Many thanks for the advice about my NFL script

absolutely! resonates with experience..

John, just taking the point a bit forward, do you also think along the same lines of finished screenplays? Do you always believe ‘Ah! I could have done that otherwise!”? Or do you also get the feeling of immense satisfaction from a work and think “that’s the best I could do..” ?

Truer words never written. I have the last sentence mounted on my desk…

As a screenwriter & rock musician I agree with John from a ‘really into it’ perspective. It doesn’t matter whether its a fictional musician or not… watching them learn where their lyrics come from almost IS the insight that makes their story. That is to say, Immortal Beloved will show you the music the man will make, before it fully shows you the man… and in HUSTLE AND FLOW, its pretty incredible watching him sit on the curb and say the words, “Its hard out here for a pimp” for the very first time. Doesn’t matter who you are, or how awful he is, you just plain get him. Music is the unifier. (But the person NEEDS to CREATE it… see the (ninjesque and personally sincerely respected) Mark Wahlberg in ROCKSTAR for a filmic example of what happens when your musician never writes his own words.)

Look at: Serge Prokofiev. — You already know what Peter and the Wolf sounds like… but picture what he was seeing outside the conservancy-school window in 1910… losing his father, moving in with grandfather (the bassoon), and the Russian flags rising (‘the wolf’ & french horns). (guess we know what I’m writing.) The point is… If act 2, is trials… then the source of our music is act 2 as well.

-Synthian

The idea of fictionalizing the league was in Patrick’s original question, but I trimmed it for length. Yes, you could change it, but no reason to do so before it’s necessary.

Me too. I wrote an “Alien sequel” outline back in 1996 (before Resurrection). It was completely insane. But the basic idea was… the Aliens’ home planet was Earth – millions of years ago. The film would have taken place in Antarctica. Ridiculous idea.

Years later, I saw “Alien vs Predator”. Where’s it set? Antarctica. Grr…

Does it need to be the NFL Superbowl? Could the story still work at the fictional Megabowl? Or how about another sport entirely.

@ Rick, I agree with McKee’s point on this generally, but this is a case where I think following his advice too closely can be limiting. Lost in Translation doesn’t follow that rule but it still works because all that talkiness creates story movement. Before diving back in to work on the dialogue, I might look at your concept and plot development to make sure they really are strong enough, since the problem might originate somewhere else even though it’s showing up as a dialogue problem. Since it’s a road movie, Transamerica might be another good example for you to look at — it’s quiet, there’s plenty of talky scenes, but there’s also plenty of (quiet) action that pushes the story forward and pushes the characters forward on the road.

@ Scott, thanks for the McKee/Aristotle quote. That one’s going to make a difference in my writing day today. Thanks!