John August

Psych 101

An intern with a script

Film Industry, Psych 101, QandA

questionmarkI’m a USC student, and I have a summer job as an assistant at one of the big agencies in town. Would it be a faux pas to ask someone, like an agent, to read my spec script? The assistant who sits next to me has a script, too, but is submitting it to Disney rather than asking someone here to read it, which makes me think it’s not done, to ask someone here to read my spec. Any thoughts?

— J.G.

Here’s the thing: Every intern has a script. So don’t shove your spec on anyone at the agency. Buckle down and do your internship, asking smart questions or becoming invisible as the situation warrants.

As the summer progresses, figure out which of your fellow interns are not evil. And if the situation warrants, invite them to read your script — and do the same for them. These peers are actually far more helpful in the long run than your superiors.

If, as the internship is winding down, you’ve really hit it off with one particular agent, you can mention that you wrote a comedy about vampire wrestlers in Tucson. If he says, “Hey, I’d like to read that,” great. If he nods and looks uncomfortable, don’t push it. You’ll ruin a possible contact later on.

Inconvenient brilliance

Psych 101, QandA, Writing Process

questionmarkHow come I get all my best ideas when I’m jogging? Any experience with this phenomenon?

— Ben
Los Angeles

It’s because your brain hates you.

Well, maybe not *hates.* After all, it is giving you what you want — a good idea. It’s just that its timing is atrocious. It’s like having a girlfriend who is only in the mood for love during the last 20 minutes of [Lost](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0411008/). You have to choose between sex and seeing the underwater station for the first time.

Here’s my advice: always choose sex. Because if you don’t, eventually, you’ll stop being offered it.

Those great ideas that come while you’re jogging? Write ’em down or you’ll lose them — and worse, you may dry up the well of ideas. If your brain notices you’re not paying attention to the good ideas it generates, it may decide to stop bothering. And then you’re screwed.

So always carry a pen. Pick up a piece of paper trash. Write on your hand if you have to. It’s often just one or two words which will let you remember what the idea was.

For me, the majority of these inconvenient ideas come at 11:30 at night, as I’m trying to fall asleep. There’s a weighing process as I decide whether it’s worthy of hauling my ass to the bathroom, where I keep a notebook handy to scribble down these ideas. Probably 70% of the time, I do get out of bed. At least half of the “big ideas” in [The Nines](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0810988/) were first scribbled down in this book, along with the plots of enough unwritten movies to keep me busy for a decade.

This is part of what sucks about being a writer. I have a hunch that accountants don’t have this problem.

Lost Rooms and American Zombies

Prince of Persia, Projects, Psych 101, Television

elleI set the TiVo to grab SciFi Channel’s “The Lost Room” mini-series, largely because it co-stars Elle Fanning, who is also in The Nines. The two projects seem to overlap thematically: in my movie, Elle plays the key to a dark conspiracy; in the series, Elle is a player in a dark conspiracy about a key.

It’s a giant relief to see The Lost Room, because it’s very similar to a show I nearly pitched this season — which would have involved Elle getting kidnapped, a cult, and mysterious goings-on. Since The Lost Room effectively precludes my idea, why do I classify it as a relief?

Because now I don’t have to write it.

Many of the projects I write — and the majority of the projects I produce — begin because an idea will present itself and I’ll think, “Wow, someone should really do that.” I’m sure a sizable portion of the American public has similar “why doesn’t somebody…” ideas. The difference is, I am that somebody. I can call up ABC and pitch a show and get a fair chunk of money to write it. But it’s not always the best use of my time.

“Someone should do a crime show set in Alaska” — six months writing and shooting the Alaska pilot

“No one’s ever done a show about private military contractors” — a year and a half writing three different versions of the pilot for Fox

“Prince of Persia would make a great movie” — going on three years executive producing an adaptation, which still doesn’t have a start date

So that’s why, sometimes, I’m delighted when someone else has the same good idea. I recently had 30 projects on my “To Write” list. Now I have 29. Actually, 28…

I just saw in the Slamdance catalog a listing for American Zombie. That’s a title I’ve had on my list for three years, without any real story to go with it, just a sense that, “Someone should make a movie called American Zombie.”

Now someone has. The director’s name is Grace Lee. I hope her movie’s terrific. Either way, I thank her deeply.

When should I panic?

Film Industry, Psych 101, QandA

questionmarkA two parter: First, after several years of false starts, I’ve finally finished a script I think is pretty good. I have a friend who is a pretty established movie writer, and he has a manager at an established company. Friend gave Manager the Script. After two months, Manager finally read the Script and called me up and said he really liked it a lot and was excited about it. But Script is an unusual sci-fi comedy and perhaps a tough sell (a director and or star would need to be attached) and so Manager needs to “find consensus” with others at his company, so I need to wait for others at the company to read it. Time passes.

After a couple of weeks, I have another conversation with Manager, who tells me nothing has happened but people are out of town — be patient, let’s connect a week from today. A week passes and no call. Another week-and-a-half passes, and I email. Another three days, and I call. Manager is “in a meeting.” Will call back.

Friend, who knows Manager well, has said, “Manager will not give you the silent treatment. If he doesn’t like the script, he will say ‘I don’t like it. Sorry. Bye.'”

After several days, I’ve gotten no response from Manager on the call or email.

Second, meanwhile:

I have another friend (Friend 2) whose very good buddy is a partner (in TV) at a large Agency. (Script is a feature.) Solely as a favor to Friend 2, Agent agrees to read script. I drop off Script in the Agency’s mail room. Time passes.

Nine weeks later, Friend 2 asks Agent about the Script. Agent’s assistant tells Friend 2 to tell me to resend the latest version of Script to Assistant, because Agent is going to take it home over the weekend. Done.

Two weeks later, Friend 2 and Agent have lunch. Agent says, “Sorry, I haven’t read Script yet. I or one of my associates will read it.”

A week or two later, I leave my first voicemail with Agent’s Assistant, asking if I can have any info on whether the script has been read or gotten any coverage.

A week later, I have heard nothing back.

Am I fucked?

— bagadonuts

Your story is my story is almost every story of an aspiring screenwriter in Hollywood. In my case, the agency was CAA, the friend was an instructor at USC, and the waiting game went on for about two months before we finally got a pass. But during those two months, I came home from work every day staring at the answering machine (it was still the answering machine era), hoping for word about the script.

Bagadonuts, you are not fucked. You are just stuck in the waiting cycle which hits everyone. And so you know, the waiting doesn’t magically go away as you progress further into your career. Just the people change. Instead of waiting to hear what an agent or manager thought of your script, you’re waiting to hear back about what the studio chief is thinking. But he’s busy dealing with a crisis on This Other Movie. So he’ll get to it when he can.

Best advice: Always have multiple things out there. Follow up on a reasonable schedule, but never speculate that silence means doom.