A fork, a phobia, a friggin’ lot of entries
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I have a head cold today, so it ended up being a better day for reading than writing. And ’twas lucky, because more than 110 entries came in for the most recent scene challenge. I’m happy to report that most were quite solid — significantly better than last time, though that was probably because the subject matter wasn’t as rigidly defined.
The best entries managed to incorporate the three required elements (fork, photo, phobia) gracefully. There were some easy-to-spot trends:
1. Combining two things
We had fear of forks, fear of photographs, photographs of forks — and fear of photographs of forks. Luis Calil’s scene needed tightening, but included many variations on the theme. I could imagine it in a play.
2. Fear of clowns
None of my top picks included the clown angle, but it was probably the single most-cited phobia. And I’m fully in that group. I would rather hold a snake or eat a spider than be in a room with a clown.
3. Psychiatrists/Psychologists
A natural choice, given the phobia aspect. I can’t recall any professional photographers in the mix, strangely.
From NY Rich:
INT. STAFF PSYCHOLOGIST OFFICE -- ARMY BASE (GEORGIA) -- DAY
Sterile, windowless, gray – standard government issue. Two wood-framed chairs sit on either side of a small end table with a tacky lamp. The walls are bare, except for the diplomas and a Successories poster on Leadership.
DR. BOOMER MIKELSON (40) sits across from his client. Tall, lean and balding, he’s dressed in a short sleeve dress shirt and high water pants. He sits cross-legged, leans back in his chair, strokes his goatee like a wannabe Freud.
Across from him is PVT. TEDDY SHEFFIELD (19), the client. He’s short and skinny, with a pockmarked complexion and ears like Dumbo’s. Exactly the kind of guy you’d love to run into -- if you’re the enemy. He sits nervously, wrings his hands, fidgets in his seat.
DR. MIKELSON
So, Teddy, we’ve been making good progress with the systematic desensitization. Let’s not throw all that away, okay? We have one more session and then you’ll be clear to apply for Ranger school again. You with me today?
TEDDY
Yeah, I guess. I’ve been thinking about today all week. Gave me the shits.
DR. MIKELSON
Okay, well, that’s understandable. It’s a big step. But you’re ready. Let’s get started.
Dr. Mikelson reaches into a folder and pulls out a photo of a large snake. He hands it to Teddy, who accepts with trembling hands.
DR. MIKELSON
Okay, Teddy. Look at the picture and tell me what you’re feeling.
Teddy takes a deep breath. His hands still shake. His face turns red.
DR. MIKELSON
Teddy, stay with me. This is review. We’ve done this already. Breathe. Tell me what you’re feeling.
TEDDY
Like I want to run away. Like I can’t get far enough away from this thing. My skin is crawling.
DR. MIKELSON
Okay, good. You want to run away but you’re not. Excellent. Anything else?
TEDDY
My stomach hurts. I may need to use the bathroom.
DR. MIKELSON
You be sure to let me know. Okay. Ready for the next step?
TEDDY
I don’t know. I think. Okay, okay.
Dr. Mikelson reaches into a bag. Pulls out a fork and knife and a small snake, which he puts on a plate. Teddy pushes his chair back as far as he can.
TEDDY
What the hell is that? Get it away! Get it away!
DR. MIKELSON
Do you want to be a Ranger, Teddy?
TEDDY
Yes.
DR. MIKELSON
Then you know can’t shit your pants every time you see a snake. You have to pass survival training. Snakes come with the territory. Now, you’ve been desensitized to talking about snakes, to a photo of a snake, to a rubber snake, and now the next step is a real snake.
TEDDY
I don’t want to do this.
DR. MIKELSON
It’s the only way.
TEDDY
What’s the fork for?
DR. MIKELSON
Ever hear of G. Gordon Liddy? The Watergate guy?
TEDDY
What’s Watergate?
Dr. Mikelson takes a deep breath.
DR. MIKELSON
Really? Nevermind. G. Gordon Liddy is a great American who, as a child, was deathly afraid of rats. So one day, in order to conquer his fear, he decided he would catch a rat, cook it, and eat it. No better way to show you’re not scared of something than to eat it.
TEDDY
You want me to eat that snake! Are you fucking crazy! No way! I can’t do it! You’re nuts!
DR. MIKELSON
Ranger school, Teddy.
He cuts a piece of the snake off, hands Teddy the empty fork. Teddy takes it, a look of absolute terror on his face.
DR. MIKELSON
Go ahead, you can do this. I have faith in you. You can do this.
Teddy trembles violently. He looks at Dr. Mikelson like a lost puppy, tears stream down his cheeks.
He tries to breathe. But it’s no use. Soon, his respiration is up and his eyes begin to twitch.
DR. MIKELSON
Teddy... You can do --
TEDDY
Noooooooo!
Without warning, Teddy hurls the fork at Dr. Mikelson, like a carnival knife thrower. Dr. Mikelson can’t react in time and the fork lodges in his forehead, as the blood trickles down his face.
DR. MIKELSON
Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Teddy curls up in fetal position in his chair, rocks back and forth as Dr. Mikelson’s screams fill the office.
INT. STAFF PSYCHOLOGIST OFFICE -- ARMY BASE (GEORGIA) -- DAY
SUPER: “One year later”
Sterile, gray – standard government issue, except there’s a window. Two wood-framed chairs sit on either side of a small end table with a tacky lamp. The walls are bare, except for the diplomas and a Successories poster on Commitment.
Dr. Mikelson sits across from DR. SMITH (50), an overweight, pasty man with oversized glasses and a lazy eye.
DR. SMITH
Okay, Boomer. You know how this goes. Let’s begin.
He pulls out a picture of a fork and shows it to Dr. Mikelson, who begins to tremble uncontrollably and then bursts into tears.
Just then, through the window, a platoon of Army Rangers jogs by -- including one Pvt. Teddy Sheffield.
DR. SMITH
Tell me what you’re feeling.
NY Rich also managed to include one of the other common threads: stabbing someone with a fork.
4. Never meta entry I didn’t like
Andy’s entry recalled The Koo-Koo-Roo Incident, while Jörg Fischer saw conspiracy in the contest itself.
5. Brevity is the soul of wit
Shorter is generally funnier. I really liked Synthian’s Loch Ness Monster bit:
EXT. LAKESHORE – DAY
TIN WHISTLE MUSIC and WAR DRUMS sound amongst Angellan Clover and SPLASHING waves. But all for naught, as...
EDDIE’S POV
is a slightly less breathtaking panorama... of GILLY THE CHUB.
THE CHUB
Look. In like-- less than a minute, this place is gonna be swarming with police. The newspapers are gonna come... and we’re just a couple-a kids. There is NO way they’re gonna let this be our discovery! They’re gonna take everything from us... and you KNOW it-- But there’s one thing they can’t take away. Because in the next thirty seconds... you’re gonna make a decision that’s gonna stay with you for the rest of your life.
Something SPLASHES and SQUAKS with a GARGLING WRETCH OS.
THE CHUB (CONT’D)
And I hope you can appreciate, that we’re in a unique situation right now... that we’re never gonna be in again. So ALL I’m sayin’ is: Dude... we could be the only two guys, ever... to have a juicy bite of Loch Ness Monster.
MONSTER (OS)
Ooaaaaaangh...
THE CHUB (CONT’D)
I know you got that whole... fucking terrified of sea food thing... but that doesn’t matter right now. Because I’m tellin ya’... if we do this! Science Guys ‘ll come pump our stomachs in like, not even 30 minutes, I swear to fuck.
Panicked FLIPPER SOUNDS.
THE CHUB (CONT’D)
And I know I said I’d give you five bucks... and it sucks about my dad dying in the boat and the bubbles and all. No doubt. I acknowledge... that was real fucked up! But right now... its not even about that. Its about something bigger.
He pulls out the Loch Ness photo and holds it out.
THE CHUB (CONT’D)
We had a dream dude. You remember that? We sat in my step mom’s shitty apartment and we stared at this picture in Weekly World News and we said: We are gonna put that mutherfucker in our mouth! And now three months and six thousand miles later the ONLY thing that survives my dad’s fucked up idea of a lake picnic is THIS FORK...
He raises the fork.
THE CHUB (CONT’D)
Fuck that dude... this shit is destiny.
(beat)
So I’m gonna ask you one more time. -- What’s it gonna be? Lets eat us some fuckin monster.
6. Photographs revealing infidelity
A natural choice. One favorite by Jef Blocker combined adultery with anthropomorphism in an amusing way. More conventional — but more likely to be a scene in an actual movie — was this entry by Craig:
INT. DINER – DAY
CHUCK is sitting in a booth, eating alone. LAWRENCE, a far from inconspicuous private detective, walks up to his table.
LAWRENCE
Charles Allen?
CHUCK
Yeah, that’s me. Somethin’ I can do for you?
LAWRENCE
Mind if I sit down?
CHUCK
(Turning his attention away from the stranger and back to his dinner)
I doubt it would matter if I do.
LAWRENCE
I imagine you’re right. Let me explain, Mr. Allen. My name is Lawrence Mead. I work as a private detective.
Chuck looks up from his plate, sauce hanging desperately to his lower lip
CHUCK
Really? I thought the trenchcoat was more of a fashion statement.
LAWRENCE
I’m glad you think this is funny, Mr. Allen. I’m here because of your father-in-law.
CHUCK
Oh, Jackson?
He stops to spear a bite of the meat on his plate. Shoving it into his mouth and not bothering to swallow before continuing.
CHUCK
(Continuing)
How is he? Still the same obnoxious self-aggrandizing--
LAWRENCE
(Cutting him off)
Rich. That’s how he is. Rich and convinced that these business trips of yours involve more than just business.
Chuck stabs another bite with his fork, and points it at Lawrence.
CHUCK
Look, if we’re going to talk business, you might want to get something to eat. The food here is great.
LAWRENCE
That’s all right. I don’t eat food that I haven’t made myself. After that movie, you know with the two girls down in Alabama, I just don’t trust what anybody else tries to serve me.
CHUCK
That’s pretty messed up, if you ask me Larry. You oughta talk to a shrink about that.
LAWRENCE
I didn’t ask you and I didn’t tell you to call me Larry. Besides, I don’t think I’ve got much of an appetite right now anyway.
Lawrence pulls out a photograph and pushes it across the table to Chuck.
LAWRENCE
Your beloved father-in-law is willing to pay me a lot to find out what’s going on when you leave your wife at home all the time for these trips.
He pushes another picture over to Chuck.
LAWRENCE
(Continuing)
A whole lot. Of course, if he gets what he wants, not only do you lose your wife, but you lose access to all her money. The way I see it, these pictures may be worth a good bit more to you than they are to him.
Chuck scrapes up the last of the food on his plate, and as he finishes the bite, picks up one of the photographs.
CHUCK
Fried Green Tomatoes.
(Off Lawrence’s confused look.)
The movie you were trying to think of, the one that’s got you so scared, that’s Fried Green Tomatoes. A chick flick.
He wipes his mouth with his napkin, then looks at the picture again with a smirk.
CHUCK
(Continuing)
Now, let’s talk business.
And the prize goes to…
Marvin, whose entry best demonstrated a key quality in comedy that probably merits its own post: funny writing keeps surprising you, like rumbling thunder you keep expecting to end. It’s not side-splitting, but it’s tight and sprightly.
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
An OLD MAN with liver spots sits at a desk, his back to us.
A KNOCK at the door.
It opens and BILLY, 16, walks in. He sports a James Taylor mane and a private school uniform.
BILLY
Hey Grandpa.
No answer.
Billy curiously looks over Grandpa’s shoulder. A disturbed look comes across his face as he watches his grandfather...
Use a knife and fork to cut into a photograph of an old woman. He slices off an arm and pops it in his mouth.
BILLY
Why are you eating that picture of Grandma?
GRANDPA
I ate all the others. I saved your grandmother for last.
BILLY
Why don’t you just go to the kitchen? We have food.
GRANDPA
You know I’m afraid of dogs. And yours scares the shit out of me. He won’t let me down the hall.
BILLY
We don’t have a dog.
Grandpa looks to Billy, realizing.
GRANDPA
You’re right. You don’t.
BILLY
Did you get into my acid again?
Grandpa nods, “Yes.”
BILLY
Come on.
He helps his grandfather up.
BILLY
Let’s go get you a whopper.
GRANDPA
Can I get chicken fries too?
BILLY
Sure.
As they exit.
BILLY
You smell like piss, Grandpa.
GRANDPA
What do think I’ve been drinking?
Congrats to Marvin and the many runners-up. For the next competition, I’ll probably put a limit on how many times a person can enter (ahem) and may cap the total number of entries. As always, suggestions welcome.
Articles
September 17th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Dammit. I thought I had until today to enter. Oh well. Congratulations to those who pulled it off– and I love the acid bit.
September 17th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Well deserved. I enjoyed that.
September 17th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Excellent pick. Like the unexpected bit at the end.
September 17th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
I like the idea of limiting the number of entries per person, but please don’t put a cap on the total number of entries. A lot of us browse the internet at work, and we work odd hours. I’d hate to miss out on a future competition just because my show is shooting nights.
September 17th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
“Ahem” taken… although I surely hope that my multiple short scenes were less troublesome to read than some of those singular epics. What can I say, I had fun with it.
If you want less entries, John, my suggestion would be to go back to making the challenges harder. I chose to make it harder on this one by keeping it as short as possible. Maybe limiting the length of scenes would serve a dual purpose… to improve the quality of the scenes AND to make the task of judging them a bit less daunting.
September 17th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
This was a lot of fun, and I’m thrilled to have been mentioned in your post. I look forward to more challenges in the future.
September 17th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
bows — Thanks man. :) I’m honored. ! — shoves mini-kudos in pocket for use on next insecure-writing-day
And of course, I volunteer for slush pile duty next round.
September 17th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
This may have been asked in previous challenges, but does anyone else think it might be somewhat useful to look at a weaker screenplay and analyze it for what NOT to do?
I’m happy to offer my own effort to use as such an example, that is, if John wants to take the time to do this :)
September 17th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Weren’t clowns also prominently featured in the character introduction challenge?
September 17th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
It was fun, thanks John! As I mentioned in my post it was my first scene and I’m sure you could tell but it really was a cool learning experience! Now it’s time to figure out how to make it better! :-)
September 17th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
I think there’s some pretty interesting value in looking at what exactly people wrote from a statistical standpoint. Here are some interesting tidbits (at least, they’re interesting to me):
I normally don’t ever think about gender issues when I write, but I found the disparity between male and female characters pretty striking. My own script had two guys and one girl, which is oddly close to the overall average of 2.5:1 men to women. The fact that all the doctors were men was also very surprising, as was the abundance of waitresses. I wonder what this says about us as writers.
Nevertheless, good times.
September 17th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Well I was thinking all crappy because I used TWO trends – the fork stabbing and the clown (which is my actual phobia) but then I read Nima’s post and felt a little better because at least my protagonist was a girl with a real name, so I’m not completely derivative.
September 18th, 2008 at 3:24 am
Too bad I missed the deadline but it was still fun to write a scene. I cheated though a wrote a scene for Seinfeld and Kramer. :-)
Even more fun was to read the other scenes. Congrats to the winners!
September 18th, 2008 at 4:18 am
Shit, I never specified if my clown was a male or female.
September 18th, 2008 at 4:23 am
Wow! Thanks John. This was a lot of fun… and encouraging. I didn’t think I’d actually win. And thanks to everyone else for the nice comments.
September 18th, 2008 at 6:18 am
Wow Nima, thanks for doing the math. I’ve noticed similar disparities in my writing in the past, which is why now, when I’m creating a character, I try to stop for a second and decide if that character HAS to be the first gender or race that popped into my head or not. Many times the character becomes much more interesting (even those featured extras like “WAITER”) when they go against type.
One time I even rewrote my male main character as a woman on the second draft to see if it would work. She became so much more interesting that I kept it that way.
September 18th, 2008 at 6:38 am
I like idea of picking a couple “not so good” scenes and dissecting them. I learn a lot more from being told “tighten this, give this character something unique,” etc. than just reading a good scene. If I were that good, I’d be writing that way already!
Great job by NY Rich, Marvin, and the rest. All good reads!
September 18th, 2008 at 6:40 am
My inane ramblings weren’t any good, but in the spirit of constructive criticism I noticed that way too many entries were way too on the nose. A character announced to a casual acquaintance that they had arachno/agro/whatever-phobia.
There’s two reasons that people won’t do this in real life (or even real movies).
First, most people are ashamed of their phobias. They try to hide them. They don’t go around telling everyone about them.
Second, as happened in many of the submissions, when you tell someone you have arachno/agro/whatever-phobia, they reply “What?”, and you say “I’m afraid of spiders/open spaces/whatever.” After doing that a few times, you stop using the technical term and just start with “I’m afraid of…”.
The only movie I can think of where people casually used the technical term was Goldfinger, and that was passable because it was really a scam.
September 18th, 2008 at 8:52 am
@Nima – I’m not sure what the numbers mean, since they are devoid of context. We are looking at one scene which may be a stand alone or may have, in the author’s head, been part of a larger whole. I can speak only for myself and say that I just gave people the first generic name that popped into my head and then gave them last names based on what was sitting on my desk. I do think you raise an interesting point, though.
@Grant – I not only noticed something similar, but had quite a hard time avoiding that myself. I tried to avoid saying anything-phobia or even “afraid of” but I still couldn’t avoid having my character just come out an announce it. I would be interested to hear what others thought while trying to introduce any of the three required elements.
Apologies for the lengthy comment. It’s just nice to able to talk about this and hear other people’s thoughts on their process.
September 18th, 2008 at 9:32 am
It was a good post Marvin. And if you can keep that frequency of escelation, you’re at the very least, in good company. Monty Python’s Holy Grail seperates sentences that make things more thoughtless and morally questionable by almost nothing. (Usually about 3.5 seconds.) As if the goal were to back them against each other, disallowing any sanity-cushion between. Its a wonder to behold.
But on the non-Marx Brothers tip… I’d like to say that KIRSTY #81 actually implied a filmic world, a shooting style, a theme, with plenty of act-one info already present, and I was ready for the next page. (My bias being that: I’m a kid, and I love ‘little-person’s-big-adventure’ movies and think The Indian in the Cupboard left its mark for a reason.)
September 18th, 2008 at 10:09 am
I think Marvin’s entry was a deserving winner; not only was the comedy sharp, but it left you with an image you’re unlikely to forget in a hurry.
My own scene was extremely derivative, but I personally wouldn’t worry about using a “phobia” word, then explaining it once – I think the audience would “get it”. Also, I think many people with phobias do often go on and on about them, just like people who can’t help but tell you how little sleep they’ve had or how the medical service they’ve received lately sucks.
Still, I enjoyed writing the scene and it gave me a much needed few hours away from what I’m actually writing.
September 18th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Nima: I don’t think the preponderance of Waitresses is surprising, given the fork requirement.
Also, what was the ratio of male to female writers? My guess is that on average, a writer will create a protagonist of his or her own gender.
I agree that the lack of female doctors is surprising.
Wish I’d been able to make time to participate. Fun contest! I’ve only had a chance to read the first 60 or so, but I particularly enjoyed the one with the kids, the fork, the tin foil suit and the light socket.
September 18th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Hi all. Fun game. Thanks Mr. August for presenting it and maintaining this cool forum. Fascinating seeing people’s imagination at play.
I kind of agree with Grant’s comment (#18) about heavy reliance on “..let me explain, ____phobia is a fear of…” dialogue. I actually enjoyed the scenes most that kept it subtle and would have been fun regardless of what the three items were. BTW – Grant, yours may have made for a talky movie, but I thought your inane ramblings were pretty cool. Course I’m fascinated by that shit.
Regarding Nima’s comment here (#11) revealing the proportion of male to female characters. At first I thought, “Ugh. Here goes some P.C. bullshit, last thing anyone should filter the imagination through”. Instead I’m actually fascinated now to explore whether each new male character created might play better as a female – or – vice versa. Ha ha! Now I’m really playing God!
Thanks Nima for bringing it up. Curious to see how your statistic looks next to the percentage of male writers that submitted.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Had fun, but I lost. Guess I’ll take my last picture for the obituary & slit my wrist with a fork & get over my fear of dying. Congrats to the winner, great job.
September 18th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Thanks for the mention, John, which I hope is honorable, because I repeatedly fail at trying to decipher “Never meta entry I didn’t like”.
And thanks for all the work, which brings out the best in your readers. Congrats, Marvin, great scene. I also enjoyed the Loch-Ness-Scene and the Koo-Koo-Roo-idea had me laughing really hard. Ah, let’s face it, those others were all pretty good and fun reads!
I also think it would be a good idea to limit the scene-lengths, so the work for you is reduced without keeping anyone from taking part.
Really looking forward to the next challenge!
September 18th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Congratulations to the winners!
As for the debate over whether someone would admit they have a phobia, I feel like most people would, but they would introduce it not as “I have x-phobi – fear of __” but more like “I’m afraid of __. No, seriously. I have X-phobia” People would use the phobia to justify their fear – emphasize that’s not just a silly fear but an illness. They would probably introduce the fear rather than the clinical term first though, because of the reason Grant (18) pointed out.
September 18th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Well, I find these fun whether I win or lose.
I wonder if its good or bad that I managed to avoid all of the trends that you mentioned.
September 18th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
@ Jörg:
meta = being above or beyond the normal nature of a thing, often in commentary to the form.
A competition entry that referenced the competition is an example, as is a novel in which the characters are reading the same novel the reader is.
It’s a good thing, except when becomes annoyingly precious and navel-gazing.
But I meant it as a good thing.
September 19th, 2008 at 6:53 am
Thanks, John, but it isn’t the word “meta” that’s puzzling me but the grammar.
“Never meta entry I didn’t like”, does that mean “There’s been no meta entry that I didn’t like”?
I hope, I’m not annoying you, so just:
Blink once for “Yeah, that was it.”
Blink twice for “No, and this is a comments section and not an English tutorial.”
September 19th, 2008 at 8:00 am
Jörg – it’s a pun…
“I’ve never met a(n) entry I didn’t like”, when referring to a “meta entry” (an entry that references either the blog or the competition) becomes “Never meta entry I didn’t like”
September 19th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Jorg, I’m guessing that because of the umlaut in your name, English isn’t your native language. Apologies if I’m wrong. In English, double negatives cancel out. It’s not generally acceptible in “Standard English”, but it sometimes used informally.
So your interpretation is correct. John liked the meta entries.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_negative
September 19th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Ah, alrighty then, yes I’m German, so we do have the double negative thing, but the pun really escaped my mind.
Thanks a lot!
September 19th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Well, my therapist was female; I guess “therapist” doesn’t make her a doctor per say… but I did consciously notice the same thing. I had two men at first, and then switched it because there was no reason it couldn’t go the other way.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
My troll was a female.
Though I don’t think that will make Nima feel better.
September 19th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Lol. My two leads were female, but they were crazy, murderous bitches. Does that cancel it out?
September 19th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
@ Nima – Its because women base everything on pure sterile logic and just don’t make for drama!
September 19th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
J/K :) My score = 4 feature scripts: 3 female leads.
So… I plead fully not guilty. :)
September 20th, 2008 at 4:52 am
@ Nima
I was originally going to include a female character: the spider-eating boy’s mother… who would have been revealed to be a giant spider herself. Does that count? It would have been a speaking role. Just ran out of time.
September 20th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Congrats to the winners! I had a guy and a girl in mine. Equal rights!
September 21st, 2008 at 7:15 am
Thanks for this, John. I didn’t catch it in time to enter but I loved reading them all after the fact.
I noticed (with the exception of the first listed entry), that the ones chosen had the least amount of action and set-up compared to dialogue. A coincidence? An overall need in screenwriting to “get on with it”?
Or, as usual, I’m over-thinking it all?
September 21st, 2008 at 7:27 am
Never mind my comment. I just looked over the orignial entries again, and I’ve just answered my own question. Possibly they only seemed to have more set-up/action by reading them one after another.
September 22nd, 2008 at 8:31 am
Congratulations Marvin! Your last line was unexpected and very witty indeed, as was the whole scene. Walter Matthau springs to mind! hehe
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:35 am
As a suggestion. Put the winner of the contest first. They’ve earned that right and, lets be honest, we don’t all want to read every honorable mention. (More out of lack of time than enthusiasm). If I competed and won I’d like to see my short be the first listed. Fair enough?
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Waiting until the end of the post to read the Best Screenplay Scene is like reading any great screenplay. Building the suspense for us contestants – as we read through the honorable mentions – hoping to see our entry as number one, when ultimately, we experience a happy ending or a tragic one.
September 29th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Really fun contest — enjoyed reading the entries. Luis Calil’s scene cracked me up. Contrats to Marvin and the rest of the writers — great job!
@Nima — regarding male doctors in scenes. There may be light at the end of the tunnel. A couple years ago, when my daughter was about 7, we were driving home from the doctor’s office. Her pediatrician happened to be female, as was her dentist. Anyway, she was quiet for a long time, contemplating life I guess, then turned to me and asked out of the blue, “Mom, are there such things as men doctors?”