Using “we” in scene description
I once saw a video of a table read from NBC’s Scrubs on their video blog. The show runner, Bill Lawrence, read the directions and the cast read their lines. He read something like “We see J.D. running up to Elliot…” or “We cut to The Janitor…”.
Is this good writing style or does he read the directions like this on the fly? Do you think that what’s really written on the pages is more like “J.D. runs to Elliot…” or “Cut to The Janitor…” without the “we”? Or are scripts always written this way?
– John
Austin
P.S.: Good luck with the strike! We’re all behind you!!
I feel like I’ve answered a similar question before, but I welcome the chance to have a post that’s not about the strike.
Using “we” in scene description is perfectly valid, and is (in my completely unscientific guessing) a growing trend. My hunch is that Scrubs scripts are probably written very much like how Bill Lawrence read it, particularly given the show’s use of quick sight gags.
Screenplays can be written from a completely neutral third-person perspective (”the car SLAMS around the corner, tires SQUEALING”) or a first-person plural “reader as audience” perspective (”we SLIDE ALONG the steel skin of the 747, watching as rivets POP one after the other”).
“We” and “our” and “us” bothers some readers, who rightly point out that anything you describe using these terms could be adequately described without them. But I find it a handy way to avoid referring to the camera. It keeps the reader in story-mode, rather than thinking about the script as a technical shooting document.
So use “we” if you want to. But there’s no reason to overuse it. Always spend the 10 seconds to ask yourself if you need the “we see” or “we hear.” If it reads as well without it, drop it.
Articles
November 9th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
I used to write with `we see’s but t was drilled into my head to stop that, so I did.
John,
On a completely unrelated matter (and, thankfully, not relating to the strike), did you get the new Mac OS? I’ve got to say it’s quite cool, except I’m extremely disappointed I can’t get the background in iChat working very well. I was really hoping to make people believe that I was iChating from my new place on the Riviera. Maybe in the next update.
November 9th, 2007 at 2:35 pm
I read a script by Neil Burger, I think it was called THE PASSENGER, and it was written in first person, which was a trip and a half. But he never made the mistake of making it feel as if the “I” was anything more than his character telling his story in a visual way.
I think you can use we, I, you or any literary POV just as long as you’re telling a story that you can see and hear, that focuses on narrative, character, tone, and avoids overt camera direction. A script is a portal into the writer’s mind, you need to make that transition fluid and avoid any device that may jar the reader back into reality.
Yes, you’re writing a physical movie, but you’re also writing a piece of literature that needs to inspire your readers/collaborators. If you’re explicitly telling your director or your cinematographer what to do, it becomes boring for them or, worse yet, it forces them to disengage.
But, of course, there are always wonderful exceptions to my rule (guess this screenplay):
CAMERA CONTINUES TO MOVE IN THROUGH billowing curtains, INTO the inner sanctum of a penthouse apartment, and here, boys and girls, is where we lose our breath, because –
November 9th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
“We” feels like you’re forcing me to be your friend.
November 9th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
John Austin,
I’m a reader at a big five agency. You ask a good question.
My view is more strict than John A’s. You should never use ‘we’, or any first person point of view in your description. It goes without saying that the reader/viewer sees what you’re writing, so stick to third person.
Using ‘we’ sounds like you’re trying to direct or edit the movie from the page, which isn’t your job. And, as burnyourcube says in the above post, it can come off as chummy or pushy.
I find when I read scripts using ‘we see’, ‘we dolly in’, it leaves the impression that the writer didn’t make the effort to write in third person, as opposed to a stylistic or pragmatic choice.
So take the ten seconds John A. is talking about and make sure you’re always writing in a third person, active, present tense voice. John is right in that you shouldn’t ever refer to the camera, but I disapprove of using ‘we’ as an alternative.
November 9th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
As a reader who has been doing it for many years, I’ll second John’s advice. No problem, but don’t overuse it. And I use it in my scripts, if that says anything.
John — I was looking for you at Fox today, but didn’t find you. Hard to believe, with only a couple of thousand or so out there!
November 9th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
She drops her cellphone and when she picks it up we see that it is one AM.
There aren’t many other ways to do that line.
November 9th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
Christian,
Short, evocative sentences:
The cellphone hits the ground. Her hand drops and picks it up. It reads one am.
Think of each sentence as a snap shot. Or a single panel in a comic book.
November 9th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
The reason why “I think” isn’t necessary when you state your opinion is the same reason “We see” isn’t necessary in an action line.
And ‘trends’ shouldn’t be used as indication of quality, since the majority of movies have trended staight into the dumpster over the last years.
November 9th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Only problem with the short, evocative sentences is that it sounds like her hand is reading 1 AM.
November 9th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
“She drops her cellphone and when she picks it up we see that it is one AM.”
I would think it depends on what you want to convey. Is it ONLY the audience that sees what’s on the cellphone? Does she see it? Which in that case it makes it a POV.
Those two choices (in order) would be something like:
She drops her cell phone. It reads 1:00AM.
She drops her cell phone. Reaching to pick it up she sees it reads 1:00AM.
I agree with not using “we see” because it seems to go against the natural flow of storytelling. I don’t think Goldilocks and the Three Bears would come off the same if you read it like: “We see Goldilocks sit at the table. As she does we see three bowls of porridge.”
If a POV shot is needed, you could write POV etc etc, but that seems a bit clunky, I’ve always been partial to CAPS indicating what “we see” (either for a POV shot or the single focus of the camera) without having to break the natural storytelling flow.
Thoughts anyone?
-RTA
November 9th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
SML,
Man you are everywhere… Lethal Weapon.
The only rule is don’t be boring for too long.
November 9th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
All I can is, with all the craziness that’s going, that’s some sensible advice right there.
This is such an odd time to be… not a writer.
November 10th, 2007 at 2:01 am
Thanks, John! This question was spinning in my head just recently. I’m currently re-writing my first draft of a screenplay I wrote two years ago and there was one sentence I just had to write with that doubtful “we”. The Screenwriter’s Bible tells us to avoid it… but then again, I read your scripts and so many other (shooting) scripts that include that little “we”.
Are there exceptions that allow us to use the “-ing”-(present progressive)-form, too? The Bible says “no!” But for some reasons I find it suitable, e.g when I write about an ongoing background action (as it’s the case in the past progressive). Example: “His wife is cleaning the house, when her husband returns.”
November 10th, 2007 at 5:29 am
I just looked over my last script, and I used “we” about ten times, most of them indicating a camera move (e.g. “A bloody KNIFE. We pan up to see the killer’s face”). If I weren’t directing the movie myself, I probably wouldn’t have written “we”.
P.S. to John - “We” is first-person plural, not second-.
November 10th, 2007 at 6:23 am
Then again, I suppose a “pan up” is just as incorrect
Note to self: do not reply to blog posts before coffee.
November 10th, 2007 at 6:45 am
Lex (14):
Yikes. Fixed.
November 10th, 2007 at 8:20 am
“I feel like I’ve answered a similar question before, but I welcome the chance to have a post that’s not about the strike.”
You don’t feel that you’ve run out of questions, do you? I’ve sent a few (good!) ones to your e-mail to have yet to see the light…
November 10th, 2007 at 11:00 am
IMHO there is only ONE rule regarding the use of “we”: If you stop using it, your writing WILL get better.
For two reasons:
If you force yourself to convey an image that you think “cannot be conveyed without the we” — eventually you will find a way to convey it and it will be much more vivid than your previous “we version”.
You’ll discover that one way of doing away with “we see” is by replacing it with “he sees”. That will in turn put the audience in the mind of the characters, enhancing the overall story experience in subtle ways that build up over the span of the script into a more engaging read.
Simple example:
OLD: We see a man run down an alley. We hear the stumping of jackboots behind him.
NEW: A man runs down an alley. He hears the stumping of jackboots behind him.
Again, this a basic example, but does the image of the man in the second example different in your mind than from the first example? Is your emotional involvement different in the scene? My two cents says yes.
My two cents says once you make the decision to eradicate all the we’s, pan’s, close up’s, dolly’s in your script, you’ll end up with something way more vivid and visual.
November 10th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
2 SML
I’ll have to find a copy of The Passenger that you mentioned. I just wrote & shot a short in the 1st Person Singular. The main character’s name? ME. It actually worked very well on the page, but when it came time to direct it, things got a little confusing. As the director, I found myself repeatedly confusing the cast/crew by saying thing’s like “Who’s sitting next to ME in this scene?” Or “Let’s have more of ME in the frame.”
November 10th, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Scott,
The Passenger didn’t go that far. It kept its first person limited to the action lines.
“I wake in a garden. Dew on my hands. The sun in my eyes…”
Stuff like that.
November 10th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
SML, That wasn’t the exact phrase. But the phrase was sort of a camera direction. It was a later part of a sequence and I wanted to show the time(yes, only the audience sees it). I very rarely use it but sometimes it can, as someone else said, convey something different. It’s like two scenes in a basement hallway. The comedy scene will write differently than the horror.
November 11th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
I think WE should only be used when referring to something that only the audience can see and not any of the characters, such as–
As Jane leaves the apartment, we that see she has forgotten her purse.
And even then, you could probably do–
Jane exits the apartment, forgetting her purse on the counter.
November 12th, 2007 at 9:27 am
Wow, thank you for answering my question! Personally I’m not a big fan of “The We” but I was curious. Thanks for clearing it up.
BTW, the table read from Scrubs is here: http://www.quickstopentertainment.com/2007/10/26/scrubs-blog-my-7×01-table-read/ It’s the first episode of the new season and quite funny, if you like Scrubs at all.