Scene challenge winners
Y’know, I think we learned something today: Derivatives were maybe not the best choice for the third-ever scene challenge.![[Scene Challenge]](http://johnaugust.com/Assets/scene_challenge.png)
I deliberately picked something tough because in real life, screenwriters are often faced with challenging topics to explain. For example, last night I spoke with Ron Bass about the Einstein project he’s working on. Quick: Show special relativity.
But this wasn’t much easier. Readers tried hard to find a way to make these abstract financial instruments cinematically explicable, but it proved tougher than expected. First, you had to find a scenario in which derivatives would make sense. Then you needed to craft an explanation that didn’t read like a Wikipedia summary.
That’s assuming you really understood what derivatives were, and after reading 84 entries, I think I understand them less. In the end, I was happy to accept any of the sub-categories (options, futures, forwards), but kept hoping for more entries where the concept of a derivative was really key to the story, and not a throwaway bit of dialogue. That’s why I threw in my own piece of Angel fan-fic.
That said, I was happy to see that most of the entries didn’t take place on Wall Street, but rather ranged from fantasy (Alan Scott) to bachelorhood (Andy).
“John August” was introduced as an element in a surprising number of scenarios, a meta-quality that helped break up the sameness, but didn’t win any ribbons.
Jonathan, however, brought up an interesting and obvious analogy I’d overlooked:
- ACCOUNTANT
- Why don’t you just ask your blog readers to explain it for you?
- JOHN
- I’ve already tried that. You should have seen the dreck they wrote back. Besides, what do I pay you for?
- ACCOUNTANT
- (sighing)
- When a studio wants to buy your script, but doesn’t want to risk all their money, what do they do?
- JOHN
- They option the script, so they can buy it at a future date. Crafty devils.
(Jonathan also put me in a jacuzzi with grape-feeding starlets, which suggests he might not know my biography that well.)
Juicy Lucy found a good example of a character whose entire existence seems to be a pitiful derivative:
- A COUGH from across the table causes Popeye and Olive Oyl both to look up, but their companion’s face hides behind his open newspaper, whose headline reads:
- PRICE OF BEEF EXPECTED TO PLUMMET BY THE END OF THIS WEEKEND
- The newspaper lowers to reveal WIMPY, his yellow top-hat perched precariously on his fat head, his already thin mustache stretching even further when he shoots a sh*t-eating grin at the approaching WAITRESS…
- WIMPY
- I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday, for a hamburger today.
I liked how Unkatrazz made the distinction between a stock and derivative:
- PAPERWEALTH
- Why buy an investment…when you can make a bet on an investment?
Having a character explain his job was a natural choice for many readers. The best of these was Jacob’s:
- Next date: Girish is animated. He holds a coffee cup and moves it around the table as he speaks.
- GIRISH
- Say there is a farmer growing coffee beans in Karala. It’s late July and harvest is still six months away. The problem is that market prices for coffee go up and down for reasons out of his control. In six months, prices could be higher than they are now, which would be lovely. But if prices are lower, he stands to lose his farm. In order to protect himself, he gets together with other farmers in the same position and signs a contract to sell tomorrow’s beans for today’s prices. He gets a little money now, and then when the contract comes due, he sells the beans to the buyer for the agreed-upon price.
- Girish pauses, then speaks with emphasis.
- GIRISH
- Betting that prices will rise, I am that buyer.
Many entries took a glancing shot at derivatives, without really trying to explain them. Of these, Andy’s was a favorite:
- Scrawny BILL GATES (19) signs a contract in black ink.
- BILL GATES
- We’re in the 70s. Nobody signs in blood anymore.
- He smirks at SATAN (∞), who fidgets nervously.
- SATAN
- I don’t get it.
- BILL GATES
- It’s basic finance. Derivatives. By the time you get my soul, it could be worth a lot more.
- SATAN
- Or a lot less.
- BILL GATES
- But you’re getting it cheap now. Look, either way you get it. You’re covered.
- SATAN
- Erm… I don’t know…
- BILL GATES
- Tell you what. I’ll throw in some stocks to sweeten the deal.
- BILL GATES offers him the pen. Satan hesitates.
- SATAN
- Ah, fuck it.
- He signs, and at that very moment, a new Circle is carved into Hell.
Crimeland figures played a role in many entries. Mike Lavoie gets credit for working the most financial terms into a threat:
- BURGER
- There are four kinds of derivatives, Frank. Forwards, which is the direction we can move in now. Options, which you’re running out of. Futures, a couple of which you can decide now. And finally: swaps. As in: You give me my money and, in exchange, you get the rest of your wife.
The two top finishers come from the other side of the crime equation, with police-types investigating derivative wrongdoing. David Nemesis:
- INT. BRANT BUILDING LOBBY – DAY
- Eckes and Rosenfeld are walk-and-talking to Rosenfeld’s office.
- ECKES
- Stop, you lost me. What was Laszlo dabbling in?
- ROSENFELD
- Weather derivatives. Let’s say you’re Gruber Foods. Your bottom line depends on a good wheat harvest, there are any number of things that can mess that up, and you want to hedge your bets. So you buy up some weather futures.
- ECKES
- Okay. Wait, what?
- ROSENFELD
- Weather futures. They’re like an insurance policy on the weather, only no insurer would be crazy enough to put money on the weather. So you go to an options exchange and find someone who’ll sell you a contract that guarantees you a payout if certain things that aren’t likely to happen do happen.
- ECKES
- Like a snowstorm in the middle of Kansas in July?
- ROSENFELD
- Well…I’m sure they were thinking more along the lines of a few days of extra rainfall over a 60-day period. But yeah, pretty much. It’s all about variations from the norm. The seller’s taking a calculated risk that their forecasts will be close enough to accurate that they’ll get to keep all the money from the sale.
- ECKES
- So Laszlo was buying insurance policies which paid out if the weather did something unexpected?
- ROSENFELD
- Precisely. It’s a great investment opportunity if you just happen to be able to control the weather.
- ECKES
- Yeah, well, something tells me the folks in the derivatives market don’t know about super powers yet.
And this from Anthony:
- AGENT
- Your husband was leading something of a double life. Did you realize he was into derivatives?
- WOMAN
- (shocked)
- You mean … like transvestites or something?
- (a beat)
- AGENT
- No ma’am. Derivatives. They’re financial instruments – futures, forwards, options.
- (beat)
- Sort of like stocks, but you’re buying the right or the obligation to make a transaction in the future. Your husband was trading derivatives online. Mostly options.
- The woman stares blankly.
- The Agent picks up a book from the couch – “Taste of the Town 2008″. It’s one of those coupon books school kids sell for fundraisers.
- AGENT
- Like the coupons in this book.
- (shows her a page in the book)
- This Burger Bonanza coupon here – “Any sandwich for 99 cents during the month of Decemberâ€?. That’s like a derivative. When you bought this coupon book you purchased the option to buy an item for a set price at a set time in the future.
- WOMAN
- I think I liked it better when he was just surfing the Internet for porn. At least my furniture didn’t disappear then.
In the end, I’m giving the imaginary award to Anthony for the coupon book metaphor. Well done. He can claim his bragging rights in the comments section.
Thanks to everyone who entered. I promise next time, it will be something a little more fun.
Articles
May 8th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Excellent! I seriously don’t think I’ve ever been more pleased to receive an imaginary award. Thanks John, both for the award and for the scene challenge. Now, to go home and clear a prominent spot on my imaginary mantle…
May 8th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Wow, props for the Angel fanfic, John. That’s better writing than the show itself had the last season.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Sweet! It was pretty intimidating to read so many entries that actually knew what they were talking about. My grasp on financial concepts is tenuous at best, so it’s cool to see that despite that (or because of it) I got reprinted. Oh, and because of the whole bachelorhood thing, too. Thanks!
May 8th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Thanks, John! I proudly accept my imaginary consolation prize for best “Character Explains His Job” entry.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Thanks for the opportunity. Nest time, I promise to put you in a sauna full of gorgeous men if that’ll help win the challenge…
May 8th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Huh, Nick? Angel’s last season had its best writing! But John’s Angel fic did explain a lot about how W&H were hedging their bets…
May 8th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Cool contest. I missed this one but hopefully you will have these more often in the future.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Woot! A mention. I rock!
May 8th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Crazy Props to D. Nemesis for the Super Powers thing.
My personal thought is: that was both katana-blade smooth, and had practical and applied creativity. (Which is quite undeniably the extra sauce that makes your fork stand up in it.)
Good job man.
I myself, am filming right now. And I have to say… of all the things I couldn’t do because I was on set… the J.A. Scene Challenge was easily the most upsetting. :) — Tires have been kicked… people have stared… and no explanations have been given. – (They just don’t understand man!) So I throw in my lot with those who declare, “More”. Gaggin’ for it.
-Synthian
May 9th, 2008 at 7:16 am
Oh well, thanks for running this competition. Hopefully I’ll do better next time. I liked Jonathan’s modernist approach, glad he got a nod. Thanks! http://spinachflame.wordpress.com/
May 9th, 2008 at 8:00 am
This scene challenge reminded me of the similar, and pretty well-done, scene from Lethal Weapon 2 when Leo Getz has to explain money laundering to Riggs and Murtaugh. Although, that’s an interesting case because it doesn’t seem to be wholly necessary to the plot evolution of the movie, but really only explains the existence of the character in the film.
Personally, I prefer movies where two characters who both already know all the information have a conversation that leaves out all the dumbed-down audience stuff. Then it feels more like I’m eavesdropping. The movie Primer is a terrific example. I didn’t understand a flaming thing that was going on from first frame to last, but was still entertained.
Oh, and congrats, Anthony.
May 9th, 2008 at 8:08 am
Glad to see Juicy Lucy’s Wimpy’s scene got some praise, that one hit just right for my tastes.
So, now that the contest is over, is a derivative an asset or not? I read such a range of explanations that I feel less informed now. Some claimed it to be one, some outright said no.
I got my definition from http://financial-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Derivative “An asset that derives its value from another asset.” But then again, I recently read a blog telling me that not everything on the internet is true.
May 9th, 2008 at 8:22 am
Nice job everyone!
May 9th, 2008 at 9:17 am
John –
A suggestion for your next “Scene Challenge”. Recently I’ve been watching ‘The Wire’ (pretty much as good as advertised btw), and there is a scene in episode 4 of season 1, where 2 cops methodically work a crime scene, uttering nothing more than the F-word (or a variation thereof) as they work out the details of the crime step by step. It’s a brilliant moment, proving that great writing isn’t always dialogue driven. In scene action, and they way it can be executed, is just as important as a snappy quote.
So…how about a one-word-only scene, telling a (short) story using a maximum of one word or it’s variations (no F-s, that’s been done!)? The focus now becomes writing clear, succinct action that tells as much about a character(s) as all the talky-talk. Just a thought.
And I’m surprised no one used Archie and the Betty/Veronica love sandwich in the derivatives examples.
May 9th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I thought the definition for derivatives was a bad choice, myself. The reason I did is because derivatives is a “trash basket” category which encompass a lot of very different products. Futures and options are products that aren’t considered derivatives by a lot of traders because there are more precise terms which describe them. And things like -portions of funds made up things such as the interest bearing part of a bond rather than the underlying asset which creates the interest- have little in common with -shares of unrealized insurance payouts-. Both of which are pretty common derivatives.
You could say that both are bets, but the former has an actual physical asset somewhere at the bottom of it (although it has been separated from it), whereas the later doesn’t necessarily.
Also, some things are renamed and called derivatives when they aren’t (such as some types of insurance), just to avoid some legal requirements that pop up when you call the thing it’s proper name.
The question struck me as similar to “describe how to proof something”. At first people may try to talk about scientific proof, but that leaves out mathematical proofs, historical proofs, and so on.
Anyway, I felt sympathy for the entrants and wished you had given them a particular derivative to work with.
May 9th, 2008 at 11:58 am
John – here is the scene I referenced, for your own edification (and enjoyment!)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=KQbsnSVM1zM&feature=related
(sorry, don’t know how to embed for you)
May 12th, 2008 at 3:50 am
Just loved the Dawn of the Dead spoof entry. Special Prize from me besides my congrats to the Winner!
May 12th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Well done Anthony! and congrats to everyone else who got a notable mention =)
I did enjoy #52 immensely…
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