Things that get caught in the spam filter
The new version of WordPress has Akismet spam filtering, which does a remarkably good job weeding out spam comments. Occasionally, it flags something that is so tantalizing that it really should be shared with the world:
Dear sirs.
It is my pleasure to inform you that I have written a sexual screenwriting ,(It is about a widow that she desirs to have a sex with her neighbour’s son and finally she successes..).
If you deal this kind of screenwriting please contact to me or introduce sites & agencies that deal sexual screenwriting or how I can sell my screenwriting.
I am waiting for your kind anwer.
I don’t know where to begin.
Articles
April 9th, 2006 at 10:09 am
At least he was polite! Even though sirs is plural and there is only ONE Mr. August.
April 9th, 2006 at 10:20 am
You should forward his info along to Desperate Housewives.
April 9th, 2006 at 10:22 am
Sexual screenwriting, the wave of the future. God Bless America.
April 9th, 2006 at 10:37 am
You begin with sexual screenwriting, John. Actually you should just ask him to write someone in the “other” Hollywood, up in the Valley. Word on the street, “Buttman” John Stagliano pays a few grand for porno specs he likes.
Did you ask him to email you a pdf of the script? LOL
April 9th, 2006 at 10:49 am
Hey there :)
That was written by one of those automatic story writing programs. I’m sure you have all seen them. There used to be primitive ones that wrote a random story. It would put in a noun, and a verb, and some other words, and BING! you had some strange AI version of an original story.
Well, anyway, I recognize the “..(.�, and the missing spaces between the words. Those were the flaws in the beta version. I can’t remember what the program was called, but a friend of a friend was working on it.
There were plans for a screenwriting version because it is obviously much easier to program.
They were trying to write a program that could write the story, then write the query letter, and do the whole marketing campaign. But what happened was that the company that my friend was working at got bought out by a Japanese company. All their software was included in the deal.
This story was obliviously written in Japanese. In Japan these stories are taking off, kids on the street are trading these one or two page stories like baseball cards.
It looks like the English side of the program, the part that translated it, was not worked on at all.
Personally, I believe it will be a few years still until movies are written entirely by computer AI.
We screenwritings aint got nuttin to ‘orry ‘bout…) mate! Few more years of raking in the big bucks, at least I’m sure. :)
Hep
April 9th, 2006 at 10:51 am
Tell him that some day if he perseveres he will (hopefully) finally successes too.
I actually want to read this script. After all, grammar doesn’t matter right?
April 9th, 2006 at 1:50 pm
Wow that guy is nuts and his grammar is awful!
April 9th, 2006 at 2:37 pm
I’ll produce it.
(joke)
Dan
April 9th, 2006 at 3:07 pm
Hep –
That helps explain it somewhat. The whole thing seemed perversely wrong in a way that only a machine could create.
The comment was posted to the About page by one Eric Martin, and included an email address (which I won’t share, in case it belongs to some poor unwitting soul). There was no URL, which is why it didn’t seem like conventional comment spam.
The IP address (84.241.8.130) goes to Amsterdam. Maybe it’s a re-router, or maybe that’s really where the poster (Eric Martin) lives.
April 9th, 2006 at 3:27 pm
What’s wrong with that?
I often have successes sex with my screenwriting…
April 9th, 2006 at 3:50 pm
I want to learn to write obliviously in Japanese. Heck, I want to learn to write obliviously in English. Or maybe I just like saying ‘obliviously’. Spam is oblivious to its ends, and I doubt anyone will notice this comment.
April 9th, 2006 at 5:03 pm
I’ve been laughing about this all day.
April 9th, 2006 at 5:04 pm
Glad to hear Akismet is working out for you. :) Its entertainment value is sometimes a nice bonus.
April 9th, 2006 at 5:33 pm
My guess would have been translation software.
April 9th, 2006 at 6:13 pm
Well John, answer the man.
April 9th, 2006 at 6:16 pm
i had wondered what had happened to the “what colour [sorry - color] is an orange?” spam filter.
so the ex lead singer of mr big is writing porn now? huh . . . well, that would be an honest step up from his old band’s lyrics, then, eh?
April 9th, 2006 at 7:52 pm
Tim! You sly dog, you. Oblivious you are not. Let it be known from this day forth that obliviousness is, and always will be, a detriment to all AI screenplays. Thanks to you John for letting us discuss these important matters. Kudos to Tim once again. Hep :)
April 9th, 2006 at 11:30 pm
Alright, a sequel to Go! :D
April 10th, 2006 at 5:45 am
Please tell Mr. Buck Henry to take his sequel ideas elsewhere.
April 10th, 2006 at 6:33 am
Steve – if you want to laugh some more about mad translations, try http://www.engrish.com. It’s fabulous.
April 10th, 2006 at 9:58 am
dear sirs, I recently contracted to write sequel to heaven’s gate, heaven’s gate 2. my sexual screenwriting abilitie and the contact you provide help me unmeasureably.
April 10th, 2006 at 1:22 pm
haha alright
April 10th, 2006 at 2:46 pm
“…I have written a sexual screenwriting,…”
If he sends you his script, I sincerely hope none of the pages are stuck together.
April 10th, 2006 at 9:55 pm
Sexual screenwriting? Dang — I thought I started that.
I do all my screenwriting in the Missionary Position.
April 11th, 2006 at 5:43 am
I received that same email at work about a week ago. (I responded. Too nice for my own good.)
April 12th, 2006 at 5:57 am
Are you sure this wasn’t from one of the writers of that blockbuster smash hit Basic Instinct 2?