Cannon fodder
I’ve previously written about my little World of Warcraft problem, which cost me a summer. My latest, greatest productivity killer is called Tower Defense.
It’s not one game really, but rather a genre of videogames in which the objective is to place and upgrade a series of automated kill-bots (towers) in order to obliterate wave after wave of bad guys (creeps). The latest incarnations are all Flash-based, which is uniquely insidious. Normal videogames can be wiped from your hard drive; these games are always just a click away in your browser.
The best Tower Defense games are made by Paul and Dave, who recently quit their “day” jobs to devote themselves to ruining productivity on a full-time basis. Dave’s Vector TD is free for the cost of a Orbit gum commercial, and is fairly classic, with a series of maps that constrict the creeps’ path (and limit tower placement). Paul’s Desktop TD is a good example of the “mazing” or “freeform” variety: on a blank field, you use towers to herd and direct the creeps to their death. It’s crazily popular because it offers the illusion of optimization. It seems like there should be one ideal map, which keeps you playing and testing — and going back to the discussion boards. But any small change in the underlying variables would ruin the winning strategy.
The genre isn’t new by any means. Starcraft introduced the Protoss Cannon — generally the cheesiest way to win any fight — while Warcraft III’s development system led to a lot of good Tower Defense games. Flash Element Tower Defense is probably the closest incarnation.
Why do I bring up Tower Defense, other than to derail other screenwriters’ productivity?
Well, it occurred to me, “What would the movie version of Tower Defense be like?” Is it a castle siege movie? An Aliens movie? A zombie thriller? And then it struck me.
It’s 300.
You have wave after wave of differently-styled Persians channeled through a narrow opening, no consideration to their lives. You have the towering Spartans, who simply defend their position and watch the bodies (literally) pile up. Just like in Tower Defense, the big worry is whether there will be a leak. From the beginning, you know eventually the defense will fail. The creeps will win; it’s just a matter of when.
This isn’t a slam on the movie, really. 300 knew what it was doing, and did it admirably. But watching it, I kind of felt like the guy invited over to check out the latest Xbox game on the big screen, only to find his friends unwilling to give up the controllers. It was still exciting, but not quite the experience I’d wanted.
In terms of videogame addiction, Tower Defense is a lot less dangerous than WoW. For starters, there’s a “pause” button, so it’s possible to answer the phone. It’s also short. A game is five or ten minutes. The open-endedness of WoW is what’s cost people their careers. Tower Defense is like a twitchy Mine Sweeper, or Sudoku without the false sense of being good for you. It’s a time suck, though, which is part of why I’m writing about it. Having explained it, I probably won’t want to play it as much.
Probably.
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June 15th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
I thought I was the only Starkie who blissfully wastes his time on Tower Defense games.
Now I know otherwise.
June 15th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
John,
What’s the word with your re-write for “Tonight He Comes?”….do you get re-write credit? Ultimately who makes that decision to enhance the storyline?
June 15th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
i just quit my job on a top 5 tv show to play TD full time.
June 15th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
John you are scaring me. My girlfriend is a writer and follows your blog. The more I hear and read the more I have figured out that we are the same person.
I’m not a fantasy gamer-type, but the WOW trial got me and I lost 6 months of my life. I finally quit cold turkey, with the help of desktop tower defense. Now I can’t stop playing that. Help.
I need to shoot something. On film of course. A
June 15th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Yeah totally love tower defense. I really sucked at it at first until I learned how to play. (gotta build up those towers). I play WoW too, but it only really consumed my life for like a month. Now I play off and on a couple times a week. I try to keep things balanced. Tower defense is for when I’m bored online, stuck on something I’m writing, or just need a quick game. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. I guess because you’re telling me this. Love the blog by the way.
June 15th, 2007 at 7:03 pm
Miguel (#2):
Wildly off-topic, but I here’s the scoop on Tonight, He Comes. It’s a great script with great people involved — a lot of 600-pound gorillas, but really smart and gentlemanly gorillas. I was surprised and impressed.
I just helped out for a few weeks. It’s going to be amazing, but that’s honestly not due to me. At this point, I’m just a fan, eager to see it.
June 15th, 2007 at 10:13 pm
I found myself losing hours upon hours playing Desktop TD. It was driving me crazy to get a high score. Then I started reading the forums about “juggling” maps…
I’m thinking about switching to heroin.
June 16th, 2007 at 4:55 am
Video games do not tempt me. Maybe it is the estrogen.
June 16th, 2007 at 6:28 am
Does anybody remember Dungeon Keeper by Bullfrog about 10 years ago? Same sort of thing, defending your dungeon (with traps heh heh heh).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeon_Keeper
June 16th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Wow, when two worlds collide! I read this blog regularly, it’s currently helping me out while I participate in Script Frenzy, and now I see Vector TD on the home page. I work at the company that runs Candystand and I was watching over the shoulder of the guy who worked on the graphics for this. Feels like a major spooky coincidence for some reason.
June 17th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
I am battling my own addiction to the ultimate provider of timewasting and totally addictive games: it’s called Nintendo Wii! I fear I’ll have to destroy the bloody machine if I ever want to get any work done!
June 18th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
WoW problem?
I don’t have a WoW problem.
Not like these kids:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=pY2adkw3JGU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qK9YoyXZOXI (OK - so this one is Unreal Tournament)
June 19th, 2007 at 7:27 am
Luckily all my favorite games are in the living room on Xbox 360 and Wii so, while I do occasionally blow off work for the sake of play, at least both things aren’t held within the same machine.
My problem is the internet. I go on to look up whether it’s “knick-knack” or just “knick knack” and a half-hour later I’m reading the complete history of Sonic the Hedgehog or some such nonsense.
June 19th, 2007 at 9:57 am
Thanks, John. I’m going to be fired for this.
June 20th, 2007 at 7:41 am
Got really hooked on the 100-rounder earlier in the year (those games clock in at 40 mins a a pop-especially with my skills)-it ended up just eating my life.
I’m two months clean-but will always be an addict.
June 20th, 2007 at 10:32 am
Thanks John, thanks alot. I have just spent the last month beating all the difficulty levels of Desktop TD. Finally, FINALLY I was ready to walk away from it, and you go and give us links to two version of the game.
John, I am too weak to not play them. You have cost me countless hours of alt-tabbing and looking over my shoulder in the office.
Thanks alot John.