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Search Results for: slugline

Are parentheticals over-used?

October 18, 2010 QandA, Words on the page

questionmarkYou often hear you shouldn’t use parentheticals for things other than acting directions (“surprised”, “relieved”, etc… And even use those sparingly).

What’s the accepted tolerance for parentheticals for actions such as:

MINDY

(raising her glass)

I wish to say a few words...

or

JÜRGEN

Wait!

(signaling for the soldiers to stop)

She has the detonator!

Is this a big no-no? A small no-no? Can you get away with it once or twice in a script, if you want to shave off a few lines from a page? Or does it reek of the amateur screenwriter?

— Liam
Paris

I’ve used parentheticals in situations similar to both your examples, though I’m more likely to break those lines out as scene description:

Raising her glass --

MINDY

I wish to say a few words...

But as I’ve [written about before](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2003/using-parentheticals), there are other situations in which parentheticals make sense, and using them smartly can both trim pages and improve the read. It’s all to your taste and style.

You’ll find A-list screenwriters who write five-line parentheticals and others who eschew them altogether. (Anything you do in a parenthetical could theoretically be accomplished in scene description.)

Read a lot of screenplays and find a style you like. For example, you may find yourself emulating writers who use parentheticals for as-if situations…

TARA

(“damn it!”)

Puppetfuzz!

…or to establish the pacing on a joke. Try it and see what works.

Like CUT TO:’s and sluglines, the use of parentheticals comes down to personal preference. As long as you are consistent and engaging, readers are unlikely to object.

Formatting the faux-documentary

May 24, 2010 Formatting, Genres, QandA

questionmarkI want to know more about proper formatting of the new documentary aesthetic that’s been brought about by shows like The Office and Modern Family. I’m referencing specifically the ironic or conspiratorial glances into camera, the unexplained interview shots. These shows seem to have the assumption that there’s a documentary crew present. I love that! And I love the potential for humor it brings about.

My question is this: how would that be written in a script other than through the use of “into camera”? Is there a way to indicate that an entire film or pilot would be shot in this manner? I’m also interested in your general stylistic take on this and whether or not you think we’ll see this approach used in feature films successfully?

— Ashleigh
Los Angeles CA

The faux-documentary trend has detractors, but I think it works very well in the two shows you mention.

Each show will have its own house style for how they format it in the script, ((As always, if you’re writing a spec episode of a existing show, hunt down one of its scripts and follow its lead exactly.)) but it’s usually handled in the slugline when the whole scene is directed towards the camera:

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY [INTERVIEW]

MARK

No. I’m not disappointed. Not at all. Surprised, sure. Dejected? A little. Angry maybe, but not furious. I guess I’d say I’m “disappointed” and leave it at that.

These shows tend to treat the camera as an unnamed character who either (a) is aware of something other characters in the scene aren’t, or (b) might take something embarrassing out of context unless clarified.

If a character is directing a line or a look to camera, call that out. (If it helps, think of “camera” as a producer standing right next to the lens.)

CANDY KANE

It just seems too big to fit. Maybe if we greased it up or something.

Laura gestures to camera -- see?

Reference the camera sparingly. Unless the point of your script is the documentary itself (c.f. The Comeback), you’re likely to undercut the comedy or drama by acknowledging that characters are aware their actions are being filmed.

Now that’s a gunfight

July 14, 2009 Genres, Words on the page

I’m busy working on Preacher, and it’s no spoiler to say that it features a gunfight or two. Last night, I [twittered to ask](http://twitter.com/johnaugust/status/2627321991) what people’s favorite gunfights were, Western or otherwise.

I got a lot of replies, but one name that kept coming up was Michael Mann. He consistently finds ways to send thousands of bullets flying while acknowledging the rules of physics. ((I have nothing against impossible gunfights like in The Matrix, Equilibrium or Wanted, but I’m trying to keep to keep this one a bit more grounded.))

I haven’t seen Public Enemies yet, but this clip shows the feeling he creates:

But when you’re talking about Michael Mann gunfights, you really have to discuss Heat. Here’s the showstopper:

I looked up Mann’s [screenplay for Heat](http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/Heat.pdf), to see what that looked like on the page.

Mann uses a lot of sluglines and short sentences to create the tempo of the fight. It’s chaos, and that’s reflected in the writing. He’s inconsistent with scene headers, and not especially concerned with establishing geography.

It doesn’t matter: action writing needs to create the feeling of an action sequence, not choreograph each bullet.

Bosko’s moving 90 degrees to the right, crossing the street. There would be no, there was no, and there never is any, warning. Neil Hanna and Schwartz with 12- gauges OPEN FIRE. World War III ERUPTS. Now we hear distant POLICE SIRENS.

CHRIS

is hit in the neck.

NEIL’S

FIRING 3-SHOT BURSTS that blow up Schwartz and a lamppost and hit a woman who falls over her shopping cart, shrieking. Hanna’s behind the lamppost.

BOSKO

across the street with his AR-180, opens up on the station wagon which takes HITS. A BLACK AND WHITE slides sideways and COP #1 with a shotgun runs across the street hollering at kids who stop and stare and drop school books.

COP # 1

Drop! Drop down!

CERRITO

over the station wagon roof FIRES a BURST at Bosko, then swings onto Cop #1 and fires, killing him. Cerrito jumps into the wagon.

THE STREET – WIDE: A BUS

The driver panics and slams on his brakes and his bus full of people stalls in the combat zone between Bosko and the wagon.

BOSKO (O.S.)

(screams)

Get the bus out of here...

NEIL

shielded by the green bag of money which has taken hits, FIRES at Hanna and backs to Chris.

HANNA

pulls Schwartz to cover.

CHRIS

dazed – holding his bleeding neck while Neil FIRES into the parking lot...

PARKING LOT

...hitting Casals getting out of his car. Casals sits down as if stunned.

MAN

pulling his car out of the lot ducks behind the wheel and crashes it into a parked car.

EXT. BANK – CERRITO

CERRITO

(to Neil)

C’mon! C’mon! C’mon!

Neil can’t rake it through the incoming FIRE from Hanna and Cop #2 to the station wagon and Cerrito and knows it.

NEIL

(to Breedan and Cerrito)

Go!! Go!!

ON STATION WAGON

Breedan floors it.

HANNA

re-emerges, kneels and PUMPS SHOTS into the station wagon.

BOSKO

rounds the bus with the AR-180 and OPENS UP

STATION WAGON

draws everyone’s FIRE. Breedan ducks and pilots it through the gauntlet.

NEIL

has taken off down the sidewalk, supporting Chris. TIGHTEN. He runs in among crowds of civilians. He knocks over a man, breaks through. People are screaming, staring, shocked.

INT. STATION WAGON – BREEDAN

getting BLOWN APART by Hanna, Bosko, and Cop #2 falls over the wheel and then is thrown back.

EXT. STREET – STATION WAGON

tires are BLOWN OUT.

It spins across the street on steel rims and crashes sideways into a parked car on the east side of Hawthorne.

INT. STATION WAGON – CERRITO

shot three times, holds his abdomen and bails, returning FIRE. Breedan, like a rag doll is half over into the rear seat and still being hit by more rounds. We HOLD on David Breedan. He’s dead.

CUT TO:

EXT. SIDE STREET – CERRITO

east up a side street past people who stand on their lawns and stare – traumatized.

WIDER

Bosko and Cop #3 chase Cerrito. Cerrito FIRES a long BURST. They can’t fire back because of the people.

CUT TO:

EXT. SAFEWAY – TRACKING NEIL + CHRIS – DAY

and the money – running, skipping and dodging past all manner of pedestrians, newspaper coin boxes, fruit vendors and parking meters. People dodge, scream and fall down. It’s chaos.

TRACKING HANNA

a half block behind, chasing Neil – pushing through the same people.

HANNA

(shouts at pedestrians)

Get down! Get down!

EXT. SAFEWAY PARKING LOT – NEIL + CHRIS

Neil – supporting Chris – throws a lady, who was getting out, back into her Olds Cutlass. He dumps Chris and the money in the back seat and turns on Hanna.

NEIL

extends the collapsible stock braces on the roof for accuracy and FIRES over the roof of other cars and through people at Hanna closing in 5o yards away.

CUT TO:

EXT. SAFEWAY – HANNA + CIVILIANS

who panic. SHOOTING. Windows EXPLODE. A lady holds her ears and shrieks. A newspaper coin box SHATTERS. A man’s bag of groceries explode milk and eggs everywhere. He goes down.

HANNA

doesn’t have a clear shot and drops, dragging people down with him.

NEIL

behind the wheel – burns rubber pulling out of the lot over curbstones and through a fence into the alley.

For another example of scripting a gunfight, I’d point you back to the Alaska pilot. You can see the gunfight [here](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2009/alaska-the-satchel-boy), and read the script in the [Library](http://johnaugust.com/library).

Can I go beyond DAY and NIGHT?

February 20, 2009 Formatting, QandA, Words on the page

questionmarkIs there a hard and fast rule for first time screenwriters correctly writing their slug lines? I understand that it is for the production people to know WHERE and WHEN to shoot the scene. But I’ve also been told on the boards of quite a few screenwriting forums by supposed professionals, that it is NOT part of your story and so you only ever write DAY or NIGHT.

I’m told that if you want readers to know it’s foggy or stormy you tell them as “part of the story” in the action lines below. Yet in many of the spec scripts I’ve seen online, writers use CONTINUOUS, SAME, LATER etc in their slugs. Is it only solicited writers who’ve already been green lighted for production that have the privilege of writing beyond the binary of DAY or NIGHT? I find that hard to believe this when software like Final Draft allows you to be more expressive in your slugs, and still, I’m continually told otherwise.

It would be much appreciated if you could clear up this issue that has confused, infuriated and made me less confident in my writing now for far too long. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

— Tim
Ischia, Italy

Sluglines are there to help production, but they also help readers. If venturing slightly beyond the confines of DAY or NIGHT makes the read easier, do it.

All of the following are legit:

INT. HOUSE – DAY

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

EXT. FOREST – DAWN

EXT. SPACE

EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT [RAINING]

INT. BOWLING ALLEY – NIGHT [FLASHBACK]

The first two are obvious and standard.

DAWN is okay, as long as there really is a reason the scene needs to be taking place close to sunrise, rather than just general DAY. For example, if you were following characters through a string of harrowing night scenes, and they bunkered down in an abandoned railway car, it might be important to really note when it’s dawn again. Same case for DUSK or SUNSET. In a vampire movie, that could be crucial.

Space has no day or night. Generally in science fiction there is a sense of what “day” and “night” feel like, however. So feel free to use it on a spaceship, for example, to indicate the daily routines.

I use brackets at the end of a slugline to highlight special conditions. Rain is a big deal, both for story and production purposes. And flagging a scene as a flashback helps both readers and assistant directors.

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