How to introduce a character
New Assistant Matt came into my office recently, a look of uneasy revelation in his eyes. He was holding the spec script a friend had sent him to read. “It doesn’t just get better, does it?” he asked. “If it’s bad on page six, it’s bad to the end.”
I said yes, and assured that him that just like he got past the shocking secret of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, this realization was only momentarily terrifying. Once you understand that your parents buy you presents, that bunnies don’t lay eggs, and that bad writing doesn’t spontaneously improve, a new world of possibility opens up. In the case of scripts, it means that you can stop reading quite early — unless you’ve promised your friends you’d give them notes. Then you’re screwed.
Just how early can you tell a script isn’t going to work? To me, it’s as the first few characters are introduced. If character introductions are not done artfully, the odds of anything else in the script being great are slim.
- The visitor sits beside the bed and Ripley finally notices him. He is thirtyish and handsome, in a suit that looks executive or legal, the tie loosened with studied casualness. A smile referred to as ‘winning.’
- MAN
- Nice room. I’m Burke. Carter Burke. I work for the company, but other than that I’m an okay guy. Glad to see you’re feeling better.
That’s James Cameron’s terrific script for Aliens, page 3, the introduction of Paul Reiser’s character. Even before Burke speaks, let’s look at what Mr. Cameron told us:
- Burke’s rough age.
- That he’s decent-looking.
- He’s a “suit,” but trying not to look like a suit.
- He seems friendly — but there’s something possibly false about it.
Burke’s first lines of dialogue reinforce our expectation from the character description. “Yes, I work for the company, but I want you to think I’m on your side.”
- Lance, late-20s, is a young man with a wild and woolly appearance that goes hand-in-hand with his wild and woolly personality. Lance has been selling drugs his entire adult life. He’s never had a day job, never filed a tax return and has never been arrested. He wears a red flannel shirt over a “Speed Racer” tee-shirt.
Pulp Fiction by Quentin Tarantino, the introduction of Eric Stoltz’s character. It’s an unusually long introduction by Tarantino standards — he often just gives you a name. But the scene that follows is long on drug-speak and short on character-revelation, which I suspect is why Tarantino put in the details. Let’s look at what we know about Lance after this paragraph:
- Lance’s rough age.
- He’s scruffy, with a possibly ironic pop-culture sensibility.1
- He’s a career drug dealer, but unambitious and not traditionally criminal.
The second and third sentences of Lance’s introduction are the kind of details that often flummox newer screenwriters. After all, you’re not allowed to put anything in a script that can’t be seen or heard, right? How is the audience supposed to know this information?
Tarantino’s cheating. Most good screenwriters cheat a little, particularly when introducing a character. Keep in mind that an audience watching the movie has the benefit of seeing the actor playing the role, and all the specifics that come with a flesh-and-blood person. Since the screenwriter has mere words, it’s generally okay to throw an unfilmable sentence or two a particularly important moment. And there’s no more important moment in the script than the introduction of a key character.
So here are some guidelines to get you started.
1. Show and tell
The best character introductions tend to include both a sense of what you see (the character’s physical appearance) and an intriguing tidbit about their personality and/or situation. That’s certainly the case with both Burke and Lance.
You don’t have to give an age range, but it’s common. You don’t have to say the character is good-looking, but if it’s your hero, that’s not a bad idea. While many actors want to play “ordinary people,” they prefer playing “quirkily good-looking” ordinary people. 2
In other cases, the appearance of a character isn’t as much of a concern. In my script for the never-made Fantasy Island, I needed to include the mother and father of a teenage boy. Obviously, they had to be old enough to have a teenager, but beyond that, what they looked like wasn’t particularly important:
- Jeremy’s FATHER is a commodities trader, remarried to a dental hygienist named MINDIE. Jeremy’s MOTHER is two valiums and three stiff drinks into the afternoon. She’s trying to figure out how to work the disposable camera.
Look for details that have an iceberg quality: only a little bit sticks above the surface, but it represents a huge mass of character information the reader can fill in. The “ie” ending on Mindie’s name suggests booby vapidity, and given that she only has one line, that’s really all the setup she needs.
2. Pick the right scene
For major characters, you’ll often be able to structure a scene so that it showcases a character’s introduction. For Go, we hear about Todd Gaines before we meet him:
- RONNA
- I don’t need Simon. I’m going to Todd.
- MANNIE
- Todd GAINES?
- CLAIRE
- Who’s Todd Gaines?
- MANNIE
- Simon’s dealer.
- Claire sits forward in the seat, suddenly worried.
- CLAIRE
- You can’t do that, can you? I mean, go around Simon.
- She looks at Mannie. He shrugs, unsure.
From this snippet, we know there’s reason to be concerned. When we get to Todd’s apartment, the set decoration tells us about the man we’re going to meet.
- Shades drawn, the room is completely insulated from reality. The light bulbs have been markered over, casting eerie pools of red and green light. Broken CD’s dangle off a tiny Christmas tree by the stereo. Slacker seasonalism.
- GAINES (O.S.)
- Don’t let the cat out.
- Ronna closes the door behind her.
- TODD GAINES emerges from the darkened bedroom, tying thestring on a pair of sweat pants. That’s all he’s wearing.
- RONNA
- I didn’t wake you up, did I?
- GAINES
- Nah.
- He settles into an overstuffed couch and lights a Marlboro. Adjusts himself in the crotch. Motions for her to take a chair. She’s more nervous than she wants to let on.
Because of the setup, I didn’t need to describe him as being lean or menacing. By giving him a den, he’s lion-like. The scene does the work. Consider how much more difficult it would be to describe the character if we were meeting him in a supermarket, or at the DMV.3
Keep in mind that writing a scene which just introduces a character is generally an awful idea. No matter how funny/dramatic/fascinating, unless the scene has a valid story purpose, it will likely never make it into the film. Have clever writers sometimes included big character intro scenes simply to land a specific actor, knowing full well that these scenes would never make it into the movie? Probably. But if you can marry a great character introduction to a meaningful story point, you serve everyone better.
3. Not all characters deserve a full-blown intro
Throwing an extra line or two of description for a character introduction is a signal to the reader — “Hey, pay attention to this guy!” In a given script, there may be four to ten characters who really merit this treatment. But SECURITY GUARD #3 doesn’t. So don’t describe him, unless you need something very specific for a joke or moment. A reader can only handle so much information before getting confused, so your arbitrary choice to make the DRY CLEANER CLERK asthmatic may actually hurt you.
I’ve written a couple of other articles on the issue, so rather than re-capping, let me recommend:
When characters have multiple names
Writing what can’t be shot
And in the “How To” series:
How to Write a Scene
How to Write Dialogue
- Saying that a Tarantino character likes popular culture is like saying a Woody Allen character has self-doubt. ↩
- My friend Jordan recently described an executive secretary character as being, “The prettiest girl on the 44th floor,” which pretty much nails it. ↩
- In the editing room, we ended up trimming the head of the scene — he’s already sitting down as the scene starts. But the setup let us get into the mood. ↩
April 16th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
I know I’m going to sound like a nerd saying this, but… I mean, COME ON… this is invaluable stuff.
John, for whatever it’s worth, this page is worth a goldmine. I’m sure I’ll sound like a doe-eyed admirer, but thanks for taking the time to write on this page… it’s not like you ain’t busy.
THIS is what film school should be like.
Anyhow… thanks.
April 16th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Great advice, as it always is.
April 16th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Sometimes using a popular star to describe a character can work.
In the novel, The DaVinci Code, Dan Brown describes his main character, Robert Langdon as, “Harrison Ford in tweed”. The rules of a novel are a bit different but I think you can get away with that in a screenplay.
April 16th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Very helpful stuff.
April 16th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Interesting about the “cheating,” John. I’ll tell you the truth. As a reader, I always hate seeign the unfilmables, and I pretty much objected to it in the Tarantino excerpt as well. But I do think there is a less offensive way to sneak it in. I never minded it when someone was described as “the type of guy who would…” as opposed to reading, “He is…” Does that make any sense?
Interesting post though. (And for the record, I think the quickest I realized a script was going to suck was 1/4 of the way down Page 1. Of coruse I read the whole script anyway, with an open mind, but I was 100% right.)
April 16th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
This was very helpful. Thank you!
April 16th, 2007 at 9:34 pm
Funny how perceptions/taste can vary. I thought you were quoting the snippet from Aliens as an example of a rather bad character introduction. I don’t really have a problem with the description (although I’d cut a few words in it,) but rather with his spoken introduction. To me his lines are too much on the nose. Especially “I work for the company, but other than that I’m an okay guy.” seems like a contrived, forced and too obvious way to “sketch” the guy down (whether the line is meant and/or interpreted ironically or not) On top of that it just doesn’t seem to be in-character for a shrewd, corporate, I’ll-fuck-you-in-the-ass-and-you’ll-never-know-it kind of character. (Heheh, the above can be looked at as a character introduction as well, which tells you what a crappy screenwriter I am.)
By the way, I cringed when I read that Harrison Ford line in “The Davinci Code” (granted, I cringed a lot when reading that book.) Too abundant, not to mention out-of-style, but also very characteristic of Dan Brown’s writing.
April 16th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
Sometimes using a popular star to describe a character can work.
I’d be very hesitant to do this in a screenplay, lest the reader/producer/studio thinks you’re trying to cast the film already! It might work in a novel, although I think it’s lazy; it’s a bit of a loaded gun in a screenplay.
April 16th, 2007 at 11:58 pm
El Pirato, now you mention it, yeah, Burke’s line maybe ‘on the nose’, maybe something like:
“How are you are feeling - rough ride, huh? Oh, I’m Burke. Don’t let the suit fool ya”
Better. Even worse?
Great article, John.
April 17th, 2007 at 12:11 am
I think writing the unfilmable when it comes to character intros is the sort of thing that you’d put in a spec script, not necessarily in a shooting script. The spec script is meant to be read, not shot directly as is, and so entertaining the reader rather than the viewer is important at that early stage, so it has some ‘prose’ aspects to it that’ll probably go by the time you start numbering scenes. Plus Tarantino doesn’t really count, as he’s a hyphen - he could write whatever the hell he likes, he’s going to direct it anyway.
By the way, can anyone think of an example of a bad character intro from a screenplay?
And finally, I’ve spent a lot of time avoiding anything Dan Brown related, on the theory that a book with that much mass appeal is probably tripe. The Harrison Ford line made me chuckle, though. Imagine the casting session: Okay… we want Harrison Ford in tweed… how about Tom Hanks with bizarre hair? Yeah, okay, we couldn’t afford Ford anyway.
April 17th, 2007 at 1:51 am
Bad writing is doesn’t spontaneously improve? Good to know, John.
I kid, I kid! Kind of. I mean, how often do any of us get a chance to critique anything you’ve written. Allow me to feel like the queen of the world for 2 seconds.
…ok, that’s passed. Now I just have to say yes to everything else you said in that post. I do agree that cheating a little and putting an unfilmable line in is not only okay, but probably immensely helpful to readers and (hopefully, eventually) directors, casting directors, and actors.
Personally, I would rather try to let the characters actions and/or words in their intro scene do most the talking, but still, I think those unfilmable lines are useful for conveying your character AND getting the reader’s attention. I don’t think you should rely on them too much. I mean, if your character intro has to include one to get the point across, there might be a problem. But if you’re doing it for the sake of intriguing the reader to go further or giving the casting director some hints, more power to you.
April 17th, 2007 at 5:18 am
As always, pure gold, in written form… Also in the responses. Thanks!
April 17th, 2007 at 8:04 am
DSC suggests:
The original line struck me as a little on-point, too, but on reflection I think it works well. If the point is that the guy -is- Company, -knows- he’s Company and knows everyone will see him that way, too, and he wants to overcome that image, he’s going to think that overtly distancing himself from the Company is going to set the Company up as an out-group and him-and-Ripley as the in-group. Whether it works or not on Ripley, I can see why he’d use it and think himself clever for the use… the proposed revision doesn’t do that. It does something else - establishes his purported sympathy for Ripley in sentence 1 and establishes himself as “just folks” which might give him Ripley’s sympathy… but it changes the distancing effort from the Company to the suit. Which is just fine, but it’s different from what the original does.
April 17th, 2007 at 9:40 am
Great tips here! I went through everything in the links as well. I’m starting to understand the purpose of a lengthy writing method. It just makes more sense than just diving in. I just red through Tarantino’s Death Proof script, and as I was going through, part of my mind was thinkin’ “Hey, he broke half the rules”… but the more important half of the mind said “F*** that, the rules are meant to be broken…” And I couldn’t put the script down, because the characters came off the page so well! Even though I’d seen the movie, the writing was so good I actually felt SUSPENSE! I love the character intro tips though- small hints dropping larger back-story is so important, not only for people reading the scripts, but for potential actors to SENSE the characters. Great stuff- thanks!
April 17th, 2007 at 9:59 am
I was reading a screenplay for Silence of the Lambs (I think it was the final draft) and the introduction to Hannibal’s character is quite long. Hannibal’s introduction is tightly tied in with the introduction to Chilton’s character. Chilton’s description, via dialogue with Clarice, of Hannibal goes on for a few pages before before we see Hannibal (unlike the brief into to Gaines character in Go), and then we get some lengthy descriptions of Hannibal’s cell before we finally getting a physical description of him. It certainly makes for good reading, and from what I can tell the scene was filmed almost verbatim. I imagine it is unusual to have such a long character intro but this particular movie was adapted in part by the author of the book. Do you find it common for authors adapting their own work to screenplays to hold on to lengthy character descriptions–i.e. is it harder for them to get away from lengthy narratives allowed by the novel format?
April 17th, 2007 at 11:07 am
“How are you are feeling - rough ride, huh?”
No, she was in cryo-sleep. Pretty smooth ride I’d say.
“Oh, I’m Burke.”
Brilliant character introduction! John - and Jim - eat your heart out!
“Don’t let the suit foolya”.
Fool ya into believing what - that the guy’s not Burke?
April 17th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
DSC: Yeah, I think James Cameron did just fine.
On the other thing, when screenwriters use a popular actor or person to describe their character, it doesn’t necessarily raise any flags with producers or studio execs. Like all screenplays, it all depends on how it’s done and/or who wrote it.
One of the early drafts of Cinderella Man (the Cliff Hollingsworth version), made a reference to Jim Braddock’s wife, May, as “if Audrey Hepburn had been born in Jersey”–that’s not verbatim–but I’d argue that it works nicely.
April 17th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
One of the early drafts of Cinderella Man (the Cliff Hollingsworth version), made a reference to Jim Braddock’s wife, May, as “if Audrey Hepburn had been born in Jersey�–that’s not verbatim–but I’d argue that it works nicely.
But clearly the writer wasn’t looking to cast Audrey Hepburn in the role.
April 17th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
I’d argue that using actors - or rather icons - from the old days as a reference to describe a character is acceptable, though not very elegant.
“John Wayne in a spacesuit” says more about a character than “Gerald Butler on steroids” because the reference is in the image (as in perception) rather than the visual (as in likeness).
Referring to current movie stars gives the impression that one is trying to suggest casting, while mentioning a (preferably dead) actor with a legacy communicates a general idea that is linked to certain character traits (in the Duke’s case honesty, toughness, Americana, etc.).
April 17th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
P.S. Hence Dan Brown’s describtion of his protagonist is lazy writing - because Harrison Ford is a pretty viable actor to play Langdon in a film adaptation. It is however a smart device to nudge Hollywood producers into reading the novel with a movie star in the mind - thus planting the idea of making a film based on the book.
April 17th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
Are you guys really all criticizing Dan Brown, James Cameron and Cliff Hollingsworth for their bad or lazy writing?
April 17th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
Are you guys really all criticizing Dan Brown, James Cameron and Cliff Hollingsworth for their bad or lazy writing?
Dan Brown, yes.
James Cameron’s scripts are always wordy, but he’s the director, so he’s allowed to be. Although, really, John was right to use that example as an efficient way to introduce the character.
As for Cliff Hollingsworth, I just assumed Akiva Goldsman wrote that part of the script!
April 17th, 2007 at 4:25 pm
Kevin, who’s “we guys”?! I praised Cameron and criticized a description in Brown’s book. Why, are you really saying “Harrison Ford in tweet” is great writing?
April 17th, 2007 at 6:29 pm
Johnny:
I’m talking about you’s guys. Besides, “Harrison Ford in tweed” is a bit out of context. In the book, it served 2 purposes.
To let the audience know that Langdon may be an older academic, but he’s also got a sense of adventure about him and
He was described that way by a magazine which brunted the camp in a description like that.
So in truth it was my lazy use of context that made Dan Brown seem lazy.
April 17th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
John, Sounds like you are mistaking affectations for character, that only comes through action. What someone looks like is not who they are.
April 17th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
Dude, bad quote - taken totally out of context. Let’s refrain from referring to or quoting from novels when talking about screenwriting… What you say?
April 17th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
Are you guys really all criticizing Dan Brown, James Cameron and Cliff Hollingsworth for their bad or lazy writing? Well, yes. I can’t see a reason why not? Dan Brown’s writing is very mediocre, dull, flat and uninspired. (Yes, yes, I know, he sold millions of copies. Good for him.) And as for James Cameron: I know he’s kind of legendary, but in my opinion he’s a bit unbalanced. And about the Harrison Ford in tweed: ok, so it was a slightly different context, but you know just as well that the only reason why it’s a quote from a magazine is because Dan Brown realized that it was bad writing and tried to justify it in that way. I really detest that kind of bad writing. It’s as if some writers think that by acknowledging that something is bad it becomes good. (Of course I can’t think of other examples at the moment, but there are plenty) Anyway, to me, that’s just as bad, lazy and sloppy writing.
April 17th, 2007 at 11:41 pm
Thanks, Jon. I see your point, Burke never tried to distance himself from the company for all the reasons you stated. Thanks
April 18th, 2007 at 2:10 am
Kevin, that introduction in The Da Vinci Code is one of the laziest introductions I have ever read and it made my eyes roll. I hated it.
April 18th, 2007 at 2:13 am
Most have already said what I just said. Apologies for repeating the comments of others. I should really read all the comments before rushing to jump in.
April 18th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
Thanks for setting me straight, Johnny.
April 18th, 2007 at 10:30 pm
Does anyone have any suggestions about how to introduce SEVERAL characters who enter the opening scene at once? eg: a team of six people. How do you describe multiple characters without writing too much description?
One approach is: Fred Smith…..Captain Paul Brown…..Private Joe McLean…..Private Hammer………Private etc.
But this doesn’t describe the characters well.
April 19th, 2007 at 7:58 am
Depends how important they are. I wouldn’t do it like you’ve suggested. If they’re important, give ‘em the same treatment as everyone else. If they’re bit players, have something along the lines of “six soldiers enter…” and refer to them as Soldier #1, Soldier #2 etc in dialogue.
April 19th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
John, You are a wise, generous, and funny dude. Thanks, Gary
April 20th, 2007 at 5:45 am
Excellent stuff, John. Very useful info
April 20th, 2007 at 7:31 am
Coming from a novelist background, the kinds of character descriptions in screenplays that are always used as good examples sound a bit cheesy to me. But I guess a certain amount of shorthand is to be expected, and I think this is one of those new skills I’ve gotta learn.
April 24th, 2007 at 8:42 am
John, this is helpful info, thanks. I have a question though, how would you introduce several characters that all show up at the same time. Ex:
Bob walks into the room and meets Frank, Liz, Judy, and Dan.
Each character is supporting, but still merits more than just a name in the action line right?
Thanks again.
April 24th, 2007 at 9:29 pm
I agree with previous replies. Names of actors as description need be archetypical enough (and needless to say, well known enough) or is a cheat of sorts. But then again all is forgiven if it is part of a clear design, and Tarantino is the best example of this. Also true, if you give notes you are screwed. My problem is twofold: To find the fortitude to say no to give notes and the discouraging effect mine seem to have. I don’t think it is because I am as precise as I can in the criticism, but I tend to give a wide array of options. I do it to disprove I am being manipulative and to encourage the writer, but it has had the opposite effect, most of the time.
May 9th, 2007 at 7:21 am
Wow… I’m from Argentina and I hope to be a screenwriter one day. As some peolpe said, this is a gold mine for us. I appreciate this very much, and hoping you’ll continue adding info for us newbies. Thank you very much.
DarÃo
July 31st, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Awesome advice, thanks for the examples. I’m about to start the second draft of a script and I was wondering how to spice up my introductions. Thanks again!
August 11th, 2007 at 11:17 am
Great advice! I’m using it in my new story! (^.=.^)
September 25th, 2007 at 6:20 am
I agree that the lines of the Burke character feel somewhat contrived, but I think they could be somewhat improved by including the reactions of the other character, like so:
(…)MANNice room. I’m Burke. Carter Burke. I work for the company.Ripley does not react.MANHey, other than that I’m an okay guy.The reward for that is a raised eyebrow.MAN(resigning) Anyway, glad to see you’re feeling better.
I have not seen the film, so I may have made the character a bit too insecure or dragged him too much to the comic side. Moreover, English is not my native language, so please bear with me.
Anyway, the general problem remains, there is way too much exposition in those lines. If I were an audience member, I’d rather get that information in a more interesting way.
December 17th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
‘It’s as if some writers think that by acknowledging that something is bad it becomes good. (Of course I can’t think of other examples at the moment, but there are plenty.) ~ i can think of a dozen examples and yet not remember the name of any of the movies they came from. maybe i purposefully forgot. it’s the, ‘this is like out of some bad horror movie!’ line. and i usually agree with the character in this case.
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:37 pm
The Burke line is a good intro for the character because it implies how snaky we will find him to be. He has already sized-up Ripley and has chosen a point of attack he knows she wants to hear.
She’s already had some unproductive discussions with others from the company and he knows she won’t respond to him if he comes across as another. Instead, he exploits this knowledge and comes across as the “Nice Guy At The Company”, the one who is on her side.
But, he IS just another company man, and he’s simply playing good cop, here. It seems on-the-nose, but it’s still completely effective, efficient and character-motivated, so I don’t think it’s bad writing. That doesn’t mean there aren’t other ways to’ve handled it, but I think it’s a good line for his character’s first.