days, where newspaper articles could only be so long, we would have to jump to other pages. It was a different time. But there’s always going to be limitations of space and how much context you can fill in.

It’s understandable that any journalist who’s writing about a subject is going to have an approach from some POV, some way of explaining this story that makes sense in the moment. If it’s about an explosion at a building, you’re going to need to focus on the people who would actually help you tell that story. Whether you’re trying to tell it in a very flat, newsy style or in a way that focuses on one family who escaped the collapsing building, you’re going to find some way to do that. That is a story. That’s going to create an emotional reaction in people that will hopefully cause them to better understand the purpose of why you’re telling the story. There’s nothing inherently wrong with using some of the techniques of narrative of the kind of storytelling we do in movies and TV to do that. It’s just you’ve got to be aware that you are doing it.

I think one of the things that Boots may be responding to is that we have whole networks that are set up to tell stories, create stories, to market stories that are not actually true or really have the slimmest relationship to truth. That’s why if you are watching CNN and you switch over to Fox News, the cast of characters is completely different. None of the same people are showing up on the same thing. Not the news anchors, but really what the stories are about, who the stories are about is so completely different. They have these ongoing storylines that they’re choosing to market and emphasize.

I think a great example recently is the war in Ukraine and how in those first couple weeks, everyone was like, “Oh shit, this is a real, huge crisis.” It was pretty clear that we were on Ukraine’s side, and we’re not on Russia’s side. Fox and other people are trying to recontextualize this. You can feel the gears grinding and having to find new ways to tell that story.

**Craig:** There is storytelling for the purpose of informing, and then there is storytelling for the purpose of comforting. I guess the meta-purpose would be, “Keep watching, and watch our ads, and put money in our pocket.” Stories for comfort are dangerous, because they are not done in good faith. To comfort people, you need to hit on this deep need for the world to make sense. The universe, existence, this all must make sense, because if it doesn’t, I’m going to panic.

Anybody that can be a certainty merchant is going to do well. Certainty is the orange chicken of rhetoric. People love orange chicken. They just do. They do. In the early days of Panda Express, the orange chicken was in the same size bin as every other food.

**John:** That’s madness, Craig, because most people want orange chicken.

**Craig:** Exactly. One day you went to the mall, and the orange chicken bin was twice as big as the other ones, because Panda Express was finally like, “We get it. You want the orange chicken.” That’s what certainty is. It’s orange chicken. It’s delicious, and it’s comforting, and it’s bad for you. You’re familiar with Godwin’s law. I assume you’re familiar with Godwin’s law.

**John:** Yeah. Oh wait, no, I’m confusing it with Betteridge’s law of headlines. Godwin’s law, tell me.

**Craig:** Godwin’s law says that as an online discussion grows longer, the probability that somebody will mention the Nazis or Hitler goes to one, basically. The reason that this happens is because there are so few things in our history that are unrevisable. The Nazis are one of them. Nobody has managed to successfully do revisionist history of the Nazis and go, “Wait a second, guys. Hold on. Let’s look at it from their point of view. This is the story behind… ” No. Anyone who’s done that is generally just wildly racist, and everybody can smell it coming from a mile away. There’s no legitimate other way to look at that. It was just wrong with a capital W. It is one of the few things everybody can point out and go, “Capital W wrong, we all agree.” Ah, certainty. This is why it gets injected into all of these arguments.

When Boots says screenwriting cliches of good and evil are used by news media narratives, that’s certainty peddling, because the one thing I know in my heart, in my bones, about what’s going on in Israel and Gaza and what has happened is that the vast majority of people living in Israel and Gaza are not deciding political policy for either government, not deciding military policy or operations for either side, not pulling triggers, not stabbing, not cutting, not raping, not killing. That’s the vast majority of people. All of those people are currently being pushed into bins defined by the other ones. It sounds like it would be the opposite of comfort peddling, but unfortunately, this is the sick side and the toxic side of narrativization.

**John:** Splitting into good and evil is really one of the fundamental traps here, because ways you say somebody’s good is like, “Oh, they’re fantastic. They’re wonderful. They are doing the right thing. They are noble.” You have all these characteristics of what a good person is. If there’s one aspect that’s not so good, like, oh no, you’re cracking my image of that, so we will ignore that thing that’s not so good.

Once you label somebody as evil, it’s very hard then to look at the subtlety of why they’re doing the things that they’re doing. This show is about monsters and villains. Once you say that this person is evil, you stop looking for reasons. You stop looking for what their actual motivation and purposes are, and you stop paying attention to them as humans at all.

I think Boots is hitting on one of the real dangers and one of the cliches is that in a movie, it’s okay for our villain to be just a full-on villain. We can enjoy that. We want to see that villain punished, and then we can come to the end of this. In real life, it’s not so simple as just like, we got to kill the villain. That’s not actually how this works in real life.

**Craig:** No, and it ties back to our conversation about monsters, because when we do say this person is evil, we are excusing them from an accountability to humanity. We’re also essentially saying we don’t know how they got there. Evil just is. We can’t unwind it, and we can’t prevent it.

This is what Hannah Arendt talked about when she talked about the banality of evil in analyzing Eichmann on trial and the world attempting to come to grips with what the Nazis had done after World War II. She was one of the first people to say, “Don’t you get it? They’re not monsters. They’re just people. What they did, they did in a very mundane, all-too-human way, meaning it could happen again. People would do this again.” That’s important to resist the monsterization, because it makes it easy at that point. There is no solution. There is no solution to monsters. Nuke it from orbit, I guess. Game over, man. Game over.

**John:** Game over, man. I want to squeeze in one listener question, because it’s been too long since we’ve answered listener questions.

**Craig:** Great.

**John:** We have one here from Scott.

**Drew:** Scott writes, “I have a screenplay idea that revolves around cosplay. None of the characters would be presented as actual anime, superheros, or whatever, but I’d like to reference them in the context of regular people dressed as their favorite character at cosplay events. For example, Batman, a regular person, is seen walking by at a cosplay event, and one of my characters says something about Batman. I use the word Batman in the script. Should I avoid any type of presence, either visual or verbal, of copyrighted characters in the screenplay? I’m concerned about legal repercussions.”

**John:** If you have Batman walking by in the background of your shot, and especially if they’re referencing it, you’re going to hear from Warner’s legal. That’s a thing that’s going to happen. You may have some good defense on that, but just know that that’s a thing that’s going to happen. Your producers and other folks who are putting in money may wonder, “Oh crap, is this going to be a problem.” It could be a problem. If you’re setting a story in a world in which a lot of copyrighted characters are going to have to participate, that’s going to influence how you make your movie.

**Craig:** You can parody existing characters, but that doesn’t sound like what you’re talking about. You can do documentary, where people are walking around and wearing intellectual property. They’re in a public place, and that’s fine as well. What you’re talking about here, you would have to take an extra, put them in a Batman costume, and have them walk around. What is that Batman costume? It’s something you’re going to either make, or it’s something you’re going to buy. Either way, it doesn’t work like that. I don’t think you’re going to be on steady ground there. That’s a tricky one.

I think John is right. You can talk about Batman all you want. That’s not a problem. Batman exists in the world. That character is a fact in the world, so you can talk about that character until the cows come home. Showing the bat suit, which has been copyrighted up the wazoo, that’s going to be a much trickier thing to do.

**John:** Scott, a thing that you might consider is creating your own universe of fandom within your space of your film, so that your characters are obsessed with a thing that does not actually exist in the real world but possibly could exist, because I don’t know most anime stuff. If you told me that there was a whole universe of these characters that people were obsessed with, I would believe you if you established that as being true in your world. That may be a good solution for you is that you have characters who are obsessed with a very specific thing, like Galaxy Quest. It has its own very specific fandom. That may be a way to explore the themes you want to explore without having to deal with all the real-world copyright issues.

**Craig:** It sounds like that’s what Scott’s doing. It says, “None of the characters would be presented as actual anime characters, superheros, etc., but I’d like to reference them.” I would say referencing them verbally, fine. Referencing them visually, on shaky ground, and like John says, probably going to get you some letters.

What it comes down to is, if somebody buys the script, one of that company’s lawyers is going to have to look at this and make a decision. If that lawyer says, “I don’t have a problem with this,” guess what? You’re off the hook, dude, because there’s this wonderful thing called indemnification, which says that if the studio says this is fine legally, and it turns out it’s not, and you get sued, the studio is going to cover all of that, because they did it.

**John:** Indemnification doesn’t necessarily mean that your movie gets released into the world. There have been things where those kind of concerns have kept things from being released for a while. That’s its own huge problem.

**Craig:** You don’t want that. By and large, this is not going to be an area where the studio’s going to try and push the boundaries of IP law. They are generally risk-averse, so unlikely that you’re going to be allowed to do something that will put the movie in legal jeopardy.

**John:** Agreed. It’s time for our One Cool Things.

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** My One Cool Thing is another podcast. It is by Josh Barro and Ken White. It’s called Serious Trouble. What they do is every week they talk through the major court cases that are happening around the country, sometimes the world, but really mostly domestic U.S. Ken White, he’s Popehat on Twitter. He’s now on Bluesky. We play D and D with him. He’s a very, very smart defense lawyer. Josh Barro’s a journalist who writes about these kind of issues.

What I love about it is, so much of what’s happening in the news these days does revolve around court cases, like all the cases that are against Trump right now, the weird SBF trial, lots of other just esoteric, strange cases. It’s nice to have just a weekly check-in on what’s actually happening in all these things, and a smart conversation between two people who know what they’re talking about, which is familiar to folks who hopefully are listening to Scriptnotes. Serious Trouble. It’s just serioustrouble.show. You’ll find a link to their Substack, which has all of their episodes you can listen to.

**Craig:** Talking about narratives on both sides of things, Ken White formerly was a federal prosecutor, and he sees it from both sides. It’s really interesting to hear him talk about these things. My One Cool Thing is not new, but it’s been fun and new for me. Lego Titanic.

**John:** Love it.

**Craig:** It is exactly what it sounds like. Normally, when I tackle a Lego project, I’m looking for something that’s going to occupy me for a long time. This one certainly fits the bill. Over 9,000 pieces. Over 9,000! It’s divided up into three sections. I just finished the first section, first third. I think the deal, based on what I’m building – I hope this is the deal – is that the three pieces will be linked together but not snapped together, so you could pull them apart, and people can see inside, because there’s all this cool stuff inside.

**John:** Love it.

**Craig:** It’s a beast. It’s a heavy beast, but it’s quite beautiful. I am enjoying it. It is expensive. I’m not going to lie. It is expensive. Also, Lego, dear Lego, why so many boxes? John, it came in a box, a shipping box. You open the shipping box, and inside is a smaller box. When I say smaller, I mean one millimeter smaller, so really hard to get out of the first box. You get that box out, that’s also a shipping box. You then open that box. Inside there is another box. This is now the box with the Legos. You then open that box, and inside that box, three boxes, each for one third of the set.

**John:** That division I can understand, because they don’t want the little envelopes to get confused.

**Craig:** Just do one box with three boxes in it. That’s a lot of boxes.

**John:** That’s a lot of boxes. Craig, we’ve talked a lot about people’s ability to visualize or to hear things, but I can definitely feel Lego pieces snapping together as you were talking. I can feel the indentations on my fingertips from the Lego as you’re talking about that. It’s such a distinct, tactile thing that happens there.

**Craig:** Yep, or in the bottom of your foot as you step on it.

**John:** Yes. Good lord. It’s going to happen.

**Craig:** Sharp.

**John:** I’m excited to see it. You have done I know Lego Death Star?

**Craig:** Yep, Death Star and Lego Millennium Falcon.

**John:** Now, Craig, you recently moved. Did these giant Legos move with you to your new house?

**Craig:** Oh, no. Those big sets were demolished years ago by my kids, and happily so. I don’t know. There’s something about like, “Look at my Death Star,” that feels really dorky, whereas, “Look at my Titanic,” feels like, oh, someone’s entered the History Channel phase of his life. It’s slightly more dignified, so I think I will be able to display the Lego Titanic.

**John:** Fantastic. I’ll be looking forward to photos once you get it all finished.

**Craig:** Of course.

**John:** That is our show for this week. Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt-

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** … with help from Chris Csont.

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** It is edited by Matthew Chilelli-

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** … who also did our outro this week. Thank you, Matthew.

**Craig:** Yay.

**John:** If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions. You will find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find transcripts and sign up for our weeklyish newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing. We have T-shirts and hoodies. They’re great. You’ll find them at Cotton Bureau. You can sign up to become a Premium Member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and Bonus Segments, like the one we’re about to record on the old internet. Craig, thank you for a good conversation on monsters, and happy Halloween.

**Craig:** Happy Hallowe’en, John.

**John:** Love it. Get that apostrophe in there.

[Bonus Segment]

**Craig:** You’ve got mail.

**John:** Craig, did it take you back?

**Craig:** Yeah. That is the sound of the early web, I guess. It wasn’t really the web.

**John:** It was the web. It was pre-web. It was early internet. It was how most of us first got a sense of what the internet was going to be. This whole Bonus Segment is inspired by this new website that’s come up at neal.fun. Neal Agarwal put up this Internet Artifacts collection, this museum of the old internet. It’s really nicely done.

**Craig:** It’s beautiful. It does bring me back. This is generational narcissism, but I don’t care. We’re the coolest. Gen X is the coolest. We have all the context. We have all the context, but we also still know how to do stuff, because we’re not grandpa yet. We’re not like, “How does my phone work?” No, we know how the phone works. Also, we were there when it was Usenet. We were there when it was dial-up modems, even the put your phone on a weird rubber cradle modem.

**John:** Oh yeah, went through all that.

**Craig:** We were there when email began. We were there for all of it. We saw it all. Usenet, oh my goodness.

**John:** This site begins at 1977 with ARPANET. My dad was an engineer at Bell Labs, and so he was actually on these very early versions of this.

**Craig:** Wow.

**John:** I remember him talking about he emailed with my cousin Tim, who was I think then going to MIT. The email might take a day or two to get through, which is just so crazy to think about. It did seem just like magic. We had the kind of modem where you had to manually dial the phone and stick in the little cradle. I was on bulletin board systems, BBSs, quite early on. It was so magical just to be talking with other people through text, even though only one or two users could be on at a time. You had to send saved messages, and there were forums. It was just a very early version of everything we have now.

**Craig:** BBS, bulletin board system, that’s how we used to do things, by figuring out how to analogize them to physical objects around us. It was like, “Imagine a bulletin board where you could post a note, and then somebody could come by and post a note next to your note about your note.” “Okay, I get it, it’s a bulletin board system.” That’s how it began. You would dial-up, and you would do this stuff.

I used to get – I can’t even remember what the magazine was – Byte. Maybe it was Byte. In the ads in the back, there would be ads for these things, where you’d be calling up. It was exhilarating. My parents were not engineers. They had no idea what I was doing. It was so early. It was all innocent and very, very, very dorky.

**John:** It was.

**Craig:** Social media is for people that are social. This was for people that were not, and it helped them be social.

**John:** Obviously, you can’t have the internet without computers. We had computers for a long time before there was internet. I think that may be a hard thing for our kids to understand is that we had computers that just sat by themselves and couldn’t talk to anybody else. They were appliances. They were just a thing that could do that stuff. There was no ability to move beyond the walls of your computer.

Now, of course, it’s hard to think about a computer that doesn’t connect to the internet. You could go into airplane mode, but it’s not really the same. Our computers are designed to talk to other computers. Our phones are as well. There’s not a great use for a lot of our machines unless they have the ability to connect to an internet. An internet is not just other people, but it’s sources of information. It is video. It is all these things, which was just unimaginable in those very early days.

**Craig:** Nowadays, I suppose if a computer is completely disconnected from the internet, we view it as some sort of cool spy machine that is off the grid. That was everything.

**John:** Exactly.

**Craig:** Until modems came along, that was it. My friend Eric and I were doing this early programming. We just had to sit together, next to each other to do it. That’s how it was. I had to get on my bike and go to his house to work on something together. This is why so much of what we take for granted of modern internet culture really does come from those early days of nerds. The reason spam is called spam is because of the Monty Python sketch, “Spam spam spam spam spam, wonderful spam.” If there’s one thing nerds love, it’s Monty Python. God, do they love Monty Python.

**John:** They love it so much.

**Craig:** Sorry. God, do we love Monty Python. That’s why it’s called spam. All these wonderfully cool people say spam all the time and don’t know why.

**John:** They have no idea why.

**Craig:** Nerds.

**John:** I’ve not really thought about the fact that when my friend Ethan wanted to show me something new, like a new program he had, I had to literally go to his house to see it. There was no way for him to… You obviously couldn’t share a screen. He couldn’t send me the thing. I was there. If I wanted a copy of it, I would have to bring my floppy disks and put it on. I started college in that same situation, where only by my senior year did we have kind of the ability to go online. That was really just to go onto the main computer. It was not the same. The real internet was not there yet, the real internet that we think about.

**Craig:** That’s right. It wasn’t like I was a hacker, but I was pretty well versed in the early days of networking. When I started working at Disney in 1994, all the Macs were connected in the office through an ethernet cable.

**John:** Was it ethernet or was it Apple Talk? There was a protocol before that.

**Craig:** Sorry. It was Apple Talk. You’re right. It was Apple Talk. The only purpose of that really was to access I think a printer that was on Apple Talk.

**John:** Yeah, a shared laser writer.

**Craig:** Exactly, the good ole shared laser writer. What a lot of people didn’t realize is that they had changed settings on their computer and shared a whole bunch of stuff. I would go on. Okay, I’m looking for the shared laser writer. Suddenly, I’m like, “Why can I see everything in Brenda’s computer? If I want to go read her divorce agreement, I can. This is not good. Somebody needs to tell these… “ But there wasn’t even IT. There wasn’t even anyone telling people, “Oh, by the way, here’s this rudimentary security concept. Don’t share things you don’t want to share.” They didn’t even know they were sharing them. That’s the clunky old beginnings of all this stuff.

**John:** Absolutely. What we think about in terms of the internet probably really begins with the web. The first web browsers we used were Netscape Navigator. There was Internet Explorer early on. In 1996 they show the Apple computer homepage. It’s just so unbelievable to see how ugly it is. It’s like this fake 3D kind of thing, these buttons that stand out, that look like buttons you push. Just the aesthetics, the style of the time were so different from where we’ve gotten to.

**Craig:** The general aesthetic of things has improved dramatically. It was so ugly back then. It was blocky, pixelated. The windows, they made them into windows. Do you know what I mean? They looked like windows instead of just what they are now. You can certainly see that when you look at the early days of the internet. Everything was being designed, of course, for limited resources and low transmission rates. There were the bones of things that exist still. When you are learning html now, and you’re designing things, there are fields. Fields are things where you enter stuff. Yep, that’s been there since the start. A lot of this stuff is just hyperlinks, like the whole concept of hyperlinks. Do you remember HyperDeck?

**John:** I don’t remember HyperDeck. I remember HyperCard.

**Craig:** Oh, sorry, HyperCard. That’s what I’m thinking of, HyperCard.

**John:** I loved HyperCard. Loved it so much.

**Craig:** It was the best. HyperCard was Apple’s… It was this amazing thing. Imagine having a bunch of cards. Each card is an index card. You could write anything you want on it. Then you can link one card to another. If you clicked on this thing, it would send you to this other card. In its own way, it became a little bit of a programming platform. That’s all the internet is is HyperCard. It’s just links, linking back pages or cards. It’s all HyperCard.

**John:** The very original version of my website is like that. It’s a bunch of static, single pages, and you can link between them, and I’m linking to other things out there on the web. Recently, I pulled together a version of… I think I’ll put a link in the show notes to the old version of the site, which we have up someplace, so people can click through it. It is so primitive, and yet it was revolutionary at the time. Coming off of that, we then made it to the Myspace, the Geocities, the sense that you now have a home on the internet. I want to bring in Drew here. Drew, what is your first memory of the internet. Were you in grade school?

**Drew:** I was in grade school. My babysitter in the summer of 1997 got the internet in her house. We just looked at the computer and were like, “Where do we go?” The only thing we could come up with was gap.com. We just went to Gap and looked around that.

**Craig:** gap.com. That’s awesome.

**John:** That’s incredible.

**Drew:** That was it.

**John:** When you say that she had the internet, you have to understand, that meant that she had a special, dedicated, probably phone line, maybe DSL line. What was the predecessor to DSL?

**Drew:** I think it was phone, for sure.

**John:** Then she could do these things. I remember at my apartment off of Melrose was the first time I had a dedicated line that was not actually just a modem line. I didn’t have to dial into a thing. I basically was always connected. It was amazing. It was just so great. Now, this piece would be laughable, but at the time it felt like just magic that things would just show up.

**Craig:** I’m looking at the 1996 Pepsi World page at pepsi.com. I’m having full PTSD here. “If you have the Shockwave plugin, click here.” No! Shockwave, the worst thing ever.

**John:** Shockwave. It’s important to understand that we had to have all these interim protocols for how we were doing things like video and more complicated sound stuff. We had Shockwave. We had RealPlayer. We had all these different ways which you would get video that was really compressed and blocky and low quality, but it did again feel like magic to do that. Now that’s assumed that all that stuff can happen.

**Craig:** All built into the browsers, as opposed to browsers not knowing what to do with that stuff.

**John:** Drew, did you have a Myspace page? What was the order of social media things for you?

**Drew:** LiveJournal was first. That was 2004.

**John:** That’s right.

**Drew:** God, I hope that’s scrubbed from the internet, because that’s bad. Then Myspace, and then quickly, I think I was Facebook in 2005 or 2006. That seemed to come in pretty hot and fast.

**John:** Because I had my own website, I never really did the Myspace as much or the Geocities, any of the online bloggy things that were not my own stuff.

**Drew:** I miss Geocities.

**Craig:** Oh, really? You miss Geocities?

**Drew:** A little bit.

**John:** Tell us about Geocities. Sell us on Geocities.

**Drew:** Geocities, it was just people with passions and the ability to make a website about that passion, but there wasn’t quite the community aspect to it necessarily. It was just shouting passions into the void and hoping you stumbled upon it. A lot of time at sleepovers growing up was spent finding these weird websites. I can’t even think of any off the top of my head. You would just find all these things. There wasn’t necessarily a dialog to it. There was a little bit of comment sections, but for the most part, it was just someone going on and on about how much they love Cloris Leachman or something, just something very strange.

**Craig:** Wow. That is specific.

**John:** Now, looking through this archive, this one stops at the introduction of the iPhone, which I think is a useful demarcation from the original internet to now this internet is in your pocket. I’d also say I don’t perceive the aesthetics having changed nearly as much in the last 10 years. I think you’re looking at a website from five years ago, seven years ago, it’s not going to seem that different to me. Maybe it’s just blindness to the things that I can’t see, and 10 years from now we’ll say, “Oh my god, can you believe what these things looked like at the time?”

**Craig:** What’s happened, and this is probably true across all sorts of modalities for human design, when it began it was garish and tacky. The internet, when you look at the way things were designed, it was just so tacky, because everybody was like, “Oh my god, look. I can design stuff.” What you got was what normal people do when they design things, which is garbage, because most people aren’t artists. Most people aren’t designers. They think, “Cool, I can make the letters spin.” Yeah, but it’s tacky and dumb.

Over time, as the internet became something that could generate massive amounts of money for large corporations, no surprise, the design was professionalized by professionals. Everybody sort of, kind of then copied that. What we have now, and what we’ve had for a while, is a little bit of a homogenized design that is probably over-regulated and too conservative and restrictive, but it’s certainly not tacky.

When you look at some of these things, it’s like when you look at pictures of yourself. John, you probably have some from when you were a kid in the ‘70s and you’re wearing some sort of plaid pants and a mustard-colored turtleneck.

**John:** Some white corduroys.

**Craig:** You’re like, “Mom, why?” You get this cringe of tackiness. That’s the way it used to be, but not so much anymore.

**John:** I do wonder, I’m thinking, what is the next thing to come along that we’re going to have to design for. Obviously, the VR systems are in their infancy. They’ve gone through some iterations. Apple will come out with their headset. If we end up using headsets more and have a UI for those, those are going to evolve and change. I feel like the main players in this are already coming in there with a sense of style and taste that I doubt will be as tacky, but it will still have to iterate.

**Craig:** I agree. We need to go through these convulsions, but the presence of money has changed everything, no question. The internet was built by the equivalent of the people that go to Joann’s Fabrics and make their own clothes. It was just really clunky and goofy but sweet.

**John:** That sort of hacker-y, “we’re going to figure it out ourselves” attitude is lovely and can lead to some great things. Of course, how we learn how to make movies and online video, all of that has progressed so much, but it started with people who were just experimenting. We applaud them for building these things that now look so dated and ugly, but at the time really were exciting. Cool. Craig, Drew, thank you so much.

**Craig:** Thanks, guys.

**Drew:** Thanks.

**Craig:** Bye.

Links:

* [Aaron Sorkin on This Cultural Life](https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00161mc) from BBC Radio 4
* [Serious Trouble podcast](https://www.serioustrouble.show/podcast) from Josh Barro and Ken White
* [LEGO Titanic](https://www.lego.com/en-us/product/lego-titanic-10294)
* [Internet Artifacts](https://neal.fun/internet-artifacts/)
* [Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!](https://cottonbureau.com/people/scriptnotes-podcast)
* [Check out the Inneresting Newsletter](https://inneresting.substack.com/)
* [Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/gifts) or [treat yourself to a premium subscription!](https://scriptnotes.supportingcast.fm/)
* Craig Mazin on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@clmazin) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/clmazin/)
* John August on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@johnaugust), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/johnaugust/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/johnaugust)
* [John on Mastodon](https://mastodon.art/@johnaugust)
* [Outro](http://johnaugust.com/2013/scriptnotes-the-outros) by Matthew Chilelli ([send us yours!](http://johnaugust.com/2014/outros-needed))
* Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt with help from Chris Csont and edited by [Matthew Chilelli](https://twitter.com/machelli).

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode [here](http://traffic.libsyn.com/scriptnotes/617standard.mp3).

John August

Everyone loves links!

Wolf’s Belly

My graphic novel, illustrated by Simón Estrada.

Wolf’s Belly cover image, showing young girl with red cape holding torch in a spooky cave
You may think you know the story: Little Red Riding Hood is swallowed by a wolf, and later rescued by a kindly Woodcutter.

But that’s not what really happened.

For starters, her name was Lu. The daughter of two brave adventurers, she wasn’t headed to Grandmother’s house. She was looking for glory. She was hunting the Wolf.

Girl in red cape annoyed by singing sisterGirl in red cape says goodbye to Woodcutter Falling into Wolf’s Belly

Swallowed by the beast, Lu finds herself trapped in Wolf’s Belly, a magical dimension holding all the things the wolf has eaten. To escape, she must win over and unite the other fairytale survivors, including a stubborn Knight and the fourth Little Pig.

Campfire in Wolf’s BellyPig surveying site for building houseWolf made of smoke

You can read a sample and order it wherever you buy books. Wolf’s Belly is out in the US on July 7, 2026.

The Scriptnotes Book

Twelve years in the making, the Scriptnotes Book distills everything most a lot of what we’ve learned and discussed on the podcast into a handy book form. Available December 2, 2025, it’s a perfect gift for the screenwriter in your life (including yourself).

scriptnotes book cover

The hardcover book is 325 pages and 43 chapters on the craft and business of screenwriting. It also features interviews with some of our favorite guests.

Available now worldwide! → scriptnotesbook.com


Highland Pro

Highland Pro is the app my company makes for screewriters. Every word I’ve written for the past 10 years has been in Highland. The new version is incredible.

You can get Highland Pro for Mac, iPad and iPhone on the App Store. It’s much better than Final Draft, at a quarter of the price.


Birdigo

Birdigo, our very fun Wordle × Balatro game is now on Steam!


johnaugust.com

My screenwriting blog, where you can also see my credits.


Scriptnotes

scriptnotes logo

Scriptnotes, my weekly podcast with Craig Mazin. We have amazing t-shirts and hoodies!


Writer Emergency Pack

Writer Emergency Pack deck standing on its edge, with two cards leaning against it

Writer Emergency Pack, the perfect gift for any writer (including yourself).


Arlo Finch

three arlo finch books
Arlo Finch, my middle-grade adventure series. You can get signed books and official t-shirts.


Weekend Read

weekend read app icon
Weekend Read is for reading scripts on your phone.


Courier Prime

courier prime sample
Courier Prime is designed specifically for screenplays.


Quote-Unquote Apps

Quote-Unquote Apps is my tiny software company that makes these apps.


Contact

For film/TV, I’m repped at UTA.

For books, I’m repped at Writers House.

For press and other inquires, email ask@johnaugust.com

Scriptnotes, Episode 602: Research Isn’t Cheating, Transcript

July 26, 2023 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found here.

John August: Hello and welcome. My name is John August.

Craig Mazin: Well, my name is Craig Mazin.

John: This is Episode of 602 of Scriptnotes. It’s a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Today on the show, it’s another round of the Three Page Challenge, where we look at pages written by our listeners and discuss what’s working and what could be working better. We’ll also answer listener questions on verisimilitude in dialog, POV, writing samples, and more. In our bonus segment for Premium members, what can we get away with never having to do or learn?

Craig: Podcasting.

John: Craig and I will discuss the perks of procrastination. An announcement, next week will be some sort of repeating episode, because Craig and I are both going to be off the grid for a little bit, but it’ll be okay. Everyone will be fine. We’ll find a great episode from the vaults to pull up and put into your ear.

Craig: We only have 600 of them.

John: Actually, even more when you consider bonus episodes and other things we’ve done along the way. There’s plenty of good content.

Craig: Guys, spin the big wheel of podcasts and see what you get.

John: Or maybe just listen to this episode extra slow. Give it to yourself in small doses, and then you’ll have more to savor. You do you is what I’m going to.

Craig: You do you.

John: We have a little bit of news. Craig, I texted you last week, because Weekend Read 2, our app for reading scripts on your phone, is now out. It’s in the app store. It’s been in beta for more than a year, but we finally put it out there. It has not only all the For Your Consideration scripts that we always have in there, but it has two old short stories of mine, it has your entire Chernobyl collection, it has all of the Scriptnotes transcripts for 600 episodes, thanks to Drew Marquardt.

Craig: Amazing.

John: It’s there.

Craig: I was looking at this. It’s pretty cool. What font do you guys naturally default to? I’m just curious.

John: The default font for the reader view is Avenir.

Craig: Avenir.

John: Avenir. It’s a good face.

Craig: Is that what you call these things? It’s a good face?

John: A typeface. You call them typefaces. It’s a good face.

Craig: That’s what the kids in the cool font community call it.

John: It really is. That’s my graphic designer background coming back through, because a font is a specific, deliberate. Medium bold would be the font, and the face is the whole family together.

Craig: Nice face, bro.

John: Nice face, bro.

Craig: Somebody walks by your desk. “Sweet serifs. Nice face.”

John: Sweet serifs. The Three Page Challenges that we’re looking at through today will be available in Weekend Read. The point of Weekend Read is that it is so hard to read a normal formatted script on your phone if you need to. You’re pinching into your zoom. It’s not a great experience. This makes it a good experience. It melts it down, and it re-formats it in a way that works really well.

Craig: John, what is the cost of Weekend Read 2?

John: Weekend Read 2 is free to use for all you people.

Craig: $0?

John: $0.

John: It’s a public source we put out there. If you want to have a larger library, if you want to do notes, if you want to have it read stuff aloud to you, then you can subscribe to it. It’s two bucks a month, I want to say.

Craig: What? That’s a pretty good deal.

John: It’s a pretty good deal. That pays for our coding. It also pays for Drew and Halley, our intern, who are formatting stuff and finding stuff to put in there every Friday so we can keep new stuff in that library.

Craig: Nice. We gotta keep Lamberson eating. We can’t let Lamberson starve. Halley, you know I’m going to call you Lamberson, right? Because again, I just want to say, Halley, what a great last name.

Halley Lamberson: Thank you, Craig. I now have people calling me amenably.

Craig: Nice.

John: Aw, the anagram.

Craig: Nice.

John: One thing we added this last round, which is a suggestion from Dana Fox, our mutual friend, is the typeface Open Dyslexic. Craig, have you looked at Open Dyslexic as a typeface?

Craig: You mean is a face?

John: As a typeface. Have you looked at that face?

Craig: I’m confused. It’s face, right?

John: It’s face.

Craig: Wait, it’s called what now?

John: Open Dyslexic. Are you in Weekend Read right now? Are you looking at it right now?

Craig: I’m looking online at Open Dyslexic. Oh, look at that. I can see. Whoa.

John: Some people find it easier to read this.

Craig: Interesting.

John: It has very unusual weights. It’s a little bottom-heavy in a way. Some people find it much easier to read. Our friend Dana finds it much, much easier to read. We put that in there for her.

Craig: This is really interesting. I’m fascinated by the science behind this. I suppose it makes it much easier to understand what the bottom and the top of any particular symbol is. The lower L’s have little uppercase squidgetties coming off them, so they don’t just look like mine.

John: Little feet going the opposite direction.

Craig: It’s also a groovy font. It feels like, hey, man, I’m a little high.

John: You’re just a little bit high. I think the idea behind it is it makes your brain less likely to flip a letter, which is some forms of dyslexia. What I’ve heard about dyslexia more recently, and this is me opining on things I’ve read in one article, is that a lot of it tends to be a brain auditory processing thing much more than a visual thing, but whatever helps a person read and feel more confident and comfortable reading is a good thing.

Craig: Whatever impediment there is between you and what you want, if someone’s helping you get there with technology, then hooray. It’s funny. I never thought about this sort of thing, because I don’t have dyslexia. Nobody in my family or immediate family has dyslexia. It wasn’t anything we had to concentrate on. Once you get there, you go, “Oh yeah, that makes sense, actually.” There has to be at least some difference in fonts. Sorry, faces.

John: Obviously, there’s basic fundamental readability. There’s reasons why you don’t use tiny type sizes. There’s reasons why you want contrast between the letters in the background. There’s a reason why we made Courier Prime the typeface, because it just was a better typeface to read. I guess Open Dyslexic is an attempt to be very aggressive about making sure the letter forms are so distinct that they don’t get flipped in people’s heads. I like people who are trying to solve problems out there in the world.

Craig: Love it.

John: Love it. Love it. Let’s solve some problems out there in the world by tackling some listener questions.

Craig: Segue man.

John: Because we often put these at the end of the episode, and then we run out of time and energy. We’re going to foreground them today. Drew Marquardt, can you help us out with a listener question?

Drew Marquardt: I sure can. Eric writes, “I’m writing a screenplay where the protagonist is an aerospace engineer. I myself am just a humble, lower middle class guy with very little college education. I want my characters to sound real, so I’m asking my older cousin about these topics, since he did go to college and graduated in this field. I sat down with him and recorded us talking about a bunch of subjects and explored the mind of the main character. He gave me these awesome pieces of dialog that the main character could say. I also text him from time to time as I build the script and ask him, ‘Hey, check out this scene. I wanted to talk about blah blah blah. Does this sound?’ He replies in full detail how the character should be saying things. Is this cheating or allowed? Could I use his language verbatim to build this character in this world? Does he get a writing credit, or what type of credit would be given for this, or is it just using a resource like reading a book and pulling out language from it, which I’m also doing?”

John: Eric, I’m sorry. You need to just stop what you’re doing and never, ever try to be a screenwriter again. You’ve broken incredibly important rules about never using any person’s expertise in your script.

Craig: Throw your laptop out, Eric. Throw it out.

John: It’s tainted. Everything’s tainted.

Craig: Set your clothes on fire and leave town. I think you probably have figured out that we’re totally fine with this. It’s actually just a sign that you’re doing your job well, to check with people. No, what they’re doing isn’t writing. No, they shouldn’t be getting a writing credit. It is perfectly reasonable to say to them that you will do your best to advocate for a consulting credit of some sort, like aerospace consultant. You can’t guarantee those sorts of things, because ultimately, somebody’s going to be producing this, and it’ll be up to them. This is totally fine. I do this all the time, call people up like, “Does this sound right?”

John: “Does this sound right?” I think you’re concerned specifically about like, oh my god, I’m using the actual words that he said. In this case, it’s your brother, first off. He’s giving you consent. He knows why you’re asking him these questions. You’re showing him scenes. He’s giving you feedback. He wants you to be able to write the best thing, both because he’s your brother, but he also would love to see aerospace engineering portrayed properly on screen. You’re doing [inaudible 00:08:30] for all these reasons.

Weirdly, it’s only the last sentence of your question that I want to flag here, “Is it just using a resource, like reading a book and pulling out language from that book?” Be more careful about pulling out language from a book there, sir. In reading that book, you might figure out what terms people are using and how people talk about stuff, but just make sure you’re not plagiarizing. Make sure you’re not literally taking the sentences out of that book. Yes, do research. Research is not cheating. It’s never cheating.

Craig: No, it’s essential. When you say language, if you mean nomenclature, terminology, all fine, you want to do that stuff for sure. Yeah, you’ve got a great resource there. It’s your cousin. It’s his cousin. It’s not his brother.

John: It’s one more step removed.

Craig: One more step removed.

John: Less blood in there.

Craig: I feel like people that do jobs that are constantly misrepresented on screen are going to be thrilled if they can see a movie where they’re like, “Oh my god, it’s clear that these people talked to an aerospace engineer.” Have you ever heard, John, the little bit of Ben Affleck’s commentary, the DVD commentary for the movie Armageddon?

John: Yeah, I think you’ve talked about it on the show. It was an amazing thing.

Craig: It’s so wonderful. I’ve talked about it before. Part of what he’s talking about is just this huge gap between what the movie is imagining or presenting and what the reality is, which I’m sure, yes, if a bunch of guys and ladies at NASA were watching, that they would probably just laugh their asses off. You’re avoiding that, which I think is a fantastic thing to do. Eric, I feel like you knew we were going to say, “Eric, you’re okay.”

John: That’s fine too. Sometimes you just want some validation, like, “I’m right here.” Eric, you’re good.

Craig: Eric, you are right.

John: Craig, I have a question for you. Are you close with any of your cousins?

Craig: No, but there’s a reason. There are a couple of reasons. I only have two first cousins. I had three. One of them passed away. My dad was 13 years younger than his sister. My mother is an only child. My dad was a mistake. Therefore, I am the son of a mistake.

John: You’re generationally much farther away from those cousins.

Craig: That’s the point. They were so much older than I was when I was a little kid. There’s Bilya. He doesn’t go by Billy, but we always knew him as cousin Billy. Cousin Billy and cousin Laurie. They were lovely. It’s just that they were just much older. Then also there’s a lot of… My sister and I never quite understood what was going on. In the older generations of my family, there are all sorts of, I don’t know, grievances, things like-

John: [Crosstalk 00:11:13].

Craig: This was in a situation where we saw each other all the time at family reunions. It was pretty rare. I was always excited to see them, because I looked up to them, because they were so much older and exciting. No, I’m not. How about you?

John: I’m not. I’m the youngest of all that branch of cousins. We lived in Colorado. Everyone else was further back east. Growing up, my cousins Tim and Cindy were close enough to my brother’s and my age that we would hang out some. I do have some good, fond memories of that. They all moved to different places. I was never around them. They all got much, much, much more Christian over the years, and so it became harder and harder. We still keep in touch. When my mom died, they were at the Zoom memorial service, and lovely cards and all that, but no, not close.

I always envied people who had cousins in town, because that felt like such a special thing. It’s not so close as a sibling, but a friend plus a blood connection felt like a really cool thing to have.

Craig: I do have that with my cousin Megan Amram.

John: Absolutely, but you didn’t even know she existed until well into the Scriptnotes era.

Craig: I certainly didn’t know she was my cousin until we 23 and Me’ed each other. She’s my cousin. I mean, third, possibly fourth, but yeah, she counts. That’s the cousin I have, Megan Amram.

John: That’s the cousin you want. The cousin of choice.

Craig: Yes, cousin of fact and choice.

John: Love them both. Let’s try a new question. Drew Goddard. Drew Goddard? You’re not Drew Goddard.

Drew: I’m not Drew Goddard.

John: Let’s try a new question. Drew Marquardt.

Craig: Is Drew Goddard here? Is he listening?

John: He’s very tall. We would notice him if he were on the Zoom, because he’s very, very tall.

Craig: Very tall.

Drew: Ricky in Venice Beach writes, “My entire movie is told from the hero’s perspective, and there is never a scene that she’s not in. She also has three family members who have powerful character arcs that I want to resolve by the end of the story.”

John: Are they cousins is my question.

Craig: And how powerful.

Drew: “The problem I’m running into is how to resolve these subplots in the third act when the lead character has traveled far away and is no longer geographically close to them. I would love to cut back to the other characters to see how they changed over the course of the story. Unfortunately, I’ve never cut away from the lead character’s perspective the entire movie. I feel like cutting back to these characters makes sense emotionally and thematically, but it just feels off to me. What advice or thoughts do you have about breaking from your main character’s perspective in order to complete a separate character arc?”

Craig: Ricky, something is wrong. Something is fundamentally wrong, because you are saying that there are three family members who have powerful character arcs. I’m not sure how powerful they can be if they’re never alone and they never are separate from the main character. Do those character arcs connect specifically to your main character? Is there a way for everybody to get together for a little family reunion at the end?

It sounds like you’ve got a problem of, “I want to do this and I want to do that,” and the two things are opposite. It’s what Lindsay Doran refers to as a closeup with feet. You’re trying to do a closeup with feet, and I think you’re going to have to pick one way or the other. That means probably going backwards in your script and looking for where things may have gone slightly awry.

John: In a previous episode, we talked about group dynamics and how important it is for the group as a whole to evolve and for the individual relationships within that group to evolve. It’s possible that I can imagine scenarios where these characters really work together a lot more, and so therefore we did establish arcs that those characters could go through. Just because of the circumstances of Ricky’s story, they’re not going to be around to complete those arcs.

Craig’s solution, basically to go back and really look at do I need these things to happen, that way is entirely possible, or the other solution of just like, we need to get everyone back together at the end to learn and see what has happened and what has changed, because I don’t think you’re going to be satisfied with the first-time cutaway at the end of the story to break POV. I’m sure our listeners can find 10 examples in great movies that do that, but it’s certainly not recommended practice.

Craig: No, I wouldn’t. I’m a little nervous. These character arcs, I just want to know, how are they relevant to my main character? Are they relevant? Do they inform the main character’s experience? Generally speaking, if you have a, like you say, “My entire movie is told from the hero’s perspective,” that means it’s about her. Therefore, all the choices that you make as a storyteller, that put her in the middle of the wheel, and then there are spokes of the wheel, like her family members, all those spokes have to feed back to the hero. They are there for a dramatic purpose that must connect back to the hero.

I have no interest in whether or not Aunt Sally’s marriage falls apart if the story is about Grandpa Joe, and Aunt Sally’s marriage has nothing to do with Grandpa Joe. We just need to connect it. We need to. At that point, that should guide you. If they don’t connect…

John: Let’s imagine a story in which the hero has inspired one of the characters to give up drinking or make a fundamental life change. I can see that being a powerful arc. They went through a whole thing, but they’re not there for the end.

Keep in mind, Ricky, that what’s meaningful to the audience isn’t that that character’s changed. It’s that your hero got to see the results of that character changing. It’s when you’re seeing it from your hero’s eyes, oh, this change happened, and that your hero was proud of this character and feels a connection to this change that has happened. That’s the reward. Cutting away to it without the hero knowing it isn’t going to be satisfying to the audience.

Craig: It’s interesting. I don’t think we’ve ever really talked about this. Storytelling that is built around a character, and that’s the majority of what we do, a central character, is essentially a narcissistic exercise, where that character’s feelings, that character’s experiences, that character’s problems, and that character’s resolutions and actions are what matters to us. We are essentially complicit in their narcissism. Other things happen elsewhere. They don’t matter as much. They just don’t. We don’t mind that. It’s just not a problem.

That’s why it’s so funny in whichever of the Austin Powers it was when the henchman dies and then they go to his family, because it underscores what a bizarre act of narcissism storytelling is.

I think what you’re struggling with is you’re trying to be not narcissistic about it, but here in the audience, all you’ve done is mainline narcissism heroin into my veins. I just care about the hero, because I identify with the hero. The story is for me to feel and appreciate. I want to know who I’m with. I don’t want to ever leave that person. If I do, it’s only because I want to see how it feeds back into the person I care about.

John: Perhaps it was a hundred episodes ago we talked about main character energy and how in real life it can be a dangerous pathological thing. In movies, main character energy, you know what? That’s what you’re here for is the main character energy. That could be, Ricky, what you’re feeling there is that. Don’t run away from it. Drew, what do you got for us?

Drew: Danny writes, “An independent producer and friend came to me with a sitcom idea. I thought it was great, so we developed the characters and plot together. I’m the sole writer of the script, with written by-credit, but he is a co-creator. He supports me submitting it as a writing sample for fellowships, but I list him as a collaborator if I’m submitting that script for incubators. We also have a pitch deck in case we have any opportunities to take it out.

“When I start querying managers after the strike, would it be okay for me to send this pilot as a second sample in addition to my other original pilot? The script definitely shows my voice and writing skills. The concept is not entirely mine, but we’re not a writing team. If I do send the script, should I mention my co-creator? Should I say a producer approached me to write on spec, or should I just focus on writing and polishing another completely original script before querying representation?”

John: Craig, I think where we’re getting confused here with Danny is that a producer approached to say, “Hey, would you write this thing kind of with me, kind of for me, on spec?” This producer person wants to produce this thing, but Danny is the writer. Danny owns everything. Danny can absolutely use this as a sample. There isn’t a problem here. That person is not a co-writer, doesn’t need to have their name anywhere on it, unless the agreement they have is that this person is only producing it, and every script has to say producer attached or something.

Craig: I think this is a problem that isn’t a problem, because what Danny is describing is a producer. A producer says, “Hey, I’ve got an idea for something,” which in and of itself is not, as we know, property. The producer looks for a writer. The writer says, “Oh, I like that. I’ll write it.” What do writers do with producers? Of course, they bounce ideas back and forth. They talk about stuff. Then the writer goes and writes. The producer is attached to produce. That’s it. When it says, “I’m the sole,” quote unquote, “writer of the script with written-by credit, but he is a co-creator,” no, he’s not.

John: Nope.

Craig: No, he’s not. First of all, just so you know, created by is a credit that the Writers Guild assigns as a function of separated writes. It has to do with who wrote the underlying story, and that is writing. What this person is is a producer. That’s great. There’s a whole world of non-writing producers. Danny, when you start talking to managers, you could send them pilot. Why wouldn’t you? You wrote it?

John: You did. It’s your writing. It shows what you can do. Let’s say you sign with these managers, and the managers want to take this thing out. Then it’s maybe a conversation like, “Okay, this producer is attached. Okay, what does it mean? What is the producer actually expecting? Has the producer done other things? Are you going to try to get some more senior experienced producer on board with this? Is the producer going to take it out on their own?” All that stuff has to be figured out. For you, Danny, getting representation, that’s not a barrier in your way.

Craig: Just mention it if you’re talking to a … If a manager’s interested, then you can say, “Oh by the way, just so you know, there is a producer attached to this one.” This one, no, free and clear. It’s not like you can only have one producer. Take a look at the credits for things. Jeez, Louise.

John: Good lord.

Craig: You can have a thousand producers. If a manager’s like, “I wanted to be the producer,” good, you can be the producer. Hey, how about this? Everyone gets to be a producer. Who cares? I’m the writer, and then there are 4 million people that have… That’s why the Producers Guild exists, to basically say, okay, of the thousand of you that have the producing credit, we’ve figured out that you’re a producer and you’re a producer. The rest of you stay in your seats.

John: For folks who are not familiar with the Producers Guild, you’ll see credits at the end of the movie or at the start of the movie that say “produced by,” and you don’t know who those people are. If it says PGA after it, PGA, just those letters, that means the Producers Guild has gone through, looked at who the people are who worked on this, and said these are the people who really produced-produced the movie. It’s a limited subset of the bigger, longer list you see there.

Craig: John, are you in the Producers Guild?

John: I am not in the Producers Guild. Are you in the Producers Guild?

Craig: I am in the Producers Guild.

John: Nice.

Craig: They gave me an award, and I had to join. Here’s the thing. It does make sense to figure out… One of the things that Producers Guild did that was quite wise was… Because they’re not a union. They’re not a labor union, even though they’re called guild. The Writers Guild and the Directors Guild just happen to use the word guild, as do the Screen Actors, but we’re all unions. They’re not.

What they did that was smart was they made themselves essential by I guess contracting with the major awards, to say, “Okay, if you’re giving out best television show or best movie, the people that collect those are producers. Who should get up there? We’ll figure it out. We’re the Producers Guild.”

At the end of each season of television that I do, at some point I get a thing from the Producers Guild, not because I’m a member, everybody gets it, that says, “What’s your title? What’d you do? Check off the boxes if you did these. Don’t check off if you didn’t do these. Then we’ll make our choice.”

John: It’s a thankless task maybe to decide that, but I understand. The producers themselves decided they wanted to do this, because they were tired of having the value of a producer credit devalued by all the people who get those credits for reasons that are not really producing.

Craig: Exactly. They don’t make you join, by the way. You can. It’s nice. It helps them do the work that they do. They do this for everything, because if you want to go up there and get your award, you have to prove that you should.

John: Drew, let’s try another question.

Drew: Gary writes, “In Episode 598, Vince Gilligan discussed today’s over-reliance on IP as the basis for new shows or features. That seems to put even more impediments before fledgling or at least uncredited writers, given the difficulty of being able to option such a property. I have recent experience with this issue. I wanted to develop a script based on a 1956 YA novel, but the literary agency connected to the author’s estate wouldn’t give me, an uncredited writer, an option. What are possible strategies for such writers, or is it hopeless to get an option without somehow acquiring a production company’s backing?”

John: Gary, I feel for you. I think it is going to be hard for you as an uncredited writer to get that, unless you had some special connection with the author or with the material, you were somehow able to break through the, “It doesn’t really make a lot of sense for us,” options to backlog.

I would say hold on to this notion of adapting this book and focus on some other things. At some point you will be signed by a rep, you will be going on the water bottle tour of Los Angeles. That might be an opportunity to say, when they ask, “What else do you want to do?” it’s like, “Oh, I’ve always really wanted to do this book.” Pick which producer you might want to say that to. If it’s really a good fit, then that producer could track down those rights and may get that book for you to adapt. That’s a way that I’ve seen it happen in real life before. Craig, other instincts from on your side?

Craig: I think that’s basically everything I would say, except maybe if this is a fairly obscure novel, you might want to just wing it. Just do it, because they don’t want to give you an option, because they don’t know you, and they also don’t know if the script will be any good. Who knows? They give you an option, and then, oh god, next week, I don’t know, David Koepp comes calling, and they’re like, “Oh, no, we gave it to Gary.” That’s probably not going to happen, is it?

One of the things that Vince was saying is, okay, there’s an over-reliance on IP, and the implication of that is that if something hasn’t been snapped up in terms of rights, then maybe it’s just not really on anyone’s radar at all, or maybe people tried and gave up. It sounds like you’re talking about a screenplay as opposed to a series. Even if it were a series, it would just be a pilot script.

Your job is, you want to write a script based on this novel, maybe write it. Honestly, what you’re really gambling is… Okay, I don’t know how long it’s going to take you to write it. Let’s say it takes you five months. You’re gambling that in the next five months, no one is going to come out with a script for that novel, which I’m going to guess no one has come out with in the last five years. Might be worth it. Then show them the script. Then they might be like, “Oh.”

John: “Oh, this is actually not too bad.”

Craig: “This ain’t too bad.”

John: Is it a long shot? Yeah, it’s a long shot, but it’s not the worst idea, because what you’re going to come out of this with hopefully is at least a good script, a good script people can read and say, “You know what? Gary, he’s a good writer.”

I remember way back when I was in film school, I read a Alien versus Predator script. I have no idea who wrote that. It was just a spec that someone wrote an Alien versus Predator thing. I was like, “That’s a really clever mashup of these two things.” It never got made. Different fork of that whole idea came to be at a certain point. It was a cool idea. I’m sure that person got signed and got some meetings that got stuff started. That could be you, Gary.

Craig: Absolutely.

John: I would also say Craig may be right. If it really is inspiring you to do that more than some other original idea of your own, consider it.

Craig: When you say, “I want to develop a script,” I would love, Gary, if you said, “I want to write a script.” Development is what we do when other people are like, “I don’t know.” A lot of development really starts with a script, whether it’s something you’re rewriting or it’s something you’ve written already.

Maybe write it. Like John says, worst comes to worst, you have a cool sample. Can people make that sample without the rights? No. Do they have other stuff that they would want to do anyway? Yes. Was it likely that they were going to be, “Oh my gosh, there’s a 58-year-old novel that we could do.” Probably not. I wouldn’t worry about it. Go for it.

John: Gary, are you infringing on their copyright to write that script? Yeah.

Craig: No.

John: Are they going to come out to you?

Craig: No, they’re not. You’re not.

John: Here’s the question. You are not doing anything that diminishes the commercial value of the original thing.

Craig: You’re not exploiting it. Look. Here’s the deal. You can sit in your house, and you can write fan fiction about Star Trek or whatever. You can write anything you want. When you sell it or when you distribute it, that’s different. To write a screenplay and not receive money for it and not have it turn into a movie and not put it online and have it distributed around, no, there’s not exploitation.

John: Here’s the infringing part I would say. It’s that if Gary wrote the script, and then he wanted to submit it to the Office of Copyright for copyright protection, no.

Craig: No, you can’t do that.

John: You’ve created a piece of work that you cannot copyright.

Craig: That’s right. That’s right.

John: That’s a risk you take.

Craig: Exactly. It’s a risk you take. Actually, even that is not quite true, because if you write something, somebody else can come along and say, “Oh, Gary wrote this.” For instance, if let’s say the novelist were still alive, which they probably aren’t, the novelist picks up Gary’s script, and they’re like, “Whoa, this is a great script, but Gary can’t copyright this. I think I’ll just rip the cover page off, stick my name on it.” That would be infringing Gary’s… Gary does have protection, but he can’t exploit anything.

John: It’s interesting. That is a fascinating thing.

Craig: He only has protection insofar as this work represents what I did, but it is not exploitable, because I don’t have permission from the original rights-holder.

John: What we’re describing is essentially a chain of titles. Gary doesn’t own the underlying piece of material. No one else owns Gary’s script. In order to make a feature out of this project, you need both underlying material and Gary’s script.

Craig: Yes, I believe that is correct. That said-

John: Not lawyers.

Craig: … if an attorney wants to write in and explain why I am absolutely wrong, I am welcoming of it.

John: We’d love it.

Craig: It is a learning opportunity.

John: Let’s go on to our Three Page Challenge, because we have three entries into this. I want to make sure we spend some good quality time looking through them. If you are new to the podcast and have not listened to an episode where we do a Three Page Challenge, here’s what this is.

Every once in a while we ask our listeners, hey, would you like to send in the first three pages of your script, it could be a feature, it could be a TV series, for us to talk about on the air? Everything we’re going to be talking about is completely voluntary. These people volunteered for this treatment. We are not picking stuff off the internet and poking holes in it. People asked for this feedback.

Those folks went to johnaugust.com/threepage, all spelled out, filled out a little form. They said it’s okay for us to talk about it, they’re not going to sue us. They attached a pdf, and it went into a magical inbox that Drew and our summer intern, Halley Lamberson, read through all of those entries. Halley, this was your first time doing this. Can you talk to us about this process? How many scripts did you and Drew look at this past week?

Halley: I think together we looked at a couple hundred. The process was very fun, reading through the submissions over a couple days and talking to Drew about the ones we thought were standout. It made me think about my own writing to read the entries.

John: I remember when I was a reader at TriStar, you learn a lot by reading other people’s writing. You definitely learn sometimes things you never want to do and stuff you see on the page, like, “Oh, let me make sure I never, ever do that.” The sampling that you guys picked, I liked, because they were both interesting ideas and had some issues that Craig and I could talk about.

Thank you very much for all your hard work. Folks, don’t send in those Three Page Challenges until we ask for them, because, man, they really do stack up quick. You guys are really good about sending stuff in.

Let’s maybe start with Skulduggery. This was from Matthew Davis. Actually, in our last live show, one of the raffle items we had was we guarantee front of the line for a Three Page Challenge when we do our next Three Page Challenge. That was Matt Davis. He sent that through.

If people want to read along with us, it’ll be attached to the show notes for this episode, so you can click through and find the pdf, or they’re in Weekend Read right now if you want to read them. If you’re just listening to this on your drive, Drew, could you give us a summary for Skulduggery by Matthew Davis?

Drew: Madame Louvier, a Haitian Voodoo queen with her face grease painted as a skull, moves through the forest of the Louisiana backwater, illuminated by lamplight. She approaches a small home where Jenny, 40s, gives her son $10 and sends him away on his bike.

Inside the house, Madame Louvier has Jenny drink a mysterious elixir and commands Jenny to exhale a blue vapor, a spirit which Madame Louvier inhales and communes with. Jenny’s vision warps. She sees Madame Louvier with a giant boa constrictor, cutting a strip of fabric from Jenny’s dress and fashioning it to a voodoo doll. Louvier’s dagger erupts in blue fames and turns every candle’s fire blue.

Louvier explains that their journey is entwined with Pirate Jean Laffite and threatens to kill Jenny unless she tells her the location of a map, which Jenny only has a faint memory of.

John: Craig Mazin, talk us through your impressions of Skulduggery and some of the things you noticed as you went into it.

Craig: There were some nice visuals to start with. I’m a little fussy about movement issues.

John: I have a lot of movement issues in this too.

Craig: There was a cool beginning. “Frogs and crickets cry out from the swamp. Lamplight illuminates a SKULL. The skull… MOVES.” Oh. Okay. “We realize the skull is a grease-painted face: She opens her eyes with an emotionless, blank stare: ONE EYE GLAZED-OVER – an injury long ago unaddressed.” Oh. Okay. “Draped in a blood-red cloak,” great, “the ghastly figures murmurs as she trudges along… ”

Wait a second. Now, was she trudging or was she just still? That’s a cheat. This is where we run into trouble all the time. This is where directors start to tear their hair out, because you can’t do both. You can’t start with this fixed skull, play the trick that it’s not really a skull, it’s actually a person, but also have them walking. If you are going to say they just started walking, then what were they doing before? Just standing, waiting for the movie to start? These things, they maybe don’t seem like that big of a deal. They’re actually a really big deal.

Let’s get into the meat of it all. There’s Jenny, who is in a backwater home. I don’t know what that is.

John: I don’t either.

Craig: What is a backwater home? Is it a cabin that’s on the bayou? Is it in the swamp?

John: I have no idea what the size or scale of this is. Also, when we’re getting inside, there’s a hallway, so it’s not just a cabin, but I don’t have a sense of this. There’s a porch. Is this a gothic Southern mansion, a Big Fish-y kind of thing? What is this?

Craig: Also, you can’t start a scene with somebody handing someone a $10 bill and saying, “No need to hurry back.” Was he also just standing, waiting? Some of the issue here is that the way these scenes start, it’s almost like people were waiting for somebody to go, “Action.”

There are so many ways to start a thing like this. We could be outside that house, and we could here, “Mom,” and, “Okay, come here,” whatever it is. There’s always ways to do it. It just seems like the actors are waiting, and then someone goes, “Okay, now do stuff,” and then they start doing things. We lose a little bit of the sense of the moment before, which is a really big deal for actors. It’s something that I think about all the time as a writer.

She sends her kid away. He, “Pedals his ramshackle bike away.” Pedals is capitalized for some reason. I don’t know why. He, “Pedals his ramshackle,” ramshackle is not a great word for a bike, “away. He pauses.” Do you mean he stops? He, “TAKES ONE LAST LOOK BACK AT HIS MOTHER… ” Then the scene ends. Does he just stay stopped? There’s movement issues. I’m struggling with the movement. How about you?

John: I’m having many of the same problems you’re describing here. I love that it’s evocative and atmospheric. That all feels great. I like the skull reveal, but I had the same problem with the movement. We didn’t need to “realize the skull is a grease-painted face,” just, “The skull is a grease-painted face.”

The, “She opens her eyes with an emotionless, blank stare,” you’re saying she, but you haven’t even introduced the character yet, which was a little bit of a bump for me. “MADAME LOUVIER — a Haitian-born Voodoo Queen,” I need some matches dashes there to get us out of that little clause.

Matt is using a lot of colons as a punctuation device. That could totally work if we were consistent, but he does a lot in the first page and then stops, so making some choices about how you’re going to get us down the page.

I read Madame Louvier as… She’s “Haitian-born Voodoo Queen,” so I’m reading her as being a dark-skinned character, but then it felt weird to me that I didn’t have any racial information about Jenny Duralde. I’m maybe pulling it in from her last name. I just got a little nervous suddenly that, oh, no, I’m going to be in a trope-y, voodoo-y kind of thing that is uncomfortable. I think just being a little bit more specific would be a great idea.

I had the same problem with JD, the son. Gives him a dollar bill. She says, “No need to hurry back,” but I don’t even know what that’s in context to. I was thinking if she calls JD, and JD is on his bike, he could be on his bike from the very start, and she says, “No need to hurry back,” or, “Get yourself a soda too.” Then I see, oh, she’s sending him away. Because he wasn’t on the bike to start with, I didn’t know what I was seeing for most of the scene.

Craig: There’s also a little bit of a missed opportunity to understand relationship, because she says, “No need to hurry back. I’ll be fine.” Her hand is shaking. He notices her hand is shaking. He knows she’s scared. Also, clearly, there has been some kind of conversation, because, “I’ll be fine,” even though they were just standing, and she suddenly handed him the money.

“Treat yourself to a soda, okay?” Then he goes, “Thanks, mom.” Now, “Thanks, mom,” is not great. You say, “Thanks, mom,” when it’s like, “Hey, kids, there’s Sunny D in the fridge.” “Thanks, mom.” “Thanks, mom” is really weirdly dull for what is happening here. I don’t quite know what this kid is thinking. Also, man, he gets on that bike fast.

John: That’s why I think you start the scene with him on the bike.

Craig: We continue with some movement issues. We start with fingernails diving into a burlap pouch. “They pluck out a VIAL OF ELIXIR.” She’s walking down a hallway. Man, she got there fast too. It feels to me, like, wouldn’t we want to hear the knock, knock, knock? I don’t know, seems like we missed some interesting opportunity.

John: You’re missing a “transition to.” If there were a “transition to” at the bottom of JD going off on the bike, and then we were jumping forward in time, because we are jumping forward in time, because we’re going to come to her. She’s already in the chair, and there’s candles everywhere. A thing has happened. It’s okay to do that. We can compress some time, but give us the “transition to,” because we need some sense this is not a continuous thing.

Craig: Absolutely. Then we get into the meat, which is this supernatural thing. I don’t know what’s going on. I gotta be honest. I know eventually what is happening is Madame Louvier is abusing some sort of voodoo ritual to get Jenny to tell her where the Pirate Jean Laffite’s map is, which is fine, perfectly fine thing to do, I guess, if you’re an evil voodoo ritual person. Prior to that happening, I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what Jenny wants.

John: Exactly.

Craig: I don’t know why she’s participating in this.

John: Is she terrified of this woman coming, and that’s why she sent the son away? She seemed like a willing participant, at least at the start of this, because she’s already there, and all the candles are lit. It doesn’t seem like she’s a captive, quite, so she may have called for this woman to come, but she’s scared of this woman. I don’t have a clear read on what’s supposed to be happening here. Mystery is great, but I’m just confused.

Craig: Yes. For instance, if I understood that she said, “My son is sick,” in a more interesting way, “My son is sick. He’s going to die. Can you do some voodoo and make him live?” okay, I know what she wants, at least. I just don’t know what she wants. Voodoo, it’s Haitian. I understand that. One of the languages of Haiti is French. Where we do run into tropes, with anyone that speaks-

John: Oh, god.

Craig: … any language is them saying something in one language and then repeating it in English. Why would you do that? Just say it in one or the other. She’s constantly saying something in French and then repeating it in English, which is…

John: Tropey, tropey, tropey.

Craig: It’s really tropey.

John: I scratched out all the English repetitions. In every case, they can say something in French, and the context is clear based on everything else that’s around it. We get it.

Craig: Exactly. There’s good description of all this cool CGI stuff that’s going to happen, but I’m confused about what is happening with… The context is where I’m really tossed, because the scene begins with, Jenny has already encircled her chair by lit candles. She’s ready to go. This lady shows up and says, “Drink.” That’s it. She just hands her a thing, goes, “Drink.” Then Jenny’s like, “Yep, done.” Then Jenny says, “Thank you.” Okay.

Then all this other stuff happens, and I’m not sure why. A lot of cool visuals. It was exciting. I like the way that Madame Louvier was yelling at her. Cranking up the speed of the scene was really interesting, but we’re missing some key information.

John: Madame Louvier also says, “Drink,” before the vial is seen. There was just orders of how you’re telling the audience and the reader what’s going on. Showing the vial, and she says, “Drink,” great. If you say, “Drink,” and then you show the vial-

Craig: She did. Before that-

John: I guess before, she pulled out a vial of elixir, but we wouldn’t have necessarily seen that.

Craig: That was part of the… If she’s walking, then I don’t know how to show that, or at least in the closeup that’s indicated here. It was cool. She “drops her cloak, revealing a FIVE-FOOT BOA CONSTRICTOR draped around her neck,” although-

John: Love it.

Craig: … we’ll have to make sure that that cloak really does cover the neck well, because your costume designer’s going to be like, “Uh.” The snake-covering cloaks are actually hard to find. When she yells at Jenny to tell her about the map, Jenny says, “I saw it once…as a child.” What? Earlier, she goes, “Our journey entwined with Laffite,” and Jenny goes, “Laffite?” Huh? Huh? Then she’s like, “Laffite!” Then Jenny’s like, “Oh, that Laffite. Yes, yes, I did see that once as a child.”

Then there’s a series of shots, which are “fractured scenes flashing in her mind,” Jenny’s mind. Man, that’s a big shift to go from a scene beginning with Madame Louvier, close on her, and now we’re in Jenny’s mind. It’s hard to pull off that bit without being overloaded. I think there’s probably too much going on here, Matthew, just too much, too fast, too abruptly, and motion issues.

John: Agreed. Just going back to the title page here. Set up as a pilot episode, an Episode 1, that’s all great. I would take the MFA off Matthew’s name. You’re not going to see that. I would take that away.

Craig: Master of Fine Arts?

John: It is Master of Fine Arts. Drew and I both have our Masters of Fine Arts-

Craig: You know who doesn’t?

John: … from the Stark Program.

Craig: I don’t.

John: You don’t. Halley will by the end of next year. Also, “fifth draft,” no. Don’t tell us how many drafts this was. The date is perfectly adequate for this.

Craig: Yes. Also, the date here is June 6th, 2023. Now, because Matthew gets to jump to the top of the line, he gets to send in a thing and then right away we show it. Just do be aware, there is this little thing of you don’t want to send people a script that is from 12 years ago. You sometimes don’t want to send them a script from today or yesterday, because it seems like you were just like, “Hot off the presses. I haven’t thought about this. Here you go.” A couple months, that’s pretty good.

John: Thank you, Matthew, for sending this through. Thank you for buying those raffle tickets there. I’m glad you got your script in here. Drew, can you tell us the log line now? The idea is that we only see these two pages, then you tell us the secret about what the actual script is about.

Drew: “An orphaned Cajun boy and his summertime friends search for a legendary pirate treasure but must outwit a merciless Voodoo Queen merely to survive.”

Craig: I guess Jenny died.

John: I think Jenny dies [inaudible 00:46:36].

Craig: Jenny.

John: Jenny.

Craig: Jenny.

John: Great. I would not have predicted that it was going to be a child-focused thing. That could be great. It’s dark for what this is, but dark habits, that’s fine.

Craig: It’s true.

John: It looks like there’s a bonus here. He included the Skulduggery map, which Craig can download, because apparently there’s puzzles involved on the map.

Craig: I’m looking at it. We have two things. We have some sort of letter that’s written in a cipher, which I could absolutely run through a crypto quote analyzer. It’s my least favorite kind of puzzle solving. Then there is a map that contains various pentagrams and rectangles and also a couple of additional things using that symbol, glyph alphabet. I don’t feel strongly about it. The one thing that’s interesting is that the first line of the cipher includes a lot of Roman numerals, which makes me think-

John: A date?

Craig: … these ciphers are only letters and not numbers.

John: Great.

Craig: Who knows?

John: Who knows?

Craig: I have not dedicated the time to it.

John: You have not. We will include that along with the script, if people want to try to solve that.

Craig: Great.

John: Let us get to our next entry in the Three Page Challenge. This is Scrap by Tertius Kapp.

Craig: What a great name. Lamberson, someone’s coming for your crown.

John: Tertius is a pretty damn good one. Drew, could you give us a summary?

Drew: Sure. Two young men, Sam and Knowledge, sit inside a space shuttle wearing colorful space suits emblazoned with ZSA, Zimbabwean Space Agency. Over the radio, Sarah announces the countdown to take-off, but when a cow’s head rips into the shuttle, it becomes clear that the shuttle is homemade. Sam insists that they rebuild their homemade craft, because he is chasing a girl and wants to impress her with a video of the takeoff. Sarah tells Sam not to pretend he’s an astronaut for this girl, but Knowledge insists Sam needs to lie about his job, girls want an entrepreneur, not a scrap metal scavenger. Sam then expertly drives a trolley full of scrap down the local street and into the scrapyard.

John: I enjoyed quite a lot of this. I would say I was concerned and confused when I read that Sam and Knowledge are both in their late 20s. This felt much younger to me based on just the premise. I also want to make sure that I actually am reading this right, because I took this to mean that they were using their phone to create the video as if they were blasting off, that they were in no ways themselves to see that this was all happening, so that it wsa all to impress this girl who was coming in there. There was some sort of fun misdirection, but ultimately, I got frustrated that the dialog got very premise setup-y and didn’t surprise me with details that let me know this is what Sam is like, this is what Knowledge is like. It was just very much like, here’s a premise. Sam loves this girl that he hasn’t seen for a long time, and is trying to impress her. Craig, what were your takeaways?

Craig: I agree with you that the writing was a bit surface-y in that it was very expository. We were talking about the circumstances. We were announcing our intentions and our feelings without any subtleties, just, “This is what I think.” “This is what I think.” “That is what they think.”

I’m more concerned about the premise, because the idea is I haven’t seen a girl in 13 years. I’m going to go to a reunion. I assume it’s a high school reunion or something. When I go there, I’ll be able to show her this video to prove to her that I’m an astronaut, except Zimbabwe does not have a space agency. Zimbabwe has not sent astronauts into space. One would presume that if they are still indeed in Zimbabwe, that his schoolmate would know that Zimbabwe does not have a space program.

John: Basically, do they believe that this girl is so sheltered that she would have no way of actually ascertaining this to be true or not true? I agree with you there. That premise was concerning, especially that it’s meant to take place I believe in present time, because they have phones and stuff. If this were somehow the ’50s or something, I could see impressing a girl who somehow had no idea that such a thing was impossible or had not happened.

Craig: It’s at least in the ’80s, because it’s Zimbabwe and not Rhodesia. Here’s a few things, just simple things, Tertius, that are easy to address. First, we’ve got, “Inside the command pod of a space shuttle.” Now, you’re cheating, because we’re going to reveal it’s not a real space shuttle. In fact, it’s just something that they’ve built, cobbled together, plastic and aluminum wrapped around wooden staves. How do we not see that initially? You might want to talk about it being dark. Maybe there’s emergency lighting or something just to hide what’s going a little bit.

Knowledge is, for at least Americans, a gender-neutral name, so I wasn’t sure if Knowledge was male or female or otherwise. It would be helpful a little bit.

“A countdown in Shona language is heard over the radio.” Then it says, “Sarah (on comms).” Now, we don’t know Sarah. We haven’t met Sarah. That’s not a way to introduce somebody’s name. You can just say female voice.

John: Female voice.

Craig: They hold hands. They look into a phone’s camera with proud smiles. Now, do you mean I see the phone’s camera? Are they looking into the camera of the movie? If I see the phone’s camera, then I know it’s fake already, because astronauts don’t look into phone cameras while they’re launching. “We’re all stardust, brother. Let’s go home.” They’re not leaving the planet, but this is leaving planet stuff, counting down, “Commencing solid rocket… ” Do you know what I mean?

John: I took that as being they were shooting a video, and in that video they were saying to each other, “Stardust. We’re all brothers.” They would send that video through to the girl.

Craig: I understand, but he says, “Let’s go home.” Wait, where are you? Are you on Mars? Are you on the moon? Why is there a countdown because you’re going home?

John: Let’s go home to the stars. We’re going back to the cosmos from which we came.

Craig: That’s weird.

John: I think it’s kind of poetic. I get why [crosstalk 00:53:21].

Craig: It’s a little doomy. If you’re an astronaut and you’re like, “Let us return to the stars,” I’m like, “Oh, you guys aren’t coming back.” That’s a dark thing to say as you’re heading off into space, I think.

Also, Sarah, when she cuts off the countdown, she says, “Holy shit – what’s that? Stop! Stop! Abort launch! Sam!!” Now, obviously, Sarah is reacting to the cow that’s about to hit them. When she says, “Holy shit – what’s that?” it’s a cow. What happens is, even though going forward in time, because we don’t know it’s a cow, you can get away with the confusion. We will subconsciously do the math backwards. When we do it, even, Tertius, if we don’t, in our seats, go, “Wait a second,” something happens. There’s little cracks in the dam of believability that occurs subconsciously, that you want to avoid.

John: Think about what could Sarah be shouting at the cow to get the cow to run away, that we could misinterpret in the moment.

Craig: Yeah, as if she’s going, “Shanu … ina … nhatu … mbiri,” and then, “Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,” and then boom, cow head. That would be fine, because it wouldn’t be enough time for her to be like, “Ah!” Also, if a cow is charging your fake shuttle, why would you keep the premise up? “Stop! Abort launch!” It’s over. There’s a cow.

There’s all these little… You know what? This is a great example, Tertius, first of all, why writing comedy is incredibly hard, harder than drama. The need for constant logic and stress testing of every little thing that happens is so important, because if any of that stuff isn’t really, really solid, you lose credit for the jokes, because people feel like you’re just cheating your way to get to the line you wanted to instead of earning it and surprising them, like magicians. There’s multiple things to think about here. I’ll say this. I’ve never seen that scene before. I’ve never seen a cow bust its head through a space shuttle command thing.

John: I liked the reveal that they were in the field, there was a cow, all that stuff.

Craig: Good invention.

John: It was only when they’d gotten us to the point of, oh, now we’re going to talk about the premise of why we’re doing this thing that I got a little… My enthusiasm flagged. Craig, did it bump for you that the countdown was in Shona, and then everybody else was speaking English the whole time?

Craig: It sure did. It sure did, because again, it’s stressing the logic. Look, obviously, what Tertius is trying to figure out here is, I’ve got people who are Zimbabwean, and they either speak English and Shona or only Shona. We’re making a movie, and we want people that speak English to watch the movie and not worry about subtitles maybe, which is fine. There is a convention where people will speak accented English.

People in Africa do speak with a particular accent. There’s all sorts of accents across the continent. You can zero in on like, okay, specifically, what is the Zimbabwean accent for English, and then maybe just stay there, because if you start in Shona, I’m a little confused, yes, why the person over the radio is speaking in Shona. These two people are speaking to each other in English. It just didn’t make much sense.

John: Agreed. Let’s jump to the very end of this. We have the streets of Harare. “Sam is expertly riding a trolley laden with scrap metal down the street. He has a homemade handbrake to help him steer the heavy load and he whistles to communicate with traffic.” Sure, I get this. I like this.

What I didn’t know though is, I don’t have any visual for what the streets of Harare are like. I don’t know if this is super crowded streets. Should I be picturing Mumbai, or should I be thinking of empty, rural streets? I just don’t have a good visual for this, so I don’t know what I’m seeing around, which really affects what I’m picturing in my head with him steering this cart.

Craig: Look, Harare is certainly not on the scale of Mumbai, but if I were to say the streets of Mumbai, I would also not know what I was looking at, or I said the streets of New York or the streets of Los Angeles. We’ve got a lot of different kinds of streets. Basically, every town has main street, urban center, suburban, sticks, poor, rich-

John: Paint us a picture.

Craig: … commercial, residential. Give us a little bit more a sense of what neighborhood are we actually in. What do I want to know about… All these things will give me information.

Obviously, look, Sam is a blue-collar guy. Even the kids call him Scrapman. He collects scrap metal. This is not a wealthy person. Where’s he collecting it from? Is there a contrast between him and his vehicle and the neighborhood he’s in? Is he riding around in maybe the nicer part of Harare, and even kids are looking down on him, or is this kid really happy and cool? Does he like the kid? Is he glad that the kid… Is the kid like, “Hey Scrapman. Here, I’m helping you,” and he’s like, “Great. Thanks, kid.” I’m not quite sure what to think about that.

John: We were just out in a field with a cow, which felt rural, and now we’re in a city. I don’t have a good sense of what I specifically should be thinking about. This is a situation where I as the screenwriter might throw in a one eighth of a page establishing Harare and giving us a sense of what this looks like and feels like. That may not make it into the movie, that establishing shot, but it helps the reader anchor visually what kind of space I’m in. What is the air like? What does the light feel like? What is this space? Is it noisy? Is it crowded, or is it empty? Tell us in that establishing shot.

Craig: You can also tie it into the end of the space shuttle scene where they’re in the field. He says, “Behind them the shuttle finally falls down.” The camera rises up, and we see in the distance a city, cut to Harare, so I know that the city is far away, but not crazy far away, so I get that there was a journey, or something, because it’s going to be weird to go from cow field to city with no connective tissue.

John: Drew, can you talk us through the log line, the secret rest of the story for these three pages by Tertius Kapp?

Drew: “A janitor’s son discovers an unusual lawnmower part in his father’s store. When he tries to sell it online, offers go into the millions. He’s captured and recaptured by various intelligence agencies but must find his high school sweetheart to solve the riddle. He has unwittingly discovered an extraterrestrial artifact.”

John: That is a fantastic premise. I like it a lot.

Craig: I’m cool.

John: Great.

Craig: You got a good premise. Now execute. Logic. Logic, logic, logic.

John: Logic in comedy. Our final Three Page entry, Drew, can you talk us through Another Life by Sarah Hu?

Drew: A young Taiwanese couple stand in the departures at JFK, the husband, Daniel, says goodbye to his wife, Josie, and their baby, Ava, as Josie and Ava are boarding a plane to travel for a month. He ties a red bracelet on baby Ava, who is wrapped in a red blanket. Meanwhile, at another airport, Anne, a young Taiwanese mother, hurriedly sends her baby girl, Mei, off with a woman in her 60s named Fei, to be delivered to Anne’s parents in Taipei. Mei is wrapped in a blue blanket.

After their first flight, Josie and Ava are at the Narita Airport in Japan, when Josie suddenly collapses waiting outside the gate to Taipei. A gate agent rushes over to help. At the same time, and at the same gate, Fei approaches the gate desk and signals to the agent that she needs to use the bathroom and hands baby Mei over to the agent. The gate agent who had rushed to Josie’s side, now cradling Ava, joins the agent who is holding Mei.

John: Craig, talk us through your first impressions with Another Life.

Craig: It seems like we’re doing a baby switcheroo here. Really, you couldn’t get more of an emphasis on the fact that one baby’s wearing the blue and one baby’s wearing the red.

One is coming from JFK, and one is coming from Philadelphia, at I assume the same time, although it’s weird. It says, “Super: 1985. JFK Airport.” Then we do the scene. Then we go to, “Super: 1985. Philadelphia Airport.” 1985 is really long. I just want to know, is it the same day, same week, same month? Is it not? I think giving us a little more information there is fine. 1985, I think it’s going to be frustrating for people, because it’s so generic. I think genericism is a little bit of the issue here.

Look, let’s just first talk about the most obvious issue, which is that everybody has to figure out how to deal with people speaking not English in movies for English-speaking people. You’ve dealt with it. I’ve dealt with it. We’ve all dealt with it.

Sarah’s choice was to say, right off the bat, “All dialog in brackets indicates Mandarin language.” Fine, except literally all of it, except for a couple lines… Actually, one of the lines is in Japanese. There’s one line, and then the VO of the gate announcement is in Mandarin.

At that point I’m wondering if there’s maybe a better way, because what happens is all the dialog ends up in brackets. I got fatigue. I got punctuation fatigue when every single line was in brackets. Let’s put that aside, because that’s a technical thing.

There’s a slightly generic vibe here. The airport feels generic. The time feels generic. There’s nothing about this that says 1985 to me. I have no feeling for 1985. I don’t know what time of year. The conversation that Josie is having with Daniel, who I assume is her husband-

John: I assume so too.

Craig: … is generic. This is the back and forth. “Stop worrying. It’s only a month.”

John: “She’ll be a brand new baby by then.”

Craig: “You can really focus on work now. I’m sorry I’m just… tired.”

John: Then he hands a roll of film over and puts a red bracelet on the baby’s wrist. “Take a picture every day for me. So you remember how much you are loved, Ava.”

Craig: You’ve had a kid. I’ve had a kid. Nah.

John: That’s not a real moment.

Craig: Nah. It’s not a real moment. It doesn’t feel real. When parenting couples are dealing with stuff like this, you get to a moment of truth or honesty after all the other sweating and stuff. I’m not sure, what is Daniel worrying about exactly? She’s taking the baby. What’s the problem? I get that he’s like, “I’m going to miss my baby.”

Also, she’s like, “You can really focus on work now.” “Josie registers Daniel’s hurt expression. ‘I’m sorry I’m just… tired.'” Why isn’t Josie hurt that Daniel’s like, “You’re leaving for a month, and I don’t give a crap about you. I’m just bummed out that my baby’s going to be gone for a month.” Also, a month isn’t that long, and no, she’s not going to be a brand new baby. It didn’t feel true. It didn’t feel complicated. It didn’t feel sticky and tricky.

Then this is compounded by the fact that when we flip over to the Philadelphia side, we have another generic conversation. I’m not quite sure what was going on. Who’s Fei?

John: God bless Drew and Halley for maybe writing up that summary, because I think the summary actually makes more sense than what I was getting on the page. Mei is the baby. It’s complicated that names are all very similar.

Craig: I get that. Mei’s the baby. Adam’s the two-year-old brother. The mom is Anne.

John: Is Anne.

Craig: Who’s Fei?

John: Fei is the woman who’s carrying the baby to visit family or something.

Craig: Fei’s character is 60s. That’s it. When Fei says, “She’s so sweet. What’s her name?” is Fei a flight attendant that is carrying the unaccompanied minor baby? Who is Fei?

John: It’s not clear who Fei is. I suspect we would learn that maybe on Page 4. It’s frustrating to me, because I read this three times and really had a hard time keeping it all straight. I’m not sure I actually did fully understand.

Craig: Maybe she’s hired her.

John: What the purpose, yeah, hired her to take, to see her family.

Craig: Yeah, because it seems like Anne, the mom, it says, “Severe school marm vibes.” Anne seems like she’s like, “Baby, yuck. Here, you take this baby to my parents. Here’s diapers. Here’s formula. Beat it. I’m not going to call you. I don’t need one last look. Just go.” I’ve learned something about Anne there. It doesn’t sound great. I would still need to understand the context of who Fei is to make sense of this scene. Otherwise, Sarah, the issue is, instead of me thinking the things you want me to think, all I’m going to be thinking is, who’s Fei?

John: What’s up here? Is she stealing the baby? I don’t get what it is.

Craig: Who’s this lady, and what’s her job, and why did she do this? Also, when, “Anne watches closely as the gate agent processes Fei’s boarding documents,” in italics, “Will this work?!” Okay, so there’s intrigue, but again, the intrigue only works if I understand who Fei is, because I don’t, so I don’t know what’s going on.

Then we get to the airport. Josie’s made her way to Narita Airport. “She makes her way slowly, with great effort.” What does that mean? Is she already hurt, winded? We haven’t seen any problems with her.

John: We saw her on the airplane. “She braces herself, wincing.” There was some problem in the scene before that.

Craig: Like a bad hip?

John: I don’t know.

Craig: It doesn’t sound like a heart problem or anything. Wincing is like, “Ow, my leg.” It says her POV blurs and distorts. Now it says, “Josie makes her way slowly, with great effort. From Josie’s POV: The Taipei departure gate in the distance blurs, distorts.” Why would she be looking at the departure gate when she’s arrived and is walking away from the departure gate?

John: She’s arrived in Narita, but then she’s going to Taipei. This was a stopover on her way to Taipei.

Craig: Was that established?

John: Not especially well. That’s a good thing that the couple could talk about at the start is, “Do we have enough time to get from that get to the next gate? It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine.”

Craig: “I’m just nervous because the layover was so tight.”

John: Exactly.

Craig: I think that’s the issue is I got confused there again. More importantly, she collapses. I’m like, whoa. Now I understand what’s going on. Both Fei, mystery 60-year-old, and Josie, mom, are heading probably to the same place. I think they’re going to the same place. They’re both going through Narita. They’re both trying to get to the next leg of their journey when Josie collapses, and then here comes Fei to be like, “Oh, help her.”

John: “Help her. Hold my baby.” Babies get mixed up.

Craig: “Hold my baby.”

John: Craig, before we get to the two-baby problem, which I’m assuming is going to be part of the log line-

Craig: Isn’t that Dan and Dave’s new show, two-baby problem?

John: The two-baby problem, yeah.

Craig: Two-baby problem.

John: From the creators of Game of Thrones is the Two-Baby Problem.

Craig: Comes Two-Baby Problem.

John: On Page 1, we have a two-prop problem. “From his pocket Daniel reveals a roll of Kodak film and a red macrame bracelet, centered by a jade ring.” This actor is how holding two props and will talk about one of them and do something else with the other one. No. You get one prop. Touch the one prop. Forget the roll of film. I think it’s a mistake to have two props that have to do two different things. We can only handle one piece of information at a time.

Craig: If you want to do both, just reach into your pocket after you do the one. Reach into your left pocket after you reach into the right pocket. That should work.

John: Going back to what stuff is in Mandarin, what stuff is going to be in English, brackets are a choice. My guess is that this is set up this way because these babies are ultimately coming back to the US, and so most of the film is going to be in English. With that as a choice, you might want to think about just italics for-

Craig: Completely agree.

John: … whatever the foreign language is, because it’s just easier to read.

Craig: So much easier to read. I completely agree. Italics is your friend here. Just go for that. It will just make the read so much easier. The brackets, it’s weird, even just subconsciously, even though you did a nice job of laying out for us explicitly what you meant by the brackets, what happens is, as you’re reading, everything feels like an aside, because that’s what brackets do in my head. It all feels weirdly un-emphasized, which you don’t want.

I’m curious to see where this goes and is it a two-baby problem. For me, the big issues is I want there to be more specificity and more honesty and truth in the relationship going on between husband and wife. I want to know who the hell Fei is. I don’t need much. I just need to know what is… I’m paying you to do this. Just do it. I get it. She’s paying a lady to go and do this. Okay, but I need something.

John: I haven’t peeked at the log line yet. If this truly about the babies getting mixed up, at some point we’re going to need to actually spend some face time on the babies. I think this script maybe should’ve spent a little more time on that, even just on the plane, or just other people commenting on the cute baby. Some face, some good fat baby face time could be really helpful in terms of setting up the stakes here.

Craig: I love a good fat baby.

John: Drew, tell us what this is actually about.

Drew: “A loner Asian American workaholic befriends a woman with whom she was unknowingly switched with as a baby. After seeing glimpses of a life that could’ve been, the discovery of their switch threatens to destroy the fragile identity she’s safeguarded all her life.”

Craig: It’s a two-baby problem. We were spot on there. I’m a little nervous, Sarah, that it is so telegraphed that we’re just waiting for it to happen, which isn’t great. You might even want to consider just showing one of them. If you were to, say, not show Fei. You just see… It’s Josie, right? Josie?

John: Yeah.

Craig: Josie. Josie’s got her kid, gets on the plane, gets off the plane, collapses. A lady with a kid hands her kid over to somebody else and goes, “Let me help you.” Then the switch happens. We’re like, “What? Oh my god. A switch just happened.” This whole thing with the bracelets, you’re like, “Here comes the switch.” You’re just waiting for it. That’s not what you want, generally, especially not right off the bat.

I’m also a little nervous just based on the lack of specificity of environment and dialog. The log line is describing a fairly sophisticated drama, I think. “Destroy the fragile identity she’s safeguarded all her life,” that’s heavy. That, I would just say as you look at the pages after this, that of course we don’t have, really be on patrol for that, because anything that undermines the realism is going to take away from the drama and can push it towards soap opera in a bad way.

John: I want to thank everybody who sent through Three Page Challenges, and especially the three people who we talked about today. So great and brave of you to do this. I think everyone learns when we can see what you guys did on the page. Reminder if you’d like to do this yourself, you go to johnaugust.com/threepage, all spelled out, and we will put out another call for adventure sometime in the weeks ahead.

It is time for our One Cool Things, Craig. My One Cool Thing is an essay that I think you will enjoy reading. It’s by Adam Mastroianni. Apparently, it’s a full research paper he presented, but you can read the blog post or the Substack-y post that he did, which is simpler and much more easily digested.

It’s called The Illusion of Moral Decline. What he wanted to study is, do Americans or people worldwide believe that things are worse now than they were before, that people are meaner, less kind, that morals are declining. The truth is, the answer is yes, they always do. They always have believed that things are declining and that things are worse now than they were 10 years ago, 20 years ago, until you drill down about their actual personal experiences, and the people around them, and like, oh, actually, not so much for me. It really digs into the studies on why that is and what’s really happening.

It has some interesting framing theories about why we always perceive that stuff is getting worse, and particularly that morals are declining. It’s not simply just that it’s a thing that happens as you get older, because even if you talk to people in their 20s, they think things are getting worse. It’s just a set point thing. It probably ties into the degree to which you tend to forget the negative things from 10 years ago, 20 years ago, and turn up the brightness on past memories. You can’t do that with the present. It’s a really well-designed paper.

Craig: That’s really interesting. I remember I took a sociology course in college. Was it Emile Durkheim? I can’t remember which famous sociologist it was, but wrote about, and I’m probably scrambling this also, but in my mind the concept was called scrupulosity. The idea was that over time, we confront moral crimes, and the ones that are the most offensive to us, the most upsetting, we drive out, we essentially make deviant. What might’ve been acceptable at some point, like, “Oh, yeah, you can go ahead and marry 10-year-olds,” we’d find that repugnant. In fact, we are now announcing that that is deviant and we’re not doing it anymore. It’s wrong.

What happens over time is that our desire to make behavior on the edges deviant never changes. It is simply moving. As we move forward in a closed-off society, we begin to reassign more and more behavior into a deviant category, because we just keep… We can’t stop and go, “Okay, we’re good now. Everything’s fine. We accept everything.” It’s a related concept. Fun stuff for a college discussion. I don’t know how much I agree with it, but it’s a thought.

I do have One Cool Thing that I guess is also this interestingly philosophical discussion that I also don’t know how I feel about it. I’ll share it with you. I don’t even know how I arrived at it. It may have been through Arts and Letters, which is one of my favorite websites. There’s an online publication called Evergreen Review.

It is a very long essay, long, so strap in, written by Yasmin Nair. It is called No, No, Nanette: Hannah Gadsby, Trauma, and Comedy as Emotional Manipulation. If you’re hearing this and going, “Oh god, no, not another article or essay, think piece yelling about Hannah Gadsby,” you might want to skip this, because it definitely does. She is very critical of Nanette.

However, what was interesting was really where she got. It was like Hannah Gadsby was her way in. Where she arrived, and this is the part that I found fascinating, was a discussion about both the costs and necessities of performing trauma in order to be perceived as authentic, which is a phenomenon that is way more salient to me now in this day and age than it was, say, when I was younger. When we were really young, trauma was not performed at all. It was hidden. You just didn’t talk about it.

John: Or maybe you would say you were processing it, but you were never performing it.

Craig: You were never performing it. Furthermore, no one assigned authenticity to people because they performed trauma. This is not to say that performing trauma is wrong or that you shouldn’t incorporate what’s happened to you in your performance as an artist. What it’s really talking about is us, the audience, and saying, what does it say about us that we assign more authenticity, and are we depriving people of authenticity if they don’t. That was a really interesting discussion.

I’m not familiar with Yasmin Nair, other than to say that she is one hell of a writer. I’m looking at her now. She is a writer and activist based in Chicago. She is also a co-founder, with Ryan Conrad, of Against Equality. What is Against Equality?

John: I don’t know.

Craig: It is “an online archive of writings and arts and a series of books by queer and trans writers that critique mainstream LGBT politics.” Whoa, so it’s LGBT inside of LGBT and self-criticism. It’s “an anti-capitalist collective of radical queer and trans writers.” All I can tell you is, I am not queer and I’m not radical, however I am impressed with Yasmin Nair’s ability to put a sentence together.

She is really good, and she made a very… It was just a really well put together thing. It’s worth reading, even just to see what something very cogently written looks like. I put it out there as food for thought and discussion. It is not an endorsement or a lack of endorsement.

John: Fantastic. Last little bits and reminders here. Weekend Read is now on the app store, so download that. It’s on iOS or for iPad as well. You can see all those Three Page Challenges there. Lastly, thank you to Vulture, who gave us a shout-out this week, for the Scriptnotes sidecasts that we’ve been doing with Drew and Megana.

Craig: Nice job.

John: It was really nice. They were just a short, little side project, but it’s nice that people are enjoying them. Thank you, Vulture, for that little shout-out.

Craig: Way to go, Vulture.

John: Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt.

Craig: What?

John: It’s edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our intern is Halley Lamberson.

Craig: Lamberson.

John: Outro this week is by Jon Spurney. Craig, it’s a good one. You’ll enjoy it. If you have an outro, you can send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions. You can find the show notes for this episode and all episodes at johnaugust.com. That’s also where you’ll find the transcripts, links to the Three Page Challenges, and sign up for our weeklyish newsletter called Inneresting, which has lots of links to things about writing.

We have T-shirts, and they’re great, and hoodies too. You’ll find them at Cotton Bureau. You can sign up to become a Premium member at scriptnotes.net, where you get all the back-episodes and bonus segments, like the one we’re about to record on getting away with it.

Craig: Getting away with it.

John: Craig, we got away with it again. Thanks for a fun show.

Craig: Thank you.

[Bonus Segment]

John: Craig, last week we talked about things that our daughters never have to learn how to do, like drive stick shift, or that we never have to do, because we’re at a point in our lives where we can just, “Nope, I’m not going to do that, not going to learn how to do it. I just don’t care anymore.”

Craig: That’s exactly right. We’ve aged out of some things.

John: For me, an example would be calculus. I get calculus as a general concept. I understand it’s about rates of change. I’m never going to learn calculus. I’ve come to terms with that. It’s okay. I don’t need to learn calculus. Calculus is not going to enter into my world.

Craig: First of all, I like the way you pronounce the word, because you say calculus [KAL-kuh-luhs].

John: I said calculus [KAL-kyoo-luhs].

Craig: Oh, you did say calculus. This may be the interesting situation where [crosstalk 01:22:25]. Did you not take calculus in high school then?

John: I did not take it in high school. I took a physics class. I took physics for majors in college, which required calculus. I got the calculus book and read enough ahead so I could get my way through that physics class, which was just complete hubris for me to take. I never really fundamentally understood it. I can’t really do an integral or derivative or all that stuff. I get why they’re important. If I needed to land a rocket, I would use that, but I don’t, so I don’t.

Craig: I did take calculus. I remember none of it. In a sense-

John: We were the same.

Craig: … you got away with it, because we were exactly the same, even though I put in a whole lot of time and energy to get a really good grade in that calculus class.

John: We’re not so different, you and I.

Craig: It turns out, Mr. August, are we that different? This is a great topic, because it reflects our advancing age. When we were younger, like Lamberson, you want to keep up. That’s the point. You’re keeping up. Also, it’s easier to keep up, because you are not just swimming in the current of culture. You and your friends and your cohort are creating it. You are what’s current.

Somebody sent this to me, which is relevant to this topic, and it made me laugh so much. There’s a screenshot of a tweet and then a comment about the tweet. The tweet was from SB Nation. The tweet was, “Is Baby Gronk the new Drip King, or is he just getting rizzed up by Livvy?” Then someone named Damien Owens wrote, “I’m 50. All celebrity news looks like this: Curtains for Zoosha? K-Smog and Batboy caught flipping a grunt.” That is correct. I am 52, and that is in fact that Baby Gronk, Drip King, rizzed up, Livvy looks like to me, although I do know what drip is, I just want to say.

John: Yeah, but Drip King is a specific person.

Craig: I thought a Drip King was any guy that’s all glammed up with his jewelry and awesome clothes.

John: Apparently, the actual backstory on that specific quote is that Drip King is an actual lacrosse player somewhere in Massachusetts. It’s all an inside joke and stuff. You know what rizzed up is referring to?

Craig: No.

John: What is one of the key attributes in Dungeons and Dragons?

Craig: Oh, charisma.

John: Charisma. Rizz comes from charisma. Rizzed up, it means to charm, to seduce, charm, flatter, impress.

Craig: It’s like the glowed up, relative to self-improvement and beautification, [crosstalk 01:25:07].

John: When someone rizzes you up, then they’re charming. It feels like a thing that someone would do on Love Island.

Craig: Is Baby Gronk the new Drip King? What?

John: It’s all very debatable. Here’s the thing. We don’t have to hear it.

Craig: We don’t have to. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.

John: We don’t have to. We don’t have to care. You don’t have to keep up on all the slang. You don’t need to.

Craig: I don’t even care that people are laughing at us right now for how stupidly old and out of it we sound and are. That’s how great it is to finally get out of the current. They’re all laughing at us, like, “Oh my god, look at them. They don’t know. Oh my god, he thought Drip King was… “ Who cares? We don’t care. Go ahead. Make fun of us. We don’t care. We don’t even hear you. We’re too old.

John: My daughter makes fun of me because I don’t remember her phone number, but I’ve never had to call her phone number.

Craig: If you put a gun to my head, I could not tell you what either of my kids’ phone numbers are. I know my wife’s phone number because it was pre contacts consuming phone numbers.

John: I also have to fill in Mike’s phone number on all sorts of forms all the time for emergency contact stuff. Amy’s not my emergency contact.

Craig: No, and for good reason. Looks like you’re dying today.

John: In the office yesterday, Drew, Halley, and I were making a list of things that we don’t need to think about or worry about anymore, and things that we’re done with. How to repair a car, how to repair an engine, how to change the oil. Halley said she doesn’t need to know how to fix a tire. I still think you need to know how to fix a tire, because sometimes you are going to be in the middle of nowhere, and putting on a spare is a good thing. What’s your impression on tires?

Craig: You can get away with not knowing how to fix a tire, and here’s why.

John: Run flats.

Craig: Run flats are a thing. You can at least get yourself to somewhere with cell service, at which point somebody in a tow truck can come by. If you can do it yourself, that’s fine, but you know what’s more dangerous than not knowing how to fix a tire is almost knowing how to fix a tire. You can injure yourself. You can certainly injure your car. I watched a friend of mine jack his car up, and he did not have the jack in the right spot, and right through.

John: [Crosstalk 01:27:13].

Craig: Right through the bottom. Just right through the bottom of the car.

John: Oh, god.

Craig: It was brutal.

John: I’ve changed some tires in my life, and they worked.

Craig: I’ve done it. I didn’t enjoy it, but I’ve done it. I don’t feel a great need to do it anymore. A lot of cars don’t come with spares anymore because [crosstalk 01:27:31].

John: No, they don’t. It’s true. They don’t. My dad was an engineer. He had a slide rule that I remember loving. I would take out his briefcase and play with the slide rule, never understood how to use it. I’ll never need to use a slide rule.

Craig: Slide rules were already a thing that you and I didn’t have to worry about. Once calculators came along, that was it. Slide rules were done.

John: Christmas cards or holiday cards. Craig, your family doesn’t-

Craig: I’ve never worried about those. Melissa loves them. We don’t send them out, but she loves receiving them.

John: We just get them. We love getting the John Gatins family Christmas cards.

Craig: Those are always the best. I’m not joking about this. She will take every single Christmas card and tape it up to one section in the kitchen so that the wall is covered in people’s Christmas cards. I just don’t know. There are some things that are so fundamentally different between me and her as human beings, that I don’t even bother to say, “Why would you do that?” I’m just like, “Oh, okay.” Not in a million years. I get those Christmas cards. I read them, and I’m like, “Great. I’ve consumed the information. Now into the garbage you go.” Not her. She’s like, “I’m putting these… ” They stay up. They stay up until like January 12th.

John: They all go in a basket that we never look at again, and then we throw them all out, recycle them.

Craig: That would be perfectly fine.

John: A thing we did give up on that we used to do, we gave up on, was frequent flier loyalty. We’d only fly United, so we could be the premium tier of United. Then we got stuck. We got trapped taking flights that were less ideal because of that. It would get stuck in Chicago overnight. It was like, you know what? Stop. We’re giving up on loyalty to any one airline.

Craig: You guys, you are exactly what the point was, like, “How do we get these people to take this crappy flight? Let’s lock them into this loyalty program.” If I have a choice and all things being equal, I’ll fly American, because that’s where most of my points and such are. There are a lot of credit cards that are airline-agnostic. American Express, you can collect points that apply to anything, doesn’t matter, any airline, whatever, so I agree with you.

John: Craig, can you whistle?

Craig: I can whistle in a couple different ways. I can whistle by breathing in. I can whistle by breathing out. I can also whistle like (whistles), which is through my front teeth.

John: Can you do the hail a taxi cab whistle with your fingers in your mouth?

Craig: I cannot.

John: I’ve tried to teach myself that several times. I’ve looked at the videos. I’ve done the practice. It’s just not a thing that works for me.

Craig: I just end up blowing spit.

John: I’ve given up on that. It would be nice. I’ve also given up on Antarctica. I always wanted to visit all the continents. I thought at some point I really want to go to Antarctica.

Craig: That’s just you, dude. That’s just you.

John: Do you want to go to Antarctica?

Craig: No. Why?

John: Because it’s the bottom of the world. It’s exciting to me.

Craig: Are the restaurants good?

John: No, the restaurants are terrible.

Craig: Do they have a casino? Let’s put it this way. There are too many places I haven’t been, shamefully, that I will need to go to before I go to Antarctica. It would just be so insulting to the entire subcontinent of India if I go to Antarctica first. That would just be a slap in the face. One does not slap India in the face.

John: That’s a bad idea. Other thoughts from you about stuff you just don’t ever see yourself doing again? I have on the list mow the lawn. We got rid of most of our lawn, but we have gardeners. That’s fine. That’s good. I don’t ever need to own a lawnmower.

Craig: I mowed our lawn as a kid in hot New Jersey summers. It wasn’t the cool lawnmower. It was the bad lawnmower. It was bad. I don’t need to mow lawns anymore. There are some things I suppose that still in my mind I’m like, I’m going to get around to figuring out how to do. There are certain video games that I’ve just been like, “I’m skipping it.” So many people, including you, are like, “You going to play Diablo? You going to play Diablo?”

John: It’s so good, Craig.

Craig: I’m not saying it’s not. I’m sure it is.

John: It’s not for you.

Craig: At some point, I’m like, I can’t play everything. I know that Diablo is going to be crack. I need to save some crack space for Starfield, and I need to save crack space for the new Cyberpunk DLC, and I need to save crack space for some other things. Man, I’m trying to play Legends of the Tears of Zelda. Breath of the Wild did not grab me the way it grabbed everybody else.

John: That’s my Diablo. I’m not even trying. I’m not even going to try.

Craig: You know what? I am trying, but I’m like, “Oh my god. This is so big and so much.” There are certain things like that that I’m starting to let go. I have absolutely given up on keeping up with new music. I’ve given up. I’ve given up. I remember as a kid thinking, “Why do people give up on this? They should just stay with it.” I get it. You just get tired of keeping up, because you start to realize, there’s no reward for it. At some point it’s okay to just be okay.

John: I also feel like the stuff that is actually going to matter will just break through in popular culture, and I’ll know what it is. I’m going to know who Lizzo is just because I’m going to know who Lizzo is.

Craig: Lizzo breaks through. Lizzo absolutely breaks through. No question. The other thing is, there’s a lot of stuff that I think breaks through for let’s say my daughter, the younger one in particular, because the older one is into a lot of stuff that I’m into, and then such weird stuff that nobody’s into it. My younger daughter is into a lot of music where I’m like, I’m hearing it, and I think actually I’m just not going to ever enjoy it the way you do. It’s just because I think chunks of my brain were already given away to a thousand other bands, and I can’t get them back. They’re gone.

John: Does any of the music that Jessica listens to, do you have to stop yourself from saying, “This could’ve been written 20 years ago?” Some of the stuff that Amy listens to, I feel like, “Yeah, that’s just kind of Sonic Youth.”

Craig: Yes. Definitely the K-pop stuff, I just think, “This was written 20 years ago.” There’s certain things where I think the song is pretty familiar, but the style is fairly new. One of the things that Jessie and I love to laugh about is indie singer voice, because we both find it hysterical. Whenever that comes out, she’ll send me something. Who was on Saturday Night Live and did quismois? Oh my god. It was so good. (singing) I’ll be home for quismois. Who was that? Quismois. I’m looking it up now. It was Camila Cabello.

John: Great.

Craig: She was on Saturday Night Live, and she sang I’ll Be Home for Christmas, and she said quismois. That may have been peak indie singer voice moment.

John: Love it.

Craig: We didn’t have that when we were kids. There was no indie singer voice. That’s new. I liked that. That was fun.

John: Sure, fun. One thing we won’t give up on is the Scriptnotes podcast, because it’s still [crosstalk 01:34:50].

Craig: Hold on a second. At some point-

John: It will never end, Craig. It’ll have to go on forever.

Craig: I don’t like what I just heard. That’s terrifying. That’s a little bit like getting into a spaceship and going, “Let us now return to the stars.”

John: Thank you, Craig.

Craig: Thank you, guys. Bye.

John: Bye.

Links:

  • Weekend Read 2
  • SKULDUGGERY by Matthew W. Davis (with bonus puzzle map,) SCRAP by Tertius Kapp, and ANOTHER LIFE by Sarah Hu
  • The illusion of moral decline by Adam Mastroianni
  • No, No, Nanette: Hannah Gadsby, Trauma, and Comedy as Emotional Manipulation by Yasmin Nair
  • The Best Podcasts of 2023 (So Far) by Nicholas Quah for Vulture
  • Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!
  • Check out the Inneresting Newsletter
  • Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription or treat yourself to a premium subscription!
  • Craig Mazin on Instagram
  • John August on Twitter
  • John on Instagram
  • John on Mastodon
  • Outro by Jon Spurney (send us yours!)
  • Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by Matthew Chilelli. Our intern is Halley Lamberson.

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode here.

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