John August

John

Writing silent scenes

Formatting, Ops, Projects, QandA, Words on the page

questionmarkI have a question about formatting for a script I’ve been working on. The concept involves some scenes being completely silent, but with an occasional sound coming through (i.e. everything’s silent, including speech, until someone breaks a glass and the shattering is audible).

I’ve tried a couple of different methods of formatting this but I’m not sure what makes the most sense. In early drafts, I just designated the scene as “Silent” at the beginning and capitalized the sounds that broke through. My writers’ group found this to be strange so in my latest draft I tried it with “M.O.S.” attached to every action that was supposed to be silent, but they didn’t like that either.

So now I’m kind of stumped on how to translate this idea to the page. Is there a way to format it that makes sense? I want it to be as clear as possible to readers.

— Cali
Seattle

My hunch is that you are doing too much, and it’s slowing down the read. A modern screenplay isn’t a list of camera angles and sound cues. It reads more like journalistic, present-tense fiction. (Think Hemingway, not Faulkner.)

If certain scenes are going to be silent, and other ones aren’t, my inclination would be to flag them in the scene headers, the same way you call out special events like [RAINING] or [DRIVING]. So in your case…

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT [SILENT]

Within scenes, putting those few audible sounds in UPPERCASE makes sense. Remember, treat your readers like audience members, and think about it from their perspective.

For example, in the [second pilot](http://johnaugust.com/downloads_ripley/ops_venezuela_pilot_2.pdf) Jordan Mechner and I wrote for [Ops](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2006/ops-stops), we had an extended sequence with no natural sound. It was important to showcase why this was going to be cool:

INT. KIDNAP SHACK – DAY

Brilliant shafts of sunlight burst through the corrugated metal walls of the shack. We don’t hear the gunshots or the hits — we simply watch as the holes open up.

Under the cot, Dagny is screaming, but we don’t hear it — we only see her open mouth.

EXT. JUNGLE – DAY

Only now do we see Gonzales and his men silently firing, emptying the clips of their fully-automatic rifles.

INT. KIDNAP SHACK – DAY

Vanowen is flat on the floor, looking out through a broken board. Sweat is dripping into his eyes, but he stays rock-solid.

EXT. JUNGLE – DAY

Gonzales signals for his men to stop. They listen. One man takes a few steps to his right.

INT. KIDNAP SHACK – DAY

Vanowen squeezes the .45 trigger. This SINGLE SHOT is deafening. (At this point, normal SOUND RESUMES.)

Look at your silent scenes from your reader’s perspective, and try to read them without knowing what’s happening next. You’re not nearly as curious what it sounds like as what it _feels_ like to have the sound missing. Write that.

Scene challenge winners

Challenge, Follow Up

Y’know, I think we learned something today: Derivatives were maybe not the best choice for the [third-ever scene challenge](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ).[Scene Challenge]

I deliberately picked something tough because in real life, screenwriters are often faced with [challenging topics to explain](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/how-to-explain-quantum-mechanics). For example, last night I spoke with Ron Bass about the Einstein project he’s working on. Quick: Show special relativity.

But this wasn’t much easier. Readers tried hard to find a way to make these abstract financial instruments cinematically explicable, but it proved tougher than expected. First, you had to find a scenario in which derivatives would make sense. Then you needed to craft an explanation that didn’t read like a Wikipedia summary.

That’s assuming you really understood what derivatives were, and after reading 84 entries, I think I understand them less. In the end, I was happy to accept any of the sub-categories (options, futures, forwards), but kept hoping for more entries where the concept of a derivative was really key to the story, and not a throwaway bit of dialogue. That’s why I threw in my own piece of [Angel fan-fic](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-129753).

That said, I was happy to see that most of the entries didn’t take place on Wall Street, but rather ranged from fantasy ([Alan Scott](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-129712)) to bachelorhood ([Andy](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-129742)).

“John August” was introduced as an element in a [surprising](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-129847) [number](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-129801) of [scenarios](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-129851), a meta-quality that helped break up the sameness, but didn’t win any ribbons.

[Jonathan](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-129867), however, brought up an interesting and obvious analogy I’d overlooked:

ACCOUNTANT

Why don’t you just ask your blog readers to explain it for you?

JOHN

I’ve already tried that. You should have seen the dreck they wrote back. Besides, what do I pay you for?

ACCOUNTANT

(sighing)

When a studio wants to buy your script, but doesn’t want to risk all their money, what do they do?

JOHN

They option the script, so they can buy it at a future date. Crafty devils.

(Jonathan also put me in a jacuzzi with grape-feeding starlets, which suggests he might not know my biography that well.)

[Juicy Lucy](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-129898) found a good example of a character whose entire existence seems to be a pitiful derivative:

A COUGH from across the table causes Popeye and Olive Oyl both to look up, but their companion’s face hides behind his open newspaper, whose headline reads:

PRICE OF BEEF EXPECTED TO PLUMMET BY THE END OF THIS WEEKEND

The newspaper lowers to reveal WIMPY, his yellow top-hat perched precariously on his fat head, his already thin mustache stretching even further when he shoots a sh*t-eating grin at the approaching WAITRESS...

WIMPY

I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday, for a hamburger today.

I liked how [Unkatrazz](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-129935) made the distinction between a stock and derivative:

PAPERWEALTH

Why buy an investment...when you can make a bet on an investment?

Having a character explain his job was a natural choice for many readers. The best of these was [Jacob’s](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-129958):

Next date: Girish is animated. He holds a coffee cup and moves it around the table as he speaks.

GIRISH

Say there is a farmer growing coffee beans in Karala. It’s late July and harvest is still six months away. The problem is that market prices for coffee go up and down for reasons out of his control. In six months, prices could be higher than they are now, which would be lovely. But if prices are lower, he stands to lose his farm. In order to protect himself, he gets together with other farmers in the same position and signs a contract to sell tomorrow’s beans for today’s prices. He gets a little money now, and then when the contract comes due, he sells the beans to the buyer for the agreed-upon price.

Girish pauses, then speaks with emphasis.

GIRISH

Betting that prices will rise, I am that buyer.

Many entries took a glancing shot at derivatives, without really trying to explain them. Of these, [Andy’s](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-129972) was a favorite:

Scrawny BILL GATES (19) signs a contract in black ink.

BILL GATES

We’re in the 70s. Nobody signs in blood anymore.

He smirks at SATAN (∞), who fidgets nervously.

SATAN

I don’t get it.

BILL GATES

It’s basic finance. Derivatives. By the time you get my soul, it could be worth a lot more.

SATAN

Or a lot less.

BILL GATES

But you’re getting it cheap now. Look, either way you get it. You’re covered.

SATAN

Erm... I don’t know...

BILL GATES

Tell you what. I’ll throw in some stocks to sweeten the deal.

BILL GATES offers him the pen. Satan hesitates.

SATAN

Ah, fuck it.

He signs, and at that very moment, a new Circle is carved into Hell.

Crimeland figures played a role in many entries. [Mike Lavoie](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-130087) gets credit for working the most financial terms into a threat:

BURGER

There are four kinds of derivatives, Frank. Forwards, which is the direction we can move in now. Options, which you’re running out of. Futures, a couple of which you can decide now. And finally: swaps. As in: You give me my money and, in exchange, you get the rest of your wife.

The two top finishers come from the other side of the crime equation, with police-types investigating derivative wrongdoing. [David Nemesis](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-129841):

INT. BRANT BUILDING LOBBY – DAY

Eckes and Rosenfeld are walk-and-talking to Rosenfeld’s office.

ECKES

Stop, you lost me. What was Laszlo dabbling in?

ROSENFELD

Weather derivatives. Let’s say you’re Gruber Foods. Your bottom line depends on a good wheat harvest, there are any number of things that can mess that up, and you want to hedge your bets. So you buy up some weather futures.

ECKES

Okay. Wait, what?

ROSENFELD

Weather futures. They’re like an insurance policy on the weather, only no insurer would be crazy enough to put money on the weather. So you go to an options exchange and find someone who’ll sell you a contract that guarantees you a payout if certain things that aren’t likely to happen do happen.

ECKES

Like a snowstorm in the middle of Kansas in July?

ROSENFELD

Well...I’m sure they were thinking more along the lines of a few days of extra rainfall over a 60-day period. But yeah, pretty much. It’s all about variations from the norm. The seller’s taking a calculated risk that their forecasts will be close enough to accurate that they’ll get to keep all the money from the sale.

ECKES

So Laszlo was buying insurance policies which paid out if the weather did something unexpected?

ROSENFELD

Precisely. It’s a great investment opportunity if you just happen to be able to control the weather.

ECKES

Yeah, well, something tells me the folks in the derivatives market don’t know about super powers yet.

And this from [Anthony](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2008/derivativ#comment-129706):

AGENT

Your husband was leading something of a double life. Did you realize he was into derivatives?

WOMAN

(shocked)

You mean ... like transvestites or something?

(a beat)

AGENT

No ma’am. Derivatives. They’re financial instruments – futures, forwards, options.

(beat)

Sort of like stocks, but you’re buying the right or the obligation to make a transaction in the future. Your husband was trading derivatives online. Mostly options.

The woman stares blankly.

The Agent picks up a book from the couch – “Taste of the Town 2008”. It’s one of those coupon books school kids sell for fundraisers.

AGENT

Like the coupons in this book.

(shows her a page in the book)

This Burger Bonanza coupon here – “Any sandwich for 99 cents during the month of December”. That’s like a derivative. When you bought this coupon book you purchased the option to buy an item for a set price at a set time in the future.

WOMAN

I think I liked it better when he was just surfing the Internet for porn. At least my furniture didn’t disappear then.

In the end, I’m giving the imaginary award to Anthony for the coupon book metaphor. Well done. He can claim his bragging rights in the comments section.

Thanks to everyone who entered. I promise next time, it will be something a little more fun.

Secret history of the Kleinhardt Gambit

Charlie's Angels, Projects, QandA, Words on the page

questionmarkIn the second Charlie’s Angels, where did the phrase “Kleinhardt gambit” come from?

— Duane
Mount Pleasant

Duane is referring to this scene, near the end of the movie:

EXT. HIGH ROOF – NIGHT

Madison finds herself alone on a high, empty roof. Reeling, confused. A giant, blinking “LOS ANGELES” SIGN flashes.

A single telescope has been set up near the edge. Madison walks to it. Leans down to the eyepiece.

HER P.O.V.

On a distant rooftop, all of her gangster clients are being arrested by the F.B.I.

CLOSE ON MADISON

as she looks up from the eyepiece. Furious, but smiling. She speaks to the only ones who could be behind this:

MADISON

The Kleinhardt Gambit. Classic. Well done.

WIDEN TO REVEAL the Angels, approaching behind her.

NATALIE

Thanks.

SMASHCUT to a series of FAST FLASHBACKS:

MUSSO AND FRANK’S. SNAP ZOOM TO THE COAT CHECK ROOM. THE COAT CHECKER IS NATALIE, WITH BLACK HAIR AND SLINKY BLACK DRESS.

ROOSEVELT HOTEL, BATHROOM. THE HISPANIC DOORMAN QUICKLY RIPS OFF HIS LATEX FACE, REVEALING DYLAN.

(Those last three are separate scene numbers, by the way.)

Here, the “Kleinhardt Gambit” refers to the way the angels sent Madison’s buyers to the wrong rooftop through elaborate misdirection. The telescope is apparently not a key part of the gambit, but rather just to piss off Madison.

The action is pretty standard for Charlie’s Angels (or Mission: Impossible), so it makes sense that a fallen angel would recognize how she was duped, and would have a term for it. The term itself is completely invented, a ridiculous neologism. And believe me, there wasn’t a lot of deep thought going into it. The first combination of syllables that seemed reasonable got typed.

Science fiction does this constantly. What’s a [flux capacitor](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flux_capacitor)? How did Kirk prevail in the un-winnable [Kobayashi Maru](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kobayashi_Maru)? What are [midi-chlorians](http://www.theforce.net/midichlorians/), and how can we pretend we never heard of them?

Don’t be afraid to invent terms you think would exist in your fictional world. Done just right, jargon helps ground characters in their setting, much the way medical-ese makes you think those pretty people on TV could actually be doctors.

Off-topic tweaks

Geek Alert, Meta

I’ve made some tweaks to [Off-Topic](http://johnaugust.tumblr.com), including adding comments. For those who never click over there, Off-Topic is largely a list of things I find amusing and/or interesting, including a lot of videos.

The section is experimental, with the explicit goal of trying new things that are prone to failure. It’s not even hosted on the same server as the rest of the site. It’s a [Tumblr](http://tumblr.com) blog with a lot of CSS hackery to make it resemble the rest of the site, and now a comment system powered by [Disqus](http://disqus.com).

The new comment system is actually a lot slicker than the built-in comments used in the main site. But slick often equates with trouble-prone, so we’ll see if it’s useful and stable.