Making unnecessary and possibly horrible changes
I’m a struggling screenwriter in Brazil. About one and a half years ago, I had my first screenplay produced, a drama/thriller that had mixed reviews. The large part of the negative reviews pointed to aspects of the screenplay that I was forced to modify in the course of the production. In all, I like the result, but I think it would be better if my fourth draft (not my fifth) would had been the basis for the movie.
Now, I am having similar problems with my new screenplay in pre-production. This time, it is a child adventure that is very close to my heart, a story about ghosts and divided families. I have a very tight screenplay that is focused in the protagonists. It´s a story about a family of ghosts that is trapped in a house, each member enclosed in a separate room. Three young heroes tries to broke the curse that binds them there. Because of this, the plot is mainly focused inside the house, with a little touch of claustrophobia. Now I have the studio which is banking the project demanding the adding of new subplots. But I fear that the added subplots will loosen the narrative.
My question is: What you do when you truly think that your story don´t need to have new plots, but you have to add them anyway? How can I cut to external situations without weakening my main story?
РSylvio Gon̤alves
Brazil
You’re facing exactly the situation Hollywood writers find themselves in on almost every job. You have the draft you think is ready to shoot, but other powerful forces are pushing for more changes. Sometimes the changes come out of necessity — they simply can’t afford to shoot that sequence. But more often, the changes feel arbitrary. “We need more monkey jokes. Everyone loves monkeys.”1
So what should you do?
Lick you finger and see which way the wind is blowing. If there seems to be a consensus that more monkey jokes are needed, then add them. And don’t add half-assed monkey jokes in the hopes that they’ll fail and get cut later, because screenwriter karma dictates that the worst things you write will always get prominently featured in the trailer. So make them good monkey jokes.
Am I seriously advocating selling out?
Yes, for you Sylvio, because with one produced credit you don’t have a lot of hand to be saying, “Absolutamente não.” If making the changes will completely undermine the movie, your job is to get the other decision-makers (director, producers) to realize this. The best way to do it is to write the changes as well as you can, and present them with your reservations, explaining in advance how hard you tried, what works and what doesn’t.
There is a small but real danger that they will disagree and shoot your revisions. But your version is no doubt better than what the director or another writer would have come up with.
Coincidentally, I’m going through the same thing right now on a project I’m writing. I’ll be spending three days doing revisions I’m pretty sure won’t work, but that’s the best way to demonstrate to everyone why they won’t work. The silver lining is that the process of doing these failed revisions may inadvertently create some good material that will be helpful in other parts of the script.
In your specific case, I’d make sure that whenever you’re cutting to external situations, you’re using the cuts to increase the overall energy. Make sure you’re leaving the house with a question unanswered, and returning to the house with something changed. 2 You’re probably using claustrophobia to create tension, but there are many other tools in a writer’s arsenal. (Also, we’ll notice the enclosed spaces more if we’ve had some contrast.)
Good luck.
- This is true, up to a certain threshold. More than three monkeys, and I start to get nervous. You’re getting into monkey gang territory, and working together, they could probably take down a grown man. ↩
- Consider how Lost uses its flashbacks/flashforwards. They’re interrupting the flow, but they’re goosing the overall energy. ↩
Articles
July 15th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I think you should have a monkey joke contest.
July 15th, 2008 at 11:39 am
John:
How do you appropriately convey to the executives that you are doing these changes in good faith but that you do not believe they will work?
In order to protect yourself from the perception that they don’t work because you weren’t a good enough writer and if they just got a better writer they would work?
Is this a fear/problem that only new writers face? Or do you have to walk a political tightrope in this way?
Basically: what tone do you affect with executives when they are hell-bent on forcing you to try things you don’t think will work?
July 15th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Your monkey hate speech is atrocious, sir. Have you no soul?
July 15th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
“Struggling screenwriter” with a sold and produced script? What the hell are the rest of us then?
July 15th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
INT. Airport - Night
The three monkeys get off the plane. ALBATROSS does not understand the fuss of the Newspaper reporters and why they are focused on him or his 2 simian pals.
ALBATROSS (Concerned) If these cameras keep flashing I am going to go human poo.
DAMIAN and CRANZ look at ALBATROSS crossly..
July 15th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Well, until you’re working consistently and being well-paid (or at least reasonably well paid) you’re struggling. Trust me. Signed, Struggling screenwriting who once thought she’d hit pay dirt.
July 15th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Ha. Even if you ARE working consistently and being well-paid you are STILL struggling…
…my definition of not-struggling is when when I can reasonably believe that the consistent work will not dry up suddenly next year.
I guess it’s all relative but I do look forward to the day when I feel like I am struggling because I only have seven-figures in savings.
July 15th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
@robotdg
I look forward to the day when I have four-figures in savings. Adding an extra zero to the $622 I have now would be pretty sweet.
July 15th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
So that’s how “Space chimps” was hatched.
For the record — I’m all for more monkey jokes.
July 15th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
If Bruckheimer says the kangaroo talks then the kangaroo talks.
July 15th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
I just want to say I like the new default avatars. They’re a bit like snowflakes - no two are exactly alike. Well, not so far. Although I never really believed that about snowflakes. I mean, who’s checking?
July 15th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Just wanted to see what one I’d get. Sadly, I think the flake might be an improvement.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
I think Eddie Izzard said it best. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. And monkeys do, too… If you give them a gun.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:40 am
“You don’t get payed for your scripts, but for what will will be done to them.” - That’s a very vague quote of vaguely Sol Saks or Robert MacKee, but it helps me every time a production tries to rape one of my stories.
And I learned that there’s usually something wrong with my script if the producers call for change. But in most cases it’s not the changes they imply (or even demand), but something completly different. If you end up writing what they think is right, you’ll lose your story - and they won’t like it either. At least that’s what I’ve experienced.
Try to find the weak spots of the script. Maybe you’re losing the focus on your main character at some point or you’re changing the narrative perspective without noticing. Listen to what they are saying and find out what they are trying to tell you.
July 16th, 2008 at 2:11 am
Far be it for me to criticize as I’m not a screenwriter (though a professional writer both for non-fiction and fiction, struggling artistically but not economically) but I’m missing an important point: Sure, suggested changes are often driven by “exec’s vanity”, but they may also have their origin somewhere else: The readers are missing something (they may find the story to thin to fill a movie; monkey jokes: they are missing comic relieve “for the common man” even if I believe that my spoof of 16th century restauration drama is hillarious); and, as unfitting as the actual suggestions seem to be in themselves, I found more often than not that they point to a possible weakness of the text, especially when these suggestions are based on a consensus; so I usually listen very carefully trying to spot this weakness which I may not see because I’m too close to the text.
In case of the given situation: The studio is willing to raise production budget by adding locations and cast - sadly the writer doesn’t say why the studio wants new subplots - and that doesn’t sound like a vanity exercise to me but like a serious concern and that they are willing to do whatever necessary to deal with it (or does the studio have money to burn? - well, I believe we all could think of a good use).
So, in addition to John’s suggestions: I would ask myself if they may have a point (although their suggested changes may be the wrong way to go) - and maybe there is a solution within the original concept that I haven’t thought about. And I would use the previous experiences as leverage: They may have had a point the last time but the suggested solution was obviously wrong (hence bad reviews) so it may be easier to persuade them to solve the given problem (if there is one, that is) you own way.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:36 am
@robotdg: Me too, mon frere. Actually, can we make it 8?
July 16th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Sylvio,
You should see Orfanato, El (The Orphanage) if you haven’t already. Story is mostly contained to the house, but with some outside action. It’s been half a year or so since I’ve seen it, but if I remember correctly, the outside action was not too distracting. Writers found a good way to make it applicable to the story.
July 18th, 2008 at 6:14 am
And don’t add half-assed monkey jokes in the hopes that they’ll fail and get cut later, because screenwriter karma dictates that the worst things you write will always get prominently featured in the trailer.
LOL! Cracking up at work = bad. Good thing the boss is out on business today.
July 18th, 2008 at 6:52 am
Hey, Sylvio.
Us brazilian “struggling screenwriters” should keep in touch. Send me an e-mail: folcouzala@yahoo.com
July 19th, 2008 at 4:29 am
Thanks, John!
Thanks, Everybody!
In the course of the last week I´ve been implementing the plots. I think it´s working very well, and in this point I´m very grateful for the exec´s suggestions.
M, I´ll watch “The Orphanage” today!!!
Sylvio