Readers write in: Don’t put gum behind your ear
Dear John,
I am a big fan, since GO. We finally got a DVD of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and showed it at my 8/9 year old daughter’s birthday sleepover. Great movie, great time. When the time comes for your baby to have a sleepover don’t fret it. It was fully successful and not bad at all. Remember this in eight years or so and email me for pointers.
A few days later when the real birthday arrived, we took our three daughters (5,7,9) to dinner and then went to have our nine-year old’s ears pierced. Before getting her ears pierced, the birthday girl took some of her birthday money and bought her sisters gumballs (one of those nice gestures that you love to see your kids do. Just wait. It makes the other miseries of parenthood worth it).
The ear piercing went well. Little apparent pain. No tears. Because we live in Michigan and it is miserable cold, I went and got the car so I could pick-up my women at the door.
When they got in the car, our youngest, Mika, was crying and my wife looked harassed. Mika had gum in her hair. When we asked why, she told us that she was trying to be like Violet and put the gum behind her ear.
I wish I could say that I was completely calm and sensitive, but mostly I kept barking at her not to play with it and not to lean back into her car seat, and that I would take care of it when we got home. She whined and cried the whole way (one of the terrible things of being a parent that make you wish that those gumball gift moments came more often).
About an hour later, after ice, peanut butter, one ruined fine-toothed comb, much crying and my reluctant use of scissors, the gum was gone. She also has a bald spot behind her right ear. We hope it won’t be as obvious as her self-cut bangs that just now are growing out enough to make her no longer look like Twiggy/Stevie Nicks/Mia Farrow as Rosemary.
In the shower when I was washing the remaining peanut butter and little strings of gum out of her hair, I asked her if she learned anything. She said yes: Don’t put gum behind your ear. A good parent would have been happy with this, but I am not a good parent. I want more. I want bigger lessons. I suggested that the other lesson is: Just because you see someone do something in a movie this does not mean that you can do it in real life.
Anyhow, I know you didn’t create the gum-behind-the-ear schtick that Violet does in the movie, but boy was I cursing you during the car ride home. On reflection, I am grateful. I would rather have Mika learn to suspect the world of fiction after emulating Violet and having a bad experience with gum behind her ear than learn that lesson at 21 after a bad experience emulating the behavior of any of the characters in GO.
Because I read your blog, I feel like I know you, which is a little weird. If I were to see you in the Farmer Jacks (grocery store in Michigan) I would probably walk right up and start talking as if we were friends. I imagine this is the thing that (other more visible?) celebrities find unsettling.
Have a great day.
– Fred
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December 12th, 2005 at 9:29 am
Ha ha! Wouldn’t that be rich, some guy just comes up to you and punches you in the face!
“You made my daughter put gum in her hair! DIE!”
R
December 12th, 2005 at 10:46 am
LOL! Thanks for posting and just letting it speak for itself, John!
December 12th, 2005 at 11:38 am
Ha-ha! That’s hilarious!!
Good thing she didn’t try to get into a television then… that would hurt :P
December 12th, 2005 at 11:40 am
Great post, but it does bring up one question. How can peanut butter be used to get rid of bubble gum stuck in hair ?
Call me crazy, but it sounds like a recipe for more mess ?
Mac.
December 12th, 2005 at 12:15 pm
My sister once gulped down a bottle of my mom’s perfume. Apprently at age three “Shalimar” looks a lot like “drink me.” She’d just seen a live action TV miniseries of Alice in Wonderland.
She did not grow or shrink, but she did get drunk. It’s a lesson that sticks with her to this day.
December 12th, 2005 at 10:00 pm
Obviously the lesson here, Fred, is that your daughter’s hair is too long. Some of us are very capable of sticking gum behind our ear, provided it is in the right position. =P
December 13th, 2005 at 8:59 am
Obviously she wasn’t paying enough attention to the movie if she was trying to emulate Violet.
December 15th, 2005 at 4:43 am
Shortly after reading Charlie and the Chocolate factory when I was around 9 I got in the habit of putting my gum behind my ear too. Until one night I forgot about it and feel asleep with it there. Sure wasn’t a fan of the haircut I had to get after I woke up and couldn’t get it out. My mother used icecubes to freeze the gum in an attempt to remove it. Maybe peanut butter would have been better.
December 16th, 2005 at 4:06 pm
Maybe the peanut butter was for Mika to eat cause it would keep her from crying? Doesn’t peanut butter make everyone happy?
December 26th, 2005 at 8:56 pm
lol love it! :oD
January 6th, 2006 at 8:31 pm
Dear Everyone,
After I wrote about the gum to John, we went on vacation, I got shingles (a disease usually reserved for octogenarian women, why did I, a 40 year old man get it? I don’t know), and we had a visitor from Japan for two weeks. So, I haven’t seen John’s blog since I wrote. Imagine my surprise and joy to see it here today, with comments! Now, I am going to act like John the blogster and reply to comments/questions:
First, after trying ice (not working, the gum was too fully tangled into Mika’s hair), I went online and Googled to find other ways to remove gum from hair. That’s how Mika got peanut butter in addition to gum in her hair. But mostly Mac is right. It was a recipe for a greater mess. We threw away the gum and peanut butter comb.
Secondly, Vlad is clearly much smarter than my five-year-old, and much quicker than me (neither of which may be worth putting on a resume). I didn’t think of it, but if my daughter were at all clever, she would emulate Charlie rather than Violet and get to live in a house sprinkled in confectioners’ sugar. However, Charlie is a little boring and does not have the flair that Violet has. That is the problem with casting the very charismatic Annasophia Robb as a bad kid. An adult can understand the “girl bully” behavior John put into the script, but to a five-year-old, Violet is just like any cool kid at Long Meadow Elementary. They all act like that.
Finally, I note that only 10 people commented. So, while I feel like this was my brush with fame, I also realize that this is either not my audience or my story was really not all that compelling.
Happy New Year everyone.
Thank you John.