MTV, please, have a seat. We wanted to have this meeting because we love you, and we can’t sit back and watch you destroy yourself. Last night’s Video Music Awards program was an embarrassment. Sure, the headlines are about Britney, but if you took her away all you’d have was a bunch of bored rappers and fire code violations. Sure, you can say you were just “experimenting” or “re-inventing.” But the Palms was tired after the first Real World: Las Vegas.

I know you wanted to throw a party for the cool rock stars, but they don’t even like you. You’re a joke to them. A tool. You’re not really about music anymore anyway, so stop trying to kiss up to them. Just make your semi-scripted reality shows and play videos from former Disney stars.

Please accept this help we’re offering today. Because we refuse to love you to death.