Comments on: Growing sentences

By: Paul Hudson

Paul Hudson — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 15:57:00 +0000

The lawn was brown. Tom didn’t know how to fix it.

The lawn that was incessantly rejected a proper mowing and through long ages of no sign of the owner's interest became truly and without any denial dead - which manifested itself in every blade turning from a lively and beautiful green color to a broodingly grayish hue of brown - desperately needed revitalization, and although it was the subject of every other dinner conversation, most of which led to and culminated with heated debates, nothing was really done about it, mostly due to the disarming type of argument Tom used to explain his lack of action - namely that even though he was a schooled and professionally trained gardener adorned with various medals won at botanic festival tournaments in lawn care-taking all over the country and being tutored by the most revered Alan Titchmarsh, he, to be quite frank, didn't know, had not the least idea, what could be done to make the grass more vigorous, let being aware of a way how to ultimately better or fix it.

169 and could go on.

By: Devon DeLapp

Devon DeLapp — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 21:52:19 +0000

Now all that’s missing are footnotes.

By: Alex

Alex — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 19:53:04 +0000

aww crap i think mine can be divided into 2.

By: charlotte

charlotte — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:54:58 +0000

"Since screenwriting is an art of brevity, it’s a nice change of pace to see just how overstuffed a sentence one can write."

I sooo wish I had read this blog entry of yours earlier, John! Believe it or not, it actually is useful writing advice relevant to a particular kind of writing gig!

See, I just got finished writing an adaptation of a screenplay into novelization form, and, dude, using this method would have saved me so much time! ;D LOL

Maybe I'll try it on the next one.

By: Alex

Alex — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 21:50:12 +0000

Tom chewed his half unwrapped goat imitation cheese in delightful glee and stared at the waning hand of the second clock on the left of the right clock with the broken cuckoo replacement, as if it were cheering him on to a race beside the parade of aging cheese makers over who would get the sexy lady-like figure of a cardboard cut in to an ad of got milk-cheesiness, relapsing mind then wandered for another second then got lost in the time continuum of second seconds throwing his rhythm off point enough to destroy the glory of the last bite of the tongue and make his surgically repaired esophagus expand in anticipation of the magic transformation of food going down and vomit coming up.

By: Mary

Mary — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 19:49:16 +0000

but you could also make the initial sentence shorter: “John wanted to play ball, but sat on the couch.” (Take out the word “he” to make it a true 10-worder).

By: Ryan

Ryan — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 00:41:29 +0000

I awoke, my still-tired eyelids creeping open to take in the ethereal beauty and otherworldly disorienting brightness of the shining morning sunlight penetrating the thin greenish-blue curtains – hanging directly above my current place of slumber – in sheets of brilliant golden luminosity that one such as myself does not often enough think to take the time to appreciate and thank God for such a wonderful gift of radiance on a quiet, lazy Saturday morning around nine-twenty-seven in the calendar month that we have come to be known as June, with the lovely sing-song chirping of indigenous birds that floats above the less pleasant clang and clatter of everyday city life, with myriad impatient commuters struggling to arrive at their final destination, whether it be their home to lay their tired, work-worn bodies down on their beds for a restful eight hours of necessary regeneration for carrying the ever-present weight of yet another hard night’s work, or the opposite: business men in freshly starched white-collar suits, a fresh cup of burn-inducing, over-priced java sitting at a near boil in the closest cup holder, the shaven and shorn driver incessantly drumming each of his fingers on the apex of the steering wheel, stuck in the gridlock of sport utility vehicles and eighteen-wheeler tractor trailer trucks responsible for transporting their goods to various places of business around the city and the surrounding area, not a single car or bus or vehicle in general moving more than an inch or several at a time,

I could keep going. I just got kinda bored.

By: Kristan

Kristan — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 16:54:34 +0000

LOL dear lord, I couldn’t even read #7 or later! Hilarious, though.

By: snowinhell

snowinhell — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 00:26:38 +0000

-Fred- “Write a sentence that was over a thousand words long.” Sorry.

By: Freddy

Freddy — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 16:01:10 +0000

Two cheese, please.

By: Tom Corwine

Tom Corwine — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 14:06:44 +0000

Since we're analyzing sentences:

Tom liked cheese. Eating too cheese much hurt his stomach.

Could go: Tom liked cheese. Eating too much cheese hurt his stomach.

Or: Tom liked cheese. Eating cheese too much hurt his stomach.

But the way it is now doesn't make any sense.

I do like cheese, by the way.