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Scriptnotes, Ep 60: The Black List, and a stack of scenes — Transcript

October 25, 2012 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found [here](http://johnaugust.com/2012/the-black-list-and-a-stack-of-scenes).

**John August:** Hello. My name is John August.

**Craig Mazin:** My name is Craig Mazin.

**John:** And this is Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Now, Craig, something feels different today. Is it an earlier time?

**Craig:** It’s definitely early. I’m feeling it. But I also feel like we’re not alone.

**John:** Oh, there’s an audience. [Applause] Hello! This is our first ever live Scriptnotes…

**Craig:** That was great.

**John:** …and people who are listening to this at home, they think like, “Wow, that is a huge crowd.” And they are exactly right. I cannot believe how big this crowd is.

**Craig:** I can’t believe how much noise 12 people can make.

**John:** Yeah. People were waiting in line. People have been camping out since 5 in the morning. So, thank you guys all so much for coming today.

**Craig:** Welcome, lucky ticket holders!

**John:** Yeah. Because, you know, it’s one thing when you see the download numbers, and it’s like, “Oh, that seems like a lot of people.” But when you actually see all of these people in front of us.

**Craig:** Oh, yeah. All 800,000 of them. It is a…

**John:** It’s crazy.

**Craig:** Cool.

**John:** So, this is our first ever live episode. But we’re also going to treat it like a normal episode, too; we’re going to do the kind of stuff we would normally do. So, we’re going to talk about some news. We’re going to talk about the craft a little bit, and answer some questions. The different thing is that we’re going to have some questions live here in the room, which is exciting.

So, in the news this week, one thing that came up a lot on Twitter, people have asked: What is the deal with the Black List? The Black List made some changes and it’s now a very different kind of thing. And so we’re going to talk about that. We’re going to welcome our first ever special live screenwriter guest.

**Craig:** I’m so excited.

**John:** And she’ll be up here on stage with us. Her name is Aline Brosh McKenna, and she’s kind of great. And we’re going to do these questions. Let’s get to it. Craig —

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** The Black List. Have you heard of this thing called the Black List?

**Craig:** Sure. So, I’ll tell you what I know about the Black List…

**John:** Please.

**Craig:** …and then you tell me if I’m wrong. The Black List is basically the product of, well, Franklin Leonard started it, who’s an executive producer guy in Hollywood. And the idea was that assistants, and I guess some development people, read everything in Hollywood. They read all the scripts, and he basically decided that each year they should vote on the scripts they liked the most. Not necessarily the best scripts, or the ones that would sell, or the ones that didn’t sell, just the ones they liked the most, some of which I think haven’t even been bought, some of which have, some of which even were heading into development.

I think the deal is just that they couldn’t have been produced I guess in that year. And Hollywood loves lists. They love it. They’re obsessed with ranking things. And this really caught on. And I guess normally I’m — I don’t know, lists and rankings I go, “Ew,” but the great thing about it is that it helps scripts that otherwise would not have found homes, because Hollywood is obsessed with lists.

If you are one person in Hollywood and you read a script and you think, “Well this is very good, but no one else seems to have heard about it,” or “I’m just not going to talk about. It’s not on the list.” But suddenly it was on a list. And then a lot of scripts, and more importantly the screenwriters of those scripts, gained access inside of Hollywood. Malcolm Spellman and Tim Talbott who are here sort of famously got work because a script of theirs, which was completely unproduceable, was on the Black List.

**John:** That was the Robotard 8000 script.

**Craig:** The Robotard 8000 script. Exactly.

**John:** So, a crucial thing to understand about the Black List and its original incarnation is that executives are reading these scripts anyway. And so they had informal ways that they were always talking with each other about the things they were reading, and this was a way to sort of formalize it, but also anonymously sort of come to aggregate that information into sort of one master list of what the people who are actually reading those scripts and making those decisions thought were the most interesting things of the year.

And so it was very helpful to people to show up on the Black List, because that was a real mark of a possibility for them. So, this last week the change that happened is Franklin Leonard announced — and he actually tipped us off first he was going to be doing this — is changing the access, expanding sort of the mission of the Black List so that writers who wanted to submit their scripts to the Black List — to a site, a website for the Black List — could have their scripts read by executives who wanted to see it. People could read scripts on the Black List, rank them, rate them, contact those writers. It was a way for writers to be discovered through that process.

The issues that sort of immediately came up and sort of why people wanted us to talk about it is there was a fee to be listed on the site.

**Craig:** And you know how I feel about fees.

**John:** You love fees. You’re a fee-based person.

**Craig:** I’m going to get angry. It’s early.

**John:** I sense there could be some umbrage coming. That’s why everybody wanted us to talk about it.

**Craig:** Yup.

**John:** And there’s also, you could have a professional reader associated with the Black List read your script and provide ratings for it to tell you sort of what they thought of the script.

**Craig:** I wish that this guy were here so we could ask him exactly…

**John:** Yeah, ask exactly those questions.

**Craig:** Yeah, just so we could grill him and make him uncomfortable.

**John:** That would be good.

**Craig:** Is he here?

**John:** He is in fact here.

**Craig:** He’s right over there?

**John:** So, let’s welcome up Franklin Leonard to talk about it.

[Applause]

So, this is again the luxury of being live in a place, and right now we’re in Austin; we can actually ask these questions of a person. So, Franklin, tell us sort of what the impetus was to create this new site/service that changes things.

**Franklin Leonard:** Well, I think the biggest one was probably the fact that everywhere I went — whether it was the Austin Film Festival, anywhere in Los Angeles, when I was on a plane and told someone what I did in Hollywood — the first question that I got was, “So, I wrote this screenplay. What do I do with it now?” And I never really had a good answer.

You know, there was “send query letters,” there was “enter the Nicholl, and the Austin Film Festival Screenplay competition.” And as I thought about it, those really seemed like inefficient ways to sort of get your script to the people who would actually read it. And in the cases where even that was successful, it created a situation I think for writers that was sort of less than ideal, or less than what could be ideal for the writer’s position.

And so I began to think that, “Hey, the Black List sort of aggregated this conversation around writers that people were liking — wouldn’t it be great if you could do the same thing for writers that weren’t necessary part of the system yet, and put them in a position of power where all of a sudden if their script was really strong they had one, five, a dozen people pursuing them, and then they could chose multiple options?”

**Craig:** And to be clear, what you’re offering now is separate the Black List, which still continues on and has nothing to do with who sent a script in or anything?

**Franklin:** That’s absolutely right. And that distinction I think is critical because a lot of people are like, “Oh, the Black List has lost its way.”

**Craig:** “They sold the Black List. Argh!”

**Franklin:** Exactly. No. We have not at all. The annual Black List remains a separate and distinct thing that will be voted on using the exact same process that was used for the last seven years. It has born a lot of really positive results. And it will still exist as the annual Black List. And I don’t think that there will be, at least in Hollywood at least, much confusion about the difference between this annual list that goes out and this new sort of website ecosystem community that will allow people access that they might heretofore not have had.

**Craig:** Right. Got it.

**John:** So, my kneejerk reaction — I think a lot of people’s kneejerk reactions — was that it felt weird that the business model was based around charging fees for people with dreams. Essentially there’s that mentality of making money off the backs of people who are trying to get into the system versus, you know… — And also the question of who is really the user of this thing: is it aspiring writers or is it producers and development executives who are looking for talent? Tell us about that.

**Franklin:** Right. I have the same level of discomfort with it, I suspect, as you do. And we designed it that way for a few reasons. The first of which is if the goal is to aggregate as many possible eyeballs from the film community as possible on the possible screenplays of aspiring writers, the best way to do that at least initially would be to have an incredibly low price point for the industry members that were coming on to join.

Anecdotally when we were in beta and developing the site we actually did charge industry members a very small fee which was in part designed to prevent us from taking sort of third party financing of venture capital, which would have prevented us from actually sort of staying very close to this goal that we have of creating opportunity.

And when we made the transition from charging industry folks to going free we quadrupled our membership in 48 hours. And so by being free it means that we can have the most possible sort of eyeballs on your possible scripts and that they’re good.

And then in terms of why we charge writers, I mean, first of all we do need a business model in order to function, in order to allow this thing to exist. But I also wanted to provide a slight disincentive for sort of throwing everything up against the wall and hoping it sticks. It’s really important that you believe in your script enough to pay some small amount of money. And we’ve kept the price point far lower than I know we could have charged for it because the price and elasticity of demand of something like this is actually very, very low.

And so as much as I would like to have the business model be different, I think this is the one that is sort of optimal in terms of making sure there are as many industry people as possible looking at these scripts. And making sure that we get a higher quality of material that we’re then going to wade through and have readers read.

**Craig:** I mean, look, you know how my thing is: screenwriting is the last free thing to do. I don’t hate this. I really don’t. I like a lot of it actually. And the part that — here’s what I hate most of all about, not about your thing, but about…

**Franklin:** It’s that you hate me, right?

**Craig:** Well, I don’t like you.

**Franklin:** There you go.

**Craig:** I love you.

**Franklin:** I love you, too.

**Craig:** Thank you. There is a world of charlatans who prey on you folks out there. And they prey upon you in the worst way by promising you access and insight that they simply don’t have. They don’t have access; that’s pretty much easy to see. They certainly don’t have insight. It’s a simple rule of thumb: If they had insight they would probably be doing what John does or Franklin does. They don’t. They’re doing what they do which is buying business cards for $14 and then convincing you that they have insight.

And even worse, they charge you a lot. They charge you $500. They charge you $1,000. And then they charge you by time, or by read, and then they promise you improvement. And so you just give them a little bit more, and a little bit more. And suddenly it’s like a therapist that keeps telling you, “If you just keep paying me, one day you will be better.”

But, also as is in the case with therapists, that’s not true. You’re not going to be better necessarily from them, because they don’t really know what they’re talking about. Here’s what I like about this — two things: One, it’s a flat fee per script. And that fee is?

**Franklin:** $25 per month.

**Craig:** $25 per month. So, $25 per month and your script will be read by industry readers who actually have access, because the people who go to the site for free, who aren’t charged, are basically people in the actual business, in your business, who are looking for scripts.

**Franklin:** Absolutely. And there are a lot of them. I mean, we have at present 1,150 industry members ranging from agency assistants to studio presidents in production.

**Craig:** And the way the system works is you submit a script for $25, it’s read by the industry readers, and then it is ranked.

**Franklin:** Well, not exactly. So, the way it works is you upload a script for $25 a month. That makes it available to our entire membership, and it is indexed along a number of different metrics that you provide. And then for $50 you can pay for one of our readers that we’ve hired to read it…

**Craig:** Oh, now it’s $50. Okay.

**Franklin:** No, no, let me explain.

**Craig:** All right.

**Franklin:** And that reader will evaluate the script. I think that’s another thing that differs between us and a lot of coverage services for example. We’re not offering you — we’ll give you an evaluation and you can take with that evaluation maybe insight into how to improve your script, but this is not something that you should be using to identify the things wrong with your script so that you can then improve it and sort of keep coming back to us for that.

**Craig:** It’s just a tool for the other people who are on the site to see what someone thought?

**Franklin:** Right. And the data that is generated by those evaluations we can use to create sort of a Black List of non-professional scripts, sort of a real time, that is sortable by genre, subgenre, words that feature in the log line. And then we also built a recommendations algorithm similar to what exists on Netflix and Amazon so that based on all of our 1,150 members’ individual taste, in the event that a script is particularly suited to one of those members’ taste we can send them an email and say, “Hey, our algorithm thinks that you’re going to love this script. You individually are going to love this script and you should check it out.”

And the reality is, and you guys know this, there are not a lot of great screenplays out there. The vast majority of the screenplays that are submitted to our site are not going to get discovered and create screenwriting careers that last a lifetime. But, for the people who have written great scripts, this is a fast track to getting it to the people that love it. And it is a far more efficient way I think than anything that currently exists to match those great scripts with people who can make them.

And hopefully put the writers in a situation where people are competing for their services and that people aren’t just taking the first option and the first phone call they get.

**Craig:** Right.

**John:** So, a question about the evaluation. You have professional readers who are reading these scripts. $50 seems like a really low amount of money, not to write a check for $50, but $50 isn’t a lot of money to get paid to read a script, and they’re not making all that $50. So, what is that book report like? It’s not really coverage…

**Franklin:** It’s not coverage. And I think that’s one of the reasons why we’re able to pay far lower than what would be expected to pay for coverage. Because the vast majority — look, the reading of the script is not really what you’re paying for when you’re paying for coverage. You’re paying for the hour or two of sitting down and writing three, four pages of notes that require not only writing well but sort of giving intelligent, critical assessments of someone’s work.

Our evaluation includes an overall rating of 1 to 10. A rating of 1 of 10 along five different metrics, including dialogue, structure, setting, premise. And then three short answers to questions about the script’s greatest strengths, weaknesses, and commercial viability. And that’s I think why we’re able to do that is because ultimately for our readers we’re asking them for an hour and a half, at most two hours of their time instead of the five and six hours.

And I actually think we’re probably paying more per hour to our readers than a lot of coverage services are.

**John:** Okay. A question about sort of… — I can see how it makes sense for an aspiring writer. I can see how it makes sense for a development executive. Does it make sense for a writer who is actually working to have their scripts anywhere near this site?

**Franklin:** I think it can. I’ll admit that it remains to be seen exactly how it does. And one of the things I’m very excited about is being able to make available a lot of the quantitative data around how people are using the site, once the gears begin turning and sort of moving smoothly.

I think that there does exist that potential. I think there is a sort of site that exists alongside this and is part of it that basically the script titles and authors of professional scripts are also rated by these development executives and sort of moved through a real time Black List and recommendation engine as well. And I’ve already spoken with a number of development executives who sort of return to it daily to find out if there is a script that they didn’t know about that they need to know about.

It functions essentially exactly the same way as the annual Black List does, except instead of once a year in December everybody being able to find out the scripts that may not have known about, they’re able to say in the middle of May, “What are the most liked comedies that don’t have a director but do have a producer attached?” and that list is auto-generated. Or, “Which comedies without a director am I likely to like based on my tastes?” And then they can call the agent and get a copy of it.

And our industry professional membership is limited to those people who basically would have access to make those phone calls to those representatives or producers so they can get a copy of the script. We’ve had over 5,000 people apply for membership and have accepted less than 1,200.

**Craig:** I mean, look, we don’t endorse anything; that’s not our gig. But I do spend a lot of time attacking things.

**Franklin:** So, the not-attack I’m very proud of.

**Craig:** I’m going to give this a not-attack, which is pretty great. It’s my highest award.

**Franklin:** And it is immensely appreciated.

**Craig:** No, no. I think that what I like is that ultimately for — that you are providing access, true access. The thing that drives me the craziest about these services is that they fake access. Like when you go to the LA Convention Center and you meet people. None of those people can do anything for you except take your money. So, this is legitimate access. And, also, you guys don’t make a dime in their success.

**Franklin:** No, not at all.

**Craig:** You make money, you make your $25 a month. You make your $50 per evaluation.

**Franklin:** That’s right.

**Craig:** If they sell the script for $1 million you get zero of that $1 million. And that’s a really important firewall, because all of these pitch festivals and things that are actually — they’ve got their hand in one pocket, they’re reaching into that other pocket if you should actually do something. So, I think — I give this my highest rating of I-don’t-attack-it.

**Franklin:** But we do ask one thing in return is that if they find that success that they email us and let us know so we can join in that celebration.

**Craig:** I think they can do that.

**John:** They can do that.

Franklin, thank you so much for doing this.

**Franklin:** Thank you so much for having me.

**Craig:** Thank you, Franklin.

**John:** Thank you for coming here.

Just like all of our other podcasts, there will be show notes for this one at johnaugust.com/podcast. So, we’ll have a link to Franklin’s site. We’ll have a link to some good follow up questions that Franklin answered after the thing was announced. I did really respect that he took the time to sort of figure out, “These are the things people keep asking and I’m going to answer them in detail.” So, thank you very much for doing that.

And we have our first screenwriter guest. I’m so excited.

**Craig:** You don’t seem excited. [laughs]

**John:** I’m excited. I’m excited.

**Craig:** Did you just simulate excitement?

**John:** I’m excited because I know who she is. It’s a neighbor. These are good things.

So, we’d always talked about having guests. Like even from the very first episodes we were like, “Oh, we could have a guest on,” because we thought we wouldn’t have enough to talk about.

**Craig:** Well, but the truth is the two of us are so weird and we’re very… — You know, I was making fun of John for being so consistent about the way he starts every podcast, but I’m the same way. I think we’re both very happy just doing it the way we do it. And then I think somewhere around Episode 20 the thought of change started to freak me out. [laughs]

So, but this is great, because we’re in a different place. So, it doesn’t matter. It’s a road game.

**John:** New rules.

**Craig:** We can do anything, man.

**John:** Quite early on when the idea of coming to the Austin Film Festival and maybe doing the first live Scriptnotes, we were like, “Well who would be a great guest to have up on stage with us?” and we both though of…

**Craig:** Derek Haas.

**John:** Derek Haas.

**Craig:** But he was not available. So then…

**John:** [laughs] So, our second choice was this writer who worked on — who wrote The Devil Wears Prada, 27 Dresses, Morning Glory, a movie that I really dug which not a lot of people saw, but I really liked it a lot. And I Don’t Know How She Does it. And We Bought a Zoo. She wrote all these movies, and she’s kind of awesome, and she’s a neighbor. And she’s the only woman who I think really intimidates Craig consistently.

**Craig:** Dude, like you have no idea. Scares me to death.

**John:** So, if you could all welcome Aline Brosh McKenna.

[Applause]

**Aline Brosh McKenna:** Hi guys!

**John:** Hello! And welcome.

**Aline:** How are you?

**Craig:** See? Scary.

**Aline:** Lovely to see you. Terrifying.

**John:** A terrifying person.

**Craig:** Very.

**John:** How is Austin so far for you?

**Aline:** Oh, it’s been great. I’ve really been having a good time.

**John:** Is this your first?

**Aline:** I came here five years ago. And this is the first time I’ve been back since then. And it has been fun; I love being here. It’s great.

**Craig:** Oh, I feel like you’re going to hit me. I really do.

**Aline:** Except that Craig’s here!

**Craig:** [laughs] Yeah. See?

**John:** All good except for that. This is my fourth time at the Austin Film Festival and I really enjoy it. The weird thing is I’m much more recognized now and that is — it’s lovely. And everyone is super, super nice, and so thank you; you can please feel free to say hello. But, it’s a little exhausting.

**Aline:** Yeah.

**John:** I hosted a party the first night and first off I had to say, I was supposed to welcome everybody to it, but it was so loud that I was like standing at the bar and I had a microphone, and everybody could see that I was up there and had a microphone but couldn’t hear me.

**Craig:** Were you there? It was awesome.

**Aline:** It was.

**Craig:** This is what it sounded like at first, because, so you stood up there, because I was in the back, so I had a great view of this. And you had a microphone. And you were going — and then you realized nobody could hear you, so then you went [muffled indecipherable speaking]. And then nobody could hear that, either. So, then you realized, okay, well that’s not going to work, so I’m going to pull back a little bit. And then you just went back to — [audience laughs]. And you seemed happy with that actually.

**Aline:** John, the reason people are coming over to you is not the writing fame, it’s just sheer sex appeal. That’s it.

**John:** There’s that, too. Yeah.

**Craig:** We’re you talking to me?

**John:** Craig, do people recognize you here that much?

**Craig:** Yeah, people do. You know, they talk this year more about the podcast than anything else, which is very cool. You know, if I do a panel in the morning then they’ll come and they’ll say, “Hey, bad job,” or whatever.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** But, no, people are listening to the podcast and so they say that a lot. They come up to me and say, “Cool podcast, man,” which is nice. I like that.

**John:** And, Aline, part of the reason why we wanted you on the show is because you actually listen to the podcast.

**Aline:** I really wanted to come on and talk about things that are [pause] interesting to screenwriters.

**Craig:** You’ve noticed that, right?

**Aline:** Interesting.

**Craig:** Yeah. Interesting.

**Aline:** What is that? What regional diction is giving you interesting?

**John:** Interesting. The way I leave out the T? Yeah, interesting.

**Aline:** No, I love it. I love the podcast. I love the Cool Thing. That’s what I listen to when I work out. Hmm, embarrassing.

**John:** Nice. So, today I thought we might talk a little bit about — a little crafty in the sense of I think I have noticed starting this summer I described some movies that I saw that I really liked, but I didn’t love, and I described them as “a stack of scenes.” And as I was thinking back to these movies, I liked a lot of stuff that happened in them, and I liked the things that I could sort of tell you, the things that happened, but I didn’t really feel like they held together as movies. And I want to talk about the difference between good stuff in a movie and a movie that holds together well.

And I thought you were a good choice for this because I look at the movies you do, and I was describing them yesterday as “want-coms.” People want to say they’re romantic comedies, but they’re not really romantic comedies. It’s usually a character who is very proficient who wants — is aiming for something. In Morning Glory, she wants to run this show, and there is romantic stuff that happens, but it’s really about her journey there. Same with Devil Wears Prada.

So, I want to talk a little bit about what it is that makes a movie story hold together.

**Aline:** Am I allowed to use profanity on this show?

**John:** Uh, yeah, you can use some profanity.

**Craig:** [Sighs]

**John:** We’re going to lose our little Clean rating in iTunes, but that’s okay.

**Aline:** Here it goes…

**Craig:** Just remember that Jesus is listening to you.

**Aline:** [laughs] I’ll give you the profane and then I’ll give you the airline version.

**Craig:** Cool.

**Aline:** My term for movies like that is Shit Happens movies. But for airplane purposes you could call them Crap Happens movies.

You want all your scenes to have a “Because” between them and not an “And Then” between them. And it’s something that you learn and get better at which is having everything cause everything, and everything build on everything. But I have noticed, particularly in the action genre, it seems like things have gotten very episodic. And there’s been episodic movies — have been around for a long time.

I don’t do it primarily because I can’t do it well. I can’t keep myself… — When you’re writing a script you don’t want to feel like these things could be in any order. And if you can, then that’s a problem. Another way to think about it is what you’re constructing is a story which should be as entertaining a story as you would tell to someone at drinks. It should be, “And then this happened, and then this, and then this,” and it has distinct causality, and if you told it in a different way it wouldn’t be entertaining. And that’s something to remind yourself of: Can you put the script down, can you look away from Final Draft and turn to someone and say, “This is the story of the movie.” And it’s particularly challenging in the second act.

And that’s what I find is a lot of movies have a ramp up, and they have some sense of where they want to go, and then in the middle you get scene salad.

**John:** Yes. And so I don’t want to slam on any particular movies, but I want to offer some concrete examples. So, this is not to slam on these movies or these screenwriters, but these are the movies I said a stack of scenes about.

The Master, which is really well made, but a few days later as I was thinking back to The Master I couldn’t tell you what order most of those scenes happened. And I felt like you could have rearranged a lot of that stuff in that movie and it would have been largely the same movie. There’s a sequence where Joaquin Phoenix is walking from the wall to the window, from the wall to the window. And it’s a really interesting sequence but it didn’t actually end up changing — you could have moved it to other places in the movie; it wouldn’t have changed the nature of the movie.

Prometheus is another movie where a bunch of stuff happens, but it could have happened in a lot different order. And I really like your “because” versus “and then.” It was a lot of “and thens,” “and thens,” and it was like every moment I was like, “Well, what is an interesting thing that could happen now?” It’s like, “That is an interesting thing that could happen but it didn’t change the nature of the movie. There wasn’t a ‘because’ stuck in there.”

**Craig:** You know, my thing about this, because if you just look at a plot it is “and then, and then, and then,” and hopefully there is a causality between those two that creates the “because” or “and so.” But, let’s say you’re writing a road trip or any kind of movie where it seems like the flow of the plot requires episodes. Then really the thing that connects these things together and makes them a story is theme and the characters.

**Aline:** And character.

**Craig:** Exactly. So, theme and characters. So, you can have, “and then, and then” episodes, but if the theme and the characters are evolving through those then I feel like there is some glue. How do you approach that when you’re dealing with that?

**Aline:** That’s a really good way to put it, because a lot of the stuff I’ve written, the plots are not exactly highly propulsive. And so you have to find propulsion, and it’s almost always in, “Okay, this character starts here and what don’t they know? What do they think they want but they don’t know they want this other thing? What is the trajectory of the goal they think they’re heading towards but the actual goal they should be heading towards — what is the tension between those two things?” And that is really what’s providing you your arc.

You know, the story stuff needs to be… — And in some ways what’s interesting is you can take the same plot elements, and it might be a good exercise, you can take the same plot elements of story and rearrange them, as long as you’re repurposing them character or theme wise. Do you know what I’m saying?

**Craig:** Yes.

**Aline:** Like you could say, “Craig and I had breakfast, and played Scrabble.” But if it’s like, “And that’s when I realized he was a serial killer,” where you place those revelations…

**Craig:** It’s a weird place to finally say it.

**John:** Yeah.

**Aline:** [laughs] Where you place those revelations, where you place the character on their journey in the events. And what I’ve noticed — And I can’t speak to it for The Master, because I feel like The Master is doing something else, and I feel like part of what The Master was doing was addressing this issue of do people change? do they progress? So, I feel like it’s slightly different. But — I have noticed that there are movies where they have now decided that it’s cool to dispense with setting up a character at all.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**Aline:** So, things just start and you’re in motion, which I appreciate. You know, I like a movie where you get into the story pretty quickly. But sometimes I don’t know anything about the character. I don’t care. I’m not invested. I don’t understand where they’re starting psychologically. And so it is hard for me — I just feel like I didn’t get on the train. So, I’m not on the train; I’m just watching the train go by.

**John:** Yeah. The most recent Bourne movie is another movie I described as a stack of scenes in that each set piece is really lovely, but I felt like I was watching a video game that sort of like moves to the next section. And all the stuff that happens within that little section is like, “Oh, that’s all smartly done and really good. But I didn’t know who those characters were beforehand.” I couldn’t track that anything had progressed or anything had changed because I didn’t know where we really started.

**Aline:** Do you think video games have a lot to do with that?

**John:** I think there’s an aspect of it.

**Craig:** I don’t know. I mean, the truth is, because I do play a lot of video games, and frankly it seems like they are more invested in narrative and setup now than some of the movies. The really good ones at least are getting very cinematic and very narrative and they seem actually really obsessed with character.

I mean, obviously they play out in very different ways. The one thing that video games do that I don’t like, and I will see in movies, is they create segments that are entirely about the cleverness of the action, which I understand because it’s a video game and you need to play the game. But it does seem to me like sometimes screenwriters forget that clever is not good.

You may have a really cool idea for a scene in the flow of your plot, but frankly the only value of any scene, for me at least, even in action movies, is: What does it mean for the character? And what does it mean for the theme? I think one of the reasons we love Die Hard is because we’re watching a guy suffer. And each time he suffers he seems to be enlightened from the suffering. And we don’t like Commando as much because Arnold Schwarzenegger just seems to just get on a plane, shoot, get on a plane, shoot, get on a chopper, shoot.

So, I like to think about these things, like what the episode should be really should be the test for what the character needs at that moment to then move forward.

**Aline:** Right. I want to bring up something else which is a little slightly off-topic but I think interesting is: I think television is a huge part of this. And I think we consume way more television at this point than movies; I think that’s correct. But, anyway, we’re all consuming tons of television. And one thing I think is interesting is there is a trend now, a lot of feature writers are going into television, and a lot of people do both. But I have this belief that they’re fundamentally different types of storytelling.

I think TV and film are completely different. There are many people who have equal mastery. But I feel like I have spent so much of my career training myself to write something that could only have happened this one time. It has to be — it’s a cumulative thing. This is a singular thing that happened to this character and the stakes are as high as possible.

So, I have not trained myself to tell stories that can generate themselves over at the end. And some people do that extremely well, and a great television series often is something that can kick out iterations of itself. Now, some TV series it seems to me, like Mad Men seems to me to be a 100-minute long movie. And that’s an amazing skill to do, because he doesn’t repeat, he progresses. But I think that a traditional, in particular a procedural or a sitcom, is something that needs to be able to be repeated. And I think that’s a huge part of how people process stories now.

**John:** You’re really talking about: what is the engine? And so in television there is an engine for the self-contained one hour. There’s an engine for the 30-minute sitcom. And there’s also this sort of new engine for this sort of mega novel series, like the way that Lost is: every episode has its closure but there’s a bigger ongoing cycle.

And I feel like my frustration with some of these movies recently is I felt like they haven’t had good movie engines to them. And in the movie engine, like natural consequence, characters trying to go through things. Even simple things like, “Tell me where the characters think they’re trying to get to,” which I think is — your movies point to — your characters clearly state their goals in terms of what they’re trying to do. And they may not reach those goals, the goals may change, but you know what the character is trying to do over the course of this movie. And you are invested in them because you want to see them — are they going to make that thing?

You talk about, it’s a race; it’s like we’re a very specific kind of runner. We’re not a sprinter. We’re not a season-long marathoner, but we run like a 10K. And some of these movies aren’t running their 10Ks the way you kind of hope that they could.

**Craig:** Well, the other thing, and this is something for you guys to keep in mind when you’re writing, is that all the pressure to reduce will be on the first act. I love first acts. I’m obsessed with them. I love setting characters. My favorite pages are the first ten pages. I care about them more than anything. And not in the script stage — I think in the script stage I think they all really appreciate it. It’s when they’re making the movie, or when they’re cutting the movie and they’re like, “Can we just get into this faster?” That’s their thing.

Once they’ve read it once — Sorry Franklin, I keep saying “they,” but it’s “they” — once they’ve read it once they forgot that they read it and so when they read it a second time they’re like, “Eh, oh yeah,” so they just skip past it because they’ve read it. They don’t realize that no one else has read it. The audience hasn’t read it yet. They’re only going to read it when they see the movie. But all the pressure then becomes like, “Well, I’m bored; I’m sitting here. I just watching you guys set up. It’s boring, it’s boring, it’s boring. Let’s just go, let’s just go, let’s just go.”

So, when you’re writing, because setup is everything, be tight. Be compact. Those first ten are precious. And when we read the first three pages, sometimes the first three pages seem so, I don’t know, just…

**Aline:** Purposeless.

**Craig:** And really just spendy. They’re spending their pages.

**Aline:** Right. And it’s such precious real estate.

**Craig:** Yeah!

**John:** I’m going to stand up and argue for the last ten pages of a script, too, which is another challenge. You get to the end of some of these movies and it’s like, “Well, we got there? Was that a rewarding place for us to get? I trusted you with two hours of my time and I thought we would get to a more interesting, better place than that.” And the movies that I love tend to have great beginnings, but they tend to have great endings, like you really got to someplace really meaningful.

**Aline:** One screenplay I would recommend, and I think it’s pretty easily available online, is the True Grit screenplay, which is a clinic on both of those things. I mean, they set up the tone, the story, they get you into the magic of that movie instantly, and then they have this beautiful epilogue/coda ending. And it’s also for people to read, it’s just as a reading experience. They don’t use — have you ever read it?

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** Yeah.

**Aline:** There are no slug lines.

**Craig:** Yeah, I like that.

**Aline:** It’s beautiful.

**Craig:** Don’t do that, by the way. But I do like it.

**Aline:** Yeah. [laughs]

**John:** The Coen brothers can do that. The other ones don’t do that.

**Craig:** When you’ve made like 20 films, and you’re a genius, and you’re writing for your brother, then you can do it.

**John:** Yeah.

**Aline:** But in terms of getting into, there are some scripts that are — it’s very deft if you can do that, get in, and have it feel purposeful because there’s a lot of hitting an alarm clock in the beginning of scripts. You know, there’s a lot of, “They start their day, they take a shower.” You know, generally there are a lot of tropes in the beginning. And you want to find some way to start that the audience thinks, “Oh, this is — wow, what’s happening here?”

**Craig:** Right. Exactly. I mean, you know, it’s interesting, because it is the first ten and the last ten that I always think about. When you start screenplays — I don’t know if you’re like me — I need to know the beginning, and I need to know the end. I need to know the theme. I need to know why this story for that character is interesting. Do you always know the beginning, and the end, and the middle?

**Aline:** I always know the end. I always know the end. Because the end, I mean, the end is why you’re there in a lot of ways. The end is what you’re doing.

I love writing first acts. And they usually come very quickly because this is sort of the — they’re really fun, I think, to write. And if you’re set up properly the third, though it might not be fun, should be pretty quick.

**Craig:** Right.

**Aline:** I think second acts are the bear. And I think second acts, you know, separate the men from the boys. And I feel like it was Ted Elliott…

**Craig:** Sexist.

**Aline:** Yes. The boys from the men, or the Boyz II Men.

**Craig:** Cool.

**John:** Oh!

**Aline:** I think it was Ted Elliott who said the second act is the movie you wanted to write. It’s the thing that people came to see. It’s what is on the poster. You know, if you’re going to see ET it’s the part where there is an ET and they’re interacting. But it is that thing of it is hard in the second act not to stack scenes in exactly that way you’re talking about.

And I think what happens is in a pitching, in a development process you will find when you pitch a movie, if you’re pitching for 12 minutes you pitch the first act for six minutes. And you pitch the setup, and you know the setup, and you really worked on it. And so you sit down and write the script, and you bust out the first act, and you feel awesome, and you feel like a regular person. And then you get to the second act and there are parts where you go, “We never talked about this!”

**John:** The vast wasteland in the middle of the movie.

**Aline:** It’s a lot of real estate. And you have to construct it. And so I actually try and blow through the first act quickly so that I can focus on that stuff. But I always know, and sometimes it shifts, but I have to know where I want the character to end up at the end and what sort of ending I have in mind, even if you end up joojing the particles.

**Craig:** Joojing.

**Aline:** Jooj.

**John:** I will write the last ten pages really early on in the process. I will tend to write the first act, then write the last ten pages, and then sort of paint in towards the middle. Partly it’s just a work process. Those last bits of things you’re going to write you’re always going to have to sort of rush to get done I find. I’m always sort of behind on a deadline. And I’d rather be painting towards the middle of the room rather than sort of painting towards the edge. I don’t want those ten pages to feel rushed.

If I’m going to rush I want to rush that —

**Craig:** Can you do that? I can’t do that.

**Aline:** No, I can’t do that. I think of it more like you’re weaving something, and you weave, weave, weave, and you know kind of roughly where you’re heading in the second act, but you don’t really know what you need for — I mean, in the third act — but you don’t really know what you need. And if you’ve constructed the carpet properly you’ll have a lot of cool threads. And what I enjoy about the third act is, like, “Oh, you can pay off this, and pay off that.” And it only works if you’ve woven everything into the second act.

**Craig:** It’s a devastating critique of your entire career.

**John:** Yes, thank you very much.

**Aline:** I do a weird thing which is I sketch the whole story in a very, very rough, unreadable…

**Craig:** I do that, too.

**Aline:** I sketch the whole thing.

**Craig:** I do that on a piece of paper. And I make a line, and I sketch it.

**Aline:** No, I mean, oh, I mean I go through…

**John:** Craig, you’re wrong.

**Craig:** I sketch it.

**Aline:** [laughs] No, I go through and barf out a whole pass that’s legible.

**Craig:** Oh, you do that thing?

**Aline:** I am that thing. I build a skeleton. Because what I have found, early on in my career I would write that first act and then I would polish it, and perfect it, and hang little Christmas ornaments on it. And then it would be like, “Oh! I’ve got all this other stuff I got to do.” And you wouldn’t know, “Hey, the first act needs to be 10 pages shorter!” until you’ve done all this other stuff.

So, for me, I do a skeleton of the entire screenplay and then I go back and I put in the mosaics.

**John:** I will tend to do my last ten pages. I know that I’ll have to change some stuff in the last ten pages because I’ll discover other things along the way, but I tend to do that, filling in the skeleton sort of as part of my process. If I’m writing a scene and I’m basically done for the day, I’ll slug line the next seven things that happen so I can work on those things next, so I actually have —

**Aline:** That’s super smart. Because you want to have something to open up the next day.

**Craig:** I really note card it out. I always know what I’m doing the next day, you know. And my day — we work so differently, so my thing is I go, whatever I wrote for that day, the next day I start by going backwards and rewriting it. Because I just feel like sleeping has helped me. And also it just gives me a running start into the work of today.

**Aline:** But don’t you sometimes end up spending 80% of your time on the rewriting part?

**Craig:** You know, here’s the deal: I don’t work that much. There’s like jobs where people are on the highway working for ten hours. If I write for three hours it’s a pretty good day. So, if I spend two hours polishing and then one hour in a kind of burst of inspiration that that got me running into, you know, it’s hard to beat myself up for it. “Oh my god, I might have to work a fourth hour today!”

So I can’t — I’m okay with that. And my whole thing about the second act is really just to look at the character and their relation to the central arc or the theme. And I have a basic sketch out. And then I really sit — I just feel like even though I deviate from the note cards as I go, I never feel lost. I never hit a moment of despair. I get anxious, you know, I get worried. I stop and I go, “Okay, I’ve got a note card problem here.” But I’m never full of despair.

**Aline:** But for me the outline/note card brain is different from the writing brain. So, the outline/note — that’s why I don’t really love doing extensive, extensive outlines with people, particularly before. I will do a verbal outline of the whole thing that last about 15 minutes where I can pitch you through the whole story. But I find that they’re not very good guides of what it feels like to be in the movie.

And so I feel like it’s very theoretical information and often I’ll have in an outline or a note card, and then I’ll be in the scene and be like, “Oh, nobody wants to do — none of the characters want to do this thing that’s on this card.”

**Craig:** That, you know what I do, because you’re right — and so I have actually two rows of notes. More note cards is the solution. So, I have my this is what happens note card, but next to that note card, in a different colored note card…

**John:** Wow.

**Aline:** Wow. See, serial killer. I said that.

**Craig:** Okay. What I do — well, first I tell the people in my basement to shut up.

**John:** [laughs]

**Craig:** I’m working! And then — and then — next to the what happens note card is a why, a why it happens note card. Because I feel like that is important. If I know why things are happening, how their relationship is changing, what it means, what they notice, then frankly the what can change to 100 different things. But really what I’m outlining is my intention as opposed to plot.

And when I outline my intention then I feel like the second act isn’t so scary anymore.

**Aline:** I like that.

**Craig:** Well thank you. You’re free to go.

**John:** [laughs] No, you’re actually free to stay. We are going to open up for some questions. And so if you have a question that you wanted to ask us…

**Aline:** Wow. The crowd has like doubled since we got here.

**Craig:** I know. It’s like The Birds.

**Aline:** There’s at 17 or 18 people here now.

**John:** Let us take, the jacket right here. Question?

**Male Audience Member:** What about openings? Can you talk about character introductions and really crafting the first time the audience meets our protagonist?

**John:** So, I’m going to repeat this just in case it didn’t get recorded well. The question is about introducing characters and how to handle that the first time we meet somebody.

**Craig:** Didn’t we do a podcast on that?

**John:** We did talk about it, but we could talk about how Aline does it.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** The first time you meet a character in one of your scripts, how many words do you give them?

**Aline:** I don’t do a lot, I don’t do a ton, because I feel like you’re going to want to learn from behavior. And you want to have them behaving right off the bat in some way that tells — you want them to do something that tells the audience everything you need to know about the character. But I really do, I was very influenced by the William Goldman book. And so I really do do that thing where picking out a detail about a character the way you would say to someone, sort of like if you met someone at a party and you were going to describe them to your friend, you would say, “Oh, he’s the guy who… He’s the type of person who… She’s the kind of person who would say this/wear this/be friends with this/live here.”

You’re looking for the salient detail. What I would avoid is things which are — the character descriptions should be as purposeful as your story. So, I would not include a lot of extraneous stuff, descriptions about clothing, or hair, or whatever unless it really is…

**Craig:** No hair.

**Aline:** Unless it is germane to the story.

**Craig:** Yeah, I’m not a big fan of these character introductions where you tell me stuff that I haven’t seen in the movie yet. I hate that. Yeah, I’m getting there. You know, “When Jim walks in the room he’s had a life of woe, but he’s about to meet…”

**Aline:** “He thinks of his mother.”

**Craig:** All I really try and do in a character introduction really is convey immediately non-verbally or sub-textually, “What is this character’s strength and what is their problem, the problem that they’re not aware of yet?” I just want to know what that is. I want to know what they’re good at and I want to know what they’re bad at.

And by “bad at” I mean just that they’re maybe misaligned, maybe priority out of whack, something tiny. But I think that’s ultimately what we hook into on characters is their strengths and their weaknesses, what they want will emerge naturally from the circumstances of the plot, but I want to know why they’re going to have a problem getting it. I want to know why they don’t already have it. But I want to see what is good and unique about them, because I’m with them, you know.

**John:** I agree very much with what they’ve said. The only thing I’ll add is use character introductions, use the extra sentence you might give to a significant character’s introduction as a way of distinguishing between the important characters and the less important characters. So, if it’s your hero, feel free giving an extra sentence or two to sort of setup, “This is your hero — yes, reader, pay attention — this really is your main person.”

Don’t do that for the person who is only going to be in the one scene, or the unimportant person, because it will throw the reader off and make them think this character is much more important than they really are. And so that’s why I don’t tend to give really minor characters individual names. They might be Agitated Guy versus giving him a name. Because the minute we see a name we think, “Oh, that’s an important person I need to keep track of.” And it sort of goes in your little mental checklist, like, “What happened to that guy who had the name?” So do that.

Another question from the audience. Here.

**Male Audience Member:** How do you guys feel about interactive storytelling, like the YouTube videos that allow the audience to make decisions that impact story. Have you seen it done well?

**John:** So, the question is about interactive storytelling that YouTube videos have, the ones where you can click and sort of fork through different paths. Have you guys done those at all?

**Craig:** No, I hate it. I mean, to me, that’s a game. I mean, I remember reading those books when I was a kid, Choose Your Own Adventure, and they’re a goof. But the point is, that’s not why people watch things. That’s not why people read things. They don’t want to play Choose Your Own Adventure beyond just a party game. They want a voice to carry them through a story. We love narrative.

That’s why the Bible continues to — it’s not Choose Your Own Bible. People actually want a narrative. And I’m not a big Bible fan, but the Bible does have impressive sales numbers.

No, I mean, I just don’t think — people will occasionally say, “Well, it’s the new thing, that’s where it’s going because people want to be involved.” They don’t. Going to the movies, watching TV, the engagement that we have is one in which we are accepting an artist’s intention or rejecting it, but not participating in it.

**Aline:** But it’s also telling you about, how a story turns out is your education about the world. It’s how we get information about what could happen, should happen, does happen. So, if you’re saying, you know, “this could happen, or that could happen,” to me it undermines the fundamental — I was never interested in those books, and it always seemed like a giant copout for me that you’re not giving anyone any information about your narrative. So, taste wise it’s not for me.

**Craig:** And it could only be about plot. Because what are you suggesting, that this character from the beginning somehow should live or should die, or should get married, or should have the kid, or shouldn’t? Oh, I guess it could be anything, so it doesn’t matter.

**John:** So, a little counter argument here. I would say…

**Craig:** Ugh.

**Aline:** No.

**John:** I’m saying in the video game world — and Craig, you play Skyrim.

**Craig:** I do, yes.

**Aline:** Wrong.

**John:** So, I would say there’s a kind of cinematic storytelling that’s happening mostly in video games that is very much: You’re choosing your path, but you really are the character. And that’s the thing that is happening in video games where the lead character is the person who’s playing it.

And so my friend Jordan Mechner often talks about, “You have to make sure that the story moments are playable,” that it’s not like you’re watching a cut scene where that cool thing happened, where you made that cool thing happen. And that’s an incredibly complicated, different, new kind of world to move into, that’s not sort of what we do. But the sense that you have changed the world in this way and because of what you did everything is now different is challenging.

**Aline:** One of the things that’s really interesting about writing a screenplay is you’re balancing, it has to feel completely ineluctable, but surprising.

**Craig:** That’s a great word.

**John:** First time it’s ever been used on this podcast.

**Aline:** That is what you’re doing. It has to be like it was destined to be this way and yet I was surprised that it happened that way. That is your job number one. Because a lot scripts you read that are not successful, that are proficient, tell you a story in a way that just seems like it could have been ordered in any way, or they tell you something where it does seem relatively organic but it doesn’t happen in a surprising way. Those are the two — a really satisfying movie satisfies those two things.

So, I think we’re the wrong people to ask because we’ve sort of dedicated our lives to making a story seem ineluctable, and that the characters don’t have choices.

**Craig:** Good stories can only be that way. Even video games… — Look, I played Skyrim a lot. The truth is, those moments are playable, but those are the moments you get. You don’t get other moments. You need to follow their story. It must end a certain way or you keep dying and you have to restart. You know what I mean? They won’t let you off those rails.

What video games do, and I actually hate it, is they will build in these silly choices like, “Well, if you were chaotic then you’ll get this cut scene ending, and if you were cool you’ll get this one.” It’s dumb. There’s really one ending. You can tell which one the ending is. Even then you can tell, “Well this was the ending they wanted. This is — ” Like I’m play Dishonored right now, and you have choice: As you go through you can be stealthy and just choke people out and let them sleep, or you can kill them. And if you kill them…

**John:** I think Craig kills people.

**Craig:** Wrong.

**John:** Ah!

**Craig:** Because I’m escaping from my normal life of killing. So, in the video game I just choke them out. Because I can tell the game wants me to. I can tell that that is the narrative, that’s the right one. This is the whole point — intention and purpose, they are the bedrock foundation of good storytelling and narrative. Without it, shh. I just made that up. It’s my version of ineluctable.

**John:** Another question please. Over here.

**Male Audience Member:** If we have a lot of ideas about sound design… [Inaudible].

**John:** So, a question about writing and sound design and sound in movies. And music.

**Craig:** Put it in. I mean, look, don’t get annoying. You don’t want to have a cue for every scene, because that can be annoying, unless your movie is about music and then in which case, okay.

You’re not stepping on anybody’s toes. By the time it gets to post-production your toes have been lopped off, chopped, fed back to you anyway. Everybody is going to have ideas. Music costs money; that’s obviously one of the factors. The director is going to…

**Aline:** I’m going to counter that just a little bit, which is I would only do it if it is something that your reader is going to recognize and understand the purpose of. Because I have a pet peeve about reading scripts where it’s like, you know, “This jangly song by obscure band,” and it means a lot to the writer and it means nothing to the audience. And I don’t want to go to iTunes.

So, if there’s a reason that you want to put in something, and it’s super specific. And I understand clearly it’s…it has to be what?

**Craig:** It’s got to be Free Bird.

**Aline:** If it’s so motivated by the story, and it’s so integrated in the story, and I’ve certainly seen it done well, but it starts to feel like non-sequiturs that are done to either demonstrate your groovy taste or because you’re insecure about your through line.

If you can take it out and it doesn’t make a difference in your story, then don’t do it. But if the audience is going to understand you’re using Brown Sugar here because you’re trying to evoke something specific and maybe you’re quoting a lyric, then by all means do it.

I think — if there’s one thing I could say that’s my recent, more recent, obsession is: Put less stuff in there. Just put less stuff in there. You probably have 20% too much stuff. And I notice when I first write, there’s just too much information. You want to be as — and I’m not saying write at a minimal style, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying you want as much information as is necessary to move your story where you need it to go. And sometimes stuff like your cool Snow Patrol song is just cluttering. That’s just my opinion.

**Craig:** I mean, he doesn’t seem like that kind of guy.

**Aline:** Snow Patrol?

**Craig:** Yeah.

**John:** The thing I’ll say is: Remember that a screenplay is only what you can see and what you can hear. And so most of what’s going on in a screenplay is the stuff you see, it’s the scene description, and it’s the dialogue, it’s the stuff that you’re going to hear.

If there is something really important that we need to hear that’s not dialogue, you can tell us, and that’s great. But I will very rarely use a specific song, but I might say, “Music swells as we transition to this.” It can also help make it clear to the reader like, “This is a sequence that is going to take us through…”

**Aline:** Oh, definitely. Didn’t you just write a script where there was a “Whomp” or something?

**John:** Yeah. “Woooooooom.” Yeah. Where, “There’s a reason why I’m calling this out, that there’s a song here is because these next couple scenes are one big sequence that all has to hold together.” So, think about these next things with a sound cue under it that’s uniting all those things.

**Craig:** That’s pretty much what I do, too.

**John:** Cool. Another questions. Right here.

**Female Audience Member:** I’m penning a novel version of one of my scripts. And over the last few days of the festival [inaudible]. How to attract interest in your screenplay by roundabout means, including a blog, or a website [inaudible]?

**John:** Cool. So, recapping the question: She is taking her screenplay and turning it into a novel, and what do we think about this sort of reverse engineering to create underlined material?

**Craig:** I mean, you know, look: If it’s a bad script you will successful reverse engineer it into a bad novel.

**Female Audience Member:** That’s not the case.

**Craig:** Oh! Then I have great news. Great news for you! You don’t have to turn it into a novel! It’s a great script! I mean, look, there are some people who — I think on some level there’s some specific material where you think, “Well, if they read it as a book they might like it more as a screenplay.” But, you know, the problem with access, and publishing has become a world of complete open access now where anyone can have a book on Amazon. You just self publish it and voila. Now anyone can have a book on Amazon, so that’s sort of gone away, too.

The agencies in Hollywood aren’t looking through Amazon to see who got the most hits on self-published. They do not care. Their feeling is…

**Aline:** Unless it’s a phenomenon. Unless it’s one of those phenomena.

**Craig:** Oh, but then that’s, yeah. If a sales number, Fifty Shades of Grey hits, but look at the numbers it had to hit — like mind-boggling — before they went, “Oh, okay, well this book that publishing houses didn’t want, people want.”

I personally think that you’d be better served either revising or improving your screenplay if you feel it’s necessary, or writing another screenplay, or being a novelist. But gaming the system by double writing your thing and seeing if they’d like a book and then, “Oh, look, here’s a screenplay!” seems an inefficient way to proceed through our short, brief, blink-like time on this planet.

**John:** What I will say is, there was for a time, people would do comic books or graphic novels. They’d write the script and then they’d actually make the comic book version of it, and then they’d sell the comic book version. And so some of those things sold. I don’t know of any ones that actually got made. And, so, yes, maybe there’s a chance that something could sell, but really your goal is to get a movie made. And I don’t know if that’s going get you much faster or closer to a movie being made.

**Male Audience Member:** Cowboys & Aliens.

**John:** Cowboys & Aliens, all right.

**Craig:** That’s why they don’t do it anymore. No, I mean, it’s true. Cowboys & Aliens was famously bought because of the title and the cover. And it was an amazing title and cover. Very cool. Man on cowboy and horseback, riding, looking back over an alien ship shooting at him. Cowboys & Aliens. And then, you know, you had to write it.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** And it was like, “Oh god, there’s still Cowboys & Aliens. Uh…what do we do?”

I have a friend I know who’s a writer, and he had an idea, and this was about six or seven years ago when this was in vogue, and he and his friend just sort of wrote it up quickly as a thing for a graphic novel, and then they got it set up because — they didn’t even write the graphic novel. And this was sort of happening a lot six or seven years ago. Less now. I think everybody was sort of hip to it. They’re like, you know, “Just write a screenplay for us.” They make so many fewer movies now than they did six or seven years ago that their desire to churn through material, it’s been diminished and…

**John:** The only other counter example that just occurred to me is Derek Haas’s Popcorn Fiction. So, Derek Haas has this great site that he set up and other people are now running that does short stories written by screenwriters basically. And so Derek had a story that he wrote there that someone bought. It hasn’t gotten made, so it’s gotten made, so it’s not a good example.

Eric Heisserer did actually write a short story with the intention, but here’s the crucial distinction is he wrote the short story knowing he would love to make a movie out of it, but he wrote the short story first because that was the thing that he could sell, and then he wrote the script.

**Craig:** The short story essentially is a prose pitch, really. The thing is a novel, that’s a novel.

**John:** That’s a novel. A novel is a lot of work.

**Craig:** That’s a lot of work. It’s lot of work to do all of it and, you know what I mean, you might as well just write five pages of it and see if that. Or, you’re screenplay is already done.

**John:** Yeah, done.

**Craig:** You’re done.

**John:** A question from the audience. In back there, you.

**Male Audience Member:** [Inaudible]

**Craig:** Oh, d’oh! No.

**Male Audience Member:** [Inaudible]

**John:** [laughs]

**Craig:** Yeah, well don’t put babies in boxes.

**Aline:** Nobody puts baby in a box.

**Craig:** Nobody puts baby in a box.

**John:** Was that all of your question or was there more to it?

**Craig:** Was your question “Should I have done that?”

**John:** How do I get my baby out of a box?

**Craig:** How do you get your baby out of a box?

**Male Audience Member:** [Inaudible]

**John:** Oh, no, you’re basically asking Craig to take umbrage.

**Craig:** Did I pay you to do this?

**John:** …And you’re going to poke him with a stick.

**Aline:** Before, no, but you know what? I’m going to say this in defense of books, which is this: I think you can read one and I think it doesn’t matter which one it is. I think you could also take a six-week writing class. I think if you don’t know anything, if you’re starting from scratch, you need something that familiarizes you with the basic, it’s a three act… —

I mean, honestly, it’s a three act structure. There’s about ten or fifteen, you know, I guess you could call them rules, but ten or fifteen sort of givens that people have when they’re talking about scripts. I think most of the books, and I would just go with what are the most famous ones, will familiarize you with that. That’s all you need. You do not need to follow them. You just need to be familiar with those concepts.

And, what I always say is the good thing about — the best thing about writing is it’s highly, highly, highly subjective practice. So, anything that you do over, and over, and over again you will get good at. And the more you write the better you will write. So, that’s why I like, in an instance with the screenplay/novel thing, I would just say keep writing screenplays. Keep practicing. You’re going to get better.

I think it is good to be familiar with the basic, right?

**Craig:** Yeah. But read screenplays and you’ll become familiar with them. I mean, look, here’s the deal: Very simple solution. Whatever you did to your script, did you like it before you read the stupid book? Okay. So, throw away the one that’s the stupid one now. Go back to the one you wrote and just think about it. And think about, and show it to people that you care about and who are willing to be honest with you. And ask them for feedback. You cannot get through it but for going through it.

And certainly what you can’t do is impose something artificial on top of it, like a fake structure that a million movies defy anyway. And I will point out, as I’ve pointed out a million times: none of those people — none of them — are as successful as her, or me, or John at doing this. None of them.

Don’t you think that if they knew really the secret they would just write movies?

**Aline:** Yeah. But I still think you can pick up Syd Field and just get the basics.

**Craig:** Yeah.

**Aline:** And there are certainly people who write about writing where writing is not the — he’s doing an analysis. I took a class at NYU with a great teacher who was a screenwriter, but one of the things that he said which has really stuck with me, on the first day he gave us a handout and he said, “You know how to tell stories.” You know, the average person by the time they’re 30 has watched something like 20,000 hours of narrative. I mean, it’s something absurd like that.

We have that in our bones. The problem is that what you know in your instinct and you gut is a great story, it gets confused when people start writing. And I’m not sure why that is, but it is sort of — even somebody who’s a great storyteller at the bar will sit down to write and all of a sudden they start violating everything that they instinctively know is a story.

**Craig:** Because it’s a long story. I mean, honestly, no one sits at a bar and tells a story for two hours.

**Aline:** Yeah. But people don’t sit down and write great 20 minute stories, either. I mean, it’s not like it’s easy to find a short film either.

**Craig:** I agree.

**Aline:** It’s just somehow the process of taking what we intuitively understand is a great yarn, and learning how to craft it…

**John:** Knowing the order in which it needs to go so that it actually makes the most sense, like the first time through it all makes sense, so you can’t sort of stop and restart.

**Craig:** There’s our lady.

**John:** Yeah, so we have five minutes, which is the perfect amount of time for some One Good Things.

**Aline:** Aren’t they One Cool Thing?

**Craig:** Yeah, I mean…

**John:** One Cool Thing/One Good Thing, we change it up.

**Craig:** No, we’ve never changed it until now.

**John:** So, Aline, if you have a One Cool Thing you can share it with us, or you can do what Craig does, when he does not have an idea, and then by the time I finish talking…

**Aline:** I want to hear what you guys do. I want to wrap it up.

**John:** Cool. My One Cool Thing is actually a website that I started and kind of forgot about, but then Stuart actually maintains. So, I have screenwriting.io. And so on johnaugust.com I started that site by answering a lot of questions. People would write in questions — actually, I originally did it as part of IMDb, so like people would write in questions about screenwriting, and I would answer the screenwriting questions, and Penelope Spears would answer the directing questions, and Oliver Stapleton would answer the cinematographer questions.

So, I started answering those questions. I started answering them on my site after awhile, and I just kind of sick of it because they were just kind of the same questions again and again. But people still have those questions, and I wanted people to be able to get those answers. So, I started screenwriting.io, and it’s just those answers. That’s all it is is just answers to common screenwriting questions. And like nothing is too basic to ask, sort of like, the old question used to be like, How many brads do you put in a script?” And people don’t really use brads anymore because they send PDFs. But answering really basic questions.

So, if you have a basic question about screenwriting, or somebody asks you a basic question and you’re like, “I don’t know,” you can send them there. So, it’s just screenwriting.io.

**Craig:** Well, I have a One Cool Thing, and it seems like it’s a little bit of a copout, and usually they are because like he says I think of them while he’s talking. But this is really is a Cool Thing. And my Cool Thing is this, is the Austin Screenwriting Conference, and I’ll tell you why.

**John:** Yay!

**Aline:** Shameless pandering.

**Craig:** Yup. Absolutely. Because get so angry, box baby guy, because I get so angry about these books and stuff, and you know, Syd Field, like learning about three acts and all that is great, but the truth is for you guys you are beset upon by charlatans, and thieves, and frauds. It is amazing; the industry of lies that surround the aspiring screenwriter is just so disturbing. And the titles of the books alone, it’s almost like they betray — they are crafted to be the opposite of what they are. How to Make a Good Script Great. Or, How to Make Your Okay Script Shitty. I mean, that’s really what happens.

Everything about it is wrong. And the only way — I do feel like the only way I’ve ever gotten better over the course of my career is by being friends with and talking to writers who are better than I was, and who have been doing it longer than I had been doing it. And who could look at me and say, “Eh,” because they had authority. And the authority came from experience. That’s why I like this.

If you’re going to spend your money on screenwriting, this is where you should spend it, because you hear from people who actually do it. You will get the actual truth, then stop spending money. So, you go here, so this is your money-spending for screenwriting for the year. Do it, and then don’t spend anymore until next October.

But, I think it’s a great thing that they do here and I want to thank them for doing it. It’s terrific and I’m very happy that you guys come to this. This is worth it, so good for you.

**Aline:** Wow. That should have been the last one.

**John:** Yeah.

**Craig:** That’s how I roll.

**John:** He’s the closer.

**Aline:** Yeah, well you close.

**Craig:** “There’s an app I really like…”

**Aline:** Yup. It’s going to be like that. I’m done.

**Craig:** No, no, do it, do it, do it.

**Aline:** No.

**Craig:** Do it. Do it. Do the app.

**Aline:** So, I was going to recommend a blog, which is one of the few blogs that I read. Because I wanted to bring some lady energy to the panel, and because I told Craig months ago that I would be wearing my YSL Tribute Platforms, and I wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to be wearing his as well.

**Craig:** Fluevogs.

**Aline:** Oh, I know, you like those weird shoes. There’s a blogger, and her blog is called The Man Repeller. Has anyone heard of Man Repeller? It’s been around for a couple of years. And her name is Leandra Medine. And the reason that I’m drawing attention to it, it’s a fashion blog, but the reason I’m drawing attention to it on the podcast is she’s a really good writer.

And what I think is interesting is that her basic premise is that to dress for men would be a simple thing. You would wear a tight black dress, and high heels, and men would be happy.

**Craig:** Sounds good. Tell me more.

**Aline:** But what she does is use fashion sort of as a means of expressing herself, and being innovative, and mixing classic things with funky things, and really showing what you can do as a woman, not always worrying about what’s going to showcase your butt.

And I think she does it in a way that’s so funny, and so witty, and she’s very young — I think she’ s in her early 20’s. And she’s very clever. And if you guys have an interest in fashion — she’s just a great female writer. I think she has a really unique voice. And so I know that once Craig and John read that, the next time they do the podcast they’re going to be wearing something super cool and man repelling.

**John:** Done. Guys, thank you so very much.

**Craig:** Thank you, everyone.

**John:** Thank you, Aline.

**Craig:** Thank you, Aline. Thank you, Franklin.

**John:** Thank you, Franklin Leonard.

**Craig:** Thank you, Austin.

**John:** Have a good afternoon.

**Aline:** Thanks everybody.

Shift-return, Highland’s little helper

December 2, 2013 Highland

This weekend, Neil Cross (creator of [Luther](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1474684/)) emailed me with a feature request:

> I love Fountain in general and Highland in particular. I’d live there all-but permanently, but for one issue: I’m a very fast but very poor two-fingered typist. One of my worst habits is accidentally hitting the CAPS LOCK key — so I disable it.

> I wonder if there’s any chance the Fountain syntax could incorporate a FORCE CHARACTER instruction, the way it currently incorporates FORCE SCENE HEADING?

> I can’t be the only clumsy typist in the world for whom this would be a godsend.

I started to brainstorm syntax changes and work-arounds, until I realized we’d already built a solution into Highland: shift-return.

highland-shift-return

At the end of a line, if you hit shift-return rather than just return, you’ll make the entire line uppercase. It’s useful for character names, scene headings and transitions.

Scriptnotes, Episode 714: Three Page Challenge Live in Austin 2025, Transcript

December 10, 2025 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found here.

John August: Hello, and welcome. My name is John August.

Craig Mazin: My name is Craig Mazin.

John: You’re listening to Scriptnotes. It’s a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters. Craig, today’s episode is a flashback to when we were at the Austin Film Festival this year in 2025. We did another Three Page Challenge. This was at the church in Austin. It was a great crowd and we had just a really great time doing it. We love doing a Three Page Challenge where we can have those participants come up on stage with us and talk through what they were doing.

Craig: Yes, it was great. They did a great job. Anybody who agrees to do this is very brave. Anybody who agrees to do this live in front of a lot of people under the watchful eyes of Jesus is particularly brave. Thumbs up to these three. They were very courageous and I hope that we help them as we try.

John: As always, if you want to read along with these samples, you can pause this and we’ll have links in the show notes to the PDF. You can read those PDFs before we get into it. Before you do that, Craig, today, the day this episode drops, the Scriptnotes book is out in the world in physical form, in hardcover.

Craig: Oh my God, this is it.

John: It is. Apparently, Australia is not till January 4th, but the rest of the world gets it today. The audiobook, we had Graham Rowat on recently to talk through, narrate an audiobook. Please, if you have the book and it comes to you, post on Instagram, post on TikTok, tag Scriptnotes Podcast and we will repost you. We will hype you up. I will hype you up. If you do so, we can also send you the bonus chapter that we sent to all the pre-orders. If you haven’t gotten that yet, Drew can send that to you, because I’m just so excited that the book is finally out there in the world.

Craig: Yes. I got to say, if you waited, I get it. Now you got to actually start thinking about Christmas gifts for your stupid friends. This is a great Christmas gift for your stupid friends.

John: 100%.

Craig: You should go to a party and everyone should give each other this big orange book. It just smells like Christmas. I love it.

John: Also, if you have parents who can never figure out what to get you, just get yourself the Scriptnotes book and bill them. It’s $33.

Craig: Exactly. They’ll be thrilled that it’s under $5,000. They’ll be so happy.

John: Exactly. Absolutely. With all the tuition you’ve saved them, it makes it absolutely completely worthwhile.

Craig: Bingo.

John: Enjoy this trip back to the Austin Film Festival and our live Three Page Challenge. For our premium listeners, stick around because we will have some bonus questions from that session where we answered questions from the audience that were actually really good. We had good questions overall at Austin. Enjoy.

[music]

John: Hello, and welcome. My name is John August.

Craig: My name is Craig Mazin.

John: This is a Three Page Challenge for Scriptnotes. For folks who are not aware, every once in a while, we ask our listeners if they would like to send in the first three pages of their screenplay, of their pilot, and we will talk about it on the air. It’s a very brave thing for people to do because we’re honest with our criticism. We’re not harsh, but we’re very honest.

Craig: I’m a little harsh.

John: You’re a little harsh. Drew, who’s our producer, diligently reads through all the entries and picks ones that he thinks will be good to talk about on the air. Sometimes they’re the best, but sometimes they’re the things with the most interesting stuff to talk about.

That’s really an example of what we have here today because we asked, specifically, people who were going to be coming to AFF if we could look at the first three pages of their script. A bunch of people sent through their samples, which is really nice. What’s great about doing it here at Austin is that we can then bring the person up and actually talk to them about the script they wrote.

Craig: Which forces us to be even more concerned about being harsh, and yet, I will do it.

John: We’ll try to be honest. You can find these samples, PDFs, at johnaugust.com. It’s the first blog post you’re going to see there. You can open these up, and so you can read along with us as we’re looking at these samples. Some of what we’re talking about is literally how it’s laid out on the page, so some stuff is– We’re going to be talking story and character and everything else, but it’s also what it looks like, what it feels like. Craig, talk to me about the Three Page Challenge, because the idea of three pages came from stuff you were doing.

Craig: Yes. There was a theory that I had, that you could probably tell if a script was going to be theoretically good or absolutely never good from reading three pages. The truth is, you learn a lot in three pages. There are fundamental things that we see people do well, and there are fundamental things that we see people not doing well.

If the three pages aren’t working in and of themselves, it doesn’t mean that it’s not fixable. Everything’s fixable, and we’re all working and constantly revising and doing things and getting better. This focus that we put on these is the way it works in the business. This is a good colonoscopy.

John: The first three pages are really the first impression. As we’ve had guests on the show who are showrunners who are looking to staff a room or producers or agents or managers, we talk to them about, “You get a script, how far are you reading into it?” Some will say, “Oh, the first 10 pages,” but a lot of people will say the first three or four pages. You get a sense of, does this person have a voice that’s interesting and I want to keep following? They’re looking for an excuse to set the script down. If those first three pages give them that excuse, they might set the script down.

Craig: They’ll take it.

John: They’ll take it.

Craig: It’s been really interesting over the years to see how some of these do grab you. It’s like there’s this thing that happens where your eyeballs– Sometimes words are sticky. Your eyeballs stick on them and it’s good. Then sometimes the pages are slippery and your eyes just– Part of the question is, why do these things happen?

John: I’m also contractually obligated to tell you that we’ve been doing the show for 14 years. We’ve come to the Austin Film Festival for 11 years. It’s the first year we’re here to hype up our book. We have a book coming out December 2nd.

The Scriptnotes book is basically a collection, a compendium of everything we’ve talked about over the course of 11 years about screenwriting, intercut with chapters from many of the amazing guests we’ve had on the show. Show of hands, who in this room has already pre-ordered the book? That’s a good number. Thank you very much for that.

Craig: Thank you, guys.

John: Last night at the live show, I was strongly urging people to pre-order the book. Craig, do you remember the reasons why people need to pre-order the book rather than just getting it on December 2nd?

Craig: As I recall, what you said is that pre-orders are how bookstores know whether or not they should stock the book, whether libraries know whether they should have the book available for lending, and also in theory, it’s how bestseller lists are put together. You aim much higher than I do.

John: The reality is that bestseller lists are based on first week sales, but all the pre-orders are counted as the first week sales. If we can get a big number for that, it’s fantastic. Our publisher at Crown sent an email saying, “A month out, it’s looking good.” As we all know, good is–

Craig: Yes. As the people who wrote these will find out, good is not great.

John: No, good is not great. If you’re enjoying the Scriptnotes Podcast, if you’re enjoying what we’re doing today, and you want to pre-order the book, we would much appreciate it because it’s going to be a good resource for you all the times. We have a podcast you can listen to every week, but this is a podcast in book form, which is good and useful. Let us tackle our first Three Page Challenge.

Craig: Let’s dig in.

John: Our first Three Page Challenge is called Ancient Grains. It is by–

Craig: Michael Warnecke.

John: Michael Warnecke. Great. We have a synopsis here. “In a barn, on a barren field with starving animals, a group of drunk teens accidentally knock over a space heater, burning down a barn and killing all the animals inside. We then cut to those same teens standing before the town in the village center being reprimanded by a man named Faucher for using ‘ancient machines.’

As punishment, he sentences the teens to being blinded. As they force the teens to drink a poison, Ruth marches forward and begs Faucher not to blind both of her sons, as she’ll have no one left to work the farm. Faucher agrees and forces Ruth to choose which of her children will be blinded. When she finally does, her other son cries in anguish as he’s forced to drink the poison. Ruth bitterly thanks Faucher and the weeping parents gather their blinded children.” That’s what happens at the first three pages here. Craig, talk to us about this. This is some sort of post-apocalyptic situation. It seems like we’re in the future-

Craig: It could be.

John: -but there’s old technologies.

Craig: It could be. It could be some super culty, hyper Amish sort of thing. A lot of times we’ll get into the granularity of how people have actually written this out, but I want to start with a big logic question. In this scenario, teens are partying in a barn and they’ve got the space heater. Side note, I didn’t feel cold, so the space heater didn’t feel super motivated. We want to make sure if a space heater is important, show that it’s cold outside.

Then they get caught because they burned the thing down and they get blinded. It seems like they’re all very aware, because it surely has happened before, that the punishment for using new machinery is getting blinded. They seem really fine as they’re using the space heater. If the punishment for using a space heater is getting blinded, I’d probably just put a coat on.

The thing is, what do they need to use? How can we show that it is something that they absolutely needed to use to get to something they really wanted, knowing what the risk was, and then they get caught? That feels stronger to me.

John: I’m excited to have Michael here because so often we’re doing this on the podcast, and we really don’t have a good sense of what the whole script is or what this is leading to. We can ask Michael when he comes up, why starting here? What is it about this scenario that is the best way to get into what his story is?

We don’t have a clear sense about the story. We’re seeing a mother having to make a terrible choice between her two sons at the end of the three pages. We as the reader don’t know, is Ruth really an important character? Is this high official an important character that’s going to be coming back? It feels like we’re establishing the feel of the world, but I don’t have a good sense of quite what the movie is yet. I’m glad to be able to talk to Michael about this.

Craig: The idea that you’re going to go down the line of these teenagers, and each one of them has to drink the stuff knowing full well that it’ll make them blind. Again, slight logic point. Not sure how you can instantly go blind from drinking something, but let’s just say you can. That’s terrifying if I weren’t asking a lot of questions.

One thing to consider is that this scene maybe happens too soon. If you are in a community and you know what the rules are right up front, and you also see that, weirdly, a couple of people are blind, more than you would imagine would be blind in a small group, and that’s an interesting– that’s curious. Then these kids get together and say, “We’re going to do this and break the rules.” Now I’m invested because I understand the rules. Then I see, oh, the punishment is they made these kids blind.

What happens here is there’s a lot of stuff that happens really fast. Then on top of it, we have Sophie’s Choice occurring. It’s always tricky when you have Sophie’s Choice because Sophie’s Choice did Sophie’s Choice. When a mother has to choose between two kids, it can feel a little bit familiar in that regard. This may be a case where what we often prescribe, which is get into it faster, we might want to delay this and get into it slower.

John: I would agree, too. Let’s focus in on how we’re encountering what is here on the page and talk about what’s working on the page and what we need to amplify or rearrange to make this work a little bit better. I think my biggest macro concern of what I was actually seeing on the page is things felt vague.

In this second block where we’re in this ramshackle barn, there’s a group of teens, but they’re not differentiated. There’s seven of them, but I don’t know what’s the split of male and female. Who are they? What are they like? Ultimately, two of these kids are going to become important because they’re Ruth’s sons, but they’re not distinguished in this first scene. We’re not following them separately or better.

It’s described as they are doing typical teenage things. Well, you got to be specific here. We need to see what exactly they’re doing and how the space heater fits into all of this. The fact that we don’t have any dialogue, we don’t have any specific actions for them, we don’t have a sense of– There’s probably not music playing if there’s nothing else, but what is actually happening in here feels important. Right now, it just reads as being very vague.

The people in here, they’re not even uppercase to let us know that they’re someone we need to follow. They don’t have names. This is a real challenge. That’s coming off of an establishing shot, which is just showing us that it is bleak and barren fields, even the weeds seem to struggle. We have scrawny cows poking at the dirt for food, and then we’re moving into dusk. We’re getting a lot of vague setup that’s not being very specific to where we’re encountering this story.

Craig: A lot of things happen very quickly. Normally, efficiency is terrific, but sometimes it can come with a cost. Here, I think we do have a cost because we see that the world is barren. There isn’t much food. There’s a pasture that’s blighted. The cows are skinny. When you see skinny cows, it’s trouble.

John: Bad stuff.

Craig: Then we hear laughter, and we meet all these kids who don’t seem to realize that they’re living in a world without food and people that can blind them. There’s this confusion that immediately happens. Then John’s absolutely right. For instance, the heater tips over and a burlap bag catches fire. No one notices. Now, this is exciting. Fire is exciting to shoot on film. What happens here is that little flicker spreads to surround hay and blossoms. Someone grabs a stable blanket, like a horse blanket.

John: Who is someone? Someone is not a great term for this.

Craig: Someone grabs a blanket, tosses it onto the flames, but it’s already too late. What was everybody else doing? Is there panic? Is there fear? Does somebody freeze? Is somebody trying to be a hero? Fire. Do you know how many meetings you have to have if you’re going to have fire? Oh my God. It’s got to be worth it. You’ve got to figure out exactly where everyone is relative to it. I think here it just feels a little abrupt.

John: We’re coming off the barn is going to burn down. This is at dusk. Then we’re cutting to village center, day. We’re not cutting to, or there’s not a transition to. This is a big change in where we were versus where we’re going to.
For the reader, that’s where you put a transition line in there. It could be literally transition to, colon, or cut to, just to get a sense of, this was the big panorama we were seeing of the barn burning. Probably smash cut to the village the next day or however many days later, and we’re up on this stage where this Faucher is going through, “This is the process that’s going to happen to these teens.” I guess they’re all culpable equally. That’s a thing that is also worthy to be addressed.

Craig: I guess because they were all benefiting from the heater. We do talk a lot about transitions and how to use our medium visually to get from one scene to the next. Here’s something that you generally want to avoid. We go from this visual, “The startled teens watch in horror as fire engulfs the barn.” That’s dusk.

Then the next thing is day. The next day, “These teens now stand in a row.” That’s a hard thing to cut from. From those teens to those teens, it’s going to be a bit jarring.
If you went from those teens to close up of a jug of liquid and we hear sniffling and we hear the creek and somebody breathing and then we reveal these kids are now on their knees or something, then there’s a reveal. You want to always think in terms of big to small, alive to object, loud to quiet. Contrasts are what help us get between places.

John: Make that cut. As we come to this stage where Faucher’s going to give his speech, we hear that members of the community, many of whom are weeping, are gathered there. Members of the community, I don’t know how many. Is it five people? Is it 50 people? I don’t have a sense of the scale. Because this is all new to us, we really want to know how large is this group. It’s going to feel very different if it’s 100 people or if it’s five people.

Next, we’re going to meet Ruth, who is the mother of two of these boys. Again, we don’t know these boys specifically. We don’t know what they’re like. We don’t know which one’s older, which one’s younger. It feels like they should have names. Most crucially, Ruth is going to be doing a lot of talking here and we don’t get anything about her. We do get an age. We get 36, but we don’t have a sense of what kind of woman she is.

Craig: Wardrobe, hair, makeup. What is she wearing? Is she dirty? Do they have makeup? Is she tired? Hair, because honestly, it’s a huge thing. What is their hair like? Bedraggled, dirty?

John: All we’re going to know about her is that she’s a member of this community and she’s the boys’ mother, but because we don’t know anything about the boys, we don’t know anything about Ruth specifically, it’s really tough.

I guess a question we’ll ask Michael when he gets up here is, how important is it that we have all the other seven teens there also? Right now, they’re extras. They’re featured extras who are going to be drinking this poison and reacting, but it’s really about these two boys. If they are the instigators, they should be the ones who are taking the punishment there.

Craig: One thing that happens here is these other kids are getting blinded and mom, Ruth, is just worried about her two kids. I think the other people in the community might be like, “Hey, Ruth, did you not notice that Dylan just got turned blind? That’s my kid. What about my kid?”

They’re in a village center. Describe the village. What is in the village? We do not know anything. There is no further description of the village beyond the fact that there’s an elevated wood platform where these kids are standing, waiting to be blinded.

John: As we wrap up this analysis here, I do like the idea of quickly getting to a Sophie’s Choice. It is a Sophie’s Choice, but if I knew who these two boys were and the– Our first exposure to Ruth is this mother having to make this choice. That’s really compelling if I already got a better sense of what this world is like and who she is in it. I think we could probably get to here in not many more pages than this, but we’re just very rushed to get to where we are right now.

Craig: Setup. Some good logic questions. Let’s ask ourselves, truly, how would this go? If you were a kid living in this town and you knew what the deal is, what would lead you to violate the rules, et cetera?

John: Because Michael’s actually here, we can ask him these questions. Michael, please come on up.

Craig: Come on up.

[applause]

Nice to meet you.

John: Thank you so much for sending in your pages. It’s really great to have you here to be able to talk to.

Michael: Good for another 10 years then.

Craig: Yes, exactly. You don’t have to do that again for another 10 years.

John: Michael, we’re only reading three pages, but have you written the whole thing? What’s actually happening in this world?

Michael: Yes, sure. I’ve completed a first draft. I’m in the process of doing a rewrite right now. I chose to open the script with introducing the antagonist and try to establish the rules of this world where they have very harsh rules, where human life isn’t valued the same way, and the punishment’s very high. The only person that’s really important long-term is Faucher. The others are more just stand-ins for the rules of this world.

Craig: Okay. Now we have a perspective question. We like to talk about, whose perspective is this scene from? If he is the important one, there’s also a world where this begins with, we meet a guy, and he’s standing there looking at the ruins of a barn, and he finds what caused it, a heater, and who was here and who was it.

Then he goes, and then he metes out justice. We would go, “Oh, God, this guy that we were identifying with is a nightmare,” because the perspective here feels like it’s mom. Depending on who is important, we have to think about how we want to go in and whose shoulder is the camera over, if that makes sense.

John: That’s so helpful to know that this is meant to introduce him as the villain antagonist at the very start, because a lot of the choices you’re making make so much more sense knowing that now. The reason why the teens are non-descript and we don’t care and individualize them is because they are not the focus. The challenge is, reading through these pages, it looked like the camera was aimed at them rather than Faucher who is the person we really want to be exploring here. Craig’s suggestion is a good way to do it where we’re really encountering this world and entering this world from his point of view and him dealing with the aftermath of this rather than the setup of this.

Craig: Character. I would love to know, does this guy enjoy this? Does he like pouring this liquid down their throats? Is he a sadist?

Michael: No. He has a perspective that’s been informed by his own life where someone very close to him died because of exposure to an old technology that ended up killing his daughter. I don’t get into it a lot in the story because I don’t want to go off on the rails on this direction. There’s a religious order that’s developed where technology is banned and they have a hold of the power structure.

Craig: Got it. In a circumstance like that, what I want to see is humanity first. This is a man whose grief has damaged him and he is trying to keep people safe. He’s trying to keep them from dying. When he administers this, people beat their children out of rage. People also hit their children out of this measured, “This is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you.”

I personally never hit my kids. You don’t need to. You just have to have a very stern voice. That said, I would love to see what he’s feeling. If he is a father and somebody that had a child and he’s doing this to children, does this hurt his soul to do, and he’s just that– He has to? These are the questions that I have about him as a person. Villains who are human are always more interesting.

John: A question we asked about weather and cold and this kind of stuff, where is this set for you? If you were to shoot this tomorrow, where would this be set?

Michael: The idea is that this takes place maybe 400 or 500 years in the future in rural Wisconsin.

John: That feels right. Again, the dusting of snow or something else like that might also help us there get a sense of the specificity of this place, because right now it’s just reading as post-apocalyptic anywhere. Grounding in a place could really help us out.

Craig: A little something about the apocalypse. One thing that you get to do, it’s fun when you’re doing something apocalyptic, is show what’s left over that has been grown over, abandoned, things that used to be valuable to us that mean nothing now.

Wisconsin, a lot of farms, tons of farms. Maybe in 400, 500 years, most of them have fallen apart, burnt down, whatever. Then I want to see that. I also want to see, in the distance, there’s a mobile sign. There was something.

John: A water tower.

Craig: The world has not been scraped clean. It just stopped. When things stop, nobody really goes around cleaning it up. Vehicles, planes, all that good stuff. Think about the opportunities that you have there.

John: Michael, thank you so much for sending this in.

Michael: Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.

Craig: Thank you. That wasn’t too bad. I think it wasn’t too bad. He’s probably like, “Jesus.” All right, sorry, I’m going to church.

John: Lightning bolts come down. The next script we’re going to be talking about is High North by Teddy Johnson. Teddy, raise your hand if you’re out here.

Craig: There, Teddy.

John: Thank you very much for sending this through. Here is what’s happening in these three pages. “A black cargo ship drifts in the ice of the Arctic Circle. A Coast Guard ship attempts to make contact with the cargo ship, but when there’s no answer, Captain Alamos and three other officers board the dark and seemingly empty cargo ship.

Inside, they find dozens of dead bodies, all frostbitten black and decomposing. One shackled corpse holding a stuffed polar bear startles the men when it springs to life and screams at them, while begging them not to take us back, before an officer knocks him out with a flashlight. When he does, hundreds more corpses are discovered. The next sequence begins with a montage of news footage on unrest over skyrocketing energy costs.” That’s where we are at the bottom of three pages.

Craig: Okay. I love a good scary thing set in an Arctic area.

John: I love the Arctic setting. I’ll say cover page looks great. The only thing I would ask for is a date. A date on a cover page is just a thing you look for and to see how recent it is. Everything else here, flawless and great.

Craig: You can always lie about the date.

John: Yes, just make it more recent. Craig, talk to us about your exposure here. Really, we should talk about what kind of scene this is, because it’s very classically a setup. It’s a cold open.

Craig: This is a good, old-fashioned cold open. The job really is, how do I do this scene in a way that hasn’t been done before? I’m not sure this gets to that. It is somewhat following the formula, but it does the formula fairly well. A couple of things that stopped me as I was going through, there’s lots of good visuals here.

John: There are.

Craig: Sometimes people are talking when they wouldn’t normally talk. I think there’s just a lot of extra dialogue we don’t need. It’s scarier when it’s quieter. Generally, when people work together, they don’t need to talk unless it’s important, especially in a situation like this, which is pretty grim.

They get into this room and there’s this big reveal, which is the big reveal. Dead bodies, dozen or so, men all ages, ethnicities, floor awash in a GRAYISH SLURRY. Now, GRAYISH SLURRY is capitalized. It’s the Arctic. Everything’s frozen.

John: Yes, so why is it not frozen?

Craig: Why is it a slurry?

John: That may be important.

Craig: It might be, but then I want to know more about the GRAYISH SLURRY. I want them to note that there’s a– Nobody seems to care about the liquid that’s not frozen. If it is frozen, I still want them to– if it’s important to me, it should be important to them. They’re looking around.

John: Yes, agreed.

Craig: Then a guy trips over a corpse, which is actually awesome. I love that.

John: We should say that you hear a thump before this and our attention turns to it.

Craig: So we get a little jump scare.

John: Love it.

Craig: Great. Then the captain looks at him and goes, “We good?” The guy says, “Yes, fine.” Then he looks at something else and goes, “What the hell is this?” If one of your underlings trips over a corpse and you turn back and you see that, you’re just glaring, and he’s like– it’s undermining the vibe you want to get.

I got pretty confused. I’m curious to see what you thought about this. When they get to a teenager and he’s gripping a polar bear in his fist and they’re all like, “Hmm,” and Captain Alamos says, “Call the medic. Though I doubt we’ll–” as if to say, “Maybe this kid’s alive,” and then, ah, the kid’s alive.

John: Part of your reason for your confusion is, he’s identified as a teen, but then the dialogue is for shackled man, and so I was thinking, “Wait, is this the same person?” I’m looking for teen in the dialogue.

Craig: Yes. It seemed to me, jump scare wise, we all know it’s coming, but I think that they would just be like, “Wow, this is sad. We’re going to have to report this.” Mundane sort of stuff. One of them touches the polar bear and then the guy– Again, the dialogue felt a little bit, I don’t know, low stakes kind of talking, as if you weren’t in a room full of frozen bodies. That’s totally really what I want to see if we can achieve here, but the scenario was fun.

John: Yes. You’re reading through the three pages and you get what this setup is. I understood why I saw that, that it was setting this thing up, and then as we get to the news footage, I was like, “Okay, this is all going to be related. I can see how these two things can plausibly fit together.”

Let’s talk about the very opening here. Right now, we’re starting with Super, 157 miles north of the Arctic Circle, “A black cargo ship drifts amid cracked tapestry of ice,” but then in the next block, it’s unusual, flat, no bridge, no flag and listing on its side. That belongs up with the description of the ship in that first section. Right now, it’s after Captain Alamos, so you think it’s part of his description, because it’s really what he’s seeing. What I’m saying is, I have no idea if Captain Alamos is a man or is a woman. I have no idea what the age is.

Craig: True.

John: This is probably a disposable character, but give us something to anchor our–

Craig: Casting people have to cast somebody. They’re like, “Help.”

John: “Help us. Help us,” desperately. That’s why giving him or her a first name and just some sense of what kind of person this is, is a godsend. It helps everybody in production, but also just a reader to form some image in our head. Is it a Sam Neill that I’m looking at?

Craig: Also, USS Healy, what kind of boat is that?

John: I don’t know.

Craig: We don’t know.

John: These are things we’ll want to know, so we get a sense of what kind of space we’re in for this. We’re going from the big ship onto a small craft, navigating the ice-strewn waters. Tell us how this feels. Give me a line to put me in this space because I don’t know how cold this is. I don’t know what this is actually really like.

Craig: I don’t know how close are we to them. Is it a motorized boat? Are we looking at the outrigger? Are we looking at an oar? Are we looking at this guy’s face shivering? I want to feel all that because it’s such an evocative idea, this boat clacking its way through these chunks of ice that are floating in water. I think you’re absolutely right, by the way, to get the description of the boat together, and then I would actually put the Super after that.

John: I would agree.

Craig: Let us look at some stuff, wonder where we are, and then you give us 157 miles north of the Arctic Circle.

John: On page two, things are just feeling a little too empty. It’s a little bit of a stock scene. We can fill in some details ourselves, but give us a little bit more about what the inside of the ship feels like. What does it sound like, if the boat is listing? You’ve said that it’s sloping. That’s a great detail.

It’s the whole thing. Is it canted so you’re having to walk up slopes? That could be cool. Do you hear it creaking? Is ice banging against it? All these things are suspenseful and will create the mood you probably are looking for here.

The officer trips on a corpse. That is a guy who is singled out and he needs to be uppercased because he’s going to be saying a line or– This needs to be singled out as a person who is useful. Tell us something about him or her so we get some sense of what the dynamic is.

Craig: This is a choice. The shackled man/teen yells in French. Now, if the idea is that the people he’s speaking French to don’t speak French and it doesn’t seem like they do, they seem like Americans, it might be better to just put this in French so that we understand that they don’t understand. You’re not going to be subtitling it because it’s more like he’s alive is the point and later we’ll find out what he said.

John: Either choice could work. You could subtitle it, but if it is subtitled, then I’d say put it in subtitle so we know what the intention is behind that.

Craig: It’s hard to subtitle a jump scare moment. It’s really hard. It feels like what’s scary is that this guy is suddenly alive and he’s curiously speaking French and he’s holding a polar bear, all good mysteries, so might as well just keep them mysterious.

John: Yes, keep them mysterious, but we don’t have to leave it as mystery because we have Teddy right here. Teddy, come on up and let’s talk about this. Teddy, tell us about this script. Is the whole thing written? Is it just these three pages? What have you written of this?

Teddy: This has been through a few drafts. It’s all written. The main reason I thought I’d toss this into the mix here was because this opening is brand new and it was based on notes I got from a random blacklist reviewer and also a friend of mine who occasionally reads my stuff.

They both had a similar note about the previous opening, which was actually just the news montage thing. Then later on, 10, 11 pages in, they mentioned this ghost ship that’s disappeared in the Arctic. They were like, “That seems cool. Why don’t you play with that?” I played with that and that’s what you’re looking at.

John: Great.

Craig: That’s good advice. I think the opening with the ghost ship almost always works. 50% of the time, or is it 100% of the time?

John: Of the characters we meet in this opening, are any of them important? This is just setting up the world, correct?

Teddy: This is all set up. We never see any of these people– That’s not technically true, but they’re not– None of these people are the antagonists or protagonists. That all comes on page four.

John: Are we guessing the tone right, that this a– To me, this feels like a scary world-threatening thing is happening. Is that correct?

Teddy: The vibe here, I think the idea is this is a dated comp, but like Three Days of the Condor, paranoid government conspiracy thriller. That’s what we’re aiming at. I realized that the ghost ship jump scare thing might seem a little bit too much.

John: From a horror movie?

Teddy: Yes. It’s not a horror movie. Like I said, I know that’s a dated comp, but that’s the vibe we’re looking for.

Craig: I can see that completely. Yes, this feels like the sort of thing that Tony Scott would have done an incredible job with.

John: Exactly, yes.

Craig: Yes, rest in peace.

John: As you were sitting in the audience and we’re talking through your pages–

Craig: How much did you hate it?

John: How much, like, “Oh my God, I’m so angry.” Did they make sense? Were we misreading things you were intending to do?

Teddy: No, you keyed in on, I would say, three or four things that I’ve also gone back and forth on. For example, the kid versus the shackled man. We’re obviously going to discover, why is there a ghost ship with a bunch of people shackled in the middle of the Arctic Circle? That’s the big mystery we’re going to resolve.

I don’t know why I changed– I went back and forth on the person who wakes up and does the jump scare thing. Why is it a boy? There’s a reason why there’s all these different ages of men in this ship and all different ethnicities. I think that was a place where I was just going fast.

Again, it was the second time I wrote this opening. I think I got caught off on the consistency there. Also, this is a personal thing, but I just try to write very spare. I see why you would want to describe Captain Alamos, give it an adjective, something. Also, I just want to move fast through the first thing.

John: I want to underline, I really liked that it was moving quickly. There were times where I felt like you could have even moved a little more quickly. They’re circling the boat and there’s a ladder bolted to the side. I don’t even need the ladder bolt on the side as long as I see them climbing off the ladder on to the deck. You could probably do some things even a little bit faster than that because as an audience and as readers, we have a sense of what you’re doing and that this is compelling quickly and we want to get on that boat.

Craig: I think you did a really good job. This should be spare. It doesn’t take many words to go, “She’s 40, weathered, tired, cold.” That’s it. It’s barely anything. It just helps us fill it in because honestly, in my head, he turned into like– you know the boat guy from Tintin with the beard and the corn? That’s what he was in my head. He literally was Captain whatever his name was.

Speaker: Captain Haddock.

Craig: Yes, Captain Haddock, which is not what you wanted.

Teddy: No, that’s not the vibe.

Craig: Speaking of consistency, tell us about this GRAYISH SLURRY.

Teddy: Again, I have gone back and forth on, do we draw more attention to that or not? What that GRAYISH SLURRY is is hyper relevant to the ultimate story. Again, one of the things that I’m trying to do over the course of the script is just build an incredible sense of mystery that builds a huge reveal. I didn’t want to go into that too much because at this point–

Craig: This is all it says, “Floor awash in a GRAYISH SLURRY.” No one comments on it, which means no one’s looking at it, which means the camera’s– If he walks in and we hear squish and he looks down and he’s confused because in this room of ice and everything, there’s this stuff that isn’t solid, that is weird and melted, and then he moves on, I’m like, “Okay, well, that’s relevant.” Otherwise, it’s just going to be a GRAYISH SLURRY no one will notice.

Teddy: Yes. Sorry. No, I live in fear of more than two lines of description and narrative.

Craig: Do not. They’re to give you a Kathryn Bigelow script where it’s 12 lines in a row.

John: Absolutely. A thing we often talk about in Three Page Challenges is how things feel on the page. It’s how much white space there is on the page. I’ll say in these pages, it’s very spare and the paragraphs are short. It invites you to read down the page and actually read every word on the page. You can break things up a little bit more. The extra few words or sentences we’re asking in a few places, I really don’t think will slow your read, and will just anchor people, make them feel like, “Oh, I’m glad I read that because I understand this moment, this beat, this visual better.”

Craig: Yes. Three lines is– you can start worrying after three. Two is a little severe.

Teddy: I appreciate the permission.

Craig: I’m rolling with that. Permission granted.

John: Teddy, you’ve written a couple drafts of this script. How many other scripts have you written?

Teddy: This is the third or fourth feature script I’ve written.

John: Has it gotten easier or harder with each script?

Teddy: I don’t know that it ever gets easier. I think I just am more comfortable with just messing stuff up and iterating and trying and just going. You go a little bit faster because you know– That’s all. I wouldn’t say it’s easier. You just fail faster.

John: That’s a crucial thing Teddy has learned. Nicely done.

Craig: Just describe my career.

John: Teddy, thank you very much for doing this. Thank you.

Craig: Thank you, Teddy.

John: All right.

Craig: Zeroing in on number three.

John: Number three. All right. Number three is Tall Poppies by Becca Hurd. “A woman named Teddi sits at a pub in Sydney, Australia during a rowdy Australian football game. She buys a pub-branded T-shirt and, pretending to be an employee, tells a group of customers they need one of their cars moved. The customers are too wrapped up in the football game, so she offers to move the car for them. Teddi takes the man’s keys and drives off and away.

We are then acquainted with the oceanside town of Edith Beach where Zoe, in her early 30s, Indian Australian, and muscular, surfs with her dog, Rosie, on the front of her surfboard. We then see Zoe working at her food truck. That’s what we’ve accomplished in three pages of Tall Poppies.

Craig: Fun cover page.

John: A fun cover page. Let’s hold on to show the audience because they may not be able to see it on their smartphone.

Craig: I’m not sure they’re going to be able to see that either.

John: It has a nice typeface for Tall Poppies, which is good and so distinctive. There’s a gun shooting a flower. It says, “Pilot, written by Becca Hurd.” It’s good for us to know that this is a pilot, not a feature. It has her email address, which is perfect. It has the date. I love everything on this cover page.

Craig: No, it’s grabby. Also, the other stuff is like, “Oh, it has to be all courier.” No, it doesn’t. We don’t care. Nobody cares. I really enjoyed this. What I particularly enjoyed was that I was confused until I got it, which was great. Now, there are a couple of things that, early, probably was not good confusion. Interior, The Waddle Seat Hotel, Sydney night.

Now, when I think of the interior of a hotel, I don’t think of a rowdy bar full of sports watchers. Here is, having just come back from Sydney, Australia, hotel means bar, and it’s confusing in Sydney, but it’s actually true. Everything is. This would be a problem because we’re not in Sydney, so you’re going to have to do a little bit of tailoring there just for Americans, so that they don’t-

John: Honestly, if we scratch out the word hotel, the Waddle Seat, we would get it as a bar.

Craig: We would get it. Here she is, small, unassuming, and she’s alone, which is terrific. The first thing we see is that she’s not really there. We’re looking at a woman with her eyes closed, and we’re hearing beautiful violin. Then as we pull out, we realize she’s in this bedlam, and she’s in her own head. This is very evocative, and I can do it. If I had to direct this, I could direct it. I know what to do. That’s super helpful. I love the way the sound comes in.

I have really one question. I honestly have one question, and that is, her plan relies on something that I’m not sure is a reliable thing, even much, because she’s like, “Hey, can you move your car?” I think a lot of people would be like, “Okay.” It’s a little bit of a stretch to think, hey, they’re going to give me their keys and let me move the car for them.

John: I bought it. I feel like she, Teddy, was making, it was a reach, but also felt like I was impressed by her, and then she pulled it off. I bought it the course of this movie. There’s refrigerated logic like, wait, would you actually do that? It worked for me in the moment really well.

One thing, I liked how this all started on the page. This all reads really well. There’s a good variation of paragraph sizes. One thing I would ask, though, here’s how we’re starting. We’re in close on Teddy, eyes closed. All we hear is beautiful violin. As we zoom out, we see that she sits at a pub high top. Two paragraphs later, we’re seeing Teddy is small, I’m assuming she wears a cast on her left hand. That’s information that goes back up in that top part, so we can see that, because it’s not new information when we’re seeing that there.

Then as we’re, you’re saying, zooming out, it’s really pulling out or whatever you want to say here. Teddy’s not given an age. I’d love an age, tell us an age. Tell an age, that she’s small and I’m assuming-

Craig: I mean, even bloke with a mullet gets an age.

John: Yes, see?

Craig: All we hear is beautiful violin. Yes, beautiful violin music or beautiful classical violin music. Something that’s telling us specifically what it is that we’re hearing, because I really like everything that’s happening here. I just want it to be a little brighter here.

The other thing I did notice is that we’re doing her pronoun a lot with actually not using her name. Look at the cases where you’re saying she, and see if there’s some places where you want to put Teddy back in there, so it’s just top of our mind who this is that we’re talking about. I believed most of the guys with the football game. I believed the sports bar space, the main guy we’re talking to, his name is Mase, M-A-S-E. I was wondering whether if we’re going to meet him again, we might meet him again, but I didn’t know at the moment whether it was important or not.

This is more of a question for you because we can’t ask you, because he’s given sort of individual thing rather than just being placeholder person. He’s given an actual character name.

Craig: If there was any way for us to see her making a choice as to which person to prey upon, now she’s sort of going for a car first, I think, instead of a person. That also is a little tricky because if she’s like, “Hey, who has this?” and somebody who’s just not that drunk is like, “I do.” Now what do you do? There’s just still a little bit of, I just want to think through the con artist logic because con artists, I’m not suggesting she’s, but somebody who’s committing con artistry, they’re always in control. They always are one step ahead. They’re the magicians who have the backup plan in case you pick the wrong card. I just want to get that feeling.

Then, when we shift away, good news is I wanted to stay with her, so that’s always good, but we get to this other place, then it’s connected through with her drive, and we meet an entirely different person who has a dog on her surfboard. This was adorable. We meet this cool person. She’s got a dog on her surfboard, she’s surfing. This is cool. A little bit earlier, an old man pulls his lazy dog along the sidewalk. That’s two dogs right in a row, and I want to keep my dog special. Then, after we see her surfing with her dog, she’s in the counter of her food truck. That was a little bit of a gear grind for me.

John: It was a gear grind for me, too. Part of it is that we see Teddy driving away. This is night as she’s driving away, and then we’re coming to dusk. There’s not a transition put here between these two things, but I think our natural assumption is we’re going to keep following Teddy, and we’re going to see Teddy the next day. Instead, we’re meeting a whole new character doing a whole new thing, which can absolutely work, but it was just a weird vibe for me. I couldn’t tell who I was supposed to be following. I keep expecting, Teddy has to meet this new character, Rosie, very soon.

Craig: I’m sure she will.

John: She will. It’s only three pages.

Craig: They may already know each other.

John: You like the dog on the surfboard. The dog on the surfboard felt a little dizzy for me.

Craig: I guess my question is, and we’ll find out, can dogs do that?

John: I’m sure dogs do that.

Craig: Because if a dog can do it-

John: That’s just a sore, I think. I think it really do it.

Craig: – then you can do it. If they can do it, then it’ll look like it’s doing it. You’re going to have to find a dog that can actually do it. I think maybe all we really needed here was to see her getting out of the water. He’s going, and she’s dragging your surfboard. The next thing we see is a food truck, and she’s walking up and unlocking it. Then, the next thing is, and so we go, okay, that’s her job, she goes there.

John: That’s her thing. It’s her truck.

Craig: Yes.

John: The last thing I want us to talk about is, at the end of the bar sequence, The Waddell Seat, the last line she says is, “I’ll sort you boys some free ones when I get back.” I wanted to cut that line, and then you pay it off where later on, it’s like, she gives some free ones. Okay, if you want to hold on that line, great. It does work, but if you could cut that line and find a different way for this guy, Mace, to be asking, like, “Hey, this girl has my keys. Where’s the blonde girl with my keys?” Like, “Which blonde girl?” would be another way to do it. Because I think you have a better out of that first scene without that extra line.

Craig: Yes, it’s a little bit tricky because we know that she won. I guess the thing is, do we even care about this drunk guy finding out that he got swindled? He got swindled. Unless he matters.

John: He may matter.

Craig: That’s the thing. He may matter, we don’t know.

John: Becca, could you please come up?

Craig: Come on.

[applause]

All right, tell us about Tall Poppies. What have we got here?

Becca: This is sort of an Australian nod to Thelma and Louise, but gayer.

[laughter]

Craig: Good. Why not? Gayer.

Becca: It’s two women who don’t currently know each other. They meet each other in the pilot. Then incidentally, they kill a man together. He’s a bikeym he’s in a bikey gang. They end up going on the run together. They have bikeys after them. They both are running from their past, so their past is chasing them as well. They start to fall in love with each other as they fall into a heroin empire.

[laughter]

Craig: Oh, and it’s poppies.

John: That’s Tall Poppy.

Craig: Poppies.

Becca: It’s Tall Poppy, yes.

Craig: Tall poppy syndrome.

John: For folks who don’t know Tall Poppy Syndrome is a down-under situation where they cut you down if you get too big. If you get too successful, they cut you down. Rebel Wilson was on, and we were talking about Tall Poppy Syndrome.

Craig: Tall poppy.

John: This is all really fun. Tonally, when I said that the dog on the surfboard felt Disney to it, is it comedic? What is the thing you’re going for? Is it cute?

Becca: My tonal comp would be Killing Eve. It’s a 60-minute crime drama, but there’s some comedy in there.

Craig: Now that I know what’s going on, when you have a movie, and there are some great ones, it’s funny. For whatever reason, the first thing that came to mind after you described the Thelma and Louise and all the rest of it was White Men Can’t Jump, where you meet two people. One of them hasn’t dealt with the other one yet, but they’re going to. Then, there’s the joining of con artists, just people on the run, falling in love, bromances, or romances.

When you do meet that second person, so much of what that scene has to be is, this is a different person than that person because you want the contrast. You want to go from somebody impeccably neat to somebody who’s a slob. It doesn’t have to be that broad, but your choice of what to do next does have to feel like, oh, these two people, I would like to see what happens if they get stuck together for a bit, if that makes sense.

John: The woman she’s going on the run with, ultimately, is this other–

Craig: Zoe.

Becca: Yes.

John: We don’t have an extra page to get to know her better, but tell us more about her and what their interaction is. Because last night on Scriveners Live, we were talking about relationships. Different characters need different things out of a relationship. What is the nature of their relationship?

Becca: Zoe is actually Laws. This is an alias. She comes from a criminal family. They are the biggest legal growers of poppies in Australia. Australia actually does grow a lot of poppies, but they also have an underground heroin industry as well. She’s trying to get away from her family, so she’s changed her name and is just in this beach town, nomadic life, surfing. Teddy is running away from an abusive relationship.

Craig: Now, here’s what I get. Teddy has no problem doing something that’s criminal. She’s actually rather good at it. It’s not a violent thing, so we love her for it. Now, Zoe is running from a criminal past. What I kind of want in some way or another is to meet somebody who is very definitely not breaking the law. Because she knows that she would get in trouble. She doesn’t want to get back on a radar. How you imply that, there’s a thousand ways. I don’t know if you agree with this, but the surfing itself only tells us that she surfs and that her dog is awesome. It’s not telling me any little tiny thing about her that may make me go, oh, these two might not like each other, or these two might be, we were talking about planes, trains, and automobiles, Steve Martin and John Candy, an odd couple of some sort.

You’re good. You’re a good writer. You laid these out great. You could see it. You could hear it. I love the way you sound. There were transitions. The good news is you can do it. This is what we do when we can do it. Just do it.

John: Becca, question for you. Is Mace going to come back?

Becca: He’s not.

John: He’s not going to come back. You understand the note that it feels like he’s a more important character than he is because he’s given a name and because he’s given a recall scene. Giving him a generic descriptor would probably help.

Becca: My one question, actually, for that is because I have another character refer to him like, “Oy, Mace, she’s talking to you.” Do you have to use the name?

Craig: You kind of don’t. In a situation like this, what you can do is you can say, mullet bloke, and then whatever. What is that?

John: Moustache.

Craig: Undercut bloke. Just two different haircuts. The fact that one of them says the other one’s name doesn’t really matter. This is great. It was just cinematic. I was watching it and it was having fun, so really good.

John: Becca, I was talking to you at the opening night party. We did this here, but you actually had a script that was also here in competition?

Becca: Yes, and I found out today that it won.

John: Congratulations.

[applause]

Craig: I saw that happen. She’s not lying. I was there.

John: What was that script? That’s not this script that we read. It’s a different thing.

Becca: That is not the script. No, that’s a feature called The Other Side of 25. It’s about a young stand-up comic in Chicago who becomes the surrogate for her older sister.

Craig: I’m not surprised. You can do this. Keep doing it. It’s going well. Congratulations. I was happy to see you win, and I was happy to see you here with these three pages.

Becca: Great.

John: Becca, thank you so much.

Becca: Thank you so much. Thank you.

John: We have a little boilerplate here. The Scriptnotes, all of Scriptnotes, is produced by Drew Marquardt, who’s here. Drew is the person who reads all these three-page challenges. Drew Marquardt, you’re the best. This show will also be edited by Matthew Chilleli, who’s our incredible editor. We want to thank Emily Locke and everyone here at Austin Film Festival. This has been a fantastic festival this year. Thank you to our room sponsors, all our volunteers, incredible.

Who here in this room is a Scriptnotes premium subscriber? Oh, we’ve got some hands here.

Craig: Oh, thank you, guys.

John: Every week, we do an episode for everyone in the whole wide world. We also do a bonus segment for our premium members. Thank you for the premium members, because they keep the lights on. A final check, who in this room has ordered the Scriptnotes book? [chuckles] All right. I need to sell those books. Thank you so much.

Craig: Thank you, guys.

[Bonus Segment]

John: Let’s try to get three or four questions. If people have questions about the kinds of things we talked about on the page here today, we can also ask general Script Note-y kind of answers of questions. If you have a question, raise your hand. I’ll call on you, and I’ll repeat the question. Right here.

Member of Audience 1: You were talking a little bit about how many lines, there’s too many lines. You’re talking about transitions. You’re talking about dressing the characters and things like that. I guess my question is, I know what scene heading is and things like that, but how do I know that my script looks right?

John: I think the thing that we come back to again and again on the Script Notes is that we will keep reading long paragraphs if it feels like it’s worth our time. If we’re engaged and those words are pulling us through, we’ll do it. Sometimes you turn a page, and it’s like a dense block of text, and you’re like, oh, God, I have to commit to this long paragraph. That’s why small paragraphs, short paragraphs, three lines, four lines, two lines, are great. Breaking them up, it feels so good because it invites you to come down the page.

The best advice I can really give you is you need to read a bunch of screenplays, a bunch of produced screenplays to see what they actually look like on the page. We make a weekend read, which every week we have a whole bunch of really good published scripts that we put up in there. Read those.
What other general advice would we offer?

Craig: Like anything else, you get better at it as you do it. You get a sense for these things as you approach your mythical 10,000 hours and so forth. Right off the bat, you probably don’t know until you do. Some people will get there quicker than others. That’s just the way it goes with everything.

Guitar, painting, writing screenplays, there’s certain innate stuff. Give yourself a break and make sure that you understand you’re going to grow and get there. It’s not possible for you to have the same innate sense of how a page should feel, and where you should slow, and where you should speed compared to people that have been doing it for 30 years. Give yourself time to grow.

John: The other thing, over time, you’ll internalize rules, but also just a sense of how things feel on the page, and you’ll develop a voice that is uniquely your voice. Craig and I were talking last night, there’s things, I think this was backstage, there are scripts that we wrote, and it’s like 10 years later you read it, it’s like, I know I wrote this, I don’t remember a damn thing about it, but it feels like me. Ultimately, your stuff will feel like you because you just make certain choices, you just do certain things on the page, and that only comes with just doing a lot of work.

It’s sitting down in the chair every day and writing, and writing a lot. It’s, yes, you’re going to go back through and refine and revise, but also you’re going to write new things, so you can get the sense of, what does it feel like when I write action? What does it feel like when I’m writing an intense dialogue scene? Those are the experiences that get the words feeling better on the page.

Another question I see right there. All right, I’m repeating here. Here with some students, what three things we really want to see in those first three pages, Craig?

Craig: The first is inspiration, creativity. I always think of the first five pages, but three, it doesn’t matter, are absolutely precious. You can do anything there because you are, as we’re in church, as the prime mover, began everything. That is the moment where you set it all in motion, and the moment you set it in motion, your choices begin to narrow, narrow until you reach the end when the thing that had to happen happens. Those first three pages, show creativity, surprise me.

You know. You’ve all seen movies, you’ve all seen TV shows. What have I not seen that I can then use in service of something that is somewhat conventional, that is a story that then connects to all of us? Inspiration slash creativity, give me somebody that I know I’m supposed to be identifying with, even if it turns out to be the bad guy and I have to change, that’s fine, but give me somebody that I’m connected to and make sure that something happens. One thing, doesn’t have to be the inciting incident, but it’s got to be something that helps me learn about the world, the characters, a relationship, something.

John: In those first three pages, I want to know what world I’m in. The setting, sure, but what kind of movie am I in? That’s the sense of, it’s the tone, it’s the feeling of. I want to feel that I’m watching a movie or watching a TV show, and that means I should hopefully forget that I’m reading something. I should feel like I’m seeing it, I’m feeling myself in it. Those are crucial things. That I’m with an actual person because we have to know who those people are. It doesn’t have to be our hero necessarily. Sometimes you start with somebody else, but that there’s anchored, interesting people that I’m curious about because what it comes down to is we could set down the script at any time, but if I’m curious, I’m going to keep reading the rest.

The thing we often talk about on Three Page Challenge is, was I curious to read page four? That’s ultimately what it is. Can you just keep pulling me along into the story? Great question. Thank you.

Another question out there. Somebody, I want to know something. Right here in front.

Member of Audience 2: Since you’re talking about character descriptions and even just being really quick with them, do you have any words of advice for or against if you use a really popular actor as a way to get me to the description, or do you think it’s not a good idea?

John: If you refer to a popular person, yes or no. Craig, what’s your instinct there?

Craig: You can. I’ve never done it. It’s probably best to say sort of like or ish. You don’t want to go, it’s Brad Pitt. If you don’t have Brad Pitt, stop reading. I do think it’s a little bit of a cheat. It feels a little bit sloppy. Rather than building a human for me, you’re asking me to just put the human I already know into that. You’re robbing me of a chance to build my Captain Haddock in my head.

John: I would agree with you. One of the real challenges is if you’re aiming for Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington, the minute you say that, every other actor is going to be like, “I don’t want to take Denzel Washington’s leftovers.” I don’t think I’ve ever done it, but if you have a character who models themselves after some famous person, that might be a way to do it, like sees herself as Taylor Swift. That could be a way to do it, but it’s unlikely to be the thing.

Just figure out what is it about the actual actor or person or personality that you can find words to describe that evokes that feeling is the best way to do it.

Another question right here.

Their question is, in dramas, you obviously want to establish something that’s gripping right in those first three pages, the opening setup. What is the equivalent thing we’re looking for in a comedy?

Craig: Funny.

[laughter]

John: We got to laugh.

Craig: There’s also tone. For comedies, we all have a general sense in our head of the different kinds. I want to know which kind I’m in, and I want something funny to happen, and I want it to involve the person that I am going to care about or get to know. That’s really it. In comedies, we often think about, rather than the first three pages, we think about what’s the opening bit.

I watched the opening of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective the other day. I don’t know why, I just did. The entire opening, it’s all under credits. It’s an open credit sequence. He is pretending to be a UPS package deliverer, and he’s got a package and it says fragile, and he is kicking it down the street. He’s throwing it against walls. He’s walking like Jim Carrey does, and eventually gets to this guy’s door and smashes it a few times. You get a sense like, okay, this is the bit. I’m learning about what kind of comedy this is and who I’m supposed to be identifying with.

It’s pretty comedic. You get to actually be somewhat formulaic. Unfortunately, you have to also be funny, so it’s such a problem.

John: In a comedy, you have to land something in those first pages, and really, you need a setup and a laugh that really nails it and that lets us know what kind of comedy this is. In your description of that, I get the tone of what that comedy is, and that’s going to be our expectation for everything after that. It needs to really establish, these are the kinds of jokes we’re going to see in this, but not those kinds of jokes, and that’s a tough thing to do.

There are a lot of really, really funny people in the world and really funny writers, but they have different lanes, and they couldn’t write the same thing. Nora Ephron is not writing Ace Ventura. I love her to death, but she would not have written Ace Ventura.

Craig: I wouldn’t say I love her to death, I mean, she is dead.

John: I know. I can still love her. I love her deeply.

Craig: You continue to love her as she is.

John: Absolutely. I love her after death. She’s great. A question over there.

[laughter]

Great. Let me restate this. She says she’s a very visual person, and she can see everything in the scene, but she’s having a hard time sometimes translating everything she’s seeing down to, these are the words that are going to create the same vision for the reader, and that’s our job.

Craig: That’s the job.

John: That’s the hardest thing about it.

Craig: That’s the job. Now, the good news is you can see it. A lot of people can’t. You can. That’s a huge advantage. Now, be a camera. Rather than just thinking about it all at once, be a camera and think about what the slices that you’re looking at. How close are you, how far are you, and why? In short, be a director. Think about where the camera should be, and think about what you want the Member of Audience to see and feel in that moment, or smell or hear. Then, you might start to be able to relay to us something that helps us recreate it as you want us to see it. It’s very important.

If I’m describing this room, and I know everything in it, I still need to go, I’m going to start on, actually, it says, “Pure as a pearl and as perfect.” If I start on those words, that’s intentional, that means something, and then I cut to somebody who’s eating a tuna sandwich and spilling it on their lap back there, not at all pure as a pearl and perfect, and I understand why. Then, I can see, oh, behind that person, there’s this huge room, and there’s the vault.

You begin to think the order, how you reveal it, what, why, all those good questions. The fact that you can see it is great. Now you just have to actually weirdly decide how to show us less.

John: My answer is probably a little bit different. I’ve written a bunch of screenplays, but I’ve also written books. The great thing about writing a novel is that you are in a space, and you can talk about anything. You can move through time within a paragraph, characters can smell things, you can get inside characters’ heads. In both cases, writing a chapter of a book or writing a scene for a movie, I’m landing myself in their space and I’m seeing what’s around you. At the same time, I’m now in a movie, sitting back, and I’m putting myself in a movie theater watching this thing.

That’s what Craig is saying about being a camera. It’s like, what I’m actually seeing on screen at a time, and that is probably where you need to focus next is, if I was watching this sitting in a theater, what would I be seeing on screen? What things would be coming to me? Because the camera is attention, and where is it directing the reader’s attention, which will ultimately become the camera.

Craig: I think that’s a great final question. Thank you. Thank you all.

Links:

  • Follow along with our Three Page Challenge Selections! ANCIENT GRAINS by Michael Warnecke, HIGH NORTH by Teddy Johnson, TALL POPPIES by Becca Hurd
  • Austin Film Festival
  • The Scriptnotes Book is here!
  • Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!
  • Check out the Inneresting Newsletter
  • Become a Scriptnotes Premium member, or gift a subscription (now with fewer emails!)
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  • Outro by Mathew Chilelli (send us yours!)
  • Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by Matthew Chilelli.

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode here.

Scriptnotes, Episode 680: Writing Action Set Pieces, Transcript

March 24, 2025 Scriptnotes Transcript

The original post for this episode can be found here.

John August: Hey, this is John, a standard warning for people who are in the car with their kids, there’s some swearing in this episode.

[music]

Hello and welcome. My name is John August. You’re listening to episode 680 of Scriptnotes, a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.

Today on the show, how do you write action set pieces that work both on the screen and on the page? We’ll talk with a writer who has made that her calling card. Then it’s a new round of How Would This be a Movie?, where we take stories from the news or history and squeeze the cinematic juice out of them. To help us do all this, let’s welcome back the screenwriter behind Bumblebee, Birds of Prey and The Flash, Christina Hodson.

Christina Hodson: Hello.

John: Christina Hodson, we’re so happy to have you back.

Christina: I’m very happy to be back. I cannot believe you’re on 680.

John: It’s so many episodes.

Christina: That’s so many.

John: Yes, but as we’re doing the Scriptnotes book, now we’re in sort of the last minutes on Scriptnotes book, it feels like 680 episodes. There’s just a lot there. It’s been a lot of sifting through stuff and the culling phase now where it’s like we’ve had these amazing guests on. It’s like, oh, we want to do a little breakout chapter with them. It’s like, oh no, there’s no room. There’s no room for these people.

Drew Marquardt: Ryan Reynolds, gone.

John: Oh, he’s gone. Ryan, if you’re listening to this, sorry. You were terrific. You’re wonderful. Twice.

Christina: They pick you for me, Ryan.

John: Christina, we want to bring you in here right now just to let you know that you’re such a valuable part of the Scriptnotes community and yet you don’t have your own chapter.

Christina: Fuck.

John: You can swear if you want to on the show.

Christina: I forgot to apologize in advance. I will be swearing.

John: All right. We’re going to have some swearing. We’re going to have some good crafty things. We’re going to talk about story. But in our bonus segment for paying members, I want to talk about the cold email, when you have to just email a person you’ve never met before and pitch your case and do that because it’s a thing I find myself having to do a lot and some people are terrified of it. I find it delightful.

Christina: You do it all the time?

John: Yes.

Christina: Who are you sending cold emails to?

John: People I have questions about what they’re doing. Sometimes on a professional level, sometimes for like the apps we’re working on. I’m actually kind of shameless and I have some techniques which I think other people who are scared to send those emails could probably benefit from.

Christina: Is it possible that your technique is being John August?

John: That is a part of it. Just as a little amuse-bouche for the real advice here, is that people are so much better emailing on behalf of somebody else than for themselves, so pretend you’re somebody else. Pretend you’re doing it for somebody else.

Christina: I used to make phone calls and pretend I was an assistant for myself.

John: You’ve got that British accent though. It still helps. It works. It really does.

We have a little bit of follow-up. Highland Pro shipped, we’re so grateful to everyone who’s been playing with it and installing it. You, Christina, were actually really helpful in the launch of Highland 2. Do you remember that?

Christina: I do remember that. Never in the world did I think I could possibly be helpful in anything to do with software.

John: You were, because one of the features in Highland 2 which you helped to work out was gender analysis. We were the first app that had a thing where you could put your script and say, what were the male and female ratios in the script in terms of dialogue and stuff? We put that in there first. All the other apps copied it, which is great. They could all see what that was like. Do you find yourself using those tools now?

Christina: I have not used them in a little while, but I think it definitely made me more mindful of it in general. I think now I don’t start writing a character without thinking a bit more carefully.

John: It really is sometimes in the conception phase where you’re thinking of like, wait, if I do it this way, there’s going to be so few female characters, or they not going to have any chance to actually talk with each other.

Christina: Totally.

John: This just all came out of the realization that there was like a study that you helped out on in terms of– You’re nodding like, maybe I helped out on it?

Christina: Honestly, I can’t remember anything.

John: Oh, it was pre-pandemic. It’s all a blur.

Christina: It was Me Too, and Me Too got wiped out by COVID.

John: Me Too, like hashtag Me Too, not like Me Too, me also.

Christina: No, I feel like my memory of hashtag Me Too got completely wiped out by hashtag COVID.

John: Absolutely. Everything’s been memory hole’d. It’s so scary. One of the things I find so helpful sometimes is just I will Google myself and find like, oh, did I talk about this thing? Because there was a New York Times article we were both in.

Christina: When I Google myself now, I find you.

John: Absolutely. There’s a lovely shot of the two of us at your house.

Christina: Pretending to read notes from my notebook [laughs]. I find that endlessly amusing.

John: All journals are basically 100% accurately portraying what really happened in a moment.

Christina: Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb.

John: Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb. One of the things I’ve noticed, the difference between launching an app versus launching a series or a movie is that– There’s some things that are similar. Obviously, you get reviews, you get articles written about you, which is great. You get features. I got a feature of the app store for Highland Pro and ratings, star ratings. But with a movie or a feature, you’re just done at a certain point.

It’s just like, oh, it’s out there and it’s finished and it’s this completion versus something like an app. We’re constantly putting out updates and there’s bug fixes and Drew gets emails and we’re all responding to stuff. You have a chance to fix things, which is great, because it’s not frozen in amber, but there’s also a responsibility to keep doing

Christina: Also, it actually hangs over you forever.

John: Yes, it does hang over you for a while. Anyway, thank you to everyone who has left a review, that is super, super helpful and left us a star rating. If you haven’t tried Highland yet, it is available on the app store for Mac, for iPad and for iPhone. It’s a 30-day free trial. Give it a shot.

Next up and follow up, director’s chairs. We were talking to this on a recent episode about sort of the scourge of director’s chairs. We got some really good feedback and follow-up. Drew, help us out.

Drew: Sarah writes, “Last summer, I was six months pregnant as the on-set producer. You think your butt hurts? I was dying. Finally, I gave in and bought my own chair, which was an outdoor rocking chair I bought at a sporting goods store. It’s much lower to the ground, so it requires us to stick down the monitors. I had to swallow my pride a little as I was now a pregnant lady in a rocking chair on set, but I was so much less miserable. Highly recommended.”

John: Christina, what’s been your experience with director’s chairs and chairs on sets?

Christina: Very bad. I’m clumsy and I like to sit cross-legged, so I always do something wrong. I also always put bags where I shouldn’t and then hide things in the pocket and make them heavy and then they tip and I’m a disaster. Director’s chairs are terrible.

John: They are terrible.

Christina: There’s got to be a better solution.

John: There are better solutions. Ryan wrote in and what did she say?

Drew: “I was a producer on The Walking Dead and everyone had back problems after using the traditional director chairs at Video Village for the last 10 years of our show. Eventually, our prop master found a bamboo director’s chair and this made a huge difference for the execs. The props team had rolling carts that the chairs would be hung up on and transported to the next set or village move. The train was brutal and these chairs are a bit heavier, but to save a few people who kept us employed safe from back surgery, the team was happy to help out.” She included a link, which we’ll put in the show notes.

John: That’s great. It’s nice to see that there are solutions out there and it’s just a matter of people stepping up and saying, hey, this is important for me and for everybody else around you to just do this better.

The common threads we see, which Sarah’s first email talked about, is that you got to be lower to the ground. Part of the problem is that if you can’t put your feet on the ground while you’re in the chair, you’re going to have more problems. The other problem is the seat, and the little sling seats, you would think it’d be comfortable, but they’re the worst. It just pinches you in a really bad way. We won’t probably fix this problem on this podcast.

Christina: We could burn them all.

John: That’s a thing we could do.

Christina: Just as a suggestion, guys, this is why you invite me back. Great ideas.

John: Great. Let’s continue on with mammograms. This is from 679. We were talking about mammograms.

Drew: Stephanie B. writes, I’m writing in response to 679, where the terrific Liz Hannah’s one cool thing is to get a mammogram. She pointed out that insurance doesn’t always cover mammograms if the patient is under a certain age.

Even after age 40, my health insurance only covers mammograms every other year. I paid out of pocket for my own mammograms on the off years. There’s a little secret hospitals don’t advertise. They will almost always discount an uninsured procedure like mammograms. My hospital in Atlanta gives me an 80% discount for the mammograms if I pay out of pocket.

Always ask and call around to check different hospitals because this is one time when it doesn’t matter if a hospital is out of network since insurance isn’t covering it anyway. My breast cancer was caught early with a mammogram I paid for on my own and it was taken care of quickly. I’m so, so glad I didn’t wait another year to get a mammogram that my insurance would have paid for. Please don’t put it off. To all the men listening, please remind all the women you love to schedule a mammogram. They really do save lives.

John: This is great advice. I was like, I’m not following mammogram advice super closely. I have a daughter who will eventually need mammograms. I will say that the women in my life who’ve had breast cancer, it’s always been a situation like, oh, I should have gotten a mammogram earlier, but because of insurance, because of whatever, I didn’t do it. If you have any suspicions, if you have any reasons to think-

Christina: Even if it’s not an insurance thing, people just put them off.

John: They do.

Christina: Because it feels like you just did it because a year now goes in like a week. You still got to go.

John: You still got to go. Same thing with colonoscopies. When you reach the age of getting colonoscopies, you just do it and it helps.

Finally a bit of follow up, Birdigo, which is the game that I’ve been making with Corey Martin. We had a demo that people loved and a lot of people were running and saying like, hey, I played through the first 50 legs that came for free in the demo and I want to just keep on playing. Basically, I’m jonesing for more Birdigo and I’m locked out. What we’ve done is we’ve unlocked the first level for everybody so you can play it as many times as you want. We added a bunch of new feathers to get your points up higher and we added keyboard support. If you’re playing on your laptop, it’s actually a really great, fast and different game. If you want a little word game that has really cute, fat birds in it, Birdigo is on Steam right now. They’re really cute little birds.

Christina: I’m very excited to pick it up now that I know it’s yours, I didn’t realize, I saw it on the agenda and thought, but now I’m very excited to find out.

John: Birdigo is like Scrabble or Boggle, but with cute little birds.

Christina: Who doesn’t like that?

John: You just play yourself and it’s tremendously fun.

Let’s get to our marquee topic here, Christina Hodson. I want to talk about writing action because you’ve become an action sort of go-to writer. I see that grimace, but it is true. That is probably top of your calling card, is you write big action movies with set pieces in them.

I love a set piece. I love a set piece that works really well and so often you read bad set pieces in scripts. Let’s just talk about what doesn’t work on set pieces in scripts and the bad things we’ve read, because I’m sure you’ve gotten sent stuff where it’s like, oh no, no, no.

Christina: It’s so bad. There’s so many different ways to make them bad. I feel like we should be positive though and talk about what makes them good. Bad things are like, when it’s a whole block of text that you turn the page, no one speaks, and it just makes you go, oh God. Because it’s fine if no one speaks during an action set piece. It’s like, oftentimes people can’t speak during an action set piece, but you can still break up the page. The white space on the page is critical.

John: Yes, this podcast has been about white space on the page since episode one. It’s just so crucial to help the reader get their way down the page, because if you give them a wall of text, they’re going to skim.

Christina: I know, it’s really sad, isn’t it? We can read books, but in screenplays, if you turn the page and you just see like wall of text on two sides, you’re like, no, I won’t.

John: No. Some bad action sequences on a page, I just get lost. I have no idea, like what am I actually supposed to be following? What is the point? What is the purpose? What would I be seeing?

Christina: Sometimes people feel like, because they know they want the set piece to be two or three minutes long, they have to cover two or three pages, but they don’t actually have anything to say for two or three pages. They just write stuff and then you read it and you get so bored and so lost.

The big thing I find really frustrating is when the person clearly has zero sense of the geography of the space. That’s how I think you can tell, and this is where I’ll turn it into a positive because I’m so positive today, John.

When you read a writer who has a good handle of the geography of the scene they’re writing in, it can be in any genre. We ran a writer’s program, Lucky Chap and my company, and we were looking for writers who wanted to write in the action space. Often they didn’t already have an action sample and that was the whole point of why they wanted to do the program. You can tell even in a drama when someone has a handle on the geography of a scene, because they use whether or not someone is in the room, out of the room, coming in, walking in, sitting down, standing up. All of the spatial stuff basically that can add tension and storytelling and character stuff is there on the page, whatever the genre. A really good writer and a really good action writer always has a sense of the geography of the space.

John: Absolutely. You sense that you are in that space with them. We talk about, we see and we hear useful things that a screenwriter might choose to use, but it’s crucial that you as the screenwriter are placing the reader in the seat, in the theater. Experiencing this thing around them and so they’re simultaneously within the space of the scene and what it’s going to feel like on that screen.

Doing both things at the same time, it’s really tough. I think people tend to give short shrift to action writing because they feel like, oh, well, it’s storyboarded and there’s a stunt coordinator and the director and all that stuff. All true, but there has to be a plan for it on the page.

Christina: Yes. Also, I was going to say, this is a really important thing where there’s a big difference to me between a production draft, like a shooting draft and your first draft. The draft that’s going to go out that you’re trying to sell a spec with is written completely differently to the one that they’re going to shoot on the final day. The first pass of the Flash, by the way, first 12 drafts of the Flash, the third act is very, very short because it wasn’t intended to go on and on. It was like quite short and simple and contained and whatever.

By the time we got to the end, there’s 30 extra pages because you’ve got, like you say, HODs who want to do this and actors who want to do that and different set pieces and things that need to be all laid out really cleanly on the page. You can’t be sexy and succinct in the production draft because you’ve got hundreds of people whose jobs are dependent on understanding exactly what it is that the director wants to put on screen.

John: I want to both agree with you and also encourage our listeners not to take that too far. The idea that like a shooting draft is completely different than a script you sell, for a lot of things, it’s not. You shouldn’t at least discount the work that you’re doing in your production, in your own script.

Christina: Oh, I think the first one is way more important, because that’s the one that sells it.

John: Exactly.

Christina: That’s the one that gets you the job, gets you the next draft, sells you the project.

John: Absolutely.

Christina: To me, that’s a thousand times more important. I hate my production drafts. I sometimes like my first draft.

John: Sometimes the production draft, it’s because you’ve had to add all these little scenes to do these different things.

Christina: Costumes are asking you to like state exactly what weapons everyone’s holding and what exactly everyone’s wearing and when the jackets come on and off and stuff that you don’t normally care about.

John: Really inelegant stuff.

Christina: Yes, really inelegant stuff.

John: Absolutely. What we’re mostly talking about here, like this is the writing that you’re doing to let everyone see like this is the movie. You’re selling the movie on the page. That means you have to really clearly communicate what we’re seeing, what we’re hearing, what we’re feeling.

Christina: I was about to say, feeling for me is the main thing. You can change so many things about the way the action plays out and the specifics of the space, but the feeling should stay vaguely the same. You should know what you want it to feel like, the intensities, like the ebbs and the lulls.

John: Absolutely. And the vibe. Is this a cool, crisp, everything is sort of precise or is it just chaos? That’s the thing that you’re going to be able to communicate on the page. I think most crucially is, yes, you as the writer and storyteller are welcoming us to this world, but if we don’t have characters and the character’s experience within those moments, it’s pointless.

I’m thinking back to The Flash and like some of the moments you have, which I love The Flash, by the way, I think I’ve talked about this on the podcast. All the scandal around The Flash and Ezra and everything else, it’s a really good movie and Ezra Miller is good in it too. As challenging as everything was around that, it was so specific to that character’s experience of those moments is what makes it land.

Christina: I also think just generally people, not even just beginning writers, I think a lot of writers sometimes think put character on hold and just focus on the action. To me, like you’re going to have a dead set piece if you’re only thinking about the action. You have to be telling a character’s story through the action. You can reveal so much about a person in the way that they fight or the way that they run or the way– Like, are they resourceful? Are they sloppy? All of those things and the way people work together, to me, each of those action set pieces should have its own beginning, middle and end that gives you a little story arc and a character arc.

John: I pulled out three examples of some really good action writing and some really different action writing to show the range of what this looks like and feels like. The first is from James Cameron’s Aliens, which we’ve referenced endlessly on this podcast.

Christina: Why not? Just keep referencing it.

John: It’s so good. As you guys are watching, it’s scene 114, but it comes pretty late in the movie. They are waiting for this ship to take them back up to the station. I’ll read this aloud, but we’ll put a link in the show notes too.

They watch in dismay as the approaching ship dips and veers wildly. That’s uppercased. Its main engines roar full on as the craft accelerates towards them, even as it loses altitude. It skims the ground, clips a rock formation. The ship slews, side-slipping. It hits a ridge, tumbles, bursting into flame, breaking up. It arcs into the air, end over end, a Catherine wheel juggernaut. Ripley shouts, run. She grabs Newt and sprints for cover as a tumbling section of the ship’s massive engine module slams into the APC and it explodes in twisted wreckage. A drop ship skips again, like a stone engulfed in flames and crashes into the station, a tremendous fireball. It goes on. It gets to the Hudson’s. We are in some real pretty shit here.

Christina: I want to ask you a question.

John: Yes.

Christina: How do you feel about caps in action?

John: Let’s talk about caps. Here’s what’s uppercased in this section. Crashes into the station, a tremendous fireball, that’s uppercase. Roars full on, veers wildly. To me, these are things that are sort of catching my eye and also, they tend to underline sounds that are happening here. How are you feeling about the uppercase?

Christina: Generally sound I do in caps, generally. In action, it gets so tricky because there’s so many loud moments and there’s so many big moments and crashes. If you do every crash and bang and whatever, capital can get too much. I have had one hilarious experience in a studio job with an old school, terrible producer person who is no longer with us, so I can shit all over him. He was a mean, mean man. He once told me that a set piece I’d written, he was just like, “This is dead. This is nothing. This is terrible. You got to rewrite this completely. There should be real punch in it.”

I was not this much of an asshole, I only did this because this was 17 free drafts and it was early on in my career: I just added caps. I didn’t change anything else. Oh, I also underlined the scene headings. I resubmitted it and he was like, “This is incredible. This is what I’m talking about. This has real pizzazz.” I was like, wow. He just needed capital letters.

John: That’s what he needed. He needed something to hang on.

Christina: Underlining and capital letters. I just think there’s too much sometimes, I find it, like when it’s overused. This to me is nice.

John: This is really nice. These paragraphs are longer than I would normally use myself. This is like six or seven lines, some of these paragraphs. Yet I read every word of it. I was never tempted to skim because it was catching my attention, holding my attention. Sentence fragments are there. Clips of rock formation. Did it need a subject there? Great. You have parallel structures because basically you have the implied subject is continuing from sentence to sentence. It’s just really good writing.

Christina: Nice short sentences.

John: Love it. Let’s compare this to Tony Gilroy who wrote Bourne Identity and many other things including the new Andor. I’ll read this, but you actually do need to see this because what Tony is doing at the end of every sentence basically, it’s a dash-dash.

Christina: Not even end of sentence, he’s interrupting himself constantly.

John: Absolutely. Basically, it shows just constant movement. You feel like what the tension is.

Bourne, the light bulb. He’s tossing it across the room, over her head, into that frosted window and she ducks down as it shatters. Everything starts happening at once. Silenced automatic weapons fire, raking into the apartment, and the frosted window peppered with holes, and Marie on the floor as the window shatters above her. Castel, he’s in the air shaft hanging from an out-of-sail rope, but off guard, firing blind, strafing the apartment, and Bourne kicking that chair across the room, and Castle reacting, instinct moving target, and the chair just strafed to shit, and Bourne rolling away, and Castle, he’s coming in.

The last piece is a window frame crashing away as he swings to the apartment, and Marie, right below him, shit raining down as he flies, and Ward throwing the knife and Castle turning back too late, the knife catching him in the neck, and it just keeps going.

Christina: I think people need to read that, because it sounds crazy when you read it.

John: It does sound just absurd.

Christina: It’s fucking cool on the page.

John: Yes, absolutely.

Christina: Because you see exactly what it is. The thing that he does here, which I like very much and which I think is a little bit also a thing that we should talk about, which is breaking the rules. Which is he’s using the names of the characters to create shots which are almost like cut between.

John: Yes, totally.

Christina: You can’t realistically start. This is easier because you’re just in one room, one space with characters. Sometimes you’re doing an action set piece where you’re moving between characters who are not right next. They’re not really in the room together. They’re in the same, call it like industrial plant, but they’re in different spaces. If you had to do a new slug line for every time-

John: You can’t.

Christina: -it would just be an impossible read. I have had a line producer once who made me insert those later and it was horrific for the read.

John: No, impossible.

Christina: When you’re doing the first draft, forget the rules. Find your style. You can basically break the rules and do it however you like as long as you’re consistent with yourself.

It’s really annoying when people switch up. I’ve seen people who do in capital letters on John August, colon, and then do the next line and do whatever. Here, he’s just doing the name of the character in capitals and it’s one smooth sentence. Whatever you’re going to do, make it your style, but then stick to it throughout. Otherwise, it gets crazy making.

John: If you do have people in different spaces, but you’re constantly in between the two of them, what I’ll tend to do is establish a scene header for one, establish a scene header for the next one, and then say intercut. Then it’s really clear that I’m doing uppercase or whatever for the person when I’m back in their shot or in their space, because otherwise, it’s all scene headers and it’s exhausting for us. Here, what I like so much about what Tony is doing is it’s almost you’re seeing shot by shot. Each line is basically just a shot, and it’s great.

Christina: Oh, I had one that I thought of last night when I was thinking about this. One of my favorite ones. We’re like– Just, you know Tony Gilroy, David Koepp. David Koepp’s Jurassic Park script, the one that he’s got on his website, is so good.

The sequence that is the best where they’re outside the T-Rex Paddock when the power goes down. He does this really well, where he’s moving between the two cars, different spaces, very fluently, and it just ups the attention massively, because every time you move away from one character, you’re wondering what’s happening to the other one and it’s fantastic use of exactly this.

John: Yes. Let’s wrap this up with The Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver. The version I could find for this isn’t properly formatted, so there should be actually a little extra returns and spaces in there. I liked a lot of what they were doing here.

Exterior lab day, Jacobs, a security guard, and the two officers are huddled behind a squad car. Other employees are hiding and watching from the safety of the parking lot. They suddenly realize that everything has gone silent. A moment later, lab doors fly open. Officer 1 says, “Here they come. A massive primate barrel towards them.”

Officer 2, “There’s more of them.” Jacobs, “Those are my chimps.” They duck as the apes run by. Some of them get right up and over the car they’re crouched behind. Bam, bam, bam, bam, as the chimps hit and leapfrog over the squad car and their heads. The apes stampede across the parking lot, where several use Jacob’s black jaguar to vault over the fence. The last is Buck, whose weight crushes the car and then they’re gone, every last one of them. Quiet now, except for car alarms.

Christina: Nice.

John: Nice. It’s really smart writing here. I loved how much I could hear it and feel it. I loved the way crushing the car. There was an anticipation. It felt just right.

Christina: Yes, and you feel the chaos work is quiet, which is lovely. It gives you a nice out on the scene. People sometimes just forget about the end. The end is really important.

John: The end is really important. Absolutely. I always think about action sequences as being like, they’re the songs in a musical. Instead of breaking into song and dance, you’re breaking into this action sequence. Those are going to have beginnings and middles and ends. They’re going to have verses and choruses. It’s going to feel like a thing. Often, it’s just like, action is just happening and then it’s over and you don’t know it. Nothing’s really been achieved.

Christina: You feel nothing.

John: Yes. Empty action is just–

Christina: Such a bummer.

John: It’s a huge bummer.

Christina: It’s a waste.

John: Yes, it is. Talk to us about Flash or Bumblebee or Birds of Prey. Action writing on the page that was surprisingly difficult, that was a real challenge to convey. You might have had a vision in your mind, but it was actually hard to get those words down.

Christina: They’re all difficult. It’s one of the bits I love them most. It’s the bit for our job that feels most like playing.

John: It is.

Christina: I literally will get the toys and play with them. For Transformers, I made them send me Bumblebees, which, by the way, was really hard to get. You’d think that would be really easy working with Hasbro trying to get hold of Bumblebees?

John: No.

Christina: No, it was not easy. Yes, I wanted to the toys, because for me, there were things like the way they transform and using action through the way they’re transforming. That is incredibly hard to write because it’s nebulous.

It’s actually interesting with the Alien, that’s an interesting example, because when you’re writing that stuff that doesn’t exist, you have to pick a lane on how much you’re going to describe stuff. Because you can’t go into crazy detail and just put every new nebulizer and whatever. You just can’t, because it gets so boring on the page. You also need to create a sense that this is otherworldly and it is different. It’s a really tricky balance.

John: Talk us about then on the page, how are you talking about transforming? Are you describing those middle states? Are you describing how a limb as a limb is shifting from one thing or phase to another? What kind of stuff are you doing?

Christina: I have two things that inspired me. One is that I wanted the kids in the audience to feel the way I felt when I was a kid and I was playing with Transformers. Which sometimes it’s really fucking tricky and you’re trying to bend that arm back into a bloody door and you can’t. I wanted do that for Bumblebee. He’s a broken robot. I wanted to sometimes feel that. Mostly, I would go by the way it felt for the characters doing it.

Then I also went with the way it was for Charlie, Hailey Seinfeld’s character, is what does it feel like around her? Often, that was more about scale and sound rather than specifics of names of pieces and things. It was just about what would it be like if your sweet little Volkswagen Beetle just stood up and towered over you. Yes, playing with sounds, feelings, scale, things like that.

John: Scale is a thing that’s often missing in action-side pieces too, or on the page, you’re just not feeling like, you have a semi-truck and you have a bicycle. It’s that difference–

Christina: Missing or just that wildly wrong?

John: Yes.

Christina: The number of times I’ve seen people dive off a thing 300 feet and you’re like, “They would be dead. That’s not a thing. You can’t do that.” People often get scale wrong and distances away from each other.

I really recommend to people that they look online or go out into the world and measure things and feel what it’s like, because otherwise it just feels silly. As soon as people start doing that, as soon as you don’t feel that you can trust the writer, that they know what they’re talking about, you check out a little bit because you’re like, “This is just nonsense.”

John: You mentioned LuckyChap, and I remember having lunch with you. You were talking through this program you were working with LuckyChap to help writers who are not traditionally action writers get some experience there. What were you teaching them? What were the common things you saw that you needed to get people comfortable writing?

Christina: Honestly, it was more about teaching them how to get into the space rather than doing the actual writing. They were a whole mixture of levels. There was one writer who wasn’t even in the guild yet, and then there were many who were experienced in TV but had never been in features. Like I said, when we were reading submissions for those, we were often reading a drama as a sample for someone who wanted to be an action writer. You could get the sense of whether they could.

What we were really “teaching,” I shouldn’t be allowed to teach anyone anything. What we were really focusing on was how we would help them outline the movie. They came in with sometimes a title, sometimes an idea, sometimes just a character dynamic. Then we spent four weeks all day, every day in a room, breaking those movies down, outlining them so that when they were pitching them, they actually had a whole movie rather than just a kernel of an idea. Then we had wonderful people come in, talk to them about–

One of the things actually, which is one of the things we should talk about here, which is Chad Stahelski came in and talked to them about writing action and creating action set pieces. Chad Stahelski did the John Wick movies. If you’re interested in this topic, go look up any of his stuff online. He talks about this stuff incredibly eloquently because he comes at it from a place of real passion and love. He talks about Buster Keaton and humor and storytelling all the way through action. It’s not just like, pull out your guns and go bang, bang, because that’s going to be boring.

John: We had Ryan Reynolds on the podcast talking about Deadpool and really thinking about that as a physical comedy movie. Really making sure the set pieces reflected the specificity of who that character was and what they were trying to do and why those set pieces were not [unintelligible 00:29:33] other things.

Christina: It was so playful and fun and funny all the way through.

John: Absolutely. Getting back to what you were doing with LuckyChap, what’s so important about the way you’re approaching it is that it’s not like an action sequence is something you drop into another movie. You have to build a movie that can support an action sequence. And you have to build the action sequence that actually tells the story, and they have to go hand in hand.

Christina: Yes, absolutely. Otherwise, you just end up with a piece that feels wonky and weird. Which happens a lot.

John: It does happen a lot.

Christina: Wait, you said one thing, though, which I think we should talk about.

John: Please.

Christina: Specificity.

John: Yes.

Christina: Because this is a real Goldilocks one, and I’m sure you, have found this. Either people are way too specific, and they’re using all these terms that you don’t know for martial arts that you wish you knew, but you don’t, or they’re not specific enough and it’s just like, “Uppercut, uppercut.” That’s a bummer, too. You don’t want to– Listen, we all know there are some writers who write, “This will be the coolest car chase you’ve ever seen,” but don’t do that.

John: Never do that.

Christina: Just don’t do that. I know people have gotten away with it, but don’t do it.

John: When you see that in a script, you feel like they’re embarrassed. They’re embarrassed by this. They recognize it’s going to be hard to do, and so they just don’t want to actually do it.

Christina: Or, they’re just really cocky.

John: Yes.

Christina: Anyway, but I do think it’s a mix with the specificity. For me, I look at it as zooming in and out as well, particularly in things like battle sequences. I’ve had to write a few, big scale battle sequences where you’ve got hundreds of people and then key characters that you have to follow. For me, often that is about picking the moments that you want to highlight. I’m not saying never use specific martial arts terms. If it’s relevant, because, for example, it’s a character who’s just learned a thing that they didn’t know, if you’re writing Neo, sure, it’s fucking cool to drop in a turn that it doesn’t matter that the reader doesn’t know exactly what that kick looks like. Because the fact that they don’t know what it looks like helps inform the way the character is experiencing it too.

Then also have moments where you zoom out, particularly if it’s a big, long battle sequence or something. Go from a tiny detail of swords clashing between two characters you know, and then zoom back out to what it feels like to be on that battlefield.

The other example that I love of this that I read often when I was writing, I wrote a Swords and Sandals thing at some point. David Benioff, of course, is masterful. David Benioff’s Troy script, that film is fun. It’s not one that anyone ever talks about. The battle sequences in that are incredible. Then there’s a really good one-on-one fight scene where he does another thing of “breaking the rules”, where he does–

It’s the Orlando Bloom plays Paris, when Paris fights Menelaus in that one-on-one in front of everyone. He does a very cool thing where he goes into Paris’s POV and he switches to second person. It’s all, you’re in there sweating, like you can feel your heart beating. It’s really fun and it’s really evocative.

John: All right, we’ll find that script and put a link into the show notes. Actually, I’ve never read it.

Christina: It’s cool. It’s very cool.

John: Awesome. Let us move on to our next topic, which is how would this be a movie? For folks who are new to the podcast or new to this segment, every once in a while, we’ll put out a call to our listeners and say, hey, tell us stories from history or from the news that you’re curious about how we might make these into movies. The examples that we’re talking through today, some were things that I just happened to stumble across and bookmarked. Other stories come from our listeners who sent them in.

All right, our first one is A Man of Parts and Learning. It ran in the London Review of Books. It’s written by Fara Dabhoiwala and it tells the story of Francis Williams and sort of the backstory, but mostly centers around this painting, which was a real question of like, is this painting a portrait in a positive light or a negative light? Is it just super racist? Drew, can you help us out with a summary of what we know about this?

Drew: Sure. In 1928, this unknown, strangely proportioned painting turns up from the 1700s. It’s determined to be this portrait of a black Jamaican intellectual named Francis Williams and that it was formerly owned by a white writer named Edward Long who wrote the book History of Jamaica in 1774.

John: Let me stop you there because at this point in the article, you actually see what the painting is, which is included here. If you look at it, it is a man who’s dressed in a formal attire. He’s got a blue coat, gold trim, white waistcoat, knee length, breeches, and his impossibly skinny legs. He’s got this powdered white wig. His hands are tiny. One is resting on this open book. His face feels out of proportion to everything else. You’re like-

Christina: Is it very good?

John: Is it very good? It reminded me a bit of, there was that Spanish painting, The Restoration of Ecce Homo, with the Jesus face. I don’t know if they have repainted it. It’s not that bad, but it’s not good.

Christina: Yes, although I will say so. I looked at it and was like, “Oh, why are we going to talk about this just not very good painting.” By the end of it, I fucking love the painting.

John: Yes, isn’t it great?

Christina: Yes.

John: You cannot tell at the start, is this a mockery? Is it a satire? Continue with what the description is.

Drew: Francis Williams was born enslaved, but he eventually gained his freedom. He was wealthy. He was Cambridge educated. He was arguably the most famous Black man in the world at the time. Lon’s book is actually a racist hatchet job. It’s incredibly denigrating and dismissive of Williams and many white scientific racists, which is a term they used a lot in this. At the time, they attacked Williams’ achievements in order to argue that slavery was necessary.

At first, this portrait’s value is dismissed. Then later it’s rediscovered. It’s assumed by scholars that it is this caricature meant to mock Francis Williams. After this author commissions a modern high resolution scan, it’s discovered that the painting is actually a rebuke of the racist assaults and character assassinations that Williams endured. The author researches every detail to discover it was likely commissioned by Francis Williams from this avant-garde American painter named William Williams.

Christina: I love this article.

John: Yes.

Christina: I’m not going to lie. When I saw it on the internet, I was like, this is going to be dry. It’s so long. I was like, John, why are you making me read this? I loved it.

John: Yes, I loved it.

Christina: There’s twists and turns and reveals. Everyone should go read it. That doesn’t make it an easy movie.

John: It doesn’t make it an easy movie. Let’s talk about sort of ways into this movie. Because, okay, this is a biography of Francis Williams, which is certainly possible. He was the most well-known Black person in the world at a certain time. Grew up enslaved, got out of slavery, but then ended up having slaves of his own. That’s problematic.

Christina: Problematic, yes.

John: Studied at Cambridge. Clearly very, very smart. He was a member of scientific organizations. In the forensics of doing this painting, Dabhoiwala actually discovers that, oh, that’s Halley’s Comet in the background. He actually literally had proven when Halley’s Comet was coming back. Clearly a brilliant man. You could do the straight biopic without looking at the painting. I don’t think you would. The painting is too interesting.

Christina: No, I was thinking of like comps. If you do the academic version where it’s about him, there’s like the theory of everything, but that’s Hawking who everyone knows. There’s a beautiful mind, but that’s really about something actually very different. I then thought about Belle written by Misan Sagay and Amma Asante, which was also actually based on a painting. There was very little known about her story. It was really just a painting, and then they created this fictional story. None of those feel quite right for this one. Did you find a way in?

John: I’m not sure I found a way in.

Christina: I’ve got two, just to be competitive.

John: All right. I have zero, you have two. My halfway in is I do think you’re probably intercutting between the investigation of the painting and the real person and sort of how stuff reshapes around that. I’m curious what you’re-

Christina: That was one of my two, John. Thank you for saying you had zero. That’s one, and I was trying to find them. Please, for the love of God, can one of your readers find the movie that is on the tip of my brain that I cannot find? There is a movie. It’s not The Hours, but it’s not totally similar to The Hours, where it is playing with someone in the present investigating something in the past. It’s a little bit Possession, but I haven’t seen Possession, so I know it’s not Possession, the A.S Byatt one. It’s doing that intertextual thing where someone is discovering and learning something in an old thing, and then you’re seeing that thing play out at the same time.

I do think you could do that. I think the reason, though, that we both want to do that, is just that it’s so fascinating what this very, very deeply passionate, nerdy person did. Who doesn’t love that? Someone going deep diving on this, the details and the twists and turns and how exciting it is when they reveal, this tiny little detail that you didn’t notice before. I think it’s too nerdy to be a movie.

Then the way in that I actually got excited about was the person that painted it, William Williams. Super fucking interesting. The first known paintings of this person, one was a celebrated Native American, one was an outspoken abolitionist, and then the third, according to this, is this guy. It’s Francis Williams.

John: If you look at the other paintings, they’re all weird in the same way.

Christina: Oh, and that’s why I came to love it. There’s details, like the wrinkled stockings. How cool and weird is that little detail?

John: I had assumed that he was just a bad painter who just didn’t see anything.

Christina: He’s not.

John: He’s actually not.

Christina: He’s not. He’s awesome.

John: It’s the same way that Tim Burton draws really exaggerated people. He draws exaggerated things.

Christina: Totally. There is something I think potentially really interesting about the relationship between– The idea is that Francis Williams, at the end of his life, he’s wealthy. They all said he was by then nothing. He’s wealthy and successful, he is. He does own some slaves, and I’d like to gloss over that. He’s doing Rodale, and he chooses to commission this. He’s the one who chooses what goes in the painting. There is something really powerful about the idea of an older Black man, and this young white artist. This man is trying to tell the story of his life through the white man’s paintbrush, because that’s the only way he can get his story to actually be listened to, because no one will fucking listen.

He’s got this idiot, Ed Long, who’s written this horrific book that just makes him sound like nothing and has basically erased him from history. He’s choosing to put himself in history. There is something potentially really beautiful about that friendship between them that could be– Obviously, it’s not a Portrait of a Lady on Fire, that becomes a romantic relationship.

Lindsay Doran, I went to one of her amazing talks at Austin Film Festival, and at the end of it, she was talking about King’s Speech and how they tested that movie, and it didn’t test that great. Then all they did was add the title card at the end that talks about the lasting friendship between the King and his speech consultant, passing, and that friendship.

Just that title card, just saying they were friends until they died, just completely transformed the scores. It makes sense. This is what I was missing from the story, is I want a friendship or a relationship story at the core of it. That, to me, felt like the most obvious place to put it. Let’s sell it.

John: We’re selling it. We’re selling it tomorrow.

Christina: John, taking it out tomorrow and we’ll sell it.

John: I’m embarrassed. Seemed to me like there’s no relationship in here. You need to establish those relationships because it cannot be between the person investigating him and Williams himself, because that is–

Christina: You could, but it’s such a struggle.

John: It’s Julie and Julia, and they’re separated by time and place. I do feel like some equivalent of the journalist of Fara Dabhoiwala feels important because there are so many cool things he discovers along the way. He discovers that like, oh, that book on the shelf is actually this book and this book could have only gotten there by–

Christina: I know, but aren’t we just excited about that because we’re nerds? In a movie, is that as exciting as we think it would be, or would it be cool to see it from the perspective of Francis having William Easter egg it in the thing? I’m so with you. I loved reading it.

John: Yes, but it is a cinematic idea.

Christina: I don’t know, but it’s cinematically exciting being like, oh look, this book was published in this year so it couldn’t possibly have been 1726. It must’ve been 1762. We’re excited, but we’re losers.

[laughter]

John: We are losers, but I think that’s potentially a good story. Really difficult to break. I think just the outlining of this is really tough on how you’re moving back and forth between the timelines and how you’re telling stuff. I think it’s also really cool.

Christina: Everyone should read it.

John: Everyone should read it. Second story, when a deadly winter storm trapped a luxury passenger train near the Donner Pass for three days. The article we’re reading is by Robert Klara for Smithsonian Magazine. It’s a true life event that happened. Drew, talk us through what the reality was.

Drew: In January, 1952, a severe blizzard struck the Sierra Nevada and traps this luxury passenger train, the City of San Francisco, near the Donner Pass. The train, en route from Chicago to San Francisco, becomes immobilized by massive snow drifts, stranding 226 passengers and crew members for three days. During this period, they endured freezing temperatures, dwindling food supplies, and the threat of carbon monoxide poisoning. Rescue efforts were hampered by the harsh conditions, but eventually, all individuals are safely evacuated.

John: Christina, so we’ve had many train movies. We have Snowpiercer, we have Murder on the Orient Express, which actually features a train that gets stuck in snow as a plot point. This was a real-life historical incident. Some people died in the process of rescuing things, but no one on the train itself appears to have died. Is there a movie here, in your estimation?

Christina: I think it could work as a setting in the way that those movies used it as a setting. I think it could be a really fun setting for anything from a heist, to a murder thing, to a whatever. Is there a version where it’s really– It’s not Society of the Snow. They don’t eat each other. It’s only three days. They’re a little thirsty and a little hungry. I’m not that excited about it. I would want to either add a big genre element, like a thriller, heisty, murdery thing, potentially a romance.

By coincidence, these are both train movies, but Brief Encounter and Before Sunrise came to mind, where you have some intense love story that develops in three days. Then at the end of three days, they have to say goodbye to each other forever. The one detail in the story that made me giggle and made me think of Triangle of Sadness was that there were some dedicated staff who remained on latrine patrol, and they would take buckets of snow and deal with all the piss and shit [laughter], which you could do some funny satirical class thing, maybe.

John: Yes, Train to Busan hits on some of that stuff too. I agree that this is a setting, but it’s not actually a movie. It’s not a story, because we don’t have characters in there yet. We just have a general place.

I think them being trapped is part of it, but I think they’re going from where they’re stuck to whatever tiny town they end up in, it’s also fun. There’s something about that feels interesting too, and it could lend itself to a comedy. It could lend itself to something else, because there’s like, the whole point of a train is that you get to bypass all these places that you would otherwise get stuck in.

Christina: Oh, like that. A bunch of rich people descending on a small mountain can be kind of funny.

John: Absolutely. There’ve been various versions of it, but for 9/11, when all the planes got grounded, there was a plane that was stuck in a tiny town in Canada. There’s an article called When the World Came to Town. It’s essentially just like, it’s a bunch of people stuck in an unfamiliar environment. It’s always a good setup for comedy. I didn’t feel like a pressing need to take this one exact point.

Christina: We won’t be pitching this one tomorrow as well?

John: No.

Christina: We’ll just stick with A Man of Parts and Learning.

John: Yes. Next up, a UK teen’s parents send him to Ghana. He took them to court by Lynsey Chutel for the New York Times. Laurie Donahue, a listener, sent this through.

Drew: British parents send their teenage son to a boarding school in Ghana believing he is at risk for being drawn into gang culture in London. The boy, initially unaware of his parents’ intentions, thinks that he’s visiting a sick relative, but upon discovering true reason for the trip, he contacted the British consulate and initiated legal proceedings against his parents, alleging abandonment and seeking to return to the UK. However, the judge ruled that the parents acted lawfully within their parental rights to safeguard their son from potential criminal activities.

Christina: He’s still there, guys. I read this and then only got to the very end where I was like, “Oh, this kid is still only–” He went when he was 12. He’s still there. He’s only 14 or 15 now, still stuck.

John: Still stuck in Ghana.

Christina: It’s harsh.

John: As we said before, relationships are important. Lots of relationships here and lots of really interesting relationships. You can definitely see the multiple perspectives on what this is. This is a family that wants to protect their kid, and they believe that their kid is safer in Ghana than he would be in London. That’s really interesting. That perspective is really interesting. We can see it from the kid’s point of view. It’s like, “Oh my God, how could you ship me away to Ghana when I have this life here in London?” You would think that the life would be better and easier for him in London. Yet-

Christina: The judge said no.

John: The judge said no, and also knife culture.

Christina: Oh my God, I know. The judge said it was like a sobering and depressing moment. I was like, “Yes, as a British person reading this, this just makes me real sad.” The picture of the knives in the London like [crosstalk]–

John: All the seized knives, yes.

Christina: London, not so good. If you’re willing to trick your 12-year-old and send them away to a country where they basically know no one, because I think he actually doesn’t– They’re from there, but he really doesn’t seem to know anyone from there. Just sending your kid anywhere where they don’t know anyone and in that situation, you’ve got to really be worried about where things are at in London. Yes, I feel bad for London.

The only way I would want to see this as a movie is if it starts with this setup, it’s super depressing, but then it becomes magical and wonderful. He finds incredible friends and the school is amazing, and he ends up really happy. The version where he sues his parents is– The version where they send him and then he discovers great things and connects with family and whatever, that could be great.

John: There’s a version of this where he wins the lawsuit and is able to get back. It’s a question like, do you need any–

Christina: Gets back to the knives on the streets of London.

John: Get back to the knives, or that, basically, his parents’ vision for what his life was like is actually not accurate or he’s able to overcome it. Those tensions are really interesting. I don’t think you need these actual people at all. I think the situation is what you care about and you could pick a different kid, a different family. It doesn’t have to be Ghana. It could be whatever.

That idea of this immigrant family who’s come to a place with one vision and then they see the dangers in this vision and they want to send their kid back to the place they came from, it’s really understandable and relatable. We can see both the family’s point of view and from the kid’s point of view, why it’s [crosstalk]–

Christina: Maybe that’s the way it is, that there’s something nice about if the kid can learn to see in his parents’ home country what they see in their home country, and they can then see in their new home country what their son does. Maybe there’s something redemptive and nice there.

John: Also, I think about the non-immigrant families, you’re always worried for your kids and you’re always, you want to protect them. What that means and what you’re able to do really depends on where you come from. A family of greater economic means can send them to a private school. They can shelter them. For this family, this is what they thought their best option was. From the kid’s point of view, of course, they’re going to say no. That’s not what they want. Is it a movie?

Christina: I’m going to say no.

John: Yes, I think it’s maybe a movie. I feel like it’s like a Sundance-y movie.

Christina: Oh. Yes.

John: I think it’s a smaller movie, but I think it could– I don’t know. I think the good version of this gets some Academy Award attention.

Christina: Do you end it happy or sad?

John: I don’t know. You could end it in a way that like a Palme d’Or winning movie at Cannes is neither happy nor sad, just sort of in that place.

Christina: Crunch [laughs].

John: It’s a crunch. I could imagine this being a movie that actually comes from the country that they’re being sent back to. Essentially, if it was a Ghanaian movie and this is basically the same setup, but you really follow the story as it happens back in Ghana, that’s also really interesting.

Finally, zombie colleges. These universities are living another life online and no one can say why. The article we’re looking at is by Chris Quintana from USA Today. Drew, talk us through what this article is describing.

Drew: The author starts looking into these zombie colleges. There’s one called Stratford. It ends up being these colleges that used to be real, but have since shuttered and they’re online, but they’re connected to nothing.

Christina: To be clear, Drew, there are no zombies attending the colleges.

John: Yes, I was a little disappointed too when I ended up past the headline.

Drew: We don’t know.

John: Here’s the reality. There are these colleges that shut down because they were no longer economically viable. Then somebody, somewhere, it’s like, oh, I can pull them up online and get people to-

Christina: Give me application fees.

John: Give me application fees and basically cash the application fees. In some cases, they will actually like, someone from that college will call you about what major do you want to study. A person naively could think like, “Oh, this is a real place.” I guess because these colleges were real as of a couple of years ago, googling them, you might think that there’s still a viable college. It’s not nearly as much fun as a college for zombies, though.

[laughter]

Christina: Oh, I know. On my little notes that I jotted down last night, for the first one, as you could tell, I got excited and wrote a whole page of scribbles. Then there’s like less for the train, and there’s like three lines for the UK teen. For the zombie one, you will see it’s literally just the bullet point and nothing.

John: An empty bullet point. There’s something cool about that. The term “zombie college” is better than the actual story.

Christina: Than the actual story [laughs].

John: It’s just a scam. A journalist investigating a scam can be interesting, and maybe it can lead someplace. At the end of this article, I didn’t have a bigger perspective on it’s just scammy people doing a scam.

Christina: People who go to college and want to eat each other’s brains, who doesn’t want to watch that?

John: Yes, that’s good. Yes on zombie colleges, no on this specific article. Let’s do a recap of how this would be a movie. I think we’re both excited for A Man of Parts and Learning, a Francis Williams movie. Difficult, but potentially great. Some really good roles in there. The trapped luxury train, it’s a setting, but it’s also a setting we’ve seen, so you’d have to do something interesting and new with it. I don’t think you need to have that specific incident as the basis. The Ghanaian teen, I think it’s a small movie. You’re less convinced.

Christina: I’m less convinced. I think you could, but I think anything could be a small little indie. Is it going to be a good small–? I think you should start out writing a small little indie being like, this could really work and move people. I see why people leave the Eccles Theatre clapping.

John: Yes. Honestly, I bet there’s a filmmaker out there who won’t have the identical life, but will have a similar life. I think you could find somebody who can make this movie and is like, oh yes, that’s my story. Honestly, the opposite is probably very common too. I have a couple of friends who’ve- they grew up in a struggling country and the parents shipped them off to the US or to the UK. They never saw their parents again, but their parents did everything they could to put them out there in the world.

All right. Let’s answer a question or two. We have Albin in Finland.

Drew: I was wondering how you create side characters specifically. Are there any guiding practices to help you figure out what side characters should be present in a story and what role they should play, or does it come up naturally? I found that it’s difficult to write a first draft when I don’t exactly know what roles all the characters should play in the narrative. I think getting a better grasp of this would help immensely.

John: Side characters, these are supporting folks who are not your protagonist, they’re not your antagonist or a key love interest. They’re characters who are in multiple scenes, but maybe it sounds like Albin doesn’t know quite who they are yet or what function they’re playing. Christina, as you are mapping out a story and you were actually just working on a project with a writing partner too, what are the conversations you’re having about those not central characters?

Christina: It’s really tricky because they take up space.

John: They do.

Christina: You don’t want them to be so generic that they’re just interchangeable. “I’m the funny best friend.” They’re always such a bummer to read. You also do want to utilize sometimes the shorthands. If you choose to have an assistant who is unusually older– Do you know what I mean? If you do something unusual with one of those characters, it can be really distracting in the reader and people go, well, something more is going to happen to that character, right? There’s got to be a reason why you made your assistant 65 years old.

It’s just a tricky one because it’s a bit Goldilocks. In theory, you want every side character to be like all the side characters in True Romance, where they’re the most amazingly specific, wonderful, life-enhancing humans. But also, you don’t want to be tediously shiny things all around the story.

John: I found that in planning out a story, those side characters who might appear in like three scenes over the course of the movie, I won’t really know who they are as I start writing. Then as I get into scenes and I recognize what I need in scenes, then they’ll become more specific and I’ll realize, okay, that’s this person who keeps coming back through, or I realize like this kind of character shows up in three different scenes, it should be the same character.

Christina: I sometimes think of it in terms of what our main character, what it says about them in the relationship with the main character. Often, I’ll use it as a parallel to another relationship. It’ll be a subtle thing that hopefully no one will ever even pay attention to, but you might just feel it there as an echo.

John: You can feel sometimes in scripts and in movies where a character is just there to set the ball so that the hero can spike it. That can be really annoying, and yet it’s also functional. Is that the character there who can evoke dialogue or actions from our hero that moves the story forward, that’s a good use for the character. You don’t want to think of them as strictly functional, but ultimately to you, they are, just the same way that your scenes are functional, even though they are hopefully engaging themselves.

Christina: I would say if you’re doing a pretty detailed outline, look back at the end of it and just make sure you clock which of the three scenes, and then maybe it’ll occur to you as you’re looking at it from a distance. Oh, I could do this, and then they would have their own mini little arc because people like to be closed out.

John: They do, yes.

Christina: No dingly danglies.

Drew: Let’s try one more here from Daryl. How can I establish a writing routine whilst trying to seemingly balance so much? I’m a student and I’m somewhat struggling to balance writing with school and exercise, healthy eating, living, and whatever else. Am I trying to do too much or do I just lack discipline?

John: Oh, Daryl, it’s all your fault.

Christina: Oh, Daryl, please get a good answer from John August and then give it to me because I don’t know yet. I still haven’t figured it out.

John: First, I want to ask about whilst. Do you use whilst?

Christina: Whilst, if I’m trying to sound very British and posh.

John: Yes, but you probably grew up using it. Are you using it in daily life in America?

Christina: Out loud with my mouth?

John: Yes [chuckles].

Christina: No. No whilst. Whilst. No, I don’t think I’ve ever said it out loud.

John: [laughs] Listen, Daryl, you have to give yourself some grace. Yes, you’re trying to do a lot and if you are having a hard time fitting writing into your life and you want to do more writing, you need to recognize, okay, well, what are the times that I’m doing other stuff that I’m willing to not do that other stuff and write? That could just be giving something else up. It could mean making different choices about other hobbies and other stuff, but you’re going to have to make a choice to do some writing.

Christina: I’ve actually got recycled John August advice here.

John: I’m excited to hear it.

Christina: Because you changed my life a little bit with this, but it only lasted briefly because I’m an idiot and I can’t stick to anything. You, I can’t even remember if it was on the podcast or just in life, you told me about sprints.

John: Oh yes, let’s talk about sprints.

Christina: Just doing little short periods, setting yourself a goal. It can be really short, but giving yourself– Even if it’s 40 minutes, set a timer, just do it and don’t– Sometimes trying to clear out an afternoon for writing or a morning or a day is just impossible.

John: We won’t get more done in an afternoon.

Christina: No, you won’t. If you have a job and you have the whatever, and you come in the door and it’s the 40 minutes between walking in the door and making your dinner, and you just have 40 minutes, you will not get distracted. You will not look at your emails because you’re like, I only have 40 minutes. You have the timer running right next to you. Then you just go. You just give yourself a junk.

John: Yes. Just yesterday, I was doing that for edits on the ScreenPants book. I set the timer for an hour and I just did an hour’s worth of work. When the timer beeps, I went a little bit over that. If I had not set the timer, I don’t think it would have actually, I wouldn’t have opened the file.

Christina: I want you to know, I’m such an evangelist for your advice. I give it to everyone and I never do it myself. I don’t know why, because the period that I did it, I was the most productive I’ve ever been. I’m terrible.

John: Yes. Daryl, timers could help. Adjusting where you’re prioritizing that writing time can help too, because it can feel selfish to just take the time and to shut everybody else out to do stuff. That’s what writing is, yes.

Christina: We’re all selfish.

John: We’re all selfish. Be a little selfish. It’s time for our One Cool things. I have two comedy-related one cool things. I went and saw Mike Birbiglia’s new show, The Good Life, this last week. It’s so funny. He’s just so smart and so funny. He’s been on the show multiple times. It’s just observations on life and the way he’s able to weave in personal stuff and family stuff in ways that’s generous to the folks he’s including, but also helps talk about larger themes.

It’s so great to see somebody who can just do that so effortlessly. See his show. I think there are more dates on. We’ll put a link to his website in the show notes. You should also listen to his podcast called Working It Out, which is like Scriptnotes, but for standup comics and just talking through their process and how they come to what’s funny and they workshop some jokes in the course of it.

Second comedy thing is the print version of The Onion is just so good and people need to subscribe to it because it’s just so great. This last week’s just- everything, every story on the front page made me giggle. Trump administration offers free at home loyalty tests, Baby Saves Affair, US military bands man with girls names from combat. It’s all just so smart and to get it delivered.

Christina: It looks so lovely in your hand.

John: It feels so good. I strongly encourage you. We’ll put a link in the show notes to The Onion site, but it comes once a month and it’s just delightful. Christina, what do you have for us?

Christina: My one cool thing is a person and his company. It’s Padric Murphy who runs a company called the Research Department. It’s researchdebt.com. Drew will hopefully find a link and include it. He is amazing. I’ve known him for a number of years. He was a co-producer on Babylon, worked on a number of movies for a long time, worked with Baz Luhrmann for a long time, has always done research for movies just as part of his job.

Then a few years ago, just went out on his own, made it his job, set up this company. It’s just him right now. Although I think people should beg to be working with him because he’s just incredible.

I hired him last fall to research a story. I knew what I wanted. I knew the character stories. I knew the character dynamics. I knew everything that I wanted on a personal level, but I didn’t know when or where the story was set. I knew it was period, I knew I needed to deal with some colonial stuff, and I didn’t know what country or what time period because I didn’t know how I would then lay it into the history. It’s not about the history, but it’s very important that I have the setting.

Working with him was the most incredible experience because he’s not just a research nerd, he’s incredibly creative. His instincts on story and just listening to it and hearing it were amazing. The thing that he would do that was coolest was actually taking it all the way back to side characters.
I would have things like, “I’ve got this side character. It’s a maid.” We landed on Malaysia in 1914, which is not a place or a time that I knew much about. Then I had this side character who was a maid. I needed her to be of a certain ethnicity, a certain age. I was like, “This is what I think I want to do in the story. Does it sound plausible?”

He would go off and then find journal entries of people who were basically that same age, race, in the same time period. I would get actual flavor of what those people’s lives were like. That kind of thing is so extraordinary. I don’t even know how he physically does it, but then he scans all the pages in the books so that you have all of the resources, and then he puts it into a credibly digestible format. He’s amazing. He’s worked on a few TV shows and features as well. For any executives or creatives or whatever listening, he is amazing.

John: That’s fantastic. Researchdepartment.com. Dept. Love it.

Christina: D-E-P-T.

John: dept.com. That is our show for this week. Scripted and produced by Drew Marquardt, edited by Matthew Chialelli. Our outro this week is by Vance Kotrla, who’s a first-timer. If you have an outro, please send us a link to ask@johnaugust.com. That’s also the place where you can send questions like the ones we answered today. You’ll find the transcripts at johnaugust.com, along with a signup for our weekly newsletter called Interesting, which has lots of links to things about writing.

We have T-shirts and hoodies and drinkware. You’ll find those all at Cotton Bureau. You can find the show notes with the links to all the things we talked about today on the email you get each week as a premium subscriber. Thank you to all premium subscribers. You make it possible for us to do this each and every week. You can sign up to become one at scriptnotes.net, where you get all those back episodes and bonus segments like the one we’re about to record on the Art of the Cold Email. Christina Hodson, so great to catch up with you.

Christina: [chuckles] Great to see you and speak with you for the first time today.

John: Come back anytime and sooner, please.

Christina: Anytime. I’d love to. It’s a delight.

[Bonus Segment]

John: All right. As billed in the opening, the cold email. I’m old enough and you’re probably old enough too [crosstalk]–

Christina: What are you saying, John. I’m a child. I’m so young and fresh.

John: Did you ever make a cold call where you just had to call somebody?

Christina: That’s how I got started in this industry.

John: First, let’s talk about the cold call because the cold call is genuinely terrifying because you’re interrupting someone’s life with a phone call, which is just scary, but we had to do it.

Christina: How else did we do it back in the day?

John: We didn’t have email.

Christina: It was when I wanted to work in film. I had gone to my university career service and they said, “You can’t work in film. That’s not really a thing. Do you want to be a journalist at the BBC?” I was like, “No, I want to work in movies.” They were no help. I went online, but it was early crappy internet when you couldn’t really find anything good. So I got a yellow pages and looked up film production and then just made a list of all of the offices and cold-called all of the numbers.

I need to tell you that I am a person that, to this day, I’ll like go and do big studio pitches with big grownups. I still can’t make restaurant reservations on the phone. I’m so bad at speaking on the phone. I hate it. It like cripples me with anxiety, but I did it.

John: I’m so impressed that you did it. You made a list and you just did it. How did you set yourself down on a phone and pick up the phone and just do it?

Christina: I forced myself to do it. I reminded myself that the person picking up the phone was just the receptionist. They are probably not having the best day in the world. As long as I’m nice, as long as I’m not annoying and an asshole– No, sorry, I probably was annoying, but I wasn’t an asshole, I don’t think. I wasn’t demanding too much. I was pretty specific in what I was asking for, which was, do you offer any internships? Is there anyone that I could talk to about possibly doing any work as a runner? I’ll photocopy or I’ll pick up sandwiches.

Because I was offering something and because I made myself fairly succinct, which is hard for me, as you can imagine, it helped. I finally got someone who asked me a question and we had one thing in common. From that one thing, I like spun it out into like a 5-minute conversation and then 10-minute conversation. Then he was like, well, we don’t have anything now, but come in and have a cup of tea with me and maybe you could do some reading. That’s how I got my first job. Reader, then runner, then intern, then free intern assistant for a year, then an assistant. Yes, it’s tough.

John: Yes, but you did it. You were able to make that cold [crosstalk]–

Christina: It was cold calls.

John: Cold calling is much worse than the cold email. Let’s talk about the cold email, which is at least you’re not ruining someone’s day by calling.

Christina: No. Sometimes they ruin my day. They make me so mad. Because it’s a cold email, you should try harder. You’ve got all the time in the world.

John: Let’s talk about a bad cold email you get and a good cold email you get. What does Christina Hodson get as a cold email?

Christina: I’m so mad just talking about this. The bad ones, the ones where they’ve copied and pasted it, and they’ve like changed the font on your name because it’s copied and pasted and so the formatting is all wrong.

John: Oh, the worst. The worst.

Christina: They’ve copied and pasted the credits in to be, “I love your film, bah bah bah,” but they’ve like copied and pasted that and you can tell. They also sometimes haven’t removed some of the other ones that you didn’t write. It’s so maddening. There’s just no point in doing it. It actively makes me want to block you forever.

John: Yes, I hear that. The mismatching fonts is just a dead giveaway. To me, a good cold email is one that is from the subject line, I can tell what it is they’re trying to do, what they need. It doesn’t say like from a fan or something like that. That doesn’t help me out. It’s specific about a movie.

A good cold email is like, hey, I’m putting together a documentary about women in Tim Burton movies. If the subject line was like Women in Tim Burton movies Documentary, oh, okay, I can see what that is. Quick introduction of like, this is who I am. These are some of the things I’ve done. I’m working on this thing. Could I convince you to come in for an interview for 90 minutes one day?

I’ll probably say no, but at least I’ll understand what the request was. It’s when something is so vague or takes forever to actually get to the ask that I’m like [sighs] “Ugh.” It kills me.

Christina: What about when they’re coming from, not someone trying to make you jump, when it’s someone that is starting out in the industry, that’s reaching out to you for advice? Now you have a whole podcast, they have a whole system they can go through. Do you have any tips for those ones where it’s like– I very often get a, “Could I take you out for a coffee?”

John: The answer is no, from my side. Also, I have a podcast and I can push people towards–

Christina: You’re like, I’ve got 680 episodes you can listen to.

John: Yes. The answer to that has generally been no. Let’s flip it around when you or I need to ask an expert in something about a thing. You were just talking about the research department, who’s a guy who is probably doing a lot of those cold emails to- trying to get those things. When I need to reach out to a specialist in something, I’ll just be very clear like, hey, I’m a screenwriter, I’m working on a thing about this. I see you’re an expert in this field. Could I get on the phone to ask you 10 minutes worth of questions about this subject?

If I read an author’s book and I really liked it, I’ll just reach out and say like, “Hey, I really enjoyed your book. Quickly, I’m John August and this is my thing. I just really wanted you to know how much I appreciate that.” No one’s going to get upset to read that.

Christina: No one’s mad about that.

John: No one’s mad about that.

Christina: No one’s mad about those.

John: If you’re a cold email, make someone’s day a little bit better.

Christina: Yes. I also think with that, in your example of reaching out to a specialist, because I’ve actually recently done that, some people don’t want to talk on the phone. Some people are like me and don’t want to make restaurant reservations because it involves being awkward on the phone. So I give them the choice. I say, “I’m happy to talk on the phone for 20 minutes or whatever, but if you’d rather email, I can lay it out here,” so that they have the option.

John: Yes. Give them choices. Don’t let them feel boxed into a thing.

Christina: Be specific about the ask. The general, like, “Can I take you out for coffee one day and pick your brain?” I’m like, no.

John: No. I never want my brain picked.

Christina: No. If someone emails and say, “Can I pick your brain? It’s this.” Then they give me one question in an email and the rest of the email is actually thoughtful and I think they have bothered choosing to ask me specifically rather than just generic screenwriter, then I might be like, oh yes, actually, this is an interesting question and you seem nice.

John: Do you seem nice and not like a crazy person?

Christina: Do you seem like you bothered proofreading your own email? Typos in those emails drive me crazy. Especially if it’s someone trying to be a writer, which it most often is.

John: One step better than cold email though is the introduction email. When some neutral person has done this or you’ve asked for a CC into a thing, then best practices are, they’ve CC’d you in, you put them on BCC so they can disappear off the thread and you can actually just do this. Drew, you’ve had to do some cold emails.

Drew: Oh God, yes.

John: Talk to us about what you find successful and what you dread.

Drew: It’s being specific with the ask and making the ask easy, to your point. If it’s one specific question, it’s a very short, that can be a fun after– If you need a break for something, you can answer that question. The general is always death. Especially like, because I’m essentially John’s firewall for emails.

Christina: [laughs] You must get so much.

Drew: We get a lot. To your point on the, it’s usually an assistant who’s having their own day. The things that are easy to elevate, that’s great. That’s fun. Think about that intermediary, whether that person exists or not. I think if it’s an easy ask, great. If it’s not, if it’s more complicated, you’re probably not going to get anywhere.

John: We did a 100th birthday party for our house. Our house turned 100 years old.

Christina: Congratulations house.

John: Stuart Friedel, who’s a former Scriveness producer, undertook this giant research project to figure out the whole history of the house and basically everyone who ever lived in the house.

Christina: That’s so cool.

John: One of the things I’ve always admired about Stuart Friedel is he is incredibly good at the cold email. He actually has none of that shame in there that stops someone from reaching out. He will just do it.

Christina: He does it in a way that’s charming and that people respond to.

John: Absolutely. He was able to get all this information because he was just unafraid to reach out to people and make that happen. In the setup to this, he said, “Oh, it’s easier for you because you’re John August?” It’s like, sure, but it’s also easier if you’re working on behalf of somebody else. For that, sure it’s his job. He’s sort of doing it for us. I was able to do it brilliantly because he had no sense that it wasn’t proper. Of course, it was proper. His asks were Also really clear. It’s like, we’re talking about one house.

Drew: There’s also that sort of motivation too. If it’s a thing that’s important to me, I will always be terrified to send the email or call or whatever. If it’s easy, if it sort of doesn’t matter–

Christina: This is just for John, who cares? [laughs]

Drew: Yes, totally. My wife’s favorite animal is a red panda. I was like, I wonder if a zoo would let us hang out with the red panda. I got shockingly far up the chain at I think the LA Zoo, maybe San Diego Zoo, where I just called. I was like, hey, can we hang out with a red panda? They were like, let me ask. I don’t know. I got like three or four people up the chain. The only reason we couldn’t is they were like, well, the red panda’s pregnant. We’re going to have some weird–

Christina: What? They’re going to get inundated now.

Drew: I know, right? That was one of those things that was like, that doesn’t affect the rest of my life. It’s just fun.

Christina: I’m going to think you like an email to hang out with animals.

John: Christina Hodson, Instagram. Will you message people on Instagram or not?

Christina: I’ve done it once, drunk, but I don’t know how to use Instagram. I have it under some– I had a cat who’s not even alive anymore. It was under her name. I drunkenly, in an Uber, once messaged someone and then didn’t know how to check my messages. The reply, I found two months later.

John: No.

Christina: No, I’m not.

John: Not a good strategy for you.

Christina: I don’t think I would do anything professional on Instagram.

John: Yes, I’ve done a couple of professional things on Instagram.

Christina: You probably have a very professional Instagram.

John: It’s also the difference of I think being a man versus being a woman on Instagram. Just the amount of crap that a woman gets on Instagram is much higher. Back when Twitter used to exist, that was the really useful way for me to reach out to somebody because I could– If I already followed them or if I deliberately followed them on that, they would get a notification because I was a verified person and then I could DM and that was–

Christina: Back in the early early days, it was just like, are you a funny person? If I scroll back in your tweets, are they witty?

John: Absolutely.

Christina: Then you can get anything you want. It’s a very different world now.

John: Yes. That is the nice thing, though, about even Instagram is that there’s a little bit better sense of like, oh, this is the actual person, versus an email could come from anybody. It’s really hard.

Christina: Yes. Sometimes it’s a catfish.

John: It could be a catfish. You never know. Christina Hodson, you’re not a catfish. You’re an actual real-

Christina: I’m a real human.

John: -a real star.

Christina: [chuckles]

John: Thank you again for joining us on Scriptnotes.

Christina: Thank you so much for having me.

Links:

  • Christina Hodson
  • That New York Times article with John and Christina
  • Bamboo Director’s Chair
  • Birdigo on Steam
  • Action samples: Aliens, The Bourne Identity and Rise of the Planet of the Apes
  • David Koepp’s Jurassic Park screenplay
  • David Benioff’s Troy screenplay
  • A Man of Parts and Learning by Fara Dabhoiwala
  • When a Deadly Winter Storm Trapped a Luxury Passenger Train Near the Donner Pass for Three Days by Robert Klara
  • A U.K. Teen’s Parents Sent Him to Ghana. He Took Them to Court. by Lynsey Chutel
  • Zombie colleges? These universities are living another life online, and no one can say why by Chris Quintana
  • Mike Birbiglia
  • The Onion in print
  • Padraic Murphy’s Research Department
  • Get a Scriptnotes T-shirt!
  • Check out the Inneresting Newsletter
  • Gift a Scriptnotes Subscription or treat yourself to a premium subscription!
  • Craig Mazin on Threads and Instagram
  • John August on Bluesky, Threads, and Instagram
  • Outro by Vance Kotrla (send us yours!)
  • Scriptnotes is produced by Drew Marquardt and edited by Matthew Chilelli.

Email us at ask@johnaugust.com

You can download the episode here.

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