John August

Psych 101

Dick jokes for classy producers

Film Industry, Psych 101, QandA

questionmarkI recently met a Hollywood producer. Let’s call him Frank. Frank is a big name everyone reading this has heard of. Through a quirky, unrelated favor that I did for Frank he agreed to meet with me and read one or two of my scripts.

During this meeting I professed to having written a dozen scripts or so, over the last ten years. When in reality I have really only managed to see five full length screenplays to the finish line. Okay, four. Frank told me to put my best foot forward and give him only the script that I was the most proud of. The one script that would show him what kind of writer I am and that I can really write.

I narrowed it down to the last two scripts I’d written and just sat down and re-read each one as though I were looking through Frank’s eyes. I’m pretty convinced he wouldn’t like either one.

My screenplays are nothing like any of the movies Frank has ever produced. In fact, when I consider the caliber of films he has produced, I’m pretty sure he’ll find my scripts rather offensive. As I had an entirely different audience in mind when crafting my odd little raunchy comedies. They make me and my buddies roar with laughter. Some of the most sublime and genius dick jokes ever conceived. But again, to Frank, those same jokes will probably be interpreted as simply flaccid and tasteless.

This window of opportunity that I have been given will start closing soon and I don’t have time to write something he may like. I don’t know what to do. Should I just go ahead and give one to him anyway and hope for the best? Or, should I humbly ask to cash in this favor later, after I’ve had time to dress my best foot in a nicer shoe?

— Dirty Feet

Favors like these have an expiration date, so you really can’t bank it for later. Pick the script you think is best — even if it’s the raunchiest — and send it over.

In the (short) cover letter, warn him that it’s deliberately offensive and tasteless. If there is a specific genre you were trying to hit, give examples. South Park isn’t everyone’s taste, but a script that aims for and achieves its level of clever offensiveness is worth reading.

Let’s hope Frank likes it, or at least understands what you were going for. In all likelihood, he won’t be the only person in the office reading it. His assistant or development exec might love it and call you in for a meeting. You don’t know. The only thing you know for sure is that they can’t love it if they don’t read it.

And don’t assume Frank is always classy. You’d be surprised who likes dick jokes.

On Dogfooding, and scratching your own itch

Directors, Follow Up, Psych 101

Several readers have written in to ask whether we have plans for Chrome or Firefox versions of [Less IMDb](http://quoteunquoteapps.com/less-imdb). We don’t — not because we have anything against those browsers. We just don’t use them nearly as much as Safari. We built the extension to address our own needs, and shared it with others because they might like it.

When you make something that you yourself use, that’s called [dogfooding](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dogfooding+(to+dogfood)), a contraction of “eating your own dogfood.” That’s developer-speak, but it’s a mindset screenwriters would do well to appropriate.

Aspiring screenwriters will often throw a few loglines at me and ask which one they should write. My answer is always, “The one you would pay money to see.”

That’s dogfooding’s close cousin, scratching your own itch. You’re writing movies you wish existed.

Looking at successful filmmakers — in particular, writer-directors — it’s pretty clear who is doing this. Tarantino makes movies to fill a special shelf at his fantasy video store. Wes Anderson makes movies his own characters would dissect over canapes.

If you have more mainstream taste, great. Embrace that. Scratch your own itch. But forget about “commercial” or “high concept.” If you’re writing a movie you yourself wouldn’t buy a ticket to see, you’re wasting everyone’s time.

The One-Month Manager

Film Industry, Producers, Psych 101, QandA

questionmarkWhat’s a reasonable amount of time to give your manager to read a draft of your script? It sometimes takes mine up to a month.

It seems long to me and I have been losing faith in his desire to get me work or sell my scripts. I’ve been with him for two years now and got a lot of meetings with the first script we went out with, but in the last year and a half nothing. At first he was very hands on and now it seems he has pushed me to the very bottom of his to do list.

I’ve stayed in touch with some of the producers I’ve taken meeting with and was wondering if it’s crossing a line to ask them to help me get a new manager or an agent?

— Mike
Hollywood

Don’t worry about firing your manager. He’s already fired you, but doesn’t have the guts to tell you.

Substitute “manager” for “agent” and follow my advice on [How to leave an agent](http://johnaugust.com/archives/2010/how-to-leave-an-agent). You could have the Big Talk with him, but in the end I strongly suspect you’ll need to move on.

If you’ve kept up relationships with those producers you’ve met, it’s absolutely fair to ask their input on a new manager and/or agent. But it’s going to be really awkward if your only contact was the meet-and-greet months ago. They need to be colleagues, not contacts.

Ask yourself whether you’ve done everything you could to make your screenwriting career happen. As I put it before:

> The biggest change shouldn’t be who is representing you, but how you’re representing yourself. As you take meetings, make them understand that you will work your ass off to land assignments, then work five times harder to deliver. Say it and mean it.

I wouldn’t bother firing your manager until you have something new and shiny with which to attract attention.

**UPDATE:**

Reader James points out I never really answered the question of how long is too long to wait.

If you hand your manager a script on a Monday or Tuesday, you should expect to hear back by Friday — or get a call/email saying that he’ll read it over the weekend. A script delivered on Wednesday or later will probably be weekend reading as well.

He should get back to you by the Monday afternoon with word that he’s read it, or an explanation if he hasn’t. If you haven’t heard back, take the initiative and call/email.

How many times can a meeting get pushed?

Film Industry, Producers, Psych 101, QandA

questionmarkMeetings get pushed all the time. General meetings aside, how many pushes merits cause for concern regarding interest in you/your idea?

— Matt

Things in Hollywood are never rescheduled. They’re “pushed.” ((Pushed is always “pushed back.” The reciprocal idea of “pulling up” is less common, but you do hear it in terms of release dates.))

AGENT

You heard about ANDERSONVILLE? They’re pushing to April in order to get Brad Pitt.

Anything with a date attached can get pushed. That includes meetings. Yesterday, I finally sat down for a meet-and-greet lunch that had been pushed six times. That’s not a record for me, but it’s close. The lunch wasn’t a particular priority for either the executive or me, which is why both of us felt okay letting it slide.

Meetings get pushed for many reasons, most of them benign. Executives get sick. Unrelated projects go into crisis mode. Particularly with a general meeting, you just have to roll with it.

If your meeting on a specific project keeps gets pushed back, that can signal waning interest. The second time it’s pushed, you should expect an apologetic phone call from the second-highest person who was supposed to be in the room. If that phone call doesn’t come, you can commence worrying.

If you have an agent or manager, it’s her job to investigate. Otherwise, sack up and call. Invent a reason why it’s very important that the new date stick.

Meetings sometimes get cancelled without setting a new date. For me, that starts a 24-hour clock. If a full day has passed and there’s not a new date on the calendar, I will assume the worst.