The Constant Gardener, infant edition
Yesterday, I saw The Constant Gardener.
My quick review: I respected the filmmaking, but I can’t say I loved the movie. Throughout the entire film, I was so far ahead of the Ralph Fiennes character that I found myself thinking more about African theatre, diplomatic passports and shallow-focus lenses than what exactly had happened to poor Ralph’s wife. However, I’ll probably see every movie Fernando Meirelles makes. He’s terrifically talented.
More interesting than the movie itself was the film-going experience: it was my first outing to a Monday Morning Mommy Movie at The Grove.
The whole Mommy Movie concept is pretty basic. Every Monday morning, the theatre shows one of the new releases. Generally, it’s not a kid’s movie — last week, it was The 40-Year Old Virgin. Parents are allowed — encouraged — to bring infants. The theatre lights aren’t turned down all the way, and there’s table set up for changing diapers. There’s also a stroller-parking area outside the theatre.
Depending on whether or not you have a baby, this is either the best thing that ever happened, or a quick descent into Hell. I don’t think anyone accidentally bought a ticket for the Mommy movie, but if they did, I’m sure they quickly got their money back.
At first, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy the movie over the constant din of fussy infants, but it’s amazing how quickly you tune it out. It’s all a matter of expectation. If you expect a quiet movie theatre, one crying baby will ruin it. If you expect noise, it doesn’t bother you a bit.
One phenomenon I hadn’t expected was the seven-minute rule. I don’t know if it’s really seven minutes, but next time you’re at a dinner party, pay attention to the ebb and flow of conversation. About once every seven minutes, it gets really quiet for some reason. Then in starts up again.
It turns out, the same thing happens with babies. One minute, the auditorium will be filled with cries, then it will suddenly get quiet. It’s spooky. And welcome.
The whole think struck me as a particularly ripe arena for a Wedding Crashers-style comedy about guys looking to pick up MILFs, since it would be so easy to strike up a loaded conversation about onesies, breasts, and butt paste.
For the record, “Mommy Movies” is pretty heterosexist, but I’m not getting up on my soapbox. There were only a handful of dads in the audience. Most weeks, I’ll be one of them.
Articles
September 13th, 2005 at 12:18 pm
Thanks for posting about this recurring event. Would love to talk with you about your parenting and the road that brought you to it. We’re considering and lordy, trying to find info is no easy task.
Keep up the good fight.
September 13th, 2005 at 12:25 pm
Oh man! My wife and daughter were there too. Cool. (I’m tethered to the day job.)
I was worried that the movie would be too loud for the babies. But my wife said there were only a couple spots where it got loud. And our daughter slept through most of it.
Then again, she screamed pretty much the rest of the day and night.
RED
September 13th, 2005 at 12:33 pm
They need this in New York.
I generally go to midnight screenings and for reasons I don’t think I’ll ever understand, at the last three movies I saw (Aristocrats, March of the Penguins, 40YOV) there were parents there with their young children. I can understand having or wanting to bring your kids along, but certainly not to a midnight screening.
Is this an offshoot of another heterosexist LA staple, Mommy and Me?
September 13th, 2005 at 12:51 pm
Q: it may be fine for an adult to hear a few baby squeaks during a (not so great) movie. but what about the effects of a 120 minutes of dolby surround THX certified noise on an infant?
September 13th, 2005 at 1:01 pm
Hey John, I’m glad to hear that you got to experience the fun of going to the movies with a baby. Just wait until you have to excuse yourself in the middle of a big scene! I only wish they had the Mommy Movie concept when my kids were little: my wife and I missed bits and pieces of quite a few movies taking turns with restless kids.
Some of the newer movie theaters have added special “crying rooms” at the back with glass windows where you can take a fussy infant or toddler and still watch the movie. And what’s better is that you can catch a later movie, and some of the rooms are more comfortable than the regular seats.
Thank you for the review of The Constant Gardener. It doesn’t surprise me that the movie is a little slow-paced. Most of John le Carre’s books are slow-paced, too. I think I’ll wait for the rental.
Hang in there and keep up the great work!
September 13th, 2005 at 2:11 pm
I liked The Constant Gardener very much. Loved? Not quite. But liked it better than you.
Ralph Fienes’ character is a dull beaurocrat married to a live wire radical hottie. He lives life in denial, ignoring signs that she may be having affairs. He doesn’t want to know what she is doing politically and the danger she’s in.
The screenwriter/director tells us almost right away what her fate is, so this is not a thriller. It ain’t about Ralph’s effort to rescue her. It’s about his plodding effort and slow transformation to uncover the truth and change himself.
I am of a generation that admires Le Carre (and Graham Greene before him) and this is the sort of thing they are great at. An audience member looking for a thriller, circa 2005, will be disappointed.
Pretentious artistic analogy ahead! The film reminded me of one of my favorites, Kurosawa’s Ikiru, not just because it’s about the transformation of a dull beaurocrat into an activist, but because it tells us of the fate of one of the main characters early one. Therefore, the point isn’t to engender suspense, but to show us how the other characters react and change (or don’t change). Of course, nowadays, by eliminating suspense, we eliminate what most people want to see at the movies.
Dave
September 13th, 2005 at 2:51 pm
Hi John,
Los Feliz 3 and the Vista also have Mommy movies, Wednesday morning. And if I’m not mistaken, Arclight has them too.
My little monster was particularly impressed with “Charlie and the Choc. Fac.” BTW.
September 13th, 2005 at 3:25 pm
I don’t think that a lesbian couple would find “Mommy Movies” to be a heterosexist term.
I think the word you’re looking for is “sexist”. If, indeed, you are.
September 13th, 2005 at 5:34 pm
This isn’t intended to be a polemical post but I interpreted John’s description of “Mommy Movies” as his observation of the experience, rather than a reaction to the term. But, with the quotations perhaps one could go either way.
Strange that after lurking around this site on a daily basis and enjoying it so much, this would be my first post. I’ll take this moment and thank you, John, for providing such a rich online resource. Many thanks!
September 13th, 2005 at 7:02 pm
Around where I’m from they call it CineBabies. We used to go when my first was newborn, now with three under 3, that’s all a luxury. The stroller parking is really funny. Your next script should include a scene with stroller parking for sure. I just picture the line up of double parked strollers in the hallway of the theatre and I laugh.
September 13th, 2005 at 7:16 pm
I like to see movies in the daytime. Less people. Better seating. But I think that’s a great idea. Now if we could just have screenings for annoying ppl on their cell phones the whole movie.
September 14th, 2005 at 4:38 am
I learned about your blog a couple of weeks ago, and have enjoyed reading through old entries. This is a wonderful resource. Thank you! For what it’s worth, I agree with the above comment; the Mommy Movie phenomenon is sexist, not heterosexist. I can assure you that heterosexual fathers don’t feel welcomed by that name either. I went once, never went back. But the main reason I didn’t is this. The American Pediatric Association released an authoritatve report last year confirming earlier recommendations that children under 2 should not see television, even television designed for children; that it can have adverse effects developmentally; I can only imagine the effects of an adult movie with adult edits and volume. Having said this, I don’t know of many other parents who actually abide by the guidelines (other than us); even my pediatrician lets his 9-month-old watch TV!
September 14th, 2005 at 8:00 am
In my experience, infants tend to pick up on moments of tension around them (hence the phenomenon of the baby starting to cry at the most suspenseful moments of the movie). Did this hold true en masse?
September 14th, 2005 at 11:15 am
I wonder if they still have the Deadbeat Dad Comedy Festival the third Friday of the month?
September 14th, 2005 at 4:50 pm
John,
The “Wedding Crashers”/MILF pick-up scene was dealt with in “About A Boy” with the Hugh Grant character. Right?
September 15th, 2005 at 9:06 am
What I find funny about this post is that, just a week and a half ago, I saved something to my interest file I keep for screenwriting purposes about the silence rule. Great. Now that Oscar winner is in the toilet. Thanks John.
All kidding aside. If you’d like to check it out…
http://www.snopes.com/oldwives/silence.asp
September 15th, 2005 at 2:37 pm
I’d been told there’s a pause in conversation every 20 minutes.
Because “that’s when spirits pass through the room.”
Right.
But I never forgot it.
September 15th, 2005 at 2:48 pm
By “spirits” you mean booze, of course.
September 16th, 2005 at 8:51 am
That reminds me of a similar post over at stupidmovietheaters.com. If only the ticket sellers would let the childless folk know what they are getting into!
September 16th, 2005 at 12:24 pm
Having just learned about Bring-Your-Child screenings for the first time this morning, how odd that I would choose today to check up on your blog and find a post about them. Synchronicity is alive and well.
Incidentally, the cinema I learned about it from (in England), doesn’t ALLOW childless people to buy tickets to the screenings…you are required to have an infant in tow to attend.
May 10th, 2007 at 9:46 am
Totally agree with the post. I thought that your points were spot on !
July 1st, 2007 at 12:33 pm
This is exactly what I expected to find out after reading the title The Constant Gardener, infant edition. Thanks for informative article