I didn’t get here on my looks
The summer issue of Written By magazine is out, and the cover story is about my involvement with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
First the good news. The story by Mark Olsen is terrific, everything I could have hoped for. Often with reporters, you hold back a bit, because you’re nervous about being misquoted or misrepresented. But I told Mark the truth, and he put it in context really well. I’m much obliged.
The bad news: Counting the cover, there’s four photos of me, only one of which doesn’t make me shudder. The photographer, Mark Hanauer, did his best. I can’t fault him. But I don’t know if any magazine story can withstand four photos of a screenwriter.
Part of the trouble was the “wacky” mandate. The magazine wanted big colors, with swirls of candy and chocolate. I was a good sport and ate the candy bar, even though in the back of my head, a voice was saying, this is not going to turn out well.
I’ll listen to that voice more in the future.
The other inescapable fact is that I’m not a model. As I’ve gotten older, my vanity has receded to the point where I really don’t mind having my picture taken. Not giving a shit makes the process much easier. It doesn’t, however, guarantee good results.
For the record, the one photo in the article I like is page 14-15, with me standing beside the lollipops. It perfectly illustrates what I’ve learned about having my picture taken: distance is my friend.
Articles
June 29th, 2005 at 1:52 pm
John, I empathize about the photos. I haven’t been photogenic since I hit puberty, way too many years ago. And despite how often my g/f says, “Look at me, love the camera” the results are mixed, even with a great photographer. I look forward to the issue arriving - uh, so I can read the interview.
June 29th, 2005 at 4:50 pm
That reminds me of the photographer I had at my wedding. On every pose that felt unnatural she tried to reassure us that it would turn out fine (e.g. ‘introspective guy’, the one where you rest your chin in your hand and elbow on your elevated thigh) Those pictures came out as bad as we imagined they would.
June 29th, 2005 at 5:08 pm
Don’t sell yourself short. I jsut clicked on the Written By website. You look really cute on the cover of the magazine. Nice blue eyes, great smile. We all think we look bad in pictures. One thing is, we’re used to looking at ourselves in reverse. Try holding the magazine up to a mirror and look at it backwards. You’ll probably like it better. (Thanks for the great site, by the way.)
June 29th, 2005 at 10:15 pm
“I’d like to make her look a little more attractive, how far can you pull back?”
“How do you feel about Cleveland?”
As looks go, it could be worse. Saw a screenwriter speak at a lecture and my friend said, “Look, it’s Booger from Revenge of the Nerds.” At least you pass for human, John.
I just wish I had the guts to shave my head. For years I swore when the day came and my hair was thinning, I’d just own up to it and shave it all off. But now I find myself clinging to every last miserable strand.
June 29th, 2005 at 11:18 pm
Nobody likes pictures of themselves, especially people in the picture bizz.
June 29th, 2005 at 11:38 pm
Wow! The picture on the website reminds me of that scene in ‘Lost in Translation’- “Can you take your hand, close your face. Close your face please”. Yes, John, the picture is ridiculous. But it’s a primer for a great story! Cheers, mate.
June 30th, 2005 at 6:31 am
Fron only viewing the mag front, you look great. Very attractive.
John, you live in a city where all the beautiful people in the world gather together to take pictures that are then edited & retouched until “perfection” is reached. No real person should judge themselves by those standards.
June 30th, 2005 at 6:45 am
What other writing magazines are doing features on you? If Creative Screenwriting doesn’t do something, I’ll be pissed.
July 1st, 2005 at 9:54 am
Ouch. That cover photo is horrible. I wouldn’t even call it a photograph… more like a snapshot. Who was the skill-less hack who snapped it?? I could do better with a cheesy phone/camera! Jeez!
July 1st, 2005 at 11:33 am
Um, just a note STM, they may one day offer you the cover of Written By, and it could be the same guy taking your shot. Take a tip from the actors — never piss off your dp.
July 1st, 2005 at 11:57 am
The pic is sweet, John! A high five for being brave enough to not “give a shit.”
July 1st, 2005 at 1:55 pm
Oh John, listen to you fish for complements.
“Gee faithful readers, don’t I look bad in that picture? Go, look at the picture, tell me how bad I look. I do look bad, don’t I?”
Seriouslly, it’s a good picture. The looking at the picture in the mirror suggestion is a good one.
July 1st, 2005 at 8:55 pm
Doug are you saying that John pissed off the photographer…looks like he might have.
July 5th, 2005 at 8:27 am
You think you got problems, John?
I play in a somewhat not unpopular rock band. Our next album is coming out soon. I’ve gained twenty pounds and aged a couple years since the last one. I just saw our last series of press photos. I look like I’ve gained fifty pounds and am ready to join the dinosaurs of rock tour. We got a feature in SPIN and a big spread in MAGNET coming up. I should be celebrating but that only seems to make my face even puffier.
By the way, Mark Olsen is a good friend of mine. Great writer and stand up guy all around.
July 5th, 2005 at 5:20 pm
Hey John-
I admit, compared to the other distinguished looking poses on previous covers, the candy background does seem a bit …ahem… But hey, your pics are setting a new trend for this magazine
See you soon at the USC screening of the film, can’t wait.
–cheers
Sam
July 6th, 2005 at 11:32 pm
Well atleast you had your picture on a magazine. In my profession we don’t even make crowd shots unless we are sucessful CEOs like Bill Gates:)
July 14th, 2005 at 7:47 pm
Look on the bright side, John. At the least they didn’t put the one of you eating the chocolate bar on the cover.
July 15th, 2005 at 6:59 pm
It’s all perfectly simple… Based on your looks and your hairstyle you are in fact, in the wrong business. Your true calling is to be a Software Developer for Microsoft, or possibly a Network Engineer for Cisco.