Thank you for keeping your site up to date and offering so many great resources, not the least of which: your scripts. I have read your scripts, Rawson Thurber’s Dodgeball, and many others.
I have a question on the usage of slug lines and pacing.
A quick example:
TOM
carefully turns the dial a tad.
THE MACHINE
Hums, LIGHTS UP!
TOM
grins and turns the
REMOTE to the maximum level.
I am afraid I am overusing this technique, but would like your
professional opinion.
–Brandon Walowitz
Los Angeles
Yes, you’re overdoing it, at least to my taste. I suspect you could find successful screenwriters who write very much the way you describe, but to me it feels like padding.
Just as you wouldn’t want to read a solid page of 12-pt Courier, you don’t want to read a series of short sluglines. There’s no flow. Think of these short sluglines as punctuation, little guides to help you make your way down the page.
Some suggestions:
* Use a slug only if we’re going to be looking at something new to the scene, or if we’re cross-cutting between simultaneous action. In your example, “TOM” is the same guy both times, and “THE MACHINE” is probably already established in the scene.
* After a slug, I usually start the next line lower-case, particularly if it’s the continuation of a sentence.
* Try to have at least three “normal” lines between slugs.
* Avoid mixing slugs and dialogue. It gets messy on the page.
One frustrating part of discussing scripts on the internet is that the formatting is always wrong. Changing the typeface to monospace (such as Courier or Monaco) helps a little, but the indentations are still wonky.