John August

QandA

Hiring a “script doctor”

QandA, So-Called Experts

I just got to LA a few months ago. I have written a few screenplays, well received from a manager, producer and teachers at my college. But have not landed an agent or manager, yet. I am writing a new script, it’s a hard write but very rewarding. It not only has commercial appeal but I think it is my step in the right direction.

A fellow writer suggested this script doctor to me, just to help me after I got through the “grunt” of my script and really help me polish it. I have tried workshops and things like that with my other scripts, but I do not find them very effective. I figure I would rather take the money and give it to a pro, get a one on one meeting with them and get good notes, of course do the re-writes myself, but getting someone else to look at it and help. My friend the writer tells me he would not send anything out before it goes through her. He swears by her. I think I might try it. Any advice about going to a script doctor?

–Silla Desade
Los Angeles

“Script doctor” generally means something different in the industry, so I want to draw a distinction between the kind of script doctor you’re talking about and the kind of script doctor [Variety](http://www.variety.com) would talk about.

In the industry, a script doctor is an established screenwriter with a bunch of credits who comes in on a project shortly before production and does a rewrite to fix some specific, nagging problems. (Or, depending on your perspective, destroys the things that made the project unique.) [Steve Zaillian](http://imdb.com/name/nm0001873/) is a highly-regarded script doctor. Arguably, I could be considered a script doctor, because I’ve done a fair number of these 23rd-hour emergency jobs. But no one’s business card reads “script doctor.” It’s a specific task within screenwriting, but not really a profession in-and-of itself.

A lot of times, the work you do on these projects is described as “surgical,” which fits well with the script doctor moniker. Generally, you’re not rewriting the whole script. You’re fixing a few key sections that aren’t working.

The person your friend is recommending to you may or may not be a screenwriter. In some cases, it could be someone analogous to a literary editor, who goes through a text and helps “clean it up” before publication. If so, great. Good writers are not always good proofreaders, and it’s important to have sharp eyes looking over your work.

If this person is truly going to rewrite your script, however, I have to question the legitimacy of your career aspirations. Screenwriting isn’t about banging out a first draft and letting someone else make it shine. If you really have limitations in a given area — dialogue, plotting, whatever — you need a writing partner, not a self-styled guru.

Bringing a ringer for a pitch

Pitches, QandA

Would a producer frown on a writer bringing in a ringer to a pitch meeting?  I am the absolute WORST pitcher on the planet.  Could I bring in a friend of mine who is excellent at pitching to do the dirty work for me?  Is this even acceptable?

–Gary

Nope. Not unless your friend is going to be writing it with you.

Believe me, I recognize the fallacy of expecting a writer — whose principal talent is sitting alone in a room for hours on end — to suddenly be talkative and entertaining when pitching a project. Most writers, self included, would much rather toil away in happy isolation. But producers and studio execs want to hear from the writers themselves. So we put on our least-wrinkled clothes, practice what we’re going to say, and try not to make asses of ourselves in pitch meetings.

My standard advice for any pitch: Pretend you just saw the best movie ever, and you want to convince your friend (the producer) why she should see it. Try it with a few real movies and you’ll see that you naturally hop from high point to high point, and don’t dwell a lot on the underlying logic or subplots. That’s a pitch.

Writing the script for a cooking show

Formatting, QandA

I am a culinary student with an idea for a cooking show. Every book I have read, and all the websites I have visited regarding script writing focus on television shows and film, but since my idea isn’t the typical script, how would you go about putting it on paper to pitch the idea?

Is there a standard formatting method for cooking shows? I have an outline with my concept and details for various segments, but I would like to give myself a chance and don’t want to embarrass myself by submitting something that isn’t formatted properly.

–Donald
Pennsauken, New Jersey

Non-fiction shows like the one you’re describing usually aren’t written in screenplay format. To the degree they’re scripted, the format is often done in two columns, with video on the left, and audio on the right. The product page for [Final Draft AV](http://www.finaldraft.com/products/av-features.php4) shows what a typical page looks like.

At this stage, I don’t think you need to worry about the script per se. Instead, I would concentrate on writing a proposal for the show, describing the goal, the host, the distinctive style, and how a typical episode would be structured — especially if there are multiple segments within an episode.

If you feel like writing the script for what the host would be talking about in the “pilot” episode, a two-column format would probably make the most sense. If any readers can point Donald to good examples of scripts from other cooking or home shows, please leave a comment.

Why agents send out terrible scripts

Film Industry, QandA

I am interning for a well-known producer and one of my duties is to read incoming spec scripts and write coverage on them. Everything we read is submitted through agents – yet I am still shocked with how bad almost every script is. What I have trouble understanding is how agents believe these scripts are worthy of being sent out to major production companies. Do agents submit anything their clients write, or do they ever tell clients that they need to work on something a little longer before they’ll send it out?

–Benjamin
Los Angeles

As you’re learning, just because a writer has an agent doesn’t mean she has talent.

To the 99% of readers out there who want an agent, this must come as salt on the wound, but it’s true: really bad writers have agents. They write terrible scripts that people like Benjamin have to read.

Agents aren’t always the best judge of quality, frankly. After all, they aren’t the ones who have to work with writers on endless drafts. They aren’t editors, or critics. Their job is to keep their clients employed. The only way to do that is to get people to hire them, which necessitates having people read their work.

Of course, if a script is terrible, you’re not doing the writer any favors by forcing it out upon the town. But since the agent is neither critic nor editor, he doesn’t have much of a choice. He can politely suggest that the script might need more work in some places, but if the writer wants the script to go out, it’s the agent’s job to send it.

If you’re getting anything out of your internship, Benjamin, I hope it’s an appreciation for just how rare and wonderful good writing is. As you’re seeing, the Hollywood system isn’t designed to shut people out. It’s just that there’s so much crap to wade through, you have to limit how much you let get through the front door.