Inciting Incident: Koo Koo Roo edition
I went to Koo Koo Roo on Larchmont last night to grab dinner: half rotisserie chicken, cucumber salad, mixed veggies, to go.
While I was turning to go into the parking lot, I noticed a white SUV near the curb. It was bucking strangely. My first instinct was that the driver didn’t know how to use stick. Then I thought, maybe it was crazy custom low-rider shocks. But you really don’t see that on SUV’s, even on Pimp My Ride.
Then I saw that there was a man standing on the passenger side running board. It looked like he was strapping something down to the roof. That would explain why the car was shaking.
My curiosity satisfied, I parked.
When I came back around to the front of the restaurant, I noticed the SUV was still in roughly the same spot. The guy was still standing on the running board, but he wasn’t trying to attach anything. Rather, he had both hands on the roof rack, holding on tight while the SUV’s driver (a woman) tried to shake him off. That’s why the car was “bouncing” earlier.
I stood at the door of Koo Koo Roo for about 10 seconds, trying to figure out what the hell was going on — and what, if anything, I should do. Here’s roughly my thought process:
The woman’s on her cell phone. She’s in her late 20’s, maybe. It’s hard to see inside the car.
The man is maybe 40. Latino. He keeps knocking on the windows.
She seems upset, but not terrified. Almost more annoyed. She’s not crying.
I wonder who she’s talking to on the phone. A friend? The police?
He keeps saying (in English), “I need to talk to you.”
He seems really rational. But rational people don’t cling to moving vehicles.
She should drive to a police station. That’s what I’d do.
Where is the nearest police station? I have no idea.
I don’t know if he knows her. He’s not saying her name.
He’s wearing white. Maybe a uniform. Maybe a parking attendant.
She should keep driving down Larchmont. There’s a ton of people, so if she really does need help, she can get it.
I bet he’s a parking attendant, and she drove off without paying.
There’s only one other spectator watching. That guy at the bus stop.
He was there when I pulled in, so he must have seen more of this. He probably knows what’s going on.
If I got involved, maybe he’d back me up.
She’s trying to shake him off again.
The weirdest thing was how my perception of who was the “good guy” kept flipping back and forth, like one of those foreground-background optical illusions where you see either the Young Woman or the Old Crone but not both at the same time. Second by second, I thought, “she’s in danger” or “he’s in danger.”
He’d bang on the windows, so I’d decide he was a threat. Then she’d try to shake him off, and I was suddenly worried he’d fall to the pavement and get run over.
With both scenarios equally plausible, I decided I’d cautiously approach and ask the man what was going on. With the right tone of voice, it wouldn’t sound like a direct threat. If he gave a reasonable answer, I could talk to him like a reasonable person. If he gave me a Crazy Man answer, I’d know he was the problem, and…well, I didn’t know what I’d do, but at least I’d know he was the bad guy.
Just as I stepped forward to move from Spectator to Participant in this drama, the SUV pulled around the corner onto Beverly, picking up considerable speed. The man seemed unfazed. I realized that it’s surprisingly easy to cling to an SUV. No one would consider clinging to my little Toyota.
The SUV took the first right turn, then disappeared from sight. I looked over to the guy at the bus stop, hoping for some gesture or nod that would reassure me that everything was okay, that neither of the two parties would end up harmed tonight.
Bus Stop Guy gave me nothin’. He just turned back to the street, waiting for his ride.
At the Koo Koo Roo counter, John August Concerned Citizen slowly reverted into John August Screenwriter, as I tried to construct scenarios to explain what had just happened. The parking lot attendant theory made the most sense, because I’ve encountered some surprisingly zealous asphalt barons in Los Angeles. Would one really risk his life by clinging to the side of a car? Maybe.
But the other scenarios — Furious Boyfriend, Eerily Calm Stalker, Random Psycho — also seemed to fit.
After watching this scene unfold, I wasn’t even sure what “genre” it belonged in. If you put Will Ferrell in the guy’s role, clinging to the side of an SUV, then it’s a comedy. Hugh Grant, and it’s a romantic comedy. Sean Penn, and it’s a thriller. (Unless Sean Penn’s playing retarded, then it’s I Am Sam.)
As I was driving home a few minutes later, I kept mulling over the scene — though part of me was busier contemplating actors and their career choices. Sean Penn used to be funny, damn it. C’mon, Spicoli!
I drove past the intersection where the SUV had turned, and glanced up the street out of idle curiosity.
The SUV was stopped there. The man was on the roof.
He was hugging the top of it like every action movie cliche, ankles dangling off the edge. The SUV wasn’t moving, but the guy seemed braced for doing 60 on the freeway.
By the time I spotted them, it was too late to make the turn. Instead, I hung three rights to circle around the block. It seemed to take forever. These were quiet residential streets — exactly the place you shouldn’t go if there’s some random lunatic clinging onto your car. Also troubling: my stubborn parking lot attendant theory was making less sense by the moment. Whatever urban logic makes it reasonable for a guy making minimum wage to wrestle a car also dictates that at some point he gives up.
This guy wasn’t giving up.
As I turned the third right, I figured that the driver and I would now at least be adjacent. I could roll down my window and ask if she was okay, if she was in danger. I could do something. By now, it was obvious I should have done something back at Koo Koo Roo.
But when I got back to the corner, there was no SUV. While I was circling the block, she must have driven off, with the guy still presumably clinging to her roof-rack. They were gone, and I didn’t know which one to worry about.
Do you call the police in this situation? Do you just forget about it, and check the papers in the morning? I was left — I am left — with an unsettling lack of closure. Yes, I want to know that no one’s hurt, but even more, I want to know what the hell I saw.
Was it funny or scary? Young Woman or Old Crone? I don’t know. Real life sucks that way.
Articles
May 7th, 2005 at 10:39 pm
But how was the chicken?
May 7th, 2005 at 10:46 pm
Man, now I’ll never get to bed tonight. Curiously wondering into the wee hours of the monring. Who cracked first 20 something SUV girl, or 40 something calm/cool parking attendant with a teeny fit o’ road rage, via his own two feet.
-check the papers and let us know.
May 7th, 2005 at 10:46 pm
Man, now I’ll never get to bed tonight. Curiously wondering into the wee hours of the monring. Who cracked first 20 something SUV girl, or 40 something calm/cool parking attendant with a teeny fit o’ road rage, via his own two feet.
-check the papers and let us know.
May 7th, 2005 at 10:47 pm
Man, now I’ll never get to bed tonight. Curiously wondering into the wee hours of the monring. Who cracked first 20 something SUV girl, or 40 something calm/cool parking attendant with a teeny fit o’ road rage, via his own two feet.
-check the papers and let us know.
May 7th, 2005 at 10:54 pm
Coming out of school one day, I got on the bus and saw two guys sitting next to a girl (one next to her the other sitting in front). I sit in the seats across from them and put my headphones on and fall asleep. From what I saw, they were sitting really close and she was smiling. I didn’t hear anything cause of the headphones and there were other people around. I closed my eyes, and started falling asleep. Every so often the bus would hit a bump, hitting my head on the window. I opened my eyes every time and looked around (force of habit). I noticed the two guys still there, still sitting very close and the girl smiling, but this time I saw one of the guys with his hand on her neck. I keep my eyes open, for a second I thought he might have been looking at her necklace, then I see his fingers slide into the top of her shirt, she pulled away. My eyes widen and I take my headphones off. I listen for a disturbance, and realized that the Asian girl had an accident. More importantly she was saying, “No, thank you. Please.” I sat up, and now noticed these weren’t friends. They were two guys harrassing this girl, and she was too polite and unsure of what to do to stop it. I looked around to see if other people were seeing what I just noticed, and there were four others sitting behind us (of various ages), and no one has said a damn thing. I became sick to my stomach after the one guy sitting next to her attempted it again. I got up and said, “Hey, leave her alone!” I took her by the hand, and told her it was going to be ok, as she got up and sat where I was sitting across the way. The two guys both get up, and one of them says to me, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing!” These were high school kids (I was in college at the time), and thought that cause there were two of them they could take me. I really didn’t think about it at the time, but they might have, one of them had his hand in his bag, I was waiting to see what they’d pull.
I replied, “I already did it. And by now the bus driver has already called the cops;” I pointed to the bus driver, who I honestly had no idea if he did or not, “so, I don’t have to do a damn thing but make sure you don’t lay a hand on her.”
I sat down next to the girl, amongst being called a pussy and what not; and asked her again if she was ok, she again said yes, still kinda unsure of what’s going on. The guys get off a couple of stops later, not sure if my cop threat got to them or not, either way the cops NEVER showed up.
They get off, and as soon as they did, I get up and sit across from her, she thanks me. And a couple people behind me thank me. I was more mad than anything that I had my headphones on and could have stopped it sooner. But the fact that no one else did a fucking thing pissed me off.
Nowadays, you can’t be sure if you’re meddling or helping. People are ungrateful and no good deed goes unpunished. I feel for you John, I know how your mind has been uneased. Take some comfort that she had a cell, and that she was on it. Though, if she was parked in a parking lot, why she didn’t get out of the car and run inside… Either way, your mind gets no comfort.
I’ve boiled it down to this. Two guys fighting, as long as it’s fair, I don’t get involved. Arguments between a man and a woman, I don’t get involved, unless, the man (for whatever reason) hits the girl. No hitting girls in my book. I step in, and more often than not, the girl asks you not to. Gratitude for ya. And let’s not forget if he hits the girl, and you hit him. And cops come, and she doesn’t want her boyfriend to go to jail, so she’ll claim you hit him first, and you get hauled off.
Whatever… I’ll go to jail with a clear conscience, fuck everything and everyone else.
May 7th, 2005 at 11:13 pm
This is John August’s most human post yet. Clearly, the survey has changed him. Now I think John August must be a good and thoughtful person. Before I didn’t know what to think. Not that it’s any of my business.
ps. I was the one who suggested in the survey that John August “be funnier”. I didn’t mean it literally. I just meant he should present himself as more of a knowable person to his readers. He knows what I meant. Good on John August.
May 7th, 2005 at 11:17 pm
Thanks for being a storyteller that tells stories in innovative ways. Great piece.
May 7th, 2005 at 11:22 pm
And also, thanks for putting it up here, and for free.
May 8th, 2005 at 12:14 am
If it was a crazy dude, the woman would have been terrified. She obviously knew the guy. I say the man is the woman’s brother (jilted lover is out — parking attendants don’t date women in SUVs in Larchmont Village) and he’s trying to stop her from doing some harm to herself.
May 8th, 2005 at 12:52 am
But, What if parking attendants dated women who drove SUVs in Larchmont Village?
She visited the same store, day after day, hurt by her own husband’s infidelity (He hated that store). And the one man that showed her any type of attention, any forth giving of themselves, was the parking attendant.
“I’ll take care of the explorer Mrs.Convins, Just toss me the keys.”
May 8th, 2005 at 7:18 am
Maybe it’s me but I usually call 911 when something extremely odd is going on.
On the other hand it could be an episode of Punk’d.
May 8th, 2005 at 9:03 am
Saw one similar to that outside my kids daycare. In that case, she was trying to drive away and he kept on yelling at her car and trying to stand in front of it and block it. But I know the story as it was one of the daycare teachers. Both of them were married (and of some rather traditionally chavunistic culture, forget which one) and basically, he was playing the traditional male role, and she was sick of it and he was trying to reconcile.
Could be something like that happened with the SUV.
May 8th, 2005 at 9:06 am
Four weeks ago, Amy and Raul met at The Magic Castle. They hit it off and enjoyed a night of primal passion. Yesterday, Amy found out her stick was blue. Two hours later, she finally discovered that Raul worked as a parking attendant and decided he couldn’t possibly raise the child with her (mostly from the advice of her gay best friend Maxwell on the phone). Raul disagreed and clung on to the SUV as a symbol that he didn’t want to let his child go.
I’d go with Ben Stiller on this one. He can do a 40ish Latino.
May 8th, 2005 at 10:00 am
The man was an alien assasin, the SUV a undercover spaceship, and the woman was the galactic emperor ordering Pizza. Quite common occurance around our way…
May 8th, 2005 at 10:54 am
Okay, I’m going with one of two theories.
He’s her boyfriend. This is old hat for both of them. She’s trying to scare him off the SUV, but they both know she’s not going to gun the car because she didn’t that one time last month when this exact same scenario happened. In fact, the old hatness is making them both ramp up their game. He’s impressed that she hasn’t let him back in the car after all this time, and she’s impressed that he’s now up on the roof. None of that changes the salient point: they’re both nuts. In fact, that’s exactly what the woman’s best friend on the other end of the cell phone is thinking. “I can’t believe Sharon and Jorge can’t get their shit together. I don’t even HAVE a boyfriend, but does Sharon even care? This is a waste of my time.”
There’s a killer in her backseat. He’s trying to warn her. Highly unlikely, but come on…anything that validates an urban legend is worth investing a little faith in.
May 8th, 2005 at 11:11 am
Hey Craig–
Tell me you’re using the second theory in “Scary Movie 4!” That would be classic!
May 8th, 2005 at 12:05 pm
Looks like a tiff between boy friend and girl friend.
May 8th, 2005 at 2:12 pm
Americo, I’m just curious, did the girl have an ACCIDENT or an ACCENT? That changes that sentence significantly. Very interesting and noble story, though.
John, really interesting stuff. Put it in your next script and write a hundred different endings to satisfy your curiosity and you can just assume the story has some type of closure.
May 8th, 2005 at 2:42 pm
Love causes people to do the most crazy things. The man on the roof, and the woman in the driving seat have some sort of relationship, definitely. Strangers don’t act that bizarre.
May 8th, 2005 at 3:04 pm
Excellent! This thread is turning into one of my other favourite blogs -
May 8th, 2005 at 3:05 pm
That was meant to link to Query Letters I Love, but I apparently don’t know how to use html on here . . .
May 8th, 2005 at 3:28 pm
John-
I (think I) saw another “scene” of this strange little saga, though it unfortunately sheds no light on the origins/conclusion of the “conflict.”
I was jogging eastbound on Beverly (south side of street, on the sidewalk) through Wilshire Country Club last night and saw a white SUV driving relatively slowly, about 25mph, in the “fast” lane of westbound Beverly with (what looked to me like) a mannequin on the roof.
Cars were passing in the “slow” lane and there was a whole line of unhappy drivers stacked up behind the SUV.
My first thought was that it must be some sort of micro-budget film shoot, given that I’ve seen several (fully rigged/permitted/police-escorted) shoots driving through that strangely-un L.A. stretch of Beverly Blvd.
My second thought was that it seemed a little dark for that, and that there didn’t seem to be anybody leaning out of the surrounding cars pointing the “pro-sumer” DV camera(s) that might be expected to accompany such an activity.
It never even occured to me that it might be a real person on the roof…this lack of imagination is probably why I’m stuck in TV.
Anyway, thanks for the site!
May 8th, 2005 at 5:35 pm
and here I thought the punchline was going to be ‘cut!…hey, you with the chicken..get the fuck off the set’
May 8th, 2005 at 7:07 pm
It’s another case of a diffusion of responsibility. When you’re in public, and there’s anyone around you, you’re less likely to do anything no matter who you are. It’s not a matter of morality or good judgement.
May 8th, 2005 at 7:32 pm
BEST POST EVER!
(in the voice of comic book guy…of course)
May 8th, 2005 at 8:01 pm
tm –
That really sounds like the same incident, just a little bit later. And yes, I did check the LA Times this morning. Nothing. But you wouldn’t really expect anything like that to show up, unless something really weird had happened. The city is just too big. The best example is freeway chases, which are riveting while they are happening on TV, but never end up in the paper the next day.
May 8th, 2005 at 8:56 pm
Amazing story — particularly with tm’s follow-up (what are the chances that someone else who read this site today saw this happen last night? Incredible!)
(Man, took me forever to find that Old Crone!)
May 8th, 2005 at 9:20 pm
John -
“Do you call the police in this situation?”
IMHO… YES! You don’t even have to dial an entire phone number, just 9-1-1. They don’t scold you if you are wrong, i.e. no one is actually in danger. They only scold you if you call 911 because your toilet is clogged. (People do that.)
P.S. I’m one of those that could care less if you are funnier or less dry or more human or anything else. I just want to steal and pillage everything you know about writing - wring you out like a soggy rag and collect whatever hits the floor. Anyone can post an amusing blog. In fact, there are zillions of them out there. No one else can share your insight on writing. Your blog is a valuable service to writers who care. Thanks for sharing.
May 8th, 2005 at 10:01 pm
This question is for everyone,
After reading this post, I started to wonder how much of your life experiences actually make it into your scripts?
Cheers—
S.
May 8th, 2005 at 10:05 pm
Hey Drew, i did mean to say accent. Was tired when i wrote that.
And S. All my experiences in life show up in my scripts, in one way or another.
May 9th, 2005 at 12:07 am
I had a similar weird LA automotive experience a little while ago. It was a Saturday night on Hollywood Blvd, and my friend Matt and I about to cross the street. In the midst of heavy Hollywood strip traffic, an old school van slams to a stop half-way in the crosswalk. A bizarrely hot woman with long brown hair and a prada-esque dress runs around from the driver’s side and rips open the passenger door. Revealing a 40-year old seemingly stoned white guy. She announces: “Get the F out!” He in turn grabs a single roller-blade, a used t-shirt and a bunch of socks, and stumbles out. She then rips open the sliding side door, and reaches in and brings out an enormously heavy package. In fact, as she turned around, we saw that it wasn’t a package at all, but a forty pound rock. She shoves it into Stoner Guy’s hands and then in her best Clint Eastwood voice intones “Sonny - is - totally - going - to - kill - you” before running back to the driver side. Our Stoner Guy stares at the rock in his hands and then back to Prada Woman and retorts: “Well then, F you, F Sonny, and F this F-ing rock.” He then shatters the heavy rock onto the pavement (remember, he’s standing in the middle of Hollywood blvd, with cars honking and swerving all around them).
Prada Woman squeals off in the shabby van, Stoner guy storms off down Highland (he only has, after-all, a single roller-blade), and my friend Matt looks from the shattered rock back to me and says in his best deadpan voice: “Dude, that was a perfectly good rock.”
100% true story. I have since tried in vain to figure out who Sonny is, who the hot professional woman was, and why she was driving that aged 70’s van. But the thing that really keeps me up is that damn rock, just sitting there, cleft in twain, in the middle of hollywood boulevard. Ever since then I have vowed to always get involved in the random street theater that swirls around LA, just so I can sleep better at night.
May 9th, 2005 at 5:48 am
Ajax,
Hollywood is full of attention seeking madmen. Doesn’t that in itself keep you up at night?
May 9th, 2005 at 7:08 am
Funny thing nobody’s suggested that the car might be his car…
Anyway… To me it sounds the situation is as follows:
They’re a couple and he’s been cheating on her. Overcome by guilt he confessed everything while eating at the Koo Koo Roo.
She’s devastated and runs away to the car. He doesn’t want to loose her, so he follows her and tries to stop her no matter what. In the meanwhile she’s calling her mom/sister/friend/whatever asking if she can drop by to talk about the situation.
They have to know each other. It’s clear she didn’t want to really hurt him, otherwise she would have started driving 100mph.
He’s so calm and reasonable, because he feels guilty. He tries to reason with her, but he knows her reaction is “appropriate” to the situation, so the only thing he can do if he really doesn’t want to loose her, is to act like he does.
The situation would also explain why he tells her he wants to talk to her and why she would not want to listen.
May 9th, 2005 at 7:35 am
I think John is actually trying to exercise our imaginations.
We’re failing miserably.
BTW–
Does anyone else get paranoid when typing in the “spam precaution” word? Like you’re gonna get it wrong and be banned from the website forever? Okay… maybe it’s just me.
May 9th, 2005 at 7:53 am
I was watching a mandatory foreign flick at the university cinema. I’d arrived early and picked the best seat in the house. During the movie a man came into the cinema through the exit door, looked down the row at me and smiled. “OK, whatever,” then he walks down the row and sits right next to me. This weirdness was made weirder by the fact that only 5 other people were in the audience. Did I say anything or get up and move? No, I just came up with the reason for this man’s actions. “Well, I guess if I have the best seat in the house, he must want the 2nd best seat in the house.” I really thought this. Then he put his coat over him, draped around the front of his shoulders and down past his lap. “He must be cold, it is chilly in here.” After a bit, I feel him sort of leaning on me. “He must be dozing, this is a boring movie.” Later on, with only about 5 minutes left in this movie I feel him moving rhythmically. I look at him; he looks up and smiles at me - ew, sicko smile. I honestly think, “there’s only 5 minutes left, I have to finish this movie for class.â€? Then a voice enters my head saying, “Heidi, grab your stuff and get the hell out of there!” Thank you, voice in my head.
Anyways, I reported it to the campus police; it shows up in the campus newspaper. The following campus newspaper has 5 other girls reporting a similar situation but dates that preceded my incident. A month later an undercover woman cop gets him to grab her boob in the theatre and busted (no pun intended, really).
The police told me that women are often assaulted because they like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Also, we try to remain calm, giving the appearance that nothing is wrong, so’s not to freak the crazy out. So, rule of thumb, instead of trying to make “weird� “normal,� assume it’s not and get involved. You may think I’m an idiot for the rationales I gave the sicko to make him “normal.� But, come on, dude holding on to an SUV in motion. Not normal.
May 9th, 2005 at 8:04 am
Should I be concerned?
Here’s what I think happened. 40-something guy is ordering some chicken at the Koo Koo Roo counter. He’s personable so he’s telling the Chicken Clerk how his car was stolen the other day. Chicken Clerk wonders what kind of car. 40-something guy goes on to describe his white SUV. Chicken Clerk says, “Oh, like the one right outside?”
40-something turns, looks out the window and sees 20-something SUV thief talking on the phone and smoking a square in his ride, which ticks him off more than the theft.
Great merriment (for onlookers) ensues.
May 9th, 2005 at 8:06 am
Interesting. I intended for the All I see is the Old Crone (should I be concerned) to be the subject, but alas, I cannot read.
Still can’t see the beauty in the picture.
May 9th, 2005 at 8:34 am
LOL, Mstarr “alas, I cannot read.”
May 9th, 2005 at 9:59 am
In a situation like this, always play it safe and call the police. It may turn out to be nothing but no one is going to fault you for being cautious.
May 9th, 2005 at 12:53 pm
If I’d had my cell phone with me (I’d left it at home, which I too often do), I probably would have called 911. Even though nothing criminal had happened yet, the odds of the situation turning worse were pretty high.
And for Richard, who gets nervous typing in the spam-precaution word, you’d have to get it wrong a lot to be banned for life. Helpful hint: You can also count backwords from the last word, which is 16th.
May 9th, 2005 at 1:46 pm
I’m surprised no one’s really said this yet, but I figured John posted this little anecdote to demonstrate how when developing characters in a script, sometimes what you show them, but don’t tell them, can get the audience hooked into your story. Who are these people? Who knows, but we’re interested enough to find out.
It sounds like a great set up for an opening scene, where we’re not quite sure who to root for, but know that somethign cool is going on.
So don’t worry oh great one, I got your message. I’m sure that’s what you intended to teach us, right?
May 9th, 2005 at 2:05 pm
I think the story is incredibly simple! Who’s the one person everyone is forgetting about in the scene? We have the obvious 20 year old girl and the 40 year old latino. Mr. August is the key observer in the scene, and then there’s our key character…. The bus stop man. If i’m thinking correctly, (which I am) he’s the suspect behind the whole scenario. He was also inside the KOO KOO ROO and had a plate that was prepared by the woman in the car. He ordered it, she made it, and she forgot to put onions on top (he’s an onion addict). He sees this common mistake and asks her to put onions on top. She looks at him in disgust as if he just asked her to do some enormous task. She then swaps the plate from him and walks over to the back counter. She knows that he’s watching her, so she starts to pick at her teeth and play with her hair while taking out onions and placing them on top of the food. Bus stop man isn’t angered, but is figuring out a way to get back at her while she smirks and hands him his plate. He sits down at a table to begin eating. His cel rings and a man starts talking with a raspy voice. “Hey I got your page, what’s going on?” Bus stop man looks around the room to make sure no one is listening, ” I need you to prove your loyalty to the Bus Stop Gang… I need you here at the KOO KOO ROO, ASAP.” No more words are said on the other end. The latino man shows and talks to the bus stop man. The woman gets off work and goes to her car. The man approaches her as she steps in to her car. He tells her that he needs to talk to her about an incident that happened in the restaurant. She automatically thinks of the bus stop man, and continues into the car (knowing that her actions can result in a major penalty). He continues talking as she gets in, and then stands in front of the car. She slowly starts moving forward and he doesn’t budge. He then grabs onto the roof rack. Mr. August comes into the restaurant at this point, and the girl drives a bit farther near the curb. The man continues to bother her for quite some time. Mr. August then comes out and sees this happening. Bus stop man is waiting at his position at the bus stop, and watches his apprentice in action. At one point, Mr. August turns to bus stop man. The Bis Stop Gang leader stares off into space as if he didn’t see anything, and to confuse Mr. August some more. The girl then drives away and is led into the night by the latino. She’s never able to get off the road, and continues into the night with him on her car. Traffic gets held up behind them and the day turns to night. The girl is then brought to the headquarters where she is probed and questioned… What happens to her next?… Who knows… but everyone should always watch out for the men at the Bus stops… They have more power than you can imagine.
May 9th, 2005 at 2:17 pm
The best chance of finding out what’s actually happening in one of these scenarios is calling 911. Doing so ups the odds of being able to read about the situation in the next day’s paper, because it increases the chances of the police becoming involved. If the police get involved, there’s a good chance it’ll be on the evening news or in the paper.
So, when in doubt, and interested, call 911.
May 9th, 2005 at 2:26 pm
I’m not trying to be ultra creative with my theory, it’s the first thing that popped into my head.
They’re both good friends, having a night out smoking it up. They got the munchies and went to Koo Koo Roo’s. He’s totally wasted off his head and she locks him out of the car. All he wants is the remaining Marijuana or some Koo Koo Roo’s.
Think about it, crazy Latino man clinging to a SUV roof, a lady who can’t even drive her car.
May 9th, 2005 at 3:42 pm
Derek:
The “it’s all a writing theory” idea is a good one, but no, whatever really happened, really happened.
May 9th, 2005 at 5:55 pm
Ooh, fun with scenarios:
He’s a struggling actor - been in Hollywood working as a parking attendant for years, just watching himself get older in oblivion. She’s a studio exec he’s seen a few times in his efforts to get into the biz.
That morning he failed at yet another audition, so when he goes to park her car he hits her up for a job. She tells him to screw off. Frustrated by his constant failures, he goes ballistic and refuses to leave until she promises him a part he wants. At first she’s just annoyed, but then annoyed turns to scared. She takes off, trying to shake him off, but by this time the guy is convinced this is his last opportunity. He’s desperate. She’s dealt with his kind before.
May 9th, 2005 at 6:39 pm
Emily:
Substitute “aspiring screenwriter with spec script” for “struggling actor,” and I’ve seen nearly the same thing play out a dozen times.
May 9th, 2005 at 6:47 pm
A ha!
So that’s how “Go” got made!
Anyone know what Harvey Weinstein drives?
May 10th, 2005 at 8:53 am
I find it rather amusing that so few people seem to have a comment when John writes about screenwriting, but when he lets it slip that everyone in England smokes (incidentally, that´s true) or tells a tale from everyday life, all hell breaks loose and the comments keep coming. Strange, that.
May 10th, 2005 at 10:01 am
Because when John talks about screenwriting, everyone LISTENS.
May 10th, 2005 at 11:20 am
To quote from Bill Murray’s “Quick Change”, ‘It’s bad luck just seeing a thing like that!”
May 10th, 2005 at 5:48 pm
Check the plates, it was a stolen vehicule already by both or the driver only!
a) Robber 1 was more interested in the loot than robber 2.
b) Divorce case going haywire.
c) Happy couple regular disputes on who’s got the SUV, today.
d) Practical joke on any by-standards who just happened to be near.
e) None of the above.
But for what it’s worth… i’ve also had my fair share of road-rage tempers and bumper-fender adventures before.
Nobody remains calm or straight, and that’s not counting hoaxes by anyone but some who are better off not getting involved in a game of two idiots.
May 11th, 2005 at 7:34 am
To Live and Die in Koo-Koo-Roo
Here’s an interesting article on living in LA and being cursed with the screenwriting affliction. It’s a good read.
Anyway, head over here and take a look.
http://johnaugust.com/archives/2005/inciting-incident-koo-koo-roo-edition
…
May 12th, 2005 at 6:03 pm
On a story level: This proves that when people are presented with a compelling conflict you can totally hold their interest because they are just dying to see how it all turns out. I mean, check out the comments. We are fasinated.
I hope you, John August, can find out what the hell it was all about. And let us know.
May 13th, 2005 at 7:19 am
Wow! that’s an awesome story. I’m still confused though…. oh well.
May 13th, 2005 at 4:03 pm
This is the greatest blog entry I’ve ever read.
May 13th, 2005 at 5:33 pm
Well, thanks Lester.
And are you actually dying, and not in the we-all-die-someday sense?
May 14th, 2005 at 2:33 pm
Wow. Just…wow. YOU wrote TITAN A.E.?
As for the other thing…that’d be a great starter for a writing exercise, seeing this guy clinging to the side of an SUV.
The people in L.A. is so bizarre.
May 15th, 2005 at 4:06 pm
Love this.
May 15th, 2005 at 5:00 pm
We’re all dying, John
May 17th, 2005 at 2:05 pm
John,
Even though your story really happened, it’s interesting to see how a quick, unexplained action sequence can get an audience interested enough to begin formulating their own ideas about the story. Good idea for any opening script… especially before title credits roll.
And thanks for the invaluable information you share with all of us. You’re inspiring!
May 17th, 2005 at 2:30 pm
Nice story. Hope it wasn’t fowl play.
May 17th, 2005 at 3:15 pm
Gee, I don’t know. I think Big Bird can afford a little trouble.
May 18th, 2005 at 6:28 am
I saw an alien once. I ran him over with my lawn mower. I got tired of him tickeling my feet at night. His buddies came back for him the following night. So I beat him to a pulp and now he’s tied up in the basement with a piece of duct tape over his mouth. Now I can sleep again. Cool story. I liked the whole sean penn I am sam thing.
May 19th, 2005 at 7:32 am
Animal behavior should never be a model for understanding complex human behavior, but it can be useful in trying to obtain some objectivity.
For example, if you looked at the two SUV characters as monkeys, you could come up with a thousands therories on what in the world is going on. And you would probably never really know.
If, however, you saw the two SUV characters AND the narrator as primates (just for objectivity, of course) then its a whole different story:
What in the holy F-ing hell happened to the narrator monkey during his life to result in a fairly minor conflict between a male and female of his species could detract him from feeding time with thoughts of intervention? Eat your dinner, for crying out loud.
May 19th, 2005 at 3:30 pm
I cannot believe someone has written about this!
The woman in the SUV is my friend. I’ll call her “Jane.” She and I were roommates at UC Davis until she dropped out and moved to Hollywood to become an actor. This was four years ago, and she has yet to catch a break. I told her she should try anything that resembled acting, you know like the singing telegram shtick? She didn’t really warm up to that one, but a couple of weeks after my suggestion, she called me back all excited, thanking me for inspiring her to become…a repo-girl.
I, of course, told her she was crazy and tried to talk her out of it. I mean, you don’t have to watch TV to know that’s a dangerous job for a man, much less a woman. (That’s hard to admit coming from a die-hard feminist such as myself - I’d be a regular bra-burner if I had any to burn, but even with us grrls, reality creeps in, especially when it involves close friends. But I digress…)
So I begged and pleaded with “Jane” that this was a really bad idea. She said she had it all planned out to where if she were ever confronted, she would just play the dumb blonde and say something like, “OMG! I’m sooo sorry! I could have sworn this was my car!” After which, she would walk quickly away. (I guess that’s the acting part?)
She also said she wouldn’t do any night work and that she would only take cases where she had something called a “master key”? (Apparently car makers keep things like that, and they’re real easy to get or something…)
I still wasn’t real happy with the idea, but then I figured, what repo company would give her a job? To make a long story short, she went to a place I’ll call, “Jack’s Repo Hut”, where she met Jack, who laughed at her, but then he got in a pinch where he had too many repos and not enough repo-ers, and so…
She said her first two were easy - gone in 60 seconds and half that time was spent readjusting the seat, the rear-view mirror, and her makeup… Then she went on her third job, which you know about.
Jack got the info from the collection agency. “Fernando” had stopped making the payments on his Isuzu, and so it needed to be picked up. Jack gave her the master key set and the guy’s work address, and she said she found both the place and the SUV fairly quickly. She then drove across the street and parked her car at the Koo Koo Roo, planning to get it back after the job.
Returning to the Isuzu, she found the right key and jumped in, and that was that: she was ten minutes away from her third paycheck. The only problem was that she forgot her cell phone in her car.
I guess she was getting a bit nonchalant about the whole repo thing because she casually drove back across the street to the Koo Koo and hopped out and got her cell phone, then she got back in the Isuzu and started pulling out of the lot, when, you guessed it: here comes Fernando!
She was in a little too deep to use the dumb blonde routine.
She didn’t know what to do, and she didn’t want to call Jack and confirm his initial prejudice, so she called me.
Can you imagine?
“Hi, Staci, it’s me.”
“So how’s the job going?”
“Funny you should ask…”
She was pretty calm, but I was freaking out. She said this guy was jumping up and down, banging on the windows, saying that he needed to talk to her, which we found out later, would have saved everybody a lot of trouble if she had listened. But I’m getting ahead of myself…
Anyway, I heard the whole thing live, and at one point, when she said the guy was on the roof, I thought maybe she was making the whole thing up, but - and she knows I love her - she’s not that good of an actress. Finally, I told her to stop and wait for him to get down, which she did. Then I told her to shove one of Jack’s business cards through a crack in the window, which she did. Then I told her to step on it, which she did, leaving Fernando jumping up and down in the rear view mirror. Then I spent the next thirty minutes trying to calm her down.
Now here’s the weird part: When she finally pulls into the Repo Hut, Jack is standing outside waiting for her. He starts screaming at her, “Take it back! Take it back!” Of course, Jane said she no idea what was going on, but she said Jack seemed pretty upset, so she drove back over and left the thing at the Koo Koo Roo, after which she went home and did some soul-searching.
Only later did she find out some of the details. “Fernando” was either separated or going through a divorce. At any rate, he was still giving his wife money to pay all their bills, and he later claimed that, unbeknownst to him, she began neglecting the Isuzu payment. Two days before Jane showed up, he found out about it one way or another and came up with the money to get things caught up.
All this he told Jack on the phone after he got Jane’s card and while I was still trying to calm her down. He also told Jack some other stuff, which Jack wouldn’t talk about, but we figure it had to do with something that was inside the Isuzu, since Jack repeatedly asked her if she had seen anything or messed with anything that was in the back.
Needless to say, Jane decided she was through with the whole business and went down to get her last check on Monday, but Jack was nowhere to be found. She said the guys down there seemed to be concerned as to his whereabouts, and soon after that, she decided to come stay with be for a while because of the phone calls she’s been getting.
(She thinks her name and number were on the back of Jack’s card.)
Creepy, huh?
Staci
(I want half.)
May 19th, 2005 at 7:12 pm
Why do I feel a slight tug on my leg?
May 20th, 2005 at 10:18 am
If that isn’t true, you’ve got WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much time on your hands.
May 21st, 2005 at 7:30 pm
Once, years ago, when I was riding the NY subway, I noticed a drunk/high girl, about 23, who was being creepily stalked by a guy who (I swear) had his teeth filed to points. He was leering at her and grinning, and generally looking like everyone’s picture of a pervert.
Although anything could have happened, I guess, the fact that he was stalking such obviously helpless prey made me think he was not interested in a confrontation. I looked blatantly at him to let him know I knew what was up.
I sat next to her and tried talking to her. She was extremely out of it, probably has no memory of me or that night, but babbled incoherently and slumped against me, etc.
It was 2 a.m. before the guy finally got off. I had ridden the line back and forth by this time,and for the last hour or so we had been the only three people in the car. I tried to get her to say what her stop was. I’m not sure I got a correct answer, but at least that one guy was several stops away.
May 21st, 2005 at 8:40 pm
That’s my favorite Koo Koo Roo. But if you really want to see action, go to the Taco Bell parking lot a mile up Vine.
May 22nd, 2005 at 9:25 am
comment by heidi - 5/09 is best. her comment was honest. it still surprises me how we all make excuses for what we know is not normal behavior. why do we rationalize? what is it within our makeup? it scares me because then we have to live with each one of those terrors lodged in our memories and it makes us feel so inept.
one other comment. why did you go through the trouble of circling the block and losing sight? I would have just made a u-turn in the middle of the street.
May 22nd, 2005 at 3:04 pm
Not being a left-coaster, I’m curious: what knd of chicken does Koo Koo Roo serve? In the Japanese language, kokoru means heart; is there any tie-in with what is served?
(Okay, cut me some slack- I just spent a week in Finland and instead of catching up on much needed sleep, I’m visiting this website for the first time… I plead jetlag!
May 22nd, 2005 at 9:01 pm
Back in the day, there was this kid that lived in my town. He was a very strange dude with a very strange laugh that kinda freaked people out. He worked out all the time in his garage with the garage door open so everyone could see him. He didn’t seem to have any friends, no one ever saw him hanging with girls and he also never talked about them, so his sexuality was definitely questionable according to the guys in town. Oh yeah, when he was younger he had serious trouble with acne. By this time, with the help of some medicine, the acne was gone. Yet the combination of the scarring and the medication (we think) caused his face to look like shiny plastic. It is any wonder that he was nicknamed “Plastic Face”.
One night, my friend, Rod and I took a ride over to see our friend, Michelle. She came out and hopped into the backseat of my car and we sat in front of her house talking for an hour.
The sun was going down, when we saw a car take a sharp turn about a block in front of us. As the car took the turn, the passenger seat flew open and a naked girl fell on to the pavement. The car was driving slowly so she was unhurt. She stood up laughing, brushed herself off and hopped back in the car. We all watched in silence as the car drove off. None of us could see who else was in it.
Well, that was a bit odd, but we continued our talk. Rod and I in the front seat, Michelle in the back. About a half hour later, I happened to look in my rearview mirror. I would never forget what I saw. A naked girl walking down the center of the street right towards us. Did I say, naked? She wasn’t just naked, she was “Raquel Welch at eighteen years old” naked. And no, it wasn’t the same girl that had previously fallen out of a car.
I asked my friends to turn around and make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. Rod assured me I wasn’t. Suddenly, Michelle said, “Holy sh*t, I know that girl!”
She then proceded to roll down her window and yell, “Yo Lisa, what the heck are you doing?”
And the naked girl yelled back, “Michelle? Wow, I haven’t seen you in ages.” And then she came over to our car, leaned over and shot the breeze with Michelle…naked. On a summer night, on a suburban street in North Brunswick, New Jersey…naked. She said that she and her friends had been skinny dipping in her friend’s pool a street over and she felt like getting a little air. Oh, and of course she had been drinking all day.
It was at this point when the car we saw earlier pulled up next to us. They, she said, were her skinny dipping friends. Inside, the “falling to the pavement” girl waved “hi”. She was still naked, as was the driver of the car. A kid called Plastic Face.
She hopped back into the car and all we were left with was this story…and no doubt about Plastic Face’s sexuality. That lucky bastard!
June 7th, 2005 at 3:46 am
Koo Koo Roo is a all poultry restaurant. It has various meals from wraps to burritos to bowls to skinless chickens. Also, there are various sides and soups. My favorite meal is the Tostada bowl :). I should know all of this coz I work at the Koo Koo Roo in San Diego, CA. However, after they upped the prices back in November, a lot of the regulars I used to see have stopped coming.
October 16th, 2006 at 10:05 am
[...] Mr. Mitchell and I used to eat lunch at the same Koo Koo Roo — yes, the notorious one — back when he was a bit player on the short-lived sitcom Party Girl. I want to claim that I knew him before Hedwig, but the truth is I only knew who he was. Important distinction. [...]
November 29th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Having been a victim of being grabbed in public when I was 12 by a guy in his 20 years and held against the side of a building and kissed so I couldn’t scream out when the police - yes the police - rolled by and helped by nobody on the streets and yes, there were people — I’d say find a way to call 911… even if it is while you are getting your chicken… they have phones in there, don’t they?
Worse that can happen is the police ignore you or the people get cited for being a public nuisance, but you could actually be stopping a crime in the making.
February 24th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Here’s a similar story with details:
HAVERSTRAW, N.Y. - A man fighting with his girlfriend clung to a car roof and punched her through the window as she drove more than a mile on a busy road, hitting several other cars, police said.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080224/aponfest/oddbrawlonwheels
March 18th, 2008 at 10:24 am
The man was a Valet. He probably left something vitally important, like his wallet, or GREEN CARD inside the car. He desperately needs it back. Maybe his paycheck was in the wallet and his rent is due, and this man REFUSES to be late on his rent.
April 6th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Dear Mr. August,
This is a very old post so you might not see this. I’m reading it as a “featured article.” I would like to say thank you for asking (attempting to, at least) if everything was okay.
You see, it is not at all surprising to me that she was calm. Have you ever tried to live as a young woman in LA? Once I was getting off the 10 freeway & realized the lane I was in would force me to go the wrong direction so I turned on my blinker, looked for some space to change lanes, changed & waved thanks. I would normally have liked to have more of a gap before changing lanes but the car didn’t have to slam on the brakes or anything. Anyway, the guy decides he didn’t want me to change lanes in front of him (I was very sorry if it felt like I cut him off because I truly didn’t mean to or think it would have that effect) to take his car and weave in & out of lines trying to slam his car into mine. I got on my cell phone very calmly & called 911 & described his car. When he saw me on my cell phone, he refused to do anything besides stay even with me so that I couldn’t get his license plate. Then, he hurriedly took off. I was very sorry I changed lanes in front of him, especially when I saw how upset it made him but the way the freeway exit was confused me & took me by surprise. At any rate, it didn’t merit him weaving in & out of lanes to try to cause an accident with me & risk colliding into other people driving.
That is only one story. There are others. Let’s see. The man who wanted my parking space as I was leaving Barnes & Noble but who pulled up so close I couldn’t get out & who refused to move. (He insisted that if I went the other direction & squeezed, I could get out that way.) Again, I calmly tried to reason, then was about to get on my cell phone when a parking guard came over. He saw the guard & backed up.
Then there were the run-ins with the weird man on the bus who likes to rub against people. (That is probably why the person at the bus stop didn’t react–just used to weird people on the bus, which is unfortunate because it can be convenient for short trips in areas where parking is really congested.)
There was the friend of a friend who asked to use my bathroom & came out completely naked. Again, I responded calmly.
Calm communication tends to be more effective. But that doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate it when a kind, considerate person asks to help & injects some normalcy into the situation. Like the guy who scooted over so I could move away from rubbing man. We appreciate it. Thanks!