Archive for the 'Rant' Category

• 06.06.08 Lessons of the summer, so far

  Between deadlines, travel and wedding plans, I haven’t had the chance to blog about this first batch of summer movies, and more importantly, What We Can Learn. So before I get any further behind, let’s pick three of the most notable films to date. (Mild spoiler warnings throughout.) Heroes are more important than villains Iron Man spent 85% [...]

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• 05.12.08 How not to choose a movie title

  I’ve written about the importance of a good title before. A great script with a crappy title faces an uphill battle. That’s why I always make sure I have a title I like before I type “FADE IN,” even if I later change my mind.a1a So yes, I’d pay for a great title. Today’s LA [...]

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• 08.02.07 Permitted filmmaking

  Writer/director James Ponsoldt, one of the fellows at this summer’s Sundance Filmmakers Lab, emailed me some information about new regulations on filming in New York City’s five boroughs. Under the proposed rules (.pdf), a city permit would be needed for: Two people with any camera, shooting in a public location (defined as any area within 100 [...]

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• 07.30.07 Look out! He is a Spider-Pig

  I saw and quite enjoyed The Simpsons movie this weekend. But having just gotten the MPAA rating for The Nines (”Rated R for language, some drug content and sexuality”), I was a little surprised-slash-envious to see the official rating for The Simpsons: Rated PG-13 for irreverent humor throughout. I’m fine with PG-13. There is yellow [...]

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• 07.27.07 On Parade

  For a short time, I was running a bit where I would re-answer questions sent to Walter Scott’s Personality Parade®, one of the most odiously irrelevant and self-congratulatory bits of cultural fluff in the lint screen we call popular culture. While I was inspired to write it out of true anger at its existence, [...]

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• 05.21.07 Title page trouble with Final Draft .pdfs

  Reader Josh C wrote in with one solution to a problem that’s been frustrating me for months. When you want to save a script as a .pdf, Final Draft won’t always include the title page. It’s frustratingly inconsistent. The obvious workaround is to save the title page as a separate file, which is [...]

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• 04.09.07 On the topic of old things sucking

  My post on Captain Marvel/Shazam! generated a lot of comments, both on this site and AICN, primarily because of a single observation… If I were writing a dissertation on the evolution of the Captain Marvel character, [hardcover anthologies] would be invaluable. But I’m not. So every time I read one of these, I’m struck with the [...]

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• 03.06.07 All-new MySpace beta

  I now fully regret my earlier ambivalence about MySpace. As it turns out, the site is only lame when you have 600 or 700 friends. Having crossed the magic threshold of 1,000 MySpace pals, I truly understand what all the fuss is about. The difference is MySpace Advanced, and you can only [...]

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• 11.14.06 Confessions of a genius script reader

  LC (whose email handle ThrobbingSocks is much more provocative) tipped me off to this Film Threat article by Allan Heifetz which explains some of the more significant pet peeves of professional (and unprofessional) script readers. Newbies also love to break the fourth wall. These fools must think they have super strength. “Hulk smash fourth wall! Aaargh! [...]

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• 11.13.06 High net-worth individuals

  I’ve encounted this euphemism for “rich people” at least five times this week. It’s not exactly new; I’ve heard it occasionally for the last few years. But I don’t know where it came from, or how long it’s been gaining traction around the memosphere. This morning’s appearance came in a Variety article about Radar’s Ted [...]

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• 10.10.06 In defense of script supervisors

  In the comments following yesterday’s article, someone suggested that a screenwriter looking for a no-experience-required job on a film set should look in to being a script supervisor. This is absurd. Being a scripty isn’t a job for a screenwriter. It’s a job for a masochist. While not physically demanding in the way [...]

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• 09.29.06 Two thoughts on the future of video

  This morning’s paper had two interesting articles about home video. Warners will be releasing Superman Returns on DVD in China today, two months ahead of the rest of the world, priced almost as low as the ubiquitous counterfeit versions. How do you make money selling a DVD for 14 yuan ($1.75)? Well, [...]

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• 09.13.06 Does anyone actually use long division?

  I was working on a scene today in which an adult admitted to a grade-schooler that in the real world, you’ll never need to use long division. It’s just something they force on kids to keep them from getting cocky after multiplication. I nixed the joke because it felt kinda Full House. But [...]

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• 08.28.06 To the guy sitting in 7A

  Here’s the thing: When you arrive at the gate two minutes before the plane is supposed take off, you give up your right to complain. I don’t care what it says on your ticket. You take any available open seat. That’s the deal. Maybe it’s not printed in all of [...]

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• 08.10.06 Monovision [update]

  In George Orwell’s Animal Farm, the newly-empowered critters proclaim “four legs good, two legs bad,” only to later betray their entire belief system with the new wisdom that “four legs good, two legs better.” I can relate. After extolling the virtues of wearing one contact lens (i.e. monovision), I took the bold step [...]

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• 07.25.06 Crisis of Infinite Celebrities

  Most screenwriting nerds can be divided along an axis of DC Comics fans and Marvel men. Largely because of the too-young-to-realize-it-was-bastardized Superfriends, I ended up in the DC camp. But one of the things that’s kept me there has been the franchise’s willingness to accept that every once in a while, you need [...]

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• 07.04.06 I want a cheap, slutty DVD player

  Here’s the thing: I don’t need anything fancy. I don’t use-slash-need many advanced features, like super slo-mo or bookmarking. I just want a DVD player to play whatever disc I put in it, no matter where it’s from, without complaining. I don’t want a princess. I want a whore. I’m not [...]

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• 07.02.06 I choose flight

  Let’s face it: there are no bad superpowers. But given the choice of only one, I’d pick flight. Yes, plain old boring flight, common to so many superheroes that it hardly ranks as special. However, when you look at the so-called alternatives, you find that there’s really no competing with the classic. Super-strength Great, fine, [...]

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• 04.27.06 Why I don’t have Google ads, part 432

  While checking out the Technorati feeds, I noticed that the good folks over at LostBlog, mentioned my recent rant “Air vents are for air.” Naturally, the Google ad that followed the story was perfect for readers who wonder why cinematic air ducts are not only unrealistically large, but also surprisingly tidy:

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• 04.25.06 Air vents are for air

  On a recent episode of “Lost,” a character climbed through air ducts to get past heavy blast doors, which had trapped him and another character. By narrative standards, this sequence would seem unremarkable. Except for one thing: “Lost” takes place on a freaking magical island. You’ve got polar bears, black smoke monsters, and a [...]

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• 04.10.06 MyAmbivalence

  I’ve had a MySpace profile for a long time, but never really did anything with it. At the time I registered, I remember thinking that MySpace felt like a lame Friendster knock-off. But as we all know, MySpace is now the Google of social networking, a billion dollar eye-magnet. The difference is, [...]

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• 03.27.06 10 things I hate about me

  Kevin Arbouet tagged me to answer 10 questions about mistakes and bad practices. Taken the wrong way, the whole exercise could be kind of negative and bleak. But one (hopefully) learns from one’s errors, so it’s in that spirit that I further the meme. 1) WHAT’S THE WORST THING YOU’VE EVER WRITTEN? With hindsight being [...]

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• 03.24.06 Cut-scenes do not a videogame make

  Screenwriter and videogame developer Jordan Mechner, who is writing the Prince of Persia movie I’m executive-producing, has a great opinion piece in the new Wired magazine. In it, he argues that videogame-makers need to stop trying to ape Hollywood blockbusters, and instead focus on creating playable stories: In a movie, the story is what the [...]

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• 03.13.06 Why the Matrix trilogy ultimately blows

  Following a link from digg, I just finished reading a lengthy explanation of the Matrix trilogy, written by an engineer, who attempts to deconstruct the films on a purely logical level. That is, he looks at what The Architect and The Oracle are trying to do, and how Neo fits into the plan, without [...]

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• 03.01.06 Professional Writing and the Rise of the Amateur

  Last night, I had the pleasure of giving a guest lecture at Trinity University in San Antonio. While I speak at various screenwriter-oriented functions fairly often, this was unusual in that the event was university-wide, and the focus wasn’t specifically on film. Part of the deal was that I had to announce the title of [...]

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• 02.13.06 If a trade paper has a blog, is it still a trade?

  Question: Would The Hollywood Reporter sneak into Sony Pictures late at night, grab the director’s rough cut of a new movie, then publish a review of it the next morning? No. They’d lose all credibility and respect of the filmmakers and studio folks who constitute their readership. There would be outrage. Instead, [...]

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• 01.28.06 How the hell did I get on this mailing list?

  PajamaGram sells robes and pajamas — mostly for women, but they have some “cute” couples pajamas that are worth flipping to the back to see. Such as these his-and-hers crossword pajamas. I ask you: Could anything be better than doing the Sunday crossword puzzle while wearing crossword pajamas? I’ve now gotten three catalogs from this [...]

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• 01.03.06 Race and the screenwriter

  Craig Mazin and Alex Epstein both recently tackled a topic that was on my to-blog list. Yes, I keep a list of things I intend to blog. And yes, I tend to just write whatever strikes me at the moment anyway. But since Alex and Craig got to it first, I might [...]

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• 12.23.05 Fixing broken windows

  Reading David Pogues’s interview with Todd Wagner, whose company is releasing movies on DVD the same day they are released in theaters, I was struck by a bit of humility that’s rare among system-buckers: You know, I could sit here and say, “Oh, this is how it’ll play out. We’ll do this and this and this.” [...]

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• 12.06.05 About a boot

  Several readers, presumably Canadian readers, have written in to complain that they do not say “a boot” for “about,” and that I have my head up my ass. So let me clarify. “A boot” is a comedic exaggeration, the same way Europeans trying to sound American end up channeling John Wayne or De Niro. Very few Canadians confuse [...]

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• 10.13.05 Digital filmmaking and the paradox of choice

  So there’s no confusion: I’m a digital guy. I’ll take a CD over vinyl, cameraphone over Polaroid. When it comes to life, and filmmaking, I’m largely pro-technology, anti-Luddite. In fact, I have very little patience for aesthetes who blather on and on about the infinite advantages of the analog world, be it [...]

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• 10.01.05 The sky is not falling

  To me, one of the most annoying non-stories of the summer — trumping even items involving Britney Spears — has to be the “crisis” caused by the box office slump. For those who’ve somehow missed the articles, here’s the quick summary: weekend-by-weekend, the total box office was less than it was for 2004. This [...]

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• 09.07.05 Dear Governor Schwarzenegger: Marry Me

  Dear Governor Schwarzenegger Arnold, I want to get married. Not to you, since you already have a wonderful wife and family — and I’m not the home-wrecking sort, unlike other celebrities I could name. No, I want to marry my partner of five years. That’s why I’m writing. I need your help. Right [...]

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• 08.25.05 A message to Dr. Phil

  I ventured over to the Paramount lot yesterday for a meeting. None of the studios have ample parking, but Paramount’s main parking lot is comically over-crowded. Their solution is a crew of pseudo-valets who don’t actually park your car, but rather jockey other cars around when you inevitably find yourself stuck behind three [...]

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• 08.06.05 Podcasting is for babies

  Now undeniably in my mid-30’s, I’ve come to accept that there are certain trends that I’m just not going to bother giving a shit about. Just as my Mom will never really understand the internet, there are now cultural innovations that are completely lost on me. Call it Generational Giving-Up. For example, custom ringtones. [...]

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• 05.24.05 From FD to MMS

  Craig Mazin of Artful Writer has had enough headaches (and heartaches) with Final Draft. He’s switched over to Movie Magic Screenwriter. You can read about his reasons why here, followed by a lot of opinions from fellow screenwriters. Me, I’m still using Final Draft, though as often as I complain about it, I should [...]

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• 05.05.05 English is not Latin

  In an email a few weeks ago, my former assistant (and alarmingly successful writer/director) Rawson Thurber apologized for ending a sentence with a preposition. I insisted that he was well within his rights to dangle a preposition, split an infinitive, or break pretty much any rule he’d been taught about English — especially the [...]

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• 04.28.05 Mongolian characters speaking Chinese

  I’ve been thinking to write you this letter for a while. I saw the movie Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle on a movie channel recently. As a Mongolian, I’m deeply offended by your knowledge about my country. In the beginning of the movie you show a scene that something is happening in Northern Mongolia and the [...]

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• 04.24.05 Annoying Trend Watch: Technorati spam blogs

  I use a Technorati watchlist to keep track of mentions of me, this site, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. (Note: last three links are feeds.) Technorati follows blogs, so it’s a nice way to gauge what topics people find interesting enough to write about. For instance, teenage girls tend to point out [...]

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• 04.04.05 Back to the Word Factory

  This is my soliloquy, spoken directly to the audience, somehow unheard by the other characters onstage: I love to travel, but mostly, I love to get home. Vacation trips always seem to last one day too long — except when they’re entirely too short. No matter how long the voyage, it’s usually [...]

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• 01.27.05 Phantom of the Opera

  First off, this is not a film review. If it were, I’d write about the performances, production design, music and all all the other factors that make or break a movie. Also, I’ve met the director and co-screenwriter, Joel Schumacher, who is every bit as nice as his reputation. So I don’t [...]

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• 01.25.05 Why does anyone still use Internet Explorer?

  One benefit of switching my new webhost, TextDrive, is that they have a much cooler statistics program called Urchin. With it, I can see a lot of information about who’s visiting the site, and what articles they’re reading. Plus, I can learn what browsers they’re using. Here are the current percentages: 26% [...]

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• 01.22.05 Non-errors in English

  Via The Tin Man comes this helpful site listing a lot of the most common “non-errors” in English. A non-error is defined as one of those prescriptive rules of grammar or usage that fussy people insist on pointing out, even though they’re generally wrong. For example, “since” versus “because.” I agree with [...]

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• 09.22.04 ‘Data’ is singular

  I make my living writing dialogue — which, like real speech, is largely ungrammatical. Characters say “gimme” and “gotta” and “woulda.” They speak in fragments. Like this. So I tend to be forgiving when a writer bends the rules, or uses words differently than I would prefer. Split infinitives? Fine [...]

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