On being here or there
I flew to Paris for a meeting this weekend.
That’s absurd, of course, spending 22 hours in the air just so I could sit around a small table with two other jet-lagged people. But it was an important meeting, a kind of reality-check on a project everyone wants to see done right. As a screenwriter, you quite literally need to make sure everyone is on the same page, so sitting down in person makes sense.
And sitting down in Paris is lovely. With my spare time, I took a Vélib bike across the city to check out a future apartment and encountered my very first grifter, whose gimmick (a found ring) was so smoothly delivered I almost wanted to tip him for the performance.
I woke up at 2:30 this morning, hoping to see the Oscars, but the hotel’s TV didn’t carry them. So I found myself following the action via Twitter (#oscars), letting a thousand strangers tell me not just what was happening, but how they felt about it. 1 It’s like swimming in a giant stream of consciousness.
It’s exhausting. I only lasted an hour. But for those sixty minutes, I had effectively outsourced television watching. It was the next best thing to being there. “There” being a television in America.
In a less jet-lagged state, I could probably write more eloquently on the implications of this dislocation. But my hunch — my possible thesis — is that quick flights to Paris and text-watching the Oscars are markers of the same general condition: a frustration that we can only physically be in one place at a time. It’s an unsolvable problem, but the ways we try to compensate for it are telling.
For starters, we move faster. Broadband is ubiquitous enough that when we don’t have it, it feels like going back to outdoor plumbing. My husband was in Asia for ten of the last fourteen days, but our daughter saw him every morning at breakfast thanks to iChat. She is growing up in an age in which no one actually goes anywhere: Daddy isn’t gone; he’s on the computer.
But faster isn’t everything. An article in today’s International Herald-Tribune celebrates the Concorde, a plane I never had the opportunity to fly. I didn’t realize it was often twice as fast as today’s airliners: London to New York in three hours. That’s great, but it’s not really transformative in an age when so many things come Right Now. Given its price and relative lack of luxury, the Concorde was ultimately competing against email. Digital won.
Another way we compensate for not being places is through constant communication with folks who are. That’s what Twitter and Facebook status updates do. At an all-WGA meeting at the Shrine Auditorium near the end of the strike, leaders scolded someone in the audience for live-blogging what was being said. Just a year later, that already seems quaint. Of course people are going to be Twittering. Some people can’t be here; why shouldn’t they be included?
The TV show Lost is all about location and isolation. For the first few seasons, the survivors didn’t really care where they were, they just needed to tell someone off-island that they were alive so they could be rescued. That’s shifted in the past two seasons, with all the focus now on reconnecting with those left behind. 2 The question of where the island is only matters once you’re off it.
The third and I think most dangerous strategy for coping with the place problem is simple denial. We psychologically stay home, even when we’re gone. I’m doing it at this moment, typing on my laptop while Paris awakens outside. My friend Dan moved to New York to produce a TV show, and says never really saw the city: he had thirteen nights free in four months. He was either on set or on the phone with Los Angeles the rest of the time, and came to see the JFK-LAX flight as a commute.
I see it happening with this generation of college students. When I left Boulder to go to Drake, and when I left Drake to move to Los Angeles, I left people behind. Through phone calls, letters and visits home, I maintained relationships with a few close friends. But ninety percent of the people I knew vanished in the rearview mirror. That doesn’t happen as much anymore. Through Facebook and email, it’s trivial to keep up with dozens of classmates more or less daily.
But is it really a good idea?
Your twenties are a crucial time, and I’d argue that it’s harder to discover yourself — or reinvent yourself — when surrounded by a vast network of people who already have a fixed opinion of who you are. I went to college and grad school not knowing a single person, and while it was a little terrifying, it was also liberating. Decoupled from my previous opinions and embarrassments, I was able to become the 2.0 and 3.0 versions of myself. I could only do that by going somewhere new. By changing place.
I’m packing up to fly home. Before I do, I’ll post this on the blog. But it occurs to me: I have absolutely no idea where the servers hosting this site are located. If I wanted to see the hardware, where would I go? That this question never occurred to me is also telling.
- Twitter’s atomic bundling of opinion and reportage is new. If the telegraph had made it to individual homes before the telephone, we might have had a precedent. ↩
- As one might guess from The Nines, I’m partial to the Desmond episodes. The idea of a “constant,” while narratively murky, feels right: you need someone who knows you independently of the present madness or you’re screwed. ↩
Articles
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:54 am
Loved this. Exactly. I lived in Warsaw last year and spent at least two weeks there living here, on Denver time, listening to a Boulder radio station on-line, talking to my kids via Skype, sending pictures on my iPhone. Where was I? And then, when I got back, I find I’m still on Wwa time, listening to Polish radio on-line, reading newspapers, iChats, Facebook, the whole bit. Why?
By the way, I met that grifter too, in Paris last fall. And his female sidekicks. In fact, I ran into them so many times, we took to smiling and saying hello. It was a good show.
Jane
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:54 am
You’re writing a script for a French production co.? Cool!
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:57 am
A very thoughtful and insightful piece of writing, John … as someone who has moved across the country a couple times, with people I cared for left in the mirror, it hit home hard.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:59 am
“But it occurs to me: I have absolutely no idea where the servers hosting this site are located. If I wanted to see the hardware, where would I go?”
Not that such is infallible but a traceroute resolves johnaugust.com to an IP addressed in Sausalito CA, operated by Joyent Inc.
February 23rd, 2009 at 8:56 am
I met two grifters using the same ring gimmick a year ago in Paris! They must have meetings where they hand bags of fake gold wedding bands and scripts to follow.
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:07 am
Hi John, just had to share a story about that grifter you came across who had the “found” ring… at the end of last year the studio I work in had Ian Holm in for some voice work. While he waited to go into the studio he began telling someone about the exact same con, in Paris as well. He found it quite funny – that someone would approach him with a con about that particular piece of jewelry. I was half-listening from my office when I realized I had Bilbo Baggins in reception talking about a ring!
It was one of those cool moments in the day. :)
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:09 am
“Your twenties are a crucial time, and I’d argue that it’s harder to discover yourself — or reinvent yourself — when surrounded by a vast network of people who already have a fixed opinion of who you are.”
Whoa. I left town to go to college and never looked back. My brother has lived in the same city for all of his 44+ years, and is stunted in many ways. I think a large part of it is the circle of friends, many of whom he has known since childhood. I’ve tried to explain to him this group is holding him back. He doesn’t — or can’t — hear me.
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:12 am
I watched the Oscars live on TV in my living room here in Sweden. Alone, but very much in good company. With Twitter open on my laptop I discussed the show with friends I’ve never met from places like Norway, Brazil, The UK, Mexico and the US. I had a great time.
For those who don’t understand social networks, msn, facebook or twitter it might have looked like I was alone, but with today’s technology thousands of like minded persons are only a click away.
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:24 am
Really great post, thank you.
And I was wondering if you were at the Oscars the whole time I was watching last night. I guess this answers my question.
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:27 am
Twitter is really becoming an incredible tool to tap into the pulse of the conversation. Blogging self-selects who has a voice – you have to have time, commitment, and some level of interest/talent in writing before you create a blog. But twitter, with its 140 character limit, has such a low barrier to entry that one can just search on twitter to get immediate feedback. What did people think of the superbowl ad that just went up? What about Angelina Jolie’s dress? Or did people like watching Mall Cop? These types of questions are really hard for Google to answer, but are now available through twitter. I work in tech, and recently there was a blog post that had some conversation going around Twitter vs. Google, I think may appeal to your inner geek, john: http://lewmoorman.com/googles-first-real-threat-twit
Finally, you should get back to tweet-ing, in between all the other writing you do :)
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:34 am
John:
Wait, what is exactly is the “found ring” con? Story please?!
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:42 am
I also went away to college and didn’t keep in touch with a lot of people. I’ve recently reconnected with a lot of people through Facebook. It’s been great to reconnect, but I have to admit I get turned off as soon as people start posting old yearbook photos and reminiscing about the old days. I’m a much different person than I was in those teen years and I have no interest in rehashing those times. So although it’s nice to reconnect with people, I have to admit I’m glad I wasn’t on these social networking sites during my early 20s.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:52 pm
From Rick Steve’s:
“The found ring: An innocent-looking person picks up a ring on the ground in front of you, and asks if you dropped it. When you say no, the person examines the ring more closely, then shows you a mark “proving” that it’s pure gold. He offers to sell it to you for a good price — which is several times more than he paid for it before dropping it on the sidewalk.”
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:04 pm
There’s this Avett Brother song that speaks to the condition reinvention possible only when going it alone.
“The weight of lies will bring you down And follow you to every town Cause nothing happens here that doesn’t happen there So when you run make sure you run To something and not away from Cause lies don’t need an aeroplane to chase you anywhere”
It also happens to be the song in my head for the first scene of my script.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:42 pm
You wrote “For starters, we move faster. Broadband is ubiquitous enough that when we don’t have it, it feels like going back to outdoor plumbing. My husband was in Asia for ten of the last fourteen days, but our daughter saw him every morning at breakfast thanks to iChat. She is growing up in an age in which no one actually goes anywhere: Daddy isn’t gone; he’s on the computer.” I’m confused. Your husband? I thought you mentioned your wife in previous blogs. Maybe you’re really jet-lagged. LOL
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:51 pm
By the way, it was the best oscar I’ve ever seen. All that singing and dancing, very entertaining! I was dissapointed by the best male category. ‘MILK’ shouldn’t have won a thing and sean penn snubbed his wife. I also thought Tariji should have won over what’s her face. I saw ‘Vicky Cristina Barcelona’ and while the cinematography was good(I love pretty pictures!), the story was crap.
You have an awesome job guy! An apartment in Paris? Nice.
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Playing capture the flag as a Boy Scout on the grounds of a WWI cemetery in France – it is still poignant till this day. I think France drank me down that day. Europe has never let me go.
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:05 pm
I couldn’t agree more on the changes facebook/myspace/instant messaging have brought about. I’m right on the cusp where I’m old enough to not have had all of it, but not so old, that near the end of college I was on all the major sites, plus instant messaging since high school.
Being late to the facebook party means most of my connections to HS/college are left behind or barely acknowledged, but the instant messaging means I’ve never stayed out of contact with four close friends. I think we’re kind of blocking each other from branching out, and only recently do I see some signs of life.
It’s kind of developing a pseudo-support group online, more dependency then independent with support. We “know” all these people, and report things to them, and get some token congratulations, but theres no depth and self knowledge gained. This lack of true progressions is probably why we’re often accused, and maybe rightly so, of being stuck in the transition to adulthood.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:21 am
Great stuff! I discovered your site today and have been reading you all day :) I totally agree on the leaving people behind part. I feel that ever since I got a solid online presence people from the past are haunting me.
I was actually trying to find out the name of the painting (and painter hopefully) appearing on your movie “looking for the nines”… It’s the one that writes “PARIS” (of which we can only see the “ARIS” bit), and since it was filmed in your house, I thought I’d ask! Info please???
February 24th, 2009 at 2:27 am
I bumped into the same set of grifters, but I got one of the female colleagues first. Her spin was that she couldn’t keep it because it was against her religion, but that it would be “fair” for me to keep it if I gave her some money. Not being born yesterday, I played that it was going to be a lot of trouble for me to find the police to return it. She gave up when she realized that stupid or not I wasn’t going to give her money. I almost wish I’d let the guy play it when I met him a block away.
I also got the Versace representative who pulled over in his BMW and wanted to give me two leather sample coats in exchange for “gas money back to Italy.” Hilarious! Even the grifters in Paris are world class.
February 24th, 2009 at 3:00 am
I don’t know if this has happened to any of the rest of you, but -
Reconnecting with old friends via social networking and the like, I’m finding that my recollections about certain events is vastly different than theirs. Even the degree of friendship remembered is different.
I’ve recently came into contact with several coworkers from my radio days in Seattle in eighties. These are people whom I considered to be close friends at the time and I have vivid recollections of time spent with these people. And yet, to a great many of them I’m, at most, a vague acquaintance.
It may be my own inflated self worth clouding my memories, but still.
Weird.
Of course I also get the reverse. People I barely remember contacting me as if only a day had passed since our last conversation.
By the way, I found this ring…
February 24th, 2009 at 3:01 am
I’m sorry. That should read “I’ve recently come into contact.” I think. It’s the middle of the night and insomnia is a bitch.
February 24th, 2009 at 7:19 am
@Mike Bell
I think that’s pretty common. I get a lot of Facebook friend requests from people I don’t have any recollection of at all. I accept all the requests mainly because I don’t want to be rude. If someone says they were in my geometry class, I’ll take their word for it. Likewise, I’m sure I’m a fleeting memory to many others.
But I do get put off by old acquaintances or distant cousins who make assumptions that they know me because of who they remember me as 15 years ago, which illustrates John’s point about the need to reinvent yourself separately from people’s perceptions of you.
Memory is odd. As writers, I’m sure we all rewrite our personal histories anyway. I rewrite past experiences all the time for inclusion in screenplays, stage plays, or short stories. So the girl from geometry might remember me as being shy and reserved; I remember her because zombies nearly ate her brain during lecture. And while the zombies got to our teacher, it was me who figured out how to kill the brain-eaters with a protractor to the head.
At least that’s how I remember that class.
February 24th, 2009 at 9:30 am
@Kevin Arbouet –
@Hartwell has it exactly right. In my case, Grifter Guy just sort of gave me the ring, then asked if he could have money for a sandwich. I gave him the ring back and we were done. It’s not like I outsmarted him; I didn’t realize it was a con until a few minutes later.
@JamminGirl –
I married a dude.
@Uberdork –
The painting is simply called “Paris.” It’s by Dan McCleary. You can see more of his stuff here.
February 24th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I once had to fly to Tokyo for a meeting on a project. I worked it out: it was exactly 34 hours of travel (NY to Tokyo) and 34 hours in the city itself. All but 2 1/2 of those hours were planned down to the minute by my Japanese corporate host.
The freakiest part: I left Tokyo at 5:00pm on a Monday, and arrived in New York, after 17 hours of flying, at 3:30pm the same day, that is, 90 minutes sooner than when I’d left.
February 24th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
John,
I have to agree on the reinvention, especially coming from a smallish town where so many of my high school and middle school friends have never left for more than a weekend. Ironically, those that are getting out through Peace Corps. and the Fulbright Program are easiest to contact through e-mail, Skype, and by following their just-created blogs.
This also gets to why it took me six years to convince my father to get a cell phone — he doesn’t want to be at all places at once. He values his privacy and the expectation that he can only be at one place, dealing with one thing, at any one time.
Interesting post, jet lag and all.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
John, will you ever take the time and “teach us” haters what’s so good about Lost that you’re constantly mentioning the damn thing? :-) I mean, considering how the show never ever answers anything, how the characters hide basic information from the rest of the group for no reason whatsoever, how subplots are left behind (why did they need to get the children anyway) and you still like it (a lot, apparently)
I don’t get it.
February 24th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
A meeting in Paris, WOW! That must some meeting. Did the two people you met with by chance happen to be named Mr. Depp and Mr. Burton? And was the project being discussed…”DARK SHADOWS”?!?!?!? I knew it!! I cannot wait see who the cast consists of. Here’ hoping WINONA RYDER will be cast. I cannot wait to see this on the big screen! It should be an epic film! I wish you and all involved the best of luck!
February 25th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
The thing I’ve learned from the social networking sites is that I’m kind of an asshole. As I reconnect with my friends from pre-email and cell phone time, I find that I have so many different “eras” of friendships. Each group, there’s only one or two that held on to the next era…which means I’m a horrible, terrible, “proximity” friend.
The sites have reconnected me with people I drifted from, and now we’re all rebuilding our friendships. I’ve also never re-invented myself…I’ve just evolved. There’s not a single friend from any part of my life that is surprised I’m in LA or a filmmaker.
Hopefully I’ll evolve into less asshole-ish, though.
And John, I’m glad you married a dude. I hope prop 8 gets reversed. It’s total BS. As a biracial girl from the midwest, it never fails to amaze me that it was still illegal for my parents to get married in some states, up to shortly before I was born…so I don’t want your child(ren) to have that sense that the world thinks something is “wrong” with your relationship!
February 25th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
excellent post! i’m in my mid-twenties and definitely feel this shape-shifting… neither here nor there thing going on. maybe that’s why i like lost so much, never connected the two! also, i have no clue about twitter and don’t get the trend at ALL but “It’s like swimming in a giant stream of consciousness.” has actually got me intrigued to possibly try it. scary, i know.
March 30th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
“Memory is odd. As writers, I’m sure we all rewrite our personal histories anyway. I rewrite past experiences all the time for inclusion in screenplays, stage plays, or short stories. So the girl from geometry might remember me as being shy and reserved; I remember her because zombies nearly ate her brain during lecture. And while the zombies got to our teacher, it was me who figured out how to kill the brain-eaters with a protractor to the head.”
Thanks Josh–I needed a spit-take. Been reading this site for a loooong time and a bit bleary eyed. (Amazing site/blog!) How does anyone have time to read a zillion blogs or twitter or whatever? Does no one have to earn a living anymore?